IFLA: The “Crank and Bank” Edition of the Horoscope for the Week of March 14

by | Mar 14, 2021 | Advice, IFLA | 146 comments

I’m casting the next three horoscopes simultaneously, since on the 21st I’ll be on the road and no idea where I’ll be on the 28th, but there will be puppies involved.  So there’s going to be some really impressive, risky predictions being made for me to demonstrate my astrological prowess.  But not this week.  This weeks’ are pretty normal.

To wit:  this week starts off with Mercury passing between the Earth and Jupiter, while at the same time, the Moon is aligned with the Sun and Venus.  This changes (as we discussed with the mon’s constructions being ephemeral) with the Moon passing between the Earth and Marson on either Wednesday or Thursday, depending on your time zone.  The first bit in isolation means that there will be big news on the domestic front, with those planets being in Aquarius indicting that’s it’s positive news, not negative.  However, in the second construction indicates the rising to power of a woman and I just can’t see how Kamala taking over from Joey is good news.  So for an alternate interpretation we can see since the Moon is in Aries, and Liz is a tough old goat, that maybe we’ll see an amusing smackdown of the Sussexeses?  The influence of Pisces here also gives the potential for some (literal) pratfalls to be involved.  I certainly hope so.

Typically we talk about where the planets are but this week provides an excellent opportunity to discuss how to interpret the ways that the planets move.  The moon moves between two different constructions, and within those constructions we see the ideas of complementation.  We see movement from the Sun to the Earth, and from Venus to Mars.  When you’ve got a matched or complete set, that’s considered particularly auspicious, since “complete” is a synonym for “perfect.”   This is also why “The World” is such an auspicious draw in the Tarot, since it represents total completion (and is also why it’s numbered 21 — the last of the Major Arcana).  Because these sets are also those of romantic/sexual couples when you consider the Gaia/Uranus analogy, this would be a great time to try and conceive (though it would be even better if Scorpio was involved).  Unfortunately, this transition is also a negative one, from refined to gross, heaven to earth, love to war.  Again though, I’m having trouble seeing how you could ever represent Biden with Venus or the Sun.  So, I don’t think that Wednesday night is when POTUS becomes non compos mentis, but I also can’t get that nagging thought out of my head.

The cards say the back half of the week is going to be rough.

Pisces:  8 of Coins – Work, employment, commission, craftsmanship, skill in craft and business

Aries:  The Hermit – Prudence, circumspection, treason, dissimulation, roguery, corruption

Taurus:  King of Wands reversed – Good but severe; austere yet tolerant

Gemini:  2 of Swords – Conformity, balance, vengeance, no peaceful options

Cancer:  10 of Coins reversed – Chance, fatality, loss, robbery, games of hazard, gift, dowry, pension.

Leo:  8 of Cups – The decline of a matter, or that a matter which has been thought to be important is really of slight consequence, honor, modesty

Virgo:  Knight of Swords – Skill, bravery, capacity, defense, address, enmity, wrath, war, destruction, opposition, resistance, ruin.

Libra: The Devil reversed – Evil, fatality, weakness, pettiness, blindness.

Scorpio:  2 of Coins reversed – Enforced gaiety, simulated enjoyment, literal sense, handwriting, composition, letters of exchange.

Sagittarius:  9 of Coins reversed – Roguery, deception, voided project, bad faith.

Capricorn:  The World reversed – The end of troubles, suspension or cessation of adversity, toil and disappointment.

Aquarius:  3 of Wands reversed – Inertia, fixity, stagnation, permanence.

 

 

About The Author

Not Adahn

Not Adahn

Despite all my rage, I am still just an impeccably dressed rat.

146 Comments

  1. Cy Esquire

    Libra: The Devil reversed – Evil, fatality, weakness, pettiness, blindness.

    Ummm…. Maybe I should just stay in bed all week?

  2. PieInTheSky

    Cancer: 10 of Coins reversed – Chance, fatality, loss, robbery, games of hazard, gift, dowry, pension. – that is way to broad to give any good information

  3. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Capricorn: The World reversed – The end of troubles, suspension or cessation of adversity, toil and disappointment.

    *empties IRA, buys all the Powerball tickets I can*

    • Hyperion

      IT’S A TRAP!

  4. Tundra

    Leo: 8 of Cups – The decline of a matter, or that a matter which has been thought to be important is really of slight consequence, honor, modesty

    Not sure what that means. I think I’ll go for a walk.

  5. KromulentKristen

    Aries: The Hermit – Prudence, circumspection

    I just ignored the rest.

    • KromulentKristen

      Also, roguery is is OK. If it’s of the Han Solo variety.

    • Ted S.

      Unfortunately, Adahn read that wrong and meant prudence and circumcision.

  6. Let's throw Plastic at People

    “Skill, bravery, capacity, defense, address, enmity, wrath, war, destruction, opposition, resistance, ruin.”
    JFC are you Trying to kill me? I’m finally in a better mood,
    /Harshing my Mellow Maaan……

  7. DEG

    no idea where I’ll be on the 28th

    Ask the stars to tell you.

    The decline of a matter, or that a matter which has been thought to be important is really of slight consequence, honor, modesty

    This doesn’t sound sufficiently shitty to be accurate.

    • westernsloper

      Hard to trust an astrologanomoner when they don’t even know where they will be.

      • Let's throw Plastic at People

        *For entertainment purposes only…….

      • Fourscore

        Ask the judge where NA will be

  8. Hyperion

    FAKE NEWS!

    #CapricornsRpeople2

  9. The Late P Brooks

    Sagittarius: 9 of Coins reversed – Roguery, deception, voided project, bad faith.

    NOOOOOOOOO!

  10. KromulentKristen

    Anything in the cards for Aries about green poop? Hashtag Shamrock Shake

    • Timeloose

      I had to remind myself all morning that I drank green beer last night.

      • KromulentKristen

        hahahaha!

    • l0b0t

      BWAAAH HA HA!! (Points and laughs while staying within 3 steps of the head due to three days in a row of copious amounts of boiled cabbage)

      • KromulentKristen

        I’m DED!! LOL

        (cabbage gives me the best farts)

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Girl Farts are already the worst, why add to the misery?

      • KromulentKristen

        Farting is hilarious no matter who’s doing it

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Agreed, but You Ladies have something extra going on, My Mom? OMG!!! run!

    • Tulip

      Aaaaah! First straffinrun’s horrible picture on Zoom and now this! TMI people! TMI!

      • westernsloper

        Truth.

      • KromulentKristen

        I love talking about bodily functions. I generally think they’re funny AF ?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Should I tell you about the time I shit my pants farting? at Work, in front of everyone……..

      • egould310

        Never force a fart.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        No, Shit

      • KromulentKristen

        That. Is. Awesome.

      • l0b0t

        Brilliant, bloody brilliant.

      • westernsloper

        #pullmyfinger

      • TARDis

        Try having lunch with a group of nurses. ???

      • Sean

        It’s all about things they pull out of people’s asses, isn’t it?

      • Lackadaisical

        My wife is a pelvic floor therapist, I have to keep reminding her that I am trying to eat.

        “Today was the first day I felt someone with a hysterectomy, its weird, it just ends…”

        Completely disgusting and can’t convince her that my opinion about what is gross matters. No one wants to hear about 90-year old nun vagina.

      • TARDis

        My wife is a pelvic floor therapist

        Does she teach women to launch ping balls and ‘nanas?

      • westernsloper

        Aaaah, I see you have been to Thailand.

      • TARDis

        No no no. I just work with a bunch of jarheads.

        That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

      • KromulentKristen

        I mean, Jackass is one of my favorite TV/movie series

      • KromulentKristen

        In fact, I was thinking about writing about this one night in Istanbul…

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        go on…..

      • l0b0t

        You bailed out from the zoomy too early. 6:30 in the AM found Straff and NW watching me make corned beef.

      • Tulip

        Ah, sorry I missed it.

  11. LCDR_Fish

    Anyone else seeing a message from windows saying that “your version of Win 10 will end it’s service life soon – download a newer version of Win 10 to stay supported” ?

    Does it involve any additional payments?

    • PieInTheSky

      nope. never got that. what is your version?

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Windows Insider, I’m constantly updating, 21 years now, time flies….

    • Nephilium

      Negative. I’m guessing that there’s a link in the pop up? If so, odds are you’ve got yourself some malware on your box.

      • CPRM

        Windows 7 just ended it’s service last year, so yeah, 10 will be supported for the next at least 5. And Windows 10 isn’t known for asking permission to download or reboot or even warning you when ‘critical’ updates are issued.

    • Ted S.

      No, but I use Linux.

    • l0b0t

      I’ve never seen a message of that type. Like Yusef, I also get the Windows Insider Developers Updates; I had to opt for the slower track because back in 2018/19, they were pushing new OS builds out every week or so and it was a pain to reconfigure stuff that often. Is there an update available?

      I have –
      Windows 10 Pro
      Version 20H2
      OS build 19042.867
      Windows Feature Experience Pack 120.2212.551.0

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        ” back in 2018/19″ yep, that was nuts for a while, but I have Never had an issue with updates, my programs still run fine, and ASIO helps for the Sound card issues and DAWs, in fact it’s the prefect solution, Bypasses Windows audio completely,
        here,
        asio4all.org

    • Chafed

      That sounds like a virus/malware.

    • LCDR_Fish

      Its the windows 10 update icon in the bottom right of the screen – normally get an orange highlight when its going to “update and restart”.

      Update – just checked my settings. Although my work machine already picked up the 1909 update this machine apparently didn’t even though it has done some time consuming updates the last couple weeks.

      Guess its just the patch.

      • Lackadaisical

        I got that too Fish.

    • UnCivilServant

      Too suspicious.

      Besides no one gets support for windows 10 unless you’re an enterprise customer.

  12. The Late P Brooks

    I won’t inflict a link on you, but there is a long NPR tearjerker about some girl (a TWIN, no less! Healthy, vibrant, full of life…) who died of the plague despite not testing positive for it.

    It’s tragic, and it sucks, but I can’t shake the suspicion they want me to blame myself for that woman’s death a year ago because i don’t want to wear a mask today.

    It would suck if she died in a skydiving accident, too, but at least nobody would expect me to blame myself.

    • westernsloper

      If she didn’t test positive how do they attribute her death to the plague? Hell, even gunshot victims are only classified as plague deaths after a positive test.

      • Lackadaisical

        ^this.

        Guessing she didn’t die from the vid, maybe some other virus.

        Why isn’t everyone self-flagellating for spreading the common cold and flu for the past billion years? Fuck off.

      • Hyperion

        All deaths are plague deaths.

        Wait… why you calling this the plague? I’ll have you know, this is not the plague, this is single most cleverest, tricky virus in history that is 1 million times worse that Ebola, the Spanis Flu, and Small Pox combined! Right now it’s mutating again to get us once again! And the only cure is for you to wear 5 mask and don’t go outside! I mean unless you’re an illegal alien coming across the border and then it can’t hurt you and you don’t need a mask, or tests, or a vaccine.

    • PieInTheSky

      it is the mask butterfly effect. you could have saved that poor twin

  13. Animal

    Libra: The Devil reversed – Evil, fatality, weakness, pettiness, blindness.

    Oh, crap! I’d better go see my phrenologist, stat! Couldn’t hurt to have my humours adjusted, too. For all I know I may be both bilious and phlegmatic.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I suggest a good Bleeding for those Humours,

      • db

        But I’m bleeding already!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Rub some dirt on it and wrap it with Duct tape! We got work to do!

  14. The Late P Brooks

    Anyone else seeing a message from windows saying that “your version of Win 10 will end it’s service life soon – download a newer version of Win 10 to stay supported” ?

    I haven’t seen that (yet), but this is the first time I have even turned this computer on in months. I’m thinking very very seriously about doing a partition/reformat to duplicate the Elementary Linux system I have on the laptop I ordinarily use. I really like the solid state hard drive.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      You don’t Reformat, you Format,
      /Pedant

  15. The Late P Brooks

    I’m guessing that there’s a link in the pop up? If so, odds are you’ve got yourself some malware on your box.

    “Welcome. Oh, by the way. We control the vertical. We control the horizontal…”

  16. The Late P Brooks

    If she didn’t test positive how do they attribute her death to the plague?

    It was early on. I think they want you to assume there wasn’t a reliable test available.

    • Suthenboy

      Because they are lying?

  17. The Late P Brooks

    TMI people! TMI!

    *nods vigorously*

  18. CPRM

    Good News! I didn’t lose any sleep over daylight savings switch because I was at work!
    Bad News! I had to work an extra 4 hours (well, better news it was only 3hrs because of the switch), and now I’m not tired enough to go to sleep for my next shift!
    Good News! I wrote a new cartoon!
    Bad News! Work tonight is gonna suck.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Cartoon good! Work Bad!
      Good luck CP

  19. The Late P Brooks

    I was just riffling through some stuff on a shelf, and came across a pack of masks I bought some time last summer.

    “This is not a medical device, and is not personal protection.”

    • CPRM

      and is not personal protection

      OF COURSE NOT! It is ‘Personal Protection Equipment‘, PPE muthafluvva!

  20. db

    Leo: 8 of Cups – The decline of a matter, or that a matter which has been thought to be important is really of slight consequence, honor, modesty

    That sounds like it could be bad–like, that major thing that has been going on in your life is now just a paper cut compared to the Poe-like pendulum imminently making lunchmeat of your chest.

  21. Don escaped Cancun

    Scorpio: 2 of Coins reversed – Enforced gaiety, simulated enjoyment, literal sense, handwriting, composition, letters of exchange.”

    My dear Monsieur Macron-

    I was wondering if you could meet Mssr Trudeau and myself in Ottawa to discuss next steps . . . . – JRB46

    • Timeloose

      Thanks Lobot. I will watch this tonight.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        ^ this, Thanks lobot!

    • Lackadaisical

      I might check this out. I liked myself some TKK, yesterday. 😛

    • Hyperion

      What is wrong with that link? It doesn’t work.

    • Hyperion

      A download link? What is this, 2003?

      • KromulentKristen

        ?

      • Lackadaisical

        Guessing he Gilmored the waxtrax discussion above?

      • KromulentKristen

        Ahhhhh….yep, that’s probably it

      • Hyperion

        All I see is a download link.

      • Lackadaisical

        Then your shits all fucked up and retarded.

      • KromulentKristen

        ^^This

      • Hyperion

        Hey, that’s enough out of you two! Where’s the damn link!?

    • l0b0t

      Slimy, cowardly, apparatchik. Also, how much do those fancy FedGov branded disposable bottles of water cost the tax-cattle?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Ah, you noticed that too, say 5$ a bottle?

      • TARDis

        A quick search does not indicate who the lucky recipient of this grift is.

      • Hyperion

        I don’t know why he doesn’t just say ‘Just answer the question!’.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Is there a dearth of dermatologists in DC?

      • Hyperion

        That’s just that her dot is misaligned and off color. Do you recommend the requirement of a federally licensed dot maker to make dots, or can dots be made at home? Just answer the damn question!?

    • Hyperion

      She’s a coward. I’d just tell Cotton there that yes I advocate for the legalization of all drugs. So?

      On the racial bias thing, yeah, she’s a shameless liar.

  22. Sean

    Tri-tip came out great.

    (Suthen, skip the next sentence)

    Served with cheesy avocado drizzled with tangerine balsamic on the side.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      That sounds great, screw the Avo haters,

      • Sean

        ??

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Provincial,

    • westernsloper

      Would.

      • Sean

        I always put a couple pats of Kerrygold unsalted butter on top of the meat when it comes off the grill.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        By Recce from the Glibs, KerryGold on all Beef.
        Thank You!

      • Sean

        I only do this on the tri-tips and sometimes on filets.

      • BakedPenguin

        Mmmm… Kerrygold.

        I don’t know about the unsalted part, though.

  23. Lackadaisical

    Crank and Bank

    Name of the local sperm bank chain?

  24. Mojeaux

    Bitcoin about to hit $60k. Mr Mojeaux wants to bail now.

    • Lackadaisical

      I keep hoping it will come down to something more reasonable, but I think I simply missed the boat. Ah well. I remember seeing it at like $600 and thinking that was too high.

      <dummy, apparently

      • Hyperion

        I think most everyone who got in past the early days of mining missed the boat.

      • Mojeaux

        I was struggling to get a Mt Gox account when it was $18, then it shot up to $1000, so I missed the boat, but it wasn’t my fault.

      • Mojeaux

        And when I say missed the boat, I mean, I could drop $1,000 at $18. I couldn’t afford to drop $1,000 at $1,000 because I didn’t think it would ever go much higher than that. Then our house kept us broke.

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      It was up over 60k last night and I thought about you. I’m holding until it gets over 100k, even if it takes a few years.

      • Mojeaux

        That’s what I’m leaning toward doing.

        Thing is, our investment was $50. Then Mr Mojeaux won $100 in BTC, so our total stake is, well, $50.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Ditto. I have $50ish in BTC and $200 in XLM. I may sling some more into XLM, but the BTC is a small buy and hold play in case it doubles again.

    • TARDis

      Let me know if he does. I’ll buy in and tank it for you. Then you can get back in. 🙂

      • Mojeaux

        Oh no. I’m in charge of trading. It’s up to me.

      • TARDis

        Oops, sorry. Well let me know. Also, if there are any other investments you want destroyed markey corrected. I’m your guy.

      • TARDis

        *market*

    • Mojeaux

      There it is. $60,125.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I say pull it now, financial disaster is ahead, 60K/ yep,

  25. Hyperion

    Do any of y’all work?

    • Lackadaisical

      On every day that doesn’t end in ‘y’.

      • Hyperion

        Slacker!

  26. westernsloper

    So I just test drove my new pan after seasoning it yesterday. Two eggs scrambled with green onions, black olives and colby jack. The non stickness was legit ok. Way better than my stainless pans. I am a fan.

    • Lackadaisical

      Way better than my stainless pans

      That is a low bar.

      • westernsloper

        True. My stainless pans suck. I hate them but I cook on an induction top so they do work. I have a great nonstick aluminum pan but no go on the cook top and I have to use my backup burner to cook with it.

    • Hyperion

      Not sure what is in it except for collard greens, but my wife fried up this stuff she calls Couve.

      She just told me it’s collard greens, onions, garlic, farafo and olive oil. OMG, that stuff is great.

    • Semi-Spartan Dad

      Nice, I have the Misen stainless skillet and it’s great. I’ve been thinking about the carbon steel but will probably grab their 8 qt stockpot next.

    • Hyperion

      We have a lot of different stainless steel pans. I love them them all. One of my favorites is these cheapy ones called Potobelo, made in Italy. The bottoms look like copper, but I don’t think they’re pure copper, I think they have some copper in them.

      My wife has all of these that have no stick coating on them, that always eventually get all scratched up and the coating comes off. A good stainless steel pan lasts forever.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        I hate our nonsticks for exactly that reason. Wife isn’t as meticulous as I am about washing and using each kitchen tool per manufacturer instructions, so they’ve been scraped with metal utensils and run through the dishwasher a time or ten.

        That said, I’ve never been able to maintain a quality seasoning on my cast iron pans. They always seem dirty rather than seasoned. Clean them well and food sticks again. Clean them gently and my eggs turn brown.

    • Suthenboy

      I have an Imusa skillet that I absolutely love. It is blued? or anodized?, I am not sure which. It is my favorite skillet. I finally got tired of tossing ‘non-stick’ skillets down the side of the hill so I bought a pre-seasoned steel skillet and fell in love on the first day.

  27. KromulentKristen

    I told myself I would do the dishes at 3pm. Dammit.

    See y’all later.

    • Hyperion

      Stop letting you tell you what to do!

    • Hyperion

      Man, look at the curves on that Melissa duck. She’s like the Jessica Rabbit of wiminz ducks.