The Hat and The Hair: Episode 177

by | Dec 2, 2020 | Hat and Hair, SugarFree | 186 comments

 

“You should be packing, Donald,” the hair said, flipped over on his majestic combover, warm and idle in a sunbeam splashed across the floor.

“I’m never leaving,” Donald said. He leaned back in his office chair, the leather and steel creaking under him like a submarine at crush depth.

“I’m not going anywhere!” the hat declared. “There’s still our lawsuits and our recounts. Rudy will save us.”

The hair laughed and shifted himself slightly to get all of him back in the sunbeam.

“Rudy is a great lawyer and a great friend and I won this election and I’m still the President,” Donald said.

“I think we need to get more realistic,” the hair said.

“Realistic?” the hat said, hanging from the desk lamp, rumpled, worn, his voice gravel and smoke. “REALISTIC? I’m a talking hat and you’re a clump of sentient hair and now you want to talk about realism?!?”

“How dare they say I didn’t have any women on my communications team,” Donald grumbled. “I had Pie and she was probably a woman.”

“And easily three women compared to little miss Commie hat,” the hat said.

“I wonder what the Commie hat told her,” the hair said.

“Nothing! Commie hat told her nothing! It’s just a hat!” the hat ranted.

“Are you sure?” the hair asked. “Are you sure it didn’t whisper sweet nothings from Marx? Revolutions are the locomotives of history, baby. Did you see the pictures of her smiling?”

“I am the hat!” the hat said. “I’m the only hat!”

To be radical is to grasp things by the root,” the hair said seductively. “I bet that turned her on.”

The hat fell off the desk lamp, landed on the sun-drunk hair and the two grunted and writhed on the floor.

“We don’t have time for the two of you to fool around,” Donald said.

“Argh!” the hat replied.

“Gruh!” the hair replied.

“Stop it,” Donald said. “I’ll go get a bucket of ice water! Cool you two right off.”

“We’re fighting, Donald,” the hair managed.

“Good clean American fighting,” the hat said.

“Well, it sounds like you two are fucking. What if someone walked in right now? The Oval Office is a high traffic area, you know.”

The hat and the hair sprang away from each other.

“We’re not gay,” they both said, a little too practiced.

“Well, you fight like a couple of old queens over a wig,” Donald said.

“I’m not a wig!” the hair said.

“We could have Pie eat the new press secretary,” the hat said, shaking himself like a wet dog. “She’s tiny, barely a snack.”

“You don’t need a sturdy press secretary when you have the media on your side,” the hair snorted, bunching up in a tight bun.

“Pie, Pie, why did you leave me?” Donald asked wistfully.

“Maybe it was because you kept asking to see her pie?” the hair asked.

“No, all women love it when you do that,” Donald said.

“She sat on me once,” the hat said. “I don’t think you would have been too happy, Donald.”

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

186 Comments

  1. Yusef drives a Kia

    “She sat on me once,” LOL!

  2. juris imprudent

    No favorite line, it is all just so good. We’re not worthy!

  3. Tundra

    … like a submarine at crush depth.

    Poetry.

  4. ruodberht

    Remember when all those Trump appointees had Totenkopf-bedecked hats

    That happened, right? I think August von Mackensen was his Secretary of Defense.

  5. The Late P Brooks

    I surrender. Who’s commie-hat girl?

    • CPRM

      Looks like they found a chick that looks like a 12 year old so Joe can get calmed down smelling her hair.

    • Tundra
      • Chafed

        I knew what it was before clicking.

    • Rebel Scum

      Some chick Biden tapped sniffed for some position.

      • Ownbestenemy

        The strike out was unnecessary in this statement.

    • Drake

      This commie getting recycled from the Obama Admin.

  6. Sean

    Good stuff, SF.

  7. CPRM

    Revolutions are the locomotives of history, baby.

    Do the ladies want to hear the hair say that? I could set up a Fiver account. Or Cameo or whatever. I need to figure some way to keep lucre coming in…

      • R C Dean

        Who the fuck lets anyone plug a thumb drive into what is supposed to be a secure system?

        Who has a secure system that even recognizes thumb drives?

        At my hospital, there is a pretty short list of people and devices that are allowed to use thumb drives. They are notorious for data breaches, theft, malware, you name it.

      • Kwihn T. Senshel

        That’s one of the classic penetration tests to perform: Scatter a bunch of USB drives around a parking lot or common area. Some drone is bound to pick it up and plug it in.

        At my office, any non-authorized USB device being plugged into company hardware (including personal phones, of course) triggers an immediate workstation lockout and wipe of the computer.

        If you’re hearing “we’re secure” and “we allow USB flash drives”, you can bet that only one of those statements is true.

      • juris imprudent

        Stuxnet anyone?

    • Tres Cool
      • Pope Jimbo

        Prof Williams actually responded to an email I had sent him back in the late ’90s. It was during one of our sports stadiums battles and I sent him an article filled with some especially egregious claims by pro-stadium backers. He was kind enough to send me a short reply thanking me for it and commiserating with me about how the fat cats would get their stadium eventually.

    • The Other Kevin

      That does suck. He was so good at explaining things so that even I could understand them. And I always chuckled when he referred to himself as “Williams” in his writing.

      • Chipwooder

        He didn’t just do it in writing. He spoke at my high school and, as a big fan, I got to interview him for the school paper. He spoke exactly how he wrote – “If I were to tell you X, you’ll say ‘Williams, you’re crazy!'”

        Very nice man who accommodated the likely asinine questions of a 16 year old kid.

    • EvilSheldon

      Well that fucking socks.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Shit

    • DEG

      RIP

  8. Gender Traitor

    “REALISTIC? I’m a talking hat and you’re a clump of sentient hair and now you want to talk about realism?!?”

    Meta!

  9. The Late P Brooks

    Will Joe sign a non-aggression pact with the Rooskys?

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      Depends on the value of the energy concessions.

      Yes, I know who else signed a non-aggression pack with the Russians.

    • Hyperion

      Depends on what the CCP tells him to do.

  10. Q Continuum

    A threeway with Hope and Jen Psaki would arousing, confusing and disgusting all at once.

    • Suthenboy

      Yeah…..Jen looks like a 12 year old girl so….*sucks breath through teeth*…..I am gonna have to pass on that.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Maybe in that picture, but she is 42 and looks 42.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Didn’t she star in the IT Crowd?

      • Q Continuum

        Still would.

      • Suthenboy

        Huh, you are correct. I am a sucker for redheads but the commie thing just kills it for me. Still a pass.

    • juris imprudent

      Not even a hatefuck. She was the State Dept mouthpiece for Benghazi.

  11. KOVIDKristen

    Will the Commie Hat be the new star of the show?

    Who will be the new Hair? It has to be long, silky, and delicious-smelling.

    • zwak

      What you did there? It was seen…

  12. juris imprudent

    So THIS is what the courts are supposed to do about election fraud huh?

    A New York congressional race came down to a judge personally reviewing individual spoiled ballots, resulting in the Democratic incumbent erasing his nearly 30,000-vote deficit to take a 13-vote lead and declaring victory.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Would like to read it but the WE site kept popping up full page ads and notification requests…

    • Suthenboy

      I think we are to the ‘fuck you, eat it and like it’ stage, aren’t we?

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Suthenboy, I’m curious if can you ask your wife? Do people every fall in love in a different season other than Christmas on the Hallmark channel? I mean other than the occasional murder mystery.

      • Suthenboy

        There is a different season than Christmas season on the Hallmark channel?

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Answers that question.

      • Mojeaux

        Halloween. See Good Witch movies and series. Totally binge-worthy. Ask me how I know.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Um, Professional interest?

      • Mojeaux

        Good guess. ?

      • Agent Cooper

        Sweater Puppies? Hug Bumpers?

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      “It is enough that the people know there was an election. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything.”

      Internet Stalin.

      • Q Continuum

        A yearly ritual designed to simulate the appearance of democracy.

    • Pope Jimbo

      That is a fucked up race. The last paragraph in the linked article said that after all the precincts had reported the GOP had jumped ahead by 12 votes. Not sure why that was the last paragraph.

      But not to worry in yet another plot twist a new cache of 55 ballots have been found!

      Prior to the discovery of the ballots, Republican Claudia Tenney led the race for New York’s 22nd Congressional District by 12 votes over incumbent U.S. Rep. Anthony Brindisi, D-Utica. More than 310,000 votes have been cast in the race, a rematch of the 2018 election.

      The early voting ballots were not previously canvassed, according to a Dec. 1 letter from Chenango County Attorney Alan Gordon. The county’s board of elections commissioners said the “apparently mislaid” ballots include 44 countable ballots; 11 were submitted by unregistered voters.

    • robc

      That is what they did in the Minnesota senate race too.

      Remember the Lizard People controversy?

      At least MN was theoretically bipartisan in the review.

      • robc

        But yes, that is what you want done. Obviously, that approach, like with all human approaches, can be flawed too. But I wouldn’t mind a hand review of every single ballot cast in WI, MI, PA, GA, AZ and NV.

        And the other 53 states too.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Internet is useful sometimes.

    • Tundra

      Lol.

      Now drop them from a ladder. I’ll bet on the Bosch.

  13. Rebel Scum

    “She’s tiny, barely a snack.”

    You leave Kayleigh alone!

  14. The Late P Brooks

    she is 42 and looks 42.

    Ewwwww.

  15. WTF

    “We’re not gay,” they both said, a little too practiced.

    Not that there’s anything wrong with that!

    Great stuff, SF!

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      Contact tracing was never going to work in the US. I doubt anyone would remember everywhere they went, where they got the virus from, or everyone they came into contact with. The only two ways out from this are cheap in home testing or a vaccine.
      I don’t see the government officials supporting in home testing as they would be too concerned people won’t report a positive test to the authorities and well that would be bad for reasons.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      Needed to take over a police station and 6 city blocks first before you declare an Autonomous Zone.

  16. Ed Wuncler

    “We’re not gay,” they both said, a little too practiced.”

    Truly a word smith.

  17. The Late P Brooks

    From Grrizzly’s link:

    According to Deputy Sheriffs, Mac’s Public House general manager and co-owner Daniel Presti was charged with several offenses, including obstructing governmental administration, for continuing to operate the establishment despite being in an ‘orange zone’ – where indoor dining is not allowed and there is a 10 p.m. dining curfew, according to NY1.

    Also, sedition and general uppity-ness.

    • Rebel Scum

      How dare he pretend to live in a free country.

      • Tundra

        Thomas Massie has been cheering on the people resisting the shutdowns. It’s refreshing.

    • juris imprudent

      What? No charge for disturbing the peace, or litterin’?

    • Pope Jimbo

      Salvation for America will require leadership. The American story is inseparable from the men and women who have stepped into the breach for her. Taking the microphone from Washington, D.C. and dispersing power would shake our current leadership Etch a Sketch. The Clinton, Bush, and Obama syndicates, complicit in our demise, would be diminished.

      Bullshit. What we need is less “leadership”. We need our politicians to have way less power.

      People would do just fine if we were left alone.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Both sides seem to want a fuhrer right now although the left’s idea of what the leader should do is far more pernicious right now. We do need less leadership and less powerful politicians but we aren’t going to get that from either side.

      • EvilSheldon

        At this point, I’d almost be okay with just abandoning the few remaining shreds of Constitutional government, and admitting to ourselves that we live in a hereditary Oligarchy.

      • juris imprudent

        Honestly, I’d rather kill someone that just give up like that. And I really can’t imagine having to kill someone.

    • Tundra

      A chasm has formed. When I came to Washington, Tip O’Neill and Ronald Reagan led their parties. At times their conflicts were bitter. But even with the Executive and the House split, the federal government made significant progress.

      Yeah, dummy, that’s the problem and why we are here now.

      This has been a farce for a long time and fucking Lincoln was probably the beginning of it.

      • Pope Jimbo

        EVUL Libertarian thoughts!

        From a story on Powerline paying homage to Walter Williams:

        If Walter had any flaw, it was that his strong libertarianism led him to have too much sympathy with the cause of secession (James Buchanan had the same flaw), and by extension to southern secession in 1860, which in turn led to a dislike of Lincoln. This view is not unique among certain kinds of libertarians. We argued vigorously over the issue; he neither gave ground, nor was he anything less than cheerful and patient throughout, making him a delight to argue with. No wonder students and colleagues loved him.

        I hope Walter is giving Abe a shit ton of grief right about now.

      • Tundra

        Lol. I saw that and homed in on that paragraph too.

        Lincoln was a piece of shit, boomer.

    • WTF

      An awful lot of assumptions and base-stealing in that article. Although the gist of it is true.

    • zwak

      The problem is that one half of the country doesn’t believe in Federalism. And if one half doesn’t believe in the rules, going back to the rulebook is a non-starter. They see someone getting a gun in Utah or not being able to get an abortion in Louisiana as the whole of the problem, not the solution.

      Not a bad article, and it is good to see people thinking about this, but the answer provided is a dead end.

    • R C Dean

      “Genocide it is then.”

      *racks slide*

      • Pope Jimbo

        I forgot what movie it was, but the hero was trying to interrogate a bad guy and every 2 sentences he’d rack his shotgun to emphasize to the bad guy how serious he was.

        Watched the movie with the two Altar Boys just after they had both gotten their Mossberg pump shotguns. After about the 4th time the hero racked his shotgun, the youngest said, “I hope the bad guy doesn’t figure out that the hero’s gun is empty now”. It was pretty funny.

      • R C Dean

        Its a pet peeve of mine in movies. People are constantly racking shotguns that (should) have shells in the chamber. Which is stupid, to start with. And no shells fly out. Once you notice it, its just freaking constant. Unless its a double-barrel shotgun, as soon as one shows up, some idiot is going to start racking it for no reason.

      • Pope Jimbo

        And don’t forget (if you want extra cool points) to also rack it with one hand. Because nothing could ever go wrong shaking a loaded weapon around with one hand.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Right!? I always think, “Why the hell did they go into a situation like that with a amber weapon?”

      • Kwihn T. Senshel

        Ha!

        One of my favorite mini-games while watching movies is to see how many times a semi-automatic pistol gets racked before it gets fired, but no cartridge is ejected, ever.

        Or to try and count the fully-automatic bursts in a don’t-need-to-reload-ever gunfight, indicating that they have magazines that hold hundreds of rounds.

        And I love the “I’m reloading a mag because I fired all my rounds, but I’ll rack the slide because somehow the pistol didn’t lock back on empty. Again.”

      • Kwihn T. Senshel

        Oh! And the other one: the wrongness at both ends of recoil.

        The shooter can fire any weapon, any caliber, and (1) barely feel the recoil, and (2) not have any sort of hearing loss, while the recipient of said shot(s) is hurled across the room by the impact of the round.

        It’s best when it occurs in the same scene.

      • EvilSheldon

        There was a movie, pretty recently, where one character fired a large- caliber revolver in a small room, and everyone was temporarily deafened by the report. It was surprisingly well done.

      • Kwihn T. Senshel

        Some British crime dramas have done pretty well with that.

        They’re also instructive on how pants-wettingly scared Britain is of guns.

      • Not Adahn

        It’s a running gag in Archer.

      • Kwihn T. Senshel

        MAWP

      • Nephilium

        Same with counting shots (which was also done in Venture Brothers – “I learned to count when I was 3, what’s your excuse?”)

      • Not Adahn

        John Wick engaging in a running shotgun battle inside tiny stone-lined tunnels. His superpower is not bleeding from the eardrume.

      • Not Adahn

        Lol. I forgot he puts on a competition belt with shell caddies.

      • Kwihn T. Senshel

        Ya…. The funny thing is Keanu’s gun handling is actually pretty great. But that part got me, too.

      • Not Adahn

        Bah. I can dual-load as fast as he can.

      • EvilSheldon

        That entire scene was Taran Butler’s fan service to the 3-gun crowd.

        Keanu’s technical shooting skills are pretty strong. I still hold out some hope that he shows up at Multigun Nationals one year…

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      So his recipe for survival is a return to federalism?

      That’s going to be rather difficult when one side is doing everything it can to end it and the other side is just content to fleece the system.

    • Agent Cooper

      I don’t buy it.

    • Drake

      Will Gina Haspel still be Directing the CIA?

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        As soon as they can repair her skinsuit and find a new lizard small enough to fit in it.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      Barr is a swamp creature, to be sure. However, I did like it when he gave the house commitee show trials hearings what amounted to a proud double bird.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Tag fail. Ugh.

  18. The Late P Brooks

    They said democracy was dying, and they wuz right.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Or just the EDS faction reasserting itself.

      Tried to read the article but the Mercury News has super aids.

      • Gustave Lytton

        They got Autonomy and some other stuff.

        DXC Technology is the former EDS after merger with CSC. I missed that one.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Oh, sorry that’s right. I can’t keep my business sales straight.

      • Gustave Lytton

        More and more it looks like a rural family tree.

      • Brett L

        They bought a former employer of mine. I have nothing bad to say about DXC, but everyone who made my old company dynamic and exciting moved on within a couple of years.

    • KOVIDKristen

      Enjoy the influx!

      “All My Leftists Live in Texas” LOL

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        At least it’s Houston this time. Dallas has more than it can handle already.

      • Brett L

        Maybe an old Compaq property HP donated.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        They’re building a new place. A buddy of mine works/worked in the old Compaq place. It flooded enough times, completely crippling their R&D labs each time, that they decided to build a new place up in Tomball, IIRC.

    • Q Continuum

      More like the Silicon Valley tumor is metastasizing. Ask Denver/Boulder.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Great place to move to, just need to make a few small changes to policy and it will be perfect.

        / ignorant voter.

  19. Rebel Scum

    Truth. Reconciliation. Healing.

    Lest we forget. The GOP run Senate Intel Committee has referred Criminal proceedings to the DOJ against Kushner and Don Jr. We can not let the firehose of corruption gushing from this Crime Family go unchecked. The survival of our Democracy demands they all be prosecuted.

    • Tundra
      • pistoffnick

        Captain, there are doubts, regarding your ability.

        That whole album is great. Mike Watt is my hero.

      • Tundra

        A good hero.

      • Kwihn T. Senshel

        Firehose? I thought it might be this

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      For what crimes exactly? It’s a catechism at this point.

      I believe OrangeManBad
      I believe he is undermining our democracy
      I believe he is committing all kinds of crimes.

      Just force the GOP’s to renounce all of the works of OMB and baptize them already to clean their souls.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        For conspiring with the Russians to fix the 2016 election.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      People calling for the political persecution of their political rivals in order to combat fascism. It would be funny if it wasn’t so infuriating and frankly concerning. These people are deluded.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Just ask the Romans how threatening Julius Caesar with legal persecution/prosecution once he left office worked for them.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        So Don Jr. will be our Augustus then? I guess worse things could happen.

      • Animal

        “How swiftly Caesar had surmounted the icy Alps and in his mind conceived immense upheavals, coming war. When he reached the water of the Little Rubicon, clearly to the leader through the murky night appeared a mighty image of his country in distress, grief in her face, her white hair streaming from her tower-crowned head, with tresses torn and shoulders bare she stood before him, and sighing said:
        ‘Where further do you march? Where do you take my standards, warriors? If lawfully you come, if as citizens, this far only is allowed.’
        Then trembling struck the leader’s limbs; his hair grew stiff and weakness checked his progress, holding his feet at the river’s edge. At last he speaks:
        ‘O Thunderer, surveying great Rome’s walls from the Tarpeian Rock —
        ‘O Phrygian house gods of Iulus, clan and mysteries of Quirinus who was carried off to heaven —
        ‘O Jupiter of Latium, seated in lofty Alba and hearths of Vesta —
        ‘O Rome, equal to the highest deity, favor my plans.
        Not with impious weapons do I pursue you. Here am I, Caesar, conqueror of land and sea, your own soldier, everywhere, now, too, if I am permitted. The man who makes me your enemy — it is he who be the guilty one.’
        Then he broke the barriers of war and through the swollen river swiftly took his standards. And Caesar crossed the flood and reached the opposite bank. From Hesperia’s forbidden fields he took his stand and said:
        ‘Here I abandon peace and desecrated law.
        Fortune, it is you I follow.
        Farewell to treaties.
        From now on war is our judge.’”

    • EvilSheldon

      ‘The survival of our Democracy.’ Lol.

    • Hyperion

      I mean, we tried to be nice and nudge them. But since people can’t be honest, we’ll have to haul in everyone and beat a confession out of them, just like in the good old days. That’s when we’ll find out there’s a 100% infection rate, just like we knew, and we’ll have to fire up the ovens to stop this spread.

    • Agent Cooper

      Everything inside the Uniparty, nothing outside the Uniparty.

  20. Kwihn T. Senshel

    Welp, we knew it was coming. And now, it’s here! WA is launching a “COVID exposure app” that is totally secure. Totally.

    [Governor] Inslee said the “elegance” of the notification app is that it maintains privacy while potentially saving lives.

    It maintains privacy. Until it doesn’t.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Until someone at the health department responds to a fishing attempt and then all your health info are belong to us.

      • Kwihn T. Senshel

        Or there’s a “hotspot” and in the interests of public health, the powers that be need to identify the superspreaders so that they can be contact traced appropriately.

        It’s for the PUBLIC HEALTH, Y U NO SUBMIT?!

      • juris imprudent

        Stop resisting!

    • R C Dean

      There is no possible way to do contact tracing anonymously.

      • Ownbestenemy

        So you are saying we need a national ID program, in which we present our credentials and smartphone that is either Red or Green to access any services?

      • kbolino

        You can frustrate attempts to deanonymize people, but in general you’re correct. With a little extra data, you can turn an “anonymous” individual’s web of contacts, or history of travel, into their identity.

  21. Swiss Servator

    “Pie, Pie, why did you leave me?” Donald asked wistfully.

    Why hast thou forsaken me?

  22. Rebel Scum

    Cunte News Network.

    Legal experts say this may be a felony. We‘ve referred it to law enforcement.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      “Experts” “May”

      uh-huh….

    • Hyperion

      Calling for terrorist acts to be committed, however, not a crime at all.

  23. robc

    Alt-history story idea, I dont have a story just a thought I had the other day.

    After 1992, the big two parties don’t freak out over Perot and rig things to prevent him happening again. Still relatively easy for someone like Perot to get invited to debates and etc. Perot runs again in 1996, doesn’t win but does well, establishes the Reform Party as a legitimate centrist party. In 2000, Trump is the Reform nominee, and with debate participation and no R next to his name, he carries NY and NJ, the upper midwest (like in 2016, only more so) and states Perot did well in. Maybe CA too. Enough to win the election. After 9/11, he goes hard against Afghanistan and Al Qaeda but has no interest in Iraq. He is a national version of Giuliani. Wins election easily in 2004 despite the “deep state” fighting him.

    As a 3rd party president with only a sprinkling of RP members of Congress, he deals with everyone, as he likes to do. His administration is very populist: anti-immigrant, anti-free trade, minimal military intervention other than above. Isolationist. At home, it is reasonably socially liberal, anti-gun, and anti-tax. Housing market crash mars the last two years of his presidency and someone like Obama wins in 2008.

    Anyway, no story, but I could actually see that happening.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      Would Trump keep troops in Saudi before 9/11. That was one of the triggers for Al-Qaeda. I still think he would have kept sanctions on Saddam but I’m not sure how that would have played out..

      • R C Dean

        Would Trump keep troops in Saudi before 9/11

        As we have learned, where the President wants troops matters less than where the intelligence/military complex wants troops.

      • Gustave Lytton

        9/11 wouldn’t have been enough time to pull troops out. Al Queda was already targeting the US repeatedly by then and pulling out of SA probably wouldn’t have stopped them.

      • Gustave Lytton

        OSW was still going strong up until March 2003.

      • robc

        What might be interesting though, is that I could see Trump targeting Saudi instead of Iraq.

    • SugarFree

      I’m not sure America would be prepared to vote for Trump without eight gross years of the media sucking-off Obama and The Most Hated Figure in America to run against. And Donald’s national profile after Celebrity Apprentice.

      But it is an interesting scenario.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Back then Jesse Ventura might have been a more viable candidate. He had just finished up a decent stint as governor and hadn’t gone bat shit crazy yet.

      • Chipwooder

        And didn’t look like a hobo yet.

      • robc

        Ventura talked Trump into running for the Reform Party nomination in 1999. Both left due to party infighting in Feb 2000 and Buchanan got the nomination.

      • robc

        Trump won the MI and CA reform primaries AFTER having left the race.

      • Q Continuum

        “Both left due to Trump fucking Ventura’s wife.”

        FIFY.

  24. Gustave Lytton

    You should be packing, Donald,” the hair said

    Are we sure Hair is talking about suitcases here?

    • Not Adahn

      The Hair would never encourage POTUS to carry heat. The Hat on the other hand…

  25. Rebel Scum

    Progjection.

    Barnicle said, “We played earlier, Joe, as you know, that stunning clip from the official in Georgia about the pending potential violence having to do with people who point to the truth of an election, that Joe Biden won the state of Georgia.”

    “That stunning statement, we ought to replay it every hour, because, again, the president of the United States has locked in his legacy, and his legacy is building, fueling, and encouraging this viral violence that you can find on social media throughout, on Facebook, all over the place,” he continued. “That is Donald Trump’s ultimate legacy to America.”

    • Q Continuum

      How it started: “I’ll write the great American novel!”
      How it’s going: “I’m not an MSNBC partisan hack if I use a lot of purple, high flying language!”

    • kbolino

      Oh no, they guy we accused of treason, who we said only won because of Russian interference, whose campaign we spied on, whose transition team we sabotaged, whose every initiative we sandbagged, whose nominees we accused of rape, and whom we impeached, isn’t taking an election loss we orchestrated lying down.

      I guess you think chickens should never come home to roost. “Why won’t he be a bigger man than we are?”

    • Ownbestenemy

      “Viral violence” “Social Media”…so no actual violence?

    • Chipwooder

      Someone got paid to write that.

      • SugarFree

        And 10,000s turned down their boyfriend’s offer of one for free.

    • Not Adahn

      I am a guy of 27 and my colleague is 35.

      We are the only admin staff and have always got on really well.

      It was a happy place to work until our old boss retired and his son took over. Frankly, he’s a 50-something sleaze ball.

      My, aren’t you a jealous little bitch?

  26. Rebel Scum
    • Drake

      ?

    • Agent Cooper

      Her 98-year old grandmother died due to Covid in a nursing home!!!!

      NINETY-EIGHT YEAR OLD.

      In other news, flu deaths are nonexistent across the country.

  27. wdalasio

    People calling for the political persecution of their political rivals in order to combat fascism. It would be funny if it wasn’t so infuriating and frankly concerning.

    Here’s the thing that strikes me. These guys are playing like they want a banana republic. The thing is, I don’t think they get how the whole banana republic thing works. They’re the kids from student government who think the whole world is their little back-biting and minor duplicities and betrayals writ large. Uhhhh…no. Your backers in the media and tech and the universities have power and influence in our system. In banana republic world, they do what they’re told or they get shot and their property confiscated. In the world they’re pushing for, their little circles are nothing more than the trappings for rough men with guns, men who make Donald Trump look like the epitome of polite urbane society. How many divisions does Rob Reiner bring to the party? Mark Zuckerburg? Robert Reich or Chris Hayes or Joy Reid?

    These people are evil and impotent. I just wish they could encounter the final consequence of their desires without dragging the rest of us down with them.

    • kbolino

      They don’t want a banana republic dictatorship. They want a technocratic oligarchy. The problem is they don’t realize that the latter collapses into the former (see: Xi Jinping). Sometimes, when the dictator dies, you get back to oligarchy (Stalin, Mao) that isn’t particularly technocratic, but most of the time you don’t (Castro, Chavez, Kim, Amin, Mugabe, …).

  28. The Late P Brooks

    President Cartoon Villain was an existential threat to the very concept of democracy. Faced with that, no man (or woman) of good conscience could stand by and allow him to be re-elected. Maybe a few rules were bent, but don’t worry, we’d never use those tactics against a President we deemed to be legitimate.

    The end justified the means.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      Yep. Even if there was no star-chamber conspiracy, I can still see individulals that have had ‘Drumf is the Hitler’ screamed at them choosing to take some liberties when counting vote. After all, stopping evil is more important than silly election legitimacy.

      • kbolino

        It bothers me a little less that they did than that they lie about it and get away with the lying. It’s not like anyone’s going to go to jail for it, whether they lie or not.