Is the Universe Getting Even Biggerer? Part 1

by | Aug 31, 2021 | Fiction, Science | 391 comments

In the discussion following my article on symmetry (Elements of Symmetry) we had a brief diversion into dark matter and dark energy. In the course of those discussions, I began wondering if I could understand some of the ‘science’ behind dark energy well enough to convey it simply, especially since I think that sometimes the concepts of dark energy (and matter) are presented as a lot more settled than they actually are. Note that dark energy and dark matter are similar sounding names for two very different and unrelated phenomena. I’m going to focus on dark energy.  The existence of dark energy was postulated based on an observation that implied that the universe was accelerating.  Observations of very distant supernovae (see Part 2) seem to indicate that they were further away than we expected based on a universe that was simply expanding.  In fact, for distant supernovae to be as far away as they appeared to be, the universe must be accelerating.  Now something doesn’t expand without energy input, but we don’t see that energy anywhere.  Hence, the existence of dark energy was postulated to explain the apparent acceleration inferred from the supernova distances.  The 2011 Noble Prize in physics was awarded to the teams that made those observations, a little more than a decade after they were published.

As I was sketching it out, it was getting long, so I broke it into 3 parts:

Part 1 – Since distances determinations are central part of the argument that the universe is accelerating (and hence that something called dark energy exists), a brief review of how astronomical distances are determined. (This article)

Part 2 – An outline of using supernovae to determine distances and some of the complications they present that introduce uncertainty into the distance determination and hence the evidence used to support the hypothesis of dark energy.

Part 3 – Outline the story that lead to postulating the existence of dark energy using supernova distance.

With that, let’s get started.

Left – Astronomical parallax, so easy an accountant could do it. Right – non-astronomical parallax. Top? Don’t know, showed up in search for parallax. Ass-tronomical parallax perhaps?

While knowing distance is critical to determining whether the universe is static, expanding, or accelerating, actually measuring distance is difficult astronomically. The simplest, most error free method is to use parallax, using the apparent shift in position of an object against the fixed background (where fixed background means far enough away that you can’t measure position accurately enough to see shifts!) as the earth moves in its orbit. Then it’s a simple geometric calculation without a lot of room for error. Unfortunately, parallax is only good for pretty small distances, at least on the scale of the universe.

Once we measure the furthest things we can with parallax, we have to start relying on what are called “standard candles“. A standard candle is an object that you know the intrinsic brightness of. Then, since brightness falls off as the source gets further away in a well known fashion, comparing the apparent brightness of the object (what you actually measure) to its known intrinsic brightness, gives its distance directly. An everyday example that is often used is a light bulb. A 100 W light bulb has a known luminosity –  it’s right there in the name, 100 Watts. If we move the light bulb across the room, it will appear dimmer. Down to the end of the driveway, even fainter. Across the street, across town, even fainter. The process can be continued as long as your instruments are sensitive enough to measure the apparent brightness of the light bulb. The ratio of what you know, the true brightness of the light bulb, to what you measure, the apparent brightness of the light bulb, gives you its distance. That’s exactly the rational used in measuring astronomical distances.

This is probably a bad standard candle.

What are desirable properties of a standard candle? First of all you need something that is very bright intrinsically – you need to be able to measure it at great distances. Secondly, it needs to have a well defined intrinsic brightness that doesn’t vary across individual objects. Obviously, unlike the light bulb, we can’t take our astronomical standard candle and move it to different places, we have to rely on the objects that are already out there. So we’ll be looking at different individual objects and therefore the class of objects we use has to have a very small variation in the intrinsic brightness between members both in space and in time. It will turn out that this second requirement is the tough one and will be at the center of questions about the conclusion that the Universe is expanding.

As an example in practice, we’ll take a brief look at one of the most important standard candles used in determining cosmological distances, the Cepheid variables. Cepheid’s are a class of massive stars, usually about 8 times the mass of the sun (hence they are bright, satisfying one of our requirements). They also vary in brightness in a regular fashion, driven by pulsations of the atmosphere. That may seem to violate our requirement of a known intrinsic brightness – after all the brightness is changing all the time! However, it was determined empirically that the period of the brightness variation is directly correlated with the average intrinsic brightness of the star. What that means is that, if one measures the time between brightness peaks in the star, that gives the stars intrinsic brightness directly. This turns out to be ideal – measuring a change in brightness is easy and can be done as far away as you instrument can detect. Once you’ve measured the period of that brightness change in a Cepheid, you immediately know how intrinsically bright it is and therefore can derive the distance. This relationship has been critical in establishing the distance scale in the universe. In fact, the so called Cepheid period-luminosity relationship is what allowed Edwin Hubble to determine that the Universe is expanding in the early part of the 20th century.

Left – How you measure the period of Cepheid. Middle – How the period gives you the intrinsic brightness. Right – Another weird image search result; I’m sure with this crowd someone will tell me the relation between Cepheids and anime!

While Cepheids have been foundational in determining distances, they are not bright enough. As a single star, there’s a limit to how bright they can get and so, even with very sensitive instruments, we are limited in how far away we can see them. For example, they are not bright enough that we can see them far enough away to measure acceleration of the universe. For that we need to turn to a new class of standard candle, the super novae. And that’s the topic for the next episode.

About The Author

PutridMeat

PutridMeat

Blah blah, blah-blah blah. Blah? B-b-b-b-b-lah! Blah blah blah blah. BLAH!

391 Comments

  1. MikeS

    *insert “mind blown gif*

      • pistoffnick

        I’ve met you, UCS. I’ve read your books.

        You have a beautiful mind.

      • UnCivilServant

        But I don’t have gifs.

      • Spudalicious

        Nice.

      • Tundra

        10/10

      • Tundra

        Nope. That’s wrong.

        Better than 10/10.

      • pistoffnick

        So you are saying it goes to 11?

      • Tundra

        It goes to 12.

      • Tundra

        Goddamit.

        Here.

      • pistoffnick

        Whoah

        *mind blown*

      • pistoffnick

        Free your mind,
        And your ass will follow.

      • pistoffnick

        *Plays awesome guitar*
        *adjusts wig*
        *Continues playing awesome guitar*

        Thanks Tundra. I hadn’t heard that version. Very nice!

      • Tundra

        It’s one of my favorite versions.

        I’ve listened to it about a dozen times tonight.

    • blackjack

      A mind blown gif is a terrible thing to waste.

    • Chafed

      Yeah, that.

  2. Ozymandias

    Thanks, PM. This is interesting.
    I’ll save my query about “what if the speed of light isn’t actually constant across the entire universe” question for later.

  3. Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

    I’ll be in my bunk…

  4. hayeksplosives

    But I can I destroy anything with it?

    • PutridMeat

      Supernovae? Sure. All life on earth if you can get it close enough and depending whether you’ve kept up your dues to the super-villain union.

  5. Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

    Aren’t Type Ia supernovae used as standard candles? How do they compare to Cepheids?

    • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

      (or, I could wait for part 2 I guess)

    • PutridMeat

      Yep, that’s in episode 2. In some sense they are less ‘reliable’ – they require more calibration and more assumptions – but they are much brighter, so you can see them much further away. Trade-offs.

      • Not Adahn

        It turns out that all Type Ia supernovae… might not actually be Type 1a supernovae.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLSIZg0npuA

        TL:DW;

        Doesn’t affect the conclusion tat dark energy exists, but does begin to explain the discrepancy between the supernova- and the CMB-based calculations

  6. The Bearded Hobbit

    My background is EE but I had to take a bunch of physics classes to get there.

    I try to look at this from and engineering standpoint. In discussing EM waves the explanation fell out that the speed of light (light is an EM wave) is fixed because of the impedance of free space, which is derived from the electrical constant (epsilon naught) times the magnetic constant (mu naught) which gives the value of 120*PI. So the propagation speed of light is based upon the physical constants as we know them.

    What if the impedance of free space outside of our local region is 119*PI? Or 121*PI? Isn’t it possible that there is a prejudice that is applied in that “this is the way it is here and therefore this is the way it is everywhere”? This is an easier solution to the observation rather than some mysterious and undetected “dark” items.

    Anyway, my $0.02 to an excellent article. Looking forward to the next editions.

    (Reaching back to stuff from college 40+ years ago)

    • Ozymandias

      Or what this guy said.

    • Tulip

      Isn’t there a sci-fi series in which certain constants are different from our universe and the series thinks through the implications?

      • rhywun

        That rings a bell.

      • Ted S.

        I’m reminded of Q suggesting to Picard that he change the gravitational constant of the universe.

      • Not an Economist

        certain constants are different

        That has been seriously proposed to explain some astronomical observations.

      • LCDR_Fish

        The Amber books by Zelazny have a world where gunpowder doesn’t work but some sort of “jewelers dust” (been a long time since I read them) has the same properties that gunpowder does in our world.

        That’s the first that comes to mind.

    • Ted S.

      In areas of varying density, the proportion of light as wave to light as particle changes so as to keep a constant speed.

      (It’s no sillier than dark matter.)

    • PutridMeat

      In some ways, once you *define* the speed of light to be a constant, then the impedance of free space becomes a measurable quantity, right? I’m not sure one can differentiate between the two, in some ways they define each other. As far as I know, all the evidence we can gather so far indicates that the speed of light is constant across space and time. If it was not, I’m not sure if that would imply acceleration or any of the measurements that imply dark matter, so you might still be in the same quandary. Of course, one doesn’t even need to get into exotic physics to throw shade on dark energy, mundane, basic errors in assumptions can to that for you. Part 3! (man, I’ve got to get writing….)

      Figure it will be a slow evening and it’s time to practice gee-tar and then cook dinner. I’ll check in later!

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        Again, I am on shaky ground here, pulling up stuff from the 70’s.

        However, my interpretation is that the impedance of free space defines the speed of light, not the other way around.

        And isn’t there evidence that the SOL changed during the extremely early time after the Big Bang? 10E-09 seconds or something? It seems likely that the physical constants were in flux during that early time. Makes an argument that the physical constants may not be “constant”.

      • PutridMeat

        I believe the impedance of free space was a defined quantity based on a fixed definitional value for u_0 through the ampere. But now I think c is taken as a constant and the impedance is therefore not precisely defined.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        I guess that’s the difference between engineers and physicists.

        Thanks for the thought-provoking article and for your responses. Looking forward to the next in the series.

      • PutridMeat

        Oh, and I think once you get close to the big bang, a lot of bets are off, though 1e-9 is not too close, and I’m not aware of any evidence of a change in c there. There certainly could be said evidence though! But at some point, you are in a regime where we don’t have physics to describe what’s going on, e.g. within a Planck time, so who’s to say what the speed of light is in that situation or whether it’s even meaningful to talk about it.

      • pistoffnick

        “…get close to the big bang…

        For once in my life, I’d like a big bang…

  7. Ted S.

    A 100 W light bulb has a known luminosity – it’s right there in the name, 100 Watts.

    Isn’t the brightness measured in lumens?

    • Fourscore

      Isn’t the 100 Watts a reference to the resistance (energy consumption) as a heat factor?

    • Tulip

      I thought watts was power?

      • Spudalicious

        I thought it was a shithole in south LA?

      • Ozymandias

        The best contribution on the topic so far.

      • MikeS

        You’re riot about that.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Yes

    • PutridMeat

      There are many units measuring different types of ‘brightness’. In SI units luminosity, the radiant power, is measured in Watts (Joules/sec). Brightness might be thought of as luminosity spread over an area (flux), so something like Watts/cm^2. A watt is a measure of energy; a lumen is a measure of brightness in the visible range – I think. And has a distribution in it – how much energy crosses a given area at a given angle – that’s how your eye will perceive the brightness of a thing. So there’s going to a direct relation between how many watts something puts out and its rating in lumens, but they are measuring different attributes.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Measured in a sphere, Inverse square law, and you got it

      • pistoffnick

        I got no flux to give.

    • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

      IFL FGTH

      • Tundra

        #metoo

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        Love this cover. I had heard that Holly Johnson didn’t want to do covers, but the record company made them

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhYuwFIDfKI

      • rhywun

        I only know three songs but this one is killer.

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        THeir cover of War is pretty great, too

    • PutridMeat

      Never paid them much mind, but then saw an interview with … Tom Woods? And they (one of them anyway) was making sense! Still don’t listen to them, but it was refreshing to hear.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Right Said Fred recently?

      • PutridMeat

        Sorry, that’s it, Right Said Fred. If it ain’t metal, I get em confused. Of course I get metal confused too. RSF did the whole too sexy thing right? I’m outta my league here…

      • Tundra

        Thank you. It’s good to dive deep occasionally, right?

      • Chafed

        Euphemism?

      • pistoffnick

        “…sexy times…”

        It’s been so long. I can’t remember does tab A go into slot B?

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        You’re asking me?

      • Chafed

        Oh, c’mon. I’m older than you and I know her stuff. At least you admit you love her.

      • Tundra

        Between her and Aimee Mann, life is good.

        I should have known.

      • MikeS

        Holy shit. Do not ever throw me any shade when I link something non-metal.

        Liz Phair. SMFH

      • Tundra

        I agree. She’s better than metal.

        More Aimee.

      • MikeS

        Huh. I never knew who sang that shitty song I’d hear at the grocery store until today.

      • MikeS

        If we’re going chick band, let play some of this. Pay special attention to the smokeshow bass player, Melissa Auf der Maur

  8. J. Frank Parnell

    the relation between Cepheids and anime!

    Autocorrect caused you to search for Cephalopods?

  9. Gender Traitor

    I can’t help but hope wonder if there’s an app that would read your article to me in Mike Rowe’s voice.

    • UnCivilServant

      For enough money you could probably pay him to narrate it.

    • Ozymandias

      Mike Rowe is the shiznit… and so is his voice.
      I love that he sings the Grinch song at fans’ request around Christmas time.
      I get why the ladies dig the guy.
      He’s a national treasure as far as I’m concerned (and he’s read Road to Serfdom and many other classics of libertarian economic thought).
      Dude really should be President. How fun would that be?
      We could do away with TV pressers and all of TMITE and Mike could make radio the preferred medium.

      • Spudalicious

        I think he’s way too smart to accept the bullshit of the job.

      • Gender Traitor

        That’s one of the main reasons I watch “How the Universe Works.”

  10. DEG

    Your image search results are interesting.

    • Chafed

      Some of the nice ladies made me go supernova.

      /Am I doing this right?

    • DrOtto

      I’m sure she is too sophisticated to get the virus.

      • Ghostpatzer

        No self-respecting virus would have anything to do with her.

      • Chafed

        So much this.

    • commodious spittoon

      You enjoying our two week mask mandate? I keep pulling mine down or forgetting it. Nobody’s confronted me yet. Pussies.

      (Dad got a “Sir, sir, SIR, your mask” at Lotaburger, though.)

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        I think that folks are getting sick of it. Haircut and lunch today were *mostly* mask-free. Smiths was 100% compliance but I managed to pull my mask down on empty aisles.

        We just got back from Montana where it was 100% mask-free. The contrast to NM was noticeable.

    • creech

      Indians don’t have to wear masks. Only Tonto hangs with masked man.

    • JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

      I’d have thought that an Indian would be more careful than that given their history with foreign sicknesses.

  11. Q Continuum

    Unless c is not actually a universal constant.

    Then the inflationary cosmological model is blown to hell.

    • Chafed

      I don’t get it. Is this secret breast talk?

  12. kinnath

    I r fizicks madger. I don’t remember any of this stuff.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      MMM. Ugg Make Sparky fire, say Ouch!

  13. Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

    Do you ever think we’ll be rich enough to put a particle accelerator in space?

    • UnCivilServant

      As an engine? or just to see what the particles do?

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        To get away from Earthly limitations on size/speed/human safety requirements. I know Carl Sagan talked about it a lot.

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        I mean generally as a next-gen CERN

      • blackjack

        If they do manage this and there’s any kind of mutiny, they’ll be made to walk the planck.

      • Ghostpatzer

        You are a source of constant entertainment, blackjack.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Sure, we can weaponize them, therefore justifying the outrageous expense,
      I want!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I am Serious BTW

    • Gadfly

      IMO no, because I don’t think any private person/entity will ever be rich enough to mount such an immense venture (especially when it has so little potential RoI) and the governments of the world will most likely continue on as they always have, more interested in graft than success. The current government space agencies are all being embarrassed by upstart private co’s, because they have all become entrenched bureaucracies and are no longer interested in innovation – and I can’t imagine anything that will change that.

  14. Gadfly

    Fascinating stuff. Thanks for writing the article. I look forward to the next two.

    • blackjack

      I’m sure it’ll get here, in the speed of write.

      • Gadfly

        LOL

  15. UnCivilServant

    I stumbled onto this without context, so I can’t give it any context.

    I don’t think it needs any.

    • Gender Traitor

      That’s wonderful.

      Don’t ask too many questions about the entree at dinner tomorrow.

    • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

      That’s kind of….awesome

      (tryna remember where the pic guy came from)

      • UnCivilServant

        (Which one, the Muppets Swedish Chef, or the Star Wars pig guard?)

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        That’s it – Star Wars. They got thrown into the Sarlacc or something IIRC

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        *pig guy

    • Tulip

      That picture is why the internet exists.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Don’t light the SF signal!

  16. Yusef drives a Kia

    Lunch?

    • pistoffnick

      Launch?

      • pistoffnick

        Ranch

      • pistoffnick

        Raunchy

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Raunch Dressing?

      • rhywun

        ?

      • pistoffnick

        Your salad is tossed!

      • commodious spittoon

        Beats roach dressing

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Rythym Roaches? i saw them in ’86

      • pistoffnick

        Roasted Beets Dressing

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        beats Roasted Dressing I suppose…

      • commodious spittoon

        Bears… beets… roasted battlestar galactica

      • l0b0t

        Ha! Serves me right for not refreshing. I loved that show, well, all of the Krofft stuff. Particularly the one where Jim Nabors and Ruth Buzzi are cyborgs trying to return a couple kids to Earth.

    • pistoffnick

      Hunch?

      • pistoffnick

        Haunch?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Haunchy White Girl?

      • commodious spittoon

        Paunchy white girl?

    • pistoffnick

      Punch?

      • pistoffnick

        Paunch?

    • pistoffnick

      Lunch?

      • commodious spittoon

        Lush?

      • pistoffnick

        I like a big bush.

      • pistoffnick

        Lurch

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        A short skirt?

      • pistoffnick

        And a LOOOOOOOOOOONG Jacket?

      • Ownbestenemy

        *funky bass line*

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Nahhhhhh, nan na na naaa na!

      • pistoffnick

        Very nice!

  17. egould310

    And once again, Jack Cassidy devises a perfect plan, and commits a prefect murder.

    Then Columbo shows up and fucks his shit up.

    This time, Cassidy is a magician. Classic.

    • rhywun

      That’s a fun one. Cassidy is delightfully slimy.

      • egould310

        He’s a creep. He’s always a creep.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Miles Mello +1000

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I lit the Ted signal if you kids are too young,

      • egould310

        Noice. Haven’t watched that in some years. Put it in the queue. Thanks for the reminder, Bob!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Yep, a Classic for our cohort!

      • MikeS

        Charming

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        ” of course, Miss Buns,I would like a Daicoorayy”

      • Ownbestenemy

        But was he a widow?

      • rhywun

        Their first and last good song.

        It was a more innocent age.

      • pistoffnick

        I wish I was special.

        My middle daughter did a nice version of that at open mic nights.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        We all Want to be something Beautiful, Man I wish I was Beautiful,

      • MikeS

        Gross

      • pistoffnick

        No, no, no she’s lookin’ at me.

    • MikeS

      Cassidy played an awesome slimeball.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      A liitle bit Country?

      • rhywun

        -2 Osmonds

        I mean come on.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Made you look, check out my link^ up there, “his name is Faggot, I hope he doesn’t rape you”

      • Chafed

        Yeah, I didn’t need to hear that.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        You clicked? I’m not that sadistic!

      • Ownbestenemy

        I specifically looked elsewhere. My old boss has a signed photo of her and him together. Vegas and all that.

      • rhywun

        Gah!

      • MikeS

        WTF was that 5 seconds I just made it through? This pains me type out loud, but I’d rather hear the Osmonds.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Such closed minded folks.

    • rhywun

      That’s different because reasons.

      • Ownbestenemy

        And I did not name my dog that. You called me out on a dirty TMI joke. *hangs head in shame*

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Me and You? think about it

      • pistoffnick

        We had an electrician name +++++ Dundas on a job out in Renton, WA.

        We used to remark +++++ Done dis, when ever something electrical was fucked up. He had an anti-Midas touch.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Yet he lives?

      • pistoffnick

        It’s been 20 years…
        he liked the herb

    • Ownbestenemy

      Heh…I guessed…poorly

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        HAA! I got one!

      • Ownbestenemy

        Breaks up my 9/11 remembrance downtrend. I First saw the world then and didn’t have my eyes open til later…so a little bit of a distraction is awesome.

    • MikeS

      Ah! You fucker!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I have never attempted that, but in this thread it seemed worth a try, Sorry Mike, some reall ZZ top is above,

      • MikeS

        You got me. Tall cans, buddy!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Cheers!

    • pistoffnick

      Can’t go wrong with Stevie*

      *unless you follow his breakfast regimen

    • Ownbestenemy

      Thats old brother…you were absent during the time that was posted. Immediately seek a doctor for illicit substances in your ass.

      Still awesome as all hell and doesn’t help she isn’t hard on the eyes.

      • Brochettaward

        illicit substances in your ass.

        That’s just my last First. There’s nothing illicit about it. The anal cavity is designed to hold Firsts. It’s what the Great Firster intended.

      • Ownbestenemy

        What the fuck are you going on about? Someone should grab your chin dust and spit in your mouth.

        /just kidding…maybe.

      • MikeS

        Ugh. I should have know the Gliberati already had seen such wonders.

        *sigh*

        I’ll get back up to speed soon. Soon.

      • Ownbestenemy

        No complaints at reminding us of such *ahem* talents.

      • Chafed

        No apology needed. FYI… wood.

  18. Tundra

    OK, motherfuckers. If we’re gonna dig girl bands:

    Hot Rock.

    Your welcome.

      • Ownbestenemy

        I mean…we can keep this up all night. My very devout grandmother one Sunday morning and I soon realized that you didn’t need to shut out the world to be a good Christian.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        No need to click, I love the Dead South, good call,!

    • rhywun

      Another great, and somewhat tragic, Columbo villain.

  19. Brochettaward

    I’m going to take my First and ram it into your stomach!!! You won’t know what comes after A when I’m done getting my First on. This will be the First to begin and end all Firsts.

    • pistoffnick

      *smol pener

      • Brochettaward

        Every First I make proves that my penis is larger than yours.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        No it proves you’re just a dick….

    • Ownbestenemy

      Raised Fist Kinda sums up your posts.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      He is persistent, i’ll say that much,

      • hayeksplosives

        It’s either super pathetic or an amazing piece of long-running performance art.

        That said, I don’t enjoy performance art.

      • hayeksplosives

        I might be losing my mind, but I’m now seriously considering houses in Pahrump Nevada.

        Beautiful desert+mountain views, lots of whatever size you like from total hermit to just want an acre or two from the neighbors.

        Lots of crazy gun ranges and such, but still 36k people so not a one horse town. One thing I like is that they refuse to be a town at all; they have voted to reject incorporation and having a mayor and city council over and over.

        I like it. All I want is some space to relax, make noise, swim, and raise the Gadsden flag.

      • hayeksplosives

        This one cracks me up:

        391 Jarvis Road, Pahrump, NV 89060.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Well Front Sight is there as your gun range which is top-notch. But the drive over the hump gets old and is prone to closure cause well, we do get snow and ice. However, like I said the other day, a lot of us have been migrating towards there for the past couple of years. Plus…Bunny Ranch…what else could scream libertarian.

      • hayeksplosives

        The predicted situation for me is that much of the first year I will spend commuting to North Las Vegas or McCarren airport (for visiting the National labs).

        After that, the trek to Mercury NV and beyond will be the daily deal.

      • Ownbestenemy

        No one talks about Mercury NV..it doesn’t exist. And JANUS is a secret, regardless if they are the only ones that have a specific route out of McCarran Harry Reid International.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Er….JANET…stupid autocorrect

      • hayeksplosives

        Mercury is right on the map on Google. It’s the badge checkpoint and visitor checkpoint. And a couple of other office / logistics things like delivery.

        Past Mercury, the routes are more obscure. The whole area is bigger than Rhode Island.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Old joke for us that knows what happens there….I know it is there.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        You get to take “the ” jet, Cool!

      • hayeksplosives

        If you mean Southwest Airlines jet, then yeah.

        This is not a swank job. It’s for people who believe in the mission.

        Elon will be my copilot on the drive. So I’m cool.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Huh..SWA to the range? *checks my equipment*

      • hayeksplosives

        Not to the range! It’s all driving for us ordinary Morlocks.

        I guess the congressional Eloi get to fly in.

        I’m just saying that when I get to McCarren it’s to take a plain Jane flight to Albuquerque or Oakland.

      • Ownbestenemy

        *taps nose* right. Just messing with you hayek. I hope that job comes through. Then Mr. splosives and you and the wife can have a couple of drinks together.

      • hayeksplosives

        OBE, the job has officially come through. They called me today to let me know I passed the background check (shocker) so they are converting my DoD clearance to DoE.

        Tomorrow I have to go pee in a cup to seal the deal.

        Then we’re off to the races ?

      • Ownbestenemy

        Congrats! Funny story. First time I had to pee in a cup outside the military I asked the poor little girl at the front desk if no one is going to watch me pee.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        in your new scenario,, Pahrump is as good as any, small town, privacy and Guns!
        you still commute, but it’s nothin like SoCal, 80 mph is normal,

      • Ownbestenemy

        ^^ I laugh at asshats that complain when they are delayed for 10 minutes cause of traffic here in Vegas. Fuck you asshole. Spend 4-6am travelling 20 miles and then come at me.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        On Fridays it can take up to 10 minutes to get home now! What will I do?
        /Spoiled

      • hayeksplosives

        Hell, I’ve driven over Johnson Pass or Skull Valley in Utah to get to Dugway Proving Ground enough times that this seems like exactly the same sort of thing.

        I speculate that it all depends on the individual; I find driving (at least through lovely scenery) to be relaxing and therapeutic.

        The fact that I happen to think the high desert of Utah or Nevada is lovely is maybe my particular quirk.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Driving in the West is Awesome, Totally Zen, here is more closed in and focused, there are no Mountains or other land marks, just trees, and more trees…
        /I miss the Mountains

      • Ownbestenemy

        It is lovely. I live no more than a mile from ancient petroglyphs, amazing desert-scapes…it just is damn hot for a few months.

      • hayeksplosives

        We will have to meet up in a few months.

      • Chafed

        That doesn’t sound crazy to me.

      • hayeksplosives

        Ask me in a few years!!

        Actually I’m sure this is what *I* want. Harder to tell what the spouse wants.

        I suffer the inverse of “if Momma ain’t happy, nobody’s happy.”

  20. pistoffnick

    And I’m spent.

    Goodnight friends and fiends.

    • MikeS

      *prost*

  21. Ownbestenemy

    James Wood…Dean Cain…Kurt Russel. Some strong people that know our government is bullshit.

    • MikeS

      I’d remind you about Chuck Norris, but I assume you’re already dead.

      • Ownbestenemy

        I had COVID but then I was cured when I mentioned I was friends with Chuck. Doctors called it a miracle.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Because they are actors, they know what lying for a living looks like, Stronge, no more than you or I brother,

      • Ownbestenemy

        Oh I agree. They have no more claims than I do. But culture is spread not by you and I.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Let me clarify. We spread culture, just not as widespread.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        thanks, I was gonna say something,

      • Ownbestenemy

        *These are not the droids you are looking for*

      • hayeksplosives

        The video version of the link is well with watching.

        What would be said if it were widely recirculated again today? Who would be portrayed as the bad guy? Woods, or the terrorists? What of his comments on the Taliban’s extreme sexism?

        Also, for anyone who doesn’t know, James Woods has a very high IQ, well documented but not promoted by him. It shows.

      • Ownbestenemy

        It is terrible we discount these purely on political stance.

  22. Chafed

    HBO Max has The Venture Brothers. I may pass out from my erection.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Make sure to take a NyQuil pill beforehand and make a bet with your closest friend.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        You Can’t Fool me!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        LOL

      • Chafed

        That’s about right.

    • LCDR_Fish

      Don’t forget we’re still expecting Venture Bros and Metalocalypse movies to round out the stories in the next year or two.

  23. Ownbestenemy

    What I imagine Yusef’s life if he hasn’t been broken by the PYT

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        How did you get video of Angela and I?

      • Ownbestenemy

        Secret creeping spies I have.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        You, I do bet, have them,

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      PYT plays, and she’s good, and a nut job, that’s why the gang hooked us up,

      • hayeksplosives

        Do I need to read the day’s earlier threads to catch up?

        I knew she asked you over for a smoke earlier but don’t know how that worked out.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I left to go out right after so no, the threads wouldn’t help much, I hate being sober…

  24. Ownbestenemy

    Fuck me. I was never deployed but I get caught up in songs that can tug the ole heartstrings about our grand adventures in Iraq and Afghanistan. I mean…I cried at the shitty Pearl Harbor movie more than Ben Affleck did.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Great Ancestor – Revolutionary War drummer boy
      Great Ancestor – Civil War
      Grandpa – WWII, deferred cause of family but still went and had a patch of Glib Standards
      Grandpa – WWII, served on a frigate, sunk but survived
      Dad – 101st Airborne Vietnam
      Step-Dad – Navy, Enterprise Vietnam
      Numerous friends that struggle from Iraq and Afghanistan

      Fuck war. Fuck it all.

      • hayeksplosives

        War is hell. Should never be entered in lightly, and especially by men who will never pay the price for it.

    • Brochettaward

      I was in Iraq. I will allow you to thank me for my service. You are welcome.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Fuck off

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        ^this

      • Ownbestenemy

        You were in Iraq..the tears I have tonight absolutely were for you but do not welcome me..do not allow me to thank you. I provide that freely for those that went. That left home. Fuck you can cannot read a room sometimes.

  25. Yusef drives a Kia

    I got invited to the local Stoner Girls club, and I felt awkward until my neighbor Reba said Bob, 58 divided by 2 plus 7, go for it Baby! This small town shit is wierd, but entertaining…

  26. Yusef drives a Kia

    We had our little Tournament today, the winner made 8$, and this,
    https://photos.app.goo.gl/jrDfXwE5sdPQ4wey6
    Gold Stamp, hard to find, cost me 36$ totally cool prize, Steve O!

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      aww yes, so relaxing! thanks Buddy!

      • Ownbestenemy

        It helped. I go through these bouts…why was I allowed to stay home? Why do I have a good life? Why am so blessed? Songs like that remind me.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Just the other day teen#1 “Dad, we have never seen you cry”. Me: Doesn’t mean I haven’t son.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I just did, Glibs are wierd, Tall Cans!

      • Ownbestenemy

        First love the show and second love the song…wifey is from Kentucky and we may just end up there in the end.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Pattons from SW Ohio, and Coles from Hazard county, Alll Scots, it will be fun tio find some family,

    • hayeksplosives

      “Leaving GA”

      That’s fucking perfect.

  27. dbleagle

    The last two wars have not spawned any songs that encapsulate the experience the way that past wars had. This ditty does okay, for both wars, but is not transcendental by any means. I worked with a couple of the folks in the video that year in Iraq.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SvsLs7HCluI&t=21s

    • Ownbestenemy

      There were tonnes of songs were born from the wars over the past couple of decades. Most were used for propaganda and drumming up support, not protest.

      Your song was good.. Reminds me of Charlie Daniels.

      • dbleagle

        That was a good effort. It captures both the ATO and ITO from 2002/2003 to the late 20teens.

      • Ownbestenemy

        2:56 on…just damn sucks.

  28. CatchTheCarp

    To PM- thanks -that was an impressive bit of writing.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        My step Dad was an asshole, jealous, married my mom at ethe wrong time. My step mom was way cool,

      • Ownbestenemy

        I was lucky. Step-dad is my dad. I love my father but he was…absent. Step-dad was everything a young boy needed. Caring, guiding, straight shooter. I know not all get that and I am damn grateful for it.

  29. UnCivilServant

    Morning, Glibs.

    I’m in the office. Last workday before vacation.

    I feel like I’m falling apart.

    • Gender Traitor

      Hang on. You can do it. Breathe.

      • UnCivilServant

        I just want to sit down and write something (other than work emails). But my work cube is not conducive to creativity.

        Or calm.

        It just feels like anybody and everybody can see what’s on my screen – even though I’m the only one here.

        The most risky thing on the screen is glibs (which is impossible to read from a distance) but I don’t like the idea of someone looking over my shoulder.

        To top it all off, I’m forgetting something work related. Something that’s probably very important.

        Anyway, how goes it in your corner of the world?

      • Gender Traitor

        My corner of the world is okay, though I’m a bit concerned about a friend who’s feeling anxious – and who is almost certainly conscientious to a fault. My boss will be back from a couple of days off, and I’ll need to get going on month-end reports. The way the days fall buys me some time, though – the Board meeting (for which we do all these reports) is always the third Tuesday, so this month it falls as late as possible.

    • Festus

      Just a few more hours and then parole. U can do it!

  30. Festus

    *holds up arm with other hand* Pick me! Pick me, Teacher! I know the answer to part two!!! Mornin’ Glibbies!

      • Festus

        See just above^

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Fes!

      It’s articles like this that make me sorry that my science education was sacrificed on the altar of “desegregation.” I just need to get past the distaste the experience left and educate myself on these subjects.

      • Festus

        My Maths were poor because I was a lousy student but I always dug the “bigger picture”. As stated in the previous article’s comments, I read far enough ahead to become dangerous. It’s always fascinated me but I skipped too many classes to grasp the mechanics of it. Just a lazy Dummy…

      • UnCivilServant

        If I learned anything in Public School, it was that if I wanted to learn, I had to do it on my own. I still vividly remember an incident in elementary school where I had to teach the teacher what a barb was in the context of harpoons. (The classwork was related to some story about a girl stuck on an island that made no impact and would have been forgotten if not for having to tell the teacher that a barb was not in fact a second forward facing point.)

        My point is, you can do it.

      • Gender Traitor

        Off the top of my head, I’d guess the book was Island of the Blue Dolphins. I’m pretty sure I read it – Newbery Award winner, but yeah – not particularly memorable. (Had you already read Moby Dick by then?)

        Thanks for the vote of confidence. I am fascinated by a lot of the “cosmic” science presented in How the Universe Works and other such Science Channel shows, particularly when they start speculating about the “multiverse” and the possibility that there’s a “universe” for each possible reality, if I understand the hypothesis correctly. I get frustrated, though, because I want a chance to live more than one of my possible lives.

      • UnCivilServant

        I didn’t read Moby Dick until high school.

        Festus is right, I read Encyclopedias.

      • Gender Traitor

        World Book FTW.

      • TARDis

        We had to settle for Collier’s.

      • Tres Cool

        Was the story “Island of the Blue Dolphins”?

        I dont know why, but I remember reading that in elementary school.

      • UnCivilServant

        I don’t know.

        Wikipedia isn’t loading on my work computer and I’m not sure I’d be able to verify positively after so many years.

      • UnCivilServant

        The response from a web search indicates that it probably was.

      • Festus

        Correcting your teacher in elementary school is a not so forgotten joy! Encyclopedia reader for the win!

      • UnCivilServant

        I was more annoyed that she was about to pass incorrect information due to ignorance. Thankfully the incident had a happy ending where the correct answer was ackowledged instead of an argument being given out of a refusal to be corrected in an error.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        I learned that was the case when I was marked wrong for answering on a quiz that the moon as an object that was visible in the sky during the daytime on a DAY IT WAS PLAINLY VISIBLE through the window and then got sent to the principal’s office when I complained too much about it being marked wrong. Happened in the second grade and I’m still pissed about it.

      • UnCivilServant

        “Define ‘Object’. Does it have to be a solid? Do gaseous, liquid, or plasma state collections of matter count? Is it disqualified for being alive?”

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        I pointed at it through the window and she told me I was the only one who got it wrong and that I knew what the right answer was. From that time on I knew that to get a good grade you had to regurgitate bullshit if you knew what was good for you. She was a good teacher otherwise but that’s when I learned that authority doesn’t mean shit when it comes to the truth.

      • UnCivilServant

        I never really saw teachers as authority. I guess that explains another incident. I’m generally a non-confrontational person but when one teacher threatened to write me up for insuborination, I matter-of-factly responded “I’m not your subordinate” and walked off. She was not happy, but as a generally well-behaved kid in a school where there were actual gang members enrolled, it was not difficult to talk my way out of repercussions.

      • UnCivilServant

        *as in it got referred to an administrator, and I didn’t have to talk much to just be sent off with the weakest warning you ever heard.

        I figure said teacher was a nuisance even to the administrators.

      • UnCivilServant

        No, Patzie, as in, people for whom a drive-by shooting is a recreational activity.

      • TARDis

        @UnC, you should have added, “I’m a child of your customers. You know, the people who pay you to provide me a service.”

      • Gender Traitor

        Baby Boomers and goodness knows how many generations beyond had the bad luck to be taught by many teachers who’d been hired when the only job requirement was a pulse. I found that out when I was trying to find a job as a teacher and found out those warm bodies were still occupying the positions.

      • UnCivilServant

        I was a high school student more focused on making it the quarter mile up the building to my next class than in conversational sparring with the teacher.

        Yes, my high school was built in a straight line for over a quarter mile as it had been extended to absorb the structure of what had been an elementary school next door. With the time between classes, it was difficult to navigate the crowds and not arrive late.

      • Ghostpatzer

        Catholic schools were not much better. In seventh grade history, we covered 19th century American history focusing on the Civil War and westward expansion. One of the major assignments was an essay on Manifest Destiny. Eleven year old me thought it would be interesting to explore that topic from the perspective of the displaced natives. Sister Edward Patrice did not find this amusing, and that essay was returned to me with more red ink than I have ever seen and the only C minus grade I ever received. My mom liked it though (she had well worn copies of Anthem and We The Living lying around).

      • Gender Traitor

        I don’t recall correcting a teacher or having a correct answer marked wrong, but I remember getting busted once for not paying attention in Reading class (3rd or 4th grade?) as classmates took turns reading aloud. I’d found a story about Louisa May Alcott further back in the textbook, and I was engrossed in it when called on to read from the other story.

  31. Festus

    In all seriousness, it’s articles like this one and the responses that keep me unzipping the pup-tent and crawling in to cuddle with you fine folk. “I cain’t quit you!”

    • TARDis

      It’s nice to learn, or at least become aware of something new each day. This is a good place for that.

      Mornin’ Glibbies! I decided to drag my ass into work today. Apparently, I forgot to include my boss in my text to my cohorts concerning my eye problems yesterday. We’ll see what he says today.

      • UnCivilServant

        I missed the rest of that story.

        What happened?

      • Ghostpatzer

        Eye problems?? Sounds doubleplusungood, what’s up?

      • TARDis

        Just being… glib.

        I was driving to work and could see going in because it was my birthday, so I went home.

      • Ghostpatzer

        I see. Carry on.

  32. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam

    yo whats goody

    Tall Birthday Cans!

    • Gender Traitor

      Happy Birthday, homey! ?? I gather you have someone home with whom to celebrate?

      • Tres Cool

        In the words of Kool-Aid:

        OH YEEEAAAHHHHH !

      • Festus

        Soon you’ll be wearing “big boy” pants! Happy BD, Friend!

      • Festus

        That cutey from the the song was is a film called “Gregory’s Girl”. You should check it out if you like awkward, Scottish coming of age flicks. Came out about 1982 or so. Highly recommended.

      • Tres Cool

        Ive surpassed half a century a few years back. If I dont get Big Boy pants now, I may not be eligible.
        Hmmm…Big Boy sounds like a decent B-Day feast.

        Thanks, Canuckian

      • TARDis

        Did you get your AARP card?

      • Tres Cool

        About 5 years ago, one of my asshole friends thought it would be funny to pre-maturely put my name on their mailing list. At least 2X weekly the mail is clogged with ads for riverboat cruises and trips to Branson, MO.

      • TARDis

        That’s a pretty good long term prank right there.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I like your friend.

      • Tres Cool

        As retaliation, I put him on about 2 dozen mailing lists, giving him the 1st name “Gaylord”.

    • TARDis

      Happy Birthday, Mr. Cool!

    • Ghostpatzer

      Hey, happy birthday! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.

    • Sean

      Happy birthday ???

    • Tres Cool

      Thanks ya’all. Im having beer and an IHOP omlette for supper/breakfast.
      Well, once I take this plug of snuff out of my lip.

  33. Festus

    Lesson# 2000 on how to interact with people IRL – “Beautiful women don’t mind chatting with you so long as you don’t treat them like some exotic creature.” Had one of those interactions last night and my shift felt better for it. Minds out of the gutter, People! It wasn’t like that. Just a friendly convo at the gas pumps. She was so stunning that I’d wager that most guys would never say a word to her and most girls would hate her on sight. I have no fear. It’s a gift!

    • Festus

      When we were done she said “Have a great night!” and I replied “Safe travels!” Kindness is easy if you lecherously try!

    • Ghostpatzer

      Yufus? Is that you?

      • Festus

        We’re blood-brothers.

    • Tres Cool

      Once, I was sitting in a bar in NYC. A woman strode through the door looking every bit like Christy Brinkley c. 1985. You could hear every guy’s neck vertebrae pop as their heads snapped around.
      The old guy next to me said, “look, somewhere some guy is already tired of fuckin’ that”.

      • Festus

        Charlize Theron shot a movie in town while in her 25 year old prime and she couldn’t get a single free drink. It happens.

      • TARDis

        Well her mother did kill her father, didn’t she?

      • Festus

        Yeah but they were South African so it was a cultural thing. I would have been fearless. Fuck those guys, beautiful girls are people too!

    • Festus

      Judi is joining a class action but I need to warn her about shysters. I’m hearing noise about a fee. That’s not how this works, right?

      • UnCivilServant

        That type of suit is usually charged on contingency last I heard.

        If they’re asking to be paid up front I’d suspect them of being up to something.

      • Festus

        See below.

      • Sean

        I am unfamiliar with metric laws.

        Sounds ? though.

      • Festus

        We saw each other for about ten minutes yesterday. I will warn like I always need to do.

      • Festus

        No Contingency! Money Down!

    • Ghostpatzer

      Good. Surprised Spadea still has a gig, he seems to be at odds with most of our local media.

  34. Ghostpatzer

    Greatest President ever! Such courage!

    https://www.nj.com/opinion/2021/09/credit-biden-for-succeeding-where-others-failed-editorial.html

    “Someone had to acknowledge that this was a quagmire with no defined mission and no clear exit, and the country is fortunate that Joe Biden – the fourth commander in chief to preside over the war, and the first president in generations to have had a child in a war zone – had the courage to tear the band-aid off.”

    TMITE

    • Festus

      I hate them.

  35. waffles

    If the universe is infinite anime catgirls are real. Since I’m unwilling to accept this possibility I choose to believe the universe is a higher dimensional toroid twisted like a rotini.

    • Festus

      I don’t want anime catgirls, I want my pets to live longer than me. Soon to become my reality.