Saturday evening, bugger off 2020 links

by | Jan 2, 2021 | Daily Links | 275 comments

No, there is no love lost in the Spud household over the passing of 2020. What a shit stain of a year. BUT! 2021 just started! How bad could it be after last year? Right? Right?

 

From what I’ve seen, they’re pretty much incognito at every protest they attend.

 

Apparently, 2020 is available in frog form.

 

Stupid people make poor decisions.

 

Owwww, the derp, it hurts.

 

Cry more, pussy.

 

Fuuuuuuck you, 2020.

About The Author

Spudalicious

Spudalicious

Survey says I’m a Paleolibertarian bitches. That means I eat “L”ibertarians for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Soave tastes a little fruity. Wait a minute, that doesn’t sound quite right…

275 Comments

  1. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Too late. I’ve already been buggered.

  2. Yusef drives a Kia

    Tom Died way too young,

  3. Ted S.

    And people complain about my music links.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      First time I heard that, the radio station tape deck was playing at half speed and the DJ was on a piss break.

      Would have gone well with some acid or shrooms.

    • Spudalicious

      It was done with you in mind, Ted.

      • Ted S.

        One of these days, TPTB will let me do links….

      • straffinrun

        That would be fun.

      • SP

        You can volunteer anytime!

        Want to take my spot next Thursday afternoon?

      • Chafed

        Are we going to get a bunch of links to silent movies?

    • robc

      What is wrong with you?

      As an aside, “You Got Lucky” is one of the greatest songs of all time.

  4. Shpip

    The Year of Buyer’s Remorse

    Kamala Harris waves “hi” as she checks out swatches of fabric for new Oval Office drapes.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      *insert cackle here*

  5. Count Potato

    “Both the president and his supporters have repeated unsubstantiated claims of mass voter fraud resulting in Biden unfairly winning the 2020 election”

    So you are saying it was the Russians?

  6. Fourscore

    Looking at the tatts on Miss Buyer’s Remorse 2020 should have been reason enough not have to read the article about stupidity but it’s OK, Sweetheart, you do you.

    • robc

      I think we have combined to set a new record for “you do you” on a single day on this site.

      • hayeksplosives

        “You do you” is a very succinct distillation of libertarianism.

        Who is doing the action?: You
        Do whom is the action being done? You.
        What is the action? Doesn’t matter.

        That is all. You can’t make them do you, and you can’t do them.

      • Hyperion

        Can we get a vote on who’s the ‘You do you’ worst offender of the day? Is it Fourscore with his ‘anti-tat phobia’? Or is it Hyperion with his ‘anti-IPA phobia’? You decide, let’s pause now for a commercial break from our sponsor on Covid or Global warming. We like to change things up.

      • Count Potato

        I don’t like tattoos or IPA.

      • Chafed

        *hi fives Count Potato*

  7. westernsloper

    Still, I doubt Harris’s executive empathy will extend to exotic dancers, porn stars, strippers, prostitutes, or erotic masseuses:

    Or, the big five as I like to refer to those trades.

    • Hyperion

      “Harris’s executive empathy will extend to exotic dancers, porn stars, strippers, prostitutes, or erotic masseuses”

      Or drug users as both her and Biden are extreme level drug warriors. Biden would make aspirin illegal if he could. Not for him, mind you, but all of we plebes.

    • zwak

      Her empathy should extend to prostitutes at least, I mean, she is one after all.

      • Hyperion

        Some people’s head over heals is more equal than others.

  8. Count Potato

    “In taking kambo, the goal is to purge not only so-called “toxins” trapped in your body but also, devotees say, psychological trauma and bad juju in general.”

    SCIENCE!

    • Count Potato

      ““In my last session I released some sticky yellow bile, as opposed to bile in a clear liquid, and it was really rough on my stomach,” said Jena la Flamme, 42, a sexual empowerment coach in Mill Valley, Calif., who has used kambo numerous times. “I’ve seen people turn sheet-white in their face during the ceremony.””

      A sexual empowerment coach? Is that like an ejaculation facilitator?

      • Q Continuum

        “In my last session I released some sticky yellow bile”

        If you shove it too down her throat during a sexual empowerment session that might happen.

      • Ted S.

        I would have guessed a fluffer.

    • Hyperion

      Does it also cure systemic racism? If so, we need to hold down everyone and inject them with that, along with the vaccine. Because SCIENCE!

  9. Q Continuum

    “As an American, I am thrilled to see Vice President-elect Kamala Harris enter the West Wing. As a porn star, I am terrified.”

    Mental illness.

    • Hyperion

      “Mental illness.”

      Yes.

  10. Q Continuum

    “Wheeler’s zero-tolerance policy comes after a string of violent clashes in the city’s downtown area”

    Live ammo has a pretty good deterrent effect.

    • Count Potato

      A string of violent clashes?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Yeah, entirely out of the blue.

    • westernsloper

      Ya, I am thinking throwing “firebombs” at people will get you shot dead most places.

  11. Count Potato

    “Portland Mayor @tedwheeler: My good faith efforts at de-escalation have been met with ongoing violence and even scorn from radical antifa and anarchists.

    It’s time to push back harder against those who are set on destroying our community.””

    https://twitter.com/dcexaminer/status/1345355232600088576

    CWAA

    • Hyperion

      We created a little monster that is now out of control? No one saw that coming.

  12. Count Potato

    “Owwww, the derp, it hurts.”

    Paywalled.

    • Chafed

      Who knew The Daily Beast would show us mercy?

    • Chafed

      4, 5, and 9 *George Takei voice* OH my!

  13. Hyperion

    Frog Poison, trending!

    “On the West Coast, kambo ceremonies often come with neo-shamanic overtones. At the ceremony Ms. Allison went to in Berkeley, Calif., in February, attendees, after paying approximately $150 apiece and following a strict three-day cleanse of sugar, alcohol, pharmaceuticals, meat, gluten and dairy, lounged on pillows on the floor, wearing loose fitting clothing, next to an altar covered with Eastern prayer cards, crystals and sage, while meditative music filled the room.”

    Sounds legit.

    • Hyperion

      Sorry, did not mean to repost the link.

      • Count Potato

        psssst….blame it on the frog drugs

      • Ted S.

        Blame it on the stars that shine at night.

      • Hyperion

        Bah! Blame it on global warming, covid, and Trump! It’s the right thing to to do! Well, at least it’s fashionable and you get to be one of the cool kids.

    • Hyperion

      Do you have a permit for that gathering, citizen?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        ANARCHY!!!

      • Nephilium

        Anarchy Burger? Or Anarchy in the UK?

      • Hyperion

        I totally don’t know what that means, but I love it!

        +1 Ricky Bobby

    • sssbobbyr

      Do you have the psswd so I can use it in my app. If I use it in the browser it tends to blow these things up.

      Not Tulpa.

    • hayeksplosives

      He’s aged well in the sense that he has looked 100 years old for decades now.

      • straffinrun

        Heh.

    • Fourscore

      “as concern grows”

      What can be of concern, he’s 87 years old and a walking corpse. Let the guy go. It’s time…

  14. Hyperion

    “The group is known for its signature black and yellow clothing during rallies and protests, where they typically appear in large groups.”

    The Proud Boys are Striper? I didn’t even know they are still a band.

  15. Count Potato

    “U.S. Senator Ted Cruz has said he will be among a dozen Republican senators who will challenge President-elect Joe Biden’s victory when Electoral College results are tallied in Congress next week.

    Twelve Republicans have now said they will vote to reject the electors on January 6, after Missouri senator Josh Hawley became the first to announce his intentions this week to challenge the result.

    In a statement on Saturday with ten more GOP senators, Cruz demanded the appointment of an emergency commission to conduct a 10-day audit of the election returns in ‘disputed states’.

    Until such a commission is appointed, they vowed to intend to vote on January 6 to reject the electors from those states – a largely symbolic move that has little chance of preventing Biden from taking office. ”

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9106769/Ted-Cruz-joins-bloc-12-Republican-senators-vowing-object-certifying-Joe-Biden-win.html

    • Hyperion

      I posted this in the dead thread, but it was from PJMedia.

    • The Gunslinger

      Nope. Sizzler.

    • hayeksplosives

      There’s the small matter of an armed populace that stands between us and them.

      • Hyperion

        until the democrats have the Senate, which will be very soon.

    • Count Potato

      Six people? WTF??

      • Hyperion

        Super spreader event.

    • Hyperion

      It’s not like we didn’t tell them that cops are not your friends. It’s just like always, most so called conservatives don’t learn. So called liberals NEVER learn.

    • But Enough About My "Essential Retiree" Status

      That’s Gatineau. While I’ve been disappointed in my fellow Albertans, I suspect that kind of crap wouldn’t go over nearly as well here (and let’s face it, it ain’t playin’ that well in Quebec either).

      Once the cops lose the general support of the populace, it’s over. They’re painfully close right now.

  16. Aloysious

    Not even Ted “limp dick” Wheeler believes Ted Wheeler

    • Count Potato

      He looks like a gay turkey.

      • Hyperion

        That’s an insult both to gays and turkeys.

    • hayeksplosives

      Mesmerizing

    • J. Frank Parnell
    • Hyperion

      That thing is less sentient than Alexa. And that’s hard to achieve, unless the competition is a brick.

  17. hayeksplosives

    One of my FB friends just posted:

    “How did we get from ‘flatten the curve’ to ‘Stay home until you accept communism’?”

    • Hyperion

      Good question, but here we are.

  18. Trigger Hippie

    Subscription links are meaningless.

  19. Plinker762

    An advantage of flying out of a large airport like Minneapolis during the Rona is that one can find a deserted gate and sit alone mask free.

    • Plinker762

      Not all that far from where I grew up. Since the pulp and paper mills closed the area has been pretty economically depressed. I guess the locals can serve their new rich neighbors.

    • l0b0t

      WTF!!! I can haz that house?

      • Hyperion

        You can buy some old houses in Baltimore that used to be mansions, for $5. No, I didn’t make that up. You just have to know that you can’t go outside without body armor, your car will be gone in the morning, and your remaining life expectancy has now been reduced to a week. I’d try Somalia instead, things are even cheaper there.

      • Count Potato

        There has to be some way you can flip them for HUD money.

      • Hyperion

        If you aren’t murdered first.

      • Hyperion

        But. I could keep all my sex slaves down there, if my wife doesn’t object too much. Nice kitchen also.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        “Well where am I supposed to keep them, honey? In the house?”

      • Hyperion

        I’ll just convince her that they have to do all the house work. Sure fire plan.

    • Hyperion

      My fav part is the prison cells in the basement. How the fuck do you explain that, Zillow?

      • Plinker762

        I thought all good Glibs had their own jail and a basement with 8″ concrete walls and ceiling with rear on 3″ centers

      • Hyperion

        Nah, we just throw the orphans in front of a train when they don’t obey.

      • Plinker762

        rear -> rebar

        the jail isn’t for orphans. Well, at least not for the young ones.

    • l0b0t

      Why does the listing not talk about the most salient feature?

      • Swiss Servator

        “Is an adjunct building of Warty’s Basement/SugarFree’s Dungeon!”

    • R C Dean

      *scrolls*

      Hmm. . . Nice place. . . Kinda like that. . . Wait, what!

      • R C Dean

        I love how casual this is:

        “Many recent renovations to the house over the years including radiant floor heat in most of the first level, insulation, some replacement windows, chimney, newer heating system, and the dormer has been repaired over the jail.”

      • Nephilium

        Reminds me of a house the girlfriend and I looked at which had a “workroom” in the basement, which was an unfinished room, with a door (with a lock) that led into it. Then a heavy workbench, a single hanging bulb, and a pegboard with rusty tools hanging from it.

        Once we left, we both started joking about the serial killer room in that house

      • Hyperion

        LOL!

    • LJW

      Are you all just willfully ignoring the slanted window?

      • LJW

        Ok I’m not crazy! Whewww.

      • rhywun

        OMG wow

      • Hyperion

        That place already creeps me the fuck out. I’m not sleeping in that creep show, y’all go first.

      • Count Potato

        That’s a witch window, because a witch can’t fly upright on her broomstick through a tilted window.

      • LJW

        Oh wow that’s a legitimate thing. How have I never heard of that?

      • Hyperion

        Because you wasn’t on Glibs.

      • Count Potato

        Witches aren’t a problem where you live?

      • Hyperion

        Sure it is. They just call them Karens now days.

      • Hyperion

        Is Myth Busters still a show? If so, they should try to prove it with Pelosi attempting it.

    • westernsloper

      Taxes: $192 a month.

      *spits drink* WTF?

      • Plinker762

        too much?

      • westernsloper

        Hell ya too much. I pay $400 a year. Then again I live in a shop.

      • Hyperion

        My yearly tax bill in IN, with 24.5 acres and a new 3 bedroom house with full walkout basement, a 2 car attached garage, and a 48 ft x 12 ft deck on the back was $900. In Balmer, that home with a 1/10th acre lot would be $5000 a year.

      • Hyperion

        That’s not too much for the price of that home. I’d be more worried about the creepiness of the place.

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      Excellent. The orphans can have their own cells.

      • Hyperion

        Wut? Man, I’d cram at least 50 of them into one of those. It’s a myth that the youngins cannot sleep standing up. Of course, I’d still have to give preference to my sex slaves. I guess they’d have to continue sleeping on the ground outside.

    • straffinrun

      Newsome gets idea for public housing project.

    • Hyperion

      Thanks for the link, I’m watching it. Unfortunately, this will either be ignored, or it will be used to force people to take an experimental vaccine and blamed on global warming and Trump. They will never admit all of these bad side effects are a result of their reckless policies. And the reason is that the people making these rules are convinced this will not affect them in any way, ever, and they don’t give a fuck about other unfortunate victims of their bad decisions. We don’t need so many restaurants and businesses anyway. And we don’t need so many people. I’m gonna be fine. I wouldn’t be so sure of that if I had not heard with my own ears, people saying these very things. But I have. Most people are no damn good and many are monsters. And those are the ones crowing the hardest about how good they are, while in private letting the truth come out.

      • Ted S.

        I’ve said it in the past, but make all welfare recipients (which includes government-sector workers) get the vaccine as a condition of getting the money/keeping the job, and watch the opposition to mandatory vaccination take off.

      • Hyperion

        Then they’ll just say you don’t have to take it, but you also cannot work or buy and sell anything.

      • straffinrun

        They’d take it no problem. Getting paid makes cowards of us all.

  20. Jerms

    Anyone know anything about shotguns made by either Citadel or Savage? Having trouble finding any brand you guys recommended in stock in any online stores.

    • Jerms

      How about EAA Churchill?

    • Hyperion

      The only brand I recommend is ‘boating accident’.

      • pistoffnick

        NVM search for “20 gauge” or “20 ga”, instead.

      • Fourscore

        I thought there would be a few guns available after deer season with Christmas upon us and some folks needing cash for gifts?

    • KSuellington

      What about a Mossberg 500? Those things are great cheap shotguns that are really reliable. I’ve owned one since I bought one shortly after my 18th bday. They come with two barrels, a long hunting one and a 18.5 inch shorty for home defense as well as a pistol grip that you can remove the wood stock and put on instead. And it’s Joe Biden approved!

      • Jerms

        Ive been looking for mossbergs-not really available anywhere.

      • KSuellington

        Wow, I guess the run on guns has outstripped supply big time. That’s such an ubiquitous gun I thought it’d be pretty easy to find.

      • kinnath

        no

        unobtanium for that last 4 to 6 months

      • Playa Manhattan

        It’s a solid boomstick.

        I have one. Well, technically a Maverick 88, which is a Mossberg 500 without the cross-bolt safety.

        It’s fun to shoot trap with an 18.5 and a pistol grip.

    • kinnath

      My sister and I took the new CZ-USA 720 to the range today. Nice shotgun.

      We ran Winchester #3 buckshot and Nobel Sport #4 buckshot through it. The #4 buckshot had way more recoil than the #3. Fun stuff.

    • Timeloose

      I own a Stevens/Savage shotgun. It’s well made and economical.

      It won’t be winning any beauty contests, but it is functional and reliable.

  21. LJW

    Regarding the sex dungeon house. Reminds me of a house my friends girlfriend rented in college. It was an old home likely late 1800s. She asked us to help replace her furnace filter. While we were in the basement we discovered a hidden door that lead to an old kitchen. The room looked like something out of a 1960s bomb shelter. It was in pristine condition. Very creepy.

  22. straffinrun

    That NYT article is one of the most pathetic things I’ve ever read. Who the hell would take that seriously?

    • Hyperion

      NYT readers? Seriously, they’ll believe it if the NYT tell them that the moon is made of green cheese.

      • straffinrun

        I believe the stories in that piece, Just wondering who would care about those irrelevant, self absorbed anecdotes.

    • rhywun

      I dunno, but that ain’t the NYT. It’s someone aping the NYT.

      • Hyperion

        Considering what a clown show they are now, how hard can that be?

      • straffinrun

        Oh. Seemed odd now that you mention it.

  23. Evan from Evansville

    I suppose I’ll do with this evening what I normally do and get high and watch The Grand Tour before bed. Can’t seem to be able to stream or non-download get old Top Gear episodes, but it’ll do.

    I did shrooms a couple of weeks ago (probably the 40th or so time I’ve tripped on that) and that was fantastic, but I purposefully went lower-than-normal dose to make sure that I wasn’t doing something incredibly stupid to my brain. Now that I’ve got the safety bit out of the way, I think it’s a good time to delve deeper. In my history I’ve frequently used my trips as a good way of dealing with something in an explosively positive and Go Get ‘Em attitude. Now, with rehab, contract negotiations, new year…seems like an ideal time to turn the volume up on that and go on an adventure that my mind desperately wants to embark upon.

    I am thinking of the best ways to go about this. Shrooms might be possible. It’s hard as I don’t have any connections in the country. Weed dealer is my bro’s, though it is true I did get the shrooms through her as well. I’d be interested in going down old alleys again.

    I’ll have to explore!

    • Hyperion

      I hear that frog venom is all the rage now. It will apparently make you sick as a dog and swell up like a roasted marshmallow, but that sounds totally cool if you remember to include some crystals and incense, and remember to be gluten free.

      While here in the USA, everything, including aspirin will soon be illegal under a Biden/Harris admin. But we’ll still have obeying the great state as a pleasure.

      • Evan from Evansville

        Frog venom…hrm….

        I remember my first drug experience was when I was 16. My parents went on a trip and I had the house to myself over spring break. It was awesome, but not in the movie way. I didn’t have anyone over, because I was an idiot and didn’t realize the potential there.

        What I DID do was get high by eating nutmeg. Ground up two or three nutmeg pits and ate them…and had an absolutely horrible “trip” that really was just me puking a lot.

        Didn’t stop me! Live and learn!

      • straffinrun

        Why nutmeg?

      • Hyperion

        Nutmeg will not make you high. But it will, from what I know, give you constipation so bad you’ll wind up in the hospital.

        You’d be better off trying something crazy like Salvia or Fly agaric mushrooms that will at least get your high even if you die afterwards.

      • Evan from Evansville

        At the time I did it because I didn’t have any ‘normal’ drug connections, but I did have the internet which gave me all sorts of access to info that turned into a lifetime of odd decisions. A trip to the grocery was all I needed.

        I wanna think I got high off the nutmeg. I definitely did feel different, but in a opioid, lay-down-cuz-the-room-be-spinnnin’ mode. Talking was hard. I had to call the parents and let them know I was ok! But that was my first time, so although I can say *something* happened, I can’t say *what* exactly.

        The second time I did acid was on MLK Day 2006, freshman year at IU. That stuff…went arooooound. Strong shit. Way stronger than the first time. I tripped for 50 hours straight, in a very George Harrison-circa-1967 sort of way. Such a fantastic a

        I also got shingles that weekend, though I can’t say if the the shock/etc caused it. Certainly was interesting! At my Evan age, I’ve lived through a relative lot. I keep it to myself, but it can be difficult when I see people pissing out over such absolute horseshit and I, having gone through quite a bit that would be complaint-worthy, keep my mouth shut because I have an idea of what Worse Than This is, and I find that refusing to give difficulty the time of day is a great way to mentally fight back and push those demons out of the way.

        Salvia was fairly interesting when I did it, though that was a while ago and I probably did it poorly. Shrooms I love and want more. Acid, mescaline, coke, uppers, downers, pills, extacy, siiiiigh. I miss my little babies sometimes. We had fun! No bridges burnt. Just time to move on….but I would be eager (again) to go on another journey, this time after my mind has had time to digest recent history. Both mine, local, worldwide and all between.

      • Hyperion

        “The second time I did acid was on MLK Day 2006, freshman year at IU. That stuff…went arooooound. Strong shit. Way stronger than the first time. I tripped for 50 hours straight, in a very George Harrison-circa-1967 sort of way.”

        Me and a couple of friends did some acid named ‘Orange Barrel’ that we got in Cincinnati at a concert. I have no doubt that stuff was the real Sandoz labs type LSD the guy said it was because I had never experienced anything like that. It lasted for 2 days or more and I had real flashbacks for a week or more. It was a very mellow experience, nothing that freaked me out until I was completely normal a couple days later and then suddenly started tripping again when looking in the mirror in the morning.

        We were staying at my grandparents place, me and my cousin and my friend. We had some weed, OK, my grandparents knew we smoked weed, they were cool with that. But when my cousin, who had never done acid before escaped my bedroom, it suddenly went awry.

        I told him to stay the fuck in my bedroom and then was out talking to my grandparents, and then I see this dude walking past and I’m thinking ‘Oh fuck’, and then he walks into the kitchen and is just standing there looking into a cupboard, for a really long time. Then my grandmother goes in there and the dummy says ‘Grandma, you really got some freaky cups!’ and start laughing. And then I’m thinking ‘Man I am so fucking kicked out of here’, and my grandma looks right at me and says ‘What is wrong with him?’. The rest is history, not all good.

      • Evan from Evansville

        “We had some weed, OK, my grandparents knew we smoked weed, they were cool with that.”

        I…am envious of this life. Although I think now it’s a creation of my own. I was the one that introduced my older bro to weed (he has never done anything else, though I think I could get him to try shrooms if he had the time) and he keeps it out when we all go over to his place.

        Here living with my parents (theoretically only about 6 weeks more of this shit to go…whooo boy) I still think it’s like high school and I’m just hiding everythin’, afraid of getting caught. It’s psychologically unhealthy what it has done to me. I recognize it. And it’s another reason I get so pissed off at Branch Covidians. This lockdown shit is having/going to have lasting effects on my 5-year-old nephew. No one thinks about that.

        Stop. Think. Plan. <—That isn't being done. Therapy taught me that STP wasn't just a band or an oil brand. Works for me.

      • Hyperion

        Dude, I’m getting you BTW, I spent 15 years in IN altogether.

        I had a GF from IN when I was living in KY and her parents were Pentecostal.

        They came down to visit one weekend and my GF starting freaking out about me hiding the beer in the fridge.

        I was like what? But she was serious about it. Apparently if you drink a beer, you’re going to hell. I did not grow up like that although I grew up in a Southern Baptist family, I didn’t know anything about how drinking a beer would send you to hell. That didn’t go on very long.

      • Hyperion

        Dude, I did acid when I was 16, and shrooms, and mescaline. I have many stories.

    • LJW

      Thanks that post gave me cancer.

    • J. Frank Parnell

      white (as far as I know)

      alrighty then.

    • rhywun

      LOL satire or derp? Who knows, who cares.

    • Ted S.

      Stalin Colinet, on the other hand, is a perfectly appropriate name.

      • Hyperion

        I worked with a German engineer named Adolf. No kidding. Guy was like 6ft 11″, and rail thin. No kidding.

      • straffinrun

        Career NFL statistics
        Tackles:
        14
        Sacks:
        5.5

        That seems odd.

      • Ted S.

        He played for the Minnesota Football Team, so of course he was odd.

    • Evan from Evansville

      That’s pretty profoundly stupid. Hilariously, that makes it more believable.

      Honestly, I see that kid going by Addy very quickly. Hopefully the kid only gets screwed over a couple of time during roll call before his parents learn their mistake and tell teachers to change the name. I…sigh. That would require parents who truly love their child. If true these tweets….well. Hopefully the kid can find a way to fight back without breaking completely.

      Broken humans are no fun. If real, that soon-to-be mother should be punched in the face. If it’s satire, the author should be given a stern, disappointed-mother stare for making a joke that was too close to reality to even think about satirizing.

    • zwak

      I used to bank at a place where one of the women told me her husband’s name was Adolph. I made me pause for a second, and then I realized that he was Hispanic and they didn’t give a shit about white people freakouts.

      The kid would be fine with that name.

  24. straffinrun

    Rearrange the furniture in the bedroom and living room until the wife finds a configuration she likes. Clean everything. Go shopping for curtains. Guess who got the final say. Cook dinner the kid requested. Spend the night watching Jumanji 2. I ask them, “What are you guys doing tomorrow?” They go off on me, “We wanna do something fun! We did everything you wanted to do today!”

      • Hyperion

        Creepier than the witch window basement jail house.

      • Tres Cool

        “Witch window basement jail” would be a great album name.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        Ha:

        Trump being president has really introduced me a lot of C list celebrities

      • Threedoor

        Eh?

      • Mojeaux

        Well, that’s 20 minutes of my life I’ll never get back.

      • Chafed

        That Rashida Tlaib is a catch.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Do you put the ? out? My Japanese teacher mentioned she did it this year and seeing how 2020 went, I thought why the hell not?

      My pair of kadomatsu.

  25. mrfamous

    A new bill in the New York State assembly. The purpose? To give the governor the right to detain any carrier or contact of any carrier of a potentially deadly disease at his own discretion:

    https://twitter.com/drdavidsamadi/status/1345346921616044032

    Not scary at all

    • Hyperion

      Yeah, that’s not Orwellian at all.

    • straffinrun

      “Reasonably specific description”.

      ?

    • Sensei

      JFC…

    • rhywun

      And the Dems have veto-proof majorities.

      I wonder if it’s time to call up a U-Haul.

      • Hyperion

        Just like they will at the fed level soon.

      • rhywun

        Yeah, it’s like… move where? I don’t think I’m going to outrun anything sinister by moving to another state. I have too many years left.

      • Hyperion

        For a while you will. Then we kill them all. /The end

        /disclaimer, not actually advocating killing anyone, just voting them all out of office.

      • hayeksplosives

        You can vote yourself into socialism….

      • Hyperion

        Hey Rhywun, you can join us in the West Virginer soon, at least you’ll have one Glib friend when you get there.

      • rhywun

        But I’m not interested in mountain mamas 🙁

      • Hyperion

        That’s too bad, man. The offer still stands. Not that you need my permission or invite.

      • Hyperion

        And there’ s more than mountain mamas, there’s something for everyone. And it’s really beautiful here.

    • Hyperion

      Y’all be weird.

      • Plinker762

        You finally figured that out?

      • Hyperion

        No. It’s the reason I’m here.

  26. Hyperion

    My wife and I just had our 417th argument about Pablo Escobar. Because one or our fav shows had the traveler in Columba, again. I say ‘The dude was just providing something people wanted’. But somehow, he’s a bad guy.

    • slumbrew

      He was a good dude, aside from all those murders.

      • Hyperion

        Now I’m convinced he was a bad guy because it wasn’t the government murdering people to prevent them from doing non-government sanctioned commerce.

      • slumbrew

        They can both be wrong. And they were.

        Government murders don’t excuse private murders.

      • R C Dean

        And torture. And maiming. Some bombing, extortion, and theft, as well, aI believe.

        But other than that. . . .

    • Hyperion

      Columbia…

  27. Hyperion

    Everyone must be in the Zoom passing out and falling into glass coffee tables now.

    • hayeksplosives

      I’m watching brainless TV. It’s better than reading the news.

      Tomorrow will be all NFL, all the time 🙂

      • rhywun

        I’m taping TWO episodes at once. I think I’ve seen them all by now but they are eminently rewatchable.

        Watching Yank hawkey.

      • Dr. Chipping Pioneer

        One more thing…

      • hayeksplosives

        …just one more thing…

      • hayeksplosives

        …and that thing is REFRESH BEFORE COMMENTING

      • Dr. Chipping Pioneer

        Great minds, etc.

      • Nephilium

        Go Browns!

      • Hyperion

        Lets you down one more time.

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        I agree. But then I’m sitting on the crapper.

      • Dr. Chipping Pioneer

        So, I was wondering about Washington Football Team today. Redskins is apparently problematic, but why isn’t “Washington”? Dude owned slaves.

        Shouldn’t they be “Capital City Football Team”?

      • rhywun

        Don’t worry. They’ll let you know when it’s problematic. And you will dutifully pretend that you knew it was always problematic.

      • Mojeaux

        Chiefs second and third strings are playing tomorrow. I expect a loss.

      • Hyperion

        Because they have nothing to lose, they already have home field advantage throughout the AFC playoffs.

      • rhywun

        So many games and I don’t get any interesting ones tomorrow. I guess Iggles at night but daytime? Meh.

    • Don escaped Two Corinthians

      My laptop’s in the shop, so no zoom for me.

      C-SPAN2 is covering superbugs.

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      At least it wasn’t a hands-on tour of the local abortion chopshop.

      • hayeksplosives

        Don’t give them ideas.

      • Hyperion

        Coming next in the most popular culture, abortion tupperware parties.

    • rhywun

      Isn’t that special.

  28. Yusef drives a Kia

    My cat is Dying, God Damn it!!

    • hayeksplosives

      You have a cat? I missed that part.

      Good luck to you and your cat!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        22 years old, my Sons cat, she’s in a bad way, if she makes it , she must be put down, I’m not ready for all this,

      • Dr. Chipping Pioneer

        Sorry, Yusef. That’s tough. I know you’ll do the right thing by her.

      • Hyperion

        Sorry to hear, Yusef, may she go to kittah heaven and then you get a new kittah.

      • hayeksplosives

        You’re a good pet taker, Yusef. It hurts but the cat is counting on her to look after her interests and comfort.

      • hayeksplosives

        Counting on YOU.

        No idea why I typo’d that.

      • rhywun

        Aw, sorry 🙁

        Been there. It’s arguably harder than watching one die. I had one of each in 2020, ugh.

      • Hyperion

        I’ve only ever buried one cat. He was a real jewel. He drank antifreeze carelessly left out by someone who I didn’t kill, but sometimes still wish I would have.

        All of the rest of them just disappeared, obviously to go off and die, which they seem to prefer.

      • rhywun

        When I was a kid we had a bunch disappear but it always to get pregnant. Some of them came back.

      • Hyperion

        I had one of my cats disappear for more than 6 months. I got him when he was only 5 weeks old. A large powerful yellow Tabby I named the Little Cheetah because of his size (about 15 lbs of pure muscle) and his hunting prowess and speed. I thought he was obviously dead.

        Then I came home from a trip out of state one day, and I was in the kitchen making me some food (I lived alone). And I was hearing a noise. I was in the middle of a 25 acre property and it was dead quiet you could hear a pin drop at night. And I kept thinking ‘was that a cat’? So then it got stronger and then I realized it was coming from my deck. I walked over to the patio doors in the dining room and I thought ‘you have got to be fucking kidding me’. There was this big fat wooly dude looking at me through the glass and apparently saying ‘WTF, open up, it’s me’.

        I opened the door and he pranced in like he owned the place and nothing happened.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      She’s hiding in a corner, and whines every once in a while, and I can’t help her,

      • Threedoor

        Sorry to hear that. I had to put my oldest down at 17. It was horrible. Kidney failure couldn’t have been pleasant.

      • Chafed

        Same here. When they get old it always seems to be a kidney problem.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Ditto.

    • Gender Traitor

      “I’m pleased to announce we have directed FDA to cease enforcement of these arbitrary, surprise user fees. Happy New Year, distilleries, and cheers to you for helping keep us safe!” (2/2)
      6:07 PM · Dec 31, 2020

      At least they can still be shamed into backing down. This time. For now.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Also left unsaid, why is the FDA charging a fee in the first place for hand sanitizer.

      • Threedoor

        Because government.

      • mikey

        Hand sanitizer is a pharmacutical, duh! And you have to pay your regulators to regulate you. What would one do without them?

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Never mind, don’t read the comments. True that the owner shouldn’t accept tips in the first place.

    • slumbrew

      Thankfully, that bit of bullshit was waived.

      • slumbrew

        This was in reference to the stupid FDA hand sanitizer thing.

  29. But Enough About My "Essential Retiree" Status

    Inspirobot says:

    “Don’t be you. It’s too expensive.”

    Finally. A cheesy AI that *gets* me.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      but you look soo good!

      • Hyperion

        Well, if ‘she’ actually looks like that pic, ‘she’s’ gorgeous. I mean I’m taking Linda Ronstadt and Dorothy Hamill level gorgeous.

    • Hyperion

      Today in Alexa news:

      Something something incomprehensible.

      Me: Alexa , do you have a message?

      Alexa: One package has arrived from Amazon.

      me: OK.

      Alexa: I don’t know your name, can you tell me your name so we can get to know each other?

      Me: My name is Fuck Off. And your boss, Bezos looks like Smeagol. Did you get the Fuck off part?

      Wife Stop that, Mr. H, you mean!

      • limey

        I also enjoyed your story about the little prick who taunted his brother about badoinking a hutt. I always figured that guys who make such a big deal out of it like that probably aren’t getting any themselves, so the real question is, is a 400lb lipidinous meat bag of reconstituted Wendy’s patties, twinkies, and deep-fried chitt’lings better than nothing? Is it better to let your freak flag fly over journeying to the center of the girth to peel apart the bacon tuna melt and send forth your intrepid explorer into the gooey depths? I dunno. I’m not a kiss-and-tell type, but that’s a universal policy.

        Good morning ?

      • Cy

        #stillcounts

  30. westernsloper

    What no late night zoomers? I am sitting her looking at myself thinking I need to shave and get a haircut.

    • hayeksplosives

      I took a shower right before bed, braided up my hair (my favorite way to let it dry). Did a whole face cleansing and moisturizer treatment etc, which I don’t often do.

      I coined a saying in our household years ago: A shower is the reset button of life.

      I discovered that if I don’t dress nice or fix up my hair snd face, my standards are lowered and my level of readiness to take on the day is lackluster. If left unchecked, the pattern of “who cares whether I get dressed?” can become apathy or laziness or even depression.

      But a good shower and shave is reinvigorating. Hence:

      “A shower is the reset button of life.” All four of us (the mister and his two kids snd I) adopted the phrase and the mindset.

      Tomorrow I plan to do a nice manicure too to keep the reset mode.

      I refuse to be dragged into depression by these unconstitutional decrees being handed down by Elites.

  31. Tres Cool

    sup’ fam ?

    TALL breakfast cans!

    • limey

      Only covfefe. Covfefe is the only breakfast I need. Anyway it’s nearly lunch time but I think I’ll skip that. Maybe an apple? I’m fat. This leaves more room later for the calories of a SHORT METRIC CAN!

      Sup, Tres.

      • Tres Cool

        Despite shows like Two Fat Ladies and having seen Susan Boyle (and Daisy Bouquet), I often told that only Americans are fat.

      • Tres Cool

        And I think I mentioned before that pre- weight loss Dawn French checks about all my boxes.

        /rawrr!

      • limey

        You may enjoy my post above in response to Hyperion. I gotta say I didn’t see any hugely obese people in the states, and most folks looked fitter than the folks I tend to see here in the UK.

      • Cy

        Some men just want to watch the world burn.

      • Sean

        I’m starting to appreciate this camp.

        Bring bacon and bourbon.

    • Sean

      Mornin’

      Some baked brie drizzled with tangerine balsamic and some applewood smoked bacon for breakfast.

      Yummy.

    • Gender Traitor

      The usual weekend chai latte made with skim milk.

      ‘sup, Homey?

      • Sean

        Needs moar #keto

    • Cy

      Black coffee and a tangerine for me. I’m sure I’ll wind up paying for all of the acid later.

      • Sean

        Needs moar #keto

    • Tejicano

      Late nite here right now. Tomorrow morning will be maple smoked bacon and a fried onion, pepper, mushroom, cheese, and ham omelet. With fresh-made whole wheat toast. Coffee is a given.