Egg Cooking For Dummies

by | Jul 16, 2021 | Food & Drink | 239 comments

I don’t recall in what side line of what link that was posted at this family friendly site I saw the ad for the egg cooker I bought because if I am here I am most likely intoxicated so my memory fails me. I have always had inconsistent results for ease of peeling when it came to hard boiled eggs. I always did the ice water bath but still sometimes the fuckers didn’t peel easy. The “egg cooker” makes the shells come off as easy as the government taking our rights away.

Share your egg cooking secrets as well as rights protection strategies in the comments.

About The Author

westernsloper

westernsloper

Born to the privileged class what lives in trailer parks, raised in the mountains but left them for the sea. Returned due to lack of finding a better place to live. Excels at self destructive behavior, smoked meats and poorly reasoned arguments in spite of never being wrong.

239 Comments

  1. Tulip

    Are you drunk?

    • Tulip

      Sorry Agent Sloper, I just couldn’t resist.

      • Swiss Servator

        He did mention that in his post…well, at least when he wrote it.

    • PieInTheSky

      are you a cop?

      • Swiss Servator

        I think it is supposed be “AM I BEING DETAINED?”

      • blackjack

        Like the guy that got busted because of social media. Never tik-tok to cops!

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        So you are saying that sending unsolicited dick pics to Parish Sheriff Twitter is wrong? Even if they are tastefully done?

      • Tundra

        That joke never works on normies.

  2. zwak

    I crack three into a pan and cook them with bacon and potatoes?

    Pretty simple really, much like me.

  3. Timeloose

    Now I want to make bacon dusted deviled eggs

    • Timeloose

      Something like this.

      https://jeanetteshealthyliving.com/bacon-dust/

      I made these a few weeks ago with the bacon dust (really just crispy bacon milled up in a food processor or coffee grinder). Add some chipotle powder and chives.

      • Swiss Servator

        It is not really “dust”, but I get the point. Might have to try that.

      • Timeloose

        I’ve had bacon dust before in restaurants (on fries for example) and typically it is some kind of bacon fat emulsion that I would not want to try to make at home regularly.

  4. waffles

    I like to spray a pan with coconut oil, crack three eggs in with copious shredded cheddar. I let it cook until the cheese is kind of crispy, smother with hot sauce and then eat. My dog looks at me with jealousy the whole time until he catches a whiff of the hot sauce. Bode is deeply suspicious that anyone could enjoy hot sauce.

    • Timeloose

      He sounds like your dog’s hunger can become unstable when certain scents amplify his sensitive nose. Maybe it’s a phase that he will grow out of once he gets no further gain from missing out on good food.

  5. PieInTheSky

    when I just want to eat boiled eggs and not do anything fancy with em I do what my grandma did: slice em in half with a knife and use a spoon to scoop the egg from the shell. takes a few seconds and I don’t have to peel.

    • PieInTheSky

      As for the boiling I have a silicone thing shaped like an egg and I put it with the eggs and it is graded soft medium hard etc and it changes color as the eggs cook and I don’t have to time them. it works pretty good.

      • Timeloose

        I will not open that.

      • Bobarian LMD

        This is where Jesse would normally link to a picture of an ovipositor.

        Pre-lubed.

      • slumbrew

        I instantly regret clicking that.

      • R C Dean

        Well, I clicked.

        And am now sorry I did.

      • Tonio

        Wow, even I’m disturbed by that.

      • blackjack

        I don’t understand what all the buzz is about.

      • Tonio

        Their understanding of the words “soft” and “hard” seems inverted.

      • PieInTheSky

        hard is in the center and soft is on the edge. it turns white starting from the edge. when it gets harder the color changed closer to the center.

      • Tonio

        I meant based on the illustration of the degrees of doneness. The picture of the “hard boiled” egg shows a translucent yolk; the illustration of the “soft boiled” egg shows an opaque yolk .

      • PieInTheSky

        oh right did not even look at that

      • Not Adahn

        The google-translated version of that page has the labels switched re: degrees of doneness.

      • Not Adahn

        Timer for boiled eggs go to safety, you know how much iron the egg is!

      • PieInTheSky

        they have a typo. fier = iron. fiert = boiled

      • slumbrew

        On a related note, shout-out to Gender Traitor for this little bon mot in the last thread that slid by without comment:

        Gender Traitor
        ::starts carrying all battery-operated devices outside, just to be safe::

        Gender Traitor
        ::looks at one device, has second thoughts, carries device back in to bedroom nightstand::

        Hi-yooo!

      • Ozymandias

        I missed that one, too.
        GT with a threadwinner that no one saw… or heard… in the woods.. with… you know, the THING!

    • waffles

      Do you refrigerate your eggs? Some Europeans don’t and I find it upsetting.

      • PieInTheSky

        yes.

      • Nephilium

        There’s a reason for that. There’s a coating on the eggs that protects them which is required by the FDA to be washed off here in the US.

      • Not Adahn

        Unwashed eggs are disgusting.

      • Stillhunter

        Your not supposed to lick them

      • Tundra

        I buy mine directly from a local farmer.

        The quality of the eggs should be part of the discussion, too. Truly pastured eggs are worth the money.

      • Tonio

        I forget who linked this the other day but there is something called a Yolk Fan (SFW, really). It is not an air-moving machine, but a series of color samples to allow you to gauge the yolk color on a standard scale.

      • Tundra

        Wow. Aspies are everywhere.

      • Bobarian LMD

        On the spectrum.

      • Ted S.

        Is that like the paper bag test for whiteness?

        /ducking

      • zwak

        Gustav linkied it, I think. Showing that he is truly from Oregon.

      • Stillhunter

        Same. We get 3 dozen every week from a lady that goes to the local gym with my wife. Getting eggs from the same chickens every week is interesting. I know which eggs I prefer by the color and size (discrimination!).

        Store bought are meh. Not as flavorful and lack the deep yellow-orange color in the yolk, which I recall being an indicator of nutritional value.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Does sticking them in the freezer for 5 minutes right after boiling help? It did for me…the one time I tried it.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        That’s how you thread.

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        Neph’s correct. Differing processing of the eggs dictates whether they should be refrigerated or not, but after I understood how the Europeans in general do ’em, I still think refrigerating ’em gives an extra margin of safety.

        I have friends in the UK and cousins in France who vehemently disagree with me. Their eggs still taste good, but I gotta admit I raise an eyebrow when they serve ’em to me.

      • Gustave Lytton

        There’s a coating on the eggs that protects them which is required by the FDA to be washed off here in the US.

        Yeah, it’s called chicken shit and the organic egg producers leave it on around here.

    • Not Adahn

      We did something similar, only we used the knife blade to pop them out of the shell after splitting them.

  6. Ownbestenemy

    Hard-boiled, depending on altitude, I place into a rolling boil for about 10-12 minutes. If one egg has minute fractures I use that as my tester. Always an ice bath after. Now if they are still pesky to peel, I do in the sink under running water after I gently crack the whole shell by rolling it on the counter.

    My kid who lacks time management cooks them for about 28 minutes but he also doesn’t go into a rolling boil. His end up slightly greyish on the edges and no matter how many times I tell him that they are overcooked, he just shrugs his shoulders.

    • pistoffnick

      This is my strategy as well.

      Place 7 eggs in a 2 quart sauce pan
      Just cover the eggs with cold water
      Bring to a boil
      When it first starts to boil, set a timer for 10 minutes.
      After 10 minutes, drain off the hot water
      Add 5-8 ice cubes and just cover with cold water
      After the ice has melted they should be ready to peel

      • Ownbestenemy

        I also enjoy a soft-boiled egg every now and then. It is funny when people turn their nose up to the idea and then turn around and have an egg sunny-side up.

      • pistoffnick

        I have only recently begun to dig runny yolks.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Runny yolks are why toast is served with breakfast.

      • R C Dean

        Back when I was cooking for myself, I’d take a slice of bread, make a yolk sized hole in the middle, put it in a hot, greased frying pan, and break an egg over it so the yolk landed in the whole. Kind of a fried egg/french toast hybrid – cook it like french toast, but you get the runny yolk, too.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Toad in a hole, Egg-in-a-hole…yeah I used to do that for my kids and every once in a while for myself.

        Though looking it up, apparently toad in a hole is something different depending on region.

      • Not Adahn

        And hash browns. The diner serves such large portions of hash browns that I have to order extra eggs to have enough yolk.

      • CatchTheCarp

        I love soft boiled eggs too and haven’t made them in ages. I know what’s for breakfaster tomorrow!

  7. waffles

    Hard boiled only? I don’t enjoy solid eggs at all.

    • Ownbestenemy

      How do you like them?

      • STEVE SMITH

        STEVE SMITH LIKE ALL EGGSES. PROBLEM – HIM RAPE TOO MANY TO MAKE YUMMY EGGS. SO HIM TRY FIND IN CAMPER TENT AND RV.

  8. PieInTheSky

    For scrambled eggs I don’t do any of that Gordon Ramsey shit takes to long and I don’t like eggs so creamy. Butter – a bit of butter not a Gordon bit which is half a stick – and crack eggs in pan put on low flame and mix continuously until desired consistency. no taking it on and off the heat no creme fraiche

    • Ownbestenemy

      Ive done his way and done the same modifications as you have. No on/off heat, no cream after. Chives and/or garlic scapes are a must though.

  9. CatchTheCarp

    My egg of choice is fried with runny yolk served on a slice of hot buttered toast.

    • PieInTheSky

      I agree to that as long as you don’t do the silly American thing of turning the egg in the pan.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Nothing wrong with an over-easy or over-medium egg..

      • PieInTheSky

        turning the egg comes with unacceptable risk of breaking the yolk

      • Ownbestenemy

        Properly seasoned cast-iron and I can consistently serve up unbroken yolks

      • Tonio

        Now that’s some chefin’. Bonus points for cast iron.

      • Not Adahn

        L2Fry eggs, n00b.

      • waffles

        I like broken yolks.

      • PieInTheSky

        that’s okay. many people like wrong things.

      • waffles

        Thank you.

      • slumbrew

        I eat fried eggs, over medium, just about every morning – I flip them in the pan.

        Yolk breakage is rare, as long as I don’t get carried away with the flip.

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        You can get exactly the same result by putting a cover over the egg for about 1 minute instead of flipping it. You might need to add a teaspoon of water to create a bit of steam.

      • PieInTheSky

        I use a cover but no water I don’t like the egg texture with water seems more steamed than fried

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        Baste it with the oil/butter you’re using just before you remove it from the pan.

  10. Mojeaux

    Put the eggs in cold water, put on stove on high, bring to a boil, set the timer for 10 minutes, take off stove, put under running water until the water the eggs are in is cold. Let sit.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Not for nothing, but if you wait till a rolling boil before putting the eggs in, they’re less likely for the shells to stick. I’m good with everything else.

      But I did read an article about using a steamer pan as being the best way to prepare berld eggs.

      • R C Dean

        My problem with putting eggs in boiling water is way too many of them crack and leak egg white.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Use a gravy ladle or spider strainer to dip them into the water

      • R C Dean

        Tried that. Didn’t really help. Its not like I was dropping them in from several feet above the pot. It was the shock of the boiling water what done it, is my theory.

        I am constantly amazed, BTW, at simple things that work fine for some people and not others. I just tossed a couple of hummingbird feeders that apparently work just fine for millions of people, but Would. Not. Stop. Leaking for me, no matter what I did.

      • Nephilium

        Are you putting the eggs in straight from the fridge, or letting them warm up while the water gets up to boiling?

      • R C Dean

        I’m not doing anything any more. Mrs. Dean puts the eggs in cold (well, this is Tucson, so lukewarm) water, brings to a boil, and when done puts them in ice water.

  11. Timeloose

    I started making my scrambled eggs with a different method. I used to use the omelet method with beating them to introduce air, but for the real creamy scrambled eggs it doesn’t work well.

    Now liberally butter the nonstick pan on medium heat , crack two eggs and season while the whites start to cook, but before they completely set. just before the whites are set turn off the pan and sprinkle with graded parmesan, and fold the butter and yolks into the whites. as you do this the heat from the pan and butter cook the remaining egg and make it extremely creamy curds.

    • Tundra

      Nice. But you are off by a couple eggs, minimum!

    • Ownbestenemy

      I haven’t steamed em but I have smoked some eggs before.

    • slumbrew

      I searched through to make sure posted this one, correct way.

      (fine, there are other ways, but this is the one I’ve had the most consistent success with – esp. when doing bulk cooks for deviled eggs)

      • slumbrew

        *someone

  12. blackjack

    There’s so many ways to cook eggs, which came first?

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      The chicken.

      • blackjack

        I liked Tres’s take on it. He ordered a chicken on Amazon and then ordered an egg from the same. Then waited to see which came first.

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        He ordered the egg after the chicken? So he “fortified” the resulting outcome? Scheming, cheating bastard.

      • Bobarian LMD

        SIV?

  13. pistoffnick

    I used to seek out gas station egg salad sandwiches on long road trips. It was my favorite road food. Now they are becoming hard to find. Perhaps the youngins don’t like egg salad sandwiches?

    • Ownbestenemy

      With a side of sushi? A quality egg salad sandwich I think is on the menu for me today. Topped with red-leaf, dijon mustard and maybe some Havarti

    • slumbrew

      Egg salad sandwich

      I confess I’ve never had one, which is odd, given how much I like eggs.

      I just don’t like too much mayo in those sorts of “salads” (also, macaroni, chicken) and the default amount seems to be more than I want.

      • Timeloose

        Go with mustard as the majority of the binder and just a hint of mayo.

      • slumbrew

        Sounds tasty.

        I also never have bread in the house anymore, so perhaps, some day, I’ll try it that way.

      • CatchTheCarp

        I knew a guy who made tuna salad with yellow mustard instead of mayo. Yucko…..

      • Bobarian LMD

        One of the two reasons to use dijonaisse.

        The other is for left-over turkey sammiches.

    • Nephilium

      Do you at least look in the bathroom vending machines for them?

      • slumbrew

        You didn’t even click my link, did you?

        *flounces off in a huff*

      • Nephilium

        Mea culpa.

  14. Sean

    Scrambled. In the microwave.

    Topped with spicy salsa.

    I will not apologize.

    • Ownbestenemy

      My dad was a great home cook but I never understood his desire to microwave bacon and eggs.

      • blackjack

        I have never understood the appeal of microwave ovens. There’s a fucking stove/oven right next to it. It might take a few minutes more, but it’ll work as good as it has for all of time. Especially for eggs.

      • Sean

        Because it’s super fast and easy.

        #lazycook

      • Bobarian LMD

        In HS, one of my favorite go-tos was to beat an egg with cheese, cracked pepper, and bacon bits in a standard dinner bowl.

        Microwave for 45 sec. while putting an english muffin in the toaster.

        Perfect breakfast sandwich as an afternoon snack.

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        Also doesn’t heat up the kitchen as much and uses a lot less electricity.

        But you gotta know what you’re doing.

    • Fourscore

      I stir a couple eggs, a spoonful of milk (whole but heavy cream is OK) into a bowl coated with Pam. season to taste. Microwave ’til done, comes out perfect shape for 2 mayonaised slices of bread egg sammich. Not women involved.

      Mrs F swears by her hard boiled egg making machine and has given them for gifts. ‘Sloper knows the secret…

  15. Not Adahn

    I can only imagine setting the sous vide for whatever temperature cooks the white is the best way. But breakfast is supposed to be easy.

    • Nephilium

      Sous vide is a solid method. But for hard boiling, I prefer the pressure cooker. Makes the eggs easier to peel.

      If I want to get fancy, I’ve even got a mold that I can use to make up egg bits. Whip up eggs, add some cheese, seasonings, some meat, and then just pour into the mold and cook.

      • R C Dean

        A muffin pan works for that. And they keep in the fridge, for an excellent quick breakfast/snack.

      • slumbrew

        I was on a kick making sous vide egg bites for a while – I got a bunch of small Weck jars for it.

        Tasty but more work than I wanted to do regularly (cook bacon, beat a dozen eggs, assemble jars, etc), esp. considering my wife ended up eating them all (she’d take the to the office in the morning – since I worked from home I could just fry myself some eggs).

      • Nephilium

        But I can’t put the muffin pan in the pressure cooker.

        It’s been a while since I’ve made them. I may have to step up and make some this weekend.

      • R C Dean

        I was referring to the egg bites.

        Just bake them. You know, in an oven.

      • Nephilium

        As was I. The mold I’ve got fits into the pressure cooker. Besides, last thing I want to do in summer is turn the oven on.

  16. pistoffnick

    “…I saw the ad for the egg cooker…”

    *gasps* a unitasker!

    • rhywun

      Right? All I need is another gadget that ends up in a box with all the other gadgets that I never use.

    • slumbrew

      Alton haz a sad.

  17. Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

    Instead of flipping fried eggs & risking breaking the yolk, I cook it on one side & cover the pan & turn off the heat. I guess that’s pretty much sunnyside, but no snot slime on top when it’s done.

    I found that doing them sous vide if you want solid whites is a no go. Mine always came out too mushy to use for something like deviled eggs.

    • R C Dean

      Not enough heat or time in the sous vide. Mrs. Dean has done perfectly boiled eggs in the sous vide, but decided its too much work.

  18. The Bearded Hobbit

    For Mrs. Hobbit’s birthday this morning I made Eggs Benedict. Our method for poaching the eggs is to use something like this.

    Did the Hollandaise in the blender. Fast and easy. I’m getting good at this.

    Standard offer: If you are at my house on your birthday (and you give me a heads-up) I will fix you Eggs Benedict.

    • pistoffnick

      Hobbit: I thought you said it was your birthday yesterday?

      pistoffnick: I did. Every day is my birthday.

      • blackjack

        Because of leap years and inaccurate time keeping, it’s never actually anyone’s birthday.

      • R C Dean

        Every day is someone’s birthday. But you only get one. After that, its anniversaries of your birthday.

  19. OBJ FRANKELSON

    Hard-Boiled eggs are definitive proof there is no God.

    • Trigger Hippie

      No God can eat fifty eggs.

    • rhywun

      One-party government FTW. Thomas Friedman must be creaming himself.

  20. Old Man With Candy

    Spud and I developed an Alba-style shirred egg recipe. It was so good that in the foodie circles in the Bay Area, it was just called “The Egg Dish.” I knew we hit it right when I went to a fancy dinner and they served it to me.

    Now while I have your attention, this is the mandatory link. Safe for work, I’m not Heroic Mulatto.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Dammit!

    • Ghostpatzer

      Nice, that was just divine!

      • Old Man With Candy

        Nope, Edith.

      • Old Man With Candy

        Stifle!

      • Ghostpatzer

        Oh, Aaachie!

    • Tonio

      That’s pretty awesome.

  21. Stillhunter

    My breakfast routine every morning:

    Heat cast iron pan
    Add 1/4 lb bacon and cook until done then remove
    Scrape anything stuck to the pan using spatula
    Add 3-4 eggs to pan, leaving grease and scrapings from bacon in pan
    Cook 2-3 minutes then flip and cook another 1-2 and remove
    Enjoy!

    • Ownbestenemy

      Acceptable entry. I bounce back and forth between bacon fat, butter, or spray depending on what style I am making. I have been meaning to use duck fat one of these days.

      • Stillhunter

        I use butter and coconut oil for frying thin cut steaks for supper, but otherwise it’s bacon grease for most things. Currently everything I eat (eggs, beef, pork) is cooked in that cast iron frying pan. I’d be up for trying duck fat.

  22. Drake

    I have one of those 2-sided omelette pans. Some Sundays I make a couple of 4-egg omelettes and bring half of one to work for breakfast during the week.

    • PieInTheSky

      Marco Pierre White makes Scrambled Eggs and Smoked Salmon

      https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=829595667881537

      this guy was Gordon’s mentor and some think it is a dig at Gordon when he said in this video if you need to take the pan off the stove you don’t understand temperature, cause Gordon does the on/off heat thing.

  23. Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

    From the erstwhile thread:

    KK, I’m sorry to hear about your pup. I wasn’t able to comment earlier, having just gone through a medical procedure and then recovering from the aftereffects.

    When I used to be on The Book of The Face, I once authored a long series of posts about a dog of ours that died before his time from a neurological problem that caused him intense, unrelenting pain. I knew I had good friends when they all chimed in and said they were grieving with me.

    It’s amazing to me how dogs can wriggle their way into our hearts, but then, they’ve had 100,000 years to figure us out and they’re better students of human behaviour than we are of theirs. Your life is a fuller one because your pup was in it, as clichéd as that must sound. It must be an interesting thing to be a dog — from their point of view, we’re immortal, and they’d probably be surprised to know how much we miss them after they leave.

    The Spousal Unit and I will pour one out to your pup tonight. God Bless. And, on an unrelated note, I hope your new peripatetic lifestyle is otherwise agreeing with you. Fweedom!

    • Tundra

      Very nicely said, BEAM.

      Glad to hear your procedure went well. I will drink to your health and to the memory of KK’s pup.

    • Sean

      Hope you feel better.

    • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

      Thanks, man (and everyone).

      He was my constant companion for 18 years. He went everywhere with me that didn’t involve traveling by air (he was too big to go under the seat, otherwise I would have flown with him, too). He was very sporty. I would tell people he was either a “Pugrador Retriever” or “The Sport Model Pug”. Ironic, since I wanted a couch potato. He went to dog training classes with me for years and had so much fun showing off his skills (I was teaching the class – he didn’t need years of obedience training LOL).

      In his last year, he was blind & deaf & arthritic, and it was time to stop fighting a losing battle.

      I made an error this morning. I got the energy to clean up some of his stuff, but I sniffed his blankie when I was bringing it to the laundry hamper. I should not have done that.

      I’m not a very emotional person, but this has broken my heart in a million pieces.

      • Tundra

        I was cleaning out a cupboard the other day and found my GSD’s collar tag. I damn near lost it and she died in 2007!!

        Still, they bring us almost incalculable joy.

      • Old Man With Candy

        18 years is terrific. But maybe even more of a heartbreak. I’m so sorry to hear this, Ms. K.

    • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

      Hope you recover well & quickly BEAM!

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        I’m fine, thanks. Family history of dangerous problems (both brothers plus my mother) plus some weird symptoms which led to me gettin’ scoped ‘n scanned. Was braced for the worst, but instead got told that my malfunction at the junction was simply due to advancing age, and there was no “big C” anywhere that they could see. (And they went everywhere to see — STEVE SMITH woulda been proud of ’em.) Now I have a diagnosis of diverticulosis (with the occasional “-itis”) piled on top of my IBS.

        They say gettin’ old ain’t for sissies. They’re right.

        I was out of it afterwards, and slept almost thirteen hours straight. SU was amazed ’cause I never do that.

    • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack
  24. kinnath

    Hard Boiled Eggs.

    1) Drive to Sam’s Club

    2) Pick up the 12-pack of hard boiled eggs

    3) Drive home

    4) Open the 12-pack and dump the 6 convenient 2-packs into one of the drawers of the fridge

    5) At your convenience, grab a 2-pack, pull it open, make a sammich or eat as is.

    • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

      Okay, for some reason, I laughed at this. Mebbe it’s my lazy inner bachelor’s fault.

  25. The Other Kevin

    I usually hard boil eggs on the stove, but I have found that a pressure cooker makes the eggs VERY easy to peel. Every time.

    For breakfast I’m lazy about making eggs, so I just heat some butter in a pan, crack the eggs directly in the pan, and scramble them right there. Add some shredded cheese at the end, and top with salsa.

  26. The Other Kevin

    This reminds me of when I was a kid, and Cracker Barrel restaurants were only in the south. They had “hillbilly” spelling on their menus. So they spelled it “aigs”.

  27. R C Dean

    My strategy for cooking eggs.:

    “Mrs. Dean, I hate to bother you, but would you mind making some eggs? Thanks.”

    Great results every time it works. Boiled, scrambled, fried, they always turn out perfect.

    • Timeloose

      Eggs always taste better when someone else makes them. At least when someone else is my mom or the Greek/Mexican dude at the diner.

  28. Sean

    For store bought eggs, my preference is Nellie’s.

  29. Mojeaux

    So, I like eggs, but eggs don’t like me. Yet. I think it’s my ulcers that are making the situation wonky, but I am treating the ulcers so maybe I can go back to eating eggs as something other than an ingredient in another dish (like my tuna salad that I am eating right now. [Went heavy on the spices, wow!])

    • juris imprudent

      I love deviled eggs but they induce a very specific and sulfurous post-digestive response. No other egg preparation results in the same.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Me too.

        Knock a buzzard off a shit wagon at a hundred paces.

        Pickled eggs and beer is even better.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Footage of said act

  30. rhywun

    I have wasted enough money on products that claim easy egg cooking but fail miserably for whatever reason. Especially those ring-shaped instruments or various “hard-boiler” gadgets.

    Now I just toss them in a pan and see what happens. I don’t hard-boil enough to care.

  31. Ghostpatzer

    I love this place. I had no idea that you could do so many things with eggs. I have nothing to contribute on the subject – mostly because my cooking skillz are about as well-developed as my firearms skillz (city boy).

    On the other hand, the advertising algorithms are getting scary good. I made some mention of STEVE SMITH in the previous thread, and then got an email with this link:

    STEVE SMITH Pipe Tobacco

    I guess even cryptids enjoy a smoke every now and then. And by smoke mean…

    • rhywun

      You get junk mail because of here? WTF.

      You might want to look into that cause that doesn’t sound right.

      • Ghostpatzer

        Not junk mail, I actually subscribe to that site (pipe smoker). Just a lame attempt at a bit of cryptid humor.

      • Chipwooder

        STEVE SMITH NO SMOKE PIPE, BUT DEFINITELY LAY PIPE

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        AND GET PIPES CLEANED.

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        (Well, okay, he’s more of a “DIY” kinda guy…)

  32. juris imprudent

    All this egg talk and no endian dispute? I swiftly rebuke you all!

    • slumbrew

      I suspect most CS majors have no idea where ‘endianness’ originated.

      • slumbrew

        And I missed the Swiss bait in there. Though you had to travel pretty far for it.

    • Tonio

      [holds up “Nerds” sign]

  33. Chipwooder

    I’m another vote for hard boiling in the pressure cooker. Never had a problem peeling them, and they come out perfectly. Nice and yellow (or orange if you pony up for the fancypants free range eggs) yolks with none of that greenish outer layer.

  34. Gustave Lytton

    Using cold water, preferably ice water, to shock the hard boiled eggs helps. So does using older eggs.

      • Timeloose

        The dove, an Eagle, a Turkey.

    • Penguin

      Would “I Am the Walrus.” count?

  35. Gender Traitor

    I have no occult knowledge re: how to boil an egg without the shell cracking. I would simply like to state that I am partial to 5-minute eggs – just long enough to produce a solid egg white but leave the yolk nice and runny.

  36. Rebel Scum

    This post smells rotten.

    I like to either scramble or simply break the yolks in a cast iron skillet and cook in the residual bacon grease (after draining) from cooking the bacon.

    Also, I have this. Seems to work well.

    • Rebel Scum

      Also, also, a little shredded cheddar and hot sauce go a long way.

  37. Chipwooder

    My favorite accompaniment to eggs is Conecuh smoked sausage. Outside of lower Alabama and the Gulf Coast, you can get them if you’ve got a Publix nearby. Otherwise, you’d have to order them off the website and pay up for shipping. They are heavenly, though. I like the Spicy & Hot the best.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Thanks for the tip! Gonna have to order some.

      • Chipwooder

        I think you’re going to be glad you did. Deeeeeelicious.

  38. Fatty Bolger

    I always did the ice water bath but still sometimes the fuckers didn’t peel easy.

    Best method for peeling eggs I’ve found for eggs like that is to roll them on a hard surface, cracking the shell all around. Then it all comes off very quickly and easily.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Fatty knows what is what

  39. Mojeaux

    I’m still proofreading this book Poverty of Nations published in 1985, involving underdeveloped nations and why they are undeveloped. A large chunk of it is taken up with the cause of corruption in the government, yet posits that the imports of these countries being inversely proportional (in cost) to the exports is a problem of greed on the developed countries’ parts. I mean, sure, both can be true, but I’m sitting here thinking about African warlords and saying, “Dude, you’re never gonna solve that problem.” So that leads me to a tangential question for the Glibs.

    Given: corruption in any nation, in some form or another, at any given level, is inevitable
    Given: we on this site generally take the attitude of “humans gonna human”
    Given: I’m only a sample of one who believes in the philosophy of liberty and capitalism and good faith dealings, but am also somewhat of a fatalist

    Is it possible that libertarianism may be inherently fatalistic? Or too optimistic for its own good?

    • Ted S.

      I wish I could find the Yes, Minister clip on underdeveloped countries.

  40. Ownbestenemy

    Speaking of eggs. I finally found my ceiling joists in the garage. Now to get the approval of the layout from the better half for these storage racks.

    Also, since MS hasn’t stopped by, Huevos Rancheros con Chorizo is absolutely one of the best ways to prepare eggs for the mouth hole.

    • Timeloose

      Migas is my mexican favorite right next to chorizo and eggs.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Never liked chorizo in the egg except for crumbled on top. However, fried potatoes mixed with chorizo…delightful.

    • slumbrew

      Dammit, now I want the chorizo, potato and egg tacos from the place down the street.

  41. blackjack

    I absolutely have to have hot sauce on my eggs. I cook them like normal people used to. Egg pan, butter and super low heat. I can use salsa or Cholula/Tapatio, lousiana hot sauce or Tabasco, but I have to have hot sauce. My wife uses some kind of spray and too much heat. Butter and the lowest heat that still cooks them. I hate crispy plastic eggs.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Yes the idea is to fry in butter/bacon fat to not burn the bottoms but cook through. Eggs, simple to make and screw up at the same time. However, if you are looking for something new to try, mix some heavy cream/butter and lightly poach in that.

      Hot sauce in recent years has not been…favorable to me. Though I do love a fresh pico-de-gallo on top at times or if I need spice, some crumbled chorizo.

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        Eggs, simple to make and screw up at the same time.

        I can’t remember who it was now, but some chef I saw being interviewed about a dozen years back said that, whenever he gets a new application for a line cook in his kitchen, as part of the interview he asks him/her to cook up a simple fried egg sunny-side up. The resulting displays of technique and understanding of the egg’s quirks tells him everything practical that he needs to know about the applicant in a couple of minutes.

    • slumbrew

      My egg hot saucing has shifted around over the years – Cholula for a long time, then got on a Sriracha kick for a couple of years and now switched over to Frank’s.

      I think I could drink Frank’s straight.

  42. Ghostpatzer

    Some good news. New York City is slowly becoming a libertarian paradise. May be NSFW in some jurisdictions.

    Phase 1 completed

    Soon to come: pot and messicans.

    • Ted S.

      Yeah, but those are probably hipster prostitutes.

    • PieInTheSky

      street prostitution is nasty

    • Ownbestenemy

      Paging Tres to the white courtesy phone, Tres to the white courtesy phone.

    • blackjack

      “They don’t care about the girls. All they care about is decriminalizing everything,”

      Nothing says we care like locking them in cages.

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        “Girls”. By calling them that they can infantilize them and justify their authoritarian control.

      • l0b0t

        Sigh… NYPD vice cops are likely just bitter they can’t shake the women down for freebies as easily as they once did.

    • Jerms

      Jesus. Thats disgusting. Horrible. Does the article say where that is exactly?

      • R C Dean

        I laughed, Jerms. I think it was the “exactly”.

      • Ghostpatzer

        East New York. It is a very, um, diverse part of Brooklyn.

    • Ozymandias

      Turn out the lights – the Republic is finished. Whatever tattered remnants were left of the Constitution just got flushed down the fucking toilet.
      I don’t want to hear any more of that “‘MURICA!!” bullshit or “Land of the free because it’s the home of the brave.” ?HORSE-SHIT ?
      When Jen Psaki doesn’t even try to run from what is a flagrant 1A violation of government censoring wrongthink – and then doubles down – and the people who point out how illegal it is get shouted down?

      I revert to what all of those smart, realpolitik people said about the middle east: you can’t give freedom to a people who don’t have the culture and desire for it. And that now applies with equal vigor to the US of A as it ever did in Afghanistan and Iraq and Libya and every other shithole we stuck our dicks in and wasted up some of our best and brightest’s lives – certainly our most patriotic. I’m kinda glad the friends I lost aren’t around to see what they wasted their lives for.

      • Chipwooder

        It has truly astonished me that there’s been little more than shrugs about this outside of us hardcore deplorables. Virtually no Dems seem to have any objections to this totalitarian poison.

      • R C Dean

        Sadly, I agree with Ozy. The lights are going out in too much of America.

        Sure, the deplorables still try to cling to the Old Ways, but unless and until we completely purge the cultural and polical heights (government, academia, the media, for starters) of leftists, the current trajectory isn’t going to change.

        Oh, and that purge ain’t gonna happen.

      • Ghostpatzer

        We work to engage with them to better understand the enforcement of social media platform policies,

        Enforcement – congratulations Facebook, Youtube, Twitter, et al, you are the modern day Brown Shirts. I would like to believe in an afterlife if only because scum like this are not likely to be punished in this lifetime.

  43. l0b0t

    For hard cooked eggs, I did the sous vide until Playa Manhattan showed me the one true way – steaming. An inch of water in a stockpot, eggs in basket, steam for 13 minutes, blanch in ice water.
    I like to throw a handful of shredded cheese into the skillet and cook until it’s crispy, then crack a couple eggs on top and sunny-side them. Or, using a high-walled but small diameter pan and a lot of olive oil, tilt the pan and constantly spoon hot oil over the tops of the egg whites while cooking the bottom. They come out like big puffy-fluffy clouds.

  44. TARDis

    I’m late, ’cause you know… work.

    All I got is:

    Instant Pot for hard and soft boiled eggs. They are consistent in quality after a bit of experimentation. Plus the hard boiled ones are super easy to pee,l even with fresh eggs.

    For fried eggs, I learned a trick from my best friend’s mom in HS. Instead of flipping the egg and risk busting it, use a bit of water to steam the top under a lid. No snot, and still runny.

    • Mojeaux

      use a bit of water to steam the top under a lid

      Learned this from a short-order cook.

      • TARDis

        Well she was about 5’3″.

      • Mojeaux

        Hey! *I’M* 5’3″! Who you callin’ short?

      • TARDis

        You may have mentioned this previously….
        *whistles innocently*

        If it makes you feel better, I’m undertall too.

    • UnCivilServant

      The taste and texture of runny yolks is disgusting. I’d rather bust it in the pan and have fully cooked yolks than have that dribbling acorss the plate.

      • Mojeaux

        That’s what buttered toast is for, to soak it all up.

  45. The Hyperbole

    200 comments already and I’m not reading all that shit, so this may have been covered but the only variable that makes a difference in easy peel hard boiled eggs is the age of the egg. If you want to make deviled eggs for the fourth of July buy the eggs mid June and let them sit in the fridge for two weeks then boil them, I also poke a hole in the phat end and I have had no issues but that may just be ritual, I don’t think it makes a difference. Three week old eggs boiled for 12 minutes either pierced or not are the easiest peel eggs you’ll find. Also, yes as far as ice bath goes, do it if you’re concerned about presentation as it does eliminate that nasty green penumbra around the yolk.

    • TARDis

      Ahem. Instant Pot. ^^^ Pressure loosens the membrane just fine.

  46. westernsloper

    Of course I was working when this dropped but I love that the comments from YOU PEOPLE went from ass beads to all kinds of egg preparation methods and not one of you said you would get the gadget. It is just an egg steamer for 16 bucks which will soon be 20 bucks so no fault on YOU PEOPLE but I love kitchen gadgets. And to you pressure cooking eggs morons you are wrong. Poke a hole in the big end and steam them. Pressure cooking is for road kill only. And not one rights protection strategy comment which makes YOU PEOPLE so weak..