“Grandpa, did you eat all your oatmeal?” Finnegan asked.
“I’m not allowed to talk about that,” Joe said.
“Did you eat all your oatmeal or not?” she asked from the deluxuriated Presidential Bathroom and Hydrotherapy Complex.
“Nah, you can’t trick me like that. I’m’m’m’m not supposed to answer those type of questions,” Joe said.
Finnegan snorted and scrubbed at the stain on his shirt.
“Mr. President, as you can see, The Iron Dome system is working about as well as can be expected,” the general said. Joe watched the streaks and squiggles of light on the giant screens of the War Room.
“I’m not supposed to talk about that. I’ll get in trouble,” Joe said.
The generals filed out and left him in there with an iPad to play with, the parental controls on to prevent accidental purchases.
“Vroom, vroom,” Joe said, turning the wheel of the truck. “I really get to drive?”
“Please just sit in the truck, Mr. President,” the Secret Service sitter said.
“I think you all know I’m a car guy!” Joe yelled to the tame press groupies, huddled together on the floor of the Ford plant, afraid of the blue-collar workers they felt were getting too close. They laughed at Joe’s statement hollowly.
Joe looked around the dash. “Where do you put the key in this thing?”
“It’s a push-button, Mr. President,” said the grid girl Ford had hired for Joe and dressed up as an automotive engineer.
Joe jabbed at the dash in the general area of the ignition key and the car slightly shuddered as it started.
“Where’s the vroom?” Joe asked sadly.
“Mr. President?” the Secret Service sitter said, alarmed.
Joe jammed door the accelerator and he and the truck shot off. He drove straight down the track for a few hundred yards, began to weave, turned in a wide arc, and headed back toward the reporters that scattered, honking like geese.
Joe stopped short and pulled up beside the reporter pod.
“This sucker’s quick!” Joe said.
Jen’s press interns herded the reporters back into a compact knot and calmed them down with a soothing series of Twitter notifications.
“This sucker’s quick!” Joe said again. “I don’t know if anybody has a stopwatch but I think we’re going zero to 60 in four-point-three. Four-point-four?”
No reporter had any idea of what the President was talking about.
“Mr. President!’ the first to calm her shakes called. “Can we ask you a question about Isreal’s murderous assault on Gaza?”
“No, you can’t,” he said. “Not unless you get in front of the car as I step on it.” He smiled vacantly. “I’m only teasing,” he said.
“This is so fast I could run you over so fast,” Joe said dreamily. “Like boom I just ran you over. You’d be dead. Sustainably electric dead!”
Joe smiled and sped off again.
What’s with the dazzle camo?
ugh! good one!
Deflects questions
Hah!
Your Hah! makes it hard to say it is actually RAM and just ignores the questions altogether
It’s an attempt to head off industrial sabotage.
Car manufacturers paint prototype and probably early production vehicles like that so that it is harder to figure out styling and shape from pictures.
I’d be afraid of it triggering a seizure among certain viewers.
When I lived in Stuttgart we saw them all the time (I lived directly between the Mercedes and Porsche HQs). Back when Porsche was first developing the Panamera I saw one with the digital wrap, in pieces, stretched out over about 300 meters on the A8. If I remember correctly, the driver actually survived.
Cool. I rode the A8 most days for 3 years.
A5 or GTFO!
Those are known as “mules” – usually next model year test vehicles. All draped in dazzle camo when driven on public streets so you cannot make out any details in the body panels.
Maybe an electric pickup truck isn’t completely useless.
Does that vehicle have modern dazzle camoflauge?
Looks like a bunch off boobs, Q will be in his bunk.
Great stuff, SF, current and accurate
“Look, man, I’m a car guy, gotta a TransAm or something”
“ Sustainably electric dead!”
I may need to start using this when discussing HV battery systems.
Energy saving mode
Secret Service sitter said.
It’s the little things.
…the reporters that scattered, honking like geese.
Hate birds – such an apt comparison.
I hate Canada Geese, but the average cobra chicken would kick the shit out of the average reporter.
Their personalities suck, but properly dressed, prepared and roasted, they are quite tasty.
and calmed them down with a soothing series of Twitter notifications
That line got a genuine choke-snort out of me.
The new opiate of the [m]asses.
Its funny cause its true, good one SF!
So is the photo of the dual steering wheel in that truck real or not.
I didn’t manipulate it, so I guess it’s real.
If they ever create electric helicopters, the enviros might decide to make us sustainably electric dead.
No, we’re safe until they can figure out how to get high speed rail up to a high enough altitude to do damage to those thrown overboard.
Bravo sir, bravo.
Uncomfortable thought of the day – does Uncle Joe wear a diaper, and if so, is it for practical purposes, or recreational?
If you’re wearing a diaper for any reason, and you don’t use it recreationally, you’re not living life to the fullest.
It depends…
He wears the diaper for practical purposes. He has someone clean him for pleasure.
Something about Finnegan’s Wake?
No reporter had any idea of what the President was talking about.
It’s these little offhand comments that make your pieces great.
Thanks, SF! I needed the laughs.
“No reporter…….”
Neither did anyone else know, including Joe.
Electric cars are the future! It’s what
plantspeople crave! That’s why GM wants subsidies, because the sales are so good!Where is Major?
We sent him to live with a farmer, a nice place where he can romp all day with the other animals.
With any luck, gnawing on Jen.
Nice.
Hey! This is a family friendly site. Keep your Rule 34 fantasies to yourself.
Jen’s press interns herded the reporters back into a compact knot and calmed them down with a soothing series of Twitter notifications.
Gold, Jerry, GOLD.
People keep bothering me, I can’t keep up.
Definitely my favorite line from this episode.
Sadness.
It’s the Presidency of sadness.
I miss the hijinx of the Hat and the Hair.
Imagine the Hat and the Hair infiltrating the White House (through the underground maze) and talking to Joe.
They could whisper to him in his sleep about the miracles of drinking cow urine.
If I were a better animator:
INT-OVAL OFFICE-NIGHT
Two figures emerge from The HOOKER TUNNEL entrance and scurry across the room towards JOE sleeping behind the desk.
HAIR
Quit stepping on my tendrils!
HAT
I don’t step! I don’t have feet!
HAIR
Whatever, stop tripping me!
HAT
You’re the fag whose shit is all fucked up!
The Hair slithers his way atop Joe’s head while the Hat places himself on the desk in front of Joe
…..
You’re 1/2 way there, CP.
…and the trauma, I mean story, begins anew…
Same set, different cast of characters, only the H & H survived the transition
The Hair slithers his way atop Joe’s head
The Hair versus the Hair-Plugz!
A three-round, no-holes barred, Texas cage match.
Knowing The Hair’s, err, appetites, I think that might not be family-friendly.
uuuuuuhhhhhh…
Safety advocates
The CDC’s surprise mask-dropping guidance for those who are fully vaccinated against Covid-19 may have killed any effort to require their blanket use in workplaces — a bitter disappointment to unions and other safety advocates who have been pushing the Biden administration to tighten things up on the job, not loosen them.
“It’s a Public Health 101 failure,” said David Michaels, an epidemiologist who led Occupational Safety and Health Administration during the Obama administration who is now a professor at the George Washington University School of Public Health. “By giving advice to vaccinated people, but ignoring the fact that many or most people in many settings will not be vaccinated, the CDC is causing confusion and setting back our efforts to stop this pandemic.”
The White House is in the last stages of finalizing emergency Covid-19 workplace safety rules from OSHA, which unions, management-side attorneys and workplace safety experts broadly expected to include a mask mandate — until the administration’s latest changes to its guidelines last week.
I’d like to lay those people down on an airport runway and do four-corner burnouts over them with my gas guzzling four wheel drive pickup.
So would everyone else.
‘Safety Advocate’ is more properly termed, ‘annoying busybody’.
“Concern Troll”
The unions just wanted it as a negotiating lever. Fuck those assholes.
I thought unions were supposed to represent their workers.
And I very seriously doubt that most unionized workers want to be required to wear a mask the entire time they are at work.
Heh…
lol…
rofl.
Hahahaha.
It has to be so depressing being one of those reporters. They went from saving the world from Literally Hitler!, to running cover for Joe’s mumblings. And now fewer and fewer people are watching them.
Can’t wait for part II when Joe crashes the new Acela unveil party.
Into the Chesapeake Bay, I hope.
OT: cryptos are getting slaughtered today. Good buying time. Just got me some ETH and am waiting to get some more XLM and/or BTC
Do you dabble in gold as well?
Silver, mainly because I don’t have enough “play” cash on hand at any one time to buy a worthwhile amount of gold.
Oh noes! My complete non-investment in non-currencies is… doing nothing I guess.
At least with the silver art there’s something pretty and shiny to look at.
Silver coins and bars are pretty, too, and might be a pretty decent investment if certain parties didn’t keep manipulating the market. ?
I know this is like 10 years late, but what’s the most straightforward way to learn HOW to buy/sell crypto? I’ve just literally never learned.
I use the coinbase android app. It connects to a bank account and acts much like any other investing app. Of course, caveat emptor and all that.
yes, Coinbase works well, and if you’re into trading, the Coinbase Pro app is a good trading platform, IMO. YMMV, etc.
Coinbase unless you want to fuck around with Robinhood (lol). Robinhood lets you buy and sell, but you don’t actually get the coins to move around as you please.
ETH and XLM and LTC, here I come with…pocket change. Drat.
I took all those drugs in my experimental phase.
Actually looks like a um…male medical condition, a satellite radio and my rank.
Worker safety advocates now fear the Biden administration is abandoning its promise to issue stringent workplace safety rules employers must follow to protect their workers from the coronavirus, and experts in the field are bewildered.
Cretinous busybodies are all aflutter.
Even Biden knew he couldn’t get away with that amount of authoritarianism.
Wonder if a nationwide campaign of Stop Jewish Hate will arise. Okay done wondering.
“Sorry, all the national months of _blank_ are taken.”
Only when someone shoots up a synagogue when there’s a member of TEAM RED in the White House.
Unions including National Nurses United and the United Food and Commercial Workers say the new guidance is dangerous for workers and flouts the medical community’s understanding on how the virus spreads.
The nurses union argues that the studies cited by the CDC to back up its policy change “present data that is incomplete, not yet peer reviewed, potentially biased, or show poor statistical certainty.”
*outright, prolonged laughter*
*cynicism peaking*
That is rich.
Oh and normally a Simpsons did it! is in store for this, but South Park gets the nod on predicting the future here.
Sorry, but the SCIENCE! has spoken. Masks off, back to work! SCIENCE, SCIENCE, SCIENCE!!!
“That can’t be SCIENCE – I don’t fucking love it”.
If the ILFS crowd had any self-awareness, they’d just sink an electrode into whatever part of their brains that lights up when they watch Apollo 13.
Hit that ‘trode again, wirehead.
Coincidentally, it happens to be the same part that lights up when religious people go to church.
Like mask wearing and social distancing?
“afraid of the blue-collar workers they felt were getting too close”
The hidden gem. So perfect.
“the grid girl Ford had hired for Joe and dressed up as an automotive engineer”
OT Federal Ammo has 9, .45, .223 and .308 available on their website. Pretty pricey especially the .223 and .308 which after shipping and theft comes out to about a buck a bullet.
PA state run liquor stores still pushing mask wearing in the “interest of health reasons.”
Fuck em. I was the only one in there not wearing one.
There is probably a greater chance of a bottle falling off the shelf and hitting you in the head than contracting lil’rona and becoming severely ill.
And that’s why you shouldn’t be crawling on the floor looking at the low cost bottles!
I thought getting the low cost bottles is what made you crawl on the floor.
Sir put your mask on you could get the rona and die! *As he loads 10 handles of liquor into a bag for you.*
Not gonna lie, I did like when PA was shipping liquor to my door step with no shipping charges.
I don’t patronize that bullshit outfit if I can possibly avoid it, and thankfully MD makes that quite easy.
Store should hand out samples of the high test disinfectant, to be consumed on site, for protection
Was expecting this.
She seems nice.
.@Laurier student posts a horrific TikTok video glorifying stabbing people in Israel, comparing them to toilet paper and garbage.
Good stuff SF, and that WaPo piece is more vomit inducing than some of your Hillary and Huma scenes. Porn Hub wouldn’t even degrade itself to have as much cock slobbering as the Post does for Biden.
Ya, ok.
voters who respect that he’s a guy who says he changes his own oil
They’re the same “voters” who all suspiciously submit their mail in ballots at the same exact moment in the same exact post office with the same exact handwriting.
He probably changed his own oil. Once.
If he really likes changing his own oil, he’ll be disappointed with the electric vehicles.
Maybe he could rewind the stators instead.
“He probably tried to change his own oil once”
“Hand me the, you know, the thing.”
*hands Joe a hammer*
“C’mon man, that’s the wrong size.”
Hey, I couldn’t even tell you how many times I’ve “changed my own oil”, IYKWIMAITYD.
Yep, he’s just home folks, you ignorant rubes.
An oldie, but a goodie.
I did not have to wear a mask in Hobby Lobby. All the employees were masked, but other than them, about 50/50 masked/unmasked. Couldn’t get a read on demos for each.
Got one of those right around the corner from the office. Maybe I should stop in & get something. Anything.
Yarn. You can never have too much yarn. ::pushes aside thoughts of all the unknit yarn stored upstairs AND down::
Doooo eeeeetttt.
OK so we know which shoulder you are perched upon. Where’s your counterpart?
Right here.
Ok, I understand the compulsion to accumulate, but as someone who is prepping for a move, I can assure you that you DON’T want to stop and buy anything else you can’t eat or drink.
My minimalist mind agrees.
My crafty soul does not.
Your crafty soul doesn’t have to move boxes.
Well, I’M not moving for the foreseeable future, so I can
hoardwisely invest in as many material goods as I want! ?Yeah/ Three months ago I wasn’t gonna move either! 😉
Nor us. And yet… here we go again.
Can confirm.
Pick up one of your existing projects and work on that.
The devil you say!
I may need to find a WIP or start a new one with the cotton yarn I have. It’s already too hot to handle wool. ?
The tears from the all-masks-all-the-time-forever crowd are hilarious. They really don’t get it. Yes, the CDC made it’s “no need for masks” pronouncements arbitrarily and without rigorous scientific analysis. Just like they made every other one of their pronouncements. At this point, though, they’re at the point of battling the obvious. States were already opening up and removing the mask mandates. And a record of doing so with no adverse consequences was building. To continue with the mask recommendation would have made them a laughingstock with the general public, no matter how much the purveyors of cultural supremacy kept trying to pretend otherwise.
“To continue with the mask recommendation would have made them a laughingstock”
*insert Virginia here*
As should be expected, the Bee nails it again.
I don’t know what we did to get SugarFree, but let’s keep doing it.
Pretty sure ritual animal sacrifice is unlawful in most jurisdictions.
That’s why we have to build the Third Temple.
I hope we can get an exemption for cicadas. ::dreads emergence of Brood X::
Leave me out of this.
Negrodamus out.
*sad face*
Bummer, he was great, and he didnt like Whitey! Even better,
Aw. Didn’t know he was as old as he was.
His line launched one of the all-time great Chappell sketches:
“…Wayne Brady makes Bryant Gumbel look like Malcolm X”
A foreshadowing of what’s about to come in the covid vaccination requirement space.
I note that the consideration given to OSHA requirements is pretty slim in that document.
If you mandate a vaccine and the employee has a stroke from a bloodclot, I can pretty much guarantee the employment lawyers are going to be coming for your ass, CDC approval or not.
My immune system and I await the lawsuits.
That advice was from lawyers – you think the prospect of litigation bothers them? It’s what they live for.
I fear you have the power of accurate observation, and that much of this is due to fear of litigation.
(? @ me)
Obviously the trial lawyers aren’t afraid, but their clients are.
It’s a legal risk analysis document for actions a company might expect to take. It’s 100% focused on fear of litigation or other legal sanction.
To me, it’s interesting in the sense of finding out where the enemy’s head is at. They’re fully prepping to require vaccine cards and fire everybody who won’t get it. That’s option A, and here’s this law firm’s explanation of the risk profile and the bounds of option A.
You see here Mr Scuffy wants you to believe that it was the vaccine shot that gave Mr. Smith the blood clot that killed him.
However, I have this study here that shows a correlation between a person that does or used to drink 1-9 alcoholic drinks in a week, has a 10% chance of developing the very same blood clot that succumbed Mr. Smith.
Our client is not responsible for Mr. Smith’s poor choices in life that led to his death.
That law firm’s website is a dungheap of corporate woke.
Yup. And they’re the types who are advising big companies about which policies to enact.
Big companies love imposing diversity goals on their law firms, so that website is very effective for carrying business.
currying*
Most big law firms are dungheaps of corporate woke.
Covington, I believe, is on the short list of firms used by the DNC, as well.
Fuck. Off. Slaver
Delta Airlines has taken this course:
https://www.avweb.com/aviation-news/delta-announces-covid-19-vaccine-policy-for-employees/
Required for new hires only. With re-routing if governments require it.
I’m sure that it is trying to follow the drug test pre-employment body of law.
I’ve seen a few other stories/documents similar to that.
What puzzles me is how that jibes with my real world experience getting rid of bad employees. They make it seem like there is no big problem to just tell an employee to pack their trash up and go find employment elsewhere. That hasn’t been my experience. HR has wanted all sorts of documentation and intermediary steps like putting together a performance improvement plan before they will consider firing an employee.
You can always try to fire the employee and hope that they will go quietly, but if they push back or lawyer up, HR is going to run away and offer to do anything to stop from being sued.
Just got a haircut. No masks to be seen. Fuck yeah!
It’s the little things in life.
Glibfit question
how much does degree of incline impact development of shin splints?
Background – the land around my house isn’t flat (though I hesitate to call them hills, there’s only a few stories of altitude difference), and depending upon the route I will be going uphill along either a more gradual slope or the steeper slope, and downhill on the other.
For my 4 mile walks I’ve lucked into the shallow grade uphill. Today, I swapped direction, and less than a mile in I had horrible pain up the lower left leg. I’m wondering how much that slope might have impacted it.
I’ve been told that shin splints are a reaction to the muscle along the front of the shin getting worked in new and unfamiliar ways, and given that those (that?) muscle is involved in the flexing and pointing of the toes, I’d suspect the degree of incline could be very relevant in causing such an issue.
I was told they are the goto excuse for young soldiers looking to get out of a forced march exercise.
As a young soldier, I got shin splints so bad I actually passed out from the pain at one point after running wind sprints.
I eventually worked out that the type of shoes I wore were extremely important and that running shoes stop working correctly a long time before they start showing signs of wear.
I recommend watching this video and doing the stretches. It’s for plantar, but shin splints are cured by the same stretches.
Yes, the incline can affect it, but tight calves are from you simply doing more work.
You’re talking about walking for exercise, right?
I’ve always heard that runners need to have perfect form if you’re doing a lot of downhill since the angle of the foot is different as it hits the ground. I’d imagine it’s a bit similar for walking.
This may be going off on a tangent, but a lot of little aches and pains that I chalked as normal went away when I switched to barefoot-style running shoes. I had to ease myself into them, but my feet, ankles, and shins felt to much better once I got used to them. They’re more comfortable for walking, too. I’m partial to Xero brand. I’m not a doctor, and I’m not telling you to ignore what a doctor may have told you, but I’m just saying that I had a big improvement with switching to minimalist shoes.
I’ll second that, although with some caveats. When I was a runner I managed to fuck up my feet, ankles and hips (hint: it’s a stupid way to exercise). Switching to barefoot shoes and walking (with sprinting on occasion) fixed almost everything. Turns out I have a mechanical problem with my gait that was corrected by some mild orthotics that I only wear when hiking. Otherwise I live in minimalist, zero drop shoes. It definitely strengthens everything and makes you WAY more resilient to terrain.
I’ve worn Xero, Vibram, and Merrill but am currently rocking Astral.
I had a pair of Mizuno shoes, but it’s been all Xero other than that. I like the sandals, and my favorite thing about them is how people stare at my feet and gape in utter confusion when I run by them. Some people even stop and ask “how do you run in those?” Uh, put one foot in front of the other and then do it really fast?
Just a word of warning on this… overweight person + minimalist shoes can be a recipe for issues. It’s best to tailor your support level to your fitness level and weight.
You gotta transition slowly.
So to speak.
TRANSPHOBE!!!!!
How dare you not let a 10 year old transition? How dare you..
Wait. Nevermind.
Co-signed.
I walk in my Birks.
The last time I walked in tennis shoes, I wore the nastiest hole in my heel and those shoes are soaked with blood. I started wearing Birks for my plantar fasciitis many years ago and haven’t worn another pair of shoes but a handful of times since.
I’ve got some Merrills I just absolutely love to wear for walking and working around the house, wearing them cleared up my plantar fasciitus.
They make you use the balls of your feet, and stop pounding your heels, which is the way we were intended to perambulate.
yes, I’m walking for exercise. There’s no other good reason for wandering around this neighborhood.
Get an airbike and stay inside.
^^ Don’t listen. He wants you to die with good lungs, low vitamin D and a terrible immune system.
Get an airbike…put it on a patio?
I don’t have a patio, and I don’t want an airbike.
Mostly I don’t want to spend money. Walking doesn’t represent any additional capital outlay.
Just looked those up. Holy fuck, they’re not inexpensive!
Whew! I’m glad you didn’t realize how pricey they were. If you had, I would have had to go home sans bike and shoes.
Around $100 is about what I would expect to pay for good hiking shoes. That’s what Merrell charges.
Xero shoes are like Apple stuff. Love them dearly, but am embarrassed to be a fan because of the weird owner and other fans.
Oops.
It’s hard to believe that an NJ cop would be smart enough to run a home meth lab.
Mommy bought it for him.
I mean, meth users run meth labs. It’s not exactly rocket surgery.
On the other hand, he was dumb enough to ignore rule 7 – ‘Keep family and business completely separated.’
I guess when I was a kid I certainly missed out on the opportunities presented by that old chemistry set I got for my birthday one year. To think, all I did was try to blow things up; I could have been making amateur pharmaceuticals for fun and profit.
You know, there’s probably another Allamakee County story in that.
Poor Joe.
What a maroon! What an imbessile!
He’s always been nasty.
Not the first time. https://www.ccn.com/video-surfaces-joe-biden-calling-troops-dull-stupid-bastards/
It’s 2021, who the hell uses a speakerphone for work? If you need your hands free, use a goddam headset. Twenty minutes of working with a joker whose phone keeps clipping and muffling him as he bobs back and forth towards the microphone.
There are circumstances when my headset won’t work for those calls. Then I call in with my work cell and put it on speaker so I can type while on the call.
Back when I worked in an office I had one customer who would call me out on my use of the speakerphone. He HATED when people used it, and he could tell as soon as I answered. “Are you on speaker?” “Oh crap, sorry!”
These work pretty well, and have the advantages of active noise cancellation for loud percussive noises, as well as amplification of ambient sounds. https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B08DDKH21R/
I use the speakerphone every day, for calling out and answering, but immediately pick up the hand-set when I start talking.
We aren’t allowed headsets on the phone, but I do use one for TEAMS.
I have yet to find a headset that works and plays well with hearing aids. The handset is also . . . suboptimal. I use the speakerphone.
https://welovetrump.com/2021/05/19/biden-is-caught-fake-driving-an-electric-f-150/
So, it was all #fakenews. Got it.
what the shit
There’s no way the reporters on scene didn’t see it.
Yet nobody said anything.
It’s crazy.
Armed Forces marketing techniques in different countries:
https://twitter.com/PardesSeleh/status/1395093475230724103
“I’m not supposed to talk about that.”
Perfect answer for fake president.