Preview – Nova Roma I

by | Jan 11, 2021 | Fiction, History | 304 comments

My next novel is scheduled for release in June, and given that you folks have all been following my scribblings for some time now, I thought I’d give the community here an advance look.  So here is an excerpt from Nova Roma I, Die Itinere in Occasum.  Enjoy.  I’ll be looking for some folks to send advance reader copies, as well.


Pompey’s ship

Pompey Magnus had never felt so helpless in his life.  He watched as his beloved Cornelia lay hopelessly sick as the ship heaved in the sea.  He listened as the wind screamed outside, driving his fleet farther and farther west.

It was the third day of the storm.

Every day Pompey forced himself to struggle up the narrow ladder to the upper deck.  Every day the raging sea looked the same, heaving, angry, monstrous.  Every day Barca grew a little quieter and, to Pompey’s trained eye, a little more worried.

Pompey had looked in on Cato and Cicero earlier in the day.  Both of them were miserably seasick.  Conditions in the freighter’s tiny cabins were well past horrific; passengers laid in their own filth, and rats ran wild in panic through the vessel.

“Where are we?” Pompey’s older son, Gnaeus Pompey, managed to ask.  The boy was almost twenty-five, a stout young man, an experienced soldier, but not a sailor; the younger Pompey had suffered like his step-mother from endless nausea in the storm.

“I don’t know,” Pompey answered.  “Nobody knows.  Is Claudia all right?”

Gnaeus looked at his young wife, who tossed miserably in a bunk.  “As well as can be expected.”

“When will this storm end?” Cornelia demanded, her voice weak.  Pompey did not answer her.  No answer was possible.

Pompey rose to struggle to the upper deck again.  The storm continued unabated, he knew the ship was being slashed by wind and rain, but the foul air in the cabin was more than he could take.  He made his way above to find Bamil Barca once again – or perhaps still – lashed to the right-hand steering oar.  The man had not, to Pompey’s knowledge, left that post since the storm began.  Credit due for that, the Roman general supposed.  He moved carefully to Barca’s side, his iron-hobnailed sandals reasonably sure on the wet wood of the deck.

“How are we doing?” he shouted over the wind.

Barca turned to him and grinned, revealing yellow, stained teeth.  “Aside from the wind, the rain, the leaks, the sails ripped away, most of my crew vomiting over the side, and your legionaries below laying in puddles of puke?  Aside from this damned storm that threatens to blow us off the edge of the world?  We’re doing just wonderful, General; it’s a lovely day for a sail.”

Pompey found himself laughing unexpectedly.  The man had sand; there was no denying it.

“I told you, General, I’ve never seen the like,” Barca shouted again to be heard over the storm.  “We must be leagues and leagues past Hispania by now.  No one has ever been this far.”

“I wonder where we’ll end up when the storm blows out.”

“Somewhere new,” Barca said.  He shrugged.  “Somewhere nobody has seen before.”

Suddenly worries of Julius Caesar were far from Pompey’s mind.  “Yes, I suppose we will see a new place.  I wonder if we’ll have to pay a ferryman to get there?”

Barca laughed again.  “You already have, General.  Your good Roman gold clinks in my pockets even now.”

Pompey slapped the Spaniard on the back.

“Food will be the problem,” the little captain said after a moment.

“Food?”

“If we don’t hit some land where we can re-provision, we’ll end up eating each other before we can get back to Hispania.  Most of the goats will be gone, your men’s supplies of dried meat and fruit will be eaten.  You brought horses, yes?”

Pompey nodded.  “Not many.  Maybe twenty mares, ten stallions, ten geldings,” he said, thinking.  “Somewhere out there, on one of the other ships, assuming it hasn’t been lost already.”

“We may end up eating them,” Barca said.  “We may end up eating the hay you brought to feed them.”  He held up a hand in the driving rain.  “At least water isn’t a trouble.”

“We should fill every available container while the rain holds,” Pompey said.  “It may grow hot and dry heading back.”

“We’ve thought of that,” Barca said, a little sharply.  “We’ve been in storms before, you know.”

Pompey nodded, suddenly aware he was being fussy.  He gave the Spaniard an apologetic smile.

“Go back below, General,” Barca said once again.  “Try to get some sleep.  We can do nothing but ride this out, then worry about what to do next.”

Pompey nodded slowly, and then once again headed back to the narrow, smelly passageway below decks.

***

Mid-Atlantic

The storm had blown now for over a week.  The scattered Roman ships were barely able to stay in contact by visual signals; the fleet was scattered over leagues of heaving, tossing ocean.

Triremes and quadriremes kept their oars in, their rowers idle, knowing it was no use to do anything but run before the relentless wind.  Several ships had gone down to the endless deeps, sunk by sprung planking, hulls shattered by the raging sea, or simply the collapse of their wooden frames.  Most hove on, sails tied tightly to the masts, decks soaked, with only essential personnel above decks.  Steersmen fought to keep their ships faced into the waves.

Below decks was a hell.  Passengers and crew lay miserably seasick.  Vomit and human waste fouled the decks.  Fever took away some of the weaker Romans, while others huddled miserably, suffering hot and cold flashes, sweats, and aching bones.

Food was running short, even with most of the people sick.  The last goats and sheep were slaughtered on the ninth day.  Dried meat there was, but the lack of exercise and nausea made it impossible for many to eat, and the endless drenching in salt water quickly turned preserved food inedible.

One large cargo ship carried the expedition’s horses.  One fine stallion stumbled in his stall as the ship rolled into a trough and broke a leg; a centurion assigned to oversee the care of the animal used a dagger to cut its throat, crying tears of rage as he did so.  The horse was cut up for stewing.

The storm blew on and on.

Nights were the worst.  There were no stars to guide by, no glimpse of the moon to give an indication of direction.  The ship’s captains all thought they were still headed west, but nobody knew for sure; days dawned gloomy and dark, with only low, dark clouds obscuring any sight of the sun.  No land was in view anywhere, nor were any other ships.  The expedition of Roman ships, originally bound for Hispania, was lost in a vast, raging wilderness of water.

On the fourteenth day, the wind began to die down.  The fifteenth morning dawned ugly, but the wind was down to a manageable level, and the sun broke weakly through the clouds, dead astern.  The surviving ships began to slowly gather together, to form a center.  Sails were unrolled, and oars finally extended and put into use.

At the center of the loose formation was the freighter carrying Pompey Magnus.

***

Pompey’s ship

Pompey Magnus was hungry, but not yet starving.  His years of soldiering had accustomed him to short rations.  With the weather moderating at last, Bamil Barca had finally relinquished the right-side steering oar; Pompey did not think the man had slept ten hours in ten days.  He stood now, wavering slightly, next to Pompey on the deck near the bow of the ship.  The sea was still tossing, but the wind had moderated.  Things were, for the moment, at least tolerable.

“I make it thirty-four ships,” Pompey said.  Barca nodded agreement.  “Six lost.”  Pompey had known one moment of unbelievable relief when the ship holding the Treasury gold had appeared out of a lingering fog bank.  A miracle, really, to have lost only six.

“Look there,” the little ship captain pointed.  “Those birds, flying out of the west.”

Pompey followed Bamil’s pointing finger to where a line of five large birds, brown and white with absurdly long bills, flew just above the water.

“Those birds came from land,” Barca said, “ahead of us somewhere.”  He turned to his first mate.  “Send below to the oarsmen, set the second-slowest cadence.  We make for the west.  The others will follow us.”

He turned to Pompey Magnus and yawned hugely.  “There is land in that direction,” he insisted.  He tottered, half-dead with fatigue.  “I’ll bet my life on it.  I may be betting my life on it.”

“Should we turn east for Hispania?”

“Not unless you want to starve,” Barca replied.  “How long to tack back to Europe in this mess?  How long will the oarsmen last on no rations?  We’re out of food here, General, and I’ve no doubt the other ships are as well.  If we want to live, we have to have food, and there is land in that direction.”  He pointed.

“You should be asleep,” Pompey told him.  “Go to your cabin before you fall down.  I am sure your mate can handle the ship for a while.”

“I believe I will, General.”

The ships gathered in, moving into a tighter formation as they slowly rowed west.  Pompey realized that they were utterly lost; whatever land lay ahead of them was liable to be their new home, for better or for worse.  Six ships were missing, but Pompey saw the ship carrying the horses also present in the formation, maybe a mile behind.

“We have no idea where we are, do we?”

Pompey turned to see Cato and Cicero, both of them in the open air for the first time since the storm began.  Cicero still looked a trifle green, but both men had managed to wash and change into fresh clothing.

Pompey turned away, facing west again.  “No.  We have no idea where we are, except that no one has come this way before us.  Europe should be to the east, but how far have we come?  How many days have we been lost, driven before a storm the likes of which no man ever saw?  Folly, pure folly to try to re-trace our steps now, not with land close at hand.”

Cato startled Pompey by laughing.  “Suddenly,” the Stoic said, “concerns of Julius Caesar and a second civil war seem somewhat unimportant, neh?”

Pompey once more startled himself by grinning at Cato.  “My friend,” he said, “You have a talent for stating the obvious.  But you’re right; whatever may happen in Rome, will happen now without us.”

He knew a moment of exquisite pain, suddenly realizing the meaning of the morning’s revelation.  Never more would they see Rome.  Never again to walk its streets, its markets, never again to sit in the Senate, breathe its air in the Forum…

“All this talk be damned,” Cicero barked. Cato and Pompey stared at him.  “For whatever it’s worth, in this time and place, we are Rome.  We three, the other Senators, and the legions we have with us.  We may be lost, but Romans we are and Romans we will remain.”  He pointed west.  “So there is land out there?  We will build a new Rome.  A new Republic.  And this time, we will protect it against men who seek a crown.”  He looked at the others, his eyes blazing.  “Am I right?”

“You are,” Pompey said softly.  “We are Rome.”  Cato only nodded.  It was a theme that would become very familiar to all of them in the months to come.

***

Next morning

It was Legionary Titus Caninus who sighted the thin green line of land the morning of the sixteenth day.  “Land!” he roared, bringing everybody but the oarsmen onto the deck in an instant.  The cry was echoed from ship to ship, carrying across the formation.

The captain of the trireme Caninus served on slapped the big man on the back.  “I’d offer to award you a talent of silver for being the first to sight land, Caninus,” he laughed, “but silver may be no more than excess weight to us now.”

“I’d not turn it down regardless, sir,” Caninus said.  He put one foot on the rail and peered intently ahead.  Around them, oarsmen on all ships were picking up the pace.

By late afternoon they were within sight of the beach.  A narrow strip of sand bordered the water, with large trees growing down close to the shore.  Just to the north, a large river emptied into the ocean.  The sea was calm now, with evening growing close, and the sun cast its light from low in the west, making the land look a brilliant green.  The Romans looked at the forest and saw building materials, new houses, game for eating, wood to cook with, land to be cleared for farms.

Pompey’s ship was the first to touch the beach.  Gnaeus Pompey Magnus, Consul of Rome, was the first to drop over the side of the ship, to wade up onto the beach of the new land. “Nova Terra,” he breathed to himself.  “Nova Roma.”  He knelt, picked up a handful of sand and kissed it.

For the occasion he had donned full uniform, with bronze breastplate and helmet; his polished, ivory-handled gladius hung at his side.  The air was still and hot, even in the evening, and the humidity was oppressive, but Pompey wasn’t about to worry about that.  Events of great import were underway, and he had to pay the gods their due; a certain amount of decorum was necessary.

He looked up at the skinny brown face of Bamil Barca, who looked down at him from the freighter’s rail.

“Begin landing,” Pompey said.  “Bring our people ashore.”

He looked into the trees.  “It seems we are home,” he said to himself.  He stood and took a step forward; his sandal caught on a piece of waterlogged driftwood almost buried in the sand, and the Consul of Rome was sent sprawling.

He sat up, looked at the row of faces watching him from the ship, and laughed.

About The Author

Animal

Animal

Semi-notorious local political gadfly and general pain in the ass. I’m firmly convinced that the Earth and all its inhabitants were placed here for my personal amusement and entertainment, and I comport myself accordingly. Vote Animal/STEVE SMITH 2024!

304 Comments

  1. Floridaman

    Awesome book man, I will have to get a copy.

  2. juris imprudent

    This promises to be an entertaining alt-history.

  3. Sean

    I’d read more of that.

  4. Viking1865

    Very cool. I have a very soft spot in my alt-history loving heart for pre-Columbian contact stories, and especially Roman ones.

  5. Rebel Scum

    I guess they don’t teach the Constitution (or law, for that matter) in law school anymore.

    In leading the efforts to undermine the peaceful transition of power after a free and fair election, Senators Hawley and Cruz attacked the foundations of our democracy. Nearly 160 million Americans exercised their right to vote in the November 2020 election. Dozens of courts rejected unfounded claims of widespread voter fraud, and the Electoral College formally ratified President-elect Biden’s victory on December 14, 2020. Despite these clear expressions of the will of the people—and with full knowledge of the implications of their actions—Senators Hawley and Cruz publicly announced their intentions to object to Congress’s certification of the Electoral College’s votes set for January 6, 2021.

    In doing so, Senators Hawley and Cruz directly incited the January 6th insurrection, repeating dangerous and unsubstantiated statements regarding the election and abetting the lawless behavior of President Trump. A violent mob attacked the U.S. Capitol. Five people have died. The nation and the world watched as rioters took over the very halls and chambers that embody our democracy. Yet after the violence and terror of the day’s events, Senators Hawley and Cruz still chose to stand in the chamber of the U.S. Senate and persist in their baseless objections to the will of the people.

    These actions prove Senators Hawley and Cruz fundamentally unfit for membership in the legal profession. Both have flagrantly violated some of the most elementary ethics rules governing the legal profession. In inciting and encouraging a violent insurrection against the U.S. government, they have potentially committed “a criminal act that reflects adversely on the lawyer’s honesty, trustworthiness, or fitness as a lawyer in other respects.” And by fanning the fury of aggrieved constituents through false claims of voter fraud, all for their own political gain, they have engaged in “conduct involving dishonesty, fraud, deceit, or misrepresentation.”

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Editorialize much? Unpack your adjectives!

      Yalies, meh.

    • Ted S.

      I guess they don’t teach how to identify projection, either.

  6. Yusef drives a Kia

    Please send me a copy, or tell where I can buy it!
    I’m already too far in, I must know the story!
    Awesome start Animal,

  7. db

    Good read, make sure you remind us when release is imminent, Animal.

    • WTF

      Seconded, I love this genre, and love Roman history, so this book is basically a home run for me. I can’t wait to read more.

  8. Rebel Scum

    Honk honk.

    “President Trump’s conduct on January 6, 2021 was consistent with his prior efforts to subvert and obstruct the certification of the results of the 2020 presidential election,” the article of impeachment stated. “Those prior efforts include, but are not limited to, a phone call on January 2, 2021, in which President Trump urged Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger to ‘find’ enough votes to overturn the Georgia presidential election results and threatened Mr. Raffensperger if he failed to do so.”

    “In all of this, President Trump gravely endangered the security of the United States and its institutions of government,” the document stated. “He threatened the integrity of the democratic system, interfered with the peaceful transition of power, and imperiled a coordinate branch of government. He thereby betrayed his trust as President, to the manifest injury of the people of the United States.”

    “Werefore President Trump, by such conduct, has demonstrated that he will remain a threat to national security, democracy, and the Constitution if allowed to remain in office, and has acted in a manner grossly incompatible with self-governance and the rule of law,” the article of impeachment concluded. “President Trump thus warrants impeachment and trial, removal from office, and disqualification to hold and enjoy any office of honor, trust, or profit under the United States.”

    This is all bullshit. Supposedly Trump is giving an address this afternoon. I wonder what it will be about.

    • juris imprudent

      Trump should appear on the House floor and shout “fire”.

      • cyto

        That is funny!

      • Rebel Scum

        *sensible chuckle*

      • rhywun

        Or take a giant dump on it and walk out.

    • Urthona

      he’s resigning!!

      nah i dunno.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I wonder if it’ll be “You can’t fire me because I quit.”

      • Urthona

        i had that theory,

        but i don’t think the vote will succeed.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        McConnell has stated that he will not bring the Senate back into session until the 20th, which would put it on the day of Biden’s inauguration. Not likely.

      • Urthona

        No i don’t mean votes to impeach.

        I mean the 2/3rds of senators required to “convict”.

        plus Trump will be out of office when the senate trial starts. so it will only be the charge preventing him from running again that matters.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Ah, got it.

      • WTF

        Of course they have no power to “impeach” a private citizen, which is what Trump will be when this comes to fruition.

    • db

      Pardon of every criminal in blue states’ prisons, followed by resignation.

      • cyto

        He had really better come up with some pardons for Snowden and those people. The deep state came after him hard, so he should know what they are up against.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        That’s wishcasting, he thinks they’re spies and traitors and deserve what they’re getting, I guarantee.

      • Viking1865

        He’s an idiot who remains convinced every single one of the hundreds of feds working for the Nat Sec establishment are just bad apples. Serious case of Tom Clancy Republican Syndrome.

      • Gustave Lytton

        They’ll just reverse the pardons. Sullivan almost did it with Flynn.

      • Urthona

        pardons cannot be reversed.

      • leon

        Oh sure. I’m sure we can work around that.

      • Gustave Lytton

        *pats Urthona on head and hands out juicebox*

      • Urthona

        I love that I’m not one of the more cynical ones here. unusual for me.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        That people like Sullivan exist should scare the shit out of everyone. He’s a damned tyrant with no respect for the law he’s supposed to interpret.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I used to think that described Harold Greene. I’d take courthouse of Greenes over the current robe wearers.

      • db

        I had thought to mention pardoning Snowden, but thought it was just too unlikely…

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        He has Russian citizenship (I think, the way was cleared for him to get if if he wants it at least) and his first kid on the way. He’s not home but at least he’s doing alright.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        He’s a dad now. I admire his optimism.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Yes!

      • db

        Actually, maybe he’ll issue an executive order to the ATF to begin confiscation of all firearms, to the Dept. of Education to cease all grants to universities that harbor wrongthinking professors, to the DOJ to cease all grants and funds to local and state law enforcement, etc. Give the dems exactly what they say they want.

    • Viking1865

      If Trump were smart, and he isn’t, it would be something like

      “They call me a fascist dictator. Would a fascist dictator allow himself to be removed from power via a coup? Of course not. But I am going, in just ten days. Then these people will try to throw me in prison, probably my family too. They can’t help themselves, it’s what they are and what they do. But just remember, if they can throw a billionaire former President into prison on nonsense charges, imagine what they will do to you and your family.

      They are banning you from the Internet. They are getting you fired from your jobs just for protesting. They are coming for your guns next. People who want you silenced, impoverished, and unable to fight back against them are not your friends, and they are not honest political opponents. They mean to make you slaves. Be on your guard.”

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Sounds like incitement to me and a rereimpeachment would be in order.To be serious though, we’re in deep shit and it’s the Dems that are doing it now. I’ve never seen it even close to this bad.

      • The Other Kevin

        There are a lot of things I’ve heard over the years that sounded like crazy conspiracy theories. Today those things are being seriously proposed by people who have the power to do them.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        I hope I see Alex Jones in the reeducation camp so I can apologize to him for thinking he was a nut.

      • Drake

        There is a guy at the gym we call “conspiracy Bob”. I’ve watched several people apologize to him.

      • Viking1865

        Yeah and quite frankly my anger at the Oh So Social and Polite “Right Wing” might be higher than at the leftists. They have put millions of American small businesses into bankruptcy because they knew it would hurt their enemies more than their friends, and the National Review set was fine with it, cheered it on because Experts and Science and Policy Makers.

        Not one of them suffered the last year, not one. They all did just fine. Some even did better. 2020 was a very good year for media, government, big tech, and all the other 21st century info economy people. It was the deplorables who got fucked over hard, fast, and repeatedly and none of the people who actually make decisions even made token gestures of solidarity.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        The establishment right is so beyond pathetic as to be hopeless.

      • Urthona

        The media will cut out everything after “they call me a fascist dictator” and run with that.

      • leon

        Trump admits he is Fascist Dictator!

      • Plinker762

        Audio cut: “me a fascist dictator”
        Reporter: “Trump an admitted Nazi that can’t speak English properly”

      • CPRM

        Audio editors are better than that, they’ll find an ‘I am’ to splice on the the front.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        +1 “sweet sweet can”

      • Ted S.

        But just remember, if they can throw a billionaire former President into prison on nonsense charges, imagine what they will do to you and your family.

        Nice to see people remember the Reversal of Fortune clip I’ve posted here in the past.

    • CPRM

      grossly incompatible with self-governance and the rule of law

      That about sums up all of DC today.

    • Floridaman

      Honor and trust, I thought impeachment meant you could no longer be a politician, no one honors or trusts them.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I give it two hours.

    • juris imprudent

      Are you kidding – didn’t you hear what he was saying? He is a wrongthinker – they’ll charge him with everything.

  9. Aloysious

    Nice story, Animal.

    You fleshed out a wish I had after watching a (PBS? don’t quite remember) show about survivors of Carthage traveling across the Atlantic to what is now Brazil to escape vengeful Romans. I was left wanting more.

    Can’t wait for your book.

  10. The Late P Brooks

    Supposedly Trump is giving an address this afternoon. I wonder what it will be about.

    The Boy Who Cried Wolf?

  11. wdalasio

    Great excerpt. Is there a link as to where we might be able to purchase the original, when it is available (assuming you haven’t been cancelled for wrongthink by then)?

    • Animal

      Link to publisher. Yes, it’s kid books right now, I’m the first in the sci-fi/alt history catalog.

  12. Ownbestenemy

    Very awesome tease Animal. Have to keep an eye out for that.

  13. The Late P Brooks

    Tanks and troops on the streets of DC for the Biden/Harris inauguration will set exactly the right tone for the next four years.

    Defund the police? Maybe some other time.

    • CPRM

      They’ll defund the regular police. To replace them we will have a new ‘secret’ police, controlled directly by the Top Men People.

      • leon

        Defund the Police has always meant “Create the NKVD”

      • juris imprudent

        Does that mean we will get a Secret Policeman’s Union?

  14. wdalasio

    I can’t help but think that all of this insanity stems from the fact that we in the West have enjoyed a level of prosperity and safety that is unparalleled in human history for some time. Some have had it so good for so long, that they can’t imagine it any different and they think total control is a just and fair demand because they’ve had pretty much anything else that could be a demand already met. I can only imagine that, eventually, the fever will pass. It has to, doesn’t it? Eventually, people are going to look back on these times with embarrassment, if not the justified regret. The only question is how much damage will be done in the meantime. Because this is a more extreme, widespread, phenomenon and I suspect people will find the Pandora’s boxes they’ve been opening have consequences they could never have predicted.

    • Sean

      have enjoyed a level of prosperity and safety that is unparalleled in human history for some time.

      “Not for much longer!”

      -Dems

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Verruca Salt.

      • Gdragon

        When Veruca was screaming about wanting a bean feast I guess she was lucky she didn’t have a Bean Dad 😉

    • Mojeaux

      Prosperity is a helluva drug.

      What’s that they say? “Idle hands are the devil’s workshop”?

      It’s boredom, plain and simple.

      That said, Victorian society had its own cancel culture. Karens have always been with us.

    • wdalasio

      I hate the idea of “keeping a list”. But, I’m starting to think it might be a good idea to build a database of all the times politicians, celebrities, and public figures and organizations have advocated for the insanity. Build a record. When the fever passes, the inclination will be to pretend it never happened, to erase it from memory. Someone or some group should build a record so that, after this has all faded from memory, those who demanded it and pushed for it won’t be able to sidestep history.

      • Floridaman

        You know who else, had a little list?

      • Swiss Servator

        Was it of people who never would be missed?

        Oh, and the answer is “Sulla”.

      • Ted S.

        Hall and Oates?

      • juris imprudent

        The fat bastard at the North Pole?

    • EvilSheldon

      It’s a sad goddamned state of affairs, when I’m actually contemplating the upcoming economic collapse and thinking, “Eh, the alternative would be worse…”

  15. CPRM

    Progress will finally be achieved when this DICKtator is toppled by world’s first VAGItator!

    • Fatty Bolger

      Awoman!

      • Floridaman

        Kind of annoyed nobody called him out for enforcing the gender binary.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Rightthinkers get a pass. Wrongthinkers get it up the ass.

      • Floridaman

        Hence do it anonymously, dear colleagues letter.

    • Plisade

      And Our Benevolent Vagitator will be kept democratically and legitimately in office via womanufactured votes!

  16. The Late P Brooks

    Experts

    As COVID-19 raged last year, the seasonal flu all but vanished, according to data from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

    During the 2019 flu season from Sept. 29 to Dec. 28, the CDC reported more than 65,000 cases of influenza nationwide. During the same period last year, the agency reported 1,016 cases.

    Health experts said that high vaccination rates against the flu – combined with social distancing, mask-wearing and hand-washing employed to stop the spread of the coronavirus – played a huge role in preventing influenzatransmission.

    ——-

    Though many experts are relieved to see public health measures working against flu spread, they said the numbers speak volumes about the transmissibility of COVID-19.

    “It says that it’s more contagious and that it’s less forgiving of any lapses of these types of prevention measures,” said Dr. David Hooper, chief of the infection control unit at Massachusetts General Hospital.

    Hooper said one reason the coronavirus is more transmissible is because people can shed the coronavirus days before exhibiting any symptoms, if they develop symptoms at all.

    A model developed by CDC researchers and published Thursday in JAMA Network Open found that people who don’t show symptoms may be responsible for 59% of COVID-19 transmissions, comprising 35% who are pre-symptomatic and 24% who never develop symptoms.

    If only people would wear masks. We could stop this thing right in its tracks.

    • CPRM

      ‘We stopped checking people with Flu symptoms for the Flu, and the Flu went away!’

      • mrfamous

        There is a plausible theory that COVID has indeed chased the flu away. That viruses have to compete with one another to infect hosts, and that COVID has crowded out influenza’s ability to infect people.

        Don’t know if that’s true as it’s not my field, but it’s a fairly interesting theory. The “masks and social distancing stopped the flu” theory is unadulterated horseshit. Japan gets hit with the flu as bad or worse than we do every year despite the masks. Not to mention that if they’re stopping the flu, why aren’t they working against COVID?

      • grrizzly

        Americans are wearing face masks now at a much, much higher rate than the Japanese did as late as February 2020.

      • blackjack

        Or maybe, they’re lying about this too? Just a thought, based on the fact that everything I’ve heard all year has been a lie.

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      I’m sure it has nothing to do with how the data are recorded.

    • rhywun

      Horseshit.

    • mrfamous

      The model found exactly what the model was programmed to find. Imagine that.

      • slumbrew

        “According to our model, our model is correct” is the first thing I think whenever these stories pop up.

    • R C Dean

      Though many experts are relieved to see public health measures working against flu spread, they said the numbers speak volumes about the transmissibility of COVID-19.

      “It says that it’s more contagious and that it’s less forgiving of any lapses of these types of prevention measures,”

      See, that’s how you assume your conclusion.

    • juris imprudent

      A model

      Alex, what are data and equations that have no connection to reality assembled as a demonstration of scientific expertise?

  17. Mojeaux

    Gah. One of the bad parts about my day job (versus my night gig) is my complete inability to balance getting out new quotes and doing the work I already quoted. Add in carting kids everywhere and beyond, and my working life is a mess.

  18. grrizzly

    Parler Will ‘Be Down Longer Than Expected’ as More Vendors Drop Big Tech Alternative

    “I wanted to send everyone on Parler an update,” Matze posted. “WE will likely be down longer than expected. This is not due to software restrictions—we have our software and everyone’s data ready to go. Rather it’s that Amazon’s, Google’s, and Apple’s statements to the press about dropping our access has caused most of our other vendors to drop their support for us as well.”

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      And guess what, all of the agitators appear to have come from Facebook

      • leon

        It’s not about facts or logic. This is just about eliminating alternatives to the controlled media.

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      And when they find vendors willing to work with them, the banks will drop them.

      • leon

        I imagine if the banks push harder, it will fuel crypto even more

    • Urthona

      I’ll be honest. Parler sucks. And I would scarcely even call it social media.

      All it does is play news from things you’ve subscribed to in chronological order.

      It’s really just an app for reading your news.

      But that just disturbs me all the more that it’s being banned. You can’t plan any violence in the app. It’s a terrible vehicle for that.

      It’s horseshit.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Thinking down the road a bit. I think the ISPs getting on board is the one completely unavoidable step.

        They get rid of your cloud compute and you go on-prem.
        They get rid of your domain name, and you go dark web.
        They get rid of your mobile app, and you sideload or web app it.
        They get rid of your internet connection and…

        At that point, it’s over. Electronic discussion is unavoidably censored.

      • Floridaman

        Yep I foresee the small localized networks I have been hearing about taking off. Apparently it is like a usb stick which you use which can connect, with other computers but the range is maybe a region.

      • kbolino

        They’ll probably go after encryption either before the ISPs or simultaneously. You could keep your ISP but operate beyond theirs and the lynch mob’s scrutiny with strong encryption, validated trust, etc. but the government would not long tolerate that (terrorism, kiddy porn, drugs, take your pick).

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Heh, I just created my protonmail accounts.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Gab went through all of the same stuff and they came out the other side but Torba, although he’s a douchebag, is imaginative with a nimble mind.

      • Urthona

        Don’t know about Gab.

      • Floridaman

        Yeah but at the time, no one had gone around before so you could make your own payment processor etc, now though?

  19. Rebel Scum

    The power of propaganda.

    Two-thirds (67%) say the President deserves a good amount (15%) or a great deal (52%) of the blame for the riots in Washington, D.C.

    Virtually all Democrats (94%) and a majority of independents (58%) believe Trump should be removed; only 13% of Republicans agree.

    • UnCivilServant

      The poll is itself propaganda, we’ve been over this.

      • Floridaman

        Yeah the data I have been seeing shows otherwise, Rasmussen I know, but even accounting the election were the closest, actually showed his approval going up. And we know Congress has a lower approval, than Ebola.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Most Americans approve common sense gun regulation.

        Most Americans like the idea of secret police monitoring.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Most Americans are eejits, and who has both time and inclination (gullibility?) to respond to a poll?

      • kbolino

        Most polls are misleading to meaningless because the framing and phrasing of the question has a strong effect on the response.

      • blackjack

        Here we go with the fucking polls again. Polls suck. We live in the age of constant lies. Polls are based on people telling the truth, both the polled and the polling. I think we should call of them “pollacks” from now on and make jokes about how many it takes to screw in lightbulbs.

    • CPRM

      ‘Yes, I think Trump should leave office when the next President is inaugurated’

      ‘Ok, I’ll just mark you down as saying he should be removed, thanks.’ *CLICK*

    • leon

      IIRC ABC was one of the most egregious pollsters for the election. I don’t trust anything they say.

  20. Plisade

    So the Parler shenanigans have caused one local (Nashville burbs) friend to bug out. This single mom has taken her 16yo son north to relatives with guns and who hunt. She is concerned that both she and baby daddy lack adequate means of self defense. I got some panicky texts from her over the weekend, resulting in this final action.

    I’ve thought TN burbs would be a place to bug out *to* not from. And methinks it’s too soon anyway.

    • slumbrew

      I’ve thought TN burbs would be a place to bug out *to* not from.

      I’d have thought so as well.

      • dontreadonme

        I drive to my land 30 minutes North of Nashville and see as many Trump signs as I do oak trees. I feel pretty safe there from the progressive mob.

    • leon

      Yeah. I guess it could make sense if you live in a Major city to have a place to But out. We have an emergency bag, but this is for things like ‘We can’t live in our house anymore’. I’m not leaving my home and town without being forced out.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        I’m much more interested in being able to bug out of my digital footprint than my physical one. Granted, wife and I don’t feel particularly comfortable renting in this social climate, but there’s nothing we can do about that right now.

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      Yeah, seems a bit premature. There are actions to be taken, but bugging out seems extreme by half .

      • R C Dean

        Reminds of the remark in the last post about how, by the time you realize you’re lost, you’ve actually been lost for awhile.

        How many of the Jews who fled Germany in the ’30s had all their friends telling them “You’re crazy. This will blow over. If it doesn’t get better in a few years, leave then.”?

      • Floridaman

        A few actually, one of the old documentaries I believe ride and fall of the third reich had a diary of a Jewish man, who said basically that.

      • slumbrew

        a diary of a Jewish man, who said basically that.

        I Will Bear Witness by Victor Kempler is just that.

        I’ve started it a couple times but it’s slow going. May be time to try again.

      • grrizzly

        This memoir was regularly cited in Richard Evans’s trilogy on the Third Reich.

        Also, even under Hitler the things sometimes got better for Jews. Before the Berlin Olympics there were even efforts to recruit Jewish athletes into the German Olympic team. German Jews living in Germany hadn’t been having access to training facilities in the preceding three years, so they didn’t make the team. But a few German Jews living abroad made the German Olympic team.

        There’s often something to tell you that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.

      • slumbrew

        There’s often something to tell you that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.

        And sometimes that light is a train.

      • UnCivilServant

        It could be worse, the light at the end of the tunnel could be New [York/Jersey].

        /State rivalry joke

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        I vividly recall the dazed expressions in pictures of women standing in line for the showers, many with children clinging to their legs, while clutching their rock soap. Even when faced with the end, they were still in disbelief and had trouble processing that it was really happening.

    • Urthona

      I can’t decide what to do honestly.

      Part of me thinks I shouldn’t be ceding places like Facebook to the left and just stay there pushing back whenever possible.

      • db

        I gave up on Facebook many years ago, but even if I were still on it, I couldn’t risk it. We’re at the point where mild libertarian sentiments are blown up as wrongthink, and I cannot afford to be canceled and hounded out of my job. I probably would be able to find another in another region relatively easily, however, the process is the punishment.

        There is a reason the Founders pointed out that they were staking their lives, fortunes, and sacred honor when they published the DOI.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Text from a work peer of mine “Hey I need to step out to go get fingerprinted” I didn’t respond, but methinks he is purchasing a really really big gun…er boat.

    • Semi-Spartan Dad

      Well, it is time to start preparing. I don’t know for what exactly, but everyone should be getting their household in order and ready for whatever comes. For my household, that preparation includes reducing our Big Tech presence, expanding food/water/medical supplies storage, and ensuring adequate … fishing… supplies. I can’t see us ever bugging out, though we will eventually find a new home in a better suited location.

      The single mom may have concluded that she lacks the tools or knowledge to prepare, and is going to rely on her relatives with guns and that hunt for this instead. It’s not a bad decision if that’s the case, and the relatives could be a good influence on the teenage son.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Good answer and good approach. Do I think my neighborhood is going to descend into anarchy? No. Do I have a plan and storage and…fishing…supplies? Yes. FIL is close by and he is the really big fisherman. Its a rough ride out but their are many places along the Colorado that might be utilized as a short-term vacation spot.

      • CPRM

        many places along the Colorado that might be utilized as a short-term vacation spot.

        I can tell you all about the abandoned mine with a record player we found near the dick shaped rocks on the way to Hoover Dam if you like, but you’ll have to pay for the Dam tour.

      • Plisade

        Time to prepare, indeed. My mind is racing with priorities. Being able to reduce my digital presence includes pulling savings out of the bank in cash. This, because beyond needing to defend my home, I feel that having the ability to travel long distances without a phone or credit cards is a good idea.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        I applied for a FOID card. I’m not sure if that was a good thing or not. On one hand it will allow me to buy that kayak I’ve always wanted but on the other I did have to provide information to apply.

      • R C Dean

        I can’t see us ever bugging out, though we will eventually find a new home in a better suited location.

        The odds that we will expatriate in 2-3 years have gone up sharply this past week.

  21. LJW

    I don’t get this whole “destroy Parler!” push. Wouldn’t you want those planning violence to be out in the open? Now you’re just pushing all of this underground and giving extremists more recruiting propaganda.

    • blackjack

      Smart, they ain’t. Shocking that they have achieved all that they seem to have.

    • Urthona

      I argued earlier that the ban on questioning the election played a role in this incident. You aren’t allowed to talk about it and you get pushed to the fringes and right wing echo chambers where things come to a boil.

      What is wrong with questioning it publicly and just having a dozen left wingers say I’m an idiot? It was fine and fair system.

      • Floridaman

        Because they are afraid it is making their followers question it. If it was just you they wouldn’t care, but they don’t want people to consider whether the people saying things others dismiss are right.

      • Urthona

        I know. It’s ridiculous.

        I can believe the number of Republican friends I have being swayed by this.

      • Floridaman

        Why? Remember apart from libertarians most people don’t want to question the narrative, so apart from us most people don’t want to see. There is nothing easier than fooling those who want to be fooled. Whether that be the crowd following msm, or the people following the non boobie Q.

      • blackjack

        They know that they cheated. Everybody knows.

      • Not Adahn

        “Everybody knows you’ve been discreet” is one of the most brilliant lines ever.

        But this is one of the few songs that LC’s voice is well suited for, so can’t really approve of this cover.

      • Urthona

        I don’t know.

      • Floridaman

        Neither do I but I operate under the assumption the government is doing something horrible, I am seldom disappointed.

      • blackjack

        I just applied “Occam’s razor” to the info I had about the election. No great leaps needed.

      • robc

        But you aren’t even allowed to consider the possibility. That is wrongthink.

      • mrfamous

        Of course they did. They do every election, so do the Republicans, particularly entrenched ones like McConnell. If they weren’t going to cheat, why not require ID to vote like it’s required to do just about everything else? Why do they ballot harvest? Why do they knock on doors and ask if they need help with their absentee ballot? Why did they mail out a bunch of ballots en masse to addresses? Why do they restrict ballot access to third parties? Why do they not want poll watchers watching them count? Why do some of the least popular people in the country have 96% re-election rates?

        Now whether it was enough to move the election result, that’s a different question. But whether they will do whatever is necessary to help them win, regardless of the “will of the electorate,” I can’t believe that’s even up for debate.

        The “secret” is that both parties support the current electoral cheating because it provides a massive incumbency advantage, something that is very much in both of the parties’ interest.

      • Floridaman

        This.

      • Urthona

        I am certainly of the opinion that if you allow ballot harvesting and voting without id you’re a Banana Republic.

        Nevertheless, the claim that “they cheated to win” is something different. I think Trump’s people did a huge disservice scattershooting at every bullshit claim out there.

      • blackjack

        It should be clear that Biden did not win fair and square. There’s a laundry list of ways the cheating worked. It’s shameful that the powers that be have no interest in doing anything about it. America very likely is all done now.

      • Viking1865

        Yep if it was so obviously bullshit, they wouldn’t need to censor anyone. They never censored OBUMMER WAS BORNED IN KJENYA HES MOOSELIMB because it was patently false and was an excellent club to use on the Republicans.

        ““When you tear out a man’s tongue, you are not proving him a liar, you’re only telling the world that you fear what he might say.”

        (I love quoting this because I’m sure it royally pisses Martin off that people are using it against his favorite Team.)

      • R C Dean

        They absolutely cheated. The only real question is whether their cheating threw the election.

    • Akira

      And you’re pushing them into isolated, clandestine spaces where they won’t encounter any dissent or critiques at all. Great recipe for an unhinged, violent movement.

    • leon

      There are several (not all entirely compatible, or exclusive) theories.

      1. The Left is starting to realize that DT is not the head of the snake, but still think his supporters, if suppressed enough, will go away. I.E they are coming around to the fact that their is a larger problem than “Trump”, but they still think that they can play like it is 2010’s and that they can mostly keep them Shut Up.

      2. It is just about eliminating alternatives. Trump soared because he was able to get out through Social Media. Never Again is the hope, and that means destroying any non-controled social media site.

      3. It is about punishment of the wrong-thinking class

      What is interesting is that they are going so full throttle on the war. Their is no desire for “Unity” that they attempted to pretend at a month ago. They are burning all the political bridges because (probably) they see themselves as ascendant and never endingly in power.

      • leon

        Oh. and theory 4: They are doing this to provoke more violence.

      • blackjack

        DING! DING! They want to justify brutally cracking down on MAGA people and the best way is to provoke them to violence.

      • Raven Nation

        Leon: sorry to coopt the thread. You made a comment on a weekend post about VPN’s being overrated in terms of security. Someone asked you to elaborate but I never saw a response (I may have missed it of course).

        Can you explain a little bit? (not challenging you, genuinely curious).

      • leon

        Oh yeah, i forgot about that, and i had to bug out all weekend.

        It’s kind of a two part thing. I think VPN’s are valuable, and useful as a security measure. If you are at the airport, having a VPN is great because you can encrypt your traffic rather than be dependent on the Airport WIFI. However, it doesn’t do things like anonymize/encrypt your traffic. You have to use something like Tor to do that. In short, VPN services don’t do what they are often advertised as doing. Their big benefit is giving you security in a known hostile network (Airport/Library/Hotel WiFi, or if you are in a place where the ISP is known to do Man in The Middle (aka China etc).

        Also any claims that VPN providers make about ‘Not logging’ should just flat out not be trusted. Many providers have been caught logging information. NordVPN had a big hack a year or two ago and there was info that they had seemed to indicate they weren’t keeping that they had kept.
        here is a good article about it.

      • Raven Nation

        Thanks!

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        having a VPN is great because you can encrypt your traffic rather than be dependent on the Airport WIFI. However, it doesn’t do things like anonymize/encrypt your traffic.

        Thanks, Leon. I’m trying to learn more about how VPNs work too. Here you say they encrypt your traffic but do not encrypt your traffic. I thought VPNs do provide encryption.

        On the anonymous front, don’t they at least provide anonymity from your ISP and the concern about logging your information is more about if the government seeks your records from the VPN provider?

      • kinnath

        You can encrypt the payload (typical with email) or the pipe (VPNs).

        Neither of these ensure that the communication is unknown. It prevents prying eyes from see the content and altering it. But prying eyes can still see the origin and destination.

      • leon

        Thanks, Leon. I’m trying to learn more about how VPNs work too. Here you say they encrypt your traffic but do not encrypt your traffic. I thought VPNs do provide encryption.

        Good point, i wasn’t clear. They encrypt from you to the VPN provider, who then decrypts and forwards your HTTP/S requests on to wherever. So they provide that level of encryption, but not the level that you get with Tor.

        On the anonymous front, don’t they at least provide anonymity from your ISP and the concern about logging your information is more about if the government seeks your records from the VPN provider?

        Yes you would get the encrypted privacy from your ISP, who wouldn’t be able to spy on what you are doing. So if you know you can’t trust the ISP, then it could be a good idea, but you are still taking the VPN providers word for it that they aren’t spying on your traffic.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        So if I’m running a VPN, my ISP still sees that I visit Glibertarians?

      • Mojeaux

        VPN + Tor

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        Thank you both.

        That makes sense on the encryption.

        So if you know you can’t trust the ISP, then it could be a good idea, but you are still taking the VPN providers word for it that they aren’t spying on your traffic.

        Okay, that’s what I thought and why I’m leery of having my VPN active when logging into my bank or retirement account. I think I may switch over to Proton VPN, but I don’t know how trustworthy they are either.

      • leon

        So if I’m running a VPN, my ISP still sees that I visit Glibertarians?

        It’s very setup dependent, but if you are using a VPN provider, then _your_ ISP shouldn’t see what url’s you are connecting to. Though the VPN provider is just decrypting and then forwarding your requests so their provider would be able to see it, though hopefully (if they provider isn’t logging) not be able to trace it back to you.

      • leon

        Okay, that’s what I thought and why I’m leery of having my VPN active when logging into my bank or retirement account. I think I may switch over to Proton VPN, but I don’t know how trustworthy they are either.

        Apparently, though i havn’t looked into this at all, there are some cheap Vitual Private Servers, that you can buy and be your “own” VPN provider. But i havn’t looked into it at all so it’s out of my depth.

      • slumbrew

        Okay, that’s what I thought and why I’m leery of having my VPN active when logging into my bank or retirement account. I think I may switch over to Proton VPN, but I don’t know how trustworthy they are either.

        I wouldn’t get _too_ paranoid:

        – with a VPN active, your connection from your machine to the VPN point-of-presence (POP) is encrypted – your ISP has no idea what’s happening, other than you are connecting to the POP.

        – you connection to your bank goes from your machine, to the VPN POP, to the bank (via various hops).

        – most importantly: your connection from your machine all the way to the bank is encrypted, via HTTPS.

        So:

        – Your ISP can see you’re going to the VPN POP
        – Your VPN provider can see everywhere you are going
        – but nobody can see the _content_ of what you’re doing (assuming you’re connecting via HTTPS

        At best, your VPN provider knows you’re going to yourbank.com, and no more than that.

      • robodruid

        might be worthy of a post for how to be better at being anonymous

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        DT is not the head of the snake.

        If a head is cut off, two more shall take its place. Hail Hydra.

      • Urthona

        hail hydra

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        ’08-’10

    • Urthona

      Fuck Twitter.

      • Floridaman

        I agree but technically this was the lizard man, not the hobo.

      • kbolino

        It was too easy to figure out what they meant. I think that means I’m already crazy.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      Those newsletters came back to haunt him, didn’t they.

      • Rebel Scum

        He gave a speech in front of a Confederate battle flag once.

      • Floridaman

        So did Biden.

      • Rebel Scum

        Hm…can’t find a pic.

      • blackjack

        That was back when the battle flag had lost any racial meaning. Back when the races still got along with each other. Not like now.

    • CPRM

      Grandpa just don’t know how to use computators! Ha! Old People are old! Suck it Boomer! You got PWND! Socialized by Socialism!

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Cry more Dr. Paul, they’re a private company and they can do what they want.

      Did I do that right?

    • Drake

      Welcome to Gab Dr. Paul. Twitter is committing suicide.

      Think any country other country is going to allow their leaders to be censored by San Francisco lefties?

      • Mojeaux

        Twitter is committing suicide.

        No, it’s not. There will be plenty of proggies to scream and shout on Twitter once all the wrongthinkers are purged.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        I think they will start eating each other after all the wrong thinkers have been purged. Eventually it will just be the Francesca Ramsey and ten thousand porn-bots.

      • juris imprudent

        “We can’t help it, its our nature”

      • Raven Nation

        +1 scorpion

      • Raven Nation

        “after all the wrong thinkers have been purged.”

        If they actually get what they want, they will have to keep re-defining wrong thinkers. The left’s plans to bring about paradise will not accomplish their goals, which means someone else will have to be blamed.

        I was reading some of Stalin’s speeches to the Party that he gave in the mid-1930s when he had total power. He was still identifying opponents for purging.

      • But Enough About [this space intentionally left blank]

        Looks like European leaders from the two biggest EU countries (Germany and France) have already weighed in. From Bloomberg News via Canada’s National Post:

        Germany and France attacked Twitter Inc. and Facebook Inc. after U.S. President Donald Trump was shut off from the social media platforms, in an extension of Europe’s battle with big tech.

        German Chancellor Angela Merkel objected to the decisions, saying on Monday that lawmakers should set the rules governing free speech and not private technology companies.

        “The chancellor sees the complete closing down of the account of an elected president as problematic,” Steffen Seibert, her chief spokesman, said at a regular news conference in Berlin. Rights like the freedom of speech “can be interfered with, but by law and within the framework defined by the legislature — not according to a corporate decision.”

        The German leader’s stance is echoed by the French government. Junior Minister for European Union Affairs Clement Beaune said he was “shocked” to see a private company make such an important decision. “This should be decided by citizens, not by a CEO,” he told Bloomberg TV on Monday. “There needs to be public regulation of big online platforms.” Finance Minister Bruno Le Maire earlier said that the state should be responsible for regulations, rather than “the digital oligarchy,” and called big tech “one of the threats” to democracy.

        Europe is increasingly pushing back against the growing influence of big technology companies. The EU is currently in the process of setting up regulation that could give the bloc power to split up platforms if they don’t comply with rules.

        Who’d a-thunk that the EU might be the ones (at least partially) coming to the rescue?

      • db

        But, in this case, when the lawmakers and tech companies are in lockstep, it doesn’t matter.

      • Plisade

        “lawmakers should set the rules governing free speech and not private technology companies”

        She’s jelly.

      • The Other Kevin

        They’re not fans of big tech in Europe. They’re the ones who went after Microsoft over Internet Explorer.

      • But Enough About [this space intentionally left blank]

        Yep. Very few of my European friends/relatives are on any of the well-known social media platforms, and those who are (mostly the young ‘uns) are starting to seriously re-consider just how much they want to interact with ’em.

  22. Akira

    Awesome concept! I just finished my audiobook about Viking history – it’s very interesting to think of what would have happened if their settlement in North America had lasted. What would the world look like if Scandinavians had colonized North America instead of the other wypipo??

    • leon

      I was watching something about that last night. What’s crazy to me is that even after they abandoned the settlments, the greenlanders would continue to go to NA/Canada to get wood rather than trade for it from europe.

      • Viking1865

        “greenlanders would continue to go to NA/Canada to get wood”

        I’m guessing it had better timber, plus it would have been free to go and cut it down.

      • Tres Cool

        If you’re gonna get wood- go to Canada. Specially Montreal- best strippers.

        /insert stupid beaver joke here

      • Raven Nation

        Easier to get to North America in sailing ships based on wind and ocean currents, particularly at certain times of the year.

      • Raven Nation

        Also, there’s a great chapter on this in Alfred Crosby’s “Ecological Imperialism.”

    • UnCivilServant

      I thought the whole north central part of the country was New Scandinavia.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Looks at family last name…thinks…what would be different? Nothing, we did.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      Cooler hats?

    • Stillhunter

      We’d all be Lutheran?

  23. robc

    Myrtle Beach? Wilmington? Trying to figure out exactly where the landing is. That looks like Charleston just north of the alligator people. And accurate, I have grown accustomed to having them in my neighborhood.

    • Ownbestenemy

      *squints* not sure if serious…looks like South America to me…

      • Ownbestenemy

        Op..never mind…was looking at the more detailed map. Im going back to my hole.

      • robc

        I was too. Now I see I was close to right, I still want details.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Yeah…looks like just north of Charleston if we take map detail to be somewhat accurate. Maybe animal will clue us in.

      • robc

        I am going to refine my guess. What I thought was Charleston is Beaufort. Pulcia is Charleston and the landing was about Georgetown SC.

      • Animal

        Nailed it.

      • Plisade

        And are the Alligator People the Sandlappers?

      • robc

        The Romans would notice the obvious defensive advantages of Charleston.

      • Animal

        That would be telling.

      • robc

        I was serious. From the mouth of the Med, it is pretty due west to SC/NC. South America is getting blown WAY south.

      • Floridaman

        We can also see in the cover the landing was in the south eastern part of North America. Either no or sc, and it looks more like SC.

    • CPRM

      All covid deaths are Trump related.

    • blackjack

      Did he know Hillary Clinton?

      • Tres Cool

        I just sent that to a friend and commented “well, at least he wasnt shot & robbed with nothing stolen like Seth Rich”

    • Urthona

      Someone asked the question if he was the guy earlier who shot that protestor .. er I mean fascist insurrectionist .. by mistake?

    • Rebel Scum

      Wednesday’s coup attempt … the officer had been at the Capitol during the insurrection.

      *rolls eyes* They really are going to just keep throwing these words around I guess.

      I’ll remember Howard Liebengood as a truly friendly Capitol Police officer who always had a smile on his face and a kind word to share, even at 6:45 in the morning.

      So why’d he off himself?

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        I suspect he saw Nancy with out her human skin disguise on.

    • db

      By definition, all COVID deaths are Trump’s fault. Didn’t you know he has murdered hundreds of thousands of Americans due to his failure to respond properly to the pandemic?

  24. bacon-magic

    I am the Senate! *stabs an alligator with my gladius
    I’ll be getting this book.

  25. Rebel Scum

    Failing up.

    As *President-elect Joe Biden prepares to take office, the network announced a slew of changes in both reporting positions and anchor jobs. Acosta “has been named anchor and chief domestic correspondent for CNN,” the network wrote.

    “His anchoring duties will be on the weekends with more details coming soon,” according to CNN.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Preventing comparison videos of how he behaved towards Trump vs Biden.

  26. db

    Can Elon Musk hurry up and get a Mars colony going, please?

  27. The Late P Brooks

    Speaking of dead Capitol Police officers, they sure are being cagey about the specific cause of death of that one guy “murdered” by teh insurrectionists.

    Did he shit his pants in fear and die of the smell?

    • leon

      All that matters is that you know that 5 people died of this, but there is no known instance of an ANTIFA murdering anyone.

    • leon

      Cuomo Reverses: Demands “Reopen The Economy” Amid Dismal NYC Vaccine Rollout

      I honestly wonder how much this has to do with the rollout vs just the fact that Trump has conceded and Biden will be in office soon and he needs those tax dollars.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Probably the later. My guess is his comptroller is showing him the books saying…”I hope you are good friends with Biden.”

      • Viking1865

        The next COVID Relief Act will include massive bailouts of the Blue states. Maybe that’s the tipping point, maybe Texas and Florida say “Hell no, we’re not forwarding federal taxes if you’re just going to send it to the fuckup states.”

      • Ownbestenemy

        Semi-unrelated. Nevada supposedly is going to receive half a billion dollars for its school system with the latest grift bill. As soon as that was announced, our governor made sure all the news outlets reported he was donating his quarter salary to the schools.

        No one probably knows about the 477 million that the schools are getting, but everyone knows our benevolent leader loves the children.

      • Stillhunter

        I’ll believe it when I see it. The only thing able to slow this (everything, not just bailouts) down is a significant number of states saying fuck off.

  28. Rebel Scum

    Parler sues.

    Social media company Parler sued Amazon on Monday, alleging that its suspension from Amazon’s hosting service violated antitrust law and breached the companies’ contractual arrangement.

    In its lawsuit, Parler, which is especially popular among conservatives, asked a federal judge to order that the platform be reinstated online.

    The 18-page complaint, filed in U.S. District Court in Seattle, where Amazon is headquartered, accuses Amazon Web Services (AWS) of applying a politically motivated double standard to Parler in contrast to its treatment of the more mainstream social media giant Twitter.

    • RAHeinlein

      I’m sincerely going to miss using Amazon.

      • db

        Why can’t these people just stick to business. What a disaster the hyperpoliticization of everything has become. It was never going to be anything else, and everyone should have seen it coming.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Yep. I’m beginning the long and arduous process of removing myself as much as possible from the services of people who hate me.

      • Ownbestenemy

        My wife might go kicking and screaming…I really wish my “chose to be homeless cause the system sucks and hates me” friend got his online-market place business going.

      • But Enough About [this space intentionally left blank]

        To my surprise this past holiday season, I accidentally used Walmart.ca’s website for an order of something that I’d normally expect to find on Amazon (or eBay), and found that Walmart’s turned into a huge marketplace for third-party stuff. You may not need Amazon any more.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      Glibs of the ambulance chaser 😉 variety, is there a breach of contract case to be made here as well? I am sure that Amazon has an escape hatch of some variety in the TOS/Contracts, but I am curious if such a thing would be plausible.

      • slumbrew

        I’ll defer to the law-glibs, but I have to think that Amazon is on shaky ground given that Parler hasn’t been charged with anything illegal, much less found guilty of anything (in a legal sense, not in prog-world, where “hate speech” has a legal meaning).

      • The Other Kevin

        Do they have some type of standards or rules they apply evenly to every site they host, even the smallest ones? If not, I’d say there is a case here.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        They’re using “98 posts advocating violence” as their justification

        Of course that’s dwarfed by Twitter and Facebook by orders of magnitude.

    • Ownbestenemy

      *Daydreams*If Biden gets us in another war, can we demand that Amazon drop the DoD from use of their AWS servers for inciting violence?*/Stops Daydreaming*

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      The fact that the Iranian Mullahs have Twatter accounts and they routinely call for genociding Israel strains their credibility. Not to mention the CCP has an official account that is explicitly there to promulgate propaganda.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Although if you go on Arab/Persian Twitter, it is conspiracy theory central, they make InfoWars look like amateur hour.

  29. Rebel Scum

    Steny (Wear a Mask) Hoyer
    @LeaderHoyer

    Donald Trump presents a clear and present danger to our nation. I requested Unanimous Consent to bring up @RepRaskin’s resolution today calling on VP Pence to activate the 25th Amendment. I am disappointed the House GOP blocked it. I will bring it to the Floor soon for a vote.

    What a cunte.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      So what is the over/under on how long it will take us to get to full blown show trials?

      • juris imprudent

        Preet salivates, profusely.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        I use motorized device for making big pieces of wood into smaller pieces.

    • kbolino

      I still don’t fully understand the motivations of Pelosi, Hoyer, Biden, etc. who have been in government for 30-40+ years and know better than this.

      • Ownbestenemy

        They see it as an opening to get a kill shot in or at least severely maim and completely neuter an opposing (in name at least) political party.

      • leon

        The rehtoric from the left has been to utterly lay waste to the GOP now that they (the dems) have control, perhaps this is part of it. IDK.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Ask Papen and Hindenburg.

      • Viking1865

        They want you dead, but will settle for your submission.

  30. UnCivilServant

    Well, that was almost a cooking catastrophe. A lot more spitting and sputtering from the pan than expected. But I got a good sear on the duck and it’s finishing in the oven. The pan sauce appears to have worked, but it’s on the veggies instead of the meat. No big deal, but another deviation from the initial plan. My shirt is covered in grease spots and there’s a burn on my left wrist from the splattering.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Dude..get an apron to match your cooking gloves.

    • slumbrew

      *checks*

      Glib’s Cafe Press store needs an apron.

      Also, UnCiv needs an apron.

      • UnCivilServant

        Yes. An apron would be good.

        The Bison and Duck have both turned out gorgeously.

        The veggies got cold too soon.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        #ThisApronDoesNothing Apron?

      • leon

        If its a sexy Apron, it might do something.

      • slumbrew

        #MoreUsefulThanAMask

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Perfect!

      • But Enough About [this space intentionally left blank]

        As the staggering genius behind #ThisMaskDoesNothing, I approve.

      • juris imprudent

        I’m all out of orphans and having to cook for myself?

    • Suthenboy

      what sauce?

      • UnCivilServant

        I added some flour to the herbed butter mix in the pan. I guess it didn’t go past the roux stage, but there was a bunch of flavor already in there.

      • Suthenboy

        sounds good
        almost a béchamel. you could add a little cream to make a bechamel. if you are putting on vegetables melt in a little hard cheese…gruyere or Romano. also dont forget a pinch of allspice

        this one handed typing is a pain in the ass

      • slumbrew

        this one handed typing is a pain in the ass

        You could ask Q for some pointers.

      • But Enough About [this space intentionally left blank]

        I thought he just used his peni . . . er, nose.

      • UnCivilServant

        I didn’t have any cream or cheese, since this was a “clean the freezer” meal, so I haven’t restocked the perishables.

        What happened to your hand?

      • slumbrew

        What happened to your hand?

        Short answer: Louisiana is the Australia of the United States.

      • Suthenboy

        a blister beetle took offense at me cutting down his house. of course he got me on my dominate finger on my dominant hand

  31. Unreconstructed

    Great tease…definitely want to know when this comes out, because I WANT MOAR!

  32. DEG

    This looks like an interesting bit of alternative history. I look forward to reading more.

  33. blackjack

    Fucking Webex interview for a transfer. Dammit! I really want out of LAX, and this is at Van Nuys airport. I’m pretty sure I’m the best choice for them. I have experience with all the airport specific stuff and a lot of general experience. I’m planning on getting the inside dope on how to ace an interview with a city dept. they use a point system, which I will understand somewhat better, I hope. I’ve aced all my other interviews, but this time people are jockeying to get somewhere that might save them from layoffs. I’m probably safe either way. Well, maybe. There is a number of advantages to me working out there. Half the drive time, get out of work 45 minutes earlier, run the whole shop my self, management will be far easier to please only being concerned with getting the vehicles taken care of, etc. I just don’t know how effective I am at video interviewing. I excel at in person interviews. Dammit!

    • grrizzly

      I hope you’ll get the position there. Van Nuys will be so much more convenient for you. I had the last normal restaurant dinner there at the 94th Aero Squadron on March 12th.

    • R C Dean

      I just don’t know how effective I am at video interviewing. I excel at in person interviews.

      I don’t know why it wouldn’t translate.

      A few tips from my (successful) video interview: Set up your camera, etc. and take a really hard look at the background. See all that clutter? Get rid of it. Check the lighting and camera angle – nobody wants to look up your nose. Seriously, I probably spent an hour getting things ready for the interview, so I would like a professional.

      • blackjack

        Thanks. I’m probably going to do it at work. They have all the stuff and webex is in use there already. My wife and kid are omnipresent at home and that likely would not be good for my concentration.