Joemala: Episode 11

by | Jan 27, 2021 | Joemala, SugarFree | 280 comments

 

Welcome to our new semi-regular feature documenting the Harris-Biden administration. Since this story began as a part of the extended universe of The Hat and The Hair (Peace Be Upon Them), we have included a new tag to the previous episodes and numbered them for clarity’s sake.

 

Joemala: Episode 1

Joemala: Episode 2

Joemala: Episode 3

Joemala: Episode 4

Joemala: Episode 5

Joemala: Episode 6

Joemala: Episode 7

Joemala: Episode 8

Joemala: Episode 9

Joemala: Episode 10

 

And now, on with the show!


 

Episode 11

“Jack says they have finally banned or scrub everyone who used #Fweedom, Dr. Ma’am, Esquire,” Seresto said.

“This is a transition meeting, not a social media meeting,” Kamala said and glared.

Her social media interns had been trapped in Kamala’s office for three hours and they all had to pee.

“Yes, Dr. Ma’am,” Seresto said. She nudged Astra who had begun squirming at the word transition,” tugging at the binder that smashed they breasts flat.

“Oh, there’s no need to be so formal,” Kamala said. “Just call me Vice-President Harris.”

“Yes, Vice-President Harris,” they all said in the dull tones of sleepy schoolchildren.

“We are completely moved in, Madam Ma’am,” Kayleighburrow said as a furious storm of text alerts rattled her phone. “The fumigators have finally gotten the Pence smell out. The Office of the Vice President is ours.”

Fweedom,” Kamala growled. “How did they find out? Who reads Playboy for the articles?”

“I read Playboy for the boobies,” Astra said, pitching they voice so low them began to cough.

“Hostile sexual workplace environment!” Seresto screeched

“Just because you are a he/they now doesn’t mean you get to act like a guy! That’s gross!” Kayleighborrow sniffed.

“How is the new name coming?” Kamala asked.

“I thought about something space-related since Astra means stars in Latin,” Astra said. “Maybe just Star.”

Star is a stripper name,” Kamala said flatly.

“Yes, Dr. Vice-President,” Astra mumbled.

“Are you a stripper?” Kamala asked. “A transmasculine non-binary stripper?”

“No, Madam Dr.-Vice Harris,” Astra said, wishing her hair was still long enough to brush over her face. It was so short now that three different cancer-fetishists had contacted her on They/Themdr.

The phone rang and Kamala grimaced and waved them out of the office. As they raced to the bathroom, Astra groaned, “My front hole!”

—–

“She just showed up? No appointment or anything?” Kamala asked.

“No, Esquire-Dr.,” the receptionist whispered. “I’m not even sure how she got in the building.”

“The sewers,” Kamala said through gritted teeth. “Send her in.”

 

Kamala took the time to compose herself, smoothing her hair and straightening her power suit jacket, and stood up.

“Hillary!” she said, holding her hand out to the blobby crone that limped into her office. Hillary smiled wide, showing all her teeth.

“Ms. President,” Hillary rasped.

“Oh, haha,” came Kamala’s forced laugh and she motioned with her unshaken hand for Hillary to sit. She fell heavily into an office chair.

“Not yet,” Kamala said laughing, sitting. “I’m not President yet.”

“But you have plans, yes?” Hillary said. She began to root through the purse on her lap, a few used tissues falling to the office floor. She pulled out a dried duck foot and began to suck on it.

“Oh, course we have plans, in case something happens. It just wouldn’t be prudent not to,” Kamala said, her face a carefully immobile mask.

“Joe is old and feeble and you know he won’t last a full term,” Hillary said around her duck foot. “I know he has to make it to midterms for you to be able to run for a full two terms. Ten years as President. What a neat trick.”

“It’s not a trick,” Kamala said.

“I’m not criticizing,” Hillary said and smiled, her teeth black with duck foot. “In fact, I am here to admire. You are going to do what Trump cheated me out of with his voter suppression and racists and Putin and Wikileaking. He did such a good job destroying my power base, I couldn’t even get a mob together to invade the Capitol!”

Kamala nodded noncommittally, noticing the smell of ammonia and smoke filling the room.

Hillary dropped the dewebbed foot bones on the floor and leaned forward. “I want you to name me as your Vice President.”

Kamala stifled a shocked laugh. “And why would I do that?”

“I am owed!” Hillary hissed. “I am owed. It was my turn. I was supposed to be the first woman President!”

Kamala saw people outside the office turn and stare through the glass walls. She glared briefly until they went back to fundraising.

“You still could be…” Kamala began.

“Cut the shit, I’ve seen the internal emails. His mind is mush and he’s been surrounded by the Biden women to keep him going.”

“How did you see our emails?” Kamala demanded.

“Some people still understand the meaning of loyalty, Ka-ma-la,” Hillary gurgled; it was supposed to be a laugh.

“Is he still being breastfed amphetamines and nootropics by one of his grand-daughters?” Hillary asked maliciously. “Does he still think a John Kerrybot is his best friend?”

“I will tear this place apart,” Kamala said, dead-eyed.

“Fire them all, demolish the building. I’ll still have a line into your organization,” Hillary said, getting out of the chair slowly. “I am the Democratic Party, little desi. Have fun being the affirmative action hire.”

Hillary waddled out of the office as Kamala twisted paperclips into grotesque forms and fumed.

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

280 Comments

  1. Suthenboy

    “She pulled out a dried duck foot and began to suck on it.”

    I heartily approve

    • Bobarian LMD

      Duck feet are delicious?

      • Suthenboy

        They do stomp around in duck shit all day

      • Animal

        Does a duck with a boner drag weeds?

      • Suthenboy

        Duckweed or dickweed?

      • Animal

        Yes.

  2. DEG

    Who reads Playboy for the articles?

    I tried. At the time I subscribed, the articles weren’t all that impressive. It might have been different in the earlier days when they ran stories from Asimov and Brabdury.

    “Just because you are a he/they now doesn’t mean you get to act like a guy! That’s gross!” Kayleighborrow sniffed.

    Oh boy.

    “Fire them all, demolish the building. I’ll still have a line into your organization,” Hillary said, getting out of the chair slowly. “I am the Democratic Party, little desi. Have fun being the affirmative action hire.”

    Hehehe.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Playboy did publish some really ground-breaking stuff, but back then Barbi Benton and this young guy were dating.

      • UnCivilServant

        Don’t recognize him. Maybe I knew his as an old guy?

      • Bobarian LMD

        Like this?

      • DEG

        It’s a young Hugh Hefner.

        He was once young.

      • UnCivilServant

        LIEZ! He was always an old man in a purple smoking jacket!

    • Endless Mike

      Asa Baber’s “Men” Column was terrific.

  3. Tonio

    Sug, you’re not spelling her name consistently. Sometimes Ka-LA-ma, sometimes Ka-MA-la.

    • Rebel Scum

      I thought that was on purpose.

    • SugarFree

      If she wants her name spelled consistently then she can get a proper American name like a Real American.

      • SugarFree

        (Honestly, I might have some sort of brain defect. I proofread it three times and still missed it.)

      • Fourscore

        The rest of us didn’t catch it, we’re all together here SF

      • Bobarian LMD

        I thought you were having some pronoun issues until I finally got the joke.

      • Aloysious

        I approve this image.

      • Animal

        … proper American name like a Real American.

        Two of my grandsons go by “Bubba” and “Moose.” (Yes, really.) Is that American enough? Seems like that’s American enough.

      • SugarFree

        YES! Bubba and Moose!

      • Animal

        Wrong ethnicity.

    • R.J.

      I like Ka-La-Ma. Has potential for comedic abuse.

      • Hyperion

        Don’t even try it, Brennan, you’re the worst Tulpa ever!

  4. Fourscore

    “It was so short now that three different cancer-fetishists had contacted her on They/Themdr”

    This was the point where I started laughing and didn’t stop until the end.

    Super excellent funny. You done good, Young Man.

  5. Sean

    *applause*

  6. Yusef drives a Kia

    Have fun being the affirmative action hire,
    Awesome!

  7. Tonio

    “It was so short now that three different cancer-fetishists had contacted her on They/Themdr.”

    That’s beautiful.

    • nw

      theythemdr.com is available.

      Just saying.

  8. Swiss Servator

    ” It was so short now that three different cancer-fetishists had contacted her on They/Themdr.”

    *sighs contentedly*

    • WTF

      Yes, that was…awesome.

  9. juris imprudent

    She glared briefly until they went back to fundraising.

    Sure to be an underappreciated line given the competition, but ever so dear to the heart of her mentor and his political spirit animal (Jess Unruh).

  10. Tonio

    “Ms. President,” Hillary rasped.

    We all know how much that had to hurt. The seething resentment is palpable.

  11. Rebel Scum

    “I am the Democratic Party, little desi. Have fun being the affirmative action hire.”

    Heh…

    • rhywun

      It’s going to be a long four to ten years.

      • pistoffnick

        Huh. From a risk vs. reward standpoint, it looks like prostitution is the best crime.

        I remember reading that bank-robbing (no guns involved) used to be the best.

      • juris imprudent

        Bank robbery was the stupidest way to take money from a bank – low reward (typically less than $50k) and high risk (federal rap, so you can’t escape jurisdiction). Check kiting was the way to do it in the old days.

  12. pistoffnick

    *uptwinkles*

    *jazz hands*

  13. The Late P Brooks

    *rises , stamps feet, whistles*

    AUTHOR! AUTHOR!

  14. Suthenboy

    80 million voted for Puddin’ Cup and the Democratic candidate that couldn’t get a single vote in the primary.

    Also, I am a flying reindeer.

    Buckle up, keep your powder dry.

  15. leon

    I do pitty Astra… One day she’s going to snap i tell you.

  16. The Late P Brooks

    80 million voted for Puddin’ Cup and the Democratic candidate that couldn’t get a single vote in the primary.

    It was PuddinCup or Satan.

    • UnCivilServant

      You misspelled ‘and’

    • Suthenboy

      I was unaware that satan hates graft. ya’ learn something new every day

  17. Bobarian LMD

    Hillary smiled wide, showing all her teeth.

    Those were definitely not all of them… but no one ever survives seeing all of them.

    • R C Dean

      + 1 dentata

  18. Rebel Scum

    Not the Bee.

    CNBC’s Contessa Brewer reports on the efficacy of doubling or even tripling the masks you’re wearing during the pandemic.

    Use three layers of fabric and then add a layer of plastic for good measure. Ffs…

  19. Chipwooder

    I do appreciate how Harris’ title changes constantly.

    • leon

      It’s a good touch, I liked it too.

  20. Not Adahn

    They/Themdr

    *Slams out business plan, registers they-themdr.com*

    • UnCivilServant

      medical help for multiple personality disorders?

  21. Not Adahn

    *ponders*

    Is the header image foreshadowing?

  22. Suthenboy

    Can I type? I am going to try to go today with no finger wrapping. Goddamned this thing is taking forever to heal. It is almost as bad as a Hillary bite.
    At least it is not black anymore. For a while I thought I was going to have to see a doctor but since I didn’t want to lose my finger I held off and treated it myself. It is getting close to healing, finally.

    • Suthenboy

      I have discovered that if you go for a month without bending your finger the skin gets very tight.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Has it been that long? Yyyeah, I would have gone to the doctor, but I’m glad your self-treatment was successful.

  23. KromulentKristen

    “Ow! My front hole!”

    Said by every wxmyn with a UTI ever

    • Mojeaux

      LOL

  24. Ed Wuncler

    “No, Madam Dr.-Vice Harris,” Astra said, wishing her hair was still long enough to brush over her face. It was so short now that three different cancer-fetishists had contacted her on They/Themdr.”

    Chef’s kiss

  25. Hyperion

    Wait… how did I miss the first 10 episodes?

    • Not Adahn

      They were published under the Hat & Hair Expanded Universe label.

      • SugarFree

        Yeah, a bit of a retcon. I mean, Wolverine is still Canadian, so it’s not that bad.

      • Timeloose

        The announcer for all of those cartoons was great. The 70’s versions were still my favorite, once they lost Marvin and Wendy.

      • Hyperion

        Ah, yeah. I do remember Astra gang.

        I’m going to miss the hats. I guess it’s all China Joe and the Ho now.

    • Not Adahn

      I cannot wait ’till the stories about Pence’s vandalism come trickling out into the MSM.

  26. WTF

    “Fire them all, demolish the building. I’ll still have a line into your organization,” Hillary said, getting out of the chair slowly. “I am the Democratic Party, little desi. Have fun being the affirmative action hire.”

    This kind of thing makes me think SugarFree has an inside political source. It’s just too spot-on.

    • rhywun

      The whole election reeks of behind-the-scenes machinations to get Dr. Esq. Kamala in office.

      They couldn’t get in the front door – because she has zero charisma or credibility – so they went with Plan B which was giving ol’ Puddin’ Cup no choice but to pick her by harping on “race”.

      • KromulentKristen

        That’s why I’ve been saying she’s literally Frank Underwood for months now.

        (spoilers)

        *

        *

        *

        *

        *

        *

        She will become President without a single vote being cast for her, even in the primaries. It’s literally House of Cards playing out in real time.

      • rhywun

        I’m not familiar with that but I’m still scared. You know she has plans.

      • SugarFree

        “If I had my way
        “I’d have all of you SHOT!”

      • R C Dean

        They couldn’t get in the front door

        I feel inadequate for this set-up line.

      • Swiss Servator

        …I’ve got nothing.

      • SugarFree

        Ahem… “The front hole has been sewn up.”

      • Cy

        Willie Brown has a sad.

  27. Not Adahn

    little desi.

    Now I want snack cakes.

    • Tres Cool

      The 2-layer Giant Fudge Rounds totally rock my fuckin’ nuts off.

      Well, back when I ate such thingsl

    • Suthenboy

      It is clear that the vast majority of people have no idea what a virus is or how the immune system works.

      • Gustave Lytton

        That includes those who believe every recovery confers 100% sterilizing immunity.

      • Gustave Lytton

        *confers permanent 100% sterilizing immunity

      • Fatty Bolger

        It’s not 100%, but it’s close enough to make wearing a mask illogical, even assuming the masks worked in the first place, which they do not.

      • Not Adahn

        THE VACCINE MAKES YOU STERILE!?!

      • R C Dean

        What are you hearing about reinfection? The last I heard, but I don’t follow the clinical literature on this, is that there were at most a handful worldwide.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Some dumb bint in that thread is repeating the asymptomatic transmission myth.

    • Gustave Lytton

      He’s also not a former doctor.

      http://web1.ky.gov/GenSearch/LicenseList.aspx?AGY=5&FLD1=Paul&FLD2=29638&FLD3=0&FLD4=0&TYPE=

      Name: Randal H. Paul M.D.
      Address: 200 Lakeside Way
      City, State, Zip: Bowling Green KY 42103
      Phone: (270) 792-6767
      License: 29638
      Status: Active Physician
      Expiration: 2/28/2022 0:00:00
      Practice County: Warren
      *Area of Practice: Ophthalmology
      Type of Practice: Private Practice
      Year Licensed in KY: 6/28/1993 0:00:00
      Medical School: Duke University School of Medicine, Durham
      Year Graduated: 1988
      Board Action: None

      • creech

        Yeah, but what are those credentials next to DOCTOR First Lady Jill Biden?

      • Animal

        That’s “Frau Doktor Professor” to you, peasant.

      • UnCivilServant

        That sort of attitude makes me choose ever more derogitory terms of address for the person.

        It reeks of insecurity to boot.

      • Animal

        What about this entire Imperial establishment doesn’t reek of insecurity?

    • RBS

      The replys to the original tweet are hilarious. Every democrat on twitter is basically a crazy cat lady.

  28. Tundra

    Have fun being the affirmative action hire.

    Ouch.

    It was fun going back through the old episodes. SF was strangely prescient.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      Only because he has to undo all of the dictatorial executive orders Trump made in four years.

      Maybe the presidency itself has too much authority. NAH.

  29. Stinky Wizzleteats

    “ NEW: DHS Issues a National Terrorism Advisory System Bulletin

    “Some ideologically-motivated violent extremists with objections to the exercise of governmental authority and the presidential transition … could continue to mobilize to incite or commit violence.”

    https://twitter.com/JasonLeopold/status/1354476222852390914

    Huh…who’s our fed handler here I wonder.

    • Sean

      “Some ideologically-motivated violent extremists with objections to the exercise of governmental authority and the presidential transition … could continue to mobilize to incite or commit violence.”

      What is Antifa?

      • rhywun

        I’m so sorry, the correct answer is “Moops”.

    • Nephilium

      My work just sent out an e-mail with the See Something/Say Something bullshit for people ignoring ‘vid theater.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Clogging up the system by reporting the Karens seems fair turnabout at this point.

      • UnCivilServant

        I was going to suggest lobbing it at the D&I ‘folx’ too.

      • Nephilium

        Doesn’t appear to be anonymous. There’s one website to report, then it’s talking to management or HR.

        Of course, I haven’t been in the office since March of 2020, and there’s no plans on us heading back into the office any time soon.

      • Gustave Lytton

        You’ll quickly find out how “anonymous” that anonymous reporting really is.

      • UnCivilServant

        You anonymously spoof the identity of a known karen.

      • Viking1865

        Yep. There are protected classes and unprotected classes. The protected class, and the ruling class, will not be mocked by the deplorables.

        Years ago, I worked with a woman who sent me emails with explicit and graphic sexual invitations. I told her to stop, again via email, and she continued. I forwarded those emails to HR, and she got a warning. If I had sent these same kind of graphic invitations to a coworker on company email, I’d have been escorted out that hour. But she was a she, and I am a he.

      • leon

        Probably too late for that now, but Theoretically, such an action by your employer (i.e the lack of action or taking it seriously) could be construed as creating a Hostile Work Environment and you could have taken them to the cleaners for tons of cash.

    • juris imprudent

      That includes Portland, right? Because right this moment that is where all the political violence is happening and it ain’t right-wing.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Their hearts are pure so they get a pass.

  30. mikey

    And I was worried if SF would be able to handle the transition.
    Silly rabbit.

    “It was so short now that three different cancer-fetishists had contacted her on They/Themdr.”

    Life goes on and it is Good.

  31. The Late P Brooks

    Hands were waved

    Our enthusiasm was not entirely unfounded. It’s reasonable to think that giving sick patients someone else’s naturally occurring antibodies might help their recovery along, even save their life, and doctors have tried convalescent plasma to treat viral illnesses at least as far back as the 1918 Spanish flu. Here’s the problem, though: The evidence for its benefit has never been very good. I can forgive those old-timey 1918 doctors, but a systematic review of published work as of 2013 drew from “predominately low-quality, uncontrolled studies.” Then this month, the most important medical study of the pandemic—the UK’s Recovery trial—put out its preliminary results on plasma, and they aren’t promising at all. Eighteen percent of hospitalized Covid patients who received the treatment died within 28 days, versus 18 percent of patients who didn’t receive plasma. You don’t need to be a scientist to understand the implication: Plasma didn’t help.

    You might think this would be enough to change some minds. After all, Recovery’s simple, randomized design has been definitive for other drugs. Enrolling tens of thousands of participants, it has been able to answer our most important question about a number of potential Covid treatments: Does it actually prevent you from dying? For hydroxychloroquine or the antibiotic azithromycin, the answer was no. For the steroid dexamethasone, it was yes. Now, for convalescent plasma, it appears we have another no.

    ——-

    Now it’s true that the Recovery trial can’t answer every question that we might have about convalescent plasma. It doesn’t tell us for sure that it’s ineffective when given at the very first sign of Covid infection. It’s possible that future clinical trials, which are ongoing, will prove Joyner and Casadevall correct, that we can indeed help Covid patients by administering plasma early on. (One high-quality study did support this idea.) But at that point more practical matters will come into play: Blood transfusions will never be as easy to administer as a pill, and the treatment doesn’t easily scale. When doctors have to give a treatment early, they’re also more prone to giving it when it isn’t really needed. (Most healthy outpatients will recover from Covid on their own.) In any case, convalescent plasma is to this day authorized only for hospitalized patients, many of whom are far along in their illness. Despite the excuses we hear about the negative studies, regulators and many doctors haven’t given up on using convalescent plasma “late.”

    It did not bring people back from the dead? Well, then.

    It might work early on, but why bother with that when we have a vaccine in the works, and placebo “prevention strategy”?

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Eighteen percent croaking sounds like they were in horrendous shape in the first place. Even something as established as Tamiflu doesn’t do anything if you wait until you’re full blown sick to take it.

      • Gustave Lytton

        That’s why the EUA for monoclonal antibodies (which is not the same as convalescent plasma which currently doesn’t have an EUA) excludes those hospitalized with covid.

    • Fatty Bolger

      Weird how they never tested the hydroxychloroquine/azithromycin/zinc combination.

    • PutridMeat

      You don’t need to be a scientist to understand the implication: Plasma didn’t help.

      But perhaps you need to be one to realize that you have not given me enough information to draw the conclusion you have drawn. If the cohort administered the treatment were in the late stages of the disease and it was attempted as a last resort whereas those who didn’t where in the group of “will recover… on their own.”, these numbers have little value. They may hint at a valid hypothesis – plasma treatments don’t work – but we’ve not been supplied with enough information here to draw that conclusion. Note that this is the same issue with some of the early hydroxychloroquine studies where the treatment and non-treatment group where sufficiently different to as to make the conclusions drawn essentially useless except as a baseline for more careful study. I have no particular opinion on plasma treatment (or hydroxychloroquine for that matter), but the material and studies I’ve seen quoted don’t allow one to say that neither is effective. And I’m always leery when some one voices to definitive conclusion when the evidence they cite to support said conclusion clearly does not, at least as presented.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        A quick perusal of his work shows he’s no dummy so I’d suspect there might, just might, be a hidden agenda at play here.

      • PutridMeat

        Never mind – Looking at the actual trial page for “Recovery”, the claim is that patients were randomized onto plasma vs. normal care and they had the same 28-day mortality outcomes of 18%. Still doesn’t address the question of a time frame for effectiveness of treatment – as mentioned, 18% mortality seems awfully high so one assumes that both cohorts were in pretty bad shape to start with and maybe a trial starting earlier in the disease would show something different. But glancing through the study material, it seems a reasonable first pass at the effectiveness (or lack thereof) of plasma treatments, at least late (?) in the progression of the disease.

      • R C Dean

        They may have shown its a crap treatment for hospitalized patients.

        They haven’t shown its a crap treatment for anybody not hospitalized.

        This statement is (borderline?) misleading:

        You don’t need to be a scientist to understand the implication: Plasma didn’t help.

        It invites the reader to conclude plasma won’t help anyone. Which conclusion is well beyond the scope of the quoted study.

      • PutridMeat

        Agreed, in isolation, the statement seems misleading and ‘triggered’ me enough to comment on it. But the author does go on to address the very issue of treatment timing in the next quoted paragraph. And the Recovery trial seems, at first glance, to be pretty well designed to answer a limited set of questions. In short, I think the person writing this up has done a fair job of reporting the results; I might not say directly “Plasma didn’t help.” with the caveats coming a paragraph latter, but given the general quality of Covid reporting, that may be a touch too judgmental. I think it’s a ‘decent’ job, and the science being reported on seems more solid than a lot of what we see.

    • Suthenboy

      I am beginning to get the impression that most of the people giving us information are lying or talking out of their ass. Maybe it’s just me.

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      Then this month, the most important medical study of the pandemic—the UK’s Recovery trial—put out its preliminary results on plasma, and they aren’t promising at all. Eighteen percent of hospitalized Covid patients who received the treatment died within 28 days, versus 18 percent of patients who didn’t receive plasma. You don’t need to be a scientist to understand the implication: Plasma didn’t help.

      Cool story, bro.

      Now do the one on Covid-reaction policy and COVID deaths.

  32. The Late P Brooks

    It’s weird, how hard some people have worked to derail treatment strategies. It’s almost as if they have some sort of incentive to stoke the hysteria.

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      It’s almost like the Marxists want to abolish, or at least severely cripple, the family. The namesake of Marxism never directly called for exactly that, nosiree!

      • leon

        Pretty much this.

        I’ve been mulling this over, and the state of Masculinity in the nation. I have 3 Daughters, who are still very young, but i look at the way that boys are being raised and it makes me worried about what kind of men are even going to be available for them to Marry when they are older. I don’t want them to have to be married to a soy-boy, won’t do work, whiney son of a bitch.

      • Animal

        I have spent some brain run-time worrying about that same issue. At least, when I look at my three grandsons and their parents, I feel a little better. Those three are being raised to be men.

      • R C Dean

        I don’t want them to have to be married to a soy-boy,

        As long as they stay away from college students and grads, they should be fine. Every time I go near the UA campus, it is depressing as hell.

      • Jerms

        They are being taught that men who show any type of masculinity are bad. It goes against nature and i think thats why you see so many of the women on the left being miserable hags. They are choosing skinny little hipsters as mates. Cant be too fun to live with one of those.

      • Tundra

        Nah. There are plenty of actual, no-shit men out there. My daughter is dating a big, strapping Texan who is planning to get his carry permit shortly.

        Not all soy-boys.

      • KromulentKristen

        My problem is only soy boys like me. I try to get with manly dudes, but it’s always the soys that chase after me.

      • Not Adahn

        Take ’em on weightlifting dates. With a little bonus if they set a new personal best IYKWIMAIKTYD.

      • KromulentKristen

        Soy is in the personality, not the body

      • Not Adahn

        I have seen far too many mens’ personalities be changed (sometimes for the better, sometimes not) to underestimate what a girlfriend can do.

      • KromulentKristen

        I ain’t looking for a fixer-upper.

      • Mojeaux

        I ain’t looking for a fixer-upper.

        Can I get an amen.

        If something happened to Mr. Mojeaux, there would be no Mr. Mojeaux 2.

      • Animal

        There’s always that chance. Our oldest daughter used to complain that she was a “dork magnet.” Now she’s married to an enormous, strapping farm boy who is an EMT, a volunteer firefighter, and last time the kid talked to her mother, she informed Mom that the hubbie was “…out helping his Dad butcher a hog.”

        They’re out there.

      • KromulentKristen

        * calculating the odds at my age & [current] location *

        Oh. boy.

        (I like dorks. Not all dorks are soy. Soy boys are drama queens, emotionally-driven, and illogical. I’ll take a smart, reasoned dorky engineer any day)

      • Hyperion

        Are you still in NOVA? Soy boys are all there are, so you’re doing fine

      • KromulentKristen

        Err…? I’m not into soy boys though?

      • Hyperion

        No, what I was saying is that you’re not attracting any masculine guys, because there’s not any.

      • Hyperion

        When I first moved to MD, I was thinking that at least there’s some different types of women here than in the Midwest. First lady I chatted with was into Nascar and Bowling. NTTAWWT.

      • KromulentKristen

        Ah, gotchya. I don’t want a local guy, anyhoo. They’re around too much and all up in my grill.

      • KromulentKristen

        See, I think the soys like me because I have fairly masculine affect for a straight chick. I think they think I’ll do all the work and lead the relationship because of that.

        It’s gonna be a no from me, dawg. Pulling weight in a relationship is pretty fucking important.

        As to why the bears don’t like me? Your guess is as good as mine.

      • Pope Jimbo

        When the oldest Altar Boy and I were visiting NDSU when he was in high school he asked the tour guide where a kid could keep his shotgun and rifle for hunting. The tour guide told us about the weapons locker down at the campus security where they wanted the kids to keep the firearms.

        But….

        There was a very good looking gal on the tour along with her grandpa. Gramps was very interested in a young man who liked to hunt and fish. He introduced the kids and then we started to chat. He had a pretty big farm down near Pipestone, MN. By the end of the tour, Gramps and I had a pretty good start on the outlines of an arranged marriage.

        Unfortunately the knucklehead kids didn’t seem to hit it off and screwed up what could have turned out to be some very nice access to hunting lands for me.

      • Ed Wuncler

        My Mom always read to my brother and I when we were younger:

        “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” – 1 Timothy 5:8

        I’m going to remind my daughter of this all the time when she starts to date, so in case she is interested in a guy who is allergic to work and responsibility, they are worth her time.

      • Ted S.

        I think you might have missed a “not” in there.

      • invisible finger

        For all intents and purposes your daughters will be married to the government.

      • Animal

        Well, at least they won’t be married to a Tulpa.

      • leon

        Thanks guys. You’re right that their are still good ones out there. Got to teach the girls how to ID them, and do my part to involve myself in the lives of the younger generation as a mentor to teach them where i can.

      • R C Dean

        Got to teach the girls how to ID them

        Effeminate dress and mannerisms are a running start. Go to any college campus – you’ll have all the examples you need.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      Here’s to hoping it’s one of those commissions designed to be ignored.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Packing the court will result in national divorce and I welcome it. Let’s get it over with and snatch the band aid off this thing already.

      • Viking1865

        That would require Abbott and DeSantis putting their heads together and raising the banner of the Gulf Republic.

      • leon

        I’m not so optomistic. It would at best cause States to say “Fuck You, Your illegitimate” to the SCOTUS, and maybe ignore some of the decisions.

      • creech

        Then Biden calls out 75,000 guardsmen to go to the state capitols and arrest the insurrectionists. 40% of the officer corps of the Army resigns and starts recruiting an insurrectionist army, seizes federal arsenals and forts. It is said that history repeats itself if lessons are learned from it.

    • Rebel Scum

      Of course they will stack it. You do not get the Great Reset without it.

  33. The Late P Brooks

    If they had worked half as hard to scrutinize the “studies” puked out by the Chicken Littles instead of doing everything they could to squelch honest dissent, it would have helped their credibility immensely>

  34. kinnath

    https://news.yahoo.com/exclusive-proud-boys-leader-prolific-140823474.html

    Proud Boys leader was ‘prolific’ informer for law enforcement

    WASHINGTON (Reuters) – Enrique Tarrio, the leader of the Proud Boys extremist group, has a past as an informer for federal and local law enforcement, repeatedly working undercover for investigators after he was arrested in 2012, according to a former prosecutor and a transcript of a 2014 federal court proceeding obtained by Reuters.

    In the Miami hearing, a federal prosecutor, a Federal Bureau of Investigation agent and Tarrio’s own lawyer described his undercover work and said he had helped authorities prosecute more than a dozen people in various cases involving drugs, gambling and human smuggling.

    No longer an active informant, but it’ enough to smear the leader of a domestic terror organization.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      That’ll be enough to get the people close to him in the org to think he’s a snitch, which technically he certainly was (and maybe still is for all we know) so he can’t be trusted, and that’s enough.

    • leon

      I think one of the best arguments for never ever ever being an informant to the FBI/Feds/Cops is that they won’t hesitate to put your life in danger, anytime down the road, for any reason they want.

      “Oh that guy? yeah he was my confidential Informant”

      • mrfamous

        I was gonna say, this is a despicable thing to do to someone. Vanessa Singh Johannes is a crummy human being.

  35. Scruffy Nerfherder

    So… many…. pronouns and titles.

    I’m so confused.

    • But Enough About [this space intentionally left blank]

      Their deviously clever plan is working as designed.

    • Mad Scientist

      Scruffy is not of the body!

  36. The Late P Brooks

    They may hint at a valid hypothesis – plasma treatments don’t work – but we’ve not been supplied with enough information here to draw that conclusion.

    They don’t mention what other factors might be present, either.

    I’m willing to believe plasma is not going to miraculously save an octogenarian who had 50% (or less) lung function prior to contracting the virus.

    But what about a fifty year old, in the early stages?

  37. The Late P Brooks

    Shocking

    Members of Congress were left stunned during a briefing from law enforcement about their failure to prepare for the insurrection at the US Capitol earlier this month, two members who attended a House Appropriations Committee briefing told CNN on Tuesday, with one saying it was “dumb luck” more people didn’t die.

    Or maybe the people who “stormed” the Capitol hadn’t the least intention of killing anybody.

    Put a sock in it, drama queen.

    • leon

      You’re talking about the people who think that their fellow reps are plotting to kill them. They are delusional

      • The Other Kevin

        They are definitely delusional. Now they have the FBI and Homeland Security tasked with proving those delusions are real.

      • leon

        I forsee many “We got him this time!” with mentally incapable people being thrown in jail after being entrapped by the FBI.

        :FBI Foils FBI Terror Plot:

      • The Other Kevin

        And a lot of “Look at this table overflowing with (legal) guns! Clearly we caught this person just in time!”

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        “John H Whitey, a member of the First Baptist Church of Redneckville, a White Nationalist Extreme Right Wing Terror group, according to the SPLC, was in the midst of plotting to overthrow the government with an arsenal of weapons and ammo.”

        *Shows table with 3 legal AR15s 2 pistols, and 400 rounds of ammo*

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      It seems like they would have torched the place if they were interested in mass murder. They certainly had the opportunity to do so.

    • Suthenboy

      It is pure gaslighting. Ineffectual gaslighting. No one but the dumbest rubes believe that horseshit.

      • juris imprudent

        You care to bet against just how many dumb rubes there are in this country?

      • Suthenboy

        I dont gamble but if I did….no.

    • Rebel Scum

      One person* was killed by the police.

      *Ashli Babbit. Say her name. Justice for Ashli**.

      **Even though she spelled her name wrong.

    • R C Dean

      I’m convinced that SOP for the Capitol Police to respond to demonstrators was set by the innumerable leftist demonstrators who have “invaded” the building in recent years. Let them in, do very little if anything to try and control them.

      That seems to have been their initial response to the MAGAts. And then word came down that these weren’t leftists with the privilege of protesting inside the Capitol, they were Trump supports and should be thrown out. And that’s when it got ugly.

      We’ll never know, of course. But that seems to fit what few facts we have.

      I’m pretty confident that if a couple of hundred people got into the Capitol intending to kill people, there would be a lot more dead people than one woman shot by security from behind a locked and barricaded door.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        Had a no-shit group of paramilitary infiltrated the Capitol with the intent to kill, the body count would be in the dozens, at least.

        They would have shown up with lots and lots of guns, not a Buffalo hat and phones to take selfies.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      They’re going to stomp on every wedge there is before this is over.

      They better have the electoral rigging machine completely sewn up before 2022, because the political fallout from this is going to be massive.

      • Hyperion

        “Wait until they start confiscating all the guns and do away with state governments. Hello Californication USSA”

        They’ll have scheduled airdrops of ballots at 4am before 4 years is up if that’s what it takes. They could dig up Hitler and run his dead corpse and he’d still get 100 million votes.

      • Viking1865

        Oh theres a new federal voting rights act coming. Named after John Lewis, naturally. It will include various measures to increase access to the wonderful freedom of the ballot. Probably mandatory voting, universal vote by mail, hell maybe even go totally online with it. Could also see anyone who will turn 18 in the next two years being allowed to vote. Lots of “civic participation” money spread around. Maybe they’ll even go whole hog and eliminate the EC or maybe they’ll give a 50 elector bonus to whoever wins the popular vote. That would be smarter.

        There’s zero chance that the GOP ever again takes control of the federal government, even if they weren’t controlled opposition.

      • juris imprudent

        I don’t know who I’m going to laugh at harder if the Repubs sweep Congress in ’22 – the Dems who overbid or the conspiracy theorists left holding their dicks in their hands.

      • leon

        Toobin is a conspiracy theorist?

      • Gustave Lytton

        He wasn’t paranoid enough of webcams at least.

      • Hyperion

        The dems will target the races they need to keep Congress and stat stuffing those ballots right now. They have 2 years of stuffing left!

    • Hyperion

      I hear that Joe said there’s too many colored folk, they’re breeding like rabbits and they grow up to be super predators! Besides some of them voted for bad orange man, they got off the plantation, they shouldn’t have done that.

    • The Other Kevin

      Most devout Catholic president ever!

      • Sean

        A great uniter. Can’t you feel the unity?

      • Hyperion

        I sure can.

      • leon

        You know… Our last devout catholic president was murered by his Vice President too…

      • juris imprudent

        Too soon?

      • Not Adahn

        Only if she wants to be prexy for ten years.

      • leon

        :golf clap:

    • Rebel Scum

      I have been assured that Biden is a “devout Catholic”. I am starting to think those words do not mean what leftists think they mean.

      • Hyperion

        To leftists, the only meaning a word has if what they say it does right now.

        Democracy = massive election fraud.

        Unity = going after your enemies, who are half the country, like there’s going to be 2nd holocaust.

        Freedom = opening the border and letting people from wherever just walk right in, while locking your own citizens inside their homes.

      • Nephilium

        They’re following the Jack Chick definition of Catholic.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        It’s almost like all that “devout catholic” BS was just battlespace prep for their abortion move.

        ?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Almost….

    • Suthenboy

      “Jen Psaki says that Biden is “a devout Catholic” and “I don’t have anything more for you on that.”

      He is also a buddhist monk. Hell, he is whatever you need him to be. Puddin’ Cup will claim he is a flying glitter unicorn (I forget the name of that cartoon) if you want him to be.

      • Hyperion

        Actually, he will be whatever Xi tells him to be, in particular a CCP stooge.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I just don’t understand the leftist sanctification of abortion. I mildly oppose the unrestricted variety but it seems to be the end all be all for many of them and forcing people to pay for what they consider to be murder is unconscionable.

      • R C Dean

        I just don’t understand the leftist sanctification of abortion.

        They do it to stick a thumb in the eye of the socons. As we well know, there are arguments pro and con for various restrictions, or none at all, but the sanctification of abortion as the premier right in the land is pure bayonetting the wounded following their victory at SCOTUS.

      • leon

        forcing people to pay for what they consider to be murder is unconscionable.

        ^^ This, it goes beyond whether you think it should be legal or not, you are now trying to rub peoples faces in it and make them pay for something they find abhorent.

      • KromulentKristen

        From a political standpoint, leftists should be against abortion because they should want their constituents’ pumping out babies, especially given righties’ propensity for procreation.

      • Mojeaux

        Except they’re actually racist fucks who hate their constituents and think they’re yucky.

      • Suthenboy

        If you listen to the fringes of the left you know what they are all thinking but are reluctant to say out loud.

        They want to drastically reduce the population of the earth.

      • KromulentKristen

        The only thing they’re accomplishing is reducing their own population.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Except that they own the education industry. “Progtestantization” has been a tried and true method for converting those icky breeders’ spawn into good little apparatchiks for 150 years.

      • KromulentKristen

        And now that system is collapsing. Even before the ‘Vid, homeschooling was gaining a lot of steam among conservatives.

        They’re losing their grip on their stage 1 brainwashing system. Next up: academia & the media. Hopefully they’ll fall like dominoes when the up-and-comers fail to tow the lion.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        And now that system is collapsing. Even before the ‘Vid, homeschooling was gaining a lot of steam among conservatives.

        Ehh, kind of. Homeschooling was certainly increasing before Covid, but that’s a far leap to collapse of the public education system. Even post-Covid.

        Many states make it virtually impossible to homeschool. Others will grudgingly allow you the privilege of educating your own child, but require you teach the public school curriculum and actually back that up with regular standardized testing that your child must pass.

        This includes red states. We crossed Tennessee and Louisiana off our future home list after reviewing their homeschool laws, which effectively outlaw it. It’s a shame because I think we would have ended up in Tennessee if it wasn’t for this.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Yeah, I am reluctantly for allowing abortion to remain legal, but I can’t see being proud and fierce in support of abortion.

        Especially when the fanatics start throwing tantrums about late term abortion being an absolute right.

        I can also respect the anti-abortion argument enough to know that they are arguing in good faith and that they shouldn’t be forced to pay for something that is completely against their conscience.

      • juris imprudent

        Yeah, funny how the left abandons “this is what Europe does” when it comes to abortion.

      • leon

        Or French Consent laws…

      • Pope Jimbo

        Look, I thought she was french and was enthusiastically giving me consent.

        Turns out she was just into golden showers and wanted me to wee-wee on her.

    • leon

      Insurance Companies will be Bailed out, because they run a Shadow Banking System that is unstable.

      In the end you will still be left holding the bag.

    • KromulentKristen

      (BTW, the case in question is in OH, Neph & Hyperbole)

    • Hyperion

      Everything the government does is destructive. Unless they start repealing 90% of the laws we don’t need and fuck off and leave people alone, they can only be more destructive.

      The entire ‘essential businesses’ thing is what really has me pissed off since the start. There’s no such thing as an essential business. They’re all essential to someone. The assholes will never be able to make up for the harm they’ve caused, especially since they’re even going to even try. They’ll just keep spending and taxing until there’s nothing left to tax.

      • KromulentKristen

        If you watch the video, he talks about how individuals and small businesses can scream at the government until they’re blue in the face, but the government will completely ignore them. It’s when one of the Big Boys comes knocking (say, the insurance industry) that they will perk up and listen.

        The video is a really good analysis and perhaps hints at a way forward. You should take a look at it.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Deciding who is essential is the hubris of planned economies.

      • Hyperion

        Next, low wage employees will start losing their jobs because they have to be paid $15 an hour, so the government will try to force the employers to keep them. Then they’ll take notice that Happy Meals are now $42 and try to force the owners to lower it back to $3 so people can afford it. Then they’ll try to force the restaurants to serve raw Kale and Tofu only in the happy meal and no one will buy it. So then the government will try to force people to eat Kale and Tofu for $42.

        This is really how stupid they are. In fact, it will probably be hard to tell parody from reality soon, we’re almost there already.

    • Nephilium

      I commented on that case when the decision was first announced. Of interest to me in the decision is they specifically called out the government as the reason that business was interrupted, not the ‘vid.

      • KromulentKristen

        I see it going a couple ways: insurance industry goes whining to the government to open things up, or insurance industry goes whining to the government to allow them to put “government orders” exemptions in their policies and make it retroactive.

        I know which one seems more likely after 30 years in DC.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Along with bailouts and favorable treatments in other areas. Big Business does not approach regulations in a principled way. How do I get advantage and hobble my competition?

      • juris imprudent

        You can’t be accused of violating anti-trust when you are merely complying with federal regulations! Sweet, sweet set up.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Most insurance policies for business interruption have an exclusion for government action written into them.

      • Nephilium

        From what I read of the case, the policy either didn’t have one, or the insurance company didn’t refer to it in their request for summary judgement. The insurance company argued that there was no damage to the building, and any loss of business was due to the virus (IIRC).

    • UnCivilServant

      Maxwell didn’t kill herself?

      • Suthenboy

        Yet

      • juris imprudent

        Not soon enough!

  38. Pope Jimbo

    I just saw Alex’s link about the new super accurate Covid test the Chinese are using.

    Honestly, I think that a lot of problems could be solved if we started using that test here.

    1) Biden could end xenophobia by adopting this test. His administration would be bending over to prove that China is nothing to fear covid-wise.
    2) Simply mandating that people need to get Chinese Tested daily for a month after getting their vaccine shot would do a lot to bring down demand to a level where the current supply would be adequate. It would be a good way to prove that you really are serious about getting the vaccine.
    3) Since the ChiComs have proven with this test that the virus is still in the GI tract even after it is no longer in the respitory system, a new ass-mask mandate would be needed. All those pipeline workers could learn to sew ass masks.

    • Suthenboy

      “But you can catch it over and over and transmit it to others, so get the vaccine!”

      Whut?

    • Not Adahn

      4) The new masks would stop farts.

      • Pope Jimbo

        5) Would be mandatory testing for all politicians every day. Thinking of Pelosi getting “swabbed” daily is something the country can actually unify around.

      • Not Adahn

        To be really sure, they should use a really big swab. And it needs to be rough and abrasive so it can really scrape off a good sample.

    • KromulentKristen

      I’m LOLing at all you people who would rather have a stick up the nose than a stick up the ass.

      • Sean

        I’m gonna go with none of the above. Thank you very much.

      • UnCivilServant

        I am not removing the stick I had surgically implanted so someone can look for a bit of a cough I don’t have.

      • KromulentKristen

        OMG you win the Glibs today

      • Pope Jimbo

        Way to assume my position Double-K!

        How do you know I haven’t embraced the power of “AND”?

        Would that be called the Rona’s Triangle or the Covid Spit Roast?

      • Plisade

        Pangolin on a Spit

      • R C Dean

        The Sniffle Tower?

    • grrizzly

      This should be the only COVID test available. And it has to be administered as often as possible for people to do anything. I’m serious. The sheep have to be raped on a daily basis. Maybe then they’ll wake up.

      • leon

        The sheep have to be raped on a daily basis.

        Hey this Is America, not Scotland.

      • Animal

        Well… *Looks north at Wyoming*

  39. Rothbardsbitch

    Did ya’ll see the guy who was arrested for election interference for posting a meme back in 2016. Biden’s DOJ is making Preet Bahara look reasonable.

    https://i.maga.host/69IIzts.png

    • Sean

      Yup. Frightening.

      • Chipwooder

        And this is why they are hellbent on disarming the proles.

    • leon

      The fact that you can’t go after these sons of bitches for their jobs and lifetime earnings for violating your rights in this way is criminal.

    • Viking1865

      That’s actual tyranny.

      • leon

        unpossible. Biden is a Democrat. He’s saving the soul of america!

      • Hyperion

        The GOP will definitely be cucks and ballless, spineless jellyfish if they don’t impeach Biden on the first day they take back the Senate and House.

    • leon

      Whats odd is the thought that this _isn’t_ somehow political. It’s been 4 years, but as soon as the guy from the other party enters office, he gets arrested.

      I remember when the Dems didn’t like a politicized DOJ and said it was the hallmark of tyranny

  40. R C Dean

    Let’s clear something up:

    If the Senate convicts Trump, can it bar him from running for President again?

    Judgment in Cases of Impeachment shall not extend further than to removal from Office, and disqualification to hold and enjoy any Office of honor, Trust or Profit under the United States; but the Party convicted shall nevertheless be liable and subject to Indictment, Trial, Judgment and Punishment, according to Law.

    I’ve been under the belief that this applies to appointed, not elected, offices. The language is less than clear, and a little research shows that there is a split of opinion on it. Its an open issue. Alcee Hastings was impeached, convicted and removed from office, but was not disqualified, so his subsequent election casts no light on whether disqualification extends to elected offices.

    A trial of Trump would not be moot because he is no longer in office, as there is still a penalty that could be imposed. Would the penalty be upheld on appeal? Your guess is as good as mine. The real defect with the trial of Trump is jurisdicition – the Constitution refers only to “the President”, which must mean the person currently holding the office, and so the Senate has no jurisdiction to try former Presidents.

    • leon

      It would be an interesting court case if Trump sued the Senate over it. The Senate seems to be indicating that they will not convict however.

    • Hyperion

      Constitution, smoncestititution. There ain’t any constitution no more. Now we have something called ‘democracy’ And democracy means whatever they say it means today.

    • juris imprudent

      So the game the Dems want to play is to then claim that under the 14th Amdt – Trump would be unable to run again because of the bar there on a fairly specific insurrection. It’s a very stupid stretch, even for the evil party. The litigation would be hilarious, if you have a taste for that kind of humor.

      • leon

        Yeah that always seemed like a strech along the lines of “The GOP are the real court packers because they have upset the balance of the court by filling real vacancies in SCOTUS”

      • Rebel Scum

        if you have a taste for that kind of humor.

        Indeed I do.

      • kbolino

        The problem with the 14th Amendment is the same as the problem with Article 1, Section 3. Neither mentions the President or Vice-President specifically. The closest is “officer of the United States” but that has generally been interpreted to mean anyone acting on behalf of the President, not the President himself.

      • kbolino

        They could still keep him out of Congress, though I’m not really sure what that achieves. I doubt he’d want to be in Congress in the first place.

    • Rebel Scum

      The Constitution is not a suicide pact.

      • Hyperion

        Then we need an amendment to make democrats illegal. Otherwise, it will suicide itself, all under the ruse of social justice.

    • Suthenboy

      And we get closer and closer. It’s gonna come to blows.

      *goes back to frying chicken livers*

  41. OBJ FRANKELSON

    I am both relived and disappointed that there were no references to Willie Brown’s willie.

    • Animal

      It’s early.