About The Author

CPRM

CPRM

Organic troll farmer.

187 Comments

  1. Ownbestenemy

    Excellent CPRM!

  2. TARDis

    Wut? LOL.

  3. Not Adahn

    Oddly beautiful.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Subtle framing is often the best. I get a sense of something big coming.

    • rhywun

      Yes. Relaxing, after the ominous opening.

      • Tejicano

        If ever there was a point when one would be justified to inquire about phrasing…

      • Gustave Lytton

        Hey T, if you’re interested- Camp Zama is offering J&J one shots to all eligible persons now including retirees. Every Friday morning through May by appointment.

      • Tejicano

        Thanks GL – I noticed that too. I’m looking into getting an appointment via the posted URL.

  4. westernsloper

    This is what we call new content now?

    • rhywun

      See, this is how you shitpost.

  5. commodious spittoon

    I thought it’s Hat going into the gilded cage to be preserved for future generations of schoolchildren to wipe their boogers on the glass.

  6. Plinker762

    Start charging those capacitors HE

    • hayeksplosives

      I’m all over it!

  7. DEG

    Florida and Donald go well together.

  8. Yusef wears a Red Polo

    Always good stuff, Thanks CP!

    • hayeksplosives

      Hey, Yu!

      Happy Thursday 🙂

  9. trshmnstr the terrible

    Lol!

    OT: I’m showing the 3 year old Star Wars for the first time. She was laughing hysterically at the cantina scene. “Oh, that silly gorilla” (Chewbacca). “that’s a bad snail!” (Jabba)

    • rhywun

      Jealous. I didn’t get to see it until I was 8.

    • Winston

      You’re showing her the Special Edition?

      • hayeksplosives

        My mother has the original VHS tapes.

        I sorta want them, despite the quality. I have an old vhs/dvd combo I could hook to the computer and use to digitize then.

        #hanshotfirst

      • Tejicano

        You should!

        When I first showed my kids the first Star Wars (the original from 1977) we were staying on a local US Navy base at a Navy Lodge. There was a rack of DVD’s in the lobby so I looked for “Star Wars”. I found something like that called “A New Hope” – and I wondered what the Heck that was. I had to google a while to find out that they had changed the title.

      • hayeksplosives

        In the opening “flying text” of the original, it did say “episode IV: A New Hope” but the movie was simply named Star Wars. No reference to the subtitle on any posters or other items.

      • Tejicano

        That would have been after 1981. It wasn’t there when I first saw it in a theater in 1977.

      • hayeksplosives

        Gotcha. Ok.

    • commodious spittoon

      Grown men lost their minds over those scenes and you’re focusing on a child’s reaction to viewing this movie for the first time?

  10. Spudalicious

    LOL! That was awesome.

  11. Fourscore

    Thanks, CPRM.A little more calming, this episode.

    I can identify with the Hair, I too, am locked in a cage, at least for another 5 weeks.

    Could be worse…

    • Yusef wears a Red Polo

      A cage? Why?

      • Fourscore

        Pretty much tethered to a walker that I can hop on 1 foot with and a wheel chair that doesn’t go through the sand. My days/nights are confined to the downstairs.

        I’m really not complaining too much because I have the Glibs and a computer and a telephone and few(er) friends today than I had in March but I would have liked to say good bye to them.

        The therapy people decided I didn’t need them ’cause I’m progressing well enough on my own so they signed off.

        My glass is over 1/2 full at the point.

      • Hank

        What a cheerful attitude in what others would call a challenging situation. Best wishes.

      • blackjack

        Fourscore is the man! He’s gonna be just fine.

      • Spudalicious

        You’re an inspiration, Fourscore.

      • hayeksplosives

        Fourscore is an inspiration to us all!

        Happy healing 🙂

    • TARDis

      Hope you get paroled soon.

      • commodious spittoon

        I hope not. Lock your daughters up.

  12. straffinrun

    Relaxing.

    • commodious spittoon

      I’m not saying bring back Auschwitz or anything, but there’s probably a crematorium big enough to fit all of them.

  13. Stillhunter

    Top notch!

  14. blackjack

    Rat bastard jury duty people! I’m one of the few people who actually want to do jury duty and they somehow screwed me out of it. I was on call all week. Everyday i have to check the webpage to see if I have to report. No, no, no, no and no. Thank you for your service. Pisses me off. Now, they’re probably gonna wait the whole two years before they call me in again. Fuckers.

    • Spudalicious

      I doubt you would make it to the jury. You’re too aware. Or they’ll make you the foreman.

      • blackjack

        Last time, I was the foreperson and one of two hold outs against conviction. I was surprised they chose me because my wife is an appellate attorney. The other holdout was a civil atty.

      • hayeksplosives

        I’ve heard that some attorneys (both prosecution and defense) don’t like to have engineers on the jury because they are counting on using emotions to win their case, and engineers are not well known for being in touch with their emotions.

        I’m an exception to that rule. At least I think I am. If I had any friends, they could tell you.

        ?

      • Tejicano

        I tell people – “You can’t be sort of pregnant, kind of dead, or like an engineer. It’s a digital thing that you either are or you aren’t. And like the other two, nothing to be proud of.”

      • hayeksplosives

        But…I…

        Hmm. I have a slide rule, but my business card says Manager (blah blah) Engineering.

        When people ask what I do, I say engineer not manager. I have some shreds of dignity remaining.

    • straffinrun

      One angry man?

    • rhywun

      Two years?! I get like six years.

      Also, you’re weird.

      • blackjack

        I get full pop pay for jury duty. I can stroll in around 8 or 9 a.m. and take hour long lunches. I can be almost the sole voice of reason and prevent a wrongful conviction like last time, maybe. What’s not to like.

      • creech

        Good for you. Don’t duck jury duty – your one vote of 12 counts for far more than your one vote for President or Congress.

    • kbolino

      I am almost old enough to say I’ve been an adult longer than a minor and yet I’ve never been called to jury duty.

      • hayeksplosives

        Oh, shit. I was called to stand by for jury duty and forgot to get out of it. I guess I will have to pay a fine. I’ll call tomorrow and see if I can weasel out of it.

        I can’t serve for a few months anyway since I’m doing full-time care for my husband for several more weeks anyway. Maybe I will get a merciful bureaucrat.

      • blackjack

        For most of my life, I avoided it. The best way is to not respond at all. If you respond, there’s a decent chance they’ll make you come in the first day and explain your hardship. I’ve never heard of anyone having to pay a fine or otherwise suffering any consequences at all for skipping it. My wife ignored her summons which she got the same time as mine. It’s very onerous when you’re self employed.

      • KSuellington

        Did they send you the notice by registered mail? If not, how do they know that you received it?

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        You ARE entitled to postpone it (I forget how many months) so they’ll probably take pity on you.

    • Timeloose

      I’m supposed to call in for jury duty in May. It’s very doubtful I will get picked.

      It’s been over 12 years since my last summons.

      • blackjack

        Say ten hail Mary’s and try not to have unholy thoughts again.

      • Timeloose

        Yes father BJ

    • one true athena

      I got called for jury duty the week the lockdown happened last year. I was honestly just as glad not to have to drive to Compton.

      But yeah, under our pal Gascon there won’t be any trials, so no jurors needed. How convenient for everyone.

      • rhywun

        Compton?! Is that for all of LA county?

        Ours are by county but we have five of those in NYC so it’s not so far to travel.

      • one true athena

        No, we have a bunch of courthouses in LA County. You are usually assigned to one sorta kinda near you for jury duty, or to Downtown.

        and Compton… let’s say *traditionally* has a lot more trials going on that need jurors.

  15. rhywun

    Watched a few minutes of my first hockey game in months.

    To my complete surprise, the Rangers still suck ass.

    • straffinrun

      Checked out the NFL for first time in months and rumor has it Aaron Rodgers getting traded.

      • hayeksplosives

        From what I can tell, he said he’s open to being traded but that there was no way the packers will let him go.

        So it’s pretty much a public spat between him and the Pack.

        Pretty undignified.

      • slumbrew

        Aaron in Patriots red, white and blue would be pretty amusing.

        With Mac Jones drafted, I don’t see that happening now – might have been a possibility if they couldn’t get a solid QB out of the draft.

    • Chafed

      Has the NHL gone woke?

      /not a hockey fan

      • rhywun

        Not nearly as much as the other leagues but they cut the season short because TERRORPLAGUE – it doesn’t really count, so why watch.

      • hayeksplosives

        They also played a “pride” game this week with rainbow flags and jersey accents etc.

        I don’t know how that’s supposed to benefit anyone, but if it makes some insecure young hockey players feel good about who they are, no harm done.

        As long as dropping gloves and punching an opponent in the mouth during a game is still legit, they can preach tolerance in the broader society.

    • Spudalicious

      There’s a lot of artificial everything in there.

  16. blackjack

    When my wife planned our trip to Ireland, one of the B&B’s was slated to start on Thursday. They told her, “Oh, then you’ll be here on Touristday, ah?” She was like, Did you know we’re going be there on tourist day? It was pretty funny. Almost as funny as when the waitress asked her if she wanted soup or salad and she told her that no, she just wanted a regular salad, not super.

    • straffinrun

      Last time I went to the US, my wife and I ate at one of the chain restaurants (Applebee’s?). We ordered salads and the food runner, a cute young white girl, brought them out. She asks us, “Hello. Who’s the Asian?”. I ask her, “Who do you think?”.

      • rhywun

        At least she didn’t use the O-word.

      • topnotchtoledo

        Definitely grew up eating oriental salad. Fried dry ramen noodles, sesame, sunflower seeds. Sliced cabbage, oil soy sugar dressing. It’s pretty darn good

      • straffinrun

        Now that you mention that, that is what she said. “Who’s the oriental.” My memory is filled with glitches.

      • blackjack

        When I first adopted my son, one of my customers came by to pick up his bike. He was so amazed by my kid he called his wife to come by and see him. After a while they asked me if we planned to tell him he’s adopted. My kid is black, as in dark black. I just laughed.

      • straffinrun

        Hah. “No. We just left him in the oven too long.”

      • Tejicano

        Either that or pretend that you’d never noticed it before.

      • slumbrew

        “He’s going to stay that color!?”

      • Tejicano

        LOL!!!

  17. Trigger Hippie

    Ha! Congrats, HKE! As I’ve said before…once…awhile back…hell, I can’t remember when…you and KK are the people I fear most here. You two, given the proper motivation, could probably “dissappear me” easier than anybody else…and SP, sweetheart that she is, kinda scares me.

    No such thing as a libertarian wonan? Bullshit. They run this joint.

    • Trigger Hippie

      *wonan

      Da fuck?…prove that doesn’t exist!

    • Mojeaux

      No such thing as a libertarian woman? Bullshit. They run this joint.

      SHHHHH!!!!! You’re not supposed to POINT IT OUT!

      • Spudalicious

        Look at the sock puppet over here.

      • Tejicano

        Like fight club?

      • Mojeaux

        What fight club?

      • hayeksplosives

        Being underestimated is one of a tough broad’s secret weapons.

        Particularly effective if we seem nice and squishy on the outside.

        That way when a man whose a real douche tries to take advantage of out perceived weakness, we are able to get close enough to plunge the dagger in. Or whack with baseball. Pick your poison (which incidentally is another option.)

        Note: Im talking about work and local politics here for the most part. Y’all are safe.

        As far as you know.

      • slumbrew

        *checks deadbolt*

    • straffinrun

      We have the best white women. The antidotes to the monsters in that video I posted on comment 13.

  18. Mojeaux

    Seen on FB:

    Fauci at the podium: “If you wear 2 swimsuits, you can pee in the pool this summer.”

    • Tejicano

      Right. Like they’re going to allow us plebes to use public pools in these trying times.

  19. slumbrew

    railgun

    Please, it’d be a tungsten rod de-orbited to your location.

    “Untracked space rock”, totally deniable.

  20. hayeksplosives

    Love it, CPRM. Thanks!

    The hair needs more bars on his cage to be more effective as a faraday cage though…

    🙂

    Thanks of the shout-out. 🙂

    • rhywun

      I love your avatar, BTW.

      • hayeksplosives

        Thank you! I’m embracing my crinkles.

        It’s an accurate pic of me having mischievous thoughts…

      • rhywun

        My eyes have these weird bumps/growths around them now. You don’t want to look at them too closely.

        The eye doc didn’t seem to notice them last time, nor any hospital docs lately – so I assume it’s nothing. Or I’m going blind. We’ll see.

      • hayeksplosives

        We’ll see.

        Or not.

        *laffsnort*

        Sorry—couldn’t resist.

    • hayeksplosives

      I’ve already disrobed and gotten in bed for the night; otherwise I might have joined.

      I’ve been doing a lot of physical labor today in my 13 hour nursing duties plus housework. Hoping tomorrow is easier; just one appointment and then one run to the pharmacy.

      The IV infusion (3 weeks to go) bags have a 4 day shelf life max so I have to drive to the pharmacy frequently.

      I’m bushed, but I think today was rougher than what I can normally expect.

      • slumbrew

        You’re doing great!

        You can likely have the pharmacy deliver…

      • hayeksplosives

        Thanks.

        That’s a negative on the pharmacy delivery, Ghostrider. I asked but they said they only do that if the person really can’t get to the pharmacy.

        Sooo…I have to go pick up the box tomorrow after 6pm and another box Monday after 6 pm etc.

        I suppose if there isn’t a well organized spouse with half a brain, they’re basically sending the patient home to die. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

      • slumbrew

        Blah, that’s some bullshit. Other pharmacy options? I ask because, as a yout, I was regularly tasked to deliver things for the pharmacy I worked at.

      • hayeksplosives

        I might be able to pay a teen neighbor to do it as long as I send a letter saying they can pick it up for me.

        But truth be told, I won’t mind the brief “alone time” the drive will give me, and the way to San Marcos from my house is scenic too.

        I am just tuckered out after the 8 am phlebotomist visit, the drive over for hubs chest X-ray (lots of chair pushing for me), the shopping, fielding 6 calls from doctors, nurses, therapists, and pharmacist, dragging the trash/recycle/lawn bins down to the street and back, laundry, meal prep, etc. And of course the IV bag change and infusion pump setup (daily). To top it off, hubs placed a Costco order so I had to meet the delivery dude and drag the red wagon of groceries up the hill to the back of the house too.

        This level of physical effort is not something I can do every day.

        /rant

      • Not Adahn

        The powder will make you strong and fearless.

  21. KSuellington

    I love maps. The small towns and cities and blank spaces on them have fascinated me since always, and I have tried to visit as many remote and non remote spots on this globe as possible. I was wondering the other day if it is doable to go from one US coast to the other completely off road without trespassing and it is evidently very possible. It’s mostly done by off road motorbikes, but you can 4×4 it as well. I’m now kind of obsessed by the idea. There is a non motorized trail that goes from Canada to Mexico right through the Rockies, I am supposed to do that by bike ten years from now. There are some adventures to be had out there.

    • Tejicano

      I have the Russian map from my trip on the trans-Siberian railway buried away somewhere. I marked up our route in pencil. I ought to dig it out and show my kids sometime.

      #lovesmapstoo

      • KSuellington

        You should do it.

        In my dream house I would have a room entirely papered with maps. World maps, topo maps, city street layouts, old prints, school room maps from the 50’s, those relief maps with the raised mountains in plastic, trail maps, ski resort maps, bike trails, and engineering maps. I’d smoke a pipe in there and look at maps all day.

      • Tejicano

        A late uncle of mine was known to have memorized the map of every major US city. My father told of once traveling with him to some city they had never been to before – somebody stopped them to ask for directions and he was able to direct them to the street they were looking for.

        Even in his 80’s he was still sharp as a tack. He was visiting my dad (drove down from Minnesota) and having breakfast with my wife and myself, talking about places he had been while in the Navy during/after WWII. He mentioned that his ship had stopped at Bangkok – “You know that the actual name of the city is ‘Krung Thep Maha Nakhon ‘” – off the top of his head like it was somewhere he had just been.

      • hayeksplosives

        Was he anywhere on the Aspie scale?

        Either way, very impressive.

      • KSuellington

        Your uncle sounds like a great one. Great uncles are the best.

        I have a map of the Netherlands that I bought in a street stall in Amsterdam. It is from the early 50’s and when my Dutch friends looked at it they laughed at how much more land there is now. During the time I was there they finished up building a few more miles that used to be the North Sea to the direct east of the city. If the seas do eventually rise, I think the Nederlanders got it covered.

      • hayeksplosives

        The Dutch offered to help engineer new levees for New Orleans after Katrina, but they (Army Corps of Engineers? Louisiana? I don’t know which govt) arrogantly turned them down.

        Turning down free help from a group proven to have expertise you need is just nuts.

      • Tejicano

        HE – I don’t believe he was Aspie. He was one of the more normal people I am related to. He was a reformed alcoholic and a teetotaler.

        KS – I have a Tokyo subway map from my first visit 40+ years ago. It shows 9 lines. The current one has something like 13 lines which doesn’t sound like much of a difference but visually it looks very sparse.

      • hayeksplosives

        Thanks for answering my impertinent question. I was curious if the phenomenal memory for maps was his “thing” like some Aspies have.

        I was in a coworker’s aunt’s house one day (she offered to have us over since we were stuck in San Jose for the weekend for work). The coworker and his cousins all horsed around, friendly but hyper competitive like the old reels of the Kennedy family. We were all in our 20s.

        The coworker and Aunt both warned me that the uncle was weird and I didn’t need to spend time with him.

        I grew weary of the Kennedy theater, so I sought out the uncle. Turned out he was an electrical engineer and a collector of clocks and antique electrical instruments like ammeters! We had a wonderful time talking.

        As far as I could tell, they were embarrassed because he’d had some sort of brain injury or issue (I didn’t pry) that meant he couldn’t drive or hold a job anymore. But he was the most interesting and definitely the most genuine person in the family.

        I don’t understand why they’d think he should be shunned. He was definitely the best of the lot.

        Uncles are great indeed.

      • KSuellington

        The Dutchies know what is up with the dykes.

        I’m especially partial to old maps that show details that aren’t anymore. In Ecuador all the maps show the country as one third bigger than it is, extending their jungle claims to Iquitos, which is a fair size Peruvian city.

      • hayeksplosives

        I was fortunate enough to rescue a plat map of greater Minneapolis/St Paul published in 1883 by Warner and Foote.

        Plat maps are huge: over 7 feet by 4 or larger, and they show all the land with names of the owner of the plot of land.

        In my find, the Twin Cities were already built up, and it looks damned cool, but all the surrounding land is large plots yet to be crowded.

        Little clusters of buildings show up labeled “Church, school, cheese maker (not kidding).” Railroads, some of which are gone, lakes, etc.

        It’d be a genealogist’s dream if they wanted to find where a family settled.

        Unfortunately, the reason it still existed is that someone had cut it into 11×17” squares and glued it to a photo album.

        I teased each page out, gently repaired the curled and flaking areas, and put it into an acid-free archival album to preserve it.

        Then I scanned it at very high resolution so every detail is preserved and knitted it together in CorelDraw.

        I need to find a Minnesotan worthy of taking custody of that map and its digital version too.

      • hayeksplosives

        Minnesota Glibs can see a portion of my map blown up huge on the wall of 56 Brewery on Marshall in NE MPLS. The owners had a beer called Lake Sandy named for a lake that some thought was legendary, since there’s no lake there now.

        Mostly oral history (written down in the 70s and now forgotten) was that Sandy Lake was formerly the first ice skating venue open to the general public, and that it was a beloved place to have hot drinks and a skate. But then a wealthier neighborhood needed to dredge their own lake, Lake of the Isles, so they dumped all the sand and mud into Sandy Lake from 1908 on until it was gone from maps by 1918.

        I told the owners about the map and brought it in to settle the question: Bingo. Right there in Columbia Heights was Sandy Lake in her original glory.

        So they obtained from me a high resolution scan of the few square feet they wanted and put it up on the wall. The hipsters love it.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I would like to see that,

    • hayeksplosives

      Reading this brought to mind an exchange Holmes and Watson had while on the train through the countryside in The Copper Beeches.

      They were looking out the window at the natural countryside dotted with only a few buildings,

      “Are they not fresh and beautiful?” I cried with all the enthusiasm of a man fresh from the fogs of Baker Street.

      But Holmes shook his head gravely.
      “Do you know, Watson,” said he, “that it is one of the curses of a mind with a turn like mine that I must look at everything with reference to my own special subject. You look at these scattered houses, and you are impressed by their beauty. I look at them, and the only thought which comes to me is a feeling of their isolation and of the impunity with which crime may be committed there.”

      May your jaunt off the beaten path be carried out more in Watson’s spirit than in that of Holmes!

      • KSuellington

        Heheh, thanks hayek. I’ve always been more of a Watson than a Homes possibly. This past year has more than tested my natural optimism and hope for the future, but you have to, in the words of the Dude, abide.

  22. hayeksplosives

    FB reminded me that I posted this quote 5 years ago.

    “The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.” H. L. Mencken

    There is nothing new under the sun.

  23. hayeksplosives

    I just realized I’m scribbling all over this thread. My apologies.

    My hypergraphia seems to be kicking in.

    • Tejicano

      #metoo

      RE: your preference to be known as an engineer rather than a manager – I’d say that’s just self-preservation. Just in case something happens and they have to decide who gets thrown overboard.

      RE : uncles – I never got to know many of my extended family. Only the one I mentioned above because he happened to retire in the same city I ended up living in through work.

      • hayeksplosives

        The engineer thing is a mix of:
        1) accuracy (doctors talk to me more scientifically and frankly after they ask me what I do),
        2) aversion to being Dilbert’s pointy-haired boss
        3) self-preservation as you say
        4) pride (not too much, I hope, but yeah I’m glad to say I’m an engineer rather than a bureaucrat or influencer)

      • Tejicano

        Yeah, I will generally identify as an engineer in work environments just so people know I can keep up if the discussion tends towards the quant side of things.

        Over here it doesn’t help much with doctors. For that I rely on knowing the proper terms in Japanese (very basic stuff by American standards but few Japanese know).

  24. Yusef drives a Kia

    I just woke up to find a very pretty lady sent me a few pictures, what a nice way to start the Friday, how’s it going Glibs?

    • Tejicano

      Doing good here. 6:00 PM and having a few short cans in the office before heading home.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Nice, is it Friday there? I forget how the dateline works,

    • Sean

      Mornin

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Yu, Teji, and Sean! It’s payday for me – the third one within the calendar month, so the deductions for health insurance bennies won’t come out. w00t! It feels like free baseball!

      Weatherwise, it’s nice enough now – 51 degrees and clear – but we have a frost advisory for tomorrow morning, so I hope I can get in my Tranquility Base time.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I should look into the benes thing, today is payday as well,

  25. Yusef drives a Kia

    Poor Kittah, she got stuck outside last night in the rain, I found her sitting on the porch, waiting

    • Gender Traitor

      Poor kitteh indeed! 🙁 Did she have any sort of roof overhead? If not, I imagine she was pretty soggy.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        No, but she has a thick coat and she’s fat, she was just hungry, for food and attention,

      • Gender Traitor

        I bet those come in handy during Michigan winters!

        Little Black Kitteh just elbowed his way onto my lap. Guess I’ll have to call in “occupado” for the day. 🙂

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I liked when Bella would jump on to the Zoom chats, like Hello!

    • Gender Traitor

      How horrible! I hope that’s not used as an excuse to ban large outdoor gatherings.

  26. Yusef drives a Kia

    Raining this morning, I hope it tapers off, we finished our game in the rain yesterday,
    Happy Friday indeed, sup my Peeps?

    • Festus

      Got an email from the compliance officer yesterday that all of the windows at my sites need to be cleaned by the end of the month. Today is the end of the month and this is the first that I’ve heard of it. Festus was very displeased but he cranked down the screws on the pressure cooker and begged more time. They treat me like a sub-contractor but don’t offer the commensurate pay or information. Their windows will be done when I’m damn good and ready. Oh yeah, I don’t do exteriors or carpets… I hate this company.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        You do what you are told and like it!
        Sir!

      • Festus

        Nope. They’re scared of me leaving. I’ll get my way in the end but I tire of the dance. One guy doing the work of two is a pretty strong selling point in these negotiations. I don’t mind the labor, it’s the confused messaging from above that drives me nuts. Goalposts moving that were emplaced 8-9 years ago is not good.

  27. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam

    whats goody ?

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      The weekend? Time to go big!

      • Festus

        One more night to go. I envy you guys.

      • Gender Traitor

        Good morning, homey & Fes!

        Tres, aren’t we supposed to be done with frost around here by May??

      • UnCivilServant

        Morning, GT. I responded to your gracious email with some information regarding the fiction elements. I haven’t had time to compose thoughts on the rest.

      • Gender Traitor

        Good morning, U! I just read it – thanks! I’ll be happy to read whatever else you care to share.

        Yesterday, I ate the last packet of Chocolate Brownie cookies at work. Just to rid myself of the temptation, of course.

      • UnCivilServant

        I had to cut back on my baking as part of my diet.

        It’s hard to resist dozens of homemade cookies just sitting there, defenseless, on a cooling rack. I provided too many of them a new home.

      • Gender Traitor

        I don’t do much baking – my big food prep temptation is homemade applesauce if I can get my hands on the perfect apples – the “transparent” variety my mother always used. Sadly, the lack of a local farmers’ market last year precluded that possibility, though I suppose I might have located some with enough effort. I get the impression you need to get on a waiting list at your orchard of choice – that variety is in high demand.

        At one point, there were three excellent bakers at my office. It helps my diet somewhat that one of them left, one works from home, and the third, though she works onsite, apparently has less time to bake since she went from part- to full-time.

      • UnCivilServant

        But I have a new silpat that hasn’t even been taken out of the packaging. It’s just begging me to make cookies.

        😛

      • Sean

        @UCS

        Have you tried low carb baking? Almond flour cookies? Lily’s chips are a great no sugar chocolate chip replacement.

      • UnCivilServant

        I can’t say that sounds appealing.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        UCS: Make frico! ?

      • UnCivilServant

        Hrmm…

        I don’t have too many cheese rinds though.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Rinds??

        Costco carries shredded parmesan with no anti-clumping agents.

      • Sean

        Well, if you change your mind, try Wellbee’s super fine almond flour. I get good results with their stuff.

      • Tres Cool

        Ye Olde Farmer’s Almanack claims April 17th is our last frost day.

      • Gender Traitor

        I would be happy for Kirstie Zontini to be mistaken in this prognostication. I think she’s the one who, when I hear her on the radio, always sounds as if she has a stuffed-up nose.

      • Tres Cool

        I think she’s from Youngstown. That would explain a lot.

  28. Gender Traitor

    I’m hoping this bill becomes a law here in Buckeyeland.

    So far in Ohio slightly less than 40 percent of Ohioans have started the vaccination process, so clearly there are a lot of people who are slow to accept the vaccine or want no part of it altogether.

    I guess I’m not as weird as I thought. Or at least my jabless status isn’t evidence thereof.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      No you’re not weird, it’s just that the media isn’t going to give you a celebratory back rub for your stance. They try to atomize people and cut them off from those who agree with them (if it disagrees with their stance of course) in order to hurt their confidence and steer them towards a narrative and intimidate them if need be. It’s good to see people up there aren’t falling for it.

      • Festus

        Up here it’s not even that. The Hair That Walks As A Man put his trust in a Chinese-sourced vaccine whist in the middle of an international spat with the Chi-Coms. We have outbreaks and some Provinces are back to lock-downs and fucking nightly curfews. Not as many people are dying but the case #’s are up. Texas and Florida seem to be doing just fine.

    • The Hyperbole

      Nope, it may be fine if the government wants to make that rule for themselves only, but no one has a right to work for me. If I don’t want to hire you because of your jab status, or race, or sex, or age, or being a Beach Boys fan that’s on me, the government can pound sand with their rules.

      • Festus

        “Hate Crime!”

    • Sean

      I want no part of it altogether. I also don’t do flu shots.

      • Festus

        #metoo

  29. UnCivilServant

    🙁

    The agency just posted openings for transfers in to my unit at a higher salary grade than I made, with explicit mention that these are equivalent grade transfer only, and not open for promotion, even though I know I’ll end up having to train provide knowledge transfer to anyone hired into the openings.

    I’ve been at the top of grade for four years now, and they’ve let the team atrophy to the point where if I walk, they’re screwed. Is it too much to ask to be allowed to apply for the position(s)?

    • Festus

      Ugh! Training your replacement Drone is just awful. Sorry.

      • UnCivilServant

        I’ve done that before.

        But in this case, it would be more like training my new supervisor. One of the few benefits that hasn’t been given away by our so-called union is the job security.

        I’ve been sitting around in my current title for eleven years because higher grade openings are rare, and highly contestested. When one pops up in the niche I’ve been stuck in, I just want a fair chance at it.

      • Festus

        Knowledge should be power and should be fungible. I feel for you. Assholes.

      • UnCivilServant

        Luckily the way the posting is worded, a lot of eligable people won’t bother, because most will not have peoplesoft experience and a lateral transfer doesn’t have the same draw as a promotion. We might get disgruntled people trying to flee their current job. Not the best pool.

      • Festus

        Not too many “gruntled” people lately.

    • Not Adahn

      that these are equivalent grade transfer only, and not open for promotion,

      Looks like someo’s “earned” themselves a lateral move.

      • UnCivilServant

        No, there’s closer to nine to a dozen positions because we need people for a major project that the governer’s office wants done. But the budget people are trying to ‘save’ money by looking for internal people.

  30. Not Adahn

    Since nobody else is saying it: The Presidential Airboat is awesome.

    • Festus

      I like that Donald is catching flies.

    • Festus

      Addendum – This is CPRM’s most restrained work yet and probably his best. I could feel the glee of the Hat and the despair of the Hair almost viscerally.

    • Not Adahn

      Hmmm. I wonder if I can get some guinea fowls to clear my woods of ticks.

      • Festus

        Euphemism?