IFLA: The “I’ve Got to Talk About Something” Edition of the Horoscope for the Week of August 29

by | Aug 29, 2021 | IFLA | 87 comments

The skies have turned their face away from me too.

 

There are no alignments this week and the visitations are all extremely basic. This is a good week for Virgos to press their luck – Mars and Mercury are joined by the newly-arrived Sun.

It’s time to review another card I mentioned a few weeks back, so let’s talk about the Queen of Wands.

 

Known as the Rider-Waite Tarot, the actual artist is Pamela Coleman

 

IFLA

So, I’ll be going about this card in a couple of ways.  First, I’ll accept the Waite/Coleman version as the prime variant, but I will also take into account Jodorowski’s analysis based on the Marseille tarot.  Jodorowski, being a world-renowned Crazy Person™ has opinions about such things which are more likely than most to be correct, though even more likely to be wildly inaccurate.  But inaccurate in an entertaining way and since the readings are for entertainment purposes only, we’ll go with it.

 

La Reine des Batons

 

You’ll notice that the W/C version is a LOT more detailed than the Marseille one.  The Genius of the W/C deck is that it pulled a lot of esoterica about the cards and put it out there openly, so that you didn’t have to constantly remember 78 blocks of fiddly little occult trivia.  But, in order to make it such that every semiliterate who got their mitts on a deck wouldn’t become an oracle, Arthur Waite wrote The Key to the Tarot, a slim volume filled with delightful misinformation about said esoterica.  Fortunately, he made it pretty obvious that this book was misdirecting (really Artie?  Clubs in the Tarot decks became diamonds in the modern card deck?) so with just a bit of awareness, there’s still some good stuff in that book.

 

She has a set of fangs an orc woman would kill for.

 

So the basics:  Wands is the suit corresponding to masculine creation.  You’ll notice that W/C wands are always shown as being alive, with green leaves.  In the really tortured attempt to make the four suits correspond to the four elements, wands gets air, mainly by default.  The current hotness is to claim that wands corresponds to air because plant material is created from CO2 in the air.  If the client points out that there’s no way that the creators of the tarot knew this, point out how this just proves that the tarot is prophetic!   In order to make the air connection clearer, Coleman often draws them with gusts of wind coming from the ends of the wands that in no way should be interpreted as evidence of the historical persistence of the kind of woman who is into slashfic or yaoi.  Of the four social classes, wands corresponds to the peasantry, which is also why clubs is the lowest ranked suit in the modern deck.  And it corresponds to brunettes in the French system of hair colors.

In Jodorowsky’s analysis, he ditches the “masculine” aspect of the suit and emphasizes the sexual aspect of “creation.”  He even goes so far as to base his card on a slightly differently colored one in which her left hand is not clutching something blue, but flesh colored turning a fold of her dress into the hand of someone who is currently giving her a little something extra from behind her throne!  His system is based on a a series of colors, numerology, and a cyclic narrative but regardless, they result in the Queen representing the aspects of the suit in their maximized, isolated form.  So A.J.’s Queen of Wands is absolutely the kind of monarch who would have a designated throne-based fucktoy.  And he agrees fully with the rest of the standard interpretation of the suit as representing the active aspects of the lower/physical/earthly qualities.

 

See how nicely they hold the tennis ball in place?

 

In the Waite/Coleman card the most obvious thing is this is a woman who likes cats.  We’ve got lions on the throne, lions on the banner, a cat head cloak clasp and a kitty sitting at her feet.  And to get the Freudian bit out of the way: yes, she’s holding a dick in her right hand and and an intercourse symbol in her left.  And lots of vaginal symbols in the sunflower emblems.  And yes, she isn’t exactly the most feminine looking queen there’s ever been.  This absolutely does not mean she’s a lesbian, though.  The rather linear appearance is to emphasize the masculine aspects of the suit, though she’s still extremely fond of the D.  You’ll notice that she, like the Marseille version, has her knees as far apart as she can get them.  If I ever get my keys to the time machine back, I’m going to visit Pam.  I’ll bet she’s a complete freak in the sack.

Put “you are here” circle in the lower right corner

OK, so back to the lions:  this is actually a very old part of the Tarot, predating A.A.W. by several centuries.  Even though it’s not on the Queen of Wands card itself in the Marseille deck, it is on their (and the R/W/C) Trump XXI, The World.  In the lower (earthly) right (active) corner of the card is a lion.  This is (obviously) also the corner corresponding to the Wands suit.  So wands again are the earthly hungers, the striving in the physical world, and the forces of conquest and domination.  Swords are the suit of established authority but Wands are about rebellion and uprising.  And again, the Queen is this in purest form, without having to worry about direction or interaction with the outside world (or as Jodorowsky puts it “The Queen lives inside her castle.”)

But why the kitty?  Well, because while this is a court card, it’s still a minor arcana.  The symbology, the goals, the philosophy is that of the lion, but the actual living being is just a housecat.

The last thing I’ll point out here is the background.  On the Queen’s right, the terrain is rugged, mountainous.  This is also the side on which she’s holding the boner.  On the side in which she’s holding the intercourse symbol, the terrain is much more relaxed and easier to deal with.  In addition to the literal observation of the mood-elevating benefits of sex, it more esoterically represents the transformation of raw energy or destructive passions into something useful via the creative process.

So, now you know what that card’s all about.

 

Horoscope for the Week of August 29

Virgo:  8 of Coins reversed – Voided ambition, vanity, cupidity, exaction, usury.

Libra:  5 of Cups reversed – News, alliances, affinity, consanguinity, ancestry, return, false projects.

Scorpio:  2 of Swords – Conformity, equipoise, courage, friendship, concord in a state of arms

Sagittarius:  The Magician – Skill, diplomacy, address, subtlety, sickness, pain, loss, disaster, snares of enemies, self-confidence, will

Capricorn:  7 of Coins reversed – Cause for anxiety regarding money especially if you are a creditor

Aquarius:  10 of Swords reversed – Advantage, profit, success, favor, but none of these are permanent; also power and authority.

Pisces:  Page of Swords – Weasely backstabbing little fuck, but on your side.

Aries:  7 of Wands reversed – Perplexity, embarrassments, anxiety. It is also a caution against indecision.

Taurus:  The Empress reversed –  Light, truth, the unravelling of involved matters, public rejoicings, vacillation.

Gemini:  7 of Swords reversed – Good advice, counsel, instruction, slander, babbling.

Cancer:  The Chariot reversed – Riot, quarrel, dispute, litigation, defeat.

Leo:  Judgment reversed – Weakness, pusillanimity, simplicity, deliberation, decision, sentence.

 

Keep your friends close, and your tennis balls closer.

 

About The Author

Not Adahn

Not Adahn

Despite all my rage, I am still just an impeccably dressed rat.

87 Comments

  1. DEG

    I like the dog pictures.

    • MikeS

      Ditto

  2. The coolest vaccine-free BEAM in the world™

    I see Kong makes tennis ball analogues now. Are they indeed more indestructible than a “regular” tennis ball?

    • Not Adahn

      Nope. But they have squeakers.

  3. Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

    Perplexity, embarrassments, anxiety.

    Welcome to every fucking day

    • Tulip

      Wow!

    • Penguin

      Best wishes to Suthenboy and any other LA or AL Glibs out there.

      • Penguin

        Oops MS Glibs, too.

    • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

      Hope all are safe down there. And on the anniversary of Katrina, too.

    • nw

      The ocean wasn’t really working out for our ancestors.
      I try to honor their memory by living as far from the ocean
      as possible.

    • Ghostpatzer

      That thing looks pretty bad. Fingers crossed for Gulf Coast glibs (and their neighbors).

    • Mojeaux

      My cousin who lived in NOLA for years and adores it lost her job last year. She got a new one in inland South Carolina and finished moving there a couple of months ago. I am so glad.

      Stay safe, Gulf Glibs.

    • Tres Cool

      Could this be Gator-nado ?

    • Hyperion

      Yeah, it looks worrying. Suthen around?

    • Suthenboy

      I love the comment “Those folks have no idea what they are in for.”

      Of course they don’t. This has never happened before.

  4. Penguin

    Leo: Judgment reversed – Weakness, pusillanimity, simplicity, deliberation, decision, sentence.

    Sounds about right. “sentence” has me somewhat worried, however.

    • Tulip

      *narrows eyes* what did you do?

      • Penguin

        *tentative, wavering voice* …Nothing?

        Actually, I’ve been a drunken asshole on a few occasions, but you’ve seen most of those.

      • Tundra

        And no longer baked.

        Happy belated birthday, by the way!

      • Penguin

        And happy belated birthday to you, as well! You know what they say about getting older – it sucks, but it’s better than the alternative.

        Hopefully we (and all Glibs) have plenty more trips around the sun.

      • Tundra

        Thanks!

        Hopefully we (and all Glibs) have plenty more trips around the sun.

        From your lips – er, beak – to God’s ears.

      • DEG

        Hopefully we (and all Glibs) have plenty more trips around the sun.

        Yes.

        Congratulations on your month of sobriety.

      • Penguin

        And yeah, I might’ve held off the name change until I had a full month of sobriety.

      • Nah, just Yusef

        Sobriety is for Quitters,

      • westernsloper

        A “month” is subjective.

      • Ghostpatzer

        Best of luck on your journey. I didn’t want to take that trip, but the road I was on was a dead end. It’s a turned out pretty well for me.

      • Tulip

        Congrats

      • Hyperion

        “until I had a full month of sobriety.”

        I’m afraid I’m going to have to join you. Maybe not total, but this binging stuff has got to stop.

        For me a month or two is easy peasy. Then I start getting really bad anxiety. I honestly think I am self medicating with the alcohol. I probably need to talk to my doctor about that. I have long term anxiety issues. But I don’t want to take drugs. What do do? I dunno.

      • Sean

        Switch to hard liquor and NO day drinking.

        I’m not a doctor.

    • Fourscore

      If you’re not guilty why are you worried?

      “Yes, you are being detained, until you open up the trunk”

      • Penguin

        The process is the punishment.

      • Penguin

        Until you get to the punishment.

  5. Ozymandias

    Libra: 5 of Cups reversed – News, alliances, affinity, consanguinity, ancestry, return, false projects.

    Compared to the normal dreck Libras get, I’ll take it!

  6. Tundra

    She is so sweet.

    Her’s a tip for those teeth: keep a bunch of small marrow bones in the freezer and give her one to gnaw on once a week. My pup is 14 and his teeth are perfect and brilliantly white.

    Leo: Judgment reversed – Weakness, pusillanimity, simplicity, deliberation, decision, sentence.

    Hmmm. That sounds sub-optimal.

    • MikeS

      I’ll second the dog bone (soup bone) recommendation. Just be sure to get one to match your dog’s chew strength. Steele (RIP) wasn’t content unless he broke the bone into a bunch of (sharp) pieces, so we learned to ask for the thickest ones we could get.

  7. Nah, just Yusef

    “Virgo: 8 of Coins reversed – Voided ambition, vanity, cupidity, exaction, usury.”
    what’s next, the Death Card?
    Jeez

    • Penguin

      Might not be all bad, Yusef. You might be the one committing usury & exaction. That would explain the cupidity.

  8. MikeS

    Pisces: Page of Swords – Weasely backstabbing little fuck, but on your side.

    I’ll take help any way I can get it.

  9. Ghostpatzer

    “Gemini: 7 of Swords reversed – Good advice, counsel, instruction, slander, babbling.”

    Lots of meetings coming up this week, babbling sounds about right.

  10. Fourscore

    RIP, Lou Grant

    • Ghostpatzer

      He got better as he got older. I aspire to be the kind of crotchety old geezer he portrayed if I live that long. Will miss him.

    • Sean

      I linked it for ya below.

    • rhywun

      Gee, I’m glad “the White House” is on top of this. ?

      • Hyperion

        The only thing the White House is on top of is a steaming pile of shit in the swamp.

    • Hyperion

      Science, Smience! It’s all about the narrative dudes! And TMITE has got a narrative for you, oh boy do they!

  11. westernsloper

    …since the readings are for entertainment purposes only…

    Now you tell me.

  12. Sean

    We’re on the road. For a change, I’m not the one driving.

    • Tres Cool

      Great. Now I have that stupid Canned Heat song stuck in my head.

  13. hayeksplosives

    Well, shit.

    Aries: caution against indecision.

    Maybe that means I should stop waiting to be laid off and just hand in my resignation instead.

    • MikeS

      I don’t know…maybe think on it for a bit longer…

      On second, thought…no, wait…

    • Ted S.

      But if you get laid off you can collect that sweet unemployment money until you begin your new job.

  14. mikey

    Love the dog pictures. These remind me of our malamute. He had a a tennis ball-sized rubber ball that he carried around in his mouth all the time. His favorite game was to walk up to you with the ball in his mouth (his mouth was big enough to enclose the ball), and give muffled “grrrr”s (there was a ball in his mouth). You were supposed to reach in his mouth and try to take the ball. He’d grrr and struggle and when you finally removed the ball ( a disgusting, dog saliva soaked thing) you were supposed to throw it so he could fetch it and start over. He could keep this up way longer than I could (especially with that disgusting ball).
    This was his way of making friends with strangers. He walk up to them give that insistent grrrrr. They’d get a uncertain look and I’d say “He wants you to stick your hand in his mouth and try and take the ball that’s in there.” “Yeah, right.”

    • Sean

      That’s as sketchy as gas station sushi

      • Hyperion

        Ugh, I remember when my wife first came to the USA. We were traveling to somewhere exotic, like Ohio. We stopped in this gas station, it looked sort of sketchy you know? She wanted a hot dog from their rack of delicacies. I was like ‘umm no’, we’ll go sit down somewhere for a while’…

  15. Hyperion

    Fake News!

    #CapricornsRpeople2

    • hayeksplosives

      LOL!!

      Ya know how the Lord works “all things together for my good”?

      (And your good and her good and his good…Point being that he salvages the shitstorm we’ve made of Earth and turns things out as well as can be despite ourselves)

      Anyway, Hyperion, your note on the diuretics kicking your ass is spot on. We are now at the ER because my husband’s electrolytes went off the deep end overnight and he is a suffering unit.

      He had the Bumex back in April because of his congestive heart failure and pulmonary failure, but those were cured by the surgery. However, they never told him to quit the Bumex.

      And now it’s fucking killing him by flushing out electrolytes.

      I will never respect a medical doctor again until they earn it.

  16. Hyperion

    Hey, Gliberati, I haz a musical question.

    I want to buy a new guitar, electric. And a small amp. Actually, wifey wants to buy it for me and I really want one. Anyone have any tips for me? Thanks!

      • Hyperion

        Thanks, Sean, but I want to buy a guitar, not a guitarist (;

      • Sean

        Be happy it wasn’t a rickroll.

    • Ted S.

      Ask if the amp goes up to 11.

      • Hyperion

        I don’t exactly need an amp that goes up to 11. For now, I’ll be using headphones with it so as not to piss off the neighbors. I don’t really like any of them, but contrary to popular belief, I’m not really that big of an asshole. I just want something that sounds decent.

      • Suthenboy

        “I’m not really that big of an asshole.”

        You should work on that.

      • Hyperion

        Hey, how’s the storm going down there?

    • Penguin

      Go to online music store ‘outlet’ sales and search. Like this one. Or Clearance sections like this one. You can generally find much better deals. I got a guitar that I couldn’t even find the ‘scratch & dent’ on it. Clearance is usually discontinued stuff. But unless you get a really unusual guitar, replacement pieces should fit.

      I got a Fender Precision bass with a blemished fingerboard that knocked $400 off the price, and a clearance Les Paul that was $200+ off the price

      Same deal with amps. One possible difference is that the guts of an amp can differ more, so I’d go with s&d over clearance there, unless you find a real bargain in clearance.

      • Hyperion

        Thanks, Penguin.

      • Penguin

        Sure- if you see egould in a thread, be sure and mention your interest to him.

        Also, the correlation between price and quality & playability isn’t exact, but it does exist. If you’re on a real budget (e.g. < $500), I'd suggest looking for Epiphones. (The Gibson sub-line). If you can go beyond that, I'd rec this. PRS is a solid maker.

    • blackjack

      Gibson. Les Paul. The cheaper versions are 500-600. If that’s too much, The Epiphones are amazingly decent for half that. I buy all of mine used. I got my kid an Epi L/P special for 100.00 and a pawnshop amp for 150. It plays pretty good and stays in tune.

      • blackjack

        Caveat, most Les Pauls are heavy. Noticeably heavier than Fenders. There are some that are lighter. I have a Melody maker and it’s not bad at all. If your back’s no good and you need/want to play standing up with a strap, that’s a very real consideration. The kid’s Special is nice and light too.

  17. Suthenboy

    Just stuck my head out of the door. The air is hot, humid and thick as syrup. The air is dead still, not a moving leaf in sight. It is quiet as a tomb out there. No birds, nothing.
    I think I will make a cup of Earl Grey and some toast. Wife made some nice bread yesterday.

    • Gender Traitor

      Hot tea in weather like that?? ::breaks out in a sweat just thinking about it::

      • MikeS

        I knew a guy once who swore on hot coffee when it was hot. We were combining wheat in Oklahoma in 110+ temps and he’d down a couple thermoses of coffee everyday. SMDH

      • blackjack

        Whenever I ride through the desert, I wear a tee shirt with a Pendelton over it. People I ride with think I’m crazy, but it keeps me from dehydrating as quickly.

    • MikeS

      Be safe, Suth’.

    • blackjack

      That don’t sound good. The animals usually get advance warning.

      • Suthenboy

        Yep, the calm before the storm. It should be here tonight but this year we will be on the edge instead of the center of the storm. We should be fine.

  18. Fourscore

    Ida is a blessing for the demos, takes the news from a distance and makes it local.

    “We can only clean up one place at a time, ‘Mericans are suffering”. News shift

    • MikeS

      Yup, they’ll gladly hide the pile of Afghani bodies with a pile of American bodies