Joemala: Episode 35

by | Jul 28, 2021 | Joemala | 242 comments

 

“My boy, my beautiful boy,” Joe said, mashed bananas dribbling from his mouth.

“What, Grandpa?” Finnegan asked.

“Hi, Daddy,” Finnegan heard a voice say from behind her. She turned to see her father. “What are you doing here?” she asked coldly.

“I’m here to see my Daddy,” Hunter said.

“My boy!” Joe said and stood up slowly, wobbling, holding the desk for support. Finnegan backed away as her father rushed forward to hug the frail figure.

“You aren’t supposed to be here,” Finnegan said, taking off her apron and dropping it on the floor. She looked at the Secret Service alarm on the wall.

“He can visit anytime he wants,” Joe said, pale yellow tears forming in his eyes.

“No one saw me come in,” Hunter said to Finnegan. “I used the tunnels.”

“What tunnels?” Finnegan asked.

Joe clung to Hunter and covered him in wet, long kisses.

 

 

“The tunnels, the tunnels,” Hunter said. “There are miles of them under the White House.” He smiled and showed his crooked and rotting teeth. “That’s how I used to get in here to smoke Barry out on his bad days.”

“My boy,” Joe said again.

“Tunnels,” Finnegan said slowly, sliding toward the alarm.

“Once you get past the spider, they are pretty easy to get around in,” Hunter said. He smoothed Joe’s thin hair against his scalp and kissed his dusty head.

“The spider,” Finnegan said dourly.

“Yes, the giant spider,” Hunter said. “You answer his riddles three and you can pass.” Hunter propped Joe against the Resolute desk and caught his daughter’s hand as she slapped at the button.

“No, no,” he said, holding her against the wall, his breath thick with the sweet burning plastic smell of crack. “I’ll be going soon. I just wanted to remind Daddy about my art sale. I didn’t want him to forget to make bids and remind all his friends to do the same.”

“Launder money for you, you mean,” Finnegan said.

“So, you’re not going to take your cut?” Hunter asked. “I’ve been the bagman for this family for years now. You’re just his wetnurse.”

“You bastard,” Finnegan said hoarsely.

“We both do the dirty work,” Hunter said, kissing his daughter on her lips. “I just accept it.”

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

242 Comments

  1. The Late P Brooks

    More real than reality.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      Direct feed from the bugs SF planted in the White House.

  2. R.J.

    Great! I needed that to distract me from two days of requirements gathering meetings.

  3. The Late P Brooks

    Most powerful man in the world.

    In

    the

    world.

  4. CPRM

    Are we not going to talk about Hunter’s belt in that picture? That is some appropriation right there.

    Also, I’m interested to find out what the Hat and Hair are up to in this universe.

    • CPRM

      Also, I’m pretty sure that picture was taken at a Sears photo gallery as a Going Out Of Business sale.

    • R.J.

      After that picture, Hunter put on his sombrero and strode back into the sun. I can assume that based on the belt.

    • juris imprudent

      He got it off Tom Laughlin’s corpse?

  5. waffles

    Those last lines gave me the sensation of a small but heavy stone landing in my stomach. Such is the hyperreality of the times we live.

  6. Rebel Scum

    Huh. I didn’t know SF had connections in the White House.

    • juris imprudent

      You would think the national security ops would’ve swept up his bugs, wouldn’t you?

      • R C Dean

        Prolly thought they were CCP bugs, which are off-limits.

      • juris imprudent

        No doubt the markings from the Ancient Ones look like Chinese.

      • rhywun

        That was clever of SF to mark them “Property of CCP”.

    • Gustave Lytton

      That’s sort of story is the thing that depresses me. Institutionalized and accepted corruption of flying your family with you on an overseas “official” trip. It’s a fucking vacation.

      Meanwhile in chumpland, my boss questions a hotel receipt that shows double occupancy (because my wife came with me) even though there was no additional charge for a second person and cost to the company really was zero.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Oh, you know how the private sector is, expecting results and such.

      • Mojeaux

        TO’G!!!!! Haven’t seen you in a while, girl! Nice to see you back.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Hey lass! Phone has been intermittently* uncooperative for the last week or so. New one is coming. I’ve missed most of you. 😉

        *repairmen’s favorite word

      • Mojeaux

        Damned gadgets. *mumblemumblemumble*

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Heh. In iPhone’s absence my teenaged iPod fired up like the VW in Sleeper. (Déja Vu is a great album; thanks to Festus for reminding me.)

      • Mojeaux

        I have an iPod, but my husband won it. My first mp3 player was a Rio Karma.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        oops: déjà

  7. mikey

    And to think. I was worried about losing Donny and Friends. SF continues to amaze.

  8. Ghostpatzer

    You’re just his wetnurse

    Lol, now I need to order a new keyboard. I wonder if any of the ladies in Q’s lynx moonlight in that profession.

    • Tonio

      ANR. Adult Nursing Relationship. And yes, women who are not pregnant or recently so can be induced through regular… stimulation.

      • Ghostpatzer

        Why am I not surprised that you know this?

      • juris imprudent

        Tonio – the encyclopedia prurientanica!

      • Gadfly

        “Encyclopedia Prurientanica” is excellent. *doffs cap*

      • EvilSheldon

        It truly does take different strokes to move the world…

  9. Tonio

    “Yes, the giant spider,” Hunter said. “You answer his riddles three and you can pass.”

    How wicked you are to tease us with an intriguing character who is offstage. I hope you will write about him in the future.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        The white house tunnrl spider seems downright pleasant compared to the Derry tunnel spider.

      • Nephilium

        I was figuring it may be something like Better Off Ted’s Octochicken.

      • Timeloose

        You never know what you will find in the Kennedy Sex tunnels or the Lincoln slave arena.

      • SugarFree

        “He didn’t free them all.”

      • waffles

        You got me pretty good with that one. Now I’m smiling at work and it’s just not right.

    • juris imprudent

      Dude – don’t you know a macguffin when one is thrown at you?

      • Tonio

        Apparently not. [pouts]

  10. CPRM

    You can’t deny Hunter’s artistic genius! (It is better than I expected, but that’s not saying much)

    Our artists
    Hunter Biden
    A lawyer by profession, Hunter Biden now devotes his career to the creative arts, bringing a myriad of experiences to producing powerful and impactful works. His paintings range from photographic to mixed-media to abstract works on canvas, yupo paper, wood, and metal. He incorporates oil, acrylic, ink, and the written word to create unique experiences that have become his signature.

    • R C Dean

      A lawyer by profession

      Well, you can’t expect art marketing to be truthful, I guess. Technically, I guess he’s license, but he ain’t practicing.

      From wiki:

      After graduating from law school in 1996, Biden accepted a position at the bank holding company MBNA, a major contributor to his father’s political campaigns.[5] By 1998, Biden had risen to the rank of executive vice president.

      I’m sure MBNA had just tons of 28 year old executive vice presidents.

      • juris imprudent

        A lawyer by profession

        So many bad lawyer jokes just hanging there, tottering on the brink.

      • The Other Kevin

        “Biden accepted a position at the bank holding company MBNA, a major contributor to his father’s political campaigns.”

        Someone at the Wiki is slacking.

      • blighted_non_millenial

        Akshually, before working in Healthcare IT, worked for a company that did internet banking software and hosting. It wasn’t like this in all the banks we did business with, but in some of them everyone was a freaking VP of some flavor. I’m talking everyone.

      • Dr Mossy Lawn

        It is a requirement of the banking regulations. Everyone who holds a position with a fiduciary duty to the bank, is a VP (or higher).. so at the financial firm I consult for, there are at least 4 different levels of VP, and then you go to “director” level (2-3 of those) .. and so on.

        Entry level IT techs are Associate VP (AVP)… as far as I can tell, only tellers and custodial level don’t have titles… everyone else starts at AVP.

        I’m sure the history was to have Legal, and loan officers seem “higher” as a customer relationship move, but over time the rules were set that required everyone who could affect or look at financials, PII etc needed to be VP.

      • Ghostpatzer

        Can confirm. I of all people was a VP at various financial institutions for decades (as a developer, sysadmin, tester…). In a different business now, reduced to a humble software engineer (as if I have any actual engineering skills). People seem to like titles, I don’t care as long as they pay me.

      • rhywun

        LOL that’s hilarious.

        My industry is financial and I see all kinds of PII. I am a few levels below “VP”, though. I think I have to blow through “Manager” and “Director” before I hit “AVP”.

        Must be specifically a bank thing.

    • EvilSheldon

      It’s not complete garbage, but I’ve commissioned much better original work off Instagram for a few hundred bucks.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I’ve seen worse but there’s plenty better over at Deviant Art available and it’s free.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Fewer Furries and Sonic the Hedgehog fetishist in the Biden studio, a far as I know.

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      It looks like he paints what he sees when he’s drugged up.

    • LJW

      Heard an art expert on the radio a while back. He put it into perspective. Said something along the lines of “Someone found a lost Picasso in a garage sale a while back and it only sold for $250k”

    • Drake

      I don’t buy the assumption he actually painted that stuff – rather than paid an art-school kid a few hundred bucks so he could “sell” (launder) them.

      • UnCivilServant

        Shit, you’re talking about the guy who couldn’t remember to pay the computer shop for fixing his laptop.

      • Nephilium

        He’s going to pay the artist through EXPOSURE!

    • rhywun

      I like some of them, but not at money-laundering/influence-peddling prices.

      You know who else dabbled in art?

      • Old Man With Candy

        Churchill?

      • Old Man With Candy

        Sloopy’s daughters?

      • Tres Cool

        John Wayne Gacy ?

      • blackjack

        A bunch of female extras from the series Happy Days?

      • Ghostpatzer

        Mrs. Treacher?

    • Hyperion

      So that’s what a crack buzz looks like?

  11. The Late P Brooks

    “You answer his riddles three and you can pass.”

    What is your favorite color?

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      +1 Holy Grail

      • Mojeaux

        LOL

      • Mojeaux

        #FFEA00 or #D70040 depending on the day.

      • UnCivilServant

        I don’t actually have a favorite color (or a favorite of just about anything) it’s all very mood dependant.

      • Mojeaux

        Yellow makes me happy, like “Eastbound and Down” does.

      • Rat on a train

        Which gamut? BT.2100?

  12. Stinky Wizzleteats

    K figured that pic was a photoshop. Not the end of the world I guess but it’d be much more normal if Hunter was a kid. Strange infantalization of adult children in that family.

  13. Scruffy Nerfherder

    I’m not what’s more disturbing, the prose or the photo.

    • Tonio

      There is a look of numb horror in his eyes. The acceptance of the role into which he was born and can never escape.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Hence all of the drugs.

      • Gadfly

        Something seemed off with that expression, and I think you’ve described it perfectly.

    • Not Adahn

      That’s just the way they do things down in Scranton.

      • Timeloose

        Can not confirm. Whatever Joe does he owns it. Scranton has enough problems without being known for weird father and son embracing.

      • Ghostpatzer

        Scranton does have a nearby Hobby Lobby. Sadly, no cunieform there. In fact, nothing I’d consider buying. The brouhaha over their lack of wokeness probably helped them immensely.

      • Mojeaux

        I love Hobby Lobby. I wish they’d get rid of some of their home dec sections and expand their fabric department but they have a more comprehensive inventory than Michael’s.

        And while I appreciate and admire their Christian stance, I do wish they’d stop playing Muzak/soft jazz/faux pop hymns for their store music.

      • Ghostpatzer

        It’s probably better when you are not accompanied by a bored 19 year old boy.

      • Mojeaux

        Likely so.

        My daughter wears plain tee shirts exclusively, in 3 colors: maroon, navy, and black. We buy them at Hobby Lobby. Good quality Gildan, not a lot of money, ample stock.

      • Penguin

        Mojo – That’s almost like a riff on Einstein having 7 identical suits so he’d never have to give his wardrobe any thought. Except your daughter wants some variety.

      • Mojeaux

        Well, she works full time and we haven’t been back to church since the lockdowns started (not that she would go), so as long as she can stock up on her favorite jeans and tee shirts, she’s happy.

        If I had anywhere to go, my wardrobe would be all boho and hippie chic, nothing ever matching, swirly skirts and floaty blouses. It’d be so outrageous, I’d never be expected to match.

  14. Timeloose

    “He can visit anytime he wants,” Joe said, pale yellow tears forming in his eyes.

    Pale Yellow Tears? Racist!

    • Drake

      Made me a bit queasy.

    • CPRM

      we got a free $500, from Covid funds, and I stated I thought we shouldn’t get it. But I still took it. What can I do? It was direct deposit.

      • R C Dean

        You don’t make the rules. You don’t have to like the rules. You’re just playing the game, like all those suckers in the AL with designated hitters.

      • UnCivilServant

        I apparently earned too much to get paid.

      • Swiss Servator

        Don’t hate the player, hate the game.

  15. R.J.

    So about $3 an hour for a minimum 480 hours? That’s crap. Is that the best the employee unions can do?
    Also screw them.

    • R C Dean

      In a just world, $0 an hour COVID “hazard pay” would be the best the employee unions could do.

  16. The Late P Brooks

    According to my model…

    “Do no harm is a core ethic for all those who care for the sick and injured. I think that physicians and, frankly, all those working in the health care system, have a fundamental obligation to patients by getting vaccinated for preventable diseases such as COVID 19,” said Audiey Kao, MD, PhD, the AMA’s vice president of ethics. Dr. Kao discussed the ethical considerations of vaccine mandates for health care workers in an episode of the “AMA COVID-19 Update” that was published last week.

    COVID-19 vaccines have prevented nearly 280,000 deaths and 1.25 million hospitalizations in the U.S. according to estimates from researchers at the Yale School of Public Health.

    KNEEL BEFORE SCIENCE!

    • R C Dean

      I note that the big wave from last winter peaked and was receding, in normal pandemic fashion, before any meaningful number of people had been vaccinated. How they distinguish between the downslope from the natural course of a pandemic, and the steeper downslope from vaccination, is a mystery.

      • LJW

        Looking at the UK their spike started around June 1st and peaked July 20th. US started July 1st, so maybe it peaks mid to late August?

      • Gustave Lytton

        The same way you can distinguish between natural downslope and a downslope by NPIs. Use your feelz to know what the cause is. Evidence is not needed.

      • Nephilium

        They’ve got a model!

      • waffles

        Assume the result, make the model, declare it science. It’s very technical.

    • LJW

      “COVID-19 vaccines have prevented nearly 280,000 deaths and 1.25 million hospitalizations in the U.S. according to estimates from researchers at the Yale School of Public Health.”

      How the hell do you calculate that? Some bullshit model?

      • Timeloose

        Assume that the peak numbers in the pandemic would continue without the vaccine, but ignore the strong downward trends just prior and just after vaccine availability.

      • juris imprudent

        Just like how you separate out the natural climate variability from man-made climate change.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Assume worst case outcome without based on worst day of pandemic then calculate to best day outcome.

        So easy a moron could do it.

      • Surly Knott

        And they do. Pretty much exclusively.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        It appears a moron wrote that sentence.

    • nw

      “COVID-19 vaccines have prevented nearly 280,000 deaths”

      The “vaccines” make you immortal? Thats… going to have some major
      effects on… well… everything.

      • Rebel Scum

        Can’t prove a negative, you say? Watch me!

        Anything is possible when you pull numbers out of your ass.

      • Not Adahn

        +1 Miracle Day

      • rhywun

        Torchwood was crap but at least it was fun.

      • Not Adahn

        The plots always involved the government screwing over the people are were always resolved by trusting the government and doing wha it said.

      • Mojeaux

        I never could get into Torchwood.

      • Nephilium

        For being someone who appears to be on the Branch Covidian side, there is still humor to be had at XKCD.

      • Ghostpatzer

        Richard Pryor weighs in on immortality and other tangentially related subjects (NSFW).

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQqGFVONBTM

        “So far, don’t nobody we know have passed the ultimate test”

    • CPRM

      In a world where Hitler won: Killing the Jews saved 90 million lives, thus killing the Slavs will save even more! #Science!

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      The goddamned AMA is one of the most unethical and immoral entities in our country today.

      They’ve completely politicized medicine and we are all going to suffer for it.

    • EvilSheldon

      Harry the Hatchet?

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      I believe it was a double-ended dildo, the sex toy equivalent of nunchucks.

  17. R.J.

    Who comes up with those crap numbers? How would you even know what the vaccine prevented?

    • CPRM

      + 1,000,000 jobs created or saved by X

    • rhywun

      Take the number of lives saved by feed-bags and extrapolate from there.

  18. Timeloose

    Gus likely didn’t panic and blow his hatch prematurely.

    We conclude that electrostatic discharge is a plausible explanation for what happened at the end of Gus Grissom’s suborbital flight. Sixty years later, our findings exonerate Grissom for the loss of his spacecraft, at last putting an end to what the veteran astronaut referred to as the “hatch crap.”

    https://astronomy.com/news/2021/07/did-static-electricity-blow-the-hatch-of-liberty-bell-7

    So difficult to tell anything at this point, but this makes more sense than a trained test pilot panicking.

    • pistoffnick

      Our chief test pilot has nerves of steel. I’ve watched in-cabin video. During a potentially dangerous test he is calm and calculating. After he lands, though, he lets fly a string of curse words.

    • EvilSheldon

      Static electricity is nothing to fuck with.

  19. The Late P Brooks

    Prolly thought they were CCP bugs, which are off-limits.

    “Hecho in China”

  20. The Late P Brooks

    Do no harm is a core ethic for all those who care for the sick and injured.

    That’s why they refused to treat all those people last year.

    • R C Dean

      Somebody needs to tell the nurses unions about this core ethic. So they don’t go on strike ever again.

  21. UnCivilServant

    Hrmm… Why is the shareholder meeting in-person only? In this day and age, I should be able to attend remotely.

    Wait, it’s scheduled for the day I’m supposed to be driving from Cripple Creek to Dodge city? I should get my proxy vote in then.

    • Gender Traitor

      Why is the shareholder meeting in-person only?

      It’s a trap!!

      • UnCivilServant

        I own ten shares of the company. Unless there’s a revolt by the minor shareholders, there’s not going to be much of an impact from those votes.

      • R C Dean

        To make it harder for crackpots and activists to attend, would be my guess.

        Also, so that the company has and controls any recordings.

  22. Rat on a train

    Forget the Delta COVID variant. Coming soon: prion variants

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      Don’t you have to eat brains to get infected?

      • rhywun

        *checks grocery list*

        Whew, safe.

      • WTF

        Unless the geniuses are doing gain of function research on prions, allowing them to propagate via different vectors such as inhalation.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        The French eat some weird shit. So, I wouldn’t rule out them snacking on some research samples.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        That would be terrifying. Prions are no joke, basically untreatable and 100% fatality rate with a long gestation.

  23. The Late P Brooks

    Our chief test pilot has nerves of steel. I’ve watched in-cabin video. During a potentially dangerous test he is calm and calculating.

    This reminds me of the thing I saw somewhere (Slate, Salon, Teen Vogue? Who gives a shit?) about “How to Know if You’re Dating a SOCIOPATH”.

    The big tell? Does he remain inhumanly calm and under control in tense or dangerous situations?

    • juris imprudent

      What self-respecting modern woman doesn’t want a man that turns into blubbering pants-shitting incoherence in a tense or dangerous situation? Don’t you understand toxic masculinity at all?

      • Rebel Scum

        Krybaby Kinsinger approves.

    • WTF

      I have always had the ability to remain calm in emergencies and dangerous situations. I always thought it was a good thing because it allows me think rationally in order to reasonably address such situations. Now I guess I’m a sociopath.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I’m much the same way, but I’ve found in more recent years I get choked up during stupid movies and athletic events. It’s really weird.

        My wife complains that I move too slowly in emergencies. I tell her that I’m being very deliberate in those situations and that if you see me running, you better haul ass because something is really going to shit.

      • Not Adahn

        Exactly how many emergencies are the two of you in that she’s been able to form that opinion?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Her definition and mine are quite different.

        Tornadoes, wildfires, earthquakes, and hurricanes. Done at least one of each.

      • EvilSheldon

        You ever listen to the cockpit radio traffic from that 777(?) that landed in the Hudson some years ago?

        The pilot was dead-sticking a jumbo jet into a water landing, and his voice had all the emotional intensity you’d expect from ordering an Egg McMuffin at the drive-thru. Just amazing.

      • WTF

        Yeah, I’ve heard it.
        Tower: “Can you make to Teterboro?”
        Pilot (deadpan): “Nope, we’re going to be in the Hudson.”

      • Gustave Lytton

        A320.

        https://youtu.be/pWpSAfF6elI

        The dialog in Sully is almost word for word the actual dialog. Museum outside of CLT has the plane as a main exhibit. It’s numbing to see the damage and realize no one died that day.

      • Gustave Lytton

        https://youtu.be/_1B_gZcZScI

        Both pilots were cooler than ice. Below 400AGL and dropping and still trying to relight the engines. Right up there with BA Capt Eric Moody and his crew, and many others.

      • EvilSheldon

        I just read the Speedbird 9 article on Wikipedia. That was some nice work.

      • Tres Cool

        Im the same. I go into a fix-it/stop-it/get help mindset. Then when the crisis is over, I melt down.

      • blackjack

        Same here. My wife gets all pissed off when I tell her to calm down. As if that’s ever bad advice.

      • Tres Cool

        Calm Down !

        * “Urban” lyrics likely NSFW. Unless you work for Def Jam.

    • Zwak, jack off, all trades

      Back in college, I was an expediter at a restaurant and later ended up doing logistics for around a decade. I am fine under pressure. It’s when there isn’t any that I will fuck up rather severely.

      And, why yes, I am a procrastinator.

  24. Tundra

    That picture is more fucked up than the prose.

    …his breath thick with the sweet burning plastic smell of crack.

    Great line.

    • Tulip

      Hunter’s face in that picture screams HELP ME

    • Jerms

      I happen to know what crack smoke smells like—and that description is just about perfect.

  25. UnCivilServant

    *opens RFP response to evaluate by monday*
    *sees 1300+ pages*
    *weeps softly*

    • juris imprudent

      Pssst – your bosses already know who is supposed to win. Find out and then pick out some highlights to help justify it. You will have done your part.

      • UnCivilServant

        No, I have to put together answers to questions the stakeholder representatives have put together and make it good enough that I can keep moving up (since the technical tract ends at my title grade.)

  26. Nephilium

    So… I’m gonna guess that this must be racist, right?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      It’s definitely funny.

    • waffles

      You can’t be racist against Lebron James, he has privilege and power.

      • WTF

        Only wypipo have privilege and power.
        Don’t you even CRT brah?

  27. Scruffy Nerfherder

    I’ve excerpted the article but this is absolutely worth reading. The short summary is the narrow immunity to the S-protein provided by the vaccines is driving the evolutionary selection cycle of the COVID virus now. Each new variant will therefore be more resistant to the vaccines in current usage. It is not the non-vaccinated that are providing the pool of virus that is mutating. This is directly opposed to the current political messaging which blames the non-vaccinated for the delta variant.

    As already mentioned on multiple occasions, molecular epidemiologist have shown that population-level S protein-directed immune pressure is now driving the propagation of variants that are increasingly evolving mutations enabling resistance to S-specific antibodies (as now massively induced by the ongoing vaccination campaigns). As more infectious variants bind to the cellular Ace-2 receptor with enhanced binding strength, the Ace-2 receptor more readily outcompetes S-specific antibodies for binding to these variants. Consequently, these variants gain a competitive advantage when replicating in individuals who exert strong S-directed immune pressure on the virus (i.e., in vaccinees!), especially upon incorporating additional mutations (within the RBD) that prevent direct binding of S-specific vaccinal antibodies. Variants that are increasingly resistant to S-specific antibodies (e.g., delta and delta plus variant) can only adapt to the population provided the S-directed immune pressure is widespread in the population. This is, of course, the case if larger parts of the population get vaccinated and when vaccinees can easily transmit the variant due to relaxation of infection prevention measures. In principle, non-vaccinated individuals who are in good physical and mental health can deal with all variants, provided the infectious viral pressure does not exceed a certain threshold. This is because their innate antibodies have relatively lower affinity for the virus. However, breeding of more infectious and more anti-S antibody-resistant variants in vaccinees will inevitably enhance viral replication and transmissibility in vaccinees, thereby raising the infectious pressure and increasing the likelihood for non-vaccinated subjects to become re-infected while their natural/ innate antibodies (Abs) are being suppressed by short-lived S-specific Abs (elicited as a result from previous asymptomatic infection). So, ‘yes’, some non-vaccinated people will become susceptible to the disease and then contribute to further propagation of these variants. It’s important to note, however, that this is a result and not the source of the enhanced evolution of the virus. So, not the non-vaccinated individuals but the vaccinees are now responsible for driving Sars-CoV-2 evolutionary dynamics. It’s also important to note that non-vaccinated people will not contribute to natural selection as they will either eliminate the virus (thanks to their innate antibodies in synergy with natural killer cells) or become susceptible to Covid-19 disease due to suppression of their innate immune defense. Short-term shedding of low concentrations of viral variants by asymptomatically infected, non-vaccinated people is a direct consequence of shifting natural immune selection forces that are increasingly coming into play as a result of mass vaccination. This will ultimately put the vaccinees in much worse shape than the non-vaccinated as the latter will still be able to rely on their innate Abs.

    https://www.geertvandenbossche.org/post/the-chicken-and-egg-problem-which-came-first

    • Gustave Lytton

      So obviously the solution is an actual hard lockdown with zero contact with other people and forcibly vaccinate everyone before additional variants can arise in unvaccinated Petri dishes and spread unchecked.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        It would seem that the CDC is recognizing this as they’re calling for masks among the vaccinated. Their problem is that they cannot admit that they’ve created the variant storm with their vaccination policy, so they’re going to shift blame to the unvaccinated in an explicitly evil propaganda campaign.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Forcing the vaccinated into masks is also a way to get the vaccinated to make unreasonable demands against against the unvaccinated and the government will be only too happy to oblige.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Whoops, which is sort of what you said. Nevermind…

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        No necrophilia man, not cool.

    • waffles

      So it’s Trump’s fault. Or it would have been if the current administration hadn’t plotted to take full credit for the vaccine rollout.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        It’s that evil little man Fauci’s fault. He’s supposed to be the expert, him and Francis Collins.

  28. Ownbestenemy

    Customer waited a month to get an appointment with my wife. Wife confirms last night the time today. Lady isnt home so wife snapped a photo that she was there and moved on.

    Now customer is begging her to ‘squeeze her in’ sorry lady.

    • Not Adahn

      You’re Winston’s dad?

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Aw, don’t let the dog suffer just because owner is an eejit. Signed, a groomer client (er, my mom is, anyway).

      • R C Dean

        Mrs. Dean is keeping one of her in-home personal training clients mostly because she feels bad for their dog. She’s the only normal interaction the dog gets, and the only one who has any clue how to train it.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        I was musing recently about how many dogs must live in quiet desperation. Gee, don’t I liven up the place.

    • Gadfly

      Is the customer offering monetary incentive for special treatment / compensation for wasted time, or is she just asking for a favor?

  29. The Late P Brooks

    As already mentioned on multiple occasions, molecular epidemiologist have shown that population-level S protein-directed immune pressure is now driving the propagation of variants that are increasingly evolving mutations enabling resistance to S-specific antibodies (as now massively induced by the ongoing vaccination campaigns). As more infectious variants bind to the cellular Ace-2 receptor with enhanced binding strength, the Ace-2 receptor more readily outcompetes S-specific antibodies for binding to these variants. Consequently, these variants gain a competitive advantage when replicating in individuals who exert strong S-directed immune pressure on the virus (i.e., in vaccinees!), especially upon incorporating additional mutations (within the RBD) that prevent direct binding of S-specific vaccinal antibodies.

    This is the sort of thing you’d expect them to know from gain-of-function research.

    • The Other Kevin

      We should throw some money at that. I know a lab that’s set up perfectly for that sort of thing.

    • WTF

      They know it, it’s just not politically useful.

  30. Certified Public Asshat

    Hunter’s eyes are definitely saying “I fucked Jill too.”

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      He tried, but he couldn’t keep it up once he found out it wasn’t actually incest.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Nice! I have not even thought about that album in eons.

      • Gustave Lytton

        It’s the sort of album title that would make a lasting impression on a yute.

  31. The Other Kevin

    NHL free agency is as busy as I’ve ever seen it. After 2 hours:

    2020
    Contracts: 22
    Contract Years: 41
    Cap Hit: $40M
    Contract Dollars: $94M

    2021
    Contracts: 60
    Contract Years: 136
    Cap Hit: $140M
    Contract Dollars: $405M

    • Chipwooder

      And yet all the Rangers are doing is signing a couple of back-of-the-roster goonish defensemen. Between that and giving Buchnevich away to the Blues for next to nothing, I am more than underwhelmed.

      They fired JD and Gorton so Drury could do this?

      • rhywun

        something something “rebuilding”

        I wonder how many more years they can get away with milking that excuse ?

    • Swiss Servator

      Surprised the Blackhawks have been so active.

      • The Other Kevin

        Me too. They’ve made some improvements, and if that doesn’t work, I predict a change in coaches.

  32. blackjack

    Well, the city just added a weekly test option to avoid getting the shot. I expect they will also allow the vaxxed to ditch the mask and force me to wear one as a sorta badge of defiance. Literally last week they were merely requesting that we inform them of our vaccine status. The news story says there was an uptick from 34 to 110 new cases of covid among city workers. There’s about 50,000 city employees in L.A. I expect to be punished in every way they can come up with. Still not getting any shots. And, I’m not lying to anyone about it.

    • Mojeaux

      To continue from last thread… I’m lucky that I work for myself, but my husband is not so lucky and he will be going on site at least 2 days a week. He works for a big bank. They haven’t said a word about masks or vax or tests yet, so we will see.

  33. R C Dean

    Well, the stench of bipartisanship is in the air again.

    A bipartisan group of senators has resolved remaining differences on a roughly $1 trillion infrastructure deal.

    The Dems still have one reconciliation bill they can put through this session. The Repubs caving on this deal clears the way for them to ram through the $3.5TT “infrastructure” bill, which will look like a Christmas tree covered in Leftist ornaments, without a single Republican vote. Nobody plays Loyal Opposition better than the Repubs. I just wish they were loyal to Americans, rather than the Democrat Party.

  34. The Late P Brooks

    A bipartisan group of senators

    Any time I see those words, I get a sharp stabbing pain in my ass.

  35. Mojeaux

    So Mr. Mojeaux and I were going to go to ZZTop/Willie Nelson. I didn’t want to go because I don’t like ZZTop and I despise Willie Nelson, but it was on a Sunday and none of his dudebropals would go.

    Probably don’t have to worry about it now. Rusty Hill died.

    • R C Dean

      I don’t like ZZTop and I despise Willie Nelson

      *recoils in shock*

      Rusty Hill died.

      Well, damn.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Dusty, not rusty
      Crap!

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Aw, heck. 🙁 ?

    • blackjack

      That sucks, I’m a fan. You probably dodged a bullet though, if you don’t like them. They are very, very loud in person.

      • Mojeaux

        Well, they were lawn seats, which I would have been okay with if we were allowed to bring lawn chairs, but you could bring nothing bigger than a beach towel. No tarps or blankets.

      • R C Dean

        That sounds like a fun concert to me. But I get it, not everybody is a fan. Good on Moje for agreeing to go anyway.

      • Mojeaux

        He was looking forward to it and I didn’t want him to go alone because that’s just sad.

      • blackjack

        I once sat through a 10,000 maniacs concert for the same reason.

      • blackjack

        Yeah, that’s her.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Sorry to hear that. No particular dog on my end.

        (Had never seen the video until just now. Late ’90s NY–!)

      • kinnath

        I have that album, and I like it.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Thanks.

        I miss a lot about the 90s, but grunge is one aspect I don’t (Nirvana is cool, mostly cuz of the cellos).

    • Necron 99

      Bummer. I’m a Texas and although I wasn’t a big fan I still had a lot of respect for them. Just watched the Nextflix documentary on them a few weeks ago, it was interesting and made me think Frank Beard would die first (dude loves his drugs.)

      • Necron 99

        Texan. I’m not a state. shit

      • Sean

        Your ass is so fat it’s got multiple zip codes.

      • Necron 99

        *Makes sure web cam is off…

        Nu-uh.

      • Tres Cool

        Fun fact- Frank Beard was the one that didnt have a….beard.

    • Tres Cool

      RIP Dusty

      /questionably racist but likely factually accurate

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Good Call!

  36. Sensei

    Critics Pounce on Naomi Osaka After Loss, Denting Japan’s Claim to Diversity

    1. It would appear that both Republicans and now Japanese can “pounce”.
    2. I speak more Japanese than Osaka. And I’d lay down big bucks that our own straff is more culturally integrated.
    3. The NYT, bastion of policing the English language for any slight use the word “hafu” in the article repeatedly without ever explaining its meaning. More properly it’s “haafu” and it’s derived from the English for “half”. It’s used fairly widely in Japan for people of mixed race, but it most certainly doesn’t have universal acceptance there by people of mixed race.

    I’m sure they’ll get absolutely zero shit for any of this.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      She didn’t withdraw this time?

      • Sensei

        No, but the Japanese who value mental toughness gave her a bunch of shit for that and were naturally castigated by the NYT in the above article.

        I get that mental health stigma is an issue both there and here, but if you’re an athlete that’s part of what you get paid and sponsored to overcome.

      • Ted S.

        It didn’t help that she handled it really badly. If she had withdrawn before the start of the French Open, it would be a lot easier to have sympathy for her, but saying she wasn’t going to do the press conferences for vague “mental health” reasons smacked of being self-serving.

        And I don’t think I heard any of the commentators ask how much the press themselves contributed to Osaka’s parlous mental health.

      • Ted S.

        Lost to the 2019 French Open runner-up.

        Ash Barty’s loss was more surprising, but the sports commentators can’t pounce on that.

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      This poor delicate wallflower female athlete narrative is driving me bonkers. Whether or not Biles made the right decision to pull out, she’s not a fucking hero… It was not an “admirable” decision. Whether or not Osaka’s meltdown was understandable given her mental challenges doesn’t make her some hero or brave person deserving of lighting the Olympic torch.

      Mental toughness. Battle through the fucking fee-fees. If you’re not feeling it, own up to the fact that you’re not prepared and stay at home.

      • Tulip

        On the one hand, Biles is a Nassar victim, her brother (?) was on trial for (?) murder, she’s got the pressure of doing the biggest tricks, the GOAT stuff. It’s a little more than most athletes face. On the other hand, there are photos of her relaxing at home, and ooh look at the dress she chose, or she swears by this makeup/water bottle/etc. All that exposure, yeah that’s from a paid publicist.

        So, I don’t see this as brave, but I also don’t think she’s a selfish sociopath. It’s sports, a game. I’m just not that invested.

    • rhywun

      There is a soccer goalie who played for NYC a few years back who claimed the nationality of “Puerto Rico”. He had never been there, had no relatives there, no relation whatsoever. It was just some loophole he figured out in order to get more exposure than he would have otherwise.

      That stuff is rampant in soccer but usually there’s a grandparent or something you can use to claim a nationality.

      • Sensei

        I actually don’t begrudge Osaka playing for Japan. She’s going to get way more sponsorship money there than playing as a US citizen.

        Where it got interesting was that Japan doesn’t allow dual citizenship. She has to renounce her US citizenship. Naturally this was problematic at the time and the problem was the US…. Of course.

      • blackjack

        Half of all Americans seem to be renouncing their citizenship without even leaving.

      • Ted S.

        The overwhelming favorite in the pole vault, Armand Duplantis, was born in Louisiana, but because his mom is a Swedish citizen, he had a choice of which country to represent. He openly chose Sweden because their qualification isn’t based solely on one event the way the US Olympic Trials are.

      • rhywun

        The Gold Cup (North America’s Champions League) is funny because most of the teams from those little countries in the Caribbean (plus a few that aren’t even countries) are staffed with Americans. At what point does the team from, say, Antigua cease to be representing Antigua when none of them live or work there.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      If you want more good behavior you should reward it. He’s a prick but that’s a good thing.

    • waffles

      Didn’t we vote on a resolution to severely curtail the governor’s emergency powers?

      • R C Dean

        Is he not considering a mandate because he doesn’t have the authority to order it? Does his administration still have the authority to order masking in schools?

        Or is this just empty PR, somebody saying they won’t do something they can’t do anyway?

      • Sean

        Yes, yes we did.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Good. Hopefully Ralphie Blackface will follow suit.

  37. Not Adahn

    Our Austin and Santa Clara offices are masking again.

    Hopefully Andy can fudge the numbers low enough so we don’t have to.

  38. westernsloper

    JFC!!!!