Drunken Couplets

by | Jan 12, 2021 | Musings, Rant | 175 comments

Tree

Heating isn’t an issue, the Gas bill is,

The sky isn’t Grey, your eyes just haven’t adjusted,

 

Lack of vitamin D, doesn’t mean you don’t have scurvy,

Just because you drive, doesn’t mean you know how,

 

Being born conveys no rights, Even in America,

Be still my child, that I may smother you,

 

The new old, born in fire,

And the people wish it weren’t so,

 

To build up, as it crashes,

 A fools game, Sobriety is no cure,

 

No solace in technology,

Not Moon nor Mars, will we ever see,

 

Bets are paid, and deals once kept,

Are mere cries in the darkness,

 

Soon the last light comes,

As we wait, and watch,

 

Heat warms the soil beneath us,

That last gasp of life itself,

 

As life strains into the sunlight,

And circles, drain or sky,

 

Amidst the dying embers,

Of the world we once knew,

 

Ekeing out our existence,

We threw away our chance,

 

There is a point to the tale I tell,

Not really sure how it goes,

 

No prophesy or vision,

Just a thought…..

 

About The Author

Yusef drives a Kia

Yusef drives a Kia

Punctually illiterate But never late

175 Comments

  1. Not Adahn

    The hardest part of winter hasn’t happened yet.

    For me, it’s March.

    • Tundra

      Mid February through March.

      But I’m older than you.

      • westernsloper

        In proper latitudes spring happens in March.

      • Not Adahn

        The first time I realized I had acclimated to local conditions was at a St. Paddy’s day party with my bare hands on a steel railing in 20 degree weather without discomfort.

        But sometimes it’s 60 degrees on March 17th, so who the fuck knows what’s going to happen?

    • Shpip

      In mid-March every year, we have a sphynx moth that emerges from hibernation and begins fluttering around the house. My kid named it “April.”

      The damned little critter is like a three-dimensional laser dot for the cats as it flies tantalizingly above them, causing numerous leaps and much bounding over furniture in a frenzied, yet futile attempt to corral the winged intruder. Numerous tchotchkes and objets d’art get broken by the kittehs every year because of that damned bug.

      Indeed, April is the cruelest moth.

      • hayeksplosives

        That moth is fantastic.

        I saw a Luna moth “in the wild” once. The fanciest moths are prettier than the fanciest butterflies, IMO.

      • Suthenboy

        once?
        you can have ’em all and I will have 2x as many tomatoes

  2. westernsloper

    Being born conveys no rights

    Bullshit.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      ultimately, only You can defend them, not the State, not even God,

      • westernsloper

        Every human being is born with rights. How they’re stolen has nothing to do with a person being being born.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        That they are Are stolen, negates them from the get go, still feel free? Not sure I do anymore,

      • westernsloper

        Stolen rights are still inalienable rights. Rights are stolen all the time, wrong is done all the time. It does not change the fact that every person born has them. Stolen or not.

      • pistoffnick

        “You were born free, you got fucked out of half of it and you wave a flag celebrating it.” – Doug Stanhope

      • westernsloper

        Nick gets it.

  3. Tundra

    Nice, Yusef!

    I will note that we had 18 minutes more daylight today than on the Solstice.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Oh, yes, I have noticed, we are heading back to the Sun!
      Cheers!

    • Fourscore

      I look every day, checking the lengthening of the daylight. I usually get cabin fever about this time of the year but since the Great Shutdown the depression has been even earlier.
      I look at Jan 15th as mid-winter, Feb will see some warmer days, March bring melting and mud and I love it.

      OTOH so far this winter has been a wienie. Not cold, some snow, my wood pile has not gone down so much this winter as in the past.

      • Tundra

        Hi Fourscore!

        I’m glad you are here – I had a busy day so just got to your story. It annoys me how gifted you are!

        Yeah, the winter has been a cake walk so far. I hope it continues.

      • But Enough About [this space intentionally left blank]

        #metoo

        Easiest “true” winter I’ve experienced in at least a decade or more.

  4. pistoffnick

    “Drunken Couplets”

    I remember a particularly nice “drunken coupling” in Puerto Rico…

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Well, first you get Drunk, then…..

    • Not Adahn

      Mine was in Boulder.

    • pistoffnick

      Another on the Longville airport runway (uncontrolled, obviously)….she wore a blue sweater. We got caught by the local cop. I was nearly THERE!

      • Fourscore

        The woods east of Emily.

      • pistoffnick

        Did you lay your shirt down for her? I did. And gladly suffered the mosquitos.

      • Fourscore

        ’46 Ford. Mind you, I used to be a pretty tall guy but where’s there’s a will(y)

    • Chafed

      Pics?

  5. Not Adahn

    *blinks*

    So…

    I got one of those youtube advertiser verification questions (“which of the following brands are you liekely to buy from?”)

    And they were body armor companies. (AR500 and Safe Life)

    Does this mean youtube is taking adverts from icky gun-adjacent companies?

    • commodious spittoon

      “Which politician is your white supremacist militia hate group most likely to target?”

      • limey

        Yeah I wouldn’t answer that. Maybe click on the ad feedback thing and click “I’m not interested”.

    • westernsloper

      Yes. And they are paying attention. That is why my youtube is bikini hauls, snow/water sports and the occasional mtn biking vid. I am hoping they think I am a harmless pervert. I mean fuck, we are all on govt lists but now the tech platforms? Fuck them all.

      • KromulentKristen

        Yeah, I think I may privatize or remove my gun videos.

  6. commodious spittoon

    I guess they replaced Trebek. Pretty heartless to kick a guy off his show just because he has cancer.

    • blackjack

      Pretty sure this comment should have been posed as a question.

      • Not Adahn

        I’ll take “Limits of Necromancy” for $200.

    • limey

      You’re right, of course. The only proper thing to do would have been to give him to a taxidermist with instructions to make him safe to wheel out under the studio lights for the next forty years.

      • hayeksplosives

        Prop me up beside the jukebox if I die.
        Lord I want to go to heaven
        But I don’t want to go tonight.
        Fill my boots up with sand,
        Put a stiff drink in my hand
        Prop me up beside the jukebox if I die.

    • KromulentKristen

      Jeopardy at Bernie’s

    • juris imprudent

      Wonder why they didn’t get Lou Reed to sub in?

  7. KromulentKristen

    The end of winter, or the thought of the end of winter, usually makes me sad. But this winter has been suck a clusterfuck, I may even look forward a little bit to spring (but never summer, aka the Season of Hate)

    • LCDR_Fish

      I concur. I get seasonal affective disorder in the summer (my diagnosis) – but this winter is sucking so much in terms of masks, and limits to the places I normally enjoy going (ie. movies) that it’s just irritating – I like my new place and sitting around playing video games – but I like some variety (and the gym being off limits still sucks too).

      • rhywun

        Walking around yesterday I had to rub my eyes. Sign on the outside of the cinema on the corner now reads “Thank you Chuck Schumer for saving NYC’s oldest theater something something”. I guess the state is throwing some pork around. Before yesterday that sign was still listing a bunch of movies I don’t remember and wishing somebody named Justin “Happy birthday” for the last ten months.

    • limey

      SHuT uP SNOWTARD

      I like Summer as long as it doesn’t f%$&£# rain all the time.

      • KromulentKristen

        Trade you limey summer for DC summer in a NY minute!

      • limey

        I think my main objection to that might be the location, but point taken.

      • Mojeaux

        Been in London in August during a heat wave. It was upper 80s and dry, but nobody has AC so it got tiresome,

      • rhywun

        upper 80s and dry

        Nice.

        We don’t get the “dry” part in NYC.

      • Mojeaux

        We don’t here in KC either. Only it’s upper 90s and not-dry.

      • Fourscore

        My outdoor thermometer only goes to 88 but on the bottom end it’s a long, long ways down there.

      • KromulentKristen

        I’d just go to Scotland

      • Mojeaux

        Oh we did. It was freezing.

    • rhywun

      *shrug* I like spring almost as much as fall. Those warm-ish days near the end of winter are glorious.

      But yes, summer absolutely blows.

      • Fourscore

        Glorious because it tells us the world as we know is coming back to life. Living an Ansel Adams photograph 6 months of the year can be depressing.

  8. Toxteth O'Grady

    “My stepdad isn’t mean
    He’s just adjusting”

    • J. Frank Parnell

      It’s fine, everyone’s wearing masks and face shields.

  9. LCDR_Fish

    Re the harm being done by lockdowns this morning. Thaddeus Russel has a good podcast guest this week who estimates the harm at closer to 100 to 1. Good discussion.

    • Count Potato

      Doing a cost benefit analysis of anything so complicated might be impossible.

      • db

        Especially when the benefits are to the policymakers and the costs are paid by others.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        Cost/Benefit analysis?
        How dare you put a price on people’s lives!!!!

    • Chafed

      Is that the one with Ivor Cummings?

      • hayeksplosives

        Ivor has written and said some very helpful things to understand what has been wrong with our Covid response.

  10. The Hyperbole

    None of this rhymes!

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Too easy,

      • westernsloper

        Oh ya? what rhymes with world.

      • KromulentKristen

        Orange

      • westernsloper

        How in the world do you pronounce Orange? They don’t rhyme.

      • The Hyperbole

        Throatwobbler Mangrove.

      • westernsloper

        Sandhill crane marsh. The chair is against the wall.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Whorled,

      • juris imprudent

        Furled.

      • R C Dean

        Girdled.

      • R C Dean

        Aargh. Girled.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Pearled.

        Squirreled,

        Burled.

    • pistoffnick

      “Anybody wanna peanut?” -Brute Squad member

  11. westernsloper

    Thanks for the post Yusef. Have a great night all.

  12. Yusef drives a Kia

    Jesus Came, looked around, and said,
    NhAAA!

  13. juris imprudent

    Dragging over from the dead thread…

    So Williamson defends an Establishment, and I agree with him. You’re nuts if you think we’ve ever been governed by the masses, or that that would be preferable. This little community here ain’t exactly roiling with real populists – we just hate the establishment we are currently stuck with (and I really don’t get that KDW loves it all that much). And that establishment deserves contempt – it failed to play it’s part properly. But there will be an establishment, because the real majority of Americans doesn’t want to think about govt, let alone actually be responsible in/for it.

    • db

      People want effortlessness and pat answers to problems. Establishments offer that. It’s part of why chain restaurants are popular.

      • The Last American Hero

        So after Biden institutes nationwide lockdowns and kills off independent restaurants, he’ll put us all back in chains?

    • commodious spittoon

      I’m a little miffed… more than a little miffed, I’m filled with contempt for the right-wing commentators who instantly fell into the Covington trap again. They immediately approbated the leftist narrative, whatever its veracity, and immediately accepted responsibility on behalf of Trump and on behalf of conservatives. Rather than pointing out how few people were involved, how little the actual damage was, how nearly all fatalities were suffered by the rioters, the rank hypocrisy of leftist pearl-clutching media propagandists and their useless idiot viewers crying about “the coup,” how ridiculous that assertion was, the mainstream right immediately went supine and started babbling that “we’re better than this.” Who’s we, asshole? Were you “storming” the capitol building, too? Ten months of rioting by leftist retards burning down businesses and assaulting and murdering citizens and you can’t even point out the indifference among leftist commentators who are now pulling out tufts of hair because some guy carried off the speaker’s podium? Forget defending conservatives or defending the rioters (your rioters, apparently, since you’re so keen on taking responsibility), you can’t even bring yourself to speak out in defense of innocent citizens?

      • Fourscore

        Serious ‘demonstrators’ would have targeted the IRS and the rest of the alphabet.

      • Fourscore

        Serious demonstrators would have targeted the IRS and the rest of the alphabet

      • juris imprudent

        Looks like the squirrels got agitated about the IRS.

      • pistoffnick

        Damn it, the squirrels SHOULD be agitated about the IRS. Those nuts were for her survival!

      • hayeksplosives

        Never. Apologize.

      • grrizzly

        An awesome rant. Agree with every word.

    • Chipwooder

      Well, yeah, there has always been an establishment. I don’t think anyone is arguing that there wasn’t. The point is that the DC establishment today is staggeringly corrupt, venal, and has enthusiastically promoted any number of divisive, destructive paths (anything “woke”, undermining the 1A, promotion of transgender nonsense, encouraging rioting, etc). I’m not sure why I’m supposed to get the vapors over a complete rejection of that establishment.

      I don’t have answers. Wish I did. I feel reasonably certain, however, that the NR crowd’s prescription of more Liz Cheney and Ben Sasse is not the answer. Pretty much all Williamson does anymore is grouse about how much he dislikes Trump voters.

    • Gadfly

      So Williamson defends an Establishment, and I agree with him.

      I read that article, and he didn’t just defend an establishment, he defended the current establishment. He’s pining to be ruled by the Harvard crowd, which is the current status quo. Which, I guess, is the ur-conservative position – lay down and take it from your betters.

      • Chipwooder

        Thank you – that was a much more succinct way of saying what I was trying to in my long-winded way.

      • grrizzly

        One advantage of going to Harvard is an option of condescending to the Harvard-wannabees who failed to make it.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      My mindset is that I would like for it to be that deciding who is president (or any federal and most state officials, for that matter) is as consequential as deciding whether to get an extra slice of swiss on my Ruben sandwich. Sadly most seem to fear not having a daddy to tell them what to do and what is moral and immoral.

      • pan fried wylie

        “extra cheese?” should be MORE consequential, it has profound implications on handling and digestion.

      • Gustave Lytton

        “No!” they said. “We want a king over us. 20Then we will be like all the other nations, with a king to lead us and to go out before us and fight our battles.”

      • robc

        I like the part before that, although it was mild compared to what we have:

        10 Samuel told all the words of the Lord to the people who were asking him for a king. 11 He said, “This is what the king who will reign over you will claim as his rights: He will take your sons and make them serve with his chariots and horses, and they will run in front of his chariots. 12 Some he will assign to be commanders of thousands and commanders of fifties, and others to plow his ground and reap his harvest, and still others to make weapons of war and equipment for his chariots. 13 He will take your daughters to be perfumers and cooks and bakers. 14 He will take the best of your fields and vineyards and olive groves and give them to his attendants. 15 He will take a tenth of your grain and of your vintage and give it to his officials and attendants. 16 Your male and female servants and the best of your cattle[c] and donkeys he will take for his own use. 17 He will take a tenth of your flocks, and you yourselves will become his slaves. 18 When that day comes, you will cry out for relief from the king you have chosen, but the Lord will not answer you in that day.”

      • Gender Traitor

        He will take a tenth of your flocks, and you yourselves will become his slaves.

        The Big Guy gets 10%.

  14. Tres Cool

    I’m off to work, kids. No ‘peaceful protests’ while Im gone.

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      You don’t tell me what to do! Fweedom!

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Don’t worry I will just sporadically yell, “Black lives matter,” and “No justice, peace,” as I am firebombing all the government buildings I can find and it will be totes okay.

      • Chafed

        I.e. the Portland get out of jail free card

  15. rhywun

    Well, isn’t that convenient.

    The State Department announced today the cancelation of international travel to all diplomats, citing the ongoing transition to the incoming Biden administration.

    America’s ambassador to the United Nations, Kelly Craft, was scheduled to set off for a trip to Taiwan, where she would have become the highest-ranking American diplomat to ever visit the free country officially named the Republic of China.

    • db

      Nothing to see here.

      • rhywun

        I suppose I could grouse about Donald waiting so long to tweak China here but at least it lays bare Biden’s suckupage for all who give a rat’s ass to see.

      • db

        I was being fatuous, a bit. I think it’s telling that this was cancelled.

      • rhywun

        Yup, got it.

  16. J. Frank Parnell

    All we are, is dust in the wind, dude.

    • straffinrun

      Depends on how you take it.

      • pan fried wylie

        1. I take my vaccine like I take my coffee.
        2. All over my face and chest.
        c. the butt

      • Chafed

        Nothing like a nice coffee enema to start the day.

    • Mojeaux

      the virus … [is] the work of a “global malicious government”

      He’s not wrong.

      • straffinrun

        Lab leak hypothesis is getting closer to being confirmed by the day. China did this either accidentally or not.

      • db

        That article is from july, and states the paper had not been published at the time. Has the paper been published?

      • Suthenboy

        “a novel receptor that the HIV virus uses to enter human cells.”

        *sigh*

    • rhywun

      Be funny if it DOES turn you gay.

      • db

        What if it just flips your sexuality?

      • KromulentKristen

        Yo! Tonio! 😉

      • rhywun

        Well, now you’re just being ridiculous.

      • Chipwooder

        Oh, I was expecting Balki Bartokomus

    • But Enough About [this space intentionally left blank]

      No, but several of the mRNA “vaccines” could conceivably cross the BBB (blood-brain barrier) and give you either MS-like or ALS-(Lou Gehrig’s disease)like symptoms of demyelinization of your nerve pathways.
      As I’ve stated previously, my nightmare scenario is that we’re unwittingly giving hundreds of millions of people throughout the world a “cure” that’s worse than the disease.

      I don’t wanna wake up in a world a year from now where several percent or more of the developed world’s citizens are dying because we were too stupid and too frightened to properly vet our vaccines before we administered ’em to most of the planet.

      G’night, everyone. I’m done for now.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        The possibility of Guillian Barre is what concerns me. You may as well have polio and it’s a well established though admittedly rare problem even with vaccines that have undergone the standard development period.

      • Suthenboy

        ‘unwittingly’

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Interesting. Is there research on that?

    • Chafed

      If he wasn’t a rabbi he would be a Q Anon loving anti-semite. What a nut.

  17. Crusty Juggler

    This is one of my favorite videos

    It is almost 4 minutes long. The first 2 minutes and 45 seconds are a level of cringe brutal that certainly resides in Dante’s 7th level of hell.

    But at 2:45 our hero emerges.

    And he tells a street joke.

    A miracle happens.

    Happiness.

    • Chafed

      That was great.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Lol

  18. straffinrun

    As long as we continue to beat in group jokes to death and keep up the snark, we’ll be fine.

    • Crusty Juggler

      Circumcision or ending the fed – what ya got?

      • straffinrun

        Defeatism. That’s always popular.

      • db

        As long as there is pineapple for my pizza I will never surrender!

      • egould310

        Also, fried chicken.

    • J. Frank Parnell

      Umm… Do they not have central heating?

  19. hayeksplosives

    Thanks for sprinkling us with some of the pixie dust from your poetic brain, Yusef.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      *Hunter perks up*

  20. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam?

    My life is dope cause I do dope ish.

    • Gender Traitor

      Mornin’, homey.

      • Tres Cool

        How’s Mr. GT’s rehab coming along ?

      • Gender Traitor

        He’s home & doing great. PT once a week, and he hasn’t used his walker since Friday except to hold as necessary while he does his home exercises.

      • Festus

        Mornin! Hope you guys have a grab bar for the shower. I’ve not had a stroke yet but my vertigo makes me lose balance when I close my eyes sorta like a fainting goat. I keep one hand either on or near that thing. Aside from the obvious joke set-up, I’m glad that TomT is feeling better and that you are less worried, too. All the best!

      • Gender Traitor

        Thanks, guys. We have a seat for the tub for the time being, but the plan is to go for a badly-needed re-do of our ’50s-era tub/shower enclosure, which will include grab bars and, if I have my way, as little grout as humanly possible.

      • Festus

        Grout is of the Devil! Find a good insert if you can.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I take them at their word.

      • Sean

        Absolutely.

        *racks AK*

    • Festus

      Well that’s not very reassuring. I want my new normal to be more like I dunno, 1994? I was mostly pretty happy that year.

  21. Rat on a train

    Just because you drive, doesn’t mean you know how,

    Welcome to the DMV. Which is the worst is still under debate. I vote M.

  22. Sean

    https://www.nytimes.com/2021/01/12/health/coronavirus-masks-transmission.html

    Double-masking isn’t necessary for everyone. But for people with thin or flimsy face coverings, “if you combine multiple layers, you start achieving pretty high efficiencies” of blocking viruses from exiting and entering the airway, said Linsey Marr, an expert in virus transmission at Virginia Tech and an author on a recent commentary laying out the science behind mask-wearing.

    Nope. Nope. Nope.

    • UnCivilServant

      I already have a medical note saying I can’t breathe with one mask on, A second won’t make that any better.

      How about we lock up the people who want to push this and let the rest of us alone.

    • Festus

      The virus fails when asphyxiation wins! I can barely breathe through a flimsy one and granted, I’m not playing soccer but this is getting to Joopider is stoopider territory. 10-15 miles a night at a brisk pace is nothing to sneeze at (heh!) while doing various and sundry tasks at the same time.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Even one thin mask can causing breathing problems. I know that a few times at work where we have to wear them and my heart rate gets up for whatever reason I have to go out of the way and take the thing off so I can catch my breath. Screw all of that nonsense and of course more material will increase efficiency but if that’s the case why not strap a mattress to your face?

      • Festus

        Why don’t all of us deplorables just go home and duct tape a pillow to our faces? For Unity.

      • Sean

        My pillow is a heavy memory foam unit. I’m knocking a bitch out in a pillow fight.

      • Festus

        My primary is as flimsy as fuck so that I may fold it this way and that to achieve total reading satisfaction. Nobody will be murdered by my pillow!

  23. UnCivilServant

    🙁

    I had planned to have brown bread and yoghurt for breakfast, but after I opened the bread can, I checked for the yoghurt and found I’d eaten the last of it at some point.

    Now I just have bread.

    Which leads me to ask – other than brown bread, does anyone know of any (pre-cooked) bread in a can?

    • Sean

      bread in a can

      I’ve never heard of such a thing.

      /shrug

      • UnCivilServant

        Technically the canned version is “Boston Brown Bread”, it’s a molasses-sweetened bread cooked in the can during the canning process. It does tend to be a tad dry when eaten on its own.

      • Festus

        Huh, I was right about something.

      • Festus

        Some sort of bread pudding? I’m flummoxed, as well.

      • UnCivilServant

        No, it’s literally just bread, slightly dense, slightly dry, and slightly sweet.

      • Cy

        “bread in a can”

        I find the idea quite repulsive.

        Like powdered milk…

        I get it… but I’m not eating it.

      • UnCivilServant

        If I served you a slice, you’d never realized it was from a can unless you looked really closely at the edges and saw the ridges.

      • Fourscore

        Something, something, C-rations, circa a long time ago