About The Author

CPRM

CPRM

Organic troll farmer.

116 Comments

  1. Count Potato

    Yeah, fuck that New Jersey meth.

    • Hyperion

      Joisey math = ‘my apartment is only $3000 a month and more than 300 sq ft, and I don’t have to store all of my cookware and shoes in the dishwasher’.

  2. Fourscore

    Or gets you tenure. Good one, CPRM

    • DEG

      I think some of those aren’t sundresses.

      • Fourscore

        A lot of sun, not much dress

    • Spudalicious

      Mmmm. Hot chicks in sun dresses and nothing else. Fond memories.

  3. rhywun

    LOL bravo!

    I have to go to fuckin’ New Jersey on Tuesday too. And Wednesday and Thursday and Friday. And… ugh.

      • rhywun

        I was waiting for him to talk about New Jersey. ?

      • rhywun

        *cringes at the politics*

        I have a feeling that the Uber that takes me in Tuesday morning will be delighted. I will be sure to tip him handsomely before expensing it.

      • Fourscore

        50 years ago happiness was NJ in my rear view mirror. All my exs (1) lived in Joisey.

    • Sensei

      My company has decided return to work after labor day. I believe with no special rules or masks. Dress code likely to be relaxed too.

      Good news is they learned enough from the work at home experience that the plan is in-office Tues – Thurs home Mon and Fri.

      So one good thing personally has resulted from the plague.

      • Nephilium

        My work has no plans to return to the offices yet, I was already WFH for three days a week already, so I’m not predicting any big change going forward (with the exception of not traveling to the main office once a year).

      • Sensei

        Culture is important and given our organization I understand why they want the interaction.

        I’m actually rather impressed. Before this we had limited work at home and I expected one day a week to come out of this. Having two was a pleasant surprise.

      • rhywun

        Mine is no more WFH. No more than before, anyway.

      • hayeksplosives

        The decree at my employer is full time work in office; special arrangements can be made for one day WFH in some cases.

        Which basically strips me of one more bit of authority as a manager, since in the Before times, my direct reports needed only my go-ahead. I generally never refused and they never asked if they were in the middle of something that required working with others in a lab with a schedule to maintain.

        Making people work at the office will result in more contagion of other sorts (flu, strep, colds) since people won’t want to burn their paid leave but won’t be able to work a couple of days at home until they get better.

        The Senior Leadership Team again reveals its failure to understand people and treat them as human beings.

      • Ted S.

        Let all the finance and contracts people get sick and die, as long as the engineers and technicians remain OK.

      • Hyperion

        “My company has decided return to work after labor day.”

        You guys didn’t discover Zoom in all that time and couldn’t work?

      • Sensei

        Work meaning workplace.

        事務所 – じむしょ-jimusho

      • Hyperion

        Blech! Ech! Yucky! Fuck a that sheet!

        There’s a brewing war at my workplace. About 100% of people who do not have to be in the office to do our job are extremely opposed to going back to the office.

        They keep sending surveys about this. And my latest in the comment sections are basically a nice version of ‘I DON’T WANT TO GO BACK TO THE FUCKING OFFICE, WHAT PART OF THAT DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?’.

      • rhywun

        I have absolutely zero reason to be in the office. But I have been resigned to it for weeks and it’s not like I have any say in the matter.

      • Hyperion

        #metoo bro

        I’m not resigned, and I have a LOT of allies. We’re determined as hell.

        Maybe they win and force it, but they’ll lose a lot of employees and a lot more employee happiness.

      • rhywun

        To their credit, they are hedging their bets with noise like “we will continue to review flexible options yada yada yada” so there’s still hope I guess.

      • Sensei

        The part I enjoy is the huge disconnect between managers and staff.

        There are all kinds of surveys in my industry with like 30% of staff wanting to return to the office and something like 80% of management.

      • Hyperion

        Wait until you get the survey results concluding that 80% of employees are super enthusiastic about driving back to an office they don’t want to go to and don’t need to. It’s like we’re living in a CNN nightmare universe.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Not to be confused (like I was) with 事務室 jimushitsu, office in the physical room sense.

      • I'm Here To Help

        It will be interesting to see where my agency goes. We’ve proven that we can operate in a completely telework environment, but don’t do as well with the inability to travel. A job announcement just came out that was very interesting. In my agency, we have GS-15 program directors that have 3-4 audit teams assigned to them, each led by a GS-14 project manager. The announcement that just came out was for a GS-15 whose teams would all be in a field office in Indiana, but the announcement gave them the option to be located at any of the field offices or at our headquarters, and the option of which site they will work from will be left to the selectee. So basically they are saying that the 15 doesn’t even need to be in the same state, or even the same time zone, as the people who will be reporting to them.

        I am located in a very small field office (consisting of my program director, the project manager – me, and my team, with a couple others that work from that office but are assigned to teams in HQ). My program director is the only one in the office who actually likes going into the office, and the only one who feels the need to “see” her staff on a regular basis. But she is retiring at the end of July, and I don’t know who will get the job or even where the person will be located. Regardless, telework is at the option of the manager, so for my staff at least, we are going to go to 4 day a week telework as soon as the program director leaves. By our regs, we have to come into the office one day a week, but they don’t say how long we have to stay in the office that one day. So I’m planning to have a staff meeting at 07:00 on whichever day they decide, and then everyone can go home if they want (you don’t have to pay street parking before 08:00, so the goal would be to have them out before they have to pay). I am lucky – everyone on my team has shown that they are willing to come in to do work that has to be done in the office, and I haven’t had to bribe or threaten anyone to do so.

      • Sensei

        So I’m planning to have a staff meeting at 07:00 on whichever day they decide, and then everyone can go home if they want (you don’t have to pay street parking before 08:00, so the goal would be to have them out before they have to pay).

        That’s awesome on so many levels for our government. Everybody is going to waste time driving to and from the office to tick a box when they could be working. But it ticks the box in the most efficient way possible since you have no choice.

      • C. Anacreon

        I’m guessing a lot of organizations are pissed that they’ve paid for maintaining empty office space for the past fifteen months, and dammit, they’re going to start getting some value for all that.
        So everyone back to the office, no excuses.

      • hayeksplosives

        Possibly a lot of orgs are being indiscriminate about their policies. It’s easier to say “Everyone back in the office!” than it is to say “Joe and Suzy have been rather productive working from home, but Steve and Nancy haven’t, so fire Steve and Nancy or require them to be at the building.”

      • rhywun

        Yeah, and appearance of playing favorites.

      • rhywun

        …”no” appearance…

      • rhywun

        My thoughts exactly. They’re making us waste three hours out of our day for spite.

      • UnCivilServant

        90 minute commute? I could live out in Utica if I was willing to do that.

      • Sensei

        Hell, when I lived in Hoboken and commuted to downtown NYC at 1 Liberty it still took me 30 minutes to get to work.

        Short of living in Battery Park City you couldn’t get to work any closer.

        Meanwhile here in the NJ burbs my commute door to door is 1.25 hours. At least 50% of my co-workers are longer.

      • rhywun

        Door to door plus time wasted on dressing and making myself presentable? Yeah, probably. Most of that time I get to read or listen to music so there’s that.

      • Sensei

        The past year has significantly cut down on my Japanese study time. As I used to lots of reading practice on the train.

      • UnCivilServant

        I don’t count time spent making myself presentable as part of my commute, because I dress the same way at home as I do at work.

  4. Crazy Capn Gunboat Willy

    Florida meth is best meth.

    • Hyperion

      I hope they don’t have that shitty metric system crap. No one can even know if they’re fat or if it’s hot outside.

    • C. Anacreon

      BTW, love your handle, Crazy Capn Gunboat Willy. Lowell George approves.

      • Ozymandias

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yaHEfJApEVM

        I’m going to learn this on the piano if it kills me. Damn, but that is a great song.
        I also think Jack Black is the perfect person to play Lowell George in the movie about his life that is begging to be written.

      • Gender Traitor

        Tom T concurs re: the song. I’ve only ever heard him play it on guitar, though he could probably play a passable piano (his first language) rendition.

  5. hayeksplosives

    “I really don’t want to understand what’s in your brain.”

    🙂

  6. Hyperion

    This is why I always agree with The Hat. Joisey? Are you fucking insane? Asshole of the universe, I’ll take 200% humidity over that.

  7. DEG

    Fuckin’ New Jersey.

    I say that a lot when going to and from Pennsylvania.

    • Hyperion

      Best forced gas pumping retards ever?

      • DEG

        I never get gas in New Jersey.

      • Hyperion

        lol

      • Q Continuum

        Even if you have a burrito?

    • Sensei

      I say that every time I read the local and state news.

    • Hank

      Well, the first-time thing is just a guess, I messed up that sentence…

    • rhywun

      I find that guy to be a bit of a nutter but that’s his right. I would probably choose not to do business with him. ‘Merica!

  8. blackjack

    Fucking rat bastards are still busting people for protesting the lockdowns, despite the lockdown ending on June 13th. Burbank cops need chippering.

    • rhywun

      Consider that cops are watching this place in order to punish wrongthinkers while murders are up by double-digits across America and probably by more than the average there. Sick.

      • blackjack

        Well, Burbank is usually pretty murder free, but crime is up for sure. The rest of L.A. is all fucked up. They are enforcing the court ordered shutdown, like they really mean it. This place has been outwardly rebellious to the covid dictates.

      • blackjack

        And, for the record, I got a couple of black market meals from this place, after initial shutdown orders.

    • J. Frank Parnell

      Fuck the judge forcing the restaurant to close, that seems like some vindictive “respect muh authoritah” bullshit.

    • hayeksplosives

      They should have pretended to be illegal immigrants. They can’t get arrested tot anything.

      • hayeksplosives

        “For” anything.

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        Punish the normals and coddle the scofflaws. It’s the progressive way.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Often mentioned on Reasonable Doubt podcast.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Cited for what? Trespassing, as charged by a non-property owner? Not following a judicial order in a case they aren’t a party to and are not subject to?

      • Gustave Lytton

        And fuck those cops and the judge they rode in on. Nuremberg defense hasn’t worked since 1946, assholes. The whole lot of them can swing next to Jodl and rest.

      • hayeksplosives

        Cited for independent thinking?

        The article did mention fence scaling and so forth but the intrepid reporter didn’t seem to be curious enough to ask the interesting and pertinent questions.

    • Hank

      Because it’s Texas, you see.

    • CPRM

      Ghosts cause crooked floors!

    • blackjack

      What’s funny is, the ghosts used to wear masks.

  9. J. Frank Parnell

    In positive mask news, I’m at the local multitap and the bartender – who appears to be Hispanic, was probably born female, and almost certainly uses fancy pronouns – seems to be completely over this masking bullshit.

    • J. Frank Parnell

      Also I recommend avoiding the Fremont Brewing Ollie IPA even if you are fine with IPAs, because I couldn’t even finish a taster of it.

    • commodious spittoon

      HOT

  10. straffinrun

    I know why caged wig sings.

  11. Tundra

    “Lots of meth.”

    Priceless.

  12. Chafed

    Q I saw your GlibFit archive post. *chef’s kiss*

  13. hayeksplosives

    Most of us on this site have expressed (or at least felt) some level of dismay and disappointment that our fellow Americans (and other Westerners) have meekly accepted deprivation of our rights and freedoms (to assemble freely, to speak our opinions, to be outside our homes when we please and to travel state to state, etc) during Covid, obeying decrees of dubious legitimacy to wear masks, observe curfews, etc.

    Two things occurred to me that might be relevant:

    1) Many millennials and younger don’t want to or cannot cope with talking to strangers in the first place. They won’t even order a pizza by phone; they must use an app or website rather than dial up a stranger. So not seeing faces or not being among crowds isn’t a problem for them, and might even be their preference.

    2) The idea of news reporters being cool rebels or brave truth tellers and investigators is long gone. In fact, conformity with and promotion of the “morally correct” side is now the noblest cause.

    WTF happened to the rebellious spirit that’s almost always been among the youth? I formerly assumed a rebellious streak was biologically programmed in, to make young adults leave the “nest” and form their own families, but only moderately rebellious so that cultural and looser family ties would typically be preserved.

    Now it seems large numbers of youths are totally accepting of conformity, obedience to authority, staying home, not reproducing.

    WTF happened?? It seems contrary to biology itself.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Oh they reproduce just fine, taking responsibility? Not so much,

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      “WTF happened??”

      The public schools became propaganda facilities rather than learning facilities? Seven hours a day for twelve years works, backed up by peer pressure and a snitch culture.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        ???

        The most lunatic proposals out there are coming from the schools of education and their graduates.

        I would add that the social media dynamic has amped up the tribal nature of man to eleven.

    • commodious spittoon

      I was delighted to no longer be the only person not masking at the grocery store. I realized that people mostly went along with the stupid policies to get along. Then I realized that people mostly went along with the stupid policies to get along.

      • hayeksplosives

        Well said.

    • commodious spittoon

      WTF happened to the rebellious spirit of the left? How’d it become so authoritarian? Was it always a pretense? Did they fall in love with power once they had it? How do these dumb fucks still get off pretending they’re the woefully put-upon minorities when they in fact control every font of power and have done for decades?

    • EvilSheldon

      What happened is Marx, and Gramsci, and a bunch of other Marxist intellectuals. What we are seeing is the end product of a deliberate informational warfare campaign that has been going on since before WWII.

  14. Yusef drives a Kia

    I just got to work, and no one is here,
    I think Ill go home,

    • Festus

      Beer, golf, steak! Enjoy the day off.

    • commodious spittoon

      I went to work one day. Got dressed, as one does, did the whole toiletry routine, not in that order. Put on some coffee, put it in a travel mug, got in the car, drove to work, pulled into the empty parking lot and realized pretty quickly that it was memorial day. I wasn’t even elated that I didn’t have to work, I was disappointed that I’d bothered showing up and it didn’t matter.

      • Sean

        *points & laughs*

      • Festus

        What was her name?

  15. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam ?

    TALL HOLIDAY CANS !

    • commodious spittoon

      talliday

  16. Festus

    Mornin’ all! Thanks to everyone for the kind words and wishes. Whelp, got my first centralized product order yesterday. They sent me all the right toilet paper product and then doubled it up with six giant boxes of single-roll TP. No paper towels. I have two boxes to maintain two sites until next month. I warned them, I whined and cajoled but this is me right now https://youtu.be/QpVudMngg2c

    • commodious spittoon

      Superb.

      • Festus

        They sent me so many single rolls of Scotts that a year ago I might have become a tycoon. There must be 72 rolls in every box, useless to me. Piled them up in the storage room and there they will live.

      • Festus

        It’s spend a pound to save a penny with these dim-wits. Eight years with the local vendor that granted, charges more but he delivers within a day or two and doesn’t make errors. Now my supplies come from 500 miles away and judging by the lack of a packing slip, they get picked over before they reach me.

      • Festus

        That was my specific wish last night.

  17. Sean

    *applause*

    Fuck NJ.

    (Escapee from NJ)

  18. Sean

    Morning to the early shift.

    • Festus

      Mine seem to be European track athletes, at least on the phone. Bikini models were well represented.