Joemala: Episode 18

by | Mar 24, 2021 | Joemala, SugarFree | 310 comments

“I haven’t MADE THE NEWS in over a week!” Kamala squawked.

Her adenoidal voice seemed to go up to the heights of the room, circle, and then dive into the influencers’ bedazzled ears. Seresto clapped her hands against the sides of her head like a little child.

“There’s just white guys shooting people,” Kayleighburrow whined. “Well, one of them is a White Muslim, I guess.”

“Asians, that first guy shot Asian women,” Kamala growled. “I’m an Asian woman. I should have been the face of that.”

“But, ma’am,” Seresto said carefully, “Jamaica isn’t in Asia.”

“Maybe it identifies as Asian,” Kayleighburrow said, slapping at her knee. “Geographophobe.”

“India!” Kamala screeched. “My mother is from India, you idiots!”

“But India is India,” Kaylieburrow said blankly.

“India is in Asia,” Kamala said.

Seresto looked up from her phone and said, “India is a sub-continent.” She leaned over to Asterix, “Look, I’m reading this right, right?”

“Leave me alone,” Asterix said, scratching at the binding she used to flatten her breasts.

“OK, Themster Grumpy,” Kayleighburrow said huffily.

“India is part of Asia,” Kamala said through gritted teeth. “I’m part Asian.”

“Should I tweet that?” Seresto asked. “What about ‘India is part of Asia. I am part Asian. #stopasianhate’?”

“Everyone already knows India is part of Asia,” Kamala said angrily. “It’s right there, connected to Asia.”

“Wait,” Kayleighburrow said, twisting her phone this way and that. “Europe is also connected to Asia. Are all Europeans Asian too?” The fine wrinkles in her brow as she struggled to process this grew deeper and deeper. “My grandparents are from Germany. Does this mean I’m Asian? That’s hot.”

“Europeans are not Asian!” Kamala shouted as Secret Service agents burst into the office.

“My boyfriend left me,” Asterix said as the agents surround Kamala, guns drawn.

“He hated your hair, right?” Seresto asked, talking louder over the barking agents. “And your clothes.”

“And my period,” them said glumly. “No one makes a tampon for front holes.”

“That sounds pretty messy,” Seresto said.

“I should just quit,” them said, rubbing a hand across the stubble of hair on they head.

“And do what? Seresto asked. “You’re at the center of it all here.” She ducked as a Secret Service agent jumped up on the desk and then dove over the three of them.

“White people at the gates!” an agent screamed and they all ran out of the office together.

“You want to end up tweeting for some Congressperson?” Kayleighburrow asked. “Ew.”

“No one quits!” Kamala said. “No one!”

“We’ll find you someone to date. Elliot got divorced,” Seresto said. “He’s so hot.”

“So hot,” Kaylieburrow said reflexively. “And back on the market.”

“I’m st-straight,” Asterix stammered.

“Then Elliot is perfect for you. He’s so hot.”

“So hot.”

“No one leaves this room!”

“So hot.”

All the locks on the doors engaged magnetically and shut they and them in.

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

310 Comments

  1. The Late P Brooks

    “No one makes a tampon for front holes.”

    Que? I can’t keep up.

    • SugarFree

      Transmen and non-binaries often deny that they have a vagina, as that is a female organ. Some of them then refer to it as a “front hole.”

      • Animal

        That’s it. Stop the planet. Right here. I’m getting out. This place is too ridiculous.

      • juris imprudent

        SF just wants us to long for the insanity of facing the Elder Gods.

      • Rat on a train

        Everyone has a front hole.

      • SugarFree

        Everyone has pretty much given up on explaining basic biology to these people.

      • juris imprudent

        That’s been around a while – most pro-choicers seem to deny ontogeny.

  2. leon

    I feel so much pity for Astrid.

  3. Scruffy Nerfherder

    I can’t wait for next week when they start to eat each other, Colombian soccer team style.

    • leon

      Is there an incident i’m not aware of? I thought it was the Argentine Soccer Team?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Colombians, Argentinians…. they all look alike to me.

        *resumes reading Mein Kampf*

      • wdalasio

        Except for the boys from Brazil. They look a little different.

      • KromulentKristen

        You mean the Old Christians rugby team?

      • leon

        So Uruguayans… Huh. I thought it was Argentine team.

      • KromulentKristen

        Nope. It was Uruguayans and rugby with the candlestick in the library.

      • KromulentKristen

        (who were from Uruguay)

      • CPRM

        I thought it was Ethan Hawk.

  4. dbleagle

    Where does he hide the microphones? These read like transcripts.

    Why do I not doubt this exchange took place: “Everyone already knows India is part of Asia,” Kamala said angrily. “It’s right there, connected to Asia.”

    “Wait,” Kayleighburrow said, twisting her phone this way and that. “Europe is also connected to Asia. Are all Europeans Asian too?” The fine wrinkles in her brow as she struggled to process this grew deeper and deeper. “My grandparents are from Germany. Does this mean I’m Asian? That’s hot.”

    • leon

      Yup. That was perfect.

      • Sean

        Agreed.

  5. CPRM

    All the locks on the doors engaged magnetically and shut they and them in.

    Finally, fiction free of the shackles of sexist grammar, so much clarity, such nuance!

  6. R C Dean

    Props for the use of idiotic woke pronouns. Nice demonstration of how they actually impede communication and make the people using them sound like morons.

    • db

      I liked the “they and them” construction, since the concept of individual pronouns implies that to use a single pronoun for an entire group in the third person would be improper and insulting. Henceforth, all group references must list all the individual preferred pronouns for each in the group.

    • EvilSheldon

      I don’t think people actually use made-up pronouns, except on Twitter and in their email signatures. Gotta chase ‘dat Clout!

  7. Mojeaux

    Meh. I have a lot of Indian friends who insist they are Asian, albeit SE Asia.

    • CPRM

      They’re Native Americans, you racist.

      • Tonio

        [golf clap]

    • leon

      I just get a chuckle out of the “Oh Kamala Harris is an Asian American!”, when her whole carrer she has been touting herself as an African American. It just sums up Kamala Harris to a Tee.

      • R C Dean

        Funny how the Dems struggle to come up with black politicians in and around the White House who were actually raised in this country.

      • leon

        though i guess Africa is attatched to Asia, so aren’t all African Americans Asians?

      • Rat on a train

        And another great migration begins.

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        It sounds like they are joined together by a cargo ship now.

      • Ownbestenemy

        This is how you properly conjoin current events.

      • Swiss Servator

        SEA SMITH CONJOIN CURRENT EVENTS. BY CONJOIN, MEAN…

      • Wood Chipped Wednesday

        Kamala is all ethnicities except white for political purposes

    • UnCivilServant

      Turks are Asian. Arabs are Asian. Indians are Asian. Malay are Asian. Han are Asian. Uzbeks are Asian. Half the human race is Asian.

      • CPRM

        Half the human race is Asian.

        It would be more, if not for some communist socialist fascist policies.

      • Tonio

        Numerically, South Asians and East Asians predominate in world population because of China and India.

      • Old Man With Candy

        I noticed you left out Jews, Adolf.

      • Rat on a train

        Russians?

    • Tonio

      We’ve always been at war with east asia.

  8. The Late P Brooks

    “You’re at the center of it all here.”

    Like an icy cold hand from beyond the grave.

  9. CPRM

    Am I the only one who finds Astrid HOT? Am I a future Cosby?

  10. The Late P Brooks

    I thought it was the Argentine Soccer Team?

    Ahem-

    Rugby Players Eat Their Dead

  11. Rebel Scum

    I don’t know who any of these people are.

    • Tonio

      Does it really matter? They are aides, lackeys and sycophants.

      • Ownbestenemy

        I figured it was a “Inside Out” parody and they and them are all Kamala

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        I like that idea.

        *rewires some neurons to see it that way*

      • rhywun

        Or Herman’s Head for us oldsters.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Missed it by that much 😉 I forgot about that show.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        I attended a taping of it in its first season.

  12. rhywun

    Does this mean I’m Asian? That’s hot.

    LOL. She’s got a little Paris Hilton in her.

    BTW Kamala, hon? You were born in the United States. You are a United Statesian and especially for the purposes of your fucking job, that’s ALL you are.

    • leon

      No no no. Being a united Statsian is tantamount to being racist. If you can’t add some hyphen-American to your identity then you are clearly a racist.

      • rhywun

        I can’t believe how many of us are still pulling that crap a quarter of a millenium into this experiment.

      • Nephilium

        So back in late 2001 (October through November IIRC) the Dropkick Murphy’s went on a tour that was titled the American Pride tour. During the setup between two songs, the lead singer called out into the crowd, “How many of you fuckers out there are Irish?” The crowd starts cheering affirmatively back, and the singer shouts everyone down, “No you’re all fucking Americans, remember that!”

        I still have my shirt from that tour, grey with a shamrock shaped American flag, and the phrase on the back, “Try burning this one”.

      • UnCivilServant

        So the crowd rushed the stage and beat the shit out of the singer, right?

      • Nephilium

        Not at all. He continued on a quick little diversion into getting rid of the hyphens that separate people and sang one of their unity songs.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Looking back on my youth, I saw more diversity at punk concerts than anywhere else. Then again, we were over that shit in the late 80s to 90s for the most part.

      • Nephilium

        I’ve never seen so much joy in a kid’s face then some young minority teenager cautiously entering into a pit and realizing that they were accepted there and that no one gave a shit about the color of their skin.

      • Tundra

        No question about it. Music was the fucking melting pot.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Wife and I were talking about high school parties. Play lists ranged from punk, classic-rock, rap, techno…no one cared. We had fun. My kids won’t get to experience that. Its all segregated and if you aren’t the right color, gender, sex, or protected class, you aren’t supposed to listen to it.

        Speaking of, from the show Resident Alien, found a Native American rapper. I gave it a chance cause I like music…

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSn1C_pLpoQ

      • slumbrew

        Speaking of, from the show Resident Alien, found a Native American rapper. I gave it a chance cause I like music…

        Yeah, I looked them up too after hearing them on the show – they’re pretty solid.

      • Mojeaux

        I was just thinking about that NA rapper today!

      • Ownbestenemy

        It gives me a glimpse into their culture. That is what music is.

      • Ted S.

        Wife and I were talking about high school parties. Play lists ranged from punk, classic-rock, rap, techno…no one cared.

        Until someone posts 80s pop, at which point everybody screams in horror and claims that’s not real music.

      • juris imprudent

        As I recall, the American member of Black ’47 was the biggest Irish nationalist of the lot.

      • slumbrew

        “No you’re all fucking Americans, remember that!”

        I can just hear that in Ken Casey’s perfect Boston accent.

      • Rebel Scum

        I was born in Virginia so I am Virginian.

        hyphen-American

        Had a teacher in hs gone a spiel about how wonderful it is that we are all “hyphen-Americans”. Even then I thought “this is unnecessary and potentially divisive as a concept. Can’t we all just be “Americans”?”.

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        It all worked out so well for Yugoslavia.

      • Psycho Effer

        ‘Member when John Wayne did a PSA about hyphenated Americanism? I ‘member.

      • Rat on a train

        I was born in Virginia so I am Virginian.

        I stopped identifying with the place I was born or were I live. It is probably because people suck and I don’t want to associate with them.

  13. Ownbestenemy

    I see Biden has also gotten into the *laugh* when asked a question by the press.

    “Will you visit the border?” Kamala cackles
    “Will NK testing new missiles interfere with diplomacy?” Biden laughs.

    And the media walks away whistling.

    Only SF can keep us laughing while the new “BIDEN-HARRIS” Administration runs roughshod over everything.

    • rhywun

      I think even the MSM knows at this point that she’s running the show, but they’re not telling.

      • Mojeaux

        I don’t think she’s running the show. I think someone else is and she’s just along for the ride.

      • rhywun

        Yeah, probably.

        I bet she *thinks* she’s running the show.

      • KromulentKristen

        Entrenched bureaucrats run the show. Even the White House has a permanent GS staff that is not attached to a particular administration. They dictate policy and comms.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Well that is the open secret that should be shouted out loud day in and day out. “Deep State” scratched the surface and Trump (and any other president for that matter) realized that.

      • leon

        There is no deep state, but thank heavens for the deep state.

      • KromulentKristen

        The one thing I liked about Trump was that the DC establishment, both R’s & D’s, were terrified of him. Like, they were really afraid. All. Of. Them. That ought to tell everyone everything they need to know about politics in the U.S. It ought to, but I don’t think it did.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        This. I’ve never seen so many government drones and drone-adjacent cronies whipped up unto a panic attack simultaneously.

      • Ownbestenemy

        I tried to explain why it was so bad that they lied to the president about Syria and people fall back on “Well orange man bad! He needed to be lied to” So that is the state of the people…just like now “its okay, we have adults in the room! We don’t need them to give us press conferences or answer questions, they are busy!”

      • Psycho Effer

        The scary thing about Trump was that he proved to them that they were the real power, and that they could ignore the President and run policy themselves.

        “Pres wants us out of Syria? Fuck him. We’ll just lie and say everybody’s out of there. How are they gonna know?”

        “Pres does something we don’t like? Leak bullshit, and let the press make it all about the bullshit leak while we make policy that no one is paying attention to.”

      • Gustave Lytton

        Whatever the merits of their positions, both MacArthur and Singlaub were rightly fired.

        Now, civilian control of the armed forces is on sufferance. Not just Syria, but also Afghanistan drawdown and the service chiefs public refusal to respond to rioting (unless it’s rioting they want to suppress).

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        I tried to explain why it was so bad that they lied to the president about Syria and people fall back on “Well orange man bad! He needed to be lied to”

        It’s “sober, rational technocracy” when we do an end run around the rule of law. It’s “deadly insurrection” when you do it.

      • Psycho Effer

        It’s all about the “inter-agency consensus”.

      • Ownbestenemy

        I don’t think, except maybe Cheney, I have ever been so exposed to the VP in my 40 years on this earth.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Look at the setup – have her in every engagement, every signing, every time Biden is doing something..hell, break protocol and have them on the same tarmac or in the Beast together for a photo shoot. Its a long (well, might be short) con to soften the mind when she steps into the presidency. American’s will think “yeah she was always there”.

      • Mojeaux

        I think she’s his *caretaker*.

      • Gender Traitor

        Tag-teaming with Doctor Jill – Kamala for the cameras, Doc for behind closed doors.

      • Swiss Servator

        STOP GIVING SF IDEAS!

        *shudder*

      • SugarFree

        Elderly white guy, Jamaican nurse… Just makes sense.

      • Mojeaux

        Dementia Patrol

      • Rebel Scum

        Maybe they will do friendship bracelets.

      • Wood Chipped Wednesday

        Or joe will get a lock of her hair

      • Rebel Scum

        she’s just along for the ride

        She seems laid back an not willing to get on her knees to put in the real dirty work.

      • Swiss Servator

        Willie Brown begs to differ.

      • Urthona

        I hate how often right wing “conspiracy theories” are turning out to be correct.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        Only SF can keep us laughing while the new “BIDEN-HARRIS” Administration runs roughshod over everything.

        Yep, just read the below article right before SF’s dropped.

        New White House Directive Suggests They’re Preparing for Kamala’s Takeover
        https://pjmedia.com/news-and-politics/matt-margolis/2021/03/24/the-most-stunning-evidence-yet-that-the-white-house-is-preparing-for-kamalas-takeover-n1434593

        There is no Biden administration. Officially, it’s the Biden-Harris administration, and federal agencies have been instructed to include Kamala Harris’s name in a directive sent to all federal agencies from “a top White House communications team member.”

        “Please be sure to reference the current administration as the ‘Biden-Harris Administration’ in official public communications,” read the directive, which was provided to Outspoken by “an employee of a federal government agency.”

        And yes, “Biden-Harris Administration” was in bold in the email.

        According to Outspoken,

        The highly specific language also appears on the websites of all 15 executive departments. Press releases and other communications from the Departments of Agriculture, Commerce, Defense, Education, Energy, Health and Human Services, Homeland Security, Housing and Urban Development, Interior, Labor, State, Transportation, Treasury, and Veterans Affairs, and the Attorney General all exclusively refer to the Biden-Harris Administration, in lieu of only naming the president, which has been customary until now.

      • KromulentKristen

        Looked on the website I work on – and yup.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        in lieu of only naming the president, which has been customary until now.

        I thought norm busting was DoublePlusUngood?

    • Urthona

      I disagree with Biden on most things, but not on laughing at this question.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Question is laughable, but the pattern of just scoffing off the press and the press saying “okay, sounds good” is what is concerning.

      • juris imprudent
  14. EvilSheldon

    Hell is other people.

    • UnCivilServant

      I do not understand extroverts.

      • Tundra

        Please.

        For an introvert, you are an excellent conversationalist and lunch companion.

        Even us extroverts hate most people.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Get us introverts around people we respect and can hold a conversation with and we become more extrovert than any extrovert could ever be. Its just we need a week or so to recharge after doing so.

      • KromulentKristen

        Its just we need a week or so to recharge after doing so.

        This.

        And yes – get me one-on-one and you get all the TMI

      • Mojeaux

        I am an introverted extrovert.

        Most of the time I hate people and I want to be a hermit.

        But when I’m on, I’m ON and I like it. I can speak in public, no problem. I can host a party, no problem. Then I have to go home and recharge, preferably for a long time.

        My husband has a hard time making friends and he wants them. For me it just HAPPENS. People have lobbied for my friendship. He was at first kind of resentful of that, because he felt I was not only taking it for granted, but actively throwing those opportunities away. But having friends is EXHAUSTING, and I don’t trust people who want to be my friend that badly. But you know, people get tired of me after a while, so I keep my distance so that doesn’t happen.

        I love having internet friends. It’s awesome.

      • Ownbestenemy

        ^^ proper explanation of introvert. It isn’t that we are painfully shy, its just that we don’t think you are important enough to expend the energy it will take to engage. Or at least how I look at it.

      • KromulentKristen

        I’m not at all shy, not one iota. I just find people draining. My battery life is like the generic AAs sitting on the shelf at the dollar store for a year.

      • Tundra

        It depends. I find some people draining, even in tiny doses. Alternatively I have had super-long conversations with near strangers that fired me up for hours.

        People are all weird. And I love that.

      • Mojeaux

        The most difficult characters to write, for me, are shy ones. What’s interesting about them? You never know enough of them to spark interest.

      • KromulentKristen

        that fired me up for hours.

        This is what introverts try to avoid. One of the last happy hours I went to before the ‘Vid, I stayed out til 10:30pm on a weeknight drinking with 2 friends. I couldn’t go to bed til ~2am because it took me that long to wind down.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Ugh…know that all too well.

      • Mojeaux

        Yes.

        OTOH, there are people whom I would love to be friends with, but I keep my distance because I know how it feels to be lobbied/courted.

      • Bill Door

        Appropriate Ron Swanson quotes:

        “When people get too chummy with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them.”

        “I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.”

        “Great job, everyone. The reception will be held in each of our individual houses, alone.”

      • Ozymandias

        There is no circumstance that can’t be made better by appropriate Ron Swanson quotes.

      • Bill Door

        Ain’t that the truth, Ozy.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        My husband has a hard time making friends and he wants them. For me it just HAPPENS.

        Same here. Grade school I was a social butterfly. As an adult, I struggle to make actual friends. Not just family friends. Not just parents of my daughter’s friends. Not my wife’s friends’ husbands. People I can call up on my own and go do something with them alone.

        I can count the number of friends I’ve made on my own as an adult on two hands. All of them are distant now due to either us or them moving. I don’t really look forward to making friends just to move yet again in a couple years. Hopefully that one will be the last move for a couple decades.

        I could certainly make more of an effort, but there are other priorities in life these days.

      • Gender Traitor

        I wonder if when you’re “on,” you’re not so much being an extrovert as you are being a performer. Two completely different things.

      • Mojeaux

        Yes, I am a performer, but I think it’s a mix of performing and extroversion. See: Emilio in bullfighter book.

      • Ted S.

        I don’t dare do that, lest my Amazon recommends become a bunch of shirtless torsos holding bullfighter capes.

      • UnCivilServant

        If the group is small enough, I will make the effort to engage. But I tend to listen and try to formulate a more careful response when speaking, and if someone else starts speaking around the same time as I do, I tend to cede the floor. So when a group passes a certain size, I am unable to get a word in.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Yep. “Don’t mistake my silence for ignorance, don’t mistake my calmness for acceptance, and don’t mistake my kindness for weakness.” – some internet quote.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        I’m a “really good listener” because of that exact dynamic. I’m capable of inserting myself into a conversation, but I don’t particularly enjoy it. I’d rather just listen.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        I understand it more after all the lockouts. I’m a moderate introvert, and being locked in the house without casual human contact has shortened my fuse immensely.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Lockdowns* (new phone keyboard is more assertive with its autocorrects)

      • KromulentKristen

        I figured out exactly why I’ve hated the past year despite hating people and loving isolation: there’s no more life compartmentalization. My erstwhile escape room/Fortress of Solitude has now become both my workplace and my social place. I hate it. I hate it so much.

  15. Tundra

    LOL!

    The background vignette with the SS was perfect! Those fucking white people, always storming gates.

    Listening to some of the good stuff and came across this tribute to Kamala.

    • Ownbestenemy

      I thought for sure it was going be this

      • Tundra

        Also an excellent choice. You are a man of exquisite taste.

  16. Rebel Scum

    In a sense he is not wrong, considering America is not supposed to be a democracy.

    Speaking to his colleagues during the hearing, Schumer blasted Republican state legislatures, such as Georgia’s, for pursuing basic election integrity measures, calling it “infuriating” and accusing Republicans of being “afraid” of democracy and trying to prevent people from voting.

    “Some of these voter suppression laws in Georgia and other Republican states smack of Jim Crow rearing its ugly head once again. It is 160 years since the 13, 14, and 15th amendments abolished slavery, and Jim Crow stills seems to be with us,” the New York progressive said.

    “The laws, their various cousins in Republican state legislatures across the country, are one of the greatest threats we have to modern democracy in America,”

    As I have been saying, what he and others mean is that some things, like any semblance of election integrity, are a threat to Democracy.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Schumer is a progressive? Bullshit. He’s an establishment Democrat through and through.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        By that I assume you mean “professional grifter”

    • Ownbestenemy

      Why is Schumer lecturing state legislatures, especially ones not of his state? They should tell him to stay in his own fucking lane.

    • juris imprudent

      You do notice they never talk about the actual voter turnout – that there is very little difference between white and black turnout, and that there is nothing in these laws that has a clear disproportionate impact on that.

      It’s almost like they know they are lying.

  17. juris imprudent

    I think important messages should be reserved for tar & feathers.

    Utah Governor Spencer Cox signed legislation on Tuesday that would require all cellphones and tablets sold in the state to automatically block pornography, though the measure will not take effect unless five other states enact similar laws.

    While critics have criticized the law as a violation of First Amendment rights, the Republican governor believes the measure will send an “important message” about keeping children from accessing explicit content online, according to the Associated Press.

    • rhywun

      Never change, Utah.

      • Mojeaux

        Ostensibly, Mormons are all about free will.

        In practice, not so much.

    • Ownbestenemy

      “We can be a better daddy than them”

    • leon

      Cox has been a colossal Let Down. Sad, because i’ve heard him talk well before he was elected governor and he seemed like a down to earth good guy.

    • KromulentKristen

      believes the measure will send an “important message” about keeping children from accessing explicit content online

      On this, D’s & R’s can agree. I once sent my Senator (Chuck Robb) a letter about my inability to use my own fucking money to play poker online. His response was “it’s for the children!”

      Fucking raise your kids, then, and leave me out of it.

      • db

        Every time I have raised an issue with an elected official, I have received a reply in the form of a condescending form letter, acknowledging that they are
        “concerned about [issue I raised or something similar]” and explaining that their position on the issue will correct the problem. Regardless of what my stated opinion is, the response is usually diametrically opposed and dismissive of any other positions on the topic.

        If I were to summarily dismiss the opinions and pronouncements of the legislators and the government they build around them as much as they summarily dismiss my concerns, I’d probably be incarcerated. That’s their response: fuck you, that’s why, and you better toe our line or else.

      • UnCivilServant

        You didn’t attach enough bricks of cash to your concerns.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        The funny part of that is Robb was a coke fiend.

        I know (am related to) someone who used to go on benders with him.

      • KromulentKristen

        So, I live in a very working-class area (though it will be 100% gentrified with big glass condos & townhouses within 10 years), and Chuck Robb sent his wife out to our Metro station to campaign for him the year he lost his Senate race. She looked like a relic of a political wife from the 60’s (yes, I know who she is an who her parents were). I literally LOLed when I walked by her because she stood out like a turd in a punchbowl, with her bright red designer suit and shiny helmet hair and expensive jewelry and conspicuous security agents. If I weren’t so repulsed by politicians, I would have offered to style her for her next appearance among the Great Unwashed.

      • kinnath

        An individual letter or phone call doesn’t mean anything.

        But they do track the number of calls and letters. So elected servants that live in swing districts/states will occasionally “evolve” their positions if the numbers are running against them.

    • Rebel Scum

      Republicans never fail to erect problems for themselves. But at least he is just feeling it out and not ramming it through.

      • Ozymandias

        Republicans never fail to erect problems for themselves. But at least he is just feeling it out and not ramming it through.

        Phrasing so overdone that it doesn’t even merit a squint from Swissy.

    • Wood Chipped Wednesday

      Either way you’ve got to “save the children”.

    • Hank

      Would it allow the consumer to turn off the blocking technology. Just curious – or should I say asking for a friend.

      • SugarFree

        I’m not sure how Utah is going to do it, but other proposals like this force you to provide state ID and a credit card in your name to unlock the machines (on the basis of “proving” you are an adult.)

    • Ted S.

      Every word Spencer Cox says is pornographic, including “and” and “the”.

  18. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Now my local hospital conglomerate is sending me messages that I need to schedule my Kung Flu vaccine appointment.

    I’m guessing that they’re forecasting an oversupply of vaccine and a dwindling pool of guinea pigs.

    • Swiss Servator

      Johnson & Johnson, take me away!

      • Wood Chipped Wednesday

        Should make my own vaccine

      • UnCivilServant

        “WCW, we checked and your vaccine is just unaltered coronavirus. It’s fully viable.”

        “Still produces immunity.”

      • Nephilium

        With blackjack and hookers?

      • slumbrew

        In fact, forget the vaccine…

    • Nephilium

      In the spin class I go to, after the class, the instructor mentioned that she knew of a place to sign up for a vaccine and offered to text details to anyone interested. About half the class immediately jumped to be given the information. These were all people younger then me, and the location was ~45 minutes away from where the classes are held.

    • Semi-Spartan Dad

      I got a similar email yesterday. I think so too that they vastly overestimated the demand for the vaccine.

      Also contained this gem from the MD Chief Exec:

      As more people are vaccinated, we all need to continue wearing masks, social distancing and washing hands frequently. This is true whether you have been vaccinated or not.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Absolutely the worst messaging for the vaccine. Take it and we still get to keep our boot on your neck.

      • juris imprudent

        Hahaha – you expected we’d let you out from under that? FOOLS!!!

      • KromulentKristen

        Meanwhile I know people who meet phase 1 criteria for Fairfax/Virginia who have ben on the waitlist for over a month.

      • Nephilium

        Here in Ohio the news is trying to spin some areas having a surplus of the vaccine as DeWine trying to reward the rural areas (which lean R). Never mind that there was the mass vaccination center up here in CLE starting on the 17th.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Now that’s how you sell it.

        How could anyone resist that pitch?

      • grrizzly

        When I can fly without a mask after vaccination, then I might think about it. Or go to a museum. All of them. Right now a vaccine offers me nothing of value.

      • Sean

        I heard it proves you’re a patriot and you care about others. That’s not enough for you?

      • UnCivilServant

        Those commie bastards wouldn’t use the ‘P’ word.

      • UnCivilServant

        You’re listening to a senile old dotard’s ramblings?

      • Tundra

        This.

        Exactly this.

      • Hyperion

        Everyone will be taking it. Or else they’ll be quarantined in their house, forever.

        Masks are forever, vaccines are forever. Do what we say, or else, is forever.

        And what are we going to do about it? Throw rocks at them? The dems are going effectively kill the 2nd before the 2022 mid-terms. They may as well have a supermajority, because it’s not possible at this time to stop them from passing anything they want to.

        As soon as the 2nd was ‘infringed’, it was over, just a matter of time. That’s why it says ‘shall not be infringed’. The founders knew once the infringing started, it would not stop.

        Once the 2nd is gone, forget about the first.

    • rhywun

      Same here. Along with an admonishment to make sure I get both shots at the same place so my Papiere will be accurate.

  19. Certified Public Asshat

    “I haven’t MADE THE NEWS in over a week!” Kamala squawked.

    Tune in next week after the Kamala/Bill Clinton women’s empowerment event. It’s like these people have never heard of Sugarfree.

  20. slumbrew

    OK, Themster Grumpy

    That took me a second.

    That’s just gold, SF. Gold.

    • SugarFree

      There’s going to have to be an honorific eventually. “Tr. [last name]” seems inevitable. Unless they all insist on going by “Dr. [last name].”

      • slumbrew

        It’d be nice if your precognition gave you glimpses of hot stocks or something, instead of those sorts of depressing insights.

      • Swiss Servator

        Yeah, any advice on crypto investing, SF?

      • SugarFree

        From the mists thundered a voice, “DOGE!”

    • UnCivilServant

      Because digging costs money, and most of the time the canal is just fine. Just because one of the biggest ships in the world got blown sideways in a sandstorm doesn’t mean it’s worth it to dig the canal wide enough for the biggest ships to float down sideways.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        ^ It cost Egypt 8 billion to add a lane to a portion of the Suez route. The annual revenue is 5 billion, but I’m not sure how much of that is profit. Probably looking at an ROI of decades to add another full lane across the whole thing.

      • Cy Esquire

        It’s a pretty critical line to our world economy. This accident only proves what someone with really bad intentions could make exponentially worse. Where as, if there were another canal, something like this probably wouldn’t make the news.

      • KromulentKristen

        This could be a golden opportunity for privatization…Maersk & friends could pony up for expansion and run it themselves and charge a toll for anyone who didn’t pay initially. But in our world, if govt doesn’t do it, it doesn’t exist.

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      Hypocrisy at its finest by our anointed purveyors of the socially acceptable lies of the day.

  21. Wood Chipped Wednesday

    Every time I see this article I want to throw up.
    https://time.com/5936036/secret-2020-election-campaign/

    “hey were not rigging the election; they were fortifying it. And they believe the public needs to understand the system’s fragility in order to ensure that democracy in America endures.”
    Yeah fuck off tyrant.

    • kbolino

      Regarding everything that went down in the last election, it seems there is an utter dearth of substantive information presented by either side. It is all “just trust us” to one degree or another. Well, to be quite frank, I don’t trust any of these people. Not the election officials who were looking for connections and money, not the “democracy activists” who just want to tilt the electoral scale in their own party and ideology’s favor, not the oversight officials who declared farcically that this was “the most secure election in history”, but nor again any of the people vocally opposing all of this: “suspicious” is not a synonym of “proven to be wrong”. What we need is accountability and transparency but very few people seem to have the slightest inclination to be forthright here. That would be “showing your hand” after all! Well, if you won’t show your hand, then I am going to assume you are bluffing and that goes for all participants at the table.

  22. The Late P Brooks

    As more people are vaccinated, we all need to continue wearing masks, social distancing and washing hands frequently. This is true whether you have been vaccinated or not.

    That’s a great way to instill confidence in the efficacy of the vaccines.

    “You really ought to take it. There’s no reason to assume it helps in any way.”

    • db

      I think of it in the way I considered laser eye surgery. I had an optometrist who strongly advocated I get it, saying I was “a perfect candidate” for it. Corrected with contact lenses, my vision is 20/15. I asked if I could expect the same results with the surgery. He told me that I’d still need to wear some sort of correction to get to 20/20, much less 20/15. That sealed it for me. Why bother spending a bunch of money if I’m still going to need correction to get to what is normal for me after the surgery? Then add in the fact that you need touch-ups and further correction the older you get, plus the (small) risk of eye damage, it was a complete non starter for me.

      So why would I get the vaccine if I’m still going to need to use a mask an comply with all the other shit? Come back to me when you have a real offer, dumbshit.

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      Exactly:

      Foochy: Everyone needs to get the vaccine! But you’re still going to have to live life as if you hadn’t taken the vaccine.

      Everyone:….

      Foochy: Why is everyone so reluctant to get the vaccine?

    • Wood Chipped Wednesday

      Right now I’m just glad that the cdc is being more lenient about social distancing it’s now 3ft, still means they should stop talking out both sides of their mouth. Still should be no masks and no social distancing, but I’d rather be 3ft with possibly no plexiglass (I’m not sure yet depends on my school) than stay with 6ft and plexiglass.

      • Animal

        Still should be no masks and no social distancing…

        Come on up to the Sustina Valley. Rural Alaska hit “fuck it” quite a while ago.

      • Ownbestenemy

        I had my first COVID dream last night and the whole dream was a bunch of fuck it people. Then I awoke and was sad.

      • B.P.

        “it’s now 3ft”

        Really? Nice leading from behind. Sometimes when my dog is sleepily lowering himself to the floor, I like to blurt out “Lay down!” to show what an in-control pet owner I am.

        The stupid continues. At my workplace there are all of these tape X’s six feet apart on the floor, spaced chairs, benches marked for only one person, etc., and everyone is pressed up against each other talking away.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        Yes.

        CDC issued new guidance in order to push schools to open.

      • Chipwooder

        But, naturally, it’s only for schools. Boring story about this – we’re currently doing the driving skills tests at half capacity because of that 6 feet rule. Unsurprisingly, this means it’s difficult as hell to get an appointment for one without waiting several weeks, or even months in some locations. When I asked why we weren’t opening more testing terminals now that the 6 feet horseshit has been admitted to be invented, I was told that Virginia Dept of Health guidelines remain 6 feet for everywhere but schools.

  23. Hank

    ‘Eddie Van Halen’s son, Wolfgang, turned down the opportunity to do a tribute performance at this year’s Grammy Awards, saying he didn’t think anyone could do his father’s music justice….

    ‘“The GRAMMYS asked me to play Eruption for the ‘In Memoriam’ section and I declined. I don’t think anyone could have lived up to what my father did for music but himself,” Wolfgang wrote in an Instagram post Monday night….

    ‘…“What hurt the most was that he wasn’t even mentioned when they talked about artists we lost in the beginning of the show,” Wolfgang continued in his post. “I know rock isn’t the most popular genre right now, (and the academy does seem a bit out of touch) but I think it’s impossible to ignore the legacy my father left on the instrument, the world of rock, and music in general. There will never be another innovator like him.”…

    ‘…“I’m not looking to start some kind of hate parade here, I just wanted to explain my side. I know Pop would probably just laugh it off and say ‘Ehh who gives a s—?’ He was only about the music anyway. The rest didn’t matter.”’

    https://www.thewrap.com/why-eddie-van-halens-son-wolfgang-turned-down-a-grammys-tribute-performance/

    • KromulentKristen

      Sounds like a cool kid. He’s my cousin, too*!

      *Like, 8th cousin or thereabouts. And I know, pedants, we might as well not even be related. Lighten up.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Good on him.

      Makes me like Van Halen more. He didn’t raise an insufferable douche.

  24. The Late P Brooks

    Big headline on google news:

    Boulder shooter bought gun JUST DAYS before rampage!

    Okay. Now tell us how many people bought guns in the past two week who didn’t shoot anybody.

    • kinnath

      I wait for the follow up reporting that says he bought the rifle legally and passed the federal background check which is supposed to weed out mentally ill crackpots that want to shoot up a public space.

      • juris imprudent

        That he passed the background check PROVES we need more background checks. Background checks that will accurately reflect the future.

  25. Rebel Scum

    Progjection thy name is Howard.

    “The Republican Party does not have any principles at all as far as I can see right now, except for ‘I want power and I’ll do whatever I can and lie in any way I need to in order to get power,’” he said. “That is a principle for the destruction of the United States and any other country.” …

    “It’s basically the same principle that Hitler used to take over and that most dictators used to take over,” he said. “It’s a pathetic construct though because it means that there are an awful lot of Americans who have given up on themselves and we have to figure out how to motivate them not to do that.” …

    “I mean, to surrender to fascism is just as much of a sin as being a fascist,” he said. …

    “That is a sign that something is very wrong in our society where huge swaths of people, maybe as many as a third of the people, decided that their lives weren’t worthy enough and they would surrender their agency to basically a crook, a con man,” he said.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      YEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH……

    • slumbrew

      CWAA

    • Bill Door

      Trump is the worst dictator in the history of dictators. These people would be scared shit-less if he really had been a dictator, because political enemies don’t survive calling out the “dictator.” See N. Korea, China, etc., etc., Ad infinitum.

      • Hyperion

        If he was a dictator, there would have been tanks in the streets of DC on election day.

      • db

        Any bets on what the streets will look like in early November 2022, or 2024?

      • Hyperion

        National guard everywhere. Only it will look a little different then since all of the buzz cut white boys will have been replaced with overweight butch dykes with pink and green hair.

      • Bill Door

        Wait, is that question like the “what did the socialist use before candles?” question?

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      Yeah.

      Because it’s Republicans that used the sniffle-cooties as an excuse to lock people in their homes, destroy the economy, and exercise total power over everyone, while simultaneously “fortifying” the election, and all in a bid to get rid of OMB.

      Now Democrats doing everything they can to subvert the filibuster in order to ram through legislation along strictly party lines.

      Democrats weren’t awarded with a mandate, yet they’re still operating as if they had been, and doing everything possible to consolidate power.

      But Republicans are the power-mad traitors bent on destroying democracy.

  26. Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

    OT: Gad Saad just got locked out of his Facebook account:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ommLDl4xYY

    **HEAVY SIGH**

    I’ve been re-reading Vaclav Havel’s extendo-essay “The Power of the Powerless” (and cleaning up a version found on the Web so that it doesn’t read like the OCR-scanned crap I found), and I find myself nodding to it once again, and also realizing that it’s possible under his analysis for entire societies to skip over totalitarianism altogether and go straight to a post-totalitarian state.

    I think we’re there.

    (Anyone who wants the cleaned-up copy of Havel’s essay, lemme know.)

    • KromulentKristen

      Gad is on live with Viva Frei right now.

      And I believe his FB was reinstated.

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        Since I’m no longer on FB, I can’t check, but that’s good news if correct.

        In the longer run, he’s probably gonna have to leave FB anyways . . .

    • db

      You could publish it as a post here or on the Glibs forum, if you wanted to share it widely.

    • Tundra

      I’d love a copy, BEAM.

      minnetundra AT geemail

      Thanks, dude!

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        Sent. 12-point type for those of us with aging eyes. 😉

      • Tundra

        Got it. Grazie!

    • kinnath

      Surely, there must be some way to post it on the forum where anyone can find it at any time.

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        It is rather long-ish (37 pages of 10-point type, over 31,000 words, approx. 121 KBytes).

        Lemme see if I can put it up on one of my websites (preferably one that doesn’t get me doxxed).

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        Whoops. 131 KByte as a Word .docx. 408 KByte as a .PDF. Hmmmm.

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        345 KByte as a .PDF in 12-point type. Never claimed to understand what the Heck Acrobat does.

      • db

        Do you even .txt, bro?

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        I can always dump it to a textfile, but then you lose all the lovely readability formatting I’ve done (the original definitely needed it, and I used to make good coin back in my Uni days doing just this kind of editing for my fellow students . . . ).

      • Gustave Lytton

        Ask SP to add it to the other essays.

      • SP

        Yes, email it to me and I’ll add it to the Downloads page.

  27. KromulentKristen

    I am binge watching “fail” videos, and I need to ask Hyperbole if guys still fall for the “bag of cement over the head” trick? But he’s probably at a site somewhere telling his guys to hold bags of cement over their heads…

  28. Wood Chipped Wednesday

    Question,
    If the Boulder shooter had bought the gun a few days before shooting, and he was on an FBI list, why was he still able to buy the gun? Wouldn’t the ATF and FBI be on his ass

    • Ownbestenemy

      SHHHHHHHH!

    • db

      hmmmmm….. One imagines that either they have no authority to withhold background check approval on people under “watch” or investigation, or they have a policy not to reject them, out of concern for tipping off a person of interest that they may be under scrutiny.

      In either case, one might expect there is a functionality to flag such checks and report them internally. But of course that’s probably not the case–approval or disapproval probably only comes from an automated review for any sort of criminal record that would be disqualifying.

      • db

        This should not be taken to suggest that mere suspicion of badthink or even actual criminal activity should result in the denial/delay of a right.

    • Animal

      Obviously we aren’t background-checking hard enough.

    • Hyperion

      What was he on a list for?

      • Wood Chipped Wednesday

        I think he was either involved in another crime or was an aid for one, or knew someone/close with who was involved in a crime

  29. Hyperion

    “Well, one of them is a White Muslim, I guess.”

    How can this happen? They typically know the motive before the victims even hit the ground. Racism. How come they don’t know it’s racism yet?

    • Animal

      It seems he only shot white people. Racism? Or just that Boulder is a pretty white-bread community?

      • Hyperion

        From what I see on HGTV, everyone there is white gay folk. And one white Muslim I suppose. He was obviously running around looking for Asian people and other good people of color to shoot, but when he couldn’t find any, he got mad and shot anyone he could find.

        The motive must be racism. Obviously they are twisting themselves into knots with this one trying to figure out how to spin it.

      • SugarFree

        I believe they are going with “he was bullied for being Muslim” when everything else suggests juvenile-onset paranoid schizophrenia.

      • Hyperion

        ““he was bullied for being Muslim”

        By white people.

        Sounds about right.

      • R C Dean

        We have a number of Muslim employees. Whenever I am walking the halls and I encounter one, I always take a minute to bully them.

      • EvilSheldon

        Considering our present circumstances, I’m surprised that we haven’t seen more unstable personalities having giant public meltdowns…

      • R C Dean

        everything else suggests juvenile-onset paranoid schizophrenia

        I imagine as a “Syrian” “refugee” “child” he had plenty of bad experiences/influences that might have contributed.

      • SugarFree

        I find it weird how bald he is for a 21-year-old. I had a cousin that went bald early in life, but he always had thin hair in the first place and was very blonde.

      • bacon-magic

        Maybe he had too much testosterone.

      • R C Dean

        I’d put scare quotes around “21-year-old”. I really don’t know if he was supposed to be a “Syrian” “refugee” “child”, but I strongly suspect that he was. If so, then its entirely possible he was neither Syrian, nor a refugee, nor even a child.

      • Chipwooder

        He sure as hell looks to be at least ten years older than 21.

      • juris imprudent

        I knew a guy in college that looked closer to 35 than 21 – a little portly and definitely balding.

      • SugarFree

        CNN interviewed a guy that had gone to school with him since fifth grade. But yeah, it’s weird. He also drove 20 miles to go to that particular store. In a Mercedes C sedan.

      • R C Dean

        CNN interviewed a guy that had gone to school with him since fifth grade.

        Lemme guess: “Yeah, he was the only guy in fifth grade who had to shave.”

      • kbolino

        Similar college story: I knew someone who was 20 going on 40 thanks to baldness. OTOH he never got carded at the liquor store.

  30. Sean

    Brave browser – good to go?

    • Hyperion

      Gee, Sean, all the good people have been using Brave for months.

      • Sean

        So, the answer is “yes”?

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        I’ve been quite pleased with it, although if you’re used to Firefox, it will take re-learning some stuff you’ve probably committed to muscle memory by now.

        And Brave handles auto-logins much better than FF ever did, IMNSHO.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        I switched over to Brave a couple months ago and it works well. All of the extensions I need are available.

      • Hyperion

        Yes. Just use Duckduckgo with it and you’re good to go.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Yes

    • Rebel Scum

      I use it on all devices.

  31. Semi-Spartan Dad

    JI, after you morning link about Sidney Powell, I read the 52 page motion to dismiss from her attorneys. I can’t find that quote in anywhere in it but am seeing the Washington Post and other places running a misquote.

    I’m not a lawyer, but it sounds like her lawyers are arguing is that Powell presented evidence for election fortification and then stated her opinion based on this evidence. The courts refuse to hold an actual trial to evaluate the evidence so instead her lawyers are saying that the claims don’t have to be proven true or false, but rather Powell made statements she believed to be true based off the evidence she presented (and hundreds of pages of evidence supporting this is noted in the motion). That is the gist of it. She believed and continues to believe Dominion was involved in the fortification efforts according the motion.

    I don’t know anything about Powell as a person and maybe my interpretation of the motion is incorrect. I don’t trust the Washington Post though or anywhere else the media provides selectively edited quotes to push their agenda.

    • juris imprudent

      Pg 27 (pg 41 of the pdf)…

      Analyzed under these factors, and even assuming, arguendo, that each of the
      statements alleged in the Complaint could be proved true or false, no reasonable person would
      conclude that the statements were truly statements of fact.

      You, and others, did indeed treat them as statements of fact – ergo, you are either unreasonable (in the eyes of the court) or you were deceived by Ms. Powell.

      • Ozymandias

        That’s not what that means, JI, as much as you would like it to.
        “Statements of fact” are distinguishable in defamation law from “statements of opinion” – “statements of *pure* opinion” are considered exempt from (or ‘inactionable’ under) defamation law. So their argument is that the statements were matters of opinion and therefore definitionally NOT defamation.

        But since it makes you feel better about yourself, and think you won an internet argument here and totally PWNED anyone who believes the election just might have had some shenanigans, just ignore this comment and go on trumpeting the victory.

      • bacon-magic

        You’re awesome Ozy.

      • juris imprudent

        Dude, I know her lawyer is arguing “obviously this was all just opinion”.

        It was treated here as obvious fact – not informed (or less) opinion. And she is saying that to terminate the action as fast as she possibly can. I’m not even saying she is wrong to treat it that way. I made the point that COURT of public opinion is quite different from a court of law.

      • R C Dean

        It was treated here as obvious fact

        Honestly can’t recall exactly where I was on Powell, other than being pretty convinced Dominion is hinky as shit for pretty obvious reasons – not disclosing their code, having the ability built into all their machines to count some ballots as fractional votes and some as more than a single vote, and their financial entanglements with suspicious outfits and people. It was basically another rock on the rather large pile of rocks suggesting that the election was a long way indeed from clean and above-board.

      • Ozymandias

        So, as I understand the field as it lies:

        In response to people here asserting that what Syd Powell claimed was

        fact

        , you’re taking the complete *opposite* position – and you believe that legal filings arguing about the fine distinctions between actionable defamation or “mere opinion” proves you were right all along? And that Powell’s own filings support YOUR conclusion that the election was completely clean?

        I don’t think the ground you’re standing on is as firm as you believe it is. In fact, it looks rather swampy to me.

    • juris imprudent

      You will also note that Powell is not asking for discovery, as was widely anticipated here, but instead summary judgement. Where is the confidence in her statements?

      • R C Dean

        First you do your motions to dismiss, then you do discovery on any surviving claims.

      • juris imprudent

        If you win on dismissing the case entirely, no need for discovery! Again, I’m pointing out the difference in what is argued in court versus what is spewed out for public consumption.

      • R C Dean

        My take was that Dominion was being very foolish indeed in opening themselves up for discovery by filing the case.

        Of course, Powell is better off getting the case dismissed on the technical grounds that she is being sued for her opinions. It has nothing to do with her confidence in her statements or the factual basis for them. The motion probably cost her around $50 – 100K. Discovery would cost an order of magnitude more, at a minimum.

        You were doing better with your analysis of historical voting patterns in a few districts. Taking early procedural motions as meaning anything more than purely legalistic jockeying for position is a mistake.

      • juris imprudent

        It will be interesting to see if the court buys off on her argument.

      • Ozymandias

        She is so confident that her statements are opinion and therefore legally protected (or inert as a matter of defamation law) that she is asking for dismissal.
        Again, carry on interpreting this in the way that makes you feel better.

  32. Scruffy Nerfherder

    So somebody posted some god awful suburban wife musical tribute to the Biden administration yesterday, probably Countess Potato.

    I sent it to my son, and he countered with this:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AUNjwA-RvY

    • slumbrew

      Nuke it from orbit.

      • rhywun

        Nothing tops this golden oldie.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Nooooooo……….

        *insert face melting gif here*

      • slumbrew

        *starts vomiting uncontrollably*

      • SugarFree

        I know it was a different genre, but the children’s chorus singing the praise of Comrade Best Obama creeped me out like nothing else.

  33. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Ralphie has a little shitstorm brewing:

    https://www.wtvr.com/news/local-news/cbs-6-obtains-internal-email-showing-virginia-parole-board-deliberations

    CBS 6 obtained internal Virginia Parole Board emails detailing their deliberations.

    Dated April 2020, one showed then Parole Board Chair Adrianne Bennett telling a parolee his early discharge certificate was “not normal protocol.”

    Another instance showed an email chain between Bennett and board employee Laura Hall, who at the time was going through a report of everyone in the Commonwealth on parole supervision.

    In one email, Bennett says to Hall, “I will release anyone you say to release,” referring to parolees still being supervised.

    Hall replied that she felt “drunk with power,” and updated Bennett on her progress.

    Bennett responded “Wave that wand of power, and let’s cut them loose. There needs to be a silver lining to all this! Give me more!!!”

    It’s still amazing to me that people are stupid enough to document their malfeasance in email, and government email on top of that.

    • Hank

      All you haters who didn’t like Hillary’s private server…

    • Nephilium

      One of the places I worked, a manager set up a fling with one of his underlings. Using the work e-mail and the work phones (that he KNEW were being recorded). He was permitted to resign.

      • l0b0t

        I once had a cow orker run afoul of his wife when the dirty pictures he and his side piece were taking with his iPhone synced up with the family iPad.

    • Chipwooder

      Goddamn I’ve give anything short of my children to be rid of Coonman.

      I remember when his stupid ass was supposed to be the moderate, reasonable Dem on the ticket as opposed to Fairfax and Herring. What a joke.

      • Rebel Scum

        We are just going to get McCunteface again.

  34. Sean
    • slumbrew

      Is that a suppressed Vector?

    • EvilSheldon

      *uncomfortable chuckle*

  35. Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

    Huh. Rain.

    Haven’t seen rain in five months.

  36. Muzzled Woodchipper

    Gee. Shutting down the economy and funneling everyone to a small handful of massive corporations owned and/or operated by very rich individuals made those individuals much richer, while everyone else was either shut down or severely hampered via government diktat?

    Whoever could have predicted the outcome?

    Furthermore, as America’s billionaires saw their net worth grow last year, a large number of small businesses shut down. Yelp’s Economic Impact Report shows between March and August, nearly 164,000 shops and restaurants on its platform closed their doors, with approximately 60% of those businesses not reopening.

    https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/367826

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Nevermind the years of QE helicopter money that went straight into the stock market and made the wealthiest even wealthier while doing jackshit to stimulate growth.

      • The Other Kevin

        There goes that damn capitalism again.

    • Nephilium

      In some good news, the brewery near me that had the misfortune to open on February 29th 2020 appears to have made it through. They sent out an e-mail last week that they were looking to hire a part time bartender.

  37. Muzzled Woodchipper

    Today, the Post’s Jennifer Rubin makes this idea explicit, contending that, when he takes the podium, “Biden should fact-check the White House press corps.”

    Isn’t that one of the many things Trump was lambasted for? Challenging the media?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Rubin really is a hack of the first order. I wonder how it feels to have no dignity at all.

      • kbolino

        Judging by Paul Krugman’s continued, profitable existence, apparently it feels great.

      • R C Dean

        Maybe she’s a sub, and gets all tingly in her nethers when she publicly humiliates herself?

    • Bill Door

      Principals over principles.

  38. Ozymandias

    Bravo, SF!

    The pronouns forced me to re-read, but it’s even better once it all falls into place.
    (I like an author who isn’t afraid to make the readers work and trust they’ll get it.)

    • SugarFree

      I have a pretty bright audience here, so I don’t have to dumb things down. It’s very nice.

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      Then you’d love Umberto Eco.

      In the postscript to The Name of the Rose, he explicitly states that the first ~100 pages were purposefully ultra-dense, so that he might cultivate the reader he wanted before they moved on to the rest.

      • Ozymandias

        Now I’m going to have to read The Name of the Rose, which is fine because I enjoyed the movie as a teenager – especially the gratuitous nudity and boobs that caught my dad by surprise, so I didn’t get the hand over my eyes in time.