IFLA: The “Finally” Edition of the Horoscope for the Week of May 16

by | May 16, 2021 | IFLA | 150 comments

Holy crap, the outer planets take a long time to move.  Jupiter is FINALLY out of Aquarius and separated from Saturn.  Fishermen will be blessed until May 22 when all sorts of bad things will begin happening to them, but we’ll deal with that when it comes.  Beyond that things are pretty focused — we see that same Mars – Sol – Jupiter thing persisting indicating no cease-fire this week.  Relationships are a bit complicated with Mercury and Venus being in Gemini.  While this can be a good sign for the more… relaxed about boundaries, it’s usually read in light of Gemini’s dual nature i.e., two-timing, betrayal, and the like.  There is another reading from the Gemini = Janus analogue that makes note of Mercury’s role as herald and says it’s the sign of a new relationship, or at least a new beginning (Janus is also the marker of endings, but that reading would be much more likely if Saturn were involved).

Taurus:  5 of Swords – crush you enemies, see them driven before you, hear the lamentations of they wimmen

Gemini:  Knight of Swords – Pretty much the same as above, but on horseback

Cancer: Eight of Swords reversed – Disquiet, difficulty, opposition, accident, treachery, what is unforeseen, fatality. Boo!

Leo:  6 of Wands – This one is showing up a lot lately.  That’s a good thing.  A laurel and a hearty handshake.

Virgo:  Knight of Coins – Utility, serviceableness, interest, responsibility, rectitude, tax collector, armored vehicle driver

Libra:  Knight of Wands reversed – Rupture, division, interruption, discord.  This represents a man who disappoints you, especially in re: sexual matters.

Scorpio:  Queen of Swords – Stone cold bitch.

Sagittarius:  Nine of Cups – Your cup runneth over, but x9.

Capricorn:  7 of Coins – Prudent investing/stewardship, taking gains, harvesting.  Probably has nothing to do with Dogecoin.

Aquarius:  King of Cups – Drunkard, Senator, Fat guy, lawyer, priest, scientist, oil executive, lobbyist.

Pisces:  Queen of Wands – A dark woman, countrywoman, friendly, chaste, loving, honorable.  In this particular case, she is concerned about a child.

Aries:  Page of Wands – Postman, sidepiece, servant, momma’s boy or henpecked husband.

 

 

 

About The Author

Not Adahn

Not Adahn

Despite all my rage, I am still just an impeccably dressed rat.

150 Comments

  1. KSuellington

    “ Sagittarius: Nine of Cups – Your cup runneth over, but x9”

    I’ll pour some out for my homies.

    • UnCivilServant

      Well you have to, the cup is overfull.

      • KSuellington

        Well, I could drink over a five gallon bucket, seeing as my cup is runnething over.

  2. Mojeaux

    crush you enemies, see them driven before you, hear the lamentations of they wimmen

    Must I? I am lazy and don’t want to go to the trouble.

    Maybe this refers to my upcoming negotiations with the insurance company.

  3. Gender Traitor

    Scorpio: Queen of Swords – Stone cold bitch.

    Is that someone I’m going to have to deal with, or is that me?

  4. Yusef drives a Kia

    VIrgo: Knight of Coins – Utility, serviceableness, interest, responsibility, rectitude, tax collector, armored vehicle driver
    I paid my taxes! Yikes!

    • Lackadaisical

      Maybe it just means he’s going to give you more funny money.

  5. The Late P Brooks

    Sagittarius: Nine of Cups – Your cup runneth over, but x9.

    Checks out.

  6. 61North (south of Animal, though)

    Taurus: 5 of Swords – crush your enemies, see them driven before you, hear the lamentations of they wimmen

    sounds good.

  7. Sean

    “Cancer: Eight of Swords reversed – Disquiet, difficulty, opposition, accident, treachery, what is unforeseen, fatality. Boo!”

    Am I the source of this or the target?

  8. KSuellington

    That is a damn fine Chinook on the start page. Salmon season just opened a few weeks ago on the ocean here, I’m gonna have to get out there and see if I can snag one of those tasty creatures.

    • Cy Esquire

      Getting pumped up for the Alaskan season. The big Bristol bay runs are a month out! My cousin almost lost his boat while they were moving it in Egegik. One of the axles one the trailer had a catastrophic failure on a heavy slope while they were taxiing it to the ramp. Luckily they found enough literal man power (14 guys) to pull it with ropes to safety.

      • 61North (south of Animal, though)

        The access point for the beach where they do set netting is behind the boat. If you rotate the image, you can see across the Nak to South Naknek and the old and recently closed Trident facility.

      • Cy Esquire

        I didn’t know you were anywhere near Naknek. You fish the bay?

      • 61North (south of Animal, though)

        Used to live out in the region. Don’t fish. Only done subsistence for the reds.

      • 61North (south of Animal, though)

        I saw the forecast for the Bay is down this year, but that’s to be expected after the past few years of record returns. Permit prices are through the roof.

      • Cy Esquire

        I’ll bet hard cash it’s another record year.

      • 61North (south of Animal, though)

        If prices rebound, it’s a decent bet.

        We’ll see what the Copper River does to be the price leader for the season.

      • KSuellington

        Nice! I didn’t know you were in Alaska. Or do you just head up there to fish? I’ve been wanting to make it up there for a few decades now. I really have to make it happen.

      • Cy Esquire

        I am in Texas. I own/administrate a tender and a gillnetter. I assist on a whole bunch of other boats with sourcing and occasionally other work. The idea is for me to someday walk away from my day job. Hopefully, that’ll be next fall/winter. But as always, we shall see.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Did you see your forum topic? I hope someone here is more knowledgeable than I.

      • Cy Esquire

        I did not. I have logged into the forum a whole 3 times. I don’t have access to it while I’m at work and most of my time spent on here is while I’m at work.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Well, for your friend anyway, when you get around to it.

  9. mikey

    Virgo: Knight of Coins – Utility, serviceableness, interest, responsibility, rectitude, tax collector, *armored vehicle driver*.
    WTF kinda Science is this?

    • Not Adahn

      Pretty straightforward – coins is the suit of metal and the slowest of the four. Back in the day, that card would have been a destrier.

  10. westernsloper

    Gemini: Knight of Swords – Pretty much the same as above, but on horseback

    So Putin?

  11. Q Continuum

    “This represents a man who disappoints you, especially in re: sexual matters.”

    Don’t tell Mrs. Q (who is also a Libra).

    • Ted S.

      No Libra sun,
      No Halloween,
      No giving thanks to all the Christmas joy you bring

  12. DEG

    This one is showing up a lot lately. That’s a good thing. A laurel and a hearty handshake.

    My laurel is just about done blooming.

    • Sean

      These euphemisms…

    • Q Continuum

      That’s what she said.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Looks like the underside of a Le Creuset lid.

      • Ted S.

        It’s round; therefore it’s not odd.

      • rhywun

        That plate is right up my alley.

      • l0b0t

        Sango Golddust?

    • The Hyperbole

      No dry brine for the chops?

      • Sean

        Not usually.

    • Tulip

      Is that a Heath ware plate?

      • Sean

        Gibson. The set was a housewarming gift from my sister.

      • Ted S.

        Heathkit? Build your own plates?

      • Ted S.

        Pricey.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Did I miss some discussion about clutter? I sympathize. I never seem to simultaneously have both the mental and physical energy to tackle it.

      • Sean

        There’s a dining room table somewhere in our dining room. The extra bedrooms are a hot mess and downstairs keeps attracting stuff from DeadAunt’s.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        That’s not bad at all. Maybe you just need more shelves.

        Duck Dodgers poster! ❤️

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        I should hang up my Bugs and Gossamer (repro) cel again. I miss the WB store.

      • LCDR_Fish

        Looks like one of the Mondo special edition numbered print posters. I have a ton of their early movie release posters from about 10-14 years ago but I’ve only got a handful framed. Most are still in tubes – thinking about ebaying a few of them.

        Classy!

      • Sean

        @Fish

        That sounds right. Original artist is Tom Whalen.

    • westernsloper

      Needs moar Cavenders.

    • westernsloper

      I am doing chops today as well. Thanks for the reminder, I need to light the charcoal. I reserve the bones to make a broth for ramen. Not keto but damn tasty. I don’t know a keto version of ramen. Although, if the egg and pork outweighs the noodles I figure it is on the good side of ok.

  13. Steve

    “Taurus: 5 of Swords – crush you enemies, see them driven before you, hear the lamentations of they wimmen”

    I won’t get into boring work details but this is the sign I will choose to pay attention to for the coming week.

  14. UnCivilServant

    I got a notice from my current hosting provider that they’re pushing all their emails over to Microsoft o365.

    So I pulled the trigger and migrated to a new dns registrar and will be migrating the emails to protonmail.

    Plus in total, it’s cheaper.

    • Not Adahn

      Speaking of pulling the trigger, are you getting a 9mm upper so you can join us at USPSA?

      • UnCivilServant

        I haven’t even found a cross slide vice to complete a lower.

      • westernsloper

        Ssssshhhhhh. We don’t talk about such things. I have several vices.

      • UnCivilServant

        Yeah, but you’re all the way on the western slope.

  15. westernsloper

    Being a procrastinator I just filed my taxes. I must say I don’t think I am getting good value for my money.

    • hayeksplosives

      I once mused about filing taxes along with a multi page list of federal programs, and the taxpayer could fill in the oval next to the programs they’re ok with the federal government spending on.

      Then I realized it would never work, and they’d just move “general fund” money around to get what they want anyway.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        I don’t think you’re the first person to imagine a taxpayer’s line-item veto. Can’t remember who else did though.

      • westernsloper

        Yep. General Fund is……………………

      • hayeksplosives

        One of my first proto libertarian moments was when I’d been reading the constitution and noticed how few powers it actually grants the federal government compared to what the government actually gets its grubby little hands in.

        I had occasion at that time to visit a raptor center where they rehabilitate bald Eagles and other raptors and return them to the wild if possible or keep them in captivity if they couldn’t make it in the wild.

        It was cool, but I saw they were begging us to talk to our congresscritters because the fed government was considering cutting their funding. I thought “Oh no! The raptor center is going great work—we can’t cut their funding!”

        The inner libertarian said “Yeah it’s a good cause, but the fed gov should have nothing to do with it.” And that the feds weren’t shutting them down, just forcing them to get donations, corporate sponsors, state aid, whatever.

        So when I hear sob stories about groups losing their government funding, I think of that noble bald Eagle with the broken wing looking at me when I realized that not handing over federal cash =!= prohibiting an individual or group’s activity.

      • Gustave Lytton

        In a similar vein to everything not prohibited is mandatory and v/v. People can’t wrap their heads around if something might be a “good thing”, then it doesn’t need to be mandatory. Or a “bad thing” doesn’t have to be prohibited.

    • Hyperion

      You filed your taxes one day late? I don’t get it…

      • westernsloper

        17th is due date. I filed one day early. Pay attention man!

      • Hyperion

        Well, shit. I thought the day was the 15th. I already got my state refund. Waiting for the feds, as usual.

      • Hyperion

        Oh, and about that attention thing… I’m trying, but it’s short and quirky these days. Sort of like a 1970s portable radio that only has AM.

      • Ted S.

        I thought “short and quirky” described your genitals.

      • Hyperion

        Stop obsessing over my privates, Ted, I like girls!

    • TARDis

      I don’t think I am getting good value for my money.

      Did you have to fork over some more dough?

  16. hayeksplosives

    Huh. Nothing about Aries being the bringer of bad news this week?

    Maybe it won’t be such a crappy work week after all.

    “Henpecked husband.” I’m a henpecked wife. (My husband can be a bitch when he wants something, so the word henpecked stands!

    • Q Continuum

      “Shrew” is a gender-neutral term.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        You could be rooster or….-Pecked.

    • Not Adahn

      I always like it when 14 brings me coffee.

    • Chafed

      37 forgot to cut off the price tag. I haven’t seen that before.

      • Q Continuum

        She wasn’t sure if she was going to return them.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Ew.

      • LCDR_Fish

        Pretty sure most places don’t take returns of underthings.

      • The Gunslinger

        My wife used to work at Kohl’s. You might be shocked to know what people successfully returned there.

      • Not Adahn

        Taking a pic in your hotel room = escort.

    • prolefeed

      #2 has an unusual booty to tits ratio, to the point where I was questioning if she was an extraordinarily passable ts.

  17. Hyperion

    Fake News

    #CapricornsRpeople2

    #StopTheCapricornHate

    • blackjack

      I thought they kept telling me I was the greatest of all time, as in GOAT!

      • Hyperion

        I thought if you’re a Welsh Capricorn you’re supposed to get 2 free goats. Life is such a ripoff.

      • blackjack

        Hey, whatever gets your goat, man!

  18. LCDR_Fish

    WTF. Went to change a lightbulb and instead of a screw in – it’s some weird two-prong variant. Then a few minutes later, another closet light went out – same type of fitting…

    I went to the hardware store and bought the 3 LED bulbs they had on the shelf. 9.99 each compared to roughly the same price for a 12+ pack of normal 60W LED bulbs. At least I think I only have 3 of those fittings in the house – and I just replaced 2 of them.

    After the next one goes out I’m gonna have to go ahead and get the fittings replaced with normal ones otherwise I’ll probably be SOL for replacement bulbs. What a hassle.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      I got that type of torchiere lamp free from the local utility. Was glad when it broke.

    • Timeloose

      We’re the original bulbs the two prong incandescents? I blame IKEA for flooding the market with cheap low wattage bulb lamps with weird sockets.

      • LCDR_Fish

        One was a CFL, the other was an LED already. I’m pretty sure those fixtures came out after the incandescent ban.

    • Hyperion

      In this stupid apt I been holed up in, I just attempted a couple of weeks ago to change the 2nd walk in closet light. You know, you don’t keep the closet lights on much, so they typically last a long time. And those are the only 2 bulbs in the place that I have not replaced with LEDs.

      So the first one was out. So I went in there to change it when I realized the entire fixture was just hanging there by the wires. Seriously, no screws in it. So I called management and told them. Dude came up here to fix and got the shit shocked out of him. I was working, but I told him, hey man, I can take a break and shut the breaker off.

      A few weeks later, I went to change the 2nd one, but as soon as I started take the fixture cover off, I noted that one also, just hanging by the wires. So I called them again. WTF? Are screws really that expensive? I can’t wait go get the fuck out of here. At least then when something is fucked up it will be my fault.

  19. Timeloose

    My next door Neighbor is blasting Neil Diamond and guzzling beers as part of his Sunday ritual of getting bombed on his day off.

    I have no issues with this at all, but his taste in music could improve.

    We get it Neil you write the songs! Now sing some Cracklin Rose.

    • 61North (south of Animal, though)

      I’ll put on something else.

      • Timeloose

        You have some killer speakers.

    • Timeloose

      Oh wait that was Barry Manilow. Even worse.

      • Hyperion

        There’s probably some Van Morrison in your pile of leftover record club albums you never played yet. Right by the Neil Diamond.

      • westernsloper

        Pretty sure you are justified to walk across the yard and throat punch him for Manilow. Not cool.

      • Ted S.

        Actually Barry Manilow didn’t write that particular song. It was written by Bruce Johnston of the Beach Boys and originally recorded by The Captain and Tennille.

        Oh, there was also a version by David Cassidy as well before the Manilow version.

        (Sorry, Gender Traitor)

      • blackjack

        It sounds like you’re saying Charlie Manson wrote it. Didn’t he write most of the Beach Boys stuff?

  20. Hyperion

    Maybe he’ll switch to Arab rap. Rhywun highly recommends it.

    • Timeloose

      No, REO Speedwagon is currently on the playlist. Oh well I Can’t Fight this Feeling anymore.

      Time to go inside and stop boring you all with my living vicariously through my neighbors.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Dude! Poor you. Even Journey would be better.

        De gustibus…

      • Hyperion

        I like REO.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        /blushes

        I understand their earlier stuff is different.

        My great grandparents had a Reo Flying Cloud.

      • Hyperion

        Well, Roll with the Changes is my fav, but their later poppy stuff is still OK.

      • blackjack

        This is a great bar bet song, btw. Ain’t nobody guessing that’s REO.

      • Hyperion

        I remember it, but had forgot all about it until I clicked your link. Good stuff.

  21. Nephilium

    Stopped at a brewery to pick up a collaboration beer to help fund the Ohio Craft Beer Association (they haven’t been able to run a festival for the past year). Doing that, I found the first worker at a brewery that was not looking forward to the removal of the mask mandates.

    • dbleagle

      A money quote from the article, “this is why this deprogramming is going to be so difficult and why so many are going to resist it. it’s why the resistance to it is so political: because those who experience the freedom and agency of others as oppressive select for ideologies that allow them to wield social control and the intersection of progressivism and critical theories dovetail perfectly into authoritarian health initiatives “for your own good.”

      but it’s not for your good. it never was. it was for theirs. it was to mollify their emotional needs by taking your freedom for no good reason and asking you to thank them for it. this was those who seek control to alleviate their own fear surging to the fore and seizing control of the levers of power. they are not looking to let them go.

      y’all know i love data and digging into it, but we’re getting the point where we’re past that. if you could read data and be convinced by it, you would have been by now.”

      • westernsloper

        if you could read data and be convinced by it, you would have been by now.”

        Yep. We are way past that.

    • Hyperion

      Never let a good crisis go to waste and never let it end. Instead just declare the New Normal.

    • westernsloper

      It is known.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Broken shift key.

  22. The Late P Brooks

    Back from the grocery store. Wow. A lot of maskless faces today. still less than half, but much better than just crabby old p brooks.

    • LCDR_Fish

      Hardware stores were like that but walmart locally was 95% masked up still – weird. The signs were down though,

    • Sean

      I heard that guy is a nutter…

  23. The Late P Brooks

    those who experience the freedom and agency of others as oppressive

    Spot on.

  24. The Late P Brooks

    No, REO Speedwagon is currently on the playlist. Oh well I Can’t Fight this Feeling anymore.

    It could be worse. I ‘m listening to No Doubt right now.

    • Nephilium

      By choice?

      • blackjack

        Because that’s all that they’ll let him be.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        😉 ?

    • Timeloose

      I would rather be at your house.

  25. Count Potato

    I decided not to go to the immediate care clinic. I figured the only thing they could do is a covid test, and they might refuse, since my temp measures normal, and I don’t have a cough. Maybe I’ll call my regular doctor tomorrow, if I still feel like shit.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Hey! Was just wondering how you were.

      Symptom Finder?

      • Count Potato

        Thanks, for thinking of me. I just ate the plate of pollo guisado I couldn’t choke down on Saturday evening, so I guess that’s a good sign?

      • Sean

        Sounds like it to me.

        Hope you feel better.

      • TARDis

        Me too. I’d hate for you know to have to get a real job.

      • Count Potato

        ???

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Me neither.

      • TARDis

        Girl with stuffed caboose.

      • Count Potato

        Thanks. I’m more worried I might have given covid to a high risk family member, than for myself.

      • Hyperion

        Hope you feel better soon. It’s probably just a cold. That is still around despite all the type about the Vid.

      • Count Potato

        Maybe. I haven’t been around people long enough to catch a cold either?

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Colds start with scratchy throat, though.

      • Hyperion

        Well, not always. I get ones that start with congestion. Then I get ones that start with body aches. There’s a zillion different varieties of it.

        The bad ones start with a sore throat, I mean the ones that lead up to forcing you to take an antibiotic so that the secondary bacterial infection doesn’t kill you.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        One’s experiences may differ, I guess.

      • Hyperion

        Sure, some of us will be more prone to certain varieties. Mine are typically the congested sniffy ones that make you miserable for a few days or a week.

  26. The Late P Brooks

    By choice?

    Why yes. On my Pandora “ska” channel/station.

    Ball and Chain (Social Distortion version) just came on.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      I read that comment in Randall from Clerks voice. “In a row?”

  27. Hyperion

    Just read an interesting dialogue about when and how wokeness finally dies off. It was just from a link I clicked that lead to Reddit, of all places. But I was really surprised by the number of millennials and younger who hate it as much as we do.

    Seriously, has there ever been a more divisive and toxic thing in modern history? It’s going to completely destroy the USA. Maybe Europe survives it, I don’t know.