¡Martes por la tarde, enlaces mexicanos!

by | Feb 23, 2021 | Daily Links | 372 comments

Wife and I completed our taxes and concluded waiting for the fools to determine if the president might stay awake long enough to sign might get us an additional $4k in funny money. So we’ll wait.

Las Mujeres de Chile, plan a “Women’s Strike early next month to combat patriarchal…eh screw it. If that’s not worth a helicopter meme, I don’t know what is.

China is no longer cutting checks to Latin America.  Make of this as you will.

Finish the joke:  What did they use for birth control before socialism?

How is the wealthy buying their way to access to desirable goods or services controversial, or in any way unexpected?

I suppose it wasn’t the accommodations that caused the outrage but  the separation of migrant children from their parents.  They upgraded to military grade temporary shelters.  We called them “California Shelters” and we trained to put them up in a couple hours and take them down in 20 mins.  Nah, it was the cages.

To be honest, I thought El Chapo’s wife would be a lot better looking.

Reporting on a delayed presidential election result.  How quaint.

I haven’t heard this one in a while. Why not?

About The Author

mexican sharpshooter

mexican sharpshooter

WARNING: Glibertarians.com contains chemicals known to the State of California to cause cancer and birth defects or other reproductive harm. https://youtu.be/qiAyX9q4GIQ?t=2m22s

372 Comments

  1. banginglc1

    Poor women in Venezuela, can’t get birth control and can’t get abortions. Must be a free market failure.

  2. Playa Manhattan

    I was unable to file my 2019 tax return due to various federal crimes committed by my wife’s law firm. Just got the threatening letter from the IRS, even though I paid what I owed.

    The good news: my income in 2020 is zero (at least on paper). I’m going full welfare queen.

    • R C Dean

      various federal crimes committed by my wife’s law firm

      Wait, what?

      • Lachowsky

        They committed a lot of felonies. Over and over. Like, on average, 3 felonies per day.

      • DrOtto

        Pikers

      • Playa Manhattan

        They filed a fraudulent return for the LLP saying that my wife owned less of the firm than she did.

        We know better than to sign it or rely on for our personal return.

      • R C Dean

        That’s odd. Since LLPs are pass-through for taxes, that would mean she would owe less taxes, and the other partners would owe more. Unless they are losing money, in which case she could claim fewer losses, and teh other partners could claim more.

      • Playa Manhattan

        She left the firm at the end of FY 2019. She was a 20% owner, which, based on cumulative capital contributions, is worth about $200k.

        The problem here isn’t the taxation; it’s that the firm filed an official document with the IRS under penalty of perjury stating she is a 0% owner.

      • Chafed

        Ugh. Sorry Playa. I hope you are able to work this out.

      • Playa Manhattan

        Thanks.

        She has a lawyer handling it now.

    • Old Man With Candy

      Sadly, we’re not rich enough to have zero income.

      • Enough About Palin

        I nearly did for a few months in 2020. Just took in Social Security. Won’t be eligible for Medicare until 2022. In Minnesota, a healthcare insurance policy through BC/BS via MinnesotaCare is $25/month for a single person earning that. For a person with zero income, the monthly premium is $0.00. Went to the doctor maybe three or four times during that during that time and NEVER received a bill. The copay on my monthly Lisinopril prescription is three dollars and change. Anyone who tells you that the poor can’t afford healthcare, at least in Minnesota, is taking out of their ass.

      • C. Anacreon

        Hey, you still had to pay three dollars! How can the poor fit that into a budget. Just think how many lotto tickets they could have bought with that money.

      • DrOtto

        Had a friend who had colon cancer, didn’t get diagnose to it grew. They gave him a 50/50 prognosis. The first thing they told him is get off Obamacare, they could do more for him through the TX program. So he did. And he survived. He’s still an avowed socialist though.

      • The Hyperbole

        The State saved him why wouldn’t he be a socialist?

      • robc

        I managed it for 2016-18.

    • juris imprudent

      You aren’t getting away from being taxed THAT easily.

    • Chipwooder

      Best of luck, Your Majesty!

  3. Yusef, Chaser of the Devils Tail

    Isnt it early for links? Or just outwitting brochetta?
    Lol

    • Ownbestenemy

      And the sheep just move along 😉

      • Not Adahn

        When they unpublish this…

    • Certified Public Asshat

      My alternative theory is mexican hates trashy.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        My bad Trashy. My bad.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Everybody has it out for me today! ??

        It’s all good, I’m just grateful that TPTB actually post my BS rather than quietly making it disappear.

      • Nephilium

        Sure… thanks for guilting me into putting together a draft for the next cocktail post. 🙂

    • pistoffnick

      No, no, no! This is highly unusual.

      Wapner comes on at 3!

  4. DEG

    There has been concern globally that the privileged could game the system to get themselves vaccinated before others. When the connected have been caught leapfrogging ahead, in countries like Turkey, Morocco and Spain, they have faced criticism, investigations or forced resignations.

    Something…. something… price gouging laws

    With 32.71% of the votes, left-wing economist Andrés Arauz has already secured his place in the second round. The 36-year-old has the support of former President Rafael Correa, who governed Ecuador from 2007 to 2017.

    Ecuador will continue to be a basket case.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      Meh, I’m not sure I’m against using pols as guinea pigs for a new type of vaccine. In fact you can use them for all types of human experimentation. They’re close enough to human for medical trials.

      • Suthenboy

        My sentiments exactly. I will wait a while and see how this turns out before I get stuck. I am very suspicious cuz…I just am that way.
        You get the vaccine yet you are still contagious? That makes no sense yet they insist everyone get it? I suppose if they hadn’t gotten caught lying their asses off so many times and had been able to make one single accurate prediction I wouldn’t think they are lying half of the time and talking out of their asses the other half.

      • Suthenboy

        Where can I get a copy of that?

      • Stillhunter

        Because it’s not a vaccine in the traditional sense.

    • Sean

      Ecuador will continue to be a basket case.

      *looks around*

      What makes them special?

      • DEG

        I was a little hopeful when Correa left.

        I know. I know.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        This basket comes with bananas.

      • Bobarian LMD

        And banana spiders.

    • Enough About Palin

      I’m willing to wager that the polio vaccine first came out, it went to a lot more Americans than folks in Brazil or Indonesia.

  5. kbolino

    If you want the vaccines to be distributed faster, someone who wants it early paying 10x what it would normally cost is a good thing. The government should stay out of the way so that 900% markup goes to the maker of the vaccine instead of the grey/black market. I’m still dumbfounded that the vaccines are “free” in the U.S. “Capitalist country” my ass.

  6. Certified Public Asshat

    Wife and I completed our taxes and concluded waiting for the fools to determine if the president might stay awake long enough to sign might get us an additional $4k in funny money. So we’ll wait.

    All of the tax aspects of the proposed bill don’t kick in until 2021…unless you meant you are playing the stimulus game.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      Correct

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      I need to file our taxes in order to play the stimulus game, but there are a couple of documents we don’t yet have.

    • Semi-Spartan Dad

      All of the tax aspects of the proposed bill don’t kick in until 2021

      It looks like they will be passing an UBI-lite version by expanding the child tax credit and making monthly payments to families beginning in July via direct deposits instead of claiming the credit with your taxes. I imagine a lot of people are going to be screwed if they don’t change their withholding.

      SLD: Credits, UBIs, and other forms of social welfare are no bueno. It is a little rich though to see conservative politicians rail against this while continuing to champion Social Security, which is looting the wealth from my generation and transferring to another… about the same as above just with different generations.

  7. Suthenboy

    A buddy of mine who lived through the Pinochet years told me that two years after Pinochet was gone they were all back. You couldn’t tell the difference.
    We are stuck with commies forever I guess.

    So, it took the Chinese this long to realize they were being played? They poured their money down a black hole, Africa being the other bottomless pit. Good for them.

    What did they use for birth control before socialism?
    Wait, I know this one….candles?

    For the rest I got nuthin’

    • kbolino

      There’s a lot of truth to the notion that ideas can’t be killed, only people can. Even fascism, much as it is disapproved of by all right-thinking people, endures (indeed, it is not too far off from the economic system we actually have).

      Hitler killed a lot more people than just Jews (and had plans to kill a lot more besides, especially Slavs) but part of the reason that the Jews get more recognition (besides sheer numbers) is that you actually can kill off an ethnicity (it’s not easy, though). You can’t kill your way to purging communism forever any more than you can kill your way to making communism work, but the same can’t be said of genetics.

      • Suthenboy

        “You can’t kill your way to purging communism forever any more than you can kill your way to making communism work.”

        I am stealing that thar gold.

  8. Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

    The Mexican links are early? I’m confused.

    • kbolino

      It’s already past 4 o’clock somewhere.

    • The Other Kevin

      South America is in a different time zone this week.

      • R C Dean

        Mexico is south of the US, so its time zones are ahead of ours. Right?

      • Not Adahn

        That depends on whether you cross it going East or going west.

      • The Other Kevin

        I had a running joke with friends that used to live in Nevada. Whenever I talked to them, I’d ask what time it was there and suggest a time like 6 hours ahead. I always made myself laugh. Sometimes they did too.

  9. Timeloose

    Great musical choice. I love the hard hitting drumming by John Stanier.

    • Chipwooder

      Big fan here. Meantime was the album I listened to more than anyone else around 1992-93. Saw them live in 1997, which was the last tour they did with the (mostly) original lineup, and it was a fantastic show. Stanier is a sensational drummer. “Rollo” onBetty is my favorite of his.

      • Timeloose

        Rollo was great. Stanier is doing essentially jazzy like drumming now for an experimental band called Battles.

      • Chipwooder

        I’ve listened to some of their stuff because I’m such a big Helmet fan and…..yeah, experimental music largely isn’t my bag. Liked a few songs though, and his drumming remains terrific.

      • Cowboy

        Mirrored was such a cool album. It was my first introduction to math rock. Iwas a huge indie nerd. Unfortunately work and everything else ate up the time I had to constantly seek out new good music. RIP my hipster cred.

    • Chafed

      Seconded.

  10. Gadfly

    To be honest, I thought El Chapo’s wife would be a lot better looking.

    The article says she was a former beauty queen. Perhaps they have different standards in Mexico? Although, Telenovelas would tell a different story. Maybe the years are especially unkind to a drug queen.

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      Standards of beauty vary by country. When I lived in Eastern Europe I would see dozens of women every day more attractive than the reigning Miss Slobovia. I couldn’t figure out what they found attractive. Not that she was unattractive, just that there were many who were more attractive. Of course, maybe she had other talents that appealed to the judges.

      • Tulip

        They have to be willing to participate in a beauty contest. There are women that find beauty contests ….gross

      • Pine_Tree

        Well, the US is the same.

        Spend an hour walking any SEC campus during a crowded time and you’ll easily see 100 that would outrank every Miss Universe.

      • Chipwooder

        Or Arizona State. Hang around Tempe for an afternoon sometime and you’ll see literally thousands of gorgeous women.

      • Old Man With Candy

        /shuts office door behind him and runs out to car

      • KromulentKristen

        Maybe those every day beautiful women are particle physicists and don’t need to be in a beauty pageant?

      • But Enough About Me. Why? Why not?

        Okay, now I’m really turgid. Thanks a lot, KK. I can’t even sit comfortably in front of my monitor now.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      I expected more cosmetic surgery.

    • Agent Cooper

      The wife needn’t be attractive. She needs to be loyal.

    • Bill Door

      “Diabolical silliness” is a great term for all of this WuFlu stuff.

    • Enough About Palin

      “The legislation outlines that “A state or local elected official, the state, or a political subdivision of the state may not mandate an individual in this state use a face mask, face shield, or other face covering.””

      That is too ambiguous.

  11. R C Dean

    I’m liking this Boebert chick.

    After getting criticized for having guns visible in her home by a Congresscreature:

    I always thought my dirty dishes piled up and accumulating bacteria were the most dangerous thing in a Zoom background,

    Boebert replied:

    Do your dishes, Hon.

    • Animal

      She’s a pip. I was paying attention to her since the Shooter’s Grille first got some notice. Then she came down to Denver and told off Beta O’Rourke, the Irish Tortilla, in front of a big crowd.

      Now she’s in Congress. I’ve been watching her career with growing interest and amusement.

  12. Not Adahn

    To be honest, I thought El Chapo’s wife would be a lot better looking.

    Why? That’s what his mistresses are for.

    • limey

      I think she looks pretty fly.

  13. Gadfly

    Also, good meme. I got a chuckle out of that one.

    And the verse referenced in the meme is an interesting one. It says to love one’s enemies, but not to have no enemies. Which makes sense, since Christianity as conceived was basically a rebellion against the Roman state (as the command to “make disciples of all nations” implies converting good Romans away from the Roman state religion), so it was destined to make enemies. But I think a lot of people miss the distinction there.

  14. Lachowsky

    Last Monday morning when I got up to go to work, it was a bone chilling negative 8 degrees outside. Here we are Tuesday a week later and it is 75 with the sun shining.

    The weather gods around here need to take their men’s.

    • Lachowsky

      Meds dammit, not men’s

    • Suthenboy

      Same here….and we still have snow on the ground in places.

  15. The Late P Brooks

    Casual wear for the professional hypochondriac

    The majority of medical professionals say that they like to wear a surgical-style mask outside of work. “I just wear a regular disposable surgical mask,” infectious disease expert Dr. Amesh A. Adalja, senior scholar at the Johns Hopkins Center for Health Security, tells Yahoo Life. Dr. Timothy Murphy, senior associate dean for clinical and translational research at the University at Buffalo, tells Yahoo Life that he doubles up on surgical masks. “When I go out, I have taken to wearing a two surgical masks—one knotted for a snug fit, to take advantage of both the extra layers and the snug fit to maximize protection of myself and others,” he says. And Dr. Gloria A Bachmann, medical director of the PROUD Gender Center of New Jersey at the Rutgers Robert Wood Johnson Medical School, tells Yahoo Life that she opts for a “standard disposable mask” with “no distinguishing features or messages” for a reason. “I want to send the universal message that we’re all in this together—that wearing a mask while working, shopping, walking in my neighborhood, etc., is the one thing all of us can do as a team,” she says.

    There’s no “you” in TEAM.

    Why can’t these people be like normal schizos and off themselves?

    • Sean

      walking in my neighborhood,

      Is it too harsh to hope she gets run over?

    • limey

      “PROUD Gender Center”

      • Not Adahn

        Placing Reactionary “Others” Under Detention

    • Chipwooder

      I feel very validated in in my lifelong hatred of doctors.

    • EvilSheldon

      Why would anyone think that I would to be on the same team, with a bunch idiots wearing masks in public?

      • limey

        We’re all in this together

      • EvilSheldon

        It’s good that no one has tried telling me, “wEre AlL iN tHiZ TogEtHEr!” to my face. I would probably be in jail.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        It’s just I and my multiple personalities that are in this together.

      • limey

        There’s a strong element of photoshopped-into-real-life going on there.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        I think they did a face swap with Woody Allen.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Uffda. How many women have leaped out of the stirrups when Gloria walked in?

      • Bill Door

        Are you talking women with a vagina or women with a penis?

        Either way, woof.

      • Pope Jimbo

        It would be even scarier if Gloria was a proctologist.

      • Bill Door

        “It was a one in a million shot, doc.”

      • Pope Jimbo

        I was at Gloria’s office, getting the digital rectal exam, and Gloria says: “At this point of the exam it is normal to get an erection”. I said”I don’t have an erection”. Gloria says “No. But I do”.

      • Bill Door

        :Shocked face:

        That makes me want to vomit in terror.

      • B.P.

        Yeah, I’m okay with Gloria continuing to wear a mask.

    • C. Anacreon

      Dr. Amesh A. Adalja, senior scholar at the Johns Hopkins Center for Health Security

      I got a good laugh yesterday when switching radio channels around, the local lefty talk host was quoting somebody at this institution, perhaps even this guy, and said “I’ve got this idiot friend who always says Johns Hopkins. It’s John Hopkins, like John Wayne! What a fool!”

      Wonder if he got any callers on that one. Didn’t stay on the station to find out.

  16. The Late P Brooks

    When I said to raise taxes, I didn’t mean MINE

    Nearly a year after Mike Bloomberg’s $1 billion presidential campaign crashed into Super Tuesday, his staffers are still dealing with the aftershocks.

    In recent weeks, aides to the former Democratic candidate started receiving tax forms that in some cases list incomes that are tens of thousands of dollars more than they were compensated in salary. The added amounts account for paid housing and other generous benefits they received last year, but the price tag is coming to many as an unwelcome surprise.

    ——-

    Now, however, the ex-staffers say the inflated compensation could have major ramifications for their pocketbooks.

    Staffers raised concerns that the bloated gross incomes they have to declare in their taxes will cause them to lose out on a long list of government programs and benefits — from Obamacare subsidies to possible student loan debt forgiveness to the $1,400 checks President Joe Biden is proposing as the centerpiece of his coronavirus rescue package.

    “That has large-scale implications for people’s eligibility for unemployment, for their eligibility for [Affordable Care Act] subsidies, for their eligibility for student loan forgiveness,” said one former Bloomberg staffer, who requested anonymity to be able to speak candidly. “I looked at the number of zeros and I couldn’t believe it. I thought it had to be a mistake,” the person added. “They’re just making my blood boil.”

    Two other former aides also worried about their newfound income levels added it was unclear to them at the time that their salary included the bump for taxes, which are coming due a year later. Beyond the personal headaches, others viewed the tax issue as the latest indignity in a campaign experience filled with them.

    Disputes over anticipated salaries and see-sawing health care benefits during the height of the pandemic left many of the aides feeling burned by their time with Bloomberg. They believe the candidate’s tax accounting decisions also ran counter to personal values he espoused, such as bestowing generous pay and benefits on his employees and taking care of the little guy.

    “If you’re setting up an organization that is running for president and you think that our tax laws should be different, and our policies should be different, in order to better help people, then the way you treat people on the campaign and the way that you pay them should reflect that,” the same ex-staffer added.

    It couldn’t happen to a more deserving bunch of dummies.

      • Suthenboy

        I was expecting a Nelson laugh.

    • Suthenboy

      Echos of the California couple that, when asked about Obamacare, said “We wanted everyone to have health insurance, we just didnt know we were going to have to pay for it.”

      Go sit on a sharp stick, idiots.

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        Or Californians complaining about the cap on SALT deductions, which hits higher income people the most.

    • slumbrew

      One must have a heart of stone to read that without laughing.

    • Rat on a train

      I’ve read that that if Chairman Biden does EO student loan forgiveness, it will include a tax waiver.

  17. The Late P Brooks

    That’s a man, baby.

    Good god, y’all!

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      That was my thought too.

      That’s one ugly dude.

      • Stillhunter

        Dude finally found a way to get some pussy. Good on him. Just leave me the fuck alone.

      • Gadfly

        Speaking of, what I really don’t get is the dudes who go trans and then become lesbians. Like, why? They literally gave up the natural tool for the job and are now going to have to rely on substitutes. And drastically reduced their potential dating pool (since 95% of people are straight). I guess they liked being a woman more than being with women, but I can’t wrap my head around that.

  18. The Other Kevin

    We just did our taxes, but haven’t submitted them. This was my first full year at my new job, and I also did some side work for my old job, which got me a 1099. We’re now in a higher tax bracket. So putting it all together, instead of a refund of around 10k, we owe a few hundred. Kinda sucks, but we knew it would take a year to see how all this works out.

    • slumbrew

      instead of a refund repayment of around 10k [I lent the government, interest free], we owe a few hundred.

      Owing a few hundred is ideal.

      I underpaid and have to pay a penalty of… $7. I’ll take it.

      • R C Dean

        Owing a few hundred is ideal.

        Yeah, that’s the sweet spot.

        I’ve underwithheld in the past. I never paid a penalty, though, just the taxes owed demanded.

      • slumbrew

        Wife is apparently under-withholding, and I had some dividends from my index fund that pushed me into penalty territory. I’ll have to tweak my paycheck withholding this year.

        Last year I sold a bunch of company stock to balance things out and really got myself into penalty territory.

        Good problem to have, but a trap for the unwary.

      • Enough About Palin

        That’s what I paid annually for over 20 years. This year, and a self-imposed poor person, I’m getting $1,300 back. WTF???

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        I was flirting with the penalty for a couple years in a row before the new withholding forms came out. This year they’re going to be refunding me a substantial sum (pending a 1099 from the state of VA) . The problem is that I have no clue how to or whether I need to fix it. Too many one time things happened in 2020 that aren’t going to be happening again (pay cuts, job loss, etc).

        I’d much rather be sweating the penalty than giving uncle Sam a 5 figure loan each year.

    • Mojeaux

      I ordered our spending around the schedule C.

  19. Rebel Scum

    This explains where everybody went.

  20. Ownbestenemy

    Talking with my brother he made this claim that Dems are for the people and they care more. Of course I stuck my nose in it and said parties aside, there are plenty of Dems who have hurt people.

    “Name just one or one policy!”

    I know its a trap because he already stated he sees then as gods among men.

    Im thinking easy ones FDR, Biden shutting down the pipeline…any other really good ones foe me to get into a familial pissing contest

    • Chipwooder

      Cash for Clunkers destroyed the used car market, which hurt everyone too poor to buy a new vehicle.

      • DrOtto

        The absolute dumbest aspect of what was a colossally stupid program was the mandate that the cars be destroyed so as to not be able to be sold off as salvage. Auto salvage is the purest form of recycling that there is.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      Um… George Wallace, Jefferson Davis, Woodrow Fucking Wilson.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Don’ forget Klan Grand Wizard Robert Byrd.

      • Enough About Palin

        Maybe during Jim Crow, but after that Byrd must have become a Republican, right?

    • Animal

      There’s literally an embarrassment of riches there.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Thanks all. I had some of those in mind and you all provide some funsies for him to whisk away with a magic wand.

      What is great is him and I can have these and walk away brothers still. We get heated but drink a beer after and laugh.

      • Animal

        One of my best buds is a deep, deep blue, East Coast urban proggie. He thinks Obama was too far to the right. We’ve argued politics over beers I don’t know how many times, we agree on almost nothing in the political sphere, but somehow, we remain really good friends.

        People are funny.

      • pistoffnick

        I am the only non-liberal at hunting camp. I think it’s kind of funny, because three of them are married to gynecologists, three of them own or manage businesses, they all live on streets with shitty roads.
        We still get along too.

      • Ed Wuncler

        That’s rare these days but good on you and your friend. With one or two exceptions, most of my friends are left leaning but we never ever get angry about politics. And I also purged those who views politics as a religion from my life.

      • juris imprudent

        I would throw in Jimmy Carter and the de-regulation of brewing, but mention how Reagan is usually given the de-regulation credit.

      • Agent Cooper

        Andrew Cuomo?

    • Rebel Scum

      he made this claim that Dems are for the people and they care more.

      Not according to the voters.

      Data from the NBC News poll shows that the composition of the two major parties is changing, and one massive shift is coming in employment: the kinds of jobs Democrats and Republicans hold. There are signs across racial and ethnic demographic groups that Republicans are becoming the party of blue-collar Americans and the change is happening quickly.

      If the movement continues it could have a large impact on the future of the GOP. Consider the scale of the change overall.

      In the last decade, the percentage of blue-collar voters who call themselves Republicans has grown by 12 points. At the same time, the number in that group identifying as Democrats has declined by 8 points. Among white-collar voters, the numbers have remained stable, with Democrats seeing a tiny increase and Republicans seeing a tiny drop.

    • Old Man With Candy

      Biden’s lock-em-up legislation. Literally everything Harris did as AG for CA. Reno’s mass murder by fire. LBJ killing hundreds of thousands of Vietnamese. Slick Willie putting domestic spying into high gear with Carnivore.

      How many more ya want?

    • J. Frank Parnell

      Let me take a stab at his responses:

      * Doesn’t count, parties switched sides in the 60s
      * That was a good, well-meaning policy and any unintended bad results are because of Republicans somehow
      * I never heard of it so it didn’t happen.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        Reno’s mass murder by fire

        Wait, I forgot one:
        * That was fine and saying otherwise makes you a conspiracy nut

    • Gadfly

      How far back does he count Democrats as Democrats? Because the Trail of Tears, Mexican-American War, defense of slavery, promotion of white supremacy, Jim Crow, Japanese internment, government censorship, and confiscation of property were all promoted by historic Democrats.

      If only considering current Democrats, every law that punishes someone for doing something that shouldn’t be illegal counts (and yes, the Republicans are guilty of this as well). Also, Waco, when Obama droned that American kid (“top cop kills unarmed minority kid”, if you really want to troll), voting to continue wars when Trump said he wanted to end them, etc.

    • Tundra

      War, war and more war.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      …every war of choice in the 20th century with one exception (Gulf War) lasting a few weeks.

    • rhywun

      The “Great Society” has been keeping poor people poor for decades.

    • rhywun

      Dems are for the people and they care more

      Honestly, I would be too busy laughing my ass off to come up for air and provide a response.

    • DrOtto

      CA emissions mandates punish the poor. One of the mandates states that for Ultra Low Emissions Vehicle (ULEV) certification, you can’t replace a catalytic converter with an aftermarket converter, must be OE. This means instead of spending $500 for a part for you 14 year old Prius where someone steals your converter (Prius converters are a hot theft item), you have to spend $2,200 (plus labor). This carries over to other CA emissions adopters. Even in states such as TX that don’t follow CA emissions, the ULEV part that fits and will keep the check engine light off probably runs closer to $1,500 for the aftermarket part. Also, fuel tanks are mandated to be sealed on these cars, fuel pump goes out? Noe you have to buy a new fuel tank ($2,000), not just the pump ($300). These are all real life examples l’ve run across on CA market cars dumped into the TX used car market.

  21. Rebel Scum

    What did they use for birth control before socialism?

    BC pills.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      Famine seems to be the socialist-approved birth/population control measure.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      BC pills

      I expected something significantly more perverse, disgusting, or at the very least misogynistic from this crowd.

      • Rebel Scum

        Meh. It is just a different take on “What did commies use before candles?”. (Electricity…)

      • mexican sharpshooter

        I know that! I was looking for some coat hanger jokes!

        *throws empty mug*

  22. Chipwooder

    Apparently Tiger Woods flipped his car this morning and was pretty seriously injured, not life threatening though.

    • db

      Did the guy who bought it see what Tiger paid originally and come to his house to yell at him?

    • Deplorableme

      I guess he’ll need a new driver now.

      • Tundra

        Just teeing it up for Swissy?

      • Ownbestenemy

        A little birdie told me we are in for a mass narrowing of gazes

      • The Hyperbole

        I can’t lie, Swiss has a fair way of dealing with the rough puns you putzes make.

      • KromulentKristen

        I’m really green when it coms to puns, so I doubt Swiss will narrow his gaze at me.

    • KromulentKristen

      I wonder how high & drunk he was, and how successful the cover-up will be?

      • Agent Cooper

        7 am? A few weeks removed from back surgery? He’s hooked again, and now after the crash injuries and pain meds, he’ll be hooked for a while.

        It’s a sad situation.

  23. Animal

    What did they use for birth control before socialism?

    To quote Mrs. Animal’s late Grandmom –

    “Take two aspirins, and hold them between your knees.”

  24. Shpip

    I told the missus about Tiger Woods’ serious car accident today.

    She asked me, “How the hell do you roll over an SUV puttering along in Los Angeles?”

    Was it wrong that my first thought was, “Well, he is half-Asian.”

    • Animal

      Was it wrong that my first thought was, “Well, he is half-Asian.”

      No.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      I am a bad person for laughing at that.

    • Ted S.

      They couldn’t just take a golf club to the window to get him out?

    • Playa Manhattan

      I know that intersection well. That stretch of Hawthorne Blvd is steep enough to have an escape ramp.

      You need to pay close attention, and more importantly, you need to be not high on pills.

      • KSuellington

        Hey, how was your vacation? What was the level of normalcy and mask theatre like there? Hope you and the fam had a good time.

      • Playa Manhattan

        Awesome time

        Masks everywhere but on the beach, in the pool, dining, and hiking.

        Other than that, it felt pretty normal. We went out to dinner at least 6 nights. I haven’t even dined out once here in the last 6 months.

      • Brochettaward

        It seems like Hawaii has been one of the more draconian states, from the outside looking in.

  25. Brochettaward

    Posting links at 1PM? I smell a conspiracy.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      Hey everyone! Point and laugh at #26 over here.

      • Brochettaward

        The joke’s on you. I was comment #100. You can’t keep a true Firster down.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the 99 that ran a first train on you.

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        No kidding. What a loser. Ha, ha!

    • juris imprudent

      FoE wouldn’t have been caught napping like that.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        ^^^^He’s right you know.

  26. Rebel Scum

    *rolls eyes*

    All U.S. and Virginia flags have been lowered in honor of people who have died from COVID-19.

    Virginia Governor Ralph Northam ordered flags to be lowered on Monday in accordance with a proclamation from the White House. More than 500,000 Americans, including 7,486 Virginians, have died from COVID-19.

    “As we mourn the lives lost and pray for the grieving families, friends, neighbors, and loved ones left behind, let us unite in our resolve to defeat this virus,” Northam tweeted. “We must all keep doing our part to protect those around us by wearing masks, social distancing, and getting vaccinated.”

    Flags will remain at half-staff until sunset on Friday, February 26.

    No, they haven’t.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Now lower the flags for the 250,000 that die from medical mistakes every year.

      • db

        Perhaps all the victims of COVID and the public overreaction to it from 2020 should be Time’s Person of the Year for sacrificing themselves to keep Trump from winning again.

      • C. Anacreon

        Now lower the flags for the 250,000 that die from medical mistakes every year.

        TBH that number is far more questionable than even the Covid numbers. It’s all based on wild overestimates, shaky models and generous extrapolations.
        If that many people really died from medical mistakes each year, why would you ever seek medical assistance?

  27. The Late P Brooks

    “As we mourn the lives lost and pray for the grieving families, friends, neighbors, and loved ones left behind, let us unite in our resolve to defeat this virus,” Northam tweeted. “We must all keep doing our part to protect those around us by wearing masks, social distancing, and getting vaccinated.”

    Blah blah blah. You’re not defeating anything.

    It’s not a question of “if”. It’s merely a question of when.

    The mortality rate is still 100%. Stop pretending death is a social construct.

    • juris imprudent

      Just like Tinker Bell, no one would ever die if we all just believed, and wore two masks.

  28. Rebel Scum

    History must be erased because muh feels.

    A petition started by the University of Washington Black Student Union titled, “Demand for the University of Washington Administration to Meet the Needs of Black Students,” demands that the university “remove statues of racist figures,” and specifically calls out George Washington.

    “Statues in place at the University of Washington are preservers of our dark past,” the petition reads. “The George Washington statue, in particular, symbolizes a man who owned over 300 black slaves and profited from their labor.”

    “This is not a history that should be glorified and celebrated as it perpetuates white supremacy and preserves its historical imposition,” the petition adds. “Thus, the George Washington Statue, along with all others that symbolize racist figures, should be removed from the University of Washington.”

    Fascinating. Would you have the same sentiment if they were white? And I guess we’d better get at renaming just about everything in the country including black people named “Washington”.

    • Semi-Spartan Dad

      a man who owned over 300 black slaves and profited from their labor

      This is the tell that BLM is just another Marxist front. I would think just owning a human being should be a sufficient objection by itself but the evil of profit is given equal weight.

      Makes you wonder if Marxists are okay with slavery as long as it’s for the good of the State and no profit is made. Rhetorical… of course they are.

    • Hank

      “our dark past”

      Racist dog-whistle?

    • Suthenboy

      It is childlike histrionics. Agitate and disrupt for the sake of agitating and disrupting, that is what commies do. “Look at me! Look at me! ”
      It doesnt have to make any sense, in fact, the more absurd it is the more they like it. The reply should be ‘Go blow that out of your ass somewhere else.”

    • juris imprudent

      including black people named “Washington”

      No need to worry about the Jeffersons, they done moved on up.

      • Tres Cool

        To a dee-lux apartment in the sky-hi-hi !

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I laughed.

    • Gadfly

      “This is not a history that should be glorified and celebrated as it perpetuates white supremacy and preserves its historical imposition,”

      Has anyone, at least in recent times, glorified Washington’s slave-ownership or racial ideas? People are complex: it is entirely possible for the same person to do both heroic and villainous things. And it is entirely appropriate to celebrate when people do heroic things, which means oftentimes celebrating people who did in fact do bad things as well. Washington is celebrated for his leadership in founding this country, an example that is worthy of commendation and imitation. He is not celebrated for owning slaves or having backwards racial ideas (both of which were common at the time), nor should he be. If the University of Washington is celebrating the negative aspects of his personality, they should stop, but otherwise this anti-Washington sentiment is misplaced.

      Although, if the left does continue to proceed to cancel past heroic figures for their misdeeds, I will have a fun time asking their opinion on the Prophet Muhammad.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        “Islam is right about women.”

        Always good for flustering the truly woke.

      • Mojeaux

        Or, as I heard once, “You are the villain in SOMEONE’s story.”

      • Surly Knott

        Washington believed 2+2=4. (So did Hitler.) Abolish math, racists accept it!

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        I thought Hitler didn’t care for (((physics)))

    • Ed Wuncler

      Black Student Unions involves the worst kind of people. They are usually filled with black students from the burbs who don’t know a damn thing about the hood and who are dying to be martyrs of victimhood. When I first got to college, I went to a Black Student Union meeting and knew after being there for five minutes that I didn’t belong and that was before I became a libertarian or politically aware.

      • Suthenboy

        Like me you always were one and just did not know it yet but had a sense about it.

    • Enough About Palin

      Apparently their SAT score were too low to get into the University of Samuel Little .

      • C. Anacreon

        You can get accepted at that school as long as you promise not to pronounce it “University of Warsh-ington”

    • Agent Cooper

      When do they rename George Washington Carver?

  29. Rebel Scum

    I’m sure the purged and woke military will maintain peak effectiveness.

    “There’s not a single doubt in my mind that you take seriously your oath to the Constitution. And that you serve this country with honor and dignity, and character. And that you believe in and uphold our core values each and everyday,” he said. …

    “But the truth of the matter is, we need your help. I’m talking of course about extremism and extremist ideology. Views and conduct that run counter to everything that we believe in. And which can actually tear at the fabric of who we are as an institution,” he said.

    He said extremist ideology can spread faster and wider thanks to social media and “aggressive and organized and emboldened attitude that many of these hate groups and their sympathizers are now applying to their recruitment and their operations.”

    Austin asked members of the military to revisit the oath they took when they joined the military, consider “what they really mean,” and “think about the promise” they made.

    He then asked military members to share stories with their commanders of extremists and extremist ideology.

    I heard that B-52 airframes are going to be refitted with better engines to be used for another 5 decades but I am not sure woke, soy-addled trannies will be able to fly them.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Now reconcile that with the FBI’s stance that people obsessed with following the Constitution are extremist.

      • juris imprudent

        Perhaps this can be resolved by a loyalty oath, to the Party.

      • Rat on a train

        No, to Biden. A new Führereid.

      • Plinker762

        The party is too nebulous. It should be to the top man. Perhaps he could have a title.

    • Gadfly

      He then asked military members to share stories with their commanders of extremists and extremist ideology.

      *It’s a Trap*

      I’d advise people to keep their heads down and not do this. This is so vague, I’m sure that there will be people who innocently report seeing “extremist ideology” on the web who will be made scapegoats so leadership can get their purge numbers up so it looks like they are doing something. After all, what were you doing looking at that stuff? I smell a traitor-sympathizer, comrade!

      • Drake

        Maybe some stories about how much money we waste on crap from Raytheon? Would those stories be okay?

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      “He then asked military members to share stories with their commanders of extremists and extremist ideology”

      I was forced by woke culture to watch “training films” in an attempt to brainwash me. What do I win?

      • Sean

        Free train ride to the gulag.

      • DrOtto

        There are no free train rides, the riders are heavily subsidized.

      • Ownbestenemy

        I had a commander that used Veggie Tales in Commander’s Call….yet life went on.

    • EvilSheldon

      This is why I’m not worried about my guns getting confiscated.

  30. grrizzly

    Covid Derangement Syndrome

    This lack of proportion – this sudden ignorance that our lives are inescapably filled with many different risks that must be traded off against each other – this treatment of Covid deaths as being categorically worse than are non-Covid deaths – all combined with a blind faith that politicians and bureaucrats will use vast powers wisely, prudently, and effectively – is what I call “Covid Derangement Syndrome.”

    I believe this syndrome to be real and deserving of a name that grabs attention. Such attention-grabbing is warranted, because I further believe that this syndrome poses a dangerous risk to humanity that dwarfs the risk posed by SARS-CoV-2.

    • KSuellington

      AIER has been on fire during the panic. Aside from this place I can’t think of a better website this past year.

      • Urthona

        It’s always been awesome.

  31. Enough About Palin

    “Finish the joke: What did they use for birth control before socialism?”

    The camps.

    • Chipwooder

      A Tokarev

    • Tres Cool

      …back alleys and some hot coat-hangers

      A shop-vac and a garbage disposal

    • Not Adahn

      The Finnish probably used reindeer dung or some kind of arctic moss. Maybe a knotted length of seal intestine.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Salmon skin lubricated with vodka.

      • Tres Cool

        STAY OUT OF MY NIGHTSTAND !

    • mexican sharpshooter

      Ha! There it is!

    • Brochettaward

      Seeing Garland do mental gymnastics to explain why attacking a federal courthouse in Portland isn’t domestic terrorism was a real treat.

      • R C Dean

        Weekends: burning down a courthouse is not terrorism.

        Weekdays:

        8:59 – burning down a courthouse is not terrorism.

        9:01 – TERRORISM! INSURRECTION!

  32. Scruffy Nerfherder

    I’m still waiting for the IRS to find find my 2019 returns, which they apparently misplaced.

    It’s a Kafkian Hell trying to resolve that particular snafu.

    • creech

      My son had a similar experience. I drafted a letter for him to send his congresswoman and, within 4 weeks, it was found and he got his refund.

  33. The Late P Brooks

    Politicization of SCIENCE

    “The evidence was pretty compelling by last March or April that uniform wearing of masks would reduce transmission of this disease,” National Institutes of Health Director Dr. Francis Collins told “Axios on HBO” on Sunday.

    The politicization of face masks probably led to many unnecessary deaths, he said.

    “A mask is nothing more than a life-saving medical device, and yet it got categorized in all sorts of other ways that were not factual, not scientific and, frankly, dangerous,” he added. “And I think you can make a case that tens of thousands of people died as a result.”

    Everybody who refused to kowtow to the holy wise men is a murderer.

    I have some shit on my shoe. Lick it off.

    • slumbrew

      OK, chief, show me the data to back up those claims.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        No shit.

        A hundred years of evidence was suddenly refuted. Believe them.

    • Brochettaward

      Wasn’t Fauci still against masks for hoi polloi in March?

      And if there is so much evidence of this, then it should have been easy to produce it now. Let’s see the studies they’re basing their claims on.

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      I’m old enough to remember when the experts pooh poohed the idea of wearing a mask. I’m also old enough to remember when the experts said wearing a mask would stop the virus in it’s tracks.

    • Drake

      Now do the politicization of Hydroxychloroquine. How many people did that kill?

    • Gadfly

      The politicization of face masks probably led to many unnecessary deaths, he said.

      Then maybe the politicians shouldn’t have mandated it. That’s what politicized the issue. You can’t make something political and then complain that it’s been politicized.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Personally I think that missing step is to throw money at a slush fund for cops to work overtime nailing mask deniers.

        I know I would feel so much better if I saw “EXTRA MASK ENFORCEMENT THIS WEEKEND” on those hiway signs.

        Nothing gives a citizen a warm sense of satisfaction like knowing that his government is going to take money from him in order to pay thugs with guns to take even more money.

    • Pope Jimbo

      1. There are no flu cases because everyone is wearing a mask

      2. The spike in Rona is caused by no one wearing their mask like we ordered, so it has to be lockdowns

      • R C Dean

        The biggest spike came when its likely that the most people were masking up.

      • But Enough About Me. Why? Why not?

        I track Alberta, Canada’s COVID stats. Alberta went to mandatory masking on August 1, 2020. Case counts literally went straight north from that day forward.

    • rhywun

      A mask is nothing more than a life-saving medical device

      OFFS

      • Ownbestenemy

        Some one should show him the packaging of any mask that isn’t hand made that says “not a medical device” or something to that effect.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Or better yet, when your grandpa passes, run to the microphones and say that Dr. Collins killed him and sue him for giving out false medical advice.

  34. robc

    I got my refund this morning. Federal, probably another 5 weeks for state.

    • robc

      Thomas’s dissent, as usual, was brilliant.

    • Ed Wuncler

      I didn’t expect the Supremes to do the right thing. My standards are lowered for anything that elected and appointed officials do.

      • R C Dean

        Kavanaugh, well, I wondered if being politically abused would cow him, or give him some spine. I guess we know.

        I was expecting better of Barrett, though. I guess all that “strict constructionist” BS went right out the window when it mattered.

    • Pope Jimbo

      I can’t even believe that those dissenters are allowed to remain on the SC? Can’t they be impeached too?

      Imagine the amount of wrong think to argue that now is the time to decide some important points of law in regards to elections. EVERYONE knows that the best time to decide those cases is right after (or just before) an election. That way you get totes impassionate decisions. Or the SC runs away from the issues like little bitches and the scofflaws get away with it.

      • Gadfly

        Can’t they be impeached too?

        Technically, yes. I don’t know if a Supreme Court justice has ever been impeached. That would be a major shit-show. Which makes me think they might try it.

      • kbolino

        Samuel Chase was impeached, but not removed, in 1805. Judges at other levels (but not SCOTUS) have been impeached and some even removed since then.

  35. bacon-magic

    Helmut Unsung is a great song choice.

  36. Pope Jimbo

    Ran across this delightful article about what us white eyes are not allowed to do at the end of the morning lynx.

    My favorite don’t is calling natives ‘chief’. Because that word is totes a Native American honorific and should never cross your lying forked tongue.

    Calling a Native “chief” is offensive. It’s a nickname that reduces us solely to our race. And the fact that it is such an honorable title reserved for leaders of tribes makes it so much worse. Chiefs were chosen either by tribe or inheritance to lead them and be the proxy for the tribe. I don’t run my tribe, so don’t call me chief.

    Should anyone tell him that Chief was a European word before we even came over?

    • Brochettaward

      I asked to be called First in my daily life. Compliance has been mixed.

      They should have just gone all the way and broken up all the tribes. No reservation system and forced integration. Then we wouldn’t have these problems.

    • Tundra

      Whether it’s Halloween or having unknowing first graders wear paper feathers for the Thanksgiving program at the local elementary school, dressing up as another race is never OK.

      Lighten up, Tonto.

      • Pope Jimbo

        I wonder what Indian kid dress up as for Halloween?

        The answer is probably the same sorts of things all the other kids dress up as. 90% of the Indians I grew up with were all just normal kids like us. A bunch of rubes growing up in NW Minnesoda.

        They would refer to the AIM activists as “Assholes In Moccasins”.

    • Enough About Palin

      That reminds me about a PBS show (or something similar) I saw a few days ago about a Native-American tribe that celebrates the horse because of their ancestors. As if horses are native to North America.

      • Animal

        As if horses are native to North America.

        Well, actually – originally – they are.

    • Ed Wuncler

      I went on a rant with my wife the other day about why Native Americans don’t deserve special treatment for being treated like shit in the past. Treating conquered people like shit is a shitty and terrible aspect of humanity.

      • Tundra

        I would simply like to dissolve the reservations and let them join the party.

      • Pope Jimbo

        ^This^

        You choose. Become normal citizens, or decide that the reservation is truly sovereign. But we will establish borders, taxes, etc. if you decide to be sovereign.

      • Gadfly

        Interestingly, this was the path the US was on until FDR. The US was abolishing tribal governments and allotting reservation land to individual Indians as their private property. One of the acts doing so was even authored by Charles Curtis, a half-Native-American Senator (and later VP) who believed assimilation was the best course. Of course, there were many objections to this, and FDR reversed course and even reestablished some of the tribal governments that had been disbanded.

      • Tundra

        Interesting. Thanks for the history, Gadfly!

      • Pope Jimbo

        They were treated like shit, but for a conquered people, they got treated pretty well.

        Mongols, Romans, Persians and other empires would simply have killed most of the men and enslaved and raped the surviving women and children. There are no casinos in Tunisia being run by Carthagians who were granted exclusive gaming licenses by Scipio Africanus.

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        That’s it. I’m going to sow the roulette table with salt.

      • Pope Jimbo

        If Rome had the same problems as we do, the University of Rome’s Vandal Studies department would be the most aptly named major ever.

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        Would dressing Goth be considered cultural appropriation?

      • Drake

        The Britons, Picts, Angles, Saxons, Jutes, Welsh, and Danes agree – fuck the Normans.

      • But Enough About Me. Why? Why not?

        Oi! We civilized those Anglo-Saxon fuckers!

      • Bill Door

        Hear hear!

      • But Enough About Me. Why? Why not?

        The best single thing that could happen to Native Canadians would be the abolition of the Indian Act. That thing’s a piece of shit in n-dimensions, and is the origin of the nostrum “Never loan an Indian money.” (Under the Act, “Indians” living on reservations cannot be sued for re-payment of debts, but of course, the “unintended” consequence of that supposedly well-meaning gesture was that natives couldn’t raise capital to do anything worthwhile.)

        In recent decades, savvy natives have created off-reservation financial institutions that allowed them to raise capital under the typical legal protocols of the average Canadian. This, as it turns out, was to their net benefit.

      • kbolino

        The single most corrupt agency of the U.S. government, and that is saying something, is the Bureau of Indian Affairs. Canada has its own uniquely bad relationship with the “natives” but the U.S. is a shitshow all its own. And like Canada, 99% of the time nobody gives a shit (leaving the bureaucracy to be abusive and corrupt as long as it stays out of the spotlight) but then when they do pay attention they get full of righteous moral fury and end up passing some grand new law that further entrenches the dysfunction.

    • R C Dean

      And the fact that it is such an honorable title reserved for leaders of tribes makes it so much worse.

      Not in my culture, its not. For me to adopt your culture’s rules would be cultural appropriation, right?

  37. The Late P Brooks

    Makes you wonder if Marxists are okay with slavery as long as it’s for the good of the State and no profit is made. Rhetorical… of course they are.

    I’ll just say they’re pets, if anybody asks.

    • Brochettaward

      If we didn’t elect* Biden, none of this would be happening.

      *The word elect does not denote the actual will of real voters

      • Pope Jimbo

        My new go-to anytime I get stuck listening to someone railing on about the domestic terrorism on Jan 6th at the capitol is to remind them that every business in major cities was boarding their windows up just before the election because they were worried about violent riots. When it looked like Trump lost they all took the boards down.

        Why?

        Because everyone knew then and knows now that the real violence is coming from Antifa and the other leftists. When Trump lost, the right did not go on a rampage and burn and destroy businesses.

      • Brochettaward

        They were planning violence, but their superiors gave them a stand down order. And it was covered in TIME!

      • rhywun

        You could also bring up the Antifa guy the FBI is currently questioning about his caught-on-tape instigation of violence.

    • rhywun

      Let the blowback begin.

      A-fucking-men.

  38. The Late P Brooks

    “There’s not a single doubt in my mind that you take seriously your oath to the Constitution. And that you serve this country with honor and dignity, and character. And that you believe in and uphold our core values each and everyday,” he said. …

    But the truth of the matter is, we need your help. I’m talking of course about extremism and extremist ideology. Views and conduct that run counter to everything that we believe in. And which can actually tear at the fabric of who we are as an institution,” he said.

    “I’m sure you might believe you are a good American. Well, I’m here to tell you- you’re not.”

    And with that, the purges begin in earnest.

    • Tundra

      People who are secure in their positions do not act this way.

    • Tulip

      According to the people insisting white supremacy and white extremism is a huge problem, all US institutions are the product of white supremacy. So, how can white supremacy and white extremism tear the institutions apart?

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Fruit of the poisoned tree? It just took a couple of hundred years to manifest.

  39. The Late P Brooks

    I can’t even believe that those dissenters are allowed to remain on the SC? Can’t they be impeached too?

    The shit flinging howler monkeys want to “investigate” (?) Clarence Thomas because of things his wife has said. I’m sure they would be shrieking “IMPEACH, IMPEACH!” if they thought there was the slightest chance they could make it happen.

  40. kinnath

    A week ago, we bottomed out at -20F. Today it topped out at +53F.

    God, I love Iowa.

  41. The Late P Brooks

    Here’s a random stupid pointless question:

    Why are some people’s masks so huge? They go practically to the bridge of the nose, cover the cheeks almost back to the ear, and cover the entire bottom of the jaw.

    WTF?

    • creech

      Covering zits? Covering up the two paper masks they wear underneath?

    • Pope Jimbo

      The same reason that the guy at the gym who was wearing his mask completely below his nose gave me the fish eye for not wearing a mask. We were the only two people in the gym.

      You could tell he was itching to say something, but chickened out because I probably looked like I was spoiling for a fight.

      I sooooo wanted to jump him and ask how wearing a mask that didn’t cover his nose was any better than just saying fuck it and going face nude.

      • pistoffnick

        “I sooooo wanted to jump him…”

        Phrasing!

    • rhywun

      To increase the supply of fetid, humid air trapped around your nose?

    • straffinrun

      To cover the scars from slobbering all over the govt cock.

  42. creech

    ABC News just ran some statement from one of the higher up cops in Capitol. To paraphrase him, “the Jan.6th insurrection was carefully planned and carried out as a military assault.” Chrissakes, we did a better job of planning our attacks when we used to play “cowboys and indians” back in the day. If that was a “military assault,” then the enemy is more in danger to die laughing than in fear from the “extreme right insurrectionists.”

    • Suthenboy

      Carefully planned and carried out military assault—> https://ewscripps.brightspotcdn.com/dims4/default/93f1a84/2147483647/strip/true/crop/4547×3032+0+0/resize/1280×854!/quality/90/?url=http:%2F%2Fewscripps-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F09%2Fd0%2F1efc03cc48efaf7383b33531cb3c%2Fap21007017666908.jpg

      Shouldn’t the military assaulters be armed? Maybe their planning wasn’t that careful after all.

      “Hey guys, what do we do now?”

      “I dunno, we forgot our guns.”

      What a clown show from one end to the other.

      • Pope Jimbo

        You don’t need firearms when you have a kick ass hat and gnarly tattoos.

      • Brochettaward

        I think what happened on Jan 6th legitimately terrified them. They are playing up what happened. They know they’re lying and full of shit. But they also know just how bad things could have been if things were actually as they’re pretending.

        An actual military style assault on the capital that day would have resulted in a lot of dead lawmakers.

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      That’s like saying the dog that chased the car carefully planned his attack.

      • kbolino

        The Capitol Police work directly for Congress. In this environment, the only measure of competence they have is how well they toe the party lion.

  43. The Late P Brooks

    Worry not, boys and girls, the experts have everything well in hand

    Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell warned on Tuesday the United States has a “long way” to go to return to full employment, even as he expressed cautious optimism that the economy will recover from the pandemic this year.

    At the same time, Powell avoided commenting on the level of federal support needed for the economy as Congress prepares to vote on President Biden’s $1.9 trillion dollar rescue package for families and businesses battered by the coronavirus downturn.

    In testimony before the Senate Banking Committee, Powell also pushed back against concerns that inflation will become a threat, as Republicans – and even some Democrats – warn that Biden’s plan is excessive and could overheat the U.S. economy.

    ——-

    Powell reiterated his belief that price hikes are unlikely to be a significant threat, without wading into Biden’s plan.

    ——-

    While the Fed does not anticipate a lasting spike in inflation, Powell stressed that he and his colleagues have the tools to address any surprises.

    “Forecasters need to be humble and have a great deal to be humble about, frankly,” he said. “If it does turn out that unwanted inflation pressures arise and they’re persistent, then we have the tools to address that, and we will.”

    Top Men. With tools. What more could you ask for?

    • But Enough About Me. Why? Why not?

      “some kind”

      Sure. Industrial strength comes to mind.

      • Pope Jimbo

        The fabled Red Dildo of Courage?

      • C. Anacreon

        William S. Burroughs called that a “Steely Dan”.

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      Why do you think they’re smiling?

  44. Pope Jimbo

    My take:

    Trump protesting the election results and undermining confidence in the election is a patch on the ass of elected Congresspeople demanding that private companies shut down media sources that they disagree with.

    If they had to impeach Trump for exercising his 1A rights, the two Congress assholes trying to get cable companies to drop Fox and OAN should be summarily removed from their positions in Congress.

    • But Enough About Me. Why? Why not?

      . . . the two Congress assholes trying to get cable companies to drop Fox and OAN should be summarily removed from their positions in Congress executed.

      Fixed. You’re welcome.

      • kbolino

        That would just make them martyrs. The best comeuppance for them is to live out the rest of their lives as far away from the levers of power as possible, in a regime that they have no control over and which leaves them impotent, irrelevant, and otherwise just living like normal people.

      • rhywun

        Yeah, simple impeachment would be sufficient. Let them find work at the DMV or something.

  45. The Late P Brooks

    I sooooo wanted to jump him and ask how wearing a mask that didn’t cover his nose was any better than just saying fuck it and going face nude.

    In all the times I have worn a mask, under duress, I have never pulled it up over my nose. A couple of times I was prompted to “fix” it but I ignored them.

    I arrived at a method for wearing it in the grocery store which involved folding it in half so it barely covered my mouth- went across my lower lip and chin. I got a couple of looks, but nobody said anything.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Probably because you are soooo good looking Brooksy that the grocery store workers know they’d be torn to shreds by the enraged haus fraus shopping there if they made you cover up that face.

      • But Enough About Me. Why? Why not?

        “Yeah, baby!

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        I just pull my manly chest hairs up over my mouth to act as a mask.

      • But Enough About Me. Why? Why not?

        My bunk. I’ll be in it.

    • DEG

      In all the times I have worn a mask, under duress, I have never pulled it up over my nose.

      #metoo

  46. The Late P Brooks

    Probably because you are soooo good looking Brooksy that the grocery store workers know they’d be torn to shreds by the enraged haus fraus shopping there if they made you cover up that face.

    It’s the mustache. I am merely its servant.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      John Bolton is that you?

  47. KromulentKristen

    Two more boxes of 9mm at .50/round are on their way! Hooray!

    • Raven Nation

      Holy crap – well done!

      Good manufacturer?

      • KromulentKristen

        Federal. I ordered it weeks ago, and it finally shipped.

    • R C Dean

      Theodore Lutton, 60, is charged with being a felon in possession of firearms, possession with intent to distribute cocaine, possession with intent to distribute methamphetamine and cocaine, possession of a destructive device and unlawful possession of a bald eagle.

      Christine Lutton was also charged with unlawful possession of a red-tailed hawk.

      How do they know which bird belonged to who?

    • Not Adahn

      I swear I’ve heard this story before.

    • Suthenboy

      Coincidence: I saw a bald eagle yesterday. I have never seen one in this area before but one was perched in a tree over a local pond yesterday. I guess their numbers are up and they are spreading out. We had some in south Louisiana and I have seen them around lake Sam Houston but never here before. Huh.

      Who would keep one in captivity? Seems it would be fairly expensive to feed.

      • Suthenboy

        That’s right, I DRFA. Fight me.

      • The Hyperbole

        Domestic Relations Financial Affidavit?

    • db

      Rogers, eh? Not far from here.

  48. But Enough About Me. Why? Why not?

    Right now in Edmonton, I can buy 500 rounds of Sellier & Bellot 9mm 115 Gr FMJ for $189.00 CDN +5% GST ($198.45 CDN total) or 50 rounds of Federal American Eagle 9mm 147 Gr TMJ (Toxic Metal-Free Primer) for $19.00 CDN + 5% GST ($19.95 CDN). That’s $157.65 USD for 500 rounds or $15.85 for 50 rounds.

    My preference is for the Federal stuff, but beggars, choosers etc.

    • Not Adahn

      So… how much you want for it?

      • Not Adahn

        I’m not even kidding. At that price, I’ll buy 3000 rounds.

      • EvilSheldon

        I’m picturing underground private shooting clubs, with Art Deco fittings and a thug stuffed into a tuxedo working the door (the password is ‘swordfish’). Gentlemen in black tie and ladies in flapper dresses, shooting bootlegged Canadian ammo through 1928 Thompsons and BARs…

        Not gonna lie, I’m a little turned on right now.

    • Plinker762

      Sounds like it won’t be booze being bootlegged from Canada.

    • Brochettaward

      There’s something wrong with this generation.

    • Ted S.

      And then drugs fell out of his ass.

      • db

        Can someone explain this particular turn of phrase to me? Every time I think I have sussed out what it means, someone uses it in a new context.

      • Ownbestenemy

        A story about drugs falling out of someones ass…duh

        No I think people kept linking the story in a Afternoon links a while back so thus becomes an inside joke if someone posts a link that has already been presented, particularly multiple times.

      • db

        got it now, thanks

      • The Hyperbole

        It just means that the link you are posting has been previously posted, usually more than once. It stems from a viral article from a while back (I forget the particulars but I believe some drug mule shot himself and then got caught with the stash up his ass) that seemingly got linked to every few days for weeks.

    • Urthona

      Sure he did.

      • Brochettaward

        You know it’s bullshit because he would have touted that story way before 2021 if true.

    • straffinrun

      Was it “coon” or “cunt”? This trend of not spelling out the word is beyond stupid.

      • Suthenboy

        Communist

      • straffinrun

        4 letters and begins with C, Comrade.

      • straffinrun

        Fellow c****word guy gets it.

      • C. Anacreon

        “He called you a coon? That’s an old pro trick, to get you kicked out of the game. They guys around camp used to talk about his sister. Her name was Alice. Use that!”

        /famous Korean War Brain Surgeon and NFL running back

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        +1 Spearchucker

    • UnCivilServant

      That only happened if Barry’s punch made the classmate laugh so hard they fell over and hit their face on the pavement.

    • mrfamous

      HE was from Canada, you wouldn’t know him

    • Brochettaward

      I love when Ron tells the one guy maybe the government should force him to go on a diet because he’s a little overweight. Then the bitch next to him says she’s tired of people like him using the Constitution to do whatever they want before going on about how the government can’t legalize something because reasons.

      • KromulentKristen

        Curtis Sliwa’s erstwhile wife

      • Old Man With Candy

        Guardian Angels grifter.

    • straffinrun

      And some people still think Ron Paul is just another right winger. That audience and Morton deserve the boot stomping they’d deal out to others.

  49. straffinrun

    I saw a t*** getting f***ed by a d***. It made me *****

    • Ted S.

      You saw a tern getting fenced by a duck, and it made you laugh?

      • Not Adahn
      • db

        No, no, he saw a tank getting filled by a dolt. It made him vomit.

    • Ted S.

      Or is this supposed to be Mad Libs?

      • C. Anacreon

        Match Game ’74

      • rhywun

        The answer is always “bazooms”.

      • Ted S.

        Fannie Flagg’s bazooms for the win.

      • limey

        I’d never seen Match Game until I went to ‘merica and then I discovered there’s a channel that just repeats old game shows over and over punctuated by Life Alert commercials. Match Game ‘7x seemed to be on late at night and the perfect viewing for being tipsy/tired/unwinding.

    • KromulentKristen

      You saw a tort getting filed by a defendant? It made you salute?

    • pistoffnick

      You saw a tree getting felled by a dong. It made you damp?

      • KromulentKristen
      • KromulentKristen

        (whenever my parents would pick me up at the airport, the first thing I always would say to them was “no more yanky my wanky – the Donger need FOOD!”. I’m what’s known as a Superracist)