The Gwen pt. 9 Earth

by | May 10, 2021 | Comic | 168 comments

Earth

“Minister General, with all due respect, they are going to wipe the entire system, at least let me take some settlers in a Gen Ship, I can have them there in 3 days at FTL, I can link ships to my drive” Yusef, how do we Know the Vogons aren’t just traders? Why trust these others? Maybe ulterior motives? Think hard Yusef,

  Yeah yeah, i knew all of this, I never got my answer, Never will I guess, stiil, “Minister General, you need to evacuate the entire system now, as many as possible, the Vogons will not stop, they will take our system, we need to go, Now,” That will takes Years! “Well start now, like today, you have ships, quit looking for good traits and just ship people Now!”

 Thank you for your Service Yusef, you are no longer required,

And that was it, i was free to go home with the Boys and Kerrybot, and the Black ship, wait? they let me keep new Tech? Why? At this point I needed an audience with Galactic Rogan, if not the Elon himself, there was more than I knew, and I wanted answers,

To be continued

About The Author

Yusef drives a Kia

Yusef drives a Kia

Punctually illiterate But never late

168 Comments

  1. blackjack

    Bro must be off duty. So, they evacuated to Michigan, I assume.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Who is Bro? I already evacuated to Mi.

      • blackjack

        Brochetta. I like the story. When we get closer to the end, Imma read them in a straight line to get some fluidity. Thanks for posting it.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I try to write it as a comic book, some longer than others, this episode is a setup for something bigger,
        Thanks!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Planet Michigan,

  2. Fourscore

    Yusef, got your outdoor garden started?

    I’m letting my garden lie fallow this year, I’ve got the old time religion.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I have become too busy to Garden, I started the Manistee Disc Golf club, and the kids need me, they are real good, Disc takes up all of my spare time, building the Club, building the new course, all after work, fun, but tiring,

    • Ownbestenemy

      Oh that is why you made the comment you did the other day on my garden.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Que?

      • Ownbestenemy

        Fourscore said something like “you know how to hurt a man” when I was relishing in my delight on my little garden that is coming to life the other day. Which I have added more peppers to it, some summer squash and soon some corn in the next raised bed (if they even like raised beds.)

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Nevada is harsh on living things, you know this, good luck Bro…

      • Ownbestenemy

        Onions, broccoli and lettuce all did great over the past year. Garlic is going strong and all my herbs are healthy. Also had a good run of carrots, though they were stumpy but oh so delicious. I strategically placed the raised planter bed behind our largest tree in the yard that is on the west side. So all my plants get their morning sun (and water) until about 3-4pm and then are shaded. I plan on providing some cover system or even building a greenhouse for them with some misters built in.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Cool, keep going,

      • Fourscore

        I live in envy OBE. I can see my bee hives from my window, I am constantly checking on them during the day, especially at daylight and dusk, looking for suspicious dark critters that may be inventorying the contents.

        My electric fence is working, AFAIK.

        I had a greenhouse but it got so warm in there I had to take the plants out early, even in late May. Left the door and vent open but it was cooking inside. Gave it to a neighbor and they made it into a shower room when they had campers.About 8 X 12 with corrugated fiber glass covering.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        That Garden is still going, Female sweetness ahead!

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I guess I’m immune to little girls, meh

  3. Ownbestenemy

    Yusef..great little stories you got going on here.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Thanks, they are comic books, wait til the next one,

  4. Tulip

    Repeating from the dead thread – Unnatural Selection on Netflix is really fascinating.

    • Mojeaux

      What’s it about?

      • Tulip

        Bio hacking – Crspr and more

      • Mojeaux

        w00t!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Women, can’t live with em,
        Can’t kill em…..

      • Tulip

        What, exactly, are you trying to accomplish with that comment?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        An old Guy joke, no offence meant,

      • dbleagle

        I started “The Spy” on Netflix. Apparently Sacha Baron Cohen can act. It is Israeli made and set in the early 1960’s. So far, it is watchable and an interesting reminder that the Arab states wanted lots of dead Jews before the Palestinians became as excuse.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I thought that might Bomb, sorry,

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        and just like Women, you blow me off , yep,

      • Mojeaux

        What’d you expect? An “Oh, that’s okay”? Not gonna happen.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Jeez, I said sorry, I’m not going to Fucking beg,

      • Tulip

        Let me get this straight; you were being a jerk. I pointed out that you were being a jerk and now Mojeaux and I are supposed to make you feel better about having been a jerk. No.

      • hayeksplosives

        If you enjoy true tales of Israeli spy craft and black ops, I highly recommend the book “Rise and Kill First”

    • rhywun

      I was just watching some L&O (the OG version) marathon. Every couple years I get hooked for a few hours. Never much followed the spin-offs.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Early OG and I’m in in a flash.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I do like Criminal Intent.

      • LCDR_Fish

        Vincent D’Onofrio is good.

      • rhywun

        Agreed. I saw a couple memorable episodes of that.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        very, FMJ was a winner.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Jerry Orbach FTW!

      • rhywun

        Exactly.

      • Sensei

        Saw him on the subway platform by himself long after he could have taken cab or car service.

        Rumor has it he was a real New Yorker.

      • Count Potato

        He was a singer on Broadway.

      • Gender Traitor

        Yup. I was just trying to remember what he’d sung… 😉

      • Count Potato

        So you liked Law & Order? Law & Order: Criminal Intent? Law & Order: Special Victims Unit?

        Then get ready for….

        Law & Order: The Musical!

      • Count Potato

        Well, Cop Rock was awful.

      • LCDR_Fish

        Paul Sorvino was an opera singer – weird to see him in Repo after L&O

  5. blackjack

    Since we’re bitching/praising tv shows, my wife just started watching the Q-anon series on netflix. It’s incredibly boring and quite obviously a setup to use the “Q” thing as a slur against anyone not explicitly Marxist. She shut it off 15 minutes in. I would love to have some idea what this “Q” bullshit is about, but this series ain’t gonna provide that.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      4Chan larpers initially which morphed into a deep state and law enforcement means of spreading misinfo and convincing the right that all was well and was being handled so they’d sit on their asses and not demand too much. In the end the various Q boards became a straight up honey pot. It’ll be interesting to see the breakdown of it eventually but it won’t even approach the truth until this political moment is well into the rear view mirror.

      • blackjack

        Yeah, info on the whole deal is kind of sparse. I did have a couple we met on the balcony of the motel up in Ventura go on and on about “Trafficking” during a discussion about crime rates. I kept telling her that crime was still really low and we’re safer than ever. She just kept asking “What about trafficking?” over and over. I didn’t get the connection until I watched the first 15 minutes of this drivel.

    • straffinrun

      As far as I can tell, Q anon is the quack doctor that accurately figures out you have low T and then tells you a mullet will cure you.

      • Fourscore

        Wait? It won’t? But, but I see all the cowboys weari…

        Have I been scammed again?

    • Not Adahn

      Haven’t you been reading the
      Wellville” series?

      Q is Hillary!

  6. db

    Watching Stargate: SG1 while working in the shop. I’m up to Season 7 now, nearing the end.

    The writing took a dive following the switch from Showtime to Sci-Fi (or syfy orwhatever) at Season 6 and then recovered a bit in Season 7.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      A Racist?

    • rhywun

      the bullet, like a slave ship, is a vessel of trauma for Black people

      *taps out, but not before marveling at the chutzpah*

    • creech

      If centuries of being treated as sub-humans hasn’t resulted in self-loathing and cheapening respect for life, among some African Americans, then to what can we ascribe the statistical fact that black on black violence is proportionally larger than in communities inhabited by other races?

      • blackjack

        Slave ships got fuck-all to do with it. I’m pretty sure there’s a cultural teaching that accounts for it. When I first got my kid, I had two different black women ask me, with deep concern in their voices, “Who’s gonna teach him about his heritage?” What do think they meant by that? Who gonna teach him to hate and to lash out against his “oppressors” that’s what they meant. Who’s gonna perpetuate the stereotype, is what they should have asked.

      • blackjack

        Oh, and the answer is that fucking lowlife with his retarded billboards, apparently.

      • blackjack

        Besides, there’s another culture/race that’s been treated as subhuman for centuries and they seem to have turned out differently. Maybe it’s their approach to the problem.

      • dbleagle

        That is pretty harsh on Calabrians…..but I can’t dispute it.

      • blackjack

        I get worked up about this shit. My kid’s black and I don’t want anybody telling him he’s a victim or that he’s got the odds stacked against him. Fucking pisses me off. I was hopeful when the Floyd thing first came up, but they wrecked it and actually turned it into a worsening of the already fucked up bullshit that black people hear all the fucking time. Every time I hear it I was to just go off on it. My kid is just fucking fine. He ain’t oppressed, he ain’t being hunted, he ain’t gotta worry about boogey men hiding in the dark corners of life. He’s just gotta learn to act right and do his best and he’ll have just as many chances in life as I’ve had (admittedly, not many, but I made it work, lol.)

      • rhywun

        Melrose Place hardest hit.

      • blackjack

        The Calabrians were the first to be voted off of the island.

      • Gadfly

        there’s another culture/race that’s been treated as subhuman for centuries and they seem to have turned out differently

        Which one? This statement, sadly, does not narrow things down. The number of groups that have been treated as subhuman is quite large.

      • slumbrew

        I’ll take “The Jews” for 400, Alex.

        They’ve got quite the record of being treated as subhumans in need of killin’ for centuries.

        And yet, they persevere.

        As my buddy pointed out re: the Jews still being here and the Philistines being long gone – “perhaps they’re onto something with that whole Chosen thing”.

      • Chafed

        *high fives the insightful goy*

    • straffinrun

      You’re living in the past, man.

      • Q Continuum

        To profit off victimhood, you need victims.

    • LCDR_Fish

      Wtf. *dog money

    • kinnath

      4th place. out of the money.

    • J. Frank Parnell

      Euros?

      oh, fog. Nevermind.

      • slumbrew

        What you did there was seen. Bravo.

  7. LJW

    I’ve been watching Mare of East Town with the wife. Decent show so far. I’ve never found Kate Winslet to be attractive and her character in this show solidifies that decision. But she is a great actress.

  8. straffinrun

    Thx, Yusef. Enjoying these. Wake up at 6:30 to get the kid’s breakfast ready and find her already up and eating the breakfast she made herself. Another week of being essentially a single parent. Kid is making it easy on me. *”What do you want for dinner?” Question not included*

    • Tres Cool

      Jugsy was shipped out to NYC for another week, so its just me and the doge. You can come kick it at the crib, just dont touch peen.
      Thats gay.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Thanks Straff, I have more,

  9. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam ?

    YUFUS? I promise Ill read it later. Its my d̶a̶y̶ night off, I just woke up, and Im gettin’ crunk.
    Highlights of the night? I already stripped the couch condom and tossed it in the WARSHer, had 3 TALL CANS, and a vike.

    Get @ me.

    • straffinrun

      It takes about a minute, Lazy Tres.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        HAH, Thanks! Lazy Tres…
        /Tall Cans! Tres!

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I forgot your contact name, shoot me mail,

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Mail sent

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      No Jugsy? let’s go barhoppin’

    • blackjack

      The irony is that 7-11 refers to the original hours of the early stores.

      • kinnath

        Yup. Stores that were open when people needed them. How convenient.

      • Gustave Lytton

        It wasn’t that long ago that banks kept bankers’ hours. And 7-Eleven was an American company. Lawson started out the same way in Ohio.

    • straffinrun

      I see conbini next to another one all the time. Not the same chain, though. Lol.

  10. Yusef drives a Kia

    Good night Friends and women who are pissed at me, nothing new there, see you on the other side,

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      to everyone i offended, Piss off!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Ban me, go for it!

      • slumbrew

        Topnotchtoledo, is that you?

      • tripacer

        I thought Caccatori was the bahn mi fan.

      • blackjack

        I thought he meant the deodorant. Nobody needs that many varieties, though.

      • slumbrew

        Topnotchtoledo went off his(?) rocker a few days back and started shitposting in an attempt to get banned.

        Dammit, now I want a bahn mi – needs to be the real, flaky Vietnamese baguette, tho. (TIL, ” banh mi” means “bread”)

      • tripacer

        Sounds like Caccitori going off on the zoom around this time last year. At least I hope I have the right name. I keep wanting to say Canolli, but that’s DEFINITELY not right.

        I had pho for the first time in a year on Sunday. It had been too long.

      • Akira

        I’ve been trying to make a cold lunchmeat “packable” version of the Bahn Mi to take to work. I haven’t been very pleased with the results.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        They won’t, I’m the Orphan around here,
        /I love this place

    • blackjack

      Can’t be long until the ruling party here is willing to go that far to silence dissent. They’re most of the way there now.

  11. Akira

    OT: My Mom asked me to fix a door on an antique “pie safe”, which is a like a big locking cabinet that was used to store hot pies so they could cool off and be safe from the other members of the house who might be tempted to sneak a bite. This particular one dates back to the Civil War, and we had it in our house since before I was born.

    The door is comprised of a frame made of four pieces dowel-jointed together, and to this is nailed a backing board. This board has split completely in half along the grain, and the dowels have come loose. Also, a large chunk of one of the frame pieces has chipped off.

    Tonight I glued the backing board together (and held it with a ridiculous number of clamps) and glued the corner chunk back on. When that’s dry in the morning, I’ll re-glue the dowel joints and give the backing board some sanding and refinishing. The next day I’m hoping to re-assemble the whole thing.

    I’m a huge history buff, and it’s very enjoyable for me to help keep this thing in one piece. Every time I see some old object at a museum, I ponder how lucky we are that people have preserved it over the generations so I can look at it today, and now I’m sort of doing the same job with this piesafe. It’s also a great skill-building project for woodworking.

    I’m too damn lazy to go back out there and take pictures, but I’ll snap some tomorrow.

    • UnCivilServant

      Do snap some pictures. I’ve never heard of a pie safe before and I want to know what it looks like.

    • Tejicano

      My family used to have a pie safe which had pierced pewter panels. It had been used as a chicken coup for some time so my dad restored it. He took it all apart, sanded and stained the wood before putting it together again..

      My mom used it to store fabric for her many clothing projects. She used to make a lot of my sisters’ clothes when they were small so she had a lot of fabric for different things.

      • Akira

        My family used to have a pie safe which had pierced pewter panels.

        Hers has panels of some kind of metal pierced in a decorative pattern as well! I’ll take pictures of the whole thing and post them when I finish the door and put it back on.

        My mom used it to store fabric for her many clothing projects.

        That’s unbelievable because my mom puts her sewing stuff in there as well.

    • Chafed

      Thanks for sharing. I didn’t even know there was such a thing as a piesafe.

      • The Last American Hero

        Responsible common sense pie control laws require you keep your licensed pies locked up in a pie safe away from the ice cream and whipped cream.

    • Plinker762

      Secure that pie hole!

    • one true athena

      oh yes, take pics. I looked up what a ‘pie safe’ is, not knowing that such a thing existed, and I’ve seen that furniture piece before, I just had no idea that’s what it was called. Having a teenage boy around makes me totally understand a locking cabinet for baked goods!

    • Tejicano

      I always assumed that these were not just to keep kids from eating the pies (and other foods) while they were cooling off but also to keep dogs and other critters from eating them as well.

      • Tres Cool

        ‘zackly
        a “pie safe” was used to cover it (and baked goods) from things that would otherwise have access, akin to birds getting into a pie cooling on a windowsill

        And how many cartoons did that scenario start ?

    • Sean

      Pics or gtfo. ?

  12. hayeksplosives

    Nice setup, Yu!

    We are waiting…

  13. Ownbestenemy

    *adjusts tin foil* Starting with the whole essential vs non-essential nonsense and the claims that if your business couldnt shut down for “a few weeks” your business model was shit…has morphed into “if you cant pay your employees x/hour” your business model is shit.

    It is as if the big companies are cheering this on. Okay not really tin foil territory. My wife has had to raise her prices just to make up for the increased fuel costs. When it comes time to make some purchases that are upgrades or even regular maintenance it is going to suck.

    Also is dashed of our plans to expand and hire another groomer. Sucks to that potential person and losing out on upwards of 25/hour.

    But all is well. Polls show the president had 900% approval.

    • rhywun

      And the government gets to swoop in and “fortify” the losers in this equation.

      I mean, it’s just win-win for everyone.

  14. Tejicano

    I just read an article in National Geographic about American Chinatowns – https://www.nationalgeographic.com/travel/article/why-does-the-us-have-chinatowns

    It goes on about the violence perpetuated against Chinese and Asians in general throughout the history of the American west, somehow managing to skip any mention of the interment of Japanese by the FDR administration.

    Of course no mention is made about the lack of any significant number of Chinese immigrants in Mexico or why that might be. It wasn’t because of a lack of opportunity there as there had been many German and other Europeans who settled in Mexico through the 19th century. As I understand it most Chinese who had settled in Mexico, the survivors at least, were driven out of the country during the 1910 revolution when they were generally rounded up and killed whenever the revolutionaries took control of a town or village.

    • rhywun

      The US would have “Chinatowns” regardless of any violence perpetrated against them, because that’s what settlers from far-away lands do.

  15. Tres Cool

    Vishnu H. Christ am I hammered.

    /just putting that out there

  16. Tres Cool

    This articleis quite dated. But I want it entered into the record that I want my tombstone to read “…was last seen on Sunday chugging champagne with two midgets.”

    • l0b0t

      Hot!

  17. Yusef drives a Kia

    Hello People, a new day begins, maybe I should start with a bad joke in poor taste….

    • l0b0t

      Good morning sir.

      Q – How do you titillate an ocelot?

      A – You oscillate her tit a lot.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        That’s funny, Howdy lobot

  18. Yusef drives a Kia

    @ Tulip, “now Mojeaux and I are supposed to make you feel better about having been a jerk. No.”
    I ask Nothing of you or anyone, I made a joke, you were offended, at this point, Standard replies are in order, but I won’t say that to a Woman,
    Cheers!

    • Sean

      *Hands Yusef a shovel*

      Keep digging, dude.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I suppose you are correct, I’ll keep my mouth shut now,

      • The Hyperbole

        No, no, stand your ground. Tell them it’s nothing to get hysterical about.

      • rhywun

        *snort*

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I dont like self censoring, OTOH, a bad joke? Here? And Im a piteous jerk?
        NOandNo

  19. Fourscore

    Morning all,

    Had a longer sleep last night. Not better but longer. A giant step. Won’t have to wait so long for a nap.

    Last November I harvested a deer for a lurking Glib, took it to the market for processing. A week later did it again but for myself. Anyway, I got my venison back about Jan or so, inquired about my friend’s. I thought maybe they had mixed the 2 batches together somehow.

    Anyway on Sunday I got a call, Zep’s venison is ready for pickup. Who knows what lurks in the heart of small town butchers? As I remember had his done in teriyaki sticks, which we’ll share of course. Expect to see some at Honey Harvest time.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, 4(20) – and all of you upthread. (Haven’t had enough coffee yet to do my usual “reverse Walton.”) Longer sleep must, I assume and hope, mean less discomfort. That’s excellent news!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Mmmm, sleep, Im running about 5 hours a night, not enough for the old Man, Howdy GT and all of my fellow miscreants

      • Gender Traitor

        Good morning, Yu.

    • Festus

      You’re killing me here…

  20. Stinky Wizzleteats

    “Viral Visualizations: How Coronavirus Skeptics Use Orthodox Data Practices to Promote Unorthodox Science Online” (hat tip to AOSHQ)

    https://arxiv.org/pdf/2101.07993.pdf

    -This study forces us to see that coronavirus skeptics champion science as a personal practice that prizes rationality and autonomy; for them, it is not a body of knowledge certified by an institution of experts.

    Wait, so that’s controversial?

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      You cant have “SCIENCE” without consensus, welcome to woke world,

    • rhywun

      “experts” LOL

    • Akira

      [Science] is not a body of knowledge certified by an institution of experts.

      The “experts” have made one failed COVID doom prediction after another. Hell, Dr. Fauci admitted in the NYT that he was just making up numbers about herd immunity. The way I see it, the ball is in the Branch Covidians court to explain why we should listen to the “experts” at this point (not experts in general, but those touted by the government and corporate media as such).

  21. UnCivilServant

    Anthropological researchers at MIT shocked to stumble onto people doing actual science among their ideological opposition.

    • Gender Traitor

      …anti-maskers value unmediated access to information and privilege personal research and direct reading over “expert” interpretations.”

      Could it be we’re in the midst of a scientific Reformation?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Works for me

      • UnCivilServant

        And the clerisy are not happy.

  22. Yusef drives a Kia

    Mushrooms grow, Have a good one kids!

    • Gender Traitor

      Yu too!

  23. UnCivilServant

    @GT I sent an updated “Prince of the North Tower” epub. with all of the recent updates rolled in

    • Gender Traitor

      Got it! Thanks! And just replied to message just previous.

  24. Fourscore

    Frost again this morning but a warming trend (well, it is spring)

    • Gender Traitor

      More frost predicted for tomorrow morning here in SW OH. 🙁 Fortunately, should be warming as the week goes on.

      • UnCivilServant

        43 here – had my windows open all night.

    • Festus

      Sunflowers, mint, garlic and some other things are emerging. Male hummingbirds are back but no females quite yet. Festus just remembered that he blew up the weed whacker last September. Need to see to that on payday. Good to hear that the bees are buzzing, 420! Fiddle-head season! Yum.

      • Festus

        Judi’s been playing with her new dehydrator for the last couple of weeks, packaging Vegan food for her trip up the mountain with the girls. Dried fiddle-heads look just like ampersands.

  25. Festus

    Mornin’ all!

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Fes! I’d stay to chat, but I must excuse myself to go get ready for work. Take care!

      • Festus

        You too, Red!

  26. Festus

    The mask mandate only came down last Fall but now that it’s getting warmer I’m not sure how I’ll fare. It was only about 65 American here yesterday and I could barely draw breath.

  27. Sean

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/health/2021/05/06/covid-vaccine-incentives/

    In some places, the vaccine incentives have become hyperlocal. In Randolph County, a rural patch of southern Illinois along the Mississippi River, officials recently announced a mobile vaccination site at a sprawling shooting and recreation complex. People who get vaccinated there will get 100 free targets for trap, skeet or sporting clay shooting, a state news release promised.

    Nice try.