A Miner’s Tale

by | Jul 12, 2021 | Fiction | 182 comments

 

Tales of the Belt

 

The first Rule of ‘roid mining is Never shit where you eat, I’m getting ahead of myself. sorry. We all started as share miners for, you guessed it, Amazon. The deal was quite good at first, we made some big finds and were able to buy many of our ships from the A and go independent, but when they saw us becoming competitive, that’s when the shit hit the exhaust.

 

  When the A began seizing our ships and customers’ cargo, we got pissed right off, but when they began blockading us, that’s when we began the Alliance, Amazon Delenda est! Like many in the Alliance, we knew we had to run to the belt to keep clear, that’s when we found out the harsh truth. You see, when we had to move, we Miners jumped ahead and cleared some interior space in some of the larger ‘Roids for our newfound friends, aired them up and waited.

 

  Upon arrival the people needed raw materials for, well  pretty much everything, and with a large ‘roid at hand why not mine it? With a Free market economy and some skilled labor we were off and running, small city ‘roids and quite a few smaller towns, then it happened…

 

 Rocky asteroids are largely intact remnants of ancient proto planets being crushed by constant contact, and now reside at an L point between Jupiter and Mars, that’s why we call it the Belt.

 

 We can carve out the interiors of them and make fine habitats, but never mine them. On 07/21/2202 we suffered our first failure, there was an asteroid wide fracture that went undetected, and while clearing a shaft for new housing, the entire left side of Kentucky blew apart, scattering 900k souls amongst the stars, we learned, Don’t shit where you eat.

 

 In the beginning mining was very difficult, we used raw extraction methods and had to drive one large mass all the way back to  Luna for processing, now with small scale elemental separators it’s just tag, bag and wait for a sale, and we have lots of customers.

 

 Our latest customer is a Discoverer, name of Cat something, anyway he’s got a 2b find for us to play with and some backup, so maybe some fun ahead, Pirates? Bring it on, CCP? We’ll see, they are tough. We are going in first to establish points and a base, then wait, again, let’s see how this plays out,

 

 

About The Author

Yusef drives a Kia

Yusef drives a Kia

Punctually illiterate But never late

182 Comments

  1. westernsloper

    From the links:

    The protests seemingly started in the central Cuban city of San Antonio de los Banos……

    Same goes for space?

    • Ownbestenemy

      Nothing new under the sun as the saying goes

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Exactly my entire premise, this time at least I have a storyboard….

    • The Hyperbole

      Saint Tony of the Shitters, is a odd name for a city.

  2. Hyperion

    “but when they saw us becoming competitive, that’s when the shit hit the exhaust.”

    You not compete with the Smeagol. De precious, de precious…

  3. Ownbestenemy

    Enjoying it! Love the mixed references because well, I can see humanity following the paths set forth by decades of Sci-Fi imagination and our own past of progressing through new territory.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Bezos will die in a fire, I promise,

    • Hyperion

      Maybe in this novel. While back here on Earth, regressing back to living in caves and flinging poo at each other like monkeys.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        It’s not over…

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        that’s how it works…..

      • Hyperion

        Let’s just call that period of time ‘The Great Regression’. Writing is on the wall, bro. Although it is possible that the Chinese can use the West as slave labor if there’s any smart enough to work in the fields. But I think we’ll be more useful as plant food.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        It’s a possible future, don’t get too caught up in the Fiction, it’s just a story,

  4. Hyperion

    “the entire left side of Kentucky blew apart”

    It could take decades to clean up all that baccer and shine.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Lesson, learned
      /Belter Bob

    • robc

      Thats my restin place being blowed up.

      /I still cant believe Im gonna be buried in Christian Co.

      • Hyperion

        Ah, the woke part of KY. It’s realy purty south of Bowling Green. Never been to Christian County. I’m more familiar with the other side, you know, over there with the baccer and shine, coalmines, Hatfields and McCoys, Appalachia, and all that.

        “I still cant believe Im gonna be buried in Christian Co.”

        And after, If you’re lucky you might hitch a ride on the New Madrid train during the next big one.

      • robc

        Anything west of the green river might as well be Missouri.

      • Hyperion

        It might be, after the next big one.

        When I was working in eastern KY, building houses on the sides of mountains, I met a kid there we hired who’d never been out of the county he lived in and like me, he was in his early twenties. Nice kid and hard worker, unlike a lot of people we hired there. A lot of them didn’t last more than a day or two because they just wouldn’t work. Seriously.

        I remember one guy, we were setting trusses, which required all the man power we could muster because we did not have any cranes. And I was thinking someone is missing, so I look over and this guy is sitting on a stack of plywood and one of the guys walked over and said ‘What are you doing?’. So he says ‘I’m restin’. LOL. It would either be that or they’d bring some whiskey and drink on the job, be too drunk to work by noon.

        Anyway, so I made friends with the kid I first mentioned and me and him went to Lexington. I can’t remember exactly why, just for fun, I wanted him to actually go somewhere. I had first suggested Cincinnati because that’s where I actually lived, but that scared him too much, crossing the river, like being in a foreign country. Probably Chinamen and stuff over there.

        And I truly met some crazy mofos there. But of all the irony, the craziest person I ever met there was from Lorain Ohio and he’d come down there after the steel mill he worked in laid him off. That guy was psychotic and I think dangerous, I just learned to avoid him.

      • Brochettaward

        I can’t remember exactly why

        You know exactly why. You left out the part where the kid refused to let you give him a blow job and gave you a black eye as he fled your vehicle.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        Wow, speaking of mendacious cuntes. Pot, meet kettle.

      • Hyperion

        “Wow, speaking of mendacious cuntes.”

        Nah, it’s just Broccolitard. He’s OK, he just can’t help it sometimes, he thinks it’s funny I guess.

      • Hyperion

        White supremacists!

  5. Suthenboy

    What a day. I finally got a lawn mower…much bigger than I wanted (24HP, 54″ cut) but that was all that was available. I finally got my ace mechanic buddy over to fix my jeep, bought a new battery for it, got the shopping done. Now if it will quit raining I can cut my grass. Next is a new washing machine.
    I am off to bed y’all. Good night to all and have fun.

  6. wdalasio

    Sorry to go OT fairly early, but I don’t know if anyone remembers the story about the Georgia Sec. of State’s underling who basically made up a Trump conspiracy theory from whole cloth. I was doing a little bit of research on her and found this interesting if unflattering profile of her. Honestly, I have to wonder if there’s something more than a purely professional relationship between her and Raffensperger. The guy was pretty obviously looking to build a political career and he’s pretty much tossed it away. And the prima donna behavior sound a little….strange.

    • Hyperion

      She sounds fun.

    • Gustave Lytton

      None of it is surprising. I’d be surprised if she wasn’t bonking her boss.

      • creech

        With a name like Fuchs, she is probably boinking him too.

    • rhywun

      ??

    • wdalasio

      Fifth, some of the world’s best scientists believe that global warming will be beneficial rather than harmful.

      This is the thing I’ve never really seen much addressed. And it has mostly occurred to me intuitively. Historically and geographically, warm weather is largely associated with easy living. It’s places and times that are cold when life is nasty brutish and short. Why warmer weather in this specific instance and none of the others would be disastrous is far from clear.

      • Hyperion

        “warm weather is largely associated with easy living”

        That’s not what they want for the unwashed masses.

        ” It’s places and times that are cold when life is nasty brutish and short”

        That’s what they want for the unwashed masses.

    • blackjack

      It just sucks that all of the big lies they have been trying to foist upon us for all of these years didn’t serve as a warning that would prevent the masses from buying the latest scam.

      • Hyperion

        The education system was infiltrated to turn the USA into a nation of idiots, this started as early as the 1920s and 30s. First at the university level, but then it slowly spread to and completely took over K12. And it succeeded beyond their wildest expectations.

  7. Brochettaward

    From the Daryl Cooper link in the PM links, I’m glad that he highlighted the most damning fact that came out from the whole gloating over the “fortified” election. The people behind that effort had angry mobs ready to go into the streets and riot if things didn’t go their way somehow.

    In case of a Trump victory, the same organization had protesters ready to be activated by text message in 400 cities the day after the election. Every town with a population over 50,000 would have been in for some pre-planned, centrally-controlled mayhem. In other countries we call that a color revolution.

    The same people who breathlessly cried insurrection a month and a half later over some Trump supporters taking a stroll through the Capital were all in on political violence if an election they had worked to rig didn’t go their way. And they didn’t just admit that. They gloated over it. They were proud of it.

    • The Hyperbole

      taking a stroll through the Capital

      You are a mendacious cunt.

      • Brochettaward

        I’ll gladly categorize what happened on 1/6 as a peaceful stroll compared to the bullshit pulled by leftist organizations throughout 2020. The Capital building still stands last I checked.

        I also really enjoyed your Jesse Ventura routine earlier of just asking questions about the Tucker Carlson spying story, you filthy, yeast infected, pus-pooled cunt.

      • leon

        Stop, stop!!! Can’t you two see you’re tearing us all apart!?!

      • The Hyperbole

        At least you’re admitting to being a mendacious cunt, I guess that’s a start. Maybe next you can work on your low self-esteem.

      • DrOtto

        Get a room, you two.

      • Brochettaward

        There can be no peace between Firsters and an undesirable like The Hyperbole.

      • Hyperion

        “You are a mendacious cunt.”

        I myself found that to be rather strong words, for the sin of Bro was like ‘meh’.

      • blackjack

        C’mon. That’s way closer to the truth than calling a full feontal assualt on our very nation. An absolute inssurection.

      • The Hyperbole

        I’ve said it time and again, it wasn’t an insurrection it wasn’t a bunch of lookie-loos, It was an unruly mob of Larpers who beat up a few cops/guards, broke some windows and trashed some offices. I don’t know why that is so hard to accept for both the “OMG Insurrection”-isttas and the “They Dinnit Do Nottin'” folk. I guess lines were drawn and people took their stand, and they’ll be damned if they are the first to blink, regardless of facts.

      • blackjack

        Well, the vast majority of those did enter yhe capitol casually strolled in with fighting, broke nothing and walked peacefully through. Many were invited in by the police. Not one seems to have lifted a finger to implement a plan to overthrow the government. So, when every major media outlet describes the event, they are lying. If someone calls it strolling through the capitol, they are not in the vast majority of cases. Sure some few of them fought cops and some few broke things. It was a minority of them, a samll minority.

      • hayeksplosives

        This is exactly how I see it too.

        Not even Nancy Pelosi believes it was a true coup attempt.

      • Hyperion

        “Dinnit Do Nottin”

        Good grief, what a butchery.

        It’s ‘dindunuthin’.

        Geez….

  8. Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

    This is not off-topic:

    I now possess a medical preparation that will turn my ass into the booster rockets of the space shuttle. It says “Gastrointestinal Lavage” on the label, but we all know that just means “four litres of ass-bomb fluid”:

       https://www.glibertarians.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/Blaster.jpg

    Let us consider the various ingredients that go into this miracle of modern medical technology.

    First, there’s the biggest single ingredient: PEG, or polethylene glycol, with a molecular weight of 3350. In the past, I have used PEG with similar molecular weights to do things like prevent cut wood from drying out and “end-checking.” This will not be what it’s gonna do to my end in a couple of days.

    Then there’s sodium chloride (common table salt), potassium chloride (common table salt for people who have to be on a low-sodium diet), sodium bicarbonate (yeah, that won’t give me gas) and sodium sulphate (anhydrous, fairly guaranteed to release large amounts of gaseous sulphur compounds). Oooooh, and let’s not forget the ingredients that have been added to make this prep taste good (read: just not quite awful enough that you want to hurl immediately upon drinking the first glass): Magnasweet 185, sodium saccharin and pineapple flavour.

    Doesn’t saccharin give you cancer? What the Hell is “Magnasweet 185” (and what were the first 184 Magnasweets?)? And why pineapple?

    Those who have gone before me in imbibing this elixir of the gods have told me that it is the punishment that the medical fraternity imposes upon us proles for having the audacity to need the medical equivalent of a borescope shoved up one’s fundament. If the GI specialist has to suffer, so do we.

    I can hardly wait. Liftoff in two days and counting.  ?

    • blackjack

      Did you ass-k your doctor if it was right for you?

    • Hyperion

      “First, there’s the biggest single ingredient: PEG”

      OK, like I’m outta here, I ain’t into that!

    • Hyperion

      “In the past, I have used PEG”

      OK, OK! That’s enough, sicko! Keep your peggings to yourself!

    • rhywun

      What the Hell is “Magnasweet 185”

      Sounds like a character from a forgotten Blaxploitation flick.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        *chuckle*

      • Chafed

        Lol

    • rhywun

      But think of how clean you’ll be up in there.

    • rhywun

      PS. It doesn’t give you gas. It just makes you lose complete control down there.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Without knowing the rest of the context, I might pay for that experience based on your description.

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        I *am* paying for this experience.

        Dave Barry once wrote of his experiences with whatever they were using to clean you out back then, and he opined that the lavage actually caused his colon to travel into the future and get rid of food he hadn’t eaten yet. He also thought that a seatbelt to keep you strapped down during the more “accelerized” portions of the experience would’ve been a good idea.

      • rhywun

        Yeah, you’ll be surprised how much junk is in there.

    • Mojeaux

      I will be your compadre in preprocedural preparation soon.

      Look at it this way: Propofol is a helluva drug.

      Sadly, Hyperion beat me to the pegging joke.

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        Sorry, Moje.

    • Timeloose

      Take some advice from a experienced traveler. Go with a liquid diet for a a day before and day of the cleansing.

      It will make things go a bit more “smoothly ”.

      • rhywun

        liquid diet for a a day before and day of

        Yeah, I remember that’s exactly what’s prescribed.

        I shudder to think of not following it.

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        In fact, the procedure has a multi-page info pamphlet that lays out your food and drink choices for six days prior to the procedure; I’m on Day 4. It’s changed a bit since the last time I had to do this, when I was required to do no solid food at all for three days prior. Now it’s a light breakfast (toast, clear coffee or tea) the day before, and then nothing else solid until after the scopin’ gets goin’.

        Blargh.

    • pistoffnick

      “…make this prep taste good…”

      The taste was the worst thing for me (shudders in remembrance)

      • rhywun

        I vaguely remember mixing it with apple juice which helped, though that was the first time and it was a powder.

        The 2nd time it was liquid and there was nothing I could do to make it palatable. I don’t remember what it tasted like; I probably blocked the memory.

      • kinnath

        white grape juice was barely tolerable

        green tea was a bit better

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        Yeah, the instructions specifically forbid adding anything to the mixture. I assume that would bugger up its electrolyte balances.

      • Timeloose

        Mine was basically an entire container of miralax in two 32 oz Gatorade’s.

        Can’t drink Gatorade anymore.

        First time was a gallon jug of basically salt water and four ducalax pills.

        I thought I was going to need to go to the ER during that one. I found a new doctor the next week.

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        Good Lord, that sounds like your docs were doing some kinda DIY prep creation.

    • Not Adahn

      And why pineapple?

      Because you’re supposed to drink it while eating pizza, duh.

  9. Yusef drives a Kia

    A nice start, maybe a lesson or 2, I forgot About my dioramas, Color Wheel!
    Watercolor and alcohol pigments, really fun,
    https://photos.app.goo.gl/hkVx14vHqG5DfX5x5
    Look Closelier,

    • straffinrun

      That is funky.

    • hayeksplosives

      Very cool!

    • db

      cool!

  10. Timeloose

    Yusef. I’m liking the vignettes. One part captains log another 1st person narration.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Thanks, I’m learning, there is plenty more,

      • Hyperion

        I’m jealous. I want to be an artiste, but like I got no talent. *haz a sad*

    • hayeksplosives

      I am digging all of the changing narrator perspectives. All giving glimpses of the Big Picture, and leaving a few gaps for us to fill with our own imaginations or with questions of “And then what happened??!”

      The idea of Bezos dying in a fire ain’t bad either…I hope it’s his own pride and over-confidence that does him in.

      As First Mate Andrei Bonovia said to Captain Tupolev in The Hunt for Red October “You arrogant ass. You’ve killed us!”

  11. Gustave Lytton

    I think I shouldn’t have bought that tall can. Almost bee bye beddeo time and I haven’t finished the minis.

  12. Hyperion

    I’m starting to think that Charles Manson did not actually die in prison and that he’s now running the federal government. If you first do not succeed at starting a race war, get the government involved. All that time in prison, Manson was inventing critical race theory. Anyone got a better explanation for this insanity?

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I wouldn’t be surprised at this point, powder dry, Eyes up, Jeez,

  13. straffinrun

    Correction: mentioned in the zoom that I had seen that some of the dudes in the “We’re coming for your children” video by that gay choir had been outed as having pedo convictions. Looks like that was fake or at least unproven. Just a heads up on that.

    • straffinrun

      Oh, and thanks for the story, Yusef.

  14. Hyperion

    What’s next for Haiti?

    No worries! Listen, America’s back! Democracy has been saved!

    All we need to do is send Harris down there to explain to them that’s not real communism! In the USA, we’re going to do real communism this time. But don’t come here! Don’t you go to the United States now! I mean until you’ve signed this pledge to vote real communism forever. #RealCommunism

    • Brochettaward

      the deeper problems of a country where the presidency has become a business, not a duty.

      Yea, nothing like in America…

    • one true athena

      I like that the link is “murder elections”. Sounds like a fun new way to #Democracy!

    • Gustave Lytton

      Waiting for the apologist piece pining for the days of Duvalier.

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        At least he made the train run on time.

  15. egould310

    Watching one of the shittiest greatest movies I’ve ever seen. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glitch!

    Real crapola. Lots of boobs, though. And Isaac, your bartender.

      • Brochettaward

        But that is a black woman’s leg on the cover! A black woman had never been allowed in a Hollywood film before 2016’s Hidden Figures.

      • Chafed

        It’s got Julia Nickson in it so at least there’s that.

    • Brochettaward

      You know it was completely mandated from up top that the picture for this featured an androgynous looking blob passing as a female officer.

  16. Hyperion

    Wokeness ruins everything. For realz.

    So, I don’t watch TV really. That’s my wife’s thing. But I do occasionally watch a film or series with her because she’s doing it, I’m off work, and so…

    Anyway, last Friday evening she says to me ‘hey, you want to watch this with me, I can start it over, I’m only on the 2nd episode?’.

    So I say sure and joined her.

    So she’s watching this show ‘The Iron Fist’. And then I saw the Marvel logo and I thought, uh oh. But I decided to just chill and ignore that.

    And so that series starts off pretty cool. Good story, pulls you in. That went on for the first 2 episodes, if I remember correctly, and then all of the sudden they turn this new superhero into a woke drug warrior. WTF? Yeah, if there’s anyway these fucktards can ruin the enjoyment of anything, they will.

    • UnCivilServant

      Woke Drug Warrior

      Snowflame? No, wait, he was a DC property.

    • Chafed

      That’s unfortunate.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Aw, heck. Loved that series.

      • Tundra

        It was great. Most of us loved Markie Post, though.

      • hayeksplosives

        And Bull.

        Well, pretty much all of them.

      • Tundra

        Yes.

        Better than Cheers. Not as pretty as Friends. Seinfeld gave it a hell of a fight.

      • hayeksplosives

        Hear, hear.

        The problem I had with Seinfeld is that, while there is no doubt it was funny, none of the characters were like able. They were a bunch of neurotic, selfish New Yorkers who pretty much deserved everything that happened to them.

      • Chafed

        Some of us still do.

  17. straffinrun

    Which is/was more suppressed by the corporate media: allegations of election fraud or “misinformation” about COVID?

    • Gustave Lytton

      Election fraud? Some of the previously labeled Covid misinformation is at least now if not accepted, then at least given consideration rather than being dismissed out of hand.

      • straffinrun

        Probably true. It’s a lot harder to hide COVID numbers given it’s global and they can’t bury counter narrative info like they can with election shenanigans.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Not just that but elections and politics in general are all about lying and the basest means to seize power. There’s some, mainly in the limelight, who wish to do the same with covid but a much larger share in that than politics that are actually trying to follow Diogenes (despite the emoters who are unhappy when their prior assumptions aren’t reinforced).

    • Tundra

      Covid.

      Not even close.

  18. hayeksplosives

    I am going to use this nice quiet forum, when everyone is asleep, to go on a rant. Kind of like a congresscritter on CSPAN giving impassioned speech to an empty chamber.

    I was trying to read a news article in a normal non-woke newspaper (online) and it made a reference to “people of color”. Even though I’ve heard that phrase thousands of times, this time was the limit for me—ENOUGH!!

    Person of color. What a terrible phrase. Let me count the ways:

    1)Reduces socio-political issues to literally skin deep.
    2) Is non-specific. Many times POC is meant to imply non-European ancestry. But often East Asian (oriental) people are excluded by the speaker’s intent.
    3) Is an ugly phrase. Person of color doesn’t roll off the tongue.
    4)Is inherently racist. How do we get beyond racism if we emphasize race all the time?
    5) Misses the point of actual disadvantages. Black kids who grow up fatherless in the projects are definitely at a disadvantage compared to kids in the affluent suburbs. But not all black kids grow up with that. Look at Obama: raised in Indonesia by a white mom and Asian stepdad, then in Hawaii. Went to good schools. Yet he co-opted the POC identity to get votes of “people who look like” him.
    6) Isn’t even literally true. Is Meghan Markle really “colored”?
    7) I have a color. It is beige, but it’s a color.

    • hayeksplosives

      On point 7, it reminds me of some awkward phrasing I saw at my old Minnesota job. There was a flyer inviting all employees who were “multicultural”. They meant black, but it sounded like you’d have to be some multi-ethnic mix to attend.

      So I attended. It was amusing. When they tried to explain that they meant multicultural, I kept asking logical and deliberately literal questions until I got them to admit that what they meant was anyone who wasn’t white.

      I’d probably be reprimanded for that nowadays.

      • rhywun

        Part of the problem with all this is that the left has got whitey so terrified of being called a “racist” that they will walk on eggshells all day long to “be the good guy”. (Yes, Americans are so horrible that the vast majority don’t want to offend anyone. Tricky bastards!)

        Methinks they’ve overplayed their hand this year, though. Demanding to raise your children with explicitly racist propaganda and then telling you you have no right to watch or even know what you’re teaching them… yeah, no. When you’ve lost Loudoun County….

      • EvilSheldon

        It gets worse than that, ironically. By demanding that all white people admit to their own racism, and giving them no way to extirpate that sin, the woke movement is creating a safe space (to borrow their language) for actual racists to fester and grow. If I’m doomed to be a racist forever, I may as well be hung for a wolf as a sheep, so pass the clippers and white boot laces…

    • Sean

      #4.

      All day long.

      • rhywun

        Re: that one.

        We don’t. That’s the point.

    • Not Adahn

      I wrote about #4 in an article here. PoC by definition centers wypipo. Yts are the only race that gets their own category, and everyone else is lumped together as “not the only race that matters.”

      Ditto any other categorization that defines itself oppositionally without regard to its own traits.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, U – and Sean, if you’re still about.

      Continuing to feel better, I hope, U?

      • UnCivilServant

        I just got back from the grocery store. It was a regular visit where I went in and wandered around for the items I needed.

        I then got sad that this counted as a praiseworthy achievement.

        But I guess it means I’m still on the right track.

      • Gender Traitor

        Please don’t be sad – you ARE recovering from surgery that removed a small but “mighty” organ from your guts, and muscles that you use for walking got cut through and stitched up. So yes, you ARE on the right track. 🙂

      • UnCivilServant

        Well, some time today or tomorrow I have to go and get blood drawn. I’m not particularly in the mood to get poked with another needle, but I can’t weasel out. Maybe tomorrow rather than today.

      • Gender Traitor

        I don’t blame you for dragging your feet. You got quite enough of that sort of thing last week.

  19. robodruid

    Good Morning All:
    Looks like we are going to be struck by the “office of the future” Which means that you have to “reserve” a cubicle to work in.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, robo. That concept sounds like a nightmare. You can’t leave ANYTHING in a workspace that you can call your own??

    • rhywun

      “Welcome to ______corp. We hate you.”

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Interesting, an idea that’s actually worse than the open office concept. Hopefully it doesn’t catch on.

    • Sean

      Write your name on a piece of paper.

      Stick it to the wall with a large bowie knife.

      *reserved*

      • UnCivilServant

        That’s a good way to get a good knife stolen and lose your job.

      • Not Adahn

        You never use a good knife for that sort of thing.

      • UnCivilServant

        And why would you buy a bad knife?

      • Not Adahn

        To post notices. Haven’t you been paying attention?

      • UnCivilServant

        Nope.

        I’ve been vegetating and watching Chopped.

      • UnCivilServant

        I didn’t expect to actually use discovery+ as much as I have…

      • Sean

        +1 made in Pakistan.

      • Akira

        Haha, when I was a teenager, some friends and I used to go to this flea market and get cheapass knives and other weapons that we thought looked cool. They were all Pakistani and cheap as hell. I still have some of them laying around. One of them was actually kind of cool because it had a sort of hooked pommel on it, so I could spin it around on my finger and do tricks.

        Still have a few of them laying around. They’re good for when I need a knife that I don’t care about messing up.

  20. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam

    whats goody

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, homey! No accidents along my commute route so far (knock wood,) so I think I can face the day. Howzabout you?

      • Tres Cool

        Ive got some things to do this morning, so despite having last night off, Im blind, stinkining, sober.
        I need to get it over with and fix that with the 30-pack sitting in my fridge.

        Happy Commute- the news says the only jam-up is on I-70 east and I know that aint you.

      • Gender Traitor

        ::refreshes Channel 7’s interactive traffic map:: Still good. And I flip on the radio as soon as I get in the ol’ Subaru so I can hear the latest from Sgt. Mark.

    • Festus

      Judi and the girls managed to make it to the camping spot before dark! No mean feat because it is an up-hill hike over 12 miles. That’s Goody! We’ll see what the rest of the next week brings.

      • Gender Traitor

        That’s a relief! How’s Judi’s arm (wrist, IIRC?)

      • Festus

        Okay so far, apparently. I’m getting second-hand news because there’s no service up there. I think they are checking in once a day through emergency phone. Fingers crossed.

      • Festus

        Not goody – witnessing a vagrant lady shit in the alley at work yesterday. It’s out of control here. She didn’t even wipe. Just dropped trou and sprayed like a cow, pulled up and tottered upon her way.

      • l0b0t

        Hot! Also, I’m glad Judi and the girls carried on with the trip.

      • Festus

        Me too! It’s kind of been a big deal for awhile. Sucks to be out of contact for so long though. For all I know they’ve traipsed off to Jamaica and are getting rogered like in those documentaries.

  21. Sean

    Apparently I drunkenly blissfully slept through quite a thunderstorm last night. I was told it was so boomy it shook the house.

    Well, apparently it shook enough to make a clock fall from the wall. It broke upon falling. *frowny face*

    It was a cheap clock, but it still matched the room.

      • Sean

        Damnit.

        I saw that as soon as I clicked. Colors. Matched the colors.

      • Festus

        Carpet, curtain.

    • Gender Traitor

      It really tied the room together.

      • Sean

        Last one in stock and I got it.

        Yay.

      • Gender Traitor

        Nice! Good looking clock indeed!

      • Festus

        We have something similar but the fucker doesn’t keep accurate time.

      • Tres Cool

        You did it before I had a chance to type it.

        genius !

      • Gender Traitor

        ::takes a bow::

  22. Grosspatzer

    https://www.mlb.com/news/2021-mlb-draft-day-2-complete-coverage

    Journalism is truly dead. From the article:

    A “Long Island, N.Y., native, Steinimetz is attempting to become the first Orthodox Jewish ballplayer to reach the Major Leagues.”

    A writer for the official site of Major League Baseball apparently never heard of Sandy Koufax.

    • rhywun

      Maybe Sandy was Reformed. Splitting hairs is all the rage these days, after all.

      • Gender Traitor

        Hasn’t baseball always been about finding the most obscure, specific statistics possible? An autistic savant’s dream. (I leave it to you guys to decide what kind of dream.)

      • Tres Cool

        At my age, the dreams are dry but my farts are wet.

      • Grosspatzer

        It’s all about the euphemisms. Balls, bats, grounders in the hole, driving it in the gap…

    • Not Adahn

      Will he have the little curls hanging out of his baseball cap?

      • Festus

        That’s where the “foreign substance” lives.

  23. Sean

    Derp.

    Not for the faint of heart.

    • Festus

      That’s beyond mere Derp. That’s Hurk.