Chik-Fil-A Hopes to Boost Sales With New “Hail Satan” Slogan

by | Feb 1, 2021 | Satire | 231 comments

ATLANTA – The fast food giant is retiring its trademark “my pleasure” slogan in a bold gambit to attract new customers. According to 31-year old director of marketing Joanna Gambolputty: “What consumers crave most is diversity and inclusion. By reaching out to a tiny, hated segment of the population which is also totally antithetical to our brand, we are sure to boost sales with new demographics while at the same time retaining our conservative, Christian, customer base.”

It’s a bold move, but business expert Scott Cotton thinks it might pay off: “Businesses stagnate for a variety of reasons, but often what happens is the consumers get tired of what is old and predictable and start craving something fresh and exciting. Witness how Coca-Cola reinvented itself in the 1980s. No one even remembers the old Coke.”

The familiar Chik-Fil-A cows who encouraged us to “EAT MORE CHIKIN” will be replaced with a trio of demons who will playfully “deface” billboards with statements like “HAIL SATAN” and “GOD IS DEAD”. Other changes include a new logo with a severed chicken head on a pitchfork paired with a pentagram and upside-down cross.The new uniform will consist of a red jumpsuit, a head band with horns, and shoes designed to look like hooves.

About The Author

Derpetologist

Derpetologist

The world's foremost authority on the science of stupidity, Professor Emeritus at Derpskatonic University, Editor of the Journal of Pure and Theoretical Derp, Chancellor of the Royal Derp Society, and Senior Fellow at The Dipshit Doodlebug Institute for Advanced Idiocy

231 Comments

  1. Yusef drives a Kia

    Pretty good Derpy! Huzzah!

  2. Mojeaux

    BUT WHAT ABOUT THE GOAT?!

    Don’t fear the reaper.

    • pistoffnick

      “WHAT ABOUT THE GOAT?”

      Randy Moss? He is doing color commentary now.

      • robc

        Can you imagine if Calvin Johnson had a competent QB at any time in his career?

      • Brochettaward

        Well, I’m now told that Matthew Stafford is the man, so…

      • Bobarian LMD

        Can you imagine if Randy Moss didn’t take about 2/3 of his plays off?

        When he tried he was the absolute best.

        I’d rather have Terrell Owens on my team, though.

      • Count Potato

        Terrell Owens was a crazy person.

      • hayeksplosives

        That may be, but he played the stupid bowl with a syndesmotic screw keeping his broken tibia and fibula in place; that’s ordinarily a non-weight bearing injury and repair, meaning he should have been on crutches for a few months before getting the screw removed and starting to bear weight.

        That crazy SOB played through it; he was driven.

        I do hope he got help for his bipolar or borderline personality disorder or whatever.

      • Rat on a train

        What about Jerry Rice, or number 8 on the all time receiving yard list: STEVE SMITH?

    • db

      So, about that Reuben in a Bottle. Is that like the Bass-o-Matic, or more like a Sting song?

      • Mojeaux

        Reuben smoothie.

      • rhywun

        ?

      • db

        I love Reubens. How does one recreate the texture of the grilled bread in a smoothie?

      • Mojeaux

        LOL No idea. I thought I was being clever, but we see how that turned out.

        However, if I were to, say, make a Reuben something, I’d probably concoct some sort of dip and use rye crackers.

      • Nephilium

        Mojeaux for you…

      • pistoffnick

        My wife makes a version of that that is just divine!

      • Mojeaux

        OMG I THINK I WILL DIE OF LURV!!!

        Thank you!

        Why did I not think someone had already figured that out?

      • Nephilium

        I prefer my corned beef in sandwich form, as a smurf on rye (look under the Order It Like a Pro! section).

      • Mojeaux

        The worst Reuben I ever had was in NYC. They put mustard on it. ?

      • db

        Looks really good. I’m adding that to our next party sideboard.

      • DEG

        That looks good.

      • pistoffnick

        There is a food truck in these parts that makes deep fried reuben balls. Yeah they cost $8, but they are very tasty.

      • Nephilium

        Reuben balls and egg rolls are pretty common here, as are sauerkraut balls.

        But the chicken bang is still unique.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Sounds like corned beef baby food with thousand island on a cracker.

      • Timeloose

        Ruben Egg Rolls are wonderful.

  3. Not Adahn

    It’s a bold move, but business expert Scott Cotton

    What you did there…

  4. db

    Serious question: if you’re on a Zoom, what legal jurisdiction applies to recording? Like, if one participant is in a two-party consent state, and someone does a screengrab recording (not using the Zoom recording function, which is supposed to alert all parties to the call), what’s the legal deal?

    I wonder if this has been tested. Does anyone have an expectation of privacy on a Zoom call if the meeting ID and password are publicly available?

    • blackjack

      What did DB do in the Glibs zoom? Is the next question about a statute of limitation?

      • Mojeaux

        See previous post comments for references to “full frontal”.

      • db

        I wasn’t *that* drunk.

      • db

        Was I?

      • Mojeaux

        I’ll never tell. Y’all get silly all up in the zooms.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Toobin the Zoom!

      • rhywun

        Makin’ copies!

      • blackjack

        Yeah, no thanks. I’ll live with the wondering.

      • Brochettaward

        I didn’t think his dog consented to that, but now this confirms it.

    • Nephilium

      Assuming the rules follow the rules for telephone recording (which would make sense as most recording rules were due to phones), it depends on who does the recording, and the state they are in. Lawyers and judges like precedent, and there’s a lot of that for telephone recording. The Zoom record function does do a very clear announcement to tell everyone on the call that the meeting is being recorded (it also can only be turned on by a host or a co-host).

      I have the same (if not less) expectation of privacy I would have talking with someone at a bar in public.

      • Fourscore

        I have the same expectation when I’m wandering down the street, mumbling to myself, about the hyperinflation coming. Kids point and laugh, teenagers badger me for financial advice and their parents say, “C’mon kids, get in the car, before he does something that we’ll all regret”

    • pistoffnick

      “…expectation of privacy on a Z00m call…”

      Considering they (Z00m) are mining your data and possibly your face for facial recognition databases…I would say no, there isn’t much privacy.

      I learned today there is a way to spoof IDs in Microsloth Teamz.

      *tips aluminum foil fedora at db*

      • DEG

        possibly your face for facial recognition databases

        Not having a camera or putting electrical tape over the camera solves this problem.

      • pistoffnick

        Yeahbut, db was on camera with his mousetraps and his rivet setting tools.

        Clearly up to no good.

      • Pope Jimbo

        So what you are telling me is that you kicked the – literally – most riveting guy in the meeting off the zoom?

      • Rat on a train

        Wear a Biden mask.

  5. Bobarian LMD

    The demons should probably wear the bloody skins of the cows from the old ad campaign to circle back around.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Speaking of circling back around,apparently the Biden administration put troops on the ground in Syria within the first few days and has announced that Iran is just weeks from having nukes.

      Where do we go to war first?

      Trick question. We probably are already at war in Myanmar.

      • db

        “Military advisors”

      • Mojeaux

        We have always been at war with Eastasia.

      • Fourscore

        Which side are we on, in case of a recall?

      • db

        Whichever side we’re told at any given moment, duh.

      • Brochettaward

        I think the plan with Iran is to send them more pallets full of cash. That was John Kerry and Obama’s legacy that Trump ruined right there!

      • creech

        That means Pharaoh Joe is sure to win the Nobel Peace Prize this year.

      • commodious spittoon

        Is it paranoia to think a draft is coming down the pike, a way to bleed off disaffected young men?

      • Urthona

        Yes. We can now just bribe poor kids with the promise of college degrees and keep 99% of America unaffected and not caring.

      • db

        Sure, we’ll forgive your student loan debt!

        There’s just one itty bitty favor you could do for us…

      • Threedoor

        II should have taken $100k worth of student loans before joined.

      • Rat on a train

        We’ve always been at war with Eastasia.

  6. Mojeaux

    Derpy, you never fall flat. Excellent.

  7. Tulip

    I apparently missed a lot Saturday.

    • Mojeaux

      So did I. I don’t KNOW that db did something he doesn’t want recorded…

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Not sure I want to know now, blech

      • db

        calm your tits, there was nothing

      • Tulip

        And Brochetta got banned by Westernsloper???

      • Brochettaward

        I was kicked out by some fascist bully for having my mic muted.

        FASCISM

      • commodious spittoon

        Wish I could kick all the people on work calls with muted mics. And all the people with unmuted mics. And all the people with shitty mics. All the people, really.

      • Urthona

        I was thinking of doing that but then I was worried no one would be left to watch me masturbate.

      • Mojeaux

        Legit LOL

      • Tulip

        Well, totalitarian, or you know, FED!

    • Nephilium

      But think of all the things you didn’t miss!

      • Tulip

        Yeah, I’m not actually complaining.

      • Nephilium

        I still need to check how much of the framboise I’ve got left in the basement.

      • Tulip

        Make more.

    • Chafed

      I’m a little hurt.

  8. Fourscore

    The Derpster was first, way ahead of the next guy in line.

    I can’t remember if I’ve ever been to a Chick O’ Filet, none near here. Jimbo gave me a couple sharp tail grouse, I’m guessing that’s pretty close.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Jimbo gave me a couple sharp tail grouse

      Do we even want to know what kind of euphemism that is?

    • pistoffnick

      Closest to you is St. Cloud or Minneapolis. I know Mrs. 4-score is a damn fine cook, but you should give them a try if’n you are in those areas.

      Just not on Sundays.

  9. trshmnstr the terrible

    I had to look through the Bee archives to see whether I had read this one before. You’re getting damn good at this.

  10. DEG

    Chick-Fil-A should never have hired Gambolputty.

    • The Other Kevin

      You can’t trust those Gambolputties.

  11. Gustave Lytton

    Wife has a Cuomo on. Concern trolling GME stockholders now. Go fuck yourself, you legacy POS.

    • straffinrun

      Cuomo has Anderson Cooper on.

      • rhywun

        *leaps for the remote*

      • straffinrun

        Not sure which way to take that.

      • Chafed

        Rhy is committing Hari Kari with it.

  12. straffinrun

    Can’t help myself. Derp, “ The fast food giant..”
    should say, “Chic-Fil-A”. The headline and article itself should be able to be read independently. Spazzy nitpick aside, hailing Satan is a great move.

  13. Muzzled Woodchipper

    A friend of mine is on the board of the trade association in this lawsuit.

    They’re doing God’s work of trying to wrest away control from entrenched bureaucracies.

    From a logical standpoint, this case should be a slam dunk, but law isn’t necessarily settled by straight logic, but rather precedent, so who knows.

    Hopefully the court will be receptive.

    • straffinrun

      Remember when tattoos used to a dude look tough?

      • Mojeaux

        Thinking about getting my tat removed.

      • Count Potato

        “Mötley Crüe” ?

      • Mojeaux

        Heh, no.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        Dan Fogleberg

        (h/t Bloom County)

      • straffinrun

        At least give us a hint.

      • Mojeaux

        I got a very NOW cliché thing in a NOW cliché place. It wasn’t a cliché when I got it. It was a trophy for achieving a goal.

      • straffinrun

        You must’ve been bummed when Tyson got the same tatt.

      • Mojeaux

        It was MY idea, dammit!

      • Chafed

        I fail to see how getting AC/DC tattooed immediately above your vajayjay does any of those things.

      • straffinrun

        AC\/DC

      • Old Man With Candy

        Serial number on your arm?

      • Mojeaux

        You’re such a mensch.

      • UnCivilServant

        No. they always screamed “Poor decision maker” to me.

        Maybe I’m not old enough for dermal desecration to signify anything else.

      • Pope Jimbo

        I almost got a tattoo when I was in the Marines. My buddy ended up getting a pretty good one of Tazmanian devil, but nothing stood out for me. The other time I was thinking of getting one, the parlors were so dirty that I passed.

        Now, I’m so happy that I never got one. When I was thinking about getting one you were either in the service, a biker gang or prison. In other words, it marked you as someone who did something stupid.

        Everyone has one now. Even Asians are starting to get them. I know my wife would beat one of her precious kids to death if they ever showed up with a tattoo, but it is getting fairly common to see non-gang affiliated Asians here with tats.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Yeah, the hot young Asians around here are starting to have tats as well. Sad.

        I have one, it was one of those three situations, and your conclusion is absolutely correct. I wouldn’t do it again but it’s there now.

      • tripacer

        I live with an asian with tats…. She even has the word “fuck” on her leg. They don’t do much for me, but it’s better than piercings.

    • Chafed

      Jeebus. Where’s my eye bleach?

    • Urthona

      I mean I don’t agree with the fellow, but I’m not sure our prison resources are best used to protect society from him.

      • Chafed

        I’ll disagree on that. He has tortured those animals to death. That’s horrible. I have no trouble with someone being imprisoned for that.

      • Tulip

        Yeah, I’m ok with prison as punishment.

      • Pope Jimbo

        On one hand, I’m with Urthona. Animals are property. I’m leery about jailing people for being “cruel” to their property. Not saying this was a grey area case, but I’m worried that urban folks might start criminalizing things that farmers have done for years. For example, farmers will periodically catch a lot of the feral barn cats when their population gets too big and kill them. I can see city dwellers thinking that is cruel and wanting to jail the farmer.

        From a practical standpoint, though, his behavior is a huge red flag and locking him up is a good thing. This guy was going to hurt someone eventually.

        I thought they found some kiddy pr0n on his computer. Isn’t that enough to lock him up for a bit longer?

      • straffinrun

        It’s the sex part that’s freaky. Pretty sure most crimes get worse when you have your wiener out.

      • Pope Jimbo

        You’ve been away too long.

        Weiner? Not brat?

      • straffinrun

        Fine. His oshinko.

      • Urthona

        If he’s a danger to us then that’s another story entirely.

      • Mojeaux

        This guy was going to hurt someone eventually.

        But … how do you know and why is that a justification for locking him up?

        Setting aside what he WAS locked up for, it’s disconcerting to think of locking someone up for what they MIGHT do.

      • Urthona

        Especially considering he gets out soon enough and incarceration likely has the opposite of a rehabilitating effect.

      • Pope Jimbo

        I don’t know for sure. And I completely agree that it is troubling.

        I’ll admit that I have a pretty big bias because of stories I have heard from my dad and his coworkers. They are all probation/parole officers. Having spent lots of time around them (mostly hunting and fishing) I got to hear lots of shop talk* about the sexual offenders that they all handled.

        For the most part, these guys were about as liberal as you can get in the corrections department. They mostly didn’t want to put people in prison. But sexual offenders were usually different. They all agreed that they never changed and “went straight”.

        Here in Minnesoda about 15 years ago we had a big court case regarding a program where sexual offenders were being involuntarily committed to a special psychiatric hospital once their prison sentences were completed.

        My uber liberal uncle who is a psychiatrist stunned me when he said that that was a good thing because those offenders would harm someone if left out. He didn’t hate them, he just felt that because of some malfunction in these people, they wouldn’t ever just stop hurting people.

        And like I said, I’m really conflicted. Like you said, it is bad to put people into jail because of what they might do. However, when everyone who has worked/studied these people tell you that letting them go free will end up in disaster maybe we should listen?

        * I should say that I was always impressed by Dad and his buddies that when they did talk shop, they never blabbed names. They might have known who they were talking about, but I never knew or could have figured it out.

      • Tulip

        My sister used to work in child protection, specializing in sex crimes. Traumatizing. She burned out. Most of the offenders had records of abusing animals.

      • Urthona

        eh, I object to the term “sexual offenders” because that’s bullshit.

        If you want to say pedophile or child rapist or something, that’s rare and pretty fucking serious. I’ll agree. We must take that VERY seriously.

        But “sexual offenders” as a category have the least recidivisim in the country. That term includes the people who got urinating outdoors or at 20 texted a picture of their dong to their high school girlfriend. In fact that’s by far most of them. The vast majority never ever commit any crime again.

        And thousands of Americans lives are destroyed by our bullshit and over the top “sexual offender” laws and registration.

        No, we don’t need to be tough on “sex offenders”. We need to be tough on actual rapists and pedophiles. We release the latter early, usually, to make space for people who are no danger to society and will never commit crimes again.

      • Count Potato

        That, and false accusations are rampant.

      • Urthona

        He’s a wacko, but I’d rather not pay thousands of dollars to punish him.

        I’m cool if we pass out a collection basket and you two toss your money in, though.

      • Tulip

        I’m told that’s what taxes are for and I pay plenty of those. There are a lot of things I’d like to get rid of, but putting this guy in prison isn’t one of them.

      • straffinrun

        The state is responsible for more rape than that guy.

      • Urthona

        fair enough

      • Chafed

        That’s an odd nonsequitur Straff. The state is responsible for far more murder too. I can’t believe you are advocating for emptying the prisons of convicted killers.

      • straffinrun

        Not advocating anything. Just saying perspective and priorities count.

      • Chafed

        It’s more than that. If he wants to fuck his car’s muffler he can do that 24/7 for all I care. If he wants to fuck a corn cob until explodes then I’ll buy him a bushel. But animals feel pleasure and pain. There is a reason for animal cruelty laws. He earned his sentence.

      • Urthona

        It’s not that I don’t believe in justice, so much that I question a government’s ability to execute it.

        There are trade offs. Is a really arbitrary, biased, inherently corrupt, inefficient justice system we have better than having a system that — philosophically like a juvenile system — focuses only on protecting society and rehabilitation?

        Is a really poor justice system really even all that worthwhile? Especially considering how much it costs each and every one of us?

      • Chafed

        I’m a former public defender. You are preaching to the choir when you recount the defects in our justice system. IMO, imprisoning people who torture animals is protecting society.

        I had very few clients who were animal torturers so I’m not claiming broad, personal knowledge on the topic. Every one of them I remember didn’t have a shred of remorse or even any insight that it’s wrong. Those guys (they were all men) creeped me out. You just knew they would be back for something worse in the future. It might be people or it may be property the next time. But you knew there was going to be next time.

      • db

        That’s messed up. You know, animals aren’t people; they’re property, but neither are they inanimate matter. They feel pain and fear and probably what we call joy and affection. Causing pain and fear and injury to an animal is not just damaging property, it’s an indication that the offender has no empathy; or worse, that they enjoy causing real pain and fear.

        I’ve never been able to understand how people can do some of the things they do–for instance torturers–they must completely lack empathy to be able to commit acts of torture on other humans or animals. And I think empathy is a sort of fundamental thing, an essential requirement to being something–better. I don’t really know how to explain it, but I’ll ask the question: are torturers–true torturers who either feel nothing or get pleasure out of harming another being–really *human*? Maybe they’re human–since humans have dark corners in their psyches, but they’re certainly not on a path to enlightenment or any other sort of rising above the base condition.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        they must completely lack empathy

        Empathy and a conscience. I vaguely recall a serial killer saying “I knew in my head that it was wrong, but there was no weight to it”.

        The particular disturbing thing to me is that these sicko are apparently built, not born. Serial killers (as one example) disproportionately come out of poverty stricken broken homes with an abusive parent.

        I don’t know why it disturbs me so much. I guess because it would be so much easier to write off these people if they were just born broken.

      • Urthona

        Do they? I kinda thought the pattern with serial killers is it turns out there is none.

        But I guess it wouldn’t surprise me too much.

      • EvilSheldon

        Something interesting I remember from a William April (RIP) class, is that sociopaths are generally created through abuse and emotional neglect, while psychopaths are generally born that way.

    • straffinrun

      Which came first?

      • Urthona

        nice

      • straffinrun

        Unciv is still pondering this.

    • Pope Jimbo

      See? This is why you never give up and keep pushing the appeal process.

      You don’t want to put all your legal eggs in one basket.

      • straffinrun

        How do you toss and egg salad?

      • Pope Jimbo

        Not with your pecker, that is for sure.

      • straffinrun

        Dude should’ve just choked the chicken.

      • Pope Jimbo

        He looks like a simple country type who probably believes in folk magic.

        One of those crazy things they believe out in the country. That having sex with chickens will make you live forever.

        I think they call it the Henny Youngman myth.

  14. DenverJ

    So, hi everybody (audience “Hi Dr. Knick!”).
    Ok, well that was exhausting- Imma go to bed for a luxerious… wait, it’s only 842? Ima drink some more!
    I went to the supermarket yesterday to do the shopping. When I was paying I noticed a line of 3, waiting on a yellow machine. So I looked closer, and it turns out it’s a DMV kiosk- get your new stickers printed right then and there.
    There is a long, slightly amusing bit after that, but you don’t want to read it. You want me to submit it to the PTB as an article, so that you can not read it and post titty pics.

    • Chafed

      Hi Denver! You read my mind.

    • straffinrun

      All hail Lou Reed.

    • Count Potato

      That album is surprisingly good, especially considering the band started in 1968.

      • Chafed

        I heard Rick Rubin told them to imagine it was 1972 and they were working on their second album. The band did a great job. I think Rubin gets a lot of credit too getting them back into that mindset and keeping them there.

  15. straffinrun

    Met a blind seven year old Japanese girl with a super filthy laugh today. My favorite thing this year.

    • UnCivilServant

      Only person to laugh at your jokes?

      • straffinrun

        That’d be fine with me. Love that kid.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Those school girls he has trapped at the bottom of the well in his basement laugh at his jokes.

        Or they had better laugh if they want the lotion.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Legit LOL

    • Pope Jimbo

      How did you make a blind Japanese girl laugh?

      I’m curious, because your usual humorous icebreaker of “masturbating in front of her on the train” act wouldn’t work.

      • straffinrun

        Honestly, she likes stupid puns. Her laugh made me think she was imagining the dirtiest interpretation.

  16. Mojeaux

    New word for the homeless, just heard on the teevee:

    “the unhoused”

    I don’t know how I feel about that. It’s true. But changing the language is a weapon.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Ahem, they aren’t homeless, they’re “experiencing homelessness”.

      • Mojeaux

        Dude, I JUST heard “the unhoused”.

        “Experiencing homelessness” is gentle, though.

    • commodious spittoon

      Homelessness is just, like, social conditioning.

    • db

      Next up: Incels now to be referred to as “The Unsheathed.”

      • Mojeaux

        I’ll allow it.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Not the unhosed?

      • Rat on a train

        It is now the treadmill of euphemisms.

  17. straffinrun

    If I could convert anyone into an AnCap, it’d be Gordon Ramsey. Reality TV show where he goes through the Capitol and reacts to what he sees.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Would the conversion be instantaneous?

      If it was, I’d rather convert Hannity right as he starts his show. Or Rachael Maddow.

      Mostly to see what the reaction from their audiences would be.

    • slumbrew

      I’m not sure it’d take much to convert him.

  18. Gustave Lytton

    Now wifey has Hannity on. Blowhard is ranting about Guantanamo prisoners getting vaccines. A) drop in the bucket. Infinitesimal drop. B) they’re in custody, the government assumes responsibility for their general safety and well-being, just as they do for food or shelter having removed the ability of prisoners to do it themselves. No different for inmates in regular prisons.

    • Chafed

      I can’t stand him. He is a first order hack.

      Guantanamo continues to be a stain on us a country. No trials, no sentences, just “indefinite detention.” Let’s hope history keeps this in mind while evaluating GWB.

      • Tulip

        And Obama and Trump and Biden and….

      • Chafed

        Absolutely. Obama is at least as bad because of his hollow promise to end it and his supposed disdain for it. He didn’t lift a finger to do anything about it. Trump shares the blame. I’ll give him that he never claimed he would do anything about it.

      • Akira

        The throwaway line I’ve always been given about Gitmo (or any other bad thing Obama failed to address after railing against it during the campaign) was “B-b-but the Republicans in Congress were obstructing him the whole time and never let him accomplish anything at all!”

      • Chafed

        To which the abomination that is Obamacare gives the lie.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Just like the Obamacare repeal, or lack thereof.

      • Akira

        What kills me about Obamacare is that it was sold as the cure-all tonic that would finally put an end to America’s healthcare problems; they had all the right incentives in place for individuals, employers, insurers and providers, and everything would work like a Swiss watch. It was such a perfect system that any critics were surely not worth listening to.

        … But the complaints about “the cost of healthcare in this country” never stopped. I might forgive it as a good-faith error in judgement if Obama supporters hadn’t been so dismissive and hostile towards any criticism of how this program might function.

      • Urthona

        It’s problem no one really has a great solution for.

        I think the problem with the trials is they might lose. The military is not an evidence gathering body first and foremost. It doesn’t build a case before grabbing someone. It can’t work that way.

        They either are gonna have to release terrorist nut jobs or keep punting. Easier to punt.

      • Chafed

        You nailed it.

      • Rat on a train

        They are prisoners of war, allowing detention until the end of hostilities, but criminals, so we don’t have to treat them like prisoners of war. Don’t worry about the contradiction. Some really smart people wrote a paper rationalizing it.

    • Chafed

      Unlike the UK, they found a legitimate reason not to screw one of their own citizens.

      On topic (because I read the article), what the hell is with Taiwan debt collectors?

    • slumbrew

      In deciding whether to block a vote, proof of the union officials’ allegations is irrelevant because the PERB must treat them as true

      Infuriating.

      • Chafed

        Yup. And it’s union lobbying that got the system enshrined in California state law. There is no end to public union gall.

  19. Gustave Lytton

    https://youtu.be/ZNeiMBv4HIw

    Oh good. Can’t wait for it to hit here.

    Dumped old drywall and insulation from the garage today. Pretty sure it’s exempt from the presumptive asbestos of all pre-2004 homes but still wasted time to look it up. Girl at the dump booth didn’t seem to care and charged the household trash rate rather than construction debris.

    • Plinker762

      Dump it at the hobo jungle.

      • Gustave Lytton

        There’s enough of that shit, from bums and other illegal dumpers. Just my luck, someone would care enough to trace where it came from, as well.

      • Chafed

        How would they trace it? It’s not radioactive.

      • Gustave Lytton

        By trace, mean ever growing rando video cameras or just leaving fingerprints on smooth durable surface.

  20. Yusef drives a Kia

    Mornin’ everybody

    • Ownbestenemy

      Mornin Yusef. I shouldn’t be up but I am cause I am traveling later today. It is about the only time I get anxiety.

    • Part time punching bag

      Good morning!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        A morning Tulpa? Who knew?

      • Part time punching bag

        An early Tulpa is a mindful Tulpa

        -Sun Tzu probably

    • Gender Traitor

      Mornin’, Yu, OBE, PTPB.

      • Gender Traitor

        Mornin’ to you too.

      • UnCivilServant

        Other than not snowing, how’s it going?

      • Gender Traitor

        OK, but I discovered the back of one of my boots is irreparably torn (serves me right for not holding out for genuine leather, I suppose,) and so far I haven’t found a replacement pair online that I like as much.

        How about you?

      • UnCivilServant

        I am awake. There is no diktat from the idiot mayor to move my car. And the belt I orddered turned out to merely have been ‘assembled’ in Utah, But was ‘made in china’ to the point of requiring such a label.

        And gmail is still causing massive stress trying to get basic tasks done at work.

        I just want to sit around and write, but I also want to sit around and play video games. But I have to sit around and attend pointless meetings while our only potential accomplishment gets scuppered because one report doesn’t have one edge case piece of information that doesn’t even exist for 99.999% of the cases.

      • Gender Traitor

        I just want to sit around and write

        And I just want to sit around and read. Maybe at some point I’ll even be inspired enough to start writing again myself.

      • UnCivilServant

        Have you gotten any more reading done?

        I’m fighting gmail to try to find the information I need to simply ask a vendor for the system requirements so I can request a server build. But the interface is fighting me.

      • Gender Traitor

        No further reading than the end of the war stories. Wasting too much time looking for boots too late in the season.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Warm at 32, not for much longer, easy days at work,

      • UnCivilServant

        It’s 23 degrees here, supposedly snowing, but I can still see under the parked cars.

  21. Sean

    Today already sucks.

    Maybe tomorrow will be better.

    • Part time punching bag

      The memory of the weekend has faded and the next is too far away to too look forward to. Tuesday truly is the worst day of the week.

      • Part time punching bag

        *two

      • Sean

        It’s been quite snowy here, and generally making things quite messy.

      • Part time punching bag

        Meaningful snow happens maybe twice a year here and it’s almost never more than a few inches. I’m not ready for spring yet.

  22. Sean

    Happy groundhog’s day.

    • Not an Economist

      He only found out he had cancer 3 weeks ago.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        According to his girlfriend he had a lump on his neck he’d been putting off having looked at and he’d been feeling out of sorts and less than a month later it was over. RIP.

    • limey

      No soup for me.

  23. Sean

    Snow sucks.

    • Rat on a train

      Freezing rain is worse.