IFLA: the “Watch the News” Edition of the Horoscope for the Week of August 1

by | Aug 1, 2021 | IFLA | 101 comments

This week has a very interesting, major configurations going on.  So major that it probably isn’t referring to any of you guys (no offense).  But here it is, so when it hits the news you’ll be able to marvel at my prognosticatory prowess.

On Friday (Freya, Venus, Valkyries, Copper, the color Green, Misfortune while travelling) we have Jupiter retrograde aligned with the Earth and Venus, with Mercury in opposition.

But

Mercury is itself aligned with the Sun and Moon.

With

Both the primary and oppositional planets residing in Virgo and Leo.

This speaks of a corrupt leader and his wife being disgraced because of something extremely fortunate happening to a different woman.  Like a car accident crashes into a building, exposing a torture dungeon underneath it, and one of the victims therein reveals that she’s being held there by Xi Jinping, that sort of thing.  I don’t know exactly how the wife figures in to it.  Not yet.  But watch the news on Friday (or over the weekend).

Lily encounters a deer that was wandering around the dog park

Leo’s glory is beginning to wane.  They still have Mercury, but Mars moves into Virgo this week, so fights will not be as easy to win.  Though Mercury is the plant of luck.  Leo’s loss is Virgo’s gain, having the bookends of Venus and Mars. The moon in Taurus means intoxication-induced stupidity will be a worse problem than usual this week.

Does this lens effect make my nose look big?

The cards say you’re going to have a shitty week.

Leo:  The Chariot reversed – Transportation trouble

Virgo:  8 of Swords reversed – Congratulations!  You got the best draw this week!  You’ll see a way out of a current problem.  Nothing here says you’ll actually be able to take advantage of it however…

Libra:  Ace of Wands – Ok, so this is also not a bad draw.  Be content with that.

Scorpio:  The Tower – Terrible, horrible no good, only bad, and that’s just the beginning.  Woo.

Sagittarius:  Strength reversed – Being a wussy, or someone really strong deciding to make an example of you

Capricorn:  The Star reversed – Getting lost, fame being eclipsed, dropping your phone in a puddle

Aquarius:  3 of Coins – Busybodies and kibbitzers.  Micromanagement.

Pisces:  King of Wands – Someone who decides to wave their dick around.  And they can get away with it.

Aries:  The Empress reversed –  An ally or confidant who has really has quite enough of your whining and neediness.

Taurus:  The Magician – Dr. Fauci

Gemini:  Page of Swords –  Backstabbing millennial or Gen Zer

Cancer:  Ace of Cups reversed – Spilling your beverage

About The Author

Not Adahn

Not Adahn

Despite all my rage, I am still just an impeccably dressed rat.

101 Comments

  1. Mojeaux

    “Taurus: Dr Fauci”

    Do what now?

    • Tonio

      The interpretations, or whatever, are remarkably specific this week.

    • blackjack

      Bull: Fauchi

      • Trigger Hippie

        “I AM BULLSHIT…er…SCIENCE!”

      • hayeksplosives

        I AM THE LAW!!

        —Stallone as judge Dredd

      • Trigger Hippie

        Well, he does dredge up feelings of dread so….fitting shoe?

      • hayeksplosives

        Why isn’t he dead of AIDS by now? He assured us we were all equally at risk, including cloistered nuns.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Guess he keeps missing out on Provincetown’s Bear Week.

        I’ve been told that’s the epicenter for diseases and debauchery.

      • Nephilium

        The science changed!

        hayek:

        Waiting in the lobby generally means no one else is awake and running the meeting at that point. Hope things are alright with you.

        /goes off to catch up on comments

    • Hyperion

      “Taurus: Dr Fauci”

      Do what now?

      You’re going to get the vid and throw like a girl.

  2. The Late P Brooks

    Sagittarius: Strength reversed – Being a wussy, or someone really strong deciding to make an example of you

    Great. I’ll be looking forward to it.

    • The Other Kevin

      Same. Might be time to hide in the dungeon. Oh wait that’s probably not that safe this week.

  3. Don Escaped Texas

    The Tower – Terrible, horrible no good, only bad, and that’s just the beginning. Woo.

    With the eviction ban expiring, can I be thrown out of the White House now? – JRB46

  4. Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

    An ally or confidant who has really has quite enough of your whining and neediness.

    Well, fuck you too, cunte!

    • westernsloper

      *snort*

  5. Gender Traitor

    The moon in Taurus means intoxication-induced stupidity will be a worse problem than usual this week.

    I may have to sneak into one of the GlibZooms to watch the festivities. ?

    Scorpio: The Tower – Terrible, horrible no good, only bad, and that’s just the beginning. Woo.

    NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! I can’t take vacation this week to hide under the bed – gotta post payroll and prepare month-end reports! ?

  6. blackjack

    If I have to read more bullshit on my phone, I’ll probably just throw it into a puddle.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Re last thread:

      WHAT?!

      Citing W&I 5150?!

      • blackjack

        No, not 5150. They don’t even listen to Van Halen. They cited about 5 different H&S codes they claim give them the power to make the emergency order. All the dirty details are in the order that they are absolutely allowed to make and keep in place for years at a time, OBVS.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Oy gevalt.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Lar-ry! Lar-ry!

  7. mikey

    Virgo: 8 of Swords reversed – Congratulations! You got the best draw this week! You’ll see a way out of a current problem.”
    You mean I’ll finally get the effin’ door on the Healey to line up and latch? Praise the Dogs!

  8. Ozymandias

    Libra: Ace of Wands – Ok, so this is also not a bad draw. Be content with that.

    YOU’RE NOT MY SUPERVISOR!!!

  9. Don Escaped Texas

    The Star reversed – Getting lost, fame being eclipsed, dropping your phone in a puddle

    Think I’ll have Geraldo on this week – Sean Hannity

  10. CPRM

    I’m watching the HBO mini-series ‘Gunpowder’, based on the Gunpowder Treason Plot. Just finished episode 2 of 3. I feel like they are gonna pull it off. NO SPOILERS!

    • blackjack

      That’s why I like Gunsmoke instead. The good guys always win in Gunsmoke.

      • Gustave Lytton

        *paging The Hyperbole*….

  11. blackjack

    I’m just wondering if the Jacket still wakes up every day and proclaims it’s another “libertarian moment!” Because the millenials turned out to be the biggest allies of liberty ever!

      • Trigger Hippie

        Heh.

      • hayeksplosives

        Cute.

      • Chafed

        Well done

  12. westernsloper

    The moon in Taurus means intoxication-induced stupidity will be a worse problem than usual this week.

    Challenge accepted.

    • Trigger Hippie

      ‘“They’ve had several people come in to get vaccinated who have tried to sort of disguise their appearance and even went so far as to say, ‘Please, please, please don’t let anybody know that I got this vaccine. I don’t want my friends to know but I don’t want to get COVID,’ ” Frase said.’

      Oh so we’re supposed to be concerned about people being shamed or ostracized for getting the shot now, eh? Funny how many concern trolls show no concern when the shaming goes the other way.

      • blackjack

        By disguised their appearance, he means they wore masks.

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        {insert various wild applause GIFs here}

      • hayeksplosives

        I’m afraid that’s a little bit true.

        I went out in downtown Escondido yesterday for lunch snd then gelato.

        The only people wearing masks were waiters at the restaurant (but not at the gelato place), kids under 12 yo and a few 20 somethings who were also buried in their phones.

        I think these people WANT to hide their faces away from their fellow man.

        The masked young kids thing I can’t figure out .

      • Loveconstitution1789

        It signals that they have taught their kids to submit to tyranny too.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Nice.

      • Nephilium

        It’s not fair when it happens to ME!

    • Stillhunter

      So… doctors are publishing lists of who’s injected? How the fuck would anyone find out? I call bullshit.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Yeah, that thought crossed my mind as well.

  13. The Late P Brooks

    Toxeth- re: last thread.

    What you said about geometry and logic is interesting to me, because somewhere along the way I hit on the notion that geometry should be universally taught, because it is a fundamental basis of logic.

    If more people in this country/world were accustomed to relying on the format of geometric proofs and the concept of true vs not-true statements, they might have been more resistant to the absolute bullshit appeals to emotionalism and raw fear which have put us in the morass of hysteria in which we currently find ourselves.

    • hayeksplosives

      *mumbling in the midst of sleep*

      When two parallel lines are cut by a transverse line, opposite interior angles are congruent.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      I often think I could monetize my 20C public-school education.

      Moj, you probably noticed my small essay just before on being math-averse. I would add: 1) ensure he knows math is a tool and not a punishment, and B) you don’t need me or us to remind you about waivers and wangling the pandemic. Remember Running on Empty? “Uh, those records were lost in a school fire.”

      • Mojeaux

        you don’t need me or us to remind you about waivers and wangling the pandemic. Remember Running on Empty? “Uh, those records were lost in a school fire.”

        It occurred to me they’d do that, but who knows? For me, that’s 3 years away.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Well, I don’t know: evidently frantically making excuses lately works in both the public and private sectors.

        I am quite grateful to you all* who understand x, y, and z and :. make things work.

        *Glibs or not

    • Don Escaped Texas

      I wish you were correct.

      From every corner and party it is clear that most people will happily embrace and retell things that they do not believe and that the know to be untrue. Then add identity politics, and suddenly veterans will vote for draft dodgers, teetotalers will vote for addicts, thumpers will vote for heathens. The moral hazard of low accountability and falling standards means we will be ruled by liars.

      The problem is not that we don’t know better.

      • Fourscore

        “suddenly veterans will vote for draft dodgers”

        Clinton, Bush Jr (with his sidekick, Cheney), Trump and Biden. That’s 4 out of the last 5, Obama gets a pass but he sure wasn’t a ROTC. Somebody’s voting these clowns in.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Bush Jr gets a go at this station. He may have not served well, but he still did unlike the others.

        Those who peel potatoes, also earn an NDM.

      • Gustave Lytton

        On the other hand, you have people like Kerry or McCain. I don’t see them as any better.

      • Don Escaped Texas

        just to be clear, those aren’t necessarily important criteria for me

        I’m just saying that people who lectured me in those areas for decades gladly turned on a dime when the their team couldn’t live up to their standards

      • Loveconstitution1789

        Like America, veterans come in various political stripes too.

        You have military and veterans who simply want to live off the government teat. In my experience I think most military and veterans signed up and want what they were promised and nothing more. The longer you serve the more you see government as the problem that it is.

        To that point there are quite few active military that are getting out between 10+13 years. That is rare since you can retire at 20 years. Once you get to 10 years service, youre halfway there.

        Officers are a whole other things. Many of the garbage politicians that were veterans were officers. McCain, Webb, Bush Sr, Bush Jr, Nixon, JFK.

        I knew of far more bad officers than good officer. Few military have the skill to lead and not just order people around. Some of the most respected officer were prior enlisted and they are treated worse in the hierarchy of academy officers at the top. There is a reason for that. Its an elitism in itself. Then these fucking shitty officers stay in government or become lawyers/politicians.

        We now have shitty officers who are not allowed to learn from minor mistakes and not be as shitty. They learn to be risk averse and it pollutes all command structures.

        Add in that most politicians are lawyers and you just have a cesspool in D.C. made up of trillions in taxpayer money and people who will defend their government corruption at all costs.

      • Loveconstitution1789

        As for Trump, he is nothing like the pieces of shit Bush, oBama, clinton. The proof is how they all attacked Trump. This is like criminals trying to convince you how hitleresque some grandmother is that was robbed by the criminals.

        Lefties had 4+ years to dig up draft dodging evidence on Trump. They couldnt. He followed the rules. Bush followed the rules too but we all know he got a stateside cushy assignment because his Bush sr had connections.

        Honestly, Trumps service as president for 4 years as the best president in US history more than makes up for him getting out of Vietnam. McCain served and was a POW but that democrat did serious harm to America. And on purpose.

  14. Hyperion

    Fake News.

    #CapricornsRpeople2

  15. Hyperion

    “dropping your phone in a puddle”

    Profound. We gots us a true prophet here.

    • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

      As long as the puddle isn’t inside my toilet, I’m okay with that.

      • Hyperion

        I have 2 cell phone rules.

        1. Don’t carry your phone in your back pocket.

        2. Never lay your phone down on top of the toilet tank.

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        Those are good rules.

        My #3: Don’t lend your phone to a stranger for “1 quick call.”

      • Hyperion

        We were in Frederick around 3 years ago, had just left a restaurant and were walking back to where we had parked down the street. It was on a Sunday afternoon and there were not many people stirring about. In fact, it looked like there was no one around except for us.

        Then I see 2 people, a couple I assumed, in front of a business of some type. The guy is sitting on a bench by the business entrance and she’s just standing out by the curb and that’s when I noted she’s staring intently at us and as we got closer, she starts approaching us. I didn’t feel threatened or anything, but I have my eye on this cat sitting on the bench.

        As we got close, I immediately thought ‘crackheads’ because she looked all sorts of strung out and the cat on the bench, pretty much the same. She says ‘Can you help us? That’s our restaurant right there and we’ve locked ourselves out, we left our keys at the house’. This immediately sent up a red flag for me. She says ‘Can I use your phone to call my mother-in-law and see if she can bring the key over’. I’m thinking, this isn’t your restaurant and as soon as I hand you my phone, you and catbird there are going to take off running.

        I said ‘Why don’t you just go home and get the key?’. She says ‘Oh, my mother-in-law dropped us off… uhh, like we aren’t going to steal your phone or anything’. I looked at the guy, he seemed lost in the ozone and I said ‘What’s wrong with him?’. Oh, he’s got the flu, I see.

        I said ‘Nope, and motioned my wife to keep walking while keeping my eye on the bench guy’.

      • Trigger Hippie

        So you’re saying I probably shouldn’t let things float in the toilet so long they dissolve into a puddle?

        Huh.

  16. The Late P Brooks

    If A is true, then B *may* be true.

    If A is false, then who gives a shit?

  17. The Late P Brooks

    It’s funny, but I somehow missed the “bear week” part of that Provincetown SOOPERSPREDDER(!) story..

    I guess the legitimate media did not believe that was pertinent. Just a few random strangers gamboling on a beach, and then… PLAGUE-A-PALOOZISS!

    • R C Dean

      No way the Woke Media was going to publicize that the “superspreader” even driving the new lockdowns was a gay pickup scene.

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        “I don’t spread for no ‘Rona!” (with apologies to Toxteth and Kids in the Hall . . . )

  18. R.J.

    Leo was 100% dead on. Rats ate the emissions tubing on my car. Dammit.

  19. Sensei

    Wonderful.

    I’ve never much worried about a VPN as it seems the providers either seem to have been “accidentally” creating logs or alternatively they seem to have had some gaping security hole that meant they weren’t particularly effective. Plus they are generally as slow as molasses.

    However, my ISP aka Verizon FIOS, has now decided to play games. I don’t use their DNS servers, but haven’t been able to read to MangaDex for a while. Figured it got shut down. Came to find out no – it wasn’t shut down. Instead Verizon has decided to blackhole a chunk of the internet.

    Why is Verizon Blocking Pirate Sites Such as NYAA and Mangadex?

    Keep this in mind for when for when more and more internet sites become “questionable”. Naturally, Verizon has said zero about no longer given its customers full internet access. To confirm I installed Cloudflare’s WARP and the sites are back. Which means, of course, there may or may not be another entity viewing my traffic.

    • Nephilium

      That’s concerning. Not going to read the article, but I assume they’re blocking traffic to the site IP addresses and not just delisting them from DNS (as you’ve mentioned you’re using a different DNS provider).

      • Sensei

        Correct!

      • Nephilium

        Welcome to the US, where the laws are just suggestions, and the rules don’t matter!

      • Hyperion

        Of course they matter, if you can send your army of lobbyists to bribe the Congress and let you write laws. Not so much for the plebes, unless you’re breaking one no one has ever heard of. 3 felonies a day, now shut up and obey.

      • rhywun

        Whose freedom is it anyway?

    • blackjack

      Remember when mostly criminals wore masks? And now crime is skyrocketing. No relation, I’m sure.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Yup. I also remember when only criminals would carry concealed and there was no lawful reason for ordinary citizens to do so.

      • blackjack

        One of my biggest concerns is babys and small children. They look at faces to figure out if they are safe or in danger. They are being trained to be, IDK, not tuned into to people. I have impaired hearing and I use other clues to figure out what people are trying to say. I am denied that now too. There’s so many reasons to have people be allowed to show their faces and so few that justify hiding them with masks.

    • Nephilium

      Ran into an acquaintance yesterday who has a daughter who wound up getting a fungal infection due to wearing face masks. But they’re perfectly safe.

      • blackjack

        Also, I think it’s incredibly disingenuous to think that we are just now finding out new things about masks. Pretty sure we know nothing that we didn’t know when i was a small child about them. The “science” is not a moving target. You don’t get to jump up in the middle of the year 2020 and say, ” Hey! We just found out we were wrong about masks! Again!” and still be credible.

  20. The Late P Brooks

    A good short article by a statistician on the science of “mask studies” and the costs from mask mandates.

    Excellent. Thanks, dbleagle.

  21. Yusef drives a Kia

    “Virgo: 8 of Swords reversed – Congratulations! You got the best draw this week! You’ll see a way out of a current problem. Nothing here says you’ll actually be able to take advantage of it however…”
    I’ll make it through, I always do, and I birdied the new Hole placement on #4, 3 times in a row, I Be Bad!

  22. The Late P Brooks

    One of my biggest concerns is babys and small children. They look at faces to figure out if they are safe or in danger.

    During the height of mask mania, I saw a young mother with her baby in the grocery store. She was unmasked, and making faces at the baby as she wheeled him around in the shopping cart. It was awesome.

    • Hyperion

      “One of my biggest concerns is babys and small children. They look at faces to figure out if they are safe or in danger.”

      No wonder democrat politicians want everyone to wear masks.

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      Our kid was born last November. We know a few families with kids older than her who have literally never seen anybody except mom and dad. Quite a few families with kids around that age who have never seen another baby.

      I’d take exposing them to masks over that shit. That’s a great way to create a kid with serious social disorders.

      That said, our kiddo was in a maskless environment in the church nursery this morning and has been exposed to (maskless) people for over a year. Fuck the anti-social forces out there trying to fuck up the little kids.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        They’re pissed because they’re being cut out of the conversation. They’ll fall in line as soon as they get to dip their grubby fingers into the cash bag.

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        I assumed part of the implicit back-channel signaling was “How do we get our beaks wet?”

      • blackjack

        Ahem! It turns out that I’m a member of the only

      • blackjack

        only union who loves the idea. lucky me.

      • blackjack

        Our union is ran by straight up commies. They scammed half the airport into using about 300 bucks worth of VC to astroturf Kamala’s failed primary candidacy, negotiated the worst raises in history for us and later volunteered us to take a large pay cut to cover the covid costs, which never actually materialized due to federal bailouts. Everyone of us is down about 2k because the city was “suffering” until it turned out they weren’t suffering at all. Fucking scum. I’m considering options like moving to decertify and maybe suing for breach of fiduciary duty. I need a union to protect me from my union, basically.

      • Hyperion

        My wife worked for a unionized company at the airport here. The long time employees there all told her that it used to be a great place to work and then they got the union and it went to shit. I have to tell you, it was amazing the completely illegal shit they got away with to completely fuck over their employees. And they got away with it because the government here is 3rd world level corrupt.

  23. Hyperion

    The Rent is Due!

    OK, cunte, you can pay the mortgages for all the small investors whose only income comes from the rent payments on their properties. I mean out of your only money, cunte, not mine.

      • blackjack

        Crash the L.A. housing market, please! I’m suffering from chump syndrome for having paid in full this whole time. I could have saved about 50k if I was hip to the scam.

    • Don Escaped Texas

      who do they think is going to pay for the boiler pump repairs this winter?

      • Hyperion

        Tax payers, IOW, you. That’s their whole scam.

      • Don Escaped Texas

        maybe

        who do they think is going to call for the boiler pump repair

        who do they think even knows the boiler has a pump and that it’s not working

        clearly the military should be mobilized to handle this

      • Hyperion

        Probably, because not only is the pump broken, but there could be white supremacists about as well.

    • blackjack

      Cori Bush:

      I am dirty, sticky, sweaty

      EEWWW!

      • R C Dean

        Hawt

      • Hyperion

        Totally NAWT HAWT and gross.