484 Comments

    • AlexinCT

      Fuck these people. You know that if the cop had done nothing that would be what these assholes would be complaining about. This isn’t about anything other than dismantling society.

    • Nephilium

      Think of how bad it is when you’ve got [most of] this lot here on the side of the fucking police.

      • Strange Brew

        Exactly.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I’m flabbergasted.

        The only logical response from the police would be to resign en masse.

      • AlexinCT

        I sure as hell hope this starts happening in these urban areas that have been dominated by leftism for decades, and soon, so these people can get a good dose of reality – hard and bad – so they realize the problem is with the marxist shit they have been indoctrinated to believe. Reality is the only cure to all these LARPing assholes.

      • Suthenboy

        No. It isn’t. There is no cure.

      • Ozymandias

        Well, Suthen, akCHOOally, there is…. It’s just a more permanent solution.

        (….And you know who else had a solution for the problems in the cities?)
        (Figured I’d finally get one of those in on my own.)

      • rhywun

        Been happening in NYC for a couple years.

      • invisible finger

        The logical response is not to resign but to follow the lead of the teachers unions.

        At the very least stop providing off-duty services to the NBA et al.

      • Chafed

        I’d love to see it but they love them some overtime.

      • Swiss Servator

        …that is pretty bad indeed.

      • leon

        You don’t have to pick a side to understand that the tact the left has taken on this is insane and wrong.

      • juris imprudent

        Yeah, actually you do have to pick a side – because they won’t ever stop to think, there needs to be a reckoning with them, and you’re going to want as many people as possible on your side when that time comes. Not that that should be hard to build a coalition against them as you have to be fucking insane to go along with them.

      • leon

        my point was, this could have been an entirely unjustified shoot and the argument “kids will be kids and knife fights are normal” would still be insane.

      • juris imprudent

        And until these people are bitchslapped to where they either take account of reality or just STFU, they will continue to be just as insane as they are. I have little hope for this given the nature of social and mass media and the masses penchant for celebrity worship.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        Bullshit.

        Here is their side: You guys keep perpetuating the bullshit. I said what I said. Racism is about power. Anyone can be prejudiced, but the only people that have power to disenfranchise an entire race of people are white folks.

        Theyā€™re blaming white people for a white cop having stopped a black girl from stabbing another black girl.

        I do have to pick a side, because if I donā€™t, theyā€™ve already picked one for me.

      • leon

        Ok, so clearly my poor choice of words struck the wrong cord. I thought i was better known than that. I don’t think i’ve tended to advocate weak willed un-principled stances. My point was that the Left’s arguments are so batshit insane that even if this was the worst situation, anyone who has common sense would reject them. “Kids will be Kids” is not a civilized response to people engaging in attempted murder. The fact that they have taken this stance shows that they are obsessed with instigating racial tensions over civilized society.

        In short, you don’t need to know anything about this shooting to hear what the Left is saying and say “Thats bullshit”

      • Rat on a train

        It’s a follow up to years of “don’t make me defend Trump”.

      • robc

        What was it someone said on here a while back? Something like, “the worst part of being principled is having to defend the worst people.” Trump, cops, guys who drink silver, etc.

      • prolefeed

        It’s not really defending the police when one observes that someone is assaulting others, and that some means of self defense ought to be available.

        More like defending both Second Amendment rights and the ability to engage private defensive. Outlaw those, and what remains?

        Police.

      • Emmerson Biggins

        Was watching some Dave Smith the other day. He had what I thought was an new and insightful way of explaining the situation:

        The statist-quo corporate msm, or whatever you you wanna call it has decided that the only legitimate way to criticize the police is to call them racist. And if you try to criticize them in some other way, it’s because you are a racist.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        And that was *just* a pocket knife.

    • Strange Brew

      Valerie Jarrett is a disgusting human being and should be mocked mercilessly. I knew she was a terrible person but this shit is even more disgusting than I could have imagined.

      • leon

        The outrage reeks of gross classism. “Knife fights are just what the Poor’s do!”

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        It’s a shining example of the “bigotry of low expectations.”

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Except for Kathy Griffin, who apparently went to an upper-middle-class school where this was commonplace, apparently. It may just have been the theater kids rehearsing for West Side Story, but close enough.

      • rhywun

        Does this mean Roseanne gets her show back?

      • AlexinCT

        It means that they will want her to be caused even more harm since she was right..

      • Drake

        No – her joke was way too spot on.

  1. Tejicano

    “Health Official Slaps Fines, Criminal Charges Against Church Elders For Refusing To Let Him Disrupt Service”

    I would be so tempted to scrounge around on the internet to gather enough Reichsmarks to pay the fine.

    • Tonio

      I understand your desire to help those people, but that would just encourage their government to issue more fines to more people.

    • Broswater

      Worse part is you know that whatever happens, none of those public health officials will never ever face any backlash or any other consequences for their straight up abuse of power. Politicians might end up getting voted out but public servants will be there forever, with cushy pension.

  2. Count Potato

    “ā€œThe Internet Covert Operations Program is a function within the U.S. Postal Inspection Service, which assesses threats to Postal Service employees and its infrastructure by monitoring publicly available open source information,ā€ the statement said.”

    So who who had “everything is infrastructure” on their 2021 bingo card?

    “ā€œAnalysts with the United States Postal Inspection Service (USPIS) Internet Covert Operations Program (iCOP) monitored significant activity regarding planned protests occurring internationally and domestically on March 20, 2021,ā€ says the March 16 government bulletin, marked as ā€œlaw enforcement sensitiveā€ and distributed through the Department of Homeland Securityā€™s fusion centers. ā€œLocations and times have been identified for these protests, which are being distributed online across multiple social media platforms, to include right-wing leaning Parler and Telegram accounts.ā€”

    But not BLM and Antifa literally burning buildings.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I know I shouldn’t be surprised the fucking USPS has an internet spying division now, but WTF?

      • Nephilium

        /looks at the continued mail for people who haven’t lived at this address for over a decade

        Maybe they’re really just researching to find the new average man?

      • Rat on a train

        Not only former residents, but for people who have the same numbers (not necessarily in the same order) in their address.

      • UnCivilServant

        Look, the post office sincerely believes I’ve got over half a dozen families living in my two bedroom bungalow.

      • Rat on a train

        Have you checked the closets and under the bed?

      • UnCivilServant

        Your family might fit under my bed – but I have a zero tolerance policy for rodents who don’t pay rent.

      • DrOtto

        Maybe they’re working off voter rolls.

    • leon

      Biden admin wasted no time in seizing the in place architecture to turn his stazi government on those critical of him. Maybe a certain “right wing” president should have destroyed that apparatus when he had the chance.

      • limey

        But of course, we all saw just how little power a President really has when the deep state/entrenched bureaucracy is against him. That’s a glass half empty. The glass half full would be to take comfort in the fact there is still a limit to executive power, but we know it’s conditional on who is President, and we know it’s not so much the legislature and the judiciary that are the only, or indeed the main restrictions any more. It’s far more unscrupulous. A Republic, if you could have kept it…

      • juris imprudent

        You do realize it is just as likely that this effort started under Trump, hell, could even reach back to Obama.

      • SDF-7

        Or GW… honestly the whole “innocuous sounding purpose” (make sure people aren’t messing with the mail / mail carriers) transmogrifying into “monitor everything, funnel it to the more traditional agencies and spout off about how their revealing their methods would compromise national security” just screams that a bunch of CIA spooks moved over to run the operation where people wouldn’t think to look. Wouldn’t surprise me if some of that started with working out domestic surveillance with the Patriot Act.

        And they wonder why no one trusts the government any more….

    • Tonio

      They should not have retained any law enforcement powers or positions once they were spun off into that unaccountable, quasi-governmental org which they now are.

  3. Festus

    That homepage illustration – oh hell yeah! Mornin’ Banjos!

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      *checks*

      A round of applause for Banjos is deserved.

    • Sean

      LOL

    • Tonio

      [golf clap] for the illustration. Where did you find that?

  4. l0b0t

    Another FANTASTIC musical selection! Thanks Banjos.

  5. Count Potato

    “Despite this, the left is still batshit crazy.”

    There were a a ton of those on Twitter yesterday.

  6. leon

    That Canadian Heath officer is enjoying tormenting the people who dare defy his power.

  7. Pine_Tree

    Popping through TMITE headlines, Fox’s for the Ohio shooting is “Intense backlash over Lebron James’ tweet allegedly inciting violence against Ohio cop who shot teen”

    I know it’s too much to hope for (unless the Bee comes through), but I wish they’d grow a set and write “…against Ohio cop who saved a girl’s life”

  8. Count Potato

    “The mother of a black Kentucky woman shot by police last year claimed this week that Black Lives Matter is a “fraud” organization and that activists have exploited her daughter’s death for financial gain.

    Tamika Palmer, the mother of the late Breonna Taylor who was gunned down during an alleged no-knock raid by police last year, said in a Facebook post this week that she has “watched [people] raise money on behalf of Breonna’s family who has never done a damn thing for us” and that she “could walk in a room full of people who claim to be here for Breonna’s family who don’t even know who I amļæ¼.”

    “I have never personally dealt with BLM Louisville and personally have found them to be fraud,” she said, also accusing Kentucky Rep. Attica Scott of being a “fraud.””

    https://justthenews.com/nation/mom-black-woman-killed-police-says-activists-have-exploited-her-death-calls-blm-fraud

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I’m sure this will be picked up by the national media in 3, 2, 1…..

      • limey

        They’ll just keep equating any criticism of BLM with racism into maybe they get to a point where The Narrative welcomes the new vanguard and they can then control the “we must do better” and “how capitalism corrupted a noble grassroots movement”, etc. TMITE and their activist handlers will be able to just steer a rebrand, if it ever comes to that. It’s how things change but stay the same.

      • limey

        Remember when Henry Louis Gates Jr wrote that op-ed about reparations for the NYT? The academy was straight in their with how “troubled” they were by it, etc, and how the ones pushing the FREE MONEY FOR ALL POC NOW agenda were supposedly the ones having the “nuanced” and “informed” discussions about it.

    • The Other Kevin

      The only one who took this seriously and did something about it was Rand Paul. I like to think that he had something to do with this person’s outlook.

      • leon

        As if! Didn’t you see when those BLM protestors swarmed him and demanded he say her name! He wouldn’t do it!

  9. AlexinCT

    I think I have the main reason as to why the country seems to be falling to complete shit.

    While older societies had some really weird hangups, those hangups came from experiences suffered. The ones that are obvious to me are the ones against instant gratification behavior with consequences. Adultery and single parenthood were discouraged because everyone saw the economic and other societal costs, and when resources were scarce, societies could often not survive too much of this. We are infinitely more wealthy today, so we often pretend daddy government can solve the economic disadvantages causes by this (by robbing Peter to pay Paul). But there are no solutions for the other societal problems created by the imbalances. Seems like we are forced to learn these lesson yet again. The hard way. Because of people that are quick to pave the road to hell with government largesse.

    • leon

      the road to hell is paved with bureaucratic salaries.

      • AlexinCT

        I have no problem if we as a society decide that we today can do something less well to do ones couldn’t but we should be able to discuss and realistically address consequences of problems, both expected and unexpected. Being shamed and silenced for pointing out there are consequences and that education might help people mitigate those, because someone’s feelings are hurt, does the people whose feelings these noble wokesters want to protect nothing but a massive disservice.

      • juris imprudent

        I don’t think [lack of] education is the issue here. It is refusal to accept reality, on several fronts. You can’t educate people to get them to be responsible and less narcissistic.

    • juris imprudent

      Did they dust off the Moynihan report?

  10. Rebel Scum

    The law enforcement arm of the U.S. Postal Service has been quietly running a program that tracks and collects Americansā€™ social media posts, including those about planned protests, according to a document obtained by Yahoo News.

    *Looks around at major cities in the US throughout the past year*

    Seems useful. . .

  11. The Late P Brooks

    “Call me a Nazi, will you? Gunter, round up some of the boys and teach that loudmouth a lesson. Bulldoze his so called church, too.”

    • leon

      The health officer allegedly lied to him about having to stay in quarantine an extra week, it seems in an attempt to keep him from giving a sermon on the holy week.

  12. Sean

    I can’t imagine how James Webster can sleep at night. That’s just fucking evil.

  13. Rebel Scum

    A public health official in Saskatchewan, Canada, slapped two church elders with criminal charges and fined their church $14,000 after they refused to allow him to enter their building with police during a service,

    Ignore the fine. Tell them to fuck off.

    citing their rights under the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms.

    How quaint.

  14. rhywun

    I think I have the main reason as to why the country seems to be falling to complete shit.

    Yeah, but we haven’t been allowed to talk about that for going on fifty years now.

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      Itā€™s misogynist to suggest that 2-parent homes are healthier for children than broken families.

      Probably racist too.

      This is a movement of wholly selfish people, putting their desires above their childrenā€™s needs.

    • Agent Cooper

      Fatherless America was written in 1996.

  15. Sean
    • Ownbestenemy

      “We took this dangerous weapon off the street” OR “Food prices are getting too high and Ive had this buried in my attic for decades and for all I know, its like the ones at Disneyland so Ill make a few bucks”

      • AlexinCT

        You fool! Don’t you know owning one of those could cause you to start talking like a pirate and demand the lash, more rum, and some sodomy!

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      This like those photos from the UK police that display the dangerous pointy things, they confiscated from the population, like potato peelers and spatulas.

      • AlexinCT

        Fear my metallic bristle toilet bowl leaner you freaking tyrants!

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        He’s got steel wool! Run for cover!

    • Rat on a train

      I like the stories of people selling $5 homemade guns for $100 at the buybacks.

    • Rebel Scum

      “Weapons of war do not belong on the streets of Toronto”

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Hey, they just want to make sure those colonials down south don’t want to have a go at them from across the Great Lakes in their war sloops again.

      • UnCivilServant

        Every time we have invaded Canukistan, it was a failure.

      • robc

        Same problem with invading Russia — the winters.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Yeah, getting a war propaganda campaign going is especially difficult when the targets are Canadians. It’d be like launching an inquisition against the Mormans, yeah they may be heretics*, but they are just so darn nice.

        *Rhetorical device, not the author’s opinion and I know that historically this did happen (I grew up near Nauvoo and went to the historical site there)

      • leon

        There’s also the little known Utah War

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        That too. I knew of it, not about it.

      • Rebel Scum

        These days I am pretty sure we could eliminate their ability to make war in a single afternoon. And invasion would still be tricky though. ///BuildTheNorthernWall

      • UnCivilServant

        It would take longer than an afternoon to get there.

        Unless your goal is to eliminate the country rather than rule it, then we could do that in a single hour. /fallout shelters recommended.

      • Not Adahn

        The fun thing about the Citadel tour in Quebec is them talking about how they expanded it every time the US did something frisky.

      • zwak

        Are those the Sloops in CA?

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      Pirates everywhere breathe a sigh of relief.

  16. The Late P Brooks

    Out of nowhere

    While we all sometimes worry about our health, or google symptoms, health anxiety is recognised in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) – known as the bible of psychiatry – as a condition in which obsessive fears about health become excessive.

    It is defined by compulsively checking for symptoms, researching diseases, obsessing over normal bodily sensations or avoiding anything that could potentially lead to you being exposed to disease.

    This little-known, yet widespread condition, has hit more people this year in the wake of the pandemic.

    Many have been unable to leave their house or even open windows for fear of infection. Some, like Ben, have quit jobs. Others bleach their house for hours a day. Almost all have been plagued by uncontrollable thoughts about dying from Covid.

    ——-

    Coronavirus in particular poses problems for those with health anxiety.

    Symptoms like shortness of breath can be symptomatic of both anxiety and Covid, and the two can create a vicious cycle. The more anxious you become the more “evidence” you have that you are sick.

    Plus there’s the uncertainty over infection. “When you’re dealing with an enemy that you can’t see it’s hard to turn that threat radar down,” says Dr Trent.

    For Myra Ali, in north London, the past 12 months have felt very long. “I haven’t really been out the house for a year,” she says. “All we’ve heard is how easily you can catch Covid, so it’s embedded in your mind.”

    The 33-year-old is low risk, but an intense fear about getting hospitalised with Covid controlled her thoughts. She even put off surgery for a chronic condition as a result.

    Good job, Public Health Experts. You have terrorized millions to serve your own vanity and baseless pride.

    • rhywun

      Billions.

      And nothing else happened.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      People are worried about their health… nooo waay man, that’s fake news. Next, you are going to tell me that women are more prone to neuroticism and are more likely to worry about any given thing, including health!

    • ruodberht

      This was designed very well to exploit the hypochondriacs. Look at Megan McArdle – completely lost her shit because it’s clear she has a pathological fear of germs.

    • juris imprudent

      Health anxiety because hypochondria was too clear and well understood.

    • EvilSheldon

      The problem here, as I see it, is reclassifying ‘anxiety’ as a medical condition that needs to be treated (or coddled and tiptoed around by others.)

      Harden the fuck up, ya big Jessie!

    • Nephilium

      Local news headline edition:

      ‘I feel completely back to myself’: Coronavirus vaccines helping some long haulers but not others, for reasons not yet known

      Article is paywalled.

  17. Q Continuum

    ‘When the men argued that the protections of federal Canadian law supersede a provincial health order, Webster made a dismissive gesture and said, ā€œNo, thatā€™s made up stuff.”‘

    I couldn’t capture a better snapshot of the mentality of these tyrannocrats; Charters (or Constitutions, etc.) are just made up crap and my arbitrary nonsense is the supreme law of the land.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      There is not very much difference, save for a few recalcitrant governors, between them and us and, sadly, our current trajectory is getting us closer to the commonwealth’s style of government rather than farther away.

    • Rat on a train

      Laws exist to serve the masters, not protect the slaves.

    • robc

      No, the best snapshot is “In a perfect world, we are looking for compliance.”

      That is what this is all about. Complying with **any** order the government gives.

      • juris imprudent

        The governmentBig Brother only wants what is best for you – why can’t you get that through your thick skull.

      • robc

        THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS.

      • robc

        Also, Jellico was the best Captain of the Enterprise across all shows.

      • UnCivilServant

        He had to do something after Retiring from OCP.

    • rhywun

      It does seem like NBC is the worst of that lot. As bad as CNN or NPR.

      • Not Adahn

        “We’re doing a story about exploding gas tanks. So make the goddamn things EXPLODE! WTF am I paying you for?”

    • Rebel Scum

      In their report on the officer-involved shooting in Columbus, Ohio, NBC Nightly News deceptively edited the 911 call to leave out the part where the caller says a girl was “trying to stab us.” They also don’t show viewers the knife in the attacker’s hand just before the shots.

      At what point does lying become incitement?

      • juris imprudent

        If I were another media outlet I would be trumpeting how dishonest they were as a way to up my viewership.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        THIS.

        But youā€™ll just be labeled as fake news, hampered with constant ā€œfact checksā€, and minimized as much as possible.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        This is kinda Fox’s business model (when they aren’t gargling RHINO genitalia, that is)

      • db

        I imagine there’s a good chance Greenwald will have something to say about this.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      If there were any doubt Lester Holt is a piece of shit, this should dispel it.

    • UnCivilServant

      You were doing so well until #57 showed up with ath ugly full sleeve ink.

      I’ll just take #44 and go.

  18. robc

    I looked up baseball birthdays and already forgot them. They weren’t bad, just not interesting. Bad is interesting.

  19. Pope Jimbo

    Has anyone talked about the man who is busy stomping on the first girl that sweet innocent Maā€™Khia had attacked.

    That is the guy who really deserves the scorn of The Mob. What sort of asshole comes in with a dirty sneak attack on a girl who is on the ground? The guy kicks her and is in the process of stomping the girl when the cop shoots Our Little Angel.

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      No.

      Theyā€™re busy blaming white people.

      ā€œYou guys keep perpetuating the bullshit. I said what I said. Racism is about power. Anyone can be prejudiced, but the only people that have power to disenfranchise an entire race of people are white folks.ā€

  20. The Late P Brooks

    The way we talk about health anxiety in society only makes it worse. Terms like hypochondriac can dismiss those who worry too much about their health, and few people are aware that health anxiety is a genuine condition.

    That attitude even filters into the medical community and Dr Willson says it can be difficult to get help from doctors due to their own negative perception of it. The condition was previously called hypochondriasis, but the stigma drove professionals to call it health anxiety instead.

    Dr Willson, who co-authored a book on the condition, says there is a shortage of doctors specialising in it even though the condition can have a life-changing impact. Two of his patients have taken their own lives and he says it dominates the lives of many others.

    But Saint Doctor Foochy went on the telly and said I was certain to catch it, and it is 100% fatal!

  21. Rebel Scum

    Bodycam footage reveals 16 year old girl who was shot by cops was about to stab another girl before being shot.

    “Hero cop saves girl from stabbing” “Racist white cop shoots/kills black teen”

  22. The Late P Brooks

    ā€œRacist white cop shoots/kills black teenā€

    His white power privilege and cultural insensitivity caused him to disrespect her ancient tribal ritual.

  23. The Late P Brooks

    Back to the hypochondriacs:

    …he, along with Dr Trent, agreed health anxiety could be managed through cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), a talking therapy which helps change the way you think and behave as well as exposure therapy, where, with professional support, people slowly expose themselves to the things making them anxious – like going outside – in small doses.

    Therapy like an honest assessment of the contagiousness and lethality of this grossly overhyped plague might be a good place to start.

    • EvilSheldon

      Huh. I always thought CBT was a reference to Cock and Ball Torture. Who knew?

      • juris imprudent

        Other common reference is Computer Based Training. I always like to think of either your reference or therapy one when I know it is about training.

      • EvilSheldon

        I’m not sure which of those things I’d enjoy the least.

      • egould310

        California Bank & Trust

    • Trigger Hippie

      ‘ā€¦he, along with Dr Trent, agreed health anxiety could be managed through cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), a talking therapy which helps change the way you think and behave as well as exposure therapy…’

      Yes, because everyone is middle to upper middle-class and has the time and money to engage in highly specialized therapy.

      The working class and poor are just an abstract idea.

      Yes, people are hyperventilating over this shit to an absurd degree. I just think it’s funny that the advice is not feasible for millions of people who’ve been manipulated by the media and health officials.

      • Broswater

        I’d agree with you, but from my perspective, most of the Covidians are from the middle to upper class WFH crowd, or in retirement, and haven’t lost a paycheck because of this BS.

        So yes, they do have the money, and the free time, and would do all of us a great service if they got their hysteria fixed.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        This.

        Everyone demanding fealty to the ā€œexpertsā€ hasnā€™t been financially impacted in the least, and just want to ensure they can still sit their fat asses on the couch in their ā€œfat sweatsā€, doing 30% of their normal workload, while still pulling in full pay and having time for their lunchtime fuck.

  24. Tundra

    Good morning, Banjos!

    That song is great!

    I think I have the main reason as to why the country seems to be falling to complete shit.

    I think you are right. It will only resolve itself when the incentives disappear. Which means post-collapse.

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      How dare you suggest that actively paying single mothers to have more and more children out of wedlock is a bad thing?

  25. Pope Jimbo

    The Mob better not forget that there are three more hard core racists to convict.

    One of the upsides to the conviction of Chauvin would be for these guys to slip through the cracks. Especially the two rookies who were only on the job for a week.

    • Rebel Scum

      This whole case is such horseshit. Floyd was erratic, uncooperative, combative and drugged out of his mind and still eating drugs during the event. He died of a drug overdose and the cops couldn’t tend to him (having called paramedics already) because an irate crowd was distracting them.

      At this point I fully expect another politically driven show-trial* for “murder” with that cop in Columbus.

      *assuming what appears to have happened at this point is what actually happened.

  26. The Late P Brooks

    Apparently, based on my meanders through the googlenooz headlines, we are now supposed to obsess about that massive fog of aerosolized poop pathogens billowing out of a toilet when we flush it. #BAN INDOOR PLUMBING

    Fucking lemmings. Can we fast forward to the part where they all dive off a cliff and end up in a rotting heap?

    • Sean

      That’s so 2020.

    • Pope Jimbo

      There are no crap plumes from outhouses. Just saying….

    • Rat on a train

      Just wear a mask.

    • Nephilium

      Fucking lemmings. Can we fast forward to the part where they all dive off a cliff and end up in a rotting heap?

      You mean that staged footage shot by Disney?

    • SDF-7

      No — we need to guide them over to where the path is blocked and have their little “Oh No!” explosion clear the way for the rest…

  27. Q Continuum

    I must admit, “kids will be kids” in response to attempted murder is not a take I ever expected to see from a sizable portion of the population.

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      Thatā€™s because youā€™re a sane individual.

      The left will have none of it.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      *Twitter population

      Regular people sometimes get their talking points from Twitter, but reality tends to diverge from the Twitterati pretty markedly.

      I just think these peoples are sociopaths that do have the will or ability to get their hands dirty (e.g. Twitter tough gai, Talcum X)

    • juris imprudent

      Just as there is no discussion of what a 13 year old (Toledo kid) was doing on the streets at 2am with a gun, even if he did drop it before being shot by cops.

  28. Rebel Scum

    Census data show long rise in single-parent homes; experts link to wide array of social ills

    The traditional family unit is racist though.

    • juris imprudent

      How dare you overlook the patriarchal angle, you cis-shitlord!

    • leon

      I’m just thinking its interesting that the Census Bureau is reporting data like this but _still_ hasn’t announced the apportionment statistics that they should have given back in December.

    • EvilSheldon

      Because I hate myself, I occasionally browse through r/AmITheAsshole.

      The runaway number one scenario is divorced/single-parent homes and the progeny thereof. (‘In-laws’ is #2, ‘Roommates’ and ‘Weddings’ are tie for a distant third.)

      Sometimes I think that even if you’re beating the shit out of your kids, at least you’re spending time with them…

      • leon

        I feel like if you feel the need to be posting your life on redit to get approval, the answer has to be “Yes, yes your are.”

      • EvilSheldon

        Technically r/AmITheAsshole is a redundant sub. *EVERYONE* on reddit is an asshole.

      • juris imprudent

        *insert He’s Not Wrong gif*

  29. Tonio

    Mars rover Perseverance extracts sweet, sweet oxygen from Martian atmosphere, which is mostly CO2. This opens the way for colonization and manned missions.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      *Looks through rolodex for Elon Musk’s number*

    • Count Potato

      “Martian atmosphere, which is mostly CO2”

      So if CO2 causes global warming, why is it cold on Mars?

      CHECKMATE LIBTARD!!!

    • Endless Mike

      Colonization? MANned missons???
      *TRIGGERED*

  30. Pope Jimbo

    I only wish the GOP as the local press think they are. Republicans pounce!

    In having the Senate act, Gazelka succeeded in putting DFLers into a political box, forcing them to find a way to both provide the money their governor was requesting while responding to criticism from the partyā€™s urban base that the money would only further over-policing. And voting against the money became an instant litmus test by some on the left flank of the DFL coalition.

    ā€œI am voting NO on this bill. More police?ā€ tweeted Duluth DFL Sen. Jen McEwen. ā€œThe human rights abuses, military occupation, tear gas, rubber bullets, unlawful detentions, from [law enforcement] just this week have reinforced that more [law enforcement] is the problem, not the solution. More money? After this past week? I donā€™t think so.ā€

    I guess voting on a bill to fund all the extra cops in town for the Chauvin trial is some sort of clever trap the GOP sprung on the poor DFL legislators.

    • leon

      Anytime leftists are in an untenable position, it is never because of their contradictions and unprincipled stances. It’s because of those wily right wingers!

    • Tundra

      “What just happened?”

      /MN GOP

  31. The Late P Brooks

    Health anxiety because hypochondria was too clear and well understood.

    But “hypochondria” is a pejorative! Only an insensitive lout would suggest that obsessively fretting about every microbial threat imagineable is an unwholesome and self-destructive behavior. Wear at least two masks and surgical gloves everywhere. And for god’s sake, stop using flush toilets.

    • l0b0t

      I believe the Psychoneurotic Institute for the very VERY Nervous has some open beds.

      • juris imprudent

        Paging Dr. Montague!

      • juris imprudent

        From IMDB

        This tribute to Alfred Hitchcock contains references to more than 10 of his films: see the links to other titles. Mel Brooks held a private preview of the movie for Hitchcock to see his reaction. When Hitchcock walked out at movie’s end without saying a word, Brooks feared that Hitchcock hated the movie. But days later, Hitchcock sent a congratulatory case of wine to Brooks, knowing that Brooks was a wine connoisseur, and declared the film “Splendid! I wish I had done it.”

    • Mad Scientist

      Neat!

  32. Mojeaux

    Welp. Mom and I are on another cross-country trek to NC, this time for my aunt and uncleā€™s memorial service. I have my hotspot and my electronics so I can keep up with you reprobates.

    • DEG

      Sorry about your aunt and uncle.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Uncle too? sigh.

        Happy belated birthday, anyway.

      • Mojeaux

        He died about 6 months ago and the memorial couldn’t be held. She died last month, so my cousins are holding both memorials at the same time.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Ah, got it. Still…that sucks.

      • Trigger Hippie

        I was about to say…

        Damn, that’s a shitty double whammy.

        Sorry, Mo.

      • Mojeaux

        Thanks guys. They were old and in pain. No condolences necessary. We see it as a graduation to the next stage of eternal education and family, so it’s a blessing and a celebration.

        When my uncle died I sent my aunt a Happy Graduation card instead of a condolences card. She was thrilled.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Oh, you cooky Mormons and your upbeat take on just about everything.

        I envy that mindset at times.

      • Mojeaux

        Right?!

      • Mojeaux

        Thanks. Weirdly I keep feeling like I’m going to see her and talk to her about all this dying business.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Some day…?

        We’d better shut up and let you pack.

      • Mojeaux

        Oh I’m on the road. Trouble with traveling with an elderly lady is all the pitstops. Which is a fitting word because she drives like she’s on a NASCAR track.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        ?It’s the little old lady from Kansas City?

        When is it your turn to drive?

      • Mojeaux

        Dunno but if she keeps it up I’m demanding the keys.

    • leon

      Sorry about your Aunt and Uncle

      (And happy belated B-Day)

  33. leon

    Hey glibs, here’s a sermon, not just a thought šŸ˜‰

    God “created all things… both things to act, and things to be acted upon”. This is something that has struck me this morning. A key to happiness and freedom is recognizing that we are agents free to act. When we yield our agency to others, but letting the whirlwind of politics dictate our emotional state, we let ourselves be acted upon. Things of course are going to happen that are outside our control, but that is no reason to give up what we can control to those outside influences.

    • The Last American Hero

      Fair enough, but the list of things in the latter group has gotten pretty small in the last year.

      Stay home, limit travel, don’t go to church, if you do don’t sing or interact or touch, wear a mask, hell wear two, limit gatherings….

      In other words, the things that one uses to get away from the nonsense and noise.

    • juris imprudent

      PJ on the problem.

      Our legendary Editor in Chief P.J. Oā€™Rourke reminds us of the vitality of political distancing in 2021. He notes that as Washingtonā€™s shadow grows and the machine of politics curdles into a golem dictating everything from mask mandates to the reopening of schools, that our humanity and freedoms will continue to wither.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        I was wondering where he’d been.

      • Swiss Servator

        Recovering from his vote for Hillary?

  34. The Late P Brooks

    It’s epidemics, all the way down

    Some experts believe a contagious effect sometimes seen after widely publicized suicides could be tied to back-to-back shootings over the weekend, which followed a handful of other high-profile shootings this year.

    There have been at least seven mass shootings, defined as three or more people having been shot, this year, according to data collected by NBC News, with a fear of more to come as Covid-19 restrictions are lifted nationwide. Pandemic-related trauma and an increase in gun violence as firearm sales increased throughout last year have been serious concerns for reopening, said Jillian Peterson, an associate professor of criminology and criminal justice at Hamline University in St. Paul, Minnesota.

    “We do know that those types of mass shootings are contagious, that they tend to spread through things like the media and social media,” said Peterson, a co-founder of The Violence Project, a nonprofit research center. “That people who are maybe vulnerable see themselves in other perpetrators who do this, people who already have kind of their own history of trauma, who are maybe feeling suicidal, who are in crisis, who have access to weapons, they see one make national headlines, and there is this copycat effect.”

    Yup. “Experts” spout whatever delusional claptrap pops into their heads, and the media rush to lap it up like dogs fighting over a puddle of fresh steaming hot puke.

    a fear of more to come as Covid-19 restrictions are lifted nationwide

    WTFSRSLY?

    • juris imprudent

      What more proof do you need that TMITE? What is this but blatant propaganda?

  35. DEG

    Mornin’

    A public health official in Saskatchewan, Canada, slapped two church elders with criminal charges and fined their church $14,000 after they refused to allow him to enter their building with police during a service, citing their rights under the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms.

    The representative for the Saskatchewan Health Authority (SHA) also dispensed several $2,800 mask violation citations to members of Fellowship Baptist Church in Saskatoon, and allegedly extended Pastor Steve Flippinā€™s quarantine arbitrarily, according to a 30-minute video on Rebel News explaining the situation.

    The church officials are right, the government is wrong.

    Also from the article:

    ā€œIn a perfect world, weā€™re looking for compliance,ā€ Webster said. ā€œWeā€™re not looking for court dates.ā€

    Bullshit.

    • Tres Cool

      ā€œIn a perfect world, weā€™re looking for compliance,ā€

      That sums it up nicely.

      • DEG

        I should have put emphasis on “We’re not looking for court dates”.

      • Tejicano

        I’m sure that’s basically what Bubba tells his fresh meat cellmates…

    • juris imprudent

      OBEY!

  36. prolefeed

    The woman in the Abolish Police post goes thiiiis close to calling for Second Amendment rights – for knives.

    It’s like my wife tiptoeing so close time and again to what ought to be a Libertarian Moment, and then just no.

  37. Pope Jimbo

    If you want stories about unsanitary things, here is one. Don’t pick up snakes with BBQ tongs that you know will be used to turn brats and hotdogs this weekend!

    CORONA, Calif. (AP) ā€” A Southern California man is recovering after he was bitten by a rattlesnake when he tried to pick up the poisonous reptile using barbecue tongs, authorities said.

    The man spotted the snake Saturday evening near his home in the Sycamore Creek community of Corona and was worried about it coming into contact with children, according to a statement from Riverside County Animal Services.

    When he tried to remove the rattler using the tongs, the snake struck and bit him on the hand, Animal Services spokesman John Welsh said. The man, who was not identified, was treated at a hospital and later released.

    • Trigger Hippie

      Must be an animal lover. I would have just bashed its head in with a shovel and called it good.

    • leon

      was worried about it coming into contact with children,

      His heart was in the right place at least.

    • EvilSheldon

      Sounds like a dry bite.

      Don’t handle venomous snakes if you don’t know what you’re doing! If you’re trying to pick up a snake with BBQ tongs, you don’t know what you’re doing.

      • UnCivilServant

        Clearly. Tongs are shorter than the strike reach of a rattlesnake.

    • Rat on a train

      The reptile was later euthanized.

      ā€œWe try to release rattlesnakes within one mile of where we remove it from, but it was highly likely this snake might end up in one of the adjacent homes again,ā€ McGee said. ā€œI didnā€™t believe a routine release would be safe this time.ā€

      We can’t release violent offenders back into our neighborhoods.

      • EvilSheldon

        That’s a shame. The snake didn’t do anything except defend itself from a grabby dumbass.

      • R C Dean

        We try to release rattlesnakes within one mile of where we remove it from

        Why? Some people do that here, and it baffles me. We’re not about to run out of effing rattlesnakes.

        Rattlesnakes are quasi-vermin in my book. If they’re on my (immediate) property, they are a risk/threat to me and mine and they get the chop. Even though they do good work in keeping the packrat population under control.

      • Rat on a train

        No rattlesnakes in my area. We have copperheads, though I have never seen one. There are enough non-venomous snakes competing to keep their numbers down.

      • EvilSheldon

        Snakes have a fairly small range. They don’t do well if released too far from familiar territory.

        And no snake is a threat to anyone who’s not fucking with it.

  38. The Late P Brooks

    ā€œIn a perfect world, weā€™re looking for compliance,ā€

    OBEY

    • Mojeaux

      Thisclose to EXTERMINATE (the poors).

      • Nephilium

        I believe the lyric you’re looking for is Kill the Poor.

    • SDF-7

      So… this is seriously their plan?

      • Hank

        Beat me to it.

    • Swiss Servator

      Swiss Scientists are so… odd.

  39. Rebel Scum

    Journos are clearly the best and brightest among us.

    JOURNALIST: “Can an officer shoot the leg? Can they shoot somewhere that would not result in a fatal wound?”

    COLUMBUS POLICE CHIEF: “We don’t train to shoot the leg because that’s a small target. We train to shoot center mass…There was a deadly force threat that was going on.”

    • leon

      I desire that the person who asked this feels some shame for it. But i don’t have much hope that they will

      • The Hyperbole

        I just heard the full question the reporter admits it’s a silly question but claims lots of people on social media are asking it. Which I can believe, the reporter was trying to get an answer to a question he saw that the public had not make some stupid gotcha point.

    • Rat on a train

      The officer should have shot the knife out of her hand.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Then performed expert kung fu to restrain her. But not too roughly, just the perfect amount of force to ensure compliance.

      • Plinker762

        If the cop has tried to shoot the knife, she would have just turned it, splitting the bullet in half, killing both the intended victim and a baby near by.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      It is so very clear that none of these people know absolutely nothing about violence. They probably needed a few ass-kickings growing up.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      So in this particular case if you watched the video you would realize that the position of the knife was directly between the officer and the victim. Even if it were a possible feat in a split second environment, the odds that the victim would be bullet-riddled as a result are almost 100%.

      Just so tediously stupid.

  40. Festus

    Whelp the nosebleed is nearing hour 9. This ain’t no fun!

    • Trigger Hippie

      Lay off the blow, yo.

      • Festus

        Haha. Kidding aside, it’s a chronic problem. They usually end after about 20 minutes but not this time. I’m going to need steak and spinach tomorrow or maybe just take the day off. That’s a lot of blood.

    • Mad Scientist

      Don’t give up hope. It’ll stop when you’re empty.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Maybe we should post more girls in sundresses pics so the blood will rush to other areas.

        Seriously though, you okay, man?

      • Festus

        I’d rather bleed out at home rather than go to the hospital. I’ll be a little weak but fine tomorrow. Festus ran out of Otrivin.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Can’t Judi get you some?

      • Festus

        Too much ask and the stores don’t open until 8 O-clock. If this continues then I need a remedy.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        I don’t think it’s too much of an uxorial imposition, and it’s 8 now.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Gotcha. Get better, dude.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Is there a non-ER urgent care option?

        I don’t blame you for not wanting to go to the hospital, but the Merck Manual mentions the possibility of needing blood replacement.

      • Festus

        Do you know how incredibly tough I am? I defy the Reaper!

    • blighted_non_millenial

      Damn. Maybe time for cauterization. I get em frequently but nothing even remotely like for that amount of time.

    • DEG

      Sorry.

    • db

      Green beans will help with nosebleeds.

      .
      .
      .
      .
      .
      .
      .
      .
      .
      .
      Wrap them in tissue and jam them up your nose.

      • Festus

        This one was “Three Gorges Dam” letting go. Green beans were not going to cut it.

  41. The Late P Brooks

    Based on the discussion here, it sounds like a random armed civilian who happened to be passing by would not have been charged for shooting Sister Stabby (stopping a genuine and imminent threat to the life another), and that’s a much higher bar than your typical cop shoot.

    But go forth and riot, people.

    • Tonio

      “Sister Stabby” for the win.

      • Endless Mike

        This is what it boils down to. There were a whole bunch of people who put a lot of time and energy into starting a riot, and by God, they are going to find something that they can use to trigger it.

    • R C Dean

      Not only that, but the guy kicking her in the head was also in the “imminent/immediate threat of death or serious bodily harm to others” bucket.

      This one passes my bar for good shoot.

  42. The Late P Brooks

    Whelp the nosebleed is nearing hour 9. This ainā€™t no fun!

    Time for the soldering iron.

  43. The Late P Brooks

    The reptile was later euthanized.

    I needed a good belly laugh.

    • Pope Jimbo

      You monster!

      Scaly Lives Matter!

    • db

      A crawling-on-your-belly-and-eating-dirt laugh?

  44. Rebel Scum

    Go ahead and test your theory yourself.

    Johnson stated, ā€œWell, you know, we have a situation in Minnesota where a police officer claimed to be reaching for a taser, pulled a gun. And now, we have a situation in Ohio where a taser should have been used, and yet a gun was used. We have to create a new standard of trust and safety when it comes to law enforcement. And that can only happen if we have a federal policy floor that will give all of us a sense of security that when officers have been called out to these incidents, they have the proper training, they understand how to de-escalate, and the proper weapons are used thatā€™s consistent with the threat or apparent threat thatā€™s there. Now, until the investigation is completed and other footage come[s] out, we really donā€™t know what happened.ā€

    I say a gun is consistent when the person is mid-stab attempt. And in this case, unless there is some bombshell info to come out, I think we can discern what happened.

    • Rat on a train

      It was just kids being kids, but, because of the officer’s actions, one is dead.

      • Hyperion

        Agreed. They should have never went there in the first place. Let the law of nature take care of it, clean out the gene pool, nobody mad. WIN/WIN!

    • Trigger Hippie

      I’m totally sure this person would choose the less effective weapon if they or a member of their family was been attacked by a person with a knife…for consistency.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Speaking of tazers and knife fights… The story of another Minnesoda Martyr

      After putting his face in his hands and crying, Dimock-Heisler suddenly sprang up and started to run towards his grandmother. Officers Holt and Vu moved to stop him and the three knocked over another couch in the room. Officers Turner and Akers heard the commotion and came in from outside. Officer Turner used his Taser on the young man, but it had no effect. Officers Holt and Akers fired their Tasers which also failed to slow down the man. At about that time, Dimock-Heisler was able to reach into the couch and retrieve another knife that was hidden there and tried to stab Officer Vu who was hanging on to his lower legs.

      At that point, Turner and Akers each fired their semi-automatic handguns three times each, striking Dimock-Heisler in his chest and neck.

      Three tasers didn’t slow the guy down, but I’m sure Sweet Sister in Ohio would have dropped like a rock if tased instead of shot.

      • Hyperion

        What kind of gorilla did those mean girls call her? I can only remember that it was funny.

    • Drake

      If he had just stood there with his hands in his pockets and watched the girl get carved up, the same people would be calling for his head on a platter for indifference to black lives. An absolute no-win situation.

      The only way to win is to not plat the game. Don’t be a white cop in a diverse city.

      • db

        The only way to win is to not plat the game. Donā€™t be a white cop in a diverse city.

      • Drake

        I very rarely enter the crowded zones. I also never plat games.

      • Chipwooder

        Donā€™t be a white cop in a diverse city.

  45. Count Potato

    “I am not watching that body cam footage. But we see story after story of the cops managing to take white men who threaten them with guns, knives, even ram their cars into police offers alive. Yet somehow, anytime they engage with Black folks itā€™s shoot first. #makhiabryant”

    https://twitter.com/ProfessorCrunk/status/1384847566127370240

    CWAA

    • Urthona

      Yeah. Doesn’t the data prove exactly the opposite?

      I mean I’m too lazy to really look it up and have been bored of this bullshit subject for like 5 years, but I think maybe. Possibly.

      • UnCivilServant

        Yes, the data does show a greater reluctance to shoot at black individuals acting agressively and threatening.

        The hypothesis is a fear of the sort of media excoriation and accusations of racism that have been popping up.

      • Urthona

        I knew it.

        I’ve been casually paying attention because I fucking love science.

      • leon

        Data isn’t relevant when we are talking about lived experiences. Don’t you #PartyOfScience?

      • UnCivilServant

        Nope. Science is a process, not a diety.

      • juris imprudent

        UNCLEAN! Scourge the heretic who does not bow to the authority of the High Priests!!!

      • Rebel Scum

        I am not watching that body cam footage

        He is a moron and dishonest. The source material has the information you need.

      • juris imprudent

        The man has an opinion, uninformed, and clearly with no desire to ever be informed. Why he thinks anyone should care about his ignorant opinion is the real question.

      • Hyperion

        Look, if you’re a right thinking democrat voter, EVERYONE values your opinion, because SCIENCE!

    • Trigger Hippie

      To what Nephilium said at the top, I can’t believe I have to defend law enforcement here. I despise law enforcement, yet here we are.

    • Pope Jimbo

      That Minnesoda Man was smart enough to trap the cop right next to him. I’m sure if the cop had not been trapped, they would have shot him dead.

    • WTF

      Ah yes, the Shame of Rutgers.

    • Akira

      But we see story after story of the cops managing to take white men who threaten them with guns, knives, even ram their cars into police offers alive. Yet somehow, anytime they engage with Black folks itā€™s shoot first.

      Cops are calm and don’t kill a white guy = No story, nobody cares
      Cops are calm and don’t kill a black guy = No story, nobody cares
      Cops are overly aggressive and kill a white guy = Not a recognized victimhood group, nobody cares
      Cops are overly aggressive and kill a black guy = Politicians and special interest groups go apeshit, media implements 24/7 blitz

      That’s why it appears that way.

  46. Rebel Scum

    I am pretty sure it is my patriotic duty to tell you to fuck off.

    Yesterday, while patting himself on the back for carrying out the program established by President Trump to create, produce, and distribute vaccines against COVID-19, President Biden announced a first-ever “patriotic duty” to get vaccinated. Just over nine minutes into the speech that he read off a teleprompter, he stated:

    I’m calling on every employer, large and small, in every state, to give employees the time off they need with pay to get vaccinated and any time they need with pay to recover if they’re feeling under the weather after the shot. No working American should lose a single dollar from their paycheck because they chose to fulfill their patriotic duty of getting vaccinated.

    • Urthona

      I’ve been vaccinated for 9 months now, and that asshole makes me want to go get unvaccinated.

  47. Pope Jimbo

    Stupid feature or not?

    New Audi electric car can use its headlights to project a video game onto a wall.

    Youā€™re probably wondering why even include the feature. Audi suggests projecting the game onto a wall while parked up and charging. You could always play a better Android/iOS game on your phoneā€™s screen, of course, but that’s not going to attract a crowd of impressed onlookers.

    • Drake

      That will come in handy when you are stuck behind a slow tractor-trailer.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Is anyone still trying to convince people that adoption of cars like the VW Passat (50mpg) would be a better idea than electric cars? Or has that ship sailed?

      • Tundra

        It hasn’t. The manufacturers know that the un-coerced market for electrics is vanishingly small. To my eyes, electric whiz bang stuff is simply an arms race, kind of like racing was back in the day.

        And Passats are great. My wife drives one, it doesn’t get 50, but it does get high 30s on the road.

      • UnCivilServant

        I get high 30s mpg with my C-MAX, which never claimed more than 40 on the factory sticker.

      • Chipwooder

        My dad had a Passat as his company car when he worked for VW several years back. It was a very nice car but VW’s reliability ratings are pretty scary.

    • leon

      I want to follow the series of meetings where this was proposed, greenlit, explained to the engineers, demoed, and then given for a press release. I want to see the Saga of Stupidity.

      • UnCivilServant

        I thought it was the Sega of Stupidity.

      • Endless Mike

        LOL – I want to narrow my gaze, but I am just too impressed.

      • Pope Jimbo

        In a previous job, I was involved in meetings where the “future of in car entertainment” was discussed. The big auto companies are desperately trying to come up with some common standard so they can all share components.

        My suggestion was that they should simply accept that the brains of the car will be the user’s phone. All they needed to do was come up with a standard connector that the phone can use to access screens and the audio system.

        Stop trying to build in car brains for streaming movies, or maps, or whatever. Let people do all that through their phones (which get upgraded every two years).

        No one liked me because that meant giving up control and way less consulting hours.

      • UnCivilServant

        I don’t want my phone to connect to my car.

        Just give me a 1/8th inch audio jack and I’ll figure out what to source the feed from.

        There should be no screens.

      • Endless Mike

        My experience with Audi car phones is that they have better sound clarity and reception than the phone itself.

    • db

      Better use: project porn onto the back of a tractor trailer as you follow it.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I give it two days before someone figures out how to hack porn onto the system.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Now if they could only make a car that doesnā€™t go to shit shortly after the warranty runs out.

      • juris imprudent

        Do you have ANY IDEA how much work it is to build in perfectly timed obsolescence? DO YOU? NO, of course you don’t.

    • leon

      I often wonder what inspires people to go online and just make shit up. It is so foreign to me.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        An unquenchable desire for approval and a lot of stupidity.

      • blighted_non_millenial

        She’s not really getting a lot of approval, but I guess for some any attention is good attention.

      • db

        I did extensive research, and wrote a dissertation on why people make shit up online, but it was too much for the establishment, so they kicked me out and memory holed my work. But I can tell you, I definitely know everything there is to know about making shit up online.

      • leon

        I thought it was funny.

      • db

        They didn’t force a gag order on me, but did make me sign an NDA which in part prohibits me from saying anything funny about it, so you just screwed me.

      • Hyperion

        Every lefty who gets behind a keyboard is Chuck Norris + Bruce Lee, pays more taxes than everyone else and is totally committed to SCIENCE!

    • Rat on a train

      They were never trained on how to disarm a virus, maybe bombs, but not viruses.

    • Chipwooder

      Hell, the Marine Corps barely spends any time on knife fighting, but Miss Suzie the first grade teacher has the training? That’s beyond bullshit, that’s elephant shit.

      • Drake

        We did some knife-fighting drills in MCT with rubber knives in ’89. What I learned is that knife fighting sucks and even the winner gets cut up.

      • leon

        Everything i know about Knife fighting, i learned on West Side Story.

      • Chipwooder

        We didn’t do any at MCT in 2001. We did do a little during MCMAP during boot camp, where I remember the instructor telling us that, basically, your goal when the opponent has a knife is to use your hands and arms to take the cuts to avoid getting sliced or stabbed in a place where it can kill you.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        A Navy SEAL trainer explained knife fighting to me this way:

        “Give your 4 year old daughter that’s hopped up on sugar a sharpie without a cap on it. Now try to take it away without getting ink on you.”

    • EvilSheldon

      Lol. If you think that you can disarm a knife-wielding assailant, barehanded, without getting cut into fish bait, then you are too stupid to be let out in public.

      The way you disarm someone with a knife, is by shooting them until they stop being a threat.

      • Nephilium

        Shit, when I took self defense classes back in the day, the first rule about dealing with an attacker with a knife was “Don’t”. If you were forced to, then accept that you will get cut even in the best case.

        These assholes are going to make me hunt down the court case with the guy who was shot and killed with a knife from ten feet out. One side brought in a knife expert, a dummy, a knife, and a tape measure. The shooter was not found guilty.

      • Chipwooder

        Yep. As I said above, USMC training taught that your best case scenario was keeping the cuts and stabs on your arms rather than near your vital organs.

      • The Hyperbole

        Everything I know about knife fighting I learned from David Morrel novels, you wrap your jacket around your non knife hand forearm, and you hold your knife so the blade is under your hand, not out like you’re cutting a cake with it.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        The Norman Bates grip?

      • The Hyperbole

        Close but the edge should face away from him.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Ah. Will air-practice that for lulz.

      • EvilSheldon

        Forward grip vs. reverse grip is pretty much the 9mm vs. 45 of knife people.

        And then there are the RGEI (reverse grip edge in) people, who even knife people think are weird…

    • Tejicano

      Hell, when I was watching that video of Sister Stabby my mind did it’s usual, automatic street assessment of where I would be if I had to face her. Dayum… she was 16 but probably weighed in at about 180 – close to the most I’ve ever weighed. And she was so agitated that she didn’t even recognize a uniformed cop with a drawn gun. Hmmm. Probably enough adrenaline pumped into her system to tear the door off a Humvee to get at whoever pissed her off.

      I wouldn’t have chosen to face her with a 1911 in my hands even if I could have downgraded her knife to a dinner fork. That cop showed a shyte-ton of constraint just keeping all rounds on target.

    • R C Dean

      Disarming someone involves a hand-to-hand fight with them. That isn’t de-escalation. And nobody, but nobody, with the slightest expertise recommends fighting someone who has a knife with your bare hands unless you are literally cornered. You will get cut, period, full stop,no exceptions. When I was studying aikido, our top-level sensei (who was one of the aikido founder’s students) would do training courses for the Secret Service and misc. government security operatives. When asked what he would do if someone came at him with a knife, he said “Shoot them.”

      And I guarantee you no school district is teaching elementary teachers hand-to-hand fighting.

  48. The Late P Brooks

    Patriotic doody

    An unvaccinated worker at a Kentucky nursing home set off a coronavirus outbreak in March among staff and residents, even among the vaccinated, according to a CDC report released Wednesday. Nearly four dozen were infectedā€”26 residents and 20 employeesā€”and two people died, including one person who had been inoculated against the virus; 22 of those infected had already been vaccinated, and most did not develop symptoms or require treatment. The vast majority of the homeā€™s 83 residentsā€”90 percentā€”had been vaccinated, but only half of the 116 employees had. The studyā€™s authors wrote, ā€œTo protect skilled nursing facility residents, it is imperative that health care providers, as well as skilled nursing facility residents, be vaccinated.ā€

    Seriously?

    Call me paranoid, but this smells like bullshit.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Yeah, Iā€™m sure a fair and unbiased contact tracing was performed to identify patient zero and they totally didnā€™t zero in on the unvaccinated person. Not that it necessarily wasnā€™t the unvaxxed person but I donā€™t trust ā€˜em.

    • Drake

      Whoever paid for those vaccines should ask for the money back.

    • R C Dean

      22 of those infected who tested positive had already been vaccinated, and most did not develop symptoms or require treatment

      If we take at face value that nearly half of those infected had been vaccinated, and if we believe that asymptomatic people are (meaningful) infection risks, that really makes me question what the point of the vaccines is.

  49. sarcasmic

    Regarding single parenting, it doesn’t help that social workers (90% of which are female and the remaining 10% are gay) see their job as keeping children with their mothers at all cost. They snort at the idea that kids need a dad. While it is sadly true that many fathers are little more than sperm donors, there are plenty who desire to be part of their children’s lives. However the system seeks to minimalize their involvement.

    • db

      That’s a bit of an overgeneralization. I know several men who are social workers, none are gay, and they are focused on the children’s welfare. Now, it’s true that they work for private agencies, not the government CYS. I regularly hear horror stories about the state/local agencies and how they operate and perpetuate shitty circumstances for the kids. But not all social workers are shitty.

      • sarcasmic

        Ask them how often they recommend children be placed with their dads. I’d bet it’s less than 20% of the time. Yet I doubt 80% of fathers are douche bags.

      • Hyperion

        Gah! Someone actually paid for that?

      • Sean

        The pic was the social worker (pimp).

      • Hyperion

        OK… Gah!

      • db

        According to court records, Candace Talley, 27, of Sicklerville, New Jersey was sentenced to two years of probation on one count of promoting prostitution and two years of probation on human trafficking charges.

        Talley pleased guilty to those charges, both felony charges, on March 3.

        Additionally, Talley was ordered to do 40 hours of community service, will be monitored via GPS for six months, and have no contact with the victim.

        Talley played a role in a prostitution ring and was charged with the exploitation of a woman whose children were in foster care, and whose Children and Youth Services case was being managed by Talley.

        Authorities said she enlisted women to work as prostitutes, drove them to and from jobs, and took a portion of the money from the illegal activity of the women she recruited back in 2017.

        Talley was also accused of promising a victim that she would falsify any drug tests to ensure a favorable recommendation regarding the children’s placement.

        For this, *probation*.

        WTF

    • leon

      The heretic deserves to die, clearly. Rise with glee!

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      The gods visited his karma upon him, letā€™s all point and laugh at an old dude who got sick (not that the Nuge isnā€™t an asshole, he is). The Daily Fail strikes again.

    • CPRM

      Now I know how the story ends! Coming soon to glib post near you!

      • Gustave Lytton

        If it fades out with Fred Bear starting to play, you’re dead to me.

    • LJW

      Did he call the virus a scam or the overreaction to the virus a scam?

      • sarcasmic

        I’m pretty sure the latter.

        No ill will towards “I don’t eat nuthin unless I kill it with my bare hands” Nugent.

        I just find the irony delicious.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        ā€œThe staunch Donald Trump supporter said he had tested positive earlier that day as he went on to repeatedly use anti-Asian slurs to describe the pandemic.ā€

        I wonā€™t wade through his Twitter feed but I doubt theyā€™re giving him a fair shake.

      • sarcasmic

        Terrible Ted? It wouldn’t surprise me at all if he’s posted offensive shit. It’s his shtick. Regardless of if I agree with him or not, I do give him a thumbs up for not kowtowing.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Yeah, being a twat is his thing but as far as I can tell his antiAsian slurs in this instance consist of calling Covid ā€œThe China Virus.ā€ That doesnā€™t quite meet my standard.

      • sarcasmic

        I’m not going to go digging through his posts to resolve the slur argument. I don’t care.

        LJW made a good point which I can’t answer. The overreaction is indeed a scam. That can’t be said enough. But the virus isn’t . It’s real.

        The problem in my mind is that people see all this disruption in the economy and everything else, and they blame the virus. No, dipshits, the virus didn’t close your business. It didn’t make you wear a mask. Government did.

      • The Wanderer

        His statements are a little short on nuanced exposition. More like, ā€œFuck this vaccine shit.ā€ Thatā€™s not an exact quote, but pretty close.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      In the foreseeable future where we get an actual totalitarian in the White House, Frum will be right there offering to service them orally in exchange for a seat of power.

      • Hyperion

        Totalitarians are already controlling the feeble old drooling brain dead thing they placed in there.

    • Hyperion

      You gotta start somewhere to get to removing rights to buy and sell.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      A good jab by Malice against a well known mental defective and overall sack of shit.

  50. Hyperion

    “Gallup poll shows water pollution and not climate change top environmental concern for Americans.”

    Non-sense. I’ve been assured that the top concern for blacks stuck in hopeless ghettoes, is climate change.

    WHY CUM YOU NO LOVE GAIA?

  51. The Late P Brooks

    Headline:

    “Enthusiasm grows for police reform bill named after George Floyd!”

    Maybe Janet Yellin will push for a banking reform bill named after John Dillinger.

    • The Other Kevin

      If it’s true to form, 10% will address police issues and 90% will be throwing billions of dollars at Dem interests.

    • juris imprudent

      a banking reform bill named after John Dillinger

      The Bernie Madoff Safe Investment Act

    • UnCivilServant

      *sigh* I am sick of these people.

      • Hyperion

        Let them drink swill.

    • Ed Wuncler

      New Belgian was the gateway for me to try other beers outside of my usual selection of Budweiser, Ice House, and if I felt fancy Corona. To see them going down this fucking woke path makes me want to buy less of their shit.

      • sarcasmic

        Don’t let politics influence your choices in food/beverage/entertainment. That’s cutting off your nose to spite your face. Just enjoy what they make. Fuck the bullshit.

      • Nephilium

        For me, it’s voting with your dollars. I don’t buy from the breweries that sold to inBev or MillerCoors, I don’t stop others from buying them, and the most I’ll do it mention that they’re owned by one of the big boys. There are a couple other breweries that I try to avoid for reasons (Stone, New Belgium, Lagunitas, and a couple of others). I don’t think they should be forced to close, apologies, or cater to me. But I’ve got a huge selection of breweries that stay out of politics, just to charity beers that are politics adjacent (Honor Flight Network as an example), or have generic environmental messages (Great Lakes pushing for water conservation and preservation of the Great Lakes).

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Why not MillerCoors, my two favorite mainstream beers?

      • Hyperion

        Miller Highlife is the best tasting domestic big brewery beer. Bud tastes like water with some sort of noxious chemical in it. Formaldehyde? Definitely not beer.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Miller Lite is OK for a light beer, the regular version is terrible.

      • Nephilium

        Mainly lobbying efforts to hamstring craft beer throughout the US (ABV limits, take away options, brewery limits, etc).

      • sarcasmic

        If that makes you happy then go for it. Personally I think limiting my access to goods and services based upon politics only punishes myself.

      • Nephilium

        There are some I avoid just because the owner/head brewer is (or has been) a dick publicly. And it’s not to say that I haven’t had a Goose Island when flying through Chicago because there weren’t any better options. It’s not like I’ve cut off Disney and my access to the MCU movies/shows and the like.

        And as I mentioned below, I’ve got access to a large amount of local beer (as a matter of fact, I just picked up some investor perks from one of them Sunday).

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      If I want shit beer Iā€™ll just drink Bud.

      • Hyperion

        +1 not actually beer

      • sarcasmic

        Believe it or not, but Bud and other American Pilsners are among the most difficult beers to brew. They have so little flavor that the slightest imbalance will completely ruin the batch. As opposed to the average IPA which has shitloads of wiggle room. When I was making beer I made a few European Pilsners in the style of Pilsner Urquell, and tried to make some with less flavor. Some were good, and some weren’t. But making a consistently flavorless brew is not an easy task.

      • Agent Cooper

        Budweiser brewed in brewery cities (i.e., ‘local’) is much much better than Bud shipped out to other parts of the country. I live in a Bud brewery city and was surprised at the taste. Maybe Pilsners need to be consumed closer to the brew date?

      • sarcasmic

        They do have a shelf life.

    • Drake

      Brilliant branding strategy – sell a poorly made defective product with your name on it.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Only a woke hipster could come up with that idea.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      So douchey

    • Tres Cool

      “This Beer Tastes Awful on Purpose to Show the Negative Effects of Climate Change”

      Suck my nuts.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Good thing you have many other fermented choices. Is there a beer equivalent of Black Rifle coffee?

      • Nephilium

        Not that I’m aware of. But there’s over 30 breweries within 30 miles of my house. Including one owned and run by an Eastern European immigrant. Since I met the owner a couple months back, I’ve been trying to get there more frequently. He was bitching about America turning Communist, and that I’d be the one who would have to deal with it, as he’s old and will be dead. He also told the story of asking the police who advised him to shut down early during the BLM riots Mostly Peaceful Protests last year, “Then what the hell am I paying you taxes for?” Then arming himself with a couple of knives strategically placed about his person (which I guess he didn’t know would just be childish hijinks).

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Sounds like an excellent place for your custom.

        BRC had better be really good, cuz damn, it’s expensive.

      • EvilSheldon

        BRC is notably mediocre coffee. Their cam girls are hot as fuck though.

      • EvilSheldon

        You want crappy beer from a right-wing company with some hot social media candy?

        Dunno, it might exist…

    • Suthenboy

      The irony is completely lost on them.

    • rhywun

      OFFS.

    • Agent Cooper

      So dumb. Just make good beer.

  52. Hyperion

    I do agree with the lefty racist that the cops should not show up about these quarrels. Let nature do it’s course and clean out the gene pool. Also, let them eat tide pods. Free tide pods for everyone!

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Remember the trend a few years ago where people were filming themselves lighting themselves on fire using rubbing alcohol and jumping in the shower? I miss those innocent days.

  53. Festus

    It stopped. Finally. Whether I work tomorrow is iffy.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Hooray!

      • Festus

        I really didn’t like what I read online about it. Thanks for the well-wishes!

    • Gustave Lytton

      Huzzah! Steak still on for later?

  54. Tres Cool

    Is there a Yufus update?

    • Hyperion

      He wrote a space story?

  55. Festus

    Bleeding again.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Sigh. I’m surprised you can type.

      Where is Judi?

    • Suthenboy

      What did I miss? What is wrong Festus?

      • Festus

        Worst nosebleed of my life. I’ve had hundreds of them.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Can you go to a different hospital? We need you in good or at least fair health, eh.

    • Festus

      10 hours. I’ve been drinking and I won’t be subject to the tender mercies of the local medics ever again.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Well, he’s either collapsed or has had enough of being noodged.

  56. Suthenboy

    Up at 2:30, swept, mopped, did a grocery run, cooked breakfast for the wife and she put Game of Thrones on for a rewatch. It is only 10 am and I am half way through my first cocktail.
    I need to buy a new mower and cut grass but I keep putting it off because I am choking on the price of a new John Deere. Ugh.

    • UnCivilServant

      I have only a narrow margin between the sidewalk and street, so I’ve got a cheap 14″ mower I can pick up and carry back into the house.

      I think it would choke on any lawn of real size.

      • Suthenboy

        I am down to cutting only a couple of acres. I used to cut 5 times that much and one day it penetrated my thick skull that I was the only person who went on those acres and the only reason I did that was to cut grass. There aint a lot of profit in that. I planted acorns, pecans and walnuts on it. I just cut around the house, driveway and fenced-in dog yard now.

        This is the one I am looking at: https://www.deere.com/en/mowers/lawn-tractors/100-series/s100-lawn-tractor/

        I will have to order it as the local outlet only has the 22 hp model and I dont need another 5hp for 300 extra bucks to cut 2 acres. My excuse for putting it off is that the wildflowers are blooming like crazy and I am waiting for them to go to seed before I mow them so we will have a good amount of them next year. The bees and my wife would be very unhappy with me if I cut them now.

      • Akira

        I have only a narrow margin between the sidewalk and street, so Iā€™ve got a cheap 14ā€³ mower I can pick up and carry back into the house.

        I have a fairly small yard, so I just got a push-reel. It’s a bit of exercise, especially if I get lazy and let the grass grow too long. But I think I come out ahead in the long run – no futzing around with spark plugs, gasoline, etc.

        But yea, I wouldn’t want to do a larger lawn with that.

    • Hyperion

      Yeah, the JD lawn tractor I had was $7000. If you’re only using it for mowing , those Grasshopper zero turns beat anything. I was actually killing my little JD because I was mowing 6 acres and was going to buy a New Holland subcompact, before I sold the place.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        I had an entry D105 riding mower for about ~$1100. People shit on entry JD lawn mowers but that thing took beating after beating for 7 years before the plastic back end finally cracked. Mowed 4 acres weekly and a hiking trail path through 20 acres of forest every other week. Had a little trailer with it that could haul several hundred pounds of cinder blocks or lumber.

        I just replaced it last year with a slightly upgraded used JD model for $500 that has a metal back end. I really need a subcompact tractor but don’t want to shell out that much. I’ve got my eyes out for a used 4×4 diesel subcompact for around a couple grand. That would be perfect but are crazy hard to find.

      • Hyperion

        There’s also time spent mowing. It took me 5-6 hours to mow 6 acres with my JD. My neighbor would mow the entire thing in about 1.5 hours with his Grasshopper.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        Yeah, that sounds about right. I hire a guy to mow and maintain the property. Doesn’t cost much if I supply the equipment.

        Hiring a bush hog is expensive, but fortunately only need to do that once a season for the fields.

      • Suthenboy

        Ouch. 7K? The one I am looking at is 1700 or so. If I am going to spend more than that I am gonna go with a full size tractor and bush hog. But then I am a cheap SOB. Most people love spending money….it makes my head throb in pain.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        My Snapper Pro was $8500 10 years ago.

        Iā€™d bet that same model would be well over $10k now.

    • The Other Kevin

      I think our JD cost $4000 last year. It is pretty great, though. My dad has one that he got when my uncle passed away more than 10 years ago, and who knows how long my uncle had it. His still runs perfectly.

    • kinnath

      I picked up an Ariens Zero Turn mower a couple of years ago. About $5k. Handles the steep slopes on my yard quite well.

      I have no need for an actual garden tractor. So the zero turn mower was a good option.

    • R C Dean

      Back in my WI days, I had an acre and a half, all sloped (nothing steep). I was chronically short on cash, so I picked up a used Cub Cadet riding mower. This would have been in the early-mid 90s, and I believe it was at least 20 years old. Started every time, ran with zero problems for nearly 10 years. Kohler gas engine. It was a beast – barely fit in the back of my (small) pickup. The damn thing is probably still running.

      The only mower I have actually enjoyed using. Mowing the lawn took exactly one (1) robusto cigar.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        I had 2 different Cub Cadets riding mowers.

        One was a residential model that was fine on a smaller lot, but was literally shaken apart once I moved to the country. My yard can beat the shit out of you.

        The second was a commercial mower that had a cutting problem that couldnā€™t be solved even when they had their engineers fly in to try and figure out the problem. It was leaving a 10-12ā€ wide streak of completely uncut grass right in the fucking middle. They never did solve the problem.

        So itā€™s a big fat Fuck Cub Cadet from then on out.

  57. Ozymandias

    I just wanted to bring over a comment from last night’s poll. I felt you all got cheated that you didn’t get the benefit of my take on it. So here we go.

    *big bunches of sarcastic laughter*

    No, thank you. Not for the guy who wrote this.

    Iā€™m going to start answering certain things using word analogies, like the ones they give you on the SAT. I fucking loved those.
    So, let me try my first:

    Ozy : Govt Mandated Vaccines :: the guys you know who worked in a slaughterhouse : hot dogs

    You’re welcome.
    ( I know some of you think you have good reasons for taking the vaccine, but holy fuck, people. Why, O fucking Why, would you trust a vaccine where the manufacturer required governmental immunity in order to distribute it. JFC. And I love Snopes’ “fact check” on some of the info out there about how dirty the vaccine and FDA regulatory process is. Snopes is just Pravda now. Holy shit did they go off the fucking rails. It wouldn’t surprise me if that’s government owned when you finally dig through to the bottom of it. It has that feel to it now.)

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Unsurprising; thanks.

    • juris imprudent

      Snopes is certainly run by true believers, which makes it indistinguishable from govt propaganda (being produced by the very same kind of people).

    • Akira

      Snopes is just Pravda now. Holy shit did they go off the fucking rails. It wouldnā€™t surprise me if thatā€™s government owned when you finally dig through to the bottom of it. It has that feel to it now.)

      It’s sad because they used to be entertaining with their urban legends and useful for myth-busting popular news items.

      And let’s not forget that several major media outlets got caught in direct collusion with the Hillary Clinton campaign. It wouldn’t surprise me one bit if the owners of Snopes (who are far “smaller” than giant corps like CNN) are taking a huge payoff to push a certain narrative.

      • Ozymandias

        There was an article running around by some guy called “18 reasons I won’t be getting the COVID vaccine.” It went viral and someone sent it to me. I read it and was like, “He’s mostly right. There’s way more damning evidence about the collusion between the FDA and pharma that he missed.”

        It’s right in the Congressional record, in fact. Those assholes – the regulators – have given themselves waivers of their conflict of interest in ruling on applications for companies in which they hold stock. And then it killed people. And had to be pulled. Whoops. And they know it was alright because they granted themselves the waiver. They each could set aside their bias. Honest. Congress held hearings, the Media ignored it, and nothing happened. The End.
        Marcia Angell wrote an entire book about the takeover of the FDA by Pharma.
        We have an opioid crisis!!!! They bray. Right. And yet, it’s a controlled substance. Controlled by whom? The US Government. That’s who determines how much of that can and can’t be made. They’re in charge. So if there’s an opioid crisis, who might we look to for responsibility? Who decided how much could actually be manufactured? In the United States that is the DEA, I believe. In conjunction with the FDA, likely. There are your culprits.

        And Snopes is right there to tell you how the guy who wrote the article is a liar because all of these super benevolent government officials have said the vaccine’s all good. It’s fucking amazing. This looks just like what happened with anthrax – I got called every name in the book by morons who had read nothing and knew nothing about the manufacturing of biologics. They swallowed that bullshit hook, line, and sinker – and crushed dissent, too. They don’t – and didn’t – give one fuck about facts. They don’t even want to listen: it’s all “WE have TOP MEN who know the MOSTEST” – they believe 100% in the Rule of Bureaucrat.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Got a link?

      • Akira

        And Snopes is right there to tell you how the guy who wrote the article is a liar because all of these super benevolent government officials have said the vaccineā€™s all good.

        That’s the part that scares the shit out of me. Many people I know (who are quite intelligent otherwise) are reverting to this authority-based model of knowledge where reality is something that has to be given to you by someone else, rather than something you can discover yourself through observation and reason. It’s almost like Fauci et al have been made into modern day oracles – they will determine what the truth is and describe it to you, but you’re not allowed to question their conclusions or methods. You simply have to take their word and assist in burning the heretics.

    • Suthenboy

      I am not touching it. I was raised on a farm. I know what it looks like when people are shoveling horseshit.

    • leon

      Walk back to the police car, drive away, and get a job in sales: This is probably your safest option.

      Not even a joke. The guy had a surefire, court protected means to just stand and watch the murder happen and then arrest the perpetrators.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Pink girl is lucky he is a marksman.

      • Rat on a train

        Attempting an arrest could lead to more death. Just submit a report of what you observed and wait for the murder to come to the station.

    • Hyperion

      “Squirt gun filled with pee: Right in the mouth. Works every time.”

      Except in Germany. Then it just makes the perp a repeat offender.

  58. juris imprudent

    Mr. Cooke in sublime form

    As MSNBCā€™s Joy Reid argued smartly on her show last night, pranks such as these were dealt with by our teachers ā€” just as we all expected they would be. And if something went wrong? Well, thatā€™s why we had substitutes.

    • Hyperion

      All joking aside. Let them stab each other. No one be mad.

      • R C Dean

        White cop stands by and watches a black girl* get knifed? Racism. Riots.

        *Not sure, haven’t watched footage. Print stories are oddly unspecific.

      • Chipwooder

        Yes, everyone involved in the scuffle was black.

    • leon

      Today, the free-range generation to which I belong is dying out ā€” and, this time, it is not from the wounds inflicted by everyday teenage knife fights but because our politicians and activists simply cannot leave us be.

      Snicker

      • Suthenboy

        Every day teenage knife fights?
        Insanity is a hell of a drug.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        Yeah, I was a teenager once. In a big, multicultural city, even.

        And not once while I was there did I see a single teenage knife fight. Regular fights, sure, but fights with any sort of weapon? Nope.

  59. The Late P Brooks

    Why, O fucking Why, would you trust a vaccine where the manufacturer required governmental immunity in order to distribute it. JFC.

    Some dope I don’t even know (friend of friends) asked me if I got my shot yet. I managed to distract him with a “look! Over there!”

    I’m at the point where I’m just going to say, “I’m not morbidly obese, I don’t suffer from any cardiovascular ailments, and I’M NOT A FUCKING HYPOCHONDRIAC SO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET AWAY FROM ME.”

    • Akira

      Iā€™m at the point where Iā€™m just going to say, ā€œIā€™m not morbidly obese, I donā€™t suffer from any cardiovascular ailments, and Iā€™M NOT A FUCKING HYPOCHONDRIAC SO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET AWAY FROM ME.ā€

      Since most of the people pushing me to get the shot are Lefties, I usually just say, “With the government giving indemnity and basically running a year-long ad campaign for the vaccine, I don’t trust that Big Pharma didn’t cut massive corners on it.” They typically find it hard to argue with that.

    • rhywun

      I’m getting really worried about busybody coworkers nosing into my affairs when the office opens in a few weeks. Especially my boss.

      I’m not good at “Look! Over there!”

      • R C Dean

        “So, have you been vaccinated?”

        “You go first. Have you had that nasty rash diagnosed yet?”

      • Suthenboy

        Just point your finger and exclaim “Squirrel!”

      • Akira

        Iā€™m getting really worried about busybody coworkers nosing into my affairs when the office opens in a few weeks. Especially my boss.

        We have a stupid online form we have to fill out every day before going into the office, and one of the questions is about if you’ve been vaccinated. Really hate the idea that the company now knows who has and hasn’t gotten the shot and could potentially start singling people out.

      • db

        Isn’t that HIPAA information? I can’t see how they can ask for that legitimately.

      • Rat on a train

        No, no. I’ve been reliably informed that HIPAA only applies to release of medical information by health care providers. Everyone else is free to demand the information.

      • R C Dean

        HIPAA only applies to health care providers and insurance companies, and restricts what they can do with health information. It doesn’t prohibit anyone, at all, from asking you anything, and certainly doesn’t prohibit you from answering.

        So, is vaccination status HIPAA information? Yes, when that status is in health care provider or insurance company records, but in no other setting (I’m leaving aside a few minor side issues). Employers can certainly ask. The real issue comes up legally when employers try to mandate it.

      • Akira

        The real issue comes up legally when employers try to mandate it.

        My fear is that they’re going to crank up the COVID restrictions while offering an exemption for those who have been vaxxed.

        I’ve been thinking of backup plans a lot lately in case I’m let go or forced to leave that company. That would certainly disrupt my life, but I have to draw a line in the sand somewhere with this shit (if more people had done that earlier on, this crap would have never come as far as it has).

      • rhywun

        I believe we will be doing that too. I should look into that.

      • Suthenboy

        When I worked for the State of Louisiana for ten years they had some such nonsense employees. I never did it once. I never even logged int o the site. No one ever said a word to me about it as I was the one eyed man. They were desperate to keep me on so…not a whisper.

  60. sarcasmic

    Is it just me or do most people listen to the same music that they liked in high school and shortly thereafter?

    If that was the case I should be a grunge junkie.

    I see songs posted here a lot and it’s all old shit.

    Do you guys listen to anything new?

    Here’s a rockin tune I doubt any of y’all has ever heard. Had tickets to see them last year but for some odd reason it was cancelled.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2IfqSRyUXA

    Enjoy at your own peril. Video is kinda cool too.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      My brain is full; what do you want?

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Would gladly delete We Built This City and such to make room.

      • sarcasmic

        LMAO!!!! Glad I wasn’t drinking something or I’d have ruined my keyboard and monitors! Great laugh! Thank you very much!

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Thanks; didn’t mean to be. You know how hearing the same classic rock songs too often is like spent tasteless chewing gum.

      • sarcasmic

        I worked in kitchens for years. Always the same classic rock or alternative radio station in the background. I can’t listen to that shit anymore.

    • The Hyperbole

      I rarely listen to the music I listened to as a yute, ie, classic rock. I try to listen to a different genre each day of the week. As I get older I’m losing my ability to listen to the same thing over and over and over again, I’d rather have variety even if some of it isn’t my favorite thing to listen to.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Vita brevis!

      • sarcasmic

        Ever listen to college radio? I’m an ambassador for that shit. What makes college radio awesome and suck at the same time is that the DJs play what they want. It mostly sucks, but if you persevere you’ll find a show here and there that rocks your world.

        I listen to this station because it’s on the air and it’s my alma mater.

        https://www.wmpg.org/audio-archives/

        They have archives, so you can listen to recorded programs.

        I’d recommend Erl’s Basement and Land of the Lost. Looks like Radio Junk Drawer isn’t on anymore. That was my favorite.

      • The Hyperbole

        I’ll give it a listen, but I’ve been spoiled by satellite radio, if the Dj starts blathering or too many commercial breaks I’m gone.

      • sarcasmic

        College radio means zero commercials. Except for begathons.

      • sarcasmic

        College radio turned me on to many acts I’ve have never heard of otherwise. CSS and Phantogram come to mind immediately.

      • sarcasmic

        I’ll give it a listen and reply in an hour or so.

      • sarcasmic

        I’ve listened to your link for 25 minutes. Music is exceptional. The topics though are a bit dour. Too many people dying. I wanted to listen to the whole thing but it’s too much of a downer. I’d rather listen to something more happy.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        ?O Death, I am a man of constant sorrow… šŸ˜‰ IKWYM! Bad Old Days.

      • Suthenboy

        “Too many people dying.”

        Have a seat brother. I have some bad news for you.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        At least they had a good innings, as our British friends say.

    • Akira

      Is it just me or do most people listen to the same music that they liked in high school and shortly thereafter?
      If that was the case I should be a grunge junkie.
      I see songs posted here a lot and itā€™s all old shit.
      Do you guys listen to anything new?

      I got into doo-wop and old jazz in high school (a consequence of watching tons of mafia movies) and have listened to that ever since. I did go through a period from about age 17 to 20 where I listened to black/Satanic metal, which made for a very odd-looking playlist. When I was 28, I had to get a new car and it didn’t have my USB stereo, and the least objectionable thing I could find on the radio was the classical station, which got me into classical and opera. I suppose that’s the only new thing I’ve picked up and stuck with.

    • sarcasmic

      I suppose that life changing events have an effect on what we listen to. Finishing 12 years of school and getting a job is pretty life changing. I went through some life changing shit a few years ago, and my musical tastes changed. They’re stuck on what I listened to during those events. I’m trying to grow, but it feels forced.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        ?I hope you had the time of your life?

        Sorry!

        /ducks

      • sarcasmic

        This song changed my life. I plugged it into Pandora and the box was opened. It introduced me to sounds I didn’t know existed.

        No 80s vomit involved.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWSK-3CN4Nw

      • sarcasmic

        “Talking like a jerk, except you are an actual jerk, and living proof that friends are mean.”

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      Yes.

      Most people close off their music choices shortly after HS.

      I, for one, do not. Most of my music collection was released well after I graduated college in 2000, and I still actively seek new music.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        I’m looking for new-to-me music from any era (not any genre).

      • sarcasmic

        Where do you go to seek new music?

        For me it’s college radio.

      • sarcasmic

        Pandora plays new stuff based upon my selections, and sometimes its pretty cool. That’s how I discovered Metric, which is still my favorite band.

        Pandora and college radio are my means of finding new music.

        What’s your secret?

        Enquiring minds want to know.

    • The Wanderer

      I am always trying to expose myself ā€” to new music. I would hate to only know about the music I heard in high school.

      Although, new music hasnā€™t interested me as much lately as learning about great music that was before my time: Big Band, Django Reinhardt, the old videos of awesome musical performance you can find on YouTube seem endless.

      • The Wanderer

        The new thing that has popped up lately on YouTube are experiments where a program called AI Jukebox is used to complete or fill in parts of a well-known song. Iā€™m completely fascinated by this. Hereā€™s an example of a computer completing the song, ā€œHey Judeā€:

        https://youtu.be/6cylYdsteEs

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        With you on BB and DR. The third, what are you trying to do to me?

      • The Wanderer

        Iā€™ve never taken LSD, but I imagine the OpenAI Jukebox stuff is close.

      • sarcasmic

        If you ever decide to trip I recommend mescaline. Last time I tried that I was fine in ten hours. LSD will fuck your world for a day or more. One time I split a quarter sheet with a friend and we tripped for three days. Good times. I find as I get older and have more stuff on my mind, tripping becomes less fun.

        So I recommend a shorter ride. Cactus powder. Some shrooms have a short ride.

        LDS takes you for a long ride.

      • The Wanderer

        There were several great musical things going on on or around the time I went to high school, but I didnā€™t hear about them because they werenā€™t on the all-Led Zep all-the-time station ā€œeveryoneā€listen to. I didnā€™t find about them until later: Parliament/Funkadelic, Gram Parsons, reggae, Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers.

      • sarcasmic

        College radio, yo. Yo, college radio.

  61. sarcasmic

    Oh come on!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzIKKbb75s4

    For all you guys who like rock from the 70s and 80s, here’s some cock-rock from the 2000s.

    Try it. You might like it.

    • sarcasmic

      The mustache swipe makes it all worthwhile..