Joemala: Episode 38

by | Aug 18, 2021 | Joemala | 264 comments

 

“Every time God closes a window, Window God opens a window,” Joe said and smiled, the taut flesh of his face creaking.

“He’s been like that since Monday,” Finnegan said, tugging at her hair, flicking away strands that came loose.

“We have to get him back to Washington,” Jen said.

“No!” Finnegan insisted. “Sending him to make a statement already interrupted his treatment once. You want him ready for the 9/11 memorials? You want him continent for pressers? Then you have to let them finish scrubbing all the gunk out of his brain!”

“Do they actually scrub out his brain, like with a brush?” the little Korean intern that had been following Jen around for a month asked.

“Do you even have a name?” Finnegan asked, closing on the woman. “Like a real name, not just ‘little Korean press intern?’”

“Hey, leave her alone!’ Jen said, drawing her Korean in close, smashing her face into her sideboob.

“I don’t care who your fingering, Jen,” Finnegan said, “But I’m not interested in hearing it speak.”

“You’re mean,” the little Korean press intern said and ran from the Camp David cognitive lab.

“Wipe,” Joe said. “I need wipe.”

“See?” Finnegan said, spittle hitting Jen’s already scrunched-up face.

“Eat your breakfast, Grandpa,” she said.

“It tastes funny,” Joe whined. “Why is it so crunchy?”

“Oh. My. God,” Hunter said, strolling onto the set, his face a grinning skull. “Did you see the video of that guy flapping around outside the C-17? Fucking hilarious! Hilarious!”

“Who let you in?” Finnegan screamed.

“A little cocaine goes a long way out here in Butt Fuck, Maryland,” Hunter said and grinned and grinned.

“Hunter,” Jen said, her face stony.

“How you tasting lately, Strawberry?” Hunter asked. “Can I have another couple of licks?”

“You’re disgusting,” Jen said, covering her breasts and backing away.

“Even her ass was delicious,” Hunter said to Finnegan. “Like smoke and spice. Complex.”

“I knew David, sweet little boy,” Joe said. “That’s why I love his camp so much.”

“We’re having a crisis here, Dad,” Finnegan said to Hunter. “Afghanistan is in meltdown, Grandpa’s treatments aren’t going well…”

“When is anything ever going right?” Hunter said, dancing over to Joe. “I’ve told you chaos is when you can make a lot of money.”

“Hey, Dad!” he yelled into Joe’s face. “How’s it going?”

“I’m-m-m-m confident that the coming days will exhibit a real turn-around in the war against… against… against….”

“Any opportunities, Dad?” Hunter yelled. “Any pallets of cash to Kabul that need a high-level executive escort? Anything over there you need me to pick up? Some heroin maybe?”

“Afganistan is a beautiful country and they are beautiful people and I want beautiful for them to be beautiful,” Joe said, a twisting line of drool running out of his mouth.

“Wow,” Hunter said. “He’s all fucked up.”

“He’ll be back in Washington Wednesday,” Jen said.

“Wednesday?” Hunter scoffed. “He’ll still be trying to piss in his own mouth by Wednesday.”

“We have him on a new formula. Murder wasp extract,” Finnegan said. “It stimulates neural plasticity.”

Joe fell forward into his bowl of mush as Hunter fondled Jen right out of the room.

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

264 Comments

  1. OBJ FRANKELSON

    I contend that Hunter is Job from the gritty reboot of Arrested Development.

    • db

      That’s damn gritty. But yes, the parallel is clear.

    • Bobarian LMD

      It is spelled Gob.

      Does that make Finnegan George Michael?

      • db

        G.O.B.

        George Oscar Bluth

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Whatevs… that is how the subtitles spelled it… some of the time.

      • db

        sorry didn’t mean to come off as a pedantic ass

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        That is kinda what we do here, is it not? (:

      • db

        I do my best!

      • Bobarian LMD

        I did!

    • straffinrun

      My mind sees SF’s Hunter as Kevin Dillon. “You see the way that fuckin’ head came apart?”

  2. Ownbestenemy

    *Draws in deep breath* Okay ready to read it.

    • Tonio

      Hunter’s C-17 line is sickeningly believable, thus one of the most horripilating things Sug has written.

      • Tonio

        Fuck. Threading fail. I blame the horripilation.

      • db

        Agreed. I saw a still of that, and would not watch the video. But there are almost certainly people out there with “Hunter’s” reaction.

  3. juris imprudent

    “Like a real name, not just ‘little Korean press intern?’”

    Is that a little self-spoofing there SF? Either way, brilliant, first laugh of many.

  4. Ed Wuncler

    “Even her ass was delicious,” Hunter said to Finnegan. “Like smoke and spice. Complex.”

    I’m shaking with laughter at my work station. Great job , SF.

  5. juris imprudent

    “Like smoke and spice. Complex.”

    Trolling HM, aren’t you?

    • db

      I was thinking it was a quote from said connoisseur.

  6. Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

    I gotta say, I like this Hunter character.

    • Sean

      He’s the Kramer in this show.

    • Bobarian LMD

      He’s just the Hat in a different costume.

      Derivative.

      • juris imprudent

        No lisp?

      • juris imprudent

        Oh shit, no that would be the Hair.

      • SugarFree

        Hunter is my Mary Sue.

      • db

        We truly live in the Greatest Timeline.

      • Bobarian LMD

        *Snort*

      • Not Adahn

        All characters are the First Character who is the One Character, ADAM KADMON.

        To perceive other characters is to acknowledge that your understanding of ADAM KADMON is incomplete. There is no shame in this as only YHWH has such understanding.

  7. Ownbestenemy

    This is really just a look into an everyday modern American household isn’t it?

    • Bobarian LMD

      American Whore Story.

      • rhywun

        LOL ??

  8. db

    Sending him to make a statement already interrupted his treatment once. You want him ready for the 9/11 memorials?

    I wonder what are the chances of seeing protests at any 9/11 functions Biden attends?

    • Tonio

      Are they really planning on trotting him out live for that?

      • db

        At this point, I’d have to think they’d be rethinking it if they had been.

        Imagine the President not showing up at least at a Pentagon memorial on the 20th anniversary?

      • Bobarian LMD

        Live streaming from America’s Capital, It’s JOE’s Follies!

        Co-starring Kamala, and DOCTOR Jill.

        And Jen Psaki as the Beaver.

      • blackjack

        Judging by the media treatment of Afganistan, they are planning on retiring him quite soon.

      • blackjack

        So, there just isn’t a vice president anymore? WTF? She nominates her replacement and that’s the new tie breaker. They only go without until a confirmation is complete. Not sure if that’s blockable or what arcane rules might apply, but I doubt that it’s going to go the way that article seems to think it will.

      • blackjack

        Man, I gotta start reading more carefully. They’ll have to get one of the dems in R’s clothing to vote for confirmation. I don’t see that as being a big deal.

      • Stillhunter

        Yeah, if anyone thinks the stupid party will block a nomination in the senate…

        it’s for the good of the country!

      • db

        According to the 25th amendment, in the event of a vacancy in the office of the Vice President, the President nominates a replacement, but that replacement is subject to confirmation by both Houses of Congress.

        So it’s possible that if Harris were to become President through 25th Amendment activity, her deciding vote as Vice President would be no longer available, and the Senate, being split 50-50 (considering the two independents as effectively Democrats), could be deadlocked on a confirmation and leave the office open indefinitely?

      • db

        But just imagine Senator Romney voting against confirmation? hahahahahhahahahhahaahahahahahahhahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahah

      • Zwak, jack off, all trades

        Yep.

        Mitchy McC is goram good at keeping his block together, for all his other faults. And every R knows they get their power back if they vote in a block on this. It is kinda a no-brainer, and even a RINO like Mittens can see this.

        Months ago I noted that D’s don’t have the Senate, they have split power with a tie-breaker. Not the same as being in charge with a Senator or three to spare. And they have been pushing every boundary.

      • db

        They know it, hence the attempts to increase gun control with new regulatory interpretations of existing law.

      • Stillhunter

        The potential power shift may have kept the dems from trying this so far (and might keep GOP from confirming) but something changed. The corporate media doesn’t suddenly start questioning Biden for no reason. If there’s one thing I learned from the No Agenda podcast it is that they have a narrative and a script.

        The dems may know Biden is too far gone and have no choice. I’m sure they’d rather wait until after midterms, but possibly can’t.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        The dems are no longer (and never were) a unified front. The faction that used to have power (the clintonites) are gone and the woke intersectional fascists installed by Obama have overrun them. Skinsuiting the skinsuit, as it were.

      • Zwak, jack off, all trades

        The Trashman gets it. There has always been a breach between the Progressive branch vs. the Machine branch. My opinion is that they had a perception that they had massive national support, and the election destroyed that view. And now they are fighting behind the scenes, but the worse that Biden gets the greater the fear is. And now with the media shift, we have seen in the last couple of days, that is coming to the fore.

      • DEG

        But just imagine Senator Romney voting against confirmation?

        Yep. Plus Collins.

      • Stillhunter

        I’m guessing they see this as the time to pounce! and they are arrogant enough to think they can pull it off since they have all the institutional backing. (Narrator: they might be right)

      • Ghostpatzer

        Oh, please let it be so. I’ll be there if it happens. And by be there mean…

    • The Other Kevin

      Wait, I thought commemorating 9/11 was a sign you were a domestic terrorist or something? Right after “thinks we should audit elections”.

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      I can’t wait to see what they have planned for the anniversary of 1/6.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Oh hell, I hadn’t considered that.

        Of course they’re going to do something.

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        They’ll probably parade relics of the fallen officers around DC. Or maybe put them on Amtrak for a tour around the US.

      • Rat on a train

        fire extinguishers

  9. MikeS

    “How you tasting lately, Strawberry?” Hunter asked. “Can I have another couple of licks?”

    Love it.

    • Fourscore

      Too many great one-liners but that one stood out. You just keep getting better and better, SF, though writing this biography is probably fun.

    • db

      WTF is that

      • Bobarian LMD

        Bangkok.

      • db

        Love that song, have never seen the video before.

        I got hit by a car in San Diego once–was running along the sidewalk and the car pulled out of a side street and I ran right into the front fender. Did a shoulder roll across the hood, hit my feet, and kept running. The driver and onlookers were a bit stunned, but I just kept going. Felt a little like that video.

      • db

        It was a bit like that, but no heroin. Never saw that movie before–I’d heard the title, never seen a trailer, so my impresion of what it was like was nothing like that intro.

  10. Scruffy Nerfherder

    I WANT TO BELIEVE

  11. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Unsurprisingly, I just got notices of 50% increases in pricing from one of my key suppliers. Everything that ships after September 1st will be per the new price schedule. It probably wouldn’t bug me so much if I didn’t have open orders dating back to May or before.

    But there’s no inflation.

    • Tundra

      We’re getting murdered, too. I thought last year sucked. This is getting worse.

    • waffles

      No the inflation is real, but it’s also transient. Like life. We’re all just visiting.

      • Nephilium

        Inflation is a myth, like natural immunity!

      • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

        In the long run we’re all dead.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        As long as Krugman dies first.

      • Swiss Servator

        Wait, what about Robert Reich?!

      • Not Adahn

        Is this a Buridan’s Ass situation?

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Reich is dead. Trump killed his higher brain functions, and we are witnessing the shell of a garden gnome running entirely on his cerebellum.

  12. Tundra

    “Any palettes of cash to Kabul that need a high-level executive escort?

    Subtle but amazing.

    Well played, SF!

    • SugarFree

      palettes? This idiot can’t even spell. I say we boycott his articles until Glibs hires an editor.

      • juris imprudent

        Well Hunter is an artiste.

      • Tundra

        I’m the idiot. I figured it was a sly jab at the Hunter painting scams.

      • SugarFree

        I’m the idiot for misspelling and missing the better joke.

      • juris imprudent

        Triple funny if you know that all federal spending is actually allocated with a ‘color’ (meaning categorization) of the money.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Just very small, pallets?

      • Ownbestenemy

        Performing next Saturday: Hunter and the Palettes

    • db

      Fucking hilarious!

    • straffinrun

      Nice.

    • waffles

      The last line delivered on the hard hitting realism.

  13. waffles

    Finnegan screamed

    As do we all.

    Hunter grinned and grinned

    And repetition, I don’t know man, it just does it for me.

    Bravo.

  14. Ghostpatzer

    LOL. Something about the name Hunter… There should be a new entry in the Fear and Loathing series coming soon.

  15. Not Adahn

    Hunter said, strolling onto the set ,

    Wait a gorram minute — this isn’t real? This is just another moon landing?

    • db

      It seems anytime Hunter shows up in one of these, it’s written like a four-camera sitcom, then goes back to normal at some point. I think SugarFree is implying Hunter’s deranged enough to imagine the world as a comedic TV show starring him.

      • db

        Like a particularly fucked up solipsism.

      • Fatty Bolger

        The laugh track kicks in when Hunter shows up.

  16. Rebel Scum

    drawing her Korean in close, smashing her face into her sideboob.

    Hawt.

  17. Jerms

    “Oh. My. God,” Hunter said, strolling onto the set, his face a grinning skull.

    This line cracked me the fuck up. Dont even know why, just the picture in my head i guess.

  18. Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

    If SNL were funny, they’d run with this scene.

  19. blackjack

    Carefully crafted to maximize the pain. They voted 13-0 to create a caste system of lesser citizens just a week ago. Pretty sure this one will pass easily. I’m screwed. I might have to go with a medical exemption. Once, I passed out during a epidural cortisone shot. That might be enough. Fuck!

    • Ownbestenemy

      I uh..what strikes me is you need unanimous approval on first reading but if that doesn’t succeed, we can do with less. LOL what a joke.

      • blackjack

        That’s because it’s urgent!

      • db

        “Hey, who set this thing on ‘Head Games’?”

    • Ozymandias

      The DoD has an all-service publication (AR 40-562 is the army’s nomenclature for it) that contains some of the medical and religious exemptions from the Vax.
      The two easily recognizable medical exemptions are (1) prior adverse reaction to being vaccinated and/or something else that a doctor would say makes a Vax a bad choice for you; and (2) NATURAL IMMUNITY.
      Yes, the long-understood “science” of immunology/virology that prior infection with a virus is the best possible protection against a virus AND it’s also a contra-indication to getting vaxxed.
      If you can show you had the Vid, you should be able to get a medical exemption. Failing that, you should find a doctor who will say it’s bad for your particular case. Failing that, you should file for a religious exemption. It doesn’t need to be anything other than a “firmly held belief” that vaxxing is a no-go. You could easily lean on the aborted fetal tissue that’s been used in the development of all of the vaxxes, or you could simply say that your belief in the Universe is that we all have agency (i.e. free will) and that as co-equals noone has the right to violate your agency and that is your firmly held belief.
      Get my info from TPTB if you want to talk more, blackjack.
      I’m trying to set up a website with templates to help the mil folks, but I would love to see this on the civilian side, too. Let’s see about organizing a little non-violent resistance by having LA County get 123,000 vax exemption requests. I’m told Democracy is the shit.

      • Ownbestenemy

        El Uni is that you?

      • Ozymandias

        *waggles eyebrows*

      • Necron 99

        American Frontline Doctors has some legal stuff on their web site, if you haven’t seen it.

      • Ozymandias

        Yes. I’m aware of them…now.
        (My name may be on their site, as well. The lawyer who I filed suit with against the DoD yesterday told me today that he had added me as Of Counsel or something else.)

      • SugarFree

        I wonder if past instances of extreme allergic reactions might work as well. I’ve never had a vaccine reaction, but I was on the 30-minute hold list due to instances of anaphylaxis in the past, and the first Pfizer shot sent me straight to the ER.

      • Ozymandias

        It is – or should be. I have a client with similar prior allergic reactions and is on profile.
        They’ve threatened her with the vax, even though she’s on a med profile and non-deployable by the Army’s own standards.
        This thing has gone down the bizarre route – they’re threatening guys on ship with being held down and forcibly vaxxed.
        The unvaxxed cannot eat at chow halls at some bases. If we can get past the motions, I am going to get all of this in the public eye.

      • blackjack

        They made us come into work starting in June because we were “essential”, they negotiated a large pay cut to help offset the losses they were expecting (which never happened) and they exposed us to coworkers who were positive and got sick. They have mandatory masks, distancing, steam cleaning mister things for all the surfaces, and they had biweekly testing most of last year. Literally, one week after getting the pay concessions from our feckless union, they mandated hero pay raises for all grocery workers. Insult to injury.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        The unvaxxed cannot eat at chow halls at some bases.

        Yikes. Will they bring back segregated units?

      • blackjack

        In the consent form, it suggests you consult with your doctor if you have a history of fainting when receiving injections. I guess so they can monitor for anaphylactic reaction or something. I actually have passed out during an injection once, so that might be my out. If you’re not conscious, they can’t exactly tell if you’re reacting.

      • blackjack

        Thanks Ozy. I’m going to have to kick into gear once they pass something. I might need your help. My wife is an appellate atty. She might handle it but need help.

      • Ozymandias

        I’m here. Reach out and I can point her to some resources. I have a civilian client, as well, (a NY doctor) and I’m beginning that process for him.
        His employer is mandating the vax starting Sep 27.

      • blackjack

        I don’t know who to ask for your info. If anyone who can sees this, give him mine, please. Thanks.

      • Tundra

        I have his contact. Hit me at

        minnetundra ATgeemail

      • pistoffnick

        *flood of dick picks incomming*

      • Tundra

        I have your contact, too.

        Just sayin’.

      • Nephilium

        Tundra,

        Why do you think pistoffnick asked for the pictures?

      • Tundra

        LOL!

        Good point, Neph!

      • db

        Dr. Hooman Noorchashm

        OK, now I *KNOW* we are living in the Greatest Timeline.

      • juris imprudent

        Derpetologist weeps silently.

      • Tres Cool

        Jugsy’s employer (HQ in NYC) mandated that all employees get vax’d by the end of the month. Of course, they were smart enough to leave in the “religious exemption” loophole.

        Years ago, when I got my bs “ordination” from the Universal Life Church, and took the time to file/register with the state, paid off.

        Can I get an Amen ?

      • DEG

        There are folks pushing back against Dartmouth-Hitchcock’s employee vaccine mandate.

        The folks who are planning to sue over the mandate.

        A little background: In the run-up to Sununu’s statewide mask order (not the order mandating masks at gatherings of 100 or more people, the later one) and while the order was in place, Dartmouth-Hitchcock spent lots of money on billboards and other advertising outlets throughout New Hampshire to push pro-mask propoganda.

    • rhywun

      At least you have a legislature doing their job.

      Blas just issues diktats and they happen.

      • Ownbestenemy

        This. Same in Nevada. It is executive level rule. If the legislature did it, then I would have a house to go protest at, but they can’t be bothered with pushing back or being involved.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      Huh, LA only has 15 city council members. Chicago has 50.

      • rhywun

        NYC has 51, each one more looney left than the last.

        Maybe they should be grateful they only have 15 crazies angling for higher office at once.

    • R C Dean

      I might have to go with a medical exemption.

      Good luck. Most employers require a doctor to say you have one of a short list of medical conditions.

      • Loveconstitution1789

        Trying to get pregnant is an excuse that doctors cant sign off on since there is no way to disprove it.

    • Loveconstitution1789

      If you do an exemption, include that forced vaccinations are against the nurnberg code which was codified into US law after WWII. Also there is no state or federal power to force vaccines and this is not an FDA approved vaccine but an experimental drug.

      Remind companies that forcing employees to give up medical information and get jabbed will lead to costly and lengthy litigation and likely class actions. Class actions dont end well for companies that are subjected to them.

      All that trouble to force people for no scientific benefit.

  20. Yusef drives a Kia

    I keep hearing the term “Taliban Extremists” being bantied aboot and ask the Question,
    Are they extreme as fas as islam goes? or just fundamentalist?

    • Fatty Bolger

      Extremely fundamentalist.

      • Not Adahn

        Fundamentally extreme.

      • Not Adahn

        Penguin Lust!

      • Sensei

        Ack!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Extremely fundamentalist. That’s me, including Firepower, just a different Religion, why is this bad?
        Other than their Religiopn sucks?

  21. Ozymandias

    Bravo, SF!

  22. db

    I think Scruffy posted this the other day: https://www.t-detect.com/covid-19/for-patients/

    How does one get a prescription for this?

    They say they under the terms of the CARES act, they report results to “appropriate authorities.” Anyone know what that includes, and what happens if you get reported as having, or not having the T-cells?

    • Fatty Bolger

      Looks like you don’t need a prescription, they have a healthcare provider partner who authorizes it for you.

      • db

        I saw this in the FAQ and assumed it meant you needed a prescription from “your” doctor.

        “T-Detect COVID is available to be prescribed by healthcare professionals in all U.S. states.”

      • Bobarian LMD

        I took that to mean that you might could get your insurance to pay for it if you go through “your” doctor.

      • db

        I imagine I could pay for it with my HSA–at least it’d be paid with untaxed (yeah, I know) money.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      They will obtain the necessary paperwork for you.

      • db

        Got it, thanks. I see there is a $9 charge for medical authorization.

    • blackjack

      My wife got antibody tests done at the local CVS for about 30 bucks. It takes about 15 minutes and they told her on the spot. Negative both times.

      • blackjack

        No script needed, BTW.

      • db

        I have already had antibody tests. I’m interested in seeing if I have the T-cells

      • Sensei

        Do you suffer from low T?

        Oh… T Cells.

  23. Fatty Bolger

    Hilarious. and didn’t even make me throw up in my mouth a little. ??

  24. Stillhunter

    I still have my lunch, so I got that going for me, which is nice.

    I wish I had the creativity so many others display.

    I also wonder what the family really thinks.

    • SugarFree

      None of them seem prepared to say anything as long as the money keeps coming in.

      • Stillhunter

        Agreed. I wasn’t thinking so much for them to push back, just that you’d think there’d be at least some folks who care for the man that are appalled at having him trotted out there in his condition.

  25. trshmnstr the terrible

    OT: Ugh, I hate having to go toe to toe with prog-fascists and confront them aggressively. I don’t like conflict in the first place, I dislike verbal conflict even more, and I dislike verbal conflict with loud blowhards the most.

    The good news is that I got to practice the old maxim of “don’t interrupt your enemy while they’re blundering”. It was delicious when they were on a 15 minute diatribe not even particularly germane to the topic at hand and I caught the other people checking their emails in the background. *chef’s kiss*

    • SugarFree

      Another good thing is to make reactive faces at someone in the audience until they inadvertently laugh. One good giggle or snort can put paid to an ocean of nonsense.

      • db

        I’ve used that tactic before. When it works, it’s fun as hell.

    • Rebel Scum

      The problem is that proggies 1) never debate in good faith, 2) obfuscate everything and 3) never address the actual arguments being made against them.

      You cannot reason with the unreasonable and you cannot have an honest disagreement with the dishonest.

      • Ed Wuncler

        +1

        That’s why I no longer debate or even discuss politics with a lot of my acquaintances. It’s gets me too worked up but I’ve noticed that when I used to discuss politics, I tried arguing in good faith and addressed their arguments while they constantly threw ad hominems at me and didn’t even bother to understand my point of view.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I let people do the ad hominem thing once. I promptly inform them that the next one will not go unanswered. I don’t care how long I’ve been friends with them.

      • Zwak, jack off, all trades

        Yeah, I used to have a good friend who I could have fairly serious political discussions with. I was a conservative Democrat, while he was a more progressive Dem, but we were both fairly serious gun owners. Now, we can’t even have a discussion about what actually happened, let alone what things mean or what is important.

        It’s pretty sad.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Oh, i see you were in the meeting!

        I tried my hardest to let her tie herself into knots and just interject with small corrections that exposed the absurdity.

        All 3 components were on display, and I spun all 3 to my advantage. The problem was that it is a topic tangential to wokeness, so I have to tread lightly on that aspect. Tried to play the reasonable middle who is fed up with bullshit rather than somebody who is equal to and opposite this fool.

  26. wdalasio

    “Do you even have a name?” Finnegan asked, closing on the woman. “Like a real name, not just ‘little Korean press intern?’”

    Huh. I never assumed Finnegan was so much the mean girl / aggressor.

    • juris imprudent

      If we live long enough to see it, I’m guessing she skin-suits Chelsea and is embraced as the true heir to Hillary.

    • Swiss Servator

      Look, Fat….Hunter brings out the worst in everyone.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      You try being Joe’s living assistant.

  27. Yusef drives a Kia

    And Bravo SF! another Stomach Turner!

  28. trshmnstr the terrible

    Some heroin maybe?

    I heard a pause in my head after the first word and a tinge of desperation when I read this.

      • PutridMeat

        Don’t read the comments, don’t read the comments, don’t read the comments….

        Fuck.

      • wdalasio

        That was some reverse psychology to get me angry, wasn’t it?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        *starts making a list*

      • Rebel Scum

        There are some doozies.

        If you don’t want to travel, that’s your choice to make

        Except you are not given the choice in that scenario.

        I passed the driving test. If issued with a drivers license, I will burn it.

        I made a choice. Not a submission.

        Because that is the same thing…

        I had a child. If issued their Birth Certificate, I will burn it.

        I made a choice. Not a submission.

        “”

        Yup, smash that phone and computer too, can’t have big brother tracking you

        Some people really are desperate to be slaves.

        Have fun staying home lmao

        “”

      • Ed Wuncler

        My problem isn’t that they want to be slaves to the system. The problem I have is that they also want me to share in their misery and be a slave.

        It’s a very childlike attitude: If I have suffer through it, so does everyone else.

      • Tundra

        Malice:

        “I don’t want to change your mind or argue with you, but I don’t want to share a country with you either”

      • PutridMeat

        I know what I’m supposed to do, but I always get it wrong

        And yes, very good data, Ozy, thanks (It’s now my screen background – unfortunately no-one ever comes into my office. Because I smell). I only wish we were in a battle of facts and reality.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Thanks. Good data.

      It’s interesting how the ratio of those with pre-existing conditions to those without goes from 1:1 to 1:100 as the age group increases from the youngest to the olddest tranche.

      Part of that may be a lack of diagnosis because of the age of the patient and part of it might just be the shit lottery.

      • Akira

        It’s interesting how the ratio of those with pre-existing conditions to those without goes from 1:1 to 1:100 as the age group increases from the youngest to the olddest tranche.

        The stupidest thing is that we have extremely valuable information about who is by far the most vulnerable. Knowledge like that is immensely useful in solving public health problems, but they’re not using it.

        It’s like insisting that every single person, male or female, needs to get regular mammograms because “anyone can get breast cancer”.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        “Every newborn must receive the Hepatitis B vaccine because some of them might catch it from their junkie moms.”

        I have personal experience with this one.

      • Loveconstitution1789

        The boomers (all around 65 years and older) didnt want to be the only people wearing masks and locked up to avoid the virus.

        Remember folks, many boomers are refusing to retire. Turns out social security doesn’t cover their living expenses and life choices have consequences.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Responses to this are all emotional. I was pointing out the probability and my risk assessment to a friend and their response was “you know Jane died right of COVID and was perfectly healthy?” The thing is Jane went in for pneumonia (which I assume was related to COVID) and died of a sudden heart attack and I ain’t no doctor, but I am guessing she was not perfectly healthy or had some underlying health condition she didn’t know about. If COVID was not around, it is very likely that would have played out no matter what eventually in her life.

      • Loveconstitution1789

        Emotion is all they have. Their scientific grounding is nonexistent.

        People out west I know complaining about the heat/fires and how its global warming. I point out that georgia had the coolest and wettest spring/summer in my lifetime.

        Conversation abruptly ends for some reason.

    • Ed Wuncler

      It won’t at all and I know for a fact that if I posted this on any of my Branch Covdian friend’s FB page, they would all unfriend me in a heartbeat.

      • Swiss Servator

        Now is your chance to shed all of ’em, Ed!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Huzzah!

      • Ed Wuncler

        Lol. I’ve thought about it at times but I’m at the point of even not engaging them anymore. Like fuck it, you do you and let me do me.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Heh,

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Beer spit!

      • juris imprudent

        Does that help you see what’s in the gap?

      • Nephilium

        You must really hate crane rental places. I don’t think I’ve seen a single one that didn’t have some sort of erection joke in their name.

      • db

        Sadly, Cleveland-based Superior Erection’s web site seems to be defunct. A few folks I used to work with had t-shirts with their excellent logo from past projects.

      • db

        We use ALL frequently for rentals. Superior Erection did a lot of steel structure and tank fabrication/erection for us.

      • Nephilium

        Neat. I did some consulting work for ALL back in the 90’s.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        “We stick Out” comes to mind, I worked with a lotta crane co’s

      • Sensei

        Portable toilet places too.

    • JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

      I assume they don’t do high rises.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        C’mon, no False Fronts please…..

      • juris imprudent

        Log homes?

      • Not Adahn

        Actually, I’m not terribly fond of what they do:

        https://balzertuck.com/portfolio_theme/skyfall/ Plus, agreeing to name a house that after the movie came out?

        But whatever makes them happy money.

      • Sean

        The exterior looks fine, but the interior does nothing for me.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Nahhh, I heard the Ice cream shops were still open….

    • db

      I would love to have myself an A-29 Super Tucano

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        The R/C version is quite aerobatic,
        /3D flying!

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      Can’t wait for the cheap Chinese knockoffs.

  29. Nephilium

    Oh how I love being tech support on a call where I’m the only one who doesn’t speak Spanish.

    /shakes fist at high school French

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Je ne se Quoi?
      Que no?

    • UnCivilServant

      I had six years of Spanish through Elementary, Middle, and High Schools.

      I couldn’t figure out how to ask a laundromat attendant if I’d left my phone there.

      You may not have been better served with spanish, unless you had a conversational outlet to reinforce the slassroom stuff.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I did in Cali, you learn the basics, like they do, so we can get shit done. And us smart ones taught each other the languages, it was good for business all around.

      • Not Adahn

        Waiting tables in Houston, I learned Espanol de la cocina. But it was (of course) Mexican Spanish so I get looked at oddly in tapas restaurants.

      • Ownbestenemy

        No kidding. I got some mean looks with the little Mexican Spanish I learned from school down in Argentina. No love given at all.

      • pistoffnick

        “Espanol de la cocina”

        which I assume is mostly cuss words?

        What little Chinese I know is cuss words and…uhhm… anatomical words.

      • UnCivilServant

        Chinese Anatomical words?

        You clearly worked in virology research.

      • pistoffnick

        More specifically…colloquial terms for female human anatomy

      • Nephilium

        Which here in Cleveland… wouldn’t have happened. Where I grew up, there were several Yugoslavians who’s grandparents came over, and most of their kids could at least talk to the grandparents in Croatian.

        Thankfully, I’ve got a coworker who joined the bridge who’s a Spanish speaker and is even kind enough to let me know what the rest of the people are saying in a private side chat.

      • Zwak, jack off, all trades

        There are parts of Cali that you need Spanish, and parts you need Portuguese.

        /central valley.

      • Not Adahn

        No offense, but NY public schools must be terrible.

        I had two years of French in high school, one semester of French semantics in college, but was able to converse with the Quebecoise train attendants en Francaise.

        Or maybe French is just easier than Spanish.

      • UnCivilServant

        NY Public Schools are terrible. And languages are hard to learn without proper practice.

        I don’t know if French is easier than spanish. I’ve got not French context.

      • UnCivilServant

        I mean, the school didn’t even manage to teach me English.

      • Gender Traitor

        In two years of Dayton, Ohio public HS French, we never got to past tense. “One Semester Review of Basic French” in college stopped being review after the first week or so.

      • grrizzly

        The past tense is not used in spoken French. It’s only for books.

      • Not Adahn

        Eh. Passee composee or passe simple would both translate to “past tense” in English.

      • grrizzly

        I assumed that GT wasn’t taught passé simple. I couldn’t believe that she meant passé composé.

      • Ted S.

        Wow, my three years of HS French wasn’t that bad. But like Rhywun below, I was a motivated student.

        What I couldn’t understand is how long it took HS German to get around to the genitive case.

        Having studied a language with cases like German, however, was a big help when I started studying Russian in college.

      • rhywun

        The genitive case is avoided in speech, so I can see it being pushed to 2nd year or whatever for kids.

      • Tres Cool

        I took french all 4 years in high school, and felt “conversational”. Then I took a trip to Montreal….useless.

        Kinda like this.

      • Sensei

        I took three years of French, two years of Latin.

        I can read Spanish, but spoken Spanish baffles me.

        OTH, I can muddle through Italian. I did about 15 hours study before a trip to Italy. Enough to have a basic transactional conversation for restaurants and stores and the like.

        Still my understanding is that Spanish is more regular than French.

      • rhywun

        In my lovely home state’s defense, three years of HS German got me through a year of living in Germany. But I was a motivated student. ??‍♂️

      • UnCivilServant

        You had a school that offered languages other than spanish?

      • rhywun

        My HS had Spanish, French, German, and Latin.

      • Sensei

        One of my Japanese friends takes both German and English classes at the same time.

        I don’t know how she keeps them straight.

        Japanese has a large amount of English in it now it also has a fair amount of German – especially medical and scientific. So occasionally she picks either Japanese English or German Japanese when searching for a word speaking with me in English. I’m usually OK as I know the Japanese German equivalent and can set her straight on the English.

        For example, Japanese uses the German pronunciation for vaccine, but said with a typical Asian cadence.

      • UnCivilServant

        For example, Japanese uses the German pronunciation for vaccine, but said with a typical Asian cadence.

        Dersickenstick?

      • Ted S.

        Impufungu?

      • Sensei

        ワクチン (katakana)
        WAKUCHIN (Romaji)

        vaccine
        CommonNoun

        vaccin, vaccinestof, {i.h.b.} koepokstof, entstof
        Impfstoff, Vakzine

        ((англ.) vaccine) вакцина

        vacuna (ger: Vakzin)

        vaccin, ympämne

      • Fatty Bolger

        Four years of German instruction at a base elementary school in Germany taught me nothing. Well, except memorizing the lyrics to “Oh Christmas Tree” (“O Tannenbaum”) in German.

        I lived off base, and my German friends all insisted on speaking English. They also had English class every year, and weirdly enough, they were actually expected to learn it.

      • Gustave Lytton

        My sister took Spanish through college. Her Mexican born husband joshes her about her accent/vocabulary choices from time to time.

  30. DEG

    I don’t care who your fingering, Jen,

    This typo amuses me. It kinda fits, like Jen owns the intern.

    “Wednesday?” Hunter scoffed. “He’ll still be trying to piss in his own mouth by Wednesday.”

    Hah!

    Joe fell forward into his bowl of mush as Hunter fondled Jen right out of the room.

    Excellent ending.

    • db

      as Hunter fondled Jen right out of the room.

      I was imagining her half running away as he grabbed her ass repeatedly.

  31. Sean

    https://www.theintell.com/story/news/2021/07/21/bucks-county-judge-robert-mellon-child-welfare-foster-parents-court-dependency-judicial-conduct/7700590002/

    In interviews and emails, 20 child welfare workers described Mellon’s openly adversarial conduct toward the agency and its employees. Agency officials said Mellon has been cited as a top reason caseworkers have left in recent years.

    Farther down in the article:

    Sources said that Mellon has openly expressed his belief that previous dependency court judges acted as “rubber stamps” for the child welfare agency.

    Under previous judges, Children and Youth attorneys were allowed to delay or avoid producing agency records that court-appointed attorneys requested so they could prepare cases for their parent and child clients, attorneys said.

    Instead of giving those court-appointed attorneys physical copies of the records, Children and Youth only would allow them to review the documents and take notes from them, Wilder said. The agency would not allow attorneys to make copies, and the records were not allowed to leave the office.

    Mellon stopped that practice and others that he felt put children and parents at a disadvantage with the court. Supporters cited the change as an example of how Mellon follows courtroom practices commonly found in civil and criminal proceedings, but ones his predecessors didn’t always use.

    Truly a monster. 🙄

    Looks like the right person got the right job for a change.

    • db

      I have some friends who are social workers in some private agencies–the stories they tell about the PA state and other governmental agencies are terrifying. All they care about are “units of treatment delivered.” Outcomes aren’t even secondary considerations, they barely measure them.

      • db

        The shit the governmental CYS agencies get away with is amazing–there are so many failures and blown audits that never get addressed. It would be a really good topic for an enterprising investigative reporter looking to do good in the world and get major national attention.

      • Sean

        And it sounds like this guy is keeping them in check locally. Which is why I thought it was an interesting story.

        But child welfare workers interviewed by this news organization said Mellon routinely tells parents they do not have to work with Children and Youth, and that they should not trust the agency and its workers.

        That’s gold right there.

      • Tres Cool

        I have a step-sibling married to a lawyer that works for our local Bureau of Support. She’s wholly intolerable.
        Her nickname within the family is ‘Cunt’.

  32. grrizzly

    An email from LA Opera:

    We’ve been working closely with The Music Center to make sure our return to the theater is as safe, seamless and enjoyable as possible for our artists, staff and (above all) you. That’s why we’ve already installed state-of-the-art air filtration systems in the theater, enhanced all of our cleaning procedures, and have required all artists, artisans and staff working on site to be fully vaccinated. In addition to these safety protocols, we’re temporarily requiring all audiences to also be fully vaccinated against COVID-19 to attend a performance*, and face masks be worn at all times.

    Wear your muzzle at all times, vaxxers.

    • Sean

      VAXXED

      STILL

      CARRY

      COVID

      The fuck is wrong with these people?

      • R C Dean

        People with the vaccine can still get sick.

        Get the vaccine!

        Heckuva message there. No wonder we can barely keep up with demand.

    • db

      “Trump sneaks back on Twitter by disguising self as Taliban spokesperson”

    • R.J.

      Thanks for that site link. I hadn’t seen that one before. Awesome memes.

  33. Yusef drives a Kia

    This entire Shitshow is Weimar, mark my words, we have Zero! cometent leadership, the Military is done, we are on our own, if not now, soon.
    /as I listen to Spotify, the Irony, it Burnnsss!!!

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      or competent,

  34. l0b0t

    So I’m watching a video about weirdo, early comic writer Fletcher Hanks and I spied something interesting on the cover of Fantastic Comics #1 (December, 1939). Here is the whole vid, as it’s worth watching, but forward to 3:52 for a Glib surprise.

    https://youtu.be/jkObU0Jz4Yc

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      LOL

    • Sean

      🙂

  35. db

    SPACE SMITH SAY WAS ORIGINALLY TO BE PUBLISHED IN FANTASTIC TRAGICS

    • db

      grr, meant as reply to #41

      • l0b0t

        Ow! My space anus!

      • Tres Cool

        Its not OUR-anus….its YOUR-anus