Friday Morning Links

by | Jul 30, 2021 | Daily Links | 506 comments

Good morning my Glibs and Gliberinas! And what an amazing day it always is!

 

Pelosi orders Capitol police to arrest any staff and visitors not abiding by mask mandate.

 

Republican staffers respond by playing beer pong maskless in the hallway.

 

AZ auditors finished third ballot count and shipped all ballots back to Maricopa County.

 

We went from “a vaccine in less than a year is impossible”, to “take the vaccine or you’re a selfish racist Nazi”, to now this.

 

Even the DNC propagandist pollsters can’t hide Biden’s shitshow.

 

Mike Lindell pulls ads from Fox News after they refused to air ad promoting his cyber symposium.

 

That’s all I got for today.  I will leave you with a song and move along with my day.

About The Author

Banjos

Banjos

Wife of sloopy, mother to three bright, curious, and highly active young girls. Perpetually exhausted.

506 Comments

    • waffles

      Good morning UCS!

      • Brochettaward

        Don’t encourage his shenanigans. This isn’t a First.

  1. Yusef drives a Kia

    “Mike Lindell pulls ads from Fox News after they refused to air ad promoting his cyber symposium.”
    and I’m supposed to know or care about these people?
    Howdy!

    • waffles

      He’s a former drug addict who got clean and start hawking overpriced pillows and sheets to boomer conservatives. He’s deep into Q-conspiracy shit and the line between salesman and tinfoil hat huckster is blurry at best. I think my parents have a couple of his pillows on their guest room bed. They’re ok.

      • Banjos

        “He’s deep into Q-conspiracy shit”

        Uh no, Q is not a catch all for questing the election.

      • waffles

        Fair. I’m mostly just regurgitating the surface level noise about the guy. Q is not a catchall for questioning the election but it is a brush that is used to stain the reputations of anyone who does.

      • Not Adahn

        I’m fully cognizant that I have no idea about Q and I will never learn about it. The documented-as-fact bullshit about Gamergate (that I witnessed firsthand and therefore actually know about) is enough to convince me that the mainstream media is incapable of describing anything that doesn’t share its metaphysics.

      • AlexinCT

        Sure they are able to do a good hitjob against anything they see threatening the global cabal’s agenda.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        Q is not a catchall for questioning the election

        From what I’ve seen, Q is exactly that. Same catchall for if you don’t believe in RussiaGate. Or don’t support BLM. Or mention Hunter’s laptop. Or believe in the 2nd A. Every Glib would be labeled as Qanon believer by the media if the opportunity arose.

      • Pope Jimbo

        I don’t know anyone who is a Q believer. I don’t think I even know anyone who knows someone who is a Q believer.

        For such a massive group it sure is strange that no one seems to know anyone who is a part of it.

      • rhywun

        Greetings, fellow Q-Anon member!

        Would you like to know more?

      • AlexinCT

        The people I found most convinced about Q and Q’s nefarious purpose were rabid leftist idiots and members of the CIA/FBI whom likely are behind the whole Q thing.

      • DrOtto

        I did. It was a husband and wife. They believed it up until January. They sounded truly nuts. Something big was always just around the corner. Then nothing would happen. They finally realized they were idiots.

      • Banjos

        Did they finally realize they were idiots? Hell there are a ton of Russia tards who are still thoroughly convinced Trump is besties with Putin.

      • AlexinCT

        I still know people that not only still believe the Russiagate shit after the Muller report bombed, but will get furious and near violent with you if you show them evidence the Steele report, a piece of fiction written by Glenn Simpson and attributed to Steele so they could add legitimacy at the FISA court that was used to add the veneer of legitimacy to a criminal spying enterprise that was the MO of the Obama admin (and likely the new Biden/Harris one too), was all fiction. They will get red in the face telling you that the very idiots that kept lying to them for 3 plus years about Trump being a KGB plant and going down any year now (for winning an election that had been rigged for crooked Hillary) still say they believe Trump somehow managed to avoid getting caught and the report, another piece that reads like cheap fiction, clearly proved criminality, even though no actionable legal proof was delivered in the 480 page pr0n. These people still hope somehow history will vindicate them and prove Trump not just a Russia agent, but the people that created and peddled the lies and attempted coup as heroic.

        But yeah, Trumpistats are the crazy ones..

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Yet if ask them to provide specific information as to what Trump did to benefit Putin, all you get is silence.

      • AlexinCT

        I have gotten a pile of curse words and accusations of being a Russian stooge myself for defending Tavarish Cheeto…

      • Gustave Lytton

        “No one I know voted for Nixon”

      • Not Adahn

        I believe SF: Hillary is Q.

      • Loveconstitution1789

        To be fair to those that think there an international cabal of elites, Jeffrey Epstein was blackmailing politicians and other elites with sex. Underage sex mostly.

        Bill Clinton was one such elite.

    • Banjos

      Why should I care that you don’t know who these people are?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        You shouldn’t ,I didn’t ask you to, why ask me?
        /sarc

  2. Rebel Scum

    Pelosi orders Capitol police to arrest any staff and visitors not abiding by mask mandate.

    House Reps can be arrested for not putting a useless cloth face covering on and where there is zero authority to do so but they cannot tour and inspect a federal prison. Makes sense. ///HonkHonk

    • PieInTheSky

      They should really build a camp for antimaskers to educate them

    • Rat on a train

      Maybe they can inspect the treatment of political prisoners by becoming one.

    • WTF

      I expect Amnesty International to speak up any minute now…..

    • Tonio

      My understanding is that representatives, members, the actual elected congresscritters, are different than mere “staff.” Pelosi’s orders on them are to have them “reminded” and tattled on to whatever committee handles member discipline.

      • Nephilium

        I seem to ‘member that you also can’t arrest or detail a member of Congress from going to the “sacred” halls.

      • Swiss Servator

        We’ve taken care of everything
        The words you read
        The songs you sing
        The pictures that give pleasure
        To your eye
        One for all and all for one
        Work together
        Common xirs and xes
        Never need to wonder
        How or why

        We are the Priests
        Of the Temple of Democracy
        Our great Pelosis
        Fill the hallowed halls
        We are the Priests
        Of the Temple of Democracy
        All the masks of life
        Are held within our sacred walls

        Look around this world we made
        Equity
        Our stock in trade
        Come and join the Personhood
        Of Xe/Xir
        What a nice contented world
        Let the banners
        Be unfurled
        Hold the Red Star proudly
        High in hand.

      • Ghostpatzer

        Stirring! That really gave me a rush!

      • Festus

        I really wanted to post a picture of “Rush” from my early teens but couldn’t be arsed to do it. Yellow bottle, red lettering…

      • Ghostpatzer

        Butyl Nitrate FTW!

      • Festus

        That’s the ticket!

      • Zwak, jack off, all trades

        I am finally Geddying it now!

        But, Who Keeps the Metric System Down?

        WE DO, WE DO!

      • Charles Easterly

        Nicely done, Swiss.

  3. UnCivilServant

    Republican staffers respond by playing beer pong maskless in the hallway.

    Smoking Cigars? Aren’t all government buildings supposed to be anti-tobacco?

    • Rat on a train

      Congress normally exempts itself from laws.

      • Tonio

        And executive orders generally apply to the executive branch only; courts and congress not affected, although they generally follow suite with internal policies.

        Rat: Also, the courts.

  4. waffles

    Mike Lindell is a nut. But damn it if he isn’t a quintessentially American nut. I only really like him at all because of the people who fear and hate him.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Minnesoda Nut.

      I like the idea about him being an American Nut. That fits perfectly.

      Say what you want about him, but he was able to create and build a company that sells pillows. Something that proved to be impossible by our best and brightest at Harvard.

      • Festus

        “Those aren’t pillows!’

      • STEVE SMITH

        STEVE SMITH NO CARE PILLOW, NOT PILLOW. HIM LIKE, BY LIKE MEAN…

      • Agent Cooper

        He was still addicted to crack when he started the company, I believe.

      • waffles

        B A S E D

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      The same goes for Marjorie Taylor Greene, I think she is a bit of a loon (it is likely that I get this impression from the 24/7 press outrage coverage of her) but she has all the right enemies and does seem to be genuinely American.

      Anyone that international press icon Don LeMon hates is alright in my book.

  5. Ghostpatzer

    “they have corn hole”

    Naughty Republican staffers. Trying to flip the LGBTQZZZ vote, are they?

    • waffles

      I love me some cornhole.

      • slumbrew

        Observe what a mature adult I’ve become.

      • Plinker762

        Lame

      • Nephilium

        The first time I heard of the game referred to as cornhole was a huge banner in a long time gay friendly neighborhood that said, “First Annual Cornhole tournament!”

      • Swiss Servator

        The supposed original makers of the game made a version with a sock monkey that sounded off when tossed – they called it Screaming Monkey Cornhole. Of course they did.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      “ZZZ”…?

      Are narcoleptics now included in the alphabet people?

  6. Tres Cool

    whaddup doh

    • STEVE SMITH

      STEVE SMITH UP, IYKWSSMAHTYD.

  7. PieInTheSky

    We went from “a vaccine in less than a year is impossible”, to “take the vaccine or you’re a selfish racist Nazi”, to now this. – I think I would have been better off if I got the thing in winter 2020

    • Banjos

      I’m still sad that I haven’t. What am I suppose to do to catch this thing? Make out with one of the illegals crossing the border?

      • PieInTheSky

        I mean maybe you find a nice Romanian illegally crossing

      • Sean

        LOL

      • Tres Cool

        That comment nearly warrants the applause.gif but you werent specific enough.

      • PieInTheSky

        One unaware of the fact her partner (we do not used gendered nouns here) probably has a gun if not more than one

      • Tres Cool

        If you come to visit, specially Indiana, someone will likely sell you one. Or just give you a trunk full.

      • The Other Kevin

        I can confirm this Tres. A trunk full of guns and fireworks (at buy one get 7 free).

      • Rat on a train

        I’ve been going out in public unvaccinated and unmasked, but I haven’t caught anything more than a cold. What is a rat to do?

      • WTF

        The cold could have been the vid. For younger healthy people the symptoms are pretty mild.

      • Rat on a train

        I think I had the Rona back in early 2020 when a lingering respiratory illness swept through the office.

      • WTF

        I think I had it too back in early 2020 because I think my wife brought it home from the hospital she works in. She had a head cold with a headache and bad cough for about three days, then I got the same thing. Since then I’ve been taking zero precautions and haven’t gotten sick.

      • SDF-7

        Yeah, I never tested but I have been assuming that the worst-flu-of-my-life that I had after going into the office in the Bay Area in late Jan/early Feb 2020 was it. Just before that flew through ATL, so it could have been either — just seems too likely to not be the case. Which is a big reason why I don’t care to take the vaccine — I don’t buy that there’s appreciable benefit over natural immunity, especially compared to the known and unknown risks.

      • Tres Cool

        Im the same. I was sick as hell with an upper respiratory thing the latter part of December 2019. A couple weeks later, Jugsy gets sick. I go with her to the doctor and her GP said “no idea what it is- not the flu, not pneumonia, just some bug thats going around.”

        Come March when the shit-show started, the news was listing symptoms and I told her, “we’ve already had that”. Ive been out in public, unmasked, for at least the past year and havent gotten anything more than a sinus infection from seasonal allergies.

      • Ghostpatzer

        ^^^This. 3 days of horrible coughing and general misery a week before the office was permanently closed on March 11. Not sure how anyone who commuted to NYC via public transportation could have avoided it.

      • PieInTheSky

        try going in a sewers looking for used denim.

      • Loveconstitution1789

        Dont burn yourself on the rivets when you boil your demin.

      • Loveconstitution1789

        I go about my daily routine, shake hands, eat at restaurants, and dont wear a mask. No illness since 2018.

        Georgia has been open this whole time and we get people from every state that pass through Georgia. Were doing great.

        In fact houses are flying off the market in a few days.

      • Nephilium

        I flew through Baltimore and Atlanta in March of 2020. If I didn’t catch it then, I’m not going to catch it.

      • Lord Humungus

        Me too. I went to Savannah in March of 2020, flew back and everything was locked down within a week afterwards. I felt a little odd after that vacation; nothing I could really pinpoint, just tired and slightly off-kilter for a few days.

        My theory? I was asymptomatic. Since then I’ve had two colds and that is it for illnesses; even though I’ve flown since then, been in many, many restaurants and bars, gone shopping, record conventions, estate sales, etc.

      • AlexinCT

        You might be one of the people that like me had no serious symptoms. I only found out I had it when the Red Cross called me to tell me that they had found the antibodies in my blood and wanted me to donate again as soon as I could cause my blood was now wanted by everyone, including some Rumanian vamps…

      • Festus

        *Raises hand!* Pick me Teacher! Pick me!

    • Not Adahn

      Dude, horning in on Potato’s schtick is uncool.

      • Festus

        There’s plenty to go around.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Around and back again, even.

  8. PieInTheSky

    In sports I do not get why the lakers traded for Westbrick. But maybe they have a plan, though how they gonna get to 15 players I don’t know

    • Swiss Servator

      Several “D” League players.

  9. Rebel Scum

    In response, several GOP members of Congress defied Pelosi’s orders by allowing staff to work without masks, or remotely.

    But young Capitol Hill staffers had another idea: they brought out drinks, inflated a rubber duck, and let the good times roll.

    Perhaps the GOP will once again find its spine.

    I understand Trump has threatened to support the primarying of any Republican that votes for the Democratic Party wish list and connected peoples handout infinite pork barrel spending infrastructure bill.

    • DrOtto

      I’m still trying to wrap my head around the GOP as counter-culture.

      • Not Adahn

        Bloom County and Family Ties say “hi!”

      • EvilSheldon

        Paint your adversaries as a bunch of humorless scolds. I like it. It’s an attack vector that at least has some potential, if only because the Democrats can’t seem to help playing right into it.

      • Zwak, jack off, all trades

        If you aren’t the mainstream culture, then by definition you are the counter-culture.

        But, look at who isn’t a moral scold, who is funny, who is underground. We (well, people much older than me) saw the very same thing in the late fifties, but it was liberals then. The worm always turns

    • ignoreLander

      I understand Trump has threatened to support the primarying of any Republican that votes for the Democratic Party wish list and connected peoples handout infinite pork barrel spending infrastructure bill.

      Starting to seem like the endorsement of Trump isn’t exactly a panacea for ails the GOP….

    • Nephilium

      In local news one of the Ohio senators (Rob Portman) specifically said he reached out to try to work with Trump to support the infrastructuremost frugal spending bill EVAR!

      • Swiss Servator

        Funny, because Trump had no problem ladling out the goodies when he was signing the bill…

      • Nephilium

        Well of course, then he got to attach his name to it. If the Democrats had decided not to attach him, it could have been a lot worse. The Taking Recreational, Unnecessary, Militarized Pistols act could have been passed and signed easily.

      • Rebel Scum

        Trump’s flaw is that he was willing to negotiate with the opposition. I guess we are better off since they (Dems) were such cuntes about it.

      • Chafed

        Swiss gets it.

      • Zwak, jack off, all trades

        The whole thing is kinda funny. If the D’s had worked with him they would have pretty much gotten all they wanted.

        But no, they had to go full retard.

      • Loveconstitution1789

        To be fair, many of those spending bills had veto proof majorities. Trump could spend political capital to veto them and congress over-ride the veto.

  10. Rebel Scum

    Health officials less confident in COVID vaccine efficacy with rise of Delta variant

    Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that the mrna are not vaccines and that you cannot actually vaccinate for any coronavirus because it mutates constantly. Additionally there is an argument to be made that the “vaccines” are driving mutation. But wtf do I know?

    • Banjos

      Sounds like you don’t fucking love science.

      • Rat on a train

        The problem is he doesn’t love fucking science.

      • rhywun

        Who doesn’t love fucking science?!

      • Festus

        Especially when Science has been a bad, bad girl?

      • Rat on a train

        Give me the results I want!

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        I scientifically love fucking.

  11. waffles

    Stinky Wizzleteats on July 29, 2021, 03:59 PM
    Coopted private companies doing the government’s business.

    slumbrew on July 29, 2021, 04:03 PM
    We should have some sort of snappy name for that.

    I love this place.

    • WTF

      You know who else coopted private companies into doing the government’s business?

      • Tres Cool

        Since I live near Wright-Patterson AFB, every officer that retired and picked up a DoD “consulting” job ?

      • Swiss Servator

        I am just jealous I didn’t get to the General ranks to pick up some cushy sinecure like that…

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Yeah, I used to think that the mob had the market cornered on no-show jobs, they have nothing on the Flag Officer to contracting company executive pipeline.

      • prolefeed

        Some Italian with a fashion sense for all black outfits?

      • Rat on a train

        governments everywhere?

      • Zwak, jack off, all trades

        Franco. James of the Giant General, I am not sure which.

      • Zwak, jack off, all trades

        Or, or. Fuck you autocorrect.

  12. Drake

    I must have missed this stuff in my high school government class. The Capital Police report to the Speaker of the House? And she can just make up laws?

    • WTF

      Do not question the authority of the aristocracy, peasant!

      • Sean

        She is the law!

      • WTF

        She is as long as the jackboots are willing to enforce it. Getting rid of qualified immunity would go a long way in curtailing this shit.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        The disregard of civil rights and show trials for the Jan 6th participants showed the courts are fully political entities now. Removing qualified immunity is too little too late. It’s all a circus.

      • WTF

        True, we are officially a banana republic now with political prosecutions and show trials to go along with all of the massive corruption and incompetence.

      • Nephilium

        So they have the law and the science? When will they take the religion?

      • Swiss Servator

        “The First Church of Our Sacred Temple of Democracy”

      • Chafed

        Have you met the Pope?

      • Nephilium

        Which one? Jimbo? Myself? The Catholic one?

        Highest up in the Catholic ranks I met was a couple of Bishops. I left the church long ago.

      • Ghostpatzer

        There’s a Catholic Pope? Next you’ll tell me there are female libertarians.

    • JG43

      They are under the legislative branch so the Speaker is who they report to. Immune from FOIA too.

    • Tonio

      Don’t confuse Capitol Police (a fedgov agency with limited jurisdiction over the actual capitol, congressional office buildings, and Library of Congress) with DC Metro Police (a municipal agency with district-wide jurisdiction, reporting to the mayor).

      • Drake

        You’re not my supervisor! I’ll be confusing shit all day if I want!

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Well, the Capitol and now Florida and California, because reasons….

      • Swiss Servator

        …identification of winter threats.

  13. Rebel Scum

    President Joe Biden’s approval rating has plummeted 20 points since he gained office, according to a Monmouth University poll released Thursday.

    It was all smoke and mirrors anyway.

    • WTF

      81 million votes! The highest vote total of any president in history!!

      • Tres Cool

        And Hillary was the most qualified person ever to be president.

      • Sean

        She has hot sauce in her purse!

      • WTF

        And she ain’t no ways tahrd!

      • Rat on a train

        Well, when you are looking for someone to run a corrupt organization, a lifelong crook would appear qualified.

      • Festus

        Yeah, Juris can suck a long dick at this point.

    • Drake

      Meanwhile Harris’ popularity has gone up 20 points in fake polls.

  14. Rebel Scum

    Mike Lindell pulls ads from Fox News after they refused to air ad promoting his cyber symposium.

    Dude might be a little nuts but at least he is fun.

    • Pope Jimbo

      He also believes in what he believes.

      He’s losing a lot of money because of his nuttiness, but he doesn’t seem to care. If woke CEO’s are going to be lauded for putting their “values” before profits, Lindell needs to be lauded as well.

      • Rebel Scum

        I am tempted to purchase some of his products just because. I wonder how that will go over with the died-in-the-wool Dem gf. . .

      • Banjos

        You know, I do need some more bath towels.

      • Ted S.

        Buy them without telling her what she’s using.

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        You could just cut the tags off the pillows if you’re willing to live a life of crime.

      • R C Dean

        We’ve got a couple of his dog beds. Can recommend.

      • Pope Jimbo

        What did you say to Mrs. Dean that got you relegated to the dog bed?

      • R C Dean

        Turns out wearing a buffalo horn helmet to bed wasn’t what she was looking for after all.

    • Jerms

      I would have loved to smoke a little crack with Mike back in the day.

      • Zwak, jack off, all trades

        Heh.

  15. PieInTheSky

    After 9/11 the government passed tons of new laws mandating that we we routinely got molested at airports, lost all privacy, lost due process in a criminal court if we were considered an enemy combatant, etc. The Covid response shouldn’t feel like that. And yet….

    https://twitter.com/TimJDillon/status/1420714639122386954

    • WTF

      “Never let a crisis go to waste.” Even if you have to just manufacture one.

    • Plisade

      I went through the Denver and Nashville airports this week. Security wasn’t bad in either. 5 minutes tops to get through. Neither had that spinning x-ray type hands-up things to go through, just normalish metal detectors. The worst part was dealing with the newbs who for some reason feel the need to repack all their shit while they’re filling up the trays.

    • PieInTheSky

      But at least they don’t have icky guns

    • Rebel Scum

      That conversation sounded better in its original German.

    • rhywun

      And that’s just a country we used to know and love.

      I’ve heard worse horror stories coming out of less-friendly regimes.

    • Chafed

      Maybe giving up guns wasn’t such a good idea.

    • Agent Cooper

      Citizens (Subjects) will have to die at the hands of police for this to change at all.

  16. PieInTheSky

    So who is team Scarlett Johansson and who is team Disney?

    • WTF

      Based on what I know about Disney, I will just assume they are the bad guys here.

      • PieInTheSky

        Johansson said that Disney’s decision to send the Marvel movie to Disney Plus at the same time it released in theaters cost her millions of dollars in backend compensation

      • Nephilium

        A brief read of a couple of blurbs indicated that her contract did include increased payout based on theatrical release. From the statements Disney made, they may have included the premium streaming fee as part of that theatrical release bonus.

        Of course, since they killed Natasha off, it’s not like she could be in any more MCU movies. I mean, comic book characters always stay dead, and never come back.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Sorry, I wasn’t clear.

        Did the contract stipulate how the movie was to be released? No? Then shut up.

        In fact, if they have contractual premiums written in for theater release, then clearly they contemplated not releasing it in theater.

        It’d be like me bitching because my stock options didn’t appreciate enough after my company launched a reorg that lowered the stock price. Dem’s da breaks.

        Sorry, vapid actress, hire a better agent next time.

      • Pope Jimbo

        I sort of liked the first Spiderman movie. It was cool seeing how cgi could make superhero movies possible.

        Since then I have grown so fucking tired of any Marvel movie that I can’t stand it.

      • Nephilium

        Point of order. Assuming you’re referring to the Raimi directed Spider-Man, that was Sony, not Marvel. Marvel was still trying to figure out how to survive at that point and had licensed off the rights to almost all of their big name characters to get cash money. That’s also why the Hulk has not had a stand alone movie since the Ed Norton one, Universal owns distribution rights to all Hulk movies.

      • Nephilium

        I assumed he was talking theatrical release, not made for TV.

        A while back I saw an article lamenting that those early made for TV Spider-man movies had not been released on any media. I can only assume the person writing that was too young to have watched any of them.

      • UnCivilServant

        It got a theatrical release.

      • blackjack

        My shop helper had worked on the animatronics for that movie. He had the original release poster, signed by the entire cast, with the twin towers reflected in Spiderman’s eyes. They pulled the poster after 9/11 and contacted him asking him to return it. I told him to keep it, it’ll be worth a bunch of money one day. Don’t know if he did or not.

      • Nephilium

        I wound up drinking with a bunch of the help for Spider-Man 3 when a girl I was interested in gave me a call at 22:00 on a Monday and asked me to meet her up at a bar for their SIN (Service Industry Night) specials as the crew were all there. She knew I was a Spider-Man fanboy.

      • waffles

        Sam Raimi’s Spiderman 2 is the best superhero movie ever made. It isn’t even close.

      • Nephilium

        I’d like to put in X-Men 2 and Captain America: The First Avenger as contenders as well.

    • SDF-7

      I would assume most of us are Team Not My Circus – Not My Monkeys.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Not My Monkeys

        C’mon man! That has to be racist. Right?

    • UnCivilServant

      You left off the option to not be for either.

      • Festus

        I’m Team “Die in a Fire!”

      • Not Adahn

        Team “ScarJo needs to be naked more often?”

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        That’s a team I could get behind.

    • ignoreLander

      The problem I have with commentary about this lawsuit is all these low-IQ people: “Oh booo-hoo! The millionaire got a little less money!” Few things with this:

      1. If Scarlett doesn’t get the money, it goes to Disney. Is that somehow a victory?

      2. What people don’t seem to understand about the suit is, it alleges that by doing the simultaneous release, the profits were transferred from the box office to Disney+ subscriptions and pay-per-view rentals. That translates to performance bonuses for Iger and Chapek, at the expense of Scarlett’s box office percentage points. Is it somehow better that the multi-millionaire corrupt executives get the money, than the multi-millionaire actress?

      I don’t know the language of the contract, so I don’t know who’s right, but I’m not about defend the gutter trash that is Disney just because an already-rich actress wants to get paid for her labor.

    • Agent Cooper

      ScarJo. Anything to bleed the Mouse.

  17. Sean

    New Poll Shows Biden Approval In Full On Nose Dive

    All polls are BS, even when they align with my beliefs.

    • Plinker762

      It’s almost as if polls are commissioned to effect opinion and not just measure it.

    • blackjack

      9 out of 5 schizophrenics agree, according to a recent poll.

  18. Festus

    I’d rather party with the Rep interns rather than the Dem ones. Looks like they have some skills.

  19. Rebel Scum

    That’s one cunning cat.

    Watch this mastermind cat escape an “escape proof cage” at a rescue center.

    • Chafed

      Smart kitty.

  20. The Hyperbole

    Have any of you watched any of the three/four? movies Mike Lindell put out. I tried to watch the first one, but couldn’t make it very far. That even Breitbart and Pj Media ignore him (at least the election stuff, they do report on his getting kicked off twitter, and that Hogg kids rival poillow company) tells me he’s probably got nothing.

    • Banjos

      Maybe. But keep in mind Dominion is showering billion dollar lawsuits on any individual and/or entity that even hints they pulled some questionable shit. Combine that with social media kicking off anyone questioning the election and you get even the most right wing media refusing to touch it.

      • Festus

        Yup. Hot stoves are hot.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      Hogg kids rival poillow company

      That’s dead already.

      • Not Adahn

        Customers disliked the bite marks?

  21. Rebel Scum

    Tucker is aiming for a spot in the gulags.

    This Tucker Carlson dig at a fully-vaccinated, mask & face shield wearing Lloyd Austin is one for the ages.

    “How long before he’s wearing surgical gloves in the shower and zip-tying garbage bags around his feet? The U.S. military is being run by a neurotic cat lady.”

    • Festus

      Why is he the only one from the dinosaurs pushing back? Controlled opposition?

      • blackjack

        Tucker wants to win. Dinosaurs lost really big that one time, you know with the meteor, and now all they want is to replicate their greatest record. Then, can sit back and whine without ever taking responsibility for anything. Nobody is blaming global warming on brontosaurus farts, now are they?

      • Agent Cooper

        It works. He wins the ratings game.

    • Tres Cool

      Not enough FUPA but I could make it work.

      • Sean
      • Festus

        “Mein eyes!”

      • Sean

        Context matters.

        You have no one to blame but yourself. 😛

      • Tres Cool

        Oh hell yes.

        By the time I was done with her, she’d be buried in a Y-shaped casket.

      • Tres Cool

        Alternative comment: “whomever managed to pull me out of her would be the next king of England”

      • Sean

        OK, that got a lol.

  22. Tundra

    Good morning Banjos!

    That song is gonna be going through my head for the rest of the day.

    So thanks!

    • Festus

      Yep. Matches the mood.

  23. Pope Jimbo

    The story about those GOP staffers got me aroused.

    Way back in the day when I had just got out of the Marines, I was bumming around Fargo/Moorhead. A good friend from high school had become the head of the College Republicans for one of the local colleges. He’d invite me to their parties and I never failed to get laid at them. I was a “bad boy” who wasn’t in school and I was much more manly than the other GOP kids.

    Those pics of the staffers brought back fond memories of those times.

  24. The Late P Brooks

    Left uncertain amid the revised recommendations is at what point, if ever, it will be safe for vaccinated individuals to go maskless. Both Fauci and Wallensky have acknowledged that infections in vaccinated individuals are “rare,” and both have continued to argue strongly that vaccines are effective at fighting the virus. The disconnect between that confidence and the new guidance has rendered the new directive somewhat opaque in its reasoning.

    Now go ask about the SCIENCE! behind masks, you credulous dolts.

  25. Rebel Scum

    Or you could lose the buzzwords and do what the Trump admin. was doing, namely enforce existing immigration laws and secure the border.

    President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris, who was placed in charge of handling the Biden border crisis, have unveiled what they are calling a plan to address the “root causes” of immigration from Mexico and the “Northern Triangle” countries of Guatemala, Honduras, and El Salvador. …

    “In Central America, the root causes of migration run deep—and migration from the region has a direct impact on the United States,” Harris said in a statement accompanying the report. “For that reason, our nation must consistently engage with the region to address the hardships that cause people to leave Central America and come to our border.”

    “The strategy, according to officials, has been broken down into five pillars: addressing economic insecurity and inequality; combatting corruption, strengthening democratic governance and advancing the rule of law; promoting respect for human rights, labor rights, and a free press; countering and preventing violence, extortion, and other crimes perpetrated by criminal gangs, trafficking networks, and other organized criminal organizations; and combating sexual, gender-based and domestic violence,” Fox News added.

    • WTF

      So, they propose to eventually undertake a program to somehow end decades of Latin American government corruption and mismanagement. Because we’ve been so successful trying that shit before.

    • rhywun

      I hope the plan reads:

      “Dear Central America:

      Fix your shit.

      Love, Joe”

    • Rat on a train

      Nation building? Since we pulled out of Afghanistan, we need someplace to occupy.

      • Swiss Servator

        I’ll volunteer out of the Retired Reserve to help occupy Costa Rica!

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Apparently we tried it back in the 19th century using mercenaries and it didn’t go so well.

      • Rat on a train

        It is time we consider our troops and invade a nice country that has plenty of vacation opportunities.

    • Plisade

      The real 5 pillars:

      1. Identify prime money laundering areas of economic insecurity and inequality.
      2. Align with locals most amenable to corruption while pretending to be strengthening democratic governance and advancing the rule of law.
      3. Launch a “foundation” whose stated goals are promoting respect for human rights, labor rights, and a free press; as well as combating sexual, gender-based and domestic violence.
      4. Engage in violence, extortion, and other crimes alongside criminal gangs, trafficking networks, and other organized criminal organizations, doing whatever it takes to create false flags to justify US tax money being funneled to the “foundation.”
      5. Profit.

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      Fixing the root causes, if even possible, and securing the border should not be mutually exclusive.

    • UnCivilServant

      As percentiles are relative things, the only way you can attain that is to burn everyone’s standard of living down to scratching at dirt looking for bugs.

      Fuck off, commie.

    • Rat on a train

      We must work to ensure no person has below median income.

    • ignoreLander

      It is unacceptable that anyone should ever live below the 10th percentile standard of living.

      Really hard to tell but reading the dude’s reply to his comments, I think he was trolling. If so he’s a master and he played it perfectly.

      Then again he’s in Seattle and has a man-bun, so he might be serious, in which case this is major derp.

  26. Rebel Scum

    The IOC hates women.

    The International Olympic Committee (IOC) reaffirmed its full support of transgender athletes Friday when medical director Richard Budgett declared “transwomen are women” and should be included in women’s sport “when we possibly can.”

    “After 100 years of promoting women’s sport, it’s up to each of the international federations to ensure that they try and protect women’s sport,” he told a briefing in Tokyo. “Science will help, experience will help, and time will help.”

    Seems to me like you are supporting the destruction of women’s sports.

    • PieInTheSky

      womxn bigot

    • waffles

      If transwomen are better at sports then haven’t we improved women’s sports? I kid, but I still want a super league where participants are required to use every performance-enhancing technology available. Unethical? You bet. But it will be awesome.

      • UnCivilServant

        “We have only had five embolisms, two cerebral hemmorages, and six heart attacks this year.”

        “Sounds like they’re playing it safe on the field, Jon.”

    • rhywun

      “medical director”

      honk-honk ?

      • Not Adahn

        Re: lesbians yesterday,

        I’m not going to go searching now that IT is watching me, but there are a number of articles about how lesbian dating sites are being overrun by transwomyn. Any native lesbopotamians who dislike this are screamed at for being J. K. Rowling level transphobes.

      • AlexinCT

        As a lesbian trapped in a a man’s body, I can see how these people are abusing the tranny thing…

      • EvilSheldon

        What do I keep saying about, ‘you get what you put up with?’

    • blackjack

      Well, their logo is five holes and there’s nothing to fill any of them.

    • Agent Cooper

      Who cares. I don’t anymore.

  27. PieInTheSky

    Anti-Asian racism has the same source as anti-Black racism: white supremacy. So even when a Black person attacks an Asian person, the encounter is fueled very specifically by white supremacy. White supremacy does not require a white person to perpetuate

    https://twitter.com/TalbertSwan/status/1420616243867004928

    • Semi-Spartan Dad

      We have to be getting close to peak Derp with this one.

      • AlexinCT

        The thing that is most baffling is how they contort themselves to avoid saying the anti-Asian stuff comes from black people, the other group they claim is being accosted by honkey racists…

    • WTF

      Well, there it is, the stupidest thing I’ve seen all week.

      • robodruid

        stupidest so far…..

      • WTF

        Good point.

  28. The Late P Brooks

    In Central America, the root causes of migration run deep

    Those places are shitholes, and we played a major role in making them thus.

    Fortunately, once we have completed our mission to destroy the rule of law and turn this country into a socialist banana republic, those impoverished peasants will have no real incentive to come here. Problem solved.

    • AlexinCT

      It used to be that the people that “migrated” did so for economic reasons and they were hard workers looking for a better future. These were people that would work hard. The majority of the new migrants don’t come here for work so much as they come for free shit one party is offering in the hopes of electing themselves a new people that will vote for them no matter how bad they fuck the previous people over.

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        I think most of them still work hard. But they also take advantage of the free stuff.

      • R C Dean

        Hard to say how the mix is changing. The current (very large) wave came specifically because they were invited to with (implied, at a minimum) promises of public support.

        The children being sent in are certainly not coming here to work, that’s for sure. I wonder how many of their “parents”, if they come with them, are planning to work as well.

        But, it doesn’t really matter to me. Because regardless of whether they are coming to work or sponge off welfare, nobody is making an argument that allowing hundreds of thousands to millions of unskilled migrants into the country is good for the citizens of the United States. And that’s the only issue that should matter when it comes to immigration policy.

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        “nobody is making an argument that allowing hundreds of thousands to millions of unskilled migrants into the country is good for the citizens of the United States.”

        I probably benefit because it pushes up home prices and lowers the cost of things like food and services. It’s not good for people at the low end of the wage scale because of the extra competition. I don’t see how the lefties can complain about income inequality and at the same time flood the low end of the market with unskilled labor.

  29. The Late P Brooks

    Watch this mastermind cat escape an “escape proof cage” at a rescue center.

    Awesome.

  30. The Late P Brooks

    But young Capitol Hill staffers had another idea: they brought out drinks, inflated a rubber duck, and let the good times roll.

    That caught the attention of Aaron Fritschner, a staffer for Rep. Don Beyer (D-VA), who sought to shame them on Twitter:

    Aaron Fritschner is a Grade A douchebag and a prissy little tattletale. His grandfather probably fought on some foreign shore so he could grow up and volunteer to be a part of our New American Stasi.

    • PieInTheSky

      But the stasi will be invited to all the best parties

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      He works for that fuckstick Don Beyer, who is firmly ensconced in Arlington like an embedded tick.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Presumably their need to demonstrate the exercise of “freedoms” is stronger than their sense of responsibility to justify taxpayer-funded salaries

      1) demonstrating for freedom is more important than just about anything
      2) Now you care about how tax dollars are spent?

  31. Rebel Scum

    Discriminatory taxation is all the rage.

    Congress should increase the income tax rate on taxpayers who are unvaccinated, and who have no legitimate religious or medical reason to be unvaccinated, to 99 percent.

    This could be done through reconciliation.

    Yes. Tax the dissidents into poverty. And maybe make them wear some sort of identifier so that the good subjects citizens know that they are dirty pathogen spreaders.

    But I am pretty sure that assertion is not correct. And people like me can have no reconciliation with people like you.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      How could anyone think that they intend to persecute the non-compliers into oblivion?

      When somebody starts putting bullets in these totalitarian assholes, I’m going to have a celebratory drink.

    • WTF

      And the court will allow it, because PenalTax!!

      • Ghostpatzer

        STEVE SMITH LEVY “PENAL” TAX!

      • Nephilium

        Dude. This was named yesterday… PenalVax.

    • Ownbestenemy

      legitimate religious or medical reason

      Both broadly applied by an individual.

      Last I checked, I can refuse medical advice and fuck you my spaghetti monster is my messiah and it says no magic shall be injected into thine bodies

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Nope, sorry, legitimate religious exemptions only apply to religions where government is god.

      • Ownbestenemy

        What is scary is that is exactly what they believe.

    • EvilSheldon

      The more of this that I read, the clearer it becomes. The left, getting an unfamiliar taste of the Chump Effect, is lashing out in anger against victims who can’t hit them back.

    • Agent Cooper

      So tax Black Americans more? That should go over well.

  32. The Late P Brooks

    Congress should increase the income tax rate on taxpayers who are unvaccinated, and who have no legitimate religious or medical reason to be unvaccinated, to 99 percent.

    Fuck that.

    Just confiscate our assets when you send us to the camps.

    • Drake

      Why not issue a bill of attainder against the unvaccinated?

    • Ownbestenemy

      Well they could reinsert the 3/5th clause for the unwashed. Might as well go full retard on this.

    • RBS

      Most waste from Ohio ends up in Myrtle Beach this time of year…

      • Agent Cooper

        Those golf cart parades can’t happen on their own, you know.

    • Gender Traitor

      Radioactive material headed to Michigan from an Ohio company

      We finally dropped the bomb on TSUN? I knew it would come to this. (BTW, does sloopy have an alibi?)

      Well, if it missed Ann Arbor, State College wouldn’t be a bad second choice.

    • SDF-7

      Iridium? Everyone watch out for a man with a very unbalanced horned helmet looking to make a portal with it….

      • Penguin

        Isn’t he still locked up?

  33. Rebel Scum

    Perhaps the feds should start doing their damned jobs instead of threatening states that have been put in the position of having to do it for them.

    According to the governor’s website, Abbott signed the executive order “restricting ground transportation of migrants who pose a risk of carrying COVID-19 into Texas communities.” It also “directed the Texas Department of Public Safety (DPS) to stop any vehicle upon reasonable suspicion of such violation and reroute such vehicles back to its point of origin or a port of entry. DPS also has the authority to impound a vehicle that violates the Executive Order.”

    In response, Attorney General Garland wrote his own letter to Abbott, saying that the order cannot be enforced, and pressed the governor to immediately take it back.

    Garland wrote that the order “would jeopardize the health and safety of noncitizens in federal govern­ment custody, federal law enforcement personnel and their families, and our communities.”

    He also stated that it “di­rectly interferes with the implementation of federal immigration law.”

    “Texas has no authority to interfere with the United States’ ‘broad, un­-doubted power over the subject of immigration’ by impairing the United States’ release of individuals and the ability of those individuals to comply with federal immigration law,” Garland added.

    • WTF

      Since nobody is enforcing federal immigration law, I don’t see how this could be interfering with it.

      • Sean

        Selectively enforcing. “Sorry, Cubans.”

      • AlexinCT

        If you needed proof those claiming they wanted open borders didn’t do so out of any noble motive, just look at what was said to the Cubans – people truly escaping tyranny and hell on earth, which happens to be the system the people advocating for open borders want to give us here in the US – whose true crime will be not voting for the people advocating open borders otherwise…

    • Lord Humungus

      This will be interesting.

    • Not Adahn

      “Texas has no authority to interfere with the United States’ ‘broad, un­-doubted power over the subject of immigration’

      Only Hawaii has that authority!

  34. The Late P Brooks

    “This is such an overstep of Speaker Pelosi’s authority to basically make our Capitol Police arrest staff members and report on members [of Congress],” Cammack told Fox News Thursday. “It’s absolutely unconscionable that this is where we’re at.”

    We got rid of the Authoritarian Orange Man just in time. Think how bad things would be with him running the show.

  35. The Other Kevin

    You would think that Dr. Anthony “I AM SCIENCE” Fauci would have seen this vaccine resistance coming. Maybe instead of saying “whatever me (and my team) says, is irrefutable truth”, people should have a little humility and say “we’re doing the best we can with what we know and what we have to work with.”

    • UnCivilServant

      He Can’t.

      He’s been the head of a hand sculpted agency for decades. Being questioned or defied is absolutely alien to him. He’s angry that people are not taking his word as law.

    • WTF

      Fauci is more of a profiteering bureaucrat than a scientist.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Fauci:

        “I have a reputation, as you probably have figured out, of speaking the truth at all times and not sugar-coating things.

        “I believe, in fact I’m certain, that the country, in a very stressful time, needed a symbol of someone who tells the truth, which I do,” he explains.

        To quote one of my favorite characters, “Who talks like that?”

      • WTF

        *cues up videos of Fauci repeatedly contradicting himself*

      • Chipwooder

        “Rue the day???”

    • Nephilium

      Local news wrote about the new CDC recommendations, and listed the Ohio counties that should start masking if they want to follow the guidelines. Almost all were rural, with the exception of Montgomery County (which has Dayton).

      • Annoyed Nomad

        Oh great.
        [Montgomery County resident]

      • Nephilium

        Do you guys have a county government down there, or just the city ones? So far DeWine (Cunte – OH) has said he’s not going to bring back a mandate, and even up here in Cuyahoga, I don’t think people would follow it anymore.

      • Annoyed Nomad

        Yes, we have to deal with county government along with city government. County does stuff like real estate/property taxes, courts/sheriff and parks management.

      • Annoyed Nomad

        They also have a Public Health office – they’ve been arranging a lot of the COVID vaccination sites within the county.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      The got the county right next door to Manistee, Mason where all the big courses are,
      Fuck Them All!

  36. PieInTheSky

    City Attorney Pete Holmes worries he’ll get squeezed out in tight 3-way Seattle primary

    https://www.seattletimes.com/seattle-news/politics/city-attorney-pete-holmes-worries-hell-get-squeezed-out-in-tight-3-way-seattle-primary

    No idea how I got to this article. But this caught my eye.
    “By contrast, Thomas-Kennedy, an attorney and former public defender, is running as an “abolitionist,” arguing Holmes is prosecuting too many petty property crimes, wasting city resources and essentially criminalizing poverty. ”

    This is very stupid in many ways. First minor property crime prosecuted will be less and less minor.
    Second, as 90s post commie eastern europe minor property crime was generally not prosecuted, it is not pleasant to live in such a place. Even if you have the money to replace lost property, it is a major nuisance and generally unpleasant to expect everything not nailed down to be stolen.
    Third, is this implying all poor people steal? because otherwise criminalizing theft is not criminalizing poverty.

    • Ownbestenemy

      If you are getting squeezed out of a three-way, you were never meant to be there

      • blackjack

        But, I heard the lesbians were going extinct?

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        I never would have expected Holmes to get squeezed out of a three way.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Well, if they elect Thomas-Kennedy, they get what they deserve. It’s not like San Francisco is showing them exactly what will happen or anything like that.

      • WTF

        The left will continue to destroy their cities, and the FedGov will continue using Covid as an excuse to bail them out when their tax base flees.

      • Rat on a train

        their tax base flees
        I haven’t heard much from the regional taxation crowd? I guess there is no need when you can go to the top for other people’s money.

  37. Certified Public Asshat

    At least if we are locked down again we won’t need that infrastructure bill.

    • Sensei

      Good point.

      But how will Amazon deliver packages to me?

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Drones and spaceships.

      • UnCivilServant

        Suborbital phallic missiles.

  38. The Late P Brooks

    The two-page guidance dated Wednesday was issued by the new police chief, Manger, who took over on Friday to lead the Capitol Police force, which is still reeling from the Jan. 6 riot and Good Friday attack at the Capitol.

    They’re HEROES, dedicated professionals who defend the Constitution and serve the nation, not Nancy’s Thug Army.

    And they’ll give you a good thrashing if you say that again.

    • R C Dean

      the Jan. 6 riot and Good Friday attack at the Capitol.

      The Capitol was attacked on Good Friday? This year?

      • Ownbestenemy

        Well, they have been making shit up, so why not? Oh..they mean the crazy dude who slammed his car into the barriers. Yeah, lets just roll those in to this.

    • Agent Cooper

      ” still reeling from the Jan. 6 riot”

      JFC. What a bunch of lightweights.

  39. waffles

    I went to a big concert last night in my town. Full capacity, sold out, people almost shoulder to shoulder. I estimate only 1 in 30 people wore masks. The headliner, Bright Eyes, was some indie-pop emo-crooner who was OK but really elevated by a locally-sourced string and brass section. I got the ticket from a friend who had to jet for a family thing and wanted me to look after her cat. I wouldn’t have had any interest but it was very local and free. I had fun.

    Apparently this was their first show as a band since 2011, first live performance in two years. It really struck me how nervous the performers were, covid twisted some people up. The crowd at this show was very much hipster NPR millennial geek perhaps they shared that apprehension. I think the hysteria coming from government is straight up abusive at this point. I have no other explanation. Anyway, they played an almost 2 hour set because they weren’t sure the tour would even continue. Maybe the melodrama is part of their schtick but I thought it was genuine.

    So I guess the lesson is this. No matter how miserable the government is making you right now, it’s making the leftists even more miserable. Also, live music is cool and good.

    • Festus

      Yes! Even sub-par live music is better than the alternative. Bright Eyes used to be big in Sweden.

    • Nephilium

      Looking forward to the show in Eastern PA next weekend. This is the longest time that I’ve not been to a concert since I was a child. It’s also looking like I’ll be picking up Punk in Drublic tickets for just outside of Pittsburgh for October.

  40. Festus

    All of our days are numbered. Tyrants forget that. This petty bullshit has gotten out of hand. I’m an old man afraid to speak his own mind in a “democracy”. I really don’t know what to make of the situation. God help us all.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Freedom only dies if it is no longer uttered from the lips of good people.

      We do it daily and fear not my Canadian friend, it will prevail again as long as we continue our snark and glibness.

      • Festus

        I love you just a little more, radar love, even…

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      My fear has been eclipsed by DGAF. They’re gonna find out I’m a “deplorable” eventually. May as well come to terms with it and go back to living life.

    • Trigger Hippie

      Sewer colony, dude.

      Disclaimer: if you here something say “wannafud?”, run.

  41. Jerms

    Watching the AM local news. Here is the new line on the virus: the delta variant is more contagious than the chicken pox and the virus wont stop mutating until almost everyone is vaccinated.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      They didn’t mention EBOLA to really stoke the fear?

    • Nephilium

      Not chicken pox!

      DOOM!

      Wait… I’m of an age when most of us got chicken pox, as there wasn’t a vaccine for it. It was basically a rite of passage. Even then, some people (like the girlfriend) never got it.

      • Ownbestenemy

        This. It was a mild childhood disease. I’m glad there was a vaccine developed for it, but seriously…you were laid up for a week with all the care and attention from mommy or daddy.

        And eucalyptus baths….I loved those

      • UnCivilServant

        eucalyptus baths

        Never heard of those.

        We got calamine lotion dabbed on with cotton balls.

      • AlexinCT

        Some one told me the practice of Bukkake was born from small pox treatment trials…

      • Ownbestenemy

        The oils sooth and helped with the treatment. Thousand Oaks, where my extended family lived, had large amounts of those trees.

      • blackjack

        Eucalyptus trees were used as wind blocks just over the hill in the Camarillo/Oxnard plain. They are everywhere out here.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      the virus wont stop mutating until almost everyone is vaccinated

      Yes, of course, the virus magically stops mutating when everybody is vaccinated. I swear to God, this entire episode in American history has been a return to the Dark Ages in terms of scientific understanding.

      • Rebel Scum

        return to the Dark Ages in terms of scientific understanding

        Or mendacious manipulation of the population by the powers that be.

    • Rebel Scum

      the virus wont stop mutating until almost everyone is vaccinated

      Fixed. Get your vitamin C/D/etc.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Even if we assume their stupidity is correct, what about the massive reserve of unvaccinated people across the world?

  42. Sensei

    Any Glibs want to volunteer?

    Can masturbating impact the immune system?

    There are claims that masturbation can influence the strength of the immune system, but does any scientific evidence support this? Medical News Today considers the science behind this claim and speaks to experts to find out more.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Well I would assume the release…*Beavis laugh* of serotonin and studies have linked it to immunity.

      But sure, I’ll volunteer

      • Festus

        Millions of Covid Karens start flicking the bean. For Science!

    • Rat on a train

      The researchers drew blood from these participants as they were masturbating …

      • Tulip

        This made me laugh because people who masturbate while having blood drawn are totally representative of the population. No selection bias there, nope

    • CPRM

      I haven’t been sick in years. *scratches hairy palms*

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        But did you go blind?

    • Pope Jimbo

      It may help prevent diseases, but there are downsides. Excessive masturbation is known to increase joint pain/damage. Ever heard of a knee jerk reaction?

      • Sean

        That rubs me the wrong way.

      • blackjack

        Get a grip, man.

    • Rebel Scum

      I’m willing to do the research to find out.

    • blackjack

      The takeaway is, don’t shake hands with healthy people?

  43. Pope Jimbo

    What the fuck is the purpose of whole wheat English muffins?

    These things are too dense to hold the amount of melted butter I need.

    • Ghostpatzer

      About time someone posted something serious here. Melted butter is the least of the issues, takes 45 minutes to toast the fuckers.

      • Not Adahn

        Bagels with cultured butter > bagels with cream cheese.

    • Agent Cooper

      Bay’s English Muffins or GTFO. Thomas’s are garbage.

  44. The Late P Brooks

    Off with his head

    President Biden and Fox News White House correspondent Peter Doocy had a heated exchange Thursday at the end of a speech in which Biden announced a vax-or-test-mask-and-distance requirement for millions of federal workers.

    As Biden left the podium in the East Room of the White House, Doocy reminded the president that he had said, “if you are fully vaccinated, you no longer need to wear a mask.”

    “No I didn’t say that,” Biden responded. “I said if you’re fully vaccinated in an area where you do not have – well, let me clarify that –“

    Doocy interrupted to clarify his question: “In May, you made it sound like a vaccine was the ticket to losing the masks forever.”

    “That was true at the time!” a visibly agitated president shot back. “Because I thought there were people who were going to understand that getting vaccinated made a gigantic difference. What happened was, a new variant came along, they didn’t get vaccinated, it was spread more rapidly, and more people were getting sick. That’s the difference.”

    How dare you question my authority to randomly rewrite the rules based on made-up SCIENCE! from quacks and charlatans?

    • Ownbestenemy

      Now if only other ‘news’ agencies would be as pressing. It is clear that WH communications could not handle a curious press.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      Delta has been in the US since February.

    • WTF

      I’m surprised they even let Doocy have a press pass. I guess he’s their token conservative so they can claim things are not biased.

  45. The Late P Brooks

    Last I checked, I can refuse medical advice

    This man is obviously a danger to himself and others. I hereby order him to be transported for observation and treatment to the State Hospital for the Criminally Insane, to be released at such time as the professional staff deem him cured.

    • Festus

      TLPB gets it!

  46. CPRM

    One of my mom’s distant cousins is married to Mike Lindell’s cousin, and he says he’s an asshole. True story. Maybe I should post about it on Reddit, then journalisming will happen!

    • PieInTheSky

      You have to say my anonymous distant cousin to protect his privacy

    • Festus

      Most rich people are assholes. You don’t get rich by going along to get along, hence my conundrum.

      • AlexinCT

        I also find people that ask to “borrow” (read get free shit) money from rich relatives/friends and get told “fuck no, brah”, tend to label the person telling them there will be no early/extra Christmas an asshole..

        My take is that assholes are the ones thinking rich people, especially rich relatives, should give them shit. Not judging your relative, but just pointing out something I have seen frequent enough to believe is almost a given.

      • slumbrew

        Most rich people are assholes.

        That has not been my experience, at all. Quite the opposite, in fact.

      • R C Dean

        Near as I can tell, the distribution of assholes is pretty consistent across most socio-economic cohorts. If I had to pick one that seems overpopulated with assholes, it might well be upper-middle-class white women.

      • slumbrew

        If I had to pick one that seems overpopulated with assholes, it might well be upper-middle-class white women.

        I’ll agree with that bit. Related to that, the _spouses_ of the rich people I’ve met – i.e., not the earner themselves – do indeed over-index for assholery.

        Case in point – my cousin is the driver for a big-time hedge fund guy, a member of the 3-comma club (I think); the guy is by all accounts incredibly nice to my cousin and all other employees. His wife treats everyone like indentured servants.

      • CPRM
      • slumbrew

        I was going to be very disappointed it if that was anything else.

        Just re-watched that some months back – holds up pretty well.

  47. The Late P Brooks

    What the fuck is the purpose of whole wheat English muffins?

    I don’t know, but cinnamon raisin english muffins with peanut butter are teh awesome.

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      What the fuck is the purpose of whole wheat English muffins?

      FIFY

      • Festus

        Meh, I like sausage Macmuffins.

      • AlexinCT

        Is this some euphemism about these the girls that get Tres all excited and wanting to play Excalibur?

      • Pope Jimbo

        I thought Excalibur was withdrawn?

      • AlexinCT

        That happened in the sequel.. Tres wants to play the prequel…

      • UnCivilServant

        Excalibur was never in the stone, those were two different swords.

        It’s like you guys don’t even know western myths.

      • Not Adahn

        Ex Calce liberare was never in a stone?

      • Tres Cool

        I saw the pr0n version of Camelot.

        Cum-a-Lot.

        The plot was derivative and hard to follow.

      • waffles

        Now I’m confused. Did I just hallucinate the lady of the lake or no?

      • AlexinCT

        Not as good as “Lord of the cock rings”? That Dildo Teabaggings character really gave it to Samwise Gaygie….

      • Agent Cooper

        DUDE THAT SCENE IN EXCALIBUR WHERE THE GUY STABS THE OTHER GUY WITH A JOUSTING LANCE AND A CHUNK FALLS OUT OF THE BACK OF HIM WAS WILD.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Delivery system for bread or egg or jelly

      • Ownbestenemy

        Fuck…butter…I was hoping to not have my first slumbrew’d until this afternoon

      • EvilSheldon

        Carrier agent for poached eggs and Hollandaise sauce.

  48. The Late P Brooks

    The researchers drew blood from these participants as they were masturbating …

    That’s some serious kink.

    • Festus

      Was there some light whipping involved? For SCIENCE?

    • Pope Jimbo

      Don’t be shaming Pie.

      But seriously, how hard is it to draw blood? Just get your red crayon out and start scribbling.

      • Tres Cool

        “My doc wanted a blood sample and insisted it came from my neck. Im going to stop seeing Dr. Acula.”

        -Mitch Hedberg

    • Rat on a train

      I took a class in college that covered Marxist economic theory. Fortunately it was only a third of the course. The other thirds were, Marxist economic reality and how formerly Marxist economies where transitioning.

  49. The Late P Brooks

    It is unacceptable that anyone should ever live below the 10th percentile standard of living.

    Fucking numbers- how do they work?

  50. Sensei

    I never understood the $15 salad, but now learn that there is a name for it “sad desk salad”.

    That said I’ve got two choices – take the “hour” I’m allowed for lunch or eat at my desk and go home earlier. Mind you I do eat out with co-workers, just not everyday. Pretty much everybody in my office does the same.

    Why New Yorkers pay $15 for ‘sad desk salads’

    No surprise – COVID has killed a lot of these businesses. A significant amount of restaurants around my office have closed in the past 18 months.

    • PieInTheSky

      I never eat at my desk. Even when in a hurry I would go to the office kitchen or grab a sandwich and eat it outside.

    • Nephilium

      Wait… Cleveland was ahead of a craze? There was a local chain back in the day called Cafe 56. They served salads, 56 different kinds of them to be specific. I think the last of them closed in the past 5 years or so.

    • AlexinCT

      If you pay $15 for a salad you deserve the cum they add to your dressing…

      • Tres Cool

        You caused a long-dead synapse to awaken and remind me that I saw an 80s pr0n where dude busted on a salad before it was served to a house full of people.

        Seems like it had Traci Lords (legit age) and Sharon whats-her-face.

      • Not Adahn

        Barbara Broadcast

      • Tres Cool

        A quick check of your citation isnt the one I had in mind. Which isnt to say that some dude didn’t drop his “rancid gruel” into a salad. Just not going to watch the entire thing.

      • Not Adahn

        It’s worth a watch.

    • Chipwooder

      I frequently eat at my desk because I’m an introvert who generally avoids other people.

    • Tres Cool

      But underage, tranny, piss-hookers, are still totes cool.

  51. The Late P Brooks

    Adorable

    Pandemic protocols have kept Olympic venues primarily fan-free, required extra precautions and testing for athletes and staff and prevented many loved ones from cheering their teams on in person.

    But one COVID-19 concession may actually make for a beautiful new Olympic tradition.

    In years past, dignitaries would place medals around each winner’s neck on the podium.

    This year, officials are presenting athletes with their medals on a tray, from which they can then theoretically put them on themselves. But with the flowers and the masks, it can be a lot to juggle.

    So some Olympians are giving each other a hand, in what might just be the most pure example of teamwork at this year’s Games.

    Slurp slurp slurp.

    More topnotch journalisming from the folks at Natsoc Propaganda Radio.

    • Sensei

      I read the same article with the exact same thought earlier this AM.

      Along with another article questioning why this was held in August in Japan. It made note that the last Tokyo Olympics was held in October because of the heat.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Same with Mexico City. But you won’t get to 40M yearly visitors goal by implying that large chunks of the year are no go times. And modern A/C solves it all!

        *nearly ended up in the hospital in September as a heat casualty on first trip

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Pathetic

    • Pope Jimbo

      Mighty magmanimous of you to post that compliment

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        Paging Swiss….

      • Rat on a train

        Someone is rock hard.

    • waffles

      Too risky, can’t click.

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        Your loss – it’s super hot!

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      Steamy. Moist even.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Swampy

  52. Festus

    I drank way too many beers and it’s a long weekend. Hope you all have a most excellent one! Might see you on the Shame-Zoom. Judi hates it because she doesn’t get the in-jokes. She’ll hear something that sets her off and sparks fly. Fuck it. I miss my friends.

    • Tres Cool

      Im working tonight.

      /kicks @ rocks

    • Nephilium

      You don’t want to explain OMWC, STEVE SMITH, the Iron Laws, the Narrowed Gaze, the Tulpa… yeah. I tried to tell the girlfriend to lurk for a while to learn of our ways. She did not.

      • Festus

        It’s an acquired taste.

      • Tres Cool

        We’re too much like Monty Python or Three Stooges. (Most) Chics dont get us.

  53. The Late P Brooks

    He has a plan

    Rep. Chip Roy confronted House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy on Thursday about a new Capitol Police bulletin that suggests congressional staffers and visitors could be arrested if they fail to heed the chamber’s new mask mandate.

    “This is bulls—. We need to lead,” Roy, a member of the conservative House Freedom Caucus, told McCarthy during a brief meeting of GOP lawmakers in a Capitol reception room, according to two sources familiar with the exchange.

    McCarthy replied to a frustrated Roy that his plan is to win back the majority in 2022 and become speaker, the sources said. Their back-and-forth illustrates the mounting fury on the right about efforts by Capitol security officials to enforce mask-wearing rules amid the surge of Covid’s Delta variant.

    Meanwhile, just bend over and take it, I guess. Good plan.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      What a damned pussy.

      • Festus

        2022 may as well be “The Year 2025” Cucks. Act now or let your freedom die in a fire.

      • Gustave Lytton

        No kidding. Hey McCarthy, confronting Pelosi now will get you that coveted Speakers chair.

        At this point, I’d be happy if they beat Pelosi to a bloody pulp and propped her dead body on the steps with a sign beneath her head of Sic Semper Tyrannis.

    • R C Dean

      McCarthy replied to a frustrated Roy that his plan is to win back the majority in 2022 and become speaker, the sources said.

      How many times has that football been pulled away?

  54. Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

    So I assume the SP/OM household is in the throes of moving hell? Hope all is going smoothly if you’re reading!

    • Gustave Lytton

      Where did they find wooden stakes in the middle of the ocean?

      • PieInTheSky

        ships are made of wood

      • blackjack

        Wood that dents easily.

      • Not Adahn

        Anyone who thinks wood doesn’t dent has never dropped a ceramic mug onto a hardwood floor.

      • AlexinCT

        Priapism?

      • kinnath

        Giving it that “lived in” appearance.

      • Tres Cool

        From whats left of Gilligan’s Island.

    • R C Dean

      Impressive understatement, calling a pirate attack an “incident”.

      • Ownbestenemy

        It is the new journalism. It is what they say it is.

  55. The Late P Brooks

    Broadly, Republicans are arguing that the new mask mandate from Monahan and the Biden administration will increase vaccine hesitancy, just as Republicans are increasingly urging their constituents to get protected. Voters who identify as Republican are less likely to be vaccinated than Democrats.

    Democrats and some health experts argue masks are necessary with new information that large amounts of the Covid Delta variant can harbor in both vaccinated and unvaccinated people.

    The heated Republican meeting with the attending physician was just the tip of the iceberg.

    McCarthy and dozens of House Republicans stood on the Capitol steps Thursday attacking Pelosi and the Biden administration’s policies, hammering both the new mask mandate and the USCP bulletin. Members of the House Freedom Caucus also marched Thursday across from the Senate to the House to protest the rules varying in the Senate.

    Muh SCIENCE!

  56. PieInTheSky

    The ponds you see at most temples and shrines in Japan are not there primarily for obscure reasons of theology, nor to create charming scenes or to breed tasty fish: their most obvious function is to be a reliable and readily available source of water to use in fighting fires.

    https://twitter.com/wrathofgnon/status/1419135915537047556

    • Not Adahn

      Looky the feng shuei denier.

    • Sensei

      Same as man made ponds in lots of office parks in the US…

      • waffles

        Those are for stormwater management and irrigation. We don’t even call them ponds, they’re detention basins.

      • Sensei

        Some places don’t have enough water supply so as part of the deal when they get built the local FD gets a pumper and the ponds are sized accordingly.

        I used to work with insurance engineers who’d go out and size all this stuff. Naturally a good chunk were volunteer FD too…

      • waffles

        Hah, neat. Water management is highly regional. Looking over design documents and the like I am constantly impressed with the collective ingenuity employed in building some of our most mundane things.

  57. Ownbestenemy

    Confirmed @USPS
    570,000 employees are not covered by @POTUS
    directive on COVID-19 vaccines/testing for federal employees but being encouraged to follow suit

    Now I am thinking that Biden is hoping that his statement will be seen as a threat and hoping before Unions and courts step in, that a bunch of FedGov will rush to get their vaccines. Cause saying one group of feds has to and the other is exempt, especially one that works directly with the public, isn’t going to fly very far I believe.

    • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

      I can’t believe I’m hoping for fucking unions to bring the muscle and shut this shit down. If you told me 2 years ago I’d be cheering on unions, I’d have had you Baker Acted immediately.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Same here. I’ve said it before, but ours has been surprisingly good on this, even if just as a roadblock.

  58. The Late P Brooks

    I was just wondering yesterday when/whether President Bumblefuck renews the mask rule for Post Orifices.

    I will resume ignoring it.

    • R C Dean

      I haven’t heard that they have renewed the requirement that everyone in the White House be masked at all times. Funny, that. If we had a real press, that would be a good question for them to ask.

    • Animal

      There is still one of those Imperial “masks recommended” signs at our local Post Office. The patrons ignore it. The Postmistress ignores it. The moose ignore it. Everyone ignores it.

  59. The Late P Brooks

    I can’t believe I’m hoping for fucking unions to bring the muscle and shut this shit down. If you told me 2 years ago I’d be cheering on unions, I’d have had you Baker Acted immediately.

    Maybe we can get some serious union-on-union warfare. The teachers’ unions are all in on masks.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      Did they move it into a geosynchronous orbit with Cheyenne Mountian (not that there is much there anymore, it is absurdly expensive to maintain)?

  60. The Late P Brooks

    Shocking revelation

    A Pentagon watchdog report on Afghanistan warns that the country’s government could face an “existential crisis” and offered a highly critical assessment of the US’s strategy and conduct throughout the nearly 20-year war, just weeks before the withdrawal of American troops is due to be completed.

    John Sopko, the US special inspector general for Afghanistan reconstruction, told reporters Thursday there are two words to describe the US effort in Afghanistan. “One is this hubris that we can somehow take a country that was desolate in 2001 and turn it into a little Norway.” The other, mendacity: “we over exaggerated, our generals did, our ambassadors did.” He noted countless officials over the years spoke about “just turning the corner” in the fight against the Taliban. “Well we turned the corner so much, we did 360 degrees.”

    The report warns that Afghan National Defense and Security Forces “appeared surprised and unready and is now on its back foot” against the Taliban as the US withdraws, though Sopko told reporters he believes “the last act” hasn’t been played and the government still has time to make improvements and try to survive.

    A fool, questioning the wisdom of his errand.

    We should probably just stay.

  61. The Late P Brooks

    Ow, muh sunk costs!

    US intelligence services, military commanders and members of Congress have all warned that the Afghan government won’t be able to stand up to the Taliban without the backing of American firepower.

    Early this month President Joe Biden delivered a vehement defense of his decision to withdraw US troops, insisting no amount of sustained American presence there could resolve the country’s intractable problems.

    HIS decision?

    • Ownbestenemy

      The world began anew in Jan 2021, this is known.

    • R C Dean

      insisting no amount of sustained American presence there could resolve the country’s intractable problems.

      Dunno who came to that conclusion in the White House, but they’re right.

      • Q Continuum

        The polling of how egregiously unpopular the Forever War is came to that conclusion. I’m sure there is a solid majority of Deep Staters/Political Parasites that would love to keep the gravy train going but near-universal opposition by constituents still counts for at least a little bit.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Good on them for finally pulling the trigger and doing it. I’m still concerned that we’ll be back in when the wheels completely come off but we’ll see.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I’ll give Biden some credit on this. He pushed for leaving years ago.

      Problem is we’re giving the MI complex Syria in exchange.

  62. The Late P Brooks

    Impressive understatement, calling a pirate attack an “incident”.

    Looting at the local Target store is “giving back to the community’.

    • hayeksplosives

      Mike Rowe answering a parent about where the kid should go to college:

      (I’ve deleted much of this intro, so you’ll need to click the link for the full thing)

      Point being, Dawn, every person I know who is happy and successful has several things in common – a skill that’s in demand, an insatiable curiosity, an aversion to debt, a willingness to be uncomfortable, a strong sense of gratitude, and a deep understanding of who they are, and why they do what they do.

      Some of those people graduated from The Ivy League, and some avoided college altogether. Some are democrats, some are republicans. Some are white, some are black. Some are men, some are women. Some are Pieces, some are Leos. And none of them care about such things, at all.

      Mike

      • Q Continuum

        Gilmored? I’d like to read the link cause I think Mike Rowe is a modern-day philosopher.

      • hayeksplosives

        Pardon the well of text, but you did ask…

        Off the Wall

        Dawn Taylor writes…

        Hi Mike,

        I’m pretty sure you’ve heard about the letter that went out to a couple of, shall we say, well-endowed communities in Dallas, TX asking for white citizens to pledge not to send their college age student to an Ivy League school or a school listed in News Weeks top 50 colleges so that there would be spots for people of color. I would very much appreciate your thoughts on this. I know if I had a college age student, I would be encouraging them to consider MikeRoweWorks instead of any college, but that could be just my very explicit bias shining through.

        Hi Dawn

        I would not encourage my kids to attend an Ivy League School, because I don’t believe such schools offer a superior education. What they offer, in my opinion, is membership into a very exclusive club. Sure, that membership might be valuable, but it isn’t priceless, and the cost of attending such schools is no longer worth it, in my view. However, if my kid was smart enough to earn a full-ride scholarship, or flush enough to pay the tuition themselves, I would not forbid them from going. And certainly, under no circumstances, would I ever dissuade them from attending simply because of the color of their skin. (The letter you refer to is attached. I have no idea if it’s real or fake.)

        I would, however, take a moment to make sure my kid understood the various dangers present in many “Top Schools,” including the overwhelming political bias of most professors, the recent war on free speech, the unintended consequences of promoting “safe spaces,” and most of all, the danger of becoming “a little fish in a big pond.” This last topic isn’t discussed a lot, but it has a huge impact on a college graduate’s long-term success – especially if the kid in question is a “high achiever.” Consider:

        A lot of very bright students who do very well in high school get a rude awakening when they find themselves suddenly surrounded by lots of other very bright students. Many studies indicate that the best indicator of success after college is not tied to the school you attend, but rather, to your relative position in your graduating class. In other words, students in less expensive schools who graduate in the top quarter of their class, often report higher levels of happiness and job satisfaction than those who graduate in the bottom quarter of a Top Ten School.

        I think a lot about my own path, and the education that helped shape the career I have today. And I can say with certainty, that for me, the two years I spent at a Community College right after high school were by far the most valuable. Not only could I afford to experiment, ($26 a credit!) I could compete with my classmates in a way that built my self-esteem, rewarded my hard work, and encouraged my natural talents. And no, that’s not because I was surrounded by dummies. (In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is King!) But nor was I surrounded by wildly ambitious students with a 4.0 GPA, a set of parents with great expectations, and all the pressure that comes from attending a “Top School.” Thus, when I finished at Essex Community College in 1982, I didn’t have a prime pedigree, but I did have a measure of confidence I didn’t have when I enrolled. And that confidence changed everything. When I enrolled the following year at a university, I knew exactly what to study, and exactly what tools I needed to advance my career.

        Point being, Dawn, every person I know who is happy and successful has several things in common – a skill that’s in demand, an insatiable curiosity, an aversion to debt, a willingness to be uncomfortable, a strong sense of gratitude, and a deep understanding of who they are, and why they do what they do. Some of those people graduated from The Ivy League, and some avoided college altogether. Some are democrats, some are republicans. Some are white, some are black. Some are men, some are women. Some are Pieces, some are Leos. And none of them care about such things, at all.

        Mike

      • CPRM

        or a school listed in News Weeks top 50 colleges so that there would be spots for people of color.

        Fact Check: Rated: Pants on FIRE! – It said Us News and World Reports rated schools. Dumb hick.

      • kinnath

        I love that guy.

      • hayeksplosives

        Who doesn’t??

        I am working through his self narrated audiobook “The way I heard it” now. Loving it!!

      • CPRM

        a willingness to be uncomfortable

        There goes success, I don’t do dress codes.

      • Agent Cooper

        Some of them are pieces ifyouknowwhatImean

  63. Stinky Wizzleteats

    Wellity wellity well, back in masks in my office in my conservative southern state. Oh happy damn day.

    • waffles

      No, really? I must have an incredibly conservative work environment. I don’t think they ever masked here. But I only just started after memorial day.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      There are some noises being made, it is unlikely to happen on the production floor. It turns out that there is a considerable amount of heat generated in the process of making plastic film, asking the guys on the lines to wear masks in a Lousiana July is a recipe for heatstroke.

      • Suthenboy

        Yep. It is supposed to hit 106 today. I have not checked the humidity yet but at some point it doesn’t really matter.

      • R C Dean

        In my experience, humidity always matters. 106 and 8% humidity (Tucson) is a very different beast than 106 and 40% humidity (Dallas).

      • kinnath

        We hit an 82 degree dew point a few days ago. At that point, it doesn’t really matter if the dew point is 82 or 85 or 88. And it doesn’t really matter if the temp is 90 or 95. Perspiration just doesn’t work in those conditions even with a steady breeze.

        I think that was the gist of Suthen’s post.

      • Animal

        Predicted high of 61 here in the Susitna Valley. Nice day.

  64. Q Continuum

    Beer ponging staffers: would the girl in the black dress.

    • Chipwooder

      There are a few in those pictures who are easy on the eyes

      • Ownbestenemy

        They all desire political power…I would pass.

      • Chipwooder

        True.

        On the other hand, if you’re a smooth liar, you could probably get them to do just about anything by intimating that you have access to power.

      • Q Continuum

        Wouldn’t be the first time I had sex with a girl I found personally loathsome.

      • Chipwooder

        I wanted to with a girl in college who was a communist. Other than that, she was awesome. Never got anywhere though, sadly.

  65. The Late P Brooks

    EMERGENCY

    The U.S. Capitol Police are on the verge of running out of money next month so both the Senate and House approved a $2.1 billion spending measure on Thursday to avoid furloughs and pay for overtime, training and more. It also direct funds to federal agencies handling humanitarian aid for U.S. allies in Afghanistan.

    The Senate acted first, and that vote came after months of wrangling on Capitol Hill on how to address the growing dire financial picture for the Capitol Police force, which has seen much its funding depleted thanks in large part to the Jan. 6 attack on the Capitol.

    Wait- the “insurrection” was a diversion so a team of criminal masterminds could blow the safe in the Capitol Police HQ?

    • Ownbestenemy

      So they had no money when they sought to expand to the various States and open field offices? God I love this country.

    • hayeksplosives

      I’m telling you, Buffalo Man was a bad dude…

  66. R C Dean

    Lefty projection, exhibit 8,435,282,471:

    There is *no* chance these people will clean this up. They will leave it for the custodial staff.

    Dude, you’re thinking of left-wing protests.

    Oh, and TW: Twitter.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Never understood writing 45 tweets on a subject. Get a fucking blog or a job with one of the rags.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Dude, he thought he smelled a cigar.

      It’s a modern day Sodom and Gomorrah in there.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Well a cigar is the calling card of Bill Clinton, so yeah Sodom and Gomorrah

    • slumbrew

      I don’t know why these people felt the need to do this here, but it is terrible and horrifying that displays of decadent apathy are all these people can summon at a time when people are getting sick and dying.

      “displays of decadent apathy”? Who writes shit like that with a straight face?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Are we talking about San Francisco?

      • R C Dean

        at a time when people are getting sick and dying

        Narrator: People are always getting sick and dying.

      • Agent Cooper

        Decadent Apathy is the best kind.

  67. The Late P Brooks

    “The last six months have pushed those who protect the U.S. Capitol to the limits. In the face of unprecedented adversity, they responded heroically,” Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer, D-N.Y., said before the vote. “We must support them now, as they so courageously supported us.”

    HEROES of the Republic.

    Defenders of DEMOCRACY!

    • CPRM

      In the year 27 BC, after Rome’s transition from republic to empire, the first Emperor of Rome, Caesar Augustus, designated the Praetorians as his personal security escort. For three centuries, the guards of the Roman emperor also were known for their palace intrigues, which influence upon imperial politics allowed the Praetorians to overthrow an emperor, and then proclaim his successor as the new Caesar of Rome.

  68. The Late P Brooks

    They all desire political power…I would pass.

    “Look, hon, if you want to get to the top, you’ve got to be willing to start out on the bottom.

    “It worked for Vice President Harris.”

  69. The Late P Brooks

    “Decadent Apathy”

    If I owned a boat, I’d be painting that on the transom right now.

  70. R C Dean

    Question: when was the last time someone who was not a lefty attacked a member of Congress, or the President, with a gun?

    There was the Bernie Bro who shot up the baseball game. The commie who shot President Kennedy. The commie Weathermen who bombed the Capitol and Congressional office buildings. The lefty nutter who shot Reagan. The PR radicals who shot up the Capitol. That’s all I can think of off the top of my head. Am I missing any?

    • UnCivilServant

      Well, McKinley was shot by an Anarchist.

      Not sure the brand of anarchism he followed, so… *shrugs* Garfield?

    • slumbrew

      Loughner was just a nut, neither left or right. No others jump to mind.

      • R C Dean

        Forgot about him. Yeah, probably “unaffiliated”, he was so all over the map.

    • CPRM

      Boothe would be a Republican now, because the parties switched sides!

    • Chipwooder

      Hinckley was a loony, no political angle to his act.

      • R C Dean

        I was thinking of Squeaky Fromme, who actually shot Ford, not Reagan. Yeah, Hinckley goes down as “unaffiliated”.

      • blackjack

        Squeaky was unsuccessful. She didn’t know how to operate the 1911 that she used. Ford accidentally was spared, in keeping with his propensity for having accidents.

    • blackjack

      Technically, the Oklahoma bombing was an attack on the federal government (although neither the Pres or congress). That’s the first right wing one that comes to mind. After the dozen or so left wing attacks, of course.

    • CPRM

      There we go! Bikini Carwash Vaccinations!

    • Ownbestenemy

      Hmm.

  71. Mojeaux

    @Sean, why are you not allowed to read my book?

    • Sean

      Something about all the sex it starts out with? I’m not entirely sure of the rationale.

      I’m still not back to a reading phase anyway and my backlog of books is daunting. I find it funny.

      • Q Continuum

        Your girlfriend won’t let you read it because it has ugly bumping?

      • slumbrew

        It’ll get Sean too horned up and he won’t leave her be.

      • blackjack

        So, if you got caught reading it anyway, she’d throw the book at you?

      • Sean

        You do not want to be on the receiving end of a thrown Mojeaux book.

        I’m not sure how sincere the moratorium is. Maybe one day I’ll find out.

  72. The Late P Brooks

    I wanted to with a girl in college who was a communist.

    “Aside from that, Mrs Lincoln…”