A Glibertarians Exclusive: Mystical Child Part VIII
From the diary of Robert “Cairo Bob” Allen, 1841-1928
November 24, 1886 –The Tomb
Wasn’t any damn way a fire was going to work in that weather. I thought it might be a good idea to make a camp in some sheltered place, wait out that weather, but Evans, he wasn’t having any of that. Got right upset and started shouting. “We’ve come all this way,” he yelled, “and I’m running low on time and patience. No, we’ll get in there, and we’ll get in there right the hell now,” he said, and as I was feeling a bit anxious to have this damn thing over with, I decided to go along with him. Sure ain’t any way we’re building a fire on that tomb, though, with that wind screaming along the cliff face. I will add just this – Evans, he still isn’t looking so good. Face was almost purple when he was yelling.
***
November 24, 1886
Bob packed his diary away in this saddlebag. They had been waiting, hoping for a break in the storm, but the weather, if anything, was worse. He checked his own watch. “Damn near two o’clock,” he said. “Time to fish or cut bait. We can’t get a fire going. I still say we should back off, find a more sheltered place, build up and wait out this storm. Should be some better shelter in that stand of spruce off south of us.”
The snow had fallen all night, and a foot-deep drift had gathered in front of the tomb and in the lee of the tiny lean-to, which was considerably the worse for wear from the wind. The snow, at least, had stopped for the moment, but the wind was howling louder and harder than ever.
“No,” Evans said. He picked up the axe and swung it into the sheet of ice blocking the tomb, knocking off a few small chips. “I’m not waiting. I can’t wait. Got to get into this frozen bastard.” He swung the axe again, and again, until his face turned almost blue.
“Let me spell you,” Bob said. He took the axe. At least it will keep me warm, he told himself.
Every swing of the axe removed a few chips of ice. After an hour, maybe a hands-breadth of ice was removed from the edge of the boulder.
“This will take a while,” Bob predicted.
“Let me take a turn,” Evans said. He swung again and again, his strength fueled by frustration, his face growing dark with effort.
“Wish we had some dynamite,” Bob said.
“Wish you’d have thought of that back in Boise,” Evans grunted.
“Me too,” Bob said. He went to the dying fire, looking around for some reasonably dry wood to try to keep it going. “But you’re the one with the plan, you know. If anyone should have thought of dynamite, you’re the one.”
“Fair enough,” Evans said, and swung the axe again. The wind gusted again, stronger.
The two men took turns hacking away at the ice into the night. At midnight Bob wanted to stop to sleep. “Sleep if you want,” Evans said. “I’ll keep at it.”
“Fine,” Bob snapped. “Wake me in two hours. I’ll spell you. And then, Evans, you goddamn well will sleep, or I’ll knock you out. Dropping down from exhaustion don’t help either of us.”
“All right,” Evans said. He swung the axe again. “I’ll wake you. Go on, sleep.”
When Evans woke him, Bob looked at his watch. “Damn you,” he said, “It’s half past five. Dawn in an hour or so. Why the hell didn’t you wake me earlier?”
“Didn’t think of it,” Evans gasped. He looked like hell. He coughed and coughed, spat blood into the snow. His face was brick-red. “I been working on that bastard and keeping the fire up. Go on, take a look at her, but first look up.”
Bob suddenly realized the howling wind was gone. He looked up to see a billion ice-flake stars shining down. “I’ll be damned,” he marveled, “the weather broke.”
“And that damn ice faces east,” Evans said, “into the morning sun. Might help some.”
“Let me check the horses.”
Bob examined all four animals carefully. They were miserable but in reasonably good shape; they had been picketed for the night in a stand of tall, dry grass, of which they had eaten almost all within their reach. As the sky started to brighten, Bob poured the last corn into feedbags for the animals. Maybe one day’s worth of oats left, he told himself on examining the inventory of fodder. Then it’s dry grass unless we can find some more grain. Hope they live. Hell, hope we live.
“Let me spell you on the axe,” Bob said. Evans had stopped swinging the axe and was standing, staring at the two-foot-wide bite taken out of the ice.
“Evans?” Bob said. “Sam?”
Evans turned slowly. He dropped the axe. His face was purple, and his lips blue. “Oh, hell,” he managed to gasp, and fell on his face.
Bob leaped to the fallen man’s side. He turned him over, and saw Evan’s eyes staring, silently, upward. A final rattle escaped the man.
Bob had seen death all too many times during the War of the Northern Aggression. Now, after all these years, it was like an old, hated friend, returning to pay him a call.
“Guess I can’t hardly bury you, Sam,” he told the corpse. “Ground is froze hard as a Yankee’s head. Sure as hell hope you was telling the truth about your heart, or your lungs, or whatever. Hope you ain’t passed on whatever kilt you. And, you son of a bitch, you brought me out here, and now you’ve up and died on me. What am I going to do now?”
Bob went over and sat by the fire. The blaze was going a little better now with the gale blown out, and after a while, the sun came up and cast a watery light over the box canyon, warming things up a little.
Can’t hardly stop now, Bob told himself. Besides which, sun’s coming out. Damn you, Sam Evans, but maybe your plan might just work after all. Spruce trees over on that slope to the south, there should be some branches under the trees still pretty dry, and spruce burns hot and fast. Yeah, worth a try.
He dragged Evan’s body away from the tomb and, frowning, placed the corpse under the lean-to on the dead man’s bedroll. He wrapped bedroll around the body, thinking, he’ll be froze hard as a carp in a couple of hours. Got to figure what to do. Can’t leave him here for the wolves. Wouldn’t be decent.
Bob turned and looked at the tomb. He had the beginnings of an idea, but it was an idea that still involved getting through that ice face. Got to go on, he thought, what can I do now but go on?
There was still Isis, back there in Nevada, in the cabin on Clear Creek. Got to get through this. Got to get home. Got to live. All of it means getting through that ice.
He went over to the tomb, picked up the axe and set off towards the stand of dark spruce, about a half-mile away.
***
The wind it was a-howling and the snow was outrageous.
We chopped through the night and we chopped through the dawn.
When he died, I was hoping that it wasn’t contagious.
But I made up my mind that I had to go on.
“We chopped through the night and we chopped through the dawn.”
A friend recently revealed to me that “wood chopper” is code for prostitute, as a profession.
I’ve heard that too, but chose to go with a more literal interpretation.
Is there any esoteric meaning to “how much would would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?”
Great story so far. Poor Evans, but I can’t say it was unexpected.
It’s wood all the way down?
The most euphemized profession in the history of trade.
The longer a profession is around, the more euphemisms it collects. With the oldest profession…
In my high school Etymology class, when we were reviewing words with the “graph” root, one of them was, naturally, “pornography.” I believe the “porn” part referred somehow to a prostitute, so our teacher taught us a long list of euphemisms for same. My personal favorite: “laced mutton.”
I’m not sure how that one works as a euphemism.
Unrelated, I’m sorry at how disjointed the last email I sent was
It may have referred to shoes with long laces that criss-crossed up the calf…a style my best friend at the time was wearing. ?
No apology needed for the e-mail. Happy to get bits of two stories, not just one!
So your teacher was saying you were dressed like a prostitute? Are they allowed to do that?
I think he hadn’t noticed her shoes when he explained the term, and I seem to recall he was rather embarrassed, but we all had a good laugh.
Evans gets buried in the tomb?
Probably counterproductive to try and burn him.
That’s what I’m wondering.
Does he weigh more than a duck?
Technically, one gets entombed in a tomb. :-p
But does one get engraved in a grave?
“Guns. I was told there’d be guns.”
Probably just the Bourbon talking. Telling me everything I want to hear.
Related.
The Ma-deuce, and anything that accurately fires the 50 BMG cartridge, is too expensive to feed on my income.
Currently, you can buy .50 BMG for cheaper than quality 7.62 or any other high power rifle round off of Ammo Depot.
As low as 2.70 a round.
I am not sure how I feel about that Mosin being used as a beer opener. Wouldn’t cheap vodka be more appropriate?
From the dead thread, for UCS…
https://ij.org/press-release/case-appealed-to-u-s-supreme-court-seeks-to-ensure-prompt-hearings-after-property-seizures/
From the facts in the case, the CMP agents involved should be in prison for theft and abuse of office.
Stop laughing.
I wasn’t laughing when I read that in there; I don’t laugh all that much when my blood is boiling.
I thought Evan’s death was going to be a bit more violent. *shrug*
Blarg.
Moobs is here.
Ask him if you can speedbag his chest flaps.
“Speedbag” is a horrid euphemism, in this situation.
Industrial accident?
Probably here to brag about the tax dollars shoveled at us. There’s a microchip shortage, you know.
So there was no mishap with the landscapers’ woochipper then?
I am so sorry.
I thought he’d try to kill Cairo Bob once they got the tomb open.
Another top-notch installment, Animal!
Another good installment.
Get the damn tomb open already!
Out pops Geraldo – shades of Al Capone’s vault.
As someone with a little experience in trying to bust up solid ice (I had a gravel driveway that, when the snow would melt, it would refreeze into as much as an inch or so of crystal clear ice), I find it quite credible that they can bash away for hours and no make much progress.
Off-topic and probably of little interest to most of you, but I saw an interesting interview with Bill Kenwright ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_Kenwright ). He was the primary owner of Everton FC from the late 90s until 2016 and both before that and currently is on the Board of Directors (he is still a minority owner).
The interesting part of the interview had to do with his meetings with potential buyers in 2016. He said he met with some Americans, they would ask about the R next to some teams/positions in the standings. When he would tell them it was for “Relegation”, they would say “That has to go away before I will invest.” This was related to a discussion of the Super League and the American owned teams pushing for it — them wanting their investment not being subject to extreme loss of income due to relegation.
They could try investing in improving the team so it doesn’t keep failing down in the rankings.
But you can’t completely implode the team and collect money while you suck and rebuild!
Notable exceptions: Rangers.
But that wasn’t intentional.
It’s ironic that in sports, we’ve embraced socialism to a greater extent than the Europeans. Though soccer remains commie ball to me.
Also, if you are thinking about making a major investment like buying a major league sports team, you should probably know the basics of how it operates and not be asking stupid questions like what the R next to the team name means in the standings.
Yes. It is possible that he was exaggerating, but I fully believe the I won’t invest while relegation exists attitude. Especially since Everton has flirted with relegation more than a few times (although they have the 2nd longest continuous stretch in the top level, behind only Arsenal).
Arsenal was bogusly promoted in 1919. Everton in 1954. Liverpool is third, 1962.
A cartel isn’t socialism, but I get your point.
The cartelization of American sports does make rent-seeking easier. But it still happens in Europe too.
If you don’t give me a new stadium I will move to a new city doesn’t work as well in Europe when every city and town and neighborhood has a team playing at some level of the system. That doesn’t mean cities and countries don’t kick in money for stadiums — just not to the same extent as in the US.
It seems if you’re sufficiently affected by the Reefer Madness, the French courts won’t hold you criminally accountable for murder. At least that’s what they said in a case where a Muslim assailant killed an elderly Jewish woman.
This has sparked some protests and calls for legal reform.
https://forward.com/fast-forward/468293/french-court-ruling-on-the-killing-of-sarah-halimi-sparks-global-protests/
Curious what their DUI laws are, then. I mean, let’s be consistent.
For the PA Glibs: If you haven’t heard already, there are several ballot questions that will be presented in the May 18 election; the top two of which are PA constitutional amendments to limit the Governor’s power to declare and extend indefinitely “states of emergency” and to allow a simple majority vote to end a “state of emergency”.
“Yes” votes on 1 and 2 are votes to limit the emergency powers of the governor, but to be completely honest, they don’t limit the Governor’s ability to issue emergency orders, so much as add power to the Commonwealth legislature to end or extend an emergency declared by the Governor.
https://ballotpedia.org/Pennsylvania_Question_1,_Legislative_Resolution_to_Extend_or_Terminate_Emergency_Declaration_Amendment_(May_2021)
https://ballotpedia.org/Pennsylvania_Question_2,_Emergency_Declarations_Amendment_(May_2021)
Why do I get the feeling that the Penn Supreme Court will say “Nuh-uh” will. nilly.
I don’t know enough about the PA constitutional amendment process to say whether the PA SC can do anything about it.
You underestimate them.
They assumed authority explicty reserved to the legislature before.
As in the PA constitution says the legislature draws the electoral maps, and the PASC drew it’s own map and ordered the legislature to use ut.
That might be a bridge too far.
PA Supreme Court justices are elected. In order for the amendments to take effect, voters must approve amendments twice, and think must do so with a supermajority.
If that happens and the PA Supreme Court interferes, I see a turnover in the state supreme court.
Yes, it would be a very good opportunity for a grass roots campaign. Of course, there should be a grass roots campaign to vote those assholes out based on what they’ve done already.
Of course, there should be a grass roots campaign to vote those assholes out based on what they’ve done already.
Agreed.
Though since I don’t live there anymore, all I can do to help is contribute a little cash and get the word out.
What organizations are you finding worthy of your financial help?
So far, all I’ve heard of are legal defense funds for businesses that have been fined.
One defense fund refunded my money. That was the fund set up by BlackJax in Birdsboro for their lawsuit. As far as I know, the lawsuit went nowhere.
Seven Sirens Brewing in Bethlehem, PA got fined recently. When I contacted the owner, he didn’t have a legal defense fund but was willing to take direct contributions to him. I don’t know if he has a fund set up yet.
I think Crack’d Egg in Allegheny County has a legal defense fund for their ongoing fight with the state. I’m certain I contributed to it, but at this point it’s getting tough to keep track of which ones I’ve contributed to.
That’s how one of the states (MA? NH?) got gay marriacge – the state supreme court ordered the legislature to write a law legalizing it.
Which is better, I suppose, than the court just rewriting the law itself.
Which has become the fashion these days.
A court should be limited to striking an unconstitutional law. Period. If that leaves a gap the legislature wants to fill, they can have at it. And with marriage, they would have passed a new law pretty quick. You think the Trumpalos threw a riot? Wait until you see what a herd of bridezillas would do.
Not NH as far as I know.
I see no mention of such an order from the state supreme court in the wiki or in this article.
Wouldn’t that be a “lounge” of Bridezillas?
Both are in response to the attempt last year to end the state of emergency through a concurrent resolution.
The current emergency powers law allows the legislature to end a state of emergency through a concurrent resolution. The problem, the state constitution has a provision in it that says no concurrent resolution, except one to adjourn the legislature, has any legal effect unless signed by the governor.
The folks in the legislature, after losing that fight with the governor and the PA Supreme Court, decided that amending the state constitution was the way to go since the governor and state supreme court are not involved with that process.
Yes, that lack of ability of the Legislature to override the Executive’s emergency powers without the agreement of the Executive is the problem. If you think about it, the whole setup is crazy–why would anyone write a law the way it stands now? Might as well not even allow the Legislature to override, since if the Governor doesn’t want to relinquish the power, he doesn’t have to do anything at all, just to thumb his nose at the legislators.
The better way to fix this would be to remove all emergency powers from the Executive completely, but that’d likely be a non-starter.
I think there’s a need for emergency powers, but there should be a hard time limit on them, no longer than needed to convene the legislature and pass a bill. I would also prohibit the legislature from extending the time limit on the governor’s emergency powers – that’s just the kind of buck-passing a craven legislature will leap at.
Agreed. The Legislature should codify into law any emergency measures needed past the 21 day deadline, but they themselves should be time limited, perhaps, to no more than 60-90 days, as well. Otherwise you end up with a permanent emergency because the Legislature will never remove it without a huge groundswell of popular opposition which is really hard to mount.
The better way to fix this would be to remove all emergency powers from the Executive completely, but that’d likely be a non-starter.
Yes.
I saw some complaints about these amendments on the Reopen PA facebook group stating that these amendment enshrine the Governor’s emergency powers in the constitution. I see their point and that worries me.
On the other hand, I see no other way to end what Wolf is doing unless you wait until 2022 and elect a better governor.
On the gripping hand, given the amount of defiance I see in PA from various groups I’m involved with, it looks like the state of emergency is over.
Around here, the only sign there is an emergency is the stores requiring masks. There’s a pretty high level of compliance, but throughout this past year, very few people around here have behaved like they were “locked down.”
Similar here.
I found out some folks who attended the swing dances in the Philly area I went to when I was in town are started up speakeasy dances. I might be down and joining in the defiance.
I will let the PA folks know when I know more about the next speakeasy dance.
Cool.
Is PBS programming more overtly political than it used to be?
yes
No wait that was supposed to go on the end of the morning links post. Sorry Animal.
This is getting pretty intense. Very well written. I like this style.
This place has some excellent writers.
It also has me.
You get PBS programmes over there? We get some BBC through PBS, but mostly it’s ITV.
Hrmm.. “La Brea” means “The Tar”. So “The La Brea Tar Pits” means “The The Tar Tar Pits.”
Oh no, the Tartars are coming!
Heh.
Torpenhow Hill in England.
When the Saxons arrived, they asked the Welsh the name of the hill. The Welsh told them ‘pen’, Welsh for ‘hill’. So the Saxons prefixed that with their word for ‘hill’, which is ‘tor’. Torpen, ‘Hill Hill’
Then the Norse arrived and appended their name for ‘hill’, ‘haugr’. So now it was Torpen Hauger, ‘Hill Hill Hill’
Later the English called it Torpenhow Hill, or Hill Hill Hill Hill.
Isn’t language fun?
How do you get from Haugr to How?
Beer?
Beer?
No thanks, I’m good.
Maybe three beers would do it.
Three bier beer brew hill
It’s the squirrels who’ve been at the beer.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0b3WJx4hhaM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0b3WJx4hhaM
Lots of ways.
Irish has a lot of these that are fun. Like how do you get from “Mac Eachmharcaigh” to “McCaffery”.
*looks at Ellis Islandization*
Hill yes it is!
Get The Brochure 1-877-HILL-YES
‘Tis but a 20th C. legend
The Los Angeles Angels say hi.
The California Angels of California.
/commence nerd accent
It’s too bad Evans lost his saving throw, Allen should have brought a wizard to melt the ice with a fireball.
/end nerd accent
I despise the post office.
Passport appointment was at 2:30. I can’t tell if they’re on break, helping someone else, or just ignoring me.
And the answer is “on lunch break”
“I don’t where she is. She should have been back by now.”
Wuhan Bat Virus got her.
Hopefully
Yup. Probably dead.
I mean, if neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds, what’s left?
Reading your social media accounts.
helping someone else
Good one.
Legally change your name to “someone else.”
Eventually you’d need to change it to “My Supervisor.”
And I’m the asshole.
The appointment was at the office three blocks over.
DOH!
That sucks. Did she leave for lunch and then head over to the other location to meet with you?
LOL
I went to the smallest rural post office that did passport acceptance and didn’t have appointments. Walked in, no line, was in and out in minutes.
Excellent story so far. Better than Dylan.
Now when you’d say “Dylan,” he’d think you were talking about Dylan Thomas, whoever he was. The man ain’t got no culture!
When I think “Glib prose” I recall adventures of Warty that I cannot unsee, though I may have forgotten the forests of… no… No… NO!!! Don’t bring it back!!11!1 Aaauughhh
Three words:
Subaru
Horror
Theater
Thank you, Animal!
Thanks Animal.