IFLA: The “Whoopsie!” Edition of the Horoscope for the Week of May 30

by | May 30, 2021 | IFLA | 67 comments

So this week has some entertaining/horrifying things going on.  Enjoy and be very, very, afraid.

The two main drivers of this are that Mars – Sol – Jupiter nonsense that’s been powering along lately, and Mercury which will be going STATION RETROGRADE on Monday.  Ever have one of one of those dates where everything is going great, and then suddenly you’re wearing a drink and the chair across from you is empty?  Yeah, Monday is going to be like that.  Prior to that point, you’ve got The Moon and Mercury working to bring you luck, but then… BAM!  MERCURY RETROGRADE while still in alignment with the moon and the Earth.  I know some of you will be drinking that day and may be inclined to blame the Demon Rum for mishaps, but really, it’s the stars.

The other thing that happens that day is that MERCURY RETROGRADE will be in opposition to that whole “Yay!  Statism” alignment mentioned earlier.  So expect a colossal governmental fuckup or some highly visible prank played against the authorities or some other spectacular display of incompetence on that day.

Because of the presence of Mercury in Gemini, this would be an opportune time to give bigamy a try, but since MERCURY RETROGRADE is also being hosted by Casper and Pollux, I’d give it a pass this year.

The cards also agree it’s going to be an eventful week.  Lots of extremely good and extremely bad cards, with an emphasis on incompetence.  But did you notice?  Nothing was drawn reversed. 

Gemini:  The Devil – Ravage, violence, vehemence, extraordinary efforts, force, fatality

Cancer:  2 of Cups – Love, passion, friendship, affinity, union, concord, sympathy

Leo:  Ace of Cups – House of the true heart, joy, content, abode, nourishment, abundance, fertility; Holy Table, felicity

Virgo:  Ace of Swords – Triumph, the excessive degree in everything, conquest, triumph of force, in love as well as in hatred.

Libra:  2 of Swords – Conformity and the equipoise which it suggests, courage, friendship, concord in a state of arms; tenderness, affection, intimacy.

Scorpio:  Page of Wands – Dark young man, faithful, a lover, an envoy, a postman.

Sagittarius:  The Sun – Material happiness, fortunate marriage, contentment.

Capricorn:  9 of Coins – Prudence, safety, success, accomplishment, certitude, discernment.

Aquarius:  10 of Cups – Contentment, repose of the entire heart; the perfection of that state; also perfection of human love and friendship

Pisces:  King of Coins –  Valor, realizing intelligence, business and normal intellectual aptitude

Aries:  Page of Swords – Authority, overseeing, secret service, vigilance, spying, examination

Taurus:  8 of Swords – Bad news, violent chagrin, crisis, censure, power in trammels, conflict, calumny, sickness.

About The Author

Not Adahn

Not Adahn

Despite all my rage, I am still just an impeccably dressed rat.

67 Comments

  1. Surly Knott

    Cancer’s card doesn’t look so bad this week. How did that happen?

    • Sean

      Dunno, I suspect it’s a trap.

      • Surly Knott

        Oh, it’s always a trap. This time the bait’s the good stuff, which is a nice change 😉

  2. Q Continuum

    “tenderness, affection, intimacy.”

    Excellent. That’s been hard to come by since q-ette showed up (and Mrs. Q’s undercarriage played the part of Dresden in the WWII saga of birth).

    • Gender Traitor

      How is Mrs. Q doing?

      • Q Continuum

        Pros:
        Surgical touch-up about 3 weeks ago, almost recovered from that.
        Back to pre-preg weight and fitting into (most) of her old clothes
        Enjoying motherhood

        Cons:
        Still has pain from said touch-up and birth
        Exhausted
        Not enjoying being back at work

        The one and only time we’ve attempted to engage in marital congress it just plain didn’t fit. Probably due to scar tissue so she’s got estrogen cream to help.

        Life is good tho, q-ette rox.

      • Gender Traitor

        Exhausted
        Not enjoying being back at work

        No personal experience with this, but would probably be true even if q-ette’s birth had gone as smooth as silk.

      • Mojeaux

        This is true. Babies don’t sleep at night.

  3. CPRM

    So expect a colossal governmental fuckup….

    the trick all astrologers use, say something that happens every day and it’s always true.

    • westernsloper

      Yep, I am starting to think NA is just making this shit up.

      • Sean

        Science denier!

  4. Gender Traitor

    Scorpio: Page of Wands – Dark young man, faithful, a lover, an envoy, a postman.

    Don’t want him as a lover, but I’d be VERY grateful if the postman would deliver the Duluth Trading denim capris that were SUPPOSED to arrive yesterday. I’m not even bothering to follow the tracking on the tops I never would have ordered from some other outfit (new to me) if I’d known they were coming from freakin’ China. 🙁

  5. DEG

    House of the true heart, joy, content, abode, nourishment, abundance, fertility; Holy Table, felicity

    Sounds like bullshit to me.

  6. l0b0t

    “Sagittarius: The Sun – Material happiness, fortunate marriage, contentment.”

    I’ll take it.

    • Surly Knott

      After the last couple of years, you deserve it. Not that you don’t inherently deserve it, but…

  7. Mojeaux

    Taurus: 8 of Swords – Bad news, violent chagrin, crisis, censure, power in trammels, conflict, calumny, sickness.

    Color me chagrined.

    • Gender Traitor

      After the past year+, that deserves its own place in the Crayola box.

      • Mojeaux

        It would be puce.

  8. westernsloper

    Gemini: The Devil – Ravage, violence, vehemence, extraordinary efforts, force, fatality

    That doesn’t sound too good.

    • Drake

      Is it a warning or advise?

  9. The Late P Brooks

    Sagittarius: The Sun – Material happiness, fortunate marriage, contentment.

    But I don’t even know any rich girls.

  10. The Late P Brooks

    “Start yer enjuns.”

    It’s about fucking time.

  11. TARDis

    Virgo: Ace of Swords – Triumph, the excessive degree in everything, conquest, triumph of force, in love as well as in hatred.

    Well that explains it. Mrs.T, who is prediabeetus , checked her blood sugar, it was fine. On a lark, I told her to check mine. It read 22. Retested, 20. She tested herself again, 125. (Just ate) Washed and dried my hands, retested again, still 20. LOL, WTF.

    She’s freaking out.

    • Spudalicious

      You have a faulty meter. With a blood sugar of 20, you should be dead.

      • TARDis

        Its reading fine for my wife though. It’s pretty strange because I feel okay. She can’t find the box to verify the meter. I guess there supposed to be some cleaner for it. I dunno. I can’t remember the last time I did finger sticks. She thinks my blood is thin so it’s not giving a good sample. Just tested at 36.

      • Mojeaux

        If it’s off for you, it’s off for her, too.

  12. Gustave Lytton

    Carrying over from the last thread, how the hell is requiring Greek and Latin to graduate with a degree in Classics systemic racism? No one is a native speaker of either language, everyone has to learn it. The number of high schools teaching both is probably in the double digits. The unspoken argument is that somehow certain people are incapable, based on some appearance characteristics, of learning those languages? Once again I guess I’m wrong about the existence of systemic racism, the university is proving it does exist by their own actions.

    • Drake

      I’m probably incapable – which is why I didn’t major in the classics and admire people who did.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Sure, it’s all Greek to me too, but I doubt it’s because the color of your or my skin.

      • Ted S.

        In German, they say it’s Spanish to them.

    • RAHeinlein

      IMO the key reason to call-out systemic racism for academic/professional requirements is to ensure they are eliminated – that way you simply “equitably” distribute all those jobs based-on desired demographics. No criteria, no problem.

    • Sensei

      I had 1.5 years of Latin in HS and 0,5 years of Ancient Greek.

      I would say that a modern Greek speaker certainly has a leg up on both.

      Neighbors (1981)

      Undoubtedly, the greatest moment is when Vic and Romona (the new neighbors) are sharing a spaghetti meal with Earl and Edith Keese, the conservative couple next door. Vic claims the meal came from a new restaurant called “Ceasar’s Garlic Wars” Earl grills Vic as to where the food came from, because he saw Vic making the food next door in Vic’s kitchen. What ensues is a hilarious tongue-tying dialogue between slick Vic and a very sceptical Earl.

      • Gustave Lytton

        My dad’s Jesuit HS required both when he went through. Dunno about current requirements but they no longer offer Greek in favor of ASL and Chinese.

      • Sensei

        We have a large, large Chinese population here in town and hence the HS here offers it. Mostly taken by children of native speakers.

        My son took it because of an interest and was also told student’s where it wasn’t spoken at home were looked favorably upon by the teachers. I was worried but he did OK in it. He also has some good Chinese friends he could ask for help if he needed it.

      • Sensei

        Also 3 years of French. I can read French still, but at this point spoken French is beyond me.

        Naturally given the complexity of kanji I’m just about 180 the other way in Japanese.

      • Nephilium

        Out of the two Catholic high schools that friends/family went to back in the 90’s, one offered Latin for one year. Neither offered Greek. Ursuline and Notre Dame orders ran the schools (nuns).

  13. Tundra

    Leo: Ace of Cups – House of the true heart, joy, content, abode, nourishment, abundance, fertility; Holy Table, felicity

    Fertility?

  14. The Late P Brooks

    What an ugly start. I can’t believe they threw the green.

    • Gustave Lytton

      I feel like drinking milk and watching The Delta Force of a sudden.

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      This race is reminding me why it’s hard to watch indycar anymore. We’re 28 laps in and they’re freight training still.

      Navigating lapped traffic is integral to quality oval racing.

  15. DEG

    OT: “Pistols of the Warlords” hit the $1 million mark. Gun Jesus announced that if the project hits the $2 million mark, he will go on a book-signing tour.

    • db

      Amazing. I have always been interested in the history of firearms and their design. If I had followed up on some ideas I had long ago, maybe *I* could have been Gun Jesus.

  16. Rebel Scum

    “Contentment, repose of the entire heart; the perfection of that state; also perfection of human love and friendship”

    That doesn’t sound like me.

  17. westernsloper

    I have got to try this. Needs jalapeños though.

    • l0b0t

      Also bacon, and perhaps a proper bun. HOLY MACKEREL! Has that neighborhood changed in the last decade.

  18. grrizzly

    I have an annual physical on Tuesday and was required to fill out a questionnaire before the visit. The title is “Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity.” It asks about my sexual orientation, gender identity, sex assigned at birth and my pronouns. And I thought the unpleasant part would be telling them that I’m not interested in a Covid vaccine.

    • mikey

      “…sex assigned at birth..”
      Shouldn’t the be “sex assigned at conception”?
      Oh, nevermnd.

      • Rebel Scum

        Any doctor using that terminology missed bio 101.

    • Animal

      I’ve seen that a time or two when having medical tests and the like – I leave those kinds of sections blank, and so far haven’t had anyone question that, although I admit it’s been a while. I’m going to have to find a new physician here in the Great Land, so wondering if I’ll have to deal with that again.

    • Drake

      My pronouns are “dude” and “stud”.

      • Ted S.

        I’d have guessed “perv”.

  19. mikey

    OFFS.
    I get an ad email from the place in the UK where I get my British electrical components (yeah, yeah I know all the jokes). For this bank holiday weekend all orders get a free face covering! It looks like a cheap neck gator with a print of an old Brit race car, but still. can’t we just let this go?

    Do you know why the Brits never made computers?
    They couldn’t get them to leak oil.

    • Ted S.

      I wouldn’t want a gator around my neck.

  20. Rebel Scum

    I can’t decide if Bo Burnham’s new special is a total disaster or not.

    • The Hyperbole

      Robert Pickering “Bo” Burnham is an American comedian, musician, actor, film director, screenwriter, and poet.

      Sound insufferable.

  21. hayeksplosives

    “ Aries: Page of Swords – Authority, overseeing, secret service, vigilance, spying, examination”

    ::whistles nonchalantly and looks at imaginary object in distance::

    • Sensei

      Oh my… Although I confess I like American style chile over rice as much as I do straight up. In some ways this isn’t too different.

      And they blue tie dye guy has to be top 10 on my fluent but heavily accented Japanese speaker of English.

      • hayeksplosives

        I second the chili-over-rice thing.

        It’s good, and if the chili is super hot, it helps a bit. As does a dollop of sour cream over the top.

    • Rebel Scum

      I re-declare war on Japan. //Jk

      Marco’s Pizza does bowls, but no rice. Pretty good low carb option.

    • zwak

      Well, 1- now I know what new hat I am going to get. And 2- Mdm, Zwak’s Christmas present has been found! Those Bokksu boxes will be perfect for her.

    • westernsloper

      Needs moar octopus.

  22. Ozymandias

    So expect a colossal governmental fuckup or some highly visible prank played against the authorities or some other spectacular display of incompetence on that day.

    Soooo…..Monday again, eh?

  23. Nephilium

    So had to take a pass on cycling, due to a flare up, I couldn’t fit one foot into the cycling shoes. Still met up with a friend for a couple of pints.