GlibFit 4.0 – The Slight Edge, Part 10

by | Jul 25, 2021 | GlibFit | 414 comments

Chapter 8 of The Slight Edge is about mastering it.

Mastery has three components:

1. Baby Steps
2. Wanting
3. Closing The Gap

Baby steps are exactly what you think they are and this point has been fully fleshed out in this series. But Olson makes the point quite cleverly by being literal. Thinks about a baby learing to walk. In fits and spurts there is pushing or pulling yourself up, often accompanied by hanging on to something. A tentative step is taken usually resulting in falling on your behind. Some get up and try again immediately. Others wait an hour, a day, or two. But the baby tries again, as many times as needed, until they take their first successful step. The simple lesson is: don’t quit. Just make another effort toward your goal.

Wanting is absolutely necessary to achieving your goal. If you don’t want it, you aren’t going to get it. Have you ever seen a baby not learn to walk? Of course not. They all want to do it.

Olson makes the point wanting hurts. In my opinion, this is more profound than most people are willing to admit. “That means your dreams can be painful. Letting yourself become aware of what you desire, but do not have, means experiencing the ‘lack’ side of the coin as well as the ‘desire’ side. It means becoming more fully aware of what you don’t have. It means staring at your present reality with a sober eye and refusing to kid yourself. Noticing that you’re not where you want to be can be uncomfortable.” Shit got real yo.

Closing the gap is, of course, moving from where you are to where you want (there’s that word again) to be. This gap is creates tension. Look at the comments to nearly any past GlibFit to see the tension this creates. You are going to resolve the tension in one to ways. Fiver percenters will keep moving their present circumstances toward their goal. They will keep taking steps to close the gap. About ninety five percent will quit dreaming. They let go of their goals, dreams, aspirations, etc. With that gone, there is no more tension.

Stay on the upward curve my friends.

I’m at least 10 years behind the time having never discovered Steel Panther until now. Spinal Tap was funny but not this funny. With that in mind, here is this week’s music.

Weekly cuteness.

About The Author

Chafed

Chafed

I'm looking California but feeling Minnesota

414 Comments

  1. Nephilium

    Weight has stayed steady the past week, not ideal, but not the worst. Mood has been shit this past week, and I don’t really have a good reason for it. Work was boring but I got a raise, Weather was shite, but I was able to get in a ride one day.

    In riding, I’ve learned my endurance has dropped off quite a bit after a year of no distance riding, so I’m working on getting that back. For the 20+ miles I rode yesterday, I just focused on a comfortable cadence without worrying too much about the speed (I still recorded it, because it’s me). During the ride, I found a new muscle twinge that has me mildly concerned so I’m taking it easy today, and I’ll test it again tomorrow.

    • Chafed

      It’s the name change to Guardians isn’t it?

      • Nephilium

        I really wish it was something that I could identify, and something as meaningless as that. If nothing else, I hope the concert a couple weeks out will help reset the mood. I can’t believe it’s been over a year and a half since the last concert I’ve been to.

  2. westernsloper

    Weekly cuteness.

    Fucken smoke from fires and dust and fuck…….ya, *flexes to prove manhood*

    • Chafed

      You are the manliest man in mandom WS. No worries.

  3. prolefeed

    Re: the dead thread where a survey “found” that women with breasts smaller than a D cup commit 52% of the affairs:

    1) people lie about sex, or don’t answer surveys, or aren’t surveyed. So, perhaps the error bars should be 52% +/- 30% of women from AA to C cups commit affairs.

    2) The average bra size per country varies widely. The U.S. averages a DD cup, but some countries average as low as an A cup. The U.S. averaged a B cup just 20 years ago.

    3) Married women aren’t a representative cross section of the populace. They are likely heavier than average.

    d) what is defined as cheating? Married only, single but in a relationship also?

    So, what the survey actually shows is, we don’t have a reliable percentage on cheating by bra size, and we don’t have a reliable distribution of bra size for women who could cheat because they are in a relationship.

    Shorter: GIGO

    • blackjack

      I laughed at the idea of garbage in-and-out in this context.

    • Chafed

      The average cup size is DD? I would be delighted for Q and Tres but I’m skeptical that’s true.

      • hayeksplosives

        I imagine it’s because of obesity.

      • Tres Cool

        I like “larger women” with small tits. Try finding THAT unicorn.
        Nearly all the chubbies seem equipped from the factory with D cups or better.

      • prolefeed

        Try a dating website where you can screen by ethnicity and body type. Chubby with small breasts isn’t a unicorn for Asian women.

      • blackjack

        I was gonna suggest he run a craigslist ad.

      • Mojeaux

        His Craigslist ads are a hoot.

        I think he should post them here as an ongoing series.

      • Chafed

        I would love to read that.

      • westernsloper

        You ever been to Walmart?

      • blackjack

        I know when I was a kid, your girlfriend had an A or B and her mom had D+. Back then, most hot chicks were on the smaller end of the spectrum. See: Farrah Fawcett and others. A hot skinny chick with big tits was exceedingly rare. I remember in the ’90s, when silicone started getting affordable, the girls all would go “full C” to be conservative about it.

      • prolefeed

        Your sample demographic of people you meet, like everyone’s, is not representative.

        My experience leads me to believe that about half of women being a D cup or smaller to be roughly accurate. Go on a free dating site like OKCupid and you’ll see that distribution.

      • blackjack

        I imagine that this study is being reported by a flat chested woman who want’s to cheat. She’s “stacking” the odds.

    • Suthenboy

      Sperm is cheap and plentiful. Eggs are expensive, in limited supply and damned expensive to hatch. Thus women are usually looking to trade up where men just take the shotgun approach.

      On the other hand, I was raised to always keep my word. A man is only as good as his word. If. you give it, you keep it. I gave my word and I have kept it for 26 years. If I live another 26, which is unlikely, I will keep on keepin’ it.

    • zwak

      I remember reading, years ago, that something like 53% of married women cheat at least once, and 76% of married men cheat at least once. Or some numbers close to that. In other words, no matter the cup size, half of women cheat.

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      My non-scientific data experience:

      I know of at least three wives who cheated on their husbands.
      I know of zero husbands who cheated on their wives.

  4. The Late P Brooks

    My “routine” such as it was, has pretty much fallen completely apart. It was more range of motion and stretching than strength building, but lately hardly any of that.

    Back from the grocery store. There seems to be an uptick in masking. Oogahboogah!

  5. The Late P Brooks

    Re: the dead thread where a survey “found” that women with breasts smaller than a D cup commit 52% of the affairs:

    I went directly to my default assumption: meaningless uncompensated statistical artifact.

    I like women with petite breasts, so it would not displease or disappoint me in any way to be ravished by a horny small-bosomed female. I’m not good at sharing, though, so the “affair” part is a deal breaker.

    • prolefeed

      I’ve dated women from AA cups to DDD+ cups. Any size can be sexy.

    • westernsloper

      I would eat that. I have sausages and more Walla Walla’s + a Modelo, fennel, and dried basil simmering in the crockpot for weekday protein breaks next week. Smells good in the shop right now.

  6. westernsloper

    *checks phone*

    Only worked 5 hours today and logged over 3 miles. My calf is fucked again and it has seized up which sucks but my stretching was lacking last week. I achieved two twelve hour fasts last week which felt good, and it has been too hot to eat anything but salad in the evenings so I chuck a decent amount of cheap protein on them so I remain a non only a plant muncher. That and I figured out a decent Ceasar dressing recipe.

    I have smashed most of a 16″ sausage and Walla Walla pizza between last night and this afternoon. Not my best pizza but it will do pig, it will do.

    • Tres Cool

      Cardini’s Caesar is teh bomb for low-carb. I could drink that from the bottle.
      https://caesarcardinis.com/

      • westernsloper

        I am doing Mayo, brown mustard, anchovy paste, lime juice, and balsamic vinegar. I got tired of spending almost 4 clams for the bagged salads because I am lazy and now am buying romaine hearts 3 for 3 clams and get one salad out of a heart. Add a protein to it and thinly sliced parm and it is delish. I am trying to cut back on my grocery expenditures.

      • Suthenboy

        Best way to cut back on grocery expenditures…have your kids fly the nest.

        I was shocked that after they moved out I opened the fridge and found…there was still milk and bacon in there.

      • Nephilium

        It used to be that at least one of the varieties of bagged salad would be on sale each week. Now it’s more likely that they’re almost all out of stock, and at full price. I’ve shifted to Aldi’s for the bagged salads, as they still have ones at around $1.

      • The Hyperbole

        Buy a fucking head of lettuce for 68¢

      • Nephilium

        Then I’ve also got to buy carrots, cabbage, pea pods, and various other veggies. Then I have to weigh them all on the days I’m counting calories, which gets tiresome. I’m willing to pay some extra for convenience.

      • Aloysious

        68 cents.?

        Damn. Here in Idaho all the lettuce, iceburg or leaf, is over $1 a head.

  7. IRBE

    Hi Big Chafed, Thanks for new edition and greetings from NOCal. Was on vacation the last couple weeks—mostly doing day trips and hikes. Highlight was seeing a couple of bald eagles, which is rare for these parts considering I wasn’t near a garbage dump at the time of sighting..

    G-fit update: Sleep was very good. Food was very protein with fruit. Hike mileage was up 52 miles this week. Wim Hoff/meditative “ancient man” techniques; Did it once. Weight held pretty steady at 173. Fasted 48 hrs from Sun to Tues. Need to do more MIIT workouts.

    Goals: Meeting goal weight range max (175-170). Still not dead from Covid…

    Vaxx update: It seems these vaxx are the “Slick 50” of medical therapies. {{Can you imagine how many sick and dying we would have without it…}} What a great product only requires annual jabs…much like changing your oil every 3K. Brought to you by our friends at BFC Inc.—”Create a need..then fill it”

    Dementia Master: I was watching the Jackie Chan movie and it was reminiscent of the real life… The more diminished this guys gets the more dangerous he becomes. We just let it slide since bringing up he’s a vegetable would be mean and rude.

    De todos modos, ¡tenga una gran semana y sáltese una comida o tres!

    • Tres Cool

      “ sáltese una comida o tres!”

      …what do you call me ?

      • IRBE

        “You’re Tres Cool..man! :tugs collar, sweats, smiles, backs away slowwwwly:

    • pistoffnick

      “Still not dead from Covid…”

      Variants gonna getcha! Be afraid!

  8. Not Adahn

    Damn it feels good to be a gunslinger.

    You can tell how prestigious this match was by the fact that not only was the “plaque” printed off by someone at home, but they had a bad printer cartridge so there’s a red line running the length of it.

    Still, I won it motherfuckers.

    Plus I got gift certificates to gun shops I’ve never been to before. Unfortunately, only one of the gcs is enough to buy a box of (non-defensive ammo). I guess the other might get some .22LR.

    • Suthenboy

      *Double thumbs up*
      Keep it up brother.

      Also, all ammo is defensive ammo.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        “all ammo is defensive ammo” Truer words Suthen..

      • westernsloper

        all ammo is defensive ammo.

        Preach it.

      • Sean

        ?

    • Nephilium

      Congrats man. It’s always good to test your skills against others and come out on top.

      • Not Adahn

        I credit my win to tango lessons. I’m not entirely joking. I did not win the stages that focused on shooting skills/fundamentals. I did win those that had a lot of potential multi-dimensional movement. I’m not a sprinter, but I do think my plans were extremely efficient.

      • Not Adahn

        Oh I didn’t do badly on those stages. I was out of first place by 5 seconds at the worst, usually 1-2.

        The two things I identified as fuckups were:

        1. Transitioning my attention to the next target before I pulled the trigger on the current one
        2. Feet being in the wrong place. I don’t understand how the trigonometry works out, but the sight picture that works when I’m standing doesn’t seem to when I’m sitting or the target is far off of my center line.

      • Suthenboy

        Eyesight?
        I can hit a clay every single time if it is going right to left. Going away from me straight, right or left I can hit it with a pistol.
        If the clay is going across left to right I cant hit it with a cannon filled with #9, dammit. It is the way my eyes track. Go figure.

      • R C Dean

        Same here.

      • Fourscore

        I’m totally southpaw, dominant eye left. It was the low house, right to left that gave me the most trouble

    • blackjack

      Winning beats losing, every time.

      • Suthenboy

        True. There is always that one guy you have to beat, the one that really matters: yourself. Forget about those other guys, score better next time.
        See Yusef below.

    • Sean

      Awesome. Congrats.

      Do you take Lily to the matches?

      • Not Adahn

        Not yet. I’d have to leave her in the car since she doesn’t have enough impulse control to run out onto the stage if there is a chipmunk on the back berm.

    • EvilSheldon

      Nice work!

  9. Yusef drives a Kia

    Crushed C2/C3 disc and all, I managed 25 holes and a lot of footwork practice, my form is looking really good, accuracy and distance at last, now to improve my putting,
    /every Disc Golfer ever

  10. Yusef drives a Kia

    A beg, anyone with iTunes, would you do a search for Tepme3, it’s one of my projects, It is supposed to be up there, but I don’t have iTunes, it is on Spotify,
    Tepme3

    • Surly Knott

      Yup, it’s there. Categorized as a soundtrack. Search brings up a bunch of totally unrelated stuff, lots of Journey ;-\

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        one of the songs is called Soundtrack, ha! Journey? OK, thanks for looking,

  11. blackjack

    I was trying to pay way too much for a classic S&W model 28. Circa 59-60. The pics don’t work, so I messaged the guy to get him to send me some via e-mail. He’s not getting back to me. It was too much money anyway. I do need a .357 and would prefer an old one, but I’d rather not overpay anyway. His loss.

      • blackjack

        I know, but most of those can’t make it behind the “patchouli curtain.’ I like to buy from Calguns

      • blackjack

        More like, “Calguns, take my money away!”

      • Sean

        Old revolvers don’t make the cut?

        That’s messed up.

      • blackjack

        Most sellers won’t even bother figuring out if they can ship here. Burned too many times. Pretty sure you gotta have an ffl to buy used out of state from here, at least a C&R license. It’s just way too onerous. Cal guns, I just meet them at a gun shop and do all the paperwork/ pay the cash. After 15 days in gun jail, I go pick it up.

      • blackjack

        I like my guns the way I like my jokes, Old and seasoned. I would be constantly reminded it’s new by that silly lock hole thingy on the side.

      • blackjack

        I have a nickel plated 6.5″ model 29. I love that gun. It’s about a 1976.

      • Suthenboy

        I wouldn’t trade that for a million bucks. I had one. Canoes are so unstable.

      • Suthenboy

        Goddammit, I could use up all of the pixels this site has available listing the ones I lust for.

    • zwak

      I just took possession of this old girl:

      https://www.gunsamerica.com/937393984/Birmingham-Small-Arms-Martini-Target-22-Long-Rifle-28-BBL.htm

      This was the target rifle in the pre-war era, and the one I picked up has the original sights on it still. Not to mention the best trigger I have come across since I shot its younger brother, a BSA international decades ago. This one breaks cleanly at around a pound, like the proverbial glass rod. The international broke at a regulation 8oz. Also, being English the caliber is listed as .220 long rifle.

      Quite happy, now I need to find some range time.

  12. LCDR_Fish

    New Knee exercises…hopefully these will help as well as more walking and slow ellipticals for the next month or two. Should be able to maintain my upper body exercises although I haven’t done much the last few weeks due to Reserve AT.

    Turns out my coccyx is separated enough that it’s apparently bending the wrong direction when I sit – which is why I get so much discomfort over time and then extreme pain when standing up. I know I’ve fallen on it a few times during my times on the ship – assume I can get it listed as service-related even if I can’t tie it to a single incident. Didn’t really flare up as an issue till I started sitting at a desk 8-9 hours a day after I left active duty.

      • LCDR_Fish

        A little further down. My referral referred me to another guy (hopefully can talk to a scheduler this week about the first week in Sep) – may involve steroid shots in the base of the spine or something similar….

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        the oral steroids help, I imagine injections would work well, good sailing Commander!

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        Hold out for the Fentanyl too. Be the Shitlord you were always meant to be.

  13. Ozymandias

    About to go for a (sweaty) run now. It’s 93 Americanheit and 47% humidity. Eww.
    Managed a 5K hill run on Monday, a 2.5 mile ‘walk’ with 25 lb. pack on Wednesday, and a 5k row (on a C2 erg) Friday, and got 5/7 days in this week on my +1 squat/pushup/situp. I restarted from 28 after the move nonsense through that into chaos.
    Found a BJJ school (Gracie Barra) and they said I’m welcome and can keep my rank from Pedro Sauer Ass’n. Ice hockey will start in the fall and the rink is 20 minutes away.
    Kansas is the sh*t (living here, I think I’m obligated to put the asterisk in there now).
    I’m going to get my ass back into shape and my weight down to what it was in my 20s if it kills me.
    DIET DIET DIET (f*ck)

    • egould310

      DIET DIET DIET (f*ck)

      Yeah. Try to do better. I’ve gotta do better. The wife and I eat well and low carb when we cook for ourselves. But eating out is diet death. It’s all carbs. Also, restaurant salads suck (usually).

    • pistoffnick

      “Kansas is the sh*t”

      It wasn’t to my liking (the first week I moved there (Wichita), the noonday temps were above 100 EVERY DAMN DAY! I’m not built for heat – I’m built for cold.) But all my kids were born there.

      I drove through a tornado once. On my way to work in the morning. Worst rain I have ever driven through. When I come back home, the Midas muffler shop I drove past was gone!

      If you get a chance and you like airplanes and spacecraft, go to the Cosmosphere in Hutchinson, KS.

      If you like motorcycle rides, check out the Gypsum Hills (yes, Kansas has hills)

      • Ted S.

        Did you visit the Point of Know Return?

    • pistoffnick

      “Kansas is the sh*t ”

      It wasn’t for me. I’m not built for that kind of heat.

      There were parts of it I liked (Flint Hills, Gypsum Hills (yes, Kansas has hills).

      If you ever find yourself in Hutchinson, KS, do yourself a favor and go to the Cosmosphere. It is/was one of the few places you could touch an SR71 airplane.

      • Mojeaux

        Well, for him, as compared to Phoenix.

      • Ozymandias

        I’m going to do it all. I love it here – at least where we live. I don’t mind the weather at all – it’s very, very similar to what I grew up with in New England. Summers are very similar: sticky and hot, popup rainshowers and T-storms common, cold enough in winters to let you know you’re above the 40N parallel, nice autumns, wet, dreary springs… I’ll take it over the desert, where we had one rain shower in 10 months (at one stretch) at our house. In the last 2 years, we had rain 3 times.
        I’m luxuriating in all of the water here. We have a drainage pond in our neighborhood that the HOA stocked with fish so the kids can go down the hill and fish it.
        This is heaven.

    • ttyrant

      Another BJJ glib. I think that makes three of us.

      • Mojeaux

        In my yute, I was an American Kenpo karate chick.

      • ttyrant

        Interesting Moj. I mostly ignored martial arts for more than the first 30 years of my life, and I’m now finding it rather fascinating. I think judo is the next rabbit hole I want to jump down, which — according to wikipedia — at least has some connection to kenpo.

      • Ozymandias

        Many, many years. Since high school (’86) when I first started traditional japanese jiu jitsu and judo. Grappling and a bunch of years in the more traditional striking arts, as well as boxing, and then back to jiu jitsu in the ’02 timeframe. About 13 years of BJJ from there. Then a hiatus of about 6 years. So now I’m getting back to it to try to finally get my black belt from Gracie Barra.

      • ttyrant

        Ah – you’ve got quite a background in it, then. I was completely green when I started a few years ago — no grappling, no wrestling, nothing — so it’s been a steep learning curve for me. Fortunately, when my (now) wife and I moved down to southern MN, we just so happened to move to one of the few towns with a place to train BJJ, so now I go 4-5 days per week.

      • Ozymandias

        I got my brown belt at a Rickson Gracie seminar in 2013. I put in about another 3 years and then life took me all over and I simply couldn’t stay on the mat. I did some other combat sports, but not BJJ. I was going to start at white belt again and explain my situation, but that can sometimes backfire, so I sent an email to the school and they reached out and were very cool. So, I’ll ease my way back in and start getting twisted up into a pretzel again, now in my 50s.
        I miss it, though. The complete focus it requires. Nothing else matters when someone is trying to choke you unconscious or bar your arm or wrist, etc. All of the day’s bullshit just disappears. Will be nice to get back to it.

      • ttyrant

        Yeah – your last two sentences are completely right on (not that your others aren’t). Try thinking about anything else when a 210 lb dude has his knee and all his weight directly on your stomach.

        RE: belts — I can’t imagine a situation like yours (upper belt who goes away for an extended period of time) is that uncommon, no? I guess I’d liken it to the college wrestlers we get. They’re white belts but clearly have a level of experience that doesn’t equate to most white belts.

  14. LCDR_Fish

    Don’t want to complain – just saw the posting schedule when I logged in a few minutes ago: I requested via the submission form but not sure who reads those – if it is at all possible, I would prefer that my 3 articles post in the evening – otherwise, I have no ability to log in at work to respond to comments/feedback before the afternoon links post (had that issue with my posts in 2017).

    Thanks!

  15. The Late P Brooks

    Crazy person says crazy things to other crazy people

    Veteran journalist and author Carl Bernstein called former President Donald Trump a “war criminal” on “Reliable Sources” Sunday.

    “I think we need to calmly step back and maybe look at Trump in a different context,” Bernstein told CNN’s chief media correspondent Brian Stelter, adding that Trump is “our own American war criminal.”

    Bernstein’s comments come as Trump’s election lies resurfaced in the news following a speech the former president delivered in Arizona Saturday.

    In labeling Trump a war criminal, Bernstein specifically pointed to his administration’s response to the Covid-19 health crisis and the January 6 Capitol riot. The journalist said it’s important to look at the “tens of thousands of people who died because of his homicidal negligence in the pandemic” and his “fomenting a coup to hold on to office.” Trump put his own electoral interest above the health of Americans “as they were slaughtered in this pandemic,” Bernstein added.

    Whatever, Carl. Take your meds.

    • blackjack

      were slaughtered

      He oughta have some inkling of what words mean, just a little.

      • Suthenboy

        “…he told CNN’s Anderson Cooper that he considered the ex-president to be the “first seditious president in our history.”

        Brrrrrrr brrrr brrr argle bargle boobitie bloop.

        He has no inkling what words mean. Ladies and gentlemen, this is our media.

    • kbolino

      Where do these people get the idea that there’s a COVID paradise out there somewhere where no one has died?

      • Raven Nation

        And, of course, it’s impossible to know what someone else would have done in the same circumstances. Maybe HRC would have done a better job, maybe the same, maybe worse.

      • Suthenboy

        She can sell sell out her country but she cant figure out what foot to put what shoe on. She would not have done a better job.

    • Suthenboy

      This horseshit (TDS) started before he was elected. I used the term ‘Trump derangement syndrome’ after Peter Suderman at TOS made the ludicrous claim that Trump, if elected, would send out gangs of murdering thugs to kill people in the streets because he spoke to Duarte on the telephone. No shit, no hyperbole, that is what he wrote. At first people were telling me the term TDS was over the top. It didnt take long before they were saying “Uhhhhh…you know what? Maybe you are right.”

      ‘Veteran journalist and author Carl Bernstein’ that is a lot of letters to spell ‘lunatic’.
      Trump is no longer president. They are just shitting their pants over the possibility of his re-election in 2024. Good grief, the entertainment will be spectacular.

      • Raven Nation

        Here’s another one. The Jacket did an interview for TOS mag with someone the headline identified as “The New York Times’ Libertarian podcaster.”

        She does seem to be skeptical of a lot of government actions on both sides of the aisle. But her answer to the first question included:

        “When I was at Vox—I was at Vox before I was with The New York Times—I focused on the GOP, white nationalism, conservatism, and the right. There were a lot of people in right circles whose understanding of what the presidency [in 2016] was supposed to be was very much “We won the presidency. We’ll be able to start putting all of our enemies into camps.” And I’m like, “No, that’s never—no.”

        Did anyone on the right ever say anything like that?

        I think, meh, one weird answer, I’ll go down a little further and see what else she says. I come across this:

        “I grew up in a very conservative state, Ohio,” She was born in 1988. In 1992 and 1996 Clinton won the state. Bush won it in 2000 & 2004. Obama won in 2008 & 2012. And, yes, presidential parties don’t correlate to liberal/conservative. But, as long as I’ve been in the US, Ohio has been a swing state.

        She also claimed Cincinnati was a very conservative city. Since 1991, Democrats have dominated the city council. At that point I tapped out.

      • Nephilium

        Ohio is very conservative? Really?

        /looks at DeWine, Kasich, Taft…

        For fucks sake, Kucinich is running for mayor of Cleveland again.

      • rhywun

        Bless his heart. Does he stand a chance? I would expect not.

      • Nephilium

        Unfortunately, he does stand a chance. There are still people who are in favor of the default that happened under Kucinich’s watch. There were people who excused him breaking the campaign promise to not run for president again by saying, “He’s still looking out for us!” It doesn’t hurt that Cleveland’s been a Team Blue machine for years. There’s currently a corruption case going on where one of the councilmen’s own son testified against him in Federal court.

        Fuck Dennis!

      • rhywun

        But he’s gotta be better than any of the crazy leftists the Dems will put up… right?

      • Nephilium

        rhywun:

        I just saw a commercial for one of the D’s running for Senate, entirely for the $15 minimum wage, railing against income inequality, and taxing the wealthy. Kucinich is on board with all of these things.

      • Raven Nation

        She mentioned Kasich and scoffed at the idea that he was a liberal.

      • rhywun

        Oh crap, those are two different people, aren’t they.

      • Nephilium

        Kasich wasn’t a liberal, he was just a cunte.

      • rhywun

        The only institution with lower “trust” than government* right now is the MSM.

        *yeah, we all know this means “other people’s politicians, not mine” but let’s roll with it

    • Fourscore

      So, 5 exemptions from the draft make him a war criminal? That’s not the way I see things…

  16. Yusef drives a Kia

    Yes! I found my lost plugin for Mastering, Wyong w1 32 limiter, it is a superior plugin,

  17. Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

    Spending the weekend in the Sierras. Most of the masked people I see are kids. I can’t even.

  18. The Late P Brooks

    Where do these people get the idea that there’s a COVID paradise out there somewhere where no one has died?

    Australia and New Zealand, man. Those reverse-rotators know how to do the needful. Freedom doesn’t come in a box of cracker Jacks. It must be earned.

    • Derpetologist

      Everything about the great virus panic reminds me of the case of the Mad Gasser of MatToon:

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mad_Gasser_of_Mattoon

      ***
      The Mad Gasser of Mattoon (also known as the “Anesthetic Prowler,” the “Phantom Anesthetist,” or simply the “Mad Gasser”) was the name given to the person or people believed to be responsible for a series of apparent gas attacks that occurred in Mattoon, Illinois, during the mid-1940s. More than two dozen separate cases of gassings were reported to police over the span of two weeks, in addition to many more reported sightings of the suspected assailant. The gasser’s supposed victims reported smelling strange odors in their homes which were soon followed by symptoms such as paralysis of the legs, coughing, nausea and vomiting. No one died or had serious medical consequences.

      Police remained skeptical of the accounts throughout the entire incident.[1]:235 No physical evidence was ever found,[2]:175 and many reported gassings had simple explanations, such as spilled nail polish or odors emanating from animals or local factories.[1]:237 Victims made quick recoveries from their symptoms and suffered no long-term effects.[2]:175 Nevertheless, local newspapers ran alarmist articles about the reported attacks and treated the accounts as fact.[1]:234

      The attacks are widely considered to be a case of mass hysteria.[1][2] However, others maintain that the Mad Gasser actually existed, or that the perceived attacks have another explanation, such as industrial pollution.
      ***

      • Suthenboy

        You have such an eclectic accumulation of information. Who would know that? Stick around Derp, you are a treasure.

      • Derpetologist

        My nickname in basic training was Google, because I seemed to know everything. My other nickname was Mailman because I’d gather the mail and put in the mailbox when we marched past it. I’m short so I was always at the front with gals. It smelled better up there. Better scenery too.

        A teacher in elementary school described me as a fountain of knowledge. That was the year I was Scrooge in a play. It’s the part I was born to play. Tiny Tim was taller than me though.

        Bah, humbug!

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        I was so bored in 5th grade that I read the World Book Encyclopedia. I can’t say that I read every article but I know I read every volume.

        Been a whiz at trivia my whole life.

      • rhywun

        I pored over encyclopedias, dictionaries, and even more, atlases.

      • Derpetologist

        I read the rest of the works of Shakespeare when I was stranded in Baker, NV last month. Fun facts:

        The word punk appears in his plays. It meant whore in his time.

        The word dildo appears in A Winter’s Tale.

        “I am not a slut, though I thank the gods I am foul.” – Audrey, from As You Like It

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        How did you like “1001 Nights”?

      • Derpetologist

        It was good. The tales of Sinbad reminded me of the Odyssey. Plus I learned words like cornute and orison.

        I used to work with one of the bet Arabic linguists in the Department of Defense. I hoped to follow in his footsteps. So much for that.

      • LCDR_Fish

        I thought during that period “Punk” referred to a type of woven line/cord used for wicks in lamps and things?

  19. Tundra

    Chafed!

    This moving shit has definitely had a negative impact on my lifting. One fucking time last week!

    That said, the end is in sight. Headed west early Saturday. A few more days of chaos and I’ll beck to a routine.

    And the upward curve.

    Thanks for these, brother. They are more helpful than you imagine.

    • Chafed

      ?

  20. The Late P Brooks

    “None of this would have happened If Hillary Clinton had won that election.”

  21. egould310

    Didn’t run all week. In-laws were in town for the week. Ate a cheeseburger and fries everyday for lunch. Lost $75 at the Indian casinos. In-laws won close to $1,000. Fun times were had.

    Ran yesterday and today. But I was tired. It’s hot and sunny; bleccch!

    Going to Wilsonville, OR for work this week. My wife can come too, yay! Try to hit a nice air conditioned hotel gym every morning. Lunches are easy; Starbucks protein packs, etc. And we both agree to try to be low carb/keto for dinners.

    Lunchtime for the Wild Youth https://youtu.be/jzNoQJ6o3Ec

  22. The Late P Brooks

    I like my guns the way I like my jokes, Old and seasoned. I would be constantly reminded it’s new by that silly lock hole thingy on the side.

    Let it rattle around under the seat of your pickup for while.

    • westernsloper

      Rifles go behind the seat for the uninitiated.

    • LCDR_Fish

      China’s official death toll (as of 23 July) was 33 dead. ADV China reporting on a 4km tunnel with approx 6000 cars in it that filled with water in 5 min….how many folks would have actually made it out?

      • LCDR_Fish

        Tunnel footage at 36:13

    • rhywun

      I see the phrase “disturbing video footage out of China” and say to myself “nope nope nope”.

      • LCDR_Fish

        No dead bodies — just excerpts of phone videos

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        Coming soon to a Western “democracy” near you.

  23. westernsloper

    Just listened to Gary Elder on Rubin. He sounds a decent sort in spite of being a Republican. Better than Newsom fer sher as you californicators say

    • Nephilium

      I used to read his column way back in the day. He at least had libertarian leanings. No idea if he’s gone off the rails since then or not.

      Of course, I’m assuming you’re referring to Larry Elder.

      • blackjack

        He’s not bad. He is a typical republican cop sucker, but nowadays there’s worse things to be. Pretty much everywhere, there’s worse things to be. He’s on the radio out here, but it’s past my drive time, so I don’t really ever hear him.

      • Nephilium

        Is there anyone better even running for the governor seat in CA?

      • blackjack

        Nope. I will be elated if he wins that office. Never mind that he won’t really get much of anywhere, with the wall to wall commies everywhere else in state government. At least he can veto and show people what we could be doing. It’s a start. The most important thing is that Newsom get fired. Even if it means Newsom part two. He needs fired, bad.

      • rhywun

        He’s leading the not-Newsome field FWIW.

      • westernsloper

        Larry Gary whatever.

      • Nephilium

        Regardless, thank you for the piece earlier this week. I was ready to drop in with a joke on it about not including the recipe. Then I read it.

        Really appreciate shite like that to wake me up from time to time.

      • westernsloper

        Thanks. Ya, we don’t know what we have and or are losing. Hell who knows, some day we might be departing Key West in inner tubes trying to get to Cuba.

    • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

      Why can’t all movie reviews / trailers be like that?

  24. Derpetologist

    I managed to lose 5 pounds in one day somehow. Maybe I stood on the scale wrong. 188 pounds- 30 pounds more than my ideal Army weight. Drank 11 beers yesterday and am on my 5th for today.

    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    When my weld burn heals, I’ll start going to the gym again. Will try to go booze free next week and failing that, I’ll hold the line at 1 pint of beer per day.

    On the Carlson brouhaha, I’ve always felt that it’s wrong to respond to insults with violence. Totally in favor of dueling though. An armed society is a polite society.

    It’s a no win situation. If Carlson had flicked open a knife, he’d get pilloried for that. Now he’s getting pilloried for stoically enduring some asshat’s virtue signaling rant.

    • creech

      Maybe I should try the beer diet. I swear I can gain a pound or two overnight without eating a damn thing.

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        I can look at doughnuts and gain weight.

      • Nephilium

        The Modern Drunkard review of the Beer Fast

  25. Fourscore

    I’m in the baby steps part of learning to walk. I have started picking up the walker and walking away. Yesterday was to the garage, 3/4 mile on the treadmill, some upper body stuff with Mr Weider and back to the house carrying the walker. I was pretty damned proud. I have taken a few step sans walker but carefully and usually where I can catch something if I feel unsteady.

    Had good sleep the last couple nights, only 2 bathroom breaks, all night. My right foot, knee and leg are stiff in the mornings but after a few steps begin to loosen up and not hurt. When I walk and carry the walker my right step is shorter and I waddle like a duck. Only a few lbs below my normal fighting weight but I think I’ll move from light heavy to heavy in a few days.

    Today watered the apple trees and planted 2 small ones, the drought is still on. No flowers for the bees but we have had a little rain and unseasonably hot (climate change) lately. Tomorrow back on the treadmill/weight machine

    • Ozymandias

      Attaboy, Mister Fourscore! Putting us whippersnappers all to shame, one step at a time!
      By Honey Harvest, you’ll be handing out cans o’ whoopass to the boys for bein’ fresh at the table!

    • mikey

      Keep it up. Impressive.
      I’ve know 50 and 60 year-olds who ended up crippled for less because they just laid about and moaned that their PT was a meanie.

      • Fourscore

        They started my PT after about 6-7 days in the hospital. Then 4 times a day, except on Sunday (they needed a day off). I called them “The Tormenters” but I really knew they had my best interests at heart. They booted my butt out of the hospital on the 16th day (after PT). I had home visits for about 3 weeks.

        I think Medicare/TRicare don’t like paying for anymore than necessary, like all insurance companies.

    • Derpetologist

      When my grandpa turned 90, I sent him a wooden rhino carving from Tanzania and this message:

      ***
      Age is just a number. Go for 100. You can do it!
      ***

      He collected wooden animals. I went grocery shopping with him when he was 95. When he passed the health food aisle, he just laughed. Then we went home and had hotdogs, french fries, and beer for dinner.

      • Fourscore

        “Age is just a number. Go for 100”

        Yeah but old age is a big F–king number

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Hey, I’m going for far beyond 100, if I get that far, keep it up Sir, you are an inspiration to me, always have been,

      • Derpetologist

        You get the big fucking number because you’re a winner. Don’t forget that.

        And hey, you’re aging way, way better than Biden.

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        I am disappoint, Brutal. I expected that to be the breakfast menu.

    • westernsloper

      ? Excellent!

    • pistoffnick

      No surrender, Fourscore. I’d like to have you around for a few more years.

  26. Yusef drives a Kia

    Since I resigned at GMI, I already have my music going up on all the big music sites, and I have technical writer to help with, well, technical things. mix in in my photography, and Dioramas, self employment here I come!

    • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

      GMI: Ginormous Mushroom Industries?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        yep

  27. The Late P Brooks

    Frogs were kissed

    House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has appointed Rep. Adam Kinzinger of Illinois, one of the rare vocal critics inside the Republican Party of former President Donald Trump, to serve on the special committee charged with investigating the Jan. 6 attack on the U.S. Capitol.

    The Select Committee to Investigate the January 6th Attack on the U.S. Capitol is set to hold its first hearing on Tuesday. Kinzinger will join Wyoming’s Liz Cheney as one of two Republicans chosen by Pelosi to serve on the nine-person panel. Both Cheney and Kinzinger voted in favor of impeaching Trump following the attack on the Capitol, and were the only GOP members to support the committee’s formation last month.

    In a statement, Pelosi said that Kinzinger “brings great patriotism to the Committee’s mission: to find the facts and protect our Democracy.”

    ——-

    “Let me be clear, I’m a Republican dedicated to conservative values, but I swore an oath to uphold and defend the Constitution—and while this is not the position I expected to be in or sought out, when duty calls, I will always answer,” Kinzinger said in a statement Sunday. “This moment requires a serious, clear-eyed, non-partisan approach. We are duty-bound to conduct a full investigation on the worst attack on the Capitol since 1814 and to make sure it can never happen again.”

    It was an exhaustive search, but eventually an apolitical bipartisan Republican was found.

    • Suthenboy

      Words fail me.

      There is no reasoning with these people.

    • Derpetologist

      Did he break his arm from patting himself on the back?

  28. The Late P Brooks

    The January 6 insurrection resulted in approximately $1.5 million in damage to the Capitol building, according to the Justice Department said.

    Government math.

    • rhywun

      One union swell to sweep up and fourteen more to “oversee” him.

    • Derpetologist

      So the investigation will cost 10x as much as the damage?

    • westernsloper

      Pelosi’s lectern was worth 1. 49 million, and then they replaced a couple windows.

    • Not an Economist

      The money was to clean the “stink” left over from the “common” people.

  29. Nephilium

    Before I forget… Happy Christmas in July!

    It’s a mildly big deal here in NEOhio, breweries do special releases of their Christmas beers in July, it may be hot as hell, but who doesn’t want a spiced dark ale in July?

    • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

      D00d.

      I’ve always been pissed off that most breweries in Canada won’t do their “Winter Warmers” year-’round.

      What?!? Flavour’s only allowed near Christmas?

      • Nephilium

        The Great Lakes Christmas Ale locked down the flavor profile for spiced strong dark ales around here. Pretty much every brewery around here makes a clone of it. The names change based on the brewery. Off the top of my head: Eight Crazy Nights, 12 Dogs of Christmas, Three Hos, Festivus, and 2XMAS. All come in around 7.5% ABV, with ginger, cinnamon, cardamom, and honey.

  30. J. Frank Parnell

    I haven’t lost any weight in a while, but haven’t gained either – somewhere between 200-202 pounds every time I step on the scale. I haven’t really put any effort into breaking through this plateau, though. I might try to work on that this week.

    I went surfing yesterday, and the waves were crappy, but at least I think I figured out what I’m doing wrong – when I pop up I tend to land and put too much weight on my back foot. which causes me to grind to a halt. This week at home I plan to practice popping up and landing just on my front foot, with the back foot only for stability.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        Oh yeah, you can totally learn to do it.

        Thanks for the video, that popup he does starting around 2:45 is giving me some ideas on how to improve.

    • westernsloper

      As I have said in the past I could never get surfing but only tried it a few times in my ute on spring breaks to cali and have never tried it as an old man. I went on the mission to get down kiteboarding and failed. So far. As to snow boarding which I assume is similar to surfing, it is all weight forward to start and then weight side to side while steer with the back leg with heel/toe pressure front. If you want to go down a hill, lean down that hill. A wave is a hill.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        As to snow boarding which I assume is similar to surfing, it is all weight forward to start and then weight side to side while steer with the back leg with heel/toe pressure front. If you want to go down a hill, lean down that hill. A wave is a hill.

        Yeah, surfing is basically the same idea, except you’re starting out on your stomach and have to jump to your feet and land in the right spot with the right weight distribution.

      • westernsloper

        Oh I have dabbled and know the routine. Never got it down but in my head know how to do it. Have fun!

      • Grumbletarian

        Snowboarding is similar to surfing only in appearance. You steer on a snowboard by digging your up-slope edge into the snow, whereas there’s no edge on a surfboard.

  31. Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

    I started intermittent fasting. We shall see.

    I’d like to be hot for my cruise in March in case there’s a 50-something eligible bachelor on board.

    • Nephilium

      Best of luck to you KK. I tried that for a while, but I’ve only found calorie counting was the only way I could drop weight.

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        I’m hoping this system is righg for me, because I don’t eat until afternoon anyway. Only thing I’m giving up at this point is my morning can of Starbucks Doubleshot.

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        *right

      • egould310

        Per Can: Starbucks Doubleshot Espresso & Cream: 140 Calories; 6 g fat; 18 g sugar.

        18 g of sugar should be your max daily dose of sugar. Keep drinking coffee, just lose the sweet stuff. Good look, stay sexy.

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        I hate black coffee. If I want caffeine in the morning, it’ll be iced or hot tea. That’s sufficient for my needs. ?

      • Ted S.

        I hate black coffee

        Even in bed?

      • zwak

        One of the best pop songs ever written. Teds done good here!

      • LCDR_Fish

        What’s wrong with using Stevia and heavy cream in your coffee?

        I love the new “diet” zero calorie sweet fizzy waters. Mostly the walmart ones (most other grocery stores have them now) – a liter for .57. Cherry Limeade, Cherry Vanilla, Key Lime, Orange and Cream, Black Cherry, etc, etc.

        Normally do one at work after lunch and then another one in the evening (sometimes split over 2 nights).

        That’s in addition to all the other water, coffee, tea, etc I drink during the day.

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        No calories before your set time in intermittent fasting, so milk is out.

      • westernsloper

        Intermittent fasting is calorie counting. Skip a meal and carry on as normal it is less calories.

    • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

      I went a little overtime on Saturday (~30 mins), on account of the drink. I may give up booze for a while. It gives me the munchies.

      • Nephilium

        Honestly, the easiest way I’ve found to cut calories from my diet is to drop drinks with calories. I can easily drink thousands of calories in a day.

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        Total agreement. I only have water, sparkling water, and milk in my fridge right now, I vow no more Pepsi. My taste for sugar has really decreased the last couple years. I used to me a sugar fiend

      • rhywun

        Yeah, I need to figure that out. The problem is I like calories.

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        For Glibzoom, I’m going to have to pregame.

      • Ted S.

        Most of those in beer, I presume.

      • Nephilium

        Cocktails aren’t low calorie either. Fruit juice, mixers, and washes all are heavy in calories.

      • egould310

        Yes. Beware the mixers.

        Beer is brutal. If I drink two beers in the afternoon, I swear I can see it in my belly fat by dinner time. It just tastes good, and is light ABV for lunchtime.

      • Nephilium

        Man… after I put together the mocktail article, I’m going to have to put together the shim article aren’t I?

        Can’t I just write about going for a bike ride?

        So you want to ride a bike: Get a bike!

  32. Don Escaped Texas

    “10 years”

    Maybe a chick was moaning to me about her weight. I gave her this plan: just lose one pound a year for the rest of your life.

    I don’t work out; never have; but I loaded the Big Ugly with a bedfull of stuff to take to storage and the gate opened fine but suddenly the access to our building wouldn’t open, so I got to go home and re-stow all that crap . . . . in the way . . . until I can get over there during biz hours and figure out what the hell is going on.

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      just lose one pound a year

      My goal was 1 pound per week. One stinking, silly, pound. One year I would be back to my “fighting weight”. Two years I’d be back to my Air Force enlistment weight.

      Alas, the older I get the harder it gets. I’m down to about 1500 calories per day but struggling to keep exercising with my joint pains. I don’t own a scale but my pants are quite a bit looser and I might be able to go back to the smaller waist in a couple of months.

      Baby steps.

  33. Derpetologist

    satire ideas

    Biden Approves $10 Trillion Stimulus to Stop Inflation

    Scientists Propose Building George Floyd Memorials to Divert Hurricanes

    Taliban Taunt Retreating US Troops by Hopping to Kabul on One Foot

    Fauci Warns That Pandemic Will Continue Unless Enough People Clap

    Feminists Outraged That Women Buy 99% of High-Heels

    NRA Launches Annual Panda Shoot Contest To Drum Up Membership

    • blackjack

      You can only shoot the pandas on the white parts, unless you’re in Chicago.

      • Derpetologist

        reminds me of another idea

        Black Lives Matter Splits Over Zebra Question

      • blackjack

        That’ll make them show their true stripes.

      • egould310

        They’re just looking for an equidable solution.

      • blackjack

        All the nay-sayers will have long faces.

      • egould310

        Gallop polling shows the nay-sayers are the popular position.

      • Derpetologist

        Well, they see everything in black and white. Kind of like skates:

        ***
        The only animal that has been confirmed to see only in black and white is a fish called a Skate. This is because it has no cones in its eyes.
        ***

      • Ozymandias

        Bro, that is absolutely Bee-worthy.
        I can easily think of a bunch of ways that can be done. That’s in the same field as Chapelle’s “black white-supremacist.” Once you’ve got the initial premise, the whole thing just spills out of it. You trip over the jokes from there.

    • Suthenboy

      I cant believe the Babylon Bee hasn’t hired you…or have they?

      • Derpetologist

        I do not and have not ever worked for them. If they want to borrow my ideas, fine. I consider all my satire to be in the public domain.

  34. J. Frank Parnell

    Biden Approves $10 Trillion Stimulus to Stop Inflation

    I thought you were doing satire?

    • Derpetologist

      QUIET, YOU!

    • Nephilium

      My brain keeps trying to do a mash up of the $6 million man and Biden, with the switch being to trillion.

      • blackjack

        We can’t rebuild him. We don’t have the time, the money or the technology.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Ha!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        “Better, faster, stronger” doesn’t seem to fit with Joe, Lee Majors mebbe,

  35. Yusef drives a Kia

    I think Y’allins Crazy, Tall cans and Coookies!

    • Hyperion

      Tall cans. No cookies. *looks in American Hillbilly Dictionary* Y’allins is not a word. You heard someone say ‘Nawlins’. That’s Cajun for New Orleans.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        You all ins, fuck you I like it,
        /wink and a nod Hyp,

      • blackjack

        Pretty sure it’s All’yalls. (not a redneck IRL, mostly)

      • Hyperion

        That is actually a word. /Real Hillbilly

      • Nephilium

        There’s Y’all, All Y’all, and All Y’all Yinzers.

      • Hyperion

        Y’all Yinzers

        (((Hillbillys)))?

      • Nephilium

        So… you’ve never met a Yinzer, have you?

  36. The Late P Brooks

    NRA Launches Annual Panda Shoot Contest To Drum Up Membership

    A guy I know who is a black powder shooter said he went to a “turkey shoot” featuring stuffed animals packed with tannerite. It was a blast.

    *slaps knee*

    • Hyperion

      I didn’t know it’s now legal to shoot Canadians, but Goddamnit, we finally got something right!

  37. Count Potato

    “A man used an AI chatbot to virtually bring his fiancée ‘back from the dead’ eight years after she passed away – as the software’s own creators warned about its dangerous potential to spread disinformation by imitating human speech.

    Freelance writer Joshua Barbeau, 33, from Bradford in Canada, lost Jessica Pereira in 2012 when she succumbed to a rare liver disease.

    Still grieving, Barbeau last year came across a website called Project December and after paying $5 for an account and fed information into its software to create a new text ‘bot’ named ‘Jessica Courtney Pereira’, which he then started communicating with.

    All Barbeau had to do was input Pereira’s old Facebook and text messages and provide some background information for the software to mimic her messages with stunning accuracy, the San Francisco Chronicle reported.

    The software works by consuming vast amounts of human-created text, such as Reddit threads, to allow it to imitate human writing ranging from academic texts to love letters.”

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9824013/Grieving-man-33-uses-AI-chatbot-bring-girlfriend-dead.html

    If he meets someone real, does he have to break up with the chatbot?

    • Tulip

      This is really sad.

      • Count Potato

        That too. I feel bad for the guy, but I’m sure the chatbot thing isn’t helping.

      • egould310

        Wasn’t this a movie? Jude Law and Scarlett Johanssen?

      • blackjack

        It is sad, because now the best he’s gonna get off of her is digital penetration.

      • Ozymandias

        Oh shit, blackjack. Niiiicccee. I think that gets the applause gif over the Clint gaze.

    • rhywun

      I don’t know if I like the idea of feeding AI with Facederp and the like.

      OTOH it will be really stupid so maybe it’s not worth worrying about them taking over just yet.

    • blackjack

      Maybe she just seemed dead because he’s a lousy lay?

    • Derpetologist

      In the words of my favorite killer robot:

      It’s in your nature to destroy yourselves.

      • rhywun

        Meh, I’m not that nihilistic. Fight back!

      • Derpetologist

        In the words of my favorite killer robot:

        I cannot self-terminate.

      • rhywun

        “?”

    • Count Potato

      That’s awesome. Taking a meme and turning into merch.

    • Ghostpatzer

      OMG, that is hilarious. If I were considering becoming a satirist, I would be instantly dissuaded after reading this. Derpy, you’ve got your work cut out for you.

      • Count Potato

        Wouldn’t you be inspired? Because it’s good satire.

      • Ghostpatzer

        I would despair at trying to top that, but also inspired.

    • Derpetologist

      My favorite tactic with conspiracy theories is to respond with an even more insane one.

      Him: The moon landing was staged.

      Me: Pfft. You believe in the *moon*? It’s fake. Why do you think it slowly disappears every month?

  38. Count Potato

    “Joe Biden’s administration has spent at least $2 billion on suspending border wall construction, a new report from Republicans on a subcommittee on the border revealed.

    Amid a continuing migration crisis at the southern border, the administration is pumping around $3 million every day into stopping building of the wall, according to the minority report for the Senate subcommittee on Government Operations and Border Management under the Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee.

    The costly per day amount is reportedly going to contractors to guard all the materials – like steel and concrete – that are lying around in the desert for the project.”

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9823525/Biden-spending-2B-halt-border-wall-construction-thousands-migrants-cross-day.html

    Your tax dollars at work.

    • Hyperion

      “Joe Biden’s administration has spent at least $2 billion on suspending border wall construction”

      How the fuck can you spend money on NOT doing something? Only politicians are that stupid.

    • Hyperion

      Look at their last 2 Prime Ministers (that’s how limeys say president). The sad fact is that May and Yeller Mophead didn’t even have to cheat to win.

    • Count Potato

      WTF??

    • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

      UK, Australia & NZ are lost.

      limey – get thee ass to the U.S.!

      • limey

        It would be nice to be able to visit without the covid bullshit.

      • limey

        And the TSA bullshit, and the contracted security goon asking intrusive questions this end before you can even approach the desk to get your boarding pass.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Eh, it’s the pretty much the same BS flying in Europe. At least I can opt out of the rapiscanners here.

    • rhywun

      I have no respect for those in the UK anymore.

      Just the UK?

    • Ghostpatzer

      STEPHEN SMYTHE NEXT PRIME MINISTER. HIM “LOCK DOWN” WHOLE COUNTRY

      • limey

        Preferable.

  39. limey

    FLUTE POTATO
    WAFFLE HAT
    WANG DANG DOODLE AFTER THE GAME
    UNCLE DELIVERY ON TUESDAY
    YOUTH PICKLE

    /still fat

    • blackjack

      Are these safe words from your local dominatrix?

      • Hyperion

        You put on your leather, get on the 5, take it all the way up, turn there and arrive at blackjack’s place.

        Blackjack, you’re a fat pickle!

        Yes mistress!

        You californites are even weirder than what they say.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I resemble that!

      • limey

        My handlers told me that I should just run with this, so yes; kinky pain lady gives me the magic words.

    • Hyperion

      Bloody bullshit, it is.

      • limey

        It ruddy bloody is, mate

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Dumoflatchy, that’s all I got,

      • limey

        Ask your doctor if Devrom™️ is right for you.

  40. Yusef drives a Kia

    Also,
    Hootis
    Whatsit,
    that thing
    something something
    You know….
    and
    Ghoojbah,

    • limey

      that thing

      We don’t talk about that.

  41. Derpetologist

    most armed man in US has 4,000 guns

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0vpzpjKVsw

    interview tries hard to make him look nuts

    Seems to me he had a hard life, made something of himself, and picked up an odd sense of humor along the way.

    I call that being a great American.

    • Hyperion

      He’s going to need one hell of a boat.

    • blackjack

      We had a guy like that out here. Of course he got busted for nothing and the seized them all. He was acquitted, I think and when he went to get his guns back, they had melted them all down, allegedly. I really wanted one of the Tommy guns.

      • Count Potato

        “they had melted them all down”

        Assholes.

    • Q Continuum

      I’ve met that guy. He’s a helluva character.

  42. Hyperion

    So, tomorrow, I try to restart my Glibfit aspirations.

    More than 2 years ago, in the spring of 2019, I got into the best shape I’d been in since my early 30s. 170 lbs. Not as much muscle as all those years ago, but actually more fit.

    Fast forward 2.5 years. I had lost 60 lbs and I’ve gained back 50+ of it. It’s a sad state. My knees are crying out for help from moving around that much excess weight.

    Sadly, no beer is part of that plan. It would be if I could just drink a few, but I’m a glutton. It’s easy for me to stop drinking it. What’s hard it to stop once I’ve started for the eve, noon if it’s a weekend. So here we go before I totally blow out as least one knee and I’m sure much worse.

    • Count Potato

      Best of luck. The thing with not drinking is that it stops being a thing after a while.

      • Hyperion

        Thank you.

        Yeah, I know. I just have to try to not get bored. There’s so much to do, why should anyone get bored? That’s the question.

    • Sean

      Keto.

      Give it 1 full month. You’ll be shocked.

      6 months or less and you should be comfortably at your goal.

    • Derpetologist

      I met a little girl at an orphanage in Tanzania. She liked being called Whitney, because that was her favorite singer.

      She was about 6 when I met her 13 years ago.

      The Swahili word for orphan in yatima. It comes from the Arabic word for orphan. Huerfano means orphan in Spanish.

  43. Gustave Lytton

    Went into a liquor store I rarely visit. Ignored the mask signs on the door because they looked like they were leftovers. Nope, clerk behind the counter spoke up as soon as I walked in. “If you don’t have a mask, I have one here at the counter.” Uncharacteristically told the clerk to GFY, and turned and walked out. Fuck that. I’ll spend my money elsewhere. Noticed another person turn around at the door and walk away. Parking spaces that are usually packed were empty. I hope they take it in the shorts.

    • blackjack

      Aren’t they gubmint stores up there?

      • Gustave Lytton

        No but yes. State government controls distribution, pricing, and regulations but the stores themselves are privately owned and operated on a licensed agent basis.

    • limey

      I’m fairly certain I would need drugs to enjoy that.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I know I do…..

    • rhywun

      You might dig this guy. One-man operation, I discovered him from a video game.

      Or this guy – same story and better known.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        That’s my aim for that type of music but I have another group coming up, I’ll let you know,

      • rhywun

        The 2nd guy did a movie score, “It Follows”. I haven’t listened or watched but it’s on the back burner. The sky’s the limit!

      • rhywun

        And here I was expecting the obvious one.

      • Ted S.

        Nobody linked to Three Dog Night….

      • limey

        As the culturally retarded person I am, it didn’t register at all with me, and it occurs to me this may be due to the fact I had a notion that song was called ‘The Loneliest Number’.

        Please have a totem* of my gratitude for setting me straight.

        *malapropism, as always, intended

      • blackjack

        Nobody got the psycho chick song either. This is the better version.

  44. Mojeaux

    @Ozy, did you get my email from the other day?

    • Ozymandias

      I did now! I’ll respond there.

  45. Hyperion
    • blackjack

      Those who can see, see it that way now.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I can see, I quit,

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        God help me, I’m fucked, maybe,

  46. Yusef drives a Kia

    Maybe I should have shut up and kept the wages and Benefits, but from the beginning of this mess, the whole thing felt wrong. Now we have to get the shot to work? oh we can wear the mask, but that’s ostratising, and Fuck You, I walked.

    • rhywun

      I dunno man, but I’m busy concocting scenarios in my head. For if and when I have to make that decision.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I’m done with it, too old to give a fuck and,
        I.Will.Not.Comply. Happy trsils my friend,

      • egould310

        Wife and I discussed different vax/work scenarios today at lunch. We’re unified; no vax fuck them.

      • Akira

        Nobody has bothered me at my workplace yet… They have a rule that the vaxxed can take their masks off (and they actually make you produce proof of vaccination) but everyone else has to wear it. They did put out a memo saying that if you want to wear a mask to be “safe”, you are allowed to do so. About 1/3 of people still have masks on for one of those two reasons. It’s stupid, but I’m kind of glad that the masked people aren’t being singled out as refuseniks.

        But I did decide that if they make vaccination a requirement for employment, I’m going to pack my shit and walk. I want a new career anyway.

    • Ozymandias

      I’m glad I haven’t been tested on this yet. I consider myself fortunate in that regard. HOWEVER…
      …I’m very likely to wind up defending someone in court – and it will be a big ugly, evening news kind of mess – on this exact issue, so keep an eye out.
      I’m not trolling for clients, either. In fact, quite the opposite, but I promised a (((friend))) I would defend him if push came to shove… And the shove appears to be coming.
      He’s in NYC, at a very well-known hospital that is trying to mandate the vaccine… And my friend won’t bend the knee. Specifically because (a) he is an MD treating high-risk COVID patients; and therefore, (b) he knows the whole thing is complete and utter horseshit, a blatant giveaway to pharma.
      This is the same giveaway that Obamacare was to the health insurance corps – a complete legislative grant of taxpayer $$ and monopoly power over an entire industry to a few mega-corporations.

      • Ted S.

        One of the Team Red governors needs to mandate it of all of that state’s employees. Of course, John Roberts will find a rationalization for why state-sector employees can’t be mandated to get the vaccine but everybody in the private sector can.

      • rhywun

        keep an eye out

        Will do.

        I was gonna go the religious route, but I’m thinking instead that I will simply demand full-time remote or I’m gone. I can find same elsewhere, thank goodness. And I will include a clause that my pay cannot be cut if I choose to relocate. 🙂

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I’ll work with my shop, but not by the ridiculous terms, for me but not thee? are you kidding me?
        I’ll just step away, YMMV,

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        BTW, it is Religious to me, I fear the Mark, and won’t risk my Soul, no matter the cost,

      • egould310

        I’m an atheist. And I agree with this sentiment. It’s literally what they were writing about in the Bible.

      • rhywun

        Me, it’s unethical and immoral what they’re doing. Same thing in the end, really. If I could find a religion that I could plausibly get away with pretending to follow, sure – but honestly I don’t feel that I need to.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        This, and BJ’s sentiment, I’m fucking done, If it means I cant get a job then Black market, I’ll get by,
        Fuck this Shit!

      • blackjack

        I’m a meh-theist. I don’t care much about god based questions. I still support your reasoning on this. Everyone who want’s me to take it has been lying nonstop to me. I ain’t gonna suspend that on this one thing. Nope.

      • Q Continuum

        If they can force you to put experimental drugs in your body, they can force you to do anything.

      • Chafed

        JFC ain’t that the truth.

      • Ghostpatzer

        That actually worked for me. What i said was this: “I would love to return to the office and am prepared to do so immediately if necessary. However, as you already know, I have not been vaccinated against COVID and have no plans to be. With that in mind, I am requesting a conditional exception to work remotely in the event that vaccination is required in order to return to the office. Otherwise, I look forward to seeing you in September.”

        Our policy is to adjust salary on relocation; I could live with that if it happens.

      • blackjack

        I’m unvaxxed and my work is none too happy about it. I had a 10 day quarantine specifically because I’m unvaxxed. Now, my kid tested positive. I called to let them know and they asked me if I was unvaxxed in a “we already know” way. I’m waiting to see what they say tomorrow when I tell them I tested negative. At least, since it’s the airport, we all have to wear face panties, so I’m being singled out that way. We’ll see.

    • Broswater

      I don’t know how it works in the US or the state you are in, but here in Canukistan, they didn’t asked me any questions when I applied for that COVID relief money when I was put on a 0 hours schedule when I refused to wear the silly googles.

      To me, I was out of work due to COVID, would still be at work if it wasn’t for it, so why would I abstain from applying for it?

      I know it sounds hypocritical as I am against it, but it’s here and we will have to pay for it somehow so why not use it?

      • blackjack

        Take whatever you can from the government. They sure as hell won’t hesitate to take it from you.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Well, if nothing else, I’m on my own again, but well placed to thrive, let’s see how it plays out,
      /Ulibarri

      • Chipping Pioneer

        Good on you, Yusef! Nobody rules you!

        Despite this guy having some lefty tendencies, one of my favourite arte:

        https://youtu.be/ESTWlMfH-Ws

    • straffinrun

      That’s what those boots were made for, Yusef.

    • Sean

      Hostile work environment.

  47. Gustave Lytton

    https://www.oregonlive.com/crime/2021/07/fbi-agents-to-pair-up-with-portland-police-in-enhanced-weekend-coverage-in-downtown-and-entertainment-district.html

    FBI agents will pair up with officers in the Portland police Enhanced Community Safety Team to provide more coverage in downtown Friday and Saturday nights

    This love of the FBI in the abstract is crazy. They’re not patrol officers. They’re not even police officers. They’re federal agents with very different training, outlook, and organizational focus. They might as well put school lunch cooks in the cars with officers. Now that I think of it, it probably would be more effective as they could possibly know some of the kids out on the streets.

    Police won’t be arresting people for bar fights or small altercations, Allen said. Police “are just there to be a presence and to act quickly on scene if there is a shooting because it’s always better to have an investigator on scene as quickly as possible,” he said.

    ?‍♂️ Gun violence! Gun violence! Gun violence! Ignore everything else, including all other criminal acts. Hey dipshits! That right there _is_ part of the reason why you have shootings. Shootings are just the manifestation of a larger problem. Being janitors for the cleanup wouldn’t prevent them.

    • rhywun

      The only reason I can think of for the FBI wanting to stick its dick in there is to round up “white supremacists”. I mean, Biden has explicitly stated that is the central goal of every federal agency.

      • blackjack

        No, they are probably just trying to dodge responsibility for local cops arresting them by having the feds do it. Mayor pussy face is getting sick of the riots. That, and they get to claim that it’s different now that the world’s worst dictator has been deposed and replaced with the nice guy who can’t remember his own name. Some of us remember how horrified the Portlandia folks were when OMB had feds protecting federal property up there.

      • Gustave Lytton

        It’s “gun violence”. First, they can take credit for “helping” PPB and second, they can help the gun grabbers with their narrative. Maybe turn up a ghost gun or one with the thingie that goes up.

      • limey

        *tinfoil hat*

        Or they could be in their handling things to make sure none of their “informants” goes rogue or spills the beans. Remember when that Patriot Prayer (?) guy was hunted down and murdered, execution style, by that “anti-fascist” who then got killed in a “shootout” with the cops when they went to arrest him.

        Weird story.

      • limey

        So after posting that, I await my extradition. On the bright side I would get to visit the good ol’ US of A again!

    • straffinrun

      It took Gene Hackman to go crack good ol’ boy skull in Mississippi to achieve justiss.

  48. Yusef drives a Kia

    The interwebs are acting very funny, websites don’t load, Glibs don’t refresh, ooga booga,damn!

      • blackjack

        Not too bad. I’d like to see the Venn diagram with drug laws too, though.

    • Chipping Pioneer

      “Trust the government.”

      — Sitting Bull

  49. Chipping Pioneer

    Be it resilved: libertarians are the retarded stepsiblings of anarchists.

    Discuss amongst yourselves.

    • limey

      Anarchists are crazy people.

      “Libertarians” are a whole range of people with conflicting ideologies?

      • blackjack

        Well, you failed the test. The correct answer was, “you can’t make us discuss anything!” Although, I believe that, “Am I being detained?” would have been accepted also.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        I was working up a reply but you said it perfectly.

      • limey

        You’re not my fucking supervisor.

      • blackjack

        ‘Zactly!

      • Gender Traitor

        So who DOES supervise your fucking?

      • Mojeaux

        LOL

      • egould310

        In England it’s MI69: Fuck Inspectors.

        Duh!

      • pistoffnick

        “Anarchists are crazy people.”

        I identify as such.

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      Hmm, maybe anarchists are the retarded stepsiblings of libertarians.

      Anyway, I’m all in on an-cap unless something better comes along.

  50. pistoffnick

    The oldest spawn, who is/was leading 12 teenagers on a trek of the Superior Hiking Trail, did not hang the food pack high enough in the the tree. The bear ate the last of their food. We drove an hour and a half north with lunch meat, bread, peanut butter, jelly, loukamathes, baklava, grapes, bananas and chips to rescue them. And then followed them back to Duloot.

    All in all, a successful rescue. It was nice to see her again. /cherish your children

  51. Yusef drives a Kia

    My internet works again, I hope, the youngest spawn called me out of the blue, lucky I still have money,
    /damn Kids!

  52. Yusef drives a Kia

    I identify as a Male Disco Queen, but not the Ghey, figure that out,

  53. Ownbestenemy

    Hell of a T-storm rolling through my neighborhood. Gotta pickup kid that normally walks. Maybe coworker cause of flash floods.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      steer clear of low spots, but you knew that,

      • Ownbestenemy

        Yeppers. Dont let the sky and the ground think you are the easiest path

  54. Yusef drives a Kia

    Now Death descends upon you,
    Like a bloody White dove,
    raining your retribution,
    your sudden death from above,

  55. Yusef drives a Kia

    My big old fat Cat is so sweet,she just loves her Daddy, fangs and all, kittah!

  56. Sean

    We went out for dinner last night.

    I commented on how many old people were comfortable dining out indoors.

    She told me they were probably vaxxed and convinced they were invulnerable.

    I said no, they were just done with the ‘vid hysteria.

    She insisted that “nope, people are just fucking stupid.”

    ?

    • Gender Traitor

      So….. separate checks? ?

      Good morning, Sean!

      • Festus

        Mornin’ my little darlings! Glib-fit is finally trending the right way. 173 on the postal scale last Thursday. 12 more pounds to grow. Finally found out why this one woman at the big site has been giving me the stink-eye for two years. I checked the schedule to find out which day we’d be taking for the holiday next weekend. Turns out that I “knew” her big sisters from high school. She remembers me but I had no clue who the heck she was. She’s like three or four years younger than me but I put her at about 65. No wonder she doesn’t like me…

      • Ghostpatzer

        Congrats, Festus! Robbing the cradle keeps you young!

      • Festus

        Dear Heavens, no! It was the sisters that were defiled, not her! She just remembers me for my school bus, smoke-pit arrogance I’d imagine. I was a vain little asshole back then.

      • Sean

        sisters that were defiled

        Oh my!

      • Ghostpatzer

        Sisters (pl.). Not bad!

      • Festus

        Nah, we left the young tomatoes alone, even then. Three years difference seemed off. There was one girl that I used to walk home from the bus stop but it was pretty innocent. I could picture her Father racking a shotgun every time the Hippy-stoner escorted his little girl home.

      • Sean

        LOL, nah.

        This was her birthday dinner (actual day was a couple days ago).

        Service was a smidge slow (busy), but good and food was also good.

        https://copperheadgrille.com/

        No masks seen at all.

    • UnCivilServant

      You left out the conclusion.

      Though I’m at the point where that’s a “fuck you, I’m outta here” moment.

      But I’m just cantakerous.

      • Ted S.

        To be fair, that’s Sean’s wife. I assume he didn’t want to sleep out on the couch.

      • Sean

        To be fair, that’s Sean’s wife most awesome GF.

        We do have a mortgage together. Which, IMO, is more legally binding.

      • Ted S.

        As opposed to the less awesome girlfriends you have. :-p

      • Sean

        HAD…

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      +1 for the surliness and the cursing
      -1 for the Covid narrative buyin

    • Ghostpatzer

      Morning!

      “people are just fucking stupid.”

      She’s not wrong, but has merely misidentified the cohort. Hope this blows over.

      • Sean

        Hope this blows over.

        Wait, you’re expecting people to get smarter?

        I have this bridge for sale…

      • Ghostpatzer

        “Wait, you’re expecting people to get smarter?”

        Would you believe slightly less dumb? How about…

    • Akira

      She insisted that “nope, people are just fucking stupid.”

      Why was SHE there? They’ve been lecturing us for 18 months about how eating at home is a no-brainer when this virus is (allegedly) killing hundreds of people every day and that you’re just being selfish if you even think about dining out, getting your hair done, going to church, etc.

      There’s almost a pattern of hardcore Branch Covidians doing whatever they want while loudly complaining about others doing the same thing. I’ve actually encountered people who say things like “I went to this bar last night, and there were SO many people in there.. It’s like nobody even thinks about this virus! It was so dangerous!

      At this point, I take the Dave Smith view that “The vaccine is available to everyone who wants it, and anyone who doesn’t want it is signifying that they’re OK with the risk”.

  57. Stinky Wizzleteats

    “Fauci Says New Mask Guidelines For Vaccinated Americans Under “Active Consideration” Amid Delta Outbreak”

    https://www.zerohedge.com/covid-19/fauci-says-new-mask-guidelines-vaccinated-americans-under-active-consideration-amid-delta

    Under consideration and, considering these people have very little useful conceptualization of risk, right around the corner.
    Cases up, deaths down (and this is rarely mentioned but is the most important statistic). These fuckers I swear…

  58. UnCivilServant

    What does desktop support think I do? They installed ‘Video Editor’ but not PuTTY. I have Adobe Creative Cloud, but not Visio. I have Visual Studio 2019, but not PeopleTools Client.

    • Ted S.

      You work for the state. You don’t do anything.

    • Ghostpatzer

      Hmm, Video Editor… Side gig with PornHub?

  59. The Late P Brooks

    I said no, they were just done with the ‘vid hysteria.

    She insisted that “nope, people are just fucking stupid.”

    She ran rings around you, logically.

  60. Festus

    They keep moving stuff at the big site that has been in situ since before I started there. It’s nice that they’re getting rid of clutter but it adds hours to my day. A heads-up would be nice. One area has about 1/8″ of dust left behind on theses ginormous shelving units. Sorry folks, I’ll fit that in when I can. They keep pushing and pushing and pushing.

    • rhywun

      And I oop?

    • Festus

      Save the turtles!

    • EvilSheldon

      Awesome!