Sunday Morning Valentine Links

by | Feb 14, 2021 | Daily Links | 290 comments

Want to see me go all gooey and diabetes-inducing about my wife? No? OK, we’ll get a room, then.

Birthdays today include a second-rate pornographer who looked like Shemp Howard with a Jerry Colonna mustache; a guy who was indirectly responsible for my first handjob; the (((Pride of Waukegan)));  a guy who will always be a cornerstone of the Teamster’s Union; a guy whose last words were, “Sorry about that”; a guy whose last words were, “Let’s not lose our heads over this”; a politician who was too easy to parody; an authoritarian piece of shit who should be first in line for the Central Park woodchipper; a guy who got one lucky break and is still riding it; a truly brilliant man and one of SP’s and my heroes; and a guy whose last words were, “Hmmm, I probably shouldn’t have fucked her”.

Onward and outward.

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

We need common sense knife laws.

 

“Our model shows that Exxon is worse than Hitler.”

 

Another example of why SP and I totally gave up the NFL.

 

Another example of why SP and I basically don’t watch TV.

 

I am shocked SHOCKED by this news.

 

“I have a better idea: why don’t you go fuck yourself?”

 

Old Guy Music is a little pre-Crimson frippery. And when I looked outside this morning…

About The Author

Old Man With Candy

Old Man With Candy

Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me. Wait, wrong book, I'll find something else.

290 Comments

  1. Tres Cool

    “a guy who got one lucky break and is still riding it”

    My guess was wrong, but then again I havent heard much about Kato Kaelin recently.

    • juris imprudent

      Could’ve been Joe Theisman.

      • Lazer

        I had a buddy who hated Thiesman as an announcer, said we should get to see that hit every time he announced.

      • Chafed

        Harsh

      • Agent Cooper

        You mean JOE THEEEEZMAN?

    • Agent Cooper

      I had Jimmy Buffett.

  2. The Frabjous GT

    Want to see me go all gooey and diabetes-inducing about my wife?

    Aw, c’mon! Go ahead!

  3. Ted S.

    Another example of why SP and I basically don’t watch TV.

    Shut down the TV transmitters, because reruns of The Bachelor are not essential.

  4. blackjack

    Shit! It’s Valentine’s day. Where did I put my Tommy gun?

    • Tres Cool

      +1 Capone

      (speaking of VD and tertiary syphilis)

      • Don escaped Qanon

        tertiary

        exactly how many times am I gonna get it?

      • Tres Cool

        You only need it once. Just avoid any treatments.

    • PudPaisley

      Chicago had the equivalent of 113 St. Valentine’s Day Massacres last year. None of those lives mattered, so not much press.

  5. Count Potato

    “Iran’s use of ‘electric shocks’ on gay children is torture, says UN report”

    Did anyone think it wasn’t torture?

    • Tres Cool

      Maybe the Pope, but he gets off on e-stim I hear.

    • commodious spittoon

      Are we in hate with Iran again? It’s so hard to tell these days.

    • Rat on a train

      Duchenne?

    • rhywun

      Trump?

  6. KromulentKristen

    If I had known my thing would be published later today, I would have included some Liz Lemon vs. Valentine’s Day

    https://youtu.be/iWAWCTaqqno

    • Tres Cool

      You shoulda remembered to put that thing down, flip it, and reverse it.

    • commodious spittoon

      There’s a scene in which she explicitly tells off someone’s kid about the vacuousness of Valentine’s Day, too… but I can’t remember whose kid (maybe Pete’s?)

      • commodious spittoon

        Pete’s last scene in the finale still makes me LOL for real, though. Like being abducted into his own life.

      • KromulentKristen

        Yeah, now I’m gonna have to binge some 30 Rock. The finale where Jenna is singing “Rural Juror” actually makes me tear up a little.

      • KromulentKristen

        Happy Anna Howard Shaw Day!!

        (it was Pete’s kid)

      • commodious spittoon

        LOL yes.

        Liz Lemon is the best unironic ironic lefty. I don’t know how that squares.

      • KromulentKristen

        Hopefully you’ll enjoy tonight’s evening article ?

      • Agent Cooper

        Tina Fey is actually funny?

      • KromulentKristen

        Very much so

  7. The Late P Brooks

    “No words can express my regret, my embarrassment, and my disgust for my behavior. I used language that no woman should ever have to hear from anyone, especially in a situation where she was just trying to do her job. It was language that was abhorrent, disrespectful, and unacceptable,” he said.

    “I am devastated to have embarrassed and disappointed my White House colleagues and President Biden, and after discussion with White House communications leadership tonight, I resigned my position and will not be returning from administrative leave.”

    He further said that he is determined to earn back the trust of everyone he let down due to his “intolerable actions.”

    That sounds like a guy who got caught with a little boy chained up in his basement. The bar for “horrific” behavior is just lying on the ground.

    • Fourscore

      At least he didn’t sniff her hare (intentional John)

      • juris imprudent

        Isn’t that more an an Easter joke than Valentine’s Day?

    • Rat on a train

      The bar is deep in the ocean. Where is James Cameron when you need him?

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      We’re definitely in the midst of a neo-Puritan phase where all behavior is strictly monitored for any and all transgressions, imagined or not. Each and every word carries far too much social weight.

      That said, the guy’s not only a massive dick, but is a prime example of the awfulness that is the current Democrat party.

      Reporters literally fucking those they cover in government.

      That should be strictly verboten, from both sides.

      You shouldn’t get to get banged by White House staff during your morning shower, then write a story about how Biden is the Bringer Of Unity.

      • rhywun

        My favorite line:

        Biden told staffers that he would fire them “on the spot” if they “treat another colleague with disrespect.”

        Yeah, sure, Joe.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Suuuuuuurrrrre

      • zwak

        What I think is mildly amusing is that Dems/media/eGOP think they can put the last four years in a box, tuck it in the back of the closet and forget about everything they did.

        Nope, ain’t gonna happen.

    • Sean

      All that money, and that’s who he’s banging? What’s the point of being rich?

      • Fourscore

        “There aren’t any ugly rich men”, paraphrased Sophia Loren

      • Tres Cool

        +1 Dirty Sanchez

      • AlexinCT

        He looks like he is more into Cleveland Steamers….

      • Tres Cool

        + Alabama Hot Pocket

      • zwak

        Yeah, well, look at that tuxedo he’s wearing, dudes got crap taste.

    • Cy Esquire

      The guys a billionaire and that’s who he left his wife for? What a fucking idiot.

      I do admire his ‘peace out, I’m going to the beach!’ Sadly, his ‘climate change’ cop out was pretty beta.

      • AlexinCT

        Arnold Schwarzenegger also ended up divorced cause he was banging some old maid working for him. According to him it was cause those latin women are so hot (sex with his wife is probably like fucking a corpse I guess). Bezos might have the same problem?

    • Rat on a train

      They would, but they care so much about the environment that they won’t charter a commercial flight. It would pollute more than taking a private plane.

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      What’s the point of being a mega-billionaire media mogul if that’s the fish you land?

      She must make a great sandwich.

      • Tres Cool

        I bet Stormy Daniels ghosted him on Tinder

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        She probably knows how to butter his ego really well.

        Guys who are the richest men in the world have a tendency to not take criticism from anyone, including their wives and girlfriends.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        “It looks so big in my teeny girl hands.”

    • rhywun

      When did all the billionaires turn into leftist twats?

      • AlexinCT

        When the left started selling them serious power through government mandates?

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        Good question. I remember when Bezos was celebrated as libertarian-ish.

        The dude is anything but libertarian.

      • Mojeaux

        Don’t you have to have billions to be able to afford being a leftist twat?

      • hayeksplosives

        Limousine liberals.

        It’s definitely true. Only if you are rolling in filthy lucre can you withstand the policies you pretend to support for the sake of the least among us.

    • Agent Cooper

      He’s living his best life!

  8. The Late P Brooks

    “We are committed to striving every day to meet the standard set by the President in treating others with dignity and respect, with civility and with a value for others through our words and our actions.”

    As long as they aren’t Trump voters. Nobody respects those verminous bastards.

    • The Frabjous GT

      the standard set by the President in treating others with dignity and respect

      He has the deepest respect for the way your hair smells.

      • Tres Cool

        “Gee your hair smells terrific” is something you never want to hear from a midget.

    • juris imprudent

      The rules are for the little people. She clearly understood that.

      • juris imprudent

        And let’s hope she appears in a future Jomala episode.

    • rhywun

      I see that “insufferable” runs in the family.

  9. The Late P Brooks

    Air pollution caused by the burning of fossil fuels such as coal and oil was responsible for 8.7m deaths globally in 2018, a staggering one in five of all people who died that year, new research has found.

    They carefully scrutinized 100 million death certificates to reach that conclusion, right?

    RIGHT?

    • Cy Esquire

      SILENCE Comrade. The lion was toed. Respect THE SCIENCE!

      Amen.

    • juris imprudent

      Mod… est? No, that wasn’t it. Mod… erate? Nope. Mod.. el – yeah it was the model that figured it out.

  10. The Late P Brooks

    The enormous death toll is higher than previous estimates and surprised even the study’s researchers. “We were initially very hesitant when we obtained the results because they are astounding, but we are discovering more and more about the impact of this pollution,” said Eloise Marais, a geographer at University College London and a study co-author. “It’s pervasive. The more we look for impacts, the more we find.”

    “Everywhere I look, I see exactly what I was looking for.”

    SCIENCE!

    • Rat on a train

      Hey Jo. Look at this. If I change this variable. The one that assumes what percentage of people die from this each year. If I turn it up, the number of deaths attributed to it also go up. Who would have thunk. Isn’t science cool.

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      Everywhere I look, I see exactly what I was looking for.

      Just wait until they get the new War on Terror 2: White Supremacy Boogaloo going in earnest. I eagerly await article after article exhibiting the very worst sorts of confirmation bias.

    • The Other Kevin

      I’m willing to accept this study, as long as they do another one showing how many lives are saved by heating and cooling and reliable transportation and clean water and safe food and medical care. Stuff that depends on fossil fuels.

    • creech

      I wonder how many died from radiation from a nuclear power plant? Anyone serious about pollution controls would be advocating nuclear power.

      • Mad Scientist

        But they’re not serious about pollution. At all.

  11. Muzzled Woodchipper

    Gotta love the letterhead….

    After having read it I’m not convinced he’s gonna run again, but I do think he’ll end up as a kingmaker of sorts.

    I wouldn’t discount his ability to win, but I think that the many events that took place between election night and the iNsUrReCtIoN, whether it be Trump’s behavior or the media portrayal of it, pushed enough people away to make it a very tough task.

    And I’d bet he’d have more power and influence in a kingmaker’s role. Plus he can perform that role from his office in Palm Beach.

    • Fourscore

      Apparently taken down?

      • Fourscore

        Thanks. Trump will never give up.

      • Tres Cool

        william garrett alexandrovich
        @wxilliam
        ·
        16h
        Replying to
        @cspan
        It’s a good thing no one needs to read it because he doesn’t matter anymore.

        Gee- I bet he mattered a LOT to you the other day when you were certain a 2nd impeachment was about to happen.

    • Cy Esquire

      Sadly, I think it’s going to start a line of Trump family members running for office for the next 30+ years. See the kennedys, clintons, bushs, cheneys…. etc.

      • leon

        Your ssaying there’s a chance? / Hunter

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        A President Ivanka might be interesting.

        How embarrassing would it be for Democrats if the first woman president (to be actually voted in as opposed to however Kamala becomes pres) is not only a Republican, but a Trump?

      • Don escaped Qanon

        I’m here for it: Ivanka rams through federalized child care while 30 million truck drivers explain to George Will how that’s exactly what the constitution is about

    • Don escaped Qanon

      kingmaker

      There is no way the me and the other 40 million plumbers who worship our lord and savior Don John Trump are going to trust and play along with your phony schmony so-called elections and your Venezuelan voting machines and RINO secretaries of states rolling over for Biden if I have to round up every ex-firefighter in Arkansas to storm every federal building to TAKE IT BACK !!!!!!1!!!!111!

      • juris imprudent

        *golf claps* [perfect with the moniker du jour]

  12. RBS

    Why do people keep interviewing the children/grandchildren/greatgrandchildren of people who accomplished things like anyone gives a shit what they think?

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      You mean you don’t care what Thomas Edison’s great great daughter thinks of the current state of the grid?

    • juris imprudent

      I’ve always thought the Brits ruled India so long because the caste systems in both countries aligned so well.

      • Tonio

        Damn.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        He makes a good point.

      • Don escaped Qanon

        I’m Scots-Irish, so let me know if you need any toilets scrubbed or babies bayoneted

      • Tres Cool

        I hate myself for doing this, but….Obligatory

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        One of the worst songs I’ve ever heard, probably even worse than the Four Non-Blondes one.

      • l0b0t

        Perhaps the overly saccharine wholesome cuteness of this version is more to your liking (also, the mom in the “We are BYU football” t-shirt and the long grey skirt is teh hotness) – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPWWMVzjJXE

      • Mojeaux

        That was so on point it was painful.

      • Agent Cooper

        I once wrote a parody called “Mohels.”

        I should try to find it.

      • rhywun

        One of the worst songs I’ve ever heard

        Yikes, you’re not kidding.

    • Charlie Suet

      Shocking that there are hard left academics at Cambridge.

    • Agent Cooper

      “because he used terms such as “English Speaking Peoples” and “Anglo-Saxon”.

      Or because it was 1920-something.

  13. The Late P Brooks

    Doyle, who was on the Iowa staff from 1999 to 2019, was placed on administrative leave by the school in June after several former Iowa players accused him of racism. Shortly after, the university and Doyle agreed to part ways.

    Not even Proctor and Gamble can get that stain out.

    • AlexinCT

      Don’t fall for this shit. They are running a racket on us. China now will pretend to bow down and produce documentation clearing them to the Biden assholes, and the Biden douchebags will stamp it with the imprimatur of legitimacy, after which they will tell us it was not the Chicomms that fucked over the world and deserve to be nuked for it.

  14. Tonio

    Good morning, all. And a very happy Valentine’s Day to those of you that have significant others.

  15. The Late P Brooks

    You shouldn’t get to get banged by White House staff during your morning shower, then write a story about how Biden is the Bringer Of Unity.

    “I know this is hard for you to understand, but there’s no undue influence or favoritism involved here. It’s just the plain honest truth.”

    • Cy Esquire

      We all know there’s a particular kind of male that will say/do/believe whatever he has to to get laid. Sadly, there are a lot of that type in politics and education. Logic means nothing if for a second they think they might get their dick wet.

      • Fourscore

        Damn, never worked for me, try politics in the next life…

      • Old Man With Candy

        We all know there’s a particular kind of male that will say/do/believe whatever he has to to get laid.

        “Heterosexual.”

    • blackjack

      Heh,heh! He said “hard!”

  16. Count Potato

    Lots of people attacking the NYT piece on Slate Star Codex. I didn’t think it was all that bad. It’s literally the New York Times. What were these people expecting?

    “If you walk step by step through what the NYT did to Scott Alexander, I don’t think it’s particularly unfair to characterize it as libel.”

    https://twitter.com/politicalmath/status/1360801458736623617

    “The New York Times article about SlateStarCodex is finally out and it is…bad. There’s a lot I could parse, but let me just walk you through one paragraph that is so misleading as to be deceptive.”

    https://twitter.com/PMatzko/status/1360629399582826499

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      The NYT is just taking another scalp because they can.

      That’s the entirety of the media complex now outside of shilling for the DNC. Find some guy with an opinion who tries to argue in good faith and bring him down to your level by accusing him of racism, misogyny, etc… They don’t bother to make arguments anymore, they just want to ruin lives in order to make themselves look heroic because they exposed another secret racist.

      They destroy, that’s all they know how to do.

    • Nephilium

      There’s a response piece from Scott Alexander.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Warren/Biden voter. ?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        “Look at who I voted for! I’m a good person, really I am! I hate all the right people”

        It’s amazing that otherwise intelligent people fall for this trap. He just validated their ad hominem arguments.

      • kbolino

        I applaud that he’s done what he can to mitigate the impact to himself and others, but personal fear has been his prime motivator since this all started.

        That having been said, there’s (basically) two ways I see this playing out. This is a prime red-pill moment, he has seen firsthand exactly how the press behaves (Malice: “they want you dead but will settle for your submission”). He could begin to realize that he’s not dealing with well intentioned but misguided people, he’s dealing with knowing and willful malintent. And that the press is just one arm of the Cathedral.

        Or he could submit. Voting the right way is necessary but not sufficient. Scott has always been a heterodox member of the blue tribe, both in the sense of them being Democrats and them being blue-pilled, though the two meanings are not synonymous. It is his heterodoxy that made him worth reading, much like John from H&R, though John’s membership in the red tribe was less defining of him than his occasional bouts of flaming assholery.

        Call it Popehat’s Fork.

      • kbolino

        Footnotes: I don’t think Popehat ever faced a “crisis” like this, his descent into blue-pilled narcissistic assholery seems to be entirely unprompted by exogenous events; also, John’s assholery was more than just “occasional”.

      • Nephilium

        The part that jumped out to me in the piece was him commenting that it was this:

        I have never personally met the other right-wing figures named in the article. I wrote a 30,000 word condemnation of one of them on my blog a few years ago, and we have since had some email exchanges about to what degree this was unfair. I received a sympathetic email from another of them about the Times article. Others I have had literally no contact with.

        He brings up some interesting ideas in his posts (although as many have said, he’s a bit too verbose most of the time), and to me it seems like he’s one of those who’s struggling with the realization that the Democrat/Progressive wing hates him for not towing the lion.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        No dissent allowed.

        It doesn’t matter if the proclamations of the new priesthood make no sense, rational evaluation of such is grounds for excommunication.

      • EvilSheldon

        The desire to be liked is possibly more destructive than the atom bomb.

      • Count Potato

        Is that a pic of Walter Duranty? LOLOL

  17. dragonbook

    Hard to believe that the goofy novelty song trio Giles Giles and Fripp morphed into King Crimson.

    • Old Man With Candy

      A hint on that album was Suite No. 1.

      • l0b0t

        I found In The Court Of The Crimson King in my parent’s 8-track collection when I was 8 or 9; it changed me.

      • Old Man With Candy

        #metoo. Wasn’t much crazy about the albums after that until the Belew era. Discipline rocked my world.

    • Sean

      Fucking retards.

      100 days, my ass.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        *cough* two weeks *cough*

    • Rufus the Monocled

      it’s not normal. It really isn’t. Something happened to the psyche of people who continue to wear these stupid things and will do so int0 2022.

      I don’t believe not even during the Spanish flu they went this far.

      I remember Biden’s passionate ‘I’m just asking for 100 days’. I thought to myself at the time ‘Bull shit. The incoherent shit stained hoodlum liar means 1000 days’.

      Is there a ‘Biden Lie Count’ because I’m sure passed 4000 by now.

      • Rufus the Monocled

        The city of Burlington Ont. already pushed their mask mandate to December 31 by a three member council. Not a popular decision.

        This in a country with 2000 cases a day, hospitalizations nowhere near threatening the system and an R-value below 1. In essence, the virus is present but endemic now. BUT Skippy the Epidemiologist is screaming the variant will be the ‘big one’ in April. So another 75 days of ’15 days to flatten the curve’.

        Incompetent criminals. All of them. May they all rot in hell.

    • juris imprudent

      eintausend Jahre!

      • rhywun

        Wait til we find out that a bag of dicks cures the ‘vid.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        Then I’m definitely not taking a vaccine.

  18. The Gunslinger

    Morning old man. Nice valentine in the photo at the top. But only 6,000 jews? Are you stepping out on us?

    • SandMan

      I thought the same thing, should be 1e6.

    • Agent Cooper

      Maybe he doesn’t love her that much?

  19. ElspethFlashman

    All I get as side-scroll ads are “booty shape machine” or “buy this bra that’s not really a bra,” or “this makeup is so incredible!”

    Bah humbug.

    • Nephilium

      For some reason, Pandora has decided that I really need to get advertisements for a Panasonic CPAP machine. I got the same commercial 3 times in a 45 minute drive on Friday. I don’t have any CPAP machine now.

      • Count Potato

        Maybe they can hear you snore?

      • juris imprudent

        Alexa recommends…

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        Are you blocking cross tracking? If you are, you’ll still get ads, just not the kind derived from following your every move on the internet, so they’re random.

    • Pi Guy

      Huh. I get Asian Tranny Midgets.

      ?

      • juris imprudent

        derived from following your every move on the internet

        Algorithms!

      • blackjack

        Recently search swapping a toyota transmission into a MG?

      • blackjack

        Or, were you just trying to prove to your family that the niche exists?

  20. Scruffy Nerfherder

    The groveling from the Bachelor host is sickening. He folded worse than Drew Brees. Not that I particularly care about the Bachelor, but nobody appears to have a spine anymore.

    • juris imprudent

      With the toxic smug mob never more than a click away?

      • rhywun

        Yeah, and people need to work.

        The mob is out to destroy anyone and everyone now and it is easier than ever.

    • Jerms

      Still pissed at Breese.

  21. rhywun

    “Our model shows that Exxon is worse than Hitler.”

    Racism is literally worse than both.

  22. The Late P Brooks

    I’ve got some war movie on. The Limey commandos are attacking a German radio shack. There’s a German tucked just inside the doorway, shooting out; you see his hands holding the grease gun. I can’t help think the guy on the outside, who has appropriated the Germans’ .30(?) cal machine gun wouldn’t just sight about six inches off the door jamb and gnaw a giant hole through the wooden slat exterior wall of that shack

    But I’m not a movie commando.

    • Don escaped Qanon

      1917: there’s this open farm space and skirting it by keeping to these oaks and overgrown fence-rows has been working all day, but let’s go clear that abandoned house and barn and then go over and check on that kraut I just shot and FUCK HE STABBED ME

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        LOL

        That was a rather stupid moment in the film.

      • Don escaped Qanon

        I’ve gotta a teensy anxiety problem, so NewWife hates to be in the theater with me on such occasions when I’m squirming and convulsing and gritting my teeth until I go all Memphis and start whisperscreaming to myself No No No NO NO don’t don’t don’t fuck don’t no NO fuckhedidit whythefuckdidhedoit

        and then I mansplain the whole problem with it all the way home and for the next week

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Please tell me you start talking at full volume “Ah HELL no girl! Don’t you go in that basement!”

      • Don escaped Qanon

        truth is I hate the talking during the movie, was raised better, would never

        so half the squirming is about corking it in the way that I wouldn’t at home

        but I will say there is something special about the rhythm (that’s racist!) of a Memphis movie with the flawlessly middle-aged or big mama iknowthatsright coming in from the row behind you at least once in every flick. It’s home; I kinda like it in the way that I realized I missed it the two decades I spent in The Desert.

      • juris imprudent

        Shouldn’t you be married to the kind of woman that asks all during a movie – what’s going on here?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        That would be me. At the climax of the action sequence:

        Wife: “I don’t understand. Who’s that guy? Why does he want the other guy dead? And who is Rozaghoulie”

        Me: “Please stop talking.”

        Wife: “That’s just rude. If you cared you’d stop the movie and explain it to me.”

      • Cy Esquire

        Dear god man! Who would marry such a monster??!?!?

      • juris imprudent

        He’s married to my ex-wife apparently.

      • Nephilium

        Wait… the girlfriend is married to you?

      • Agent Cooper

        I remember whispering to my wife a little into The Sixth Sense “Bruce Willis is dead.”

        I also screamed when Mischa Barton was puking up the bile as the dead girl under the sheet. I don’t normally do that.

    • creech

      Seems like an improvement. Remember the old “Combat” tv show? The kraut would always run out the front door and stand in plain sight so Caje could saw him in half with a BAR.

      • The Frabjous GT

        Combat pops up Saturday evenings on the “Heroes & Icons” cable channel.

        Rat Patrol > Combat.

      • Plinker762

        That is because the kraut could not see the GI.

  23. robodruid

    I am not saying this is true.
    But this,
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ll187f27Pxg
    is remarkably accurate.
    As i look at part of my flock hanging out in the house because of cold. And getting ready for sheep in the fall.

    Beware of chickens.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      That was funny, thanks

    • Tulip

      Growing up, we had chickens. I do not understand chickens as pets.

      • The Frabjous GT

        Probably more likely to happen to those who grew up with critters only as pets. ::cuddles and talks baby talk to cat::

      • robodruid

        she loves them as pets, but we have way to many as pets.
        small side hustle

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        They’re not exactly pets for us, but they’re more than just stock animals.

        We name ours. We watch them in the yard doing their chicken things (though honestly the guineas are far more entertaining, especially in spring). In spring and summer we’ll sit outside with the birds. We love our yard dinosaurs. The eggs are awesome, and raising chickens is a good lesson in responsibility for kids.

        But we also see them as completely expendable. Foxes and raccoons happen, and we’ll immediately take a shotgun to a rooster if he comes at any of us more than once. Even though we pay attention enough to learn individual character traits and really enjoy our birds, we never get really attached to them as individuals too much. Certainly not to the same level as a dog or cat.

      • Tres Cool

        A rooster’s love is not like a square’s love.

      • Tres Cool

        speaking of Roosters….guess what has 2 thumbs and gets Rooster’s wings for Valentine’s Day?

        THIS GUY

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      IT’S NOT TRUE.

      EXCEPT THE PARTS THAT ARE!

      GODDAMMIT, WHY ARE YOU ATTACKING ME?

  24. The Late P Brooks

    For some reason, Pandora has decided that I really need to get advertisements for a Panasonic CPAP machine.

    They must think I’m a racist because I listen to Hank III. I get black lives matter ads all day.

  25. Rufus the Monocled

    My cousin in Spain spoke to an ophthalmologist the other day. The doctor said he’s seeing a slow rise in visits. He’s attributing it to the masks. People are touching their eyes more (and we know this is what happens) and the fumes from the mask that rise. Instead of being exhaled NORMALLY outwards it goes into the eyes and seems to causing issues.

    We know mask will eventually lead to harmful impacts. Are we entering the phase where this is where the effects start to manifest?

    If government is forcing you to wear one, you should be doing the OPPOSITE.

    Blows my mind how stupid people are. Depressing really.

    • Rufus the Monocled

      Never mind masks are manufactured with known carcinogens.

      • The Gunslinger

        These masks are known to cause cancer in the state of California.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Dermatologists and ENTs are having a bonanza year. Skin and nose infections are way up.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Walking around with the humidity equivalent of a Louisiana swamp in July strapped to your face is going to cause issues, no doubt.

  26. Rufus the Monocled

    FWIW, I went cold turkey on spots and TV in 2020.

    Everyone’s a mental case.

    • robodruid

      Ditto. I am a happier man for this.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      TV? what’s that? I remember a time……………….

  27. The Late P Brooks

    Dermatologists and ENTs are having a bonanza year. Skin and nose infections are way up.

    CNN told me that was false.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      And my ENT told me it was true.

      He must be lying, CNN wouldn’t falsify the news.

  28. Lazer

    Welp, had a mask enforcer kick me out of the plasma donation. Been going there for 6 months, the only place I even wear a mask, and have not worn it above my nose the whole time, Had one girl say something about it twice in the beginning, but not since. This guy asked twice (OOHHHH) and then proceeded to kick me out. Well, because i don’t blindly follow non-sensical bullshit, I did cause a scene. Started by stating they don do anything anyway, (its not my personal feeling but COMPANY POLICY) so I then asked if he knew about the Nuremburg trials, and that “Following orders” was not a defense, and asked if we should put a star of David on our mask. He was then going to call 911, I said OH, what a great use of our resources, Hey 911 I got a guy who won’t wear his mask.

    LOL. FUCK EM! FUCK ALL THE FUCKING SHEEP (Yeah, pretty sure I called everyone a sheep. I never uttered a curse word though, I’m pretty proud of that, I was definitely loud enough that the whole building heard.)

    Irish coffee? Yes I think I will.

    • Pi Guy

      I want to call mine Kentucky Coffee but it turns out that Four Roses is actually distilled in Japan.

      Rising Sun Coffee just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

      • robc

        Lawrenceburg is in Japan now? Did I miss the invasion?

      • Pi Guy

        I think they’re part of the Kirin Empire now.

        *heads to liquor cabinet to confirm*

    • blackjack

      It’s a federal offense where I work. Literally.

  29. Count Potato

    “Until last week, progressives never saw a riot they didn’t want to fellate. This summer they sent one to the White House—and did everything they could to pull its security. An improvised force had to be whipped together from various weird federal agencies. Trump was sent to a bunker. Which would be easy to blame on President Heel Spurs, but it wasn’t his call. (In fact, as the Times loves to say—he falsely denied it.) Sixty cops were injured—in full riot gear. In their summer of love, mobs did $2 billion in damage.”

    https://graymirror.substack.com/p/noah-smith-and-the-market-for-cruelty

    • kbolino

      Solid. So many things have been unlearned which really ought not to have been forgotten. Yet we will do it all over again a thousand times.

      • kbolino

        Ok, there was a familiar tone and some references that made me wonder, but then a quick perusal of the comments made it inescapable. Gray Mirror is where Moldbug ended up.

      • Tundra

        He’s pretty damn good.

  30. The Late P Brooks

    And my ENT told me it was true.

    Your ENT has a pecuniary interest promoting this egregious falsehood, unlike CNN. They merely report facts as they find them. No bias or incentives are involved.

  31. The Other Kevin

    Curses, foiled again! I imagine Democrat leadership is having late night meetings coming up with another emergency plan to stop Trump.

  32. Count Potato

    “Turns out my surgeon is on tiktok advertising her services (username: gendersurgeon). She loves talking about “yeeting the teets”, which I guess is the, uh… professional term for double mastectomy these days?”

    https://twitter.com/HormoneHangover/status/1360596992427249667

    much professional so mature

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      With any luck, a former customer will go all Brian DePalma on her.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      “Dr. Teetus Deletus”

      Sounds like Q Continuum’s supervillain nemesis. Also pretty funny but I can see how people who had to get part of their body lopped off might have a problem with it.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      She’s Irish? huh.

  33. The Late P Brooks

    Bummer. My local NBC over the air tower is off line.

    Chuckie Todd will have to be a hysterical whining douchebag without me today.

    • Cy Esquire

      Jesus. Don’t you have something better to do? Pornhub? singlefarmers.com?

      • Count Potato

        “singlefarmers.com”

        So lots of hoes?

      • Cy Esquire

        Any girl who thinks a tractor is sexy is ok in my book.

    • Cy Esquire

      Lucky they didn’t break any windows, someone on the news might call it an insurrection!

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        “”While the final vote did not lead to a conviction, the substance of the charge is not in dispute,” Biden said.”
        So you’re not guilty but you’re guilty anyway. Fuck off you half senile old goat.

      • kbolino

        When you can’t even muster the ethics of Gerald Ford, you might not be a good person.

  34. Q Continuum

    That struggle session by Harrison was absolutely pathetic. He grovels like a dog getting its nose rubbed in shit and then still resigns! Dood, NEVER. APOLOGIZE.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      It just amazes me that people don’t get the no apology thing yet. An apology isn’t seen as a request for grace anymore, it’s an admission of guilt. If nothing else just keep your head down and your mouth shut and people will move on to the next outrage.

      • kbolino

        I am coming around to a theory of general neoteny. No one grows up anymore. They behave as young children do, demanding others apologize, never really apologizing themselves, and using any sign of weakness as an opportunity for self-promotion. Were the lack of maturity not so widespread, it would gain no traction. But it is clear that we have a dearth of adults, and that lack is most evident in the highest halls (press, other media, academia, business, government). We have confused high-functioning child with adult (much as many “so mature for your age” children get treated by their parents and other people over the age of majority, minus the clear dividing line).

      • EvilSheldon

        This is frighteningly accurate. I don’t like to think about where this trend ends up, culturally speaking.

      • Agent Cooper

        Dead people. That’s where it always ends up.

      • rhywun

        I just saw a commercial with some kid saying how proud she is that she’s making her parents grocery shop “correctly”. You know the drill: woke, organic, no personal contact in these trying times, the whole fucking nine yards.

        That is where we are today.

    • creech

      He’s 49 – still needs to earn a living. Once you retire, you can give the critics the middle finger. There’s a reason all us old guys are curmudgeons.
      Sort of like how Jewish WWI vets proudly wore their yellow stars, with the Iron Cross First Class pinned in it. Yeah, they’re going to come for us eventually, but in the meantime, they can eat shit and die.

  35. Mojeaux

    Happy VD, y’all. We weren’t going to do VD because it’s the anniversary for some unpleasantness, but then Mr Mojeaux went and got me a supersized VD cookie so I need to come up with something for him stat. Yet it is 1F (-16F WC) out there right now. Maybe it’ll warm up before I have to take XX to work.

    I like that song “Royals” because she got the idea from a picture of George Brett right after the Royals won the 1985 Superbowl World Series.

    I think it would be lovely for OMWC to go all syrupy over SP.

    • The Frabjous GT

      Are you in the middle of Snowmageddon, or is that blue on the radar not The Big One we’re bracing for?

      • Mojeaux

        Snow is coming, but it’s not Snowmageddon worthy. It’s just fucking cold out and has been for days and days.

    • Agent Cooper

      ” I need to come up with something for him stat.”

      Blow jobs always work.

  36. The Late P Brooks

    Don’t you have something better to do? Pornhub? singlefarmers.com?

    Know your enemy.

    • Tejicano

      I was raised a Unitarian so I know them well enough. But there’s no need to follow them close enough to know what color their underwear is. I think skimming the low points of CNN/MSNBC/etc is more than enough to know what they’re up to these days.

  37. commodious spittoon

    It’s nine degrees in Albuquerque, and we have a blizzard warning. What the fuck did you all do to piss off God?

  38. Cy Esquire

    As a few of you found out last night on the zoom call, sorry for that btw, the whole fam damily got together and did a chocolate fondue thing at my parents place and then we went and dropped off our freshly dunked treasures to some family and friends for Valentines day before the big storm hit. It was fun. I’m thinking we may make it an annual thing.

    We did marshmallows, strawberries, frozen bananas and pretzels. White, milk and dark chocolate. My favorite of the lot were probably the frozen bananas in dark chocolate.

    • kbolino

      It’s a pithy cartoon, but honestly the Democrats are too (willfully) stupid to understand Marx and/or too craven to care what he had to say. They’re not really Marxists, they’re closer to Maoists, and even then they won’t read the Little Red Book any more than the Manifesto. I’ve known more about Marx by opposing Marxism than e.g. AOC or Biden ever knew. Even Bernie Sanders seems to have a shallow understanding of the socialism he is so often associated with.

      But like Mao, they want power, and they will use whatever tools are at their disposal to get and keep it.

  39. Yusef drives a Kia

    Dont you hate it when your snot freezes to your mustache? Disgusting,
    Minus 2

  40. LCDR_Fish

    For the monocle add-on, is there a setting I can adjust so that it doesn’t reset the comment counter if I log out (or reboot) and log back in?

    • But Enough About [this space intentionally left blank]

      I have discovered that, if you’re running Monocle on Brave, that little annoyance doesn’t seem to happen. Happened constantly with Firefox.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Too late, its on the ground, now and forevahhhh!

      • The Gunslinger

        Just a few more weeks and Spring will be upon us.

      • Tres Cool

        Just like the 2 weeks to flatten that pesky curve

  41. Scruffy Nerfherder

    I’m in the process of moving all my crap off of Google services. There’s only 18 years of files I have to clean up in the process.

    Ugh.

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      Yeah, I’ve been slowly migrating. I need to drop some cash on Abine Blur and a Proton subscription, but I havent pulled the trigger yet.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Howdy U,

    • Tres Cool

      suh’ pimp

      • UnCivilServant

        I slept in and am trying to adjust to the fact that it’s almost noon. I still have to start prepping veggies. And I’m trying to make a story that is effectively all about exposition more interesting to read.

    • The Frabjous GT

      Morning, UCS. How did the mac & cheese go over?

      • UnCivilServant

        I screwed up the process, only the top half was mac and cheese, the bottom half was just mac. I know what I did wrong, and won’t be making that mistake again. It was still tasty, and everyone ate it anyway.

      • Tres Cool

        Well, the bottom line is that you did in fact make cheese & macaroni

      • The Frabjous GT

        From the Department of Too Local: Oinkadoodlemoo’s mac & cheese is my weakness. Maybe even more than dark chocolate.

      • Tres Cool

        Never had it, but that has been noted.
        If you didnt notice- I get Rooster’s !

        (and I dont have to go there and risk life, limb, and a GSW)

      • The Frabjous GT

        Also their little roasted baby potatoes.

        Forget the barbecue – that place is carb heaven.

      • UnCivilServant

        I don’t want to bug you because it’s the 14th, but I also want to bug you because I’m wondering how the reading/opinion writing is going.

    • Cy Esquire

      Aaayo!

  42. The Late P Brooks

    They’re not really Marxists, they’re closer to Maoists, and even then they won’t read the Little Red Book any more than the Manifesto. I’ve known more about Marx by opposing Marxism than e.g. AOC or Biden ever knew. Even Bernie Sanders seems to have a shallow understanding of the socialism he is so often associated with.

    At this point, I think the Red Guard is an appropriate analogy. You have what amounts to a mob of feral children carrying a banner which gives them “authority” to viciously attack anyone who disagrees with them. The viciousness is the main appeal; there must always be another politically heretical target upon which to focus their hatred.

    • Cy Esquire

      “You have what amounts to a mob of feral children carrying a banner which gives them “authority” to viciously attack anyone who disagrees with them.”

      I find myself dismissing their actions with a ‘they’ll grow up some day’ or a ‘they just don’t know any better.’ But they won’t and I think deep down inside they know what they’re doing and they won’t stop until they’ve burned it all to the ground. They’ve done nothing with their lives. They don’t have any skills and they’re stuck with their psuedo science and social justice degrees and only know one way out.

      My Sister’s BF last night, in front of the whole family, professed his intellectual superiority spouting socialism and universal healthcare. He’s a completely useless idiot who’s only ever done shitty things in his life and is happy to tell you about how it’s everyone else’s fault. He brags about all of the drugs he’s done. He constantly won’t shut up about how he wishes he had his guitar so we could all listen to him play. He’s an insufferable little PoS.

      I can’t help but cringe to think how many more people there are out there like him. I suspect there are rallies full of people like him. But I wouldn’t know, I’m too busy being a father and working, to attend a struggle session where a bunch of babies are demanding that Uncle Sam give them more free shit in exchange for their votes.

      How do we come out of this? Technology is just creating more of them. What do humans do with all of this excess wealth when it creates this infinite feedback loop between spoiled children and governments happy to appease their constant manufactured crises?

      • EvilSheldon

        I think that the traditional answer is ‘war.’

      • rhywun

        I suspect there are rallies full of people like him.

        Yes, we saw it in action all summer long.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        How do we come out of this?

        With a heaping helping of misery, no matter the specific path chosen.

        The fact is that Freddy Freeloader isn’t gonna let Danny Diligent just walk off into the sunset.

  43. juris imprudent

    Are principles really that difficult for Republicans to grasp? Noem is evolving into a classic Republican so-con retard.

    • Tundra

      “I didn’t vote for recreational marijuana, but my constituents did,” said Republican Greg Jamison. “Rarely do we get a chance to enact a law and not for sure know what our constituents think of that. Here we know.”

      Yes, you do. Don’t fuck it up Kristi.

      • KromulentKristen

        She’s fucking it up and making the people that voted for legalization pay for fucking it up, too!

    • PutridMeat

      (looks up from reviewing 20 acre plot in the Black Hills)

      Did someone say something?
      Ah fuck. Now what? Suppose the perfect can’t be the enemy of the good, but geez.

  44. Tundra

    Mornin’, folks!

    I hope each of you gets a little somethin’ today!

    • Tres Cool

      I need Vitamin E
      I ‘ve already dropped more DNA than the first 2 seasons of “Maury”

  45. The Late P Brooks

    Will no one rid me of this meddlesome bureaucrat?

    And just because someone is vaccinated, does not mean they have a free pass to travel and not follow guidelines, Dr. Anthony Fauci has previously cautioned.

    “It is not a good idea to travel, period,” Fauci has said. “If you absolutely have to travel and it’s essential then obviously, one would have to do that. But we don’t want people to think because they got vaccinated then other public health recommendations just don’t apply.”

    STFU, you senile quack.

    • EvilSheldon

      I’m not quite sure when the field of public health changed into a giant con job, but there’s really no question that that’s what it is now…

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        All human sciences have a giant asterisk over them these days. Psychology, sociology, opinion polling, epidemiology, nutrition science, etc. It’s all compromised.

    • Tres Cool

      So tell me about tetanus, polio, yellow fever, bubonic plague, anthrax (h/t @ Ozy), and the host of other vaccines I’ve received in my life, Fauci ?
      Are they suspect too ?

    • rhywun

      a free pass to travel

      Here’s my free pass to travel: ?

  46. westernsloper

    Old guy Music: Now you are just trolling.

  47. KSuellington

    The mask thing is out of fucking hand. I wear one the second I enter a store and pull it off the second I leave (as I wouldn’t be allowed to shop there otherwise). Here we have had the mask mandate since April and the good little sheep that adore them government have all been very obedient. 95% upwards wear masks walking around outside, even alone walking by at night without a soul around within 100 feet they wear their muzzle like good little children. I work in other peoples’ homes, apartments and businesses, this year I was in about 1500 different ones. I wait to see if they are a masker, and as the year wore on almost every single one was, before pulling up my neck gaiter. It goes off the second I step outside again. I despise them and have been telling people that they are going to try and make them a permanent feature of American life. There are many terrible effects that this will have (dehumanizing and further separating others being a top one), but I have not much heard of how they will work together with the rise in violent crime. Per Bastiat, there will be an unseen of people getting away with crimes as they will have their faces covered. This will go on for at least the next decade. How many thousands of crimes will occur because the perpetrators will never be caught? I have heard not one single mention of this in my media at all.

    • Cy Esquire

      “Per Bastiat, there will be an unseen of people getting away with crimes as they will have their faces covered.”

      It was bad enough before the Vid. It is rather telling how quiet the news outlets have been about it. But after the mass looting was waved away quickly this summer under ‘reparations’ I’m sure they don’t give a shit now anyways.

      • blackjack

        I live in L.A. and I will tell you this. The women folk around here dressed way sluttier when it was warm out, because of the masks. It was like watching “Brittany on the main stage” at the supermarket every day. Doesn’t really count as an unseen effect, I guess, but still.

    • Tundra

      Theft and property damage aren’t even prosecuted anyway, masks or no.

      • Cy Esquire

        The sad truth. Just had this conversation yesterday with a good friend of mine. We were talking about security cameras and how far they’ve come. Unless someone get’s assaulted, it doesn’t matter how clear the video is, cops don’t give a shit.

      • kbolino

        “Don’t worry, insurance will pay for it”

        The insurers must have discovered a perpetual money tree, or else this is going to create massive economic moral hazard.

      • rhywun

        cops don’t give a shit

        Some of them do – the ones who are now quitting in droves.

        The real problem is prosecutors and DA’s don’t give a shit. You can thank Soros for bankrolling a bunch of their campaigns.

      • Mad Scientist

        They’re not even investigated, so there’s nothing to prosecute. A guy cut open the roof of my wife’s convertible to get at her purse, which she stupidly left laying on the passenger seat. Her credit card was used at the Circle K down the street 15 minutes later. The cops could easily have gone over there and asked to see their security footage, but couldn’t be bothered. When I went in, I was told it was company policy to only give that out to the police. So we canceled all her cards and spent $1500 on a new top for the car. The bad guy had exactly zero consequences.

      • blackjack

        Yeah, never leave anything in a convertible and never lock the doors. Optimum is to leave the windows down too, weather permitting. The top costs more than whatever the locks are protecting.

      • Mad Scientist

        That’s exactly what the insurance company told her. Just leave it unlocked from now on.

      • But Enough About [this space intentionally left blank]

        Man, I wish they’d let us do that on our real cars. Not to mention the anti-carjacking device on South African cars — basically a 360-degree flamethrower from under the car. Schweet!

      • R C Dean

        Have you gotten to the part yet where it was your fault?

  48. bacon-magic

    HAS GIANT SAD. *sniffles