Joemala: Episode 36

by | Aug 4, 2021 | Joemala | 210 comments

 

“We’re you invited?” Kamala asked Joe, her nasal whine soaring to painful heights.

“Invited to what?” Joe asked, looking up from the piece of pizza he was attempting to maneuver into his mouth.

“Barry’s birthday,” she said.

“It’s Barry’s birthday?” he asked.

Three young women lurched into the Oval Office, breathing heavily. “Ma’am,” they said in a shaky chorus.

“It’s about time!” Kamala snapped.

“How do you walk that fast in heels?” Seresto asked, holding her side.

“Does that one have cancer?” Joe asked, pointing with his slice of pizza at Asteroid. “I-I-I-I-I can’t have one of those in here. I can’t catch cancer. I’m the President.”

“Cancer’s not communicable,” Kaylieburrow said, typing rapidly on her phone.

“Quiet!” Kamala said.

Joe took a bite of pizza and chewed noisily.

“She just has a short haircut,” Kamala said to Joe.

“Well, I don’t like it,” he said, a half-chewed piece of crust falling out of his mouth. “She looks like a boy I once rassled with. He had a big ole…” Joe looked up at the ceiling and tried to wrinkle his Botox-frozen forehead.

“Did you get an invitation or not? Chuck fucking Todd said we weren’t invited.”

“It was huge…” Joe mused to himself. “What’s it called?”

“Face?” Asteroid suggested.

“Chest?” Seresto guessed.

“Butt?” Kylieburrow ventured and giggled to herself.

“You know,” Joe said. He looked toward them and said, “It’s that thing. C’mon. What’s the word?”

“Erection?” Kamala asked. “Is it the word ‘erection?’”

“No, no,” Joe said, waving her away.

“Are we going to President Obama’s birthday party or not?” Kaylieburrow whined.

“I’m the President, young lady,” Joe said, standing suddenly. “Take your cancer-riddled friend and leave.”

“I just have short hair,” Asteroid said, self-consciously covering her head with a hand.

“Have they cut your diseased tits off yet?” Joe asked, advancing on her, his hands clicking like arthritic crabs. “Let me feel ‘em.”

“Run!” Kamala ordered Asteroid.

“I have breasts!” she cried and scurried out of the room.

“You can squeeze mine!” Kaylieburrowed offered, stepping forward.

“There will be no Cuomoing in this office!” Kamala thundered and stepped between Joe and the interns.

“It-it-it-it was purely medical,” Joe said petulantly. “My wife’s a doctor, you know.”

“I see we just can’t take you to Barry’s birthday,” Kamala said.

“Why are there tampons all over the bathroom floor?” Finnegan asked, stepping out of the bathroom. She saw Kamala and stood up straight. “Madam Vice President,” she muttered.

Kamala turned to her and smirked.

“ERECTION!’ Joe shouted. “That’s it. The fella had a huge erection!”

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

210 Comments

  1. Yusef drives a Kia

    Was the Erection Stolen?

    • Animal

      Beat me to it by one second.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Well, Erections have Consequences…

      • R C Dean

        Do they ever.

      • Fourscore

        Oh, oh, I get it…

      • db

        Don’t ever try to beat Yusef’s erection jokes.

      • The Other Kevin

        And they just keep coming.

      • Bobarian LMD

        They can’t be beat…

        Which is how this actually happened.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        LOL!!

    • WTF

      It was “fortified”.

    • juris imprudent

      And THAT is how you first like a champion!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Well gee Thanks Guys’ it means a lot to me,
        /texts Girl asap…

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      *golf clap*

  2. pistoffnick

    “You can squeeze mine!” Kaylieburrow offered.

    I’m beginning to like Kaylie

    • Ownbestenemy

      Wasn’t Kaylie the one who transition or is that now the heavenly bodied named one? I just try not to think about this anymore and enjoy the show

    • Fourscore

      OK, Mr Whipple

  3. CPRM

    “I’m not a doctor, but my wife plays one on TV”

  4. Sean

    “ERECTION!’ Joe shouted. “That’s it. The fella had a huge erection!”

    Could you wrap a pool chain around it?

    • Ownbestenemy

      Well now we have the full story on the um…children stroking his hairy leg

  5. Timeloose

    Asteroid? I thought it was Astrid ?

    • Ownbestenemy

      Don’t question and just see it as a window into a subverted culture.

    • The Other Kevin

      I noticed that too. I think it’s been Astrid, Asterix, and now Asteroid. He’s messing with us.

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        He’s messing with us.

        Painfully easy to do, really . . .

      • Sean

        I’m just gonna start calling her Asstard.

      • juris imprudent

        Truly identity fluid.

      • Bobarian LMD

        The entire Cuomo thing is happening because Michelle didn’t want him to come to the party.

      • Fourscore

        “Bitches set me up”

      • rhywun

        That’s actually believable.

    • db

      yeah, indeed.

    • SugarFree

      I like that one of the conspiracy theories is that the AG is only going after Cuomo because she wants to run for NYSGov. If true, I guess that means Cuomo didn’t do anything wrong and it’s just the mean Black lady being mean.

      Also, Cuomo was only a COVID hero in the “early stages of the pandemic,” not getting sucked off by the press all the way through the election, according to NBC News.

      I think the part that I personally find so irritating is they think people can’t look this up or just, you know, remember how he was a hero to those schmucks and won an Emmy and shit.

      • UnCivilServant

        2/3 of the recent NY governors were AG before being Governor. The 3rd had been Lt Gov before the Gov got ousted by scandal, and lost the first election after.

        Before that, I wasn’t paying too much attention.

        But the most likely scenario is Andy is a creep AND the AG wants his job.

      • kinnath

        Win/Win scenario for the AG

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Ugh, Governor Letitia James…

        She is a foul human being.

      • The Other Kevin

        I am also irritated by that, but they are working under the assumption that the true believers and most low-information citizens will just gloss over it and move on with their lives. Sooner or later that won’t work. I know some low-information folks who have noticed how they have been locked down, masked up, and forced to vaccinate, but people walking over the border are just let go.

      • Drake

        They want to sink him for the snuggle troubles rather than all the people he killed last year with his mismanagement. Lots of other made man had a hand in the covid slaughter – only Cuomo grabbed the asses.

      • Ozymandias

        THIS^^^

        This is the misdirection. This is the part where the magician pulls off the trick. EVERYONE is now LOOKING OVER HERE.
        Cuomo ordered people into nursing homes and given what they’re trying to do on COVID, and what HE DID ON COVID, they absolutely have to keep THAT from gaining traction.
        Now the entire news cycle around Cuomo is about THIS – and not COVID or the absolutely insane actions he took as governor to run up the death count.
        They absolutely do not want it to be about Cuomo’s epic fuckups in accounting for a huge chunk of the COVID deaths in NY.

      • Chipwooder

        I like that one of the conspiracy theories is that the AG is only going after Cuomo because she wants to run for NYSGov. If true, I guess that means Cuomo didn’t do anything wrong and it’s just the mean Black lady being mean.

        Not necessarily. To me, she torpedoing him because she wants the job explains why she, a Democrat, is publicizing his misdeeds instead of doing what Democrats usually do for each other, covering everything up.

    • juris imprudent

      When does he try out the “was that wrong?” defense?

      • db

        Just before the “currently undergoing therapy for sex addiction” revelation.

      • EvilSheldon

        “Sex addiction’s not a real thing, asshole!!!”

        #ArcherQuotes

      • Nephilium

        “Why would a man who is famous and makes tons of money, use that to try and have sex with a lots of different women?”

        #South Park quotes

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        That’s his truth.

      • Mad Scientist

        He’s already doing the “I’m just from a handsy, Italian culture” defense.

  6. Ed Wuncler

    “Have they cut your diseased tits off yet?” Joe asked, advancing on her, his hands clicking like arthritic crabs. “Let me feel ‘em.”

    Chef’s kiss.

    • Tundra

      Yes. That sentence is perfection.

    • WTF

      Yes, pure poetry.
      Bravo, SugarFree, BRAVO!

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        A++ Ralphie +++++

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      A perfect set, even the tatted ones were well done,

  7. waffles

    I savored every line. I feel a strange sense of equanimity. Ahhh, yeah that’s the stuff.

    • SugarFree

      If your equanimity lasts more than four hours, seek medical help.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Waffles only has to do this 20 more times this month.

        Wipe Out Prostate Cancer!

      • Bobarian LMD

        Single-handedly!

      • PutridMeat

        Strangely enough I usually have to go two-handed.

      • Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

        Braggart.

      • db

        “Are all men from the future loud-mouthed braggarts?”

      • Animal

        Nope. Just me, baby. Just me.

      • Rat on a train

        [mix it up a bit]

        Yeah, about 99 percent.

  8. db

    This was wondrous, as usual.

  9. wdalasio

    If true, I guess that means Cuomo didn’t do anything wrong and it’s just the mean Black lady being mean.

    That seems like a false dichotomy. Cuomo could be guilty as hell and James could only be going after him for her own political gain. She might well have the option of pursuing the matter full bore or pursuing the matter delicately (i.e. whitewash) and she’s choosing the former. And that isn’t about “Black lady” that’s about one Democratic political hack being mean to another Democratic political hack.

    And it wouldn’t be terribly surprising. NYC progressives have wanted Cuomo’s scalp for a long time. James is a long-time participant in that orbit.

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      The “mean Black lady” aspect is a very good one for watching the blatant hypocrisy of TMITE. Were this [insert GOP governor here], is there any question that she’d be worshipped as a hero for speaking truth to power? She’d be on the cover of every magazine, winning all sorts of awards. However, since it’s a powerful, connected leftist who is implicated, TMITE is noticeably circumspect. The rats are regrettably and hesitantly jumping off the sinking ship, making sure not to become too fervent in their screams for help.

      • wdalasio

        Oh, I don’t think they’re going to be jumping too hard. Look in a week or two for the “his side of the story” stories to start coming out. And the subtle (yes, race-baiting) digs at James. Cuomo’s position is actually a lot more solid than it looks. Even the one-party NY Democrats don’t want the NYC progressives in charge. Too many have paid to play and Cuomo is still in a position to finger a lot of the players. So, a lot of the players will happily denounce Cuomo out front and quietly support him and come back into the fold when the initial hype wears off. If Cuomo lasts a month, he won’t be deposed.

    • db

      LOL!

  10. Ozymandias

    Holy hell, that was funny. It’s perfect in part because we live in a time where it’s all so completely plausible. Joe is a dimwitted lech who is losing his mind right in front of us – and the most powerful chief executive on the planet – and anything goes! Kamala is a conniving, power-hungry, malicious see-you-next-tuesday – just like Hillary, except with a worse laugh. And with vastly less popular and party support – she’s riding Willie Brown’s coattails… and while formidable on the left coast, that ain’t Bill Clinton kinda coattails, like Hillsy had.

    And every day the real headlines only make satire seem like prophecy.

    It’s a great time to be alive, I tells ya!

    • wdalasio

      It’s interesting and a little sad that so much of modern American politics has become “reading between the lines”. We’re doing Kremlinology on our own government. That isn’t a sign of a healthy republic.

      • Ozymandias

        Speaking of which, I’m bringing down Drake’s comment and mine from above because it’s a propos:

        Drake on August 4, 2021, 12:41 PM [+][Mute][Nuke]
        They want to sink him for the snuggle troubles rather than all the people he killed last year with his mismanagement. Lots of other made man had a hand in the covid slaughter – only Cuomo grabbed the asses.

        Reply
        Ozymandias
        Ozymandias on August 4, 2021, 12:47 PM [+][Mute][Nuke]
        THIS^^^

        This is the misdirection. This is the part where the magician pulls off the trick. EVERYONE is now LOOKING OVER HERE.
        Cuomo ordered people into nursing homes and given what they’re trying to do on COVID, and what HE DID ON COVID, they absolutely have to keep THAT from gaining traction.
        Now the entire news cycle around Cuomo is about THIS – and not COVID or the absolutely insane actions he took as governor to run up the death count.
        They absolutely do not want it to be about Cuomo’s epic fuckups in accounting for a huge chunk of the COVID deaths in NY.

      • wdalasio

        Interesting observation. I think you’re absolutely right about that. A big deal about the nursing home deaths wouldn’t just be Andrew Cuomo’s problem. It would be Phil Murphy’s problem and Tom Wolf’s problem and Ned Lamont’s problem and a host of other prominent Democrats’ problem. So, they want it buried. And a good sex scandal is just the way to do it.

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        And Whitmer

      • Ozymandias

        The interesting thing for me is whether or not loud-mouth Cuomo and his loud-mouthed brother will “go nuclear” – i.e. how far will they go in defending Him in response to being shafted by The Party. Will either point to Biden’s Tara Reade and known sniffy-handsy-problem? Is there going to be a vidoe montage produced by Cuomo of Northam’s KKK stuff? I grew up in and around working class Italian neighborhoods, real Italian neighborhoods, and I have to say, hotheadedness that tends to have one saying stupid things in response, is a stereotype for a reason.

      • waffles

        I fucking hope so. It could be glorious.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Yes, but they’re more afraid of the top line numbers being what people remember while the context gets memory holed. NY’s nursing home deaths are more due to community infection rates (protect the vulnerable bullshit continues to be denialist bullshit) and therapeutic care at the time (which has changed and improved, despite the snake oil salesmen pushing their one secret cure that big pharma and/or the FDA doesn’t want you to know about) but no one, branch covidian or covidiot, wants to seek out the truth because it’s not convenient to their purposes.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        This is absolutely about burying the broader nursing home scandal and saving the hides of many others involved in it. I’ve been saying that from the beginning.

      • Ozymandias

        Then I give you complete credit for it. I probably absorbed the idea from reading somebody here, forgot, and coughed it up when something someone else said put me to mind of it.
        The Glib Hive Mind continues.
        But if I didn’t see it before, I sure do now.
        I really wonder if the Cuomo boys – arrogant, entitled, scions of the governing-media class – are going to go quietly or start spewing out bile in their own defense if the ship starts sinking. Cuz I would loooooovvvveee to see that. Oh, man, that would be epic. Can you imagine what Chris could/might blurt on live CNN?!? OhhHHHHh, man, he loves his big brother, too. I think that might be why he can’t cover it and has been ignoring it – I’ll bet CNN absolutely gagged him.

      • Sean

        start spewing out bile in their own defense if the ship starts sinking.

        This is where I’d put my money.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        If Cuomo goes without a knockdown, drag-out, bloody fight I’ll be very surprised.

      • db

        The guy went from a “hero” feted by the media and a realistic contender for the Presidency in 2024 and beyond (based on the tongue baths he was bound to get) to potential ignominy and criminal charges. He’ll fight until there’s no fight left.

        Even if he had an assurance that he’d be completely scot-free if he resigned, do you think he’d take it? I’d say ego talks here.

      • Nephilium

        Did he rassle with the same guy as Biden?

      • Ozymandias

        I don’t know. Corn Pop was a bad dude and likely got around. So…?
        (DE? to NY?) Ehhh…

      • R C Dean

        Its one thing to issue a press release “demanding” his resignation. That’s just a press release.

        The real question is, are they going to put any muscle behind it? Backroom pressure on allies. A federal investigation. That kind of thing. Until I see a lot more, I’m not convinced the Party actually wants him gone, or just wants to throw a bone to the #metoo crowd and push the nursing home scandal further into the dustbin of history.

        The AG definitely has the knives out for him. Does anybody else, really? This has all been known a long time, and nobody has done squat about it yet. I doubt that the AG’s rehash of old news really changed that.

    • Suthenboy

      I don’t feel very entertained by what is going on. The whole thing is an unmitigated disaster happening at dizzying speed and nearly half of the country can’t see it. If we were to point it out to them they just start sputtering and foaming at the mouth about Trump.

      Arthritic crabs, Ha! Now that is entertaining.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        … nearly half of the country can’t won’t see it.

        FIFY

        At this point, the only explanation is willful ignorance.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Ugh… html fail… can’t was supposed to be struck out.

      • waffles

        My equanimity was short lived. I need another dose.

  11. Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

    I’m watching “Encounter at Far Point”, and they’re arguing that they shouldn’t be put on trial for the sins of their ancestors. ?

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      The CRT hucksters are Q or the Continuum. Interesting.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Q is God, in TNG,

      • Nephilium

        Nah. Sisko wouldn’t have been able to punch a god.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Gene was out by DS9,

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Interesting take, I just watched a Roddenbury Documentary narrated by SShatner, good stuff,

    • db

      Anyone have any idea how to get some that isn’t in the form of a veterinary topical application?

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        See Semi-Spartan Dad in previous thread.

      • kinnath

        Morning links had a URL for an injectable ivermectin that could be taken orally.

      • db

        Thank you both. 1% by weight is a pretty strong solution so anyone trying that needs to make the appropriate dosage calculations before attempting.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        The conversion is pretty simple. 1 mL = 10 mg of ivermectin. The FLCCC has a dosing protocol in mg for weight ranges.

      • db

        Yep, I get it. It’s a simple material balance; I’m just pointing out that it’s important to do so.

      • PutridMeat

        Well, 1 ml is 1000mg. At a 1% solution, 1 ml contains 10 mg. The FLCCC I-MASK protocol is 0.2mg/kg for prevention, 0.2-0.4 mg/kg for early outpatient treatment.

        So for me at 210lbs/95kg, my dose is ~0.2*95 ~ 20 mg. As above, 1% solution is 10 mg, so I’m looking at 2 ml, so roughly 1/2 teaspoon. I just mix in roughly 1/2 teaspoon of the product with some water, or just sprinkle it over my kibble.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        or just sprinkle it over my kibble

        Except if you identify as a Border Collie.

      • db

        interestingly enough, the dosages listed by FLCC for human use are about 25% less than the dosages for use as a swine antiparasitic.

      • db

        interesting because swine are considered comparable to humans for some applications

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I compare them all the time.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        myfreedoctor.com

        You can ask for either the prophylactic or therapeutic course of treatment.

      • PutridMeat

        Veterinary, but not topical (not sure there is a topical application?): this is what got 1%solution easy to use.

        If your Dr won’t prescribe you the human versions, FLCCC has a list of online Drs that will. For a price!

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        I got the Durvet apple flavored paste made for horses. Good for deworming a 1500 pounder and only six bucks at Tractor Supply. Don’t fuck up the dose math though.

  12. Jerms

    Sugarfree—i dont know who you are or where you come from, but you make Wednesdays a little better for me every week. Thanks man.

    • SugarFree

      You are very welcome.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      It would be best if you didn’t ask those questions.

    • Tres Cool

      …from parts unknown

  13. Cy Esquire

    *were

  14. Ozymandias

    Oh, speaking of lies, how is this going to be explained away? (The Ethical Skeptic is just crushing the data on this scamdemic in so many ways. I mean, it’s unreal that they haven’t booted him from Twitter yet. He’s just a numbers wonk and I don’t know if the algorithm’s just can’t find any way to say he’s violating the TOS).

    "The excess mortality for those under 45 is not due to Covid and is getting worse."I hate to say I… OK, so I won't. https://t.co/kvgl3iyf35— Ethical Skeptic ☀ (@EthicalSkeptic) August 4, 2021

    • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

      Followed

    • Chipwooder

      I’ve tried to follow that guy’s stuff but my natural aversion to math makes it difficult for me to follow.

      • Ozymandias

        Yeah, and he talks like a fag, too, but his shit’s not ghey.

        (I do find his incessant use of his own vernacular to describe things a bit over-the-top. Occasionally, it’s funny. Too much and it’s beyond tedious. Brian Garner is right – you can say it smartly with crisp, clean English. There’s already too much phony intellectual pretense as it is.)

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        More often than not, those who hide behind jargon do so because they don’t understand the material nearly as well as they want us to think they do.

    • Ted S.

      Apparently, some scientist in Israel tortured the numbers and claims in a recently-released study that the excess death numbers actually show pretty much every country seriously underestimated the number of covid deths.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Got a link? I’m curious.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I can buy the argument that the dictatorial countries downplayed the numbers. Hell, China could have lost a million and nobody would know.

      • Ownbestenemy

        We arent honest with ‘dying of’ or ‘dying with’ so really any study is tourtered

      • Suthenboy

        Exactly. They manufactures the numbers they wanted to get the results they wanted. They were modeling in 3 dimensions. None of studies are worth squat.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      I guess the Tiger Petting Zoo is closed.

      • kinnath

        TMILF is now off limits

      • Tres Cool

        Roy Horn and his kitty Montecore would like a word.

    • The Other Kevin

      It jumped from animals to humans, then BACK into animals.

      • db

        You stick your protein in, you take your protein out/your stick your protein in, and you shake it all about

  15. Rat on a train

    With the Coronapocalypse ramping back up, you wouldn’t think funeral homes would need to send out mailers, but I got one today.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      Are they offering deep discounts, prices to die for, or a once-in-a-lifetime deal?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        BOGO half off!

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        I would definitely patronize a funeral home that had a wacky-arm-waving-inflatable-tube-man.

      • Animal

        It would have to be black. With an inflatable tube-scythe.

      • db

        my next Halloween yard decoration, thank you!

      • KSuellington

        With one of those meth heads that they recruit to twirl around an arrow sign about a block away?

      • Sean

        Putting the fun back in funeral!

      • Rat on a train

        Maybe they would get more business if they had someone like Robyn Morrison working for them.

      • Tres Cool

        Of course the funeral home is located on a….dead end street.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      No thanks, I already died due to Covid, Net neutrality, climate change, and a gun from Indiana just up and killed me for no reason.

      • Rat on a train

        Repeat customer discount?

  16. Nephilium

    Not sure if anyone saw this lovely blurb from our illustrious president:

    President Joe Biden on Tuesday expressed doubt that the extending the moratorium will “pass constitutional muster,” given a U.S. Supreme Court opinion from Justice Brett Kavanaugh that Congress would need to extend the moratorium beyond July 31, which has not occurred. But Biden said the time it will take for courts to litigate the case will allow more time to get “that $45 billion out to people who are, in fact, behind in the rent and don’t have the money.”

    • db

      He had to extend the unconstitutional executive action to let the Supreme Court see what was in it.

      How is that not an impeachable offense–wilfully doubling down on a course of action while acknowledging that it likely violates his oath of office?

      • Ownbestenemy

        It is absolutely an impeachable offensive…especially with what Biden said. Retrying it you might need able to skirt, but coming out straight saying you are knowingly doing this to eek out monies from the treasury then I dont know what else would be.

      • Nephilium

        That’s the part that really stood out to me. I’d like to think that could give standing for landlords to jump right back up to the Supreme Court, but I doubt that’s how it works.

      • R C Dean

        I would hope that a District Court could easily issue an injunction against the new moratorium, citing the SCOTUS opinion. The new moratorium shouldn’t last more than a few days.

        If we have a competent and honest judiciary, that is.

      • Ted S.

        Nobody has standing.

      • R C Dean

        Every landlord has standing.

        If we have a competent and honest judiciary, that is.

        Stop laughing!

      • Ted S.

        I’m glad you sussed out that my comment was posted with a dollop of sarcasm.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        If we have a competent and honest judiciary, that is.

        *stifles laughter*

      • juris imprudent

        Really trying to work out that Venn diagram but the circles are very small and don’t seem to overlap at all.

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        It worked for DACA.

  17. KSuellington

    I like the, “his hands clicking like arthritic crabs.” Very nice imagery there.

    “A hard dick’s got no conscience.”

    -my old school Irish dad (and I’m sure a few others)

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      Yeah, no, they can eat a wheelbarrow full of syphilitic donkey dicks.

  18. juris imprudent

    Smelling blood in the water, someone thinks he can clamber over the bodies to higher ratings. Pretty despicable, even in comparison to the Cuomos, so you can guess who at CNN it is before you click.

    • rhywun

      I guessed Lemon 🙁

      • juris imprudent

        You guessed wrong.

    • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

      Does it resemble a tater?

      • juris imprudent

        mayyyyybe

  19. Tres Cool

    The UPS Store and the mongoloids that work therein can kiss my dick.

    That is all.

  20. KSuellington

    So we are five weeks away from the recall election here in Caliunicornia. Things aren’t looking great for Newsom, the polls are getting damn close right now. Yeah they will try and cheat it for sure, but I’m thinking there is a more than decent chance he gets his ass tossed out. If so, it’s looking more and more like Larry Elder would be his replacement. The state is still fucked no matter what, but would that be something else.

    https://californiaglobe.com/section-2/does-gavin-newsom-even-have-a-chance-at-retaining-his-job/

    • Animal

      At this point, I think we’re too far into the “weak people make hard times” phase to turn back. If Elder gets elected, it would be worth it for the lulz, but I don’t expect much in Californey to actually change.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Nope. Seen it here. Even when there’s a recognition that things aren’t right, there’s no appetite for stop doing the same things that caused it in the first place.

      • KSuellington

        The state of my birth is too far gone and even if Elder got elected the Dems still hold almost all the cards. It would be a slap in the face though to them and it would be a rebuke of the lockdowns and stop their possible reimplementation. For those reasons and stopping Greasy Guv from further office would be enough for me to be ecstatic.

      • juris imprudent

        The best lulz would be for every attempt to criticize him and if he’d just play back to them their own racist/woke bullshit. “This is how a black man gets treated in this state”. Fucking epic.

    • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

      What are things looking like as far as closing down in-person voting, you know, “due to COVID Lambada variant” or whatever.

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        Lambada. The forbidden variant.

    • R C Dean

      Newsom wins under Delta variant voting “rules”. Since the alternative is Larry Elder, the Machine will close ranks behind Newsom and “fortify” this election as hard as they need to.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Worse, a win will be seen as vindication of tyranny and embolden even further action. Not just by Newsom either.

    • db

      Frankly I hope they cheat hard and get caught red-handed. Even if Newsom ultimately keeps his office, the undisputed knowledge that cheating obviously occurred would be more useful at the national level. Sorry for you Californians, but you might serve better as a cautionary bonfire for the rest of us.

      Of course, I’d rather see Newsom be ejected and replaced with a decent person, but among the candidates, what benefit is California likely to actually realize?

      • R C Dean

        I hope they cheat hard and get caught red-handed

        Get caught redhanded by who? Not the DemOp Media. Not the leftist controlled CA government. Who does that leave?

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        “extreme right-wing QAnon conspiracy theorists”

      • db

        I guess that implied in “caught red-handed” is the notion that the cheating is so obvious that it cannot be ignored. I understand your counter, of course.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        the cheating is so obvious that it cannot be ignored

        “This was the most secure and transparent election in history”

        /TMITE

    • Ed Wuncler

      That would be awesome if Newsome lost. I know it won’t tip the scales against authoritarianism but it’ll be nice if one of these fucks paid for their fuckery.

  21. Mojeaux

    I do not know how my friend is doing. She had a fever again this morning and was not up to having anybody in her house. Mr. Mojeaux took her some fruit this morning, but no updates since.

    • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

      Fingers crossed, good thoughts, all that. Is she taking the quinine, etc.?

    • Gustave Lytton

      Thoughts and prayers for your friend and you, Mojo.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      How fevered?

      • Mojeaux

        She didn’t say today.

    • db

      What’s your feel for whether she needs more than just supplements? There’s info above and in the morning thread about how to get ivermectin and how to use it is here (you problaby already know that–I just found out some of these things earlier).

    • Suthenboy

      Had a fever of….how high?

      • Mojeaux

        Day before yesterday, 104. Today, she didn’t say. She has not responded to my texts, so I am going to assume she’s sleeping.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Yikes.

      • Suthenboy

        I am guessing flu.

      • Mojeaux

        Wuflu.

  22. R C Dean

    I think its been mentioned here before, but

    Infrastructure Bill Would Require Alcohol Monitors for All New Cars

    Intoxalock, a company that manufactures vehicle breathalyzers, has also spent heavily on lobbying in the past five years.

    I guess we know cui bono, don’t we. I wonder how much this will increase the price of new cars, and whether any of the people constantly bleating about poverty will object.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I know that it will add a regulatory aspect to servicing vehicles that didn’t exist before.

      Disabling such a system would probably involve legal penalties.

      • R C Dean

        I’ve mentioned it here before, but Mrs. Dean and I are increasingly thinking we will never buy a new car again, and likely never buy one made after, say, 2015. We hate the electronic crap, and this expensive, useless regulatory add-on stuff is likely to just accumulate over time.

        The FJs are both rock solid, body and frame. We can easily resto-mod them when the day comes for less than a new car would cost, anyway. There is always the chance that older cars will one day just be flat outlawed, but if that day comes we’ll just have to deal with it.

      • db

        I strip away the old debris
        That hides the shining car
        A brilliant red Barchetta
        From a better, vanished time

      • Ozymandias

        Well done. Love that song.

      • Sean

        There is always the chance that older cars will one day just be flat outlawed

        You’ll be in a camp long before that happens anyway.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Or used ones.

    • Suthenboy

      It won’t take long for people to figure out to beat them.

  23. Ozymandias

    Hey RC – see J.I’s link on CNN Business. The knives are officially out. The NY papers are all calling for Cuomo’s resignation and Stelter just threw his colleague right under the effing bus.
    By the way, let’s not forget some other interesting aspects to this story: Letitia James is the same person who ran on the explicit campaign promise of “figuring out a way” to go after OMB. And Cuomo was publicly (at times) appreciative of Trump’s offers of fed help during the pandemic… you know, when Cuomo was killing the old people.
    Does the DNC see a way to get rid of Cuomo, kill the nursing home patien- I mean, story, and and install a righteous black woman to governor of NY? One who got them Trump’s tax returns? (Wasn’t that NY State that got those?)
    Anyway, I’m enjoying it. Schadenfreudenboner? For sure.

  24. westernsloper

    “Have they cut your diseased tits off yet?” Joe asked, advancing on her, his hands clicking like arthritic crabs. “Let me feel ‘em.”

    Good lord…..?