IFLA: The “Damn it Feels Good to be an Aries” Edition of the Horoscope for the Week of April 11

by | Apr 11, 2021 | Advice, IFLA | 61 comments

So the planets have retreated once again, waiting until we’re lulled into complacency to spring their next ambush (I’m guessing there’ll be something big in July, but haven’t confirmed that. )

Instead what we have is Aries hoovering up all the good stuff — Mercury, Venus, the Sun and the Moon.  So if this is you, you don’t need any advice.  For everyone else, we should emulate the characteristics of The Goat — tenacity, directness, initiating action, courage, climbing on stuff, eating everything, screaming, headbutting, communal voiding.    I’m not sure about that last one. I’m not a goatherd, but I do have nieces in 4H and I dated a redneck girl for a few weeks who’s goats climbed on top of my Z3.  Aries in general is the sign of beginnings, so this is an excellent week to begin something new.

 

Aries:  Ace of Cups reversed – House of the false heart, mutation, instability, revolution.

Taurus:  Eight of Wands – Activity, swiftness, great haste, great hope, that which is on the move; also the arrows of love.

Gemini:  Three of Swords – Removal, absence, delay, division, rupture, dispersion

Cancer:  King of Wands –  Dark man, friendly, countryman, honest and conscientious, grandfather

Leo:  3 of Wands – Established strength, enterprise, effort, trade, commerce, discovery, co-operation in business,

Virgo:  9 of Swords reversed – Imprisonment, suspicion, doubt, reasonable fear, shame.

Libra:  8 of Cups – Mildness, timidity, honor, modesty, the decline of a matter, or that a matter which has been thought to be important is really of slight consequence, abandoning the past

Scorpio:  The Lovers reversed – Failure, foolish designs, marriage frustrated

Sagittarius: 9 of Cups reversed – Truth, loyalty, liberty, mistakes, imperfections

Capricorn:  3 of Cups – The conclusion of any matter in plenty, perfection and merriment; happy issue, victory, fulfilment, solace, healing, bitching about how you always get terrible predictions

Aquarius:  Ace of Coins – Perfect contentment, felicity, ecstasy; also speedy intelligence; gold.

Pisces:  Six of Swords  – Journey by water, route, way, envoy, commissionary, expedient.

 

 

About The Author

Not Adahn

Not Adahn

Despite all my rage, I am still just an impeccably dressed rat.

61 Comments

  1. Sean

    “King of Wands – Dark man, friendly, countryman, honest and conscientious, grandfather”

    Sounds better than most of the recent ones.

    • Drake

      Yes. Last week was spot on unfortunately.

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      That’s because you’ve been identified as a man of color.

      Only BIPOC can be friendly, honest, and conscientious. The rest of us are white supremacists.

  2. Muzzled Woodchipper

    Virgo: 9 of Swords reversed – Imprisonment, suspicion, doubt, reasonable fear, shame.

    I definitely suspect that I’ll be imprisoned for doubting the expertise of experts, which is reasonable considering that I’m not ashamed about not masking.

  3. Muzzled Woodchipper

    From the dead thread:

    It’s a good sign to see positive pushback against the circus show.

    Apple Inc is refusing to testify at an upcoming U.S. Senate subcommittee hearing on competition issues related to mobile app stores, the bipartisan leaders of the panel said on Friday.

    […]

    Senators Amy Klobuchar, a Democrat, and Mike Lee, a Republican, said they wrote to Apple Chief Executive Tim Cook on Friday urging the company to reconsider.

    “A little more than two weeks before the planned hearing, Apple abruptly declared that it would not provide any witness,” the letter said. “Apple’s sudden change in course to refuse to provide a witness to testify…is unacceptable.”

    These hearings have been little more than opportunities for pols to display their complete ignorance with their attempts to make monkeys dance. It’s fucking grandstanding of the worst kind.

    Good on Apple for having the balls to tell them to eat shit.

    https://www.reuters.com/article/us-tech-antitrust-apple-idUSKBN2BW2NX

    • Homple

      Apple probably owns most of Congress, so it takes no balls at all to tell them to eat shit.

  4. The Late P Brooks

    Sagittarius: 9 of Cups reversed – Truth, loyalty, liberty, mistakes, imperfections

    Imperfections?

    MEEEEEEE?

  5. DEG

    (I’m guessing there’ll be something big in July, but haven’t confirmed that. )

    You don’t know about FreedomFest 2021 in South Dakota?

    I’m going.

    Established strength, enterprise, effort, trade, commerce, discovery, co-operation in business,

    Not sufficiently shitty. I want my money back.

  6. westernsloper

    we should emulate the characteristics of The Goat

    Goats smell bad, are ignorant and do whatever they want. Ok I’m in.

    • westernsloper

      Also goats.

    • egould310

      Goats are cool. And they taste good.

      • westernsloper

        You and I obviously have eaten completely different goats.

      • westernsloper

        Yep. And Kurdish.

  7. Sean

    Jeffrey Dean Morgan eats hot wings:

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OMQ-6prInz8

    That dude, Sean Evans, made $40m interviewing celebrities and eating hot wings. Mad respect.

    • slumbrew

      Sean is a good interviewer, though. The wings are a hook, but he asks some good questions.

      • Sean

        Oh for sure. The show definitely loses something with the remote interviewing too.

      • slumbrew

        Agreed, it’s not as good remotely.

        We’ll always have DJ Khaled beclowning himself.

  8. Nephilium

    On the plus side, I don’t have a very slow leak on one of my bike tires. On the minus side, I need to spend an afternoon working on the hybrid bike this week.

    At least I still have the road bike to tide me over.

  9. Don escaped Cancun

    “Scorpio: The Lovers reversed – Failure, foolish designs, marriage frustrated”

    We’re never going to be safe unless we triple mask and get rid of every glockstock – JRB46

  10. rhywun

    Aries hoovering up all the good stuff

    ‘Bout time.

  11. Hyperion

    I AM SHOCKED!

    “The goal was and still is to create a great pillow that is sustainably produced in domestic unionized factories and have a percentage of those profits benefit progressive social causes.”

    IOW, Communism is really going to work this time!

    • DEG

      Heh.

    • Nephilium

      So how much funding did he pay out to himself?

    • Brochettaward

      Newsweek published an article that gloated over the fact that Good Pillow “already has more Twitter followers than MyPillow ever did,” and reported that potential buyers “should be able to purchase the items in around a month.”

      The person who wrote this for Newsweek likely actually believed it themselves. Which says more about their credibility than if they had just been acting as lying propagandists.

    • Fatty Bolger

      But the biggest mistake Hogg’s pillow company made was announcing its brand name without trademarking it. According to the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office database, “Good Pillow” was registered as a trademark the day after the company’s big feature in the Washington Post… by someone unconnected to the company.

      ???

      I hear “Dumb Pillow” is still available, though.

      • Tulip

        Excellent trolling

  12. egould310

    My wife just baked another sourdough loaf. It smells so good! She started a sourdough starter last August, and has been making some really excellent bread.

    I’m going to toast some pieces and turn them into bread crumbs in the blender. Then the bread crumbs are going into some meatballs. With ground beef, ground pork, ground veal. Roast in the oven with evoo to get a nice carmelization on the outside, but still tender (uncooked) inside.

    Sunday gravy. Slow cooked in butter and evoo: onions, garlic, carrots, celery. Chicken bouillon, tomato paste. White wine to deglaze and a big can of S&W diced tomatoes. Add a bay leaf. Simmer on the stove top for three hours. Remove the bay leaf. Place small amounts of sauce in the blender and blend till smooth. Return all the smooth sauce to the stove top.

    Put the meatballs in the simmering sauce and let them simmer for another hour. I’ll also throw some chopped parsley, sliced mushrooms and sliced olives at the end and let it all simmer for 15 minutes.

    Serve up a bowl of sauce/meatballs with melted mozzarella on top. Slices of fresh sourdough for sauce sopping.

    Red wine or bourbon for drinking.

    It’s not particularly carb friendly. But the carbs are freaking delicious. Sunday is a good day.

    • UnCivilServant

      I’m just baking some chicken before I reach its “cook or freeze” date.

    • UnCivilServant

      You had me until you olvied it up.

    • westernsloper

      That sounds great!

      I am making this today. With bacon.

      • Tulip

        Oh wow.

      • egould310

        Nice. That’s gonna be good.

    • Sean

      Wow. That’s way too much effort for me. #Lazycook

      Sounds delightful though! Well, except for the mushrooms. I don’t do mushrooms.

      Left over bbq for lunch and strip steaks for dinner.

      • egould310

        It’s not alot of effort. Just slow. But I’m sipping bourbon, watching kung fu movies and have all the time in the world.

  13. Mojeaux

    @Tulip, THANK YOU! for building a medieval castle. Perfect viewing for stitching. I wish I’d seen this when I was writing my medieval. I didn’t get anything WRONG, but I could have used some of these details. Pottery, pot, pothole. Language is amazing.

    Aside: I love watching people create. Creation is magic, of the divine. Destruction, not so much. (Creative destruction excluded.)

    @UCS, in case you missed it, thank you for the acetone tip. Works perfectly for my needs.

    • UnCivilServant

      I missed it, and you’re welcome.

    • Tulip

      I love those shows. I especially like that they show historians and archeologists, and it’s not a reality show.

  14. The Late P Brooks

    “The goal was and still is to create a great pillow that is sustainably produced in domestic unionized factories and have a percentage of those profits benefit progressive social causes.”

    Bullshit. The goal was to feed your tiny fragile ego, you pathetic attention whore.

  15. Gustave Lytton

    I went to the sporting good store this morning. A wood stocked 10/22 followed me home.

    • DEG

      Nice

    • westernsloper

      ?

    • Gustave Lytton

      Was in and out in about a half hour, which wasn’t too shabby. Clerk was telling me if the approval isn’t granted immediately, they’re currently running about 3 weeks for a decision. And the fucking Dems running this state want to stretch it out indefinitely with zero recourse. Rights delayed, rights something something…

      • zwak

        Yeah, I bought a .22 target rifle not long ago, and it took around 3 weeks.

        Sucked big time.

    • Sean

      I’m sure you’ll give it a good home.

  16. The Late P Brooks

    A wood stocked 10/22 followed me home.

    Awwww.

  17. zwak

    Scrapping out the line of grout between the backsplash and the kitchen counter, to be replaced with color matching caulk. Not as hard as it sounds, which is one of the reasons for doing this. After three years that line was cracking do to odd gaps from when originally done. Never an easy day in a 100+ year old house.

    • zwak

      Due, not do.

      Heh, I said due do.

      • westernsloper

        Zing!

  18. Gender Traitor

    From the d-e-d ded thread:

    Homple on April 11, 2021, 1:31 PM

    Is there any office or achievement left that hasn’t had its First Black Woman?

    Pope?

  19. The Late P Brooks

    Baffling Republican push in the culture wars

    Even for veterans of the culture wars like Hutchinson, this year has been a jarring one in Republican-controlled statehouses from South Carolina to South Dakota. Fueled by an influx of hard-right lawmakers echoing former President Donald Trump and the backing of outside groups, Republican legislatures are pushing the bounds in already deeply Republican states on issues such as gun rights, access to abortions, and increasingly, protections for transgender people.

    The bills reflect the larger mood of the Republican Party, which nationally has struggled to define Democrats in the post-Trump era. Instead, the focus has been on issues that drive the party’s base and that Republicans use to portray Democrats as out of touch with average Americans.

    “Republicans’ frustration with an inability to move policy at a federal level trickles down to more action in the states,” Republican strategist Alex Conant said. “I think a lot of these state legislatures are responding to the demands of the conservative base, which sees the culture wars headed in the wrong direction nationally.”

    This just came out of nowhere. Those Democrats were just minding their own business, doing regular old mundane Democrat stuff, and all of a sudden Trump’s robot culture war army swarmed out of their trenches in a kamikaze attack.

    “… the focus has been on issues that drive the party’s base and that Republicans use to portray Democrats as out of touch with average Americans.”

    Ridiculous! Just look at the polls. Everybody wants gun control and gender affirmation surgery and racial quotas.

    • Sean

      And reparations. Don’t forget those.

    • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

      You have to frame it differently. Just as “I don’t know anyone who voted for Nixon!” became a meme, you need this:

      “I don’t know anyone who doesn’t want gun control / gender affirmation surgery / racial quotas / (pick your favourite hobbyhorse of the Left)!”

  20. Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

    Gemini: Three of Swords – Removal, absence, delay, division, rupture, dispersion

    And me with my IBS acting up. Farg.

  21. Scruffy Nerfherder

    GO CAPS!

  22. hayeksplosives

    Not Adahn, why you always say “goat” about Aries? Isn’t Aries the Ram (sheep) and Capricorn is the goat?

    They aren’t the same thing…