Spirit in the Sky

by | Jan 1, 2021 | Fiction | 137 comments

“King me.”  Michael demanded.  He slid the black checker to the back of the board, holding a clenched fist halfway in victory.

“This game’s stupid anyway.  I never understood why they went and banned Chess.”  Devon replied.

“Because Chess requires you to think.”  Michael quipped.

They sat watch atop the wooden stronghold just east of the salt formation.  The plains gave a simple view of the surrounding areas that allowed men that worked for the commissars time to see anyone riding, even at night.  Their deliberate movements playing the game was in reverence to the precariously built watchtower.  Their benches creaked while the high winds blowing across the plains shimmied and swayed the wooden tower.

“Do you hear something?”  Devon asked.

“Yeah I do, actually.”  Michael replied.  He grabbed his Mosin-Nagant and looked around at the plains below.  When he was satisfied that it was nothing more than the perpetual wind, he sat back down and made his next move.  “Just the wind I guess.”

“So here’s what happens.  I move here, you jump this guy.  My next move is forward here, you jump with this king back here.  Let’s just stop and say that I owe you a cigarette.”  Devon complained. He wasn’t particularly good at checkers.

“I’ll take that cigarette now.”  Michael answer.

Devon pulled out a rectangular package made of thick paper.  On one side it was succinctly marked, ” cigarette.”  On the other was a simple worded statement: “use of this product is not prohibited nor is it encouraged.”  A faint buzzing sound grew louder and louder as Michael struck a wooden match against the wood floor.

“Do you ever wonder?  Wonder about what on have other side of that salt formation?”  Devon asked.

“What do you mean?”  Michael asked.  “Do you think there’s something’s there that shouldn’t be?”

The buzzing grew louder.

“Well not so much that we shouldn’t know what’s on the other side.  Okay…yeah, why would they never tell us what’s on here other side?”   Devon continued.

The buzzing sound was not as faint.

“I don’t know.  I’m not too worried about it.  Do you hear that?” Michael replied.  Almost like cicadas?”

“Wrong year for those I think.”  Devon answered after thinking about it for a few minutes.  ” I do hear it.  It sounds more like engines.”

“Engines?  What kind of engines?”

Both men looked up at the typical starry skies.  Michael shrugged and then turned back to look at the moon high in the night sky.

“There it is!”  Michael shouted.

“There what is?”  Devon asked with indifference. He looked up from the checkerboard and jumped in his surprise when saw the Zeppelin’s shadow move slowly across the moon.  His quick movements swayed the tower and both men stood gingerly, trying to gain their balance on the swaying tower.  Michael chambered a round in his Mosin-Nagant.

“They might be coming towards us.”  He said.  The Zeppelin turned south towards the stronghold.  Devon chambered a round in his rifle once it appeared in range.

“I’m calling it in.”  Devon said.  He picked up the rotary phone in the corner of the tower.  “Yeah, command?  You won’t believe this, we have a Zeppelin headed our way.  How do we shoot this thing down?”  Devon asked.  The other side of the line went on in gibberish that Michael couldn’t make out.  “Just a big balloon? Right, right.”  He hung up the phone.  “Let’s go to work.”

-bang-

Devon cycled the bolt with some difficulty.  Only used to carrying the rifle, not shooting it.

-bang-

Michael did the same.  A small searchlight from the platform under the Zeppelin began to move around.  It stopped to focus on the two men, bathing them in a dim, yellow light.  The yellow searchlight began to focus down towards the base of the tower.  The base erupted in flames as the Zeppelin careened over the tower.

“Ah!  This burns!  What is this?”  Michael shouted trying to swipe off the black, boiling liquid.

Devon looked up to see two men tipping over another bucket full of the black liquid with another lighting what appeared to be a small fuse.  The liquid fell around the tower splashing across the wooden planks, the intense heat radiated through the soles of his boots.  Not knowing what else to do, he chambered another round.

-bang-

-bang-

The shots echoed from under the Zeppelin.  The buzzing engines drowned out Michael’s screams, confirming that is what they were hearing the whole time.  The tower shook from beneath Devon’s feet.  The fire below cracking and breaking the beams below.  He watched as a man in a leather bomber jacket and a cowboy slide down two ropes behind the flaming wooden stronghold.

“Command!  We have intruders!”  Devon shouted over the rotary phone.  He tossed it down when he realized there was nobody on the other end listening and watched the two men slowly walk towards the salt formation as the tower’s base gave way to his fall into the inferno below.

 

“Ain’t nothin more than a bunch of flower wearin bastards round here.  All some kinda freak show we have no business being round if ya ask me.”  Wild Bill said quietly.

“Somehow, I don’t think you’ll fit in anywhere we go.”  Walter replied.  “Just try not to shoot anyone.”

“I make no promises.”

The bazaar was well hidden in the thick woods.  People of all types walked around the tables trading their goods.  Some wore animal skins to ward off the cold.  Others didn’t wear any shoes on purpose it seemed.  Whimsical performers danced and sang but few of the traders seemed to pay them any attention.

“It said we’d find him here and that we would know him when we saw him.”  Walter said.  “Only it didn’t say what he looked like.”

“One things for damn sure… That ain’t our guy.”  Wild bill replied.

The man stood casually waiting in line at the merchant’s table.  He wore chinos, a Hawaiian shirt with a tasseled leather vest.  He was barefoot like many others.  He had long mangy hair. Topping everything off with round glasses and a brightly colored feather boa around his neck.

“He fits in right?”

“I ain’t gonna work with some damned buffoon.”  Wild Bill said in disgust.  “Ah hell, I need a drink. You find the freak.”  He began to walk off.

“Hey hang on a minute.”  Walter called.  Wild Bill stopped and turned impatiently.  He tapped a S&W Model 2 resting comfortably in its holster along his right hip.  Walter explained.  “This could be him, these people are selling fuel.”

The ridiculously dressed man sat arguing with merchant.  He appeared to be an animated speaker, with many gestures to exclamate his assertions about their deal.

“I really can’t sell you my bio fuel if you won’t support the endangered TX longhorn.  They are native to the lands west of here and are quickly dying out. It’s part of our arrangement, and if you won’t abide by our arrangement they won’t let you back here anymore.”  The female merchant explained.

“I am abiding by our agreement; you threw the cow thing in at the end.  I’m not trading you more just so you can donate to save a bunch of cows.”  The boa wearing man explained.

Wild Bill placed a palm across his forehead, closed his eyes and breathed a heavy sigh.  “Not just freaks, a bunch of idiots to boot.”  He muttered under his breath. Walter snorted in agreement.

“Animals need help in this terrible world too, man.  Can’t you please help?”

“Screw it, I’m just going to take my spice somewhere else.”  The man threw up his hands.  “I need two barrels of fuel!  Who’s got it?”  He placed his hands back at his hips when another man walked out from the tent behind the merchant’s table.

“Something wrong?”  He asked.

“Who are you?”  The feather wearing man asked.

“Husband, brother, something like that.  Call me Julius.”  He replied.

“Well, I was just pointing out the terms of our agreement,” he motioned between himself and the merchant.  “are now void because she wants me donate to the TX longhorn.  You see I care not for the cows.  In fact once I’m done here I’m gonna stop by that trader down there and pick up some of that jerky for the trip.”  The boa wearing man answered.

“Don’t do that, meat is murder.”  The merchant pleaded.

“Delicious murder.”  Wild Bill muttered.

“You agreed what you agreed to, otherwise you have no place in these woods.”  Julius gave the tasseled man a shove and knocked over his round glasses.  Going for a knockout, his fist was parried and then pinned to the merchant’s table.  He was further surprised by the knife that came from under the feather boa and expertly placed between the bones in his arm.

“That’s our guy.”  Walter muttered.  Wild Bill grunted in agreement and continued to watch.

“You’re absolutely right, Julius.  I will trade this…lady…two bags of spice for two barrels of fuel.”  The man said, holding the six inch dagger firmly into the table.  A small pool of blood began to flow from beneath Julius’ pinned arm.

“You said three bags of spice.”  The merchant hesitantly replied.

“Did I say that? I did say that, but that was before your husband or brother or something like that attacked me.   I am however, a man of my word and thus you will receive three bags of spice for the delivery of fuel.”  The man with the mangy hair offered.  With his free hand he removed three bags filled with dried green leaves from a satchel and placed them on their table.

“You can pick them up at our booth at the end of the row.”  Julius said.

“Nope.”  The man twisted the knife, oozing more blood on the table.  “You will deliver it to the creek north of here.”  Both Julius and the merchant nodded in agreement.  “Good.”  The man pulled the knife out.

Walter and Wild Bill followed the man as he walked off.

“Pardon me, Friend.”  Wild Bill placed a hand on the man’s shoulder.  “Hows about we get a drink.”

“I’m not your friend; and I’d rather not today, cowboy.”  The oddly dressed man replied.

“I wadnt askin.” Wild Bill replied, fingering the S&W Model 2 resting comfortably at his hip.

”I see.  Call me Rufus.”

 

“Here’s what’s eatin at me. How is it that you traded switchgrass for fuel?”  Wild Bill asked the man.

“Good catch.  You know, if some people will fall for anything, why keep them from doing it?”  Rufus explained.  “What business do you have with me?”

The booth had two tables neatly placed in rows.  A server had set down three glasses and filled them from a mason jar.  People passed by on their way to the other booths in the woods.

“Just leave the jar.”  Walter instructed.  “This guy is hardly a temperate fellow.”  He looked at Rufus.  “We hear you’re the type of man that can get us places fairly quickly.”

“Who told you that?”  Rufus asked.

“You ain’t gonna believe us if we told ya.”  Wild Bill replied while he poured himself more of the clear liquid from the mason jar.

“I get that a lot.  Where do you need to go?”  Rufus asked.

“Kansas.”  Walter answered. “To the stronghold at the salt formation.”

“That’s a bit further west than I normally go.”  Rufus replied.  “Besides, I’m not exactly the fighting type.”

“After what I just saw, I suddenly think a bit less of you.” Walter replied.

“I traded switchgrass to people that I said was spice, for fuel.  Honestly, how much lower can I go on your scale?”  Rufus asked.

“Good point.”  Wild Bill muttered.

“Indeed.”  Rufus took a sip of the moonshine.  “Besides, for something like that I would have to charge you a tad extra since I will likely be shot at.”

“It couldn’t be the first time.”  Walter said.  “What do you have to shoot back.”

“That’s not something I am willing to get too far into.”  Rufus answered.  “Honestly, I don’t even have a gun on me.”

“Bullshit.”  Wild Bill stood in a blink of an eye and had both S&W Model 2 revolvers aimed at Rufus before he got his own broom handle Mauser halfway out, it was hidden beneath his tasseled vest.

“You’re fast, cowboy.”  Rufus conceded, wide eyed. Wild Bill holstered one revolver and half cocked the other, setting it down on the table.  Business end towards Rufus.

“What in the hell is that?”  Wild Bill asked.  “Some other self-loadin bitch pistol?”

“Alright, let’s keep this polite.  At this point. I am wondering how we can trust you.”  Walter said.

“My question is, are you dumb enough to think that cows are in danger of going extinct?  Because your whiskey fueled friend here has called my bluff twice.”  Rufus answered.  “So what do you have in trade?”

“I guess the question is how much do you want?  Wild Bill here can acquire almost any number you have in mind…”  Walter began.

“You’re probably taking about money.  There’s no use for such things as nobody in these woods has any money.  Trade is the name of the game here.”  Rufus interrupted.

“I found this on a rainy night from a man who couldn’t quite fight off his demons.”  Wild Bill reached under his coat and set a flintlock pistol on the table.  Followed by a powder horn, and a ball mold.  Rufus picked up the pistol and inspected it for a moment.

“Just enough of that…you know.  I’ll do it.  You should probably pick up some Greek Fire from Euripides on the corner before you meet me at the creek north of here.  You guys aren’t afraid of heights right?.”  Rufus asked.

“Of course not. What are you flying?”  Walter asked.

“Greek fire?”  Wild Bill was puzzled.

“A Zeppelin.”  He turned to Wild Bill.  “I’ve dropped it on hippies a few months back. Works great but terrible stuff, really.”  Rufus answered casually.

 

The Junction

The 8th of January

Aces and Eights

An Innocent Object

What They Call It

About The Author

Glib Staff

Glib Staff

137 Comments

  1. Brochettaward

    This isn’t a First. You people don’t deserve it.

  2. Fourscore

    Didn’t we see this a few days ago? The New Year has brought us memories of 2020 but I’m not canceling my subscription. I’ll wait until bro here has gone to bed and TPTB will post the real one. This is just a feint to get rid of Kid Bro.

    • TARDis

      Bro=Dominion. Prove me wrong.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      Is any of this legal in Canada?

      • DEG

        It’s legal if you don’t get caught.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Excellent. Now I just need to buy myself a dirigible.

    • DEG

      No face diapers!

      #2. Yes.

      #3. Yes.

      #8 looks inviting.

      #11 looks fun.

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      #9 should eat something.

  3. westernsloper

    Good stuff!

  4. TARDis

    Hey Zwak, if you’re here, I book marked the quillette link you posted. Good stuff. Thanks for posting. It’s nice to see something that gives me hope.

    • zwak

      No problem. I don’t always agree with Loury, but he is always interesting. And it is a nice break from the idiocy of TNC and that ilk.

      • DenverJ

        So I’m starved for intelligent commentary… repost please?

      • zwak

        Here you go!

        https://quillette.com/2020/11/19/victimhood-or-development/

        And I am going to start a thread in the politics section of the forum listing things like this, as I too want to read deep and actual good commentary from across the political spectrum.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Excellent! Thank you zwak!

      • PudPaisley

        Great read. Thanks.

  5. Dr. Fronkensteen

    Anyone else finding the Ohio St. game unwatchable because of the 4 panel view?

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      Never mind. I found a channel without it.

      • rhywun

        Heh, you found the “Command Center”. ?

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Yeah I did. It sucks.

  6. Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

    Clemson’s defense isn’t very good.

    • rhywun

      Jacksonville doesn’t care.

      • hayeksplosives

        That’s got to be depressing for top QBs in the NCAAF.

        “Congratulations! You’re going to be the number one draft pick. Of course, that will be with the worst team in the NFL and the fans will have unrealistic expectations of what you can do, but….Number 1 pick! Yay!

      • rhywun

        Plus, you have to move to Jacksonville. *ducks*

        Yeah, that is one reason I dislike the “draft” system.

        I get why they do it.

        But I also get the Euroball system (outside of North America) where money talks.

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        That might be why do few of those #1 quarterbacks succeed. They get thrown to the wolves behind a leaky offensive line.

      • hayeksplosives

        This is absolutely true.

        Some of the franchises get it in their head that if they can just get a top QB, he will singlehandedly win all the games for them.

        The Browns were really bad about this: Brady Quinn, Colt McCoy, Johnny Manziel (that guy needed stern discipline, not the keys to the kingdom).

        They finally have something going on, but it’s not just Baker Mayfield; it’s the pieces around him.

      • slumbrew

        See, also, the Jets.

      • rhywun

        Maybe they could settle for this Fields kid.

      • Nephilium

        There’s already talk in the local media about kicking Mayfield to the curb if he loses on Sunday. Fuck that, he gave us a winning season, and seems like a decent guy. Add more offensive line and fix our defense before next year.

      • rhywun

        Yeah, that’s ridiculous. Plus Progressive might like a word.

      • slumbrew

        That would be awesome. Pats need a new QB…

      • Chafed

        The only team stupid enough to actually do that would be the Chargers. The Spanos family is congenitally incapable of succeeding in football.

      • Count Potato

        Eli Manning was a first overall pick and won two Super Bowls.

      • Chafed

        Because of two receivers who made otherworldly catches.

      • Count Potato

        It’s not like he didn’t win the NFC to get there.

      • Chafed

        The team won the NFC. Eli was always a mediocre quarterback with the right last name. He had a great arm but mediocre, at best, decision making.

      • egould310

        Whatever bro. Two Super Bowls. Eli is literally top five qb’s ever. I hate it. But thems the facts.

      • egould310

        Eli is probably number five, all time. Crazy world.

      • PudPaisley

        No way is Eli even in the top 10. If he’s top five based on two Super Bowls, then Jim Plunkett would have to be #4 or #6.

      • egould310

        Brady

        Bradshaw

        Montana

        Peyton
        Eli

        I’m drunk and being a contrarian, but there is an argument. Marginal. But, yeah.

      • PudPaisley

        I’ll allow it, but 6th place has to go to Sid Luckman for revolutionizing the passing game and bringing us into the game we know today. He also won four NFL titles with the Bears.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Number one pick who whined his little bitch mouth and threw a tantrum that he wouldn’t play if the Chargers drafted him. Fuck him and the rest of the clan. They can all eat a family size bowl of dicks.

      • Chafed

        What did Peyton and Archie do to upset you?

    • slumbrew

      That ejection won’t help

      • Q Continuum

        That’s what she said.

      • slumbrew

        Hey-yo!

      • rhywun

        You are correct, sir!

  7. mikey

    Good stuff! Elton John vs Sam Elliott

    • hayeksplosives

      My mind went Jesse Ventura at the mention of the feather boa.

  8. hayeksplosives

    The GOP has sent me eight text messages since noon today begging me to give money for the GA senate candidates. They all claim to be Newt or Guliani or Donald JR or some other “famous” politician.

    I have never responded to any of these, nor have I done anything with the GOP since 2010.

    If I had been an on-the-fence voter, this harassment and abuse of my cell phone message system might have been enough to make me NOT vote for them.

    Fuck those guys. The GOP is just the Democrats from 30 years ago.

    • Akira

      I think they got my number from either some Ron Paul-related stuff I signed up for in 2008, or from the NRA.

    • rhywun

      I’ve never received a political text message ?‍♂️.

      No idea how that happens.

      • hayeksplosives

        It’s super annoying. If I had a limit on text messaging per month I’d be livid.

        I just keep my phone on mute most of the time. My work mobile phone is the one I use for real people audio calls.

      • DenverJ

        “If I had a limit on text messaging per month I’d be livid.”
        And also living a decade ago.

      • rhywun

        I *think* I have a limit? Which is probably part of why my bill is under 20 dollars a month.

    • TARDis

      The fact that I miss Reagan makes me feel sad.

    • Hyperion

      When are any of them going to stop election fraud?

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      That’s why I don’t donate. I’ve seen all the junk my parents get because they do.

      • rhywun

        Yeah, that must be it. I’ve never donated to a political person or party.

        Most of my texts come from the insurance I had while I was unemployed and on medicare earlier this year* and gee I guess their system doesn’t recognize the word STOP that I keep sending their way. ?

        *Hey, the hospital signed me up. Cut me some slack.

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        My son was one of those people who signed up for a Trump rally with no intention of going. The text spam he got was unrelenting. I couldn’t tell if the Trump campaign really expected him to donate as a result of those texts, or if they were exacting revenge.

      • rhywun

        signed up for a Trump rally

        I must be allergic to politics because I would never do such a thing.

      • rhywun

        lol accurate

    • TARDis

      Asshole. Cancer (Testicular or Prostate).

      • Q Continuum

        Not asshole cancer?

      • TARDis

        Anus cancer? Is that a thing? Too lazy to search.

        Might as well have have knob cancer then.

      • rhywun

        Well, cancer IS asshoe.

      • TARDis

        Sorry. I forget sometimes. Mea Culpa.

      • Ted S.

        It’s what killed Farrah Fawcett.

      • Threedoor

        No. Worse, the Rona!

    • Brochettaward

      And you are, of course, risking spreading coronavirus with this set-up.

      I mean, where is this guys sense of decency?

    • hayeksplosives

      I want to know what he does for a living because the two bitches will both be expecting his entire salary to be spent on “the family.”

    • Chafed

      Stories like this periodically pop up in the news when the philandering man dies. Remember finding out why Charles Kuralt was always on the road?

  9. Yusef drives a Kia

    Major PC issues, made it back far enough to say Good Night, and So Say we All!

  10. Dr. Chipping Pioneer

    Do you hear that?” Michael replied. Almost like cicadas?”

    Welcome to age-related hearing loss, Michael!

    • Dr. Chipping Pioneer

      Welcome to age- and alcohol-related tag fuckups, CP!

    • Hyperion

      “patch”

      Past, for Crikey sake.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Midvale School for the Gifted 😉

      • hayeksplosives

        LOL.

        Should I be worried that I instantly recognized the reference?

      • Timeloose

        Pull.

      • Hyperion

        Y’all be fiddlin while Rome burns.

      • Chipwooder

        I actually had that panel on a t-shirt long ago.

  11. Chafed

    Friday night with the Gliberatti on my screen and Eddie Trunk playing all AC/DC tonight. I may need to get a beer and something sweet to make this night complete.

      • TARDis

        Disgusting. Her navel is clearly 1& 3/16th inches higher than it should be.

      • rhywun

        I… yeah, WTF is that.

      • Chafed

        ?

    • rhywun

      It is a nice night. Libations, crazy foosball, you clowns, and I’m digging into my iTunes library that I’ve mostly ignored over the last year – as in, I’ve added a bunch of stuff that I’ve never listened to because I don’t have a commute anymore.

      • rhywun

        Here is one that popped up that gave me a chuckle for some reason.

      • Chafed

        Very Glibertarian title

      • Hyperion

        Happy New Year to you, Rhywun, may 20201 not suck so much as the last one.

      • rhywun

        In the year… 20201… everything I think, do, and say is in the pill I took today…

        ?

      • egould310

        “ I’m digging into my iTunes library that I’ve mostly ignored over the last year”

        Dig into music, brother. That will keep you sane. Lots of good music in 2020, despite the cornavarius.

      • rhywun

        Lots of it is new stuff. I’m all in on the there’s lots of great music out there train. ?

      • rhywun

        And a lot of it is 15 years old but new to me and because I’m old it’s all the same to me.

      • egould310

        I’m old too. And I’m so happy to have Spotify. Because I have a curious ear. What a wonderful world we live in where I can access hundreds of thousands of songs for only $10 a month.

        I used to go to record stores, put up $40 cash up front, and wait 4 to 6 weeks for some records to show up from Australia. That was boring and expensive.

      • Brochettaward

        Antifa in Portland have launched a “soccer league”

        And there are people here who will defend soccer.

      • Hyperion

        The same people that protected their garden. IOW, they’re fucked.

      • Chafed

        The liability insurance rates for businesses in downtown Portland must be ridiculous.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        Antifa in Portland have launched a “soccer league”

        You know who else had a “sports division”?

  12. DenverJ

    Gotta go back to work on Monday, after two weeks off. That’ll be weird. I’ve had more paid time off with this job in the last three years than the last 30 plus years combined.

    • Hyperion

      “Gotta go back to work on Monday, after two weeks off. ”

      Yeah, I know. It sucks.

      • Nephilium

        #MeToo

      • Hyperion

        Hey Trashy, if you don’t mind me asking… what part of TX are you in now? Among the states that are still candidates that we will flee to are WV, TN, SC, FL, and TX.

      • egould310

        Spent a week in Gulfport, MS back in September. You may be interested.

        Depending on how the future goes, Gulfport/Ocean Springs may be the destination.

      • egould310

        Or Memphis, TN. They invented rocknroll, soul music, and country music.

        Soul music is country music.

        I really liked Mississippi. That’s the birthplace of rock n roll.

      • Threedoor

        What? Idaho gets no love?

      • Hyperion

        The worst part is that achieving my goals for the new year, which will never be New Year’s resolutions, because those are doomed to failure, is that those goals require large amounts of sobriety. I don’t like that because I’m comfortably numb, and it is nice.

    • rhywun

      I like working during the holiday season because it’s quiet.

      Also, as a new hire, I’m the lowest whatchamacallit on the totem pole so I have to say that.

  13. Gustave Lytton

    https://www.oregonlive.com/politics/2021/01/protest-against-coronavirus-restrictions-underway-in-salem.html

    Later, as a line of police ensured the right-wing protesters returned to the Capitol and their vehicles to leave, a protester shouted criticisms of police including “Back the blue no more!” Another woman dragged an American flag with a blue line in place of a white one, intended as a pro-police banner, through the mud.

    Some are starting to wake up. Unfortunately, it seems to be moving further down a one way street. Much different tone than reopen rallies a couple months ago.

    And fuck the fake journalists that think they can be partisan propagandists and still reap all the benefits of neutral parties.

  14. DWB

    The greatest No.11-ranked team ever?

    • egould310

      Happily buzzed on the sofa, watching “Raiders of the Lost Ark”. What a great film.

      • limey

        Isn’t that Las Vegas Raiders of the Lost Ark nowadays? I lost track.

  15. Festus

    Ah feck. Loser step-son managed to get himself beaten into an overnight at the hospital yesterday. Second time in a week. He won’t tell what the fuck he’s up to. I fear he is not long for this world. Poor Judi is freaking the fuck out. That kid has been a liar and a cheat for all of the twenty-five years that I’ve known him. He has a girlfriend at last but she’s in rehab. I want to wring his fucking neck but that never worked when he was 13 and it sure as fuck wouldn’t work now. “Stop hurting your Mom and your Sisters!” Just a lying, mendacious piece of crap. He rang up a $300 charge on our phone bill for video game cheat codes in 1996, knowing he’d be caught. Judi wants to buy a gun to shoot his assailants. I’d like to hand him one and lock him in the shed.

    • Festus

      This has been snowballing for at least a year. Sorry about the vent but when my Girls are unhappy, Festus is VERY unhappy.

      • hayeksplosives

        Maybe you could appeal to him “man to man” by telling him that you need to know whether what he’s involved with puts his mother and sisters.

        Also, for what it’s worth, remind yourself of an important difference between men snd women: When a woman tells a trusted male (relative, friend, coworker) her concerns, frustrations, rants, that’s really all she needs. She feels very relieved that the man was there to listen. The act of listening was all she required from you.

        Unfortunately, this is pure torture for men , because men want to “fix” the problem (which might be unfixable). The man doesn’t realize that he’s already done what needed to be done by listening and validating her perspective. “There there” and a glass of wine doesn’t hurt either.

    • hayeksplosives

      Man, that sucks. Sorry that you and your family have to put up with this.

      Sounds like he lives with you and your wifey. If not, I’d recommend changing the locks.

      I would not condone getting a gun for anyone who hasn’t had a gun but now expects he/she needs it for an immediate threat.

      I don’t have quite the same experience you describe but I had 2 stepsons, one of whom was a lying, manipulative, untrustworthy POS. The problem solved itself when he decided (at 16) that he didn’t need to observe shared custody anymore, and since he mom let him get away with anything, that’s where he went. I changed the locks. Didn’t ask my husband, for which I think he was grateful because he didn’t have to make that decision himself.

      The sudden estrangement broke my husband’s heart at the time because his ingrate, lying, cheating, lazy son just stopped all communications with his dad for 3 years. I advised my spouse to write to his son one more time saying that he’d be there with no questions asked or rehashing of the past if he (son) wanted to make contact again someday. That helped my husband get over it: he knew he’s done his best, and I knew that his words would be remembered even if it took a while to germinate in his son’s mind.

      3 years later, the son came back after successfully performing a sell craniorectal extraction. Now they have a good relationship, and the kid, 24 years old is engaged to a nice girl whom we met when they visited us last year.

      If you can get your wife and stepdaughters safety through this, supporting your wife mentally and emotionally is pretty much all you can do.

      Maybe the kid will straighten up if he was adequately scared by the physical beatings he is getting.

      • Festus

        Yeah, No. He was groomed by a pedophile from a young age. He’s been living with him and his mother for decades. Problem being they are getting on in years and he’s bored. His actual Father won’t have anything to do with him. I tried to be a good role model for him but when I’d drop the kids off at school, he would just saunter out the back door and go to Don’s place. He’s been lost to us since 1997. It’s just lately that he is wont to be murdered by a crack-head.

      • hayeksplosives

        That is awful. Raising kids is tough enough, but raising a messed up kid who has other “parents” with different rules and values is nigh impossible.

        Good luck!

      • Festus

        He’s pushing forty and acting fifteen. He’s never had any of the real life experiences that you and I take for granted. No first date, no first kiss, no prom, no driver’s license, nothing. All stolen by a predator and lazy fucking bureaucrats.

      • Festus

        Thanks for the reply Hayek. We actually went through court to keep the predator away and it amounted to “Kids will be kids”. That’s when I knew we were gamed by the system. White trash couple vs. a Fine upstanding Gentleman.

      • Festus

        The three girls turned out better than fine. All shit-lasses in their own way.

    • Ted S.

      Another covid death, I bet.

  16. Festus

    Hey Yusef! I actually managed my own furnace fix last night! It’s been wetter than panties at a Duran Duran concert here and the pressure switch was goinking. I fucked around for some time and then decided to use some common sense. Loosened the wee plastic screw in the switch to get it running and then when it failed again, tightened it just enough to make it run. Working like a charm, now.

    • Dr. Chipping Pioneer

      wetter than panties at a Duran Duran concert

      ^^ old guy confirmed ^^

      • Festus

        Call-back to a previous post but I’ll not deny the veracity. One of our MLG is fond of Simon.

  17. Sean

    I have not yet left my house for all of 2021.

    Is everyone out there dead yet?

    • Ted S.

      Only Tulpa is dead.

  18. Festus

    I’ve told this tale before but bear witness, if you will. The last time that I shut the door on an addict she wound up dead the next day. Stole our car and got the boot. Showed up a week later looking for refuge. I refused. She was my eldest Cousin, more like my little Sister and also my ex-wife’s best friend. I turned my back on her because I had to. I’ll never forgive myself.

    • Sean

      Oof. That’s rough dude.

      Still, you can’t really keep toxic people in your life.

      • Festus

        It’s not about the keeping, it’s more like moths to a flame.