Indiana Jones Will Destroy Problematic Art in New Film

by | Mar 16, 2021 | Satire | 213 comments

“This doesn’t belong in a museum!”, bellows Harrison Ford’s iconic character as he heaves Botticelli’s The Birth of Venus onto a bonfire. In this latest installment of the franchise, Indian Jones and the Decree of Nero, the famous adventurer will help the brave soldiers of the National Socialist German Workers Party destroy body-shaming art rightfully plundered from the evil rich capitalists of Europe.

“We’re really kicking things up a notch” said creator and director George Lucas. “If you thought nuking a fridge was wild, you ain’t seen nothing yet. This one is guaranteed to get people talking.” In the film, Dr. Jones finds himself in a desperate race against time against the massive armies poised to overwhelm him and his newfound friends, including a certain officer he famously punched out of a zeppelin years earlier.

“We wanted to show how Indy can have a change of heart, that he can forgive even the bitterest of enemies”, continued Lucas, “audiences will be blown away when Indy visits the Pergamon Museum and meets kindred spirits among the Ahnenerbe and says ‘Nazis…these guys aren’t so bad after all!'”

About The Author

Derpetologist

Derpetologist

The world's foremost authority on the science of stupidity, Professor Emeritus at Derpskatonic University, Editor of the Journal of Pure and Theoretical Derp, Chancellor of the Royal Derp Society, and Senior Fellow at The Dipshit Doodlebug Institute for Advanced Idiocy

213 Comments

  1. Grumbletarian

    I won’t know what to think of this without the input of Joanna Gambolputty.

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      It’s, like, not even real if Ms. Gambolputty doesn’t have an appearance.

      • Chafed

        Doesn’t she play the Karen Allen role?

  2. kinnath

    bonfire of the vanities

    • Mojeaux

      +1 Italy

  3. Let's throw Plastic at Trees

    ” We call it Void Comp”

  4. Hyperion

    Much woke, many brave.

  5. DEG

    Given Disney owns Indiana Jones now…. I can see this happening.

    • Hyperion

      I see Indiana becoming a blue haired fat girl from San Francisco who hates everyone.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Already cast.

        Kali-blaughhhh!

      • Hyperion

        What even in the fuck is that? Is that Lena Dunham’s ugliersister?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Ugh

      • Hyperion

        OFFS! Why do you hate us?

      • IntraveneousWoodChipper

        I studied archaeology in grad school. I can attest to the accuracy of this statement.

        Idk if its the grad school part or the archaeology part but there were a ton of fat blue-haired women at my school were legion.

      • IntraveneousWoodChipper

        Lol excuse the incomprehensible grammar.

        Typing and drinking isn’t working for me tonight.

      • Not Adahn

        That must be why we’re constantly finding evidence of an abundance of trans WoCs living everywhere before the cisheterpatriarchy oppressed them into hiding.

    • hayeksplosives

      They will delete that fantasic scene from Raiders where the would-be assassin shows off his prowess with a scimitar only to be cut down by a single bullet from Indy.

      I should have kept the VHS tapes…

      • Grumbletarian

        No, they’ll just make it so the scimitar guy fires a pistol first and badly misses.

      • Plinker762

        Indy will knock him out by throwing a hand held radio at him.

  6. westernsloper

    Indy would never say Nazis are ok guys. I refuse to believe this. Leave me one hope of unreality.

    • Hyperion

      Just look at him. Toxic masculinity. Of course he’s a Nazi, has he even confessed his white privilege?

      • rhywun

        Just look at him.

        I am. I can’t tear my eyes away.

      • hayeksplosives

        That was maximum hawt Ford, no doubt.

      • rhywun

        I’m more a Blade Runner guy, but… yeah.

  7. pistoffnick

    H@rris0n F0rd bought a new airplane from C355n@ when I worked there. He took the whole sales team to the local strip club and bought them a round. I was not on the sales team.

    ;^(

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Staring at titties with Harrison Ford would be a fun way to spend an afternoon.

      • pistoffnick

        THERE ARE STORIES, WILD, WILD STORIES…

    • westernsloper

      He also crashed one on a golf course if I remember correctly.

      • Hank

        He was being public-spirited…he wanted the injured to be close to doctors.

  8. rhywun

    +1 Pergamon, if you have an hour or so to spare.

  9. pistoffnick

    #2 daughter made it 5.5 hours into an 8 hour shift on her first day at a real (part-time medical with full time benefits) job before giving in. Granted it was boring training videos for those 5.5 hours and the schedule is fairly flexible.

    It hope she perseveres. Her boyfriend isn’t going to support her.

    • pistoffnick

      Fly, little bird, fly!

    • hayeksplosives

      Giving in?

      Pardon my obtuseness, but it sounds like she just started a new job. I don’t understand the 5.5 hours part.

      • westernsloper

        Kids these days.

      • pistoffnick

        She gave up. Apparently her boss told her she could leave whenever she needed to. She decided she was done for the day.

        /I may have failed as a parent.

      • rhywun

        To be fair… I don’t know her age but I remember when I was in my teens or early twenties, an eight hour day was just unbearably long. The jobs are usually brain-deadeningly boring tedium. I hope hers is better.

        But the older I get, the faster those days go by. I have so much to do now I can’t even hope to fit it into eight or nine or ten hours.

      • pistoffnick

        19. Couldn’t hack it at college. To my mind, this job is her best opportunity to make something.

        She wants a cabin in the woods with chickens and dogs and cats. Her boyfriend just wants to bang on the drums all day.

        Then again, what I want for her means nothing. She is a grown-ass woman, she can fuck up her life in her own fashion.

      • Not Adahn

        NEVER let them date a drummer.

      • rhywun

        She could always join him.

      • straffinrun

        Nice boss. Training videos suck.

    • Gdragon

      She might get a new boyfriend?

    • Mojeaux

      This is why God made books.

      Read and get paid!

  10. straffinrun

    Beautiful at any size but not any color?

  11. hayeksplosives

    I just took receipt of a large electric stand-up recliner for my hubs so that I don’t have to help him in and out of the chair anymore.

    It came disassembled in a box. The delivery guy took it out of his truck with a pallet Jack and pallet and was going to leave it in the driveway. He showed me on the paperwork where his boss told him he wasn’t to load it into the house or anything more.

    I flipped him a 20 to push it up the sidewalk that ramps up along side and behind the back door. I have no idea how I would have gotten it up there from the driveway without help.

    Fortunately I was able to assemble it in the house without too much difficulty and have installed the patient into it. It actually looks nice, and real cattle laid down their lives for the upholstery.

    I am drawing the line at getting a wheelchair though. The dude needs exercise. He’s lost about 45 pounds in the past 3 months.

    • hayeksplosives

      I’m also having subversive thoughts of burning the resultant heap of cardboard on the back patio. It’s been raining a bunch so I think it’s safe.

    • straffinrun

      ^Good wife.

    • Bob

      They are damn handy when you need to go places for short periods, sometimes it’s easier to push…..
      IYKWIMAITYD

    • Hank

      What a fortunate man to have such a wife, hopefully he’s grateful.

    • rhywun

      +1 recovery ?

      I could have used a chair like that last summer, between hobbling around with a drugstore cane and checking myself in and out of the hospital. It already feels like a bad memory.

      • straffinrun

        It is a bad memory, no?

      • rhywun

        Or false memory. Was struggling with that phrase and said fuck it.

        Point is, I barely remember it.

      • straffinrun

        Distant memory?

      • rhywun

        Quiet, you.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      White-glove delivery!

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      I once had a full speaker system that was delivered by freight because too big for UPS/FedEx.

      I received a call from the driver AFTER HE LEFT ALL 6 BOXES AT THE VERY EDGE OF OUR ROCK DRIVEWAY THAT’S 75 YARDS LONG, AND WAS ALREADY DOWN THE STREET.

      About $5k worth of stuff.

      • Animal

        Back when I had a full-up Type 1 FFL, we were living in a small ranch house with no porch or anything, just a front door facing the street with a small concrete stair. I had three long guns coming in for a guy. UPS left them, on the concrete step, facing the street, while I was at work. Not only were they long, thin boxes, one of them had printed on it in big, red letters: FIREARMS – ADULT SIGNATURE REQUIRED.

        I was amazed they weren’t stolen. I called UPS and lit them up. I suspect the driver got called in and lit up. I hope like hell he got fired.

    • db

      We should all be so fortunate to have someone to care for us when we’re ill.

  12. straffinrun

    I let a rancid silent but deadly rip in a room full of severely retarded children this morning. I didn’t own up and feel a tad guilty.

    • hayeksplosives

      I absolve thee.

      • straffinrun

        Thx. Got a wet wipe?

    • Hyperion

      Snowflake!

    • Timeloose

      I think I woke up the wife laughing at this.

    • Gadfly

      That was cruel. You should have made it a loud one so the kids had an opportunity to laugh.

  13. straffinrun

    While I slept something happened with Candace and Cardi B (whatever that is). OMGOMG.

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      I think the “outrage” of that is mostly for juxtaposition purposes.

      Dr Seuss or Pepe LePew are too inappropriate for society to allow. They destroy children and turn them in to rabid racists, according to the narrative, but having 2 women perform soft core lesbian porn on stage while they grind each other on National TV is not only acceptable, but is considered by the woke as enlightened, high art.

      • rhywun

        I’d watch two chicks go at it if it was to better music.

      • dbleagle

        Bang! Bang! This conversation is closed.

        Well done sir. I doff my top hat to you.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        I watched 2 chicks go at it at my bachelor party. A totally unexpected treat.

        Until, while one was munching on the other in the shower, the girl being munched had her fucking tampon slide right the fuck out and plop down in the tub.

      • straffinrun

        ?

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        I could’ve gone for the remainder of my natural life without reading that.

      • BakedPenguin

        And yet, thanks to muzzled, you don’t have to.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Must have been quite a sight.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Only one way to earn your redwings.

    • Tulip

      I’m tired of being told that performing for the titillation of men is empowering.

  14. Hank

    New CNN documentary examines Abraham Lincoln. I guess this article gives a taste –

    “…in some circles, “Honest Abe” is increasingly becoming Racist Abe.”…

    “If some of Lincoln’s public utterances about Blacks were retweeted today, he would have been canceled on social media and likely run out of office….

    “But Lincoln’s actions must be viewed in historical context, scholars say….

    “Civil rights activist Malcolm X reportedly once told Black people to “take down the picture” of Lincoln that hung in the living rooms of so many homes.

    “But Malcolm shared a rare quality with Lincoln — the capacity to admit he was wrong and evolve….

    “If there is a right question to ask about Lincoln, it’s this: How was he able to evolve and grow in such dramatic ways?

    “The answer could help us in such a politically divisive time.

    “There is a well-circulated story about how Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas once told his clerks, “I ain’t evolving.” The story may be apocryphal, but it’s endured in part because it points to a common trait in many contemporary political leaders: ideological rigidity.”

    https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/did-black-lives-matter-to-abraham-lincoln-its-complicated/ar-BB1ezl8A

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      This trend of using edgy, modern day woke sensibilities as the barometer for judging everyone who ever lived is noxious as fuck.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Historical Figure Shunned in Death for Failing to Predict the Future sounds like a headline rejected by the Bee or Onion for being too obvious…

      • straffinrun

        Cancel Nostradamus.

      • rhywun

        And they’re canceling people today for saying shit way more innocuous than much of what was likely to come out of the mouth of an average eighteenth-century American.

    • Hank

      And in defense of Justice Thomas – *if* he made that remark, he was mocking outlets like CNN where the only way to “evolve” or “grow” is to get woker, i. e., less sane.

      You’d think that, with all the “humorists” and “comedians” on the progressive side, they’d be able to recognize when they’re being mocked.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Civil rights activist Malcolm X reportedly once told Black people

      ..Negros?

      ..they were tricked by white liberals?

      ..should separate from the rest of society?

    • commodious spittoon
    • Gadfly

      “If some of Lincoln’s public utterances about Blacks were retweeted today, he would have been canceled on social media and likely run out of office….

      “But Lincoln’s actions must be viewed in historical context, scholars say….

      For context, look at what the Democratic party ran on in 1868, the first election after Lincoln’s death. An explicitly white supremacist platform won 47% of the vote, including several northern states. Politicians (and people in general) are products of their time.

      • Stillhunter

        Interesting that Democrats say the same thing today.

        “You ain’t black!”

  15. straffinrun

    It’s a disgrace that we demonize pregnant women for choosing to be mma fighters.

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      “Those little fists land body blow after body blow like a whirling dervish!”

      • straffinrun

        ? Everybody was fetus fighting

    • rhywun

      Right? They should be parachuting over the Iraqi desert.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Seems like a lot of work to induce a miscarriage.

  16. Chipping Pioneer

    Indian Jones and the Decree of Nero

    RRRAAAACCCCIIISSSSTTT!!!!!!

  17. Timeloose

    He should be fist fighting Klaus by the propeller of a airplane.

  18. BakedPenguin

    Uggs for rhywun.

    • rhywun

      Collingwood forever!

      I wonder what’s going on with the AFL.

      Oh, it starts Thursday.

      However, I don’t have high hopes after last year’s fake season, if Australia is still as batshit insane as they were last year in their insistence on pretending they can “whip this thing”.

      • BakedPenguin

        At least my team (Demons) went from “terrible” to merely “mediocre”. Maybe they can make the playoffs this year.

        It kind of sucks that so many teams are based in Victoria – with their insane lockdown, there was no way the season could go on.

      • rhywun

        I’ll tune in just to see games at the G again. Been too long.

      • grrizzly

        Which channel is showing the games? I cannot find them anywhere on FS1/FS2, any other channel.

      • rhywun

        (3/16/21): As of this morning: Fox and the AFL have yet to reach a deal. Any schedules you see online or on onscreen guides are projections and should not be trusted

        Oh well. It looks like no channel is showing them yet.

  19. Timeloose

    I can still hear the sound of Indy dying in the Raiders of The Lost Ark 2600 game.

  20. KromulentKristen

    I’m LOLing

  21. wdalasio

    Our society is one of such resplendent luxury that it can afford the elevation a cult demanding adherence to a rejection of reality.

    My question is how bad do things have to get before society decides it can no longer afford that cult? How badly do we need to lose a war before we decide that maybe women who aren’t capable of meeting the demands of military life shouldn’t be represented in our military? How much damage does our economy need to bear before outlawing economic activity in the name of a bad flu (admittedly an exaggeration, but you get the point) isn’t acceptable? How badly does our technology have to fall behind before people decide elevating “values diversity” over technical competence is something we can no longer afford? How much can the consequences of this insanity be passed off onto the lower middle class and the upper working class before it erupts violently?

    • Gustave Lytton

      1) a disastrous military loss

      2) an economic collapse to the point where it’s impossible to outlaw such activity

      3) a collapse to the point where values diversity is no longer possible as a luxury

      4) the current amount and probably more

      • Gustave Lytton

        0) much more. Reality denial has been a facet of human existence and so have cults. It will just take a different form as the current cult loses power in favor of the latest craze

    • rhywun

      I dunno but China and a couple other countries will be testing the limits of our stoopidity, and soon.

      • Gadfly

        It’s fortunate for us in the US that we live in an isolated area of the world. If we lose a war, the most we will lose is our hegemony. No one is conquering America, as America is the only country capable of maintaining the 3000+ mile long supply lines required to feed a war machine over here. The Europeans really are the ones with the most to lose if the US gets a bloody nose.

    • Nephilium

      I really don’t want to go down that path. I see no good end to it.

      On the other hand, I’m now rewatching Boondock Saints (as is tradition in March), with plans for a small vacation over the next couple of days.

      • Timeloose

        “It is your evil that will be saught by us. With every breath we shall hunt them down. Each day we will spill their blood till it rains down from the skies…!”

    • EvilSheldon

      When someone who you know personally dies of malnutrition or chronic exposure, then things will be bad enough to change. Maybe.

    • straffinrun

      Unfortunately, degrading the combat capabilities of boots on the ground will probably mean more reliance on firepower from the skies. Of course the correct answer would be stop all nondefensive wars (as in actual non defensive wars), but I doubt that’ll happen and so more drone strikes and the like will continue.

  22. commodious spittoon

    The last Bill Bert podcast had me steamed by how soft Bill Burr is. He gave way too much credence to the covid industrial complex and Meghan fucking Markle. Total mush-brained lefty, whatever the hardnosed Boston bumpkin persona he puts on.

    And now he’s #cancelled by the left for being insufficiently woke. Again. You think he’d either have fallen in after hosting SNL a couple months ago or fallen out with this Stasi friends, but no, he’s still trying to walk the line.

    L, as the kids say, OL.

    • straffinrun

      He always struck me as the type who wants to be able to say stuff challenging the orthodoxy but will also bow to the orthodoxy to retain good standing. Maybe he really believes it. Who knows, but his lack of consistency belies some kind of internal conflict.

      You gotta be on a team in this culture war. Stanhope not withstanding.

      • The Hyperbole

        Maybe he really believes it

        I doubt ‘belief’ has a whole lot to do with it, he says things because he thinks they are funny or, like 99% of people, holding to philosophical consistency rarely factors into it.

      • straffinrun

        He doesn’t seem to be just going for the joke when talks about hot social issues on these podcasts. When he made fun of white women for not sitting down next to white men and taking their talking to, I just rolled my eyes. Funny, but a stupid premise to insist people are responsible for things other people did.

      • commodious spittoon

        Stanhope on LOS was great. He invited on his buddy James Tywman, the comic who killed his mother in a psychotic fit.

        I’m not saying the dude’s cured, but after a half hour of grilling by the LOS boys he was roasted.

  23. Bob

    With the Left in power, and the Free Shit Brigade out in force, and after 20 some odd trillion in debt, this year is it, I really fear Weimar conditions, and a soft power takeover of our Country, they are already working on it, the CCP I mean,

    • commodious spittoon

      I listened to a financial analyst who thinks cash is king for the next year or so… we’re in a bubble everywhere, everything is overpriced, foreclosures are going to go into overdrive as we ease out of lockdown mentality, there’s likely going to be a real estate crash as loads of properties come onto the market all at once, crypto and stocks are similarly overpriced, and most of the dollars that are being printed aren’t getting into the hands of consumers, so inflation isn’t likely to be out of control just yet.

      • LJW

        Green energy companies are gonna start falling. None of them make any money. Now that the big motor companies are jumping into the EV market it’s gonna put the hurt on Tesla. Of course the Democrats are gonna try to prop them up with our money.

  24. DenverJ

    I read an article today wondering how long Indian Motorcycle will be able to keep that name. And I thought, will Indiana and Indianapolis be forced to change their names?

    • Bob

      The Manistee Chippewas are no more,
      /Local HS Football team………..

      • Bob

        Ha! the Name is Indian, Manistee, Cancelled! from Wiki,
        “The name “Manistee” is from an Ojibwe word first applied to the principal river of the county.[7] The derivation is not certain,[8] but it may be from ministigweyaa, “river with islands at its mouth”.[9][10] Other sources claim that it was an Ojibwe term meaning “spirit of the woods”.[11″

      • Gustave Lytton

        But the Chippewa Falls Cardinals are still here.

      • straffinrun

        Lol. Heard of that school.

    • rhywun

      Nativamericanopolis.

      • hayeksplosives

        Sino-American

    • l0b0t

      It got me thinking about an acquaintances’ old company and found that they stopped being Confederate Motors in 2017 and are now called Curtis Motorcycles with a focus on electric motorbikes.

  25. Tundra

    I’ve seen the Birth of Venus at the Uffizi.

    I’d happily machine gun Indy for that desecration.

    • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

      I still have a photo of the beheading of Medusa from the Uffizi that I meant to send to Rhywun, but never got around to. Really enjoyed that museum, and Florence, too.

      • rhywun

        Was it this one?

      • Tundra

        Firenze! One of the coolest places I’ve ever been.

        Ponte Vecchi, the Boboli Gardens…

        Amazing place.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Firenze!?

    • Plinker762

      Did you also see the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies?

  26. Trigger Hippie

    Sit back and have a laugh:

    https://youtu.be/rwkoItmdQj4

    Outside his Malthusian bullshit, Doug is my spirit animal.

    Side note: I was invited to go to this show. I declined over some practical nonsense(work the next day, I believe). I regret that decision.

    • Chafed

      2. How is fatherhood treating you?

    • slumbrew

      42 – maybe the only one with real tits and no ink

      • Chafed

        Another excellent pick.

    • straffinrun

      Bummer. I actually met that guy. Best role for me was Midnight Run.

      • Chafed

        How, when, where, and why did you meet him?

        He had a lot of great roles.

      • straffinrun

        I met him at a movie theater in Denver where I was working as a projectionist. He hung out in the lobby while waiting for a friend. Very cool guy.

    • DenverJ

      I honestly just don’t recognize the guy. I’m a bad entertainment consumer. Peace to his friends and family.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      There are some people who are in dire need of getting their asses beat.

    • rhywun

      Straight-up commies. Yep, this shit is getting ugly.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Anyone who keeps their kids in that system is asking for the pain.

        This is going to turn into a full-on battle for control and will get much uglier before it’s over.

  27. Bob

    Hump Day Hellos My Glib Friends, what’s the word today?

    • Gender Traitor

      Top of the mornin’ to ya!

  28. DEG

    I am awake. I will be leaving for the Irish pub in Manchester after I shower.

    They are open at 5:30, not 6. Well, I guess I won’t be first.

    • Sean

      ? ?

  29. limey

    I’m more a Blade Runner guy, but… yeah.

    You know Ridley Scott removed all doubt about whether or not Deckard is a replicant himself, right? One or more of those recuts totally ruined the beautiful mystery around that. You must be robosexual. That’s pretty cool.

    • rhywun

      *shrug* I’d still hit it.

  30. Tres Cool

    yo whaddup, yo ?

    • Bob

      Sup Tres? Coffee achievers up here!
      And a Tall Can to ya!

      • Tres Cool

        HEY YUFUS!

        /small cans but

        But ive been up all night *hic*

      • Bob

        Youll make it up in volume,

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Random act of douchebaggery most likely.

  31. DEG

    IRISH COFFEE!

    • Sean

      GF identifies as Irish (legitimately).

      /Looking forward to drunken naked time tonight.

  32. DEG

    Second Irish Coffee.

    • UnCivilServant

      Really? It’s not even seven.

      • DEG

        It’s St. Patricks’s Day.

        The breakfast buffet was delicious. Music starts at 8.

      • UnCivilServant

        Some of us are already at work, and drinking on the job is a firable offense.

        /sober irish

      • DEG

        I guess it is a good thing I got that second coffee.

    • Bob

      Retired?

      • DEG

        No. I have to work for a bit later today.

        It is St. Patrick’s Day.

  33. Gender Traitor

    I just checked The Book of Faces, and my BIL’s Irish band doesn’t seem to have any gigs today. Usually they have two or three on St. Patrick’s Day itself and others on the nearest weekend(s). St. Patrick’s Day is usually Christmas for Irish/Celtic bands.

    This is sad. 🙁

    • UnCivilServant

      They should show up and play anyway.

      • DEG

        Yes

      • Gender Traitor

        From happier times.

        A check of local events reveals there IS live music going on at various establishments. Maybe BIL’s band just decided to retire. Didn’t think to ask when I saw them at Christmas.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I wonder what’s happening in actual Ireland. Last I heard they had one of the most repressive lockdowns in Europe.

    • UnCivilServant

      Most of Europe speaks English (to some extent or another)

      Nobody speaks Latin (statistically speaking)

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Quid est vetus et est novum iterum.

      • UnCivilServant

        And you’e proven my point, statistical nobody.

    • rhywun

      In other news, today is a day ending in “y”.

  34. DEG

    The news is on one of the TVs here. A shooting rampage in Atlanta. I see the news making a big deal of one of the dead being an Asian woman.

    This bodes poorly for us gun owners. I see exactly how the Democrats will use this.

    • DEG

      Six Asian women

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        They’ll try to leverage it certainly, it’s just what they do.

      • Festus

        I heard that on the CBC last night. They were already doing that. Wonder what happens if the perp is a Black man? Plenty of carpets and brooms around, I suppose.

      • rhywun

        It’s a white guy.

        The media is gonna have a fucking field day with this.

      • rhywun

        And it’s starting already.

        a tagline on an Instagram account that appeared to belong to the suspect said: “Pizza, guns, drums, music, family, and God. This pretty much sums up my life. It’s a pretty good life.”

      • Sean

        Pizza

        Steak. What a loser.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Saw on another site that it’s a white dude. I already know the articles that’ll be written without reading them.

      • rhywun

        Yep, just read it at NY Post.

        When asked whether the violence may be connected to the nationwide rash of anti-Asian hate crimes herpity derpity doo

        God damn, I hate the media.

      • Festus

        Esp. after reading Ozy’s excellent post from yesterday and Greenwald’s article on Substack.

      • rhywun

        I think there is a case to be made that the media, by hyping a supposed “rash of anti-Asian hate crimes”, are in the process of actually creating one.

      • Festus

        Here we go again… Cuomo? Who’s that?

    • Not Adahn

      Asian Massage Parlors.

      It’s connexted to the guy’s sexual hangups.

  35. Festus

    Mornin’ Fellow Glibbies! Nearly played smash-up derby twice on the way to work last night, which was fun. The first was a deer on the divided highway downhill into town. Everyone drives 20km over the posted limit. Little miss doe took her own sweet time jumping the barrier but I had to feather the brakes so the asshole behind me didn’t bum-fuck the Tacoma. Between the hillside and the concrete lane divider there is no room for error. The second one was much more butt-clenching. I’m on the two-lane to my remote site, travelling at the aforementioned 20km over the limit. Come around the corner and some idiot is trying to pass an idler. If he/she hadn’t flashed the high beams I would probably not be commenting right now. Had to slow right down and pull nearly far enough to the left to roll into the ditch. Night driving is the worst.

  36. Festus

    Dr. Bonnie shut down liquor sales for St. Paddy Day at all bars, restaurants and outlets @20:00 just to be safe. Fuck you Karen!