Worf Will Star as Therapist in New Star Trek Series

by | Jan 4, 2021 | Satire | 161 comments

LOS ANGELES – “We’ll be seeing Worf in a totally new role” said series creator Joanna Gambolputty. Clips of the pilot episode show many tense moments. Worf has four patients to deal with. The first, a hysterical teen girl, is treated to a demonstration of a Klingon Ascension Ceremony. “Let me show you something to scream about” says Worf as he stoically moves through the gauntlet of pain sticks. At Worf’s first howl of pain, the girl cries and runs to hug her mom.

Later, Worf challenges a man with anger management issues to a bat’leth duel. “My supervisor insisted on dull weapons. I still carved him up like a common taHqeq” recounts Worf. The fearless warrior also treats an alcoholic by headbutting him during a B’aht Qul challenge. “A wise human once said: play stupid games, win stupid prizes” says Worf, adding “you humans say ‘first, do no harm’, even though pain is the best teacher. Very foolish.”

At the episode’s climax, Worf treats a young man who attempted suicide. “You would disgrace your name and clan over nothing? Put on this blindfold so that you may at least die at the hands of a warrior. Now defend yourself or I will kill you where you stand!” In the ensuing Gik’tal trial by combat, Worf strikes the man down several times until he removes the blindfold and complains that the contest is unfair. “Yes” replies Worf, adding “perhaps the next time you are being mistreated, you will not wait so long to protest. For you, it is not a good day to die. You are not brave enough. Yet.”

Counselor Troi will return as Worf’s supervisor, and the relationship is rocky, to say the least. “Counselor Troi does not approve of my methods. Because they work” pronounces Worf.

About The Author

Derpetologist

Derpetologist

The world's foremost authority on the science of stupidity, Professor Emeritus at Derpskatonic University, Editor of the Journal of Pure and Theoretical Derp, Chancellor of the Royal Derp Society, and Senior Fellow at The Dipshit Doodlebug Institute for Advanced Idiocy

161 Comments

    • westernsloper

      HA!

  1. westernsloper

    *scribbles a passable Nerds sign and flashes it*

  2. Hyperion

    “Worf Will Star as Therapist in New Star Trek Series”

    Let me guess, gender dysphoria expert?

    Because by then, what other type of therapist do you need?

    • db

      Clearly all my problems are rooted in the fact that I am a woman who was born with a gigantic penis.

  3. Mojeaux

    “Yes, hello, are you accepting new patients?”

      • Mojeaux

        Thank you!!!

      • db

        Hope it helps; I came back to the morning links a little while ago and saw you had asked a question to which that may be pertinent.

      • limey

        So Moj, are you going to remortgage your house to buy 0.005 bitcoin?

      • Mojeaux

        Oh HELL no. I have Bitcoin. Not much, but I do have some.

  4. limey

    Remember that short story arc when Worf dated Troi, and the tension with jealous Riker? That was awkward.

    • rhywun

      Ha. I was just going to bring that up.

      And then suddenly Worf was on Deep Space Nine chasing Dax.

      I guess the scene where Troi showed up on DS9 vowing to “cut a bitch” wound up on the cutting-room floor.

      • Mojeaux

        Forgot about Troi. Love Worf + Jadzia.

      • rhywun

        Love Worf + Jadzia.

        Yep. They were a great couple. Lots of realistic bitching.

    • westernsloper

      Nope.

      • DEG

        #metoo

        I don’t remember it either.

      • rhywun

        To be fair, it was only hinted at towards the end of the last season.

      • westernsloper

        I remember the first Star Trek and then checked out. My nerd cred is lacking.

    • Not Adahn

      Yup, that was a complete asspull. I have forgotten if it was entirely contained in a time travel episode, or if it started there and spilled out into the main continuity.

  5. Yusef, Frozen

    Nice work Derpy!

  6. Not an Economist

    The actor who played Worf played a therapist on Castle.

    • BakedPenguin

      Michael Dorn

      • Count Potato

        He also was in Amanda & the Alien (1995)

  7. DEG

    Counselor Troi will return as Worf’s supervisor, and the relationship is rocky, to say the least. “Counselor Troi does not approve of my methods. Because they work” pronounces Worf.

    I’ll bet they’re screwing.

    • Not Adahn

      His forehead is ribbed for her pleasure.

    • DEG

      Better gallery, no face diapers.

    • creech

      #16 Ummm, pancakes and raspberries. And she’s not shabby even not having tinkered with her tits size.

      • Bobarian LMD

        There is something gubernatorial about #17.

      • Chafed

        There was fruit in the photo?

  8. kinnath

    Anyone watch the clusterfuck that is the new BBC America The Watch?

    What a disaster.

    • rhywun

      No, but I did see five zillion commercials for it during last week’s Who marathon. I am not familiar with the source material so *shrugs*.

      • kinnath

        not familiar with the source material

        Then you might actually enjoy the show.

      • rhywun

        Only if it’s completely different from the impression I got from the commercials. I thought it was part of the Marvel juggernaut, TBH. I.e. not interested.

      • Bobarian LMD

        It’s supposed to be based on Terry Prachett’s Disc World. The Commander Vimes arc; which is some of the best stories.

      • rhywun

        It doesn’t encourage me to want to read that, I’ll tell you wut.

      • kinnath

        The title card says: Inspired by characters from Terry Pratchett’s Disc World.

        Every character in the show is a deeply flawed offshoot from Pratchett’s characters.

    • Hyperion

      I listen to, sort of, not watch, Globo News because my wife has the TV on all day.

      But I can just fill in the blanks without paying too much attention. Every other word, for the past 9 month has either been ‘Trump’ or ‘Coronavirus’. The same ol drones, droning on, all fucking day long.

  9. Gustave Lytton

    Well, almost felt like submersing my entire groceries in 70% IPA for an hour when I got home, nonporous or not. Bagger at the end couldn’t stop handling her face mask. Handling isn’t the right word. It wasn’t just a little adjusting, it was constantly pawing open handed in between loading groceries. Fortunately, the next lane over opened up just in time.

    • Ted S.

      One of the things I like about self-checkout is not having to deal with the cashiers.

    • Timeloose

      “in 70% IPA for an hour”

      That’s a strong beer at 70%. It will also make your food bitter and smell like hops.

      • Hyperion

        +1 hipster juice

    • Chafed

      She was just confirming her mask is 100% effective at stopping viruses.

    • zwak

      I have started doing the order online and pick up. As long as you don’t try to get fresh meat or deli, it works pretty good. And its free if you get over $35 worth of groceries.

  10. dbleagle

    Good job Derp. Somehow I fear this is going to be “ripped from the headlines” all too soon.

  11. Timeloose

    Someone here recommended the movie Operation Odessa (Hayekplosive?). Its a documentary about a bunch of low level players in Miami scamming the Cali cartel, DEA, and Russian mob during the early to mid 90’s.

    The three guys in the documentary have huge balls doing what they did and lived to tell about it. T

    • hayeksplosives

      Yeah, I posted that recommendation. I found it astonishing and hilarious. Very slickly produced documentary too.

      • Gdragon

        I watched it last night on your suggestion. So crazy I wouldn’t have believed it if I’d just heard it, the story sounds more like wild exaggerations overheard in a Brooklyn bar. What a cast of characters. Thanks for the recommendation!

      • Not Adahn

        Yup. Very entertaining. I refuse to believe that there’s no connection between them and Joe Exotic.

    • Hyperion

      In the late 70s, I just graduated from high school that summer. One day, a friend of mine who I worked with in homebuilding, told me that a friend of his in Miami offered him a job and that he also could get me a job too if I wanted to go down there. I remember this guy, all he talked about was Florida and how great it was, it was party paradise and magic land and all that. Women, drugs, palm trees, and paradise.

      So after some more persuasion, I thought, why not? It sounds like a great adventure, I’d never been down there. The job was ‘painting houses’. I thought it sort of odd, must be a lot of houses down there to paint, I thought, since there isn’t enough people in FL to paint them all that they have to import people from Ohio. I’m pretty sure looking back, he wanted me to go because I actually had a car.

      So, plans were made, and off we went. I was all pumped up for adventure. We also took another friend of mine who wanted in and my friend assured him, I’ll get you a job too, just called my friend and he said y’all come on down here, I need more people.

      We made it as far as TN. Stayed with a friend of mine that night and it all fell apart. My friend, the inviter, got super fucked up on alcohol and some pills, Seconal, or something and the dude was playing Blue Oyster Cult as loud as the stereo would go and my TN friend woke me up and said ‘man, you guys have to go, if you can’t do something with him, I have to work tomorrow’. So we (the guy who coaxed me into going, and I) got into a big fight because he wouldn’t stop it. In the morning, I told him, this shit is done, I’m going home, find your own way. He wound up going back, but sulked all the way back because I wouldn’t continue to FL. In hindsight, I’m sure we were going to be smuggling drugs or selling them in FL, not painting houses.

  12. Plinker762

    “Counselor Troi does not approve of my methods. Because they work”

    That got a legit LOL

    • Chafed

      It’s funny because it’s true.

  13. westernsloper

    Thanks for the post Derp, even though I don’t get it I appreciate the effort as I do to all who contribute content here a whole lot more than I do. Have a great night all.

    • Fourscore

      Now I wish I hadn’t quit drinking, it’s like I stumbled into a cheap motel room and just woke up , don’t know here I am, don’t remember much but having memory flashes of bizarre nightmares.

      Thanks, Derp. Checks billfold, oh shit!

      • pistoffnick

        Do you still have both kidneys, 4score?

      • Hyperion

        It’s going to get worse when you discover the thing the aliens implanted into the back of your head.

  14. commodious spittoon

    Did Lin Wood lose his mind, or was he always a nutter, or is he planning to blow town after the check clears?

    • Hyperion

      Were there aliens this time?

    • Lackadaisical

      Yes.

    • Chafed

      I don’t know his history but he is nuts now.

  15. hayeksplosives

    People talk about little life experiences that younger generations don’t or didn’t have, like dialing a rotary phone or using an icebox.

    Another one just occurred to me: adhesive used on new product labels used to be stronger than concrete, and now they peel off with no muss, no fuss.

    I remember the joy of getting a new skillet (or whatever) being somewhat tempered by the fact that I had to soak the pan in the sink for half an hour before digging at the label as it slowly dissolved in the water. Ugh–what a pain.

    When the newer adhesives became more common, at first they distinguished well-made goods from cheap Chinese crap. Now even Chinese crap uses the good adhesive.

    I realize that I sound insane to you guys, but I fucking hated those paper labels that were molecularly bonded to my purchased items.

    • Lackadaisical

      I have a baking sheet that still has the sticker on it after many years of use. ..

    • Yusef, Frozen

      So it’s not just me, Bic Lighter stickers are still paper, Blech

    • straffinrun

      And you always ripped the top of the paper surface off and left you with a gooey rectangle to deal with

      • hayeksplosives

        The rectangle was there to mock you.

    • But Enough About [this space intentionally left blank]

      Yeah, I hated those stickers, too. Bought special plastic “razor blade” type scrapers to help winkle ’em off of bottles etc. that I wanted to re-use in a pristine condition. I also make liqueurs and remove the labels from really interesting booze bottles I’ve previously bought so’s I can re-use the bottles and then gift them to friends.

      • hayeksplosives

        That is true; glass bottles that are getting repurposed nearly always have the papery labels with ultrabond glue.

        One of the first recycle programs I encountered gave rules, one of which was that labels had to be soaked off.

        Needless to say, I elected not to participate.

    • rhywun

      I fucking hated those paper labels that were molecularly bonded to my purchased items

      I still encounter that all the time. I have several pots and a bunch of plastic storage containers that aren’t that old and still have gummy adhesive stuck on the outside that won’t come off.

      • hayeksplosives

        I was 40 years old before I learned of the existence of Goo Gone. It was a game changer for me.

      • BakedPenguin

        You too, can be Robby Soave!

      • Tulip

        Vegetable oil.

      • Tulip

        Ugh. Vegetable oil takes the adhesive off.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I wish I had known this! Years ago when I was first starting out, I got the gift of a mixing bowl. But the damn label was on the inside and I couldn’t get all of the residue off, even with multiple washings. I finally just tossed it because who wants that stuff in their food.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Counterpoint: plastic clamshell packaging

      • hayeksplosives

        Ah, who doesn’t like a good bloodletting while trying to liberate a micro SD card from a half pound of melded plastic?

      • rhywun

        Yeah, that shit is truly evil.

      • Plinker762

        Ordered 32 relays once. Each one came in its own plastic clamshell. Luckily I found that I could cut off the plastic hinge with scissors and open them relatively easily and without cutting my hands on the plastic.

    • db

      It has a lot to do with recyclability. Glass bottles with really tenacious labels are really hard to recycle. The purification steps for proper recycling rival refinement from natural ores/feedstocks for some processes, which is one major reason recycling is often a waste of energy and resources. Making the up front separations easier is important.

    • zwak

      The skylight in my bathroom has an odd rectangle that I am pretty sure was a label like that. But it is outside and I ain’t climbing on the roof to find out.

  16. straffinrun

    Thx Derp. *refrains from further commenting due to total disinterest in anything Star Trek*

    • straffinrun

      Looks like 800 musicians and 200 pizza delivery guys.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Speaking of Star Trek and YouTube holes!

  17. J. Frank Parnell

    Tanya Roberts is still alive.

    No word on whether or not she’s craving fresh human brains.

    • db

      I don’t know what to say here. When my Dad died of a brain aneurysm, they were able to keep his body alive for three days for the purpose of organ donation. That was agonizing. I hope she pulls through and this isn’t just some misunderstanding of the concept of brain death.

      • db

        Please don’t take that as an overly sensitive response to your comment, J. Frank! It wasn’t meant in that way.

  18. Derpetologist

    [Bender voice]

    My favorite comments are the ones that tell me how great I am.

    Anyway, glad y’all liked it. I will try to do one satire per week and here is the best place to pitch your ideas. I have a lot of reading to catch up on, so I will be in hibernation for a while.

    “Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.”

    -Harry S Truman, soldier and US President

    fun fact: he cheated on the eye exam to get into the Army

    • hayeksplosives

      Happy hibernation, Derp! Thanks for your ace reporting, er, satire.

    • db

      Do one on an internet commenter that thinks she could have written a better satire than the one she just read.

      • Yusef, Frozen

        Hmmm,

    • Chafed

      Let me stroke your ego Derpe. That was great.

    • Chafed

      We’re not in Portland anymore Dorothy.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Portland would already be warming up Ole Sparky for him if he has been arrested there.

    • rhywun

      allegedly destroying Black Lives Matter signs at a protest

      OFFS.

      Clarke said she hopes the lawsuit will send a message to future instigators.

      Proudly displaying their politically-motivated harassment. I guess that’s one way to move up the ladder.

  19. Raven Nation

    I know the new U.K. lockdowns have been covered today so this may be redundant. BUT under the new rules, non-elite/grassroots football can’t be played. UNLESS, it’s disabled non-elite/grassroots. That can still be played. I’m intrigued to know how they came up with that distinction.

    • straffinrun

      The only way for these bloated, graft riddled crony governments to do anything effectively is for them to be full on totalitarian. Any attempts at implementing a fine tuned counter measure short of boot stomping is virtually impossible.

  20. Chafed

    I saw Wonder Woman 1984 over the weekend. It was bad. I’d still watch it again in order to stare at Gal Godot.

    • Bobarian LMD

      I didn’t think it was all that bad, for a DCEU movie (that is a strong qualifier).

      Not as good as Aquaman or the first WW, but better than most of the others.

      • Chafed

        You are more charitable than I am. I liked the first one, I liked Aquaman, and I thought Dawn of Justice was at least passable (I’m curious to see the Snyder version.)

        WW 84 just didn’t make a lot of sense. It definitely needed to be edited down. Chris Pine’s character was wholly unnecessary to the plot. But hot damn Gadot still made it bearable.

  21. Mojeaux

    Me: w00t! Black Republican rep in Missouri wants to legalize marijuana.

    Mr Mojeaux: So he’s a libertarian.

  22. Derpetologist

    special bonus feature!

    Hero and Angel, a Fairy Tale for Grown Ups

    warning: contains adult themes

    Once upon a time, when the stars were young and the earth was new, the world was filled with monsters and magic. One day, young Everyman met with Wise Mentor, the old
    man of the village. Wise Mentor told Everyman that he was really Hero, who was destined to perform many great and valorous deeds. So Hero ventured forth, cruel dragons
    he slew two by two, awful tyrants he deposed, and won many epic battles. Unbeknownst to Hero, many of his feats were made possible by a clever and kind young woman who
    had admired Hero from afar for many years. Because she helped those in danger, she was called Angel. Satisfied with his many conquests, Hero returned to his village to
    meet once more with Wise Mentor, who told him that there was still one feat Hero had yet to accomplish. “Go deep into the mountains” said Wise Mentor “and there you
    will meet the most awful and terrible foe there is. Be warned. No Hero has fought with it and lived.”

    Hero laughed and said he was not afraid, and boldly strode deep into the mountains while Angel followed, stayed out of sight, and kept careful watch of him. At last, Hero reached a giant cave filled with a low and awful roar. He strode into the cave and announced that he was Hero, and that he was ready to face whatever beast lurked within. An evil laugh came from the shadows and filled Hero with dread for the first time in his life. A massive creature loomed over Hero and hissed “I am Evil Lord Death the Unconquerable. Gilgamesh, Achilles, David, King Arthur – I killed them all and I will kill you too!” At this, Hero shook with fear and ran for his life. In deep despair, Hero wept. Angel came and asked what was the
    matter. Hero said that Old Mentor lied to him. Angel said no, Old Mentor had only said what Hero needed to hear to complete his journey. Then she urged him to return
    to the cave an avenge himself of Evil Lord Death’s insult.

    In a white hot fury, mighty Hero drew his sword and charged into the cave with a heart-stopping battle-cry. For three days and nights, Hero and Death battled across the heavens and earth. Mountains crumbled, oceans boiled, and stars were knocked from the sky. Then when Death was losing by about twenty to nothing on points, he shouted at Hero to stop, for Death had Angel in his awful clutches. “Let me win or I kill Angel!” hissed the awful fiend. Hero dropped his sword and Death took him. Death released Angel who rushed to Hero’s lifeless body and began to sob. “Silly girl” said Death, “when you get tired of crying, drink this poison and I will make you my bride.” When Death turned his back to leave, Angel threw the poison bottle at his head, and Death, wounded and annoyed, grumbled and limped away. The people buried Hero in a magnificent tomb and Angel kept a lonely vigil there for many days. When he last ember of hope began to fade, she uncorked the poison bottle. There was a beautiful full moon that night, which she gazed on in wonder. Suddenly, she felt a hand on her shoulder. It was Hero, now ablaze in glory. “How did you survive?” she asked in shock. “I didn’t” said Hero, “but heroes never really die and angels sometimes walk, and every night when the moon is full, you can meet me here until the first ray of dawn.” And so for the rest of her days, Angel spent every full moon with Hero until she awoke in the next world.

    THE END

    visual aid: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62tnJtLBQzQ

    • hayeksplosives

      Lovely story.

      The Marines recruitment ad is…less so.

      • Derpetologist

        It appears Evil Lord Death avenged himself on my formatting.

        ***
        Marketing folks: So…how over the top do you want this ad to be?

        USMC: Yes.
        ***

        I saw that ad in the early aughts when I was in high school. Teenage me knew it was bullshit, but it was cool bullshit, damn it. Maybe worth trying, even, bullshit or not.

        One last thing before I turn in: Oscar Wilde’s mom was called Lady Wilde, which sounds like a stripper name, but the internet confirms it as legit. Anyway, she wrote a funny fable called the Priest’s Soul, linked below.

        https://www.plzhalp.us/sacred/neu/yeats/fip/fip59.htm

        I sent it to my mom and she thoroughly enjoyed it. Probably because she raised a boy who became too smart for his own good at times.

      • Chafed

        What’s the connection to Olivia Wilde?

  23. hayeksplosives

    KMX, a band that (according to wiki cuz I am lazy) is an American hard rock band formed in 2013, consisting of Korn drummer Ray Luzier, King’s X bassist/vocalist dUg Pinnick and Lynch Mob/ex-Dokken guitarist George Lynch, has a song I’ve been playing today.

    The official video for “Gun Fight” has some interesting messages (as do the lyrics to an extent) including End the Fed and disparaging references to Patriot Act and intrusive gov’t. Not a totally coherent thought, but they are able to reach more people with a less blatant approach. Written in 2014 but more and more prophetic.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hW-kV_G-rEQ

    We question the conclusion
    In choosing the solution
    To take our rights away
    Take our rights away
    Ignore the constitution
    And take away our freedom
    Resist they call it treason
    And put your ass away

    There’s gonna be a gunfight
    Like you never saw before

    • Chafed

      Have you been listening to Eddie Trunk?

      • hayeksplosives

        No, I haven’t. Should I?

  24. Akira

    Had the displeasure of hearing a conversation between some pharmacists about opposition to the COVID vaccine and some of the conspiracy theories surrounding it. Some greatest hits:

    “They think the vaccine is going to track them? I mean, you already have a cell phone! I don’t care at all if I get tracked; you’re not that special!”

    “Why won’t they take the COVID vaccine? They take all the other ones – what’s the freakin’ difference??”

    “And these people are deleting their Facebooks because they think they censor stuff. They’re like, notorious for NOT censoring stuff! There’s literally, like, litigation about how much misinformation they leave up on their site!”

    Our wonderful higher education system at work, folks.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Ahem. That’s Dr. pharmacists.

      • Chafed

        Jill Biden is a pharmacist?

    • Brochettaward

      Upper middle class individuals tend to be credentialed. As the credentialed elite, they tend to believe in the other credentialed elites. They are the ones who read the NYT’s and think these are the people worth listening to. They think the government bureaucrats know their shit. And they think that those who aren’t members of their class need to be “guided” to make the correct decisions.

      • Akira

        They are the ones who read the NYT’s and think these are the people worth listening to. They think the government bureaucrats know their shit. And they think that those who aren’t members of their class need to be “guided” to make the correct decisions.

        That’s the scary part. They supposedly go to college to learn critical thinking and how to interpret scientific data (and in their specific cases, how diseases work) but they still can’t do any better than blindly repeating CNN and government officials (but I repeat myself). I guess the American education system is a wild success at what it was truly intended to do.

        And I’m not saying all this to puff up my chest and show off how much smarter I am than these stoopid college edumucated people – I’m kind of a moron. I’m just appalled at how sheepish they are in their thinking.

        Also, one of them said “I’m like, the safest person EVER! Like, I wear my mask when I’m pumping gas!”

    • Chafed

      As long as they put the right number of the right kind of pills in the right bottle then I can live with their dickishness.

      • grrizzly

        Out of my four grandparents only one hasn’t gone to college: my paternal grandmother was a pharmacist. Never understood what was so special about counting pills.

      • hayeksplosives

        One of my college friends, Mercy*, was studying to be a pharmacist.

        While they did take real chemistry courses and did Chemistry labs, there was a good bit of work that is obsolete in modern times. It sounded to me like a rite of passage or professional hazing.

        One example was a hated course where they had to synthesize some powdered compound, fold it carefully with paper into some special phama-origami shape that was traditionally used in early medicine. Then the professor would throw your paper packet against the wall. If the powder remained intact in your paper sculpture, you pass. Otherwise, fail.

        All the students dreaded that professor. That must have been just to get revenge or to thin the herd of pharma students who weren’t devoted to it.

        (*Mercy was an Indian born American Catholic with devout parents. Her sister was named Immaculate Conception, so Mercy got off light by comparison.)

      • Tres Cool

        Not in Ohio. One of my friends is a NPA with an undergrad in pharmacology

  25. Tres Cool

    sup’ cuh ?

    Overnight is all right- till I get a day/night off.

    • Festus

      My childhood, encapsulated. Mother turned it on in the morning and listened all day until the TV took over after dinner. This is why Ted’s links never bother me overmuch.

    • limey

      I’m hoping this theme carries over into Q’s gallery. Morn’.

  26. Brochettaward

    It should be illegal to wake up this early.

    • BakedPenguin

      You want to be first, don’tcha, you hermaphrodite? Them’s the breaks.

    • Gender Traitor

      You have a long time to hit “Refresh” before the AM Lynx show up.

      • UnCivilServant

        He’s bought an extra durable F5 key he’s still going to wear out.

  27. Yusef, Frozen

    Howdy!

    • Gender Traitor

      Mornin’, Yu. How’s it going?

      • Yusef, Frozen

        Alright, Kittah’s still on Deathwatch, and I interview for an Electrical engineer position at 10 this morning, so here I am…

      • Gender Traitor

        I’m so sorry about Kittah. : (

        Good luck with the EE gig!

      • Festus

        Poor Kittah! Missing Bella was probably the final straw. 22 years is one hell of a run for a feline, though. On that happy note, Good morning.

      • Yusef, Frozen

        Festus! I got my dumb ass out of bed early, how’s the body today?

      • Festus

        Sore but “taut like a tigah!’

      • Cannoli

        Sorry about kittah, Yusef, but good luck on your interview

      • Festus

        Likewise!

  28. Cannoli

    Good morning! I’m suck waiting in the line to vote, which thanks to leper length is mostly outside in the cold.

    • Gender Traitor

      Cannoli! Long time no see! Voting early so you can vote often?

      • Cannoli

        Hi GT! Hope Tom T is feeling better. I’m just trying to get voting out of the way so I can go to work.

      • Gender Traitor

        Thanks! He’s doing very well. Has a follow-up appointment with our GP today. Hope the doc doesn’t throw a bunch more prescriptions at him. Tom T’s words to live by: Never take a drug that has its own TV commercials.

      • Yusef, Frozen

        Side effects may include…………..

    • Yusef, Frozen

      At least you’re among friends, Dems can’t bothered to show up, they just mail it in…

      • Cannoli

        Yeah, I’m not feeling good about the results today, but we’ll see.

      • Festus

        Browns fan, eh? J/K Nice to see you again.

      • Cannoli

        Thanks! I’ve been lurking, but it’s good to chat with you guys again.

  29. Yusef, Frozen

    From here on out, He shall Be named!
    *

  30. Festus

    Poor showing for me at work last night. Some newby tracked fresh snow and grit over my newly mopped floor in the lunchroom and I asked him if he was born in a fucking barn. Not my finest moment. Too much is wearing me away, grain by grain. I’ll not apologize though. Gotta put the fear of god into the ignorant sinners somehow.

    • Festus

      That’s why his show was such a groundbreaker. Serling gave no fucks what the Network Brass thought. He was a shit-poster of the highest order.