Joemala: Episode 12

by | Feb 3, 2021 | Joemala, SugarFree | 322 comments

 

“Where-wh-where are the vaccine numbers?” Joe asked. “I need more vaccine.”

“You’ve been vaccinated, Mr. President,” Jen said softly.

“Jen!” Joe said. “When didididid you get here?”

“Just now,” she said brightly, brushing her red hair over her ears with both hands. She had been at the meeting for over an hour.

“Jen,” Joe said fondly and inhaled noisily. “Strawberries. You always smell like strawberries.”

“The vaccine numbers, Grandpa,” Finnegan said.

“I’ve already been vacancy-natted,” Joe whispered loudly, smiled, farted, smiled wider, and stared out the window for a few seconds.

“That’s President Grandpa to you!” Joe said suddenly.

“Sir, two hundred thousand more people may die in the coming months,” Fauci rasped, rustling like ancient paper as he squirmed in his isolation pod.

“Two hundeded million! That’s more people than live in New York!” Joe exclaimed and passed out.

“Where’s Harris?” Fauci asked, shedding flakes of neck skin as he scanned the room.

Jen shrugged.

“I have to prepare for my next TV appearance,” Fauci said as the pod began to fill with Jurgens.

“Fine, go,” Jen said. “Fucking vampire.”

“He’s not a vampire,” Finnegan said, following Jen out of the room. “Vampires are sexy, not all old and gross.”

Stunned by this lack of self-awareness, Jen numbly returned to her office and proof-read her resume for the fourth time that morning.

 

MEANWHILE, IN FLORIDA

“Give me back my son, you lizard sumbitch!” Donald hollered, racking his shotgun and firing at the alligator again.

“Yew get’em, Donny!” Melania cried, eyeliner and tears of rage running down her face.

“I had Gogurt for lunch!” Barron screamed.

“Muh Hat son!” Donald wailed.

“What the fuck is happening?” the hat asked as frozen iguanas fell from the sky.

“I think that alligator ate USA hat,” the hair observed from the armadillo he was riding, bareback, as it shit little rabbitish pellets on the lawn.

“I hate this place,” the hat moaned as he began to molest a stunned iguana.

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

322 Comments

  1. pistoffnick

    *uptwinkles*

    • Swiss Servator

      Yeah…too many good parts to cite just one.

      *joins uptwinkles*

      • WTF

        I rather enjoyed the closing line: “I hate this place,” the hat moaned as he began to molest a stunned iguana.

      • Not Adahn

        First the lemon, now an iguana.

        The Hat really does have a preferred skin type, doesn’t he?

      • Swiss Servator

        I thought it was a duct-taped grapefruit?

      • WTF

        We probably spend too much time pondering these things.

      • Swiss Servator

        You don’t forget a scene like that.

      • EvilSheldon

        Interesting (?) trivia – Green Iguanas have the largest sex drive, proportionate to size, of any vertebrate animal.

      • Old Man With Candy

        Ahem.

      • KromulentKristen

        Middle aged women give iguanas a run for their money. From what I hear.

      • Animal

        STEVE SMITH would like a word.

  2. Not Adahn

    “I have to prepare for my next TV appearance,” Fauci said as the pod began to fill with Jurgens.

    Pronounced “yurr-gens.’ It does make you look smexy.

    • Not Adahn

      But it doesn’t help you close tags.

      • Not Adahn

        Smexy is a perfectly cromulent word.

      • KromulentKristen

        *kromulent

  3. The Other Kevin

    Superb. I love that Trump has become Florida Man.

    • zwak

      Trump was always Florida Man, just of steroids.

      • zwak

        On, of, what, at this point, does it really matter?

  4. RBS

    shedding flakes of neck skin as he scanned the room.

    Wednesday lunches are my favorite.

  5. Not Adahn

    “I think that alligator ate USA hat,” the hair observed from the armadillo he was riding, bareback, as it shit little rabbitish pellets on the lawn.

    “It” being the armadillo, because if The Hair had been shittling little rabbitish pellets, the pronoun would have been “he.” And what kind of saddle would be best for The Hair? Something convex?

    • SugarFree

      I’m thinking a shallow bowl, or perhaps a used instant ramen container.

      • Not Adahn

        I’d be worried that the rivets you use to secure it to the armadillo would tear through the ramen cup.

      • UnCivilServant

        Rivets? Glue and/or duct tape.

      • Not Adahn

        Adhesives don’t work well on armadillo hide.

      • Sean

        Zip ties?

      • SugarFree

        [Democrats triggered]

      • But Enough About [this space intentionally left blank]

        Hot glue?

      • SugarFree

        I hear nowadays it’s all done with magnets. Armadillo magnets.

      • UnCivilServant

        Do those work with all armadillos, or only rare-earth armadillos?

      • Not Adahn

        Earth armadillos are quite common. It’s the aquatic ones that are rare.

      • UnCivilServant

        Earth Armadillos are made of different stuff than Rare Earth Armadillos.

      • Cy

        Everything was fine, until the Fire Armadillos attacked!

    • Cy

      Shit… damned if we do and damned if we don’t! SCIENCE!!!

      • Hyperion

        No shit. It’s just clowns all the fucking way down.

      • UnCivilServant

        It’s almost as if it’s not the human activity that is the main driver.

    • rhywun

      OFFS. Whoever wrote that study must be laughing their ass off on the way to the bank to cash their grant check.

    • Chipwooder

      Oh come on! They’re not even trying anymore. Whatever happened to the greenhouse effect?

    • WTF

      So, we need to put more soot and dust into the air to fight CLIMATE CHANGE!!!

      • Fourscore

        Starts tire pile on fire, to be patriotic

      • WTF

        *Salutes*

      • R C Dean

        I say we nuke a volcano, for great science. Those at least have a track record of cooling the planet.

      • WTF

        I think Campi Flegrei is a good candidate.

    • UnCivilServant

      Two agents dead is the agency’s deadliest day since 9/11?

      The FBI is a really safe occupation.

      • Akira

        It’s easy to hype up insignificant statistics into catastrophic events when you’re dealing with tiny numbers.

    • Hyperion

      “I always wondered why they didn’t just setup and wait for the person to come out.”

      How are you supposed to play army men like that?

      • Swiss Servator

        They might have had a warrant for him AND the computers, etc. Wait him out and then go get the stuff…safest. Risk of destruction of evidence….yes.

        Might have a bit of a re-look at this, after the shooting.

      • Pine_Tree

        Yeah, but It’s hard to imagine some kind of evidence that won’t still be there the next time the guy goes out to buy groceries. If there were an innocent party in imminent danger, then sure, that’s different. But 6am for computers – nah, wait.

        I think this is just a leadership failure – the org being too interested in the drama and power and hankering for a big story, and getting team members killed by making that choice.

      • R C Dean

        The re-look will cause for an increase in arms, armor, personnel, and no-knock raids. Possibly air strikes.

      • Pine_Tree

        I know. I agree with you – just griping about it.

      • EvilSheldon

        If I’m after the computers, I absolutely want to hit the site while the target is out at the DMV or something. Much less likely to hit a tripwire that way.

        Also, when I’m working up a raid plan, one of the first things that the surveillance team is going to check for is doorbell cameras.

        This sounds like par-for-the-course Feeb incompetence.

      • Not Adahn

        I thought if you were after the computers, you’d get your edgy tatted and pierced memeber tf the task force to pwn them?

      • EvilSheldon

        Absolutely, if this were CSI: South Bend.

        Here in the real world, Short Eyes Ted probably knows enough to have a firewall on his home router…

    • WTF

      I always wondered why they didn’t just setup and wait for the person to come out.
      For really dangerous people like Whitey Bulger, that’s exactly what they do – wait until he leaves for coffee and then grab him outside and search the premises after he’s in custody.
      The SWAT team serving no-knock warrants in the night is just macho cowboy bullshit that introduces violence into the situation.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Obviously there needs to be a backdoor so the Feds can turn the cameras off remotely.

      Wonder if we’ll ever hear about the real details of the case, such as the child porn came from FBI ran honeypots, or its enough to label him as such and no one will ask follow up questions (just as the Nazis or Soviets did)?

      Still don’t seem to have learned the lessons of the 86 Miami shootout.

      • WTF

        Yeah, I would bet there will now be calls to ‘regulate’ home surveillance so that the government can access it and control it whenever they feel the need to shut it off or use it as part of their home invasion tactics.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        This is why I’ve been shopping for non-cloud options for home surveillance. I really don’t want my camera provider pulling a Big Tech and shutting off my ability to metaphorically buy the stock at just the wrong time.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        +1 opt out

      • EvilSheldon

        This.

      • Nephilium

        I’ve seen reports of Amazon Ring working “with local police departments” across the nation. I’m pretty sure the backdoors are already inside the devices.

      • EvilSheldon

        Makes you wonder why they didn’t use them, huh?

      • Nephilium

        If I had to guess, because the Feds didn’t ask the local cops. Sometimes it’s right to assume ignorance/stupidity instead of malice.

      • EvilSheldon

        I’m guessing that it was malicious stupidity. Or possibly stupid malice.

    • The Other Kevin

      “In a statement the day after the insurrection…”

      Eye rolls.

      • Rebel Scum

        I still don’t know what people are talking about when they say “the insurrection”.

      • Gustave Lytton

        It’s obviously Nov 3 when the deep state enacted their coup.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Nov 2016. when the slow, soft coup started.

      • Nephilium

        Myanmar?

    • Cy

      “vexed by a lack of evidence that could prove someone caused his death as he defended the Capitol during last month’s insurrection.”

      I’m actually surprised they printed that.

    • Not Adahn

      According to one law enforcement official, medical examiners did not find signs that the officer sustained any blunt force trauma, so investigators believe that early reports that he was fatally struck by a fire extinguisher are not true.

      Someone at CNN is getting fired for that one.

      • rhywun

        Does it really matter at this point? The Dems have no shame so it’s not like they would let that coming out stop them from using it as an excuse to continue pursuing their authoritarian fantasies.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        HaaaahahahahahahahahaHahhahaaHaa

        *deep gasp*

        Ahhhhhahahahaahshshaahahahaah

        They’re gonna win a fucking pulitzer for that lie.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Officer Pavlik Morozov.

    • Rebel Scum

      Investigators are struggling to build a federal murder case regarding fallen US Capitol Police officer Brian Sicknick, vexed by a lack of evidence that could prove someone caused his death as he defended the Capitol during last month’s insurrection.

      Oh, I am sure they are quite vexed. Please have the coroner release his/her report. That should clear things up.

      • WTF

        “Cause of death: Heart Attack and/or Stroke” is not politically useful, comrade.

      • R C Dean

        Turns out the whole “bashed on the head with a fire extinguisher” story was a lie.

        According to one law enforcement official, medical examiners did not find signs that the officer sustained any blunt force trauma, so investigators believe that early reports that he was fatally struck by a fire extinguisher are not true.

        They are flailing for a (chargable) cause of death.

        One possibility being considered by investigators is that Sicknick became ill after interacting with a chemical irritant like pepper spray or bear spray that was deployed in the crowd. But investigators reviewing video of the officer’s time around the Capitol haven’t been able to confirm that in tape that has been recovered so far, the official said.

        There is an autopsy, but it is being kept under wraps. You would think the investigation would start with the identified cause of death. But they aren’t looking for the truth (cops never do); they are looking for evidence to convict someone.

      • WTF

        But they aren’t looking for the truth (cops never do); they are looking for evidence an excuse to concoct a narrative to convict someone.

  6. The Late P Brooks

    When I saw “strawberries” I expected mutineers.

    Where are the mutineers?

    • Swiss Servator

      The ship hasn’t been in a storm yet.

    • AlexinCT

      We should be good since from what I hear our TSA people do this with their own fingers already to anyone that they feel needs to be brought down a peg….

      • Tonio

        Phrasing! LOL

  7. The Late P Brooks

    Because of the pandemic, the ceremony will be closed to the public. Later that day, Sicknick will depart the Capitol ahead of an interment at Arlington National Cemetery.

    “The U.S. Congress is united in grief, gratitude and solemn appreciation for the service and sacrifice of Officer Brian Sicknick,” Pelosi and Schumer said in a joint statement. “May this ceremony and the knowledge that so many mourn with and pray for them be a comfort to Officer Sicknick’s family during this sad time.”

    It’s like a goddam minstrel show.

    • Not Adahn

      Sicknick will depart

      Of all the times to use the active voice…

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      *waits impatiently for Rittenhouse’s state honors for saving people from murdering lunatics at a no shit riot*

    • Plisade

      “May this ceremony show The American People what an honor it is or them to lay down their own lives so that we may live on. Sicknick’s family should find comfort in knowing that his sacrifice has so deeply satisfied the narcissistic sociopath that is Congress’s collective soul.”

  8. Rebel Scum

    I see Donald has turned into Florida Man. I approve.

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      Nothing like a pandemic to use as an excuse to pillage the private sector and buy off another group of voters.

    • rhywun

      OFFS! Cue calls from every other self-anointed “hero” demanding their due.

      “We’re not swirling down the drain fast enough, Eric.”

    • Swiss Servator

      “Why are so many stores closing?”

      /6 weeks later

      • WTF

        Bad luck, no doubt.

  9. Tonio

    “Fauci rasped, rustling like ancient paper as he squirmed in his isolation pod.”

    Nice. Thanks for taking him on.

  10. Rebel Scum
    • UnCivilServant

      I see test data got migrated to production again.

  11. The Late P Brooks

    Might have a bit of a re-look at this, after the shooting.

    Needz moar firepowarz!

    • kinnath

      556 green tips

  12. creech

    Gauleiter Wolf just proposed a 45% income tax increase on all Pennsylvania families earning more than $84,000 per year. Eat shit suburban wokesters who supported this asshole and his shape-shifting public health gruppenfuhrer.

    • UnCivilServant

      We need a tax on politicians proposing taxes.

      Now that will bring in truckloads of luchre.

    • WTF

      $84K, FAMILY income?! Jesus, with both spouses working that’s only $42K per year each.

      • UnCivilServant

        I mean, how else are those filthy medians supposed to pay their fair share?

        Or else he thinks he’s done such a great job at killing the economy that the $42Kers are now ‘rich’ in PA.

      • Hyperion

        People making more than 40k a year are filthy rich billionaires. Been saying that for years.

        What they are attempting is UE style tax rates, without all the benefits. Maryland is going to be getting really crowded soon and then they will do that here also. Then every other state will see they have to do it also.

      • Hyperion

        EU

      • Not Adahn

        At least in the UAE you get Indian slaves.

      • Hyperion

        Shit, I’d forgotten about that. You can’t drink though if you’re a citizen, so it’s sort of out.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        What they are attempting is UE style tax rates, without all the benefits

        Serious question… besides state-paid parental leave for a fraction of the population and “free” health care with death panels and months long waits for services you can get same-day in the US, what benefits do you actually get in the EU for those high tax rates?

        I figured virtually all of the VAT tax and other high taxes was consumed by graft and corruption with pennies on the dollar going to health care and parental leave.

      • R C Dean

        what benefits do you actually get in the EU for those high tax rates?

        A “Syrian refugee” resettlement program?

    • Hyperion

      Well, that should help them during these difficult times. Will PA be joining the EU also?

    • Rebel Scum

      45% increase? What is the current state income tax?

    • rhywun

      Guessing it’s a threat in case the Feds don’t shower blue states with ‘vid money.

      • Not Adahn

        So what do you think of your next mayor’s plan to spruce up the place?

      • UnCivilServant

        Not enough spruce trees, crucify him!

      • rhywun

        Bog-standard liberal desire to erase the past and curry woke points?

    • Semi-Spartan Dad

      Watch people flee PA. I’ve been watching homes in Alabama for the past 6 months or so to get a feel of the market. 3k sq ft, non-HOA and on at least acre. I had my eye on about 30 homes and the supply has remained fairly constant. Some drop off and others added with with average list time of 4-6 months.

      I checked today and they are all gone except for one. Every single one of those homes has been sold within the past few weeks and with what looks like to be about a $100k premium over last year’s value. There are almost no houses for sale now meeting those criteria in the area I’m targeting. Alabama’s housing market reminds me of when I went the gun shop the night before the 2008 election and it looked like a tornado had gone through.

      We aren’t planning to move for another 2-3 years so I hope this all calms down by then, both in terms of supply and price.

      • Nephilium

        I’m sure the Youngstown suburbs are happy about this.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        You and me both. Our requirements are similar and our timeline is similar. We’re watching East Texas, but I really want the bubble to pop before we buy. It’s getting ridiculous because of the near zero interest rates. Being responsible and not getting a 30-year ARM with 5% down is becoming difficult because all the funny money types are leveraging themselves to the hilt to buy houses they would never be able to afford in reasonable lending circumstances.

    • The Other Kevin

      It won’t matter. One of Trump’s master strokes was that the tax bill removed the deduction for state income tax. If Biden’s pen hasn’t reversed that already, it will very soon, and that 45% increase will be on the rest of us like it used to be.

      • WTF

        I was going to say that that an EO can’t undo legislation, but really nobody gives a shit about the actual law or constitution anymore.

      • R C Dean

        an EO can’t undo legislation

        Obama laughs. DACA was exactly that. An order not to enforce a law is functionally equivalent to repealing the law.

      • leon

        And the courts said that you can’t undo an EO undoing legislation because it provided a benefit to the people… Something or other…

      • WTF

        Which of course is unconstitutional, because the president must faithfully execute the law in accordance with Article II, Section 3, but like I said, nobody gives a shit about that anymore.

  13. Tundra

    Boy, the Trump family sure acclimated fast!

    “I hate this place,” the hat moaned as he began to molest a stunned iguana.

    Damn. This series may actually be better post-Trump. Florida has much more potential than DC!

    • Not Adahn

      Yeah, I’m also really happy with the way it’s going.

  14. KromulentKristen

    Well, I hope I don’t smell strawberries anytime soon ?

    • Hyperion

      Hiring millennials IS a disaster waiting to happen. But I mean, only if you expect them to work or have any skills.

    • Tundra

      My pal is 60. He is being more heavily recruited today than when he was 40.

      Articles like this are bullshit.

      • kinnath

        8 to 10 years ago, there was much discussion about the brain drain that was going to occur when the boomers started to retire. There was concern about how the company would cope with the loss of so much experience and knowledge.

        In the last 2 or 3 years, there have been 3 buy outs. The company is pushing boomers out as fast as it can. The new generation taking over the management structure doesn’t need experts anymore. Scrum teams will solve all the problems.

        It will be interesting to see if I get pressured to get out in the next couple of years.

      • Swiss Servator

        Hopefully a huge buyout if so!

      • kinnath

        Unlikely.

        2 weeks pay per year of service.

        Not even remotely good enough.

    • Old Man With Candy

      Ahem.

  15. Hyperion

    Today’s news is all about Bernie’s mittens. Please try to keep up.

    White Privilege Mittens

    • WTF

      I thought White Privilege Mittens was Romney?

      • leon

        :Golf Clap:

  16. Hyperion

    Reality Czar!

    That doesn’t sound Orwellian at all.

    • WTF

      Several experts I spoke with recommended that the Biden administration put together a cross-agency task force to tackle disinformation and domestic extremism, which would be led by something like a “reality czar.”

      And the agency could be a new department, or Ministry, and it would ensure only the truth is heard and spoken, a Ministry of Truth, if you will.

      • leon

        You don’t have a 1st amendment right to Lie is the position the left is taking.

        Which itself isn’t true.

      • kbolino

        The conflation of lying (a willful act) with “spreading disinformation” is pretty bad too. Not only do you have a right to lie (only not to defame, or at least not to defame w/o consequence) but you most certainly have a right to say things other people consider to be false.

      • WTF

        “Spreading disinformation”; like promoting the Russia Collusion hoax for years? Like the “Nazis are fine people” lie? Like the “Trump incited an insurrection” falsehood? Like those?

      • Sean

        Piss hookers.

      • kbolino

        The official narrative can’t be disinformation, even when it’s later proven wrong or “evolves”.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        This is true. I saw a Fact Check™️ recently that was about an article that was several months old. The article was later shown to be completely false, but because “it was made up of the facts known at the time” it was marked as true.

        These people have no fucking shame.

      • Akira

        Or “nobody wants to take your guns away” when there are decades worth of statements made on national television by prominent Democrats saying that they literally want to take guns away.

      • rhywun

        “If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor” is a fun one too.

      • Rebel Scum

        I was going to say define “lie”. But as we know, “truth” > facts.

      • R C Dean

        You aren’t free unless you are free to be wrong.

        Uruguay is 72 degrees and cloudy today. Could rain tonight.

      • leon

        Si. Esta el Vearano ahi.

      • Hyperion

        The thins is. Being a country in SA, it can turn into an authoritarian shithole faster than you can say authoritarian shithole.

        The other thing is, we’re already on the precipice here, ready to fall right off that cliff. And if you believe their rhetoric, we’re fucked.

      • Hyperion

        The thing is, once the USA falls to totalitarian one party rule, and we don’t have long, you aren’t going anywhere. They’ll finish that wall in record time, to keep you in.

        The attractiveness of a country like Uruguay is that it’s a small, sparsely populated, fairly isolated country that is in no way important to global affairs or of any significance militarily.

        IOW, it may just be left along for the forseeable future as a place not worth bothering with. Probably should get their fairly quick though, certainly within the next few years.

      • Tundra

        Man, you are black-pilled! Honestly, I’ve been hearing about how the country as we know is over my whole fucking life.

        Times change. People never do. Which means bad people do the same bad people things and the good, creative people figure out ways to thwart them.

      • Hyperion

        I’ve never seen rhetoric like we’re seeing now. Combined with the censorship and direct threats to everyone who’s not a lefty, we’re in uncharted territory.

      • Tundra

        People were blowing up shit when I was a kid. The coming apocalypse (acid rain, nuclear war, meltdowns, peak oil, ice age, blah blah blah).

        The media makes it seem worse (unprecedented!!) and social media cranks it up to 11.

        We’re out of whack right now. A necessary correction is coming.

      • Hyperion

        Someone said ‘choose the form or your destroyer’

        And someone let slip ‘social media’

        The rest is history.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        Times change. People never do. Which means bad people do the same bad people things and the good, creative people figure out ways to thwart them.

        And history is filled with instances where the good, creative people weren’t able to thwart the bad ones. I think the past 60 years of a lack of relative bad shit happening is a historical aberration that will revert to the normal historical flow at some point.

        Of course, I am pretty thoroughly black pilled right now. I do appreciate reading your optimism though, Tundra. It comes through in your posts and makes Glibs a little lighter.

      • R C Dean

        A necessary correction is coming.

        Indeed. That’s what has me worried. Corrections like that are likely to have collateral damage.

        In addition to the collateral damage that motivates them.

      • R C Dean

        Its Plan B. I think the next couple of years will let us know if the US is still where we want to live.

        Mrs. Dean and I agree that if we are going to live in a country that is not our own, there’s no particular reason it should be the US.

      • Plisade

        Sooo… cops will no longer be able to lie to extract a confession?

      • kbolino

        The nobility and gentry don’t have to follow the same rules as the peasants.

      • Rebel Scum

        It sounds a little dystopian, I’ll grant. But let’s hear them out.

        No.

    • kbolino

      Every time I try to find an explanation of their behavior where government isn’t just a direct substitute for god, they turn around and prove my attempt futile.

    • Akira

      At least they have the decency to call it a “czar” – someone who rules unilaterally with an iron fist.

    • Rebel Scum

      Or maybe their TVs were tuned to OAN, where an anchor was floating the baseless theory that Mr. Biden “wasn’t actually elected by the people.”

      Well…I mean…there is a lot to suggest that he was not.

      “It’s really important that we have a holistic understanding of what the spectrum of violent extremism looks like in the United States, and then allocate resources accordingly,” said William Braniff, a counterterrorism expert and professor at the University of Maryland.

      Anyone that does not agree with the leftist agenda is a “terrorist”.

      Joan Donovan, the research director of Harvard University’s Shorenstein Center on Media, Politics and Public Policy, suggested that the Biden administration could set up a “truth commission,”

      Aaaannd I’m out. I am not playing this game anymore. You cuntes can all go fuck yourselves.

  17. Chipwooder

    I gotta say, the picture in my head of a white trash, trailer park queen Melania, wearing Daisy Dukes and stripper heels….not bad.

    • Tundra

      bunk

  18. The Late P Brooks

    Reality Czar!

    That doesn’t sound Orwellian at all.

    Brought to you by the people waging an all out war on objective reality for years.

    I don’t wanna ride this ride anymore.

    • Sean
    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      This is my problem.

      The very same people who think it’s perfectly natural for a man to run in a woman’s race, and call me a bigot for disagreeing, is trying to dictate reality.

      GTFOH.

  19. CPRM

    My power was out for the launch of this post…I think they’re on to us! Flee!

    Power is back on, so I can do that thing hoomuns call sleep. I cannot ‘sleep’ without my ‘breathing apparatus’, like any other hoomun.

    Huzzah!

  20. The Late P Brooks

    Every time I try to find an explanation of their behavior where government isn’t just a direct substitute for god, they turn around and prove my attempt futile.

    Dissent is not only treason, it is a sin.

  21. leon

    Looks like the Talking Points/Marching orders got sent out. I’ve seen an increased attack on Homeschooling today. Fuck those vampires who represent the Teachers Union.

    • KromulentKristen

      Teachers literally don’t want anyone to get an education. Can’t go to school, can’t home school.

      • R C Dean

        Checks out. I saw where they called snow days. For virtual classes. Way too many teachers seem to believe they should get paid just for being teachers, not for doing any actual teaching.

      • leon

        They are HEROES

      • Nephilium

        Local news had a story about expected snow days… while the majority of the schools were being held virtually.

    • Chipwooder

      Right on cue, here’s ENB’s pal Jill Filipovic!

      Jill Filipovic
      @JillFilipovic
      Hmmm yeah it turns out that if you’re doing homeschooling right, it is incredibly hard, you can’t have another full-time job, and you can’t do it alone, which… really sucks for parents (mothers) who understand their own limits or want to do anything else with their lives.

      • Chipwooder

        and again

        Jill Filipovic
        @JillFilipovic
        Replying to @JillFilipovic
        Right-wing groups love to push homeschooling because it helps keep kids away from material that might challenge their conservative worldview, and it keeps women out of work and in the home. It’s a pretty transparent set of motivations, not good for women or children.

      • Hyperion

        But can she make a nice sammich?

      • kbolino

        not good for women or children

        “The only right choices are the ones I’ve made, and this is so obvious no one should be allowed to question it”

      • Chipwooder

        a)I’m not taking parenting advice from the childless, so she can fuck off right off the bat
        b)When, exactly, is the leftist worldview ever challenged in public schools?

      • leon

        a) Exactly.

        I imagine the response to b is:
        Never, because it’s the Truth! Duh We don’t want schools teaching debunked ideas. In her view anything that you might want your kids to learn that isn’t taught at school must be false.

      • Hyperion

        b. Exactly, it isn’t. That’s why the concern over home schooling, the accepted reality might be challenged by the unwoke home schooling parents. If I was one of those, it would be torn to shreds in a matter of minutes.

      • leon

        Also i like how the results of homeschooling always get glossed over. “It’s bad for kids”. Except how they outperform their counterparts in every category.

      • kbolino

        They’re way ahead of you on that.

        Standardized tests are white supremacist.

      • Hyperion

        Well, we barely survived Trump’s tyrannical reign of terror, yet not one person has even been able to explain what exactly he did that was so bad.

        Same thing here. They don’t offer details, because they have no argument. It’s all a narrative.

        There are 2 things that need to be crushed completely if we are to retain our freedom.

        1. The media.

        2. Public school.

        If both of those continue as is, we’re doomed, period.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        it helps keep kids away from material that might challenge their conservative worldview

        IOW, we don’t get to indoctrinate your kids anymore.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        By the way, this is the exact fucking mentality that caused me to say that public school is child abuse. It is abusive to intentionally try to confuse and indoctrinate kids away from their parents’ worldviews.

      • leon

        Exactly. Training kids to hate and reject everything their parents stand for.

      • leon

        Yeah she’s one of the bints i had in mind. Her and the Playboy “Is homschooling creating new Domestic Terrorists” article. No one can be allowed freedom from the propoganda.

  22. leon

    Was this covered? AOC’s “You tried to have me murdered” is About as Genuine as David Hogg “Being at a school shooting”

    https://redstate.com/nick-arama/2021/02/03/321029-n321029

    Ocasio-Cortez said that rioters actually entered her office, forcing her to take refuge inside her bathroom after her legislative director Geraldo Bonilla-Chavez told her to “hide, hide, run and hide.”

    “And so I run back into my office,” Ocasio-Cortez said. “I slam my door. There’s another kind of like back area to my office, and I open it, and there’s a closet and a bathroom. And I jump into my bathroom.”

    As it turns out, however, as my colleague Bonchie reported earlier, AOC said in her Instagram drama that the person who came to her office was a Capitol Police officer. But she denigrated the officer who came to help, claiming he “didn’t feel right” and that he was looking at her “in all of this anger and hostility.” Her staffer reportedly wondered if he would have to fight the officer and suggested that he might put them in a “vulnerable situation.”

    AOC wasn’t even in the Capitol building where all the action was going down. If she was in her office, she was in the Cannon Building which is nearby, but a different building. But of course, many didn’t get the logistics and just assumed that she was in the Capitol building.

    According to Rep. Nancy Mace (R-SC), who has an office in the same hall as AOC, two doors away, there were never any rioters in their hall so there was never any physical danger from rioters coming in at any point.

    • kinnath

      Are you questioning her lived experience?

      • leon

        I’m saying she’s a liar whose ideas and beliefs are generally antithetical to human happiness and flourishing.

      • Chipwooder

        Fuckin’ A right I’m questioning it

      • Pope Jimbo

        Didn’t she also say that it was extra traumatizing for her because of a past sexual assault that she has never talked about before?

        Why yes she did

        Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, in recounting her harrowing experience of the January 6 riots at the Capitol, said publicly for the first time that she is a sexual assault survivor and said that being told to “move on” from the riots last month reminded her of the tactics of abusers.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        One should then assume that her “sexual assault” was about as close to actual sexual assault as her being in any danger in the capitol.

        You know. There was a man at the bar one time who remarked that she had a nice rack, or, a girl was once raped in a building down the street from where she was at.

    • Akira

      “The whole point of protesting is to make people uncomfortable” – Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      So she’s like Shrillary or that news anchor who got “shot at”?

      • R C Dean

        Or Gaulieter Hogue, the “survivor” of a shooting in a building he wasn’t in.

    • J. Frank Parnell

      If she was in her office, she was in the Cannon Building which is nearby, but a different building.

      Is that the building that was peacefully invaded by anti-Kavanaugh protesters during his confirmation hearing, or was that a different office building?

      • Certified Public Asshat

        It looks like she is not backing down, she’s trying to say we plebs don’t understand the Capitol complex.

      • leon

        She, like Trump, is so self assured, that she probably doesn’t think she’s a liar. She believes everything she says.

  23. Rebel Scum

    An open letter…

    On January 6, the former President broke America’s 230-year legacy of the peaceful
    transition of power when he incited a mob to disrupt the counting of electoral college
    votes. Six people died. A Capitol Police officer—one of our co-workers who guards and
    greets us every day—was beaten to death. The attack on our work place was inspired by
    lies told by the former president and others about the results of the election in a
    baseless, months-long effort to reject votes lawfully cast by the American people.

    Our Constitution only works when we believe in it and defend it. It’s a shared
    commitment to equal justice, the rule of law, and the peaceful resolution of our
    differences. Any person who doesn’t share these beliefs has no place representing the
    American people, now or in the future. The use of violence and lies to overturn an
    election is not worthy of debate. Either you stand with the republic or against it.

    As Congressional employees, we don’t have a vote on whether to convict Donald J.
    Trump for his role in inciting the violent attack at the Capitol, but our Senators do. And
    for our sake, and the sake of the country, we ask that they vote to convict the former
    president and bar him from ever holding office again.

    • WTF

      he incited a mob – no evidence of him doing so
      A Capitol Police officer…was beaten to death – no evidence to support this statement exists
      If your argument is built on obvious lies, maybe you should re-evaluate your position.

    • leon

      Sounds Like Jury Tampering… I call for anti-racketerring legislation to be applied to these congressional staffers and have them be treated just like we treat the Mob when they try to corrupt our justice system. They should be in prison for life.

    • R C Dean

      A Capitol Police officer—one of our co-workers who guards and greets us every day—was beaten to death.

      Well, according to CNN (I know) quoting an anonymous source (I know, I know!), no such thing happened.

      I give credibility to the CNN story because (a) it is counter to the Narrative and (b) it is consistent with the complete lack of detail or reporting on how, when, and where he actually died.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Many of us attended school in the post-Columbine era and were trained to respond to active shooter situations in our classrooms. As the mob smashed through Capitol Police barricades, broke doors and windows, and charged into the Capitol with body armor and weapons, many of us hid behind chairs and under desks or barricaded ourselves in offices. Others watched on TV and frantically tried to reach bosses and colleagues as they fled for their lives

      Uffda. I can only imagine my reaction if some Millennial underling had called me and said “Help me boss! I’m hiding under my desk and now I’m fresh out of ideas of how to protect myself from those Nazis in DC!!!”

      • Pope Jimbo

        I hope someone tacks this up on the bulletin board over at the Marine Barracks. Those poor PFC’s and Lance Coolies should understand exactly who those privileged people they help protect are.

  24. The Late P Brooks

    News bulletin from the fairytale kingdom

    Adults age 20 to 49 are the biggest spreaders of COVID-19 in the US, according to British researchers who say targeting this age group for vaccination could hasten school reopenings.

    A team at Imperial College London used cellphone data from more than 10 million people to calculate that 65 of 100 infections originated from those ages 20 to 49 in the US.

    They found that people in that age bracket accounted for about 72 percent of the cases after schools reopened in October. Less than 5 percent came from children, and less than 10 percent from teens.

    Adults ages 35 to 49 accounted for 41 percent of new cases through mid-August, compared to 35 percent for adults ages 20 to 34, according to the peer-reviewed study published in Science.

    “We find adults aged 20-49 are a main driver of the COVID-19 epidemic in the United State and are the only age groups contributing disproportionally to onward spread, relative to their population size,” Imperial College’s Dr. Melodie Monod said.

    Yeah, and I’m Napoleon, Emperor of France.

    Fuck you and the computer model you rode in on.

    • leon

      If i were a man of science, I think i would be greatly miffed at the behavior of the government aligned scientists and the great deal of damage that they have blown to the trust and perception of science.

      • Pine_Tree

        But men of science like you would also be massively outnumbered by men of “science”, who are in it for social signalling and free money handed out by Uncle Sugar to fund their useless lives.

      • leon

        You mean Dr Fauci has ulterior motives than the benefit of the American People?!

      • Hyperion

        They aren’t scientists. Those are rare today. They are all either professional grant writers or political puppets. Or both.

    • Not Adahn

      in the US, according to British researchers

      Ummm…

      • Swiss Servator

        Imperial College – the same folks that have screwed the pooch since day 1.

  25. The Late P Brooks

    The college’s Dr. Oliver Ratmann said: “We believe this study is important because we demonstrate that adults aged 20-49 are the only age groups that have consistently sustained COVID-19 spread across the US, despite large variations in the scale and timing of local epidemics.

    SCIENCE Mumbo Jumbo!

    • kbolino

      Well, it’s not exactly surprising. People aged 12 and 72 are generally not the ones fixing power lines or stocking store shelves. Given that we’re being told the vaccine does not stop the spread, I’m not sure why vaccination should be focused on the spreaders.

    • Rebel Scum

      I’m talking about CASES, man. We have so many CASES.

  26. Nephilium

    Holy crap. The Eastern suburbs are starting to hold events again. I just got an e-mail that Downtown Willoughby is doing their Chocolate Crawl this month, and they already have the Bourbon Crawl planed for September. Not a virtual event, but an honest to goodness walking bar to bar and sampling food and drink at each stop.

    • Hyperion

      Y’all want people to die. Chocolate and bourbon bloated people falling dead in the streets.

      • Nephilium

        The girlfriend got a comment on the book of faces that all of us that went to AZ were reckless, and we’re all going to get the ‘vid and die.

      • Hyperion

        Well, she can’t be wrong, she heard that from experts.

      • Swiss Servator

        Have her wait 2 weeks, then laugh at them.

      • rhywun

        Chocolate and bourbon bloated

        Sounds like a good way to go.

      • Hyperion

        Well, you ain’t wrong.

      • Nephilium

        You’d also have to make it the seven months that are between the two events. I mean there’s a Vegan stroll in between them, but who would want to do that?

        Looks like the Christmas Ale crawl got pushed into July… just not the Christmas in July weekend.

      • Ted S.

        Yes. I want the teachers’ union members to die.

    • DEG

      Good.

  27. leon

    #GretaThunbergExposed is trending on Twitter. It’s sad how fame sends child actors onto a road of depravity and depression.

  28. kinnath

    Not going to link it, but Slate is giving us the best it has today:

    DAHLIA LITHWICK Not Even a Cop-Killing MAGA Mob Can Stop Republicans From Claiming to Be Victims

    • leon

      According to the evience, there is little evidence that the Cop was “Killed”.

    • SugarFree

      TDS broke her. She doesn’t even seem to be able to pull out of the dive like Popehat is attempting.

      • leon

        The question i ask for some of the really bad cases of TDS, is the same that was asked on the eve of the election. What do you expect? Do you expect people to accept you back with open arms as reasonable thinkers? Popehat will have to bear the fact that he let his analysis be swayed many times because of Literaly Hilter! And people should not forget that.

      • Chipwooder

        And he was a titanic asshole in the process. Fuck that guy, and I say that as someone who was a regular reader pre-Trump.

      • kinnath

        There was a time, way back when, that she wrote interesting articles on SCOTUS and the cases of the day.

        But, she’s a complete lunatic these days.

      • Hyperion

        The fate of the weak minded.

      • Not Adahn

        like Popehat is attempting

        Wasn’t it just last week where he “didn’t understand” why people were upset about Ashli Babbit because “people shouldn’t be sad when a nazi dies?”

      • leon

        If so, he’s a far worse person than i had thought.

      • R C Dean

        Narrator: He’s far worse than you thought.

      • kbolino

        Some receipts

        (two links)

      • Not Adahn

        UnitesStatesofPopehat
        @Popehat
        ·
        Jan 7
        I agree. But I feel for her what I would feel for, say, a Klansman shot by police during a violent riot.

      • leon

        Geeze, what a lout.

    • kbolino

      What ever happened to defunding the police?

      Are they selfless martyr-heroes or irredeemable racists?

      • leon

        I imagine Captiol Police are essentially NKVD, so they are the martyr-hero type.

      • kbolino

        I’d say pre-imperial Praetorian Guard is a better fit than NKVD (with or without Lavrentiy Beria). But now that Our Sacred Democracy is the official civic religion and the Capitol is The People’s Temple (really, does no one know anything about Jim Jones before Jonestown?), this must be a martyr-hero of the faith rather than one of those bad police officers who just defends something petty like a normal person’s life or property.

      • SugarFree

        (really, does no one know anything about Jim Jones before Jonestown?)

        Obviously not or Dianne Feinstein would be a national pariah.

      • kbolino

        But she saw Harvey Milk and that other guy get shot! What better qualification for political office can you have?

        You know, the more some things change, the more they stay the same.

      • R C Dean

        I’d say pre-imperial Praetorian Guard is a better fit

        Except for the part where the Praetorian Guard was a competent and feared fighting force.

      • kbolino

        How dare you WELL ACKSHUALLY to my WELL ACKSHUALLY!

    • KromulentKristen

      Your post reminded me to check Federal’s web site again (I try to check a few times a week).

      Just scored another 100 rds of 9mm for 50c/rd!

      Could only get 2 boxes, though. By the time I went back to put in another 2-box order, they were sold out again.

      • Sean

        Nice!

    • R C Dean

      Just picked up the Smith & Wesson 686! Woo-hoo! Showed my CCW card, filled out the form, laid down a $20, and was out the door in less than 10 minutes.

      Ammo should get here tomorrow or the next day.

      So of course my boss scheduled me to work all day Saturday. At a vaccine clinic.

      • Sean

        You’re gonna love it.

      • R C Dean

        I like the way it feels in my hand. The trigger is very nice; I really don’t think I’ll need any work done on it.

        Its sits in my hand different than my semi-autos, which will take some work. At over $2.00 a fucking round, some expensive work.

        Because I’m a red dot addict, I will be putting a Trijicon RMR on it. Already got the low-profile mount for it. Need to let the checking account recover before I order the sight, though.

      • Not Adahn

        Remember to keep your support hand away from the cylinder gap.

      • Suthenboy

        Nice. They don’t get any better than that.
        A little practice and you can knock over tin cans at 100 yards.

        I wasn’t kidding about that ammo BTW.

  29. Hyperion

    I’ve noted lately that the EUs economy crushing taxes have finally found a value.

    Since there are so many unemployed youth in Denmark, they actually have time to go to the streets and protest against the lockdowns. Maybe they’ll save us from the ‘new normal’. That would be ironic.

    • leon

      Hmm Rioting against Lockdowns? Nahh. Now if they were doing something like Black Lives Matter, that would be Nobel Worthy.

      • Hyperion

        I almost didn’t realize that was sarcasm.

  30. Rebel Scum

    Honk honk.

    The Georgia secretary of state’s office is investigating if attorney Lin Wood violated the state’s residency requirements for voting in the 2020 general election, a source from the office confirmed to Breitbart News.

    Wood claimed widespread voter fraud occurred in the November 3 general election and encouraged Georgians to boycott the state’s subsequent runoff election because of the alleged fraud. Now, Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger is probing whether Wood, who voted early in Georgia in the general election according to state records, was a legal resident of the state when he cast his vote.

    • kbolino

      They’re getting too predictable at this point. An enemy whose moves can always be foreseen is a lot easier to defeat.

      • Hyperion

        They’ve been that predictable for quite a while now. It’s just that they don’t even try to hide it now.

        The definition of the law now has completely changed from the former equal justice under the law. It is now ‘crush your political enemies’ and no law for us.

      • kbolino

        I don’t think anyone who followed Balko’s work (before he developed TDS) can say we ever really had “equal justice under the law”. They were better about hiding it then, though, I’d agree with that.

  31. DEG

    the hair observed from the armadillo he was riding, bareback,

    Doesn’t matter, had sex.

    • Chipwooder

      Fun fact about armadillos: you can contract leprosy from handling one.

  32. leon

    I saw that GOP reps were threatening a Tit-For-Tat about the removal of Rep Green-whatever her name is. Lets be honest. 4 years ago, Paul ryan would have been the first to line up to remove her from office. GOP sucks because they are still one half of the Stupid/Evil Duopoly, but i do appreciate that they are willing to fight back more than they would have in the past.

    • Hyperion

      But Schoombz has struck a deal with Turtlehead that will allow us to go back to the good old days of reaching across the aisle to fuck everyone over fair and square.

  33. The Late P Brooks

    I’m talking about CASES, man. We have so many CASES.

    1 case = 24 cans

    • Ownbestenemy

      Heard that on hate radio AM dial OKC and thought…nah just goofy rheteric….but I guess really did quip that huh?

      Maybe there is more to the quote?

      • R C Dean

        Haven’t seen the footage, but I’m not quite sure what context would make that unobjectionable.

        The larger context, of course, being that he is the climate czar and was flying to recieve some kind of climate award.

      • Plisade

        There is, but the more only makes it worse. He says he can’t take a cruise ship there; takes too long. And basically that because he’s fighting climate change he gets a pass.

    • kinnath

      I remember when the Senate nearly destroyed the Biz Jet market by haranguing the Big 3 auto execs for flying private jets to come beg Congress for money (2008/2009).

      Corporations started cancelling orders the next day.

      • R C Dean

        “i thought Congress was important enough that I should use the corporate jet. Was I wrong about that?”

    • KromulentKristen

      Some colleagues and I saw Kerry and his toadies in the lobby of State Dept about a week after he was confirmed as Sec. He saw us looking at him and immediately stuck his Blackberry to his ear. But he didn’t even say anything. He just stuck it to his ear.

      He hates the Great Unwashed Dalits.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        Peasant cooties aggravate his war wounds.

      • leon

        Imagine being John Kerry though (or Mitt Romeny likewise). To go from having been _the_ democratic nominee for president, to a perrenially called upon stooge for the last two -actually- elected president.

        Even Mitt doesn’t have that distinction though, as he couldn’t swing a job in the Trump admin (despite his fantasies)

    • Suthenboy

      If only I could have been in Vietnam in 1975

  34. leon

    On a completely different topic, i had a bit of a Thought Not a Sermon (tm, JATNAS), about Statue removal, and removing honors from people in the past. The thing that gets me is the actual intent to remove history.

    As a non politically charged example, there have sometimes been calls to downgrade or remove Medal of Honors from recipents of it during the Civil War. The logic is that the MoH was much more commonly issued and received back then with fewer reasons. But even disregarding the validity of those arguments, the problem i see is in the erasing of things that actually did happen. If Joe Scruffy from 1863 looses his Medal Of Honor, then you start getting people making accounts that never mention that he had been awarded it and that it was then revoked. They literally whitewash the history and act like it never happened.

    Likewise, by removing accolades from the modernly disfavored historical figure, there is a even stronger impetus to pretend that the accolade was never given.

    • wdalasio

      What you’re citing is precisely why the statues of the modernly disfavored historical figures have to be torn down. For the year zero crowd, pretending the accolade was never given is a feature, not a bug. It’s sort of like a physical embodiment of the Orwellian “We’ve always been at war with Eurasia.”. And for very similar reasons. Leaving the monuments in place is a physical reminder that, for our fathers and grandfathers (or mothers and grandmothers), there was something about those men they found admirable or worthy of celebration. That means coming to terms with the notion of our own ancestors as guilty or the recognition that the truth is greater than The Narrative.

    • Suthenboy

      Leftists always want to rewrite history, mostly because they want to write Hitler out of it. Disclaiming their own history is essential.

      A year or so ago a leftist relative was explaining to me how Hitler was a right wing extremest and I said “That is correct. The NATIONALIST SOCIALISTS were right wing extremists.”
      The sputtering and confusion were epic.

  35. The Late P Brooks

    ‘The only choice for people like me’

    You don’t seriously think a man like Kerry is going to demean himself by letting a bunch of smelly disease ridden poor people anywhere near him, do you, Shirley?

    • R C Dean

      I, for one, wish he had taken a sailboat. Like St. Greta.

      • Rebel Scum

        Or a pleasure boat called the S.S. Minnow.

    • The Other Kevin

      There are few things that rub me the wrong way more than “I’m too important to follow the rules like the little people.” See also, “Do you know who I AM?”

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        “No; don’t you know who you are?”

      • R C Dean

        I like. My go-to has been “Don’t know, don’t care.”

      • EvilSheldon

        “If you don’t get your fat ass to the back of the line, I’m gonna know who you *were.*”

        – attributed to a violent armed robber, to Al Capone, who had just cut in line in front of him at Alcatraz Federal Penitentiary.

  36. R C Dean

    As expected.

    The Justice Department has dropped a lawsuit against Yale University alleging that the Ivy League school discriminates against Asian and white applicants.

    • Hyperion

      Well, here’s my shocked face.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Did they also drop the investigation into the Ivy League school (Princeton?) that had made a big show of confessing to institutional racism?

      I have to admit that the Trump DOJ starting an investigation after that confession was pretty funny.

      “What? Why are we being investigated for discrimination?”

      “Well you recently wrote a long piece in which you said that your school was guilty of institutional racism”

      “You can’t take that seriously? We were just working on our Victim Cred Score”

      • Pope Jimbo

        Here you go

        The Trump administration has opened an investigation into racial bias at Princeton University, saying that the school’s recent acknowledgment of racism on campus amounts to a “shocking” and “serious” admission of discrimination.

        In a letter to the university on Wednesday, the U.S. Education Department said the school’s acknowledgment of racism conflicts with previous assurances that Princeton complies with federal anti-discrimination laws. It said that, in an open letter issued Sept. 2, the university’s president “admitted Princeton’s educational program is and for decades has been racist.”

        How is this any different from cops busting some knucklehead thief who got on FB and bragged (with photos) about them stealing stuff?

    • bacon-magic

      That’s lacist.

    • kbolino

      I thought the new standard of jurisprudence was that they’re not allowed to do that? Or does that only apply to bogus criminal prosecutions of not-establishment-enough Trump affiliates?

    • leon

      Great that we keep pretending that the DOJ isn’t politicized.

  37. bacon-magic

    So does Kamala rip her skin off and reveal she’s Hillary before or after Joe croaks?

    • westernsloper

      Under the cackling skin of Kamala lies one Barack. Getting there involved several trips to Kenya and some jumping rituals with people who can’t take their jewelry off.

  38. The Late P Brooks

    Listen to the EXPERTS

    Does wearing a mask pose any health risks?

    No, not for most people. Babies and toddlers should not wear masks because they could suffocate. The same goes for anyone who has trouble removing a mask without help.

    Others can wear masks without risking their health, according to experts, despite false rumors to the contrary.

    ——-

    There’s also no evidence that the use of masks causes fungal or bacterial infections, according to Davidson Hamer, an infectious disease expert at Boston University. Disposable face masks are meant to be used once, then thrown in the garbage. With cloth masks, it’s a good idea to wash them regularly.

    Wearing a mask may be uncomfortable, but health officials say you should resist any urge to touch your face. That could bring germs from your hands into your nose, mouth or eyes.

    No evidence. According to our model, our model is correct.

    Now put the damn swastika on.

    • wdalasio

      Wearing a mask may be uncomfortable, but health officials say you should resist any urge to touch your face. That could bring germs from your hands into your nose, mouth or eyes.

      So, wearing face masks is totally safe and has no potential downsides. As long as you don’t wind up doing the thing that face masks are going to exponentially increase the likelihood that you will do.

    • leon

      I mean i like where you are thinking, but the robot technology that the lizard overlords have is clearly not at that level of sophistication. I mean Zuckerberg is a perfect example of that. It has a lot of trouble imitating real human interaction.

      • leon

        Biden’s Pie.

    • Rebel Scum

      Nice.

  39. westernsloper

    Jen numbly returned to her office and proof-read her resume for the fourth time that morning.

    Ha! Ya, how long is strawberry going to last?

  40. Gadfly

    I literally LOL’d at the Florida bit. That was some good stuff.