Saturday Morning Links of Reunion

by | May 15, 2021 | Daily Links | 197 comments

After three weeks as a bachelor, I have returned to my life of married bliss. Well, not bliss, exactly, more like… (spots rusty tin can lids, reads SP’s facial expression)… IT’S BLISS! BLISS! I SWEAR! PUT THOSE AWAY!!!!

I won’t be around much to comment since I have to be at work at 5 am today. But I trust y’all will be as prolific as usual.

SP did have a Real Arizona Experience yesterday. She went to a hair salon for a cut yesterday. In the waiting area, the woman all struck up a conversation as they are wont to do. Handbags? Shoes? Makeup? Kids? Celebrities? Nope, fuck those stereotypes. They were all comparing their every day carry pieces.

Birthdays today include a true wizard; a guy who never learned to look both ways before crossing;  a guy who should have had a vasectomy; a guy I won’t call a piece of shit because that would be insulting to the turd community; a guy who had the unique distinction of being in the greatest film ever made and the worst film ever made; a guy who lived too soon to monetize his home movies; the guy who symbolized the longstanding affinity between Jews and Chinese; a massively overrated Impressionist; the start of the ’90s hit show “Dancing With Dictators”; one of the Dirty Dozen; God Nose Snot Reel; the composer of the most recognizable tune on the planet; yet another piece of shit grifter, aka “woodchipper feed”; a fairly decent hitter who had a delightful back-story; and the worst NFL draft bust not named Sergio Kindle.

Let’s get to actual links.

 

“Get in, there’s plenty of room in this boxcar!”

 

Fuck Trader Joe’s, they showed exactly how much they care about me. Lifetime boycott from me.

 

We have always been at war with Eastasia.

 

“We demand payment in potatoes.”

 

THIS MUST NOT STAND!!!!!

 

Old Guy Music is a fun one- but everything with Clark Terry is fun. Besides the amazing Bob Brookmeyer, notice the bass player? Yep, a very young Rick Laird, who made his fame with the Mahavishnu Orchestra.

About The Author

Old Man With Candy

Old Man With Candy

Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me. Wait, wrong book, I'll find something else.

197 Comments

  1. Yusef drives a Kia

    Why did He show up?
    way to ruin my morning,

    • Gender Traitor

      Did somebody wake up with a case of the grumpies this morning?

      ::playfully pokes Yu in the belly::

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I despise BO,

      • Gender Traitor

        Oh! THAT “He”!

        Yeah, I kinda went “GAAAAAH!” too when I saw the pic.

      • Fourscore

        The guy on the left looks a lot like a Sergeant that worked for me in 1976. I have an idea my friend was more productive

  2. The Late P Brooks

    Look under the couch cushions

    Republicans say they won’t raise taxes on corporations. Democrats say they won’t raise taxes on people making less than $400,000 a year. So who is going to pay for the big public works boost that lawmakers and President Joe Biden say is necessary for the country?

    Enter the IRS.

    Biden is proposing that Congress build up the depleted and often-maligned agency, saying that a more aggressive collection of unpaid taxes could help cover the cost of his multitrillion-dollar plan to boost infrastructure, families and education. More resources to boost audits of businesses, estates and the wealthy would raise $700 billion over 10 years, the White House estimates.

    Sure, President Senile gasbag, you can easily wring a few trillion dollars out of the wreckers and hoarders.

    [EF loves you]

    • Old Man With Candy

      He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.

      • Gender Traitor

        eat out their substance

        Phrasing?

      • westernsloper

        I now have a goal of using the words erect, hither and swarm in every sentence I speak for the the rest of the day. (eat out their substance is pro level and I am not touching that)

      • nw

        Well, I came up with a sentence pretty quickly, but in my mind I have
        a reputation to maintain.

        So, like, all three in every sentence, or just at least one per sentence?

      • westernsloper

        I was going to say all three. But that goal may be beyond me. I am not too sharp this morning. Now I must go hither to the coffee pot.

      • Spartacus

        Erect Swarm Hither is the new band name du jour.

        More to the point, I’m sure that once all these audits are done the extra agents will just put down their calculators and walk away, and this will not result in any kind of permanent IRS-on-steroids.

      • Chafed

        Never. The federal government is known for its restraint.

    • Nephilium

      There’s a potentially entertaining lawsuit wending its way through the courts, specifically about the state stimulus and wording saying that the money couldn’t “directly or indirectly” offset any losses due to tax cuts.

  3. The Late P Brooks

    Oh for fuck’s sake.

    link

    Maybe.

    I wonder if sluicing this keyboard down with brake cleaner would help. I know it won’t make my fingers work any better.

  4. Gender Traitor

    a massively overrated Impressionist

    Huh. Wouldn’t have called him an IMpressionist./pedant

    Was expecting Fred Travalena.

    • Gender Traitor

      …but I’m right there with you on the “overrated” part,

  5. The Late P Brooks

    House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said Biden brought up his IRS proposal as he met Wednesday with the top four congressional leaders.

    “My understanding is it’s at least $1 trillion, it could be a trillion-and-quarter, a trillion-and-a-half dollars of illegally, unpaid taxes in the country,” Pelosi said. “Part of the answer is to beef up the IRS so they could take in those taxes, and that’s a big chunk. That could go a long way.”

    She was referring to the tax gap, which is the difference between taxes paid and taxes owed. In a politically charged climate, there isn’t agreement on how big the tax gap is, let alone how much of it could be captured. But it’s a tantalizing target for lawmakers, raising the potential to raise hundreds of billions in revenue without needing to raise taxes at all.

    The question is how big the tax gap really is — and how much it can realistically be closed.

    Trillions of dollars sloshing around in those Scrooge McDuck swimming pools, just begging to be siphoned into the Treasury.

    • Cy Esquire

      We can’t have witch hunts for no good reason! The insurrection and mask theatre is losing it’s luster, they need a new war on the normies.

    • Cy Esquire

      I feel lik I need to take a second swing at this.

      “My understanding is it’s at least $1 trillion, it could be a trillion-and-quarter, a trillion-and-a-half dollars of illegally, unpaid taxes in the country,” Pelosi said. “Part of the answer is to beef up the IRS so they could take in those taxes, and that’s a big chunk. That could go a long way.”

      Hunter Biden hardest hit!

      eh… better.

    • Spartacus

      I’m sure the War on Tax Evasion will go just as well as all the others have.

  6. westernsloper

    ………. I have to be at work at 5 am today.

    *shudders* *drinks coffee* opens beer**Looks around and wonders wtf happened last night*

    • Tulip

      Is there flour and cornmeal everywhere?

      • westernsloper

        Everywhere. It’s ok I have a broom which I will use sometime next week. I was just thinking of making a breakfast pizza with hollandaise as the base sauce but I don’t have any bacon. Canadian and or free side of the line. I got nothing.

      • Tulip

        Ooh, that would be delicious. Cook the dough, then add the toppings when it comes out (add peppers to your list). I vote you make it on zoom!

      • Tulip

        By the time you were done, you looked a little battered.

        Hee hee hee I kill me!

      • Animal

        Let’s be honest – he looked a little battered when we started.

  7. The Late P Brooks

    Fox is hyping some sort of “increased domestic terror risk” report due to relaxed plague restrictions.

    Their website is such a shitshow I refuse to click.

    Also- something which occurred to me, looking at a photo of Guv Whitmer. If we really want to get rid of masks, we should start saying, “Gosh, that mask makes you look fat.” to every woman we see wearing one.

    • westernsloper

      Or, that mask makes me erect, where I must go hither and swarm. Stuff. Hithering.

      • westernsloper

        *drops days goal*

      • Old Man With Candy

        Shut the fuck up, sloper.

      • westernsloper

        ? uurp

      • l0b0t

        Make haste! Come hither and swarm me, for I am almost erect.

      • westernsloper

        ?

  8. The Late P Brooks

    Thanks Edit Fairy!

  9. juris imprudent

    I see your Ryan Leaf and raise you JaMarcus Russell. What is it about the AFC West?

    • CPRM

      What’s Tony Mandarich, chopped liver steroids?

    • Trigger Hippie

      I’m still bitter over the ’83 draft.

      Damn you, Todd Blackledge.

    • l0b0t

      Who was the cat with the dreadlocks the Saints (Mike Ditka) traded all their picks to the Redskins to draft? Oh yeah, Ricky Williams. I once saw him leave a game early due to a claimed ankle injury, then drive himself away from the Superdome in his manual transmission Maserati.

  10. Grummun

    If I was an evil genius, I’d develop missile guidance technology that targets people that use “the science” like a noun*. Call it HARM HATSM.

    Exception for people using it sarcastically? Maybe.

  11. The Late P Brooks

    The Internal Revenue Service has estimated the tax gap is $440 billion per year. But IRS Commissioner Charles Rettig stunned his audience at a recent Senate hearing when he offered a new number: about $1 trillion annually.

    The old estimates don’t take into account the recent boom in income made by self-employed “gig” workers, which can be underreported, concealed offshore income and the rising use of cryptocurrency, which makes it hard for the IRS to identify taxpayers in third-party transactions, experts say.

    The $1 trillion figure “is not crazy. That’s totally possible,” says Steve Wamhoff, director of federal tax policy at the left-leaning Institute on Taxation and Economic Policy.

    All those Uber and doordash billionaires, hiding their tips from the G-Men.

    Stealing from the government! Is there a more horrific crime imagineable?

  12. Trigger Hippie

    ‘a fairly decent hitter who had a delightful back-story’

    My childhood hero…I never understood how a person could miss a World Series game due to hemorrhoids until about a year ago when a flare up caused me to be bed ridden for two days.

    My sympathies, George.

  13. Surly Knott

    FWIW, On Some Faraway Beach: The Life and Times of Brian Eno by David Sheppard is quite good. I found aspects of the author’s style/voice annoying but it’s a good bio. Currently $1.99 on Kindle.

    • Gender Traitor

      I’m still trying to figure out what “the most recognizable tune on the planet” is. ::shamefacedly admits musical ignorance:: 🙁

      Ummm… “Happy Birthday”?

      • Old Man With Candy

        Windows start up notes?

      • Gender Traitor

        Thanks! No kidding? I’d love to have a piece of the royalties for that!

      • rhywun

        “Happy Birthday”?

        That was my guess too.

      • Gender Traitor

        Didn’t Michael Jackson try to acquire the rights to that at some point?

      • Nephilium

        It’s public domain now. From what I recall, it started with a couple of documentary filmmakers, who found some sketchy things in Warner Brothers’ claims of ownership, which lead to a lawsuit, and the song going into the public domain.

  14. The Late P Brooks

    I forgot all those unrealized bitcoin gains. That alone must be in the bazillions, .

    • rhywun

      Finally, our thrifty government will get the funding it needs to accomplish import— oh I just can’t.

      • juris imprudent

        [Mr. Burns finger folding] Trillion bit coins Smithers.

    • Fourscore

      The Feds need to make Trillion dollar coins, sell shares, raise cash

  15. Trigger Hippie

    “That said, I appreciate that she is finally acknowledging the science and expects all schools to reopen in the fall, especially those that received COVID-19 relief funds.”

    ‘House Committee on Oversight and Reform Ranking Member Rep. James Comer, R-Ky., also weighed in, saying that it was “about time” that the union should “follow the science.”

    “Medical experts have been clear for months that there’s no reason for schools to remain closed. It’s about time that the American Federation of Teachers follow the science and go back to teaching students in-person five days a week,” said Comer.’

    “Follow the science. ”

    It’s just as annoying when Republicans do it. As well as more than a touch hypocritical. Shut up.

  16. The Hyperbole

    Damn it, I thought I was finally gonna guess one of the birthday boys without hovering over the link, turns out more than one famous person was killed crossing the street.

    • westernsloper

      In the years OM has been doing weekend links I think I have heard of maybe one or two people he does birthday recognition for. I figure he is just making most shit up.

      • Sean

        He missed my friend Denise. It’s her birthday today too. Clearly, he’s just half assing it, at best.

      • westernsloper

        Happy Birthday Denise!

      • Old Man With Candy

        Did she get hit by a car?

      • Surly Knott

        People are a social construct.

  17. Sean

    Mornin y’all.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Sean!

      To “circle back” to some comments you were making recently, let me just say the words I live by:

      Embrace the clutter.

      • Sean

        I’d like to reduce it by half. It would still be cluttered, but much more in line with my sensibilities and I wouldn’t feel weird about having people over.

      • Gender Traitor

        Yeah, the prospect of having people over is about the only thing that shames me into cleaning and decluttering, and there’s some danger that’s going to happen soon.

        Except if it’s my sisters and BIL. I’ll do some, but only half-assed. I know their places are even worse than ours.

      • Tres Cool

        “Yeah, the prospect of having people over is about the only thing that shames me into cleaning and decluttering, and there’s some danger that’s going to happen soon.”

        I promise Ill shower before show up.

      • westernsloper

        Hey, Pioneer Woman, I made a pizza last night on the zooms. The chastising was relentless. Those mother fuckers do not appreciate fine culinary creations while video chatting.

      • Gender Traitor

        ::notes for future reference that Tres is now “Pioneer Woman”::

        It’s a bit of a trick to keep up with all of these handle changes. (From where was Don’s latest escape?)

      • l0b0t

        Your pie looked delicious and you were a real sport while those callous sophisticates gave you the business.

      • westernsloper

        Yes GT, Juggsy called Tres “Pioneer Woman” (which is hilarious) after he made a schnitzel or some such thing. He did a fine job. And thanks Lobot, I am working out the learning on the oven. I fucked up my dough shaping six or seven times and it still tasted good. People expect too much from low achievers like me.

      • Tulip

        You did a great job and now I want pizza

      • The Hyperbole

        Look, he’s never going to learn if you people keep molly-coddling him, There are no participation trophies in pizza making, do better Slope.

      • l0b0t

        Pizza dough is very, very forgiving. Also, a dough sheeter is a must at the restaurant level; it doesn’t make the final pie, but a couple passes through to get ready to hand toss makes it so much faster. https://youtu.be/-59UuV0XvL0?t=349

      • westernsloper

        Oh I know Lobot, I fucked that dough eight ways to Sunday and it bounced right back with a bit of slapping and re-shaping. Just like a good woman. I know about sheeter’s but have never used one. I have had my eye on this but don’t see the point in spending that money for my weekend drunken pizza making.

      • l0b0t

        That thing is purty. Never pay retail for professional kitchen stuff, particularly sheeters, Hobart floor-stand mixers, deli slicers, etc.. The secondary market, liquidating failed ventures, is huge and you will find some great deals.

  18. Sean

    Woohoo! Winning Mega millions ticket!

    $2

    ?

    • Gender Traitor

      But now you can buy two more tickets! 🙂

      ::has no idea whether MM tickets actually cost a dollar::

      • Sean

        $2 per

      • Gender Traitor

        But that one more ticket could be The One!!!

  19. Certified Public Asshat

    Fuck Trader Joe’s, they showed exactly how much they care about me. Lifetime boycott from me.

    Wut

    • Sean

      Dunno. I replaced the batteries in my sarcasmometer, just in case.

    • Old Man With Candy

      To prevent the spread of WuFlu, they made people stand in line outside so that there wasn’t more than something like 6 people in the store at a time.

      It was 115 degrees out. So dying from heatstroke was just fine with them.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Was that early on or the entire way through?

      • Old Man With Candy

        Still doing it as of last week. Though it’s only in the 90s now.

  20. nw

    Joseph Cotten was in both The Princess Bride and Manos: Hands of Fate?
    Who knew. (Though on a moment’s reflection Manos: Hands of Fate probably
    isn’t the worst movie ever made.)

    • Nephilium

      The problem with the arguments about the worst movie is that are you talking a bad movie that can be enjoyed (Plan 9 From Outer Space; Zombeavers), or just a terrible shitty piece of filmmaking (Mortal Kombat Annihilation; Phantom Menace) that should be destroyed so that no one needs to suffer through it again?

      • LCDR_Fish

        I wouldn’t class Zombeavers anywhere close to the level of Plan 9. Its more of a decently made guilty pleasure like Waxwork or Dead Snow.

      • Ted S.

        Dondi.

      • Gender Traitor

        When I first saw this, I thought you were referring to this flick. Probably another likely contender.

    • l0b0t

      Yeah, Red Letter Media has totally shifted my window of what constitutes badfilm. Neil Breen… ’nuff said.

  21. The Late P Brooks

    The peasants are revolting

    GOP Sen. Lisa Murkowski said Friday that she is “offended” by some House Republicans who are whitewashing the January 6 attack on the US Capitol, pushing back on the revisionism by some in the party who have tried to shield the pro-Trump mob from blame over the deadly insurrection during the certification of President Joe Biden’s electoral victory.

    Murkowski, the veteran Alaska Republican who faces reelection next year, made clear her distaste about recent comments from some fellow Republicans — including by one GOP congressman who compared the tragic day’s events to a “normal tourist visit.”
    “I’m offended by that,” Murkowski told CNN. “This was not a peaceful protest. When somebody breaks and enters, and then just because you know they don’t completely trash your house once you’re inside does not mean that it has been peaceful. This was not a peaceful protest.”
    Murkowski added: “We got to get beyond that rhetoric and acknowledge that what happened were acts of aggression and destruction towards an institution, and there were some people intent on (harming) the people that were part of that institution.”

    Would you like to know what offends me, Lisa? People whose sole demonstrable skill in life is winning political popularity contests attempting to claim moral superiority over the people they work for.

    You are not better than me, you dumb twat.

    • rhywun

      the deadly insurrection

      A lie of omission is still a lie, CNN.

      Never change.

    • westernsloper

      destruction towards an institution

      I honestly believe that is their biggest grievance. The hillbilly’s desecrated their religion by entering the building temple.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Yup. That and it scares the everloving shit out of them that the right may possibly be waking up and ready to start using their tactics.

      • juris imprudent

        Populist, not necessarily right/conservative, and of course definitely not whatever Republican means these days.

    • Old Man With Candy

      Do you know what offends me? Someone put into a position of power because of her daddy.

      • mrfamous

        This. It is interesting to me how so many of the ‘never Trump” Republicans are of this ilk: Romney, Liz Cheney, Murkowski.

      • Gustave Lytton

        They see themselves as a hereditary aristocracy, even if just elevated a generation prior, which Trump wasn’t part of.

        She doesn’t hold office, but you can throw McCain into there too.

  22. PieInTheSky

    And finally we don’t have to wear the dumb masks outside anymore. It was nice walking on the street without it on my face

    • Sean

      I can’t wait to see how grocery shopping goes today.

      • CPRM

        Some prog will start stabbing someone because the store still makes xer wear a mask even though they’re vaxxed. The world is dumb.

    • westernsloper

      Has anyone been wearing a mask outdoors besides social signaling douche bags? Why would a normal person do that?

      • PieInTheSky

        I mostly had it under my chin in case a cop in a mood to fine people walked by

      • rhywun

        It is (still, I guess?) required here only if you are standing too close to another human.

        The funny part is I see about 95% of people walking alone are muzzled up, and 95% of people who are standing next to each other on the street having a conversation are unmuzzled.

        What a world.

      • Nephilium

        I haven’t, but I’ve seen people jogging, walking, and cycling with a mask on when I go through the parks. Instead of the general nod/wave/acknowledgement I’ll usually give when riding by someone, I shun them.

      • egould310

        Joggers and bikers here in Seattle wear masks. I don’t. Good luck with the lungers, you idiots.

        Don’t exercise in a mask.

    • PieInTheSky

      today on the street about 1/3 of people still wore masks.

  23. The Late P Brooks

    All the Karens who are being put out of business by the end of mask mandates can be re-trained as IRS snitches.

    “I don’t know how they can live that lifestyle on what he supposedly earns. You should audit them.”

    • juris imprudent

      You want The Purge? Because this is how you get The Purge.

  24. The Late P Brooks

    To prevent the spread of WuFlu, they made people stand in line outside so that there wasn’t more than something like 6 people in the store at a time.

    Last summer, in Indianapolis, I walked by Whole Foods and there was a line outside like they were waiting for an amusement park ride. I laughed audibly.

  25. PieInTheSky

    Also had my second shot of Pfizer this morning. No side effects yet besides some local pain if I press the spot

    Am drinking some wine though theoretically one probably should not post cowcine

  26. Tejicano

    In another episode of “Profiting from Otaku Castoffs in Japan”; Today I went with the wife to help her schlep some old clothes to a local used clothing store. While she was filling out the form for them to take her clothing I noticed a glass cabinet of air-soft guns and associated paraphernalia. On one of the shelves I spotted a Leupold Mark 4 3.5-10X rifle scope. Obviously some toy gun enthusiast had purchased this for his toy sniper rifle – only this scope was the real deal.

    Before Leupold stopped sales of these in the US to non-military/LEO they were priced at about $1,700. I paid 6,000 Yen (about US$60) for this one.

    • PieInTheSky

      I shall inform the local police of a potential terrorist sniper

    • westernsloper

      That. Is. Awesome.

    • Sean

      Score.

    • Cy Esquire

      Lucky!

    • Tejicano

      I had long had half-fast plans to build a nice precision/hunting rifle (in the US, of course) with a lot of features I prefer but the main thing holding me back was the price of a proper scope. The cost for a good scope would make the entire project more expensive than it would be worth.

      OK, so now I have to decide the major details for that rifle.

      • l0b0t

        That’s wonderful. Kudos on the great find.

    • Tulip

      That’s the thrill of thrifting

    • Chafed

      I RS uses that to train agents.

  27. The Late P Brooks

    The funny part is I see about 95% of people walking alone are muzzled up, and 95% of people who are standing next to each other on the street having a conversation are unmuzzled.

    What a world.

    Yes. I can’t help noticing that too. People wander around by themselves with the mask on, but they pull it down to speak to somebody. It’s almost as if the whole thing is a meaningless charade.

  28. The Late P Brooks

    Fuck you, Target

    Retailers Home Depot and Target also said they would maintain their coronavirus policies for now, including demanding that customers and workers wear masks and continue to social distance.

    “Target will continue to require all of our coronavirus safety measures in all stores, including masks and social distancing, while we review [Thursday’s] guidance from the CDC and re-evaluate the guidance we offer our team and guests,” a spokesperson said in a statement to CBS MoneyWatch.

    Macy’s, Starbucks and other major retailers are also weighing the guidance before ditching their mask requirements.

    The last time I went in Target, there was a mask nazi at the door. I grabbed whatever it was I wanted, got to the checkout and there was a huge line.

    I dropped the item on one of the many un-manned checkout stands and left.

    If they were sincerely worried about this crap, they would make every effort to minimize the time spent in the store. Social signalling is what it’s all about.

    • PieInTheSky

      if you don’t like it make your own chain of stores

    • Cy Esquire

      I had a similar experience with Walmart while carrying a few cases of beer. I was in the check out line and it was fairly long. I shit you not, a walmart employee walks up to me and points at the self checkout line.

      “Sir, you can use the self checkout line. It’s faster!”

      I put all of the cases down, right there in the middle of the aisle and left. Didn’t say a word. People are assholes.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        I guess I am confused, you were expecting instead to receive the wonderful service of a Walmart cashier?

      • LCDR_Fish

        I’m assuming this is because the employee didn’t know that you can’t self-checkout alcohol?

        Or am I missing something.

      • Nephilium

        That varies by state. Here in Ohio, I can self-checkout alcohol in most stores, but it flags down someone to check my ID (stupid mask hiding the grey beard) and confirm I’m old enough to spend too much on good beer.

      • Gender Traitor

        Tom T – at 60+ [Disclaimer: MUCH older than me] – got carded for buying nicotine patches or lozenges. Guess they had to make sure he was old enough to quit smoking.

      • The Last American Hero

        I’ve been self checking out beer since self checkout was a thing, and even at Walmart. The attendant comes over, and keys in a code to override. And yes, it’s still faster than standing in line waiting for the hoarder or coupon queen in front of you to unload their 5 carts worth of shit.

      • Cy Esquire

        The big thing is, the employee could’ve opened a register up instead of walking around telling people to self checkout. It’s a bit insulting when we all know that we can use self check out, we’re standing in line because we already made that decision.

        And… in TX they still have to walk over to your self check out to ok your alcohol before you can continue purchasing.

      • westernsloper

        I don’t get it. I use self checkout all the time. Are you pissed a store makes checking out more efficient?

    • EvilSheldon

      I don’t get it. I thought that Target was all about the SCIENCE? The SCIENCE says no masks anymore. Why doesn’t Target trust the SCIENCE?

      • The Last American Hero

        Because Target’s customer base is suburban moms named Karen. Have you ever been to a Target?

      • Ted S.

        The Target here doesn’t seem to be any less trashy than the traditional Walmart stereotype.

    • rhywun

      We should be cheering that American enterprise doesn’t have confidence in government pronouncements.

      While still shopping elsewhere, of course.

  29. The Late P Brooks

    Joggers and bikers here in Seattle wear masks. I don’t. Good luck with the lungers, you idiots.

    Don’t exercise in a mask.

    But there can’t possibly be any adverse effect to sucking those fibers deep into your lungs. What are you worried about?

  30. The Late P Brooks

    “Sir, you can use the self checkout line. It’s faster!”

    I put all of the cases down, right there in the middle of the aisle and left. Didn’t say a word. People are assholes.

    Some idiot at Costco pulled that one on me.

    I thought those dimwits prided themselves on their customer service.

  31. The Late P Brooks

    “You can use the self checkout line.”

    I can order it from Amazon, too, dummy.

  32. The Late P Brooks

    I don’t get it. I use self checkout all the time. Are you pissed a store makes checking out more efficient?

    However one might describe my experiences with that self checkout bullshit. “more efficient” is definitely not it. Are they going to give me a 20% discount for reducing their costs?

    • westernsloper

      Nope I doubt that. Why would they?

    • R C Dean

      I doubt a handful of checker outers is 20% of their costs.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      I do all my shopping at the general store, you won’t catch me at the Piggly Wiggly.

    • westernsloper

      Self checkouts save my time by more than 20% and I don’t have to stand in line next to jimmy bob and his asshat kids. If I have to enact some of my own labor to scan my own groceries and get out of the store quicker I am totally ok with that. Fuck standing in line. Lines are for wood chippers and lamp posts.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Hear him!

      • invisible finger

        My problem with self checkout is that it was birthed by the minimum wage.

        It used to be stupid asshole teenagers would get a couple bucks an hour and accidentally learn a few life skills like how to make change, how not to be rude for a few hours a day, why you don’t put the canned food in the same bag as the eggs, how to show up on time for work, etc. So by the time they were 22 they were a little less stupid and a little less assholish and were ready for adulthood.

        Now those stupid asshole teenagers are still just as stupid and assholish when they’re 26 because they had no opportunities to learn some humility while earning a few dollars and it’s too late to fix them.

      • westernsloper

        Oh I get that but what am I going to do about it? Personally I am all about the grocery pickup now. They are now hiring multitudes of teenagers to put my groceries in the back of my car. Call me lazy, but again it saves my time and my time is valuable even if only to me.

    • Tulip

      I mean…it’s not hard to use the self checkout. And, no idiot puts the strawberries at the bottom of the bag.

      • Plinker762

        You mean canned goods are not supposed to go on top of the bananas?

      • Tulip

        It is so hard to figure out! I prefer to bag my own.

        I still miss the system in Fargo. All the stores had tubs (like for bussing tables) that were numbered and had little plaques with the numbers. They loaded the bags into the tubs, gave you the plaques. Then you went to your car, drove up, popped the trunk, handed them the plaques and they put your groceries in the car.

      • Tulip

        They had roller tables, so the tubs went on that and pushed out a spot to guys outside

      • Ted S.

        When the first Hannaford here replaced the Grand Union 35 or so years ago, they had that system. It’s been long gone.

      • slumbrew

        They had that system at our usual store growing up – roller table behind the checkout, tubs went through an opening to roller tables outside and they’d load your car up.

        Looks like it’s long gone – the opening was just the the left of the doors there.

      • Gender Traitor

        I thought for sure sushi would be available over-the-counter by now.

      • slumbrew

        I’ve not been in that store in forever (Mom’s not far, but that’s no longer the closest store to her).

        ISTR it’s a huge space so, yes, they had room for both a pharmacy and a guy making sushi. And a bakery.

      • rhywun

        I stand in line – rarely, behind one other customer – and bag myself (which you kind of have to now that bags are banned – clerks just kind of stopped doing it for you).

        Such efficient.

        I tried the self-checkout once with more than a handful of groceries. The guy watching the machines was giving me grief because I didn’t know you had to weigh your shit to prove you’re not stealing. I finished up and vowed never to self-checkout at the grocery store again it was such a pain in the ass. (I still do it at Rite-Aid.)

      • Nephilium

        Just got back from the grocery store, where they changed the layout of the self-checkouts. They managed to fuck it up. Used to be, you scanned, put items on a belt, and they went into a bagging area. Now, you load up a belt (that will only stop when there’s a weight at the end), and if you have anything wider then the metal choke point they put in, the belt won’t stop. Then you scan, put them into a different bagging area, then load your cart back up.

        It also doesn’t flag for assistance with carding until after you hit the pay button.

  33. Fourscore

    .” When somebody breaks and enters, and then just because you know they don’t completely trash your house once you’re inside does not mean that it has been peaceful”

    Mpls Target Stores new shopping hours. After hours shopping for customer convenience. Masks/hoodies optonal

  34. Yusef drives a Kia

    So Yusef left his CC at the brewery last night, and this morning discovered, they make breakfast! A big spread of food for 8 bucks, aand a pint of course. Its a good feeling to eat out again

    • commodious spittoon

      Eating out makes for great feelings all around.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I know, oh yes, I am cunning,

      • commodious spittoon
      • Yusef drives a Kia

        A master of many tongues,

      • commodious spittoon
      • Tejicano

        Ah, heading down for breakfast at the Y…

  35. The Late P Brooks

    I doubt a handful of checker outers is 20% of their costs.

    Looking at the lines, and the rows of vacant checkout lanes, you’d think so.

  36. Stinky Wizzleteats

    “”Go Back To England” – Prince Harry Elicits Backlash After Criticizing “Bonkers” First Amendment”

    https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/go-back-england-prince-harry-elicits-backlash-after-criticing-bonkers-first-amendment

    I’m conflicted: criticizing the 1st Amendment is part and parcel of free speech but at the same time he really should shut the hell up. Did Harry get into huffing paint back in his party boy days or was he just born stupid?

    • Tulip

      I have heard many times that he is not very bright. Apparently the Royal family is asking why, if he doesn’t want to be royal, he keeps using his title.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        £ £ £ £ £ £ £ £, the answer is £ £ £ £ £ £ £ £.

    • rhywun

      He probably got that opinion from his woke AF wife.

      • Tejicano

        I doubt he has any opinions which she hasn’t given him.

  37. The Late P Brooks

    *crazy old coot who pays for groceries and beer with cash money shakes fist, yells at clouds*

    • Certified Public Asshat

      Bruh, we are all buying our groceries in bitcoin and doge.

  38. TARDis

    … and poof, just like that, $4k+ of my hard earned white privilege is stolen to pay for useless and corrupt shit while scumbags like Hunter Biden wander around free.

    • commodious spittoon

      We’ll not be free till these shitheads are swinging from trees.

  39. mexican sharpshooter

    the composer of the most recognizable tune on the planet

    He composed the Islamic call to prayer?

    • westernsloper

      *shudders*

  40. Certified Public Asshat

    majority of democrats, biden voters have a favorable view of warmongering homophobe liz cheney. sicko world pic.twitter.com/kevvuxzFCB— Virgil Texas (@virgiltexas) May 12, 2021

    *chants* Orange…man…bad…

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Liking the people that hate the right people is where it’s all at now but we all knew this was the case when they rehabbed McCain and then Bush II.

      • TARDis

        Bush II been sucking the Wookie’s wood. He can go to hell too. I’m glad I only voted for his sorry ass once. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice….

  41. westernsloper

    Fuck it. I am making a mac and cheese calzone and then taking a nap. My day is planned!

    • TARDis

      Plan approved.

      *stamps Glib Form 214G*

      My plan is to go to visit my favorite bartender and have Manhattans. If she is not working today, I’ll have a quick beer there, and we’ll head on down to nearest brewpub.

      • CPRM

        Is that one in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying ‘Beware of the Leopard.’?

      • TARDis

        Depends, is Leopard sloper’s secret agent name?

      • Nephilium

        I was planning on biking somewhere for brunch, but a late work night and shitty sleep ruined those plans. So instead I took care of grocery shopping, and am now looking to bike somewhere for a “healthy” lunch (which will include beer).

    • Old Man With Candy

      That sounds starchily intriguing.

      Do you want me to demonstrate the correct way to make a pizza on Zoom tonight?

      • Tulip

        Yes

      • Nephilium

        What I imagine ‘sloper’s internal theme music when he has to deal with us.

        Lyrics very much NSFW.

      • Animal

        I’m pretty sure I demonstrated the correct technique yesterday in four simple steps:

        1) Pick up phone
        2) Call Ron’s Chinook Deli in Willow
        3) Drive into town, pick up pizza
        4) Drive home, eat pizza

      • Mojeaux

        I miss all the good stuff.

    • CPRM

      I’m going to cook some battered mushrooms and maybe some battered cheese curds, perhaps even a battered woman…

      • l0b0t

        Yes, please! With some wasabi on the side for dippin’.

  42. DEG

    SP did have a Real Arizona Experience yesterday. She went to a hair salon for a cut yesterday. In the waiting area, the woman all struck up a conversation as they are wont to do. Handbags? Shoes? Makeup? Kids? Celebrities? Nope, fuck those stereotypes. They were all comparing their every day carry pieces.

    This brought a smile to my face.

    Let’s be clear. No one is arguing that Israel, or any government, does not have the right to self-defense or to protect its people.

    I stopped caring about the Middle East a long time ago, except that I didn’t want US tax dollars going to anyone in the region. Then Trump’s peace deals came about, and I thought, “This is good, things are looking up.” Now, we’re regressing back to the mean, and I’m back to not caring except for not wanting US tax dollars to go to anyone in the region. That, combined with Sanders being a disingenuous fuck, are why I tapped out of the article at this point.

    Shoppers who are vaccinated against Covid-19 can shop without masks in some Walmart, Sam’s Club and Costco locations as well as at Trader Joe’s, the companies said in separate announcements Friday.

    I haven’t set a foot in a Wal-Mart since Wal-Mart started requiring masks and had local police officers at some of their stores to enforce their policy. I intend to continue not setting foot in any Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, some of my Amazon orders get fulfilled by Wal-Mart, so I need to figure out a better source for those things.

    I never shopped at Costco. I shopped at Trader Joe’s once. I don’t expect I’ll shop at either.

    “Conditions have changed. We can and we must reopen schools in the fall for in-person teaching, learning and support. And we must keep them open fully and safely five days a week,” Weingarten said in a speech Thursday.

    Rep. Virginia Foxx, R-N.C., told Fox News that Weingarten “is attempting to rewrite history by framing her union as part of the ‘solution.'”

    She sees the writing on the wall. I am still hopeful that the Covid Craziness will result in the breaking of the teachers’ unions.

    HEY! Why are you all pointing and laughing at me?

    Old Guy Music today is good.

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      Yep, I’ve been avoiding wal-mart since they re-upped their mask requirement. They were mask recommended for a while and then switched back to mask required.

      Costco isn’t getting a renewal at the end of the membership term. It’s more than just mask stuff driving the decision, but the mask stuff was a substantial contributor. We never shop at trader Joe’s and I don’t even know where the nearest one is.

      It’s becoming more difficult to find stores without mask requirements despite there being no mandate here. Aldi has become the go to for grocery, which is… problematic. Everything else is being ordered online.

      • Cy Esquire

        I shop at Aldi maskless. They have the sign at the front door, but only half the people in there wear them anymore. No one has said a word to me yet.