What if our ancestors looked less like this…
I wrote this a few years ago, just dug it out for a fresh look, and thought the Glibs might find it interesting. Consider this: We humans differ from our closest relatives in many ways, but perhaps one of the most curious is the degree of sexual dimorphity; that is, the degree in which the sexes differ. Male chimps, bonobos, and especially gorillas are much larger, more powerful, and heavier than the females. Human men are on average larger and stronger than women, but the difference is less marked.
Which leads us to the question, how would human society be if humans had evolved a social structure like gorillas? How would human society look today if men were harem-keepers, if they were half again the size of women, if they had to compete and challenge each other for possession of wives and property?
In the following, I offer speculation as to how one such challenge might take place.
***
Dick examined himself carefully in the restroom mirror.
People generally considered Dick a pretty decent-looking sort of guy. He had a wonderfully heavy jaw, with a thick beard covering his receding chin. His nose was wide and long, with large nostrils flaring away from broad cheekbones; his eyes were startlingly dark, almost black, and deep-set under a heavy, shaggy brow. His hair was dark, heavy, tightly curled, and only slightly thicker on his head than on his chest and back. He stood a good, healthy six foot seven inches, and weighed in at two hundred sixty pounds of rock-hard muscle; he took pride in being almost two inches taller than average, and a good twenty pounds heavier.
He grinned at his reflection. His canines were strong, white, and interlocked evenly. Dick was proud of his teeth; when he was a boy, his father had retained a good dentist to make sure Dick’s teeth came in evenly. His upper canines were almost two inches long, a good half-inch longer than average.
“Ready for your big night?”
“I guess I am at that,” Dick answered, turning to see his friend and partner Pete standing behind him.
“You think you’re going to win, do you?”
“I think so. Where we at on the Pfitzner account?”
…And more like this?
“About ready to close. I figure we’ll have a contract by Friday.”
Dick looked back at the mirror, straightened his tie. “Good. We need it.”
They left the restroom quickly, striding down the hallway towards the office they shared.
The building that housed Dick and Pete’s business, Associated Factors, Ltd, contained only the one restroom. There was no “men’s room,” as no women worked. Anywhere.
“So, how many wives does this guy have?” Pete hadn’t yet tried a formal Challenge; his voice was full of curiosity.
“Six. Hey, don’t look at me that way,” Dick protested. “I can support six. Hell, if we land the Pfitzner contract, I can support eight.”
“Better you than me. I’m not ready to leave the Lodge yet. I’d rather keep my money for now; I’ll try a challenge when I’ve got my first million in the bank.”
“Better not wait too long.”
Dick remembered all too well when his father had finally lost a challenge; Dick’s mother and his father’s other four wives had stayed behind when Dick’s father had been forced to leave his estate that same day. Dick had been sixteen and of age, so he chose to stay with his father when he moved back into the local Unmated Lodge, but the old man was never the same after that.
Now, ten years later, Dick’s father was dead, and Dick had lived in the Lodge long enough. Now, ten years later, Dick was preparing to do exactly the same thing to a middle-aged man that lived a few miles from his office building.
Six months had gone into choosing a target for his challenge.
The man’s estate was conveniently located within a short drive from Dick’s business, in an area with good schools for Dick’s sons, good access to markets. His wives were all young and pretty; the tallest of them would come almost to the middle of Dick’s chest. It was unusual to find a woman that tall; Dick was a big man.
Best of all, the man – his name, Dick had learned, was Steve Andrewson – had some gray hair. He was forty-four, a few years past his prime; while he was still tall, strong, in fine fettle, Dick thought his chances were excellent. Andrewson had a broken upper canine – the icing on the cake; all men placed great stock in their great teeth. The broken tooth would diminish Andrewson’s confidence.
So, Dick had filed the legal papers, retained a process server, had Andrewson served with a Challenge Writ, and sent his second – Pete – to arrange the time and place.
The time was to be seven o’clock that evening; the place, Overton Park, only a mile from where he stood.
The day dragged by endlessly. Dick made the phone calls he had to make, met with his accountant, and had lunch in his office. He lingered at work until almost six-thirty.
Finally, there was a knock on his office door, and Pete stuck his head in. “It’s about time. You should get changed.”
“Yeah.”
Dick stood up and removed his jacket, hanging it carefully on a wooden hanger. He took off his tie, removed his shirt, and took off his shoes and socks. He took off his trousers and folded them neatly, while Pete carefully packed all of Dick’s clothes in a garment bag he’d brought along for that purpose.
The traditional Challenge outfit was simple; a heavy, hard rawhide breastplate, leather leggings, a leather clout, studded leather sandals; the rig dated back thousands of years. Dick had only bought his the week before, and the leggings were still stiffly new. He laced them on last, jumped up and down a few times to get the feel of everything.
“Everything OK?”
“Yeah,” Dick agreed. He bared his teeth at his friend. “How do I look?”
“Terrifying. Let’s go, wouldn’t look good to be late.”
They weren’t late, but Andrewson was, by almost half an hour. When he finally arrived, climbing out of a van driven by his second, he looked about cautiously before stepping into the field to face Dick.
A doctor and the local Challenge Judge was waiting for them, clad in his traditional blood-red robe. A few yards away, a small knot of younger men and a few small boys gathered to watch.
The Judge began by issuing the formal notice. “Richard Michaelson of Border Township, you have extended a Formal Challenge for Hearth and Home to Estate Master Stephen Andrewson, also of Border Township. Mister Michaelson, do you acknowledge the issue of this Challenge?”
“I do,” Dick snapped.
“Stephen Andrewson, you have been served with a legally binding Formal Challenge. You understand that in the event of your loss, your Estate, your mates and other assorted chattels and holdings, with the exception of personal clothing and other effects of a personal nature, will be forfeit to the Challenger?”
“I do,” Andrewson said softly.
“Seconds, are you prepared to render assistance and first aid as required, short of interfering in the Challenge itself?”
“Yes,” both men agreed.
“Very well,” the Judge said, stepping back. “You may begin when ready, gentlemen.”
Dick and Andrewson faced each other, staring; unconsciously bracing themselves up, they tilted their heads back to stare imperiously down their long, hooked noses at each other.
“You’re late,” Dick snarled, baring his canines.
“I’m here now,” Andrewson snapped back. Dick noted the broken tooth when his opponent bared his teeth. “You want to give up now?”
“No, not hardly.”
Andrewson dropped into a crouch, and Dick followed suit; the two men began circling, slowly, making threatening growls deep in their throats.
Suddenly Andrewson leaped, catching Dick off guard, as he slammed into him, chest to chest. Older, Andrewson was still surprisingly strong; he sank his one good canine into the thick skin on Dick’s right shoulder, making Dick screech in pain and rage. Dick managed to get a grip on his enemy’s leather breastplate and fling him away.
He stood, breathing hard, as Andrewson slowly got up. He could feel blood trickling down his chest; it wasn’t a good start.
“You want to quit now?” Andrewson was taunting him.
“No. Let’s do this.” The circling began again.
Andrewson lunged again, but Dick sidestepped. He lashed out with a rock-hard fist as Andrewson passed, catching him on the shoulder. Andrewson spun and grabbed, but Dick leaped forward, inside the arc of his opponent’s swing, and fastened his great teeth in the flesh of Andrewson’s inner arm. He tore away a strip of skin and flesh as Andrewson howled in rage.
Dick spat out the strip of flesh. He could feel more blood now, running down his face, but the blood wasn’t his this time. “You want to quit now?”
Andrewson snarled again, blood still showing on his teeth.
The two men circled some more, gauging each other carefully.
Dick examined Andrewson carefully as he circled. His arm, the one I bit, it’s on the same side as his broken tooth.
He lunged suddenly, slamming into Andrewson head-on. He slammed his heavy, hard-boned forehead into Andrewson’s nose, shattering it; Andrewson gasped. Dick caught Andrewson’s shoulder in one hairy-knuckled hand and spun the older man around, slamming a knee into Andrewson’s kidney as he turned.
Andrewson fell to one knee. He lashed backwards with a fist, leaving a red welt on Dick’s thigh. Dick balled both fists into a cantaloupe – sized ball and crashed them into Andrewson’s neck. The older man fell into the bloodstained grass, spitting blood.
He tried to get up, once, and fell back.
“Do you yield?” the Judge asked softly from a few feet away.
“Steve,” Andrewson’s second spoke up, “You must answer.”
Andrewson hawked, spat blood into the grass. He nodded.
“Yes,” he finally gasped. “I yield.”
Dick threw back his head and roared his triumph to the sky.
His blood was pounding in his ears, and his shoulder ached where Andrewson had bitten him; he’d have to get something on it as soon as possible. Bites tended to get infected. He turned to the Judge.
“I claim my rights as victor,” he announced.
“Be it known,” the Judge announced, “That Richard Michaelson has defeated Stephen Andrewson in a Formal Challenge. Stephen Andrewson, you have twenty-four hours from this moment to remove yourself and your personal effects from the Estate now belonging to Richard Michaelson, said Estate being twelve-oh-two Forest Parkway, Border Township. Do you understand these requirements?”
“Yes,” Andrewson muttered, still on his hands and knees, staring at the grass.
“Here,” Dick said, extending a hand to the older man, “Let me help you up.”
Andrewson took the proffered hand, clambered to his feet. “You’re a good, fast fighter,” he acknowledged.
“I’ve practiced. You’re not so bad yourself.”
Andrewson shook his head. “Well, I’m finished with it now. Tell you the truth, it was bound to happen sooner or later; I’m not a young man any more. I’ll move my stuff into the Unmated Lodge first thing tomorrow – is that all right?”
“Yeah, that’s fine,” Dick grinned. He couldn’t begrudge the man one last night with the wives that would be Dick’s from now on.
They were shaking hands when another man walked up, a man Dick didn’t recognize; he had a piece of paper in his hand.
“Are you Richard Michaelson?” he asked.
“I am,” Dick acknowledged.
“I’m Lawyer John Richardson,” he announced. “I have been retained by Peter Oscarson to serve you with this Notice of Immediate Challenge, signed and registered this eleventh day of May. Do you accept this Notice?”
Dick’s jaw dropped open. He looked over to his best friend and second, Pete, who was stripping off his flannel shirt to reveal a rawhide breastplate. “Pete, are you serious? This isn’t some kind of joke, is it?”
“I’m afraid not, old buddy,” Pete grinned, baring his own canines. “I went with you to look at your new Estate, remember? I like it about as much as you do, and let’s face it, Dick, I couldn’t take you unless you were already worn down a little bit. So…”
“Is this legal?” Dick demanded of the Judge.
“It is,” the Judge replied. “It’s not generally done any more, but the Assembly has never outlawed the practice.”
“Well, you son of a bitch,” Andrewson muttered. “This was your best friend?”
“He was,” Dick growled. “He was. All right, Lawyer Richardson, I accept the Challenge.” Under the law, the recipient of a Challenge had to either accept or forfeit his holdings to the Challenger. “I assume you’re acting as second?”
“I am,” the lawyer replied.
“Well, isn’t that nice.” Dick turned to Andrewson, who was bent down with his hands on his knees, spitting blood into the grass. “This is going to sound crazy, Andrewson, but…”
“Would I act as your second now? After you just took my home and wives away from me?” He glared at Dick, then glared harder at Pete and his lawyer. Pete was removing the rest of his clothing to reveal the Challenge outfit he wore under his business suit. “Well, I’ll tell you what – I’ll do it. A formal Challenge, well, I did it to old Henry Morganson, and now you’ve done it to me, but it was all fair and above-board. But this…” He motioned at Pete contemptuously. “When you’re injured and tired…. Yeah, yeah, I’ll do it.”
“Good.” The two men shook hands again and turned to face the Judge.
“Peter Oscarson of Border Township, you have extended an Immediate Formal Challenge for Hearth and Home to Estate Master Richard Michaelson, also of Border Township. Mister Oscarson, do you acknowledge the issue of this Challenge?”
“I do,” Pete answered, a nasty grin on his face.
“Mister Michaelson, you have been served with a legally binding Formal Challenge. You understand that in the event of your loss, your Estate, your mates and other assorted chattels and holdings, with the exception of personal clothing and other effects of a personal nature, will be forfeit to the Challenger?”
“I do,” Dick barked.
“Seconds, are you prepared to render assistance and first aid as required, short of interfering in the Challenge itself?”
“Yes,” the lawyer answered. Andrewson nodded, wiping the last remnants of blood from his jaw.
“Very well,” the Judge said, stepping back. “You may begin when ready, gentlemen.”
As the circling began again, Dick appraised Pete carefully. He was a good four inches taller than Pete, and thirty to forty pounds heavier; through the normal horseplay that went on at the Unmated Lodge, he knew he was stronger. But his thigh ached from the blow landed in the first fight, and he could still feel blood running down his chest from the bite.
Pete feinted to his left, aiming his fangs at Dick’s wounded shoulder. Dick dodged away, swinging a fist at Pete’s head, and missing.
He’s fast, Dick thought. He’s much faster than he ever let on in games.
Pete feinted again, quickly, dancing back as Dick grabbed at him.
He’s trying to tire me out by making me jump around, Dick thought.
Dick stood still, only turning as necessary to face Pete.
“You’re going to have to close, Pete,” he taunted his former friend and partner. “You can’t win a Challenge by dancing around.”
“I thought I’d let you bleed a while longer, first,” Pete grinned.
“Come on,” Dick growled. “Bring it. You wanted this.”
“Be patient, buddy,” Pete laughed.
The circling continued.
I’ve got to make him close, somehow, Dick thought.
Both times he’s faked, he’s faked towards my injured side.
Dick leaned his injured shoulder a bit away from Pete as they circled and dragged his right foot a little. He watched Pete’s eyes.
Pete’s gaze flickered towards Dick’s dragging foot. His shaggy brow rose a bit, just a bit. Pete looked at Dick, bared his great teeth in a snarl. Dick snarled back, showing his own great teeth, a good inch longer than Pete’s.
Pete danced to his left suddenly, striking with both fists at Dick’s injured shoulder. Dick pivoted only slightly, taking the blow on his breastplate. He let out a grunt of pain, a bit louder than he really felt. He lashed out at Pete’s head with one fist, missing deliberately. Panting, he snarled again, blowing froth and a bit of blood at Pete.
Circling again, and Pete stared hard into Dick’s eyes. Pete was growing more confident, noticeably, by the moment.
Which was just what Dick wanted.
Dick let out an intimidating roar and lunged, grabbing at Pete’s breastplate. He caught hold of the smaller man and threw him, but he held back, just enough that Pete could stay on his feet. Before Pete could recover completely, Dick rushed him, fangs bared, fists swinging wildly; he let Pete sidestep, and took Pete’s blows on the hard rawhide armor across his back. He swung as Pete drubbed on his back armor, catching him with a fist on the side of the head, but he pulled the blow.
They separated, began circling again. Pete was grinning openly now.
Any moment now, Dick thought.
Pete lashed out suddenly, striking again with balled fists, this time at Dick’s jaw. Dick stepped back, let Pete’s fists pass his head, and neatly stepped into the swing, grabbing Pete’s arm at wrist and elbow. He turned, taking Pete’s arm over his shoulder, and pulled, neatly snapping Pete’s arm at the elbow. The joint separated with a horrible cracking sound, drowned out by Pete’s screech of agony.
The two men separated; Dick stood tall, glaring down at Pete as he crouched, cradling his wrecked arm.
“Do you yield?” the Judge asked softly.
“Well, Pete?”
“Yes,” Pete almost whispered, acknowledging the obvious.
“Be it known,” the Judge announced, “that Peter Oscarson has failed to defeat Richard Michaelson in an Immediate Formal Challenge. Richard Michaelson retains all rights and privileges of Estate.”
“Wait a minute,” Dick snapped. Several sets of eyes turned to him. “I claim rights of the Challenged.”
“What is your claim?” the Judge asked.
“Peter Oscarson owns one-half of the Border Township business Associated Factors, Ltd., and I claim rights of the Challenged to his half of that business.”
“You have that right under the law,” the Judge said, “But it’s not normally done.”
“An Immediate Challenge to a wounded opponent isn’t normally done, either,” Dick snapped.
“Very well. So ordered; Peter Oscarson, you will yield all claims and holdings pertaining to your ownership interest in Associated Factors to Richard Michaelson. Under the law you have twenty-four hours to fulfill this order. Do you have any questions?”
“No,” Pete ground out through clenched teeth.
“Very well. Gentlemen, are there any other matters to take the Judge’s time today?”
Dick, Pete and Andrewson all shook their heads.
“You will receive formal notification of all orders by noon tomorrow, then,” the Judge said, “and I wish you all a good evening.” He turned and strode off the field, his assistant trailing along behind. The waiting doctor came forward now and knelt to examine Pete’s arm.
“Well, Pete,” Dick snarled, “You really blew it, didn’t you? I’ll be generous, though; I’ll give you forty-eight hours to get your crap out of the office. Since your arm is broken and all.” Dick knew that Pete’s shattered elbow would never heal completely; his chances of ever owning an Estate of his own were all but non-existent.
“Oh, thanks, old buddy,” Pete gasped, an edge of sarcasm coming through the pain in his voice.
“Steve,” Dick turned now towards Andrewson, “How’s your schedule? I need a partner now. I can’t run Associated all by myself.”
“What?” Andrewson looked thunderstruck.
“You heard me. You’re second VP at First Federated Savings and Loan, right? Does that leave you enough time to help out in another business? I bet you could buy into half of Associated, couldn’t you? I’ve just taken over half of the shares, as it happens, other than the half I already owned.” The two men stood, staring at each other for a few moments.
“Let’s talk about it,” Andrewson said at last. “I’m free for lunch on Friday.”
“Me too. I’ll call you.”
Pete’s lawyer was helping him into his van now, Dick noticed; they’d be heading to the local hospital to have Pete’s broken arm set. The doctor came now to look at Dick’s shoulder. Dick removed his breastplate so the doctor could more easily see the bite.
The doctor shook his head. “I don’t know why so many of you insist on biting in these fights. It’s the worst thing in the world for infection.” He poured some antiseptic on a gauze pad, dabbed it on the bite marks, and slapped a bandage on the wound. “Come see me if that starts to swell, or if you notice any unusual pain or discharge. You’re young and healthy. If it doesn’t get infected, you should be fine.”
“All right.”
Dick flexed his arms; the bite wound hurt, but it wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle. He’d have a bruise on his thigh, and several on his back, but he’d had worse in the rough-and-tumble Games put on every weekend at the Unmated Lodge.
“Not a bad day,” Dick said softly, looking at the torn-up grass of the field. “Not a bad day at all.”
Eh, I’ll take humanity.
Well, me too. But this was intended to provoke discussion. And it would seem to have done so.
It was excellent for that. Good story overall
Bravo! Author! Author!
I watch a lot of nature shows and the big takeaway for me is “I am super glad I’m not any of these creatures.”
(I’ll have to read this during lunch later – it looks fun.)
Yes it is. Thanks Animal!
Great story.
Thanks for sharing.
My wife and I are fairly fit and I weigh almost exactly half-again what she weighs… Just sayin.
My rule is that you should be 30-40% less weight than your girl. Also, she should be 1/2 your age +7 in years.
And in my case, it helps if she’s moderately bipolar with latent “daddy-issues”.
LOL
Sounds like a lot of estimates and math at the singles bar…. But with those standards, you can be my wingman if I’m ever single again.
The pickin’s are thick?
That’s what I was thinking Drake. Not quite, but pretty close.
square/cube relation is real
Mrs. Dean is extremely fit, and I weigh within a few pounds of half-again what she weighs.
She is also stronger than I am by many measures (having to do with weightlifting and general exercise).
But, I could take her in a fight. I know this because we have done a few light martial arts exercises, and she lacks the instinct to close and kill.
Good story. Well told. A couple of twists that were rewarding.
That was a cool tale Animal, almost like Dogs with sentience,
#BrokebackEstateManagement
Your comment about sentient dogs reminded me of this.
Old Don Johnson movie…
A Boy and his Dog
Good article. Maybe a bit too much imagery with the leather and dudes fighting…..
But it posits an interesting question, since we’re all still animals, and essentially (mostly) hairless apes- what if we behaved as such ?
“He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man”.
I think we do behave as such. I think language just affords us the ability to be a bit more subtle about our direct action.
Just look to the prison population. Humans treated as animals will once again find their calling.
At lot of the employees at work have spent some “time in”. And their non-stop paranoia and body language towards other people (that Ive seen) makes me agree with you. A friend of mine, a Psy.D was big into “non-verbal communication”, and while I think that about 80% of it was BS, since we’re still primates and social animals, Id say 20% of the “tells” she told me about were probably right.
It’s not too far under the surface. But as waffles said above, in many ways we’ve just found different ways to express it.
In a world where most guys will never get a chance to have sex with a woman…
Read that in the movie voice guy…checks out.
I could read that in such a voice, and know it is true…It would sell the performance.
Maybe a bit too much imagery with the leather and dudes fighting…..
I like movies about gladiators.
And that hanging fastball is driven over the centerfield fence.
Have you ever been inside a Turkish prison?
https://youtu.be/ogEtfIdgjpY?t=441
Oops..NSFW language
Only an Animal would write this!
” Man is a reed, the weakest of nature, but he is a thinking reed. It is not necessary that the entire universe arm itself to crush: a vapor, a drop of water suffices to kill him.” – Blaisé Pascal
Gorillas dont have guns. Were our society like that of gorillas it would shortly work it’s way right back to where we are now. Despite our relative cleverness the laws of evolution still apply.
I vaguely remember reading that the King of the Pride, after only three years limps and has scars all over his face. About that time another lion takes over. I am with Rhywun, I am glad we dont live by the rule of the fist. I prefer being a thinking reed.
My apologies Penguin, you said the same.
Nothing to be sorry for, Suthen. It’s a story that gets you thinking about that kind of thing.
And if the apologies are for calling me Rhywun, well, I’ve been called worse.
Nah, he said the same. I was just scanning the comments and missed yours on the first go.
Rhywun is a good egg.
?
https://youtu.be/hnl3N1RQedE
I’ve always wondered how the statue of liberty ended up in Malibu.
Obligatory fake video.
https://youtu.be/QxYmm5yCJBg
This reminds me of mid-century SciFi. Well done, Animal.
How do men acquire wives from the pool of girls?
Short answer: “I don’t know.” But that would be an interesting sequel.
Based on the
I’d assume there is some sort of public information about harem status that wimmen can obtain and… audition for.
However,
Makes me a bit worried for them as they age. Maybe there are geriatric harems where geezers keep old broads that younger men aren’t interested in claiming?
*Chef’s kiss*
The DA is a white woman – so this is obviously racism too. Just not patriarchy.
My “Lovely” hometown. I’m guessing about a 100% chance that this is the Dem machine wanting her out for whatever reason.
This.
I think she lost the primary. I can’t recall whether she was planning on running as an independent, the way the Buffalo mayor is.
Meh, I don’t think anybody should be busted for either selling drugs or having a rifle. The child endangerment is just the cops piling on insult above the injury. In her case, she’s a douchebag and anyone who’s in politics should know not to fuck with this kind of stuff. It’s way easier for them to steal money than to risk it all like this crazy lady did. “Let’s defund the cops!” while her husband is dealing drugs! She’s not very bright.
*ahem*
“Gay married couples should be able to defend their meth labs with automatic weapons.”
As long as they weren’t forcibly gay married in a church and I can choose to not recognize their union the same as I do straight married couples who get married at the courthouse, and they sell good meth.
“A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”
The criminals in Rochester are in the Monroe County DA’s office. After reading the article I see there are no good guys in this story. Burn it all down.
Good one, Animal, and appropriate for the birthday of Samuel Colt, the great equalizer.
Not Obstruction of an Official Proceeding! The Horror!
Oh, where are my pearls to clutch @ ?
https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/18/1505
I wouldn’t be surprised if they tried to call this domestic terrorism to get the longest sentences.
They have been trying but even with the full weight of the DOJ, they were not able to make them stick. Makes my black pill turn dark, dark grey.
8 months. For “obstructing” the actions of people whose salaries he pays. In a building his taxes also paid for.
Sentenced by people also on the government dole.
Anyone else seeing a pattern? It looks to me like government versus the American Taxpayers, everywhere I look, with a plethora of front organizations – and excuses – to give it the spice of variety. BLM-Marxists and Race, ClimateChange-Marxists and Environment, CoVIDVAXXER-Fascists and Public Health, WhiteHouse-Fascists and CoVID-“Disinformation,” with the Organs of State Media, which includes all of those “private corporations” that are owned lock, stock, and barrel by the government. Add-in the NSA, CIA, DoJ, Dept of State, FBI, and a mostly compliant judiciary…?♂️
Maybe the libertarian moment was at exactly the moment the shots were fired at Lexington and Concord. I think that’s correct, the more I consider it.
The next libertarian moment won’t come until the people have finally, irrevocably had enough of the bullshit.
It inevitably happens, though.
The country sitting on the world’s largest oil reserves managed to go socialist and broke (but I repeat myself) in short order, right down the road from us. (All those screaming that “it couldn’t happen here!!!” you’re kidding yourself). We’re already broke and (at least) “60% socialist” (by my count) – and steaming toward much worse at dizzying speed.
The big difference, HOWEVER – the Great Unknown and Hope, if you will – are the guns. As it turns out – Same. As. Last. Time.
^This guy gets it^
What’s the statute of limitations on that? Can they go after the harpies who disrupted the Kavanaugh proceedings now?
a group of rioters who assembled at the front of the Senate chamber
But never, apparently, actually entered the Senate chamber.
And, of course, the “obstruction” resulted in a delay of what, 3 hours?
This is lunacy. The kind of lunacy that radicalizes people. Next stop, “In for a penny, in for a pound”.
a group of
rioterscitizens who assembled at the front of the Senate chamberHmm…. this phrase sounds kind of familiar… now where did I read it before?… I think there was something about pass no law forbidding it or some such crazy thing…
So over in FB I posted this article with a note about how it isn’t a matter of how alike they were to us, but how close we still are to them.
The thing is, DNA doesn’t matter. Capacity (as a species) for rational thought does.
There are also significant parts of the genome that we share that are switched on in apes and not switched on in humans.
That was a fun read, Animal.
I’m with some of the others: persuasion and negotiation are definitely preferable.
Nice story Animal.
Can you imagine the terrorism in this universe. Every man without superior physical abilities would be essentially and Incel with nothing but time and anger at society.
The other potential effect would be that if you have sufficient money there would be a drive to create laws allowing proxy fighters. These proxies would be giant non-money creating (not so bright) fighting machines employed by rich folks to fight in their place.
Lots of potential in this playground.
On the other hand, since aggression is required at such a low (basic) social level, perhaps that inhibits the scaling of aggression up to the nation-state level. I’m think the politics of this alternate timeline would be more challenging than our own.
Or contractors able to deliver hard-to-detect poisons.
Honestly though, the most unrealistic part of this is that in a world with lawyers and a bureaucracy, social pressure is enough to keep people in line.
Polonium-210 really isnt that tough to get.
“The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.”
-Henry IV, II, Act IV, Sc. 2
“Mr. Van Valkenburg, how have you been able to maintain your status and estate for so many decades?”
“Well it’s the damnedest thing — I keep showing up to the challenge, but the challenger never shows up. Sometimes they get into a car wreck on the way here, sometimes they slip and fall down the stairs, and in a few cases… they just disappear.”
“Mr.
Van ValkenburgClinton, how have you been able to maintain your status and estate for so many decades?”FTFY
I think the Gorilla has a pretty low sex drive compared to humans or Chimps. If we were more like chimps the world’s oldest profession and advances in the area of personal “robotics” would be well advanced from this timeline.
What Kiko chooses to do with the technology… NSFW maybe…crude humor
I adore that show.
Wonder how many subscription cancellations this will yield? I’m going to venture at least 10 for every 1 new subscriber.
https://thehill.com/blogs/in-the-know/in-the-know/563657-sports-illustrated-releases-swimsuit-issue-with-transgender
I don’t know when the last time was I’ve seen a print copy of that mag. It’s not even laying around the barber shop anymore.
Number 12, for now.
#1 AARP The Magazine
#2 AARP Bulletin
We’re fucked.
Right? I don’t count those as “magazines”, nor “Costco Connection”.
Junk mail should be filtered out of that list.
But more people get it! that means more people read it! That means more people think it! #Science!
Seven spots lower than Game Informer. Assuming that none of them are sold outside the US, that means <1% of the U.s. populations buys one (even lower, since hte number counts unpaid distribution.
I find it particularly amusing that it's published by — but sells less than — the same company as Better Homes and Gardens, People, and Family fucking Circle.
Better Homes and Gardens has better sports coverage and hotter women.
A licky boom boom down.
Sports illustrated made it’s bux off the swimsuit issue already. When internet porn came about it was dead in the water. might as well use it to score political points, no one is paying attention otherwise.
I am not clicking on that
You should. It’s unintentionally hilarious.
Then go here for eye bleach.
Well, judging by the pictures it seems that the transitory are just as susceptible to the allure of shitty plastic surgery as vain women are.
I would only be interested if it features Natalie Mars, beautiful and she loves guns – https://www.ar15.com/forums/General/Beretta-81-vs-USP-Compact/5-2331842/?page=1&anc=bottom
Sorry to go off-topic, but, as many over the last year were wondering what the hell happened to liberty, and why is everyone acting like crazed asshat:
Social contagion. That mixed with people’s need to belong to a group and act together. Not unlike suicide epidemics or groups of women all getting pregnant around the same time. Here is a pretty good article on it:ahttps://unherd.com/2021/07/are-we-free-on-freedom-day/?tl_inbound=1&tl_groups[0]=18743&tl_period_type=3&mc_cid=8ee3b617c6
I’m afraid the internet has fried most people’s brains. It’s too bad because it was fun while it lasted.
Indeed.
That link is a little wonky.
Here.
And yes, excellent essay.
The last year? How about the last 5 years. Pure insanity.
Very interesting and I realized that I might still be a virgin if not for an opposing thumb and a bigger cranial cavity. I’ll take evolution for a $100,
I have thumbs!
This was fantastic – like Tonio said, it’s like a (good) mid-century SciFi.
Do as we say, or else!
More competition? I’m not sure how this works – if all media outlets are compelled to tell the same story, you might as well have just one. Competition is just needless expense.
I admit to a bit of a schadenboner from watching Zuckerman et al squirming after being such good little soldiers for such a long time. Happens to everyone who joins the movement thinking that this will confer immunity. Up against the wall, motherfuckers.
Once an organization accedes to the government’s nose under the tent the demands invariably get more and more restrictive and a refusal will result in ruination. If the government wants to dismember their own quasigovernmental golden goose and surveillance racket then IDGAF.
IDGAF (much) either. Not the first time this has gone down, won’t be the last. You’d think at some point people would see this and realize they might be next.
But no, It can’t happen here
I would have expected this Zappa link
“Mothers of Prevention”. That works, too.
He even anted up his own money to help fortify the last election. He must feel so betrayed – or at least he would if he was any kind of normal. Wonder if Zuck will eventually go McAfee on us?
Do synths commit suicide?
They dream of electric sheeple.
Yeah I was thinking more the years of bizarre paranoid behavior.
The government has been breaking up budding drug monopolies (also known as “gangs” or “organized crime”) for over 50 years. As far as I can tell, this has had the primary effect of keeping the business dangerous, the clientele desperate, and the product adulterated. Social media being the distribution of a kind of drug, I’m not sure there’s any benefit to be gained from breaking up the companies that provide it.
School Marms gonna School Marm
It’s been a long time since I read it, but I seem to remember that sexual access to women was severely restricted in Integral Trees though I don’t remember exactly why (lack of resources for the population, maybe?) Though because of the morality of the day, all the sorts of things that would actually happen in that situation we not even hinted at.
I prefer derivative trees.
Beware of botanical sexism…
https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/guest-blog/botanical-sexism-cultivates-home-grown-allergies/
May was up-front in “The Saga of Pliocene Exile” – almost all men, so it was either homosexuality or onanism.
Warning, potentially hazardous levels of derp!
Philistine parents indeed.
Being angered that’s the time one’s money is paying for is being pissed away to no good end is a valid reason too.
Yeah, we just have the journalismist’s word that the parents are upset because they’re prudes. Or that there are any significant number of them upset at all.
Hey there, I pay you to teach my kids the things I can’t. Porn I can do fine myself, thank you very much.
This was covered in the sex education skit in Monty Python’s Meaning of Life. (Youtube says I have to sign in to prove my age in order to see it. That would require setting up an account.)
BTW, fun read, Animal. As always.
Thanks!
Nicely done, animal!
I of course am now thinking of how the women in one household sort themselves out. There must be a pecking order there too.
The only way to control it is through pseudo religious brainwashing, and even then there is still going to be ambition, paranoia, and jealousy.
“The female of the species is more deadly than the male.”
Since the womenfolk and the property seem to be considered a unit, I’d imagine they manage it. However, there must be some sort of democracy involved between them, since otherwise there’d be the original (managing) wife who would remain, creating an age gap that isn’t seen here.
Some polygamous cultures have scheduled times for the man to “visit” so that there’s no one left out and no daily competition.
In this story, mankind has reverted to some very basic biological motivations, so it’s safe to assume that the women also want basic biological essentials as their main motivation: children (to keep the DNA alive), shelter, food, and protection.
As for Post menopausal women, that’s a good question. Who provides for them? Do they become homeless? Or do they make up an elaborate religion wherein they will still be protected or even venerated?
One complicating factor to this fictional society, as in real human societies, is that occasionally a couple of people fall in real love with each other and want to break out of the societal constraints. I suppose they’d have to run away from the larger community and strike out on their own.
The “unmated lodge” makes it seem like men don’t hold real estate on their own. Otherwise less dominant males could hide a secret girlfriend at their place.
I enjoyed the story Animal.
More COVID disinformation:
https://www.foxnews.com/us/american-academy-pediatrics-update-masks-recommended-inside-schools
“The pandemic has taken a heartbreaking toll on children, and it’s not just their education that has suffered but their mental, emotional and physical health. ”
So let’s double down on the policies which led to this in the first place. What possible harm could come from forcing 3-year-olds to wear face diapers? This, from pediatricians? Thank god my kids are (almost) grown.
What is interesting is a study was done about carbon dioxide intake in children with and without masks and almost immediately they retracted it.
Why? Wouldn’t that help to reduce global warming? Sounds like a win to me.
Once again, the purblind refusal of people to distinguish between the actual pandemic, and the response/reaction to the pandemic, has raised my blood pressure.
High blood pressure? We’ve got just the thing. Pick one, they are all safe and effective.
https://www.webmd.com/drugs/2/condition-1432/high%20blood%20pressure
Or, pour a stiff drink…
We have over 100 years of studies on masks and transmission of pathogens. Every single one save one clearly shows that masks are useless in preventing transmission of pathogens. The only one that shows otherwise is one done by the CDC at the height of the ‘mask mandates’. Surely that is not politically motivated by the OBEY crowd. I am this close *finger and thumb a tenth of an inch apart* to yanking someone’s pants down and using a broom stick to shove a face diaper up their ass.
https://www.oann.com/amazon-shuts-down-cloud-infrastructure-linked-to-israeli-firm-nso-report/
That’s kinda weird, isn’t it?
They aren’t technically the ones doing the spying. It’s governments using their products.
Am I the only one who doesn’t see the slightest inconsistency between “we sell spyware to government agencies” and “our spyware was used on journalists, government officials, and rights activists”?
I’m sure they were shocked, Shocked! to find out that those people were being spied on.
They don’t seem care about spying on regular people, however.
Doesn’t the CIA have a big contract with AWS? When do they get suspended?
They must have been spying on th Biden administration. How silly of them to think this was OK after years of spying on OMB.
More grist for the mill of the unsweetened one!
THis whole “Texas Dems test positive for COVID” thing gets fishier the more I think about it.
The CDC says not to bother testing people who have been vaccinated unless they show symptoms. The stories all say the Dems are either asymptomatic or midly symptomatic. All these people have supposedly been vaccinated, so why are they getting tested? Why did Harris go to Walter Reed after meeting with them? She’s been vaccinated, and I’ve not seen anything that says she has symptoms.
Or is it as simple as, the Dems blatantly disregarded the rules on wearing masks while on a plane, so they are also blatantly disregarding the rules on testing? Or are they lying about having gotten vaccinated?
Or they need to protect the narrative and these Dems from Texas are the perfect pawn. Flew without masks, presto! COVID! See people..this is why you need to wear your mask!
They’re Democrats. It’s all lies.
The tricky part is figuring out what the angle is here.
They’re Democrats. It’s all lies.
They are politicians, that happen to be Democrats. It isn’t like you’re going to get truth out of Republicans when they aren’t getting their way.
Dem politico: “See, you really do need to wear a mask, even if you’ve been vaccinated. Because the vaccine won’t prevent you from getting infected. But make sure you get vaccinated or you won’t be allowed to live a normal life”
Is there some sort of writ of mandamus or something to make the FAA levy their fine against them?
They’ll come back to Texas to avoid arrest but will be unable to attend the legislative session due to Covid, thereby preventing a quorum.
Thanks, Animal. That was an entertaining story with an interesting premise.
But, I will point out that this from the introduction:
How would human society look today if men were harem-keepers, if they were half again the size of women, if they had to compete and challenge each other for possession of wives and property?
Is not too far off from many primitive human societies. The ancient Mideast, the birthplace of civilization, was dominated by harem-keepers who would go to war for property and wives. But since we’re not descended from gorillas, the social structure is different, which is why the specific gorilla thing was an interesting premise. I think the main thing preventing the formation of a gorilla like culture in humans is the social attachment of children to parents. An old harem-keeper would not have to worry about fighting his own battles, for his sons will fight them for him, and in turn expect to inherit his property.
Because, as it turns out, when you have fights to settle who gets pussy, they’re typically to the death. Not, as in this story, to the “merely injured.” Therefore, you don’t wind up with a whole lot of “old harem keepers” to raise the problem of who cares for them.
The old wives in this instance, I suspect, would need a reformer like Mohammad to use Allah in order to admonish everyone to take care of the old and orphans. But technically, they appear to be chattel, so they’d probably just get treated the same.
…In this regard, Animal’s story society is right in line with the Dred Scott Supreme Court.
I’m still thinking the old broads get offloaded to old dudes who haven’t gotten any nookie for sixty years, and Lemon Party results.
Likewise, if disputes are settled by violence, those wouldn’t be limited to just sex or property. I also doubt that a world based on king of the hill would be as rich or advanced as ours. Still enjoyed this very much.
Next do Humans-as-Anglerfish.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anglerfish#Reproduction