I know how much you all love it when I review a seltzer. So lets go ahead and have a white boy summer?
Wait, would that apply in this case?
This is my review of Topo Chico hard seltzer:
I was surprised when I found out these guys got in on the spiked fizzy water game because they are actually owned by the Coca-Cola Company who as far as I am aware, doesn’t typically do alcohol.
Topo Chico is Mexican mineral water brand that bottles water from a naturally carbonated source located at the ominous looking Cerro Del Silla mountains outside of Monterrey, Mexico. Sort of like San Pellegrino. They’ve been doing it since 1895. Only in this most screwed universe would it be marketable for a company based in the US to import bottled water from Mexico, and sell it at a premium. Yay, capitalism!
It has a slightly higher salinity than brands you might be more familiar with, but its still quite refreshing if you are one of those people that drink a ton of water and get bored with water really easily. Yes, I realize its still water. For the most part, I’ve always been able to get it where I live, but its recently taken a new life of its own since Austin, TX became the new Pyongyang (which was the new Milan until recently). Which means its turned into some kind of Instagram thing where people post pictures of it along with their puffy tacos.
Where it really takes a life of its own is when its used in cocktails. In which case I will leave you with this recipe below for “ranch water,” which I neither endorse or condemn. Ask Sloopy.
- Topo Chico, chilled
- Fresh lime wedge for garnish
Using a highball glass—really, whatever glass you have on hand—fill with ice. Add tequila and fresh lime juice. Top with Topo Chico. Add fresh lime wedge to the rim of the glass. Enjoy!
The amounts of tequila and lime juice can be halved to fit a smaller cocktail glass or to be less boozy in general. Just use a ratio of two parts tequila, one part fresh lime juice.
It seems like a low calorie cocktail.
So does their version of seltzer stand up to the above recipe? Pfft. No. This is only 4.7% alcohol, it doesn’t even stand up to White Claw, let alone the fortified White Claw Surge at a healthy 8%. I guess if were that lazy or couldn’t find a lime wedge anywhere it would be a good substitute. Otherwise its a nice refresco if you are wandering around Las Vegas in August at 1030 and need to stay hydrated while being drunk.
Not beer, therefore there will be no score.
Topo Chico is one of my favorite sparkling waters. It’s great in the 1 litre glass bottles. Amazing how much better stuff tastes in glass.
its just water
Water of love deep in the ground
But there ain’t no water here to be found
Someday baby when the river runs free
It’s gonna carry that water of love to me
– Mark Knopfler
Amazing how much difference there is in the wet stuff.
I remember seeing Topo Chico on the Ed Sullivan show.
Oh wait, that was Topo Gigio.
*narrows gaze*
Fucking hipsters putting everything into cans. Thin wall cans at that.
Wait! An alcohol(ish) review that’s actually a review of an alcoholic beverage and not a barely-disguised column about something else entirely??
***mind blown***
Well, they can’t ALL be winners, now can they?
Why do you hate America?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08YDuzJy-Zo
I have settled in my head I actually don’t hate America, I hate our government.
Guns and Roses is better when it is not Guns and Roses.
One of their biggest hits and, IMO, one of their worst songs.
You are correct, sir!
https://youtu.be/kJ3BAF_15yQ
Nice!
This one is great also – https://youtu.be/SLDAgDBqCI0
Not GNR, GNR
That is an, uh, interesting video.
Touché
Oh, a fizzy margarita.
Add some liquor de naranja and salt and it is.
Even though it isn’t beer it sounds very interesting.
I admit to drinking Bud Light hard seltzer when I’m kayaking, refreshing and mildly alcoholic,
Is this one of those watershed moments where everyone comes out as metro sexual seltzer drinkers?
No?
Ok… nvm.
Pimm’s cups are just hard seltzers with extra steps.
Noooooooo!!!!!
*Hides 12 pack of Mango White Claw*
Bourbon, coffee, half n half, maple syrup.
OT: Bob Brainen doing a deep dive into the songs, music and musicianship of Brian Jones. Halfway through and it’s been fascinating. I’m not a Rolling Stones guy, but damn that guy was brilliant. Link below to listen live. It will be archived, too. Streaming on the WFMU “Give the Drummer Radio” digital feed.
Child Of The Moon by Rolling Stones
I heard it on Bob Brainen’s show.
You can listen to WFMU here:
Won’t let me link. WFMU.org and look for the Give the Drummer Radio feed.
By the way, one of the best minor league band names of all time is The Brian Jonestown Massacre.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wslXv2BUGwc&ab_channel=BrendonCrigler
Damn, they did the soundtrack for either a movie or a video game I saw/played recently, and it kicked ass, but I can’t remember what it was.
But yes, great band and great name. Right up there with my favorite queercore/post-rock band And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead…
?
I only have that one big album but I really like it. I didn’t know it was queer.
Otherwise its a nice refresco if you are wandering around Las Vegas in August at 1030 and need to stay hydrated while being drunk.
I can think of worse things to drink if you find yourself in that situation.
Like Four Loko? Been there, done that.
No love for the EARTHquake ?
I tried. Earthquake did not love me back.
I was at Full Sail Brewing a couple months ago. They are making private label seltzer booze for a couple of customers. To the point where I joked to the Production Manager that Full Sail was a seltzer company that makes a decent beer occasionally. He agreed with the sentiment.
Puffy tacos? Back home those are called Indian Tacos, taco ingredients in a fry bread. Larger versions are Stuffed Sopapillas.
You know who else had a puffy taco?
https://youtu.be/fc7Q8i33s9E?t=14
Winston’s Mom?
Yep.
Charro ?
ooh how dare you mention sopapillas when I am nowhere near anywhere that makes them?
*cries*
*misses NM*
Silicone Saturday hacked into the neighbors’ baby monitor so it could watch them fucking.
https://archive.li/fD9Ej
hacked into the neighbors’ baby monitor so it could watch them fucking.
/thinks of some of his neighbors
I’m fine with not seeing them fucking.
The gallery is pretty good. No face diapers. One duck face. Some GlibFit. Oh, and a redhead with pigtails. Yum.
Kickstarter from Chaosium
On a rainy day very close to Halloween of 1981, The Chaosium debuted its boxed Call of Cthulhu game to an unsuspecting and unprepared world. To help celebrate the 40th anniversary of this iconic horror roleplaying game we are re-issuing a remastered version of this boxed set and several of its first supplements. It’s been over 35 years since we last published a 2″ thick boxed game. We feel the Stars are Right again…
Oh yeah.
Nostalgia? So fucking what?
Nostalgia was SO much better when I was a kid.
🙂
I backed it as soon as I heard about it. I like “Call of Cthulhu”.
I finally found a John Deere for sale. It is used. They want an even 10K for it.
I will pass on that. The grass isn’t going to escape. It will be there when sanity returns.
I finally got my diesel 4wd compact tractor about a month ago. L series Kubota with only 1200 hours. Bought it from a neighbor who no longer needed it for $4k.
It took a few years of keeping my eyes open but there’s still some deals out there. Unfortunately, our John Deere riding mower bit the dust as soon as I bought the tractor, and I ended up buying a new entry level Husquarvana riding mower from Lowes. That’ll do for around the house and then the Kubota can handle the fields and woods.
My summer drink is a fizzy mojito. Lime juice, dash of simple syrup, mint leaves, rum and club soda over ice. Refreshing.
That sounds pretty good. Hmmmm. The ice storm this past winter killed all of my mint.
Something killed mint? Mine is trying to escape from its pot.
I know….the stuff was taking over my flower beds and just bam…two weeks 6 inches of ice and it is all gone. I didn’t mind it taking over because it can be used for so many things. I will get around to replacing it.
If I drank my calories, my summer drink would be pink lemonade (from concentrate).
Pink lemonade concentrate also makes a great glaze for baked or bbq chicken.
Arizona iced green tea for me.
Is iced tea verboten for you? Even innocent little iced green tea? 🙁
Green tea kosher.
Black tea not.
Green tea kosher = (((LDS)))
It goes well with vodka (which some older kids told me). Probably Tulip’s mintpot as well.
I wonder if mint could really be cloned with weed. Might make a nice tasting vape.
Seriously, though, I got a 12 oz. pink lemonade with my Publix sub. I’m happy on that transaction and wondering whether I should go for a walk or take a nap right now.
Menthol pot, now with twice the racial stereotyping!
Okay, that was funny.
Lol
If I drank my calories, my summer drink would be pink lemonade (from concentrate).
“Simply” makes a pretty good limeade. I was thinking of getting some, but the price sign under the row of Simply [juice] said $5. per bottle.
Never mind.
This stuff is pretty good: https://www.amazon.com/True-Limeade-Stick-Black-Cherry/dp/B00D1DP00S/
Especially mixed with vodka.
Here you go, Sean.
Deep Eddy lemon vodka (70 proof) is good, though quite sweet: no mixer needed aside from fizzy water.
I see I cannot comment on spiked.com anymore without paying them. They will simply have to forego my wisdom. That is one thing that irritates me about The Babylon Bee. At least let me read the comments even if I can’t comment myself.
I always forget about that site because it’s usually too depressing being too close to home, or some of the writing kind of misses the principles and it irks me. It is often very good, but I’m not bothered about keeping abreast of every single little battle in the culture war.
I find the same. They are good but don’t quite get it. I find it difficult to have a productive dialogue with the writers and commenters because they are like Russians…they get everything almost right, but not quite.
OT: Lauren Boebert lets fly. She may be on the hot/crazy matrix somewhere, but at least she’s our kind of crazy.
Gotta admit, I like her. She’s shoving jalapeños up DC’s collective holes.
She is committing the worst sin, telling the truth in DC.
The democrats have descended lower than I ever dreamed they would. Where are the JFK’s and Tip O’neals? These days they really are just a crime syndicate of banana republic monkeys.
That’s what I was thinking when the Hunter Biden/Burisma crap came out, with Doltin’ Joe bragging about getting a prosecutor fired for his son’s sake. It’s Third World politicking, and he’s up on a “think tank” stage swaggering about it.
Nice.
I would eat at her restaurant but maybe I’d get coldcocked for asking about the vegan options. Probably worth it.
“I like my vegetables made out of meat”
“When I say I want all of your bacon I mean ALL of your bacon.”
/Ron Swanson
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tch4v0L0GHA
*Snort
She isn’t the best public speaker in the world but I do like her “I don’t give two fucks what you think I am saying it” attitude.
I. Hate. Tourists. a 5 minute drive from the course home took me 20 minutes, and they make messes wherever they go, I cleaned up a 12 pack of peoples trash at my course, disgusting.
OTOH, I haven’t spoken to a single person today, not one, pretty peaceful.
We’re just close enough to the Parks Highway to hear the traffic level, and yesterday it was a constant stream north. Plenty of locals heading up the valley for the long weekend, sure, but I’m sure it’s plenty of tourists too. It’s that season.
We are the hub for the Mitten’s Summer activities, so we get tourists and travelers, it’s a hassle but good for the economy so I’m good with it.
its locals. tourons are too scared to go north of town.
We had lunch up at a place a little north of Cantwell a couple weeks ago. Most of the folks in there were touristas. But that’s just by the entrance to Denali National Park, so not too surprising.
Was it Rose’s? Good spot for food north of the park. An ex has my mug from there.
Nah, was this place. They put up a decent breakfast. We just went wandering for a day and recognized having had lunch there back in 2009 when we brought the kids up on vacation.
I think my noisy neighbors (whose backyard abuts to mine) are out of town for the holiday.
Makes for a blissfully quiet day. Just got out of the pool and am drying off in the sun.
Aaaahhhh. A person could get used to this…
Drying off in the sun. Nice. I gotta take a shower and then get outside and soak up some sun, too. Also gotta soak up some bourbon. And hit the vintage music store. And a punk rock bar. It’s gonna be a good day.
“drying off in the sun.”
pics?
Lol. I’d have to shoot through a dark filter so that the glare from my pale skin wouldn’t wash out the pic.
At least you don’t catch fire like my daughter does. My son can tan a little bit, but wife and daughter are totally melanin challenged.
When we live on Davis-Monthan me and my brother could pass for Mexicans. He had Uber-Mensch blond hair during the Summer, and I had blondish streaks. It’s funny reading the complaints about the AZ heat. I guess when you are a kid you can take it better.
“…when you are a kid you can take it better.”
That goes for heat and cold.
Louisiana doesn’t get tourists. They all go to New Orleans.
I found Bourbon Street to be the saddest tourist trap I’ve ever encountered.
It is New Orleans. Pray for another Katrina.
I used to work in a mental hospital. On one occasion I was charged with releasing a patient to New Orleans. She was 15 years old and a very pretty girl. She was batshit crazy but smart. On the trip she informed me that she was “An entahtaaaaanah”
When I got to the address to release her one of the other staff pointed out that we were at the most notorious cathouse in New Orleans. It was so sad it nearly brought me to tears. Fifteen years old…just a child.
Fuck New Orleans.
A line in Dr. Zhivago has stuck in my mind for years:
Lara observes to the title character, “A girl as beautiful as I has seen every kind of evil in the world before she reaches 17.”
Something like that anyway. Sad.
I raised a step daughter. I never took my eyes off of her. I am that guy that answers the door when the date arrives, looks them in the eye and announces “She will be home by ten”
They swallow hard and say “Yes sir.”
Madam Tinkertoy’s House of Blue Lights?
Sigh… As much as I love that city, I agree. When I first moved there in the mid-90s, I saw bus and billboard ads everywhere, admonishing women – “Don’t throw your baby away.” I figured they were boilerplate anti-abortion ads (think Knights of Columbus). NOPE! The City That Care Forgot had recently suffered a rash of dumpster babies, left by frightened teens.
Everything good about New Orleans can be found all over Louisiana. Like nearly everywhere else most of the bad stuff is in the larger cities, New Orleans being a notable standout.
Bourbon Street was awful. The French Quarter reminded me I hate drunk tourists. We really should let the sea reclaim New Orleans.
Even those of us who lived and worked in Da 1/4, didn’t often hang out there. I’ve had to put the put the garden hose to people passed out on my stoop.
When was the last time you went? We’ve been several times. We enjoyed the FQ every time we visited. We have not been there in 20+ years though. I can still remember the city bus ride from the airport to the FQ. New Orleans proper was a dump even then.
2001. I hated New Orleans. It was filthy and awful. I vowed to never go back. I never have.
There’s more to New Orleans than that, a lot more. I feel fortunate that our first introduction was staying near Audubon Park, and subsequent visits too. I think we went to FQ once.
If I judged NYC by riding the tram between terminals at JFK, I’d never go back either.
I went all over the city. It isn’t for me.
Ah well, there’s plenty of the rest of the world to be for you. Until the federal residential assignments are handed out and we’re forced into what equitable living assignment a computer and a GS-11 think is appropriate.
we’re forced into what equitable living assignment a computer and a GS-11 think is appropriate.
Let me guess, this won’t involve Angela White shacking up with me?
IIRC, the bus trip was on our 2nd visit in ’93. I got some advice from an old guy I worked with about changing clothes at the airport and wearing some drinking clothes to get on the city bus to the FQ. Remember when airports had lockers? I do. After a good day of staggering, we took a drunken bus ride ride back to the airport and changed clothes again before getting on the plane. Never going to do that again.
We tried to catch public transportation at JFK once when I was a kid. We had just returned from being stationed in Italy. We needed to get to a hotel nearby and my parsimonious mother wanted to save money. It was a disgrace. I remember my mother referring to the people stacked 5 to 10 deep as animals.
Finished another phase of a little fabrication project I’ve been working on. Genoa salami, swiss cheese, and crackers for lunch.
Then, my favorite. Mounting the new(ly acquired) tires for the Suburban.
I finally got back to my long ignored fabrication project this morning after a store run. I cut and fit the port side inside sheer rail on the drift boat, and half the starboard. It took me about two hours to get the bow joint where the two sides meet close to right. It is not perfect but neither am I so I called it good enough. I hope to be close to painting the thing after the long weekend. This thing needs to float this summer. Procrastination is what I am good at and enough is enough of that shit.
*Sips Exotico Blanco, lime and soda while reading*
I have never ever seen Topo Chico seltzer water here. I go for whatever is on sale because I am a cheap bastard.
My beloved Perrier has disappeared from grocery shelves (at least here in Seattle area). Topo Chico is still stocked. May have to switch brands.
What did Perrier do to offend the wokerati?
You can get it at Wal-Mart.
Holy shit you are right my Wmart has it. That stuff is expensive. I get the Clear American Lime Seltzer Water for $3.22 a twelve pack. I have never perused the spendy water area.
I wanna get in the car and GO somewhere now (not picky where) but I have the appliance repair guy (the Russian who installed my dishwasher last month) coming to diagnose my oven issues.
Either the element or the control board needs to be replaced. When he’s done, I’m outta here!
Temecula beckons.
That’s actually what I was thinking about.
Alexei says it’s not the baking element; it’s the main control board. Now we have to do the math of repair vs replace.
I’ve had to replace the control board before. You can get one off ebay or an online parts appliance store for $60-80. I remember it being a quick and easy swap… maybe 20 minutes at most.
I think these guys are trying to see if they can fix the board itself. They’ve got probes out and are doing point to point checks on the connectors.
Pretty sure they’re suspicious of one of the caps, but yeah, seems like a board swap would be fastest.
….and now out come the wire nippers and they’re deconstructing a harness.
I wish I could understand their Russian mutterings.
Whoa. These dudes aren’t messing around.
Nope, they’re not. They concluded it’s definitely the control board.
So i said well, obviously it’s not getting fixed today so….And that is as far as I got before Russian dude #2 says “We have that board in our truck.” Russian dude #1, the owner and boss, said “Really? You know our stock better than I do.”
2 minutes later he’s back from the truck with an identical board in hand.
Unbelievable. I am very happy. It’s going to cost though…
In Soviet Russia, control board fix you!
It’s amazing how often bad caps are the culprit; all the older radios I’ve fixed in the last year had problems with ’em (surprisingly, not the electrolytics).
Knowing that bad starter caps are an extremely common issue for induction motors can make you seem like a wizard to your non-technical family members.
(Note to non-technical peeps: for an induction motor to start, it needs to have 2 electromagnetic fields that are out of phase with each other. Since 120v is only one phase, a “starter cap” is used to divert some current from the main 120V phase since a capacitor will put the incoming sine wave 90 degrees out of sync with the main. Thus the motor will be able to start. This is used all over home appliances: vacuums, refrigerators, fans, etc. A common failure with an easy fix.)
The capacitors are often the first to go in garage door opener safety sensors, especially in cold climates.
I was just thinking the other day about the first capacitor I ever built. It was a brick-sized stack of copper foil and plate glass sheets that I used in my 4th grade science project – a Tesla coil that would throw a two foot spark to your fingertip. God damn that thing was cool…
“The capacitors are often the first to go in garage door opener safety sensors, ”
That is a handy bit of info. Thank you.
We should get together some time HS. We’re practically neighbors.
Definitely. Especially before I move away (IF I move away).
🙂
I saw you were looking in Vail, and my first thought was Raytheon.
Not a fan of Topo Chico or Austin.
Definitely a fan of going to the Central Market on 38th to sit on the patio and look at the women coming and going. Damn.
Plumbing is expensive. I just tell myself it’s less expensive to fix things now rather than wait for them to turn into bigger problems.
Or sell the house and let the next schmuck fix it.
Heh.
An uncle of mine had that attitude.
Woman tells her husband they need a plumber to fix her sink faucet. Husband calls a plumber and then leaves for work.
Plumber shows up…you know, one of those guys in cover alls with a truck and racks all over it. He changes the washer in the faucet in about 5 minutes. He tells her the price for the repair.
“What?! That’s ridiculous! My husband is a lawyer and he doesn’t make that much!”
The plumber replies ” I know. I make twice now what I made when I was practicing law.”
True story: When our second daughter was dating the guy who is now her husband, he invited her to his parent’s house one Sunday for dinner. When the kids showed up, the dad was under the kitchen sink, trying to fix something. So the boyfriend climbed under to help. When the boyfriend’s older brother and his wife showed up, the brother likewise climbed under to help.
It’s important at this juncture to point out that this family has a strongly eastern European surname.
So, being a bit of a smartass, our daughter turns to her eventually-to-be mother-in-law and asks, “So, I have to ask, how many Polacks does it take to fix a sink? Because it’s obviously at least three.”
Her soon-to-be father-in-law banged his head on a pipe laughing.
Now that’s funny!
🙂
I like it. I like it a lot.
So how many did it take?
That is funny, and with a ring of truth to it.
For whatever reason, Poles tend to be really good at the more abstract kinds of mathematics and physics. For instance, Polish mathematicians generally have no trouble with the concept of imaginary numbers (which is the rock that my engineering education ran aground on.)
Polish guys were key in cracking Enigma too.
OT: Tal Bachman continues his “We Have Met the Enemy” editorial series at SteynOnline. The Wokestaat.
https://www.steynonline.com/11421/tal-bachman-we-have-met-the-enemy-part-x
Up is down is by design. What I don’t understand is so many people that saw that happen in the USSR and know where that road leads are letting it happen here.
I guess most people are just idiots. It is right in front of their nose and they can’t see it.
Most/normal people know it’s all bullshit, but they aren’t the ones who tend to seek out power and influence.
Procrastination is what I am good at and enough is enough of that shit.
I’ve let myself fall out of the habit of getting things done. All of a sudden I have a hard deadline. I’m not used to that.
Nothing like pulling out the rifle you haven’t shot in 2+ years, swabbing out the barrel, and crushing a local 2-gun match. Admittedly there were only nine other shooters, but even so…
Now I have Rye Sours in my cocktail glass, Tape Five on the stereo, ribeyes in the oven, and a J. Lohr Paso Robles breathing on the counter. That’s probably it for tonight.
You might want to hang onto that ammo. Just sayin’.
I have all the ammo I need.
What I need more of, is skill.
I have all the ammo I need.
What have you done with the real EvilSheldon?!
I killed him and added his ammo stash to mine.
I wasn’t sure how to respond to that. All the ammo I need? That’s like ‘to much Tabasco’. Enough money, or ‘enough happiness’.
I am puzzled.
I have a confession to make. My BBQ brisket is mediocre at best. My wife says it tastes fine, it’s just a bit tough. I’ve tried several brines/rubs, etc. Anybody got a process/recipe/link? I have 18Lbs that need to get smoked. I have a Weber Smoker and an unused electric contraption. Any advice would be appreciated.
The only way I have achieved brisket perfection consistently is doing this. I use my own rub, but ya, it works but I am not some purist. The elite ones who can afford thousand dollar + pellet smokers probably get good results but using wood, I never was consistent. Some good some bad was how the brisket sliced.
Also, H/T Playa Manhattan
Tough usually means too hot, too fast.
225-250 at most, cook until internal temp in the thickest part hits 165, foil it, then cook the rest of the way to 205 with it wrapped in foil.
That is correct.
Thanks, sloper and trashie. I think I’ll try both.
It also helps if you sear it first on a very hot grill. After you get the nice grill marks take it off and cook long and slow.
Searing it first doesn’t stop the smoke from penetrating?