Cocktails after the SHTF – Making your own ingredients

by | Mar 19, 2021 | Cocktails, Cooking, Drugs, LifeSkills, Prepper, Recipes | 250 comments

So far, we’ve been assuming that you have access to a decently stocked store that carries the supplies that are needed to make your drinks.  What if you don’t have that access, or you want to take your geekdom to the next level, and DIY?  That’s what we’ll be talking about today.

We’ve already gone through making simple syrup (equal parts sugar and water), and quite a few syrups are simply that infused with some flavoring.  I usually find simmering the flavoring ingredient for about 10 minutes, and letting it cool while the flavoring agent is still in there is enough to get a good flavor (if you do this with ginger, definitely save the candied ginger, it’s delicious).  Now, there is an ingredient that we’ll be leaning on quite a bit when I talk about Tiki: orgeat.  It’s an almond and orange flower water syrup.  Since we’re using nuts, it’ll take a bit longer for those to infuse their flavor.  On to the steps:

Orgeat

  • 2 cups nuts.  Almonds are traditional, but any nut will work.  If you want to increase the depth of flavor, roast them as well.
  • 1 ½ cups of sugar
  • 1 ¼ cups of water
  • ½ teaspoon of floral water.  Orange blossom is the traditional, but different ones will produce different flavors.
  • 1 oz high proof neutral spirit (preservative, and optional)

Start by grinding up your nuts.  In a pot over low/medium heat, add the sugar and water and stir until the sugar is dissolved.  Bring it up to a boil for a couple of minutes, then add in the ground nuts.  Lower the head, and simmer that for another couple of minutes.  Cover with a lid, remove from the heat, and let the nuts steep in the syrup for 3-8 hours.  Run the syrup through a strainer to get the nut chunks out, and put it in a clean bottle.  Add in the floral water of your choice, and the spirit if you’re using it.  Stir or shake to combine, and make yourself a cocktail.  You’ve earned it.

Next, as long as you’ve got strong spirits and access to herbs and spices, you can make some Bitters.  The process is very simple as long as you have time.  You’re going to take your herbs, flavorings, and liquor and put them in a clean jar.  Then let the herbs and flavorings steep for a couple weeks while shaking/mixing it daily.  This will extract all of the alcohol soluble compounds.  Reserve the (now flavored) liquor and strain out the solids (herbs and flavorings), and put the solids in a pot with enough water to cover it.  You’re going to bring up the water covered solids up to a simmer, hold for 5-10 minutes, then put that into another jar.  Let that sit for a week, shaking/mixing it daily.  After that, you mix the flavored alcohol and water and strain it until you’re happy with the clarity.  If need be, you can add some sweetener at this point to help make it palatable.  Go ahead and shift it to small bottles with droppers and let it sit for a couple more days to fully combine.  If you want a suggestion to start with:

  • Peels from 6 medium to large apples
  • Zest of half a lemon, cut into strips
  • 2 Cinnamon sticks
  • ½  tsp Allspice berries
  • ¼  tsp Coriander
  • ½  tsp Cassia (most bulk cinnamon if you were unaware) chips
  • ½  tsp Chinchona bark (where quinine comes from)
  • 4 Cloves
  • 2 cups spirit
  • 1 cup water
  • Sweetener to taste (~2 tsp)

Last, but not least, we’ll talk about Grenadine.  It’s a sweet red syrup that you should know is based on pomegranate.  It’s a simple recipe, and can provide a guideline for many other flavored syrups.  Take an equal amount of pomegranate juice and sugar, add it to a pot, and slowly heat it until the sugar is melted.  You’ll need to stir it often to prevent the sugar from burning. Let it cool, then you can toss in a couple dashes of a floral water to brighten it up.

That’s it for this week, next time we’ll be doing a quick run through of the historic eras of cocktails.

About The Author

Nephilium

Nephilium

Nephilium is a geek of multiple types living in the vast suburban forests of Cleveland.

250 Comments

  1. KromulentKristen

    YAY! Maybe I’ll try the grenadine or orgeat tonight. These are the ones I bought: https://www.liberandcompany.com/

  2. UnCivilServant

    I should probably breka open some of my booze reserves. Work hasn’t helped.

    • UnCivilServant

      Do not snap at the vendor tech.

      Do not yell at the vendor tech.

      Do not swear at the vendor tech.

      Make sure the phone is on mute.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

        (sorry)

    • Ownbestenemy

      Her game plan should be A: Find out if anyone can trace infections back to her establishment. If A cannot be proven, fight it to the supreme court and Roberts will deem it moot.

    • The Gunslinger

      I believe she is an immigrant who has continued to operate her restaurant throughout the pandemic and taken the stance that we cannot let government tell us we cannot operate our businesses.

      • rhywun

        I wonder if that’s the lady that was on Tucker last night, awaiting arrest and explaining how she escaped this type of shit in some commie country.

    • Translucent Chum

      Nessel is also refusing to even take a look at Whitmer’s nursing home orders. Too political, you see…

    • WTF

      or continuing to violate the state’s food laws and public health orders

      I think it would be pretty simple to show there is no statute requiring masks, distancing, etc. And the orders are obviously arbitrary and capricious since there is no evidence to show that any of that has any effect in mitigating something that has not been demonstrated to be a unique danger.
      Of course even after she wins, the process is the punishment.

      • kbolino

        In most (all?) states, the emergency statute explicitly grants the governor the power to issue orders with the effect of law.

      • WTF

        The orders must have a clear demonstrable benefit to clearly address the temporary emergency, it can’t just be any orders he cares to decree without any end. And orders can’t violate the constitution. He can’t order everyone to wear beanie copters just because he thinks it might help.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        If even 1 scientist says it would, he’d have the cover needed.

      • juris imprudent

        hahahaha – look at this guy thinking an emergency has constraints or something.

        ABSOLUTE POWER motherfucker! That’s what it means.

  3. Ownbestenemy

    So much work. Another great article Neph.

  4. The Hyperbole

    Why should I know that grenadine is based on pomegranate? Is there going to be a test, or something.

    • Ownbestenemy

      It was an odd turn of phrase. Like we are in cocktail bootcamp and the instructor has stamped his foot down on this very important point you should know.

    • KromulentKristen

      You should know so that next time you pick up that bottle of Rose’s in the grocery store and it doesn’t, like, have any pomegranate in it, you’ll reconsider your life choices.

      • rhywun

        This. Though to be fair, pomegranate juice is expensive AF. Or at least the “organic” swindle that was the only choice available in my supermarket.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Fresh is so much better, though a pain. Break it apart in a bowl of water, then juice the arils (I take a couple of passes in a ricer). Enjoy the whole 1/4 cup of product.

      • hayeksplosives

        I grow my own pomegranate, dude.

        (Cultivates white dreadlocks)

      • EvilSheldon

        It never ceases to amaze me, the weird and interesting things that Glibertarians are into.

      • hayeksplosives

        Disclaimer: I don’t have dreadlocks. But I felt like a pretentious hippie comment was in order after mentioning the pomegranate tree.

      • Pine_Tree

        We do it with steam juicer. You do have to get all the rind off or else it’ll be bitter. The membranes between sections aren’t the same problem, but we mostly get them out. It’s not hard once you learn how to disassemble them.

        One old bush in the backyard is enough for all the jelly or juice we could want.

    • Charlie Suet

      In case you drink it in the underworld and then you can’t leave.

  5. Gender Traitor

    Perhaps I missed mention of it in an earlier post, but could you ‘splain me about the floral water?

  6. Gustave Lytton

    Stupid me. Having shocks put on this morning by a shop that doesn’t have appointments, walk in only. “It’ll be about 30-40 minutes before we can start on it”

    90 minutes later, it’s still sitting in the parking lot.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Also, mechanics’ book hours are a fraud. Worse than lawyers? Not sure, but it’s been years since I talked to a lawyer.

      • rhywun

        It’s the latest viral challenge to sweep Chinese social media

        *immediately taps out*

      • Sensei

        Also I’m getting many story headlines for the Teen Vogue editor who got tossed for supposedly youthful racist tweets .

        Trying hard to figure out why I should care or why this is NATIONAL news. I refuse to click on any story about it.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        You shouldn’t care. No one should.

        But I can’t help but find some semblance of joy in knowing that “The Rules”, designed to punish white people, have caught a black woman denigrating Asians in the trap.

        “That’s not how it’s supposed to work!”

      • pan fried wylie

        Did she try telling them she can’t possibly be racist because she’s a woman? I dunno if anyone has tried THAT angle yet.

      • hayeksplosives

        I’m more worried about Chinese swabs than about Chinese sweeps.

      • Don escaped Cancun

        SRT are pretty good, but here’s the thing: they don’t do all the things they should that are covered in the time.

        Like any profession or trade, they do get good at things they specialize in, and, of course, half the population is above average at anything. Sometimes tools are customized. At big shops they specialize: Mike is the 4WD guy, Bill does Isuzu, Larry is into trannies; they get really good at doing the same thing over and over, and……………

        Lots of the time proper diagnostics are skipped entirely. Having done three tours as a Service and Warranty Engineer on the same parts that I helped design and manufacture in the first place, I’ll tell you it’s this simple: no matter the make, the shop, or the mechanics, 25 to 33% of the parts returned to me on warranty had absolutely nothing wrong with them. Then I deny the claim. Then the shop screams post hoc (bloody murder): it works now, so I MUST have fixed it! Look, bozo, parking a car with a frozen evaporator in the sun for an hour will “fix” it until tomorrow . . . but there was nothing wrong (there never is) with the TXV you returned.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Yeah, it’s the same with any sort of test and repair, outside of a few companies with rigid training and oversight. One of my favorites was taking my wife’s Jetta into a shop for losing power under load, they take for a couple days of “troubleshooting”, and can’t reproduce it because they don’t actually put it under load like climbing a hill.

    • The Other Kevin

      If I can swing it, I have someone drop me off at the car place on a work day as soon as they open, earlier if they have a key drop box, and then forget about it until it’s ready.

      • The Hyperbole

        My mechanic is right outside the gated community I build in he’ll come pick my car up at the job site and then bring it back. He’ll do this for an oil change, he’ll have 30 mins driving back and forth depending on where in the allotment the job is and still only charge me 20$, needless to say he gets all my automotive repair work.

  7. EvilSheldon

    Most important article ever.

    • The Other Kevin

      Remember the prepper article series? One of the things you should stock up on is specialized knowledge. This kind of thing. We are all more valuable right now.

      • db

        Assuming you print these out, or have an eidetic memory. I wouldn’t want to rely on going back to the internet for “specialized knowledge.”

      • juris imprudent

        Printed out and assembled into The Book of Glib?

      • db

        *comes down from the mountain top bearing three heavy stone tablets*

        I have brought you these Fifteen–

        *fumbles and drops one tablet*

        –Ten Commandments!

      • Tulip

        The Glibertarian Guide to Being an Adult – Prepping, Cocktails, Cooking, Financial Management, Guns What else should we include? Etiquette? Basic car repair (P Brook get on that). Agent Sloper can cover how to overthrow a third world country for fun and profit while using banana leaves to avoid bee stings.

      • db

        should probably break “guns” down into shooting technique and gunsmithing

      • The Other Kevin

        You’re not committing this all to memory?

      • EvilSheldon

        Not to memory, but my really important books are all hard copy.

      • hayeksplosives

        Popular Mechanics ran a couple of really good articles meant for saving.

        One was titled “stuff you should’ve learned from your dad” or something equally offensive.

        The other was essential skills.

        Those would be worth getting reprints of, especially for the truly clueless/inexperienced.

      • EvilSheldon

        That looks like a great way to blow half a stack.

      • db

        heck yeah

      • Tulip

        I used to have a book titled “all the things your mother never taught you”. It was home/car repair for women. It was really useful, but dated. Written in the late 70s

      • Ted S.

        Some years back, Game Show Network ran a late 60s/early 70s episode of What’s My Line as a tribute to somebody on the panel or the mystery guest. One of the regular contestants was a woman who had written a book called “Plumbing for Women”. The basic gist of it was for housewives to be able to recognize basic things like the main shutoff valve or stuff below the sink to be able to have a good idea of what was going wrong with the plumbing and so that she wouldn’t get fleeced by any plumber who showed up while hubby was off at work.

        That sort of book, along with one on electrical wiring, would be useful for any first-time homeowner.

      • db

        I’ve spent not a few hours helping friends and family troubleshoot plumbing, electrical, and furnace problems over the phone. Usually I have to spend a number of minutes gauging their unfamiliarity with the system in question. Most men and women would be well served to spend an hour or two learning about the basics when they become homeowners, if they weren’t fortunate enough to have parents or grandparents who showed them.

      • Tulip

        My home inspector marked all the valves and gave me a basic home guide. Basic home repairs, checklists on things that need to be done (monthly, yearly, etc). All part of the package with him and useful.

      • Tulip

        db, I have also taken a Plumbing to Homeowners class through adult ed. I think my starting knowledge* (re general know how about fixing stuff) was generally higher than many in this area – just from growing up on a farm, but the books and the classes I’ve taken have been useful. Especially for evaluating if I can tackle a project or need a pro.

        *seriously – I know people who call a pro to clean the dryer vent and they just have the plastic/foil hose. I don’t clean mine, I just replace it every six months since it’s only $8. I have pets, so…

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        When I was building my house there was a book at the hardware store called “Home and Farm Wiring” that was quite useful. Can’t seem to find a copy although there are several similar ones on amazon.

        Handy tip: Make sure the breakers in your panel are well-marked. Knowing what to turn off is quite useful.

      • db

        Good on you. I have no problem calling a pro when I think something’s beyond my skill or time limits, but it’s really good to be able to diagnose and triage things even if you don’t want to be your own handyman.

      • Tulip

        Oh yes, I call the handyman ALL the time because I don’t enjoy fixing stuff. But, at least I have an idea of what’s wrong and can get rid of some asshole trying to sell me blinker fluid or muffler bearings.

    • KromulentKristen

      That’s pretty awesome even though I had to rewind

    • Tulip

      I laughed too.

    • db

      OMG

      Qualified Immunity
      It’s not for you, it’s just for me
      I shot your dog
      I shot your wife
      I get to go on with my life

      • hayeksplosives

        Painful but funny.

      • Not Adahn

        Sadly, there was an actual Sesame Street (or maybe Electric Company) song that would have scanned perfectly with that. “Soft C, Hard, C”

        Is this the first time Remy has worked with those other two?

    • db

      That was just gold all the way through.

    • Rat on a train

      Bragg, Heaton and Remy are treasures.

  8. Tundra

    Start by grinding up your nuts.

    *beavis and butthead laugh*

    Good stuff, Neph. I’m a lazy drinker, so I’ll just enjoy the fantasy of creating my own bitters.

    • Sean

      I’m a lazy drinker

      Gin and (diet) tonic is about as far as I’ll go for effort.

  9. Tundra

    *Repost from AM Lynx*

    I got a call from our pal Fourscore this morning. A few days ago, he took a good fall outside his place and managed to fracture his pelvis. He’s currently in the hospital and sampling pain killers.

    He said that he doesn’t have a prognosis yet, but he will probably stay awhile in the hospital. He’s got a decent support system, so things around the compound will be taken care of.

    I’ll update as soon as I hear more. I asked if it was OK to share the story and he said he could use the positive thoughts. So let’s have some, huh? He’s not a religious guy, but I don’t think prayers would offend him, either.

    • KromulentKristen

      Saw tat just before the thred became ded. Me no likey. Hope he recovers very soon…give him my best!

    • Swiss Servator

      Having gone through this with my Mom, I am definitely praying for him.

      • Tundra

        The good news, if there is any, is that he is a really strong, fit dude. Inactivity is going to be a real challenge for him.

        How long was mom’s recovery?

      • Swiss Servator

        Months, and never back to normal – but she was a lot worse than just a hip.

    • Animal

      Damn. Hope he recovers quickly. A busted pelvis, that’s no fun at all.

    • The Other Kevin

      Thoughts and prayers to 4×20. Hopefully he’s too ornery to be kept down.

    • Sensei

      Damn… Give him my best as well.

    • kinnath

      I worked in the physical therapy department at the local high school when I was just out of high school pushing wheel chairs from room to therapy and back.

      Hip brakes in senior citizens is basically a death sentence. They go from being fit and in good health to being invalid in the 4 to 6 months it takes to recover.

      This is a serious problem for our good friend.

      • Sensei

        Yup. Didn’t want to mention that.

        Although my grandmother who was in good health and in her 80s surprised us all and pulled quickly through.

      • Tundra

        I’ve got my money on him winning. He’s that kind of guy.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Yeah, I’m betting on Fourscore too.

        He’s the kind of guy who deserves to fully recover too. If only to shame the rest of us for being so lazy.

      • SP

        #metoo

        He’s a resilient old codger!

      • kinnath

        Yes. I agree. But he has a long road ahead of him.

      • hayeksplosives

        Having lost a number of elderly relatives to the dreaded “broken hip” I too share your concerns.

        But in many of those cases, it was before the draconian Physical Therapy sessions were imposed on the recovering patients.

        Now that the importance of mobility and deep breathing is understood, Fourscore will have that going for him in addition to his already being in good physical shape.

        Fourscore will outlive us all.

      • R C Dean

        Fourscore will outlive us all.

        *ponders condition of liver*

        Wouldn’t be surprised.

      • db

        My grandmother fell down stairs and broke her hip when she was in he early 80s. She healed up well and made it well into her 90s, when her single lung (she had tuberculosis in the 1940s and they deliberately collapsed one of her lungs for some reason) ran out of capacity.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        This is a serious problem for our good friend.

        I was going to mention this but didn’t want to be a Debbie Downer.

        Best wishes to 4×20

    • SP

      Please give him my best wishes. I love this man. And, yes, OMWC knows he has a rival for my affection! 😉

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Tell him we and his apian friends are pulling for him.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Well… shit

      Best wishes to the 4×20 from Virginia.

    • Semi-Spartan Dad

      Damn… stay strong and get out soon Fourscore.

    • Hank

      Not good – but he has people in his corner, here’s hoping for the best!

    • Not Adahn

      Ow.

      That’s why as much as i love it up here, I know I’ll need to retire to some place without ice. I’ve already eaten driveway twice.

    • juris imprudent

      Best to 4score for a speedy recovery.

    • Lady Z

      Lots of prayers and love headed his way.

    • Ozymandias

      Won’t stand for this, Tundra. Tell Mr. Fourscore that I expect the Honey Harvest to go as planned this year so I can finally attend and partake of all this lutefisk I’ve been hearing about.

      • Swiss Servator

        Just soak a fish filet in lye for a while…then eat the grey, gelatinous product that results.

      • pan fried wylie

        FOOD GRADE lye.

        eh, who am I kidding, it probably doesn’t matter.

    • Cannoli

      Best wishes 4×20

  10. Shpip

    Since we’re DIY this week, I’d suggest checking out allspice dram if you like tiki drinks (the real ones, not the diabeetus in a glass that you’d find in Applebee’s or Carnival cruise ships).

    It adds a spicy, savory element to your cocktail, and while it takes a bit of time, it’s pretty simple to make.

  11. WTF

    Good stuff, Neph, I assume tiki drink recipes will follow?

    • hayeksplosives

      Rage.

      I wonder how I’d react in the same situation.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Me too. Everyone of those cops should be given boats.

    • Cy Esquire

      “Yet a license plate reader had erroneously flagged the car as stolen, and the record Dasko initially received included a photo matching the car Gilliam was driving. Dasko said he checked with a dispatcher to confirm that the car was stolen, and he was told it was.”

      What was it we were discussing about technology and government abuse the other day?

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      I had that happen at a disco in Europe. Cops busted in with weapons drawn and told everyone to get on the floor. No identifying marks on their uniforms until their commander came in several minutes later. I thought it was the mafia coming to collect and to make an example of someone if necessary. In a way it was. The chick under the table next to me calmly lit a cigarette while the whole thing was going on. When I remarked about how undisturbed she was, she said, “Well, I used to live in Libya.” Same place I met my wife about a year later.

    • Gustave Lytton

      You fucked up. You trusted us.

      These idiots really don’t understand why having leverage on themselves would ever be used against them.

  12. Shpip

    For those of you wanting to do a deeper dive into cocktails, Jeff Morgenthaler has been blogging about the subject for more than fifteen years. I’ve found him to be a valuable resource.

    Here’s one of his articles with a (slightly) contrarian take on Neph’s.

  13. PieInTheSky

    I had a friend in Romania who keep reading the word pomegranate but never heard it pronounced and the first time she tried it came out pom grenade. that is all I have to say to contribute as I do not use such ingredients in my cocktails.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Andres
        @Daedalus6
        ·
        Mar 16
        Replying to
        @SirStevoTimothy
        In Russia it’s spelled “radio tsar”

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      There is shared etymology between pomegranate, grenadine, and grenade, but you all probably knew that. /Cliff Claven

      • PieInTheSky

        Cliff Claven?

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Nerdy know-it-all postman and bar regular on “Cheers”; sorry.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        The actor had a travel / manufacturing show called “Made in America”. Secret conservative à la Mike Rowe, it seems: https://ratzenberger.com/about-john/

      • UnCivilServant

        I have nothing against the actor, I was talking about the character.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        I have nothing against him either; on the contrary.

      • pan fried wylie

        UCS has a thing against Postmen because they have nice gloves.

      • Ted S.

        I figured it was because they always ring twice.

      • pan fried wylie

        UCS doesnt have a doorbell, cmon.

      • UnCivilServant

        Don’t be silly.

        I have a dorbell.

        The postman never rings. Or knocks. Just leaves the parcels on the step where anyone can steal them.

      • pan fried wylie

        Ok, he has a doorbell. An ACTUAL FUCKING BRONZE BELL. With a pair of ringing gloves hanging next to it.

        I’m the one who never replaced the shitty wireless doorbell after installing the new frontdoor last year.

      • db

        “grenate” is the German word for “grenade”

      • Cannoli

        Meanwhile, “grenade” is the French word for “pomegranate”

      • db

        I was kind of expecting that.

  14. SP

    Thanks for this great post, Neph. I need to up my homemade cocktail ingredient game. I’m such a slacker in this area.

    • PieInTheSky

      I need to up my homemade ingredient game – o you don’t. leave it to the professionals. comparative advantage and all that. also do you not want the grenadine makes to have jobs?

      • SP

        Just because I don’t get paid for it, doesn’t mean I don’t do a professional level job at many pursuits.

        And, the grenadine makers could always learn to code.

      • pan fried wylie

        And, the grenadine makers could always learn to code.

        They stopped making actual grenadine years ago, ought to put their time to some purpose of use.

  15. Sean
    • Translucent Chum

      Sensitive content warning?

      • Sean

        Twitter doesn’t like him cuz he will post ‘tifa footage.

        *shrug*

      • Translucent Chum

        Someone needs to turn that into a commercial for “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.”

      • pan fried wylie

        LifeAlert has transitioned into a company that just makes smartphone cases with a backup battery, yeah?

      • pan fried wylie

        Sorry, not smartphone cases.

        Cases for phones that can successfully place phone calls 100% of the time.

    • WTF

      I’m sure Saturday Night Live will make that into a running joke for next 4 years like they did with Gerald Ford.

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        They are still struggling with how to joke about him.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Struggling on how to not become the ire of some nasty piece of legislation or regulation

      • pan fried wylie

        $500bil license fees to tell jokes past 10pm on Saturdays.

      • pan fried wylie

        “Yeah, but we stopped telling jokes, like, 1994”

        “FOILED AGAIN!!!!”

        They’re federal regulators though, they’ll figure out how to word it appropriately to fuckover SNL.

  16. Sean

    This article is way too fancy for me, but I appreciate it enough to read it.

    *waves at Neph*

  17. Chipwooder

    I would try to stifle my laughter at Biden if he didn’t make a big deal about Trump moving gingerly down a ramp and brag about how he runs up stairs.

    • UnCivilServant

      Just because Biden fell worse than Gerald Ford doesn’t mean…

      Who am I kidding.

      • EvilSheldon

        At least Gerald Ford stumbled because he was drunk.

      • Not Adahn

        If Biden gets knocked down by a rabbit, I will admit we’re living in a simulation.

      • Tres Cool

        +3 Holy Hand-Grenade

    • Ownbestenemy

      Yeah I was going to point out that media seems to have lost all their armchair psychologist to analyze this and then run an hour or so on if he is fit for office.

      • The Other Kevin

        Those analysts are probably on vacation this week.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Their excuse is wanting:

        Additionally, Steven Nelson reports that White House spokesperson Karine Jean-Pierre seems to blame the wind for President Biden’s fall. She told reporters aboard Air Force One:

        “It’s pretty windy outside. It’s very windy. I almost fell coming up the steps myself. He is doing 100 percent.”

        And the seals in the media clapped their flippers and honked their noses

      • Ownbestenemy

        Eh, a 29knt gust might pick Joe up and toss him about like a tumbleweed to be honest.

      • db

        Maybe, but to be honest, it just looked to me like his pants might have been hanging too low and the cuff got caught between his toe and the steep stairs. I have tripped like that before.

      • pan fried wylie

        29 kilonewtons would blast the flesh right off your bones.

      • db

        That’s what we call a stiff blow.

      • Ownbestenemy

        I think chipper above said it best..if they didn’t spend more than 20 seconds on the news and brought in these ‘medical experts’ to tell us that Trump walking down a ramp means he has (insert disorder here), I wouldn’t care. But they did and here we are. I have mis-stepped many times on stairs, sober even.

        Though – couple this with his constant gaffes or moments of truths maybe, and it just completes the whole picture. Doddering old man that is President of the United States.

      • pan fried wylie

        “29 Knöt Balloons”

      • Ownbestenemy

        What is scary is Joe would actually think it was an invasion and Nena would be vindicated

      • db

        +1 NUKE / NURSE button panel

    • B.P.

      Wasn’t Biden just sneaking in a couple of pushups?

      • db

        Look, Fat…

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      To be fair, some of those damn masks block my downward vision which can make walking up steps awkward. But then if I were outside, I’d take off the damn mask like a normal person.

      • pan fried wylie

        The vision impairment is almost more annoying than not being able to breath as I’m trying not to trip over displays or catch my cart on shelves etc and basically have to walk looking down now.

    • LCDR_Fish

      Sorry – limited to my phone at the moment.

    • KromulentKristen

      Hoping to go there tomorrow!

      • LCDR_Fish

        Prob won’t make it this weekend – poss Sunday if at all. Next weekend more likely – also hoping to shoot at Green Top then if I finish my build this weekend.

      • Tres Cool

        Then dont get hammered on the Zoom call tonight. Duh.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Phrasing…checks out

      • EvilSheldon

        I did not realize that this place was in VA. Sounds like it’s time for a short field trip.

  18. Cy Esquire

    I watched this last night:

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zack_Snyder%27s_Justice_League

    While I’m not a huge DC fan and Marvel is getting pretty woke/old/boring, I really enjoyed this more gritty, adult super hero flick. The acting wasn’t Oscar worthy, but you still felt something for the characters. It clocks in with a 242 minute run time! It goes by fast. There are a lot of subjects to cover and back story that gets thrown in. Snyder did a really good job of telling a similar story but with different scenes.

    There were some great teasers at the end and I look forward to seeing what comes next. I just hope this is more of a preview of the future of DC than the original justice league or that shit movie Aquaman and eye raping, rabid baboon of a SJW’s fever dream that was WW84.

    I’m probably wrong, but I’m getting pretty used to that as this point.

    • Suthenboy

      Another comic book superhero movie. Oh joy. It is about time Hollywood came up with something original. I can’t wait to see it….oh wait, Mrs. Suthenboy watched it last night. I fell asleep 10 minutes in and woke up to the credits.

      • db

        Yeah, that’s about how I feel about superhero and comics based movies in general. If I’m forced to watch one, even before the first big action introduction ends, I’m fidgeting and thinking about more interesting things I could/should be doing.

      • Don escaped Cancun

        Paying $20 and sitting for 90 minutes to learn whose magic powers are strongest is boring and unrewarding.

        A good story centers on the human condition ( a certain native Mississippian once noticed ).

        I’m glad to read other opinions in this regard so long as they are delivered by flying broom or magic owl.

      • Cannoli

        Superhero stories are modern mythology, and mythology is about the human condition.

        ‘But why,’ (some ask), ‘why, if you have a serious comment to make on the real life of men, must you do it by talking about a phantasmagoric never-never land of your own?’ Because, I take it, one of the main things the author wants to say is that the real life of men is of that mythical and heroic quality. One can see the principle at work in his characterization. Much that in a realistic work would be done by ‘character delineation’ is here done simply by making the character an elf, a dwarf, or a hobbit. The imagined beings have their insides on the outside; they are visible souls. And Man as a whole, Man pitted against the universe, have we seen him at all till we see that he is like a hero in a fairy tale?

        -C.S. Lewis

        Not all superhero movies are good, but they’re not inherently bad for being fantastical.

      • R C Dean

        Indeed. A good author/producer/director (note the qualifier) can use a fantastical setting to emphasize the humanity of the protagonists. And even use fantastical “non-humans” to emphasize aspects (good and bad) of humanity.

        One of the things I have enjoyed about a fantasy series I am following (blanking on the name, I believe the author is German) is that the elves are incredibly long-lived, have magical powers, etc., and how these gifts have contributed to many of them being cruel, condescending, etc.

      • pan fried wylie

        blanking on the name, I believe the author is German

        Orwell.

      • kinnath

        Stories don’t translate well.

        Thus stories are baggage in a CGI extravaganza that is required to pull in billions of sales overseas to justify getting made.

        Comic book movies don’t tell stories because it hurts the bottom line.

      • pan fried wylie

        Stories don’t translate well. Star Wars is only based on an old Chinese tale, but whatever, drop that shit because what would the Chinese audience find of interest in that?

      • pan fried wylie

        Like the Japs didn’t steal everything from China.

  19. pan fried wylie

    Enjoy the apocalypse in style, make your own simple syrup, then use that to make other stuff, then make cocktails with that, and Enjoy!

    Great, as long as you live on a sugarcane or sugarbeet plantation. It’s like you don’t even Crafting System, Bruh. And no, Fuck you, I’m not using honey or maple sap to make Refined Sugar. Once again, CRAFTING, I need those mats for more valuable recipes. *smdh*

    *Factorio’s up a strong drink*

    • rhywun

      *Factorio’s up a strong drink*

      Ha, someone’s probably done it.

      • pan fried wylie

        If there’s not a sushi restaurant mod for that game…

  20. DEG

    Mmmm…. booze.

    • db

      WTF is billionaire-adjacent John Kerry doing flying commercial?

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        Saving us money flying 1C instead of expensing a private jet?

      • pan fried wylie

        If the point was to save money, then I would venture he had to pay for that flight out of HIS pocket, not ours.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        I’d venture to say that virtually nothing he does is paid for by him.

      • pan fried wylie

        His trust fund’s pocket, whatever. Obviously his own pockets have never contained anything.

      • db

        Oh right, I forgot he’s a federal employee now.

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        Because he got busted flying a private jet to Iceland to accept a climate change award.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Reminds me of how pissed off my recruiter was when I marked down marijuana use as a yes. We spent 10 minutes crafting a solid story that when I turned 18 I tried it once at a party and that was the only time. He said, “four years from now, if someone asks you, that is the story you give cause they will refer back this this interview if you screw up.”

      So much for being honest I guess. To me it signals that our government wants people to have skeletons in their closets and secrets, rather than normal people that lived life and are open and honest about it.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Supposedly they told them to be honest and they’d overlook it and then they altered the deal. Incredibly shady and not good at all for loyalty.

      • pan fried wylie

        PRAY I DO NOT ALTER THE DEAL ANY FURTHER.

      • R C Dean

        Supposedly they told them to be honest

        “So, be honest, have you ever used marijuana?”

        “Have I ever! Do you want my estimated lifetime consumption in pounds?”

      • pan fried wylie

        *”Have. I. ever! …

      • Tres Cool

        When I got to that question, I stopped and (as a frequent high-school burner) asked the recruiter. He quite plainly said, “if you check YES on that box, there are certain jobs that you’re interested in that you’ll never get the clearance for. If you check NO, nobody is going to know.”

  21. pan fried wylie

    Also….HEY, AVATAR RETURNED.

    That’s what 6months of “Fuck It, I’m Not Dealing With It” will get you.

    Results.

    • pan fried wylie

      #LearningTheWrongLessons

      #SoMuchForGettingOutTheLaserPointerAndMakingOneWithATopHat

    • hayeksplosives

      Given that we are supposed to Follow the Science (TM), I’d say the fact that any forensic anthropologist can tell by a skeleton whether the person was male or female, approximate age at death, and even race (or at least broad racial category), I’d think there’s a decent chance that laws and policies that hinge on “gender is a social construct” will get overturned or substantially rewritten.

      • pan fried wylie

        Forensic Anthrape-apologists? Sounds pretty fucking sexist to me.

        #BelieveAllHers

      • KromulentKristen

        Anthrape-apologists

        STEVE SMITH RESEMBLE THAT REMARK

      • pan fried wylie

        Nah.

        STEVE SMITH NEVER APOLOGIZE.

      • Hank

        We all want to be treated with compassion, even those of us who (hypothetically) have…eccentricities.

        Of course, there’s nothing compassionate in pressuring people to affirm what is false. But you can’t really rely on the woke media to make these subtle distinctions.

      • Hank

        It’s been said that the difference between eccentric and crazy is about a billion dollars. Expanding on that, we can say that the difference is the willingness of billionaires to underwrite your craziness and make it the norm.

  22. hayeksplosives

    I have a great deal of sympathy for people who genuinely believe that they were born in the wrong gendered body.

    That must be very tough to deal with, psychologically. They shouldn’t be run out of town, refused basic public services, etc.

    However, I do not believe that transgendered people are making a reasonable request when they demand to be able to compete in sports that are separated by gender.

    There is a right to life, property, etc. There isn’t a right to compete in a sport, just, no.

    • Ownbestenemy

      That is probably where most of the country is in their thought processes hayek. So it will be ignored.

    • PieInTheSky

      ave a great deal of sympathy for people who genuinely believe that they were born in the wrong gendered body. – yes. but they are hidden under all the performative narcissistic look at me look at me I am non binary my pronouns are cunte and cod assholes

      • Mojeaux

        yes. but they are hidden under all the performative narcissistic look at me look at me I am non binary my pronouns are cunte and cod assholes

        Correct.

        The point of being transgender is to pass as the opposite sex without saying a word. When transpeople inform me of this (or even when they don’t make an effort to pass), they are making it about their genitalia, not me. If you are compelled to tell me you’re trans or you don’t make an effort to pass, you’re just an attention whore.

      • R C Dean

        During my stay in West TexasI saw, (1) that there was a transgender community there, (2) that the members of that community were genuinely struggling and not making a performance out of it (mostly), and (3) the high degree of tolerance from people who your “Rednecks in the Mist” coastal elites would (mistakenly) regard as irredeemable white religious social conservative bigots.

      • Mojeaux

        I think people are pretty compassionate about other people who are clearly struggling.

        There was a male military expert on several programs on the History Channel who, one day, turned up a woman. She was instantly recognizable as the former male person, but nothing was said. No deals were made, big or otherwise. I googled. She had never made a big deal of it. The British military ordered everyone to refer to her as her/she/ma’am on pain of whatever punishment. Still, she is clearly a biological male, but she’s trying.

        That, I can respect.

    • PieInTheSky

      However, I do not believe that transgendered people are making a reasonable request when they demand to be able to compete in sports that are separated by gender. – as I said before I unironically support ending sport separation by gender. all should compete together and let the best man win

    • Don escaped Cancun

      If I may: The problem isn’t trannies; it’s public sanction and investment.

      If, at your private left-handed metric Episcopalian 4WD softball tournament you want to allow everyone to play in the girls’ league, that’s none of anyone’s business. The problem is when your local official sanctified STATE BOARD OF WHO SHALL PASS in middle-school field hockey gets involved, then we brew up a big old batch of equal protection soup.

      Get rid of public schools . . . the sports go with them . . . live peaceably ever after. . . . until this unholy equal access in private affairs comes back up. That’s the real American evil: the loss of pluralism. Our big problem is that no one can pay their own way or mind their own business; the fucking guvna and prezdent gotta have a say in things that are none of their GD business.

      All this hurricane about access is just a breakdown in separation of private and public sectors. We have become French without the benefit of proper wines or proper portions . . . we are a nation spanking ourselves all day every day over things that should have never happened and should have never have come up.

      • PieInTheSky

        what is four wheel drive softball?

      • pan fried wylie

        softball that’s actually fun to play.

      • pan fried wylie

        we also would have accepted “Sponsored by Subaru”

      • db

        You Europeans and your ignorance of real-man sports never cease to amuse.

      • pan fried wylie

        wait, did I not get the already built-in lesbian joke there? I assumed it was a typo.

      • db

        No, the real joke here is the fact that I have as much interest in sports as in superhero movies. Admittedly it’s an in-joke that I posted only for my own gratification.

        Well, I know they always told you
        selfishness wasn’t woke
        but it was for me, not you
        that I came to write this joke

    • pan fried wylie

      So much for getting to something productive this afternoon…

      • KromulentKristen

        He just got off the phone with a real victim, had him call his bank, etc. Sounded like an old guy.

      • pan fried wylie

        DOCTOR Carter.

      • pan fried wylie

        Did you donate $10? Pretty awesome how superchats are going to pay to make dude whole again.

        On the one hand, fucking elderly-scamming-fuckwad-fucking-fuckers….on the other hand, “Buy our free software and receive a $400 rebate”. JFTDC.

        Play greedy, stupid games, get greedyfucking scammed?

  23. Chipwooder

    Talk about awesome timing!

    Seth Abramson
    @SethAbramson
    I just saw a clip of Joe Biden spryly exiting Air Force One in Philadelphia, and I was suddenly reminded of the totally bonkers fact that the GOP has tried to question his health after years of calling an obese man who doctored his medical records the picture of physical stamina.
    3:08 PM · Mar 16, 2021

    • Gender Traitor

      The word of the day is “spry.” Whenever a journalist or pundit uses it to describe Biden, scream real loud!

      • R C Dean

        My favorite part of the footage I saw:

        The officer at the bottom of the stairs never stopped saluting.

      • rhywun

        Can I take a drink instead?

      • pan fried wylie

        If you’re a journalist, you have to do both at the same time.