“It’s time to go, Grandpa,” Finnegan said.
“Go? Go where? I want to take a nap,” Joe said.
“The impeachment, Grandpa,” she said.
“Impeachment? That’s n-n-not right! I’ve barely been in office a year!” Joe pulled his arm away from hers and staggered back against his adjustable bed. He looked down at it in horror. “What have you done to the Oval Office?!? It looks like an old man lives here!”
“This is the residence, Joe,” Kamala said. “We are going to the impeachment trial of Donald Trump,” she said evenly
“How-how-how is he being impeached?” Joe asked, batting Finnegan away. “I’m President, dammit. How can I be impeached if he’s not even President anymore?”
“You aren’t being impeached, Joe. He is,” Kamala said calmly.
“But I’m President. I’m President! They should be impeaching me!” Joe said, his pajamas slipping down to his ankles.
“Is there anything else we can give him?” Kamala asked Finnegan.
“He’s on the max dose of the nootropics,” Finnegan said, trying to scrub oatmeal from her jumper.
“Can we give him anything?” Kamala asked. “I have to preside over the trial, I can’t sit beside him all day.”
“Maybe if Grandma wasn’t out of town,” Finnegan said ruefully.
“Where is Jill?” Kamala asked desperately.
“Preparing her lawsuit against Doctors Without Borders,” Finnegan said. “They refuse to deploy her.”
“Maisy!” Joe said. “Maisy! Where is my Grandson?”
“Shit,” Finnegan said. “Now I’ll have to give him another Miltown.” She began to rummage through the cart of pharmaceuticals.
“Is Maisy transitioning? That’s wonderful. In fact, someone in my office…”
“Maisy doesn’t exist,” Finnegan said through her teeth.
“I met him, he was a very charming fellow…” Kamala began.
“Maisy doesn’t exist,” Finnegan said again. “That’s an actor the family hired after she got into Dad’s meth. The real Maisy died years ago. The actor is transitioning and we had to back him or be exposed.
Finnegan found the tranquilizer and offered it to Joe.
“Milly, molly, moody,” Joe said delightedly and used his mouth to take it out of her hand, lapping along the palm for any crumbs.
“Are you a freshman in high school?” Joe asked his granddaughter.
“We have to go, Grandpa,” Finnegan said.
“Where to?” he asked
Meanwhile, back in Florida
“We have to go!’ the hair told the hat.
“Not without Darlene!” the hat howled, hunched protectively over his iguana.
“That is not you girlfriend!” the hair shouted. “That is a dead iguana!”
“She’s just frozen! She’ll thaw out!” the hat thrust against the iguana and both of its desiccated back legs snapped off. “Darlene! No! I LUV YEW!”
Donald came running out of Mar-a-Lago, a flailing lobster under each arm.
“Don-alled!” Melaina screeched, “You put those sea bugs down! They’ll have lobster on the plane!” The screen door slammed shut behind her as she waddled in flip-flops, desperate to keep her wet toenail polish out of the sand and cigarette butts.
“Darlene!” the hat wailed.
“McLobster!” Donald hollered.
“Hsssss!” the startled alligator hissed.
On the porch, Barron began to pick and strum “Wet Ass Pussy” on his brand new banjo.
Donny goes redneck! WOOOOOOOOOO!
On the porch, Barron began to pick and strum “Wet Ass Pussy” on his brand new banjo.
I laughed at that.
#metoo
Ayup.
Yep, that was the detail.
That was definitely a laugh line for me.
#metoo
I want moar Astra.
I still don’t understand where all these Kauwmolla entourage characters came from. I was expecting them to be real life people like Huma.
If Kamala has a
haremcoteriemenagerie entourage IRL, I don’t whe they are.Florida sounds like more fun than DC
No mask mandate.
Unless you live in Tampa?
Speaking of senile Joe, has everyone seen this:
It looks like YouTube has restricted the video, so I had to pull it out of Twitter.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Jew Hat!
Metzger is a brilliant comic writer. He used to write for Amy Schumer, but I believe his career got sidelined when he had the audacity to suggest the Upright Citizens Brigade was not the proper investigatory arm to investigate sexual assault accusations when a fellow standup was being branded a rapist by someone.
Truly the only contemporary corollary to Plutarch’s Parallel Lives imaginable.
desperate to keep her wet toenail polish out of the sand and cigarette butts.
Donald going native is completely believable. Melania, I struggle with.
Check your tags before pulling away from the curb?
Bah!
Coming soon to a dystopia near you
I bet there is a market for that Joe/Finnegan porn you got in your head SF, go make bank. And once the feasting of eyeballs begins the dark ones will finally awaken!
https://www.pennlive.com/news/2021/02/da-must-release-names-of-buyers-of-property-seized-in-drug-cases-pa-court-says.html
Maybe we shouldn’t be seizing private property in drug cases…
Ok…MR. ESCOBAR!
The absurdity of it all.
The assets are seized because they were (allegedly) obtained through a crime. So return them to the people they were taken from. Why does the state get any kind of a cut?
We shouldn’t be taking property of people not convicted of a crime.
Wanna bet the story quickly becomes, “Let’s harass the people who bought this stuff at auction” rather than anything to do with asset forfeiture, drug laws, and government budget padding through legalized theft?
Imma say that there are probably a lot, a whole lot, of law enforcement and related names on the buyer list.
Buying for pennies on the dollar.
*Nitpick…
I think the Hat would say luff, not luv. What would I know about how he talks though…
His new Florida accent…
“Are you a freshman in high school?” Joe asked his granddaughter.
That’s the creepy old man we all know and love.
“I had about $150 in Bitcoin that Mr. Mojeaux won. I’m predicting it hits $60k by summer, so I’mma let it ride.”
I often dream of the “what if” when I was pretty set on spending $2k when bitcoin was under $10. But I know I’d have sold way earlier than what it’s at now. I’d like to think I’d have held on to some position but, it’s gone to insane numbers since then. Grats to you for holding out, if even a little bit.
I’m starting to come to terms with some cryptos sticking around for a long time. I’m considering jumping in on some of these ridiculous rallies for quick in and out gains on the more useless crypto currencies.
Meh. There’s always missed opportunities, sure with hindsight you would have picked all winners, but if you go all in on every trend you could have bought into Pets.com.
/contemplated setting up his machine to use spare processes to mine bitcoin when I first started hearing about it over on /.
I’ve thrown some cash at LTC. It’s got a lot more access than most of the random crypto’s. It’s been going the right direction for now.
I’m not going to screw around with LTC or Etherium, etc. When I have my books on sale at my site, I take Bitcoin, but not the others. I don’t see them gaining much utility.
XY says, “What about dogecoin?!” with a straight face.
“Son, that is a joke.” He thinks I mean that metaphorically. “No, I mean, it was created as a joke.”
Mr. Mojeaux’s a little bitter about GME. “Honey, I would never have bought that to begin with and I don’t frequent r/wallstreetbets.” Maybe I should.
Nostalgia alert:
I used to play the Yahoo Finance Fantasy Stock Portfolio game. I usually came in in the top 50 out of 50,000+ players. Too bad I had no real money to work with. My mom let me play with her money, but I made her so much she ended up having to pay capital gains, so she was mad at me.
Our last major bet—our house—broke us.
I’d buy doge if I had access to it and sell off at the right points. It’s a rally, jsut make sure you stick to your sale plan at certain points and you should make money. Crypto is very much about name recognition and DOGE is winning that way very quickly. I know a few people who’ve already gained $10,000’s dinking around with the DOGE.
So was it serious? No. Is it now? Absolutely. The question to ask; is for how long?
Yep, I always meant to mine and never bothered.
I also had some tiny fractions of a btc I won playing bitcoin poker. They went away when the site went away, the btc workaround didnt stop them from getting shutdown. It was penny (or less) poker at the time, I may have been dollar poker in todays numbers.
I got $10 of XLM for watching a video a year or so ago. Now it’s worth about $40. I’m tempted to drop a few more bucks there in hopes of the trend continuing.
OTOH, I got $10 of BAT for watching videos, and it’s worth about $4 now
It’s a little different when you TRIED to buy at $18 and couldn’t because setting up the brokerage account process was so onerous, and it never went through anyway.
It only took that 3 weeks for it to shoot to $1000 and then it was out of our price range.
But yes, I would have bailed way too early.
“Preparing her lawsuit against Doctors Without Borders,” Finnegan said. “They refuse to deploy her.”
Got a pretty good lol out of me.
On the porch, Barron began to pick and strum “Wet Ass Pussy” on his brand new banjo.
Heh.
Thanks, Edit Fairy!
Andy, you mendacious hack.
“Any watching of the video that was played just today in the Senate Chambers, after watching that, the president’s supporters who were attacking the Capitol, the former president of the United States cannot claim to be a law-and-order president when you have the crowds chanting “kill the blue.” We saw them hurling insults and fists and objects and the American flag and hockey stick at officers. As you said, gouging out an eye, an officer lost three fingers, and one officer was killed. Two others have died by suicide. Any claim by them that they are lovers of law and order, it rings hollow, certainly after seeing that.”
It’s not like it was fiery but mostly peaceful and lasting months costing billions of dollars and dozens of lives or anything.
It’s amazing how all of that is just ignored as if it never happened. It’s bizzarro world right now. People marching on other’s homes. The mass looting and burning of business. Near zero accountability.
We saw them hurling insults and fists
See, I was expecting some old animation with a giant robot launching fists as missiles.
Gosh, I’m convinced. Bring on the socialism!
“…one officer was killed.”
Oh? Why hasn’t anyone been charged with that murder now?
Well, they’re trying to charge Trump. They’ll get ‘im, too.
As you said, gouging out an eye, an officer lost three fingers,
First I’ve heard of that.
and one officer was killed.
Stop lying.
There were horses and a man on fire and a MAGAhead killed a guy with a trident!
Whatever happened to defunding the police? I thought “blue lives matter” was hate hate speech?
Can we go for at least 12 months before being fed unexplained hypocrisy?
embrace the doublethink, comrade
A true American patriot, protecting the gullible unwashed masses from their innate racism and and hatred
Former President Donald Trump will not be permitted back on Twitter even if he runs again for office and wins, according to the company’s chief financial officer.
Asked during an interview on CNBC Wednesday whether Trump’s tweeting privileges could be restored if he wins the presidency again, CFO Ned Segal clarified that Trump’s ban is permanent.
“The way our policies work, when you’re removed from the platform, you’re removed from the platform,” he said, “whether you’re a commentator, you’re a CFO, or you are a former or current public official. Remember, our policies are designed to make sure that people are not inciting violence, and if anybody does that, we have to remove them from the service and our policies don’t allow people to come back.”
Politics as religious fanaticism. He’s doing the Lord’s work, putting the Scold’s Bridle on the Bad Orange Rabblerouser..
You wouldn’t let Double Hitler on Twitter, would you!? This time he might really do those things we accused him of doing!
Now that he’s out of power he’s more powerful than he’s ever been!
Any programmer on here able to setup auto buy and sell algos with crypto?
Good try, CIA! We aren’t an ordained brokerage firm. Is that really your plan?! Pathetic! It’s way easier to get us to talk about #treason, which is way different than statutory treason…
Not even an ethos.
Hahaha – let’s get out of bed with the group that is moving toward authoritarianism so we can build bridges with the people that are already there! That word – future – I don’t think it means what you think it does. This and the rest of the article are a subtle rebuke to the predominant editorial mindset over there – as well as a jab at the populist right (presumed to be consuming the other half of the fusionist big-tent).
Of course it does. The Future means progress. So you have to be progressive, duh, you Trumptard!
Nisbet wrote a really good book on the history of the idea of progress. Naturally you will never find a progressive who has read it.
I got to the ‘aspiring dictator’ part and had to tap out. I worked a 13hr shift, not in the mood for derp mining today.
TW: TOS ripping its mask off yet again.
*eye twitches*
This damages my calm.
LOL she’s kidding, right?
Pssst, Stephanie: the Left doesn’t do “bridges”.
It makes me wonder how good faith people can actually buy this bullshit. Granted, I doubt that there are many good faith folks at TMITE: TOS, but it amazes me that anybody accepts this whole “the right is a unique threat” line despite what has been shown even on TMITE over the past 8-12 months (and really over the past 6-8 years). It’s a complete inability to process the raw information separately from the narrative.
There’s a little bridge headed out into the Lubyanka courtyard. They that one.
They “do” that one.
I kinda missed it at first too – she’s not suggesting that, she’s talking about her cohorts there going woke and left-libertarian. Talk about an evolutionary dead-end.
Oh. Well, I didn’t RTFA.
if the philosophy of liberty is to have a future, it must involve building bridges to the left
Oh, fuck off.
I’m not giving them the click; who wrote that?
Written by an erstwhile Catholic….
Reason is a joke.
Like Biden?
Yeah, all them Catholics should stick to First Things, right?
I see chemjeff is still a deranged asshole.
Hahaha – let’s get out of bed with the group that is moving toward authoritarianism so we can build bridges with the people that are already there!
I disagree that leftists are authoritarian.
They are totalitarian.
And how many angels dance on the head of that pin?
Eight if they’re skinny and four if they’re fat.
On the continuum of evil, I rank totalitarians as worse than authoritarians. The latter are interested mainly in controlling behavior that threatens their power/position/wealth. The former are interested in controlling every single aspect of human society, definitely including what goes on inside your head.
Take C. S. Lewis’s quip about tyranny: the robber barons are the authoritarians, the omnipotent moral busybodies are the totalitarians.
An authoritarian just demands obedience to a set of self-serving rules and punishes most severely those who threaten his status or power. Whereas, a totalitarian demands the complete ownership of your soul, is always hunting for new reasons why you aren’t good enough, and will punish offenses slight and major, real or imagined, timeless or fleeting, with the same zeal.
Or, you know, what R C Dean already said.
I like your version better.
Okay, so Hitler and Stalin – which is the authoritarian?
People fond of liberty are going to find which one preferable?
Commies are totalitarians.
Fascists are generally authoritarians. Given the extra creamy layer of batshit nuts on Nazism, hard for me to say.
Not hard for me. Nazism as implemented was absolutely totalitarian. Led by Strasser, maybe they would have been just authoritarian. But Hitler made sure Strasser got a long knife.
Neither, but was that the topic at hand?
The progressive/woke left leans totalitarian (shades of Robespierre or Mao). The regressive/populist right leans authoritarian (on a gamut from Lee Kuan Yew to Pinochet). From a perspective of human freedom, the former is worse than the latter, though you’d still have to force the choice as both are undesirable.
Of course, this is somewhat subjective. There are totalitarian strands on the right which shouldn’t be completely ignored just as they shouldn’t be overstated, and obviously the left does not have totalitarian power, whatever their designs might be, or else we would hardly be commenting about it in the open here.
They are both totalitarians.
The mistake you are making is to think that one is better than the other.
Ignore the last time we were pushing left libertarianism! What’s Will Wilkerson doing these days? Maybe Sunstein can get his psychopath foreign agent bride to nudge some more people with JDAMs. Cowen is down with it as long as he gets his ethnic takeout and crappy indigenous art.
If when a conservative calls you a baby murderer because you’re pro-choice then you just roll your eyes, but when a progressive calls you a transphobic bigot because you believe in freedom of association then you change your principles out of shame, it is you and not the other side that’s the problem. By then building a “bridge” only to the left, you have opened the dialogue with submission, you have proclaimed loudly that you are inferior, and it is entirely predictable when they treat you as less than an equal.
In case anyone is interested.
12:06 PM: Raskin says the evidence will show that Trump was the “inciter-in-chief” of a “dangerous insurrection.” He calls it the “greatest betrayal of the presidential oath in the history of the United States.” Raskin says Trump “completely abdicated his duty as commander-in-chief” to protect the Capitol and defend the Constitution. …
12:23 PM: Raskin warns House Mangers will show a graphic video and will give a warning beforehand so parents and teachers could shield children who may be watching. …
12:45 PM: Neguse says the mob was waiting for “orders” from Trump to begin fighting. He says they had been “primed” for this over many months because of Trump. He plays video of Trump supporters saying they were in D.C. on that they because Trump wanted them to be there. He says rioters/defendants have confessed in court that they were just taking orders from Trump.
…
Rep. Eric Swalwell: “He doused the flames with kerosene. This wasn’t just some random guy at the neighborhood bar, blowing off steam. This was our commander-in-chief.”
*Rolls eyes*
“This was our commander-in-chief.” That should be the take-away. But, that constitution thing don’t make no difference…I’m done. Bed time.
In the Dem’s defense their new definition of “peaceful protest” is borderline insurrection. So when I say I’m going to show up at *insert random political tool here*’s house and Peacefully protest the shit out of xer and xer’s family. I could see where they might feel threatened.
“Trump made me do it.”
“Case closed!”
You forgot to bang your gavel.
These videos always remind me of the Homer Simpson gotcha video where you can see the clock on the wall jumping to different times due to the editing.
+1 sweet sweet can
Step 1 – Define what an insurrection actually is.
2 – Show me where that happened.
And show me where Trump’s speech meets the definition of incitement to violence.
2:40 PM: Del. Plaskett of the Virgin Islands now up for the Democrats. She says Trump incited a mob to storm the Capitol and hoped the violent insurrection would help him hold onto power after he ran out of non-violent options. She says it is false that Trump could not have known how violent the mob could have been because “the violence was foreseeable.”
Because occupying the building means you get to control the government…
I have to wonder if these cuntes believe their own bs.
Trump . . . hoped the violent insurrection would help him hold onto power
So she’s a mindreader?
I wonder what kind of signals she’s getting from Biden.
He says rioters/defendants have confessed in court that they were just taking orders from Trump.
Really?
If so, I wonder what kind of deal they were offered. And if they gave any detail on just what those direct orders from Trump were.
Some of them are on video saying just that during the riot so deals may not have been necessary.
For all of you Michael Malice lovers – he’s on Rogan today.
Can’t remember if I posted this yet: MM on Cash Cab. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=V_h9dPhVUyE
Thanks!
Who’s the chick?
Besides her first name, IDK. Sure rocking the Gwen Stefani look.
I enjoy the days when someone screws up and sends an email to a global distribution list (supposedly 74,000 contacts).
Surprisingly, the global replies have only been about a dozen an hour. Easy enough to keep up with.
My favorite is a reply-all that says “will you please stop hitting reply-all?”
Several of those already.
We’ve had people in the discipline department accidentally send out entire career discipline files to the wrong distribution lists with 1,000’s of employees on them. Those are good times. Pretty sure one guy retired on one of those incidents.
Which is immediately followed by someone hitting reply-all to say “please remove me from this list”
One of those today as well.
At a previous job, someone replied to the “please remove me from this list” reply with: “To unsubscribe, leave your badge at the front desk on your way out.”
LOL
if the philosophy of liberty is to have a future, it must involve building bridges to the left, not the right.
Okay! Humpty Dumpty, folks; let’s give him a nice hand. Our next guest is a man who believes he is a Dresden porcelain figurine of an elephant! How about that, eh? Please welcome him….
fenixammo.com is selling 300,000 rds of 9mm at 10 AM EST tomorrow. (last time they sold out in about 15 min IIRC).
The fedx dude dropped off 400 rds of 308 Win today. So I got that going for me.
Fenix makes pretty good stuff.
It’s a complete inability to process the raw information separately from the narrative.
Run it through the blender until it turns into pablum. It’s easier to digest, that way.
It’s just better and better every week!
“Don-alled!” Melaina screeched, “You put those sea bugs down! They’ll have lobster on the plane!” The screen door slammed shut behind her as she waddled in flip-flops, desperate to keep her wet toenail polish out of the sand and cigarette butts.
Perfect.
TW:OS
Lawyer using kitten filter is actually an asshole:
https://reason.com/2021/02/10/zoom-cat-lawyer-rod-ponton-used-federal-agents-to-torment-former-lover-drug-raids-bogus-charges/
That kind of man could give lawyers a bad reputation.
In that case, I’m glad he was turned into a cat!
Israel. Coronavirus: Health Min. will start sanctioning the unvaccinated
a negative test – within the past 48 hours
Neat trick for a test that usually takes 72 hours to result.
I got my results in about 24 hrs back in Jan. A lot of places are getting better/faster.
Listen, just because you didn’t have the coof 48 hours ago doesn’t mean you don’t have it now. Really, the only way to beat this thing is to have a test immediately before boarding and to fly while having a PCR machine intravenously attached to get real-time data about your ‘vidness. Sure that might make tickets a little more expensive, but air travel is a luxury and a privilege, not a right!
The last one I took was in August. It took slightly more than 24 hours.
So I guess you just get tested every single day.
FWIW, I did the ASU spit test last month and got results later the same day. WebDom just did the finger prick test (don’t say it, she’s my daughter!) and got results in 15 minutes.
Anyway… so much for the stereotype of Jews being more intelligent.
It doesn’t look like that more intelligent people panic less.
I haven’t kept up with the kinds of ‘Vid tests. We have had trouble getting enough of the rapid tests for our purposes. And I don’t know which tests are accepted for what purposes, either.
Wow.
I’m waiting for the next logical step – the
uncleanunvaccinated wear some kind of badge, with a bright geometric symbol on it. And their businesses also have to have a sign in on the door.You’d think the Israelis of all people would know better.
But this is totally different in every way!
Even though the actual Nazis talked at great length about public health and often used it as justification for many of their most heinous actions.
Can’t they just paint the doorjamb with the blood of some sort of animal? It would probably be cheaper then a sign.
I think this was addressed in my bloodbourne pathogens training.
What could possibly go wrong?
If this takes off in the US, I wonder where people will be able to purchase vaccination papers that can be flashed to gain admittance places. Now that Big Tech and Big Finance have become de facto arms of the government, I assume buying such papers online will be a bad idea.
Is there currently any law against showing modified vaccination papers to a Home Depot employee? Maybe that will be coming to regulate vaccination papers the same as driver licenses.
Nope. I will not comply.
Unity:
https://www.wsj.com/articles/facebook-moves-to-muffle-politics-on-its-platform-11612962001
“He said at the time that cutting back on politics would allow Facebook to ‘do a better job of helping to bring people together and helping to promote healthier communities.'”
Which should be interpreted as,
“politics” = things progressives hate, and
“helping to promote healthier communities” = all things progressive
if the philosophy of liberty is to have a future, it must involve building bridges to the left, not the right.
You know, that’s the problem with relying on staff who were freshmen in college the last time a different administration was in power. Libertarians tried aligning with the left. It was an abject disaster. The leftists gained power and proved more authoritarian than Donald Trump could ever dream of getting away with being. And, frankly, the right-wing “authoritarianism” I’ve seen on display mostly amounts to being the wrong color, sex and class. And that’s ultimately what it seems to come down to with the liberaltarians (old and new). They want to fit in with their cohort without having to make excuses for those icky people who don’t wear masks, like guns, or have unironic facial hair. And if libertarian principles get in the way of that, well, so much for principles.
Seriously, they’re talking about “building bridges” with people who’ve militarized the capital, accused anyone who’s questioned the election results of sedition and have openly talked of government policy as a means of revenge. If you’re a libertarian (and at this point, that’s a legitimate matter of debate with these guys) how stupid do you have to be to think that’s a good idea?
To ensure the future of libertarianism just become the left and it’ll do well.
Plenty of older people seem happy to jump on this bandwagon too.
So, how many of us (other than me) are going to be camping out on Fenix’s website for tomorrow’s 9mm drop?
Not I.
I’m still not buying at that price.
not me
Y’all need to forget about yer gunz and have a boating accident or maybe three. Beta will be paying you a visit soon enough.
Please tell me he was driving a Jeep. https://www.whio.com/entertainment/bruce-springsteen-faces-drunken-driving-charge-new-jersey/A5DOAYKOQZGVXUT5W3J2VDOQ7Q/?_website=cmg-tv-10040
The real question is was he wearing a mask?
“CDC Recommends Wearing two Masks”
https://www.zerohedge.com/medical/cdc-begins-recommending-wearing-two-masks
Check out the included infograpic that recommends (and we all know this will be adopted as a requirement) wearing a disposable mask under a cloth mask. I’m just not fucking going to do it, no way.
I thought we were up to three masks. ??♂️
They have to lie to us to get us to do what they want.
This is like the best Joemala ever. It’s almost as good as it would be if it had been named CCP Joe and the Ho.