Missive from Evan

by | Apr 15, 2021 | Health Care, Musings | 183 comments

I had a scheduled Dr. appointment today that I had to go to after my immigration medical tests. They were concerned about my liver, with it’s “high levels.” I was given meds and am going to have a CT scan in two weeks. I’m a boozer and have been for a long time, drinking every single day for over ten years. My dad has this issue as well. Other than the liver itself, perhaps the scarier issue is with my head injury and epilepsy. The alcohol has triggered many seizures, and I still didn’t learn or address the problem. This is the level of outright embarrassing, shameful, and harmful (to myself and others) behavior that I had been riding on. This was the wake-up call that is going to push me to finally stop drinking.

The doc was telling me about my AST levels. 5-40 is the ‘normal’ range. The test showed that mine are at 433. Yikes. That was a bit of an eye-opener. I’m having a silly One Last Night with Booze just to say goodbye to it. I quit Stateside for five months and didn’t have any trouble, but I completely replaced it with heavy weed smoking. I’ve been back to my old habits since March. It started in my youth as both fun and as my anxiety medication, which I have always constantly had. It’s borderline on an Aspergers scale, which my father also has. Dealing with it through booze became part of my lifestyle. It’s stupid, but if you’re a soldier getting their leg cut off (only happened to me twice!), alcohol DOES work. It took on extra importance and became a part of my daily routine.

I’ve been given meds to address my liver and am going clean so I can do as well as I can on the ‘test.’ I love that my test has a date and I can have immediate feedback on the meds’ effects coupled with my lack of drinking. The CT scan is scheduled for April 28th, my 34th birthday. I hate birthdays but this one got me thinking. When I get there I will have outlived Alexander the Great. He may have conquered ‘the world’ and was in many battles, but I’m gonna outlive him. I can add Christ to that. Those are two pretty big fucking names to outlive. Point Evan.

I’ve been commiting slow motion suicide and was happy to continue to do so. I didn’t even care. I could always explain it away to myself. This ends now. My hip replacements were done for idiopathic reasons and I didn’t ask to get hit by a car. But I deserve this. I’ve done all of it to myself. I’m at fault. No one else. I’ve stubbornly ignored advice and even lied about my drinking to people who have done more to help me than I warrant. It’s shameful, and I largely see this as a punishment that I created for myself. I deserve every bit of it. I (supposedly) pride myself on being independent, yet I keep doing shit that forces other people to take care of me. Never meant to! But it kept happening over and over without my being willing or able to learn and change my ways. Such a dumb asshole. I’ve been happily lying to myself about the consequences of my actions. I’ve been a disgusting degenerate and it is time to finally rise above it. It’s time. It needs to happen, and I must make it so. Go forth, soldier.

I have some weed (INCREDIBLY hard to get here) and am getting more. I also just found out that Korea has legalized medical marijuana! The first disease/illness that they mention for it being acceptable is epilepsy! I now HAVE epilepsy! Teehee! I will research and hopefully get an update on how to get legal access. Having newfound epilepsy has been the highlight of my day.

The world has come at me and I’ve fucking always pushed Death away. I know it will happen again. Oh, wait. It’s happening again now. Well, I’m used to it. Time to get back upon that horse I know so well and boldly ride it further through the Land of the Living. I ain’t done yet. I. Fucking. Ain’t. It’s time to adapt and stop being so painfully stupid. Learn how to not only lay off that curve, but regain the ability to launch that bitch into the bleachers.

Reading about what @hayeksplosives is going through is incredibly powerful and illuminating. I wish him the best of health and recovery. I know how hard rehab is. I also know how hard it is for the Saint there to help him through all of it and how fundamentally important they are. Because not a god damn bit of it is easy. For either party. Feeling like a burden upon everyone you love helping you, both physically and psychologically, is a painful and embarrassing to go through. I honestly feel that the pain they go through is worse and more profound than what I’ve gone through.

I am going to make it through this adversity. My dad didn’t raise a bitch and people never hear me moan about the hand I’ve been dealt. That descends you further into depression. I’m also not going to bitch to myself about the hand I’ve been dealing myself. That’s my responsibility, and I’m simply going to change the game and stop fucking drinking. Everyone around me deserves for me to be a better human and I’ve not been giving it to them. I also deserve to recover and keep myself safe and out of further harm’s way. If I fail and get cirrhosis or something, then that’s going to be on me and I’m going to have again devastated all those people who were so kind and supportive. I simply cannot allow that to happen. It will also hasten my demise. I am going to stop drinking. It is no longer an option to ignore the reality. I can’t lie to myself about this anymore. I won’t.

My life’s twists and turns never end. Two steps forward and one back. This is a big one back. But I’ve got my legs underneath me and I’m taking this bitch to the hoop. My life is mine and I plan on doing everything I can. I ain’t finished. This is just my next step forward in my life’s journey. It will make me a better person in absolutely every respect. That gives me the courage to finally stop ignoring the obvious.

Onwards. Upwards. Always.

About The Author

Evan from Evansville

Evan from Evansville

183 Comments

  1. westernsloper

    I’ve been a disgusting degenerate

    Welcome to the club! God speed on changing what you want to change Evan. Good luck in the new job and situation.

  2. Surly Knott

    I wish you all the best with your efforts. It’s a journey, not a destination.

  3. Drake

    Fight on and never give up.

  4. Gender Traitor

    I know you can do this. Please just don’t try to do it alone. Get yourself whatever sort of support system you need, and don’t be too proud to ask for help.

    Someone Very Close To Me wasn’t supposed to make it to 30. At bottom, he was living under a highway overpass in Chicago in early Spring. It took him two rounds of rehab to get straight, but he’s coming up on, I think, 43 (or is it 44? It was before my time, so I keep forgetting) years sober, and I can’t bear to think about what we both would have missed if he hadn’t made it.

    You go!

    • Tonio

      Thinking about you and your hubs, hon. Hugs.

      • Gender Traitor

        Thanks, Tonio! (Bear hugs, I assume?) The Stroke Bloke is off playing guitar at an Open Mic the next county over, and almost certainly outshining everyone else in the room. Of course, I’m partial – COMPLETELY partial!

  5. blackjack

    Nope.

    My asshole nephew has been in the hospital for over a month because he overdosed on Fentanyl and got “compartment syndrome.” He’s getting skin grafts on his arm and leg. Now, he’s in a PT facility. He just got busted for smuggling in weed, so they removed his dilaudid drip. He’s pissed, because, ” it’s just weed!”

    There’s always a next level, derp, addictions, assholeness, you name it, somebody, somewhere is much worse. Take care of yourself, Evan, you’re the first person I know who has a length of time named after him. You’re an inspiration.

    • Tonio

      “Dilaudid, now there’s a man’s drug.” -William S. Burroughs

      • The Gunslinger

        Years ago after having emergency appendectomy the nurse told me they were going to give me dilaudid. I thought she was saying she was going to give me something that was diluted and that’s not what I wanted. Later I was having extreme pain and the nurse came and injected Dilaudid via IV. Ho lee shit did that stuff hit fast. I went from climbing out of my skin pain to completely relaxed in a matter of seconds.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        I am allergic to morphine so they give me dilaudid (or used to) when I went into the ER. Ho. Lee. Fuck. I can see how people could get addicted to that. Pain-free and wonderful head trips.

      • Mojeaux

        Dilaudid makes me puke. Give me tramadol or fentanyl for severe pain. Oh, man, when I had that hysterectomy …

        ANYWAY. Can’t take aspirin or ibuprofen because of my ulcer, so it’s Tylenol for everything short of having my innards ripped out.

  6. Tonio

    Crikey, bro. You have been through an incredible journey, rivaling that of Dante. Wishing you the very f*cking best. Srsly.

    Reach out to me if you need anything. You (or anyone) can reach me at my_effing_handle (at) this_site (dot) com

    • westernsloper

      I need to borrow twenty effing bucks. We good if I reach out? I want to go to KFC and get the family meal. I like there mash potatoes.

      • blackjack

        Will comment for food?

      • westernsloper

        Naaa, I was expecting a, “you shut up sloper” like I have heard so many times at the zoom happy hours. I was making a bad joke. Like so many times on the happy hours.

      • Old Man With Candy

        Shut the fuck up, sloper.

      • westernsloper

        There it is!

      • Old Man With Candy

        I am nothing if not reliable in an emergency.

      • westernsloper

        poor attempt at trolling.

      • blackjack

        Yeah, it’s just my poor attempt at humor, also.

      • TARDis

        I’m glad I deleted my request instead of posting.

        *slurps coffee*

  7. Stinky Wizzleteats

    I suppose the doc knows you’re quitting? If you’ve been drinking as much as you say you need to be careful, particularly with a seizure disorder.

  8. Yusef drives a Kia

    Life’s a Bitch Evan, Glad you learned it early, a hard way, but you take it like a Man, Carry on, and,
    Huzzah!

  9. pistoffnick

    Keep on rocking is a (somewhat) free world, Evan.

    *raises a glass of slow poison*

  10. Hank

    If you don’t mind, I’ll add you to the ol’ prayer list. It can’t hurt!

  11. topnotchtoledo

    I could go into too much detail but I feel you Evan and wish you peace. God knows it is very hard to find in the real world. Pot for anxiety and booze for when there is no pot. More and more booze. “Major” depression and meds are a bitch. I have nothing to say other than I feel for you and you are not alone. Thanks for putting this out there.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Tulpa reappears! well how are you? Feeling better?

      • topnotchtoledo

        Yusef, I owe you a huge apology. Frankly I was ashamed for how I attacked you and didn’t show my imaginary face here for a long time. My issues aren’t yours and I apologize. I bet we are way more similar than we are different. I’ve frolf’ed (yes I know) for years and dont live too far. I love Northern MI and wish you the best in your new interesting adventures.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Well thanks a Bunch! and it’s great to see you back,
        /It’s Disc Please, the other word is too ghey for Tonio,

      • topnotchtoledo

        I do appreciate that Yusef

      • slumbrew

        frolf’ed

        That… that is just terrible. Stop that.

      • topnotchtoledo

        Pussy tree
        Corner tree
        Light pole
        Large maple
        Horseshoe pole
        Light pole
        Corner tree
        Fence opening

        Not exactly Augusta but provided hundreds of hours of fun for a white trash community pool

      • Chipwooder

        Because of Seinfeld, it will always be frolf to me

      • topnotchtoledo

        Summer of George

  12. The Other Kevin

    Stick with it. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  13. Old Man With Candy

    “Answers to the name of Lucky.”

    • westernsloper

      *does the sign of Cheezits across chest*

  14. Tejicano

    Yo Evan, if there’s one thing I’ve figured out in this world it’s that we’re all screwed up in some way or ways. But the most screwed up people are those who aren’t human enough to admit it to themselves. The least screwed up are those who can admit it to others. You’re ahead of the pack in that you can admit it and put down a plan to fix your biggest problems.

    Charlie Mike! (military lingo for “Continue the Mission” or “Continue to March” – meaning “keep doing what you’re doing”)

    • hayeksplosives

      Charlie Mike!

  15. Fourscore

    Good to know you are back “home”, Evan.

    It’s not the demons that do you in, it’s the damned cure.

    I was hitting the booze pretty heavy a long time ago, fortunately had never had an accident but my family life was suffering. One night after an argument with my 18 year old son I decided I wouldn’t drink the next day. I made it! Then another day, made it!

    3 weeks sober, felt like my finger nails were 6 inches long and I could climb walls. Then a good night’s sleep. That was close to 40 years ago. Within a few weeks my work production had noticeably increased, my kids began to talk to me and stayed home on occasion.

    Just celebrated 47 years with the same missus, our marriage would not have lasted long had I continued down the path. I’m only speaking for myself, drinking in my family growing up was the norm.

    • Old Man With Candy

      When SP and I reach 47 years, I’ll be 102. My handle will be Fivescore.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        49 this summer. I will expect a Gliberama extravaganza in August of 22.

      • Fourscore

        Don’t forget “Third Sunday in Sept”, Kinnath will have something to share from under the front seat and there will be enough Glibs to help you with a little celebration.

        ” Laissez les bons temps rouler”

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        We hope to be there but are committed to taking care of Mom so we may not be able to make it this year.

      • Fourscore

        At that point, “All things considered, I’d rather be in Philadelphia” age wise

  16. Scruffy Nerfherder

    That’s step one.

    May your next ones be just as forceful and committed.

    Wishing you the best.

  17. Sensei

    Best of luck Evan.

    See if you can find an activity that helps you relax in some way.

    • R C Dean

      *sends Evan barrel of lube*

  18. blackjack

    This is great! He means it, watch to the end!

    • Chafed

      That is great.

    • slumbrew

      Is she a raging asshole, or just legit helping someone learning? I assume the latter.

      Either way, amazing.

  19. Toxteth O'Grady

    This would be a good forum topic.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      thanks for the reminder!

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Is that an offer? Was hoping someone would volunteer but I can do it.

    • Tejicano

      “Aahh raight! Ehr’body come to Jezus now! (figuratively or not)”

  20. Tulip

    Good luck Evan

  21. mexican sharpshooter

    Keep on, keepin on, Evan.

  22. rhywun

    Sheesh… scratch a Puritan and look what comes out.

    It’s common for sophisticated people to observe that prohibition never works — just look at, well, Prohibition. Banning booze was a huge failure, right? Actually, no.

    I’m seeing a lot of this stuff from people I more-or-less respected, oh, a week ago.

    • Chafed

      CWAA. Though the headline is right.

    • rhywun

      Stay in your lane, grizzlies.

      Ugh this brings to mind BBC’s nature shows that they frequently air on BBC-A. I love those shows. But… you can always tell which ones are relatively new because Attenborough blathers on and on about woke climate shit that wasn’t present in any of the earlier series.

      • topnotchtoledo

        I got a degree in conservation biology and I couldnt stand the constant drumbeat of climate change. If these fucks wanted to actually change something they could have pooled the billions spent navel gazing and circle jerking and bought up millions of acres of refuge for plants and animals to naturally migrate north, upslope etc. The goal isnt conservation, its control.

      • Tejicano

        So many people who I run into who claim to care about animals don’t know the answer to the question : “Why don’t polar bears normally eat penguins in the wild?”

      • topnotchtoledo

        Silly question. Penguins fly and polar bears swim. Ursus maritimus. What are you retarded?

      • slumbrew

        Also a fun question for warmists: “why would the arctic ice melting raise the sea level? It would lower it, the way that ice in your glass lowers the water level when it melts.”

        (it’s the other ice that is theoretically a concern).

      • Chafed

        *shyly raises hand*

        Why?

      • slumbrew

        Arctic ice is floating – it melts, the global water level goes down, like the ice in your glass (solid water takes up more space than liquid).

        Antarctic ice is is largely on the continent of Antartica and not just floating – if all of that melted, it _would_ raise the global water level quite a bit.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        Polar bears live in the Arctic. Penguins live in the Antarctic.

      • Chipwooder

        Indeed. Which is why Gary Larson said that this cartoon got him a lot of chiding letters.

      • Chafed

        Thanks Hobbit. That’s what I was looking for.

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      Aren’t polar bears and grizzlies the same species?

      • UnCivilServant

        That depends – A prizzly’s sterile?

      • Chipwooder

        Nope. Same genus, different species.

      • straffinrun

        Polar bears are huwhite.

      • topnotchtoledo

        You racist piece of shit, polar bears have black skin

      • slumbrew

        huwhut?

      • hayeksplosives

        It’s a matter of debate. Time was, animals were of the same species if they could mate and bear VIABLE NON-STERILE offspring. So a donkey and horse can mate and make a mule. The mule is viable. However, she is sterile, and there are no male mules. Thus, donkeys and horses are separate species.

        Then it gets weird. Some biologists/taxonomists say that Grizzlies and Polars are the same species. Some insist that they are different. Certainly natural selection and semi-isolation has favored white bears up north and brown ones further south. Their head shapes are a little different, but not much more different than within their own species.

        Bottom line, nature likes to remind us human experts that nature doesnt fit our little labels and models so well.

        It’s almost as if man has some sort of Fatal Conceit.

      • topnotchtoledo

        That’s a great way to start a retard fight in biology. “Species” are incredibly hard to define. Wolf, dog, coyote. All can breed. All are ” different species”. Also, I want a pet grolar bear, liger and zedonk.

  23. Gadfly

    Those are two pretty big fucking names to outlive. Point Evan.

    *salutes*

  24. straffinrun

    Honestly Evan, I’m torn over whether to be sympathetic or to slap some sense into you.

    • Chafed

      How much did Monty Python pay him?

  25. Chipwooder

    I would say something about the necessity of taking care of yourself, but on the other hand I’m a fat bastard who ate himself in diabetes and hasn’t been taking care of it. So, given that, I’ll just wish you the best of luck.

    • straffinrun

      Probably the way I should’ve approached this.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Sorry to hear about your sausage dog.

      • Chafed

        Euphemism?

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        @ CW, not Straff. Recent death in the family.

      • Chafed

        I missed it. Didn’t mean to joke about losing a pet.

      • Chipwooder

        No worries, man, I know there was no intent there. Hell, I’m amazed anyone pays any attention to my posts in the first place.

      • Chipwooder

        Appreciate it. That goofy little fuzzball brought a smile to my face for almost 14 years. The new puppy is adorable, and we’ll bond soon enough, but it’ll be a while before I stop subconsciously looking around the house for Baby.

      • Chafed

        Sorry CW. I must have missed when it happened m

  26. Gustave Lytton

    Historic restaurant burns down. Hipsters to open another location of their own restaurant on the location. But they’re going to keep the old sign which survived the fire.

    https://www.oregonlive.com/resizer/hsi5b22uND3gDrCekV2DFLfnVn8=/700×0/smart/cloudfront-us-east-1.images.arcpublishing.com/advancelocal/3DUVXSSBMRDKFCUYZG7VVTXBBE.JPG

    Well, except the problematic Indian at the top, described as a caricature in the news story. He’s getting removed. So really, the sign isn’t going to be preserved.

    • Chafed

      The important part is some Portland building was on fire.

      • Chipwooder

        In Portland? What are the odds?

      • Chafed

        Antifa seems to have taken most of the winter off. But now that it’s warming up….

      • Gustave Lytton

        Red flag warning starting today. Let’s set things on fire!

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      And Tyler too?

  27. one true athena

    Best of luck, Evan!

    I saw a couple of months ago, that Anthony Hopkins declared himself 60 YEARS sober (and that dude DRANK in the day), and this is despite being in the latest Transformers movie, so you can do it!

  28. PudPaisley

    Evan, I’ve been down this road. If there’s one single piece of advise I can give that was profoundly helpful to me, it’s this: stop beating yourself up. Acknowledge the mistakes, lies, and wrongs you did to others and try to correct them, but don’t dwell on them. Move forward to the future.

    I quit a little over 6 years ago, and now I’m more content than I have been at any time in my life. I was always a heavy drinker from the age of 16 to 44. At around your age, I went from a high functioning alcoholic to a non functioning alcoholic by the time I quit. Between the ages of 34-44 was a slow downward spiral of alcoholism and depression feeding off each other. My fast growing, successful business went downhill and I ran up massive, seemingly insurmountable debt. Those 10 years are still a fog, and I’m certain I’d be dead or close to it if I didn’t quit. I hated myself and didn’t care about anything as my life collapsed around me. Suicide was a constant background thought. Finally I decided either quit drinking and reclaim my life, or end it. I chose life, and I’m glad I did. It was a long uphill battle and a lot of work, but I got the business running smoothly and should be debt free within a year. It would be sooner, but the IRS loves to tack on massive fines and interest. Fuck those assholes! More importantly, I mended relations with everyone. that mattered.

    I’m not very religious, and it sounds cliche, but I have a feeling of being reborn. It’s like a second lease on life. I’m “happy” being content, and I find much more enjoyment in the little things. Every day I try to find something to appreciate and be thankful for. I also try to live in the moment and shut the rest of my brain down. All of this has helped me avoid any depression since I quit drinking.

    Everyone has their own process for quitting. There’s no one right way. Since I’m not a joiner, I never went to any meetings or therapy. What I did do though is talk about it with friends, family, and business acquaintances. I was a little surprised how everyone was very understanding and encouraging. I live in Wisconsin, so everyone knows a family member or friend who has had alcohol or other drug problems. The encouragement helped with my resolve.

    You can do this Evan. Life can be a lot better on the other side. Getting drunk and partying can be tons of fun. Being a depressed alcoholic is a terrible way to live. Having a clear head six months after quitting is priceless (excluding weed, of course). And remember, STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP! And quit for yourself first and foremost.

    I have zero desire to ever even think about having a drink anymore. Whenever the thought would come up in the past, I would just think about where I was at the end of my drinking journey. It was a place I never want to go back to again. This song is sort of my anthem. Lots of truth in this song, as depressing as it is.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mi8Tl1EphOs

    • slumbrew

      Thanks for sharing Pud, and congrats on getting your life back on track! It certainly does not have to be “AA or nothing” – their track record is sketchy – but other people _are_ key – you reaching out to friends, family & acquaintances is surely the key.

      Evan, this is the key bit:

      “And remember, STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP!”

      You’re just human. It’s not a moral failing, it’s mostly just a chemical reaction (Dr. Drew Pinsky pushed for “reward activation disorder” vs. the individual diagnosis – “hit the lever, get the reward” is the basic mechanism behind any addiction diagnosis. We’re all susceptible to that, in various ways.).

      • PudPaisley

        Thanks Slum! Almost every ex addict I’ve talked to used to beat themselves up all the time. Gotta put that behind you to move forward.

        And to the degenerate drunks on here, I don’t have a problem with you drinking, I have a problem with me drinking. I still love to hang out with my friends when they are drinking. It’s fun. In fact, the first couple interventions were my drinking buddies ganging up on me at the bar and telling me I had a serious problem. Now I’m their DD. Some of them even called or talked to my family members to tell them they were very worried about me.

      • Festus

        THIS! You may slip up but so long as you get back on that horse and ride, you’ll be fine. I drink way too much but my lifestyle gives me the freedom to do so. I can drink to my heart’s content every day and never have to worry about being pulled over because my situation is so insular. I’m sober when I need to be. Day-drinking nearly killed me in 2019. I work, I eat fairly well and I also have 14 beers per day. Afternoons are a bear but I go about my business and everyone else minds their own. There is no golden ticket. Just be the best Evan that you can be, Friend!

    • Chipwooder

      I don’t think I was ever what I’d call a heavy drinker, but I had my nights in my younger days. I tended to become a very unpleasant person when I was drunk. I can still remember the specific day I was last truly drunk – St Patty’s Day 2006. It was my last day on active duty, and I was definitely going to celebrate my return to civilian life. By the end of the night I had started a fight, gotten us thrown out of a bar, and thoroughly embarrassed my wife. That was the point at which I realized that I need to keep control of myself and I’ve never drank that much again. I’m a frequent drinker now – glass of wine or two at dinner, a cocktail or two at night, a few beers by the pool in the summer – but once I start feeling a nice buzz, I stop.

      • Akira

        I’ve done some damn foolish stuff myself while boozed up… Wasted untold amounts of money, probably took some years off my life, started inadvisable relationships, ended those relationships in the worst way, and greatly bogged down my personal and professional development. I still enjoy some drinks, but I have 5 or 6 and call it quits (I’m 250 pounds, so that much doesn’t take me anywhere near “stupid drunken idiot” territory).

        But hey, the theme of this thread is acknowledging your mistakes, making amends where necessary, and dutifully climbing up to a better life.

      • slumbrew

        Wasted untold amounts of money, probably took some years off my life, started inadvisable relationships, ended those relationships in the worst way, and greatly bogged down my personal and professional development

        That was just called “my 20’s”. Really “my early 30’s”, if I’m being honest.

        I’m not sure that’s atypical.

      • Chafed

        Not in Southie.

      • KSuellington

        That could describe a good part of my 20’s and early 30’s. I shoulda known better after the first several years of it, but it’s not easy to stop once you are on a roll like that.

    • KSuellington

      You have a very good outlook Pud. Glad to hear that you were able to make a very positive change, not easy.

    • hayeksplosives

      stop beating yourself up

      This was exactly my thought as I read Evan’s message.

      You didn’t “earn” this. There’s a lot of randomness out there. Good and bad things can happen to “good” and “bad” people all the time.

      Just focus on your new goal, and if you fall off the wagon, set the next goal.

      You’re so young that I bet if you get your numbers in check, you’ll either reverse alcoholic fatty liver syndrome, or if you have cirrhosis, stay “compensated” or even be a great candidate for a liver transplant.

      You got this, and we got you.

    • Fourscore

      It’s a long process, Pud, but your story is dead on. I was about the same age when I re-discovered my life. My two best buds also quit at about the same age and we didn’t know the other(s) had quit.

      A lot of things have happened since then.

      “First they came for the smokers but I didn’t care ’cause I was young and healthy”
      “Then they came for the fatties but I didn’t care ’cause I was young and skinny”
      “When they came for the drunks I became concerned, I was no longer young and my friends’ list was getting shorter, for whatever reason”

      • Festus

        Always this. Where did all my friends go? They must be a bunch of assholes!

  29. egould310

    From one Evan to another Evan, good luck buddy. You’ve got my email if you want to reach out. Now that Evan Dando is on the wagon too, maybe I need to evaluate my life choices….

    Nah.

  30. Mojeaux

    Evan, I have nothing to say except good luck.

  31. Akira

    We all have to make those decisions sometimes, Evan. You got this.

    When I get there I will have outlived Alexander the Great. He may have conquered ‘the world’ and was in many battles, but I’m gonna outlive him. I can add Christ to that. Those are two pretty big fucking names to outlive. Point Evan.

    Interesting perspective – I’ll have to remember that since I’m turning 34 this year as well.
    I’m trying to train myself out of this habit, but I often compare myself to other people at my current age. It usually makes me depressed. Gotta stop doing that. Maybe I’ll look up people who made great accomplishments after 30 or 40 years of living like an “average” person.

    • slumbrew

      Survivorship bias. Start comparing yourself to everyone who died before they hit 34 and you’ll feel like the badass survivor you are! You’re easily in the top 1%, historically.

      • slumbrew

        Like every other creature on the face of the earth, [Akira] was, by birthright, a stupendous badass, albeit in the somewhat narrow technical sense that he could trace his ancestry back up a long line of slightly less highly evolved stupendous badasses to that first self-replicating gizmo—which, given the number and variety of its descendants, might justifiably be described as the most stupendous badass of all time. Everyone and everything that wasn’t a stupendous badass was dead.

      • Akira

        Haha love it! Exactly what I needed to hear before starting out on my 4.5 mile run tonight.

      • Akira

        Have a good late night run.

        Thanks bruh, it was an epic one. Years ago, I used to do a little over 20 miles a week (5.2 miles x 4 days) then fell out of the habit.

        I’m just now back up to doing 4.5 miles without feeling tired, thirsty, and exhausted the whole rest of the day.

  32. KSuellington

    Good job Evan, you rock dude. I think you are maybe a bit too hard on yourself, but the drive that creates is evident. Best of wishes and good turns on your journeys in the East. Looking forward to the next update.

  33. egould310

    Runnin’ From The CIA https://youtu.be/J3DBrHKNtPQ

    Diet Run https://youtu.be/AKKsWGr-35c

    That 2nd tune is by Shonen Knife. One time I was at a Shonen Knife/Redd Kross show at Santa Monica Civic. Dude next to me handed me a joint. I took a couple puffs and handed it back.

    Pretty sure it was laced with angel dust. I was out of my gourd for the entire concert. At one point, I was floating above the crowd, looking down at myself and the other audience members. After much effort, I reeled my soul back into my body.

  34. grrizzly

    Sorry to hear about this, Evan. I never had issues with AST. It was ALT that was occasionally higher than normal. The only way to control it for me is to stay fashionably thin. At some point I read almost all studies on AST/ALT. Good for you for quitting, it’s your only option.

    • hayeksplosives

      I’m kinda liking the Nikola “Reckless” electric ATV.

      • hayeksplosives

        https://nikolamotor.com/reckless

        WHen they debuted it, the Marines driving it couldn’t help from smiling so it took forever to get a marketing video.

      • Tejicano

        OK, that looks cool. But it also looks rather light and, well, I would advise whoever drives it to do everything they can to ensure it remains “wreckless”.

  35. hayeksplosives

    I have some other replies scattered above, but Evan, Good Luck dude. You have proven you’re an overcomer. This one is challenging in its own ways, but you seem to have analyzed some potential pitfalls (pride, shame, regret, guilt). Now wrap those suckers up in yesterday’s newspaper and throw them out.

    As a “fellow” Glib with epilepsy, I can attest that my neurodoc was the one who told me to knock off the sauce. He was right.

    It’s not easy, but it’s worth it, and you can get help from all sorts of places.

    If you do decide that THC is right for you, i urge you to do research and try to get “nano dose” THC gummies of 5 mg each. Better for an “insulted” liver.

    And thank you also for your kind words about the Splosives household medical adventures. Thank God humans are adaptable critters.

  36. hayeksplosives

    Drugs falling, ass, etc.

    Link

    Amazon Creates Online Looting App To Allow The Timid To Loot From Home

    U.S.—Amazon is taking a giant leap towards greater equity with the addition of a brand new “Loot” function. Customers will have the option of proceeding to the checkout to pay normally, or clicking the “LOOT IT!” button for social justice.

    “If a looter is too timid to smash a window in person, or just too lazy to go outside, we should not be suppressing their important voice by preventing them from looting,” said outgoing CEO Jeff Bezos. “We are proud to announce our new app: Amazon Loot.”

    Customers who select the “LOOT IT” option will be given a list of injustices and microaggressions they can select from that would justify their looting. Items will be promptly shipped in 1 day, just like Amazon Prime items.

    “Amazon really feels for all the people in this country who are shy or live far away from the prime looting locations of urban centers,” said Bezos. “We are proud to be expanding looting access to more people than ever. Say it with me– looting is a human right. Period!”

    Amazon clarified that they will not be paying the manufacturers for looted merchandise, but since all makers have insurance this will not be a problem.

    • hayeksplosives

      What is really cool is this note below the satire piece:

      A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!

      So go look, budding satirists!

      https://babylonbee.com/plans

    • Akira

      but since all makers have insurance this will not be a problem.

      Haha, The Bee is priceless.

      That line jumped out at me though. A book by former mobster Henry Hill (Gangsters and Goodfellas, the sequel to Wiseguy) had a part in it where he talked about all the heists they pulled over the years, and he said something like “The way we figured it, we weren’t robbing from the business owners; they all had insurance. We were basically robbing the insurance companies, and they’re all thieves anyway so it all evened out.”

      It was interesting to hear that exact same reasoning being used by the BLM rioters.

      • hayeksplosives

        Yes, I’ve heard that from BLM supporters ranging from WASPY wokesters, naive college students, and low income rioters “of color.”

        Not for one moment do they think about insurers reacting by raising premiums or just refusing policies in the future. No consequences. Even the people who have had their auto premiums rise after they were at fault in an accident can’t see the connection when it comes to stores insuring their inventory.

        What the fuck do we teach anymore?

      • Tejicano

        When I hear that BS what goes through my mind is “Hey, you’ve got health insurance, right? So no problem if I shoot you in your ass! It won’t cost you anything.”

      • Tejicano

        Or if it was vis-a-vis some college wokester – “This your i-Phone? You have insurance for it, right?… CRASH!!”

      • hayeksplosives

        RIGHT??! Those 10 second thought experiments seem to be lacking.

        I do internal mental pondering and thought that all humans pretty much did too.

        For example, considering:
        1) the pros and cons of something
        2) the extrapolation of a trend or proposed policy to a further extreme
        3) exploration of a corner case

        Are these inborn human reasoning that modern education “theory” has wiped out, or were we “oldies” taught those things? They sure feel inherent to me.

        But that’s just like, my opinion, man.

    • Old Man With Candy

      “They write it off, Jerry.”

      • Festus

        Nobody wants an interview with The Postmaster General in a darkened room.

      • Chipwooder

        “You don’t even know what a writeoff is, do you?”

        “No. Do you?”

        “No”

        “But they do, and they’re the ones writing it off.”

  37. hayeksplosives

    A few weeks ago, we had a thoughtful and interesting article posted about Bruce Springsteen, and really, about culture and pivotal moments and touchstones in our lives.

    I was never a Springsteen fan, but I grew up watching MTV in the 80s when it was music television. Springsteen’s “Dancin’ in the Dark” was in heavy rotation, and even though I thought he sounded like he was singing with a big lump of chaw in his mouth, I listened. One of the lyrics that was well acted was “I check my look in the mirror…WANNA CHANGE MY HAIR MY CLOTHES MY FACE!!”

    Throughout my life, when I have an epiphany and I resolve to make a big change for the better. “I am going to lose weight”, “I will stop stop drinking”, “I will get over this breakup”, “I will be more confident at work.”

    We humans are full of energy for those big important changes once we make a resolution! But the results aren’t instant; they take incremental steps. So I get impatient and look in the mirror. The mental audio recording pops in: “Wanna change my hair my clothes my face!” I don’t know about the rest of you, but it helps me to make a physical outward change instantly to get that positive momentum going.

    So for me, I changed my hair color (more natural, blends the gray instead of covering) last week as my lip was healing and my brain was absorbing new reality. There will be a scar (not bad). I changed my hair color to change my outlook and to be the instant gratification step on my long journey to learn patience.

    And especially learning to let go of things that are outside my control.

    • Festus

      I feel that! The only thing that I have nominal control over is my physical corpus thus I am very aware of my appearance as a fit, older gent. So long as I get admiring glances from the ladies, I’ll be fine even if I feel like I’m dying inside. It’s a straw to grasp at but hey? We all gotta drown someday…

      • hayeksplosives

        Wha…? Are you telling me that no one ever died of “old age”?

        Yeah we all pass beyond the veil eventually. Some of us get there sooner than expected. You never know how many days you’re allotted and how many of them will be healthy.

        Enjoy your life and be kind to the afflicted while being unflinching against despots.

      • Festus

        I was speaking more to your self-image point rather than politics. I ain’t pretty no more but I like to keep in shape so I’m not just another beefallo trudging toward an early grave. So many people hit 45 or 50 and just give up. Kudos to you on the changes, pretty Lady! We should all do that once in awhile!

  38. Yusef drives a Kia

    Happy Friday my Glib friends, hows the morn?

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Yu! My morning is certainly good. I’m a bit concerned for my boss today – he’ll be off having some tests done on his ticker after some suspicious symptoms. I can tell he’s a bit worried – made a point of giving me the names and numbers of the folks he’d want authorities to contact if he had a medical emergency at work.

      How’s your morn up nort’?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Grey and chilly, normal, Im dreading today, no backup, and big boss wants me on a project I dont understand yet,

      • Gender Traitor

        Nothin’ you can’t handle, nothin’ you ain’t got!

    • hayeksplosives

      Howdy Yusef!

  39. Yusef drives a Kia

    Go to at Deer thirty,
    Drive home at Beer thirty,

  40. Tres Cool

    whats goody, fam ?

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Covfefe Brah!

      • TARDis

        ^ What he said!

        Mornin’ Yu, GT, and Mr. Cool.

      • TARDis

        Mornin’. You at work already too?

    • Gender Traitor

      Yo! Homey! SP’s coming to town next week and staying out near the base! She & I are meeting for lunch Wednesday at 1-ish up in Fairborn. Care to join us, or have you usually regained consciousness by that hour?

      And, of course, good morning, TARDy and UCS!

      • Tres Cool

        Oh HELL YEAH!

        Color me there.

      • Gender Traitor

        Yaffa Grill on Colonel Glenn. I was looking for places with good vegetarian/vegan options and started getting a hankering for tabbouleh. If you clink on the Doordash “Order Online” button, you can see their menu. SP also set up a discussion about this little get-together in the Forum, so keep an eye on it. Any other locals we can rope in? I want to try to catch Akira awake, but I think he may be a night owl like you.

      • Festus

        Gottdamn I envy your Ohio privilege! I’d love to just “meet up” with SP and y’all. Would be a interesting conversation but probably awkward at first.

  41. TARDis

    Best of luck, Evan! I say you are doing very well for yourself considering the events and circumstances you’ve dealt with. Your post is kind of inspiring to me. 2020 brought out the worst in me, and I’m finally starting to treat everyday as a new chance to do better. When I fail, I no longer despair.

    • Gender Traitor

      But you can always travel back in time, right?

      • TARDis

        I’ve given myself a good talking to a time or too, yes. 😉

      • TARDis

        *two*

      • Tres Cool

        You know you can’t turn back time

      • TARDis

        Especially with that link.

    • Gender Traitor

      So cute!!! That’s one floofy kitty right there – even moreso than our fat cat, who we think is either a Maine Coon or Norwegian Forest Cat. (Tom T leans toward the latter, because it sounds so much more exotic, now doesn’t it?)

      • Festus

        I love those ear tips! Big orange boy is down to twenty pounds but he’s 15 years old so it is to be expected. He was about 25 in his prime and I have no doubt that if we hadn’t had him neutered he would have pushed 30. Just a big old ghetto kitty.

    • rhywun

      They left out stage 7 which ends in a bunch Band-Aids being applied to the kid.

      • Gender Traitor

        Ah, yes! When baby’s motor skills have developed to the point where she can grab kitteh’s tail!

    • Cy Esquire

      Mornin Fes!

      • Festus

        Mornin’ Cy!

  42. Festus

    I am disappoint! Stage 7 is when the cat steals the baby’s breath.