“Tulsa? I’m in Oklahoma? I fucking hate Oklahoma,” Joe said.
“We all do, Grandpa,” Finnegan said, wiping off his mouth.
“We should back to working on the speech, sir,” the press intern said.
Joe looked up when the young woman spoke, sniffing the air, catching scent of the raw bar, smiling.
“I’m giving a speech?” Joe asked.
“Yes, sir,” the press intern said. “For the anniversary of the destruction of Black Wall Street?”
“Wall Street? Those crooks? Why isn’t Lizzie Warren here?”
“The Tulsa Race Riot, Grandpa,” Finnegan said steadily.
“Tulsa Race Massacre, sir,” the intern said. “We’re supposed to call it that. Sounds more impactful and dynamic.”
“What’s your name?” Joe asked, dialing his smile up.
“We met on Air Force One, sir,” she said. She fidgeted under his male gaze, his toxic masculinity landing on her in thick, ropy spurts.
“Air Force One is a pretty name for a pretty girl,” he said.
“The speech, sir,” she said.
“You look nineteen in that smart little suit.”
“Why is this white-ass bastard doing this instead of me?” Kamala asked over Zoom–her disembodied scowl floating on an iPad velcroed to the wall of the Presidential Bang Bus and Raw Bar. “I’m the first woman black vice-president lawyer genius in history!”
“You don’t poll well in Oklahoma, ma’am,” the intern said, making Finnegan wince.
“I DON’T POLL WELL?!?” Kamala screamed, the tiny speaker in the iPad crackling.
The intern checked her tablet, “Voters find you confrontational and cold, ma’am. Some of the most commonly used phrases are “monster,” “cop,” and “Blaren.”
“Blaren? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Kamala screeched. She leaned in until her face filled the screen, her Zoom background of the Rodney King beating disappearing entirely.
“Research indicates it is a portmanteau of ‘Black’ and ‘Karen,’ ma’am,” the intern said, oblivious to Finnegan frantically waving her arms out of the view of the iPad’s camera.
The range of colors Kamala turned as she struggled to breathe through her rage was an effective threat display.
“What the fuck is that?!?” Joe asked, pointing at the iPad.
“Nothing, Grandpa,” Finnegan said as she ripped the tablet off the wall and stamped on it several times.
“What are you, honey?” Joe asked the press intern as she watched Finnegan.
“What am I, sir?” she replied. “I am the press intern.”
“No,” he said, pawing at his own face, “What are you.”
“Grandpa!” Finnegan said, shocked.
“I’m Korean, sir,” the intern said, fidgeting.
“Oh, man,” Joe said, “Kamala’s really not going to like that.”
Yow! SF bringing it in hard and fast.
Phrasing!
Phrasing…in a SugarFree post?!
“Blaren”
*dies*
Shaping the culture of our future.
Lord knows that Kamela is the mold from which all Blarens are formed.
Wondering if The Bee will have the balls to run with that.
“You look nineteen in that smart little suit.”
That did not end up being a good defense. Speaking from experience.
Joe points and laughs at you
The Cuervo Gold
The fine Colombian
Make tonight a wonderful thing
Took the song right out of my head.
Not a haiku.
his toxic masculinity landing on her in thick, ropy spurts
Uncalled for!
I laughed, but that evokes a very unpleasant mental picture. Some things cannot be unimagined.
But that’s kind of SF’s trademark.
I know I should expect this, but somehow I am surprised every time.
Nothing of Joe’s has been thick and ropy in at least 25 years.
Phlegm?
I was thinking more phlegmly spittle.
Formed in the corner of his mouth, transfixing the intern into immobility, as she stares in horror.
Yeah this was absolutely inspired
…her Zoom background of the Rodney King beating disappearing entirely.
Perfect.
This was definitely my favorite part. Had me cackling like Kamala.
Yup.
Easily top 3 episode if not #1. Fantastic.
Presidential Bang Bus and Raw Bar.
Yup. I can’t wait to see how much the NFT gets sold for.
When does the bidding start?
Top Joemala sure, but has a way to go to best the greatest Hat and Hair episode.
her disembodied scowl floating on an iPad velcroed to the wall of the Presidential Bang Bus and Raw Bar
Beautiful.
Did it get renamed in the Clinton or Kennedy administration?
The media has informed me that the presidency was a bastion of sobriety and decorum until OMB.
LBJ whipped out his (reportedly impressive) wang in a most dignified and Presidential manner.
I have heard that the SS actually had a code-word for when VP Biden would display his junk.
“COBRA has been deployed.”
SF does it again.
In my mind’s eye the defining images of the Trump white house come from The Hat y The Hair. Now my view of Pool Chain Joe & Horizontal Harris comes, once again, from the Keeper of the GEU (Glbertarian Extended Unverse).
Not sure if this is a good thing.
Bang Bus and Raw Bar? Indeed.
Truth > accuracy?
GEU hmmm.. MCU. Someone pitch this to Kevin Feige…
*Looks at MCU Phase 4 schedule*
Nevermind.
Thanks SF, I’m grateful that my mental imagery lags behind your written descriptive skills, other wise I’d never be able to eat lunch. As it is I’ll have to wait a couple extra hours.
Good job!
portmanteau of ‘Black’ and ‘Karen,’
I thought it was “really loud obnoxious Karen”.
Disappoint, I am.
Admit it, you were holding out for Klack.
How much louder and more obnoxious can a Karen get? Well, at least until you level up to Boss Karen.
Boss Karen: Tipper Gore?
She was one.
I’m not even sure what Final Boss Karen would be. You have to have 20 fully evolved Boss Karens to merge to make one.
Nurse Ratched?
Tipper is the Ur-Karen.
Nancy Reagan has a sad.
Unbeliever and White Scold Wielder?
Carrie Nation says hold my non-alcoholic beverage.
Boss Karen has pink hair. She’s close but she’s only capo regime Karen.
Ginny Sack?
“research indicates” is what really teed it up.
portmanteau
“A word formed by merging the sounds and meanings of two different words”
Learned a new word today.
You can impress your friends with that when talking about how Bennifer got back together.
Not to be confused with portchapeau, which is a hat formed by the merging of a hat with a legion of the souls of the damned…
I just heard a “mask up until you’re vaccinated” ad from the CDC.
Defunding isn’t enough. Every CDC office should be burnt to the ground with all employees locked inside.
Leave the doors unlocked, social distancing will catch most of them, its not like they can rush the exits.
“Masks are really for infected people to prevent them from spreading infection to people who are not infected rather than protecting uninfected people from acquiring infection.
“The typical mask you buy in the drug store is not really effective in keeping out virus, which is small enough to pass through material. It might, however, provide some slight benefit in keep out gross droplets if someone coughs or sneezes on you.”
He added: “I do not recommend that you wear a mask, particularly since you are going to a very low risk location.”
–Fauci, in newly released emails
https://www.newsweek.com/fauci-said-masks-not-really-effective-keeping-out-virus-email-reveals-1596703
Apparently he has a book deal. ?
Huh, apparently about his life’s philosophy. Wonder what the title will be? …
Little Big Man
“The inspiring true story of how one man created a pile of bodies upon which to stand and overcome his Napoleon Complex.”
You know who else wrote a book like that?
According to Cuomo, it’s all about timing.
This might be taken already, but “My Struggle”.
Catchy.
The Man in the Cotton Mask?
The Man in the Cotton Mask (When the Cameras are On)
The Servant and the Rainbow.
He’s into gay BDSM?
Yup.
Ha!
Was more punning on The Serpent and the Rainbow. But it does work the other way as well.
I Think I’m Paranoid
Mmmmm. Shirley.
Since we peasants are all an obedient lot, then if I’m not wearing a mask, I can be assumed to be vaccinated, right?
I’m just going to go around unmasked and ignore what people conclude.
“Let them
eat cakewear masks.”Microchip behind the left ear for that, it’s the only way to be sure.
“Tattooed on the back of the neck.”
As long as it doesn’t interfere with my stack.
If you get read-deathed you’ll be beyond caring anyway.
(speaking of artists whose politics are awful)
Hey HE, might have cosmetic surgery referral/s for you. Let me know your preferred medium.
Not that you aren’t obviously lovely, but re the thing you mentioned recently.
“the thing you mentioned recently”
Wait, she grew a penis????
>:-(
That’s one blarin’ Karen!
Boss Karen.
That there is a bus you wouldn’t want to be thrown under.
“Poor kids are just as talented as white kids.”
BIDEN: “…young black entrepreneurs are just as capable of succeeding given the chance as white entrepreneurs are, but they don’t have lawyers, they don’t have accountants…”
“And them darkies, I tell ya, they can’t get ID. So if you don’t know if you-u-u are for HR1 or not, you ain’t black.”
You’re gonna trip over your drugs if keep dropping them between your heels.
“…young black entrepreneurs are just as capable of succeeding given the chance as white entrepreneurs are, but
they don’t have lawyers, they don’t have accountants…”the high taxes and stifling regulatory regimes in most black population centers make it really fucking hard to run a business.Fixed that for him
Apologies to dear old Depeche Mode: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OTUlg__sVYo
Nice choice.
So Biden said something stupid again?
Same shit, new day.
Hollywood says “Yeah, we’re OK with that, did you even look at the sell-by date?”
Uh, isn’t that every career ever? I’ve put in my time, I don’t need to do the scut work anymore. Get some new starlet without a career and an overdrawn bank account on your casting couch.
Unless you’re Nick Cage and need to keep the house of cards propped up.
That whole “not paying taxes” thing really came back to bite him.
Systemic racism is why Wesley Snipes did time.
From the sidebar:
So she won’t do a nude scene with men because of the male gaze, but she would do one without a man because . . . no man would see the movie, so no male gaze?
Whatever, we’re just haggling over price now.
Does she even have boobs?
This is how a lot of John vs. Sarcasmic blow-outs got started.
I’ve heard of her but couldn’t picture what she looked like, so I check IMDB and it turns out I have never seen a single movie she has been in, which is odd because I’m really not that picky about movies. This however is a great song.
Was afraid you’d go with
https://youtu.be/A3QAqZQYLIQ
Welp, somebody just died, if the overhead announcements are anything to go by.
Carry on.
Iranian sailors?
I think its unlikely that we have any Iranian sailors in our cardiac unit, but you never know.
Quick, slip the “will not hold the hospital liable documents” in with the other papers you’ll have the family sign.
TURF to Pathology.
Hospitals tend to have that difficulty.
Hospitals are terribly unhealthy places.
Between the ambient stress level and the exotic microbes, you really don’t want to be in one any longer than absolutely necessary.
Uh, isn’t that common for you?
Sure. I’m not even sure how many people die in this building every day.
There’s a pattern to the overhead announcements that generally means somebody died. A Code Blue followed quickly by a cancellation generally means somebody went down but won’t be resuscitated – often because they had a Do Not Resuscitate order.
It looks like the right-wingers are pouncing again at some old 2007 posts by…the head of diversity strategy at Google.
“Google did not respond to a request for comment by The Post, but Bobb was said to have sent an apology to the “Jewgler” Employee Resource Group at the company….
““My work here at google is focused on expanding computing pathways through our interface with educational institutions. The world is leaving us all feeling unsafe and unsettled right now. i certainly don’t want to contribute to that,” he wrote.
“Bobb’s bio describes him as “the Global Lead for Diversity Strategy and Research at Google and the founding Senior Director of the Constellations Center for Equity in Computing at Georgia Tech.””
https://freebeacon.com/latest-news/google-diversity-head-said-jews-have-insatiable-appetite-for-war/
The site is still up for now, so let’s see…ouch, hard to read the type…
“If I Were A Jew…
“If I were a Jew I would be concerned about my insatiable appetite for war and killing in defense of myself. Self defense is undoubtedly an instinct, but I would be afraid of my increasing insensitivity to the suffering others. My greatest torment would be that I’ve misinterpreted the identity offered by my history and transposed spiritual and human compassion with self righteous impunity.”
https://www.kamaubobb.com/hidden-blogs/2007/12/if-i-were-a-jew
If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?
A larch.
Palm.
Your favorite sexual partner?
But could you be identified from quite a long way away?
…ahem…
Sounds like a really good idea, and perfectly acceptable these days, to give advice to large swathes of people by lumping them all together under one stereotype of ethnicity, and explain why they should think more like you.
That’s not merely acceptable, but the expectation these days.
Seems I’ve heard a term for that type of person somewhere.
Journalist?
Why won’t they just lay down and let themselves be exterminated?
Yeah. That’s what struck me, too. This sick little prick begrudges them self-defense. Screw him and the horse he rode in on.
I just dipped into some other blog posts. CWAA.
My work here at google is focused on expanding computing pathways through our interface with educational institutions.
Judging by that, and his blog posts, his work is certainly not focused on writing clearly.
He’s not even sincere about his work. If he was, he’d be laser focused. It’s all lasers these days.
Do lasers still need sharks to go with them, or is that an optional accessory?
It’s like this.
From a communications perspective, someone needs to loop him in on this.
You have a bright future as a corporate leader. Sorry, “leader”.
That job description doesn’t fit with his title of “Global Lead for Diversity Strategy and Research” at Google at all.
That’s some authentic Silicon Valley Gibberish.
“If I Were A Jew…
Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum
This excellent.
I especially liked “Presidential Bang Bus and Raw Bar”.
I fucking love this. That is all. Or is it? I can smell the afternoon links on the wind. They smell like a candy factory downwind of a sewage treatment plant.
We need to go back to a nationwide lockdown. Too much traffic on the interstates and hotel rates have doubled or tripled between this week and next. Which means I have to make it a day trip with a long drive on both ends instead of a leisurely overnight. #covid4ever
Don’t worry, once Covid-21 rolls around, we’ll all be locked down again.
I can get a room at the Tokyo Hilton for $150 less than the Doubletree in California on the Deschutes.
I love Wednesdays. I can’t wait to read my Joemala.
Some people in the office are still dutifully wearing masks even though the “mandate” is over and the obnoxious signs around the building have been taken down.
Science!
Sorry you work with ‘tards.
Let’s just say I can tell who the leftists are.
Just because the hawk has left the area doesn’t mean the prairie dogs are going to be racing out of their holes.
I wonder if I can finally go by Great Clips on the way home. I refuse to participate in secular Sharia so I haven’t been in months. I’m so overdue that it is starting to look like a mullet like SaltyCracker. I did finally shave though, at the behest of the gf.
I’m still rocking the apocalypse hair.
My before times Great Clips was another Covid victim and I still haven’t picked a new place. It was so damn convenient on the way home.
There was never an outdoors mandate here, yet people under 30 are still wearing them outdoors, jogging whatever. It looks completely retarded but they must be completely oblivious to it. No one over 40 is ever seen wearing them outdoors and it’s been that way since the start. So, I … I mean, aren’t younger people mostly safe from this? I mean tweens are wearing the damn things outdoors.
Cheap form of altitude training?
I know every single one of you will rush out an buy this, but Fauci is writing a book!!!!!
I’m assuming people will buy multiple copies to make sure this life long selfless public servant is set for life.
I know members of the Congregation of Compassionate People will buy those books.
Anyone who reads that is definitely some form of Karen and should definitely die alone.
“Blaren.”
LOLFUCKINGL! I’ve been in sort of a bad mood all day an I lol’d for 10 minutes over that.
Is that a real term or you just make it up, SF? Thanks anyway!
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=blarens
BLAREN
A woman of color, usually rich, or works in Hollywood and is the kind of person who is unhappy when little things don’t go their way. Often times Racist, and cries racism, yet will more than happily cash the check received from white people.
That woman is Such a BLAREN. she bitches about working with white people, and tries to call out racism, acting like a know it all and yet will gladly cash the paycheck she makes working with white people. She’s a Black- Karen.
I’m pretty sure a black Karen would be named Karentiffa or something like that…
Just here for the GBV. Excellent selection from an excellent album, SF.
Goddammit.
Most. Excellent!