INT – OVAL OFFICE – NIGHT
TED breaks down the door to the Oval Office. A mysterious figure is seated in the chair behind the desk.
TED
Only eat what you kill!
TED starts firing wildly around the room, with the M60 he now has for some reason, Rambo style. Everything he shoots at explodes. He keeps firing until he runs out of ammo, and throws the gun to the ground. A slow clap comes from behind the the chair.
HILLARY Well done, you played your part perfectly! TED Who the fuck are you?! HILLARY I'm the top bitch!
HILLARY swivels her chair around to reveal her face.
Hillary (CONT’D)
Some call me Madame President, the unclean call me Hillary. But you? You can call me Q. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
TED
What the fuck?!
HILLARY
The media told you, I AM THE MOST QUALIFIED EVER!
This is true. So qualified that when that orange
cum stain won, I was able to control his own supporters!
Make them look insane! And now you are here to
assassinate my lessers. Joe, Kamala; engage!
JOE and KAMAL enter through the side doors of the oval office. Joe, drooling, wandering, with a pool chain wrapped around his hands. Kamala with a butterfly knife she keeps flicking about.
TED
What the fuck?!
HILLARY
I AM Q! I control the vertical and the horizontal! I control the Narrative, both left and right! I am become President, controller of life!
TED
I’m getting seriously fucking confused here.
HILLARY
Why only control the narrative of the party in power, when you can control it all? The illusion of opposition! The deep state milks at my breast, and so does the opposition. I am mother to all! Attack!
JOE and KAMALA race at TED. Joe swings the pool chain, but TED ducks and the chain smashes Kamala across the face, causing her to stab him with the butterfly knife. Both die.
TED
Some enforcers!, they fucking killed each other.
HILLARY
Just as I planned. I AM THE DEEP STATE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
TED
But you didn’t count on me, bitch!
TED rushes Hillary, but as TED leaps over the desk HILLARY pulls out a syringe and sticks TED, who counter to physics, drops to the floor immediately.
TED
Covid! My only weakness! How did you know!?
TED dies instantly. At that exact moment, HARVEY breaks down the door; which even though had already been broken down by TED is intact again. He stands in a hero pose.
HARVEY
It played out, just like you said, madame President Q! The world is now safe from White Supremacist Right Wing Nazis!
HARVEY raises his arms in triumph. FREEZE FRAME.
CUT TO CREDITS
FADE TO BLACK
THE END
*ovation*
I second that em-ovation!
Um, yeah, what you said.
WTF? No house plants?
Ted Nugent music always makes me happy. I had an eight track I wore out, back when.
When in doubt, I whip it out
Got me a rock ‘n’ roll band
Wang Dang Sweet…
The man had a knack for lyrics!
If a house gets in my way, you know I’ll burn it down!
The crows be peckin’ at your flesh, an you got no control of the sit-chee-a-tion.
Why would you use the studio version when this exists?
I AM Q!
NNNOOOOO!!!!!
Trust the plan!
Heh
“I control the vertical and the horizontal”
That was a good show.
Add that to the shit to say in order to amaze the kids nowadays. We used to have to stand right up at the TV and change channels because there was no remote. Sometimes we had to adjust the angles of the antenna to get sorta decent reception. Oh, and, the tv had knobs to control the vertical and horizontal rolling of the picture. Uphill, both ways in the snow!
And if you turned your cable box over and stuck a paper clip in the right slot you could steal HBO and more importantly Cinemax. IYKWIMAITYD.
I’m not gonna admit to anything on here, but I’m grateful that my neighbor had a subscription, way back when, before the statute of limitations had run out.
SKinemax doesn’t even bother to show skin anymore
That’s a damn shame. I know that free porn is ubiquitous in the internet age, but I miss the good old day. Maybe I’m just a romantic but boob shots should be earned by watching 30-40 minutes of schlocky storylines and horrendous acting before one gets to the goodies.
Trading Places wasn’t such a bad movie.
I know for a fact that repeated views of The Perils of Gwendolyn helped me grow as a man and understand life at least as much as any Bergman flick.
Maybe I’m just a romantic but boob shots should be earned by watching 30-40 minutes of schlocky storylines and horrendous acting before one gets to the goodies.
Anticipation can intensify an experience. So yeah, I’d agree this opinion puts you in the “romantic” category.
One mustn’t forget getting that one clear boob shot for 3 seconds with the scrambled screen.
I used to get up so early on Saturday mornings for cartoons that I would have nothing but snow on the TV before the station played the national anthem, and then cartoons would start.
Excellent, CPRM
I felt like I came in in the last 10 minutes of the movie, everyone else knew what was going on. I saw the end and left…
“Democrats are the party of the wealthy, IRS data shows
Democrats are the party of the wealthy, a flip from decades ago when it was the party of the poor and middle class.
Democrats represented 65% of taxpayers with a household income of $500,000 or more in 2020, according to IRS data, while 74% of taxpayers in Republican districts have household incomes of less than $100,000.
In 1993, the dynamic was reversed, with the typical Republican congressional district showing it was 14% wealthier than its Democratic counterpart. In 2020, data shows those Republican districts were now 13% poorer.”
https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/news/democrats-party-wealthy-irs-salt-tax-trump
Reagan wanted the masses
So, what, does this mean that Republican policies will create Democratic voters while Democratic policies will create Republican voters? I guess our politics has always been a bit of a see-saw.
Bally carries STL baseball
but only shows half of the schedule on my cable
to what FoxSports did when they had it last year (150+ games)
and there is no way to MLB.TV or Hulu around it
if Bally decides to run the Predators games, there is no amount of money I can pay to see the stream I already paid to see
because I am blacked out because Bally is sitting on the feed
speaking of which took the cats for a walk on a leash around the yard and such
this was my review of Sam Adams’s Boston Lager
I should know better than to post feel-good stories, because commenters take it apart until you wonder if there is any such thing as a feel-good story at all. Let’s try this one:
“Plodding his way through the desert in remote southwest Pakistan, Roshan the camel carries priceless cargo: books for children who can no longer go to school because of coronavirus lockdowns.”
https://nypost.com/2021/04/26/roshan-the-camel-brings-books-to-homeschooling-children-in-rural-pakistan/
I hope none of those books were written by a Democrat.
Camels delivering books by Kamala?
what you did there . . . . .
Look at the guy who thinks politicians write their own books.
It’s a cute story. Good for the camel. Oddly enough I never stopped to think whether camels had names before.
Joe, that’s the one I learned in school.
My wife was watching “The Zoo” (series about the Bronx Zoo) and it got a little dusty when Max the camel passed away unexpectedly.
Camels were fags or at least used to be
That is a nice feel good story. Heck, that seems like it could make for a good children’s book story, which could then in turn be delivered by the camel.
I read a terrific old feel-good story about a camel years ago; I think it was an old Arab “fairy tale” or fable.
Or maybe I dreamed it. It’s hazy at this point.
Aside from the spitting, camels are good people. And in my limited experience, they spit only at those who deserve it.
After being locked down for the plague, the sex club SNCTM is re-opening.
And no, you’re probably not invited even if you have the money – “The limited capacity is far exceeded by the pent-up demand. This has given us the freedom to curate the crowd at such a high level as was not possible before”
https://nypost.com/2021/04/26/nyc-elite-sex-club-snctm-to-reopen-with-wild-orgy-masquerade/
Can’t even get in through the backdoor?
First you have to pass the oral exam!
Bally well hope it’s first. L
*Insert Groucho Marx quip*
Dammit. was trying to respond to Hank. Shouldn’t have drunk lunch and dinner.
Sarite. Figured as much. Any comment that would have me as it’s author, I wouldn’t want to post.
Bravo!
M60E6 with vertical foregrip? Rambo is so dated.
I was just thinking about “rambo” the grams of coke that would sell for $10 in the late 90’s in NYC.
Regardless, the $100 a gram, $300 an 8-ball thing has been going on since Reagan was President.
I find it curious that while everything else, except electronics, has gone up in price, cocaine prices are the same as they were 40 years ago. It just seems weird.
So, if not for inflaction, drugs would be dirt cheaper due to efficiency increases?
Not drugs in general. Weed prices definitely went up. Back in the 80’s acid was $3 a hit, then when the rave thing happened it jumped to $30.
Yet, cocaine, if adjusted for inflation, went down in price.
This is what winning the war on drugs looks like.
We have always been at war with things people enjoy!
Uh, I’ve hear it’s closer to $60 a gram where I live.
Being anti-mask is one thing, encouraging people to call the cops and sic CPS on people who mask their kids is another. Tucker Carlson is a garbage human being.
Do what now?
Tucker, in a bid to feed red meat to his base went on a rant about masks and ended by saying if you see a child masked you should treat that the same as is you see a child being punched in the face, so you should call the cops and CPS. Normally I ignore talking head idiocy, but calling the cops for anything less than violent assault is a bad idea that generally only makes the situation worse, and trying to get peoples kids taken away from them for being overly protective is pure douchebaggery.
Yeah, that’s fucked.
He’s good on a lot of things, then says something totally cringe.
I find Tucker to be a binary experience; I’m either fully on board or “Dude, shut the fuck up!”
Tucker is Donny?
This explains quite a bit.
I see now that some people are saying that Tucker’s rant was a Swiftian ‘Modest Proposal.’ I don’t know that I buy that, but if it turns out that that was the case then touché Tucker, well played.
That’s how it hit me. I didn’t take it seriously.
Agreed, never call the cops on anyone who doesn’t need to be shot.
I’m glad we finally got a happy ending.
Broken door fixed and defying physics were my favorite parts.
Funny stuff, CPRM. Weird as shit, and funny.
? this
?Breaking News?
Violent assault on a Bentley in Kyoto.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DZeWiYWAd48
Too local.
Nah, this would be too local:
https://mainichi.jp/english/articles/20210422/p2a/00m/0na/026000c
The Kyushu Sandi.
Shochu.
Have you gotten hassled in your favorite drinking establishment yet?
https://mainichi.jp/english/articles/20210426/p2a/00m/0na/008000c
Second article I’ve seen complaining about street drinking.
Yes. Got booted from that exact parking lot from my post just last Saturday night. The cops were pretty cool about it, though.
Did they let you finish your drink first?
At least you weren’t in Akita!
They let us take our drinks.
Oh come on, they can’t even break a window? You guys need riot lessons.
“Common sense cream puff control!!!”
He sure creamed that Bentley.
I read this as TED as Ted Allen. Bravo.
Ted Turner.
This was an enjoyable read, despite (or perhaps in part because?) I had forgotten all context of this story other than the fact that it once involved a plant being used like a STEVE SMITH vic…”friend”.
I have an older sister who I’ve never really gotten along with. Even as kids we just didn’t see eye to eye on a lot of things. As we got older she tried to patch things up with the rest of us (4 siblings) – make us a “happy family” or at least act civil to each other. But she always had a knack for unintentionally saying hurtful things, not through malice but ignorance and insensitivity. So I have been staying out of contact for years because it’s uncomfortable being around her.
She has recently had heart surgery and now is hospitalized with cancer which will probably be terminal it seems. She has never done anything about her health, ate the worst food, never did any exercise, and weighs more than double what would be a normal weight for her frame.
I like her kids, who are all grown and on their own. But honestly I am a bit relieved that, due to COVID, it wouldn’t be logistically possible to be there for the funeral if it came up soon. I know it sounds terrible but were it not for the pandemic I would be thinking of some kind of excuse for not going. I might even be rude enough to just say that we were never close so I’m not going to throw away a few thousand dollars to travel around the world to be there.
Am I asshoe?
Am I asshoe?
I would lean towards “yes” except for this part:
I’m not going to throw away a few thousand dollars to travel around the world to be there.
That’s a lot of effort to be supportive of people it sounds like you just have a distant/tenuous relationship with. Maybe bounce the idea off of your siblings you are close to and see what they think.
I agree with Gadfly.
I know I wouldn’t want anyone in my family to blow away that much money just to come to my funeral.
Would be different if she was alone or if her kids were still young. But from the way you are talking about it, I think they would understand.
Good advice. Let me just add once she is gone, she is gone. If there is anything you want to say, this is your only chance.
Yeah, I may bring this up with the one sibling who I see eye-to-eye with on a lot of things. The requirements for travel right now – COVID test results over three days, vaccinations that aren’t available here yet, etc. – make it impossible to go at the drop of a hat. She might have a week or two left – no way to say right now – but I’m not going to rush over there ASAP to wait around for one or two (or three or four?) weeks. I’d be staying in a hotel, meals, rental car all on my own dime in addition to flying across the Pacific and halfway across the US to get there.
Her kids have their own kids – or are old enough to – so they don’t really need my emotional support.
I don’t really have anything to say to her. If I did it would be negative (like how her welching money off me all the time put a strain on my first marriage, etc.) so I will just let it go. It can’t change anything anyway.
You clearly have some strong feelings about her. FWIW, take the high road. If you choose not to go that’s fine. Give her a call or Zoom or something. Think of one good thing to say to her/about her. She is about to die. Say something that may make it a little easier.
“Think of one good thing to say to her/about her. She is about to die.”
Thanks. Really. This is probably what I really need to do.
Always take the high road,. The glow of self-righteousness can keep you warm for a long time.
OT, I know that the richest of the rich are really rich, but I didn’t ever stop to think about how much their wealth fluctuates by insane amounts (due to the fact that most of it is paper wealth, based on stock value). Enter the Forbes Real Time Billionaires list. The following is how much the top three and bottom three gainers/losers gained/lost just today:
Jeff Bezos: + $3.6B (billion!)
Mukesh Ambani: + $2.1B
Elon Musk: + $1.8B
Francoise Bettencourt Meyers: – $1.5B
Qin Yinglin: – $2.1B
Robin Zeng: – $2.6B
And that’s probably just a normal day.
This is also why a wealth tax would be disastrously destructive. Requiring someone like Jeff Bezos to liquidate 3% of some arbitrary number would likely cause his paper vale to fluctuate wildly as well.
That could mean 2M additional shares of Amazon hitting the sell floor at one single point, doubling the daily volume and creating a buyers market, destroying wealth for the ~500M shares outstanding.
Remember that they’d be going after all the other major wealth holders at the same time.
And an opportunity for others to scoop up firesale assets.
Also, the fact that it fluctuates so wildly would make the wealth being taxed hard to pin down. You’d have to assess it on a given day, and if that day were published beforehand (which it would have to be) there would be all sorts of shenanigans before then to shield value from the tax collectors. Heck, there could be a business in shifting shares, where shares are sold one day before assessment day only to be bought back at the same value (less a nominal fee) a day after assessment day.
Or I guess it could be assessed as some sort of yearly average, but that would also be hard to pin down. The whole idea is a mess, just from a practical perspective, to say nothing of the long term economic effects or moral issues.
https://archive.is/kpKmu/64ef43682c410b1591ab13e6ab09c91e6e0d0433.jpg
NSFW.
https://archive.is/L8oNe/201f0a97afada517608b42f45115aec8d60cac86.jpg
NSFW.
https://archive.is/OdIOC/8c996ed6a0567bd2a3191c9da735de21b5ae7654.jpg
NSFW.
She speaks my language.
*hands Chafed a vegemite sandwich*
Hands chafed?
I think I missed some of the earlier installments but I really enjoyed this CPRM.
The grift is strong in this one.
https://dailycaller.com/2021/04/26/reform-la-jails-malibu-beach-resort/
Struggle for thee but not for me, comrades.
Excellent, CPRM. Really good.
Mornin’ glibs. The day has very much begun for me, while I’m sure there are a couple of late nighters who haven’t been to bed yet. UCS, switch that light off!
Morning, Limey.
Enjoy your day, and avoid the Brit wankers trying to get you to avoid the plague at any cost.
It’s good to know that everything is right in the world:
1) CPRM Is seriously disturbed but on point and seemingly happy.
2) it rained today, but the sun eventually came out and warmed the course critters and the flora
3) I got no complaints about my life: facing the great unknown in many ways, but I have friends and family that have my back, no matter how far away they may be.
I’m picking up the Mr Splosives again today, but instead of for an appointment, he’s coming home! For the first time since March 25. Good, crazy, unpredictable times await.
Thanks for all the support, including just listening.
Never underestimate the importance that just listening has for your female friends. We don’t even expect or need our friends to “fix” anything; just listening and acknowledging us is all we want.
Don’t take my “diary entries” here as anything else, and certainly don’t let anything I say burden your mood in any way.
Just listen if you can, and scroll on if you can’t. (I won’t know the difference ?.)
Good night/ morning, y’all. Have a good one.
“I’m picking up the Mr Splosives”
Yeay! Good news! Sounds like progress. I’m happy for you both. He’s still in my prayers. (That list is pretty crowded so one more isn’t much of a burden)
Thank you, Tex. The prayers are appreciated.
We have a long way to go, physically and mentally, but at this point progress is swift and each day brings enough new joys to offset at least partially the frustrations and evidence of loss.
Everything is gonna be different but it’s all gonna be OK!
That’s awesome that Mr. Is coming home.
?
Grats on passing the secret psych exam!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ysmcO2iX_Gg
?
Today, in nature: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BFda1MZ54G4
https://philadelphia.cbslocal.com/2021/04/26/covid-19-johnson-johnson-vaccination-male-blood-clot-ucsf/
Ya know it’s entirely possible that the vaccines have zero to do with the clots, but if you’re going to push 300 million people into getting a shot (or into holding a blue balloon or walking backward 20 paces) some sort of commonality will occur among a fraction of them.
My workplace is now sponsoring/offering Covid shots (moderna) at the office “for our convenience,”
I plan to hold out, using the allergy I have had to tetanus vaccine as the reason I need to take my shot at a clinic where I can be observed for at least an hour afterwards.
If my employer wants proof I got it, things will get interesting.
https://www.nj.com/atlantic/2021/04/nj-vice-principal-tossed-beer-at-diners-as-wife-complained-of-transgender-woman-using-bathroom.html
Keeping it classy in NJ.
Apparent.
Natural XX uggoes beware.
El-Oh-The FCUK-El!!
I fear we are raising a generation of sociopaths who won’t be able to read facial expressions or feel empathy for other human beings. The ability to imagine “If I were him or her, how would I feel?” Will simply not exist outside ones own tiny tribe or family.
The value of an individual will be zilch compared to the “wellbeing” of the collective.
If we had a twin earth planet as a “control” it would be a fascinating (yet tragic) experiment. As it is, it will be simply tragic and few will ever divine why it all collapsed.
On that cheery note, I should go back to sleep.
Good night.
“The value of an individual will be zilch compared to the “wellbeing” of the collective.”
The bigger the bricks, the stronger the wall.
I don’t know, veiled women seem to be treated pretty well.
The end of everyone’s story, I suppose.
Great music choice to start the day. Laptop speakers suck.
We had some older dude visit our office yesterday. Japanese guy, probably just shy of 70.
On the way out he remarked/complained on the fact that we (all seven of us) were not wearing masks in the office. He then told us that in his office they all wear masks and they vacuum the carpet every morning. They also keep the windows open during the day.
As he is a former client who (infrequently but frequently enough) steers business to us I didn’t bother pointing out the complete uselessness of vacuuming to protect against a virus.
Really bizarre what some people convince themselves to be the best way out of this.
If anything, vacuuming would cause settled out virus to go airborne but maybe it was for the best to not point out the flaw in his magical cantrip.
They wear the masks to avoid breathing in the dust kicked up through constant vacuuming
Huh, I didn’t realize this was going on in Michigan:
https://www.wzzm13.com/article/news/health/coronavirus/were-struggling-daycare-centers-work-to-enforce-new-2-to-4-year-old-mask-rule/69-b0e4359a-5bb9-4dbf-a6f4-edc12c891504
Masks required for kids down to 2. Considering the lack of risks involved for kids that age this is just straight up child abuse.
Poor kids! Isn’t it punishment enough to have been born in Michigan?
No kids of my own, but having worked in daycare centers in my “past life,” I seem to recall it’s hard enough to get a two-year-old to keep his shoes on.
It’s ridiculous, they’re going to end up with a bunch of warped germophobes.
No kids of my own, but having worked in daycare centers
So, it’s like “Scared Straight” for you? 🙂
Mornin’, Glibred!
Good morning, TARDy! The daycare center jobs were when I had delusions of becoming a teacher. I’d gotten over that idea by the time Tom T & I got together, but we decided we couldn’t afford kids.
How are you this fine day?
I’m good (so far), thanks. No crises, and everyone is leaving me alone.
How about you?
By the time I got married, I didn’t really want any kids. My wife couldn’t understand, but I did a lot of babysitting as a yoot because it was the only way to make money in the situation I was in.
I’m good, too. Yesterday at work was pretty hectic, so at least my morning is likely to be taken up with finishing tasks that didn’t get done Monday. Our mail – which on Monday is usually a full large tub that includes a LOT of member transactions – wasn’t even delivered until around 4:30, so I didn’t even bother to sort it yet. Hoping today is calmer.
Fun.
I just have to figure out how to submit certain paperwork after a reorg eliminated the group that used to process them.
The group is gone, but the paperwork lingers on?
I just reread Part 1 of “Banker” making notes re: characters, with an eye to the sequel. Liked both sequel snippets you sent yesterday – more comments soon.
The paperwork is the request for a server build.
It used to go to the portfolio architect before being put into the ticketing system.
The portfolio no longer exists. The customer agencies still need the servers, and we don’t have rights to skip to putting in the tickets ourselves.
The fact they can’t or don’t want to see this, makes me sick to my stomach. By the time these kids are old enough to hold the tyrants accountable for it, the tyrants will be dead.
They can and do see it I think but if you can get parents to acquiesce to having their kids abused, even if it’s fairly mild in the scheme of things, you can get them to do anything. It’s a power play IMHO.
Just spent a few minutes looking for the justification. The MI Ruling is based upon recommendation from the American Academy of pediatrics which is based on a study that uses a model based upon other studies using assumed models of transmissibility. In other words, total crap. And even if this shaky house of cards is accurate, it is still Straight up authoritarian child abuse to do this to children.
The Justification is “How Dare You Disrepek Mah Authoritay!”
Mornin’ Globs! Had a very telling exchange with a cow-worker last night. Millennial woman, working toward her degree in Psyche. “I hate living in a capitalist society, everyone should be rewarded the same for the same degree of work that they do!” I didn’t say a fucking word. Mind you, she doesn’t want Communism, just more fair outcomes for everyone. This from a girl that grew up beside an exclusive golf club, whose parent’s pay her rent in a brand-new condo complex, her tuition and just signed an SUV over to her for a single dollar. I didn’t have the heart or the energy to try to disabuse her of her notions, I just said “Well, would you look at the time!” There is no reaching these people.
Effort is not value.
Paying by the amount of work leads to incentivising digging ditches with spoons and not implementing more efficient methods. It insults and belittles anyone who is even slightly sensible or intelligent.
Her parents should cut her off and make her earn her own keep.
And please don’t call me a glob.
It was just the boiled-down extract of every proggie notion coming from a truly privileged person that I found so jarring. I’ve read about them here and elsewhere but have never really interacted with one in the wild. If she knew my political and philosophical views she’d probably hate me. It’s a shame because she’s otherwise a very interesting young lady whom I’m fond of, otherwise. “Globs” was Tardis’ typo from the other morning. I just thought it was really funny (Pace, Friend UCS!)
It was an auto-correct, I sweat.
Well auto-correct finally got something right for once! 😉
Her parents should cut her off and make her earn her own keep.
Considers this. Calculates cost of divorce.
I think I’ll just ride the storm out.
At least the weaning is in progress.
Nothing motivates people to get their shit together faster than the threat of starvation.
She works shitty jobs just to keep busy. At least she hasn’t joined some NGO where she could do some real damage to what’s left of society. Painfully awkward and socially maladjusted but otherwise a sweet, brain-washed kid that will thankfully never lack for anything because Heaven knows she could never fend for herself.
Another future shrink trying to figure out WTF is wrong with themself, and will come to conclusion the problem is simply white cis-het males.
“No, I won’t call you doctor. So eff right off.”
Yep. Ex doing her amateur sleuthing hour around my brain was super happy fun time when she was an Undergraduate. That’s when “woke” was just gaining real traction. I can’t imagine the nonsense that’s being taught now.
I can’t even.
She’s damaged but kind of endearing. I won’t be cruel to her.
There seems to be a lot of that. We got reacquainted with a long lost niece at my FIL’s funeral last year. My wife and I just stay silent when she starts ranting.
There it is – “At my FIL’S funeral” Politics are not the personal, not at a time like that but these kids have lost the script.