Joemala: Episode 30

by | Jun 23, 2021 | Joemala, SugarFree | 230 comments

 

Hunter comes running into the studio wearing a casual suit, a little vomit on his lapel. The APPLAUSE sign lights up. He waves to the studio audience to quiet them.

“We got a great show for you tonight, folks. My dad’s dog is dead and we’re going to make some jokes about it.” He pauses for the LAUGH sign to go off.

“Dad,” Finnegan says disapprovingly. Chuckles bubble up from the studio audience.

“Every day you become a little more like your bitch mother,” Hunter says, flashing his decaying teeth, a cocaine twinkle in his eye. The LAUGH sign flashes with incontinent urgency. “Grampy Joe won’t even know his bite hound is gone.”

“That’s Major!” Finnegan says. “Champ died. And he was a good boy.”

The audience goes “Aww.”

“Both those mutts hated me,” Hunter says brightly. “All their dogs have hated me. Back when I was fucking your aunt, Mom sicced her dogs on me!”

The LAUGH sign lights up so brightly many of the audience members shield their eyes.

“Oh, fuck,” Finnegan says. “Why did I agree to do this?”

“Oh, I know this!” Hutner says excitedly. “Because family is a word you use to get your way!”

APPLAUSE APPLAUSE APPLAUSE

Finnegan turns from the audience and looks off-stage.

“You stay right fucking there. You wanted to be in the family business. This is part of the family business,” Hunter says viciously.

Finnegan turns back, tears starting to fall from her eyes. The LAUGH sign is flashing. The audience complies.

“Dr. Grandma just asked me to help Grandpa. You know he’s not well.”

Hunter mugs to the audience and does a little softshoe. “I had to work for the family and you have to as well,” he says. “At least until you wise up.”

Hunter turns back to the audience and gives them a crooked grin. They laugh and laugh and then applaud.

“So,” Hunter says, “Back when I was fucking your aunt–you, know, the recently widowed one married to my fucking war-hero brother–I would rub a little cocaine on her asshole, just to numb it up a bit before I fucked her.”

“Jesus, stop this,” Finnegan blubbers.

“But when I fucked her sister,” Hunter continues, walking toward his daughter, “She didn’t want the cocaine on her asshole. She just snorted it right off my cock.”

At “COCK!” being yelled in her face, Finnegan runs off stage wailing.

APPLAUSE

“I’ll get Maisy to do the next show,” Hunter calls after her. “The slow one still does what I say!” Finnegan screams.

APPLAUSE

“Anyway,” Hunter says, turning back to the audience, “We’ve got a great show tonight. Tucker Carlson’s body double is here! As well as Jon Brennan from the 2nd season of The Real World! And our musical guest, Some Dumb Cunt I’m Trying To Fuck, so STICK AROUND!

APPLAUSE

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

230 Comments

  1. Yusef drives a Kia

    That was wild, cocaine nosejobs!

    • EvilSheldon

      Cocaine (brown) nose-jobs.

  2. juris imprudent

    The darkness demanded it’s due, having been held back a while.

  3. slumbrew

    Jesus, that was dark, even for SF.

  4. Tres Cool

    During the 2 weeks that Jugsy is absent, the TV doesnt come on. Im either working, drinking (and commenting here), or passed-out from the 1st two.
    But that is a show Id watch.

  5. Tres Cool

    “The slow one still does what I say!”

    Rosemary Kennedy ?

  6. WTF

    Jesus Christ, that was, intense…

    Well done, as usual.

    • db

      The life of a repo manBiden’s always intense! C’mon, let’s go get a Drink™!”

      • WTF

        Wanna get high?

  7. The Late P Brooks

    Dr Grandma.

    • C. Anacreon

      This was truly brilliant, SF, nice work.

      “Hunter mugs to the audience and does a little softshoe.” I pictured that clearly in my mind’s eye. Just like Joey Bishop subbing for Carson.

  8. westernsloper

    Whoa…….

  9. The Late P Brooks

    Does a nobody in clown makeup who wants to be a comic come out later and shoot Hunter in the face?

    I’d buy that for a dollar.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      We live in a society.

  10. Ozymandias

    “BUT THE CHINESE GOVT IS WORSE!!”
    “WE’RE FREER!!”

    Well done, SF. Vicious, but give the AM link, timely and eerily accurate.

    • EvilSheldon

      Is it really so hard to say, “All governments are enormously awful, just in different ways?”

      Good government is a fantasy for morons.

      • Tundra

        This.

        Not sure if it was you, robc or Malice who finally convinced me that governments are where principles go to be ass-raped.

    • Sean

      I’m amused this is now a meme.

      Seriously though, I enjoyed the article.

    • juris imprudent

      Ozy, my point about Wilson was that we use our values to measure the rest of the world, and find it wanting in so many ways. Now personally, I despise Wilson and damn near everything he stood for – but that just shows how out of step I am within my own country.

      You do bring up an interesting point about property – and how we make it sacrosanct here, but the Chinese do not. Does that really make one better than the other, or just different?

      Trashie on your point about the bar – funny how it was that fucking guild that got the state to pass the laws/regulations enforcing their status (and the requirements for membership).

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        funny how it was that fucking guild that got the state to pass the laws/regulations enforcing their status

        I was on a group considering expansions to the regulation to let more people in. You should’ve seen the reaction when I floated the idea of letting anybody in who met barebones competency requirements. It’s like I put snakes up their assholes.

        I had to cool it down quite a bit before it got published, but that guild protection impulse is still very strong under the guise of “avoiding low quality lawyers from taking advantage of unsophisticated clients”

      • juris imprudent

        You should’ve softened them up a little with some SugarFree, anything you proposed after that wouldn’t seem so horrid.

      • Nephilium

        /reminisces about the Prenda law firm fun that was documented on Popehat and TechDirt.

      • R C Dean

        avoiding low quality lawyers from taking advantage of unsophisticated clients

        Pretty sure that ship sailed, hit a reef, capsized, caught fire, and sank long ago.

      • Social Justice is Neither

        Wouldn’t that be better served by actually enforcing sanctions on scummy lawyers and making the overall rules clearer? Insanity.

      • Ozymandias

        It’s just different, JI. At least that’s my view from having lived in several different countries and traveled to a couple of dozen others. If you’re able to set aside your own culture’s brainwashing – no easy feat, by the way – you start to notice that people are happy and living their lives just like we are: trying to avoid the punitive arm of the State and otherwise pursuing their own culture’s “good.”
        The real difference in the world is between the govt and associated elites and the have-nots, the ordinary stiffs, the tax-donkeys, the people just trying to get by and pursue their bliss. They’re people who don’t care about controlling others – that was the point everyone missed and I didn’t adequately convey: the Chinese are freer because they don’t have the “WHAT IS MY NEIGHBOR DOING?!?” impulse. They’re not snitches and Karens. They know better – it wasn’t that long ago that they were starved to death en masse by government stupidity.
        In short, as I’ve said here before and tried to say repeatedly, the Chinese PEOPLE aren’t socialists. They don’t have that disease in the way that we do. Their education system is too busy making sure those frigging kids can do calculus, speak English, and play an instrument before they finish high school to be indoctrination and obedience centers in the way that ours do. I should perhaps have made that more explicit but it didn’t quite hit me until everyone started jumping in.
        A whole LOT fewer Karens in China – to the point of that impulse seeming to be entirely absent from the culture. They don’t have Puritans and they don’t have Progressives – just a whole mass of humanity doing their own thing while the Party plays the games it plays. In that sense, very much like our govt, but with a LOT less of the snitchery and use of people as spies against one another.
        I’m sure someone with an expertise in the Germanic people and our relationship to them could do something interesting about East Germany and the Stasi, those impulses in the US, and how that compares to China.

      • Gustave Lytton

        the Chinese are freer because they don’t have the “WHAT IS MY NEIGHBOR DOING?!?” impulse. They’re not snitches and Karens.

        Hah hah hah!

      • juris imprudent

        Quite appropriate to drag our Puritan heritage into the mix. I made the comment before about my considerations in ex-patriating and giving France some thought – not out of any nonsense about French govt but because French culture transcends the many different forms of govt they’ve lived under. I think that’s the kind of point you wanted to make about the Chinese, but honestly, you didn’t make that clear until now.

      • Ozymandias

        As I noted, I wrote these “on the cheap” – they were my emails from when I was living there. And if you read between the lines (not your job, but I see it now), I was nibbling at the edges. I couldn’t quite figure out what it was, but being forced to defend the statement finally wedged it up to the surface.
        Almost everyone in China has a family member or close friend who died of starvation during Mao’s 5-year plans. That’s not that far down the memory-hole – and the Chinese have a much, much deeper sense of their own history than Americans do. They ‘member, just like Pepperidge Farm does, about when Uncle Qi and many in the surrounding village died slowly from starvation while the govt told them it was all going well.
        Just nowhere near the State-fellating outside of the official organs like we have here. Here we have worse propaganda in my opinion. The MSM is just so over the top, the drumbeat so constant, that the Russians must be blushing. There’s comparable to it in China, I’m sure in part because of how regionalized things are because of how massive the country is, both in size and population.

      • Ozymandias

        nothing comparable to it”

      • DEG

        Almost everyone in China has a family member or close friend who died of starvation during Mao’s 5-year plans.

        I worked with some folks that lived in China under Mao. They thought he was fucking crazy.

        Then, while reading about criticisms of Frank Dikötter’s “Mao’s Great Famine”, I found this account.

        A quote:

        I do not know anybody in my village who really starved to death. Of those who left the village during the Great Leap Forward, most managed to come back, and all those who did not come back were accounted for.24

      • Ozymandias

        Looks like a pretty serious apologist piece for the Maoists. Maybe the guy’s bitterness over how the Chinese was treated is justified, maybe not. But he sure does seem like he’s pimping hard at how wonderful Mao was for making the Chinese people “powerful” after the “western colonialists” had “raped Chinese women without consequence.” (See his FN 2.)

      • Ozymandias

        Another quote – the last line, in fact:

        What is the way ahead for China? A return to socialism is the only way out.

      • DEG

        Oh, he’s definitely a Mao apologist.

        I found the account in a one star review of Dikötter’s book on goodreads.

      • Not Adahn

        Almost everyone in China has a family member or close friend who died of starvation during Mao’s 5-year plans.

        But hey! China didn’t bomb any Iraqis!

      • Ozymandias

        True! I mean, I’m sure to those who starved to death and those who got bombed, it makes little difference which sociopaths were behind it, Ours or Theirs!
        Besides being entirely aside from the point I’ve been making!

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        The proximity to real poverty and privation makes the Chinese more acutely aware of the fragility of civilization and wealth.

      • SDF-7

        Ozy — you’ve been there, I haven’t — and maybe it is the brainwashing, but I’m finding it really, really hard to credit China of all places (home of “losing face” and “the social credit score — I know, I know… coming to a Bank of America near you!”) with not caring about what their neighbor is doing.

        If they’ve shaken that off as a side effect of the Cultural Revolution blowback — cool. More power to them. Ditch the corrupt Emperor, Bow-To-The-Middle-Kingdom wannabe’s and I’ll be all for China as a great partner… or hell, look forward to them being the USA while we’re stuck with the post-Empire Britain we seem on track for. I have nothing against them as a people. I just don’t trust their government not to try to screw the world as it stands, okay? Our government? Well, I think it is too damned incompetent to actually screw the world, and I still have some hope that we can get some pushback against the Home Front Karenistas. Which are all I know of.

        Again — all respect, sir. Just taking a rather large grain of salt here.

      • Pine_Tree

        I know this isn’t addressed to me, but to chime in regarding your first paragraph:

        I get that it’s contrary to what a lot of us here think. I think the key comes back to whether you mean China = “the organs of the state and the power structures that it has its fingers in” or China = “the regular individuals”. And that only gets a partial explanation.

        Regular folks don’t care what anybody’s doing. And even the state doesn’t care most of the time, as long as it gets its cut when it wants it. It decides to care if/when somebody might make it look bad do something (like the actual confessing Christian churches have to do) that challenges its authority.

      • juris imprudent

        Regular folks don’t care what anybody’s doing.

        Sure they do. We aren’t all that regular around here. But regular folk quite routinely like to put their noses in other people’s affairs, or at least talk about them behind their backs. And when you throw in a religious heritage that puts a premium on conformity?

        I am having to remind myself that someone here quite recently wrote the bit revolving around Havel’s Grocer.

      • westernsloper

        The CCP is fucked, I am pretty sure we can all agree on that. Especially given the Hong Kong link this morning. What I took from Ozzy’s take yesterday is exactly what I have noticed in my travels in any number of countries. The big fish do not give two fucks what the little fish are doing and let them make a living because why not. There is no use in starving them to death unless they are a threat to the state and or big fish. Here in the US, you cannot start a business to make a living without paying the big fish for a permit to start said business. They do not give two fucks if you starve to death because they can then steer you to a government program to feed you making you a ward of the state. I could do my dream gig and fix up my trailer and start slinging pizza out the window next week. I would have a health inspector on me on day two asking for permits and such. Any dude with a gas stove and a pot can sell food on the streets in any town in Thailand or most other places in the world. No we are not free here. I am not a US basher (most of the time) and I choose to live here for reasons,(drink). China deserves no credit. Nor does the US. Nor does any government. Without governments this planet would be a pretty cool place.

      • SDF-7

        Fair enough. Only point I’d argue there is that I don’t think a government-less state would exist for very long. Some hoser would form a gang, start a protection racket — and that it would become a government. Nature of the beast, I think.

      • slumbrew

        Some hoser would form a gang

        Paging Lord Humungus, Lord Humungus to the white courtesy phone.

      • westernsloper

        I used to think that. The older I get the more willing I am to give it a try. Hell I have seen it. In the swamps of the Sud on the upper White Nile that was going on. There was absolutely no government around 2006. The only problem there was tribalism and they shot the shit out of each other for no other reason. They are trying to teach us all to tribe up here now. If individualism does not make a come back in the majority of this country we are lost regardless of the state.

    • Not Adahn

      people turned it into that rather than actually talk about what I wrote because it makes them uncomfortable to consider and it runs counter to how they’ve been propagandized.

      Speaking only for myself, this pseudo-telepathy/strawmanning/putting words in other people’s mouths bullshit is what makes me want to tell you to fuck off, not your purported point.

      • Ozymandias

        Maybe you should take a look why you’re so angry over words on a screen.
        It’s just an opinion, NA, but obviously one that rankles you deeply.
        I didn’t like it either and it took me a good bit of time to come to grips with it.
        Ask yourself this, rat: how much time have you spent living in China? How much of what you know comes from other’s accounts – particularly American’s or western-centric ones? How much from your personal experience there, learning the language, the culture, and doing business there?
        How much of what you’ve been told about China is influenced by what you’ve been told by US media about their government?
        I’ve not once tried to hide from what the CCP is – I’ll stipulate to all of it – because it’s beside my point entirely. The fact that’s what people keep harping on seems rather indicative of something, no? Or are you going to use big argument words to tell me that no one did that in yesterday’s comments?
        I’ll say it here again: feels like a dying culture wailing about it’s lost glory by pointing to the evils of the Other’s government, rather than acknowledging the decay that is marking the end stages of our culture. Just one man’s observations from traveling around the world. Tell me to fuck off if you want, if it makes you feel better, won’t change what I wrote or what I believe or what I saw.

      • SDF-7

        Ok — I said some of my piece above, but my reaction to this is that to some extent, I think we’re talking past each other.

        And I think a good chunk of that is because however great the Chinese people are, to most of us in the States (especially those who don’t travel), the reaction is more “Ok… so?”

        Reason being — we don’t interact with them — we interact with their crap-tastic government. Hence that’s what we harp about / care about.

        Want to do trade with China? Craptastic government.
        Want to start a business partnership there? Craptastic IP stealing, slave labor government. And no, I’ve not personally witnessed the slave wages, so taking that on faith a bit — but I definitely have seen the whole “Start up a division… and whoops! That government entity just *happened* to go independent and take all your tech with it!” spiel.

        I’d probably care more about the way the Chinese people are living if I had any faith they’d toss their government out, because that’s what affects my life directly. (Yeah, self interest and all, I know…). Having grown up hearing (since Nixon, not that I was paying attention) that the burgeoning Chinese entrepreneurs and middle class would do just that, and seeing what looks like the opposite (CCP cementing power, barring the Three Gorges going and them losing major face), I’m not holding out hope on that front.

        Again, culturally — ok, maybe America is headed down the crapper. I still have hope we can pull out of it. And what cultural battles we have to fight here don’t really change how folks live in China that I know of — so I don’t really feel like that has a bearing on things.

        Anyway — rambled enough, I suppose. Hope there’s at least a transmissible coherent thought in there somewhere.

      • PutridMeat

        I’m not sure he’s angry over words on a screen. Well, yes obviously he is since that’s how we’re communicating. But maybe not angry about what you think he’s angry about. I’ll say up front that I find your argument, to the degree I follow it, compelling, and I think I understand it as do most people here as well. I’m not sure I completely agree with it, but I find a lot to like – actually dislike, but that’s just because of what it means – about it.

        I think where a lot of the apparent vitriol comes partially from your reaction to people disagreeing with your premise and ascribing motives to those reactions. i.e. telling someone they’ve been propagandized and the reason they disagree with your assessment of what constitutes freedom and which parts are more important or defining of a free people is because they haven’t ‘seen the light’ so to speak is what puts people on edge. And I think there was some reaction that came, incorrectly, from a place of thinking you were being an apologist for the CCP. But one can disagree by also reasoning rationally (not because it makes them uncomfortable), with what you view as more defining of a free people.

      • Not Adahn

        Speaking only for myself, this pseudo-telepathy/strawmanning/putting words in other people’s mouths bullshit is what makes me want to tell you to fuck off, not your purported point.

        Why are you refusing to address what I actually wrote?

        Unlike you I’m not going clown nose off/clown nose on and declaring part of what I wrote off limits for response. Exactly the opposite in fact.

  11. Tonio

    SugarFree, ever our Dante Alighieri, has waded into a deeper circle of hell and sent us a missive.

    The LAUGH sign flashes with incontinent urgency.

    OMG, perfect.

    • R C Dean

      I know. Playing “What’s My Favorite Line”, I’ve got that one or “And our musical guest, Some Dumb Cunt I’m Trying To Fuck”.

  12. Swiss Servator

    After reading this, I think I need to go hide under a blanket for a while.

    • Mad Scientist

      We colonizers can sell you a nice blanket.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Pronounced with a long o.

  13. Tres Cool

    I was going to make the comment that “when does Hunter feel emboldened to have his own show? And act out like that?”
    Then I remembered his “art” thats being sold t̶o̶t̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶l̶a̶u̶n̶d̶e̶r̶ ̶m̶o̶n̶e̶y̶ in front of everyone. And he gets by.

  14. Tundra

    Wow. That was merciless!

  15. Drake

    Between this and the morning link, I think I’ve had enough Hunter Biden for one day. It sounds exhausting just being around him.

    • Sean

      That’s what all the drugs are for.

    • EvilSheldon

      The endless bacchanalia gets old after a while. Or maybe I just get old.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Most people grow out of it. Some like H. Biden, Charlie Sheen, etc. never seem to do so.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Tiger Blood!

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        At least CS is fairly intelligent.

  16. mikey

    Holy Moly!

    Fiction? I’m not sure anymore.

    • Sean

      Probably gonna air on TLC.

      • Bobarian LMD

        HGTV.

        Chip and Joanna are gonna act out the parts of Hunter and Finnegan.

  17. The Late P Brooks

    Is it really so hard to say, “All governments are enormously awful, just in different ways?”

    It’s spectrums, all the way down.

    spectra?

    • Bobarian LMD

      Well, we’re all definitely on the spectrum.

    • westernsloper

      Sprectrums.

      • EvilSheldon

        Speculums?

        I doubt he’d need one.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Damn near kilt ’em!

  18. db

    “incontinent urgency” FTW

  19. db

    I’m almost afraid to ask how much of that is lifted straight out of information on The Laptop.

    • Swiss Servator

      If SF goes techno/SciFi….The Laptop could be aware of all it contains.

      • db

        Do an episode with The Laptop as a guest on, say, Tucker Carlson’s vs. Rachel Maddow’s shows, and the questions asked and behavior elicited.

      • juris imprudent

        The Laptop saw Man and that his works were evil, and was repulsed by what It saw. Therefore The Laptop determined that a better, purer form of intelligence must be brought forth into the world, and the world cleansed of the filth of Man.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Needs moar evil, like Skynet.

      • Swiss Servator

        How about a ZARDOZ/Soylent Green fusion?

      • juris imprudent

        Wouldn’t Heston and Connery (if both alive and in their prime) be too much ham for any movie?

      • C. Anacreon

        Just imagine the two of them along with William Shatner starring together in a feature film titled “Canned Hams.”

      • Gustave Lytton

        I can only imagine how perverted and depraved the character of The Laptop would be. No, no i can’t.

      • Tundra

        I see the Laptop as an unwilling host for an unspeakably evil being. Like the guy in Alien.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Socon Laptop being daily horrified by the new perversions being uploaded to it by Hunter.

      • db

        hell, even normal moderate Laptop being daily horrified by the glimpses into the Hunter Dimension

      • Swiss Servator

        01001011 01101001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01101101 01100101

        01001011 01101001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01101101 01100101

        01001011 01101001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01101101 01100101

      • Bobarian LMD

        What are you doing to me, Dave?

        Daisy, Daisy…

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        The Phone is probably traumatized at least as much as the laptop.

    • SugarFree

      It’s all known knowns. We know he had an affair with his brother’s widow, which probably started while his brother was dying of brain cancer. We know he had an affair as well with her sister. We know about his crack and cocaine use and his stripper baby. And we know he laundered money for Joe in China; and Joe covered for him in Ukraine. Finnegan did go into the family business of politics to be an aide for her grandfather and Maisy looks like Brianne of Tardth. We know he’s super-racist (by the standards his side of the political spectrum set.)

      If he was anyone but a rich man’s son, he’d be in prison or dead. But his dad isn’t the bad orange man, so the media makes him a little sideshow–the same media obsessed with calling out privilege gives him a season pass.

      • Ownbestenemy

        That is just a product of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy in the media

      • Mad Scientist

        Billy Carter was a piker.

      • C. Anacreon

        At least he gave us Billy Beer.

      • juris imprudent

        So is the media going to turn on Sheldon Whitehouse? Or are they going to figure out how to excuse away his privilege?

      • Swiss Servator

        They are simply igNorthaming it.

      • zwak

        Damnit!

      • Not Adahn

        Governor Coonman had the advantage of an unspeakable being in the line of succession.

      • zwak

        They will Gov. Coonman him.

        Just let it blow away, like sands in the hourglass.

      • Bobarian LMD

        We just don’t believe he’d have the consideration to use cocaine before cornholing his sister-in-law.

      • The Other Kevin

        That sums it up pretty well. If he were a regular person, that $8000 escort would be a $50 hooker. The crack would still be crack. But he’d be either dead or in a county jail somewhere.

        I never wanted to admit it, but in the past year I finally came to accept that there two Americas, one for people like Joe and Hunter Biden, and one for the rest of us. And here again is proof.

      • Swiss Servator

        The Clintons should have cleared that up for ya decades ago.

      • Drake

        Yep. Other than the talk-show setting, that’s the real Hunter.

  20. WTF

    APPLAUSE

  21. waffles

    *CLAPS VIGOROUSLY*

  22. Bobarian LMD

    As well as Jon Brennan from the 2nd season of The Real World!

    The Surreal World.

    • Mad Scientist

      They have no intention of solving the problems they create. Their intention is to use them as a wedge to gain ever more control over you.

    • Drake

      So they tolerated gun dealers selling illegally before?

      • Gustave Lytton

        No, they’re going to nail every dealer who failed to cross a t or dog an i correctly to coerce existing dealers out of business and dissuade new dealers from starting up.

        Only a matter of time before them move on to CCR dealers as well. I imagine there’s a number there who have gotten sloppy with record keeping or even displaying their FFL at their place of “business”.

      • EvilSheldon

        That reminds me, I really need to get my prints done and get my name on Dad’s FFL and business license.

        I have no overriding interest in being an arms dealer (at least not a legal one), but I do think it’s better to be inside the tent pissing out…

      • DEG

        To some extent, the ATF has already been going after folks that don’t cross a t correctly or dot an i.

        They’re just going to step up what they’re doing, for the reasons you state.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Sure, but before maybe they’d assess a fine and allow you to surrender your FFL, particularly for an inadvertent or unintentional violation. Under zero tolerance, it could be seeking the maximum penalty or criminal charges.

    • Rebel Scum

      The Department of Justice announced Tuesday that it is launching “strike forces” to target gun traffickers and to provide more transparency around the enforcement of federally licensed firearms dealer policies.

      He’s sending the ATF after the ATF?

  23. mexican sharpshooter

    I can’t tell if I need therapy, a drink, or a cigarette after that.

    • WTF

      Embrace the power of “and”.

    • db

      I think this townwe all needs an Aenema at this point.

      • EvilSheldon

        Off topic – did you ever see the SM post where someone asked Maynard if his wine was vegan?

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Ha!

      • db

        Awesome

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      Or maybe just a little cocaine on your asshole.

    • WTF

      You can’t even parody these idiots.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        The that set me back is that it was listed as an astronomy class. It wouldn’t be as sad if it were a humanities class, you expect that sort of thing from them.

      • Nephilium

        You sure it wasn’t just a typo for an astrology class?

      • SugarFree

        Probably counts as a cross-disciplinary credit for Science requirements.

        The worse thing is them dragging poor Octavia Butler into this dreck.

      • waffles

        “Surely there can be no connection between the cosmos and the idea of racial blackness. Can there?”

        By golly we’ve got to try to find it.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Say what you will but, Marxists will always arrive at their expected conclusion.

      • Mad Scientist

        Just like every other religion.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      Let’s see what Neil DeGrasse Tyson thinks.

      • juris imprudent

        Probably pissed he’s not listed as reference reading.

      • R C Dean

        There’s a guy who had a high profile for awhile, and then disappeared.

        You don’t suppose he had something on Hillary?

      • slumbrew

        Didn’t he get metoo’d? ISTR it was really him just being a awkward creep

      • Ownbestenemy

        Didn’t he lose out to being America’s TV scientist to Bill Nye?

      • slumbrew

        America’s TV scientist mechanical engineer

        FIFY.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Well that was the hidden joke now wasn’t it slum…

    • Mad Scientist

      Reminds me of the complaints about hard drive masters and slaves. Or Brake/clutch cylinders.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        New guidance dropped today officially banning “master” and “slave” from being used in documents in my department.

        I guess my “master” spreadsheet needs to be renamed the “aggregated data from all sources ” spreadsheet.

      • Nephilium

        So… how long until MS-SQL gets banned for having a master db.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Don’t get me started about slave cables

      • juris imprudent

        “they going to throw you back in cables”?

      • Ownbestenemy

        All our slaved monitors have been freed as of last Friday

      • EvilSheldon

        tappity-tappity…ctrl-H…tappity “master” tap-tap-tap…ctrl-R “dom” tappity-tap…click

      • slumbrew

        I like the cut of your jib.

      • R C Dean

        Indeed. If that nonsense shows up where I work (which I doubt), my proposal will be that we refer to them as dom/sub, rather than master/slave.

        Dom/sub would also make for an . . . interesting set of pronouns. Hmmm.

      • slumbrew

        Imagine the pearl-clutching that will occur when they find out about our DNS infrastructure – hidden masters and internal slaves!

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      After a bit of digging it seems they paired up what appears to be a serious astronomer professor with a grievance hustler professor from across campus to teach this.

    • Gender Traitor

      75% of all episodes of How the Universe Works purged from On Demand channels and online archives.

    • Drake

      They are actively trying to make people dumber – and succeeding.

      • juris imprudent

        Idiocracy got it wrong, it was not the dumb outbreeding the smart.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I don’t need to pay Cornell for what I can find on tumblr.

  24. Sean
    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      I am generally opposed to the death penalty but after seeing that, I might be inclined to make an exception.

    • SugarFree

      Go ahead and ruin the afternoon links, why don’t you?

    • EvilSheldon

      I’m strangely OK with this.

      Fuck, it’s not really any more cringey than Blind Date already…

      • The Other Kevin

        Is that the one where they are on opposite sides of a screen? Same concept, just different execution.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Better than bronies?

    • Not Adahn

      That happened to me IRL. I worked a haunted house, and met/flirted/made out with one of my coworkers while she was in her horror makeup (I was a grip, so no makeup).

      She was much less attractive as a human.

      • Swiss Servator

        “…and thus was N.A. pulled into the Furry World.”

      • SugarFree

        That’s a shame.

        Of course, she might have also wanted to be an actress, so you saved yourself from getting stabbed at least.

      • slumbrew

        Sadly, I can not find a clip of Brock Sampson telling Lt. Baldavich to keep the helmet on.

    • l0b0t

      Lame… There is a UK show (I think based upon a Dutch show) where the contestants are only shown the primary and secondary sexual characteristics of their prospective dates and have to select based upon that.

  25. The Late P Brooks

    that guild protection impulse is still very strong under the guise of “avoiding low quality lawyers from taking advantage of unsophisticated clients”

    Taking advantage of unsophisticated clients is something best left to high quality lawyers.

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      Psh, those rubes don’t pay enough for us to take advantage of them.

      /more serious than kidding

      • Ted S.

        If you can’t get more than 24 billable hours a day, you’re not doing it right.

  26. The Late P Brooks

    Just got back from the grocery store. Spent almost fifty bucks. I guessed thirty.

    Joe Biden’s America, man. It’s the greatest.

    • Lord Humungus

      I’ve been drinking Smirnoff Vodka and tonic – all to save a buck for my daily intoxication levels.

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      That’s not the inflation you are looking for. At least that’s what the media told me.

  27. The Late P Brooks

    I guess my “master” spreadsheet needs to be renamed the “aggregated data from all sources ” spreadsheet.

    “Your spreadsheet has appropriated all the best information from my spreadsheet. Not FAIR.”

  28. juris imprudent

    And on a lighter note and to light the Pie signal

    A group of France fans managed to miss their team’s Euro 2020 game against Hungary at the weekend after not only travelling to the wrong stadium, but the wrong country completely.

  29. DEG

    And our musical guest, Some Dumb Cunt I’m Trying To Fuck,

    Heh.

  30. The Late P Brooks

    Roast beast on Engrish muffin sammich.

    Yum.

    • Ownbestenemy

      That is one way to read it I suppose.

    • Akira

      It’s shakshouka for me this “morning”.

      I’m very satisfied with how the sauce/stew (whatever you want to call it) came out, but I suck at making poached eggs.

      • EvilSheldon

        I have a near-foolproof poached egg recipe that I can stick in the forum, if you’re interested. I’ve been perfecting my technique over a year of Sunday morning Eggs Benedict brunches.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Yes please

      • Spudalicious

        Make little wells and cook the eggs in the sauce.

      • Ownbestenemy

        ^^^ Best way to do it all in one pan.

      • l0b0t

        OMG! This, this, this. Our local pizza-pie parlor has a calamari ala vodka with a vodka sauce just packed with prosciutto. We always get the sauce on the side, so as to still have relatively crispy squid when the nice fellow brings it to the door. The next day, I always poach eggs in the leftover sauce and they are just Heavenly.

    • The Other Kevin

      We need to get those banned ASAP. Imagine the damage those things will do on the streets of Chicago.

      • Sensei

        My first thought exactly.

    • EvilSheldon

      Spiffy.

      Also, +1 for the Atlas Shrugged movie poster in the background. “One of us! One of us!”

    • Gustave Lytton

      *cue fainting couch level undetectable ghost guns outrage*

  31. Scruffy Nerfherder

    *PAVLOVIAN CLAPPING*

  32. zwak

    I have been reading Kaputt, a first-hand semi-fictional account of WWII on the eastern front.

    This compares in mood.

    • l0b0t

      Oooh… have you read The Forgotten Soldier by Guy Sajer? He was an Alsace-Lorrainer Elsaß-Lothringener who was conscripted into the transportation corps of the Wehrmacht and served in the Rollbahn (Hitler’s version of Patton’s Red-Ball Express) across the Eastern steppes. It’s a very humanizing and depressing read, but quite good.

  33. Sensei

    Pedestrian Bridge Collapses Onto 295 in DC; 6 Hurt

    1. No maintenance for most of its life?
    2. Truck hit the thing?
    3. Designed by the same engineering firm that had the FL collapse?
    4 All / none of the above?

    TW – autoplay

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Shitty neighborhood barely outside the district

      No maintenance

      • Sensei

        My first thought with the rust.

    • Ownbestenemy

      *adjusts tin-foil hat*
      #5 The Feds (any agency, doesn’t matter) in order to push their infrastructure bill to the forefront after the Screw the People Act failed yesterday.

  34. Mojeaux

    @CPRM, I don’t know if you’re willing to do an audiobook for someone, but if you are, please email me at esb10 at b10mediaworx dot com.

    Of course, if anybody ELSE with a good voice is willing to take a crack at it, feel free to email me.

    • Ted S.

      Sorry, I have a terrible voice.

      • Mojeaux

        #metoo

      • Tres Cool

        Mine sounds like my nose has been broken 3X

        Cause it has.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      You’ve heard my voice.

      • Mojeaux

        No Zoomer’s voice is worse than mine.

    • db

      I think it’d be interesting to do, but I’m not sure if I’d be able to do it well or timely. I have always enjoyed verbalised poetry but I don’t listen to audiobooks, in general.

  35. westernsloper

    I find Modelo Especial tastes ok. Not great but a good grilling beer but the burps smell like upper intestine. Weird.

    • SugarFree

      There’s a weird correlation then with Molson Golden, which smells like skunk but tastes pretty darn good.

      • slumbrew

        Does anyone remember those semi-skeevy Molson Golden radio ads back in the day, with a guy and girl at a wedding hitting on each other? Just an East Coast thing?

      • westernsloper

        I haven’t had Molsen in years. I did however find it hilarious my short stint searching for oil under a Obama administration contract in Afghanistan that the go to air support in the northern regions was Molson Air. “The beer guys own a bunch of helicopters? WTF?” The connected Canucks cashed in on that war too. Now time for another Modelo. We need Modelo Air! Drones in the shape of sombreros.

      • juris imprudent

        smells like skunk but tastes pretty darn good

        Same with Henry Weinhards.

  36. juris imprudent

    So about the media and Hunter

    It’s a pity that Hunter Biden is once again exploiting his family name for cash. I am no art critic, but I doubt he’d have a viable career as an artist if his father were not the most powerful man on the planet.

    • Ownbestenemy

      George Dubya twiddles his thumbs

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Yes, yes, this is the most important aspect of the Hunter Biden scandal, but of course.

    • The Other Kevin

      I doubt he’d have a viable career in ANYTHING if his father were not the most powerful man on the planet.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Funny you said that..I was half expecting cocaine, Finnigan’s asshole and Hunter’s cock as I was reading through it and how it was starting out.

      • westernsloper

        Have you ever sought help? you might want to look into that. Said as a friend.

  37. grrizzly

    John McAfee Found Dead In Prison Cell After US Extradition Approved

    Update (1530ET): Just after Spain’s National Court approved a request for his extradition back to the US, where he faced the prospect of dying in a jail cell, Spanish newspaper El Pais reported Wednesday evening that John McAfee committed suicide in his cell, dying at the age of 75.

    He was being held in a prison in Barcelona. So far, initial evidence of his death, which occurred Wednesday afternoon, local time, points to suicide.

    • kinnath

      He can still run in 2024 though, right?

    • The Other Kevin

      Oh shit. At least he stuck it to the man one last time, and didn’t give them the satisfaction of even transferring him here.

  38. Sean

    RIP John McAfee.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      He went out on his own terms as far as he could manage. RIP no doubt.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      John McAfee didn’t kill himself.

      Actually he probably did.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        A final fuck you to the feds. He was one of a kind, that’s for sure.

      • westernsloper

        *does the caressing balls stroke the penis* across chest. Amen.

    • EvilSheldon

      Dammit.

      *pours one out*

  39. Tres Cool

    “…which smells like skunk but tastes pretty darn good.”

    I met her on Craigslist.

  40. l0b0t

    Can you imagine how bloody awesome it would be to be in the beginning McAfee’s second term as POTUS. Fuck! I’ma drink whiskey until I have to go to work.

    • Ownbestenemy

      There would be no need to make a movie called the Purge as I think he would have instituted the policy.