The Hat and The Hair: Episode 182

by | Jan 13, 2021 | Hat and Hair, SugarFree | 334 comments

 

“Hang Mike Pence! Hang Mike Pence!” the hat chanted as it inched across the Resolute desk.

“It’s been a week, aren’t you tired of that yet?” the hair asked, down over Donald’s eyes like a sleep mask.

“It’s catchy,” the hat said.

“It’s bad optics,” the hair said.

“Oh, no,” the hat said with almost terminal sarcasm, “People won’t vote for us in the election that was two months ago!”

“We have to preserve some semblance of dignity for 2024,” the hair said.

“No, we don’t,” Donald said, pulling the hair off his eyes and dropping it on the desk. “2024 is four years away, might as well be a lifetime.”

“They are calling us insurrectionists, Donald,” the hair said.

“Doesn’t matter,” Donald said.

“You’re being impeached again,” the hair said.

“Doesn’t matter. The fruition of my master plan is at hand.”

“If you get convicted by the Senate, you won’t be able to run in 2024,” the hat said, inched toward the hair, and then launched himself to pounce.

“I don’t want to be President again without Twitter,” Donald said, shaking his head. “I love it too much.”

“Jesus,” the hair said in disgust.

“I wish I could have a baby with Twitter, find the right server, really get up in there, three weeks later a little Twitter pops out with perfect hair and a brilliant mind,” Donald said, miming that he was cradling his newborn abomination.

“You could have hit it big on Parler,” the hat said.

“Parler served its purpose, not really much use for it at this point,” Donald said

“But you could reach your people on it,” the hat said.

My people are the ones who fall in line without me having to tell them what to do,” Donald said, levering himself out of his chair. He looked down the hallway out the open Oval Office door. Workers scurried back and forth with armfuls of papers, scared looks on their faces, the roar of the shredders deafening.

“We move on, boys. We move on,” Donald said, slamming the door shut. “My revenge almost complete.”

“Revenge?” the hair asked.

“And then go to Florida, where it is sunny unless there is a hurricane, where frozen lizards drop right out of the sky for you to eat, where there are ladies and manatees and lady manatees to fuck,” Donald dropped back into his chair and smiled.

“I don’t want to go to Florida,” the hair whined.

“You ever fuck a manatee?” Donald asked. “Tight’s not the word. Slick with algae, half shit-out seaweed tickling your stomach. Makes my balls ache just think about it.”

“I’ll fuck a manatee!” the hat said with faked enthusiasm.

“You are going to the Trump Presidential Library,” Donald said gravely. “You will be a living exhibit, giving a constant oral history of the accomplishments of the greatest four years in American history.”

“No!” the hat cried. “I won’t do it. I want to go with you two. I’m perfect for Florida! I can do meth and Monster Energy drinks and burn myself with fireworks!”

“You will go my Presidential Library,” Donald said, flicking the hat’s dorsal button painfully.

“I’ll just sit there,” the hat said through gritted bill. “I’ll just pretend to be a dumb old regular hat until I figure out how to get out of this one.”

“You’ll scamper and dance and do as you’re told,” Donald said.

“So that’s it?” the hair asked. “Florida and a long retirement of sea cow sex and Cuban McDonalds?”

“McMedianoche…” Donald said dreamily and passed a long series of wet farts into his Oval Office chair. “My second-to-last gift to Joe and Kamala.” he said contentedly.

“Second-to-last?” the hat asked.

“You forget my revenge!” Donald said. “COVID rampant, Qanon whipped into a frenzy, rioters in the Capitol building–my beloved angry white men with guns–FBI chatter about more demonstrations…”

“Yes?” the hair said.

“There won’t be anyone at his Inauguration! Empty!” Donald said in triumph. “All his fans are too old, too black, too female to risk watching an old man mumbling a speech in the snow. He got his media to lie about the beautiful crowds at my Inauguration, and now no one will attend his!”

“This is your revenge?” the hair asked.

“All this for…” the hat started.

“Yes! Yes! Let Joe Biden know my pain, my humiliation! And I’ll be gone! long gone!” Donald began to laugh, starting as a deep rumble in his stomach then expanding to fill the Oval Office until he began to hiccup.

“Too Flo[hic]rida!” he said, standing.

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

334 Comments

  1. The Late P Brooks

    the roar of the shredders deafening.

    Ha!

    • The Other Kevin

      Which key are they going to seditiously remove from the keyboards?

      • EvilSheldon

        YES!

        Possible peak troll!

      • Swiss Servator

        …and not even remove them, just white them out.

      • Not Adahn

        Just extend the little line, let the media freak out that the keyboards have all been replaced by NØrse ones.

      • Bobarian LMD

        J & K.

      • Rat on a train

        ALT, the one on the right.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        *Golf clap*

      • Ownbestenemy

        If they were really sneaky, pay some 4chan script kiddie to capture the IO stream and change the letters programmatically as they type.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        You could just change Word’s spell checker to auto-replace ‘Harris’ with ‘Cunte’ and Biden with, ‘The Daft Old Man.’

      • Bobarian LMD

        ‘Kid Sniffer’

      • Cy

        “The Big Guy”

  2. CPRM

    Huzzah? I sent you the latest abomination, BTW.

  3. Swiss Servator

    “You’ll scamper and dance and do as you’re told,” Donald said.

    Poor Hat.

    I cannot believe I just said that.

    • CPRM

      The Hat ith tha betht! Embrathe your hate!

  4. Sean

    When we all get herded into camps, I hope I end up at the same camp as SugarFree.

    At least we’ll have story time.

    • db

      If that happens, they’ll have you hooked up like Thufir Hawat’s cat from David Lynch’s Dune. He’ll have to care for you and milk you to keep the insulin flowing.

  5. Swiss Servator

    “McMedianoche…” Donald said dreamily and passed a long series of wet farts into his Oval Office chair.

    I will miss poetry like this.

  6. The Late P Brooks

    I cannot believe I just said that.

    Empathy. It’s what separates Man from Beast Progressive.

  7. EvilSheldon

    Manatees frequently try to fuck scuba drivers.

    Fortunately, they have tiny little dicks, so they’re not a major threat like dolphins.

    I’ve been trying for some years to make ‘Manatee-dick’ a popular insult, but it never seems to catch on.

    • CPRM

      I think Donald is more thinking of orifices than protrusions. Manatees are the accepted ‘scientific’ explanation for mermaids, and who wouldn’t bone a mermaid?

      • UnCivilServant

        A lot of fish are broadcast spawners, and thus don’t actually fuck.

      • UnCivilServant

        So unless you’re chubby chasing a manateemaid, you’re going to have a bit of a luck of the draw do contend with.

      • Cy

        Broadcast Spawner, like a Catholic?

      • Nephilium

        I wouldn’t call Catholic’s broadcast, theyre more serial spawners.

      • Nephilium

        /sees incorrect apostrophe

        /hangs head in shame

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Fixed

      • Mojeaux

        I see what you did there, MS.

      • db

        That’s just cruel.

      • CPRM

        Doesn’t mean it can’t feel good, you never heard of a blow job? On a whale it’s literally a blow whole. It’s like you don’t John McAfee!

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        I hear it is the best when both you and the whale are tripping balls on molly.

      • Ted S.

        I think you only blow part of the whale.

      • Bobarian LMD
      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Did someone say mermaids?

    • Cy

      ‘Manatee-dick’ just doesn’t roll off the tongue well.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Womanatee-dick. You shitlord.

  8. Viking1865

    “the greatest four years in American history”

    Man now I’m thinking what would actually be that time period. Can’t be anything post 9/11. Can’t really be anything pre Civil War. I think I gotta knock the Coolidge/Harding time, as great as it was, out of the running due to Prohibition. Probably either the second half of either the 50s, 80s or the 90s.

    • SugarFree

      1971-1975: Peak bralessness.

      • kinnath

        Halter tops.

        No dress codes in school.

        God, what a distraction.

      • Mad Scientist

        This is the correct answer.

    • Cy

      I think you need to pick a metric to base that off of.

      Personally, regarding being unique to history and extremely valiant, I’d choose the Revolutionary war.

    • db

      Definitely the 1950s. Cool Jazz, space program picking up (even with the scary times of Sputnik, there was resolve), just off the victory of WWII and the economy taking off, nothing but hope ahead…

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Late 50’s in to early 60’s was when thebest jazz was made IMO. It was still accessible but still complex and interesting. It wasn’t as esoteric as it got later and it wasn’t as hokey as it was before then.

      • Mojeaux

        See the soundtrack to Elevator to the Gallows by Miles Davis.

        The very late 60s and early 70s, as well as the 90s, had some of history’s greatest films. Unique, edgy, risk-taking. I loved the 90s films. Pulp Fiction, Dogma. Even the schlock was good. And the 60s and 70s! Deliverance, Easy Rider, Last Tango in Paris. So many more.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Miles is on the very edge of the era of jazz that I prefer. Dizzy Gillespie on was occasionally interesting but not as good as the peak of the big bands, IMO.

      • Akira

        I’m a big band / swing fan too (actually a fan of music from about WWII back to the beginning of recording)

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        I enjoy that as well and the Dixieland style prior to, but the later stuff was the apogee of big band IMO, like the bands that backed Sinatra and Martin were amazing. You should check out more of Stan Kenton (one of my favorite songs from my very favorite jazz album).

    • Drake

      The mid-80’s to the mid-90’s were the best in my lifetime.

      • pistoffnick

        Mine too

      • But Enough About [this space intentionally left blank]

        #metoo

      • The Other Kevin

        End of high school, start of college. Lots of good stuff going on. Political discussion was limited to talk radio. #metoo

      • Tundra

        Yep. Money for nothing…

      • Drake

        I enjoy shows like “Stranger Things”, “Young Sheldon”, “That 70’s Show”, and “Madmen” are set in those (50’s – 90’s) happier times. You can watch them and just relax and enjoy without anyone virtue-signalling or being harangued by SJWs.

        How Woke Killed the Golden Age of Television

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Wife and I have been watching King of Queens lately. Talk about a show that couldn’t be made today.

      • Mojeaux

        Yet the schlubby husband and hot wife conceit never dies.

      • UnCivilServant

        Without money, schlubby guys tend to have schlubby wives.

      • Mojeaux

        Hey. I resemble that remark.

      • Drake

        I was just thinking about Two and a Half Men. A main character was a red-pilled player – big nope today.

      • l0b0t

        I’ve recently acquired a complete run of Cheers. The first season is nothing but innuendo, double entendre, and blatant sexual harassment.

      • Necron 99

        I think they were mine, but I can’t remember most of it.

      • Chipwooder

        Same. Good times that I remember very fondly.

      • Bones

        Mine too. Great music, weed was everywhere and mostly good, it seemed like everyone was always out and about. The bars were packed every night.

        I do think of the irony sometimes that in this era of saying “Fuck you!” to everything, an astonishing number of people grew up and immediately went after their own brand of censorship by evolving into petty progressive tyrants. I’m continually floored at what happened to many (former) friends from that decade. If I had time and energy to endlessly debate the lobotomized idiots, I would be interested to learn how they came to such contradictory conclusions. As in, how do you go from thinking its great to look for one night stands every weekend to totally buying into the rape culture BS? How was it just peachy when we made fun of literally every race/creed/religion/both genders/sexual preference et.al. to ranting on FB about your moral superiority over comments that wouldn’t have even registered as mean 25 years ago?

        I guess maybe if I had actually attended the classes I signed up for, I’d have heard some propaganda and maybe even been susceptible to it, but I hit a wall when a “professor” (read: Hippie teaching hippie BS) introduced us to the idea that personal property shouldn’t exist. Yikes!

  9. pistoffnick

    “… flicking the hat’s dorsal button painfully”

    that matching fabric-covered button is also called a squatchee.*

    * I learned that from SugarFree in a previous edition. I learn a lot from SugarFree {shudders, rocks back and forth rhythmically}

    • SugarFree

      Imagine the disappointment when STEVE SMITH found out that wasn’t his long-lost son.

      • STEVE SMITH

        HIM NOT?!

      • Bobarian LMD

        Like there ain’t a whole lot of those running around.

    • robc

      Johnny Bench started wearing a helmet under his mask instead of a hat, because foul balls off the button hurt like hell.

      Which doesn’t explain the previous 100 years of idiots wearing their hat.

      • Drake

        Maybe they are were smart enough to not position the mask strap over the button.

      • robc

        I think it was balls hitting the button directly that were the problem.

  10. Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

    Dorsal button. Nice.

  11. mexican sharpshooter

    *slow clap*

    Bravo

  12. rhywun

    “Doesn’t matter. The fruition of my master plan is at hand.”

    His master plan included convincing the world that he was too stupid to know words like “fruition”.

    • juris imprudent

      Plan is also a word that doesn’t seem to resonate with his persona. Let alone master plan.

      • Ownbestenemy

        It was all going to plan when it was 3d Chess, but he goes bigly and went for the 42d Chess and then lost the plot.

      • Not Adahn

        or speaking gravely. That’s how you know his body’s been taken over by The Hair.

  13. Tundra

    Fuck Trump.

    Turning on Hat that way.

    Dick.

    • Pope Jimbo

      How should he have turned on the Hat?

      Low lights, good wine and smooth jazz?

  14. Not Adahn

    How has The Hair taken control of The Donald?

    • rhywun

      Those tendrils are for more than just gripping.

      • Not Adahn

        It is possible to take control of a body via the follicles

    • Swiss Servator

      The Hair doesn’t want to go to Florida either – humidity and The Hair do not mix well.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Perhaps a negotiation can be made? The Hair and Florida are both a very proud people. The Hair wants a deal —frankly it needs a deal. Florida knows it.

        So we’ll have to wait and see.

      • Not Adahn

        Well if it’s not The Hair, and SF isn’t pulling one of those bullshit murder mystery tropes of introducing a new character right at the very end, perhaps what’s actually happening is not that Donald has been comandeered, but that he’s returning to his default state.

        Perhaps The Hat drugged/implanted him with something in order to get him to run in the first place, but now that it’s over, the control is wearing off?

  15. Rebel Scum

    I’m perfect for Florida! I can do meth and Monster Energy drinks and burn myself with fireworks!

    #FloridaHat

    • UnCivilServant

      Would you kindly refrain from sharing the content of the work being transcribed?

      • Mojeaux

        I will pretty much share what I like. Would you please refrain from asking people to stop posting things that annoy you and scroll on past like an adult?

    • Ownbestenemy

      ^^ Not sure which of these is the better snark.

      • UnCivilServant

        I prefer the polite one.

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      This has got to be a HIPAA violation. If it’s not, it at least violates the laws of decency.

      • Mojeaux

        You’re probably right. I will ask SP to delete it and not do it again.

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        You’ve probably triggered all the guys here.

      • Mojeaux

        Well, that I don’t care about because SF. I mean, can I say anything worse than SF?

        Though there is no personal information, as OBE notes below, it isn’t nice and I like to be a nice person.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Eh..no personal information given and it is a bit crude but seriously, no where near a large portion of what is written here. I mean, SF just talked about having sex with matinees.

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        Just to be clear, I’m just teasing.

      • Mojeaux

        Thanks, but you’re still right.

  16. Warty

    It’s like writing history with lightning. Beautiful.

    • Tundra

      You’ve been doing some nice work over at Malice’s twatter.

      Kudos.

      • Warty

        Senpai noticed me

  17. Rebel Scum

    Someone doesn’t want to be reelected.

    “Well, nothing’s changed,” Kinzinger replied. “It’s just going to be in front of us now. And I think when it was a tactical question, it was look, we have 12 days left, is it worth it? But here it is, and I think looking at the impeachment article and knowing that the president incited an insurrection and now, you know, steps out and claims he bears no responsibility, I think in my mind at least, in my conscience and what I believe my job is, there’s no way I could vote no on this.”

    Joe has, of course, always been known for being an upstanding, devout catholic.

    The Washington Post has published another glowing essay fawning over Joe Biden’s purportedly “devout” Catholic faith as a source of healing for America.

    Joe Biden presents the image of “a devout, churchgoing liberal,” writes Michelle Boorstein in Tuesday’s article. “The country will soon observe for the first time a president who goes to Mass every Sunday, plus on Catholic feast days, and sprinkles conversation casually with scripture, religious hymns and references to religious history.”

    Ms. Boorstein notes, on the other hand, that millions of U.S. Catholics “don’t even see him as a legitimate Catholic at all, because of his support for abortion access and LGBT equality.”

    Nonetheless, “Biden could redefine what it means to be a Catholic in good standing,” Boorstein proposes hopefully, since his version of Catholicism is “less tied to doctrine.”

    • Not Adahn

      Isn’t “less tied to doctrine” a wordy way of saying “heretic?”

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      Goes to mass but doesn’t subscribe to any of the tenant of the fail. If Joe’s Catholicism isn’t an allegory for his entire political career, I don’t know what is.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        *faith, not fail (as much as that works on several levels)

      • Bobarian LMD

        He pretty well subscribes to one of those.

      • CPRM

        Hey! He’s cool with his daughters getting him drunk and sexing him up just like Lot!

    • Raven Nation

      I really need a scorecard. I thought politicians publicly referring to religion in a favorable way was bad.

      • Viking1865

        Strength Through Unity, Unity Through Faith -WaPo OpEd page, March 19th, 2022.

      • Swiss Servator

        Strength through Joy?

      • Viking1865

        Freedom Through Work.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Arbeit Macht Frei

      • Viking1865

        The joke is ruined when you translate it directly, come on man thats some malarkey.

      • Ownbestenemy

        *Hangs head in shame*

    • Viking1865

      “The country will soon observe for the first time a president who goes to Mass every Sunday”

      Boomers seething that their hero JFK is forgotten.

      • CPRM

        You think JFK went to Mass on Sunday? That was the day they opened the flood gates on the hooker tunnels! He wouldn’t miss that!

      • Bobarian LMD

        And he called it Mass.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      plus on Catholic feast days

      Most churches don’t even have mass on these days. Pander harder.

      • CPRM

        Yeah, the day of Epiphany was celebrated on the prior Sunday instead of the 6th by many churches, because no one goes to church during the week.

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      I’m pretty sure most Mafia movies show the main characters going to church too. That doesn’t make them good Catholics.

    • Chipwooder

      sprinkles conversation casually with scripture, religious hymns and references to religious history.

      “Like the Palmist says….”

      “Biden could redefine what it means to be a Catholic in good standing,” Boorstein proposes hopefully, since his version of Catholicism is “less tied to doctrine.”

      Pretty sure it’s up to the Church to define what it means to be a Catholic in good standing, not the Washington Post.

      • Not Adahn

        Pshaw! Next you’ll be saying it’s not up to the Assosciated Press to determine election winners!

    • Gadfly

      Nonetheless, “Biden could redefine what it means to be a Catholic in good standing,” Boorstein proposes hopefully, since his version of Catholicism is “less tied to doctrine.”

      Yeah, I’m going to say this ain’t going to win over the more orthodox Catholics, considering their scripture says stuff like this:

      Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them. “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’

      • R C Dean

        I think they are confused. Pretty sure its the Pope, not the President who defines what it means to be a Catholic in good standing.

      • Not Adahn

        Henry VIII haz a sad.

  18. The Late P Brooks

    Nonetheless, “Biden could redefine what it means to be a Catholic in good standing,” Boorstein proposes hopefully, since his version of Catholicism is “less tied to doctrine.”

    He can invite the Pope to come live in the White house, in Lincoln’s room. They’re a match made in someplace or other.

  19. Rebel Scum

    Democrats, once again, seek to liberate the south.

    “That’s what we got to do. We got to organize. And I think what we saw in Georgia is a really good example with black women leading the way, with multiracial and multicultural organizations leading the way, um, they proved that southern states are not red states,” she claimed. “They are suppressed states. Which means the only way that our country is going to heal is through the actual liberation of southern states, the actual liberation of the poor, the actual liberation of working people—from economic, social, and racial oppression. That’s the only way. That’s the only way.”

    Ay, comrade.

    Someone has got her panties in a bunch.

    “And so, I want to be clear to Senator Ted Cruz, you do not belong in the United States Senate. I want to be clear to Senator Josh Hawley, you do not belong in the United States Senate,” AOC ranted in an hour-long Instagram Live video. “You do not belong in any democratically elected seat when you don’t, when you do not believe that that election was even legitimate, according to your self-serving claims. So get out.”

    “If they had any shred of integrity, any shred of integrity about their claims, their lies really, but their claims about this election, they would take off their pin and turn it in,” she continued. “But this isn’t about the truth to them. This is about if they want to be president in 2024. Let me give you a sneak peak. You will never be president. You will never command the respect of this country. Ever. Ever. And you should resign. So should every member of Congress that voted to overturn the results of our election.”

    How dare elected representative use Constitutional mechanisms (usually abused by Dems) to inquire on the integrity of the election!

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      Yeah, I saw that AOC clip. Holy shit, she is deranged. Change out “white supremacist/ism” with “Jew/Jewish” and you could pass it off like you were reading a passage from Mien Kampf.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      I can only assume that “suppressed” is a stand in for “ensure that the person voting is the person they say they are.”

    • Viking1865

      God can we please just do a National Divorce. Please? So we don’t have to do this the hard way?

      KS, MS, KY, WV, VA. Take those states, and the states directly south of them, and just split them off. AOC can never have to worry about opposition again, ever. They can rule untrammeled and unchecked, right up until the point where the lights go out and the food is gone.

      • Animal

        “He stepped to the window and pointed to the skyscrapers of the city. He said that we had to extinguish the lights of the world, and when we would see the lights of New York go out, we would know that our job was done.”

      • Plisade

        Amen!

      • Rat on a train

        KS, MS, KY, WV, VA

        You need to blow up the bridges across the Potomac to have any chance of that working.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Pull the lever, Kronk! Wrong lever!

    • Gadfly

      This is about if they want to be president in 2024. Let me give you a sneak peak. You will never be president.

      She ought to be more circumspect. Obama said that Trump would never be president, and look how well that turned out.

  20. Not Adahn

    Alas, my run of good luck with IT has run out.

    The rep who was assigned insisted that I was giving him the wrong IP address for the machine. After I showed him a screenshot, he assigned the ticket to someone else. At some point he pissed me off enough that I started filling my responses with American idioms like “fineagle.”

    Also, am I the only one that gets pissed off by people putting a double question mark at the end of sentences?

    • UnCivilServant

      One question mark or three, but not two.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Pissed?? No. I love life too much to be driven mad by such things!!

    • Sean

      ❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓

    • CPRM

      Are you?? (seriously, that is some nitpicky shit. Like the people in my department that get all upset that security touches our door. It doesn’t fucking matter. Get over yourself.

      • UnCivilServant

        Pet Peeves are not necessarily rational, and can provoke a visceral reaction without cognition having yet processed the data.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      It does communicate a certain immature exasperation to me and I wouldn’t use that in any professional correspondence, but it doesn’t bother me that much.

      • Not Adahn

        One of the interesting things aobut working here is seeing what is considered acceptably professional around the world.

        Snigaporeans use sparkle animations in their .ppt. The Taiwanese have no preconceived notion about Comic Sans..

      • Ownbestenemy

        …excellent

      • Mojeaux

        Comic Sans might be the butt of every font-o-phile joke ever, but its purpose is to be easy to read and it is.

      • Akira

        One of my brother’s college professors used it in presentations and said it’s been scientifically proven to be easier for dyslexics to read. Dunno if it’s true or not.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Yeah, I remember when I was stationed in Hawaii one of the other Intel shops briefed the Battalion Commander with a slide deck that had all sorts of silly animations. That did not go well for them.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Nor did it go well for their immediate chain of command.

      • Chipwooder

        I’ve been dying to use my Zodiac killer fonts at work. I should move to Asia is what you’re telling me?

      • Not Adahn

        Or at least get a boss from there.

    • Akira

      At some point he pissed me off enough that I started filling my responses with American idioms like “fineagle.”

      I love the confusion that occurs with idioms and metaphors getting lost in translation.

      At a previous job, a Japanese engineer and an American warehouse supervisor were chatting. The American guy mentioned that he’s “working banker’s hours” nowadays and continued blabbing about something else. The Japanese guy looked puzzled and asked, “You say you work at a bank now?”

      • UnCivilServant

        He’s not putting in a full day’s work?

  21. The Late P Brooks

    “And so, I want to be clear to Senator Ted Cruz, you do not belong in the United States Senate. I want to be clear to Senator Josh Hawley, you do not belong in the United States Senate,” AOC ranted in an hour-long Instagram Live video. “You do not belong in any democratically elected seat when you don’t, when you do not believe that that election was even legitimate, according to your self-serving claims. So get out.”

    Thank goodness we finally have some genuine small-D democrats running the country.

    Just say no to autocracy.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      I am pretty sure that it is up to the voters who decide who goes to the senate, hun. Now if you are talking about repealing the 17th Amendment, I am on board, but that probably would require a bit more thought than you seem to put into, well, anything.

      • Drake

        Or, you know, whoever is counting the votes.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Well, yep. But thus far TX hasn’t been the target of a determined un-suppression campaign, that I know of. At least since LBJ, that is.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Its an all out play to marginalize/destroy the ‘opposite’ party. She knows that they can’t expel them or that they will resign, but she can rely upon the propagandist in the media that will remind voters come election time.

      • Viking1865

        Well yeah if you can’t win elections, you get partisan Democrats in the FBI to investigate and partisan Democrats in the DOJ to indict.

        That’s what democracy looks like!

      • Rebel Scum

        This is what Democracy looks like.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Normally the “evil known vs unknown” argument comes to mind, but I really can’t see how much more insane they can get than Andy Biggs and still be elected.

      • Ownbestenemy

        No it is up to the ruling party of each House to determine who is and who isn’t allowed to stay. /@AOC #TotallyAConstitutionalist

      • Cowboy

        I wish she was, the 17th amendment was the beginning of the end IMO.

    • Akira

      You do not belong in any democratically elected seat when you don’t, when you do not believe that that election was even legitimate

      Hahah, now do the 2016 election!

  22. Rebel Scum

    A man who was allegedly arrested in the Jan. 6 Capitol riot has reportedly killed himself.

    The Fulton County Medical Examiner announced Christopher Stanton Georgia died by suicide at his home on Saturday, NBC affiliate 11Alive reported Tuesday. He reportedly had a gunshot wound to his chest.

    Along with four other individuals, Georgia was arrested for taking part in the Capitol riot last week in Washington D.C. He was charged with attempting to “enter certain property, that is, the United States Capitol Grounds, against the will of the United States Capitol Police,” 11Alive reported.

    Um…

    • db

      He wanted to feel what it was like to die in excruciating pain rather than just have the lights go out?

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Yeah, the only worse way to go would be to get gut shot.

    • Mojeaux

      I’m no expert but it seems like trying to shoot yourself in the chest would be a bit clumsy and prone to failure.

    • Drake

      Looking at the news of these arrests – they are stacking up potentially 20+ years of Federal charges on some of these guys. Same FBI that didn’t lift a finger at the destruction over the summer.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Happens. I had a buddy from Memphis State days shoot himself in the heart.

    • Not Adahn

      It makes it so your mother can have an open casket. And a heart shot is still pretty quick. BP loss will result in unconsciousness right away.

    • Drake

      Trump should pardon all of them on the way out the door as a last “fuck you” to the swamp.

      • Not Adahn

        He should pardon them NOW so the processpunishment can stop.

      • WTF

        The Dems will just get their DOJ to ignore the pardons because “reasons” and SCOTUS will be cowardly enough to refuse to take up the case, because FYTW the constitution is officially a dead letter.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Yep. Meanwhile Biden will issue a blanket pardon for all the right thinkers protesting against systemic oppression for the past year and will be accepted.

  23. Rebel Scum

    Begun, the social media war has.

    Gab CEO completely backed up President Trump’s Twitter account before it was deleted and recreated him on Gab.

    What’s even more impressive is he did this while traffic was up 700% and under attack from leftists. Gab is currently having servers upgraded to handle the large influx in traffic but we’re told it should stabilize soon.

    • Sean

      Smart guy.

  24. Ownbestenemy

    I give him credit for going about it the right way, but not the premise.

    https://www.congress.gov/bill/117th-congress/house-joint-resolution/14/text
    ” Proposing an amendment to the Constitution of the United States to abolish the electoral college and to provide for the direct election of the President and Vice President of the United States”

    • Sean

      Whereas the development of mass media and the internet has made information about Presidential candidates easily accessible to United States citizens across the country and around the world;

      I’m going to rate that as mostly false.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Yeah big gaping loophole there with the current crop of journalist propagandist in the press.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Yes, the tech oligarchy has seen to it that only good think is allowed and bad think is suppressed.

    • Rebel Scum

      “Whereas we consider the States to be nothing but provinces of the central government.”

      CA will decide every president if this gets through. But I doubt it will. Like the extreme firearm restrictions that were proposed in VA, it shows you what they actually want.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        I don’t think that this would even make it out of the House, let alone to the states to vote on.

      • Viking1865

        Lots of things I didn’t think would happen have happened.

        They have successfully tarred everything old as racist white supremacy. The Electoral College is racist white supremacy because it was created by slaveholders. More direct democracy is always a good thing. Schools pound that into the populations head as well.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Well not with this congress at least. Now that they have refined their election fixing, they might roll it out for house races too.

      • Viking1865

        Universal registration, plus lowering the voting age to “anyone who will turn 18 before the next election”, and now every October in every high school will be an intensive four weeks current events and civics course, followed by everyone filling out their ballots together. Students will be exposed to a very wide range of political thought, from Marx all the way to David French.

      • Gadfly

        They have successfully tarred everything old as racist white supremacy.

        I’ll quibble and say that it’s only semi-successfully. 75M Americans voted for Trump, and I imagine some of the Biden voters don’t buy the racist narrative of the party they vote for, so there are a lot of people (who don’t have any power) who haven’t been sold on this nonsense.

  25. Semi-Spartan Dad

    Brown truck dropped off two packages today… a case of 5.56 and a case of toilet paper.

    I don’t know what else could better represent prepping in the 2020/2021 timeline.

    • Sean

      Fess up, how much did that 5.56 cost ya?

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        Way too much… .80/rd plus tax and shipping. 62 grain green tip IMI at least.

        I still have an open backorder from August of 1k similar 5.56 rounds at .40/rd shipped. I’m somewhat hopeful it’s going to be honored, but shipment date keeps getting pushed back. At least it hasn’t been canceled yet.

      • Sean

        Ouch.

      • Rat on a train

        Crap. I remember when I could get that for less than 0.10/round. I would occasionally save up to buy some 7.62x54R at 0.50/round.

    • EvilSheldon

      It’s probably past time to start reloading 5.56mm ammo again…

  26. bacon-magic

    Oh the humanateeeeeeeee!

  27. The Late P Brooks

    New Year’s Eve fireworks. Dude’s in surgery for a broken pelvis, half his dick gone, one ball gone, his rectum blown out, and his prostate practically hanging out of his taint. From a fireworks explosion. I still can’t visualize exactly how that could have gone down, but I was assured booze was involved.

    Was he sitting on an airbag detonator?

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      He was sitting on something. For a fireworks it would practically have to be shove up his backside and be a fairly big one at that. I wonder how honest people are in describing how they got their injuries.

      SF’s story about being shot never added up. Even the cops didn’t believe him.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      Did he sit on one of the mortar-style jobs?

  28. Ownbestenemy

    Ain’t gonna lie. This popped into my head once I got to the manatee section.

  29. Rebel Scum

    Get a load of this white-supremacist.

    Tim Scott
    @SenatorTimScott

    President Trump has eight days left in his term and has promised a smooth and peaceful transition of power. The Democrat-led impeachment talks happening in the House right now fly in direct opposition to what President-elect Joe Biden has been calling for all year. (1/2)

    An impeachment vote will only lead to more hate and a deeply fractured nation. I oppose impeaching President Trump. (2/2)

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      Thoughtful reasoning like that has no place in the Senate.

  30. The Late P Brooks

    Yeah, the only worse way to go would be to get gut shot.

    Make sure nobody will come looking for you for a few days, too, to get the full effect.

    • Not Adahn

      One of the problems with suicide in North America is it’s extremely difficult to do it without someone finding out eventually.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      I just re-watched Reservoir Dogs a few days ago. Mr. Orange being gut shot for basically the entire movie was excruciating to watch.

  31. The Late P Brooks

    “Whereas we consider the States to be nothing but provinces of the central government.”

    Wait, wut?

    • Ownbestenemy

      That was the overall take…not in the actual proposed amendment. Though, might as well be.

  32. Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

    Hey Mojeaux. I was just teasing you. No need to take down that post.

    • Mojeaux

      Thanks, but you were totally right. I try to be nice and putting that out there was not nice.

  33. Pope Jimbo

    I was just hitting MicroSoft’s web site to get a tool and realized how weird it is that MS is no longer the Evil Empire.

    A poll would probably find that Google is more hated than MS right now. Crazy times.

    • robc

      They embraced (or grudgingly accepted) open source once Steve Ballmer left.

      They went from actively funding SCO in their lawsuit against IBM to having a linux subsystem.

  34. Broswater

    Not Adahn :

    Answering your question about the arrow sash in the morning links.

    I’m ”pure laine” and never wore that stuff, never saw anyone wear it. Only remember seeing it on the Bonhomme Carnaval. I could see some people wearing it in some festival or protest, but not casually.

    Apparently, the colors just had to do with regional style.

    Seems to be a long gone tradition from the ”Courreurs des bois” and fur trading. It could still be part of the Métis culture.

    And I miss visiting Quebec too, fuck COVID, fuck Legault.

    • Not Adahn

      Thanks,

      I’d see them in shops and would wonder about them. I haven’t been to Bonhomme Carnaval yet, but I’ve been to Quebec City in the winter and loved it — even if the vieux marche was depressingly empty.

  35. Ownbestenemy

    Unity! Healing!

    Samantha Powers nominated to head USAID.

    • Rebel Scum

      Oh, joy.

      “Samantha Power is a world-renowned voice of conscience and moral clarity — challenging and rallying the international community to stand up for the dignity and humanity of all people,” Biden said in a statement on Wednesday.

      “I know firsthand the unparalleled knowledge and tireless commitment to principled American engagement she brings to the table, and her expertise and perspective will be essential as our country reasserts its role as a leader on the world stage,” he said. “As USAID Administrator, Ambassador Power will be a powerful force for lifting up the vulnerable, ushering in a new era of human progress and development, and advancing American interests globally.”

      • Tundra

        Let’s advance those interests!

        Who should we bomb first? Or are we doing sanctions , then bombing?

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Let’s mix it up and sanction them by bombing them.

      • Sean

        And then we launder some money through them?

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Perfecto!

      • Tundra

        *checks with MIC representatives*

        We are a go! Bombs away (and sorry, brown people)!

      • Bobarian LMD

        If they didn’t want to be bombed , they shouldn’t have been so brown.

      • Cy

        “Power won a Pulitzer Prize in 2003 for her book A Problem From Hell: America and the Age of Genocide.”

        She seems nice…

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      Her damage will be limited there.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Most likely, but that depends on if she doesn’t think Country A is progressing fast enough with their democratic principles we are encouraging.

      • Drake

        The grift and money-laundering won’t be,

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        It will still probably be less than if she had a higher position.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Until she gets USAID to start using combo Humanitarian Daily Munitions.

    • Not Adahn

      Is she the Benghazi chick, or the “fitness guru” with the wacky white hairstyle?

  36. Not Adahn

    You know who else had two German Shepherds?

    1. That’s some hard-hitting journalisming there NPR.

    2. Fostering a dog is a kind and wonderful thing, and there is zero chance that Biden actually did it. His maid staff, sure.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      I am sure Harris wants him to play with his dog as much as possible, maybe he’ll break a hip next time.

    • Rebel Scum

      Now tell me about friendly Uncle Joe’s festive socks. You know, hard-hitting journalism.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        That is going to be the worst. The endless puff-pieces are going to be gross. Where is Barfman when you need him?

    • The Other Kevin

      If Trump had that dog it would be wall to wall “OMG I can’t even!”

      • Rebel Scum

        Literally figuratively Hitler!

  37. The Late P Brooks

    We all knew she was going to get her nose in the tent one way or another

    President-elect Joe Biden has nominated former U.N. Ambassador Samantha Power to lead the U.S. Agency for International Development.

    Biden also said he was elevating that role — USAID administrator — to be a member of the White House National Security Council.

    “Samantha Power is a world-renowned voice of conscience and moral clarity — challenging and rallying the international community to stand up for the dignity and humanity of all people,” Biden said in a statement on Wednesday.

    “I know firsthand the unparalleled knowledge and tireless commitment to principled American engagement she brings to the table, and her expertise and perspective will be essential as our country reasserts its role as a leader on the world stage,” he said. “As USAID Administrator, Ambassador Power will be a powerful force for lifting up the vulnerable, ushering in a new era of human progress and development, and advancing American interests globally.”

    Obama 2, boogaloo.

    How many divisions does AID have?

    • Gustave Lytton

      Oh goody. What could go wrong with putting a foreign national on the NSC? And a warmonger.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Also, fuck her husband with a rusty nudge.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      The question is what are they going to give to Queen of the Pantsuits Herself for mostly shutting her trap during the campaign?

      • Ownbestenemy

        I don’t think they will or she will. Too many restrictions and questions to be asked. Easier to pull the strings on the outside.

    • Drake

      I always get her mixed up with Stefanie Powers or Samantha Fox – both better choices.

    • Raven Nation

      Mission statement:

      “Our Mission: On behalf of the American people, we promote and demonstrate democratic values abroad, and advance a free, peaceful, and prosperous world. In support of America’s foreign policy, the U.S. Agency for International Development leads the U.S. Government’s international development and disaster assistance through partnerships and investments that save lives, reduce poverty, strengthen democratic governance, and help people emerge from humanitarian crises and progress beyond assistance.”

      So, why make her part of NSC? Is this a sign that a Biden administration will begin to consider global poverty as a threat to the US?

  38. The Late P Brooks

    *shakes pant leg to clear drugs out*

  39. DEG

    “So that’s it?” the hair asked. “Florida and a long retirement of sea cow sex and Cuban McDonalds?”

    I guess there are worse things in life.

  40. The Late P Brooks

    That was the overall take…not in the actual proposed amendment. Though, might as well be.

    I thought that was too brutally honest, but we should not kid ourselves. Our Progressive betters have completely dropped all pretense of believing in federalism or a republic. They want complete control from Washington, and uniformity of policy throughout the nation.

    • Viking1865

      The Boomercons are still on Twitter and such going OH MAN THEY ARE GONNA PUSH TOO FAR THEN THE ELECTORATE WILL PUNISH THEM FOR IT!!!!!11111 and I just think: You idiots, if they ram through universal registration and mail in voting on demand and eliminate the EC, you’ll never ever win the White House or control of the Senate again. You’ll be a permanent rump, controlled opposition that provides the fig leaf of legitimacy.

      This is the problem with old fucks being in charge of your party. I am 31, and never once in my time in public education was the Electoral College held up as the shield of minorities that it is. It was a quaint remnant at best, and at worst an actively racist institution. The people voting in 2022 and 2024 do not think the Electoral College is good, they think of it as anti-democratic and racist, and thus evil. That’s what school taught them. They’re not going to fight to get it back, they will cheer to be rid of it.

      But these Boomercons who graduated high school back in the 80s, taught by teachers who actually thought the Constitution and the Founders were good people who had good ideas, they think they can just waltz into a continually more brainwashed electorate and say “Hey hey hey federalism amiright guize ??? Lets get back to first principles and bring back divided government!!! Whos with me!!!”

      A 10 minute Prager video (that YouTube will probably ban any day now) does not counteract 16 years of educational programming. It starts in kindergarten where the highest virtue is to share and to get along with others, and it ends in college where things like the 1619 Project or Howard Zinn are held up as objective truth.

      Public education delenda est.

      • EvilSheldon

        If that’s the case, and I’m not disagreeing with it, then we need to prepare for serious interpersonal violence from the politically and socially marginalized.

        Trump was a warning, and it wasn’t heeded. The Capitol demonstration was a warning, and it’s not being heeded either. The next warning is very likely to have a real body count attached, and that’s not going to be good for anyone.

      • Chipwooder

        It was Gen X who was graduating high school in the ’80s. /pedant

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Classes of ’80, ’81, and ’82?

      • Ted S.

        The people who graduated in the 80s are not boomers. They’re Baby Busters or Gen X, I think.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Viking is young…cut him some slack, all millennials think anyone older than themselves are boomers. 😉

      • Mojeaux

        Yes, baby bust, way early GenX.

        We are the children of the “silent” generation (the ones born before their parents went off to WWII ~1942) and early boomers.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Somebody brought that up last week…..

      • Viking1865

        Yeah let me clarify: Boomercon refers to these Republicans who think the endless repetition of Reaganite platforms and rhetoric is a winning formula for electoral success in today’s electoral landscape. It’s more about a state of mind and an outlook then it is straight up chronological age. The Republicans were successful yelling THATS SOCIALISM to win elections in 80, 84, and 88 and the adults coming of age in stagflation and gas crisis and the Big Red Bear loved them some capitalism.

        So the Democrats spent the 90s and 2000s using their control of education to rehabilitate the ideology in the schools and colleges. So now, in 2020 these kids can all vote. They have rebranded all the issues of governmental monopolies and regulation as “capitalism” and framed socialism as this wonderful social democracy where rich people pay lots of taxes and you get free healthcare and super fast WiFi and all good things.

        The Boomercon exasperatedly says “Why are these young people voting like this? Don’t they know about the Soviet Union!!!!” No, of course they don’t, and that’s by design. The only oppressive regimes they learn in detail are the Nazis and the Confederacy, and that’s by design. I’m 31, and I will be 35 the next time theres a POTUS election. I was born after Reagan left office. I guarantee you that the coming economic crash will be Trumps fault, and most voters under 30 will eat that up with a spoon.

    • Gustave Lytton

      That also goes for Establishment non-Progressives. They too want control from Washington. They just disagree on the form it takes.

  41. Stillhunter

    The oddities of the capital police last week notwithstanding, I think we can put to bed the notion that some critical mass of law enforcement will stand down when told to go after US citizens (subjects?).

    • Ownbestenemy

      The Repubs and right wing need to learn that lesson quickly if they haven’t yet. Same with the military.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Yep.

        I’ve been saying that for years. Frame it the right way and both groups will happily use force on their fellow citizens. And it’s not a historical anomaly either.

    • Tundra

      Lol. If the righties in my world are any indication, that’s a resounding yes.

    • Plisade

      My mind jumped to “center” mass of law enforcement. This is no good.

      And are you still Hunter after all these years, a hunter who doesn’t move, or just looking for some moonshine?

  42. Rebel Scum

    What we need is a ministry of truth.

    A pair of Duke University professors are calling on President-elect Joe Biden to establish a bipartisan commission to address fake news.

    The commission, said professors Philip Napoli and Bill Adair, who also helped launch PolitiFact, would investigate the rise of fake news and propose recommendations to a Democratic White House and Congress to cement the corporate media and big tech’s monopoly on truth.

    “The attack on the Capitol was rooted in misinformation,” the professors explained in an op-ed for The Hill, capitalizing on the siege to warrant the commission. “By moving swiftly to establish a commission with a broad mission and a diverse membership, President-elect Biden can seize the moment to address one of the greatest problems facing the nation.” In other words, let no crisis go to waste. …

    “The lies flourished despite an extraordinary amount of debunking by fact-checkers and Washington journalists. But that fact-checking didn’t persuade the mob that stormed the Capitol — nor did it dissuade millions of other supporters of the president,” they wrote. “For the past four years, academics, journalists and philanthropists and foundations and tech leaders have thrown a lot at the problem of misinformation. … It’s time for leadership.”

    Perhasp one day we will make Orwell fiction again.

    • The Other Kevin

      This sounds great, until you remember that Trump calling white supremacists “fine people” is regarded as truth.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      “Bi-partisan” so the NYT and the National Review?

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      The Russia investigation was rooted in misinformation. The Steele Dossier was rooted in misinformation.

    • EvilSheldon

      It doesn’t occur to these fine professors that, “…fact-checkers and Washington journalists,” are generally held in very low esteem?

      I know that progressives have very little self-awareness, but this level of cluelessness seems like it would affect one’s day-to-day life…

      • Viking1865

        Bill Adair is the guy who created PolitiFact. This isn’t even an example of a well intentioned, fundamentally decent but clueless liberal professor. This is a key piece of the propaganda network. He made his bones running interference for Clinton during the impeachment.

  43. Endless Mike

    Man I am going to miss this – what are you going to do for Biden?

    His papery skinsuit and his eerily pearlescent dentures?

    The Skin & the Grin?

    • Gustave Lytton

      There’s a hint from BP that Secret Commie President may be coming….

    • Psycho Effer

      Sentient adult diaper?

      • Endless Mike

        NICE!

      • Endless Mike

        The diaper, and his ever-hungry olfactory lobe – Whiffer and Skunker? Sniffy and Stinky?

    • Bobarian LMD

      Kamala’s Hand-Puppet?

    • Seguin

      I’m imagining a buddy cop show,

      “Kamala and the Half Man”

      I dunno. Something cleverer than that.

      • Seguin

        Or maybe a rework on Don Quixote. Senile old man mistaking windmills for white supremacists.

  44. The Late P Brooks

    “MIGHT” makes right

    Can I spread the virus to others even if I’m fully vaccinated?

    This is an important question, but scientists studying the shots’ effectiveness don’t have an answer yet. And for public health experts, that lack of knowledge means you should act like the answer is yes.

    ——-

    The concern instead with the COVID-19 vaccine is about whether you might still have an asymptomatic infection despite immunization — without symptoms, but able to shed virus.

    Here’s how that might work: Let’s say you’ve been vaccinated and you encounter SARS-CoV-2. You’re much less likely to develop symptoms — that’s clear. But your immune system may not fight off the virus completely — it might allow some viruses to survive and reproduce and get expelled from your nose or mouth in a breath, cough or sneeze. Remember: No one can be sure yet if this actually happens or if it happens often enough that you’d be emitting enough active virus to sicken someone else.

    Words cannot express the intensity of my hatred for these people.

    The SCIENCE of fear and emotionalism is truly a wonder to behold.

    • Rebel Scum

      Convid is never going away. It is far beyond time to ignore convid and this virus theater.

    • Sean

      We’re never going to be rid of this. They’re having too much fun with it.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Nope. Even if there are no positive tests you need to keep doing this as it’s possible for Covid to re-emerge.

  45. mikey

    Org!
    Got a message from the credit card fraud dept

    Is this charge to gymshark yours?
    No
    We’re cancelling your card and sending you a new one.

    Yesterday Wife paid the bills and now the declines start showing up.

    A pain, but gotta the fraud algorythms credit. Looked up gymshark and that ain’t us.

  46. OBJ FRANKELSON

    The upshot of a Biden administration is that the animatronic version in ‘The Hall of Presidents’ is going to be more life-like than the actual President.

    • Bobarian LMD

      I’m picturing a Chucky Cheese robot pointing a knife hand and saying “But look, Fat, here’s the deal” & “Dog-Faced, Pony Soldier!”

  47. Rebel Scum

    I didn’t know that Antifa/BLM used Airbnb.

    Following reports from various “Washington, D.C. officials, Metro Police and Members of Congress” that dangerous situations could unfold in the city due to President-elect Joe Biden’s inauguration, Airbnb also noted it would prevent any new bookings in D.C. until after the ceremonies are over.

    Airbnb said it would refund and reimburse both the guests and the hosts whose bookings the company had scrapped. The vacation rental company also announced it is using “media or law enforcement sources” to identify people involved in the Jan. 6 Capitol riot and permanently bar them from using its site or services.

    “We are continuing our work to ensure hate group members are not part of the Airbnb community,” the statement read. “Through this work, we have identified numerous individuals who are either associated with known hate groups or otherwise involved in the criminal activity at the Capitol Building, and they have been banned from Airbnb’s platform.”

  48. Yusef drives a Kia

    I just purged the Kia of all Trumperstickers, and will assume the identity of an Old Dirty Hippie, smoke weed, disc golf and Grow Mushrooms for a living..

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      See if you can get ahold of a vintage Ron Paul sticker he would fit the motif and isn’t too controversial to get kicked of social media. Right?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Nahh, I have all the appropriate stickers already, I can pass as a Hipster, and I got my job at the Mushroom farm,
        they’ll never catch me!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        ; )

    • UnCivilServant

      Mushroom farming isn’t for everyone – you have to deal with a lot of shit.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Not here, 100% indoor, very high tech operation, I’m impressed,
        http://Mycopia.com

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I don’t even eat them, but we get free stuff all the time so when in Scottville….

      • banginglc1

        Damn . . . I thought you meant the fun kind. I was hoping you’d grow some Pan Cyans, It seems like too much work for my time schedule, but I want someone to do it.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        you never know what might be going on in a back room……

      • banginglc1

        Hmm . . Michigan isn’t far . . .Maybe sometime on the future . . .

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Come by anytime, no one else will,

      • Gender Traitor

        It helps if you’re a fun guy.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Management liked my Personality as much as my skillset from what HR told me, and we did get along quite well, always a plus,

      • Tres Cool

        If they dont like you, they simply aren’t trying hard enough.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        “some people you just, can’t , reach”

  49. KSuellington

    Hahahaha! Gab has preserved the entirety of th DJT Twitter account and has moved it onto their platform. They are understandably getting a crap ton of traffic today. Man I hope that the valuation of Twitter keeps going down. It couldn’t happen to a more deserving company. Fuck them.

    https://gab.com/realdonaldtrump

    • Swiss Servator

      The Hat will be delighted…since most of them are his.

  50. Chipwooder

    So, Louie Gohmert quoted Nancy Pelosi today, saying “I don’t know why there aren’t more uprisings in the country”, and a bunch of dipshit lefty “journalists” fell into the trap and were OUTRAGEOUSLY OUTRAGED

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I saw that; good troll; doesn’t matter

      • Ownbestenemy

        Wasn’t even a troll, it was purely rage filled propagandist setting themselves up for it. But you are correct, it doesn’t matter.

      • Chipwooder

        Doesn’t matter, no. Still funny. I can use every laugh I can get these days.

  51. Rebel Scum

    Cuck.

    Bruce Willis is speaking out after he was photographed entering and leaving a California pharmacy without a face mask on Sunday.

    “It was an error in judgment,” Willis tells PEOPLE in an exclusive statement.

    He adds, “Be safe out there everyone and let’s continue to mask up.”

      • Ownbestenemy

        Malicious compliance more like it…but still good. Its “we aren’t an arm of the government, they can enforce their own laws” type of sign.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Federal law before state law, HIPAA,ADA, you know…..

      • R C Dean

        HIPAA doesn’t apply at all, but whatever. The ADA is a better bet, but mostly because it is so bone-crushingly stupid that it generally prohibits people from actually verifying that you have a disability.

        Regardless, their jib is cut in a pleasing fashion.

      • Tres Cool

        Hell, they even took the time to laminate it.
        Their jib- I like its cut.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        My new Supervisor looks just like you, head and all,
        Tall Cans!

      • Tres Cool

        Lucky chap.

        I just got back from the vet with doge, and drained the 24 oz Milwaukee’s Diet Beast. Today is my day-night off, so I see many more in the near future.

      • Tres Cool

        “I aint Brad, but I aint bad.”

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        but you are Nationwide…

      • Tres Cool

        “Manic Mechanic” is both highly underplayed and under appreciated.

      • Chipwooder

        Heh, a BBQ place near me had a similar sign up for a while, but eventually caved and took it down.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Translation: “Whatever you say, I want to continue to work.”

    • Hyperion

      Good thing you haven’t hear Ahnold speak = Super Cuck.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      Well we have lost the Kindergarten Cop and John McClain, there is no hope for us now.

    • Tres Cool

      “The passenger was released without penalty. He had declared the sausages when entering the country.”

      • Endless Mike

        He was the decoy for the Heroin mule.

    • db

      Smuggling the sausage, eh?

    • Ownbestenemy

      I’m generally okay with us keeping Foot-and-Mouth Disease out of the country if we can and also the proper reaction was confiscate and let the person go.

    • Hyperion

      We have a bunch of commies in DC with a supermajority about 2 minutes from destroying the country and probably the world. But at least I can sleep well now knowing there are no illegal sausages out there.

  52. Viking1865

    The clapping seal meme of the day is “Republican Congressman rails about cancel culture and the silencing of viewpoints in speech on House floor” or similar witty tweets. Because as long as one of the 435 elected Reps can speak, clearly cancel culture is just a fever dream conspiracy theory.

  53. Hyperion

    Well, I started the year out right. I managed to create a bug that deleted every single document uploaded into a client’s submission. Every.single.fucking.one.

    When I saw it, I just sat there and said to myself… WTF just happened? That couldn’t happen, it’s impossible! So I thought something must be wrong with the severs. I’m going to reboot both servers, the web and the SQL server and all of those files will come back! Nope, they’re gone.

    And then I thought ‘I just created the greatest bug in history, I’m brilliant! I’m even better than Samsung engineers, they can only make washing machines blow up!

    Then as I was looking at this and thinking ‘OMFG, we start testing this in the morning, I am so fucked’, I suddenly realized what happened and fixed it. Whoa, that was a tense 2 minutes…

    • Ownbestenemy

      A bottle of Tres Commas on the delete key?

      • Hyperion

        I have a function that will hide/show things on a webform. Every dev will know what I’m talking about, it’s just javascript and CSS. But I added a feature to it, by client request.

        So, say I have a question on a form that asks ‘Do you have any dogs?’.

        If I answer yes to that, a new section is shown that allows me to add some dogs. But then I say ‘wait’, I don’t have any dogs, so I change it to no. So it gets hidden and the dogs are still there, if you wanted to remove them, you had to go in and remove them all one at a time. Clients didn’t like that because the dogs would show up on a report if they left them there. So I made a feature that would remove or keep them when they got hidden depending on what they wanted for that data. That defaulted to remove them.

        That’s what happened, I had a list of all documents in a feature and client’s could go in and set a bunch of different properties on documents, one at a time, but I had them all hidden by section because there would be a lot of documents in a submission, so I hid them so they only had to open documents they wanted to change to keep the form shorter. They were all hidden by default and that would remove all of the documents on save, lol. I have to admit that was both dumb and funny at the same time.