Friday Afternoon Eternal Friendship Links

by | Feb 19, 2021 | Daily Links | 277 comments

Admit it. It's either this or because you made eye contact in the middle of that triangle you had in Vegas last time the boys all got together.I appreciate the structure of this schedule, but it would be pretty tiresome to be doing all of it yourself. You guys clean around the house… right?

Feeling lonely? Turns out, you’re not alone.

Meanwhile, in the last best place

Maybe you’ve already seen this, but I have high hopes.

Kind of cracks me up that the person writing this thought it might end any other way. Rookie mistake, I guess.

Ah, I’m not sure if I’ve shown you guys this one yet, but it’s overdue if I haven’t. (And you may as well hear it again if I have!)

About The Author

Riven

Riven

[riv-uhn] noun 1. a gaming, lifting, shooting, intoxicated, ravenous, and happily-taken nerd. 2. often aims to misbehave. 3. and though she be but little, she is fierce.* And rumor has it that she (and her husband) are also delightful dinner companions. You didn't hear it from me, though.

277 Comments

  1. Brochettaward

    When God rested, Brochettaward Firsted.
    Corinthians 2:10

    • Brochettaward

      You guys clean around the house… right?

      This goes against The Bro’s religion. I believe that the afterlife, the First realm, is a mirror of the seconder realm in which we first inhabit, only in which the seconders become slaves to the Firsters. The messes I leave in this life will remain there so that my seconder slaves can be productive in their next existence as penance for their sins.

    • limey

      Try some Matthew 20:16 for size, Brotch.

      • SDF-7

        Or Luke 14:11.

        Proverbs 27:2 also seems apt.. (yes, I did a web search for “bible verses about humility”.. 😉 )

      • Brochettaward

        That is a very English attitude. It’s why your country is no longer First at anything.

      • straffinrun

        Credit when due. LOL.

  2. Old Man With Candy

    Want a relevant comment?

    I got nothin’.

  3. Mad Scientist

    You guys clean around the house… right?

    Yes, every time I’m forced to.

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      When I was wooing my wife-to-be, I invited her to my apartment for a home cooked meal. I spent hours cleaning up the apartment. When she arrived she looked around and said, “You could have cleaned up the place a little.” Jeez, I thought I had.

      • Mad Scientist

        But she decided she could fix you?

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        No, she knows better. My cooking outweighed my messiness. That, and my rugged good looks and my sense of humor. And my humility, which is probably my greatest attribute.

      • juris imprudent

        And my humility

        So you’re related to Bro’ you say?

      • Fourscore

        Army: You didn’t know today was Inspection Day?

        Me: Silently, “Asshole, we’ve been busting our asses for a week”

      • zwak

        Yeah, the first time the eventual wife came over, I broke that ice by having a motorcycle half disassembled in the dining room.

      • Mad Scientist

        That’s one of those things that single girl thinks is sooooo endearing, and a wife finds intolerable.

      • Gadfly

        That’s because for the former it is his dining room serving as a motorcycle repair shop while for the latter it is her dining room with a motorcycle cluttering up the place.

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      I wouldn’t quite go all the way to forced to, but certainly strongly encouraged.

      Her capacity to have clutter is way lower than mine, but even I have my lines.

      And when I do clean, I generally clean good enough.

      That said, I do more cleaning than she does yard work, and when you have 5 acres, yard work is never ending. Like that fucking tree I’m going to need to cut and get to the burn pile because it fell over after the ice.

    • EvilSheldon

      I probably shouldn’t talk, because I’m lazy as fuck and have a high tolerance for disorder.

      But sweet drunken Enkidu, ‘shattered’? That list of chores might take up six hours a week for an average sized house. You can probably carve six hours out of your weekly TV-and-Facebook time without missing much.

      Now I’m thinking about doing this schedule for a week, just to flex…

      • db

        Don’t forget to livetweet how easy it is as you move from task to task.

      • EvilSheldon

        Nah. Bragging is more fun in person.

      • Don escaped Qanon

        lazy as fuck and have a high tolerance for disorder

        I’m lazier than anyone . . . which is why I must have order: I’m too lazy to pick up things three times, step over stuff, lose stuff, inventory mistakes, juggle garbage, or any of the thousand muda that come with disorder. If I touch something, I maximize the value I add to it: orient, assess, clean, arrange, store, or throw it the hell away . . . and I’m done with it forever so I can have even more time for laying on the couch sucking on a beer.

      • Sean

        I have ARs lying on the floor.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        You better watch out.

        They might get up and keel you.

      • Don escaped Qanon

        Hmm. Wow.

        One big problem with excellent order is that one’s antagonists can assess your inventory and avail themselves of it almost as easily as you can. Knowing which bolts actually have a firing pin is a distinct advantage, so I can see how you’re primed (pardon the pun) to win the junkyard wars.

        ! ~ the more you know ~ !

  4. SDF-7

    Eh — the Mortal Kombat trailer didn’t impress me in the slightest. Wouldn’t mind being wrong — but I’m fine with the cheesy but fun 90s flick. Too bad they never made a sequel….

    What’s that? No… I said *they never made a sequel*…. Kind of like Highlander….

    • Mad Scientist

      Raul Julia!

      • SDF-7

        You’re thinking Street Fighter, good sir.

      • Mad Scientist

        Well crap. That’s what I get for not playing video games.

    • Not Adahn

      People who talk about a sequel should be annihilated.

    • Endless Mike

      Sequel? There can be only one.

    • DrOtto

      So far, the best video game based movie was Super Hornio Bros. Ron Jeremy was born to play a Mario lookalike.

      • juris imprudent

        Or a live action hedgehog.

  5. Tonio

    The pets are generally worthless at housework, but the dog will clean up cat vomit. Tuesday is litter box day, because trash day. Everything else on an as-needed basis depending on my motivation, shedding, muddy paws, and dust bunny tolerance. There is a daily struggle whether to unload the dishwasher or merely shuffle the items in the sink around. Strategic cleanup gets done on those rare occasions I have someone over (yes, I does that).

    • Don escaped Qanon

      Tuesday is litter box day, because trash

      her cats, but I muck it out whenever a trash bag is about full: I just like economy and elegance in the things I manage, even when I’m spooning out kat turdz

      • Lackadaisical

        That is true love.

    • Ted S.

      depending on my motivation, shedding,

      I’m sorry you’re shedding.

      • Tonio

        Yeah, every spring. It’s a PITA. Thanks, though.

      • Tonio

        You shed, too? Brother bear!

  6. zwak

    The cleaning schedule is pretty standard for stay-at-home parents across the board. And really, compared to a 9-5 it really isn’t anything big.

    • Brochettaward

      Housewives are the real heroes and how dare you for not recognizing that.

      Wait, wait…sorry…stay at home spouses are the real heroes.

    • limey

      Exactly. If you don’t clean the entire place floor to ceiling every five minutes, your children will die of dysenteric palsy.

      • db

        ooh, that sounds messy

      • limey

        It truly is the interpretive free form diarrhea of neuro-intestinal maladies.

      • db

        Poor guy. He got the Jackson Pollocks back in ’21–ain’t been right since.

      • Tonio

        “Dysenteric palsy,” I’m stealing that. Ta.

  7. The Other Kevin

    I clean around the house plenty. To me that schedule doesn’t look that bad, maybe an hour a day or less if the place is smaller. If she’s doing that much laundry, she’s probably not living alone. And if she’s not living alone, she might not have a full time job, and if that’s the case, this schedule is pretty light.

    • pistoffnick

      When all three kids lived with us, we did laundry nearly every got-damn day.

      It’s amazing how many fewer clothes changes the girls do per day now that they do their own laundry.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        Add in dirty sports like baseball, and you not only have laundry, but special laundry with its own detergents and methods.

        We have 3 baseball players in the house.

        I fucking hate laundry.

      • The Other Kevin

        ^ This. I remember once when the kids were little, the wife took them on a trip for a week. I did one load of laundry (some of it was theirs that they left), and I ran the dishwasher one time. These days the washer runs at least once a day and the dishwasher runs every other day.

      • Mojeaux

        My kids have been doing their own laundry since they could reach the dials without a step stool.

      • Don escaped Qanon

        ^^^ FUCKING RIGHT ^^^

        learned that one from CommieMommy when I was nine

    • Jerms

      Since im retired and the wife still works i do a lot of the cleaning and all of the cooking. No laundry tho-i hate that shit.

  8. grrizzly

    Two or three Brazilian ladies come to clean my place every other week.

    • The Other Kevin

      How do you know? Is it one of those nude cleaning services?

      • grrizzly

        Working from home I now see them every time. No.

      • db

        Thongs for asking that. I was trying to figure that out as well.

      • Ted S.

        He’s saying he gets waxed every other week.

      • The Other Kevin

        Hey no need to get cheeky guys.

    • pistoffnick

      How much is a Brazillian?

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        Depends.

        How much does it cost to have a wife? Because that’s the kind of Brazilian I have.

  9. db

    I’d like to comment on a reply kbolino made to a reply I made to a reply to a reply to a reply in the morning links thread:

    The problem with “green” energy is not that it’s impossible, it’s that it is way more expensive than most of its proponents will own up to. There are unaccounted externalities with any power system, but lack of operational experience combined with self-righteous religious fervor lead to a lot of people having overly rosy views of solar and wind.

    This is very much correct. Most things are possible, as long as they don’t violate the basic laws of the universe. In engineering, we very often do things that are close to impossible, or at the very edges of possibility using the materials and knowledge of the world that are current at the time.

    We also strive to be as efficient and cost effective as possible (well at least those of us in the private sector do). Engineering is about making things possible and creating value where there was none. Especially in chemical engineering, we spend a lot of time and effort eking out small percentage gains in performance that translate into real world benefits and profits.

    But we don’t often do stuff just because it’s cool–it has to have some real world benefit. Even in the arts (at least the mass market arts), producers make an effort to spend less on producing the movies, albums, etc., than they think they can sell them for.

    Of course we *can* do a lot of things–but we typically don’t waste resources doing them inefficiently for other than the greatest reasons.

    Doing some very very expensive things to achieve only minimally marginal improvements in global climate forecasts doesn’t make sense. The costs of building infrastructure, moving to less efficient methods of energy production, opening new mining operations to extract the raw materials needed for new energy storage and solar systems can be extreme. That doesn’t even begin to cover the opportunity costs of diverting productive engineering and construction talent to design and build these new systems.

    But these people promoting a wholesale rapid changeover of our energy economy don’t look at it that way. Either they think that government owns all the money and resources anyway (incorrect) and has the right and power to direct them inefficiently, or they don’t see or care that they’re hurting people who could benefit from more efficient use of those resources.

    • zwak

      One of the things I have always found amusing/sad is that when you bring up nuclear to many of these people, they start their naysaying about how much gov’t spending would be needed to get the ball rolling. But they will turn right around and look for subsidies to make whatever “green” power is the flavor of the week.

      They also seem to elide that much of the expenses for nuclear startup is due to gov’t interference.

    • Fourscore

      We understand those things when we are using our own money. Buy on sales, check prices per unit, use the last bit of toothpaste, etc. I eat as much as I can at a buffet and suffer the affects, believing the more I eat the more I save.

      Good explanation, db

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        +1 Uncle Milt

    • kbolino

      People see what they want to see, and what they want to see is a government that can do anything. The reality that we have a government that can barely do the things it is already tasked with doing, but does so at great power and expense, and with a list of “unintended” consequences longer than any list of desired outcomes, never seems to penetrate that dreamland. Government can only control people, and it controls them via threats and following through on those threats with violence, and only controls them insofar as anyone decides it is better to obey than resist; whereas, the wind and the sun are not scared by SWAT teams, IRS audits, or the 101st Airborne Division.

  10. Tonio

    Feeling lonely. NSFW for swear words in intro.

    • Tres Cool

      I suspected what that was before I even clicked. You’re awesome (I was about to post the same thing)

  11. DEG

    Loneliness among Americans has been growing in recent years, but the policy response to the COVID-19 pandemic has drastically exacerbated the problem. A new report by Harvard University researchers finds that 36 percent of Americans are experiencing “serious loneliness,” and some groups, such as young adults and mothers with small children, are especially isolated.

    I’m in the wrong business. I wouldn’t mind getting paid for stating the obvious.

    According to the Governor, 20 other states allow gun owners to carry firearms without a government-issued permit.

    20 is too low.

    • Lackadaisical

      According to the Governor, 20 other states allow gun owners to carry firearms without a government-issued permit.
      20 is too low.

      ‘allow’ is also a problem…

  12. Grosspatzer

    Major cleaning is for nice old Polish lady (I can’t afford orphans), every other Friday. What’s the point of working if I have to do my own cleaning?

  13. Nephilium

    What? You mean I wasn’t supposed to throw the girlfriend off a cliff in that level of 3d world?

    Huh…

    I mean… I laughed.

  14. Fourscore

    “You guys clean around the house… right?”

    That is correct, Riven. The missus does upstairs, I do downstairs. Downstairs gets dirtier but is quite easy to clean. Sweep, vacuum, clean the tile floors/bathroom. I don’t dust though I should. I don’t clean every day, only when even I can’t stand it. Upstairs is cleaner but not much dusting going on up there either. Dishes/kitchen are upstairs, I’m happy to say.

    I also do the outdoor stuff, snow removal, grass cutting, garden work, firewood, garages.

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      Those are some interesting euphemisms.

  15. Timeloose

    That schedule looks reasonable if you want to spread out the cleaning across the week. We do much the same on Sat and or Sunday.

    My schedule minus the wife would be much less frequent. She is the clean one.

  16. Tres Cool

    “You guys clean around the house… right?”

    Jugsy’s absence from Chez Tres the past 4 weeks or so has left this place looking quite a bit like a frat house.
    My bin for the Tall Cans!® is simply embarrassing

    • Lackadaisical

      My bin for the Tall Cans!® is simply embarrassing

      Only half full?

    • Mojeaux

      Did she go visit her mom or sumpin?

  17. Timeloose

    I’m definitely going to get the MK movie. Looks great.

  18. Tonio

    Be a Man metal guys. So would, even though I normally don’t like a lot of ink.

  19. Nephilium

    While I may be stuck on a bridge call now, implementing an undocumented change, it doesn’t mean I’ll still be on it later.

    Zoom/Happy Hour/Sanity check, starting at 20:00 Eastern as usual. All are welcome.

      • Old Man With Candy

        And it won’t be until free hands on both sides of the Big Ditch can press the same button at the same time.

      • Grosspatzer

        Looks like we may have to sing you down! Marching, marching to Omaha with the eagle and the sword…

      • Old Man With Candy

        Praising Zion ’til we’re deaf, until we reap the last reward.

      • Grosspatzer

        Thanks, OM. I do love me some Android Sisters.

    • Ted S.

      I bid three no-trump.

      • Grosspatzer

        Double!

    • Lackadaisical

      All are welcome.

      FBI agents too? 😉

    • Ownbestenemy

      Gotta do a turn around trip to Cali. Might be on later.

    • Nephilium

      The change went much more smoothly then I expected. Only little bit left needs to be done over the weekend, and I’m comfortable with that part.

      Hopefully this is the last change from the person who is no longer under contract that I’ll get thrust upon me with less than 36 hours before go live.

      • Grosspatzer

        Feeling optimistic, are we?

      • Nephilium

        Usually I’m one of the ones that gets brought in at the beginning and planning stages of the changes. Especially if my company is the one that’s going to be implementing them. The change team at my company likes me, as I do this strange thing in IT. I document exactly what needs to be updated and reply to questions.

      • Grosspatzer

        Strange indeed. What is this thing called documentation? I surely would like to have some.

      • Don escaped Qanon

        brought in at the beginning

        YOU LUCKY FUCKING BASTARDS !!!!!111111111!!!!!!!!!!!

        DonWorld: we’ve been working on this new chassis for two years and the new engine design and the exhaust treatment goes right where your XXX useta go and I’m sure you can whoop up a design that does what the old one does in five months . . . .

      • Tonio

        “[…] I do this strange thing in IT. I document exactly what needs to be updated and reply to questions.”

        You poor devil. The HR people are lusting to feast upon your still-quivering spleen as they rip it from your abdomen.

  20. The Late P Brooks

    Feeling lonely?

    Not really.

    Angry? Disgusted?

    Yes.

  21. Tres Cool

    “Engineering is about making things possible and creating value where there was none. Especially in chemical engineering, we spend a lot of time and effort eking out small percentage gains in performance that translate into real world benefits and profits.”

    I did a project for Toyota years back, sampling the fume oxidizers related to their car coating (painting) lines. The state required that their gas-fired units operate @ 1400º F, yet some engineer said “hey guys, these compounds can be destroyed at much lower temperatures”. I spent a couple weeks on-site, generating the data to present to the state that showed the units could achieve the required destruction efficiency at much lower temperatures. The annual gas savings for that plant became multiple 100s of thousands of dollars.

    • Don escaped Qanon

      Engineering is about listening all day to people who can’t calculate the force of a Gaussian field or assess compressible two-phase flow or figure the time-space shift of satellite communications or balance a redox formula or figure the Thevenin equivalent of a bridge circuit or so much as size a fucking bolt tell you how you should have done such and such when you never had the budget or time to develop a suitably valuable solution all the while scratching the back of your neck with the business card of the “engineer” who just spent two hours swapping integrated circuit cards in your copy machine until it finally worked.

  22. The Late P Brooks

    People see what they want to see, and what they want to see is a government that can do anything.

    Government as God.

    Politics as religious fanaticism.

    What could possibly go wrong?

  23. bacon-magic

    Mario Kart was/is the bomb.

  24. But Enough About [this space intentionally left blank]

    These days, the spousal unit and I clean the house every Blursday, or twice a year, whichever comes less often.

    Honest to God, if they don’t stop with this “No indoor gatherings of any size” shit soon, people are gonna be buried in an avalanche of their own dust bunnies. Cleaning up for company was one of the few reasons we could be arsed in The Before Times™.

    • Lackadaisical

      Know a lot of snitches?

      Just have people over anyway.

    • Don escaped Qanon

      indoor gatherings

      We were going to the brewery for some pints con amigos tonight after they backed down our virus rules

      but then some pipes across town busted, so no water, so all restaurants are closed

      so flasks by the pit fire ’round dusk

  25. Not Adahn

    On the weekends:

    First weekend: vacuum and dust.
    Second weekend: bathrooms.
    Third weekend: kitchen
    Fourth weekend: Unpack box, rearrange/reorganize/purge

    If there’s a fifth weekend in the month, I drink and play video games.

    • Don escaped Qanon

      I agree with the piddle along strategy

      but I try to waste weeknights with such drudgery

      and save weekend for long bouts of unpunctuated debauchery

  26. Semi-Spartan Dad

    You guys clean around the house… right?

    Nope. We have reverted to traditional cis het shitlord roles where I bring home the bacon and she keeps house. Her decision and we’re both very happy about it. Although she still maintains her health provider license as a fallback if we ever need it (we have to shell out hundreds of dollars every year to the state and her guild).

    I’m still nominally in charge of yardwork, but hire that out. And, in fair turnaround, I took over all of the cleaning, laundry, shopping, etc. when I was in between jobs years ago and she supported us.

  27. The Late P Brooks

    Gianforte signed Constitutional carry. I saw that earlier.

    Maybe this state isn’t a lost cause.

    • Don escaped Qanon

      Gianforte signed Constitutional carry

      good for you

      but the irony just never ends for us Glibs I guess

      still, maybe he’ll sign a law allowing freedom of press or religion or, get off your ass, dude, END SLAVERY ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!

      • Lackadaisical

        Exactly right. A step in the right direction while still getting it all wrong, but that is as good as we can hope for from this country I think.

      • Don escaped Qanon

        Well, there’s probably something to it: you gotta write new laws to get rid of old laws and such

        and that was the trouble with Texas: a thousand laws, poorly written, and a thousand interpretations and enforcement protocols, and the Lege never had the cajones to simply GET FUCKING RID OF THEM ALL. Oh now, it was cutting the dog’s tail off an inch at a time to save it pain, dontchaknow, with each edition (they only sit every other year) crazier than the cornucopia of regulation before.
        30.06 sign
        church rule
        51% rule
        campus rule
        undo the church rule
        30.07 sign (not making that one up)

        I love a lot of thangs ’bout Texas, but, collectively, they really can’t pour piss out of a boot. Which is fine and should convince them to STOP DOING THINGS COLLECTIVELY. Mind your business and stop passing laws and go mend your own goddam fence and leave me alone or what the fucking point is there to Texas anyways?

      • Lady Z

        Preach!

    • Endless Mike

      Boom.
      This after getting rid of the curfew/ closing/ mask restrictions (not that we were paying any attention to them in the East anyway)

    • Grosspatzer

      Who doesn’t like a little white powder?

      • Tres Cool
      • Yusef, Chaser of the Devils Tail

        It doesn’t happen often, but we got lake effected, ain’t no thang, Meijer is 100 yards from my door…
        Tall Cans!

  28. Muzzled Woodchipper

    After my trip to the Kroger today, I think I’m gonna take what I see as the next step in my civil disobedience where masks are concerned. Fuck these goddam things.

    Step 1: Meekly submit. This lasted about 38 minutes. Although there was never any “meekly” about it. More like begrudgingly.

    Step 2: Put mask on as I’m walking in store, take it off the second I get out. This is done out of respect for store owners so that they might, you know, avoid forced closure/receive fines for not enforcing the diktats of the king Governor.

    Step 3 [WHERE I’M AT NOW]: Wear mask under nose.

    Step 4: Have a mask in my pocket, but walk in sans mask and remain unmasked until asked by an employee to do so, while doing my absolute best to ignore any Branch Covidians. Maybe wave and smile.

    Not sure what might be after that. I guess, “fuck off!” to everyone, but while almost certainly having to limit where you can and cannot go.

    • Lackadaisical

      ‘Sorry I have a medical condition, can’t wear one’

      • Brochettaward

        I’ve heard of places where employees/management still insisted on the masking. And wasn’t it in NYC where the cops arrested someone who said they had a medical condition on a ferry?

      • Lackadaisical

        Maybe? I don’t know.

        But it is still a valid strategy to try.

      • Brochettaward

        Bless your heart. You’ve voted for the LP candidate, too, haven’t you?

      • Fourscore

        Say with authority. “I’m a veteran”. When queried talk about going through the gas chamber in Basic Training and the lung damage you suffered or just make up stuff that sounds good.

        “Phosphine, ever been exposed to that?”

    • Mad Scientist

      Say ‘fuck’ in front of your mom!
      Go to school naked!

      • Nephilium

        Try walking into a deli and urinating on the cheese!

      • But Enough About [this space intentionally left blank]

        . . .urinating on the cheese!

        You’re a monster.

      • zwak

        He’s no zero, he’s a hero!

    • Endless Mike

      I’ve never loved my little eastern Montana town as much as I have this year.

    • Tonio

      “Maybe wave and smile.”

      That’s the best. They can’t construe it as threatening, yet it’s a crucial taunt.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        My dad did that shot all the time.

        He is fucking clueless about what’s going on around him when driving.

        I grew up in Miami where road rage is a real thing, and drivers are very impatient. So when someone would blast their horn and start cussing at him (at a stop light, for instance), he would just wave and smile. It almost completely diffuses the situation immediately, even if only from shock or disbelief.

    • DEG

      I have a grocery store that doesn’t care that I don’t wear a mask.

      Only twice have any staff said anything to me. Both times went like this:

      “Would you like a mask, sir?”

      “No thank you.”

      “OK, have a nice day!”

      “Thanks, you too.”

  29. The Gunslinger

    ROBC had Dave Stewart in baseball birthdays this am. Cecil Fielder says “Happy birthday Dave, remember this?”

    https://youtu.be/4Cum4NKXnho

    If you watch the whole at-bat the announcer almost calls the shot. A couple pitches earlier Cecil fouls a pitch straight back and the announcer says if he would have connected he might have hit it out of stadium.

    Also, I miss Tiger Stadium.

  30. Pope Jimbo

    Kevin Williamson disses the Minny Apple: Minnesoda Nasty

    Not sure I agree with much of it. It seems a bit off to me. Seems like Williamson did a drive by and talked to a few people and tries to fit it into some narrative that the DFL and GOP used to be genteel opponents, but now the new proggies are just mean.

    Typical National Review story that gets local flavor from very establishment GOPers Vin Weber and Annette Meeks. Wonder what the other MinneGlibs think of it.

    • Fourscore

      I’ve been gone from the TC for a long time, never thought of myself as being a part of the populace.

      “More than half of the state’s population now lives in the Minneapolis–St. Paul metropolitan area, and those diehard Republican-voting Norski farmers out there in the godforsaken tundra become politically more irrelevant every year”

      You betcha but I can’t vote if the election comes during deer season and I never check. Someone more needy can have my vaccine, too.

      I saw a drive by shooting when I was visiting St Paul, University Ave. AFAIK no one was hit and police weren’t called.

  31. Don escaped Qanon

    Is any Glib a headhunter?

    Is there any need for an article on headhunters?

    • The Hyperbole

      I’ve always been curious as to how they manage to shrink the heads.

      • db

        I think they have you lie down on a couch and talk about your feelings until you are completely dehydrated.

      • Tonio

        [Freudian golf clap for db]

      • Tonio

        True story. My crazy, rich (but possibly also crazy-rich) deep south friends had an actual amazonian shrunken human head in a bell jar in the study, suspended by its hair from a hook affixed to the top of the glass by its hair. Mouth sutured shut. Said to have been authenticated by Sotheby’s as an authentic human head, not the cheap monkey flesh sold to tourists. That thing was creepy af, but compared to the rest of the faulknerian shit-show was mild.

      • Don escaped Qanon

        faulknerian shit-show

        you rang, sir?

        * shits self *

      • db

        There was a bar in Pittsburgh (31st St. Pub) that used to have preserved human brains in jars on shelves above the bar. I haven’t been there for a long time; I heard they got forced by the health dept. to take them down.

      • Gadfly

        I believe they take the skull out first. Don’t see how it could work otherwise.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Why do people ask? Yes, yes, yes.

      • Lackadaisical

        Has anyone ever been told ‘no’?

        Maybe if we picked up some commies, but I don’t think we’ve had the misfortune, just UCS as far as I know.

    • Lackadaisical

      I occasionally get contacted by such folk, but I don’t know a lot about them, so I would say yes.

      • Don escaped Qanon

        one guy got in my head for 90 seconds . . . annoying

        no big deal, but: what’s his fucking deal, his angle, and how do I get these people to leave me alone?

        I get a call and three emails every damned day

    • Mad Scientist

      And what’s the deal with airplane food anyway?

    • J. Frank Parnell

      Is there any need for an article on headhunters?

      Only if you can explain what the deal is with the eggs.

  32. The Late P Brooks

    Speaking of Montana “Everybody will be packing heat!”.

    Every time that useless idiot Bullock vetoed it, he said he did so on the advice of law enforcement professionals. I wonder what those guys are saying today.

    I bet their butts hurt.

    • Endless Mike

      It’s probably the unions or the Chiefs, the rank and file people overwhelmingly favor it.

  33. The Hyperbole

    Even though that loneliness study seems to be stating the very obvious and reinforcing commonly held opinions (around these parts anyway) about the lockdowns, It’s important to remember that any such “research” is complete subjective bullshit.

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      It’s not subjective bullshit if it confirms my biases. In that case it’s Science.

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      Yes.

      The only part of importance, it seems, is that it take studies, you know, SCIENCE!, to get the government to do any goddamn thing at all when it comes to the covids.

      So even if they’re bullshit, I’ll take studies that reflect simple reality we all already know because that’s what it takes to move the needle for the simpletons waiting for permission from The Science™️.

      • Brochettaward

        There could be 50 legitimate studies tomorrow showing that masks don’t work like they say they do (like, all the research over the past century or so) and they’d still be forcing you to wear them. This only goes one way.

  34. Pope Jimbo

    Sure Montana might have some gun freedoms, but how are they doing vaccinating the Indians there?

    Suck it you wooly buggerers! Minnesoda is crushing it when it comes to shooting Indians (in the arm with a vaccine)! We are so woke!

    Ever since Minnesota began distributing coronavirus vaccines to the public, Mahnomen County in northwestern Minnesota has consistently run ahead of the pack, vaccinating at rates that far surpass most of its peers. As of this week, a full 85 percent of people 65 and older in the county have been vaccinated.

    Mahnomen’s unique status as the only Minnesota county located entirely within the borders of a Native American reservation is a key factor behind the county’s rapid move toward broad community vaccination. Public health leaders at the White Earth Nation and Mahnomen County credit that high vaccination rate to close collaboration between the tribe and the county to efficiently get those doses to residents.

    • Gustave Lytton

      If it’s entirely within a Rez, why does it need to exist?

      • Pope Jimbo

        Fun Fact: Mahnomen’s high school team name is the Indians and they had to get special dispensation from the legislature for that after a law was passed banning native american mascots and nicknames. Their defense was “We are Indians”. People in the area thought it was pretty funny.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Nothing in this here treaty says anything about mascot rights..,

    • Brochettaward

      So, I’m guessing the tribe is getting preferential treatment. So woke. Much equity.

  35. hayeksplosives

    On a tip from a friend, I went to a restaurant observing exactly zero Covid restrictions. No masks, indoor dining, long hours, etc.

    I was happy to be among other like minded people, and happy I could bring my visiting friend from Minnesota to a place where real faces can be seen.

    Left a heavy cask tip for the waitress/proprietor.

    I also heard that Carlsbad restaurants are Bandung together to thumb their nose at the state “orders”. They’re about to go under if they comply, so they’re trying their luck with not complying.

    Seems to be working. The cops can’t shut them ALL down, and many cops don’t want to anyway.

    There is strength in numbers.

    If California can do it, we all can too.

    • db

      Some friends of mine and I frequent an establishment that has been on the list of noncomplying restaurants here in western PA. The staff actually wear masks but they don’t get in your grill if you walk to the restroom without one. They actually do ask that you put one on if you go to the bar to order because they got cited because some asshole reported them.

      Anyway, I was talking to someone about eating there and they said “didn’t [that place] get cited for COVID violations?” and I said basically “yeah, and that’s one reason I give them my business.” That ended the conversation rather quickly.

      • Tonio

        Go, you. I would have loved to have seen the expression on that person’s face.

        Also:

        Tonio: Of course I didn’t wear a mask while the barber was shaving me. WTF?

        Hysteric: Was the barber wearing a mask?

        Tonio: No.

        Hysteric: Where was this?

        Tonio: Not telling.

        Hysteric: Really? That’s paranoid. I won’t tell.

        Tonio: That’s just what a snitch would say, of course.

      • db

        Yeah, that’s on a need-to-know basis, asshole, and if you wouldn’t want to be there, you don’t need to fucking know.

      • Nephilium

        That’s why I picked the brunch place I’m going to tomorrow. In the before times, the food wasn’t bad (if a bit overpriced), and I’m not a fan of their marketing (clean food, paleo food, keto food, pressed juice, vegan food, etc). However, they’ve been fighting the lockdowns, gotten targeted by protestors for their “dangerous behavior”, had complaints called in on another business (that wasn’t re-opened), etc. The fact they have a solid beer selection is a small bonus.

      • zwak

        Yeah, I will be dining tonight in a brewery(!) that has just been able to reopen. We are at some capacity, and the last time I was in there the waitress/girl behind the stick had her mask around her chin, which is a good sign in my book.

    • DEG

      Excellent.

      I like patronizing businesses that ignore Covid orders.

    • Brochettaward

      I mean, it’s really fucking bad. So bad that the audio dubbed over that clip could really have come from him. I haven’t been paying much attention to the news of late outside here, but I saw a Razorfist video earlier with some recent Biden clips. If the Dems think this can last 4 years, their delusional. The media can only carry that water so long. They need to go back to the bunker strategy and just keep him hidden away as much as possible.

      • Yusef, Chaser of the Devils Tail

        Thanks Broch, that was good,

      • Sean

        Yeah it was.

      • Count Potato

        “The media can only carry that water so long. ”

        Don’t you kid yourself.

      • But Enough About [this space intentionally left blank]

        Yeah, they’ve been carrying The Hair That Walks Like A Man™‘s water since autumn of 2015, with absolutely no signs of slowing down or tiring out. It’s weirdly inspiring.

      • But Enough About [this space intentionally left blank]

        Wow, I didn’t know that HR “sensitivity and tolerance” videos could be so, um, educational {BOW CHICKA BOW WOW CHICKA CHICKA BOW WOW}

  36. LCDR_Fish

    Been watching so many movie reaction vids lately….need to talk about more flicks that people aren’t watching.

    Did a quick review of one of my favorite flicks – probably did too much background noise removal – I’ll try and work on a few more things, but always open to suggestions.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-qY7RBZjzk – Tears of the Black Tiger (2000, Thailand)

  37. Nephilium

    Sorry for those of you over in Europe. Looks like American whiskey is going to get even more expensive over there. From a brief from a distillery (in Ohio):

    We’re still not exporting and unless the powers that be make some changes, the duties on exported whiskey to the European Union are scheduled to double (to 50%) later this year. That’s keeping us out of those markets.

    • Lackadaisical

      Duties to FedGov or to EuGov?

      • Nephilium

        That isn’t stated in the update, so I’m not sure.

    • Grosspatzer

      Love the tune, but that video might give me a seizure.

    • Yusef, Chaser of the Devils Tail

      very EDM, I like it,

      • Yusef, Chaser of the Devils Tail

        too ghey,

    • Brochettaward

      Jonathan
      @SW1sovereignty
      ·
      Feb 13
      Replying to
      @KilljoyLottie
      I’m with you – I’ve always said Judi Dench should play Winnie Mandela. Only racists could object

      Lottie
      ?
      אדירה
      ?
      @KilljoyLottie
      ·
      Feb 13
      Total false equivalence, I bet you’re the kind of asshole to scream “All Lives Matter” when a Black kid gets shot

      I’d ask why does it seem that blackness is so fragile, but I’m not a racist asshole. Just an asshole asshole.

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      I don’t know why I respond to those tweets. Apparently Twitter considers that my account engages in harmful behavior and they bury my tweets under the “show more replies” button. I guess I’m guilty of wrongthink.

    • Agent Cooper

      Scarlett Johannsen as a trans person? NEVER!

    • EvilSheldon

      That thread would benefit from an across-the-board medication adjustment.

    • Brochettaward

      I clicked that. The most interesting thing I learned is that Ted Cruz has a poodle, apparently.

      Yea, you know what? Fuck Ted Cruz.

  38. db

    Just got this in my e-mail–farmland being auctioned off in central Missouri. Looks like it could be a decent opportunity for someone looking for a nice place that isn’t too far out in the boonies, but is relatively remote. https://www.atterberryauction.com/project/details/55387

    • Fourscore

      Lots of ponds but neighbors rather close, shooting problem. Maybe shot guns.

      • db

        I didn’t check out the topo map–I guess that would be a problem. Next property I buy will have at least 500 yd of rifle range.

      • commodious spittoon

        Lots of ponds

        You mean navigable waterways?

      • Gender Traitor

        Wetlands.

      • Fourscore

        If it’ll float a canoe, call the Corpse of Inguneers

  39. Suthenboy

    Just got back from the grocery store. The mask mandates started out being obeyed by about half of the population. Today, out of the two dozen or so people in the store two people were wearing them. The employees, who are required to wear them, had all of their masks hanging around their necks.

    In this parish we have had a total of 30 cases, no deaths last I checked.

    • DEG

      When I go grocery shopping, usually I am the only one not wearing a mask.

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      I was at the grocery store today.

      Everyone had a mask on. Then I got to the line and notice the two oldest people there had their mask under their nose, and another with it on chin.

      Otherwise everyone had one on.

      I was highly disappointed.

      • Mojeaux

        I went through Arby’s drive-thru today. Every one of the workers’ noses were fully exposed. I was pleased.

  40. Gender Traitor

    Clean around the house?? ::blank stare::

    As with others, it mostly happens in a blind panic when I realize we’re going to have people outside my family over. Happily, Tom T & I are similarly afflicted with clutter blindness and dustlexia.

    The only issue at the moment is that Fat Ass Cat knocked over a full portable humidifier yesterday, and SOMEONE momentarily mistook my beloved Dyson cordless for a Shop Vac. We’re waiting to see if it will still work once the filter and other innards dry out. With two long-haired and (mostly) dark-colored cats – and cream-colored plush wall-to-wall carpet – THAT can be a problem.

    • Yusef, Chaser of the Devils Tail

      “mistook my beloved Dyson cordless for a Shop Vac.” I pray for you….

      • Gender Traitor

        Thanks, but it might be more appropriate to direct your prayers toward SOMEONE else.

      • Fourscore

        LOL. Probably need a new Dyson and I know, sort of, who’ll buy that for you.

      • Gender Traitor

        They still have their claws. And teeth.

      • UnCivilServant

        The vacuum should be able to survive that. Unless your cats are jaguars or something.

    • Suthenboy

      I have a dog that was hell to house train. He peed on all of the furniture. He jumped on the kitchen counter once and pissed IN the toaster. Have you ever smelled burning urine?
      He even pissed on my laptop once when I left it open on the table for two minutes when I went to the kitchen. On more than a few occasions I would not see pee on the floor and inadvertently vacuum it up with my Dyson. I regularly took the thing apart and washed it with soapy water and it never hurt it one bit. If I didnt the thing would blow the smell of urine all over the house.

      I am betting your Dyson will be fine.

      • Gender Traitor

        Thanks! SOMEONE saw the error of SOMEONE’s ways quickly, so it wasn’t a lot of water.

      • pistoffnick

        “Have you ever smelled burning urine?”

        Duh. That’s how you put out the campfire!

      • Not Adahn

        Are you sure it’s not a fox?

  41. DEG

    In too local news, New Hampshire House Bill 63 will be up for a vote on the 24th of February. This bill returns fines for violating Covid emergency orders, returns any licenses revoked for violating Covid emergency orders, annuls any criminal charges for emergency order violations, and expunges records of enforcement.

    Getting this bill passed into law is one of Reopen NH’s top priorities.

    The committee suggests the bill should pass with an amendment.

    I saw the committee report. I’ll copy it here:

    HB 63-FN-A, relative to the reversal or forgiveness of emergency order violations. MAJORITY: OUGHT TO PASS WITH AMENDMENT. MINORITY: INEXPEDIENT TO LEGISLATE.

    Rep. Scott Wallace for the Majority of Criminal Justice and Public Safety.

    The COVID-19 pandemic has been a difficult time for everyone. Small businesses have been hurt especially hard. Without large legal compliance teams or alternative staff available to cover for those with medical issues, many have struggled to implement the guidance in the highly technical pandemic emergency orders. This bill would forgive any violations of the emergency orders when the state of emergency is over: return any revoked or suspended licenses, refund any fines collected, annul any criminal charges, and make the history inadmissible in future licensing decisions. This limits the long term damage to small businesses, gives them certainty that they are getting their licenses back so they can plan for the future, and provides a path for unity when these trying times are behind us. It also mitigates the constitutional concerns, and court challenges that may arise from them, regarding the alternative civil penalties issued under Emergency Order #65 when a penalty has already been identified in statute for violating an emergency order. The amendment removes some unnecessary language related to enforcement methods that have not been utilized and makes the bill effective upon the end of the COVID-19 state of emergency instead of upon passage. Vote 11-10.

    Rep. David Meuse for the Minority of Criminal Justice and Public Safety.

    This bill would essentially remove any reason for citizens or for businesses to comply with legal orders issued by the governor under a state of emergency. It would require fines to be refunded and the record of any penalties to be removed from an individual’s record at the end of the state of emergency. This bill should be rejected because it takes away the possibility of holding people accountable for violating orders designed to protect public health during the worst public health emergency in over 100 years. While penalties could continue to be imposed and orders enforced by the Attorney General during the state of emergency, this bill would effectively reverse those penalties once the state of emergency is allowed to expire. This is simply bad public policy. During a pandemic that has touched us all, passing this bill would allow those who feel entitled to ignore orders motivated by the need to protect public health that has killed over 1,000 New Hampshire residents and over 400,000 of our fellow Americans to violate them impunity and with the knowledge that they will suffer no long term consequences. By removing the threat of consequences for violators, this bill sends precisely the wrong message at a time when compliance with these orders is essential to contain the further spread of the coronavirus and ensure the survival of our citizens and our businesses while minimizing additional hospitalizations and deaths. The minority urges rejection of this bill.

    • db

      The minority urges rejection of this billtightening the screws on our constituents even harder.

  42. Ownbestenemy

    Got a ‘concerned’ call from the vice-dean of one of my kids. Saying he isn’t going to one of his zoom classes. I check internet logs, yep…he is logging in.

    Turns out he was ‘moved’ out of a class to another but he was logging into his previous class.

    First…why didnt the teacher recognize a kid that doesn’t belong in his class…and participating?

    Second…you only emailed my kid about the class change and not me?

    Get fucked. My kids GPAs went from 3.1 and 3.8 to shit over the past year.

    • UnCivilServant

      Fun fact.

      Mandarin and Cantonese are the same in written form, their differences are verbal.

      It comes from Imperial conformity of text. The same symbols have the same meaning in both languages.

      Anyone who can read Cantonese can read Mandarin.

      • But Enough About [this space intentionally left blank]

        How does she get away with that? Or did someone slap her upside the head in the replies?

      • UnCivilServant

        I don’t know I only have count potato’s screen shot with regards to the woman who doesn’t know the most interesting fact about chinese languages.

      • one true athena

        I would guess she did get slapped for it, since I looked but her account is locked. lol

      • commodious spittoon
      • Brochettaward

        I mean, she only said he’s Cantonese and can’t read Mandarin. Technically, that doesn’t actually mean he can read just Cantonese. It could mean he can’t read Chinese at all.

        The real fucking question is what the hell him being able to read has to do with sharing fucking snacks.

      • UnCivilServant

        The tone suggested that the snack sharer was ignorant of the differences while esposing the woman’s ignorance of the similarities.

        It suggests she wanted to find something to get offended over. They were probably mandarin oranges.

      • Count Potato

        It’s not like you have to know German to eat pretzels.

      • UnCivilServant

        You don’t?

        Dammit, why have I been forcing myself to try to learn german then?

      • pistoffnick

        We are all jelly donuts.

      • UnCivilServant

        That’s an entirely different textual divide introduced by the CCP. The Cantonese/Mandarin issue is much older and as far as I am aware holds true across both traditional and simplified text.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Not entirely different perhaps. Longtime established Chinese communities in North America were largely Cantonese speaking and those who fled the Chicoms likewise didn’t grow up on simplified Chinese characters. I’d guess that somewhere between those two is where her husband fits in.

      • zwak

        It’s kinda like my father’s German. His family was German diaspora, and no one had actually lived in the country since the 17th century. The dialect he spoke was referred to as Leder Deutch or Leather German. He could read it, but when we were there in the early eighties it was no different than him speaking English.

      • straffinrun

        There’s a good chance even I could read it enough to get what’s in it.

    • Brochettaward

      I find the Asian social justice warriors to be the most tiresome.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Me condemn you long time.

    • Gender Traitor

      She wears big glasses so she can see the tiniest “micro aggression.”

    • Lackadaisical

      What is less than a microaggression?

      • Mojeaux

        nano-aggression

      • zwak

        Moron agression

      • zwak

        Err… Aggression.

        I kan spel.

    • Mad Scientist

      It’s good to know that doing something nice for someone is aggression. I’ll have to stop being nice.

    • commodious spittoon

      r/thathappened

  43. Mojeaux

    KCMO is opening up, but masks and social distancing is still a thing,

  44. commodious spittoon

    I appreciate the structure of this schedule, but it would be pretty tiresome to be doing all of it yourself.

    Look, if you clean before your feet start sticking to the floor, you’re OCD.

    • Mad Scientist

      That’s why you get a dog. If the floor is sticky, the dog will lick it until it isn’t.

      • db

        The barkuum is a wonderful thing

    • Suthenboy

      *Porn theaters everywhere give a thumbs up to this comment

    • Brochettaward

      One reason why Chinese SJW’s are so fucking obnoxious. Not only do they come from an extremely xenophobic and racist culture, they have their own colonial past and frankly present to answer for.

  45. westernsloper

    You guys clean around the house… right?

    Only when it really starts to smell bad or my shoes stick to the floor. Ok, honestly not then but soon after those things. Ok, not really then but when I fear someone might visit. Ok, not then but when I know someone might visit. Then I clean.

    • straffinrun

      You know who else had a foot fetish?

      • Gender Traitor

        Dr. Scholl?

      • straffinrun

        Nice insert.

      • Mojeaux

        Don’t be a heel.

      • UnCivilServant

        It’s not like he stepped on the joke.

      • westernsloper

        Where in the hell did you get foot fetish from that?

      • straffinrun

        How else would you get your shoes all sticky?

      • westernsloper

        Never mind.

      • Hank

        Monty Python?

    • Fourscore

      Relax, it’s not the social worker from Child Protective Services.

      “C’mon in, get us each a beer from the frig on your way through, careful you don’t step on the cat”

    • UnCivilServant

      I mean, their ratings must have doubled since last contract, right?

      • commodious spittoon

        Their viewership is more exclusive, meaning each viewer is more valuable.

      • Not Adahn

        Their viewership is more exclusive diverse, meaning each viewer is more valuable.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        The article did note that the top 5 watched things last year were all the NFL, which means they can’t be doing that terribly, but honestly I take it as there isn’t anything worth watching on TV at all, so NFL wins by default.