IFLA: The “EIFYAJHTF*” Edition of the Horoscope for the week of June 20

by | Jun 20, 2021 | IFLA | 110 comments

Things are a wee bit unsettled this week.  Especially on Tuesday or Wednesday.  Another planet goes retrograde, with Jupiter joining Mercury.  Fortunately the two of them aren’t aligned with the earth and sun, or it’d be time for an outdated meme to jump off.

What we do have is:

-An unusually large disconnected oppositional alignment. Which as everyone knows, is an indicator of an unrevealed third event that is the true root cause of the other events.  Traditionally, (((they))) are involved.  The two parts are Mars-Venus-Sun-Jupiter retrograde = sex scandal involving a politician or a politician’s family which is being opposed by MERCURY RETROGRADE-Moon-Earth = enturbulation of the domicile.  While the most obvious interpretation is “Hunter Biden,” remember that there actually is and entire rest of the world out there that has leaders with equivalent issues, pants-wise.

-The moon in Libra, very typical of discombobulation.

On Thursdays I take her to wrestling class. That St. Bernard is the only one that can challenge her.

Gemini:  2 of Cups – A deal is sealed, a marriage blessed… but not necessarily by anything holy.  The military controls the countryside

Cancer:  4 of Wands reversed – A celebration is foolish.  The better life you see is a façade.

Leo:  The blank card – try again later.

Virgo:  Ace of Cups reversed – Greater powers attempt to obstruct you.  Whether or not they succeed, their actions are noticed by others.

Libra:  Three of Wands reversed – Your superior is not paying attention.  They are vulnerable.

Scorpio:  Knight of Cups – Someone comes bearing a message of peace or an apology.  Seafood and imported wine will be particularly good.

Sagittarius:  Queen of Wands reversed- Enmity of a hippie chick or cat lady.

Capricorn:  3 of Coins – Skilled work is noticed.  Kibitzers offer advice.  They’re not wrong.

Aquarius:  The Chariot – Everything is on your side.  It is a good time to act.

Pisces:  6 of Coins reversed – Others drain your resources.  Only be keeping your generosity measured will you keep your position.  One of your beneficiaries is ungrateful.

Aries:  10 of Cups reversed – Success depends on prior generosity.  Do not invest in a musical theater production, it will be a flop.

Taurus:  The Fool reversed – A puppy has bitten the fuck out of my ankle.  I don’t know why.

*See Joemala Ep 29.

 

About The Author

Not Adahn

Not Adahn

Despite all my rage, I am still just an impeccably dressed rat.

110 Comments

  1. Mojeaux

    Taurus: The Fool reversed – A puppy has bitten the fuck out of my ankle. I don’t know why.

    Not sure what to do with this information.

  2. Gender Traitor

    Scorpio: Knight of Cups – Someone comes bearing a message of peace or an apology. Seafood and imported wine will be particularly good.

    Hmmm… I AM expecting a couple of guests, but we’re already at peace and, AFAIK, no apologies are in order. And I’ve already ordered pork and beef BBQ and stocked up on miscellaneous NA beers (many of them imported) and Diet Dew.

    • Brochettaward

      Diet Mt. Dew? What kind of heathens are you hosting?

      • Mojeaux

        That.

        I love Mt Dew but I can gain weight from a sip, so I never get my calories from beverages.

        Diet Mt Dew tastes completely different from Mt Dew. It is definitely not a simple artificial sweetener astertaste (probably took the orange juice out or something).

      • Nephilium

        /looks at all the people missing the NA Beer comment.

        It’s like I don’t even know you lot anymore.

      • Mojeaux

        Dude, what I know about beer I learned from you!

      • Nephilium

        I was just entertaining myself over the fact that everyone jumped on the Diet Dew part, and left out the NA beer part.

        In fairness, there are some not bad NA beers, but they cost the same as regular beer (~$10/six pack) which seems a complete waste of money to me. One of my favorite ones (for the story behind the name) is BrewDog’s Nanny State, which was made after the Scottish parliament considered regulations about high ABV beer. They brewed it specifically to not qualify as beer under Scottish law (it’s less then 0.5% ABV).

      • Mojeaux

        I don’t even know what an “NA” beer is.

        When I hear beer, I think of convenience store coolers.

      • Nephilium

        Mojeaux:

        NA = Non-Alcoholic.

        There’s a push to try to normalize it now (and it’s been going on for the past year or so). I can’t even really figure out what the real target market for it would be.

      • Gender Traitor

        Neph – TT doesn’t want to break his ~43-yr streak. ?

      • The Hyperbole

        $10 a six pack? What’d you do win the lotto.

      • Nephilium

        GT:

        Fair enough. As I said, I’m just confused about the big push for NA beer in the past couple of years. There’s several breweries that have spun up offering nothing but NA beer, and several larger craft breweries have released NA lines recently as well. I just don’t see the big target market for it. It still has a big dose of empty calories, so it’s not fitness related (although at least one of the breweries tries to market it that way).

      • LCDR_Fish

        DoD bought a crapton of NA beer for Iraq (and presumably Afghanistan too). Becks and O’Douls. Never tried it.

      • Nephilium

        I had an old coworker who told stories about when they tried to get one guy drunk on the NA beer while deployed in Iraq. Poor guy drank ~3 cases (based on the last telling of the story, the number of beer kept rising as the story got retold).

  3. Drake

    The military controls the countryside? All of it?

    • Suthenboy

      Huh? I control the countryside around here. I walked away from the military decades ago and never looked back.

      I finished stomping around in the woods this morning (a beautiful morning), made deviled eggs (in contrast to pizza, never in debate around here) and plan on making a vodka in the next ten minutes. Good morning all.

      • Gustave Lytton

        deviled eggs (in contrast to pizza, never in debate around here)

        I wouldn’t be so sure about that…

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        What kind of mustard and what kind of mayonnaise?

      • Mojeaux

        I knew a lady who didn’t use mustard, just straight vinegar.

      • l0b0t

        I like makin’ ’em with a wasabi/mayo mix. Bonus – they get a greenish hue.

      • Ted S.

        Do you put pineapple on your deviled eggs?

      • Suthenboy

        *tugs on chin*

        I might have to consider that

      • blackjack

        They do have “devil” right there in the name!

  4. Ozymandias

    Libra: Three of Wands reversed – Your superior is not paying attention. They are vulnerable.

    *rubs hands together* Mwahahahahaha!!

    • Tundra

      As seen on my walk:

      Ozy loves you!

      • Surly Knott

        LOL

      • Ozymandias

        Can confirm!!
        (Had an amazing psilocybin experience this past Friday in which I loudly proclaimed my Love for All.)

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        ? ? ? ?

  5. Tundra

    OMG is she cute!

    Leo: The blank card – try again later.

    I’ll take it!

    • Suthenboy

      I was just eating a deviled egg and my little whippet was staring at me with a face that said “Oh my God I am starving to death please give me a bite.”
      Heh. He just ate. Mrs. Suthenboy pulled the meat off of fried chicken and mixed it in the dog’s food. He has developed rolls.
      Poor little guy, he had a rough start. He showed up here as a tiny puppy, starving, skin and bones, so weak he could hardly walk. I just happened to be washing dishes in front of the kitchen window and saw him crawl under my shed…to die I guess. So I went out with a can of dog food and a spoon and crawled under the shed myself. After about three days he had enough strength to come out. Now he has a shiny coat, sparkly eyes and moderate rolls of fat. He sleeps every night with his head on Mrs. Suthenboy. Poor little guy.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Awwww,,, there’s a friend for life.

      • Tulip

        Not good for a whippet to have rolls. They are susceptible to diabetes and it puts stress on their joints.

      • Tundra

        Poor little guy.

        Here’s my sweet girl.

        She had a rough 10+ years before she came to us. She’s got kidney disease, thyroid cancer, bad teeth and arthritis but she one of the best pups I’ve ever had. An absolute love machine.

        I wish we would have crossed paths sooner.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Aww. ♥️? I know the feeling.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Aw. Have you ever posted a pic?

    • Nephilium

      I saw a sign the other day in front of a house that said:

      Black Trans Lives Matter

      • Drake

        Megatron?

      • Nephilium
      • blackjack

        Well, back in the eighties, B&M used to paint their automatic trannies black. Given that, I gotta concur.

    • Mojeaux

      “There’s just a preoccupation with the sex that queer people have, it always comes up.”

      Progjection.

      Make a point of your sexual preference, you make it about the type of sex you have.

      Make a point of your gender, you make it about your genitals.

      As if those things are your only identity. Is that ALL you are?

      Geez, get a hobby. Or a job.

      • rhywun

        Geez, get a hobby. Or a job.

        Both of ’em. I can’t stand the drama from either side.

      • Akira

        As if those things are your only identity. Is that ALL you are?

        Those archetypes you listed have the same exact problem as white nationalists – they have no aspects or accomplishments on which to base their identity, so they make it about some innate quality (or in the case of some LGTBQXYZ+ people, something they made up to catapult themselves to the top of the victimhood pyramid).

      • Mojeaux

        Attention whores.

        I’m a lot of innate things and sometimes I identify myself as those things and sometimes I identify myself as something I do or have accomplished. It depends on who I’m talking to and the topic of conversation.

        The first thing people usually ask upon being introduced to someone and making conversation is, “What do you do for a living?”

        “Never mind that. Let me tell you who I like to fuck with which genitals.”

      • Ozymandias

        All I see is badly behaved children doing things to get attention, which gets reinforced by the Cathedral for its own purposes – and whom are also part of a different set of badly behaved children. It’s a self-licking ice-cream cone of attention whores: the LGBTQ+ set, the (commie) Media, (commie) politicians, and (commie) entertainers. ALL badly behaving children who’ve never grown up.

    • Suthenboy

      Fucking leftist shitbirds know full well it isn’t their sex we hate, it’s their politics.

  6. The Late P Brooks

    Sagittarius: Queen of Wands reversed- Enmity of a hippie chick or cat lady.

    Ruh roh. Does that mean I will cross paths with my friend’s obnoxious loudmouth wife? She hasn’t been to the social club for a while, and that’s just how I likes it.

  7. juris imprudent

    Do not invest in a musical theater production

    There was never any threat that I might – not even if the horoscope had promised a huge return.

  8. The Late P Brooks

    Today, in Things Fall From the Sky Into My Lap:

    I was perusing craigslist in search of a potential replacement carburetor for my pickup truck, and what, to my wondering eye, should appear but an ad for a trailer hitch suitable for old Suburbans?

    I took the hitch off my dry-docked Suburban and modified it for use on the truck many moons ago. I made a special effort to preserve the “DO NOT CUT OR WELD” sticker. Now I have decided to resurrect the Suburban, for its trailer towing awesomeness. Rather than cut the hitch up and change it back, I thought maybe I’d check around at the junkyards. Now…

    I am currently in negotiations via e-mail.

    • Mojeaux

      I love it when a plan comes together.

      • blackjack

        Especially when the plan goes off without a hitch?

      • R C Dean

        Err, don’t we want this plan to go off with a hitch?

  9. The Late P Brooks

    Not sure what to do with this information.

    Wear boots.

    • Sean

      Awwww.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Danke.

      (Uh, whippet? You sure? Ever consider one of those dog-breed DNA tests? I don’t know which is most accurate.)

      • slumbrew

        None of them are that accurate, is my understanding.

        They look fire markers associated with certain breeds – if breeds share a marker they’ll go with the more popular breed.

        i.e., when in doubt it’ll be “Labrador” and not “Catahoula”

      • Suthenboy

        Not sure, don’t really care that much. Deep chest, long legs, big wide-set eyes. He is a talker and a mouther…he has the personality and the build.
        Wife named him Tucker. I have no idea where he came from or his pedigree. I am just guessing. Whippet or not he is just Tucker.
        He sleeps on the couch in the air conditioning, has gravy on his food and suffers and suffers.

      • Ted S.

        When a problem comes along, you must whippet.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        ?

    • Akira

      D’awwwww… I wouldn’t be able to resist those eyes, even if it meant I have to deal with Satanic dog farts later.

    • Mojeaux

      That sweet pup does not look like a whippet.

      • Suthenboy

        That’s because he got fat. He was the picture of a whippet before.

        I have noted that any dog that experiences starvation afterward will gobble up any morsel you offer them then beg for more. It is kind of a slippery slope after that.

      • Tulip

        Yep.

    • Akira

      I work in the healthcare field (although not in direct patient care) and I’ve had to prepare for the possibility of packing up my shit and walking. I’m not going to be bullied into participating in this fucking experiment.

      • Sean

        I hope it doesn’t come to that for you.

        I don’t have that threat hanging over me, but my gf does. She’s prepared to walk if her boss makes them mandatory.

      • Akira

        It would be a bummer if anyone had to lose a job because of a personal health decision, but sometimes having principles means you suffer for it. If you roll capitulate as soon as things might get difficult, you don’t really have those principles at all.

        I have logical reasons for not getting the vaccine, but if I may speculate just a little bit: It’s highly suspicious how hard the Establishment is pushing everyone to get it. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen the media, government, and corporations pumping out such synchronized messaging. It’s like the time I was at Steak & Shake with a bunch of friends, came back from the bathroom, and everyone was grinning and telling me to take a drink of my soda (which they had poured hot sauce into). The fact that they were all pushing so hard immediately clued me in that something was wrong.

      • rhywun

        New commercials here are pushing it on 12-year-olds.

        It’s getting sick.

      • hayeksplosives

        They are making up for the butthurt they experienced a few years back when unsuccessful at getting the HPV vaccine made mandatory for 12 year old virgin girls.

      • hayeksplosives

        As I said in another post yesterday, it’s a vaccine so safe you have to be threatened into taking it for a disease so deadly that you have to be tested to know you have it.

        No thanks.

        Now the media is throwing shade on the J&J vaccine because it’s conventional and not an mRNA crapshoot.

        This has never been about health or science.

      • hayeksplosives

        In today’s installment of corporate mercenaries doing the government’s dirty work, my husband got a text message from our healthcare network stating that there was no record of his getting the Covid vaccine.

        It asked “did you get the vaccine elsewhere?” He texted back “yes”.

        The medical texting robot then asked him to upload a photo of his vaccine card.

        Whisky Tango Foxtrot.

      • blackjack

        If anyone asks me, I’m going to counter with, ” You got a warrant?”

      • hayeksplosives

        Good answer.

        I’ve had luck with real life humans by countering the “Have you gotten vaccinated?” with “Have you had your Pap smear this year?” Or “Have you had your prostate exam yet?” depending on their presented gender.

      • hayeksplosives

        I have the same medical provider, but I got my J&J shot elsewhere in CA.

        Apparently they made contact with my healthcare provider because they haven’t nagged me and in fact did send me a “Yay! Good for you!” Text.

        Evil.

        Evil and networked.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        The noodgy nature of your insurer (IIRIC) is well known. But Sacramento texted you??

      • hayeksplosives

        Good question. I might have deleted the txt. Lemme see…

      • hayeksplosives

        The text came from “23393” but had links to visage.cdc.gov and myturn.ca.gov so I guess that is the state.

        My husbands vaccine was administered by Grizzly at Glibs forum, but he wrote in the local community college so as not to tip off the world to forums.

      • hayeksplosives

        “Visage” is supposed to read “vsafe”

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Come to think of it, I imagine many if not most states are so inclined. Public Health: it must be capitalized for some reason.

      • Nephilium

        I’m half tempted to abuse my licensed minister status here in Ohio to spin something up to try to provide a religious exemption.

      • blackjack

        Stand fast. I’m literally the only one at my shop who hasn’t mainlined the Fauchi cocktail. My wife got the first poke at CVS, I think it was Moderna. She’s planning on skipping the second dose. I tried to explain how that’s not going to help, but she’s got her thoughts on it. I think she might have real fear of vid and want’s the 80% effective protection while skipping the possible side effects of dose number two.

  10. blackjack

    Skilled work is noticed

    Most of you probably didn’t read about how/why I got put on double secret probation at work, but it got even better the very next day.

    When I first transferred back to the airport, the supe went all out harassing me. I never mentioned it because of the possibility I would have to sue. I went to the union and they flatly didn’t care. I had to file my own personal complaint, which resulted in my supe getting a bunch of stern talking to’s and a cessation of his harassment campaign.

    Anyway, one of the things he did back then was to create a secret “quality control” scheme and “evaluate” one of my PM services. He got another mechanic to say that I didn’t remove the wheels to check the brakes on a Honda. They claimed they could tell by the rust patterns on the lugnuts. And he asserted that my measurement of the rear brake shoes was incorrect ( it was taken through the actual inspection hole in the backing plate, lol!) He claimed that the measurement needs to be taken at the leading edge, which is silly because they are tapered to avoid grabbing on the edge. It will always be very low there. Anyway, the whole scheme was based on my not having removed the wheels and properly inspected the brakes. It was posed as a “safety issue,” despite no Honda ever needing rear brakes in the history of the airport.

    So…the day after I got put on double secret probation, two years after the Honda debacle, I was informed that from now on, we are no longer required to remove the wheels as part of the normal service. They created a new checklist and everything. I just laughed a bit and then said, “wow, that’s a really good idea!” I think he’s too dumb to understand what I meant, but there ain’t no fixing that.

    So, yeah, my skilled work was noticed. Happy DAD day, everyone.

    • blackjack

      Sorry for the WOT, but everything about this issue is complex. There’s a huge amount more to the story, but I’ll spare you that.

      • slumbrew

        No need to apologise, I’m interested.

  11. hayeksplosives

    Do not invest in a musical theater production, it will be a flop.

    Well, duh.

    It is known.

    • C. Anacreon

      Ugh, I just wrote a long comment about my experience investing in a Broadway play, but when I clicked post it said “you need to be logged in to post; apparently my last log in expired while I was writing it. So of course my entire post was erased forever. I’m not going to hunt and peck three paragraphs on my phone again, thanks a lot word press. I will tell the story another day.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Ah gee. Hope so. Notepad a/o Ctrl+C never hurt.

        Been having login problems myself.

      • Ted S.

        I think he’s on his phone.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        As am I. Smrt-phone equivalent functions, anyway.

    • CPRM

      That description just makes me miss Deadbeat.

      • l0b0t

        These sound fun. In a similar vein, I’ve been enjoying Wellington Paranormal.

  12. Nephilium

    Today I have learned that fresh mulberries, muddled with lemon juice (and a bit of zest) works amazingly well with overproof bourbon and ginger ale.

    • l0b0t

      That sounds absolutely delicious.

      • Nephilium

        I’ve got cups of mulberries sitting on the counter right now. There’s a chance I may be able to harvest more if a storm doesn’t blow through. The thought was a fairly easy twist on a bourbon bramble.

        And the fact I almost ran out of gin.

  13. The Late P Brooks

    There was this thing from Montana Dept of Health on my desk, unopened. I opened it, and guess what- THE VACCINE IS SAFE AND HAS BEEN RIGOROUSLY TESTED!

    It should say, “and is being” tested. But not on me.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      In the egregious sense?

    • Suthenboy

      Who is buying that?

      • blackjack

        Whomever is deeply committed to the political party that benefits from it. At least, they will claim to be buying it.