About The Author

CPRM

CPRM

Organic troll farmer.

160 Comments

  1. Ownbestenemy

    Standing ovation!

  2. Old Man With Candy

    Fucking awesome.

  3. Hank

    Ha ha ha ha ha, that’s a good one.

  4. Suthenboy

    Just hit me…tattoo girl from the last thread…is that woman Dr. Jill?

    • Ownbestenemy

      Heh. I will never see a presser with her ever the same.

  5. westernsloper

    Is Pine Barron a crypto I should be watching?

  6. db

    LOVE LOVE LOVE IT

  7. TARDis

    Rape you last.
    Small comfort.

    STEVE RAPE HAT THROUGH HAIR.

    As it should be.

  8. rhywun

    More, more!

    The pixellation had me in stitches.

    • db

      PIXELLATED PART STEVE SMITH HAVE MANY IN STITCHES BEFORE

      • db

        BY “HAVE MANY IN,” MEAN “CAUSE”

      • TARDis

        Having a lovely thunderstorm here. I want to stay up but it’s past my bedtime. Noisy, but the lighting is not too close. Needs more wind. I am sitting under the deck but my feet are still getting wet.

      • rhywun

        Storms north of me. C’mon, share the love.

        Looks like it’ll be here within the hour though. Might actually sink down into the seventies tonight.

      • hayeksplosives

        Zoiks!!

  9. limey

    Worlds collide!

    Pine barons ???

    • rhywun

      Meh. They’ll just take credit for raising the alarm so that good folks like Obama would be motivated to heal the Earth.

      • Chafed

        Wasn’t The Lightbringer going to heal the earth?

    • blackjack

      That’s great! I remember reading a list of doomsaying predictions way back in the early nineties. It was all about hitting peak resources, population explosions, climate changing and how we’d be lucky to make the end of the next century. It precisely mirrored what the press was howling about at the time. In fine print at the bottom, it was attributed to Napoleon. I imagine freezing his ass off scared him a bit.

      I grew up at Hollywood beach in Oxnard. I went to visit around last year. It is exactly the same as it was in the early seventies. Exactly, except they removed the iconic shipwreck.

      • Chafed

        Disney didn’t want any competition.

    • hayeksplosives

      What does your extra special title in the end credits of the video signify?

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        That I don’t do patreon but occasionally express my support using PayPal.

        That reminds me… it has been a while.

      • Chafed

        Trashy is being modest. It’s guy code for hung like a horse.

    • Chafed

      Exploitation achieved!

  10. hayeksplosives

    It’s open guitar jam at the local Moose lodge here in greater San Diego North County, and the Mister Splosives is playing bass.

    Unfortunately there is a guy attempting to play the dobro over the bass parts and he can’t count.

    Oh well, as long as they have fun.

    • db

      Cool. I pulled the guitar out of storage a week ago and am trying to pick up where I left off a couple years ago. Which was right about at “rank beginner.”

      • hayeksplosives

        Think “Slight edge” when you resume playing!!

      • Chafed

        This gal gets it!

    • hayeksplosives

      Saints preserve us.

      Now there is a saxophone.

      Sweet mother of mercy.

      • hayeksplosives

        Shit!

        2 saxophonists now.

        Where is Duke Sliver when you need him?

        These do not fit at a guitar jam night. It’s now “LOOK AT ME! IM LOUDER THAN YOU!!!!”

      • Gender Traitor

        Please tell me neither of them is soprano. 🙁

      • Tres Cool

        I knew what that was before I clicked.

        You glorious bastard.

      • Chafed

        I guess it’s open mic night.

      • hayeksplosives

        It was an opportunity to exercise patience and good will.

        That’s the kindest thing I got.

      • hayeksplosives

        It was an opportunity to exercise patience and good will.

        That’s the kindest thing I got.

    • Gender Traitor

      Bad open mic/open jam might even be worse than bad karaoke. At least the karaoke track can usually keep time.

  11. Scruffy Nerfherder

    *vigorous clapping *

    Well I almost royally fucked up this evening. Set off a teaser firework that was more powerful than expected. Even though I put decent sized rocks around it, it jumped and started shooting a few mortars sideways, fortunately away from the crowd.

    They went about seventy feet and exploded.

    Guess I’ll spend some time tooling up the launch platform before I do the rest. Got lucky once, no need to tempt fate.

    • hayeksplosives

      Glad you can still count to ten on your digits.

      Near-misses are terrific teachers.

      Good luck!

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Well this dad about shat his pants at the thought of taking kids to the emergency room for burn injuries.

      • Spudalicious

        I screw mortar tubes to a piece of plywood that’s clamped to sturdy saw horses. A cake should hold steady on that.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Good idea.

        I’ve never had one tip on me before, but this one was deceptively powerful for its size.

        My father would set off actual mortars (6 in) in the backyard when I was a kid. He had to get a state and federal permit for them. You could never do that today.

      • Spudalicious

        Did you get some fast fuse so the you could hook up some mortars in series?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Not that I remember.

        What I do recall involved a lot of booze and running for cover.

      • Shpip

        Pro Tip: never, ever injure yourself badly enough to require a visit to the ER on Fourth of July weekend.

        July 1 is First Day of School for medical residents. Blowing off a couple of fingers and going to the hospital (especially a teaching hospital) on the Fourth likely means that you’ll get treated by some kid who’s been on the job for all of three days.

      • Gender Traitor

        When the Reverend GT was still in training and completing a hospital chaplaincy internship, he drew ER overnight duty on the 4th of July. Came across a guy holding a wad of gauze to his face and found out the guy and his buddies had been sticking ladyfinger firecrackers in their noses (UNlit end, presumably) and trying to blow them out before they went off.

        Guess someone had been a bit congested that night.

    • rhywun

      Too hot for fireworks around here, apparently – and it looks like the 4th might be washed out.

      Sorry, annoying neighbors!

    • db

      Oh my. Liquid Nails and a big sheet of plywood (expensive now!) is your friend.

      Or screw ’em down, as long as you can do it without driving a screw into a powder charge.

    • Chafed

      Jason Pierre-Paul is that you?

  12. Spudalicious

    STEVE SMITH cameo! Nice!

  13. Tres Cool

    Is there a mid-week Zoom call or not? I have the night off, and Im not sure how much longer Ill be capable of standing.

      • Tres Cool

        Another sausage party.
        w/e

      • straffinrun

        Fine. I’m gonna kill that. You set one up and I’ll bring the babes.

      • Tres Cool

        really? “Invalid Meeting ID”

        Besides, you only bring asian chicks, and they squeak too much. Reminds me of my dog’s toys, and throws off my stride.

      • straffinrun

        I killed it. I’m out and about.

      • Tres Cool

        Just like Gojira !!

      • DEG

        Have fun, I gotta be up early, so I’m dropping off for the night.

  14. DEG

    Bedminster, NJ is kinda far from the Pine Barrens.

    • whahappan

      That was noted in the video, to CPRM’s credit.

  15. DEG

    Zwak, if you’re out there, from the last thread, I think it was Scruffy that posted most of the links about the LPNH drama. A post from Scruffy is how I found out about it. I know I commented because I know some folks involved through liberty meet-ups that I occasionally go to, but I really know very little and haven’t said much at all about.

    • zwak

      Ah, got it.

  16. rhywun

    It was when we started googling the symptoms that the penny dropped: my son was going through menopause.

    Hoo boy.

    • db

      nope

    • Tres Cool

      I’m pretty drunk, which means I make poor decisions like sending dick pics to ex-wife, poking fun @ Straff, and reading tripe like that.

      “Apart from that, the only side effect is potential bone brittleness from a loss of calcium, so we’re being vigilant about ensuring he’s keeping up his vitamins.”

      Well, at least she’s a responsible parent, amirite ?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      She’s so proud.

      I guess I should be proud when my kids self-amputate or dose themselves with horse hormones.

    • Chafed

      I feel for that kid. She/he is going to need a hip replacement at 30.

    • rhywun

      The great thing about America is that we can tell powerful elites like that to go fuck themselves.

    • Tres Cool

      The money shot?
      “Reparations had two components: The first was atonement, and the other was monetary,” he said. “With no doubt whatsoever, it was supposed to come from the government representing the people of the country. It was reimbursement, or recompense if you will, for the harm.”

      Bob? I dont know you, or your family, or your business which is clearly an exploiter of a certain demographic. Go fuck yourself.

      • Chafed

        The “interesting” part is this guy is a real entrepreneur who saw an undeserved market and cashed in. I’m genuinely astonished he said this.

      • Tres Cool

        He knows what side of his bread get the butter.

      • Chafed

        Sadly, that’s probably right.

    • Gustave Lytton

      A year ago I would have agreed unreservedly.

      • Chafed

        I know what you are saying and I still don’t think it will happen. How will Team Blue sell this to every non-white ethnic group in the country? The tax increase will be huge.

      • Chafed

        Imagine double digit inflation. It isn’t going to happen.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I don’t think it will be a straight up checks handed out, nor do I think it will be a one time clean slate thing. It will be cover and compromise to enact more racist continuing programs, with opportunities to skim for connected people. Plenty of room to reel in other historically disadvantaged groups. No Irish need apply.

    • slumbrew

      When I saw the description I thought, “I wonder if that’s gonna be Ciara?”.

      You have fine, fine taste. She’s aces.

      • slumbrew

        I need her on Hot Ones and I will be the happiest Glib.

      • Tres Cool

        “Ciara O’Doherty”
        Can you possibly be more irish?

        Thats like a jewish broad named Shoshanna Goldstein.

      • slumbrew

        She’s exceedingly Irish – all the good stereotypes:
        – hot
        – funny
        – easy-going
        – likes a drink

      • zwak

        Even back in my drinking days, I think she could put me under the table.

        Awesome woman.

      • slumbrew

        She barely raises an eyebrow when doing shots of Everclear. I’m still in my drinking days but I know I couldn’t keep up. Hard-core.

      • Tres Cool

        Oh Id try to keep up
        Even if I lose, I still win.

      • slumbrew

        I didn’t say I wouldn’t try…

        She’s hall-pass territory. I’m not sure if I get one, but my chances are probably (marginally) better than the current hall-pass, Salma Hayek.

      • slumbrew

        *more than one

    • l0b0t

      Sigh… I’m mad for her as well. Drinking absinthe – “I feel like I should have a quill and be writing erotic poetry.” Brian replies – “A will. You should be writing a will.” Ciara – “An EROTIC will.

      • Chafed

        Good job.

        His tweet isn’t working on my phone.

      • straffinrun

        This.

        It depends, of course. But I’ve known many people—women and men—who had sex with adults when they were 13 and never regretted it.

        Should the adults in those situations be locked up?

      • nw

        and still no mid-week zoom… worst. chatroom. ever.

      • PieInTheSky

        Drawing is weak. Start sculpting marble.

    • PieInTheSky

      13 is kinda young if you ask me although there are probably precocious ones out there… Just stick to the half your age plus 7 or whatever it was

      • TARDis

        I’m okay with closer to your age than your eldest child.

      • TARDis

        ADULT Child, that is.

    • nw

      I mean, it’s not shabbos

  17. hayeksplosives

    So I had a reasonably good evening with the spousal unit: took him to the moose lodge for gutter jam, including carrying in the equipment like a roadie; packing up when it was done and taking us to the local golf club where he assigned me duty to get rid of a lying c&nt who wanted to pretend to book him musically.

    Then drove us home after that and helped him play more than he has in a year by bringing his binders of tabs and lyrics .

    It was great. He was jazzed about getting better again.

    Then I started getting ready for bed. No problem but I didn’t know where the keys to his car were but knew he’d want them tomorrow.

    He asked what I was looking for and I made the mistake of telling him. He then ranted at me for 15 minutes until I found them in his pocket where he put them upon demanding them from me when we got home.

    No apology, no cute joke.

    I said “You’re easy to love, but you’re hard to live with.”

    Stay tuned for upcoming episodes of whether Hayek kills her hubby, makes peace, or just kicks him to the curb.

    Pretty sure I’ll be ok in any event.

    • hayeksplosives

      /rant over

      That was my “dear diary” therapy. No need to respond.

      Happy 4th, y’all!

    • rhywun

      That URL is something else. At least the headline of the actual article is a little more honest.

    • TARDis

      Clearly protocols were followed and pursued, but something happened in that containment vehicle that should have not happened and we don’t know why,” the chief said. “We intend to find out why.

      Will there be medals for “competence” all around to go with the impending disability checks?

    • TARDis

      Angry Swedish girls? Nice.

  18. Gender Traitor

    Good morning, Glibbies – early morning (from my POV) posters and lurkers alike! Vacation’s over, and it’s back to work for me today. Month- and quarter-end reports and likely a million e-mails await. Today’s commute will be in a downpour, but maybe folks will actually drive more carefully for a refreshing change of pace. Of course, only two days of work before a three-day weekend, so I can take it.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Howdy GT Sean rhy and all ya Glibs out there, a nice looking day ahead. Im working Monday, but double time!

      • Ownbestenemy

        Same here..working Monday. Unlike the rest of FedGov, we have shit to maintain so you all getting on planes get to your covid superspreader events.

      • TARDis

        Thank you for your service. 🙂

    • rhywun

      Now that our heat wave broke I was going to go in to the office but I said fuck it. I’ll go in Tuesday.

      • Gender Traitor

        Are you Ubering in when you work onsite? I presume public transport is still a masquerade.

      • rhywun

        Yeah, no. I can’t afford that. And yes, it is still a masquerade and it sucks balls. I have to frequently reach up in there and wipe off the sweat and wet breath.

      • rhywun

        *For reference, the bill for my Uber to the office to cart my workstation there, with tip, came to $105. I didn’t pay that one.

  19. Tres Cool

    suh fam

    whats goody

    • Gender Traitor

      So far ::knocks wood vigorously, bruises knuckles:: all the traffic boo-boos on 75 are on the NB side and north of my get-on, so I got that going for me.

      In other traffic news, there’ll be warrantless-hassling-of-drivers checkpoints (plural!! WTH??) in our fair township tonight, locations TBA. So BOTL for where & when and avoid them going in to work.

      • Suthenboy

        Check points? Checking for what?

      • Gender Traitor

        Ostensibly for sobriety, but they’ll probably be snooping around for whatever else they can find.

      • Tres Cool

        Oh, Ill be jailed for sure. Not for being drunk (I do that in the morning) but for being an obnoxious asshole. Specially if Im trying to get to work.

      • Suthenboy

        I haven’t seen those here in 20 years.

    • Festus

      The worst part of the heat wave broke. It’s less than room temp outside but we had massive thunderstorms roll through last night. Parts of BC are burning but I don’t smell any smoke, yet. Our surprise Blue Jays have mated and have fledglings at the feeder. I have three days off in a row and lotsa beer.

  20. UnCivilServant

    Morning GT, Yusef, Rhywun, sean, TARDis, and anyone I missed.

    I got in 5.3 miserable miles in. I figured “Hey it’s coll enough out, lets get a walk in before the day heats up.”

    It was close to 100% humidity, so none of my sweat evaporated.

    • Gender Traitor

      Mileage: great! Humidity: bad! Like getting hit in the face with a warm, wet towel. Treat yourself to a cool shower.

      • UnCivilServant

        The best part is that I am not “collapse in my chair exhausted” as I have been after some walks in the past (even shorter ones)

      • Gender Traitor

        That’s wonderful! It’s a sure-fire sign of progress! 😀

      • Festus

        Ugh! The big site was like a sauna last night. 80-90 inside and wet. That old building won’t cool off until September.

      • Gender Traitor

        🙁 Stay hydrated (besides just breathing the air.) Find one of those spray bottles with a little fan on top.

      • Festus

        I’m in constant motion and we have water coolers that deliver the refreshing.

    • TARDis

      Congrats, though. Is 5+ your new standard?

      • UnCivilServant

        I don’t know. I had a few gaps of not getting out lately.

  21. zwak

    I hate insomnia.

    • zwak

      Oh, and good morning.

    • Ownbestenemy

      I get bad bouts of it ever so often, especially when I am about to travel.

    • Gender Traitor

      Insomnia does indeed suck. Many of us here empathize. ::ponders posting link to Fifth Dimension song “(Last Night) I Didn’t Get To Sleep AT All” yet again, decides to refrain::

  22. Ownbestenemy

    Morning all. Teen #2 is going to get a rude awaking this AM. We have gone to “your dishes, wash what you as an individual used, before bed” model

    He has been told 2 days in a row by his mother and the pot and wooden spoon is still in the sink. Mom is going to ape shit with those two items at 5:30am when she wakes up.

    My regret is I am not there to witness

    • Festus

      SEND STEVE SMITH! HE SCARE HIM STRAIGHT!

    • Sean

      She won’t livestream that for you?

      Sad!

      • Festus

        Ooooh! Record and save it for his Wedding rehearsal!

    • TARDis

      My daughter’s standard MO is to show up after we’ve cleaned the kitchen and make her own dinner. I say nothing to avoid a fight with my wife who will inevitably take her side. XX has gotten a bit better about cleaning up after herself, but still needs prodding. Son stays up late, has his third snack of the day. I just turn a blind eye in the morning. He’s gotten (even more) self-absorbed since getting his first job. He used to be a bit helpful. Not so much anymore.

      “Do I want to be right? Or do I want to be happy?”

      • UnCivilServant

        I often predict bad things. So I hate being right… except I also love being right, expecially about facts.

        What kind of ‘right’ are we talking about?

      • TARDis

        I think kids who are living rent free with all adult expenses paid, should do more housework than me or my wife. Plus they should do it without being told. My wife does not see it that way. I guess I’m just selfish.

      • Ownbestenemy

        This is a kid who I laid into because he was supposed to provide his work with his summertime co-parenting schedule and procrastinated like a teen does.

        Tried to make a claim that he is so busy (talking with some girl in AZ and playing video games). I loudly reminded him his mother asked for a week straight if he’d taken care of it.

        So this is a pattern that asking and sternly reminding hasnt resolved. Getting pots banged in your room is just the natural progression.

        Next is dumping dirty dishes on his bed.

  23. Sean

    Good morning everyone.

  24. Festus

    My retail site was broken into last night. Hasn’t happened for six years. Back then it was the coins and stamps that they were after but now that they are a package sorting plant, the targets have probably evolved. Still waiting on details but they probably came in through a window.

    • Festus

      Wood but we’d both have to be almost incoherently drunk and then I’d need to gnaw my arm off come the morn.

    • TARDis

      *SMDH*

      On the plus side: Some youthful wisdom.

      It’s only going to get worse as more and more of my generation miss out on motherhood and turn to other “interests” to fill the void that was meant for family.

  25. Sean

    Oh, and kudos to CPRM.

    • Festus

      How rude of me! Yes to that sentiment!

      • TARDis

        +1
        Yesterday was a great SF/CPRM 1-2 punch.

  26. Tres Cool

    Im off to see my VA doc to give them yet another chance to kill me.
    Typical bureaucracy- its taking them forever to get the job done.

  27. rhywun

    Elon Musk praises China’s economic progress on Communist Party anniversary

    Dude.