A Traders Tale

by | Jun 14, 2021 | Fiction | 141 comments

Tales of the Belt

 

“So what do we really know about this guy?”

After the collapse of the Amazon, which is a tale in itself, the trade guild was formed, mostly Sales and advertising people, they still had specie, so weren’t affected by the demise financially, but knew the Market still existed for things, and as investors, Trusted with investments, and always seeking profit, we were called the Jews of the Galaxy, we never figured out who (((they))) were, all records of the before time have been lost.

 We have developed a stable, ultra free market, and as such, we control most markets, price fixing is crushed ruthlessly, and we are a very diversified group, the Spice flows, the Saying goes. Investors are so rich, they can call points on the entire operation, so the discoverer is happy with 10%, the pilot/discoverers call themselves Made Men, if they get that far. We can also provide insurance, of any kind, for a price. Alliances with MS 13 helps with security, for an additional fee/points, we take our investments very seriously.

 

We have many hard assets, defendable planetary systems and so on, but our Guild lives on travel, the interstellar caravans we have created, the gifts we have brought to Humanity,

We thrive on trade, as all Humans do.

 

“ I have worked with the Cat for several years, he always turns a profit”

“But never 2B tonnes, right?”

“Yes Sir, but he’s done the math, odds are 90% plus, let’s do this!”

“Well then, let’s send a team from MS to, shall we say, observe?”

“ Done and Done, thank you Sir”

“Why the thanks?”

“He’s my Brother”

After a few days of Bureaucratic crap, the Transactions were complete, and following the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition, “never give away something you can sell”

I sold the investment rights to my little Brother for a nominal fee, and he was off. He had 200lb. Of specie, and a half million in credits, good enough we hope, at this point I can only wish him luck, and profit, Burn!

About The Author

Yusef drives a Kia

Yusef drives a Kia

Punctually illiterate But never late

141 Comments

  1. DEG

    He had 200lb. Of specie,

    Not bad.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Specie talks, Bitcoin walks, even though they use a form of it in the Tales, kind of like we do,

  2. kinnath

    nice story. looking forward to more.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Thank you, there is more to come,

  3. hayeksplosives

    MS 13. Chortle.

    On the bright side, Ding Dong, the Amazon’s dead!

    (Disclaimer: I am a complete Amazon addict IRL. I’m not proud. I just need my fix.)

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I’m soooo addicted to Amazon, it’s insane. The Fall of Amazon sounds worthy of a tale, where to begin?

    • rhywun

      I am a complete Amazon addict IRL.

      I came very late to the party. Like, after all my usual shopping outlets closed, some of them permanently. Before then I had only used Amazon for deliveries once or twice.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Amazon Prime has saved my ass many times, especially moving up to rural Michigan, a Damned convenient Evil, who will Fall, watch for it!

      • rhywun

        I don’t do Prime. I order free shipping and wait a couple extra days. I have no use for any of the other Prime benefits. Well, except for The Expanse; and I can wait a decade for someone to put it out on DVD fingers crossed.

      • Fourscore

        I use Amazon Prime to send stuff to my grand daughter in a remote village in Alaska. They have daily plane service, it’s not 2 day but 4-5 day or a little more.

        I sent them a video player and a 32″ flatscreen, a few videos and other gifts. If I had to pay USPS it would be very expensive, take longer and get broken and not convenient.

        Now shopping is very inconvenient for me but Jeffy is my good friend for a small purchase here in the woods.

    • C. Anacreon

      MS 13. Chortle.

      I’m waiting for Microsoft to sue MS-13 for copyright infringement.

  4. Hank

    Too early to go off-topic, so let give my compliments to the author for a good story.

    “Tonnes”? It seems the whole Universe has joined the Commonwealth.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I thought it was a cool touch, we do use Meters as oppossed to Metres, so we got that,
      Cheers!

  5. Hank

    “we were called the Jews of the Galaxy, we never figured out who (((they))) were, all records of the before time have been lost”

    This one record survived:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAZhtT-dUyo

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I forgot that, perfect fit for the tale, Thanks!

  6. straffinrun

    No idea what this story is all about, but it’s oddly gripping. Thx, Yusef.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I’m trying a different concept, it will make sense, thanks Straff!

    • straffinrun

      Johnny Paycheck approves.

      • mrfamous

        I miss lefties like Jello. They seem to be getting more and more marginalized in order to present a unified left front.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        He was honest, stupid but sincere, and a great Band!

    • Gustave Lytton

      Local Fox tv station. Was hoping it really was Fox News, and not just the opportunistic Ailes allegations.

  7. DEG

    OT: NH’s next US Rep?

    A New Hampshire man who was charged in connection with the Jan. 6 assault on the U.S. Capitol, after he admitted he “chugged” wine he found in one of the offices during the riot, now says he’s running for Congress.

    Jason Riddle told NBC Boston on Sunday that he is still working on the details on his campaign, but plans to run to represent New Hampshire’s second district in 2022. Democrat Annie Kuster is in her fifth term as a U.S. congresswoman representing that district.

    A side note: I’ve noticed this change in terminology describing the Jan. 6th festivities. “Insurrection” is not used in the article.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Prepping for a leftist no-shit insurrection? Oh sorry, fortifying democracy and the government forever.

    • rhywun

      I’m surprised he’s not in jail.

    • straffinrun

      “ “It tells them I show up,” Riddle said about his role in the riots. “I’m going to actually keep my promises and make some changes”

      ?

      • Hank

        “I’m crazy…for justice!”

  8. Gustave Lytton

    I’d like to thank the retards at Walmart for shipping mayonnaise from a warehouse in Phoenix.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Mayo keeps, you don’t have refrigerate it if you are careful, although i wouldn’t try it it in AZ,

      • Gustave Lytton

        It doesn’t do so well in temperature extremes. At least it’s not freezing.

      • rhywun

        Stupid question… do they not sell mayo in your grocery stores…?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Not Blue Plate. Or Hellmans (#3 on my mayo list, and no Best Foods is not the same thing).

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        the fuck it ain’t, same mayo, different name

      • rhywun

        Yeah, that gave me pause.

        I do like my Hellman’s. I’ve tried all the generics and they suck.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        @Gustave, it was called Best Foods way before Unilever got into it, and the reason I know about Hellmans is the BF label said, “Hellmans, East of the Rockies” I read as a kid, 40 years before Unilever. I buy Hellmans now, same thing as BF,

      • rhywun

        OFFS. Get with the times old man and stop using language that was current ten years ago.

      • Sensei

        I hate Schumer as much as the next person, but pick something else.

        That said he is all in for woke America, so I’m not shedding any tears for him.

      • Sensei

        I forgot that! I haven’t watched that in years.

      • mrfamous

        Ah the euphemism treadmill. I tend to agree with you, but there’s an argument to be made that if the people that have been planting landmines everywhere start stepping on them, they might actually stop planting them and maybe even start removing a few. I doubt it, but I see the argument.

      • Not Adahn

        I hate Schumer as much as the next person, but pick something else.

        Nah, let him be hoisted on his own retard.

  9. straffinrun

    Scott Adams: Difference btw Trump and Toobin? Trump is accused of stoking an insurrection.

    • rhywun

      *snort*

    • Sensei

      Nice.

    • Chafed

      Bravo

  10. rhywun

    Ugh I’m over rain especially when the wind won’t pick a direction and stick with it.

  11. Yusef drives a Kia

    Here’s another reason the Belt is for me, bugs. last Friday working on the refrigeration units outside, my feet and legs were attacked by every biting insect available, right down to bleeding bites, I HATE BUGS! A friend told me when she is in tick infested areas, she wears tick collars on her ankles and wrists. a pricey solution, but where I golf, I have ticks land on me daily, Yuch! So Tick collars it is,

    • kinnath

      We use tick collars around the ankles when we are camping. It makes a huge difference.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        bare skin? or around your socks? I wonder about toxicity to Hoomans,

      • kinnath

        socks

        Put on socks, put collar around angle, fold top of sock down over the tick collar.

        We don’t go into the woods where we normally camp. But it keeps them from crawling up your legs from grass. Very effective.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        if we go of into the brush and sticks we still play out of it, so we are in Ticklandia, tick prevention is a must, thanks for the guidance on the collars,

      • kinnath

        You are welcome.

    • rhywun

      NYC privilege… no bugs. OK, no bugs that attack. Cockroaches run away.

      • l0b0t

        Dude… When the wind is coming across Jamaica Bay, it blows swarms of biting horseflies from their homes on the marshy islands of the Bay into the Rockaway Peninsula, particularly Riis Park. A weekend working the ice-cream cart on the boardwalk will tear your legs up.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Like Deerflies? those things leave giant welts,

      • Translucent Chum

        Permethin for ticks and mosquitos. You can soak clothes with it. Lasts a few weeks. Vicks will keep deer flies away.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Permethin es no esta bien con Kittah, in a collar for me, fine,

      • rhywun

        Oh. Well, I don’t live near a swamp so I guess there’s that. 🙂

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Michigan is a swamp, surrounded by a bog, surounded by big lakes, we have too much water, and bugs…
        /the only reason i might bail out

  12. Gustave Lytton

    Fuck Ben Mankiewicz and his commie lapping HUAC revisionism. If I was dictator, I’d put a statue of Elia Kazan larger than Rio Jesus right below the Hollywood sign.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Too Local?

    • rhywun

      Ugh when I watch that channel I flip away from that shit because I know it’s going to piss me off. Just the movie, kthxbai.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Normal Lloyd is fascinating but he was unrepentant and still hated Kazan for what he did. Mankiewicz was throwing out that Kazan didn’t have to name names and did so only because of the threat of being blacklisted.

  13. Hank

    The latest incoherent babble from the Vatican about pro-abortion politicians taking communion:

    https://www.indcatholicnews.com/news/42408

    “For if the trumpet give an uncertain sound, who shall prepare himself for the battle? So likewise you, unless ye utter by the tongue words easy to be understood, how shall it be known what is spoken, for ye shall be speaking into the air?” /1 Cor. 14:8-9

    • Gustave Lytton

      Like One True Catholic Joe would give a shit and stop taking communion even if he was explicitly prohibited from doing so. Fuck the communion, they should be excommunicating those politicians who hold themselves out as Catholic while shitting all over church teachings. Want to support abortion? Fine, quit the church.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Glad I’m one of (((Them))) if not real, in solidarity,

  14. Yusef drives a Kia

    Gotta go Glib friends, time to make the turn, I’ll check back in in about 6 hours, Cheers Friends!

    • hayeksplosives

      Night, Yu!

  15. hayeksplosives

    Ooh! I see that the new Fall of Civilizations podcast is out. The Assyrians: the Empire of Iron”

    For those that don’t know the series, it’s not an audio podcast. It’s filmed in glorious HD and is an excellent series. Doesn’t have to be in order. Someone linked the Sumerians episode here and I was hooked!

    I’m a subscriber on Patreon but you can also watch on YouTube (with some commercials).

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      That would be me, Watson is really good, up there with Carlin, thanks for the tip!

  16. Gustave Lytton

    Hot dogs

    fried < boiled < grilled < campfire

    cut in half and fried

    • Gender Traitor

      Some time soon when it’s not so daggone hot, I want to have another andouille-nee roast over our fire bowl up on the “pitcher’s mound” (remaining mound from a reportedly huge tree long since removed) in our back yard.

      • Gender Traitor

        …but right now, it’s past midnight in the One True Time Zone (EDT) so I’m going to bed. Good night, Glibs!

    • straffinrun

      Microwave?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Hmmm.. Between fried and boiled.

        Also forgot the roller machine.

    • Broswater

      Huh, Steamed. All-dressed with onions, no? And mayo (but that might be just me).

    • hayeksplosives

      Sliced, spread between paper towels, microwaved, and stirred into Kraft Mac and Cheese.

      /former babysitter
      /former poor college student

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        ^this, still makes for a good cheap lunch at chez Yusef,

    • Sean

      You people are strange.

      Hot dogs are for kids.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Try Nathan’s Collosus dogs, then talk to me,
        /Big Kid

      • rhywun

        Hot dogs are punishment for kids.

        FTFY

    • The Hyperbole

      If you are not turning them into octodogs your not living your best life.

  17. hayeksplosives

    The Bee ?

    Activists Fight Racism By Driving All People Of Color Out Of Pop Culture

    “ We must be vigilant to hunt down people of color on butter tubs, syrup bottles, cartoons, and bags of rice, and take them out of the public consciousness.”

    “When only white people are shown as mascots, cartoon characters, and brand logos, we will have truly arrived at our diverse, racism-free future.”

    https://babylonbee.com/news/activists-fight-racism-by-making-sure-pop-culture-depicts-only-white-people

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Civilisation is finished,

      • Tres Cool

        HEY YUFUS !

        Monday is my d̶a̶y̶ night off. So adhering to schedule, Ive been up all night, fucking off, cleaning the crib, and having Tall Cans®.

        Have some orchestra-backed Del the Creator.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        That’s a big ass band for one little rap dude,
        Sup Tres!

    • Gender Traitor

      That’s not a double mustache. That’s a mustache and a beard with male pattern baldness.

      I’m a big fan of a magnificent mustache, but no. Just…no.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Only if you wear 2 masks and stay 6 feet apart, unless you are seated at a restaurant, then your fine,

      • Tres Cool

        And its before 10 pm (which is when the bars in Ohio had to close)
        Everyone knows the virus attacks most after dark.

      • Sean

        Is that you, Newt?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        He was, but he got better….

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      It makes it more likely that if you have it it’ll be asymptotic which brings one back to the (probably) low likelihood of asymptomatic spread. If they’re going to piss their pants over low probability possibilities like that they may as well go ahead and send all of those ships to the scrapyard.

    • Gender Traitor

      Fishing always reminds me of this.

      • Tres Cool

        I knew what that was before I even clicked.

  18. UnCivilServant

    Morning Glibs.

    Had a steak for breakfast because I need to use the beef in the fridge before any of it goes bad. (it’s not there yet, so it was delicious)

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, U. That’s a manly breakfast.

      • UnCivilServant

        It was supposed to be dinner, but if I strung them out on dinners, something would spoil.

        I may have stocked up too much.

      • UnCivilServant

        And yes, I know I have a freezer, but it’s crowded, and after the freezerburned beef, I don’t want to risk ruining another piece.

      • Gender Traitor

        You can’t be too careful with good beef.

    • Tres Cool

      I have a hunk of beef tenderloin thawed that will likely see the grill today.

    • Festus

      Awesome! I did that on Sunday morning. 16 oz. steak, onions and a spud.

  19. Yusef drives a Kia

    Hello again, from sunny Michigan, a glorious 72 today, no rain, too bad I have to work, Carpe Covfefe!

  20. Tres Cool

    WRT to the hot-dog discussion.

    Hebrew National are the apex hot dog. Change my mind.

    • UnCivilServant

      I grew up with pork-based dogs, beef hot dogs taste wrong to me.

      I don’t care about your mind on the matter, you’ve just been accustomed to the flavor.

    • l0b0t

      Costco house brand (same as they serve at the food counter) is our usual. There is however, a Polish grocery in the neighborhood that makes them in-house, and offers several different blends of meat and casing choices.

      • Festus

        I fry them up with chopped onions, seasoned salt, pepper and Lea and Perrins. I take them out of the skillet and then brown the pre buttered buns in the same. When they get crispy and golden brown, pull them out and add a generous dollop of Kraft’s Cheese Whiz. I’m a terrible person but I still like it after making up the recipe forty-five years ago.

      • l0b0t

        I would eat tons of those; they sound delicious.

      • Festus

        When 1st marriage broke, I lived on them for awhile.

      • Festus

        You need to slice the dogs ever so gently so that you can feed the the diced onions into the slit.

    • Chipping Pioneer

      Lips and assholes!

      • Gender Traitor

        AKA Glibbroads and Glibboys? 😉

      • Festus

        Cuntes and Cods.

      • Festus

        Hamburgers are “gut bombs”! Same country, different culture…

    • Not Adahn

      Everyone here says Sabrett’s are the best. I prefer Old Kayem personally.

  21. Festus

    Dang, I could rock the double moustache if I wanted to and yes, those Watson videos are pretty solid.

    • Gender Traitor

      If it’s not on the upper lip, it’s not a mus/moustache. If you can fit two decent ones up there, more power to you. Otherwise, go goatee, Van Dyke, or the full (well-groomed) beard if you want hair on your chinny-chin-chin.

      • Festus

        I am aware, Red.

      • Festus

        The photo from the article has an older fella rocking the double-vision. Rainbow on the top lip, rainbow on the bottom. Must admit that I’ve never seen that one before.

  22. Sean

    https://www.catholicnewsagency.com/news/247997/breaking-morning-mass-nixed-from-june-15-pope-francis-biden-meeting

    The President’s entourage had originally requested for Biden to attend Mass with the Pope early in the morning, but the proposal was nixed by the Vatican after considering the impact that President Biden receiving Holy Communion from the Pope would have on the discussions the USCCB is planning to have during their meeting starting Wednesday, June 16.

    • UnCivilServant

      I thought Gropey Joe was excommunicated.

      • Sean

        *shrug*

    • Festus

      Separation of Church and State. Nominal Catholics. Believe or not, Joe and Frank (The Hardly Boys).

    • EvilSheldon

      I haven’t been to Disney in a long time – do they have walkthrough metal detectors at the gates?

      • Sean

        Dunno. I haven’t been there since the late 80s.

      • Festus

        If you carry you start turning into a donkey. Them’s the rules.

    • Festus

      I know that they lit their collective hair on fire but up here even one concealed firearm would shut the entire tourism industry down.

    • EvilSheldon

      Intelligence is knowing how to recognize violent, antisocial people by their behavior cues.

      Wisdom is knowing not to mouth off to them.

      • Festus

        Remembers many bar fights – Yep!