A Glibertarians Exclusive: Mystical Child Part V

by | Apr 5, 2021 | Fiction, History | 108 comments

A Glibertarians Exclusive:  Mystical Child Part V

From the diary of Robert “Cairo Bob” Allen, 1841-1928

November 18, 1886 – Somewhere in the Canadian Rockies

Evening at last.  Fire isn’t helping us get warm, not much.  Evans keeps coughing.  Afraid he’s going to keel over.  We rode through some bad country today.  I’m thinking this trip is going to take longer than this man Evans thinks.  We went up this steep-sided canyon, following a creek that’s froze hard as rock, and made camp up near where it starts, on the edge of a little pond, also froze hard is rock.  We’ll have to hammer out some ice to melt for drinking, cooking and necessary.  Just keeps getting colder, and colder.  Sure do hope it ends up being worth all this hardship.  But, if I can just come out of this set up well enough to maybe win Isis back, it will have all been worth it.

 ***

November 19, 1886

The two men had passed an uncomfortable night.  Figuring they were far enough from the border, Bob had insisted on building the fire up enough to keep them from freezing solid, but he still slept poorly.  Several times in the night he roused to throw more wood on the fire, but the supply ran out a couple of hours before dawn and, by the time the sun came up the South Carolinian was truly miserable.  Evans coughed sporadically all through the night but other than that hardly moved; Bob kept up the fire by himself, and when morning finally dawned pale and watery, he was more than a little resentful.

Think of what’s ahead, he reminded himself, and keep your damn mouth shut.

The horses seemed to be faring well, at least.  Bob had insisted on bringing along a sack of corn and another of oats.  With that and the abundant dry grass, the horses were probably feeding better than the men.

Bob saddled the riding horses while Evans loaded the pack animals.  Bob went over this saddle horse with a cavalryman’s care, checking teeth, hooves, and eyes; the animal seemed fine.  The pack horses were holding up.  Evans climbed on his saddle horse without apparently giving a thought to the beast’s state.

“Ready?” he asked Bob.

“I reckon.”  Bob said, as he climbed into his well-worn saddle.

“All right then,” Evans said, and spurred his horse to a walk.

As they started out, Evans was rolling another cigarette and coughing.  He seemed to have an inexhaustible supply of makings.  He rode along, silent for once, leading one of the pack horses.  Bob rode along behind, leading the other, in a contemplative silence.

Gold, he told himself.  Amazing how everything seems to turn on that.  With gold, a man can have damn near anything.  Without it, he doesn’t have much.

I don’t want a palace in Egypt, or even a mansion in San Francisco.  All I want is my cabin on Clear Creek and my wife back.  I guess when she hooked up with me, she didn’t have it clear what life was like on a little farm out in the boonies like that, but she sure didn’t give it much of a chance.  Barely that year.

But with gold, he thought, I can do a lot more for her.

This pans out, I’ll bring her back a big old diamond necklace, maybe some other jewelry, so she’ll know right off I’ve hit it big.  I’ll get some men out to add onto the cabin, bring in a real iron stove so she doesn’t have to cook over the fire, maybe even get a well drilled.  Hauling water from the creek sure ain’t no fun.

I suppose if she wants, we could move into Carson City.  Damn lot of Yankees there, but if it means keeping Isis or losing her again…

The thought trailed off.

Dammit, he thought, war’s over, and long since.  I got to stop thinking that way.  Hell, Isis herself said she’s from Kansas – Bloody Kansas, John Brown’s Kansas, and I never thought I’d be so besotted with a woman as I am with her.

He remembered during that good year, when he had brought Isis into Carson City to do some trading.  A shop there sold women’s pretties, and Isis’s eye had fallen on an Indian necklace of silver and turquoise, but Bob hadn’t the money to buy it.  That’s the thing, he thought, remembering that bright summer’s day with Isis on his arm.  If that’s still there in that store, I’ll buy that right off, or something like it at least.

The two riders had just crested a small ridge when Evans spoke up.  “Look there,” he called.  Bob rode up alongside, looked to where Evans was pointing.

And there it was, in the weak morning light – a mountain, with an almost perfect pyramid shape.  To the east there was another, smaller peak of similar construction.

“So,” Bob asked, “which one is it?”

“Well,” Evans said, “The Indian said he heard tell it was on the eastern slope.  Figure we may as well check that eastern peak first.  See how the two sort of run together and form a saddle?  Doesn’t look like there’d be any cave or any such in there.”

“Makes sense.”  Bob stood in his saddle and examined what he could see of the ground ahead.  “Looks like another waterway yonder, that might could lead us off to the east of that little mountain.  Worth a try, anyway.”

“You’re the cavalry scout,” Evans agreed.  He was rolling another cigarette.  A sharp, barking cough escaped him.  He hawked and spat, and Bob thought he saw blood in the spittle before it landed in the tall, dry grass.

“I suppose,” Bob said.  “I’ll lead, then.  Another damn canyon, likely, but at least this time we’re headed down, not up.”

Bob rode ahead, glancing once over his shoulder to make sure Evans was following.  The man was just lighting up his smoke.  He dropped the match into a patch of snow and booted his horse.

Imagine what Isis would have thought of this little adventure, Bob reflected.  She would have thought it reckless as hell, that’s what she would have thought.

She won’t think so if I come back with a fat wallet, he thought.  He could hear Evan’s horse’s hooves on the ground behind him, so he didn’t look back again.  He went back to thinking of his wife, back there in the cabin on Clear Creek.  Her long, black hair, her skin like new ivory, her full lips; the swell of her bosom, the curve of her hip, her biting, scratching passion in the bed when the light was out…

Don’t know how the hell we never had a kid, Bob thought bitterly.  We may have had our problems, but good God that woman loves to fuck.  He felt himself growing hard in his faded gray trousers and cursed silently.

This man Evans, he mused, damn well better know what he’s up to.  Half a mind to shoot him and leave him here otherwise.

***

I was thinking about turquoise I was thinking about gold.

I was thinking about diamonds and the world’s biggest necklace.

As we rode through the canyons through the devilish cold,

I was thinking about Isis how she thought I was so reckless.

About The Author

Animal

Animal

Semi-notorious local political gadfly and general pain in the ass. I’m firmly convinced that the Earth and all its inhabitants were placed here for my personal amusement and entertainment, and I comport myself accordingly. Vote Animal/STEVE SMITH 2024!

108 Comments

  1. juris imprudent

    A man should have half an idea when he’s riding to his doom.

    OT and apropos the discussion of disgusting food this morning.

    • db

      Doom in what sense? The dating of the diary seems to indicate that Cairo Bob will not meet his end on this adventure, unless, perhaps he ends up stuck in the mountain until 1928, only to leave the journal behind for posterity.

      • juris imprudent

        Fair enough, Bob’s doom isn’t imminent, but Evans’ sure as hell is.

  2. kinnath

    I am really enjoying the story.

  3. Ownbestenemy

    Starting into Mojo’s territory near the end 🙂 I am also liking the story.

  4. Tundra

    This is terrific. The highlight of my Mondays.

    Thanks, Animal!

    • Ownbestenemy

      Just a few paragraphs each week but I treat it as a 30 minute episode of my favorite TV show in my mind.

  5. Muzzled Woodchipper

    Holy shit! People like this actually exist….

    This [picture of the President with his cabinet] brought me to tears. Not only because of the diversity, but because of the masks & distancing. Inspiring. It hurts my heart when I spend too much time wondering how things might have been different had this been our government when COVID arrived here. Thank you,
    @POTUS

    Gobble that wrinkly sack!

    https://mobile.twitter.com/PuckLives403/status/1377794010010411008

    • Sean

      *barf*

    • EvilSheldon

      Eh, the world has always been full of willing and eager tools.

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      They look like they are going to break into a dance routine.

    • Ownbestenemy

      I blame those “old” white men that broke off from the monarchy, depriving these people their desire to be ruled by men.

    • zwak

      Huh. I didn’t know they were advertising Survivor 46; Virtual Signal Island.

    • juris imprudent

      Once again, what do you expect to find on Twitter?

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Ugh. I notice that too and wonder which local zip codes are most full of them. Gay and/or hippie neighborhoods, sadly and probably.

      • Hank

        They’re in the latest edition of the Monster Manual – check under “Knobgobblers.”

    • The Other Kevin

      This person does not live in same reality that I do.

    • Ted S.

      Bitch could look at Europe to see how COVID would have been different had it begun during the Biden administration.

    • UnCivilServant

      Karlson said he found the octopus’ home among a crab graveyard

      A crab graveyard?

      Is that where dungeness goes to die?

      • Hyperion

        “A crab graveyard?”

        Climate change. Why do you even need to ask?

      • The Other Kevin

        That’s the place where Scar tricks Simba into going in Disney’s newest remake, The Lionfish King.

      • zwak

        Hmm, are you sure it isn’t The Catfish King?

    • Hyperion

      You haven’t heard about the coming Octopi world takeover?

      First, they’ll take out the whales and dolphins by enlisting the help of the Japanese.

      Then they’re coming for us.

    • Hyperion

      I bet the old guy has more testosterone in his body than your average college age guy in the USA does today.

      • kinnath

        Several years ago, some college educated soy boys had a youtube series where they tried out weird things. They decided to get the T levels checked. All of them were lower than mine (when I was 60+ yo).

      • Hyperion

        Well, toxic masculinity is no longer a problem, so there’s that at least.

  6. Sean
    • kinnath

      He didn’t deserve to die. But he didn’t earn this crap either.

      • Creosote Achilles

        Yeah, yeah he did deserve to die. He was taking enough fentanyl to choke a donkey. He is a man who put a gun to a pregnant woman’s belly after forcefully breaking into her home in order to rob her. He was a violent thug and he deserved every bit of his fate. Just like Trayvon Martin.

        Doesn’t mean Chauvin isn’t a dirty cop who deserves to be kicked out of the police force. But Chauvin didn’t murder Floyd, and he got what he deserved as much as anyone ever does.

      • juris imprudent

        I would think the defense attorney would simply point to the state being unable to decide on the cause of death. If the state can’t conclude which it is – how is the jury to reach a conclusion beyond a reasonable doubt?

      • UnCivilServant

        You’re assuming the jury is in fact made up of rational impartial people who rule based on facts and can’t be swayed by emotive arguments, or worse, have already made up their minds.

      • Hank

        Or if they’ve rationally decided not to risk retaliation for giving the “wrong” verdict.

        But just to make clear, I don’t know.

      • Chipping Pioneer

        A jury is composed of 12 people who aren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

      • juris imprudent

        No, I only noted what defense counsel could argue – the jury will likely do exactly what it was empaneled to do – deliver a guilty verdict.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Not sure about deserved, but might well have done so anyway.

  7. Timeloose

    Just got a jury duty notice in the mail. I answered the pre-questionnaire as the shitlord that I am, so I imagine I will be pulled before the actual trial. If I do get picked it will be interesting how we are going to wait for selection. They are sending us to wait in a hotel convention center instead of the courthouse due to the vid.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Has it gone out in the mail yet? Urthona’s advice to Hayek last night (just chuck it out) is probably sound.

      • Timeloose

        Had to fill it out online.

        I can’t chuck it out. This is too small a city for them to not notice.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Aw shucks. Sorry.

    • R C Dean

      I continue to be mystified by people’s refusal to engage in one of the few remaining opportunities to act as a direct check on government power.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Because it ends up like the Becker episode where they deny intelligent people the ability to sit on a jury and only want knuckle dragging dolts?

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgIvg9BBNAs

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        OBE, I like how you think and write. ?

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        https://frinkiac.com/caption/S10E22/927459

        Bc apparently they dick people around for a day or a week and toss the intelligent ones? That said, I know someone I thought was too smart to be selected who ended up serving on an unusual criminal case a few years ago.

      • R C Dean

        If you get booted, that’s one thing.

        But actively trying to avoid serving on a jury is something else. Unless, I suppose, you reject our government and legal system as illegitimate (which there’s definitely a case for) and take the position that sitting on a jury, like voting, only serves to support it.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        In 1215 at Runnymede, doo dah ?

        I repeat my suggestion to Hayek that she postpone her service.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Depends a lot (to our sort) on the nature of the case, obviously.

      • Old Man With Candy

        The judge gets paid a pile of money to be there. The lawyers get paid a pile of money to be there. Guess who doesn’t even get enough to cover gas and parking?

  8. Ownbestenemy

    Contemplating sticking a stick in the spokes at work. Since our facility manager felt that “You(me) have enough experience, so I am not going to give you this six-month detail” and gave it to an inexperienced person with no training, I might just file a union grievance because I have not been given my initial performance review that is required within 30-days of gaining a new manager.

    When I start to think like that, it means I am bored at work…even though I have six or seven projects going on right now.

  9. Hank

    No, Uncle Animal, I don’t want to go to sleep, I want to find out what happens next…

    [Even if Uncle Animal only does the G-rated version for the kids]

  10. Nephilium

    GABF has been cancelled for the second year. They’re now saying they hope to return to in person gatherings in 2022.

    • Tulip

      It’s not until September and they are canceling?

      • Ownbestenemy

        Quadruple-Mutant Teenager Variant from New York hitting us in a 6th wave?

      • Nephilium

        Traditionally it was in October, with tickets going on sale in the summer. And yes, they’re already cancelling for this year.

        Wednesday I need to make the decision about booking hotel rooms for Viva next year, which is back to the traditional Easter weekend schedule.

  11. Ownbestenemy

    I remember when people complained that what they disliked about Trump’s Lil’Rona response was inconsistency and no “unified” message. I also know people like to just attribute it to the person occupying the oval office, but maybe some people will see that the bureaucratic leviathan cares not who is in the White House.

    https://news.yahoo.com/end-the-hygiene-theater-cdc-says-173440864.html?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly9kcnVkZ2VyZXBvcnQuY29tLw&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAAFD5AcRqZqGRFAonbL51vWbb-aFfaCijoKHc1X3CpwkOHYrSGl0nm9i-m-3qJdJOPZMjPPgNGoqOikhW3luv8ls-b7lyjOWTMwRQmKtaTiIOHSVqJ_n-5rRwjFwrB0XZ700yT85CrCssveMMkmGo1oPhvC9ZLo_pe5AGWOE7Ry0x

    Of course, I agree, stop spraying shit down…especially idiotic mayors that spray down their bills they are signing. I also see a walk-back in a couple of days when Clorox lobbyist stop giving handies to whatever politicians pocket they are in.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Yay! Return to normal and smeared fecal material on door handles that haven’t been cleaned since the day they were installed.

      • The Other Kevin

        I’ve been in schools. I have no problem with closing for a day to deep clean.

  12. Sean

    JFC.

    Danielle Bregoli, the teen rapper known now as Bhad Bhabie and formerly as the “Cash Me Outside” girl, officially shattered an OnlyFans record on April 1 when she racked up more than $1 million in just six hours following her debut.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Weird society we live in….*hides receipts*

      • Mojeaux

        …that clearly are profitable.

        PT Barnum etc etc etc

      • TARDis

        As I stated previously (or is it perviously?), if prostitution was legal as it should be, this slag would be turning tricks for $50/hour tops. For professional women, or those with some artistic talent, this is a slap in the face. Just my opinion.

      • TARDis

        Maybe Animal could start an Only Fans page and read his story to us. I amuse myself.

        How about you Mojo? You could read us a story.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I mean, if you’re into morons with oppositional defiance disorder, then hey man, whatever…

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Hey, she’s a Florida gal…is she one of the ones Gaetz was banging?

      • Ownbestenemy

        I think too old

    • EvilSheldon

      Did she actually do anything interesting during her online whoring debut?

      • kinnath

        one million dollars gets you one nipple.

  13. Gender Traitor

    Finally heard from the local minor league baseball team about our season tickets. As long they’re limited to 30% capacity, quarter-season (17 game) ticket holders will only get tickets to six games. And we’re only getting digital – not printed – tickets. To their credit, they are giving US credit for what we’d paid for the 2020 season and allowed to roll over. Still sucks.

    I hate our governor.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      I hate your governor too, if I am allowed to.

      • Nephilium

        Why would we try to stop people from hating our governor?

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        “C’mon, don’t be shy! Crowd around!”

      • Gender Traitor

        I’ll hate your governor (Newsom, right?) too, if you’ll have mine.

      • Gender Traitor

        “have” S/B “hate”

  14. kinnath

    Stupid is as stupid does.

    Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen called for a global minimum corporate tax rate on Monday, a pitch that comes as the Biden administration begins to sell its roughly $2 trillion infrastructure and jobs proposal that would raise US corporate taxes to fund the massive plan.

    “We’re working with G20 nations to agree to a global minimum corporate tax rate that can stop the race to the bottom. Together, we can use global minimum tax to make sure that the global economy thrives, based on a more level playing field in the taxation of multinational corporations and spurs innovation, growth and prosperity,” Yellen said in a speech to the Chicago Council on Global Affairs.

    Treason right?

    • Sean

      COLLUSION!!!11!1

      • kinnath

        Corporations are absolutely forbidden from getting together to set prices and reduce competition.

        But governments . . . . . sure

    • The Other Kevin

      Heaven forbid another country make our taxes look high. I’m sure citizens of every other country in the world will be happy to learn their domestic policy will now be dependent on whatever crazies are in charge in Washington.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Seems to me that Yellen recognizes the insanity of raising the corporate tax rate in the US and is making a bone-headed plea to other countries that will fall on deaf ears.

    • Gustave Lytton

      The sad part is this is a serious proposal rather than getting laughed at immediately.

      • kinnath

        One world government.

        Yippeeeeee!

    • R C Dean

      Here’s why I’m not worried:

      If this is ratified as a treaty, it would reduce or eliminate one of the biggest sources of graft for Our Masters: their ability to to “adjust” the corporate tax code. Senators may not be terribly bright, but they know who butters their toast, and why.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        You’d have to be a moron to give up your leverage like that… *thinks about fracking ban* …. yep, we might be screwed

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Why would I listen to someone who thinks that haircut looks good ?

      • TARDis

        When I look at her, I wonder, just what is it that gives her true joy in life. It has to be something evil.

    • limey

      Chicago Council on Global Affairs

      The sort of institution that’s merely referred to by name, rather than being prefaced always by “right wing think-tank”.

      • Hank

        Well, they’re obviously not *left* wing because they’re anti-corporation, duh!

      • Hank

        Or they *are* left wing, without labels who can tell.

      • limey

        I don’t know what to think!

        *frantic stimming*

    • juris imprudent

      Gotta fuck the Irish over again eh?

  15. Pine_Tree

    Y’all help me pick out a truck.

    I am and have always been one for whom vehicles are both strictly utilitarian and “keep the oil changed and keep the old one forever”. My kids drive hand-me-downs that are older than they are. And the kind of guy who’s perversely proud of having the oldest, dullest vehicle in the company parking lot.

    I may change that. And if I do, I might step out of my standard Grey Man mode. So I’m thinking something along the lines of a 4wd F250 with “trimmings” like flares and a big honking brush guard. At least one of my girls is urging that it be red-necked out as much as possible. Would be a regular around-town, plus some dirt, plus real truck work (hauling lumber, manure, etc.) No camper right now, but likely to have one again in 5-6 years.

    Recos? Ford, Chevy/GMC, Dodge? My old truck’s a 26yo Dodge that looks it. I just haven’t started the homework on the technical side, so I figured some of y’all might help me shortcut some of that.

    Thanks.

    • R C Dean

      Recos?

      Well, Dodge and Chevy still have that Obama bail-out stink on them, to me. Ford made the bone-headed decision to use aluminum body panels and has chronic reliability problems, from what I hear.

      So, Toyota it is.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Tundras are nice under appreciated trucks that’ll last longer than you do. They don’t make a super duty version though.

      • R C Dean

        The Nissan Titan XD is probably worth a look.

    • kinnath

      I have been thrilled with my two Nissan Xterras (that they don’t make anymore), but I have read good things about the Frontier which shares same drive train and 3/4s of the sheet metal.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      I hear they hold their value. I’ve mentioned how I miss an old Toyota pickup I once knew.

      I hear Nissans can get expensive or unreliable in their middle or late ages.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Toyotas, that is.

        Used or new?

      • kinnath

        I haven’t had problems with mine.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        I forget where I heard that; I assumed it was here.

    • Stillhunter

      I’m a ford guy so I’m biased, but not too many options once you go above half ton. If I was in the market for a new Super duty I’d choose the ford with the new 7.3 gasser.

      I’m more like you though. I don’t regret for a second dumping the newer diesel for the old 7.3 diesel. I’m planning it to be my forever truck since parts are everywhere and I can essentially replace everything on it as needed.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I own:

      1 2011 Dodge Ram 2500
      3 2008 Ford F350
      1 2015 Ford F350

      and an assortment of others

      Chevy is too tall for my purposes now. Every single one of them comes with a very high road clearance. If you like it, it’s probably a fine choice.

      I would recommend Dodge. The Cummins engine is nigh indestructible. The transmission is not, but none of them are perfect. And the Fords have given me massive amounts of grief.

      If you’re staying with gas instead of diesel, the Tundra will run forever.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Oh, and whatever you do, stay far, far away from the 6.4L Ford Powerstroke engine (2008-2010)

  16. Sean

    Good.

    But lawmakers around the country are already taking a stand against the idea. GOP senators in Pennsylvania are drawing up legislation that would prohibit vaccine passports, also known as health certificates or travel passes, from being used to bar people from routine activities.

    “We have constitutional rights and health privacy laws for a reason,” said Pennsylvania House Majority Leader Kerry Benninghoff, a Republican. “They should not cease to exist in a time of crisis. These passports may start with COVID-19, but where will they end?”

  17. Old Man With Candy

    This is more fun than the old Saturday serials at the theater.

  18. westernsloper

    Love it Animal! Thanks