Joemala: Episode 22

by | Apr 21, 2021 | Joemala, SugarFree | 231 comments

 

“Thank you, George Floyd, for sacrificing your life for justice. For being there to call out to your mom — how heartbreaking was that — call out for your mom, ‘I can’t breathe.’”

-Nancy Pelosi

 

“Are you happy with this statement, Nan?” Kamala asked as she stalked back and forth behind a sleeping Joe, hand half down his pants, a bowl of cooling justice mush on the desk before him.

“I am very proud-sch of it,” Nancy slurred, her upper plate clapping, her track-marked bingo wings quivering. Vaccines, she had assured them. Just dozens of vaccines.

“I called for conviction and got it,” Joe said suddenly. “I am the moral center of America’s Wisconsin.”

Both women ignored him.

“He was murdered,” Kamala said. “He didn’t volunteer to die for Minnesota’s sins.”

“I can’t breathe!” Nancy said, ripping off her floral mask.

“That’s in very bad taste,” Kamala said.

“I can’t taste anything,” Joe sang. “My tastebuds are too old. They-ey-ey said they would make new ones for me.” When Nancy turned to look out the window, Kamala mimed strangling Joe behind his back. Then she softened, patted his thin hair down on his scabby scalp, and rubbed him affectionately behind one ear.

“I love you, Dr. Jill,” he told her.

 

“Thank you, FedEx workers, for sacrificing your lives for justice. For being there to call out to some Congresspeople — how heartbreaking was that — call out to some Congresspeople, ‘Close the gun-show loophole.’”

 

Nancy looked out the Oval Office window, wondering when someone would finally take a photo of her so Instagram plants could praise it as “iconic.”

“It is days like this thatsh makes me proud to be a Californian,” she said, but no one took the bait.

“Where is Newsweek?!?” she said, stamping her bloated feet.

 

“Thank you, Asian rub-n-tug workers, for sacrificing your lives for Asian justice. For being there to call out to your elderly co-workers — how heartbreaking was that — call out to them, ‘I can’t make a fist.”

 

“Protect Joe,” Major thought. “Protect Joe.” The tension in his body held him rigid under the desk.

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

231 Comments

  1. Brochettaward

    “I called for conviction and got it,” Joe said suddenly. “I am the moral center of America’s Wisconsin.”

    We live in a world where everything is coming up Biden. There is no god.

    • hayeksplosives

      It’s a horror show.

      Biden’s cognitive abilities are utter shit, and the left doesn’t even bother to spin his racist bullshit statements like commenting on the “Japanese boy” who won the Master’s tournament.

      Can you even imagine if a republican politician said “Japanese Boy”? I’m not a GOPer, but lets be honest about journalistic bias.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Or repeatedly called a foreign head of government by a diminutive of his first name throughout like Dementia Joe did for “Yoshi”.

    • Plisade

      Do we now live in a world without your firsting verbal swagger? I was disappointed. Truly, there is no god.

      • Hyperion

        I have newfound respect for Brochettaward. So much so that I’m no longer going to call him Broketard.

    • Gadfly

      We live in a world where everything is coming up Biden. There is no god.

      An alternative take would be that this is evidence that there is a god, and he is punishing us for our sins.

  2. Tundra

    …‘I can’t make a fist.”

    I died.

    Bravo, dude.

    • R C Dean

      I didn’t make it past “justice mush” without LOLing.

  3. leon

    “I can’t breathe!” Nancy said, ripping off her floral mask.

    “That’s in very bad taste,” Kamala said.

    It’s a good thing i work from home, so that i can laugh at this without questions.

    • hayeksplosives

      I had to tell the neurology people evaluating my husband’s brain function to quit asking him who is the vice president because being woken up and immediately asked “Who is the vice president?” was really not conducive to a good day for anyone involved.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        If he said, “Mike Pence”‘, would they try to get him canceled and censored for promoting the stolen election narrative?

      • Aloysious

        If he replied to that question by answering, “A bucket of warm piss,” give him a prize.

      • DEG

        YES!

    • Chipwooder

      Kamala should have been giggling while saying that.

    • rhywun

      Sloshed Nancy might be my favorite character here. If only that old chick from Arrested Development were still around and could somehow be convinced to play her.

      • SugarFree

        She has a pretty profound speech impediment that she hides well until she really gets worked up.

      • hayeksplosives

        I thought it was just dentures and facelifts,

      • juris imprudent

        The decaying flesh between the dentures and the tightened epidermis.

      • SugarFree

        It might be. I haven’t heard much of her speaking from 20, 30 years ago.

  4. The Late P Brooks

    Sorry, SF, but this is just too precious to not be shared

    Over the past few decades, the U.S. government has spent hundreds of millions of dollars hunting down new viruses in animals, largely wild animals, in hopes of stopping a pandemic. And yet those efforts failed to find – and stop — SARS-CoV-2, the virus that causes COVID-19, before it spread around the world.

    I sincerely hope the person who wrote that has suffered some sort of blunt force head trauma. I’d hate to think s/he is just that intrinsically stupid.

    NPR? More like WTF?

    • hayeksplosives

      “For decades, scientists have hunted for undiscovered viruses before the spillover occurs.”

      LOL, whut? Pretty sure if the virus is an actual threat to humans, the virus itself will let us know.

      Why would we hunt for them?

      • Aloysious

        Just a guess, but I’m going to say “weaponization”.

        I feel dirty just typing that.

      • Nephilium

        For SPORT!

        /starts plans to sell wooden mounting plaques with a small SARS-CoV-19 brass plaque identifying tag

      • Gadfly

        Why would we hunt for them?

        Why do we think we can control the climate? Humanity has a “Tower of Babel” complex.

    • rhywun

      They’re still peddling the wet-market nonsense? LOL

    • Drake

      Very informative article. We now know exactly what they are not allowed to talk about.

    • SugarFree

      Seriously, fuck off NPR.

      This all goes back to covering Wuhan’s ass. No, I don’t think COVID is a bioweapon, but the idea that the virus in bats from a thousand miles away shows up in a city with a virology lab studying the same damn virus and the lab had nothing to do it at all is jizzing in a girl’s hair and telling her it’s Twinkie filling.

      Even if there was an animal like pangolins in between this is an astounding coincidence that everyone just shrugs at.

      • Sean

        ^^

      • R C Dean

        Occam’s Razor is crystal clear on this. If a virology lab is experimenting on enhancing a certain type of virus, and an enhanced version of that very type of virus shows up literally within sight of the lab, well, c’mon, man!

      • Ownbestenemy

        You know, I cannot refer to the city and virus in the same sentence know that Joe has solved that problem via EO, but you might just be onto something.

  5. Tonio

    These people are almost beyond parody. Almost.

  6. TARDis

    I want some Major violence.

    • Sean

      Move to Portland.

      • TARDis

        I was thinking more along the lines of the dog biting Nanshee in the crotch and contracting Parvo. Then Commie-la could use her special “skills” to cure the dog.

      • The Last American Hero

        And Dr. Jill could sew up the wounded crotch.

  7. The Late P Brooks

    I had to tell the neurology people evaluating my husband’s brain function to quit asking him who is the vice president

    “Did Biden die already?”

    *things we’d like to think we’re clever enough to say

    • Old Man With Candy

      Spiro Agnew?

      • Chipwooder

        Fun fact: an anagram for Spiro Agnew is Grow A Penis

      • R C Dean

        I think that could easily be worked into the gender trainwreck of Joemala.

  8. Rebel Scum

    The justice system mob violence worked.

    “This was not the system working. This was people making the system work. That’s the key,” Jones emphasized. “Don’t forget — initially, the police report said, oh, it’s a medical incident, somebody died. What do we know? The initial charging document for the local prosecutor was a joke. Literally, a piece of tissue paper that somebody sneezed on. Nothing. People rose up and said we’re not going to let this go. The governor stepped in; gave the case to Keith Ellison, who is an African-American Muslim progressive guy that everybody rallied around before to get in office. Keith Ellison put so many resources on the table. You’ve never seen a prosecution like that of anybody.”

    He continued, “And so what happened is the voting worked. You can tell the young people now voting matters. The protesting worked. You can tell young people marching matters. And the truth. The fact that people got involved with their video cameras and captured it. Citizen engagement matters. So, there’s a formula now to show people we can make the system work for change. That’s what’s new.”

    • leon

      If you had told me a year ago that libertarians would be so upset that a cop who had over a dozen brutality complaints against him got convicted of murder of a guy who died in his custody, i would have been a bit incredulous.

      • Cy Esquire

        I must admit, I’m glad to have this site to read. A part of me was really into the ‘he might be innocent.’ but the reality at the end of the day is, if held to a normal persons standard, kneeling on someone’s neck until they die is pretty cut and dry. Had he not been a police officer, this would’ve probably never even gone to trial, jut a plea bargain for some form of murder.

      • Gadfly

        kneeling on someone’s neck until they die is pretty cut and dry

        I admit I was not really following the trial, but I thought reports were that he died later, which makes it less cut and dry. Seemed more like a negligent homicide situation or some such, which is what I think Chauvin offered to plea to, since there was video evidence for that.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        Not only did he die under the knee, but Chauvin stayed there for a further 3 minutes after he died.

      • Gadfly

        Well, that does make it pretty cut and dry then.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Had he not been a police officer, this would’ve probably never even gone to trial, jut a plea bargain for some form of murder.

        Undoubtedly true.

      • kinnath

        Horse shit.

        I have told many people that if we lived in a just society an armed citizen would have shot Chauvin in the face to stop the killing of Floyd.

        It completely consistent to hold that belief and to then complain about threats of mob violence perverting the justice system.

      • Plisade

        “It completely consistent to hold that belief and to then complain about threats of mob violence perverting the justice system.”

        ^^^!!!

      • hayeksplosives

        My problem is not that Chauvin will have to face time for his crimes.

        My problem is that the justice system didn’t work properly. There was only one outcome allowable by politicians and the mob. That’s not a good precedent.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Huh, would have thought that the left would be the party of lynching?

        *except for everyone that knows their history and constant progjection of the things they purport to be against

      • DEG

        My problem is that the justice system didn’t work properly. There was only one outcome allowable by politicians and the mob. That’s not a good precedent.

        Yep. This won’t end well.

      • Rebel Scum

        I am of the opinion that Fentanyl Floyd died of a drug overdose. Also, I hate to see someone get railroaded in a political show-trial and convicted of multiple contradicting charges surrounding a single event with a single “victim” even if that person is cop.

      • WTF

        Yeah, from what I saw of the trial and the expert testimony, it’s not at all clear that Floyd was killed by Chauvin rather than by a drug overdose, since he had 3 times the lethal does of fentanyl in his system.

    • Drake

      No more ballot box or jury box.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        I can’t afford the ammo box.

  9. kinnath

    I picked a bad time to stop sniffing glue.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      4/20, 4/21, whatever it takes.

      • Chipwooder

        Jack: Want a beer?

        Ron: It’s seven o’clock in the morning!

        Jack: *thinks for a moment* Scotch?

      • Not Adahn

        The correct answer is “bloody Mary.”

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Mr. Mom, right? Underrated movie…

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Not around here.

  10. leon

    Great again SF, sorry to post something OT.

    https://twitter.com/BreeNewsome/status/1384725341550305281

    Teenagers have been having fights including fights involving knives for eons. We do not need police to address these situations by showing up to the scene & using a weapon against one of the teenagers. Y’all need help. I mean that sincerely.

    This is sadly not parody.

    • Sean

      Kids should be able to express their thoughts and emotions via knifeplay. Free country and what not.

    • Plisade

      Fine, just don’t blame whiteness for your cultural problems.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      They are not going to stop. They will continue to pull ‘injustices’ out of thin air so long as it gets these race hustlers’ power and attention and I do not see that trend letting up anytime soon.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      She’s getting skewered by the sane nonmorons at least but that doesn’t matter.

      • Old Man With Candy

        “Skewered.” heh.

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        Her Twitter feed went to “limited viewership” a short while ago. Looks like the replies skewering her were too much for her.

    • R C Dean

      And, of course, if the cops just stood by and didn’t respond to a report of two black kids in a knife fight, well, that would be racism, too.

  11. The Late P Brooks

    Spiro Agnew?

    Truly a Golden Age.

    • hayeksplosives

      They have insurance.

      /victimless crime enthusiast

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      The dead girl was in foster care.

      I feel sorry for the small dog in the video.

      Is it known yet what the dispute was about?

      • Old Man With Candy

        Pink Girl called Stabby a “buffarillo.”

      • Not Adahn

        True story:

        When I was in college, a group of Alpha Kappa Alphas was having some sort shindig and were singing their songs in front of the international student’s dorm in the wee hours of the morning.

        A pissed-off Malaysian leaned out of the window and screamed at them to stop being “loud water buffalos.”

        Thus began a weeks long racism brou-ha-ha, back in the days before such things were daily occurances.

        OU always was ahead of the curve.

      • Raven Nation

        Yeah, I remember that. Wasn’t it a national news story for weeks?

      • Ted S.

        I thought it happened at UPenn, and was a Jewish student using the term saying that it was a translation of a Hebrew insult.

        Eden Jacobowitz

      • Not Adahn

        It also wasn’t AKAs apparently.

        I plead the drugs giving me false memories.

        Or maybe it’s… are we in the Bearenstain universe?

    • Hyperion

      Seriously, a bunch of cops cannot take down a teenage girl with a knife without shooting her several times? I mean even if she’s a buffarillo? And btw, isn’t that a ‘buffarilla‘? This illiteracy problem is getting worse.

      • R C Dean

        a bunch of cops cannot take down a teenage girl with a knife without shooting her several times

        I dunno. Knives are serious business, deadly weapons (literally). Shooting someone going after a third party with a knife is a clean self-defense shoot. This one doesn’t give me that much heartburn, on my basic principle that cops and real people should both be judged on the same basis when they shoot someone.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Cops should be held to a higher standard, IMO and be able to be fired for cause immediatelly.

        (One can dream)

      • R C Dean

        Cops should be held to a higher standard, IMO

        In general, I tend to agree. Parsing out just what that standard should be is the hard part, especially if you believe they have an affirmative duty to intervene in dangerous situations (unlike regular people).

        fired for cause immediatelly

        Completely agree.

      • Ownbestenemy

        All hindsight here but if she were say 15-20 feet away from anyone else, yeah. She was in the act of or about to engage in stabbing another human being. Any person in that cops shoes would have probably done the same. As RC says, that knife will kill you as you flail around trying to disarm/tackle her. This isn’t an action movie and not everyone in some expert Jackie Chan master at defensive tactics.

  12. leon

    Watching X-Files last night and this scene made me chuckle (Paraphrasing because i don’t want to dig up the actual script):

    MULDER: Where you’ve been?

    SCULLY: Downtown, someone took shots at the whitehouse last night

    MULDER: Whats the country coming to when even the President has to worry about drive-bys

    Ohh 90’s you didn’t know what was coming.

    • Sean

      2021 is gonna make 2020 look boring.

    • Drake

      The deep-state smoking-man knew.

  13. hayeksplosives

    How is Nanshee even still alive?

    Is Hell full?

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      A steady diet of the beating hearts of virgins does wonders for your lifespan.

      • TARDis

        Or it could be a demon wearing her carcass. The real Nance is in hell felating McCain.

      • juris imprudent

        How disappointing – she was told she’d be in charge of the caucus.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Woodrow Willson holds hell’s gavel, it is known.

      • Seguin

        That’s what he calls it, but not how he spells it.

    • Sean

      “Flesh could not keep its glamour, nor eyes their sheen. They would go to nothing soon. But monsters are forever.”

  14. The Late P Brooks

    if we lived in a just society an armed citizen would have shot Chauvin in the face to stop the killing of Floyd.

    *uptwinkles*

  15. Rebel Scum

    I know this is from yesterday, but…

    Ben Crump
    @AttorneyCrump

    As we breathed a collective sigh of relief today, a community in Columbus felt the sting of another police shooting as @ColumbusPolice killed an unarmed 15yo Black girl named Makiyah Bryant. Another child lost! Another hashtag. Raised fistFolded hands#JusticeForMakiyahBryant

    …c’mon, man.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      One part Al Sharpton, one part Gloria Allred, add two parts racial tension and a Molotov cocktail and stir vigorously and he’s what you get.

      • juris imprudent

        You forgot the 400 lbs of horseshit.

    • Ownbestenemy

      I like that he says “another child lost! Another hashtag” and then emotes about it with hashtags.

  16. Bill Door

    Slightly OT as well, but the Bee does it again: Another police killing

  17. TARDis

    Any word on a cataclysm from the Ohio Gliblunch Meetup yet?

    • SugarFree

      SP Survives Brush With Shut-Ins

      • Nephilium

        And snow. Don’t forget the snow!

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Fake news, there is no snow due to climate change. Don’t make me report you.

    • slumbrew

      We await signs and portents that the Great Coming Together has begun.

      (language nerds: isn’t “signs and portents” redundant?)

      • SugarFree

        It seems there is evidence it was originally “signs with portents.” A “sign” is neutral, a “portent” mostly cataclysmic.

      • slumbrew

        Thanks you, Mr. Language Nerd.

      • SugarFree

        I look stuff up for a living, you know. Not all of us get by with good looks and ditzy heiresses.

      • slumbrew

        I’m oh-for-two there, myself. I don’t even _know_ any ditzy heiresses.

        Clearly, I have wasted my time upon this earth.

  18. OBJ FRANKELSON

    Given the words and behaviors of the race grifters, mental deficients at the $x-studies department, protesters, etc. talk, is it any wonder that some white people think that forming an all-white nation is a preferable arrangement to what we have now? (I do not count myself among those, given the state of the country I can see how one could reach that conculsion, stupid as it may be).

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Racial identity politics is almost always counterproductive and stupid but whites identifying and voting explicitly along those lines will be the inevitable result of all of this. It’s unfortunate but it’s going to happen.

      • Drake

        Yep – making the whitey the one group it is acceptable to hate and discriminate against is going to have terrible consequences.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        And race wars are always such civil affairs.

      • Drake

        It didn’t have to be like this. It wasn’t like this until recently – it was done purposely.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        No, it did not. I am having more and more trouble refuting your latter point.

    • Akira

      Given the words and behaviors of the race grifters, mental deficients at the $x-studies department, protesters, etc. talk, is it any wonder that some white people think that forming an all-white nation is a preferable arrangement to what we have now?

      Not at all. The Grievance Industry has been telling everyone that all their freedoms have to go because of minorities. You can’t have freedom of speech because racist people use it. You can’t have the right to bear arms because inner-city minority neighborhoods have too much crime. We can’t have elections that are even a little bit secure because black people are allegedly incapable of getting a driver’s license. We have to pay insane taxes because they supposedly need all these welfare programs for minorities (some of whom came here illegally).

      Yes, sooner or later, many wypipo are going to say, “If we can’t have a country somewhat like what the Founders envisioned because of minorities, then fuck having minorities here.”

      • Gustave Lytton

        The only thing stopping that is the vast majority of people, the same ones sneered at and called racists, aren’t racists at all but rather decent people. But keep pushing until we have Northern Ireland, or the Balkans, or Rwanda.

    • rhywun

      This process has been moving at a low simmer since the early 70s. And the country mostly dealt with it.

      For some reason I don’t quite understand, someone turned the knob to 11 in the last few years and here we are.

      • kinnath

        someone turned the knob to 11

        When Barak Obama was elected the focus of changed from “getting better” to “getting even”. Where getting even must include punishment for those that were ahead.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        “getting even”

        It is called ‘equity in prog-speak.’

      • kinnath

        Yes. It is clear to me that “equity” means taking away from me to give to someone else.

  19. Gustave Lytton

    Holy hell. I got volunteered to provide use “expertise” for a system migration project. The contract company is basically trying to recreate a proprietary report system into a new system. And they’re right now trying to figure out which data to capture from the upstream and display it into the new system, all without direct access to the old report system to actually see what is being shown. And asking me which raw data field types are needed. Of course the end report system just displays the data, not the data type labels.

    • leon

      That sounds awful.

    • Hyperion

      I’ve done it a few times. Depending on what the data is, might not be too bad.

      Right now, I export data from an object oriented db into a relational sql database and build reports in MSRS.

      I’ve used Crystal Reports a lot and really like it.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I simplified it a bit and only focused on the part I had today.

        This is an ungodly tar pit. Basically it’s moving the existing longtime proprietary (meaning we didn’t build it and the ones who did are long gone and existing system is supported by a company we no longer wish to give any money to) work management system into SalesForce.

      • Hyperion

        But you said it’s only reporting, right? What’s the DB?

      • Gustave Lytton

        These aren’t like end of week summary reports, sorry, I simplified it a bit too much. Or obfuscated it. The reports, which essentially is what they are, are basis for work orders. The DB is also proprietary but isn’t changing. It’s the downstream work management system getting moved into SF.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I hope I’ll be excluded from the larger migration part. Today’s meeting was enough for me.

      • Hyperion

        “The DB is also proprietary”

        Yikes. I saw one of those once. We called it the ‘blackhole’. I did parse some data out of that for some reports.

        What you guys need, is a rewrite.

      • juris imprudent

        Throw away all the old data and old process, because you’re starting over whether you like it or not.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I wish. That part isn’t up to me. None of it is.

        I think I’ll work my resume and the like instead.

    • Ted S.

      You can’t do all that with a simple Perl regex? 😉

      • rhywun

        simple Perl

        *snort*

      • Ted S.

        s/simple/very simple/g;

      • rhywun

        +1 obfuscation

  20. Chipwooder

    Pray for me – I have to sit through a 2 hour EPA webinar

    • juris imprudent

      Will they be able to see your face the entire time?

      • Chipwooder

        Thankfully, no, so I’ve been able to make the jerkoff motion at least five or six times already. The brief but enthusiastic gushing over Greta Thunberg was a real treat.

      • R C Dean

        The brief but enthusiastic gushing over Greta Thunberg

        So there was toobin on the EPA call?

  21. kinnath

    The project kinnath works on includes people from: Asia, South Asia, Africa, Europe, South America, and North America. It’s engineering so it’s still twice as many he-pronouns as she-pronouns, but the mix is steadily changing.

    The dude-in-charge held a state-of-the-business briefing the other day and opened the floor for questions. At least two people asked what we were doing about diversity and inclusion.

    Apparently, a global mix of people isn’t diverse enough I guess.

    • UnCivilServant

      “We’re going to fire the Diversity officers, and anyone who brings up D&I. Clean out your desks.”

    • WTF

      what we were doing about diversity and inclusion

      Hiring the best-qualified people available at the time?

    • slumbrew

      I have mentioned, in the past, that my firm unveiled a matching gift program for social justice causes last August (2020), to much fanfare.

      I’ve still got a cron job polling the site; from our company of about 9,000 employees we ended up with… 146 donations (and that may not even have been 146 individuals). Last couple of donations were late December/early January (prompted by tax deductions, presumably).

      I remain unconvinced our thousands of Indian employees GAF about any of this (though I imagine the Indian woman are support of the who “let’s have fewer rapes” movement going on over there – not on ).

  22. Hyperion

    Unlike most of you (all?), I work. So don’t know if this has already been covered, but:

    Here’s a good writeup about Portlandia from someone who actually lives there.

    The surreal new reality of Portlandia

    They used to ask you if the chicken has a name. Now they steal the chicken and burn down your restaurant.

    • kinnath

      And this has put those of us who consider ourselves “of the Left” in a dangerous predicament. I am not a gun enthusiast. I never wanted to own guns, but I do — for the same reason I would if I lived in a war zone. The civil authority has abandoned the law-abiding citizens of Portland, and in so doing it has created a new Wild West in which we are each responsible for protecting ourselves from bands of roving bandits.

      I never owned guns until the left decided lethal action was moral action.

      • Hyperion

        ““of the Left”

        See, a lot of these people don’t even understand what that term means. They’ve been deceived into thinking it’s synonymous with the term ‘liberal’.

        And they won’t learn it in school. Add to that they’re too dull and unmotivated to do their own research to learn it. They just sit around and soak up the TMITE, which leads to further brain damage.

    • Gustave Lytton

      The only thing missing is that you essentially will not be allowed to defend yourself or your property. It’s not just abandoned to the mob, but the mob is de facto protected. And the Dems in the legislature are trying to further erode decent gun rights.

      I also get a feeling that the author, despite all that has happened, still wants to be a leftist rather than actually examining how his beliefs are wrong and contributory to this morass. But I also understand why someone wouldn’t want to do that.

    • rhywun

      For what it’s worth, Petunia’s “don’t-hurt-me wall” is more explicit than your average Portland business. It has, for example, resisted the urge to simply and loudly proclaim that BLACK LIVES MATTER, presumably because its owners know that Portland is entirely composed of people who already agree with this obvious decree — including the police.

      It’s almost like empty slogans are worthless.

      Too busy to read the whole thing but I’ll just mention that I’ve known for a couple decades there is only one sort of person who deliberately moves to that city from somewhere else. Like my “anarchist” friend of a friend who did so. (He was a lefty shitbag.)

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      “don’t-hurt-me wall”
      It’s really a shame and if you defend your property or yourself you’re the one that goes to prison. I feel bad for the people there.

    • Aloysious

      Of course, all reasonable people understand that black people have faced oppression in North America since their ancestors were brutally imported as slaves. Liberals can be justly proud of our role in fighting this evil, from abolition to the civil rights movement and beyond. But as the current situation in Portland demonstrates, “the right side of history” has now been ceded by voices of reason on the Left to extremists who deliberately conflate a demand for racial justice with a desire to burn civilisation to the ground.

      Of course. Naturally.

      • Hyperion

        The entire point is burn Western civilization to the ground.

        That guy really does need to do his homework.

      • rhywun

        our role in fighting this evil

        O RLY?

        I don’t think this person’s brain can be unstuck.

      • mikey

        His stuff on what happend to him and his wife at Evergreen is quite good. ‘Cept he just can’t admit the Good Things he believes are the problem.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        I agree. I really do like his content in general, especially when he talks about evolutionary biology. You know, his actual area of expertise.

      • Tundra

        Same. I enjoy his podcast, even while cringing at times.

      • R C Dean

        Liberals can be justly proud of our role in fighting this evil, from abolition to the civil rights movement and beyond.

        Progressive and Democrats have historically been pretty effing racist. Not sure who zhe is referring to as “liberals”.

    • WTF

      I watched the first couple of episodes of Top Chef, which was filmed in Portland over the past year, and it’s fucking ridiculous. There is no mention of the riots or violence rampant in the city, just that they wanted to highlight Portland’s awesome culture and approvingly spoke about their support for the “fight for racial equality” that was taking place there. Plus of course the Covid idiocy.
      I really don’t think I can watch anymore of it, and I used to love that show.

    • The Last American Hero

      I feel a little for Bret, and wish neither him or family ill.

      However, he planted the seeds for this shit and dutifully tended this garden at Evergreen for quite a while and then acts surprised when it bears fruit.

    • R C Dean

      If they decide they don’t like this article, if they come to my house to menace my family as they have done to Andy Ngo, Mayor Wheeler and countless anonymous citizens of Portland, will the police intercede? I honestly don’t know.

      Really? I do. And I think he does too. The whole article is an exercise in avoiding the obvious conclusion that his comrades “on the Left” have proven themselves to be vicious barbarians, and that what we are seeing in Portland other Leftist strongholds isn’t some fringe aberration, but the natural course of Leftism unchecked.

      • leon

        I could only read a portion of the article, but it becomes easier to understand phenomenon like Pinochet and such.

  23. Gadfly

    I was sad to see the Hat & the Hair go, but Joemala is a worthy replacement. This was a great episode.

    • mikey

      Indeed. And I was concerned that the new regime wouldn’t provide SF with material.

      • slumbrew

        It didn’t matter who won, there always would have been plenty of material.

        2nd Trump term?
        Chief Warren?
        President Buttchug?
        General Secretary Sanders?
        The Bloomberg Unit, Mark 7?

        All would have been a shit-show for the liberty-minded. Or just the sane.

    • Hyperion

      NEEDZ MOAR Kayleighburrow and Soresto!

  24. Not Adahn

    Major is a good dog. Biden doesn’t deserve him.

  25. Gustave Lytton

    Oh good lord. Now our worthless CEO has decided he needs to send out a memo on the Chauvin verdict.

    I want off this planet. I’m tired of all this.

    • Hyperion

      When you have the plan to stow away on the SpaceX Mars colony ship when it launches, let me know, I’ll be there.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      He said as his mouse cursor hovered the “Reply All” button.

    • Creosote Achilles

      Ours did too. Along with a reminder about the DEI training. I’m considering not doing it even though it is mandatory and then throwing down the gauntlet; fire me and I will sue you for racial discrimination. I’ll be the test case.

      • rhywun

        Someone’s gotta do it.

        This is getting ridiculous.

    • leon

      They are tasked with keeping people from going postal?

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        “The work involves having analysts trawl through social media sites to look for what the document describes as “inflammatory” postings and then sharing that information across government agencies.”

        Snitching people out for legal speech.

    • Hyperion

      Heh. They don’t even have the technical prowess to replace their 1990 computer equipment in the offices. I think we’re safe.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        The spying operation is likely well funded.

      • Hyperion

        And farmed out to Facebook and Twitter, I’m sure.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Hey now! They got their 65k modems 74% deployed.

      • Not Adahn

        They have the capability to scan every single piece of mail I receive and send me an image.

        That would seem right in line with scraping sites.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Mail Covers has been going on for about 20 years now.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Forgot to add that I don’t know if they scan the versos too.

    • leon

      “That part is puzzling,” he added. “There are so many other federal agencies that could do this, I don’t understand why the post office would be doing it. There is no need for the post office to do it — you’ve got FBI, Homeland Security and so on, so I don’t know why the post office is doing this.”

      Because they all are spying on you. I’m sure that HUD and the Census Beurau are doing this as well.

    • Chipwooder

      Damn your quick fingers!

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Yours is prettier, that link’s too long.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Isn’t this exactly what Snowden unveiled? There was what, a month of pissed off people and then we went back to our fast food and TV shows? We deserve the yoke at this point.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        People who don’t give a rip deserve it but I don’t. Then again, I don’t do social media other than here (that sorta qualifies I guess?).

      • Ownbestenemy

        “It’s a mystery” said University of Chicago law professor Geoffrey Stone – who was appointed by President Obama to review the National Security Agency’s bulk data collection program revealed by Edward Snowden. “I don’t understand why the government would go to the Postal Service for examining the internet for security issues.”

        Uh maybe because you are trying to not get caught, yet you were and yet, nothing happens.

    • rhywun

      the surveillance effort, known as iCOP

      You can’t parody this shit.

      Or is it still April 1st?!

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        He might have been a censorious bastard but, by God, those are some impressive pork chops.

  26. Ownbestenemy

    Things that have bothered me today:

    Kids complain school suck, but Wednesdays are checkin days and basically teachers have open time to help them…they choose to be teens and sleep all day.

    Wife needs help grooming a couple of cats…i hate grooming cats.

    SSDs are great for OS, bad for gaming

    Things that I am grateful for today:

    Sharp knives. Seriously, cheap ass knifes suck. If you are young and just trying to get some cutlery, forget the nice pots/pans and get a set of good knives. If you have to work at cutting basic staples, knive is dull or shitty.

    • Hyperion

      “teachers have open time to help them…they choose to be teens and sleep all day.”

      I think they’re smarter than you think.

      • Ownbestenemy

        They are and aren’t at the same time.

    • SugarFree

      Kids complain school suck, but Wednesdays are checkin days and basically teachers have open time to help them…they choose to be teens and sleep all day.

      Do you own no bucket, sir? Is your well inoperable?

      • Ownbestenemy

        I believe in hard truths. You want to sleep all day, cool. Come 18 locks change, insurance stops, and good luck living with your 9 friends that at the age 16 think you can all live together.

    • Akira

      Sharp knives. Seriously, cheap ass knifes suck. If you are young and just trying to get some cutlery, forget the nice pots/pans and get a set of good knives. If you have to work at cutting basic staples, knive is dull or shitty.

      And get a good set of sharpening stones; they’re not expensive. Even the best knife in the world turns into a shitty knife eventually if you don’t sharpen it, and who has time to take them to a professional sharpener??

    • Hyperion

      How else can we stop all this thought crime?

    • Ownbestenemy

      So their scoop is the USPIS found “A number of groups were expected to gather in cities around the globe on March 20 as part of a World Wide Rally for Freedom and Democracy” Money well spent, nothing left to cut, the cupboards are bare…

  27. Ownbestenemy

    Gotta give the Bee some credit. They have some major balls on them to not let the foot off the pedal and churn out what they have in the past 24 hours.

    • Ownbestenemy

      So their scoop is the USPIS found “A number of groups were expected to gather in cities around the globe on March 20 as part of a World Wide Rally for Freedom and Democracy” Money well spent, nothing left to cut, the cupboards are bare…

    • Hyperion

      I don’t think it’s walking speed is important if you were a target for it’s next meal. It would be how fast could they get in a burst of running gear and for how long could they maintain it? Bears sort of amble around, but they’re actually pretty fast if they decide to attack.

      • kinnath

        “There were already some studies investigating dinosaur walking speed, but they mostly looked at the legs and ignored the tail — which is what makes dinos so unique,” Van Bijlert says. “They usually found much higher walking speeds. The one we calculated is lower, but it’s similar to that of other animals.”

        Like watching alligators walk around. There’s “getting from one place to another” and “catching lunch”. This article was not about “catching lunch”.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Yeah, think that the consensus is that the large theropods occupied a similar ecological niche to the one big cats now occupy. Ambush predators that were capable of getting up to speed quickly to catch prey.

    • leon

      We are used to schools, non-profits, mainline religions, etc. taking liberal positions and feel like business should be

      Catholicism is not mainline Religion i guess.

      • juris imprudent

        American Catholicism, or that Italian kind?

      • leon

        The ones that don’t listen to the Pope.

      • juris imprudent

        Declining membership in mainline Protestant churches in this country is pretty well documented isn’t it?

      • leon

        I was mostly commenting on the idea that Mainline religion is left liberal and that we are used to this.

      • Nephilium

        /looks at current Pope

        You sure about that?

    • leon

      It’s unfortunate that the people responding to him on substack are morons.

    • leon

      Populists, in order to bring institutions more in line with what the majority of the people want, need to rely on a more centralized and heavy-handed government. The strongman is liberation from elites, who aren’t the best citizens, but those with the most desire to control people’s lives, often to enforce their idiosyncratic belief system on the rest of the public, and also a liberation from having to become like elites in order to fight them, so conservatives don’t have to give up on things like hobbies and starting families and devote their lives to activism.

      I’m not suggesting this is the path conservatives should take; they might feel that a stronger, more centralized and powerful government is too contrary to their own ideals. In that case, however, they’ll have to reconcile themselves to continue to lose the culture into the foreseeable future, at least until they are able to inspire a critical mass to do more than just vote its preferences.

      This puts Politics upstream of Culture, and that culture can be curated if we just get the right strongman in charge.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Become them to beat them? Nope, not necessary.

      • leon

        Also doesn’t really make sense. In order to preserve your belief that you want to be left alone and politics shouldn’t be everything, you need to make politics everything in your life.

    • Hank

      “Assuming practically nobody donated to both Trump and Biden, which seems a pretty safe bet…”

      I wouldn’t call that a safe bet at all. What about those who donate to both as an insurance policy?

    • Hyperion

      Basically, the squealy wheel gets the grease.

      To delve more deeply into this, read ‘Radical Son’ by David Horowitz. Both of his parents were card carrying members of the Communist Party. That’s around the time, back in the 20s-30s, they changed their name to ‘progressive’ because back then you couldn’t just go around in society proclaiming that you’re a Communist.

      To cut to the point, he said practically every conversation in their house was about politics, 24/7. The left are obsessed with it because it’s their religion.

  28. DEG

    For being there to call out to your mom — how heartbreaking was that — call out for your mom

    Now do Kelly Thomas.

    “I am the moral center of America’s Wisconsin.”

    Minnesoda haz a sad.

    • slumbrew

      And/or Daniel Shaver.

    • Ted S.

      Or Ashli Babbitt or Duncan Lemp.

    • Hyperion

      It could have been one of them Sodas, or one of them Consins.

  29. kinnath

    In before the links:

    Florida Man

    Broward County Public Schools Superintendent Robert Runcie was arrested Wednesday morning on a charge of perjury in an official proceeding. School Board attorney Barbara Myrick was also arrested.

    Runcie, 59, was taken into custody by the Florida Department of Law Enforcement and has since been released from the Broward County Main Jail.

    According to his indictment, Runcie lied under oath between the dates of March 31 and April 1 while testifying under oath to a state grand jury.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      The former Archbishop of Canterbury??

    • Ownbestenemy

      “All BCPS employees are afforded due process, including the Superintendent.”

      FIRE HER IMMEDIATELY!

    • Hyperion

      They have empty jail cells in Broward County? I thought those were full of counterfeit ballots?

  30. Ozymandias

    Just checking in, Glibs.
    SF, this was hysterical. Thanks for the laughs. I’d never thought about how to write a drunk slur, so also grateful for that.
    I submitted my third ramblings – sorry for not having it in time for the Tuesday slot, but I had a ton of shit dropped on me. I’m hopeful I should be able to keep up a steady pace moving forward as I just got my telework chit approved.
    Gotta run for a hearing, but wishing all of Glibdom well in these “interesting” times.

  31. westernsloper

    Jesus H spitbucket, Nancy said that? We are ruled by morons………The rest……hilarious and disturbing.