Monday Afternoon What in the World Links

by | Mar 22, 2021 | Daily Links | 288 comments

A silly place

I am starting to think this planet is a bit messed up…once you go through the links, you will see what I mean.

  • Nobody escapes from Devil’s Island Japan! “Japanese law does not allow suspects to have their lawyers present during questioning by prosecutors. Once charged, defendants are often refused bail by courts before trial.”
  • Dang…guess elections have (health) consequences.
  • Looks like it is going to be a lot harder to be prosperous on The Bosporus! I miss the old days of having 1,000,000 lira notes…looks like I might not have to in the near future.
  • Lest we get cocky, we still have Bernie. Just go away, you hateful and envious old crap-sack.

Convinced?

About The Author

Swiss Servator

Swiss Servator

Currently serving at the pleasure of a Swiss multinational. Previously a Soldier, rugby player, lawyer, bouncer, bartender, substitute teacher, risk manager, and cubicle mushroom. Will work for raclette.

288 Comments

  1. Brochettaward

    A First by any other name would smell as sweet.

      • bacon-magic

        ^

      • Brochettaward

        Cast your stones. Your persecution will make my deliverance on judgement day all the sweeter.

      • UnCivilServant

        Are you expecting to die soon? Did you catch the China Virus? Something horrible happen?

  2. UnCivilServant

    I am starting to think this planet is a bit messed up…once you go through the links, you will see what I mean.

    Convinced?

    Not really. Those links all talked about humans. The planet seems to be fine.

    • bacon-magic

      Pedant alert.

      • bacon-magic

        No, it’s just an alert. Pffft.

      • UnCivilServant

        You’re supposed to disable extra alerts so as to not drown out important alerts with chaff.

      • R C Dean

        We have a constant running battle here about “alarm fatigue”: What bed/device alarms should be left on/turned off. At one point, they turned on all the available alarms as a demo, and apparently there were multiple alarms going off simultaneously.

        Naturally, whenever we get sued, the fact that we turned some alarms off is Proof We Want To Kill Granny ™.

      • Ted S.

        Doesn’t everybody want to kill Granny?

      • db

        It’s a big problem in industrial control systems / HMI as well.

        Think Homer Simpson’s dippy bird pressing the ACK button repeatedly.

      • slumbrew

        That overlaps with my area – I’m the “monitoring guy”, and I try and beat the mantra into people:

        – Is it urgent?
        – Is it actionable?
        – Is it real?

        https://sre.google/sre-book/monitoring-distributed-systems/

        Obviously, alarms at a hospital can’t be automated away (mostly?) and can’t be limited to “novel problems”, but I suspect parts of that otherwise apply.

      • R C Dean

        These are all the alarms in patient rooms.

        Is it urgent? Probably.

        Is it actionable? Probably.

        Is it real? Probably.

        None of that matters when everybody just ignores the alarms because there’s too damn many of them. Why, its almost like an Iron Law in action:

        When everything is a priority, nothing is a priority.

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        That’s . . . true, actually.

    • Raven Nation

      I have it on good authority that the planet will be be dead in another 20 years or so.

      • Rat on a train

        2 weeks

      • ElspethFlashman

        Will Lou Reed be dead then too?

  3. Rebel Scum

    Republic of Congo opposition leader and presidential candidate Guy-Brice Parfait Kolelas died of COVID-19 a day after the country went to the polls to choose its new leader, officials say.

    That has to be some kind of record.

    • J. Frank Parnell

      Doesn’t say whether or not he won, though.

      • UnCivilServant

        Who’s counting the votes?

      • rhywun

        Yeah, I noticed that. I should go into journalisming.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      It was the custard that did it.

    • pistoffnick

      “…Guy-Brice Parfait Kolelas…”

      His nickname was…Peanut Buster Parfait

      • db

        Thank god you specified the type of nut.

  4. bacon-magic

    Elon should just ask Bernie if he’s still sore from the DNC rape of his nethers.

    • Chafed

      If there is anyone with the moral authority to call Bernie a vampire/leech/whatever, it is Musk. He has taken outrageous risks with SpaceX. He is entitled to outrageous rewards.

      Disclaimer: I am well aware of the subsidies for Tesla and Solar City.

  5. LJW

    “Lest we get cocky, we still have Bernie. Just go away, you hateful and envious old crap-sack.”

    I hate them both equally. People around here seem to forget Musk has a built a lot of his recent fortune off of government subsidization.

    • Agent Cooper

      ” around here seem to forget Musk has a built a lot of his recent fortune off of government subsidization.”

      Hate the game, not the playah?

      • UnCivilServant

        I have enough hate to hate both.

      • bacon-magic

        I forgive a lot of his failings due to his space aspirations.

    • R C Dean

      Did he lobby for them? If not, then I honestly don’t have much objection.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      In the game of government subsidization, Bernie wins.

      • westernsloper

        Ya, no shit. Mutherfukker has never had a job outside of government.

      • TARDis

        He made a movie once, right? Just like that asshat fuck in GA, right? Two useless pieces of shit in the most powerful legislative body on earth. I’m starting to lean toward the GD America.

      • The Hyperbole

        I will not allow you to besmirch a fellow carpenter, MutherFukker probably spent weeks in a real job.

      • Brochettaward

        Bernie was to carpenters what you are to intelligent, good faith arguments.

      • westernsloper

        I want to see pay stubs and talk to his former boss. He was probably fired just like he was hucked out of the commune for being a lazy fuck.

      • The Hyperbole

        You know as well as I that real carpenters work for cash, under the table, no pay stubs, never heard of the guy.

    • Sean

      LOL

    • slumbrew

      The hero we need.

    • Tonio

      Zip guns!

    • robodruid

      flood the zone, get rid of automatic fire 2×4’s

    • KromulentKristen

      I wonder if the weapons are required to be combustion, or can I build a cheap marshmallow air gun and sell that for $200?

      • UnCivilServant

        Hairspray-powered marshmellow cannon.

      • pistoffnick

        You are harshing my mallow, dude.

  6. Rebel Scum

    “Space travel is an exciting idea, but right now we need to focus on Earth and create a progressive tax system so that children don’t go hungry, people are not homeless and all Americans have healthcare,”

    Fuck. Off. Commie. Cunte.

    The level of inequality in America is obscene and a threat to our democracy.”

    That’s quite a leap. Like blasting off, even.

    • LJW

      The inequality in this country is so bad that Americans below the poverty line are living better lives than the average person in nearly every other country.

    • rhywun

      Perhaps Mr. Sanders would like to explain why the trillions of dollars we’ve thrown at people who still can’t figure out how to take care of themselves (but can) haven’t solved the problem.

    • slumbrew

      I suspect Bernie thinks Musk and the like just have big piles of money they swim around in, like Scrooge McDuck.

    • Swiss Servator

      Did anyone tell Dandruff Stalin we HAVE a “Progressive” tax code?

    • R C Dean

      a progressive tax system so that children don’t go hungry, people are not homeless and all Americans have healthcare

      A tax system addresses none of those issues. Since we have zero qualms about issuing trillions in debt, I’m thinking you can’t really even blame them on lack of spending (resulting from lack of tax revenue).

      • RBS

        It’s almost like you can’t control what people do with their money on the individual level.

      • rhywun

        Or what they do with *my* money.

    • db

      I have a feeling that people like Sanders are a large part of why Musk wants to get TF off this planet. Everything he is doing, including Tesla and the solar stuff, is aimed at building a real workable colony on Mars.

      I’m no Musk fanboy in the sense of those who hang on his every word and think he can do no wrong, but I think he’s doing the right things, and I want to see more like him. There’s even a real chance that we’ll be seeing actual colonization in a reasonable time frame, which we never would have if access to space were solely the realm of governments.

      I really fear what might happen when it becomes clear that a Mars colony could succeed and escape the grasp of the current powers of the earth (see what I did there).

      • Ownbestenemy

        I have good eyes but its hard to see what you did from 165 million miles away.

      • db

        Even harder to stop me from doing it at that distance.

      • SDF-7

        Spooky…

      • Ed Wuncler

        This is one of the themes behind the Expanse. Mars wanted to break away from the United Nations led Earth and were on the brink of war until the Martians allowed the Epstein Drive to be sold to the Earthers which expanded humanity’s reach in the Solar System.

      • Pope Jimbo

        I agree, with Mars colonization it wouldn’t be as easy as “I’m walking West and you fucks can fuck off” that our forefathers in America had it.

        Still think how much of a drain it would be on Earth if the pioneers left for Mars. And once all the neer-do-wells had left, how much worse it would be back here. You know the Karen’s would be telling everyone “If you don’t like wearing a mask, why don’t you just go to Mars?”

      • db

        It’s not as easy to leave it all and get to Mars, but the corollary is that it’s also not easy to send thither Swarms of Officers to harass the People, and eat out their Substance.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I already know that story, it’s a good one….

      • Agent Cooper

        “colonization”

        Who is responsible for delivering the smallpox blankets to the Martians?

  7. DEG

    The U.S. State Department rejected the torture claim as unlikely

    I like the forced confession part of this article.

  8. wdalasio

    I’m not a huge Musk fan, but I’d love to see him challenge the worthless old commie to build one Tesla in a 24-hour period.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Just challenge him to chop some wood, tote a few gallons of water and make supper. Bernie was kicked out of a commune for being too lazy. A full slate of chores like the ones I proposed would send him to the fainting couch.

    • Ed Wuncler

      Musk for all of his crony capitalism does produce shit while Sanders never produced a goddamn thing in his life. For all of his wisdom about how the corporations are evil and how we should redistribute wealth, if you threw a balance sheet or an P&L Statement in front of this asshole, it would be like trying to read the Navajo language.

      That’s something that always irked me about the Political Science majors in college. They all had these grand schemes built out of how they would build society and how the corporations and wealthy would pay for it all but couldn’t even tell you the difference between revenue and profit.

      • db

        What I think about Musk’s crony capitalism is that he’s playing the game, not for profit, but to eventually get out of the game, and help others get out of that game as well. It’s a play on the “capitalists selling us the rope we will use to hang them)–use the cronyist status quo to finance the escape from cronyism.

      • Ed Wuncler

        My father in law was a General Counsel for a major manufacturing company in Northeast Ohio and told me once that his company had to hire lobbyists for Columbus and DC because if not their competitors would have an advantage but also politicians will send regulators to hassle you until you buckled and played the game.

  9. grrizzly

    I presume the dead presidential candidate in Congo didn’t win.

    • RBS

      Yet. Didn’t win yet.

  10. Rebel Scum

    Unity, healing, etc.

    The federal prosecutor who oversaw the Justice Department’s investigation into a Jan. 6 riot at the U.S. Capitol said that some rioters may be charged with attempting to overthrow the government.

    Michael Sherwin appeared on “60 Minutes” on Sunday, two days after he stepped down from leading the investigation into the riot. He left open if former President Donald Trump is expected to face charges related to the riot. Earlier this month, Sherwin stepped back from his post as acting U.S. attorney in Washington, D.C., for a replacement picked by the Biden administration.

    Sherwin told “60 Minutes” host Scott Pelley that from what the he saw leading the investigation, he expects at least some of the rioters arrested following the storming of the Capitol to be charged with sedition.

    “I personally believe the evidence is trending toward that, and probably meets those elements,” Sherwin said. “I believe the facts do support those charges. And I think that, as we go forward, more facts will support that.”

    • Brochettaward

      If there were any facts supporting sedition charges, they would have been leaked already. There’s no there there, you lying cunts.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Go ahead, charge them with sedition. Then we can move on to charging with treason all members of Congress and other government employees who have violated their oaths of office.

    • The Other Kevin

      I still don’t get the whole “sedition” thing, and hopefully if it comes to it, it will be impossible to prove. Is there a part of the Constitution that says if you occupy the capital, you are in charge? Or were they supposedly there to kill and/or kidnap members of Congress? What with their dozens of guns, zero of which were confiscated.

    • wdalasio

      he expects at least some of the rioters arrested following the storming of the Capitol to be charged with sedition.

      Remember not a year ago when pretty much anyone who understood American history regarded the Alien and Sedition Acts as a national disgrace?

      I haven’t changed. The world has just gone insane.

      • The Other Kevin

        ^ This. In the AM linx, I posted that 5 years ago, if you said, “I think election integrity is important and we should investigate any funny business to make sure people are confident in the system”, nobody would bat an eye. But say that now, and you’re a white supremacist and can get banned from social media.

    • juris imprudent

      Let me ratchet up expectations now that I don’t have to deliver on them!

    • Rat on a train

      Throw on charges of Logan Act violations for good measure.

  11. Certified Public Asshat

    I ended up on this article after clicking around in the Bernie NYpost story…

    The “Billionaires Aren’t Liquid” Argument is BS

    Lombard credits are bank loans that are backed by pledged assets, mostly securities or life insurance policies. Banks require that the securities pledged be “readily marketable.” In the case of most billionaires, the stocks they own fall under this category, but let’s be real: when you’re a billionaire, there isn’t much a banker wouldn’t do. Since it is backed by assets and therefore rather safe, a Lombard credit usually bears a low-interest rate.

    Debt financed wealth tax, what could go wrong?

    • UnCivilServant

      Why did you follow a medium link? You had to know what you’d find.

    • slumbrew

      I’m afraid to click through – I suspect I will be dumber for having read that.

  12. The Other Kevin

    I can’t wait to see the Bee’s take on that Bernie/Musk feud.

  13. Rebel Scum

    Rule Britannia something something.

    Dr Mary Ramsey claimed on Sunday that social distancing and other practices like wearing a face-covering would go on for “quite a long period of time”.

    “People have got used to those lower-level restrictions now, and people can live with them, and the economy can still go on with those less severe restrictions in place.

    “So I think certainly for a few years, at least until other parts of the world are as well vaccinated as we are, and the numbers have come down everywhere, that is when we may be able to go very gradually back to a more normal situation,” Dr Ramsey said, according to the BBC.

    “We have to look very carefully before any of these restrictions are lifted,” she added.

    • Gustave Lytton

      t least until other parts of the world

      Don’t be bashful, Mary. Just come right out and say the restrictions will remain until your Chinese masters give you the all clear.

      • Tonio

        ^This.

      • Pope Jimbo

        We need to wear them until we have been beaten down enough to not protest the next step.

        I don’t even know what the next step is yet, but we’ll be told it is necessary because of variants and we’ll all go along with it.

    • Tonio

      Always moving the goalposts, those people. First it was two weeks to flatten the curve, now it’s until every Khalahari bushman and uncontacted Amazonian tribesman is vaxxed.

  14. The Late P Brooks

    “We are in a moment in American history where two guys — Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos — own more wealth than the bottom 40 [percent] of people in this country,” Sanders tweeted on Thursday. “That level of

    Bernie has never heard of entropy, I guess.

    [insert disclaimer regarding the fine-tuning of inheritance taxes and estate law]

    • Agent Cooper

      We should really do something about that Rockefeller guy.

  15. grrizzly

    Study: Majority Of Americans Grossly Overestimated COVID-19 Hospitalization Rates

    The current hospitalization rate for COVID-related illness in the United States hovers between 1 and 5 percent, but 41 percent of Democrats, 28 percent of Republicans, and 35 percent of independents or members of other political parties said there is a 50-plus percent chance that someone with the Wuhan virus will need to be treated at a hospital.

    • The Other Kevin

      Very similar to the survey on police shootings. Yet, the people who mention the real numbers are guilty of “misinformation”.

    • Ownbestenemy

      What do you expect when messaging was atrocious and getting accurate data from our betters was like trying to get OMWC to leave the day-care center? Couple that with a media all too happy to display death trackers on their websites, you end up with a woefully uninformed populace.

    • wdalasio

      I find the reporting funny. Even in a story where the only actual data say liberals overestimate the virus more than conservatives, they focus on conservatives “underestimating” the virus (with no data).

    • Agent Cooper

      Propaganda works.

  16. The Late P Brooks

    “Space travel is an exciting idea, but right now we need to focus on Earth and create a progressive tax system so that children don’t go hungry, people are not homeless and all Americans have healthcare,” Sanders said in response to Musk’s tweet. “The level of inequality in America is obscene and a threat to our democracy.”

    tl;dr- “We’re not done fucking this planet up.”

    • UnCivilServant

      Dumbasses, you always establish an escape plan before going scorched earth.

      • Tonio

        That’s what he fears. Can you imagine how he’ll screech when Elon Musk lands the first colony ship on Mars and tells the US, UN, etc, to fuck off?

      • db

        What a glorious day that will be.

      • bacon-magic

        I’ll be in my space bunk.

  17. Pope Jimbo

    I don’t know what Bernie is griping about. The last “stimulus” bill is basically UBI for breeders!

    Brianna Roan has clipped coupons and relied on free meals from her three sons’ schools to feed them while distance learning at home. Then there are the constant expenses, like special $70 shoes for her 15-month-old daughter with spina bifida.

    Normally, it would take the Fridley mom up to a month to afford to fix the flat tire she got the other week. But her stimulus payment arrived just in time. And as soon as July, Roan could start getting monthly checks for her four children. They’re among an estimated 1.126 million Minnesota kids to benefit from an expanded child tax credit in the recent $1.9 trillion federal stimulus package.

    The benefit marks a monumental policy shift, inching the country closer to a guaranteed universal income — at least temporarily.

    Damn white supremacists, capitalist shitlords just dumping kids on the front lawn of these poor single women! They could at least dump healthy ones and not defects that cost extra.

    • Pope Jimbo

      I know what you are saying, a tax credit just hits at the end of the year. Not this one!

      Families will get $3,600 for each child 5 and younger, and $3,000 for children 6 to 17. From July through December, people should get monthly checks for each child: $300 for the younger ones, $250 for older kids. However, the Internal Revenue Service commissioner warned Thursday that a tax backlog and delayed filing deadline might push back that July start date.

      The other half of the money that isn’t disbursed by check will be available for people to claim when they file their 2021 tax returns next year. The expansion of the child tax credit is set to end after that.

      I’m glad we’re back to paying poor people to have more kids.

      • Brochettaward

        You know that shit is going to become permanent.

      • Pope Jimbo

        The child tax credit could be continued as part of President Joe Biden’s next big spending bill, which is focused on infrastructure, predicted David Wessel, director of the Hutchins Center on Fiscal and Monetary Policy at the Brookings Institution.

        “It’s really hard for me to imagine they are going to let this expire before the 2022 midterm elections. They will find some way to extend it at least a year, and I expect longer,” he said. The tax credit expansion “hitched a ride on the COVID relief train,” Wessel said, but the change has been in the works for years.

        Let’s see if those dummies will fall for the “vote for me and I’ll send you a $2000 check” trick again!

      • Agent Cooper

        They should name it the Hunter Biden Baby Mama Tax Credit of 2021. It’s an honor!

  18. DEG

    Concord, NH closes schools

    The Concord School District abruptly canceled school on Monday after a flood of teachers and other district staffers called in sick one day after many received the Johnson & Johnson COVID-19 vaccine.

    Parents in the SAU 8 district received phone calls, emails, and text messages notifying them there would not be school at just before 6:30 a.m. The alerts stated it was due to the level of teacher absenteeism across the district. The decision was made as principals began fielding calls from educators early on Monday that they were sick.

    School Superintendent Kathleen Murphy said the closure was more than just teachers though — many staffers, including district office employees, also got shots Sunday, and reported adverse reactions to them.

    “It was related to vaccine shots,” she said of Monday’s school closure. “We received notice from a number of staff, teachers, education assistants, and district staff who we were sick, so we were unable to open school in a safe manner.”

    • Agent Cooper

      This happened in our district. One day off. Then back to work.

      They could’ve staggered the vaccines, but then they’d have to delay the opening overall.

  19. The Late P Brooks

    The current hospitalization rate for COVID-related illness in the United States hovers between 1 and 5 percent, but 41 percent of Democrats, 28 percent of Republicans, and 35 percent of independents or members of other political parties said there is a 50-plus percent chance that someone with the Wuhan virus will need to be treated at a hospital.

    Why would they overestimate the number so badly?

    It’s a conundrum.

    • slumbrew

      Seconded. It’s a good read.

    • juris imprudent

      I think my favorite part is all of the twidiots listed in the picture – substack authors I have never read and likely never would, even under the most generous description of their ‘work’.

  20. Hank

    If Musk can start the process of getting humans into space colonization, I’m for it.

    We may need a back-up planet or so in case things don’t work out on this one.

    • Tonio

      He is building the transportation infrastructure. He knows people who can afford to pay their own way. The moon, while more practical in some respects, is too close. The cost of training and deploying troops to Mars to quash the colonial rebellion will be…astronomical.

      • Hank

        “Get yoah ahs to Mahs!”

    • Urthona

      I don’t think there’s any real value to space colonization.

      • Hank

        That hasn’t always stopped colonizers in the past.

      • Urthona

        Antarctica is at least 1000x more habitable than Mars and remains unoccupied but for research purpose.

        There are huge differences in both exploitable value and travel time in the pre colonial Americas vs Mars.

        Rendering the environment even as livable as the harshest conditions on Earth would take inconceivable investment and new technologies for a place that has nothing of value is not close enough for economic exchange using any conceivable means of transportation.

        The Earth really doesn’t face an existential threat from climate change and — contrary to the Expanse — it will never be close to overpopulated.

        It is really impossible to even conceive of right now anyone living on Mars except to gather research.

        Maybe some day some new technologies will make it worth consideration, but Elon Musk is really just a popular goofball with multiple companies that are built on houses of cards if you ask me.

        I think we will be many generations dead before anyone truly is ready to colonize Mars, if ever.

      • SDF-7

        Mars isn’t (officially) claimed by various nations that have pretty effective told everyone else “hands off” and is far enough away that if a sustaining colony could be planted (which is a big if, I grant) that said Terran governments can’t do much about it.

        I don’t doubt that if Antarctica wasn’t effectively a Trans-National Park someone would have tried to exploit resources on it… and that someone else would have set up a shop to sell stuff to that someone, etc.

      • Hank

        “The Earth really doesn’t face an existential threat from climate change and — contrary to the Expanse — it will never be close to overpopulated.”

        I was thinking more in terms of a scenario where a really big war breaks out and some countries use their nastiest weapons – nukes, bio, whatever else they have up their sleeve.

        But I will allow that I, personally, do not have the imagination to envision how massive colonization could be accomplished in the near future.

    • Mojeaux

      +1 The Expanse

      • Ed Wuncler

        Such a great show. 20x better and more realistic than Star Trek.

      • Mojeaux

        I’m enjoying the hell out of it.

      • TARDis

        True, but I don’t think realism was the gist of the original. Each show was a standalone theme.

  21. The Late P Brooks

    I didn’t see it mentioned, yet:

    Foochy is soon to be the subject of a children’s book. If anybody deserves deserves a hagiography in simple words and short sentences, it’s Foochy.

    You’ll have to find the link on your own. It’s too nauseating to look at a second time.

    • UnCivilServant

      “There once was a petty tyrant maned Tony. Tony lied about AIDS. Tony lied about masks. He lied about contact and vax. Do as I say, not as I do, Tony cried. All the while, Granny died.”

      • Pope Jimbo

        What? You used “vax” and never rhymed it with “tax”?

      • UnCivilServant

        This is why I don’t write children’s books.

        Lets see…

        “There once was a petty tyrant maned Tony. Tony lied about AIDS. Tony lied about masks. He lied about contact and vax. ‘We can fix it all with more spending and tax!’ Do as I say, not as I do, Tony cried. All the while, Granny died.”

    • Tonio

      Do you have a link to that?

    • SDF-7

      Death to Foochy?

      • slumbrew

        *waves*

        Hi, Preet!

      • SDF-7

        Preet’s an Edward Norton fan? Who knew… 😉

  22. The Late P Brooks

    I don’t even know what the next step is yet, but we’ll be told it is necessary because of variants and we’ll all go along with it.

    Mao Suits. With gps tracking capability.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Don’t forget the teledildonics built into seat of the Mao suit, so they can literally rape you based on social credit algorithms.

      • Hank

        Let’s not give them ideas, though I would imagine that they’ve thought of much worse.

    • R C Dean

      Mandatory vaccines and vaccine passports.

      • rhywun

        This came up during today’s company “Town Hall”. They, at least, were pretty clear that they won’t mandate that we become guinea pigs.

        Of course, I still refuse to enter the office if masks are required. I am not talking on the phone all day with a damp piece of cloth strapped to my face.

    • db

      (Partial) quote from the website:

      If you love trying new outdoor yard games, you’ll love PIPFALL – another way to play with your cornhole

    • Rebel Scum

      A sobering discovery.

      • Pope Jimbo

        I’m going to need more proof before I believe it

      • TARDis

        My research is inconclusive. More funding is needed… for study… and days off.

    • The Other Kevin

      Those Daily Mail stories are intoxicating.

      • db

        Eh, they always seem to gin up questionable content.

      • Pope Jimbo

        I was going to go with a gin joke too, but you beat me to the punch because I was too sloe

      • db

        Junipersonally, I get left behind sometimes too. Don’t feel bad.

      • Agent Cooper

        You guys are so cuke-y.

    • blackjack

      I’ll be here around supper time, with my can of dinner and a bunch of lies!

  23. Shpip

    Got to the morning lynx too late to respond to Banjo’s admonition to be the squirrel.

    Maybe it’s just me, but the photo on that page instantly reminded me of this.

    • The Other Kevin

      Once again, being a writer for the Bee couldn’t be an easier job.

  24. Pope Jimbo

    I’d be all for Minnesoda’s proposed bill to spend $457M to end systemic racism if they promised that once spent we would all agree that it worked and no one could ever talk about systemic racism again.

    “It seems like we’re throwing a lot of money at a system that is broken without a lot of guidelines, guardrails, requirements or specifications,” said Rep. Keith Franke, R-St. Paul Park, who supported sending the bill to the House Public Safety Committee. “I wonder: How do you think that by just throwing all this one-time money at a situation we are going to get at this egregious situation that needs to be fixed?”

    Thompson replied: “How does not investing in my community, not investing in those who are underserved, how does that fix it?”

    So there smarty pants! You can’t explain how not throwing money out the window isn’t a great idea!

    • Pope Jimbo

      Although, I might have to look into this guy as a write in vote from now on

      One opponent spoke before the Workforce and Business Development Committee Friday: Alexander Buster Deputie, an African American small business owner from St. Paul, who was the GOP nominee in 2020 against state Sen. Foung Hawj, DFL-St Paul. “When you start appropriating general funds for a specific group of people, excluding others, simply based on the color of their skin, that itself is racist,” Deputie said. “That divides us. It does not bring us together.”

    • Count Potato

      “no one could ever talk about systemic racism again”

      That’s what they said about electing Obama.

      • Pope Jimbo

        If you divide up that lump of money amongst the reported black people in Minnesoda, it is about $1600 per person. Round it up. You get a one time $2K check but from then on there will be no affirmative action carve outs, no minority owned business set asides, no lower admission scores for schools etc.

        Maybe a better approach would be similar to the programs that pay kids to attend high school. Embrace the idea of paying people to meet basic minimums that everyone should be able to do on their own.

        “We’ll pay every white person $500 every month that they don’t discriminate against minorities!”

      • slumbrew

        “… there will be no affirmative action carve outs, no minority owned business set asides, no lower admission scores for schools etc.”

        That’s adorable.

      • wdalasio

        Yeah, the reparations proponents have already said, in no uncertain terms they consider reparations just the beginning. And I guess it makes sense, in a way. If you’ve discovered your target is an easy mark, why stop with just one shakedown?

      • Cannoli

        “Once you have paid him the Danegeld
        You never get rid of the Dane”

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Racism never ends. Like sin, it’s never ending but there is no savior coming.

        In other words, fat chance on that.

  25. DEG

    #StopAsianHate rally in Concord, NH

    A diverse crowd attended a #StopAsianHate rally outside the State House to demand justice for the victims of recent shootings at massage businesses and to denounce racism, xenophobia and misogyny.

    A few hundred people of all ages and varied racial and ethnic backgrounds gathered at the NH Solidarity rally with members of the Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) community in Concord, listening to speakers and waving signs.

    The event was organized by the NH Asian American Pacific Islander Caucus of the NH Democratic Party in conjunction with the Kent Street Coalition.

    • UnCivilServant

      Waitwaitwait….

      Are there even Asians in Concord?

      • DEG

        Yes

      • Ted S.

        I always figured all the Asians in NH, like all the blacks, were up at Dartmouth.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Here is my theory – These gain ground because people feel they want to be part of something. Media and Government is all too happy to facilitate because if people stop chasing these pet issues, the people might actually turn their gaze towards the Capitol in a much more serious manner that would made the Grand Insurrection of 2021 look like the Boston Tea Party.

      Keep them chasing laser points and you never really have to worry.

    • rhywun

      I hope they invited the presidents of Harvard and Yale.

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      Asians really should stop hating.

  26. juris imprudent

    Oh MY!

    As Air Force One returned to Andrew’s Air Force Base Sunday, observers noted a small blue handicapped parking pass displayed in the window of the cockpit.

    • Hank

      Oh, the Babylon Bee.

      I mean, I totally knew it was satire. I was just checking to see if anyone else knew.

      • slumbrew

        Who can tell anymore?

    • Ted S.

      Andrew has his own air force base?

  27. DEG

    Magistrate to rule on bail for Free Keene leader

    A U.S. magistrate is expected to rule soon on a bail request by Free Keene leader Ian Freeman, who faces federal money laundering, fraud and conspiracy charges in connection with a Bitcoin-dollar exchange system.

    Freeman has accessed $1.66 million worth of Bitcoin and had $178,000 in cash in his safe when his house was raided by federal authorities last week, prosecutors said on Friday.

    Federal prosecutors also said Freeman has access to gold, silver, and possibly other liquid assets and cryptocurrencies. Freeman — who faces eight felony charges including money laundering, wire fraud and conspiracy — could tap those assets and use them to flee if a judge releases him on bail, prosecutors warned.

    • Hank

      What That Other Site didn’t seem to realize is that “abolishing cash bail and replacing it with a holistic blah blah” is, in some cases, going to mean “hold him without bail.” The commenters warned about this, IIRC.

  28. The Late P Brooks

    WSJ headline:

    Biden Administration Officials Put Together $3 Trillion Economic Plan

    *paywalled

    “Priming the pump here, Boss.”

    • slumbrew

      We’re so fucked.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        No, we’ll pay that back. We only have to put a small tax surcharge on the Kulaks and hoarders.

    • Ed Wuncler

      That printing machine and going brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

      • slumbrew

        As someone pointed out, at this point they’re using that money to buy more printing machines, to print more money, to buy more machines, to print more money…

  29. DEG

    North Country Hospital consortium warns of second health crisis

    Because patients are delaying or missing medical visits and testing during the pandemic, the head of the North Country’s three-hospital consortium is warning about the “next health-care crisis” coming as soon as 2022.

    On Thursday during a Zoom conference, Tom Mee, the CEO of North Country Healthcare — which is composed of Androscoggin Valley Hospital in Berlin, Upper Connecticut Valley Hospital in Colebrook, Weeks Medical Center in Lancaster and North Country Home Health and Hospice Agency in Littleton — touted his organization’s pandemic response, including a heated, drive-in vaccine clinic at UCVH.

    But he also echoed concerns voiced in New Hampshire and the U.S. about what Bloomberg.com in a Feb. 9 article by Emma Court called a “shadow health crisis” created by COVID-19.

    “I don’t know when the bubble is going to burst but it is coming,” said Mee, adding that “we’re one to two years away” from hospitals in Coos County seeing an influx “that could have been prevented” of people with advanced, chronic health conditions.

    • Agent Cooper

      Related: Fast Food consortium warns of new hunger crisis.

      However, this guy isn’t totally wrong that the shutdowns have created potentially more health problems.

      • R C Dean

        I know of two deaths from delayed care, and that just the ones I know about at my hospital.

  30. wdalasio

    a “shadow health crisis” created by COVID-19.

    “I don’t know when the bubble is going to burst but it is coming,” said Mee, adding that “we’re one to two years away” from hospitals in Coos County seeing an influx “that could have been prevented” of people with advanced, chronic health conditions.

    A “shadow health crisis” that people were warning about nine months ago. I guess they see the COVID funding drying up and need a new excuse to suckle on the government teat. That said, I’m not sure they’ve been given much choice. A hospital system that told the authorities to bugger off and continued providing healthcare as needed probably would have gotten screwed by the government for doing so.

    • R C Dean

      Not probably would have been screwed. Absolutely would have been screwed. And the biggest part of the problem is the TMITE panic- people with heart attacks and strokes weren’t even coming to the ED.

  31. Pope Jimbo

    I’m tired of wokism. Can we play a few classics? I miss the simpler days of Climate Change.

    Large projects in Minnesota — from new highways to industrial plants to big housing developments — are required to go through an environmental review that examines the project’s potential risks to the land, air, water and wildlife.

    But despite widespread concern over rising global temperatures, proposers haven’t typically been required to examine a project’s contributions — and resiliency — to climate change: How many greenhouse gases will a proposed asphalt plant or hog feedlot release into the atmosphere? How might a new highway or wastewater treatment plant withstand the effects of heavier rainfalls and higher temperatures?

    Now, several state agencies are recommending significant changes to Minnesota’s environmental review program that would require proposers to add up their project’s carbon footprint — and consider ways to reduce emissions that contribute to climate change.

    Maybe I’m old fashioned, but intersectionality and systemic racism doesn’t hold a candle to basic “WE’RE ALL GOING TO BURN TO DEATH” alarmism. And no Climate Change advocate ever made me wear a mask.

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      Of course all this will just raise prices and hurt employment which will hurt those at the lower end of the wage scale thereby exacerbating income inequality, which the same people claim to care about. But they’ll just blame it on racist capitalism when their policies have the obvious consequences.

  32. The Late P Brooks

    Tax cheats

    More than 20% of the wealthiest Americans’ income isn’t being reported to the Internal Revenue Service, according to a new study that calculates U.S. tax evasion is far higher than previously estimated.

    Random audits of the rich can detect some tax evasion, but the study’s authors found that the IRS easily misses income hidden in sophisticated ways, including in private businesses and offshore structures. Collecting all unpaid income tax from the top 1% would boost revenue to the U.S. Treasury by $175 billion a year.

    “We stress that our estimates are likely to be conservative with regard to the overall amount of evasion at the top,” the authors wrote.

    While many forms of income, including wages, are automatically reported to the IRS and easily uncovered in a basic audit, the profits of private businesses and complex investment partnerships are harder to track.

    The hidden income at the top means that income and wealth inequality could be more skewed than researchers have previously estimated, the authors concluded. The study was conducted by two IRS researchers, John Guyton and Patrick Langetieg, and three professors: Daniel Reck of the London School of Economics, Max Risch of Carnegie Mellon University, and Gabriel Zucman of the University of California at Berkeley.

    Obviously, a business owner should be taxed on gross receipts at prevailing statutory rates for ordinary income. Anything else is illicit tax evasion.

    • Pope Jimbo

      And all these uber rich are filling out their own tax returns using Quicken’s online tax software. No way they would hire several very smart accountants to structure things to avoid paying taxes. Why some of those accountants might even be smart enough to snag a job working at the IRS for a govt salary!

      I think when they say “hidden” they really mean, “really smart tax accountants sheltered money in completely legal means, but we really think it should belong to us anyhow”.

    • rhywun

      Geez, the ASIAN HATE freakout hasn’t even died down and already TMITE is ramping up the next freakout that appears in every outlet with nearly the same wording.

    • wdalasio

      Gabriel Zucman: The Hidden Wealth of Nations: The Scourge of Tax Havens (1995) Doctoral Advisor: Thomas Picketty
      Max Risch: Washington Center for Equitable Growth

      The rest of the gang is as you’d predict. You’d think Bloomberg, an ostensibly business-oriented publication would be more skeptical They aren’t.

      • Count Potato

        You would also think they wouldn’t conflate avoidance with evasion.

  33. Dr. Fronkensteen

    elections have (health) consequences.

    I blame Westernslopper

  34. I. B. McGinty

    Does Fourscore have an email we can send well wishes too? And maybe some nudie pics?

    • UnCivilServant

      That’s not the type of wood I expect from you.

    • Pope Jimbo

      I set up a temp mail account for him when I was setting up his chromebook. Jack4by20@gmail.com. His other personal email would 100% dox him so you will have to weasel that out of him yourself.

      I just got done talking to him (to ask if he wanted to hear from you miscreants) and he said that the hospital staff was talking like they were going to be booting him back home in the next 4-8 days.

      I really don’t have much more to share because it had to be a quick call on my end. He was in good humor though and says he misses all of you (but agreed I was the nicest, handsomest and wittiest of all Glibs – excepting himself of course).

      • Brochettaward

        Tell him today’s First was in his honor. I don’t dedicate Firsts often.

      • DEG

        Thanks!

  35. Count Potato

    “1/ More on this soon, but GLAAD has added me to an “accountability list” of anti-LGBT figures. They took misleading Twitter scuttlebutt and treated it as true. They also used a professional headshot even I’m only allowed to use in certain contexts.”

    https://twitter.com/jessesingal/status/1374022087233404930

    “GLAAD Took False, Previously Disproven Internet Scuttlebutt And Used It To Justify Putting Me On A List Of Anti-LGBT Bigots (Updated)”

    https://jessesingal.substack.com/p/glaad-took-false-previously-disproven

    • Brochettaward

      The gays are making enemies lists now?

      People who said gay weddings were a slippery slope were right.

    • rhywun

      LOL

      The movement is now known by its initials only, as its full name (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) could be taken as excluding bisexual and transgender issues.

      The should add their own name to the bigot-list.

  36. Count Potato

    “A dead giveaway about how performative the outrage from the media and people like Jim Acosta over Trump’s term is how muted they are today that the Biden administration is stopping them from accessing the border camps.

    No anchors on CNN or The View crying. No publicity stunts of touching and weeping at the wall. There are no Time Magazine covers. Biden has frozen out the media completely, and they are perfectly fine with it.

    ABC sent a crew to broadcast outside and they all went apoplectic”

    https://twitter.com/redsteeze/status/1374026122392825861

    • Ed Wuncler

      I told a friend that the worst thing that could happen to corporate news is if Trump lost the election.

  37. The Late P Brooks

    You’d think Bloomberg, an ostensibly business-oriented publication would be more skeptical They aren’t.

    Bloomberg hates for-profit business enterprises as much as he hates guns, apparently.

    • Agent Cooper

      Shoe needs a white pill.

      • Count Potato

        I think we all do.

  38. ElspethFlashman

    Yep, whatever it is I am wiped out today. I took a covid screen to make my employer happy (or compliant).

    • blackjack

      They were testing us every other week for most of this time. Now, they are all about the shots in the arm. They have no plans to resume testing at all. I refused the early shots and probably will refuse all of them until they have the J&J version.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        ^This, J&J or nothing, and the Boss is on my ass to get shot,

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Who’s your boss STEVE SMITH?

      • Don escaped Cancun

        I got tossed at my county vaccine drive-through:

        I refused to check a racial identity on their fucking form.

  39. Mojeaux

    Girl Child has her driver’s license. It is time to send her out on little adventures of her own, to the grocery store, QuikTrip, to work, whatnot. She’s very nervous about driving by herself. Her internship is quite a ways away and always traffic-filled, so I don’t think she’s going to want to do that by herself for a looooooooooong while. She’ll probably finish before she does that drive by herself.

    In April, the school is going to go to 4-day-a-week instruction OR all-virtual. I don’t know what that virtual day is supposed to do, unless COVID realizes it’s free to wander the halls on Wednesdays. The COVID KNOWS.

    • DEG

      Congratulations!

      I think she’ll be fine.

    • rhywun

      Maybe Wednesday is wipe-everything-down-with-Lysol day. Despite the fact that that’s been shown to be a waste of time.

      • Count Potato

        I don’t know if fomite transmission has been disproven, just that it is less than they thought.

      • R C Dean

        Very negligible risk, if any, from what I can tell.

      • TARDis

        We have cases of anti-death graft spray piling up. Damn, the evil is pervasive. $$$

    • Ed Wuncler

      My neighbor’s daughter across the street basically got robbed of her senior year of high school. Basically sat in class 2-3 days a week while the teachers weren’t present and had them look at videos on their iPad. What’s even more rage inducing is that a lot of the kids have suffered as a result of this terrible attempt at hybrid learning. 70 percent of our property taxes goes to the school district and they fucked the kids out of receiving any education.

    • Ed Wuncler

      And congrats on your daughter getting her license. It’s an exciting and huge passage of life.

    • DEG

      The ruling was on a preliminary injunction, not on the merits/demerits of the case. There will be more court action unless the State decides to drop the case.

    • The Hyperbole

      It’s a good sign and I am not a lawyer (nor do I even own a TV) , but I don’t think he’s won, just that he can stay open while the courts decide the case.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        Re-reading the article I see that you are both correct.

    • Semi-Spartan Dad

      “If you do what the government says just because they say so, they’ll keep taking and taking, and the things you give them you’ll never get back,” Strickland added to WUSA.

      Truth

      Strickland is unmoved, telling WUSA that “the state, the government, the president … they will never scare me into backing down. I will never kneel down and kiss that ring. I will fight as long as I’ve got to fight. I will fight as hard as I have to fight.”

      I need to throw some money at this guy’s restaurant.

      • Ted S.

        No comment how the government is unmoved over its deliberate destruction of people’s livelihoods.

  40. Brochettaward

    We’ve entered an age where an NFL QB can’t even get a happy ending with his massages without being sued for it. What is the world coming to?

    • blackjack

      I blame that Georgia kid. Fucking black widower.

      • Brochettaward

        I don’t want to be First in this world anymore.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        A firstistential Crisis?
        Say it Ain’t So, Bro!

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        I don’t want to be First in this world anymore.

        There’s a solution for that.

      • Brochettaward

        I’m not..fond…of psychiatrists.

      • TARDis

        Me either. I’ll bet most are just ill themselves.

      • Ted S.

        Poor Dr. Chet.

  41. Old Man With Candy

    I had some fun today forcing a prog to explain to me why Jews aren’t Asian.

    This is why I’m universally hated.

    • Count Potato

      Because Israel is in Asia?

      • Old Man With Candy

        Last I looked, yes.

    • Don escaped Cancun

      they’re tyred of your babel ?

    • Brochettaward

      ABC News actually did some actual news. Yes, Biden’s election is causing the border crisis:

      “Would you have tried to do this when Donald Trump was president?” Raddatz asks the man in a clip aired Sunday and tweeted by Steve Guest, a special advisor to Texas Sen. Ted Cruz.

      “Definitely not,” replies the migrant, who asked that his face not be shown.

      “Did you come here because Joe Biden was elected president?” Raddatz asks.

      “Basically,” he says.

      The man elaborates that violence in his country was the main reason for uprooting his family and coming to the U.S. border, adding that Biden was his second reason for making the dangerous trip.

      https://www.foxnews.com/politics/migrant-border-crossing-biden-elected-not-trump

      Tried to find the Youtube video but everything that comes up are propaganda pieces on how the Biden administration really means business on the border.

    • Gadfly

      Jews, Turks, Iranians, Arabians, etc are all technically Asians. That’s why I think it is silly that the term “oriental” got sidelined as an archaic, offensive term, when it literally means “from the east”, which is what most Americans mean when they say Asian – East Asians only. If I remember correctly the term “Asia” originally meant Anatolia specifically and the near east more generally, so if anything Middle Easterners have a greater claim to be called Asian than people of East Asian descent.

      • The Hyperbole

        I didn’t think “Jew” was a nationality.

      • Ted S.

        It was in the Soviet Union.

    • grrizzly

      Jews are as Asian as Hungarians.

    • Brochettaward

      Aren’t both model minorities depending on which day you are asking, anyway?

    • Hank

      There’s a very amusing joke in the article – it says statehood would make the “D.C. government…completely independent from congressional rule.”

      Like all the other state governments!

    • Gadfly

      If the DC residents were really worried about representation they would request retrocession back to Maryland, like Alexandria did when it returned to Virginia. But that’s not what this is about, it’s a purely partisan play to get the Dems two more safe Senate seats. If this goes through, the Republicans (if they had a spine) should, if they ever get the government back, abolish the capitol and send every department and agency currently located in DC to a different state and hold Congressional sessions via zoom, with the requirement that all Congress critters live and work in the districts they represent.

      • Brochettaward

        If they go through with DC statehood, expect the Supremes to cave entirely out of fear that court packing is next. Then expect the court packing to follow, anyway.

    • rhywun

      Because as usual nothing has changed since 1950.

  42. DEG

    No leaving the UK

    The document reads: “The Regulations also impose restrictions on leaving the United Kingdom without a reasonable excuse (regulation 8).”

    According to the new law, no one can “leave England to travel to a destination outside the United Kingdom, or travel to, or be present at, an embarkation point for the purpose of travelling from there to a destination outside the United Kingdom” without a reasonable excuse.

    The document also suggests that anyone caught flouting the rules could face a whopping £5,000 fine.

    Currently, Britons who are looking to travel abroad – with a reasonable excuse – must fill in a travel declaration form.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Oh Albion! Fallen into the Sea at last.,…….

    • TARDis

      They don’t even need to build a wall. How cool is that?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Coming soon to a federal government near you

    • grrizzly

      Hard to think of it as anything but pure tyranny.

  43. ElspethFlashman

    Covid – land has made for some really note worthy divorces lately.

  44. Brochettaward

    ABC News actually did some actual news. Yes, Biden’s election is causing the border crisis:

    “Would you have tried to do this when Donald Trump was president?” Raddatz asks the man in a clip aired Sunday and tweeted by Steve Guest, a special advisor to Texas Sen. Ted Cruz.

    “Definitely not,” replies the migrant, who asked that his face not be shown.

    “Did you come here because Joe Biden was elected president?” Raddatz asks.

    “Basically,” he says.

    The man elaborates that violence in his country was the main reason for uprooting his family and coming to the U.S. border, adding that Biden was his second reason for making the dangerous trip.

    https://www.foxnews.com/politics/migrant-border-crossing-biden-elected-not-trump

    Tried to find the Youtube video but everything that comes up are propaganda pieces on how the Biden administration really means business on the border.

  45. TARDis

    RE: Bernie. Can’t we just air drop him into Cuba?

    No, that’s too close.

    Airdrop him into Norktopia. Much better.

    • Brochettaward

      There’s no rich people to tax in those countries who don’t work for the government. Bernie called for taxing the rich there he’d end up with his head on a spike.

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        I’m not seeing any downside.

    • db

      Shit, my score just went down from reading that.

  46. westernsloper

    prosperous on The Bosporus!

    This here deserves a narrowed gaze.

    • TARDis

      How about just a lazy eye?

  47. Mojeaux

    So I’m writing out a “life’s housekeeping chores” list for XX TD. This is what I put under things to know about having one’s own car. Please tell me if I missed anything or am wrong:

    Get a dashcam. Keep it on at all times you are in the car.

    If you get pulled over by a cop:

    *Point your dashcam at the driver’s window so you can record the encounter.

    *Call me or daddy on speakerphone so we can listen to the encounter. We will not speak.

    *Don’t do anything else until he arrives at your window.

    *When he gets there, he will ask you if you know why he pulled you over. Say no. Don’t say anything else.

    *He may or may not tell you why he pulled you over. He will ask you for your license, registration (the papers you got at the DMV and the inspection certificate), and proof of insurance.

    *Gather those calmly and give them to him without saying anything.

    *If he asks you questions about where you’re going and where you’ve been, answer politely and truthfully, but with as few words as possible. “Work.” “Mom and Dad’s house.” “Laundromat.” “Shopping.” Do not say “party” or “a friend’s house.” Say you were with us. We will back you up. Don’t give long explanations. Don’t chat.

    *If he asks you to get out of the car, ask if you are being detained and why. Politely say, “I don’t feel comfortable doing that” and don’t move. If you have to play the scared-girl card, do so.

    *If he asks to search your vehicle, politely say, “I would appreciate it if you got a warrant first.”

    *Do not say anything else. Cops are not your friend. They will twist anything you say into something bad.

    *If you are arrested, the only thing you are to say is, “I want an attorney.” Remember, you have the RIGHT to remain silent.

    *Do not swear, do not raise your voice, do not volunteer information. If you can, start crying immediately. Don’t make a big production. Tears and sniffles will do.

    If you are in an accident:

    *Pull over out of traffic if you can.

    *Greet the other person politely.

    *Exchange insurance information.

    *Cops may be involved. If they are, they know they’re there to control traffic and provide a report for the insurance companies, not to harass anybody.

    *If cops are not involved, you will have to call the police station (non-emergency number) and make a report for the insurance companies.

    *If you are at fault, you may get a ticket.

    • The Hyperbole

      Hands on the wheel at ten and two, unless the cop asks you to hand them something.

      • Mojeaux

        Dammit. I had that in my mind and then it just went poof.

      • The Hyperbole

        Alternately put your DL and POI and your lawyers business card in a zip lock bag, hang it out the window and then lock the doors put on your headphones and listen to the smooth jazz of mister Charles Mingus until they let you go or your lawyer shows up.

      • blackjack

        I knew a guy that always kept a half pint of Jack in his glove box. I saw it once and asked. He said that if he ever crashed or got pulled over while drunk, he’d jump out of the car, open it and drink it down in full view of cops/witnesses. Then, he’d claim his inebriation was caused by that and nothing prior. Never knew if he ever tried it, but I found it interesting.

      • Hank

        My lay reaction would be “how drunk must he be that he thinks he can cover it up with more drinking”?

    • rhywun

      Girl privilege.

      • Mojeaux

        Work it.

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      Do not remove your seat belt. If you have to take off your belt to reach for documents tell the cop, “I’m taking off my seatbelt now” and wait for an acknowledgement.

      • Mojeaux

        Excellent, thank you.

    • db

      I always put my paperwork on the dash before the cop gets to my window, then keep my hands on the wheel. That way, I don’t have to reach for the glove box to get the docs.

    • blackjack

      Imma just add, and bear in mind it takes some degree of skill, it’s best to act like he’s just a normal person until it becomes apparent that he’s gunning for you. Talk about meaningless things that have nothing to do with any traffic violations, but convey a sense of equality between you. The weather or covid or something. If you go maximum “I ain’t giving you shit!” they take that as a challenge. That might cause them to especially remember every detail ( which hurts, if you plead not guilty.) Just don’t make a show of clamming up, somehow. Never ADMIT anything like speeding or what ever, just treat them like you would a fast food worker. pleasant and like you’re not afraid. Accept what they do and fight it later. Showing fear incites further investigation. Just my experience. However, once it’s clear what they are going to do, the gloves come right off. Like I said, it takes some skill.